June 25, 2024 • 31 mins
Want to achieve any goal you set for yourself? There’s one secret that ensures success - reflection. And, yet, this is the one step that most people miss. They simply start their goals and hope for the best. The truth is: Almost all goals get off the planned path at some point and if you aren’t regularly checking-in on your progress, it’s easy to feel lost. In today’s episode we walk through a framework called the 3 As to help you acknowledge your progress, assess your direction, and adjust your goals as needed.
In this episode you’ll learn:
-
How can I make my life more fulfilling?
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What are the best ways to reflect on my life goals?
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How can I make sure I achieve my goals?
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What steps can I take to assess my progress on goals?
Topics Covered:
- Intentional check-ins
- Mid-year reflection
- Goal Setting
- Goal progress assessment
- Goal reassessment
- Letting go of guilt and shame
- Celebrating achievements
- Resilience after failure
Key Moments in the Show:
[02:21] The Right Time to Check-In on Goals
[07:56] An Easy Reflection Exercise
[11:55] What To Do If You Get Off Track
[19:22] Recovering from Failure
[25:01] Resilience and Letting Go
Get free resources for this episode at TanyaDalton.com/connect
Connect with Tanya Dalton on LinkedIn
Watch the episode on YouTube
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Google Podcasts
Full Transcript and Show Notes: TanyaDalton.com/podcast
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello, hello, everyone, and welcome
(00:01):
to the Intentional Advantage podcast.
I'm your host, Tanya Dalton.
This is episode 302.
This is our last episode in our
season of does your life spark joy?
We've been exploring that
question all season long.
And it's a big one.
That's a big question to ask yourself.
Because if your life is not
(00:22):
sparking joy, what's the point?
Right?
I mean, we really want to be happy.
Yes, we want to accomplish a lot of
things, but it doesn't mean it has
to be hard or has to be difficult.
And the truth is, if we're not stopping
to ask ourself that question, am I happy?
Does my life spark joy?
It's really easy to feel like you're
(00:43):
living on autopilot, which is definitely
something we explored this season.
I think it was episode 294.
We talked about how to
not live on autopilot.
We've talked about a lot of these
themes all season long, that inner
voice in your head and where you
want to go, how you feel about aging.
We've talked about these things,
(01:04):
but now it's time to step back and
ask ourselves, Where are we going?
Do I like where I am?
Right now, as this episode goes live, it
is the end of June, which is a fantastic
stop to take a breath, to do a quick check
in, and see, hmm, is my life sparking joy?
Because if it's not,
(01:25):
let's make a few changes.
Let's make some adjustments
and let's bring a little more
happiness to our everyday life.
So that's what we're going to be
talking about in today's episode.
Let's get started.
Does your life spark joy?
I'm not asking if your life
is good or if life feels okay.
Does it spark joy?
When was the last time you
(01:46):
slipped into bed at night and
thought, today felt amazing?
Because if it's been more than two
or three days, that's too long.
I'm Tanya Dalton, a best selling author,
motivational speaker, seven figure
entrepreneur, and oh yeah, wife and mom.
So I get it.
I understand the stress of daily life.
As a productivity expert, I'm here to
(02:07):
help you choose the extraordinary life.
This season, we will be exploring
how we can create more joy and
intention into every single day.
And it doesn't have to be so hard.
This is The Intentional Advantage.
All right.
So as I mentioned in the intro right now,
as we record this episode, it's the end
of June, it's the middle of the year,
(02:29):
This is our mid year stopping point.
We're having the summer
solstice this past week.
This is a fantastic time to, to.
Just take a little breather to step back,
see how you're feeling and then move
forward through the end of the year.
Now, here's what I will say, because
I know some of you will not listen
to this as the episode goes live.
You might be listening to this in March.
(02:49):
You might be listening to this in August.
You might be listening to it.
Who knows?
Whatever time you are listening to this
today is a good time to stop and do the
check in, especially if it's not something
you're asking yourself on a regular basis.
Hey, What's going on in my life?
How do I need to make these adjustments?
I am such a big fan of stopping
(03:11):
and doing these check ins.
And the reason why is because I think
so often we don't see the changes.
We don't see the adjustments.
We don't see where our life
is going until we stop.
I like to equate it to going on a hike.
John and I go on hikes.
all the time, We go on these hikes.
We live in the mountains of Asheville
(03:33):
and sometimes we're going on the
hike and you'll get to a point where
your legs are burning and you think
there's no way I can go on, right?
John, you know what I'm
talking about, right?
Where we're just like exhausted, maybe
we're hot, we're tired and we stop,
we put our hands on our knees and
we think, oh my gosh, I don't think
we're going to make it to the top.
We're not going to see this beautiful
(03:54):
view that everybody talks about.
And then you stop and you look back at
how far we've come and suddenly, oh my
gosh, it's so much easier because you
realize, wow, we've already come this far.
I've already accomplished so much.
I can make it.
And that's what a check in does for you.
It gives you that momentum.
It gives you that second win to feel
(04:14):
like, okay, I can keep doing this.
Or you can stop and go, oh wait,
we haven't gone very far at all.
My legs are already burning.
I'm out on this hike.
This one isn't going to work for us.
We're going to bag out.
We're going to go do something else.
Right?
So both of those are options,
but that's what life is like.
Life can feel like a climb.
(04:36):
It can feel exhausting at times.
It can feel overwhelming.
And if we're not stopping to do a check
in, it's really easy to feel lost.
Yeah, I totally agree.
And you know, there have been those
hikes where we have stopped and said, Oh,
geez, we're not even halfway to the end.
We probably should just turn around
whether that's because we're tired or
(04:56):
maybe it was Lucy that was tired, right?
but if you don't stop and you make it
all the way to the end and it's You're
like, oh my god, that was so far.
Oh, wait now I have to Go all the way back
and it's maybe it's getting dark, you know
you don't want to find yourself in that
scenario, so Checking in is always a good
thing to do and because you can always
(05:16):
change directions, And I think that's
that's what we're going to dive into
Absolutely.
Well, and this is a thing I love to have
check ins scheduled on my calendar because
just like anything else, if you don't
have it scheduled, it's easy for it to
slip into the cracks of everyday life.
I don't have time to do that.
I don't have it right.
There's so many excuses
we can come up with.
So I literally put this in my calendar
(05:38):
that I stop and do a check in.
Okay.
every quarter of the year.
as I mentioned earlier, it's June.
So right now doing the Q2 check
in, also the mid year check in.
I talk about this in On
Purpose, in my second book.
There's a whole chapter dedicated to
this because I feel so passionately
(05:58):
about stopping and doing these check ins
because this is what's going to allow
us to move in a positive direction.
It is so easy to slip into the autopilot
and just think, well, this is just
the way things are, this is just what
life feels like, this is just, I guess
this is part of being middle aged, or
it's part of being a parent, or it's
(06:18):
part of being whatever it is, right?
And the truth is, a lot of times
we're just telling ourselves that.
If we stop and we ask ourselves a couple
of key questions, which we're going to
dive into in just a few minutes, It's so
much easier to stop and go, Oh, hold on.
I want to change that.
Or, Ooh, I want to double down on that.
And this is the thing is you've
heard me talk about, This idea
(06:40):
that we lean into priorities and
then we counterbalance, right?
