May 28, 2024 • 34 mins
What if the best years of your life are actually ahead of you? I believe everything we’ve been told about getting older is wrong. In today’s podcast, I’m celebrating my 50th birthday by turning the notion of aging on its head–getting older isn’t something to dread,it’s actually an opportunity for growth and new experiences if you’re willing to challenge the fearmongering around time and aging. We’ll take a deep dive into the misconceptions and mistaken narratives surrounding aging with actionable strategies and advice. Regardless of your age, this episode empowers you to embrace each phase of life intentionally and joyously.
In this episode you’ll learn:
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How can I shift my mindset about aging?
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What can I do to feel happier as I get older?
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What are some ways to embrace aging?
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How can I create a fulfilling life after 50?
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How can I feel better about getting older?
Topics Covered:
- Counterclockwise Study by Ellen Langer
- Aging and Wisdom
- Reinventing yourself at 50
- Anti-Aging Industry
- Anti-Bucket List
- Empty Nest Transition
- Counterclockwise Study Ellen Langer
- Historical Context on Aging
- Post-Menopausal Happiness
Key Moments in the Show:
[02:07] Why Do We Fear Aging?
[08:25] The Third Stage of Life
[10:27] Rethinking Your Life Timeline
[10:58] How Aging Has Changed Through History
[13:03] Does Aging Create New Opportunities?
[15:54] Fear and Time Go Together
[16:31] Why is Retirement Age 65?
[22:43] Can Your Mindset Influence How You Age?
[29:36] Your Anti-Bucket List
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Get free resources for this episode at TanyaDalton.com/connect
Connect with Tanya Dalton on LinkedIn
Watch the episode on YouTube
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Google Podcasts
Full Transcript and Show Notes: TanyaDalton.com/podcast
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello, hello everyone and welcome to
(00:02):
the Intentional Advantage podcast.
I'm your host, Tanya Dalton.
This is episode wait for it 300.
We have made it to this giant milestone,
which I'm very proud of because I
just saw a stat the other day that
most podcasts don't get past 10.
And we have blown past that, my
friends, you and me together.
(00:23):
I have really appreciated
having you alongside of me as
we've been on this wild ride.
And not only is this our 300th episode.
It also happens to be the
day after my 50th birthday.
So it is quite a celebration
that we're going to have today.
And I wanted to talk about something.
I've been thinking about a lot.
I mean, I'm turning 50, right?
(00:45):
So I've been thinking about
aging and what it means to get
older and how I feel about it.
And I have to be honest, I'm
pretty damn excited about being 50.
And I've had a lot of people
ask me like, Hey, Why are you
so excited about turning 50?
What's so great about turning 50?
Or aren't you worried about getting older?
That's the question I get a lot.
(01:05):
Like, oh, 50.
They kind of cringe when I say it.
And I laugh and I say, oh no,
I'm so excited about turning 50.
So you know what?
I thought today on our 300th
episode, we're going to talk
about getting older and loving it.
So let's get started with today's show.
Does your life spark joy?
I'm not asking if your life
(01:26):
is good or if life feels okay.
Does it spark joy?
When was the last time you
slipped into bed at night and
thought, today felt amazing?
Because if it's been more than two
or three days, that's too long.
I'm Tanya Dalton, a best selling author,
motivational speaker, seven figure
entrepreneur, and oh yeah, wife and mom.
(01:46):
So I get it.
I understand the stress of daily life.
As a productivity expert, I'm here to
help you choose the extraordinary life.
This season, we will be exploring
how we can create more joy and
intention into every single day.
And it doesn't have to be so hard.
This is The Intentional Advantage.
(02:07):
Well, before we start today,
I wanted to jump in and say
Happy 50th birthday to Tanya.
Big birthday, big episode too, right?
Episode 300.
So I want to be the first to
say happy birthday on the show.
Well, thank you.
Well, considering you're the only one on
the show, you also get to be the first.
So congratulations.
(02:28):
It is so exciting.
I can't believe it's our 300th episode.
And yesterday, the day this goes
live, yesterday was my 50th birthday.
So a lot to celebrate.
I remember when I was mapping out the
season and realizing that the 300th
episode was coming up and it was going
to follow the day after my 50th birthday.
(02:50):
I knew I wanted to talk about something
that we really haven't talked a lot about.
Maybe we've danced around a little bit.
But we really haven't fully
dived into this idea of aging.
I mean, 50 is a pretty big deal.
