March 23, 2025 • 14 mins
For so many first-generation women of color, survival mode isn’t just a phase—it’s a way of life. We grew up navigating uncertainty, carrying family responsibilities, and always being on guard. Even when we finally build stability, it still feels unsafe to slow down.
In this episode, we explore:
✔️ Why survival mode feels impossible to let go of—even when it's no longer necessary
✔️ How cultural and generational conditioning keep us stuck in overwork and urgency
✔️ The emotional weight of attaching our worth to productivity
✔️ Practical steps to feel safe resting, trusting, and embracing ease in your life and business
If you’ve ever felt guilty for resting or anxious when things feel “too good,” this episode is for you.
💡 Book a Free Consultation: Ready to break free from survival mode and step into self-trust? Let’s talk. Schedule your free call HERE
🔗 Connect with me:
✨ If this episode resonated with you, share it with another first-gen woman of color who needs this message today! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review—it helps others find this space of empowerment.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
Welcome
Hey, I'm Suki Kaur, your host and fellow
cycle breaker. I'm here to help first
generation women of color grow their
business that's been on their heart by
breaking free from limiting cultural
expectations and navigating self-doubt.
Together, we'll cultivate self-trust,
(00:30):
explore how to step into your full
potential, and create success on your
terms. Let's break those much
needed cycles and build an impactdriven
life you've been dreaming of right here
in community.
Today I want to talk about something that
so many of us first Gen. women of color
(00:51):
struggle with, and that's learning to
feel safe when we don't have to be in
survival mode anymore. Because
here's the thing, many of us grew up
in an environment where there was always
something to worry about, whether it
was money, safety, family
obligations, or just the pressure to
(01:11):
be the responsible one who holds
everything together. And when you grow
up constantly navigating uncertainty,
that urgency becomes a way of life,
like the way that you live and the way
that you're programmed. Even when we
reach a point where we are financially
stable, secure, or in a place of
opportunity, we still don't know how
(01:32):
to relax. And we still
overwork ourselves, afraid that if we
slow down, everything will fall
apart, say yes to things,
obligations we don't have capacity
or or or just like
don't want to do for
the fear of like not letting anyone
(01:53):
down, right. You don't want to be
that person. And also it shows
up feeling and when you know you'll feel
anxious when things are too good because
you're we're used to. Waiting for the
other shoe to drop. So if this sounds
familiar, I totally get
that because I know this personally
(02:13):
because I've lived it. And I wanted to
share this episode with you because I
think it's just so validating to
hear it from someone that has had the
experience and also learn how to
get out of this cycle, right? The
survival mode cycle. So
there was a time in my life when I had
worked so hard to create stability
(02:34):
financially, emotionally, and
even in my business. But it still felt
like I had to hustle all the time.
I didn't trust things would actually
stay OK. And when I finally
slowed down, I felt
guilty and arresting
felt wrong. And it's not always in the
(02:55):
past sense. This happens current day as
as well. And it happens. And why we
struggle with this is because
we it's because
letting go of survival mode, even
when it's no longer necessary,
it's because it's it becomes one. The
first thing is, and I'll break it
down into three main reasons why this
(03:17):
happens, right? The first thing is
that it becomes a habit when our nervous
system's so conditioned to anticipate
something like happening and
even. To the point where peace feels
unfamiliar. It's just this constant
scanning for the next problem and
and if when there isn't any chaos
(03:38):
or anything to do with it, our brain
almost feels as though something is
missing. And the second
reason why I think this happens is that
we're carrying generational patterns,
right? Many of us come from families who
had to work incredibly hard
just to get by. Rest wasn't always an
option. And we inherited, like,
(04:00):
without even maybe even knowing and and
seeing what we have modeled, we
inherited a mindset that if you stop,
you fall behind. Because for our
families, that was often true,
right? There wasn't really that option to
just slow down. But just because that
was their reality doesn't mean that it
has to be yours. And you know, it's a
(04:21):
good, good idea to just check
in to see if the way that you're handling
things or way that you know you are in
this survival mode, like, is that
so necessary? And I think the third
reason that this happened,
you know, the third reason that why
it's so hard to let go of the survival
mode is because we attach our worth to
(04:42):
productivity. Growing up in
survival mode often means that
we've learned to equate our value with
how much we're doing, and we need
to be doing something at all times. And
if you're not working, helping,
or fixing something, we feel like
we're useless, even though it's not
true at all. But like, here's the
(05:03):
thing, you are not here to just
survive, right?Like and
you are allowed to live
and thrive without sounding so
cliche, but you can
thrive and not be in that
survival mode.