You lean into another priority
and you counterbalance.
It's like riding a bike.
We've talked about this numerous times.
That's what we really want.
That's the harmony in life.
Well, sometimes we're leaning
into a priority and this check
in allows us to go, Oh, wait.
I've been leaning into that
priority for a long time.
(07:01):
Maybe I've been going really hard
at these work goals and I've been
really focused on work and it's
time for me to counterbalance
and lean into some family time.
Maybe that's what you're
going to find out.
Or maybe it's, you know what?
I need to lean into some personal time.
I need to do some things for myself
to drive a little more motivation
and excitement in my own life.
(07:22):
So this is a great opportunity
to also stop and see, All right,
where do I want to go next?
One of the things I think about is
if you're pushing on something for a
long time, you develop these blinders,
because you're just on this one path.
so you start to lose the ability to
pay attention to the other things.
So it's a really good opportunity
just to stop and take those blinders
(07:43):
off for a moment and look around
and, see what else is going on.
Are you on the right path?
All of those types of things.
To make sure that you're focused
on where you should be or maybe
it like you said It's time to
counterbalance into something else
Yeah, well, that's why I wanted
to talk about the three A's today.
So the three A's are
acknowledge, assess and adjust.
(08:06):
So let's dive into those right now.
Let's start with the
first one, acknowledge.
When we acknowledge where we are,
we're asking the question, Where am I?
Not where are you in the room or in your
house, but where am I in this lifetime,
in this path we call life, where am I?
(08:26):
I think so often we think about
our, our goals and our dreams and
the visions we have for ourselves
and we think of them as a path.
We have point A, Which is where
we start and we're trying to get
to this point B, but the truth is
the path is all over the place.
It's full of curves and detours and
rerouting and just like when you go on
(08:46):
a car trip and all of a sudden there's
construction happening or maybe there's
an accident and traffic slows down.
So we really want to stop and say, hey.
Where am I right now?
And I think we have a tendency to
get irritated or frustrated when we
have this rerouting, when we have
these detours in our life, we feel
like this should be so much easier.
(09:08):
But the truth is, it's those very
things that makes life so much more
exciting and so much more interesting.
I think that we lose sight of, because
we're so busy focusing on checking
things off our to do list, right?
Getting shit done.
That we forget that these interruptions
in our lives are actually opportunities.
(09:30):
They're chances for us to go, Oh, hey!
Maybe I want to go a different
direction, or maybe it's an opportunity
for you to slow down a little bit.
I feel like a lot of times
the universe does things to
intentionally slow you down.
To say, hey, you're going a little too
hard, let's back it up a little bit, let's
breathe, let's coast for a little bit.
But the truth is, if everything
was super simple, It wouldn't
(09:52):
be very interesting at all.
one of the things I think is really
important is when you when you acknowledge
you need to stop and acknowledge, So
for example, if you're driving down
the highway and you're not sure you're
going in the right direction You're
not going to pull out your GPS where
you're driving, 75 miles an hour.
You need to pull over, look at your
surroundings, really take it in, do
(10:13):
it in a way that you can take the time
to really understand where you are.
And maybe you'll find some of those
things that, hey, you know, I'm
going from point A to point B, but
I'm missing these things in between.
Why don't we work in a few stops?
Like you and I, Tanya, when we went on
our vacation a few weeks ago, we drove
to Florida, we found some places to stop.
We stopped at the Bucky's in
(10:34):
Daytona Beach, which is probably
the busiest, craziest place I've
ever seen in my entire life.
There's so many people
there, but it was fun, right?
It was a nice little detour
that broke up the trip.
So when you stop and really check
your surroundings, that's when
you can really see where you are.
I think the thing, is we feel so
often like we have to fight through
(10:55):
when it's tough, when it's hard.
And there are going to be times
when the path is difficult.
I often say
Doing what you love doesn't mean you
love what you do every single day.
There's going to be hard things.
There's going to be tough things.
Even when there are things that
you're happy about or excited about,
there's always going to be the not
so fun jobs that have to happen.
(11:17):
But if you are constantly, consistently
feeling like, Ugh, this is just like
I'm fighting through, I'm having
to muscle through, this is not fun.
We need to take a step back and really
ask ourselves, And this is what I
love about a quarterly check in is
it really intentionally carves out
that space to ask those questions.
(11:37):
Yeah, there's going to be times
where things are not easy.
There's going to be times where things
are tough, but they're important
and you're able to get through them.
There are other times when it's tough
and it means It's time to cut bait and
just get out of there, I think what you
said there is absolutely right, too, when
you were talking about, you can't stop
in the middle of driving on the highway.
And that's the thing so often we
(11:58):
are on the superhighway of life.
We're going 90 miles an hour,
even though the speed limit is you
know, 60 we're racing through life.
And sometimes we look down and
we're like, hold on a minute.
I'm not on the highway anymore.
I'm suddenly off on this whole
other place, which is why it's
important with this first a
Acknowledged to ask where am I?
(12:20):
Are you still on the highway that you
thought you were gonna be on or are you
maybe on some back road that you didn't
really anticipate and here's the beauty
of the back roads is so often you get
on these other roads and you're like
wait I didn't even know this existed.
I didn't even know this
opportunity was there for me.
And I know for me, that has certainly
(12:41):
been a theme in my own life.
The, the points to get me from, you
know, let's say, even when I graduated
college to where I am today is a series
of feeling like I know where I'm going
and then realizing I'm not on that path,
but wait, I like this a lot better.
And so that gets us to our second A.
(13:02):
Okay.
Assess.
So we acknowledge and then we assess.
And this second A, that's the
question of, do I like where I am?
Am I happy with where I am?
Do I like being on the highway?
Or maybe you're finding yourself
on this back road and you're like,
wait, I think I like that better.
I didn't know there was this
(13:23):
whole mountain view, this
whole opportunity ahead of me.
I didn't even know that was a possibility.
And so asking the second A, Do I like
where I am is really important because
it's really easy to feel like, but
I should be back on that highway.
That's what I had decided
I was going to do.
Well, here's the thing.
(13:43):
Plans change.
Like we talked about, there's
that rerouting and the
shifting and the detouring.
And sometimes it shows
you something brand new.
You didn't even know you wanted.
But, oh, it's beautiful and I love it.
So when it comes to assessing,
I think the big key here is no
judgment, which that's not easy to do.
(14:04):
It's really easy to want to beat
ourselves up and say, I'm the worst.
Goals never work for me.
I'm never doing the right things.
But the truth is.
Maybe this is exactly where
you're supposed to be.
You know, we have talked this season
about this idea of letting go of
what's good and what's bad because
our view of our timeline is so narrow.
(14:26):
It's so tiny.
We can't really see
what's around the bend.
Things that we think are bad
actually end up being good.
They're great things for us to learn
and things that maybe We think are
good, turn out to be not so great.
We talked about that earlier this season,
where it's like, you know, people I've
dated in the past, how it was terrible
when they broke up with me, but My
(14:48):
gosh, I'm so glad they did, because
here I am with John, 24 years later.
So, it is all about letting go of
that judgment of good or bad, letting
go of the shame that comes with, I
didn't accomplish, or I didn't do
what I thought I was going to do.
