September 12, 2024 • 14 mins
In this episode of The Cycle Breaker Podcast, Sukhi Kaur explores the critical role of self-awareness in breaking the cycles of self-criticism and imposter syndrome, especially for women of color entrepreneurs. Sukhi shares personal stories and insights on how we often treat ourselves more harshly than anyone else and how these patterns may have been helpful in the past but no longer serve us. Tune in to learn how to reframe your inner dialogue, let go of perfectionism, and create a more compassionate relationship with yourself. Ready to break free? Book a consultation at sukhilifecoach.com/freeconsult.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
Welcome to the Cycle Breaker podcast. I'm
your host, Sukhi Kaur, a certified
feminist life coach, and I'm here to help
you navigate being a woman of color
entrepreneur, breaking generational
cycles and letting go of imposter
syndrome. Here you will learn to create
self-awareness around the truth of who
you are and see your ability to
(00:30):
change how you experience yourself. And
further the results you create in your
life. So let's break these much needed
cycles together here in community.
I think one of the most important
(00:51):
relationships we have in our life
is a relationship that we have with
ourself. And I know that sounds cheesy
and you've probably read that somewhere
or heard that somewhere. But when we
really think about it, our relationship
with ourself mold how we
show up in this world and how we
(01:11):
experience ourself. And with
someone that resonates with having
imposter syndrome and
breaking generational cycles, I think
with it, with that comes a lot
of, you know, internal
dialogue that may not be the
nicest, say, if you were saying it to
(01:32):
someone else. I think most of us, or at
least for me, I would
never treat someone be as critical
of someone else. As I have been of
myself. And that's definitely
something that I can say without a doubt,
cause I think I even talked about in the
podcast that like, you know, one time I
(01:53):
was coming back from a networking event
and I was driving back home and I was
just going through all the things that I
didn't do right and I could have done
better. And then I stopped for a second
and I was like, Oh my goodness, if this
was. Another person in the car
I would that was just got in the car and
was just criticizing and like, you know,
(02:15):
pinning every single thing that I did
wrong and just trying to just
not give me any credit and dismiss my
whole entire effort to put myself out
there. I would never really invite them
back to commute with me back to a
networking event or really be
witnessing. I would not like that and
that would make me uncomfortable. And I
(02:37):
think with building self-awareness when
we realize it that you know, we may be
one of the most self-critical people that
are critical of ourself more than
anyone else. And I think with that
realization, if we're not
careful, I wanted to share this
experience with you because I think if
we're not careful when we realize, hey,
(02:59):
we're very self-critical and.
This, you know, feeds into our imposter
syndrome cycle. And what I
mean we have to be careful is that, you
know, when we realize, oh, we're so
self-critical, then we end up in a
judgment loop of like, why am I like this?
Why do I do this?Oh my goodness, I'm so
mean to myself, I shouldn't be this way
(03:19):
and all the other rules that come with
it. And I think one of the things that
has helped me and I've been working on
quite a bit is. Really understanding
like where does the criticism and the
the expectation of being
perfect and you know,
just outwardly have like
(03:41):
maintaining my perception of this person
that was like knows it all, has it all
together. Where does that stem from?
And I was trying to think back and I've
done a lot of work on this and I just
think that. I think when we look back, I
don't remember the first time it wasn't
like something happened and then I just
(04:01):
started becoming critical, like being
very critical of myself. It was
just how I think I've always been. And
at some point I, you know, I had the
belief of myself of that's just how I am
and that's just who I am basically.
And that's not really true because.
(04:22):
If we can't remember when it was that we
implemented these, this way of thinking,
perhaps it stems from before we even
realize it, realize that we
are taking on this type of this way of
being, this way of thinking. And for me
that stems really early on. And
you know, in there's a lot of
(04:43):
expectations culturally with family,
there's people that are in my life that
are critical and. Do expect the
best. And it's not to say that, you know,
I want to sit here and have you reflect
on, OK, who could we blame on being
critical of ourselves because it's not
our own thoughts. But I think it's just
good to kind of give
(05:06):
space for this reflection of,
you know, what is where it's possible,
where could it stem from if it wasn't
just. The something that's part of
you that you were just like, say for
example, it was just always been part of
it, that you were just born with because
we're not really born with any type of
way of thinking, right. And this again
(05:27):
isn't to say, oh, you know, my mom was so
critical and that's why I'm like this.