And I think for a lot of people,
they dread this birthday.
Right?
Like, it's like, Oh, 50.
(03:13):
I feel like every major milestone, people
kind of get this, I don't know, there's
all this stigma that's attached to it.
And I have to say, I have been
so excited about turning 50.
this to me has been the most
exciting year leading up to my 50th.
I feel like it's this initiation
into, into something brand new,
into this second half of my life.
(03:35):
And to be honest with you, I think the
way that we look at aging is all wrong.
You know, back in 1900, the average
life expectancy was 47, 47, 50
Wait, what?
47.
It's crazy, right?
And I think that's the thing is 50 was
(03:55):
considered this crazy milestone to get to.
And now instead of going, wow,
this is an amazing milestone.
Now we're like, Oh gosh, turning 50.
So I think the question is, Why do we keep
moving the finish line of what's amazing?
Because to me, if 47 was a life
expectancy in 1900, these are
(04:17):
bonus years that I'm living.
Like, these are just, these are extra.
And I want to spend it kind
of like I spend bonus money.
You know, with a lot of fun,
having a great time, and not
taking life too, too seriously.
I feel like I've had a lot of my
life, like, it's been, you know,
focusing in on being so serious.
(04:37):
This next stage for me is really
about What do I want to do next?
And I think that's so exciting.
Yeah, and you know, part of me is
wondering if you did this episode
really for my benefit, Because I
just turned 51 a few months ago.
So I think you're just trying
to make me feel better about it.
But in all honesty, I feel,
(04:57):
better at 50 than I did at 40.
I think I'm healthier.
I've looked better.
I feel better.
and I'm just generally
more excited about life.
And I think, 50 doesn't
have to be the end.
You know, this is not old age or,
looking down the barrel of a gun.
Like some people make it.
kind of sound like, it
really can be great.
(05:17):
You know, it's a whole new
beginning in a lot of ways.
Well, I don't think it's surprising that
we look at aging as this terrible thing.
I mean, literally, think about
any old fable, fairy tale, who
is the bad guy in those stories?
The old woman.
Every single time, it's
the old lady, right?
Snow White, what happens to her?
(05:39):
Evil stepmom doesn't like that
she's younger, more beautiful,
Sleeping Beauty, angry old woman, right?
Hansel and Gretel, angry old woman.
Truly, I think that if we shifted the
way that we looked at aging, and we
really saw people who are older as
the wisdom keepers, as the people who
(05:59):
have a lot of experience and all of
this information they could share with
us that would totally shift things,
but I think that's part of it is this
this archetype of the old person.
And I think part of that too is.
losing your abilities.
People worry about your
mind, losing your mind.
You're not as sharp.
(06:20):
Your mental capacities aren't as high.
You're getting hurt more often.
You're a little more frail.
And the truth is I did a
lot of research into this.
Alzheimer's and dementia rates are
actually dropping, not increasing.
And when we think about losing
our independence, there's really
a small number of people that
end up in nursing homes, only 2.
(06:42):
2%.
for over the age of 85, I
think it goes up to maybe 8%.
And this is the thing is we have this
whole idea of what nursing homes look
like and what it is when truthfully
a lot of people go to retirement
homes, which is very different.
I know, John, that a long time
ago, We moved your grandmother
(07:04):
to a retirement community.
My grandmother now still lives
in a retirement community.
She's 98.
which that was a whole realization
when I realized, first of all, that my
grandma is 98, which means when she was
48, Two years before where I am now,
she already had had four grandchildren.
I mean, that puts things
(07:25):
in perspective, right?
Yeah,
But this is the thing is, these
retirement communities are vibrant.
They're full of life.
I feel like every time we go to visit,
when we would go to visit Betsy when
she was alive, or when we go to visit my
grandmother, they're doing amazing things.
It's like going to camp.
They have a great time.
There's a great social life.
(07:45):
There's so much to do.
So there's not a lot to fear, But here's
the thing, the other place where we get
a lot of messaging about getting old is
terrible, is from the anti aging industry.
There is this whole focus on getting rid
of wrinkles, making yourself look younger.
We're seeing teenagers.
(08:06):
getting Botox, 20 year
olds getting filler.
And it's, that's so upsetting because
truly aging is part of the process.
The opposite of aging, quite
frankly, is not being alive.
It's dying.
So aging doesn't have to be this
terrible, awful, no good thing.
It's actually just a part of And you
(08:29):
know, back in ancient times, menopause
was considered the third stage.