Because here you are on this
back road, with these beautiful
(15:08):
mountain views, or maybe it's ocean
views, whatever floats your boat.
Here I am, somewhere else.
So do I like it?
Do I like this place?
Yeah, I think that's really important.
And I think that's the
hardest thing to do is.
To let go of the judgment, and the guilt
or the shame like if you find yourself
maybe you don't like the place where
(15:28):
you are and you know, I always try to
think about how can I approach this a
little bit differently and Sometimes
I think about our cat Loki, right?
He's always in the backyard and he's
trying to catch birds and moles and
whatever and I would say 95 percent
of the time his method does not work
and he fails, But what does he do?
What does, what does the cat do?
He immediately forgets about it and
(15:49):
tries something else, he doesn't
let that failure hold him back.
He immediately moves on.
and that's difficult for human
beings to do, but dwelling on
that past or that guilt or that
shame doesn't help you at all.
So try to figure out how
can you really assess.
Don't get hung up on
those things in the past.
And figure out, do I like where I am?
(16:10):
I think it's, it's hard,
but it's really important.
I think that's a, that's
a great analogy with Loki.
Cause he does, he, he, most
of his methods are terrible.
They're just a complete fail.
And then other times
he is very successful.
Generally when it's a beautiful Finch
or a Cardinal or some kind of like
beautiful bird that he brings us.
(16:31):
It's so important to not give
up just because something hasn't
worked or to get soaked up in that
shame and that disappointment.
It's okay to think, ah, I kind of thought
I wanted that, or I thought I'd be
somewhere else, but it's not okay to get
caught up in that shame spiral of just
feeling like you're the worst, right?
(16:51):
And it's okay to let go of goals.
It's okay to let go of things
that you thought you wanted, that
you started, and you realized,
holy, this is not for me at all.
There are plenty of things that
I thought I'm going to love this.
And I get started and it's, Not
what I expected, So you have to ask
yourself, is this goal still for me?
(17:14):
Is this still what I want?
Sometimes we start with a fire
in our belly and we feel like
this is going to be amazing.
And then a week or two in, we're
like, Ooh, I do not like this at all.
But we feel stuck.
And the truth is, you are never stuck.
All you have to do is
choose to get rid of it.
You know, I talked about this, I
think, also in On Purpose, where I
(17:34):
used to say that plans were written in
pencil, but goals were written in ink.
And that was like the dumbest
thing I could have ever said.
Because truly, goals
are written in pencil.
You can erase those any time you want.
You're not stuck just because you are.
18 months ago wanted something and now
you realize you don't really want it.
You don't have to keep doing it.
(17:56):
It's okay to say goodbye to it.
You know, in the sub stack this past week,
I did an article on the anti bucket list
talking about quitting is not an end.
It's an opportunity for
something new to happen.
It's a chance for you to realign and
really find what does fire you up.
So as you're doing this assessment,
(18:17):
Ask yourself, am I happy?
Do I like where I am?
Do I want to get back on that
highway, going 90 miles an hour again?
And maybe you do.
Or do I want to stay here on this
other road and see where this takes me?
Both of those are opportunities.
Life is choose your own adventure.
You get to choose.
(18:37):
we forget that sometimes.
I think sometimes we put too much weight
on things and we think everything that
we're doing is of vital importance.
we think of ourselves as that
we're all Winston Churchill, right?
And what was his famous
quote in World War II?
If you're going through
hell, keep going, right?
And we think we have to do that.
Well, I mean, he was trying to
save his country from the Nazis.
So we can agree on the priority level.
(18:59):
That's pretty high, but ask
yourself, you know, is what you're
doing really that important that
you have to suffer through it?
and if it's not, it's
okay to just let it go.
Try something else, go
in a different direction.
Sometimes it's hard, but.
You know, if you just think about it, how
important is this to me and other people?
(19:20):
Sometimes that makes it a little easier.
I like that.
I like that reframe.
Because we do feel like the only
way to get through hell is to
just keep going, and sometimes the
answer is look for the nearest exit.
Which is why this third
A is adjust, right?
You acknowledge, you
assess, and then you adjust.
And when you adjust, you ask the
(19:41):
question, where do I want to go?
Maybe you say I'm on that
super high way of life.
I, when I stopped and I acknowledged
where I was, I was still there.
I'm happy here.
All right.
Keep going.
Keep doing what you're doing.
Maybe make a few tweaks, maybe make a
few adjustments, but Hey, I like this.
That's a great opportunity for
you to stop, celebrate, give
(20:02):
yourself a reward, something that
we don't do nearly enough of,
Give yourself a little, a little accolade.
All right, you're doing great.
Good for you.
Let's keep going.
Catch your breath and let's get going.
Or maybe it is, I'm on this back road.
It is beautiful, but I do want
to get back to that highway.
I do like that.
Okay, then we need to ask ourselves,
(20:24):
If I want to go back there, what do
I need to do to get back on track?
Are there some habits I need to cultivate?
Are there some distractions I need to
really make sure and mitigate and make
sure that they're not interrupting my day?
Are there some things I need to
do to get myself back on track?
And then you just start making
those adjustments, little
tweaks, little adjustments.
(20:45):
Maybe it's, Oh, you know what?
I thought I'd have more time for this.
I need to start getting
up a little bit earlier.
Okay.
Well, we have an episode about
that earlier this season, right?
I even have that blueprint for
the intentional morning that
I shared over on, on Substack.
Maybe you need to make some adjustments
to that morning routine or your
evening routine, really making
sure you're carving out space.
(21:05):
Fantastic.
That's a great adjustment.
Maybe you say, uh, yeah, I don't think
that's super high way for me anymore.
I like this back route.
I like these mountain views.
Let me see where this is going to take me.
Let me see where these opportunities are.
Okay, great.
Your adjustment there is toss
out the old goals and figure
(21:25):
out what you want to do now.
You know, whenever we've talked
about your North Star, which we
talk about in my books, we talked
about on the podcast, your mission,
your vision, your core values.
I always tell people
those are going to change.
They're going to evolve over time.
I mean, think about who you
are right now and who you were
(21:46):
10 years ago or 20 years ago.
My goodness.
I'm hoping that you
have changed since then.
I'm hoping that your priorities have
shifted and adjusted and changed
because you're probably a very
different person than you were.
Then you had different
relationships with people.
Maybe you had different jobs or
different, different interests.
So it's going to change
and it's going to evolve.
(22:07):
This is why we stop and check in.
And here's the thing.
One of the big things we've talked
about all season long is this
idea of your backpack, right?
That we go through life and we're
putting things in our backpack, the
successes, the achievements, the
traumas, the failures, all the lessons.
Oh my gosh, you've gotten so many lessons.
Every time you stop and do a check
in, you really get to see, hey,
(22:28):
I did these things really well.
And, whew, that did not go well at all.
All of that can go in your backpack.
The job that you thought you were
gonna love, that right now as you
do your assessment, you're like,
ooh, I am not happy with that job.
Guaranteed, you pulled
some skill sets from that.
You got some experience, you
networked, met some people.
That's gonna take you somewhere new,
(22:50):
as you go into the next job, if your
adjustment is, I'm quitting this job
and finding something new, right?
So those are our three A's
and they're really simple.
