September 26, 2024 • 12 mins
In this episode, Sukhi Kaur tackles the common struggle of feeling like you need to figure everything out on your own—especially as a woman of color entrepreneur. She delves into how this mindset fuels imposter syndrome and the importance of breaking free from self-imposed rules. Sukhi shares personal stories about the power of vulnerability, asking for help, and the relief that comes with letting go of the pressure to be perfect. Tune in to explore how embracing support can accelerate your growth and transform your mindset. For more support, visit sukhilifecoach.com/freeconsult to schedule a free consultation.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
Welcome to the Cycle Breaker podcast. I'm
your host, Sukhi Kaur, a certified
feminist life coach, and I'm here to help
you navigate being a woman of color
entrepreneur, breaking generational
cycles and letting go of imposter
syndrome. Here you will learn to create
self-awareness around the truth of who
you are and see your ability to
(00:30):
change how you experience yourself. And
further the results you create in your
life. So let's break these much needed
cycles together here in community.
So today I want to talk about something
that really plays into keeping
(00:52):
this imposter syndrome cycle going.
And that's the idea that you
don't, that you assume that you
should know how to do what
you're doing and what and that can be
at work, whether you're working on a
project at in your business, whatever
you're working on. There's somewhere the
(01:14):
assumption that if you ask for help,
it's it shows that you don't know what
you're doing and there is like almost
like a rule that you're living by.
And I did this practice last week of what
are rules that you have for yourself and
your business that may be holding you
back. And it's just nice to look at
(01:35):
because I think that is one of the
things of asking for help
and being OK.
With not making it mean
anything about yourself. So you can ask
for help and not understand something or
not know how to do something and that
being OK. But when it comes to
(01:56):
someone that resonates with imposter
syndrome, me being one of them, of
course, I think I have spent
so much time and energy in my
head of. Hopefully this person
doesn't think I don't know as much as
they thought I did, or I come
across as, you know, not living up to the
(02:17):
expectation or I just need so
much help or I have so many questions and
a lot. I'm a lot harder on myself than
I would be on anyone else. Like for
example at work I have a team and. You
know, someone on my team, when they first
started, they used to hesitate to ask me
questions and then they would spend all
day working on something and it just was
(02:37):
not productive for her
or for me. And I just had to say,
hey, like one of your job
duties is just to ask me questions. So
when I send you something to do. Your
number one thing is to ask me what comes
to your mind, what questions you have.
Come up with possible solutions if you
(02:58):
possibly could. But there's nothing wrong
with asking questions. Or say for
example, if your workload is too much,
definitely that's something that needs to
be flagged, because in the long run it
just it doesn't make a difference. It's
more so we want to get done what we need
to get done and that should be
(03:18):
like a zoomed out.
Perspective of like this is objective
rather than being so self-focused. But
when it's somebody that resonates with
having imposter syndrome, we kind of tend
to focus on ourselves more and our
self-perception being on the line
rather than
(03:40):
rather than whatever is the task at
hand. And I actually had this experience
very recently where I did a consultation
with a coach. And I
need help with my
strategy, with my marketing and I can
just use someone that helps me with this
(04:00):
and I remember having some hesitation
to. Um, looking for
a coach. And it's interesting because you
know, obviously I'm a coach and I had
some thoughts that are holding me back of
like I should be able to figure this out
considering I'm a coach myself. Of course
I have no experience in marketing myself,
but or have that background at all. There
(04:21):
was just this expectation that I should
be able to figure this out on my own.
And then if I hire someone specifically
for this task now, that means.
Either I didn't figure it out this whole
time, or it means that I
should have hired someone sooner. So
there was no win situation for me. There
was no win. There was no way out with me
(04:44):
winning in this particular scenario. And
it it was just interesting to
like. Have myself
experience that because I think of my
clients when they come on consultations,
it does need that. It does
require the person
to be vulnerable, be
OK with asking for help and be
(05:07):
vulnerable in the sense that, hey, these
are things that resonate with me, that
what you talk about resonate with me and
you can help me with and I'm ready. I
trust myself to come through, come
through to my sessions. I. I trust
you. I trust my judgment and hiring you
or not. So there's a lot that goes into
it. And it was just interesting being in
(05:27):
that position very recently
after so long because I have worked with
coaches, but this was just like a like a
consult that I just recently did. So I
wanted to share my experience because I
think if you have hesitations of, you
know, hiring someone and
getting help in your business or at work.
