January 2, 2025 • 15 mins
Welcome to The Cycle Breaker Podcast! In this episode, I share my personal experience of navigating shifting family dynamics as a first-generation woman of color. Over time, I’ve learned to move away from the roles of peacemaker and people-pleaser, embracing my true identity as a cycle breaker.
I’ll talk about the discomfort of stepping into this role, how it impacts relationships, and why it’s a necessary part of owning your passions and paving your unique path. If you’ve ever felt out of place in your family or questioned your role, this episode will help you find clarity and courage to redefine it on your terms.
In this episode, I cover:
- Letting go of people-pleasing and stepping into authenticity.
- The challenges and empowerment that come with being a cycle breaker.
- Why family dynamics can feel even more complicated when pursuing heart-led goals.
- How to stay true to yourself while honoring your roots.
Links and Resources:
- Ready to break cycles and grow your heart-led business? Book a free consultation: Free Consult
- Follow me on Instagram: @sukhilifecoach
Tune in now to embrace your role as a cycle breaker and step into your full potential!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
Welcome
Hey, I'm Suki Kaur, your host and fellow
cycle breaker. I'm here to help first
generation women of color grow their
business that's been on their heart by
breaking free from limiting cultural
expectations and navigating self-doubt.
Together, we'll cultivate self-trust,
(00:30):
explore how to step into your full
potential, and create success on your
terms. Let's break those much
needed cycles and build an impactdriven
life you've been dreaming of right here
in community.
Welcome back to the Cycle Breaker
podcast. I'm your host, Suki Kaur,
(00:51):
and today's topic is one that
feels so incredibly
personal. And I think I'm
sharing this because I think many of you
will deeply resonate with it, and
that's redefining your role in
your family dynamic as a cycle breaker.
And I'm bringing this up because I know
(01:12):
that, you know, this podcast is for those
cycle Breakers that are first Gen. women
of color that are growing
their heart-led businesses, are
successful doing what they need to do,
but they also want to give them
bet on themselves and give themselves a
shot at entrepreneurship. And the
reason I bring this up about family
(01:33):
dynamics is because I don't think that
being a first generation. That,
you know, we can kind of go
around the impact that
our family dynamic has and our role has
and how we show up, especially when it
comes to business, especially when it
comes to doing something that's
heart-led. So if you've
(01:54):
ever, especially since we just had,
you know, the holiday season and it's
January 2nd, 2025, there's a lot of
family time that most of us.
At least I have had in the last few weeks
in a short period of time. And so
today's. So if you've ever
(02:16):
felt out of place in your family, like
you're navigating a role that doesn't
quite fit anymore, today's
episode is definitely for you.
I've been reflecting on this myself
recently, especially after a
conversation I had with my therapist
after. You know, I
had, she helped me. She asked me to
(02:39):
put a name to what I was
feeling because I shared with her that,
you know, there seems like something
is off and it's not the same, but it's
not something bad, but it's just how I'm
showing up is differently, but it's
uncomfortable. So she asked me
to put a name to what I was feeling. And
(02:59):
let me tell you, it was both hilarious
and empowering at the same time. So like,
and I'll share the story full on, but in
this episode, just so you know, as an
overview, we'll explore how to navigate
these shifts, embrace the discomfort,
and own your new role with grace.
So let's rewind back to our
(03:20):
recent session with my therapist. I was
sharing how I felt
increasingly out of sync with my family
dynamics. And it's not just like my
nucleus, my family, but more so extended
as well. It was just. It and it
wasn't the just the usual
first Gen. struggles of balancing 2
(03:40):
worlds. It was more so along the
lines of like realization that
I no longer fit into the role
that I unconsciously paid for years. You
know, the peacemaker, the people
pleaser, the one who just tries to
bend over backwards to avoid conflict and
conflict and make everyone comfortable.