That's why I love the framework you
can see stopping and doing this check
in doesn't have to take a long time.
It's not difficult.
It's not complex.
I have it in my calendar.
I set aside a couple of hours to do it.
I like to do a deep dive, but you could
(23:11):
set aside even 30 minutes to do this.
When you ask yourself those questions,
you're going to start by acknowledging,
all right where am I then assessing
do I like where I am?
And then adjusting, where do I want to go?
if you walk through those three
questions, it's going to help give
you direction of where you want to
(23:32):
go and how you want to get there.
And I think that's,
what's really powerful.
That's how we spark more joy in our life.
If we take ownership over these
opportunities, over these choices.
So that we can truly go in
the direction we want to go.
I like what you said about the backpack
and I know you've talked about that a lot.
I think that's really key to this
(23:53):
whole process is when you stop to
acknowledge, you know, that you
take that backpack out and you,
when you're assessing things, you're
like, what do I have in my backpack?
And what's good?
What's bad?
you know, and then when you're
making those adjustments, it's like,
what tools do I have in my backpack
to help me make this adjustment?
Or do I need new ones?
Do I need to go learn a new skill in this?
(24:13):
and it's all about adding more things
to your backpack and using what you
have so that you can make sure that
you're on the right path, or at
least finding your way to the next
right path that you want to be on.
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
And I just think we have to, we have to
address the fact that it is really easy
to beat ourselves up when things get hard.
(24:34):
To take all of that onto ourselves.
To think that it's somehow
something wrong with us.
That this is not okay.
That we're the worst.
That whole internal monologue.
Something else we've definitely
discussed all season long.
That internal monologue
starts rearing its ugly head.
Which I've given you a lot of
tools this season to deal with
that, you know, naming the dog in
your head and all of those things.
(24:56):
Truly this is what makes life exciting.
This is what makes life interesting.
You know, John, the other day, you and
I were on a walk and we were talking
about when we go on walks, a lot of
times John and I will talk about the
different books that we're reading.
Sometimes we read the same books.
Sometimes we're reading different books.
But we'll, we'll share the
plot lines of what's happening.
And I was sharing with, with you,
(25:17):
John, the other day that I was
reading, it was a Riley Sager book.
I've loved Riley's books in the past.
I've always found them really interesting.
They're thrillers.
But the last couple I've read,
I've said, you know, I don't
really like this one as much.
Because it's the exact same formula.
It's very formulaic.
The first couple that I read, it was
new, it was fresh, and now all the
(25:39):
books seem to follow the same formula.
There's this female antagonist,
right, or sorry, a female protagonist.
I've got to use my
English terms correctly.
She's unreliable as a narrator or
as the person telling the story.
These things happen.
There's always some crazy plot twist.
And that's exciting the first time,
but after you've read that two or three
(26:02):
times, it's no longer interesting.
And so I was saying to you the other day
that I'm kind of bored with these books,
even though they're, they're good, they're
well written, it's just not exciting.
And I think that's the thing is.
We need some differences in our life.
We need some diversity.
We need it to feel
exciting and interesting.
Otherwise it would feel very rote.
(26:24):
Yeah.
Get caught in those ruts.
And, you know, I was talking about,
I've now read three Blake Crouch books.
and they're all really good.
I've liked all three of them.
But they do have a similar pattern.
So now I'm starting to get worried.
Like, is the next one going to be,
Oh, here's the down on their luck
scientist that's been working on
this thing that hasn't gone anywhere.
But now all of a sudden something
(26:45):
weird happens that's kind
of how all the books start.
again, very good.
But if you're just doing the same thing
over and over again, it gets boring.
Right.
And that's the same way with your life.
Sometimes you need to shake
things up a little bit.
you can't just keep doing the
same things over and over again,
or it just becomes monotonous.
Yeah, absolutely.
It really does.
(27:06):
In fact, because of this, I think what
I'm going to do is I'm going to design
a download, a mid year motivator to
help you get a little more excited
about this second half of the year.
What do you want to work on?
What do you want to focus on?
I'm going to design a download
so that you can very easily go
through this activity yourself.
tanyadalton.
(27:27):
com slash connect, I will
have that there for you.
I will also share five steps for a mid
year refresh because I think that'll
help you go even deeper into this,
you know, and as we're talking about
this idea of stepping back and taking
a breather, I think this is a great
opportunity for me to say, This is a
breather opportunity for me as well.
(27:47):
Usually in the summer, I like to take
a little bit of time away from the
podcast to do my three A's to stop and
acknowledge and assess and adjust, make
some shifts, make some adjustments.
I would love to hear
from you as a listener.
What would you like to see more of?
What would you like to hear more?
And this gives me an opportunity to gather
together my thoughts and ideas of where I
(28:08):
want to go when we come back in the fall.
So this will be our last
episode for a couple of weeks.
I'll be back end of August, September,
and I already have some ideas of
where I think I want to go, but
I would love to hear from you.
What would you like to hear on
the podcast as we come back?
What would be most beneficial to you?
(28:29):
Before you sign off, I wanted to pop
in and say how much fun I've had doing
the podcast with you this season,
being your kind of producer, right?
not really your yuck
monkey, but kind of, right?
Just to interject some
other stuff here and there.
so I, I would really
like to keep doing that.
I'd love to hear from some of the
listeners if, if they've enjoyed that.
(28:50):
because I know I have, so I, I had a
lot of fun doing this, so I appreciate
you involving me in the process.
It's, it's, it's been a lot of fun
doing that with you this season.
I've really enjoyed that too.
I have to say that was one of the big
shakeups that we made this season is
that we brought you on and you were very
clear about, I am not talking 50 50.
That's too many words for you
to want to talk, but I have felt
(29:11):
like your insights have been so
beneficial and so interesting.
And we've had a lot of people who have
commented and said, I love what John
said, like he made me think about this,
or I'm an introvert and I've dealt.
So.
It's been great for me as well.
I've loved it.
I'm hoping that the listeners have.
I would love to hear from you guys
if you are enjoying having John as
(29:33):
the producer, kind of as the Jiminy
Cricket of the show, kind of throwing
in his two cents every now and then.
This is such a great time for
us to stop and assess and really
figure out where we want to go.
And I'm, I'm excited about where
we're going to go in the fall.
So as I get ready for my break, I
want to give you the opportunity
to give yourself a break.
Take a step back and do
(29:54):
this quick assessment.
Use the three A's.
Use this as an opportunity to check
in and ask yourself those questions.
It truly is so powerful.
I think this one activity is responsible
for so much of the success that I've
experienced because it has allowed me
to lean in and to really put my focus,
(30:15):
my energy, my time into different
areas based off of what I figure out
during these quarterly check ins.
And that's brought me a lot of
happiness, a lot of joy, a lot
of harmony, which is one of the
things we talk a lot about here.
And as you do this, there's going to
be things that maybe come up that feel
hard, that feel difficult, that do bring
up some shame, or it feels frustrating.
(30:36):
Oh, I really thought I was going to do
well with this and it didn't work out.
Give yourself permission to let
go, let go of the shame, let go
of the guilt, let go of the past.
if you need to.
Use it as a springboard.
Your past is so full of so much great
information and skills and experiences
that you put in your backpack.
