The Shame of Having Cancer as a Kid with Childhood Cancer Survivor & Oncology Mom Lindsay Craig

Todays talk with my friend Lindsay hit so close to home, in many ways. I first connected with Lindsay because our kids were diagnosed with the same cancer, rhabdo. It felt really good to talk to another parent who knew all the same things I knew - like meeting someone in a foreign country who spoke the same language AND also knew all the same people. She was comfortable, familiar and we instantly connected.

So it was a matter of minutes before Lindsay told me that ON THE SAME DAY she found her son’s cancer, 32 years prior when she was 7 yrs old, SHE was diagnosed with Wilms. Lindsay was now a child cancer survivor AND a cancer mom - I don’t need to highlight what a unique and complicated journey it’s been for Lindsay, but also a journey where her insights are already baked in, giving her a vantage point that not many of us have.

I had a million questions for Lindsay about what it’s like ushering your child through a treatment you yourself had, and this is where our chat got even deeper, because hearing Lindsay share her memories of treatment, especially integrating back into her life post treatment, felt like I was listening to my own daughter share her exact same experience. Lindsay talked about the shame of having cancer and what it felt like to be different from her peers, and how she went to extreme lengths to hide her scars and bald head - and it was all just the same for us.

Hearing Lindsay share her stories of shame and wanting to hide her cancer went straight to my core because not only was I witnessing this exact same struggle with my child, but I knew there had to be other parents out there feeling the same helplessness watching their child desperately try to blend in post treatment. This prompted our episode today where Lindsay goes deep into her feelings of being different, of looking sick and getting sad pitiful eyes from strangers, and how complicated it was to feel embarrassed about her cancer when everyone was telling her it was something to be proud of.

This talk will resonate so deeply with parents whose kids were a little older during treatment or maybe more self aware and who struggle with the whole idea that children with cancer are celebrated as being brave and warriors when really, they want to blend in and not be recognized at all - until, as you’ll hear Lindsay say, she came through her teen years and realized that she was, in fact, tremendously brave and she decided to truly embrace her cancer. But that had to be on her terms, in her own way, and not because everyone told her so.

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