(05:48):
I think it's totally normal if nothing
has gone wrong, right?Like that's
something that we can expect. But it's
only when we put those
meanings to what the
fact that we need help, that's when the
issues occur. That it means that, you
know, you you didn't figure it out
yourself, you need so much help or you
(06:10):
should have done this. Sooner. So many
rules, right, that it gets buried under.
So that's just something that I wanted to
share in my own experience that it does
require vulnerability. And
the number one step is just being OK with
having that open space of
you do not have to be this person. That's
(06:31):
a one-stop shop for everything, right?
Like, for example, in my case, like, I
think I'm a great coach. Am I great at
marketing?Not really, no. But
is it?Can it be one in the same?Can I can
I get there?Yeah, for sure, right.
But it doesn't need to be that I
need to have all the tech
(06:53):
experience and being great at that.
There's just those are just things that
come with. What I wanna do, but
doesn't mean that I have to have
everything all checked, the boxes checked
for every single thing and have to do it
myself. No. Even when it comes to being a
business owner, there's so much that I
think there's so much that goes into it
(07:15):
that it's inevitable to be at a place
where you don't know how to do something.
There's gonna be a time where like
sometimes immediately, like that was the
case for me where I didn't know how to do
a lot of things and. Asking for help
is it's especially,
you know, a tender place for
someone, especially for someone that's
(07:36):
coming from corporate and has had this,
you know, imposter syndrome over their
head of like, OK, this is something that
maybe someone will think I don't know
what I'm doing and all these stories that
go with it. So I just want you to be
conscience of. What's
coming up for you?Like are there in your
(07:57):
business or at work, wherever you
are, are there areas that you
know that you have kind of been
like, I hate saying stuff, but something
that you think that you know
you have been
facing over and over and there must be a
way to do it differently, but you're just
(08:18):
not able to see it?Like, are there
those scenarios?Like somebody had used an
analogy, which I love of, you
know, the fishbowl analogy. Like the
fishbowl is clear and of course the fish
thinks, you know, they can see far out
and there's no restrictions, but there's
still that clear bowl. And you just kind
of think that you have a clear path
(08:41):
because you can see it. But there are so
many blockers that.
You may not be aware of and you may need
help seeing, and it could be, you know,
as simple as using resources, hiring
contractors or hiring a coach. It could
just be like simple resources that you
just have to take advantage of or look
(09:01):
for. But I think that first step of being
OK with not knowing everything and
not making it mean that it's a problem
with you and who you are.
And what you're capable of and how much
value you can bring in through your
business or at work, I think that's the
number one step. So I think for this
(09:21):
week I would like for you to
reflect on, is there something that
you know, it could be in your business at
work or in your personal life, Is there
something that you can use help with?It
could be like health wise, like a
personal trainer. Is there something that
you have been like, oh, I wonder if I can
just get help with this?But there have
(09:43):
been blockers. What is that example
that comes straight to your mind?Like
without overthinking it, what's something
that you're like, oh, I think I can use
help with this. Like sometimes at work it
used to be public speaking for me and
you know, I would look at watch videos
and record myself and listen back, but
like. If I had just been
(10:04):
OK with
finding a professional to help me, like,
I'm sure I would have gotten there
faster. Of course you can eventually
figure things out, but I guess what I
wanna say is that it doesn't have to be
that you alone have to do it and that it
has to mean something about yourself.
Yeah. So I'd like for you to reflect on
(10:27):
it for this week of what's that one thing
that you know. If you can just help
get resolved, that would be such a load
off you, right?Like for me, I felt so
vulnerable and nervous and excited, but
then also relieved when I hired my
coach. So then it's like, OK, like I can
figure out how to do my marketing better,
(10:48):
how to find more people faster. And
there's nothing wrong with needing that
at this point. Cause, you know, sometimes
I'm like, I should have done this earlier
and maybe I just didn't need that support
at that time. I just needed to figure out
what my offer is and what my niche is and
who I wanna help and what I wanna do. So
reflect on that this week. What is that
(11:08):
one problem that you know you've been
kind of facing that you may not realize
what your blockers are, but it keeps
coming up and and kind of give yourself
that free space of if it wasn't a
problem, what resources, what
what people, what places would you go
to to get help if it wasn't an
issue to need to get help on things?