(30:57):
Use that to build momentum
to drive you forward.
Life is choose your own adventure,
so I want to encourage you to choose.
Choose the direction you want to go into.
Because when you do that, that's when you
know you've got the intentional advantage.
Ready to take action on what we
talked about on today's episode?
(31:17):
The easiest way to get started is
my 5 Minute Miracle Mini Course.
It's normally 97, but you get it for
free when you join my free sub stack.
It'll boost your productivity and
it will double your happiness.
Plus, you'll get access to all
kinds of extras from the podcast.
Just go to tanyadalton.
com slash connect.
(31:39):
And don't forget to follow The
Intentional Advantage on your podcast
player so you never miss an episode.
Hello, hello, everyone, and welcome
(00:01):
to the Intentional Advantage podcast.
I'm your host, Tanya Dalton.
This is episode 302.
This is our last episode in our
season of does your life spark joy?
We've been exploring that
question all season long.
And it's a big one.
That's a big question to ask yourself.
Because if your life is not
(00:22):
sparking joy, what's the point?
Right?
I mean, we really want to be happy.
Yes, we want to accomplish a lot of
things, but it doesn't mean it has
to be hard or has to be difficult.
And the truth is, if we're not stopping
to ask ourself that question, am I happy?
Does my life spark joy?
It's really easy to feel like you're
(00:43):
living on autopilot, which is definitely
something we explored this season.
I think it was episode 294.
We talked about how to
not live on autopilot.
We've talked about a lot of these
themes all season long, that inner
voice in your head and where you
want to go, how you feel about aging.
We've talked about these things,
(01:04):
but now it's time to step back and
ask ourselves, Where are we going?
Do I like where I am?
Right now, as this episode goes live, it
is the end of June, which is a fantastic
stop to take a breath, to do a quick check
in, and see, hmm, is my life sparking joy?
Because if it's not,
(01:25):
let's make a few changes.
Let's make some adjustments
and let's bring a little more
happiness to our everyday life.
So that's what we're going to be
talking about in today's episode.
Let's get started.
Does your life spark joy?
I'm not asking if your life
is good or if life feels okay.
Does it spark joy?
When was the last time you
(01:46):
slipped into bed at night and
thought, today felt amazing?
Because if it's been more than two
or three days, that's too long.
I'm Tanya Dalton, a best selling author,
motivational speaker, seven figure
entrepreneur, and oh yeah, wife and mom.
So I get it.
I understand the stress of daily life.
As a productivity expert, I'm here to
(02:07):
help you choose the extraordinary life.
This season, we will be exploring
how we can create more joy and
intention into every single day.
And it doesn't have to be so hard.
This is The Intentional Advantage.
All right.
So as I mentioned in the intro right now,
as we record this episode, it's the end
of June, it's the middle of the year,
(02:29):
This is our mid year stopping point.
We're having the summer
solstice this past week.
This is a fantastic time to, to.
Just take a little breather to step back,
see how you're feeling and then move
forward through the end of the year.
Now, here's what I will say, because
I know some of you will not listen
to this as the episode goes live.
You might be listening to this in March.
(02:49):
You might be listening to this in August.
You might be listening to it.
Who knows?
Whatever time you are listening to this
today is a good time to stop and do the
check in, especially if it's not something
you're asking yourself on a regular basis.
Hey, What's going on in my life?
How do I need to make these adjustments?
I am such a big fan of stopping
(03:11):
and doing these check ins.
And the reason why is because I think
so often we don't see the changes.
We don't see the adjustments.
We don't see where our life
is going until we stop.
I like to equate it to going on a hike.
John and I go on hikes.
all the time, We go on these hikes.
We live in the mountains of Asheville
(03:33):
and sometimes we're going on the
hike and you'll get to a point where
your legs are burning and you think
there's no way I can go on, right?
John, you know what I'm
talking about, right?
Where we're just like exhausted, maybe
we're hot, we're tired and we stop,
we put our hands on our knees and
we think, oh my gosh, I don't think
we're going to make it to the top.
We're not going to see this beautiful
(03:54):
view that everybody talks about.
And then you stop and you look back at
how far we've come and suddenly, oh my
gosh, it's so much easier because you
realize, wow, we've already come this far.
I've already accomplished so much.
I can make it.
And that's what a check in does for you.
It gives you that momentum.
It gives you that second win to feel
(04:14):
like, okay, I can keep doing this.
Or you can stop and go, oh wait,
we haven't gone very far at all.
My legs are already burning.
I'm out on this hike.
This one isn't going to work for us.
We're going to bag out.
We're going to go do something else.
Right?
So both of those are options,
but that's what life is like.
Life can feel like a climb.
(04:36):
It can feel exhausting at times.
It can feel overwhelming.
And if we're not stopping to do a check
in, it's really easy to feel lost.
Yeah, I totally agree.
And you know, there have been those
hikes where we have stopped and said, Oh,
geez, we're not even halfway to the end.
We probably should just turn around
whether that's because we're tired or
(04:56):
maybe it was Lucy that was tired, right?
but if you don't stop and you make it
all the way to the end and it's You're
like, oh my god, that was so far.
Oh, wait now I have to Go all the way back
and it's maybe it's getting dark, you know
you don't want to find yourself in that
scenario, so Checking in is always a good
thing to do and because you can always
(05:16):
change directions, And I think that's
that's what we're going to dive into
Absolutely.
Well, and this is a thing I love to have
check ins scheduled on my calendar because
just like anything else, if you don't
have it scheduled, it's easy for it to
slip into the cracks of everyday life.
I don't have time to do that.
I don't have it right.
There's so many excuses
we can come up with.
So I literally put this in my calendar
(05:38):
that I stop and do a check in.
Okay.
every quarter of the year.
as I mentioned earlier, it's June.
So right now doing the Q2 check
in, also the mid year check in.
I talk about this in On
Purpose, in my second book.
There's a whole chapter dedicated to
this because I feel so passionately
(05:58):
about stopping and doing these check ins
because this is what's going to allow
us to move in a positive direction.
It is so easy to slip into the autopilot
and just think, well, this is just
the way things are, this is just what
life feels like, this is just, I guess
this is part of being middle aged, or
it's part of being a parent, or it's
(06:18):
part of being whatever it is, right?
And the truth is, a lot of times
we're just telling ourselves that.
If we stop and we ask ourselves a couple
of key questions, which we're going to
dive into in just a few minutes, It's so
much easier to stop and go, Oh, hold on.
I want to change that.
Or, Ooh, I want to double down on that.
And this is the thing is you've
heard me talk about, This idea
(06:40):
that we lean into priorities and
then we counterbalance, right?
You lean into another priority
and you counterbalance.
It's like riding a bike.
We've talked about this numerous times.
That's what we really want.
That's the harmony in life.
Well, sometimes we're leaning
into a priority and this check
in allows us to go, Oh, wait.
I've been leaning into that
priority for a long time.
(07:01):
Maybe I've been going really hard
at these work goals and I've been
really focused on work and it's
time for me to counterbalance
and lean into some family time.
Maybe that's what you're
going to find out.
Or maybe it's, you know what?
I need to lean into some personal time.
I need to do some things for myself
to drive a little more motivation
and excitement in my own life.