But I think there are things that are
modeled for us and there are reasons that
we continue to be a certain way
and think a certain way. And for me
personally, like trying to. You know,
strive for perfection and being
(05:47):
critical. I it really helped me in a lot
of ways and that's why I kept doing it.
It helped me at work. It helped me move
up. It helped me
have a work-life balance and not get off
track. And I think early on in my career,
I thought it was helpful. And looking
back, like maybe it really wasn't, but it
(06:07):
did it, you know, I was expected.
To to show that, you know, I'm
capable of something and in my mind it
looked a certain way and I had to do it
that way. But All in all, what I'm trying
to say is that, you know, the way that we
think and we treat ourselves, at one
point it did serve a purpose
(06:28):
and that's likely the reason that we've
continued to do it, but we just. As we
get older and as we go through more
experiences, it's not a natural
exercise for us to say, hey, I've been
thinking this way for so long. Is this
still useful for me?Or was being, you
know, say for example, if you're at a a
corporate job, like does staying late
(06:49):
like after hours really benefit my career
that much?Or was that just something that
I did?When I first started to
show that I'm capable and to move up and
that was helpful, but is it actually
helpful for me at now at this level,
that's just really not something that we
naturally think of doing and checking in.
Like of course, you know, like I would
(07:10):
say, we purge our closets, but I think
purging our beliefs is definitely
something as well that's important and
essential as well. So I think as far as
going back to like our relationship with
ourself, I think.
Seeing it as like being able to kind of
segment it and understand
like, you know, especially when it comes
(07:31):
to imposter syndrome where we question
ourselves so much. And sometimes
rely on the outward
perception to to validate and
also just have this internal pressure
to be this person and to have this
perception. It's not only
debilitating, it's not only just
exhausting, right?It not only takes up
(07:54):
a lot of energy, but it's also just
inaccurate in a lot of ways in the sense
that we just think this is just who we
are and that's not able to be.
Changed or you know, influenced in any
way. And I think the first step really is
to create that self-awareness and have
that honest relationship with you of. Of
(08:15):
course you're not trying to blame someone
else or something else, but really
understand where does
like one where what are other
voices that may not be your own that
could be influencing the way that you.
You know, speak to yourself the way that,
you know, you see self-criticism as being
helpful. Like are there other voices?Are
(08:38):
there other people or are there other
scenarios that you know you were in that
that has happened and you thought that's
a good idea and that that could be like a
clue into when did the star. And you
know, honestly, I don't even know when it
first started, but I know that it was way
before that I was aware of what I was
doing and what I was being molded to. So
it was at a very young age. And I think
(09:00):
second, not only just understanding like
whose voices could that be if I were to
let dissociate me from my
voice, like from how I speak to myself,
like that self-criticism. And then also
just giving space of,
you know, that safe space between you and
your self-criticism of like that's not
(09:20):
necessarily you. And also just giving,
you know, space for the possibility of
like, is there a way that. You
know, is it possible that at one
time that was helpful for me, but
now it may not be and to give space for
that evaluation process and to actually,
you know, be honest of like, yeah,
(09:41):
actually that was really helpful and
that's why I did it and like let go of
that judgment. So I'd like for you to
really reflect on, you know,
how would you like say for example.
If you were to sum up your
internal experience, your relationship
with yourself, how you experience
yourself, what are the 5 words that
(10:03):
come up for you?For
me, one of them is
definitely
self-criticism and
struggling and I think that
really and it's like striving for
improvement and I think. It
that really just shows and gives
(10:25):
more insight into OK like do
is is that what we want?Like what are the
I guess I would like for you to reflect
on the five words that you would describe
your relationship with yourself, your
internal experience and if you could like
if you just had a magic ball and
like if it was possible and it like not
thinking of all the obstacles or
(10:46):
anything. Just a wish list. Like if it
was possible, what would be your 5 words
that you would love for them to be the
five words that come into come
to your mind when you're, you know,
describing your relationship with
yourself?Because there's just something
that, you know, whether we're
(11:06):
aware of it or not when we start
describing how we feel
internally. We just
realize how important it actually is, how
much of a difference it actually makes to
the quality of our life. So I think
starting off there and understanding
where you are and where you want to be
with your relationship with yourself, and
(11:28):
then also taking it a next step further
of the
Hey, if you're listening to this podcast
and wondering how I can help you break
free of your cycles, especially those
that hold you back in business, I'm happy
to chat. You can sign up for a
consultation without any preparation
needed. At
sukhilifecoach.com/freeconsult
(11:49):
and we can talk about your cycles and how
to break free of them. Cheers to breaking
more much needed generational cycles.