(04:02):
As I've grown, especially through my
work as a coach, I've I've let go of many
of these tendency, but it hasn't been
easy for me or for others
around me. And so when my therapist
asked me to describe my role in one word,
I was stumped at first thought was
black sheep. And immediately as I saw
(04:24):
that, I was like, OK, that doesn't sit
right with me. It felt too isolating and
like. Too negative. And it just didn't
capture what my experience was. So I
gave myself time to reflect and
journal and of course use a I for
synonyms because like, why not?And that's
when it hit me. My
role isn't about being
(04:45):
the odd one out. It's about being a cycle
breaker. And like, how ironic, right?
Because I literally host the Cycle
Breaker podcast and coach others to the
Cycle Breakthrough program. And yet,
like, I forgot that this is who I am. And
it was like such a humbling moment. And
so I wanted to make sure I share this
(05:07):
with you because we
like, you know, it's just funny because I
literally teach and I this is what I do.
This is like what I geek
out on all the time. And this word
was so hard for me to capture when it's
when it was asked for me as far as like.
What is your role in your family dynamic?
(05:30):
So yeah, so and it's and I wanted to
share this because
it was uncomfortable. But as first
generation women of color, many of us
grew up with roles assigned to us by
family dynamics. And these roles
often revolve around being the
caretaker, the overachiever, the one who
keeps the peace. But. When we start
(05:51):
questioning those roles and stepping
into our own identity, it can feel
unsettling, and not just for us, but for
others around us. And so here's the
thing, redefining your role isn't
about abandoning your family or being
self-centered. It's more so about
choosing authenticity over
(06:12):
obligation, about prioritizing
what aligns with your values and
well-being. You
know, trusting yourself,
learning how to trust your own gut
feeling or just, you know, being the
one that you trust the most. As far as
(06:32):
like, do you need a physical
or emotional space from someone?And like
you, you kind of just know. And I think
when we do that it, yeah, like it's not
comfortable for anyone, but at the
same time this shift is empowering,
but. Again, like, let's be real. It's
very uncomfortable. So for you, because
(06:54):
you're stepping into this unknown, right?
And for your family, because it
challenges the status quo. So
in order to just,
yeah, put this in perspective, I'm gonna
share a few things that I learned through
this process and it, you
know, and it would be, it would have been
helpful for me to like. I guess have
(07:15):
had someone that was a role model as such
in sharing this. So that's why I think
it's if if you know, if I
teach this and I come on this podcast
weekly and talk about being a cycle
breaker and I can forget there's, you
know, there's no harm in reiterating
things. And maybe these are things that
you already know, but here is what I
(07:36):
learned. So redefining your
role is. Honestly,
an act of love for yourself and your
family. Choosing not to take on the
peacemaker or people pleaser role isn't
necessarily selfish. It's more about.
Modeling boundaries and self-respect and
authenticity, and it doesn't have to be
(07:56):
more than that. And
you know, your family's discomfort
doesn't mean you're doing something
wrong. When you stop fitting into all
dynamics, it's a bit jarring for others,
but their resistance isn't is more so a
reflection of their journey and not
yours. And you know, it kind of
in some way you're giving others
(08:18):
permission to explore their own roles
too, so. By stepping into your
role as a cycle breaker,
you're showing what's possible.
Like it can it. It might take time, but
your courage can inspire others, those
that are around you, to rethink their own
patterns. And it can be small stuff that
people pick up on, like, you know,
(08:40):
committing on your own so that bringing
an extra car, even though you may have to
pay more tolls, just so that. You have
flexibility or leaving when you
need to or you know when someone's
pushing you to invite in an
invitation, like you can't just say no
knowing that that's best for you
(09:01):
or you can buy your or you know, honestly
you can buy yourself some time and say,
hey, I'll think about it and get back to
you. But these are just like small
permissions that we give ourselves and
when others hear, you know, it's such a
nice example of what's possible because.
It's like, oh, I guess I do have the
everyone has the option of saying, hey,
(09:22):
I'm not sure, but let me get back to you.