(07:22):
So this is a great opportunity
to also stop and see, All right,
where do I want to go next?
One of the things I think about is
if you're pushing on something for a
long time, you develop these blinders,
because you're just on this one path.
so you start to lose the ability to
pay attention to the other things.
So it's a really good opportunity
just to stop and take those blinders
(07:43):
off for a moment and look around
and, see what else is going on.
Are you on the right path?
All of those types of things.
To make sure that you're focused
on where you should be or maybe
it like you said It's time to
counterbalance into something else
Yeah, well, that's why I wanted
to talk about the three A's today.
So the three A's are
acknowledge, assess and adjust.
(08:06):
So let's dive into those right now.
Let's start with the
first one, acknowledge.
When we acknowledge where we are,
we're asking the question, Where am I?
Not where are you in the room or in your
house, but where am I in this lifetime,
in this path we call life, where am I?
(08:26):
I think so often we think about
our, our goals and our dreams and
the visions we have for ourselves
and we think of them as a path.
We have point A, Which is where
we start and we're trying to get
to this point B, but the truth is
the path is all over the place.
It's full of curves and detours and
rerouting and just like when you go on
(08:46):
a car trip and all of a sudden there's
construction happening or maybe there's
an accident and traffic slows down.
So we really want to stop and say, hey.
Where am I right now?
And I think we have a tendency to
get irritated or frustrated when we
have this rerouting, when we have
these detours in our life, we feel
like this should be so much easier.
(09:08):
But the truth is, it's those very
things that makes life so much more
exciting and so much more interesting.
I think that we lose sight of, because
we're so busy focusing on checking
things off our to do list, right?
Getting shit done.
That we forget that these interruptions
in our lives are actually opportunities.
(09:30):
They're chances for us to go, Oh, hey!
Maybe I want to go a different
direction, or maybe it's an opportunity
for you to slow down a little bit.
I feel like a lot of times
the universe does things to
intentionally slow you down.
To say, hey, you're going a little too
hard, let's back it up a little bit, let's
breathe, let's coast for a little bit.
But the truth is, if everything
was super simple, It wouldn't
(09:52):
be very interesting at all.
one of the things I think is really
important is when you when you acknowledge
you need to stop and acknowledge, So
for example, if you're driving down
the highway and you're not sure you're
going in the right direction You're
not going to pull out your GPS where
you're driving, 75 miles an hour.
You need to pull over, look at your
surroundings, really take it in, do
(10:13):
it in a way that you can take the time
to really understand where you are.
And maybe you'll find some of those
things that, hey, you know, I'm
going from point A to point B, but
I'm missing these things in between.
Why don't we work in a few stops?
Like you and I, Tanya, when we went on
our vacation a few weeks ago, we drove
to Florida, we found some places to stop.
We stopped at the Bucky's in
(10:34):
Daytona Beach, which is probably
the busiest, craziest place I've
ever seen in my entire life.
There's so many people
there, but it was fun, right?
It was a nice little detour
that broke up the trip.
So when you stop and really check
your surroundings, that's when
you can really see where you are.
I think the thing, is we feel so
often like we have to fight through
(10:55):
when it's tough, when it's hard.
And there are going to be times
when the path is difficult.
I often say
Doing what you love doesn't mean you
love what you do every single day.
There's going to be hard things.
There's going to be tough things.
Even when there are things that
you're happy about or excited about,
there's always going to be the not
so fun jobs that have to happen.
(11:17):
But if you are constantly, consistently
feeling like, Ugh, this is just like
I'm fighting through, I'm having
to muscle through, this is not fun.
We need to take a step back and really
ask ourselves, And this is what I
love about a quarterly check in is
it really intentionally carves out
that space to ask those questions.
(11:37):
Yeah, there's going to be times
where things are not easy.
There's going to be times where things
are tough, but they're important
and you're able to get through them.
There are other times when it's tough
and it means It's time to cut bait and
just get out of there, I think what you
said there is absolutely right, too, when
you were talking about, you can't stop
in the middle of driving on the highway.
And that's the thing so often we
(11:58):
are on the superhighway of life.
We're going 90 miles an hour,
even though the speed limit is you
know, 60 we're racing through life.
And sometimes we look down and
we're like, hold on a minute.
I'm not on the highway anymore.
I'm suddenly off on this whole
other place, which is why it's
important with this first a
Acknowledged to ask where am I?
(12:20):
Are you still on the highway that you
thought you were gonna be on or are you
maybe on some back road that you didn't
really anticipate and here's the beauty
of the back roads is so often you get
on these other roads and you're like
wait I didn't even know this existed.
I didn't even know this
opportunity was there for me.
And I know for me, that has certainly
(12:41):
been a theme in my own life.
The, the points to get me from, you
know, let's say, even when I graduated
college to where I am today is a series
of feeling like I know where I'm going
and then realizing I'm not on that path,
but wait, I like this a lot better.
And so that gets us to our second A.
(13:02):
Okay.
Assess.
So we acknowledge and then we assess.
And this second A, that's the
question of, do I like where I am?
Am I happy with where I am?
Do I like being on the highway?
Or maybe you're finding yourself
on this back road and you're like,
wait, I think I like that better.
I didn't know there was this
(13:23):
whole mountain view, this
whole opportunity ahead of me.
I didn't even know that was a possibility.
And so asking the second A, Do I like
where I am is really important because
it's really easy to feel like, but
I should be back on that highway.
That's what I had decided
I was going to do.
Well, here's the thing.
(13:43):
Plans change.
Like we talked about, there's
that rerouting and the
shifting and the detouring.
And sometimes it shows
you something brand new.
You didn't even know you wanted.
But, oh, it's beautiful and I love it.
So when it comes to assessing,
I think the big key here is no
judgment, which that's not easy to do.
(14:04):
It's really easy to want to beat
ourselves up and say, I'm the worst.
Goals never work for me.
I'm never doing the right things.
But the truth is.
Maybe this is exactly where
you're supposed to be.
You know, we have talked this season
about this idea of letting go of
what's good and what's bad because
our view of our timeline is so narrow.
(14:26):
It's so tiny.
We can't really see
what's around the bend.
Things that we think are bad
actually end up being good.
They're great things for us to learn
and things that maybe We think are
good, turn out to be not so great.
We talked about that earlier this season,
where it's like, you know, people I've
dated in the past, how it was terrible
when they broke up with me, but My
(14:48):
gosh, I'm so glad they did, because
here I am with John, 24 years later.
So, it is all about letting go of
that judgment of good or bad, letting
go of the shame that comes with, I
didn't accomplish, or I didn't do
what I thought I was going to do.
Because here you are on this
back road, with these beautiful
(15:08):
mountain views, or maybe it's ocean
views, whatever floats your boat.
Here I am, somewhere else.
So do I like it?
Do I like this place?
Yeah, I think that's really important.
And I think that's the
hardest thing to do is.
To let go of the judgment, and the guilt
or the shame like if you find yourself
maybe you don't like the place where
(15:28):
you are and you know, I always try to
think about how can I approach this a
little bit differently and Sometimes
I think about our cat Loki, right?
He's always in the backyard and he's
trying to catch birds and moles and
whatever and I would say 95 percent
of the time his method does not work
and he fails, But what does he do?
What does, what does the cat do?