That was the third phase of life.
You had the maiden,
motherhood, and then the crone.
And the word crone wasn't
the way we talk about it now.
Where we think about a crone and we
think of an old haggard lady, right?
A witch.
A crone used to be this word of honor,
(08:50):
how we spoke about these women who
knew how to, how to do all kinds of
things with herbs and how they knew,
you know, what plants to go use.
And they, they knew how to do all of these
things, give, help other women give birth.
And I think we've lost that, you know,
this idea of embracing the crone.
(09:10):
Now it's like, Oh, she's
got to go out to pasture.
She's old.
And to be honest with you, I don't
feel like those three stages even
encompass how most women are.
I think we have more than
three stages, first of all.
And I think that middle stage
of motherhood is really,
really limiting, quite frankly.
A lot of women don't have children,
(09:32):
which is a fantastic choice
if that's what you want to do.
But a lot of people have an
identity outside of motherhood.
Now, the thing is for me, when I think
about three phases, I'm like, Oh my gosh,
I've lived way more lives than that.
Just in this lifetime alone.
I think about who I was when
I was younger, when I was a
kid, I moved, How many times?
(09:54):
11 times before I graduated high school.
So that was an interesting childhood.
Then you have the whole stepping into
adulthood where our kids are now.
K is 17.
Jack is 21 and he's now in his third
week of going through Europe by himself.
There's a whole stage where you're.
Figuring stuff out, and then you get to
(10:15):
the stage where maybe you're a little
more rooted, you're figuring things
out, you're understanding who you are.
And I think about like, you know, I had
a whole stage where I owned one company,
then I sold that company, and that all
of these things have happened to me.
And I think we feel like
a timeline is so linear.
It's this straight line
that we can't divert from.
(10:35):
It's like there's a
beginning and there's an end.
And as we approach our older years,
gosh I hate to even use that term older
years, as we approach our more advanced
years where we've gathered together a
lot of wisdom, we feel like, oh no, I'm
getting to the end of that timeline.
When the truth is, that
line is not straight at all.
(10:55):
It's not one singular track.
I think so.
And you know, We live in a different time,
but we look at ages in different ways.
even from when we were kids, I can
still remember when my mom turned 40
and they threw an over the hill party
with black balloons and all this stuff.
And now that just seems ridiculous.
I don't think anybody even
considers 40 over the hill anymore.
(11:17):
I know I certainly don't.
And then of course I'm 51, so I'm, I'm
not going to admit that I'm over the hill
because I don't think that's the truth.
it's not really the beginning of the end.
It's.
It's just a new beginning and it's all in
your mindset and how you look at it and
it reminds me i've seen a couple memes
about ages in the 80s versus ages now
and one of them that really stuck out
(11:37):
to me was If you guys are Seinfeld fans
They had a picture of george costanza
and one of Timothee Chamalet At the
same age and they look like they're
30 years apart and I think We have a
different mindset about what aging is.
And because of that, it's different.
I mean, we don't look as old.
We don't feel as old.
I feel great at 51.
(11:58):
Do I sometimes feel a little stiffer
when I get up in the morning?
Sure.
But.
I get up and move my body and
everything feels much better.
So it's just all in how you think about
it and then how you, what do you do?
You know, what do you do with your mind
and your body to make yourself feel good?
Yeah,
Sex and the City, And the golden girls,
(12:21):
because the golden girls are the same
age as the women in sex in the city.
That's how different it was.
And I think about the golden girls.
I'm like, I thought they
were like 80 or 90 years old.
They were in their fifties and sixties.
And it was kind of like, they
are all at the end of the line.
So I do think a lot of the
attitudes have changed, but
there is still a lot of stigma.
And I do think it's because our
(12:42):
brain gets stuck in this channel.
It sees one track of this one linear line.
And the truth is there's so many options.
There's so many iterations of you.
I mean, quite frankly, if you are
the same person today as you were
20 years ago, that's a problem.
Hopefully we're all evolving
and changing and growing.
(13:03):
We've talked about your backpack on
the show before, where we go through
life and we're gathering together our
accomplishments and our achievements
and our traumas and our failures.
And we're gaining a lot of
wisdom that we have on our back.
And I think that's one of the
best things about getting older
is we have so much to pull from.
In fact, there was a study between
(13:24):
Northwestern University and MIT.
They found that 50 year old entrepreneurs
are twice as likely to have a
successful startup as a 30 year old.