But that's not something at least that I
always gave myself permission to or
thought of as
as an option for myself. So here
are those are some lessons and
like here's some steps
that like more actionable steps that you
(09:42):
can take. And the first is really just to
reflect on your current role. So if you
were asked that question, the same
question I was asked by my therapist,
what role have you played in your family
dynamic?Is it still serving you?
Just like think about that. Take some
time to journal, meditate on it and kind
(10:03):
of get your thoughts. And it doesn't have
to be full on like it takes some time,
like, right, like in order to understand
what that is. So give yourself some some
grace when you're doing that and then
like. You know, once you feel ready, you
decide what you want your role to be.
Think about the values you want to
embody. Do you want to be the cycle
breaker?Do you want to be the boundary
(10:24):
center setter, the role model?Name
it and own it. And it's a choice, right?
Do you want to do this?And
sometimes we do in certain scenarios and
others we don't. It doesn't mean that
it's all or nothing that you have to like
commit to. And then like the other
thing is to. The third thing is to commit
(10:44):
to your boundaries, which can be tricky,
but it's so important. Like let your
family know with like love and firmness
that you're no longer available, what
you're no longer available for. And it
doesn't mean that, you know, you have to
message in a group chat and like say it
so bluntly. It can just be through small
actions that you kind of show what
(11:06):
you are OK with and what you're not OK
with. And it just, and it can be subtle.
But still firm. And then,
you know, it always helps to find support
to surround yourself with people who
understand your journey. Because it's not
really just being a cycle breaker is not
really just a role, it's more so a
(11:26):
journey. And whether it's a therapist or
a coach or a community of fellow cycle
breakers, that'll be so nice because
it's a game changer because it's you just
feel like, OK, this is not.
As isolating as it needs to be,
or you know you're not only
relying on what you see in front
(11:49):
of you. So the last practice I'll
say is to practice self-compassion,
like redefining your role as a process
and not a one-time decision.
Be patient with yourself as you
navigate the discomfort and like
really give yourself some great grace
because. It is a big
(12:10):
undertaking. It it is a lot of effort,
but I've always felt that it was worth it
in the end. And hopefully, you
know, depending on how where you are,
what what's going on, like you reflect on
this and you kind of put, you know,
see where you are with this. And with
this exercise, I felt like it was such a
(12:30):
revelation, which is kind of hilarious
and ironic because like literally this is
what I talk about, but I just found it so
helpful. Because there's something where,
you know, we can think of ourselves in
business, at school and outside, but when
it comes to family dynamics, that's
something that it's almost like a
different lens and it is a different
(12:51):
lens, right?But the way that we are, that
dynamic really sets us up as far as
what we do as far as
owning our business and doing all the
things that we talk about on this
podcast, right. So here are some I'd like
for you to reflect on this week.
What have you, what role have you been
playing in your family dynamic and what
(13:12):
role do you want to step into?Write
it down, say it out loud or
share it with someone you trust. If
this is something that you know you're
like, this is kind of strange to share
with some people that you know already.
You can send me a message on Instagram or
feel free to e-mail me or send me a mess.
However you want to contact me, whatever
(13:34):
it is, right?I'd be happy to. But I
think, you know, it's kind of like
how I always emphasize having that honest
relationship with yourself. Like, just
put it out there, like, what have you
been doing?And it doesn't need to be that
you want to keep doing it or you have to
change it immediately. But let's just be
honest with ourselves. So as we
(13:55):
kick off 2025, I just want to
remind you, change isn't
easy, but it's worth it.
And honoring your roots doesn't mean
that, you know, you have to
stay small or you have to stay the same.
You can redefine your role and
(14:15):
embrace your identity as a cycle breaker
and create the life and business that
aligns with your values. So
I just want to thank you for tuning in
today and if this episode resonates with
you. Share it with a friend and or
please and or please leave a
review. And you know, if you're ready to
(14:36):
explore your role as a cycle breaker and
grow your heart-led business, book the
free consultation with me. The link is
in the show notes. And so here is
a cheers to another
year of growth, courage
and breaking cycles. Happy New Year and
I'll see you in the next episode.