Welcome to the Cycle Breaker podcast. I'm
your host, Sukhi Kaur, a certified
feminist life coach, and I'm here to help
you navigate being a woman of color
entrepreneur, breaking generational
cycles and letting go of imposter
syndrome. Here you will learn to create
self-awareness around the truth of who
you are and see your ability to
(00:30):
change how you experience yourself. And
further the results you create in your
life. So let's break these much needed
cycles together here in community.
I think one of the most important
(00:51):
relationships we have in our life
is a relationship that we have with
ourself. And I know that sounds cheesy
and you've probably read that somewhere
or heard that somewhere. But when we
really think about it, our relationship
with ourself mold how we
show up in this world and how we
(01:11):
experience ourself. And with
someone that resonates with having
imposter syndrome and
breaking generational cycles, I think
with it, with that comes a lot
of, you know, internal
dialogue that may not be the
nicest, say, if you were saying it to
(01:32):
someone else. I think most of us, or at
least for me, I would
never treat someone be as critical
of someone else. As I have been of
myself. And that's definitely
something that I can say without a doubt,
cause I think I even talked about in the
podcast that like, you know, one time I
(01:53):
was coming back from a networking event
and I was driving back home and I was
just going through all the things that I
didn't do right and I could have done
better. And then I stopped for a second
and I was like, Oh my goodness, if this
was. Another person in the car
I would that was just got in the car and
was just criticizing and like, you know,
(02:15):
pinning every single thing that I did
wrong and just trying to just
not give me any credit and dismiss my
whole entire effort to put myself out
there. I would never really invite them
back to commute with me back to a
networking event or really be
witnessing. I would not like that and
that would make me uncomfortable. And I
(02:37):
think with building self-awareness when
we realize it that you know, we may be
one of the most self-critical people that
are critical of ourself more than
anyone else. And I think with that
realization, if we're not
careful, I wanted to share this
experience with you because I think if
we're not careful when we realize, hey,
(02:59):
we're very self-critical and.
This, you know, feeds into our imposter
syndrome cycle. And what I
mean we have to be careful is that, you
know, when we realize, oh, we're so
self-critical, then we end up in a
judgment loop of like, why am I like this?
Why do I do this?Oh my goodness, I'm so
mean to myself, I shouldn't be this way
(03:19):
and all the other rules that come with
it. And I think one of the things that
has helped me and I've been working on
quite a bit is. Really understanding
like where does the criticism and the
the expectation of being
perfect and you know,
just outwardly have like
(03:41):
maintaining my perception of this person
that was like knows it all, has it all
together. Where does that stem from?
And I was trying to think back and I've
done a lot of work on this and I just
think that. I think when we look back, I
don't remember the first time it wasn't
like something happened and then I just
(04:01):
started becoming critical, like being
very critical of myself. It was
just how I think I've always been. And
at some point I, you know, I had the
belief of myself of that's just how I am
and that's just who I am basically.
And that's not really true because.
(04:22):
If we can't remember when it was that we
implemented these, this way of thinking,
perhaps it stems from before we even
realize it, realize that we
are taking on this type of this way of
being, this way of thinking. And for me
that stems really early on. And
you know, in there's a lot of
(04:43):
expectations culturally with family,
there's people that are in my life that
are critical and. Do expect the
best. And it's not to say that, you know,
I want to sit here and have you reflect
on, OK, who could we blame on being
critical of ourselves because it's not
our own thoughts. But I think it's just
good to kind of give
(05:06):
space for this reflection of,
you know, what is where it's possible,
where could it stem from if it wasn't
just. The something that's part of
you that you were just like, say for
example, it was just always been part of
it, that you were just born with because
we're not really born with any type of
way of thinking, right. And this again
(05:27):
isn't to say, oh, you know, my mom was so
critical and that's why I'm like this.
But I think there are things that are
modeled for us and there are reasons that
we continue to be a certain way
and think a certain way. And for me
personally, like trying to. You know,
strive for perfection and being
(05:47):
critical. I it really helped me in a lot
of ways and that's why I kept doing it.