And here's how to shift out of that
(05:25):
survival mode. So how do we actually
start like letting go of it, right?
So one of the things I would say the
first step and I always mention like
self-awareness is so important.
Notice first step would be like notice
when it's happening. Like next time you
feel like yourself is rushing, you're
over committing or feeling guilty or rest
(05:45):
for resting or pausing. Ask
yourself like just to check in like do
your due diligence. Because I think
without us realizing our brain does a lot
of due diligence work for us and we kind
of think of that as. A stop sign of like
when your brain's like, oh, is
this too much? And we're like, oh
wait, there's something wrong. But we
can ask ourselves and keep ourselves
(06:06):
accountable for asking, am I
acting from a place of urgency and fear
or is or from a place of trust and
intention? And I think that'll help
at least put things in perspective. And
maybe that first time you check in,
you can't change things right away,
but it's just creating that
self-awareness and. Kind of collecting
the data points because I think that's so
(06:28):
important rather than being like I'm
always like this or I'm sometimes like
this. It's just nice to get that kind of
build that kind of relationship with
yourself, that honesty. So that's the
first step of creating awareness. And the
second step I would say is give yourself
the safety in the
present. Sometimes our nervous system
needs to be reminded that we are safe
(06:50):
now. And one simple way to do
this is to ground yourself in the moment.
Like you can try a few things, right?
Like take a deep breath and remind
yourself like I am safe right now.
And you know another way maybe and it
depends on what. What's what's best for
you and what you think works best for
you. Because I can sit here and tell you
(07:12):
all the things that have been helpful for
me or for my clients. Like, and I'm
sharing this because hopefully something
resonates or something helps. Or at least
it gets you to, you know, start
thinking about what what will work best
for you. But you know what's best for you
and no one else will.
Another thing that you can try is look
around and notice three things that bring
(07:33):
you comfort.
Or it could be like a warm cup of
tea, a blanket, just opening
the blinds to see the sun outside,
just to find that comfort in something
without it having to be, you
know, going all the way to the other
extreme of like always going to
(07:54):
food for comfort. That's something that
I've struggled for, struggle with
that I've done, like going to food
for comfort and other people go to. You
know, it's not as extreme as going to
drugs and alcohol, but that it that
is the case a lot of times, right?
And it it can also be in other forms,
like going to Netflix all the time,
but look around for things that
(08:14):
actually truly bring you comfort.
And I think that's nice to have that to
lean on. Like for me, like I think
taking a really, really hot shower is
really comforting. Or even I have a
towel warmer that's like super
comforting. It's just nice to. Nice to
have and you know that that will provide
you some sort of comfort just to help you
(08:36):
ground yourself in the moment.
And then another thing is like practice
trusting your trusting that like the
stability you created isn't going to
disappear overnight because of course
we're not going to try to acknowledge
something that seems like it could
be a great place to be. But then if it's
going to slip out of our hands,
especially after we start acknowledging
(08:57):
it, like why would we take ourselves
there?So yeah, the second
step would just be to give yourself that
safety in the present that where you
are. And the third out of
fourth step, some promise it's not
going to be that long, is to redefine
success beyond productivity. Like ask
yourself, what would success look
(09:18):
like if it wasn't just about how much I
do? Maybe success also means a
feeling at peace. Maybe it
means having freedom to.
Enjoy and reap the benefits
of what you've what you've
like, you know, built without
guilt. And it sounds easy to
(09:39):
say, but yeah, like what if like
even wondering what would what
would success look like if you could,
if it wasn't how much you could do. I
think that's really like eye-opening
cause not a lot of times that we have
given ourselves that space to do so.
And then I think the step 4th step just
(10:01):
to, you know, get ourselves out
of only thinking is to take a
small step toward
rest without guilt. Like if
fully resting feels too
uncomfortable, start small,
right? Try just taking
5 minutes to sit down and do nothing.
Remind yourself like rest is not a
(10:22):
luxury, it is an accessory. It's a
it's an it's it is necessary.