(14:57):
Hey, if today's episode resonated with
you and you're ready to break free from
the cycles holding you back in your
business, it's time to book a
consultation with me. By the end of the
call, you'll know what's been holding you
back and you'll have a clear plan for
growing the business that's been on your
heart. So go ahead and head to the link
in the show notes to book your free call.
Welcome
Hey, I'm Suki Kaur, your host and fellow
cycle breaker. I'm here to help first
generation women of color grow their
business that's been on their heart by
breaking free from limiting cultural
expectations and navigating self-doubt.
Together, we'll cultivate self-trust,
(00:30):
explore how to step into your full
potential, and create success on your
terms. Let's break those much
needed cycles and build an impactdriven
life you've been dreaming of right here
in community.
Welcome back to the Cycle Breaker
podcast. I'm your host, Suki Kaur,
(00:51):
and today's topic is one that
feels so incredibly
personal. And I think I'm
sharing this because I think many of you
will deeply resonate with it, and
that's redefining your role in
your family dynamic as a cycle breaker.
And I'm bringing this up because I know
(01:12):
that, you know, this podcast is for those
cycle Breakers that are first Gen. women
of color that are growing
their heart-led businesses, are
successful doing what they need to do,
but they also want to give them
bet on themselves and give themselves a
shot at entrepreneurship. And the
reason I bring this up about family
(01:33):
dynamics is because I don't think that
being a first generation. That,
you know, we can kind of go
around the impact that
our family dynamic has and our role has
and how we show up, especially when it
comes to business, especially when it
comes to doing something that's
heart-led. So if you've
(01:54):
ever, especially since we just had,
you know, the holiday season and it's
January 2nd, 2025, there's a lot of
family time that most of us.
At least I have had in the last few weeks
in a short period of time. And so
today's. So if you've ever
(02:16):
felt out of place in your family, like
you're navigating a role that doesn't
quite fit anymore, today's
episode is definitely for you.
I've been reflecting on this myself
recently, especially after a
conversation I had with my therapist
after. You know, I
had, she helped me. She asked me to
(02:39):
put a name to what I was
feeling because I shared with her that,
you know, there seems like something
is off and it's not the same, but it's
not something bad, but it's just how I'm
showing up is differently, but it's
uncomfortable. So she asked me
to put a name to what I was feeling. And
(02:59):
let me tell you, it was both hilarious
and empowering at the same time. So like,
and I'll share the story full on, but in
this episode, just so you know, as an
overview, we'll explore how to navigate
these shifts, embrace the discomfort,
and own your new role with grace.
So let's rewind back to our
(03:20):
recent session with my therapist. I was
sharing how I felt
increasingly out of sync with my family
dynamics. And it's not just like my
nucleus, my family, but more so extended
as well. It was just. It and it
wasn't the just the usual
first Gen. struggles of balancing 2
(03:40):
worlds. It was more so along the
lines of like realization that
I no longer fit into the role
that I unconsciously paid for years. You
know, the peacemaker, the people
pleaser, the one who just tries to
bend over backwards to avoid conflict and
conflict and make everyone comfortable.
(04:02):
As I've grown, especially through my
work as a coach, I've I've let go of many
of these tendency, but it hasn't been
easy for me or for others
around me. And so when my therapist
asked me to describe my role in one word,
I was stumped at first thought was
black sheep. And immediately as I saw
(04:24):
that, I was like, OK, that doesn't sit
right with me. It felt too isolating and
like. Too negative. And it just didn't
capture what my experience was. So I
gave myself time to reflect and
journal and of course use a I for
synonyms because like, why not?And that's
when it hit me. My
role isn't about being
(04:45):
the odd one out. It's about being a cycle
breaker. And like, how ironic, right?