It helped me at work. It helped me move
up. It helped me
have a work-life balance and not get off
track. And I think early on in my career,
I thought it was helpful. And looking
back, like maybe it really wasn't, but it
(06:07):
did it, you know, I was expected.
To to show that, you know, I'm
capable of something and in my mind it
looked a certain way and I had to do it
that way. But All in all, what I'm trying
to say is that, you know, the way that we
think and we treat ourselves, at one
point it did serve a purpose
(06:28):
and that's likely the reason that we've
continued to do it, but we just. As we
get older and as we go through more
experiences, it's not a natural
exercise for us to say, hey, I've been
thinking this way for so long. Is this
still useful for me?Or was being, you
know, say for example, if you're at a a
corporate job, like does staying late
(06:49):
like after hours really benefit my career
that much?Or was that just something that
I did?When I first started to
show that I'm capable and to move up and
that was helpful, but is it actually
helpful for me at now at this level,
that's just really not something that we
naturally think of doing and checking in.
Like of course, you know, like I would
(07:10):
say, we purge our closets, but I think
purging our beliefs is definitely
something as well that's important and
essential as well. So I think as far as
going back to like our relationship with
ourself, I think.
Seeing it as like being able to kind of
segment it and understand
like, you know, especially when it comes
(07:31):
to imposter syndrome where we question
ourselves so much. And sometimes
rely on the outward
perception to to validate and
also just have this internal pressure
to be this person and to have this
perception. It's not only
debilitating, it's not only just
exhausting, right?It not only takes up
(07:54):
a lot of energy, but it's also just
inaccurate in a lot of ways in the sense
that we just think this is just who we
are and that's not able to be.
Changed or you know, influenced in any
way. And I think the first step really is
to create that self-awareness and have
that honest relationship with you of. Of
(08:15):
course you're not trying to blame someone
else or something else, but really
understand where does
like one where what are other
voices that may not be your own that
could be influencing the way that you.
You know, speak to yourself the way that,
you know, you see self-criticism as being
helpful. Like are there other voices?Are
(08:38):
there other people or are there other
scenarios that you know you were in that
that has happened and you thought that's
a good idea and that that could be like a
clue into when did the star. And you
know, honestly, I don't even know when it
first started, but I know that it was way
before that I was aware of what I was
doing and what I was being molded to. So
it was at a very young age. And I think
(09:00):
second, not only just understanding like
whose voices could that be if I were to
let dissociate me from my
voice, like from how I speak to myself,
like that self-criticism. And then also
just giving space of,
you know, that safe space between you and
your self-criticism of like that's not
(09:20):
necessarily you. And also just giving,
you know, space for the possibility of
like, is there a way that. You
know, is it possible that at one
time that was helpful for me, but
now it may not be and to give space for
that evaluation process and to actually,
you know, be honest of like, yeah,
(09:41):
actually that was really helpful and
that's why I did it and like let go of
that judgment. So I'd like for you to
really reflect on, you know,
how would you like say for example.
If you were to sum up your
internal experience, your relationship
with yourself, how you experience
yourself, what are the 5 words that
(10:03):
come up for you?For
me, one of them is
definitely
self-criticism and
struggling and I think that
really and it's like striving for
improvement and I think. It
that really just shows and gives
(10:25):
more insight into OK like do
is is that what we want?Like what are the
I guess I would like for you to reflect
on the five words that you would describe
your relationship with yourself, your
internal experience and if you could like
if you just had a magic ball and
like if it was possible and it like not
thinking of all the obstacles or
(10:46):
anything. Just a wish list. Like if it
was possible, what would be your 5 words
that you would love for them to be the
five words that come into come
to your mind when you're, you know,
describing your relationship with
yourself?Because there's just something
that, you know, whether we're
(11:06):
aware of it or not when we start
describing how we feel
internally. We just
realize how important it actually is, how
much of a difference it actually makes to
the quality of our life. So I think
starting off there and understanding
where you are and where you want to be
with your relationship with yourself, and
(11:28):
then also taking it a next step further
of the
Hey, if you're listening to this podcast
and wondering how I can help you break
free of your cycles, especially those
that hold you back in business, I'm happy
to chat. You can sign up for a
consultation without any preparation
needed. At
sukhilifecoach.com/freeconsult
(11:49):
and we can talk about your cycles and how
to break free of them. Cheers to breaking
more much needed generational cycles.
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