He immediately forgets about it and
(15:49):
tries something else, he doesn't
let that failure hold him back.
He immediately moves on.
and that's difficult for human
beings to do, but dwelling on
that past or that guilt or that
shame doesn't help you at all.
So try to figure out how
can you really assess.
Don't get hung up on
those things in the past.
And figure out, do I like where I am?
(16:10):
I think it's, it's hard,
but it's really important.
I think that's a, that's
a great analogy with Loki.
Cause he does, he, he, most
of his methods are terrible.
They're just a complete fail.
And then other times
he is very successful.
Generally when it's a beautiful Finch
or a Cardinal or some kind of like
beautiful bird that he brings us.
(16:31):
It's so important to not give
up just because something hasn't
worked or to get soaked up in that
shame and that disappointment.
It's okay to think, ah, I kind of thought
I wanted that, or I thought I'd be
somewhere else, but it's not okay to get
caught up in that shame spiral of just
feeling like you're the worst, right?
(16:51):
And it's okay to let go of goals.
It's okay to let go of things
that you thought you wanted, that
you started, and you realized,
holy, this is not for me at all.
There are plenty of things that
I thought I'm going to love this.
And I get started and it's, Not
what I expected, So you have to ask
yourself, is this goal still for me?
(17:14):
Is this still what I want?
Sometimes we start with a fire
in our belly and we feel like
this is going to be amazing.
And then a week or two in, we're
like, Ooh, I do not like this at all.
But we feel stuck.
And the truth is, you are never stuck.
All you have to do is
choose to get rid of it.
You know, I talked about this, I
think, also in On Purpose, where I
(17:34):
used to say that plans were written in
pencil, but goals were written in ink.
And that was like the dumbest
thing I could have ever said.
Because truly, goals
are written in pencil.
You can erase those any time you want.
You're not stuck just because you are.
18 months ago wanted something and now
you realize you don't really want it.
You don't have to keep doing it.
(17:56):
It's okay to say goodbye to it.
You know, in the sub stack this past week,
I did an article on the anti bucket list
talking about quitting is not an end.
It's an opportunity for
something new to happen.
It's a chance for you to realign and
really find what does fire you up.
So as you're doing this assessment,
(18:17):
Ask yourself, am I happy?
Do I like where I am?
Do I want to get back on that
highway, going 90 miles an hour again?
And maybe you do.
Or do I want to stay here on this
other road and see where this takes me?
Both of those are opportunities.
Life is choose your own adventure.
You get to choose.
(18:37):
we forget that sometimes.
I think sometimes we put too much weight
on things and we think everything that
we're doing is of vital importance.
we think of ourselves as that
we're all Winston Churchill, right?
And what was his famous
quote in World War II?
If you're going through
hell, keep going, right?
And we think we have to do that.
Well, I mean, he was trying to
save his country from the Nazis.
So we can agree on the priority level.
(18:59):
That's pretty high, but ask
yourself, you know, is what you're
doing really that important that
you have to suffer through it?
and if it's not, it's
okay to just let it go.
Try something else, go
in a different direction.
Sometimes it's hard, but.
You know, if you just think about it, how
important is this to me and other people?
(19:20):
Sometimes that makes it a little easier.
I like that.
I like that reframe.
Because we do feel like the only
way to get through hell is to
just keep going, and sometimes the
answer is look for the nearest exit.
Which is why this third
A is adjust, right?
You acknowledge, you
assess, and then you adjust.
And when you adjust, you ask the
(19:41):
question, where do I want to go?
Maybe you say I'm on that
super high way of life.
I, when I stopped and I acknowledged
where I was, I was still there.
I'm happy here.
All right.
Keep going.
Keep doing what you're doing.
Maybe make a few tweaks, maybe make a
few adjustments, but Hey, I like this.
That's a great opportunity for
you to stop, celebrate, give
(20:02):
yourself a reward, something that
we don't do nearly enough of,
Give yourself a little, a little accolade.
All right, you're doing great.
Good for you.
Let's keep going.
Catch your breath and let's get going.
Or maybe it is, I'm on this back road.
It is beautiful, but I do want
to get back to that highway.
I do like that.
Okay, then we need to ask ourselves,
(20:24):
If I want to go back there, what do
I need to do to get back on track?
Are there some habits I need to cultivate?
Are there some distractions I need to
really make sure and mitigate and make
sure that they're not interrupting my day?
Are there some things I need to
do to get myself back on track?
And then you just start making
those adjustments, little
tweaks, little adjustments.
(20:45):
Maybe it's, Oh, you know what?
I thought I'd have more time for this.
I need to start getting
up a little bit earlier.
Okay.
Well, we have an episode about
that earlier this season, right?
I even have that blueprint for
the intentional morning that
I shared over on, on Substack.
Maybe you need to make some adjustments
to that morning routine or your
evening routine, really making
sure you're carving out space.
(21:05):
Fantastic.
That's a great adjustment.
Maybe you say, uh, yeah, I don't think
that's super high way for me anymore.
I like this back route.
I like these mountain views.
Let me see where this is going to take me.
Let me see where these opportunities are.
Okay, great.
Your adjustment there is toss
out the old goals and figure
(21:25):
out what you want to do now.
You know, whenever we've talked
about your North Star, which we
talk about in my books, we talked
about on the podcast, your mission,
your vision, your core values.
I always tell people
those are going to change.
They're going to evolve over time.
I mean, think about who you
are right now and who you were
(21:46):
10 years ago or 20 years ago.
My goodness.
I'm hoping that you
have changed since then.
I'm hoping that your priorities have
shifted and adjusted and changed
because you're probably a very
different person than you were.
Then you had different
relationships with people.
Maybe you had different jobs or
different, different interests.
So it's going to change
and it's going to evolve.
(22:07):
This is why we stop and check in.
And here's the thing.
One of the big things we've talked
about all season long is this
idea of your backpack, right?
That we go through life and we're
putting things in our backpack, the
successes, the achievements, the
traumas, the failures, all the lessons.
Oh my gosh, you've gotten so many lessons.
Every time you stop and do a check
in, you really get to see, hey,
(22:28):
I did these things really well.
And, whew, that did not go well at all.
All of that can go in your backpack.
The job that you thought you were
gonna love, that right now as you
do your assessment, you're like,
ooh, I am not happy with that job.
Guaranteed, you pulled
some skill sets from that.
You got some experience, you
networked, met some people.
That's gonna take you somewhere new,
(22:50):
as you go into the next job, if your
adjustment is, I'm quitting this job
and finding something new, right?
So those are our three A's
and they're really simple.
That's why I love the framework you
can see stopping and doing this check
in doesn't have to take a long time.
It's not difficult.
It's not complex.
I have it in my calendar.
I set aside a couple of hours to do it.
I like to do a deep dive, but you could
(23:11):
set aside even 30 minutes to do this.
When you ask yourself those questions,
you're going to start by acknowledging,
all right where am I then assessing
do I like where I am?
And then adjusting, where do I want to go?
if you walk through those three
questions, it's going to help give
you direction of where you want to
(23:32):
go and how you want to get there.
And I think that's,
what's really powerful.
That's how we spark more joy in our life.
If we take ownership over these
opportunities, over these choices.