And I think that is 100% Because of all
that wisdom you have in your backpack.
You have a lot in there.
I know for me, that's how we scaled
to seven figures in less than 18
months with my second company.
(13:45):
I had so much wisdom in that backpack.
And you do too.
One of the things I'm hearing from a
lot of my podcast listeners And the sub
stack subscribers is, you know, I'm,
I'm about to enter my empty nesting
years, or I've just gotten here.
And now I'm thinking,
what do I want to do now?
It's this opportunity to take that
(14:06):
backpack off, take a good look at
what you want, what you desire,
and maybe start something new.
That doesn't mean you have to go into
entrepreneurship or run a business.
It's just Where do I want my career to go?
Maybe you're not interested anymore in
climbing the ladder so aggressively.
Maybe now is a time for, I just
want to coast a little bit.
I have a little bit more money because
(14:26):
I'm not, you know, changing diapers
and paying for formula and doing all
those things when you have kids at home.
So things have shifted.
And to me, that is a great opportunity.
I think that's a big thing to
take hold of as we get older.
I think even at 50 if you wanted to
reinvent yourself and have a second career
(14:48):
really think about the time that you have.
If you want to retire at 65,
which I think most people don't
do anymore That's still 15 years.
I mean think about what you were able
to accomplish between 25 and 40 You have
that same amount of time now You could
completely start over at something else
become very successful And still retire
at the age of 65 You it's not like
(15:10):
you're running out of time, and I think
we see all these ads, especially about
like retirement savings and stuff, and
it just, it makes you feel like you're
behind all the time, and that you don't
have enough time, and you really have a
lot of time, the average age is close to
80 at this point, the life expectancy, so
you have a ton of time to do something,
(15:32):
Also, do things that you want to do,
like spend time with your kids or
grandkids if those are around the corner.
there's still an opportunity
to do whatever you want.
And I think that's what we need to
start looking at as opposed to, I
need to start, you know, putting my
affairs in order so that, people know
where to bury me and stuff like that,
because it, we're a long ways away
from thinking about that kind of stuff.
(15:54):
there's a lot of fear mongering,
especially when it comes to time.
I'm seeing this, having Kay finishing up
her junior year, the number of emails, I'm
about to lose it with the college board.
I'm not kidding.
between the college board and ACT and all
the fear mongering they do with parents
about, Oh, your kid's going to miss out.
Make sure they get their
ACT done before June.
(16:16):
I'm seriously about to lose it because
there is a lot of fear mongering and
there's all this ticking of the clock.
Oh no, your kid's going to be left behind.
And we experienced that
as we get older as well.
Oh gosh, your retirement savings
account and all of those things.
So a lot of it is the marketing.
A lot of it is this belief,
which actually, you mentioned
65 being the retirement age.
(16:36):
I thought this was interesting
as I did my research.
The reason why the retirement age
is 65 is because after World War II,
there were so many soldiers coming
back home that they decided, the
government decided to set the age at 65
because they needed people to retire.
So there were jobs.
For these guys coming home from war,
(16:58):
that's the only reason why it's age 65.
Before that, it was older.
And in fact, a lot of the information
I was finding was really interesting
because prior to World War II, all
the information about aging was
written by people who were that age.
Information about 70 year olds
was written by 70 year olds.
Information about 80 year
olds written by 80 year olds.
(17:19):
After World War II, it started being
written by 20 year olds and 30 year
olds who have a very different lens.
They're almost projecting their own
fears, there's that ticking clock again,
right, onto what it's going to look like.
And I think that's part of
what causes all the stress.
You know, we talked about worrying
in our last episode, and it's the
(17:41):
stress of getting to the moment
that causes most of the anxiety.
That's what it is for aging as well.
We worry that we're not going to have the
cognitive, abilities that we're not going
to physically be able to do the things
we, we wanted to do, or that we used to
do when in fact, this was interesting.
A 2016 study found that regardless
(18:02):
of any changes, physical or
mental cognitive abilities,
mental health actually improves.
In an Australian study, women in
their 60s and 70s said that they
had improved mood, less tension,
increased happiness after menopause.
A Denmark study found that women were
62 percent happier and more satisfied
(18:23):
than ever after the age of 60.
A British study found that women were
happier after menopause than they ever
were in their life before menopause.
They were feeling independent,
they had better relationships.
So all of this fear mongering that we see
through the marketing and let's be honest,
people looking to profit off of your
(18:45):
fears of getting older even actually true.