And you know, I personally didn't
grow up with that being a necessity
because I think anytime I've been sitting
down and like, you know, a grown
up would see me in the house and say,
oh, do like do something. And it's
like in our languages, it's really
(10:42):
like the way you say it. It's like,
oh, like don't just. You know, it
could be anything, but just do
something. But basically the takeaway is
don't just do nothing. Like that's not OK
And I think for me, I've, I still
remind myself of what it's OK to just do
nothing. And it it takes time to build.
Like I think I've mentioned in a
different podcast episode where, you
(11:04):
know, even taking a lunch break was
was like a big learning for me. So take
small steps like. And just to give an
overview of the four steps that I said of
how to shift out of survival mode is
one is step one is noticing when it's
happening. Step 2, give yourself
safety in the present. Whether it's some
type of, you know, phrase you say
(11:26):
to yourself that you remind yourself of
or you look for comfort in other
things, whatever it else it is,
give yourself. Step 2 is give yourself
safety in the present. No, it's not
going to slip away. Step three is
redefining success beyond how
productive you are. And then step four is
actually taking a small step toward
(11:47):
rest without guilt. And I think that's a
nice,
a nice thing to practice because you can
all use it and I think it really All in
all helps with ourselves
overall to. Show up better,
right? Show up better in our lives. Show
up better in our business. Do the things
(12:07):
that we'd rather do. So
if you've spent your whole life in
survival mode, I want you to know
that you are allowed to feel safe now.
You are allowed to let things be easy.
You are allowed to rest without guilt.
And if you want to just maybe note these
three phrases, then you can kind of
(12:28):
put it by your bedside table. You can
remind yourself in your notes app and
your phone. Whatever it is, you could
do that. And this doesn't mean you're
being ungrateful for what your family
went through. It means you're
honoring their sacrifices by allowing
yourself to move beyond survival
into, like, actual abundance.
(12:48):
And you know, if today's episode
resonated with you and you're ready to
break free from your survival mode and
step into a life where you trust yourself
and your success, let's talk.
Ioffer a free consultation where you
break down what's holding you back and
create a plan to help you grow the
business and the life really that that's
(13:09):
been on your heart. Click on the show
notes to book your consult. And if you
love this episode, don't forget to
subscribe and share it with another first
Gen. woman of color who needs to hear
this message today. So until next
time, take good care of yourself.
You deserve it.
Hey, if today's episode resonated with
(13:31):
you and you're ready to break free from
the cycles holding you back in your
business, it's time to book a
consultation with me. By the end of the
call, you'll know what's been holding you
back and you'll have a clear plan for
growing the business that's been on your
heart. So go ahead and head to the link
in the show notes to book your free call.
Welcome
Hey, I'm Suki Kaur, your host and fellow
cycle breaker. I'm here to help first
generation women of color grow their
business that's been on their heart by
breaking free from limiting cultural
expectations and navigating self-doubt.
Together, we'll cultivate self-trust,
(00:30):
explore how to step into your full
potential, and create success on your
terms. Let's break those much
needed cycles and build an impactdriven
life you've been dreaming of right here
in community.
Today I want to talk about something that
so many of us first Gen. women of color
(00:51):
struggle with, and that's learning to
feel safe when we don't have to be in
survival mode anymore. Because
here's the thing, many of us grew up
in an environment where there was always
something to worry about, whether it
was money, safety, family
obligations, or just the pressure to
(01:11):
be the responsible one who holds
everything together. And when you grow
up constantly navigating uncertainty,
that urgency becomes a way of life,
like the way that you live and the way
that you're programmed. Even when we
reach a point where we are financially
stable, secure, or in a place of
opportunity, we still don't know how
(01:32):
to relax. And we still
overwork ourselves, afraid that if we
slow down, everything will fall
apart, say yes to things,
obligations we don't have capacity
or or or just like
don't want to do for
the fear of like not letting anyone
(01:53):
down, right. You don't want to be
that person. And also it shows
up feeling and when you know you'll feel
anxious when things are too good because
you're we're used to. Waiting for the
other shoe to drop. So if this sounds
familiar, I totally get
that because I know this personally
(02:13):
because I've lived it. And I wanted to
share this episode with you because I
think it's just so validating to
hear it from someone that has had the
experience and also learn how to
get out of this cycle, right? The
survival mode cycle. So
there was a time in my life when I had
worked so hard to create stability
(02:34):
financially, emotionally, and
even in my business. But it still felt
like I had to hustle all the time.