So that we can truly go in
the direction we want to go.
I like what you said about the backpack
and I know you've talked about that a lot.
I think that's really key to this
(23:53):
whole process is when you stop to
acknowledge, you know, that you
take that backpack out and you,
when you're assessing things, you're
like, what do I have in my backpack?
And what's good?
What's bad?
you know, and then when you're
making those adjustments, it's like,
what tools do I have in my backpack
to help me make this adjustment?
Or do I need new ones?
Do I need to go learn a new skill in this?
(24:13):
and it's all about adding more things
to your backpack and using what you
have so that you can make sure that
you're on the right path, or at
least finding your way to the next
right path that you want to be on.
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
And I just think we have to, we have to
address the fact that it is really easy
to beat ourselves up when things get hard.
(24:34):
To take all of that onto ourselves.
To think that it's somehow
something wrong with us.
That this is not okay.
That we're the worst.
That whole internal monologue.
Something else we've definitely
discussed all season long.
That internal monologue
starts rearing its ugly head.
Which I've given you a lot of
tools this season to deal with
that, you know, naming the dog in
your head and all of those things.
(24:56):
Truly this is what makes life exciting.
This is what makes life interesting.
You know, John, the other day, you and
I were on a walk and we were talking
about when we go on walks, a lot of
times John and I will talk about the
different books that we're reading.
Sometimes we read the same books.
Sometimes we're reading different books.
But we'll, we'll share the
plot lines of what's happening.
And I was sharing with, with you,
(25:17):
John, the other day that I was
reading, it was a Riley Sager book.
I've loved Riley's books in the past.
I've always found them really interesting.
They're thrillers.
But the last couple I've read,
I've said, you know, I don't
really like this one as much.
Because it's the exact same formula.
It's very formulaic.
The first couple that I read, it was
new, it was fresh, and now all the
(25:39):
books seem to follow the same formula.
There's this female antagonist,
right, or sorry, a female protagonist.
I've got to use my
English terms correctly.
She's unreliable as a narrator or
as the person telling the story.
These things happen.
There's always some crazy plot twist.
And that's exciting the first time,
but after you've read that two or three
(26:02):
times, it's no longer interesting.
And so I was saying to you the other day
that I'm kind of bored with these books,
even though they're, they're good, they're
well written, it's just not exciting.
And I think that's the thing is.
We need some differences in our life.
We need some diversity.
We need it to feel
exciting and interesting.
Otherwise it would feel very rote.
(26:24):
Yeah.
Get caught in those ruts.
And, you know, I was talking about,
I've now read three Blake Crouch books.
and they're all really good.
I've liked all three of them.
But they do have a similar pattern.
So now I'm starting to get worried.
Like, is the next one going to be,
Oh, here's the down on their luck
scientist that's been working on
this thing that hasn't gone anywhere.
But now all of a sudden something
(26:45):
weird happens that's kind
of how all the books start.
again, very good.
But if you're just doing the same thing
over and over again, it gets boring.
Right.
And that's the same way with your life.
Sometimes you need to shake
things up a little bit.
you can't just keep doing the
same things over and over again,
or it just becomes monotonous.
Yeah, absolutely.
It really does.
(27:06):
In fact, because of this, I think what
I'm going to do is I'm going to design
a download, a mid year motivator to
help you get a little more excited
about this second half of the year.
What do you want to work on?
What do you want to focus on?
I'm going to design a download
so that you can very easily go
through this activity yourself.
tanyadalton.
(27:27):
com slash connect, I will
have that there for you.
I will also share five steps for a mid
year refresh because I think that'll
help you go even deeper into this,
you know, and as we're talking about
this idea of stepping back and taking
a breather, I think this is a great
opportunity for me to say, This is a
breather opportunity for me as well.
(27:47):
Usually in the summer, I like to take
a little bit of time away from the
podcast to do my three A's to stop and
acknowledge and assess and adjust, make
some shifts, make some adjustments.
I would love to hear
from you as a listener.
What would you like to see more of?
What would you like to hear more?
And this gives me an opportunity to gather
together my thoughts and ideas of where I
(28:08):
want to go when we come back in the fall.
So this will be our last
episode for a couple of weeks.
I'll be back end of August, September,
and I already have some ideas of
where I think I want to go, but
I would love to hear from you.
What would you like to hear on
the podcast as we come back?
What would be most beneficial to you?
(28:29):
Before you sign off, I wanted to pop
in and say how much fun I've had doing
the podcast with you this season,
being your kind of producer, right?
not really your yuck
monkey, but kind of, right?
Just to interject some
other stuff here and there.
so I, I would really
like to keep doing that.
I'd love to hear from some of the
listeners if, if they've enjoyed that.
(28:50):
because I know I have, so I, I had a
lot of fun doing this, so I appreciate
you involving me in the process.
It's, it's, it's been a lot of fun
doing that with you this season.
I've really enjoyed that too.
I have to say that was one of the big
shakeups that we made this season is
that we brought you on and you were very
clear about, I am not talking 50 50.
That's too many words for you
to want to talk, but I have felt
(29:11):
like your insights have been so
beneficial and so interesting.
And we've had a lot of people who have
commented and said, I love what John
said, like he made me think about this,
or I'm an introvert and I've dealt.
So.
It's been great for me as well.
I've loved it.
I'm hoping that the listeners have.
I would love to hear from you guys
if you are enjoying having John as
(29:33):
the producer, kind of as the Jiminy
Cricket of the show, kind of throwing
in his two cents every now and then.
This is such a great time for
us to stop and assess and really
figure out where we want to go.
And I'm, I'm excited about where
we're going to go in the fall.
So as I get ready for my break, I
want to give you the opportunity
to give yourself a break.
Take a step back and do
(29:54):
this quick assessment.
Use the three A's.
Use this as an opportunity to check
in and ask yourself those questions.
It truly is so powerful.
I think this one activity is responsible
for so much of the success that I've
experienced because it has allowed me
to lean in and to really put my focus,
(30:15):
my energy, my time into different
areas based off of what I figure out
during these quarterly check ins.
And that's brought me a lot of
happiness, a lot of joy, a lot
of harmony, which is one of the
things we talk a lot about here.
And as you do this, there's going to
be things that maybe come up that feel
hard, that feel difficult, that do bring
up some shame, or it feels frustrating.
(30:36):
Oh, I really thought I was going to do
well with this and it didn't work out.
Give yourself permission to let
go, let go of the shame, let go
of the guilt, let go of the past.
if you need to.
Use it as a springboard.
Your past is so full of so much great
information and skills and experiences
that you put in your backpack.
(30:57):
Use that to build momentum
to drive you forward.
Life is choose your own adventure,
so I want to encourage you to choose.
Choose the direction you want to go into.
Because when you do that, that's when you
know you've got the intentional advantage.
Ready to take action on what we
talked about on today's episode?
(31:17):
The easiest way to get started is
my 5 Minute Miracle Mini Course.
It's normally 97, but you get it for
free when you join my free sub stack.
It'll boost your productivity and
it will double your happiness.
Plus, you'll get access to all
kinds of extras from the podcast.
Just go to tanyadalton.
com slash connect.
(31:39):
And don't forget to follow The
Intentional Advantage on your podcast
player so you never miss an episode.
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