Because I literally host the Cycle
Breaker podcast and coach others to the
Cycle Breakthrough program. And yet,
like, I forgot that this is who I am. And
it was like such a humbling moment. And
so I wanted to make sure I share this
(05:07):
with you because we
like, you know, it's just funny because I
literally teach and I this is what I do.
This is like what I geek
out on all the time. And this word
was so hard for me to capture when it's
when it was asked for me as far as like.
What is your role in your family dynamic?
(05:30):
So yeah, so and it's and I wanted to
share this because
it was uncomfortable. But as first
generation women of color, many of us
grew up with roles assigned to us by
family dynamics. And these roles
often revolve around being the
caretaker, the overachiever, the one who
keeps the peace. But. When we start
(05:51):
questioning those roles and stepping
into our own identity, it can feel
unsettling, and not just for us, but for
others around us. And so here's the
thing, redefining your role isn't
about abandoning your family or being
self-centered. It's more so about
choosing authenticity over
(06:12):
obligation, about prioritizing
what aligns with your values and
well-being. You
know, trusting yourself,
learning how to trust your own gut
feeling or just, you know, being the
one that you trust the most. As far as
(06:32):
like, do you need a physical
or emotional space from someone?And like
you, you kind of just know. And I think
when we do that it, yeah, like it's not
comfortable for anyone, but at the
same time this shift is empowering,
but. Again, like, let's be real. It's
very uncomfortable. So for you, because
(06:54):
you're stepping into this unknown, right?
And for your family, because it
challenges the status quo. So
in order to just,
yeah, put this in perspective, I'm gonna
share a few things that I learned through
this process and it, you
know, and it would be, it would have been
helpful for me to like. I guess have
(07:15):
had someone that was a role model as such
in sharing this. So that's why I think
it's if if you know, if I
teach this and I come on this podcast
weekly and talk about being a cycle
breaker and I can forget there's, you
know, there's no harm in reiterating
things. And maybe these are things that
you already know, but here is what I
(07:36):
learned. So redefining your
role is. Honestly,
an act of love for yourself and your
family. Choosing not to take on the
peacemaker or people pleaser role isn't
necessarily selfish. It's more about.
Modeling boundaries and self-respect and
authenticity, and it doesn't have to be
(07:56):
more than that. And
you know, your family's discomfort
doesn't mean you're doing something
wrong. When you stop fitting into all
dynamics, it's a bit jarring for others,
but their resistance isn't is more so a
reflection of their journey and not
yours. And you know, it kind of
in some way you're giving others
(08:18):
permission to explore their own roles
too, so. By stepping into your
role as a cycle breaker,
you're showing what's possible.
Like it can it. It might take time, but
your courage can inspire others, those
that are around you, to rethink their own
patterns. And it can be small stuff that
people pick up on, like, you know,
(08:40):
committing on your own so that bringing
an extra car, even though you may have to
pay more tolls, just so that. You have
flexibility or leaving when you
need to or you know when someone's
pushing you to invite in an
invitation, like you can't just say no
knowing that that's best for you
(09:01):
or you can buy your or you know, honestly
you can buy yourself some time and say,
hey, I'll think about it and get back to
you. But these are just like small
permissions that we give ourselves and
when others hear, you know, it's such a
nice example of what's possible because.
It's like, oh, I guess I do have the
everyone has the option of saying, hey,
(09:22):
I'm not sure, but let me get back to you.
But that's not something at least that I
always gave myself permission to or
thought of as
as an option for myself. So here
are those are some lessons and
like here's some steps
that like more actionable steps that you
(09:42):
can take. And the first is really just to
reflect on your current role. So if you
were asked that question, the same
question I was asked by my therapist,
what role have you played in your family
dynamic?Is it still serving you?
Just like think about that. Take some
time to journal, meditate on it and kind
(10:03):
of get your thoughts. And it doesn't have
to be full on like it takes some time,
like, right, like in order to understand
what that is. So give yourself some some
grace when you're doing that and then
like. You know, once you feel ready, you
decide what you want your role to be.