I didn't trust things would actually
stay OK. And when I finally
slowed down, I felt
guilty and arresting
felt wrong. And it's not always in the
(02:55):
past sense. This happens current day as
as well. And it happens. And why we
struggle with this is because
we it's because
letting go of survival mode, even
when it's no longer necessary,
it's because it's it becomes one. The
first thing is, and I'll break it
down into three main reasons why this
(03:17):
happens, right? The first thing is
that it becomes a habit when our nervous
system's so conditioned to anticipate
something like happening and
even. To the point where peace feels
unfamiliar. It's just this constant
scanning for the next problem and
and if when there isn't any chaos
(03:38):
or anything to do with it, our brain
almost feels as though something is
missing. And the second
reason why I think this happens is that
we're carrying generational patterns,
right? Many of us come from families who
had to work incredibly hard
just to get by. Rest wasn't always an
option. And we inherited, like,
(04:00):
without even maybe even knowing and and
seeing what we have modeled, we
inherited a mindset that if you stop,
you fall behind. Because for our
families, that was often true,
right? There wasn't really that option to
just slow down. But just because that
was their reality doesn't mean that it
has to be yours. And you know, it's a
(04:21):
good, good idea to just check
in to see if the way that you're handling
things or way that you know you are in
this survival mode, like, is that
so necessary? And I think the third
reason that this happened,
you know, the third reason that why
it's so hard to let go of the survival
mode is because we attach our worth to
(04:42):
productivity. Growing up in
survival mode often means that
we've learned to equate our value with
how much we're doing, and we need
to be doing something at all times. And
if you're not working, helping,
or fixing something, we feel like
we're useless, even though it's not
true at all. But like, here's the
(05:03):
thing, you are not here to just
survive, right?Like and
you are allowed to live
and thrive without sounding so
cliche, but you can
thrive and not be in that
survival mode.
And here's how to shift out of that
(05:25):
survival mode. So how do we actually
start like letting go of it, right?
So one of the things I would say the
first step and I always mention like
self-awareness is so important.
Notice first step would be like notice
when it's happening. Like next time you
feel like yourself is rushing, you're
over committing or feeling guilty or rest
(05:45):
for resting or pausing. Ask
yourself like just to check in like do
your due diligence. Because I think
without us realizing our brain does a lot
of due diligence work for us and we kind
of think of that as. A stop sign of like
when your brain's like, oh, is
this too much? And we're like, oh
wait, there's something wrong. But we
can ask ourselves and keep ourselves
(06:06):
accountable for asking, am I
acting from a place of urgency and fear
or is or from a place of trust and
intention? And I think that'll help
at least put things in perspective. And
maybe that first time you check in,
you can't change things right away,
but it's just creating that
self-awareness and. Kind of collecting
the data points because I think that's so
(06:28):
important rather than being like I'm
always like this or I'm sometimes like
this. It's just nice to get that kind of
build that kind of relationship with
yourself, that honesty. So that's the
first step of creating awareness. And the
second step I would say is give yourself
the safety in the
present. Sometimes our nervous system
needs to be reminded that we are safe
(06:50):
now. And one simple way to do
this is to ground yourself in the moment.
Like you can try a few things, right?
Like take a deep breath and remind
yourself like I am safe right now.
And you know another way maybe and it
depends on what. What's what's best for
you and what you think works best for
you. Because I can sit here and tell you
(07:12):
all the things that have been helpful for
me or for my clients. Like, and I'm
sharing this because hopefully something
resonates or something helps. Or at least
it gets you to, you know, start
thinking about what what will work best
for you. But you know what's best for you
and no one else will.
Another thing that you can try is look
around and notice three things that bring
(07:33):
you comfort.
Or it could be like a warm cup of
tea, a blanket, just opening
the blinds to see the sun outside,
just to find that comfort in something
without it having to be, you
know, going all the way to the other
extreme of like always going to
(07:54):
food for comfort. That's something that
I've struggled for, struggle with
that I've done, like going to food
for comfort and other people go to. You
know, it's not as extreme as going to
drugs and alcohol, but that it that
is the case a lot of times, right?
And it it can also be in other forms,
like going to Netflix all the time,
but look around for things that
(08:14):
actually truly bring you comfort.
