Lessons Learned From 22 Years of Marriage and Raising Four Boys ft. Jessica Hagner

In this deeply personal and refreshingly raw episode of the Dad Edge Podcast, I’m joined by my incredible wife, Jessica Hagner, for a long-overdue conversation that many of you have been asking for. After years of encouragement (and a little nudging), Jessica stepped up to the mic to help me share the real, behind-the-scenes story of our 22-year marriage.

We go back to the early days of college, reliving the awkwardness of our first kiss and my embarrassing (but strategic) attempt to get her on a student committee just to spend time with her. But we don’t just stay in the past. We dive deep into the challenges of our early marriage, the struggles I had showing up as a husband and father, and how Jessica’s unwavering grace, direct but loving communication, and deep emotional strength helped pull us through. From parenting four boys to rediscovering connection after disconnection, we explore how we’ve stayed aligned, what we’ve learned, and why our friendship is the real heartbeat of our relationship.

Whether you’re a husband, wife, parent, or someone navigating the messy middle of a relationship, this episode will speak to your heart and give you practical hope that real love is always within reach, if you’re willing to work for it.

 

TIMELINE SUMMARY

[1:34] - Jessica joins the podcast for the first time—and how long it took to convince her

[4:35] - The (disastrous) first kiss story from both our perspectives

[10:22] - My clever scheme to get Jessica on the student committee

[13:36] - Celebrating 22 years: reflections on young love and early marriage

[16:05] - My struggles early on as a husband and father

[20:48] - Jessica’s thoughtful, respectful way of expressing hard truths

[26:02] - A rough week of disconnection—and why we refuse to let it linger

[29:30] - How we sense and address emotional distance before it becomes dangerous

[35:31] - Replacing blame with grace: the power of constructive feedback

[38:01] - Jessica’s journey through self-image and how we supported each other

[40:35] - Our secret weapon: friendship as the foundation

[44:12] - Creating emotional safety in a marriage

[46:40] - Reflections on sobriety and emotional consistency

[47:17] - The role of counseling and shared tools in sustaining growth

[50:21] - That time we tried swing dancing—and what it taught us about trying new things

 

5 KEY TAKEAWAYS

 

1. Marriage Is Built, Not Found

Strong relationships don’t happen by accident—they’re intentionally created through effort, vulnerability, and consistent choices. Love is less about fate and more about foundation, and we’ve learned that every season of growth requires patience and partnership.

2. Grace Changes Everything

Jessica’s ability to express concerns with love instead of criticism shaped how I received them—and how I grew. Her grace didn’t minimize the message; it softened the delivery so that it could be heard. When grace leads, growth follows.

3. Friendship Is the Foundation

Beyond intimacy and partnership lies a deep friendship. We laugh, challenge, and enjoy one another—whether we’re hitting the gym or sitting in silence. That comfort and camaraderie anchor us in hard times and elevate the everyday.

4. Disconnection Is a Signal, Not a Sentence

We all drift sometimes—but we’ve trained ourselves not to tolerate that drift for long. Disconnection is simply a call to reconnect. We address it, own it, and rebuild before it becomes a pattern.

5. Shared Growth Sustains Love

What keeps us aligned is our shared commitment to grow—individually and as a couple. From therapy to new hobbies, we make space for evolution. That growth keeps the relationship fresh, resilient, and deeply fulfilling.

LINKS & RESOURCES

• Pre-order my book Legendary Fatherhood: http://thedadedge.com/legendarybook

• Podcast Website: https://www.thedadedge.com
  
  

• Join Our Community: https://www.thedadedge.com/alliance
  
  

• Tools & Resources: https://www.thedadedge.com/tools