Think about the values you want to
embody. Do you want to be the cycle
breaker?Do you want to be the boundary
(10:24):
center setter, the role model?Name
it and own it. And it's a choice, right?
Do you want to do this?And
sometimes we do in certain scenarios and
others we don't. It doesn't mean that
it's all or nothing that you have to like
commit to. And then like the other
thing is to. The third thing is to commit
(10:44):
to your boundaries, which can be tricky,
but it's so important. Like let your
family know with like love and firmness
that you're no longer available, what
you're no longer available for. And it
doesn't mean that, you know, you have to
message in a group chat and like say it
so bluntly. It can just be through small
actions that you kind of show what
(11:06):
you are OK with and what you're not OK
with. And it just, and it can be subtle.
But still firm. And then,
you know, it always helps to find support
to surround yourself with people who
understand your journey. Because it's not
really just being a cycle breaker is not
really just a role, it's more so a
(11:26):
journey. And whether it's a therapist or
a coach or a community of fellow cycle
breakers, that'll be so nice because
it's a game changer because it's you just
feel like, OK, this is not.
As isolating as it needs to be,
or you know you're not only
relying on what you see in front
(11:49):
of you. So the last practice I'll
say is to practice self-compassion,
like redefining your role as a process
and not a one-time decision.
Be patient with yourself as you
navigate the discomfort and like
really give yourself some great grace
because. It is a big
(12:10):
undertaking. It it is a lot of effort,
but I've always felt that it was worth it
in the end. And hopefully, you
know, depending on how where you are,
what what's going on, like you reflect on
this and you kind of put, you know,
see where you are with this. And with
this exercise, I felt like it was such a
(12:30):
revelation, which is kind of hilarious
and ironic because like literally this is
what I talk about, but I just found it so
helpful. Because there's something where,
you know, we can think of ourselves in
business, at school and outside, but when
it comes to family dynamics, that's
something that it's almost like a
different lens and it is a different
(12:51):
lens, right?But the way that we are, that
dynamic really sets us up as far as
what we do as far as
owning our business and doing all the
things that we talk about on this
podcast, right. So here are some I'd like
for you to reflect on this week.
What have you, what role have you been
playing in your family dynamic and what
(13:12):
role do you want to step into?Write
it down, say it out loud or
share it with someone you trust. If
this is something that you know you're
like, this is kind of strange to share
with some people that you know already.
You can send me a message on Instagram or
feel free to e-mail me or send me a mess.
However you want to contact me, whatever
(13:34):
it is, right?I'd be happy to. But I
think, you know, it's kind of like
how I always emphasize having that honest
relationship with yourself. Like, just
put it out there, like, what have you
been doing?And it doesn't need to be that
you want to keep doing it or you have to
change it immediately. But let's just be
honest with ourselves. So as we
(13:55):
kick off 2025, I just want to
remind you, change isn't
easy, but it's worth it.
And honoring your roots doesn't mean
that, you know, you have to
stay small or you have to stay the same.
You can redefine your role and
(14:15):
embrace your identity as a cycle breaker
and create the life and business that
aligns with your values. So
I just want to thank you for tuning in
today and if this episode resonates with
you. Share it with a friend and or
please and or please leave a
review. And you know, if you're ready to
(14:36):
explore your role as a cycle breaker and
grow your heart-led business, book the
free consultation with me. The link is
in the show notes. And so here is
a cheers to another
year of growth, courage
and breaking cycles. Happy New Year and
I'll see you in the next episode.
(14:57):
Hey, if today's episode resonated with
you and you're ready to break free from
the cycles holding you back in your
business, it's time to book a
consultation with me. By the end of the
call, you'll know what's been holding you
back and you'll have a clear plan for
growing the business that's been on your
heart. So go ahead and head to the link
in the show notes to book your free call.
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