Hi, it's Natalie here. After a bit of a summer pause (thanks to some tech drama), I’m thrilled to be back with a truly special episode. This one was recorded live at the Green Man Festival, on the Pandemonium Stage in Einstein’s Garden, and it’s a conversation I’ve been dreaming about for a long time. If you've been to a festival over the summer and think this type of conversation would fit, do let me know. Feel free to leave a comment wherever you listen or scroll to the bottom to find out more.
We tackled one of the most common yet complicated questions many of us face:
“So, do you have kids?”
It seems innocent, but for so many, it opens the door to grief, awkwardness, and a whole lot of emotional weight. In this episode, we explore why that question can hurt and what we might ask instead.
I was joined by four incredible guests who generously shared their personal stories and wisdom on stage:
- Mel Johnson, solo parent coach and founder of The Stork and I
- Shema Tariq, academic, writer, baby loss advocate and Tommy’s trustee
- Betty Mukherjee, MRKH campaigner and Race Across the World finalist
- And my husband, Rich Silverman, who opened up publicly for the first time about our journey with male factor infertility and the mental health impact on him
What we talked about
- Why the question “Do you have kids?” can be so deeply painful when you’re navigating infertility, baby loss, or childlessness not by choice
- Mel’s journey to solo motherhood and the way people still make assumptions about women who choose that path
- Shema’s IVF experience using donor eggs, the heart breaking loss of her baby at 21 weeks, and how her cultural background shaped her experience
- Betty’s diagnosis of MRKH at 16 and how she opened up about it during her time on national TV
- Rich’s journey with male factor infertility and how counselling helped him move forward, plus why more men need space to share too
- The words we use around fertility and family, and how language can uplift or hurt
- Talking to children about solo parenting and donor conception, and why openness matters
- The trauma of fertility treatment, especially for people of colour, and the inequalities that still exist
- How to truly show up for loved ones going through these journeys, and why "I'm here if you ever want to talk" is sometimes not enough
Better ways to connect
If you're ever unsure of what to say instead of “Do you have kids?”, here are a few suggestions we shared:
- “What’s been bringing you joy lately?”
- “What’s been going on in your world?”
- “What are you passionate about these days?”
And most importantly: ask twice. Sometimes people need that second invitation to feel safe opening up.
Have a listen to my chat with Shema previously - way back in 2022
What do I need to think about when going abroad for donor treatment? • The Fertility Podcast
Let’s keep the conversation going
- Connect with me on Instagram: @fertilitypoddy
- Shema's Insta: @drshematariq
- Mel's Insta: @the_stork_and_i
- Betty's Insta: @bettymuk_
- Rich's Insta:
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