And I think that's nice to have that to
lean on. Like for me, like I think
taking a really, really hot shower is
really comforting. Or even I have a
towel warmer that's like super
comforting. It's just nice to. Nice to
have and you know that that will provide
you some sort of comfort just to help you
(08:36):
ground yourself in the moment.
And then another thing is like practice
trusting your trusting that like the
stability you created isn't going to
disappear overnight because of course
we're not going to try to acknowledge
something that seems like it could
be a great place to be. But then if it's
going to slip out of our hands,
especially after we start acknowledging
(08:57):
it, like why would we take ourselves
there?So yeah, the second
step would just be to give yourself that
safety in the present that where you
are. And the third out of
fourth step, some promise it's not
going to be that long, is to redefine
success beyond productivity. Like ask
yourself, what would success look
(09:18):
like if it wasn't just about how much I
do? Maybe success also means a
feeling at peace. Maybe it
means having freedom to.
Enjoy and reap the benefits
of what you've what you've
like, you know, built without
guilt. And it sounds easy to
(09:39):
say, but yeah, like what if like
even wondering what would what
would success look like if you could,
if it wasn't how much you could do. I
think that's really like eye-opening
cause not a lot of times that we have
given ourselves that space to do so.
And then I think the step 4th step just
(10:01):
to, you know, get ourselves out
of only thinking is to take a
small step toward
rest without guilt. Like if
fully resting feels too
uncomfortable, start small,
right? Try just taking
5 minutes to sit down and do nothing.
Remind yourself like rest is not a
(10:22):
luxury, it is an accessory. It's a
it's an it's it is necessary.
And you know, I personally didn't
grow up with that being a necessity
because I think anytime I've been sitting
down and like, you know, a grown
up would see me in the house and say,
oh, do like do something. And it's
like in our languages, it's really
(10:42):
like the way you say it. It's like,
oh, like don't just. You know, it
could be anything, but just do
something. But basically the takeaway is
don't just do nothing. Like that's not OK
And I think for me, I've, I still
remind myself of what it's OK to just do
nothing. And it it takes time to build.
Like I think I've mentioned in a
different podcast episode where, you
(11:04):
know, even taking a lunch break was
was like a big learning for me. So take
small steps like. And just to give an
overview of the four steps that I said of
how to shift out of survival mode is
one is step one is noticing when it's
happening. Step 2, give yourself
safety in the present. Whether it's some
type of, you know, phrase you say
(11:26):
to yourself that you remind yourself of
or you look for comfort in other
things, whatever it else it is,
give yourself. Step 2 is give yourself
safety in the present. No, it's not
going to slip away. Step three is
redefining success beyond how
productive you are. And then step four is
actually taking a small step toward
(11:47):
rest without guilt. And I think that's a
nice,
a nice thing to practice because you can
all use it and I think it really All in
all helps with ourselves
overall to. Show up better,
right? Show up better in our lives. Show
up better in our business. Do the things
(12:07):
that we'd rather do. So
if you've spent your whole life in
survival mode, I want you to know
that you are allowed to feel safe now.
You are allowed to let things be easy.
You are allowed to rest without guilt.
And if you want to just maybe note these
three phrases, then you can kind of
(12:28):
put it by your bedside table. You can
remind yourself in your notes app and
your phone. Whatever it is, you could
do that. And this doesn't mean you're
being ungrateful for what your family
went through. It means you're
honoring their sacrifices by allowing
yourself to move beyond survival
into, like, actual abundance.
(12:48):
And you know, if today's episode
resonated with you and you're ready to
break free from your survival mode and
step into a life where you trust yourself
and your success, let's talk.
Ioffer a free consultation where you
break down what's holding you back and
create a plan to help you grow the
business and the life really that that's
(13:09):
been on your heart. Click on the show
notes to book your consult. And if you
love this episode, don't forget to
subscribe and share it with another first
Gen. woman of color who needs to hear
this message today. So until next
time, take good care of yourself.
You deserve it.
Hey, if today's episode resonated with
(13:31):
you and you're ready to break free from
the cycles holding you back in your
business, it's time to book a
consultation with me. By the end of the
call, you'll know what's been holding you
back and you'll have a clear plan for
growing the business that's been on your
heart. So go ahead and head to the link
in the show notes to book your free call.
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