(11:32):
Hey, if you're listening to this podcast
and wondering how I can help you break
free of your cycles, especially those
that hold you back in business, I'm happy
to chat. You can sign up for a
consultation without any preparation
needed. At
sukhilifecoach.com/freeconsult
and we can talk about your cycles and how
(11:52):
to break free of them. Cheers to breaking
more much needed generational cycles.
Welcome to the Cycle Breaker podcast. I'm
your host, Sukhi Kaur, a certified
feminist life coach, and I'm here to help
you navigate being a woman of color
entrepreneur, breaking generational
cycles and letting go of imposter
syndrome. Here you will learn to create
self-awareness around the truth of who
you are and see your ability to
(00:30):
change how you experience yourself. And
further the results you create in your
life. So let's break these much needed
cycles together here in community.
So today I want to talk about something
that really plays into keeping
(00:52):
this imposter syndrome cycle going.
And that's the idea that you
don't, that you assume that you
should know how to do what
you're doing and what and that can be
at work, whether you're working on a
project at in your business, whatever
you're working on. There's somewhere the
(01:14):
assumption that if you ask for help,
it's it shows that you don't know what
you're doing and there is like almost
like a rule that you're living by.
And I did this practice last week of what
are rules that you have for yourself and
your business that may be holding you
back. And it's just nice to look at
(01:35):
because I think that is one of the
things of asking for help
and being OK.
With not making it mean
anything about yourself. So you can ask
for help and not understand something or
not know how to do something and that
being OK. But when it comes to
(01:56):
someone that resonates with imposter
syndrome, me being one of them, of
course, I think I have spent
so much time and energy in my
head of. Hopefully this person
doesn't think I don't know as much as
they thought I did, or I come
across as, you know, not living up to the
(02:17):
expectation or I just need so
much help or I have so many questions and
a lot. I'm a lot harder on myself than
I would be on anyone else. Like for
example at work I have a team and. You
know, someone on my team, when they first
started, they used to hesitate to ask me
questions and then they would spend all
day working on something and it just was
(02:37):
not productive for her
or for me. And I just had to say,
hey, like one of your job
duties is just to ask me questions. So
when I send you something to do. Your
number one thing is to ask me what comes
to your mind, what questions you have.
Come up with possible solutions if you
(02:58):
possibly could. But there's nothing wrong
with asking questions. Or say for
example, if your workload is too much,
definitely that's something that needs to
be flagged, because in the long run it
just it doesn't make a difference. It's
more so we want to get done what we need
to get done and that should be
(03:18):
like a zoomed out.
Perspective of like this is objective
rather than being so self-focused. But
when it's somebody that resonates with
having imposter syndrome, we kind of tend
to focus on ourselves more and our
self-perception being on the line
rather than
(03:40):
rather than whatever is the task at
hand. And I actually had this experience
very recently where I did a consultation
with a coach. And I
need help with my
strategy, with my marketing and I can
just use someone that helps me with this
(04:00):
and I remember having some hesitation
to. Um, looking for
a coach. And it's interesting because you
know, obviously I'm a coach and I had
some thoughts that are holding me back of
like I should be able to figure this out
considering I'm a coach myself. Of course
I have no experience in marketing myself,
but or have that background at all. There
(04:21):
was just this expectation that I should
be able to figure this out on my own.
And then if I hire someone specifically
for this task now, that means.
Either I didn't figure it out this whole
time, or it means that I
should have hired someone sooner. So
there was no win situation for me. There
was no win. There was no way out with me
(04:44):
winning in this particular scenario. And
it it was just interesting to
like. Have myself
experience that because I think of my
clients when they come on consultations,
it does need that. It does
require the person
to be vulnerable, be
OK with asking for help and be
(05:07):
vulnerable in the sense that, hey, these
are things that resonate with me, that
what you talk about resonate with me and
you can help me with and I'm ready. I
trust myself to come through, come
through to my sessions. I. I trust
you. I trust my judgment and hiring you
or not. So there's a lot that goes into
it. And it was just interesting being in
(05:27):
that position very recently
after so long because I have worked with
coaches, but this was just like a like a
consult that I just recently did. So I
wanted to share my experience because I
think if you have hesitations of, you
know, hiring someone and
getting help in your business or at work.
(05:48):
I think it's totally normal if nothing
has gone wrong, right?Like that's
something that we can expect. But it's
only when we put those
meanings to what the
fact that we need help, that's when the
issues occur. That it means that, you
know, you you didn't figure it out
yourself, you need so much help or you
(06:10):
should have done this. Sooner. So many
rules, right, that it gets buried under.
So that's just something that I wanted to
share in my own experience that it does
require vulnerability. And
the number one step is just being OK with
having that open space of
you do not have to be this person. That's
(06:31):
a one-stop shop for everything, right?
Like, for example, in my case, like, I
think I'm a great coach. Am I great at
marketing?Not really, no. But
is it?Can it be one in the same?Can I can
I get there?Yeah, for sure, right.
But it doesn't need to be that I
need to have all the tech
(06:53):
experience and being great at that.
There's just those are just things that
come with. What I wanna do, but
doesn't mean that I have to have
everything all checked, the boxes checked
for every single thing and have to do it
myself. No. Even when it comes to being a
business owner, there's so much that I
think there's so much that goes into it
(07:15):
that it's inevitable to be at a place
where you don't know how to do something.
There's gonna be a time where like
sometimes immediately, like that was the
case for me where I didn't know how to do
a lot of things and. Asking for help
is it's especially,
you know, a tender place for
someone, especially for someone that's
(07:36):
coming from corporate and has had this,
you know, imposter syndrome over their
head of like, OK, this is something that
maybe someone will think I don't know
what I'm doing and all these stories that
go with it. So I just want you to be
conscience of. What's
coming up for you?Like are there in your
(07:57):
business or at work, wherever you
are, are there areas that you
know that you have kind of been
like, I hate saying stuff, but something
that you think that you know
you have been
facing over and over and there must be a
way to do it differently, but you're just
(08:18):
not able to see it?Like, are there
those scenarios?Like somebody had used an
analogy, which I love of, you
know, the fishbowl analogy. Like the
fishbowl is clear and of course the fish
thinks, you know, they can see far out
and there's no restrictions, but there's
still that clear bowl. And you just kind
of think that you have a clear path
(08:41):
because you can see it. But there are so
many blockers that.
You may not be aware of and you may need
help seeing, and it could be, you know,
as simple as using resources, hiring
contractors or hiring a coach. It could
just be like simple resources that you
just have to take advantage of or look
(09:01):
for. But I think that first step of being
OK with not knowing everything and
not making it mean that it's a problem
with you and who you are.
And what you're capable of and how much
value you can bring in through your
business or at work, I think that's the
number one step. So I think for this
(09:21):
week I would like for you to
reflect on, is there something that
you know, it could be in your business at
work or in your personal life, Is there
something that you can use help with?It
could be like health wise, like a
personal trainer. Is there something that
you have been like, oh, I wonder if I can
just get help with this?But there have
(09:43):
been blockers. What is that example
that comes straight to your mind?Like
without overthinking it, what's something
that you're like, oh, I think I can use
help with this. Like sometimes at work it
used to be public speaking for me and
you know, I would look at watch videos
and record myself and listen back, but
like. If I had just been
(10:04):
OK with
finding a professional to help me, like,
I'm sure I would have gotten there
faster. Of course you can eventually
figure things out, but I guess what I
wanna say is that it doesn't have to be
that you alone have to do it and that it
has to mean something about yourself.
Yeah. So I'd like for you to reflect on
(10:27):
it for this week of what's that one thing
that you know. If you can just help
get resolved, that would be such a load
off you, right?Like for me, I felt so
vulnerable and nervous and excited, but
then also relieved when I hired my
coach. So then it's like, OK, like I can
figure out how to do my marketing better,
(10:48):
how to find more people faster. And
there's nothing wrong with needing that
at this point. Cause, you know, sometimes
I'm like, I should have done this earlier
and maybe I just didn't need that support
at that time. I just needed to figure out
what my offer is and what my niche is and
who I wanna help and what I wanna do. So
reflect on that this week. What is that
(11:08):
one problem that you know you've been
kind of facing that you may not realize
what your blockers are, but it keeps
coming up and and kind of give yourself
that free space of if it wasn't a
problem, what resources, what
what people, what places would you go
to to get help if it wasn't an
issue to need to get help on things?
(11:32):
Hey, if you're listening to this podcast
and wondering how I can help you break
free of your cycles, especially those
that hold you back in business, I'm happy
to chat. You can sign up for a
consultation without any preparation
needed. At
sukhilifecoach.com/freeconsult
and we can talk about your cycles and how
(11:52):
to break free of them. Cheers to breaking
more much needed generational cycles.
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