If we would go and actually speak to
the people who are these ages, you
would find, my gosh, they're so happy.
I think about John, you and I,
as we're embarking into this new
phase, as I mentioned earlier,
Kay's in her junior year.
I think about John, you and I,
as we're embarking into this new
phase, as I mentioned earlier,
Kay's in her junior year.
Girl loves to work.
(19:05):
She loves to work.
So she goes to school and then
she'll work like this week.
She's going to school and she's
working 32 and a half hours.
I'm like, okay, can you stop?
So we're home alone a lot.
We like to say that we're
practicing empty nesting.
And it's fantastic.
I mean, dinners for two out on the porch,
you know, like looking at the mountain
(19:26):
from our, from our deck, we're going,
we're going for walks, we're hanging out.
It's, it's pretty amazing.
And for me, while I love the stage that
Kay is in, and I'm soaking all of that
up, I'm also gearing up and getting really
excited for what this next step looks
like for you and I, I think that's part
of why I'm so excited about turning 50.
(19:48):
I see all the possibilities.
I think that there's something about
those milestone years, the zeros, right?
But what I started to notice, I recently
did this timeline activity as part of
this thing I was doing with my therapist.
I went through and I wrote
out my timeline and I started
to notice that my nine years.
(20:10):
19, 29, 39, 49s.
Those were huge years for me.
They were years of transition
and unfolding and gearing me up
for this next decade to come.
You know, when I was 19, that
was a really dark time for me.
I had a lot of trauma
that I lived through.
(20:30):
I had two friends that were
murdered in separate incidents.
I was attacked.
I had several things that happened.
And that shifted who I was.
In my twenties, really understanding
who I am and all these things.
When I was 29, that was
the year I became a mom.
Talk about a huge shift.
That totally changed everything.
39?
(20:51):
39 was the year we closed up my
first business and we decided I was
going to launch something brand new.
Something called Inkwell Press.
Which then of course brought
me, well, this podcast, the
books, all of the things, right?
And then 49 this past year, taking that
six months sabbatical away from doing
(21:12):
the podcast, really producing, right?
Creating content and producing
and doing all those things.
I went really deep into who I am.
And I think that's why
I'm excited about 50.
It's like, Oh, what's next?
Right?
What's coming around the corner?
Because every time I get to a
(21:32):
new decade, there's something
amazing around the corner.
It's kind of like with your kids.
Every time they get to a new phase,
you're like, Oh, I like this phase.
Oh, nope.
I like this phase.
Oh, I like this one.
And occasionally we go, I
don't like that one at all.
We've had a couple of phases
the kids that we don't exactly
love, but it's the same thing.
And what if we look at our aging
(21:54):
the same way we look at our kids?
If we looked at them and said, this
is just part of the progress, the
progress, not necessarily the process.
This is the progression as
we become the wisdom keepers.
But I do think part of it
is not getting so attached.
To the numbers.
how old you are, it really
(22:14):
doesn't mean anything.
Yeah, I agree.
because 50 really can be great.
And yes, we're about to be empty nesters
and it's a whole new phase of our life.
And it's not like we're shutting down.
This is like, this is something new.
Like where are we going to live?
I don't know.
We can live wherever we want,
there's all these possibilities.
And I think it's all just
mindset and how you Tanya and
(22:36):
I've chosen to look at it as.
This is an exciting new adventure for us.
it's a new phase and
we're excited about it.
it does come down to how we think and
I think that sounds really woo woo But
one of my very favorite studies is the
counterclockwise study, which I think
we've talked about on the podcast before
(22:56):
I love the counterclockwise study.
It was by Ellen Langer In 1979, and
what she did was she took a group of
men who were in their eighties and
were living in a nursing home and
they told them, first of all, you
need to think a little younger, but
it's not just think a little younger,
it's act a little younger as well.
(23:16):
Right.
So they had this whole setup where
they brought these men to this other
building and the entire building
was set up as if it was 1959.
So 20 years earlier, they
had TV shows from 1959.
They had, life magazine, from 1959.
They encouraged them to have
conversations as if it was 1959.
(23:38):
And these men lived this way for
not, it wasn't a very long period.
I think it was like a week or two.
I can't remember, but it was
a very short period of acting.
Behaving, feeling, thinking
as if it was 20 years ago.
And what I think is interesting is
these men felt tremendously better
at the end of that experiment.
(23:59):
But it wasn't just how they felt, they
actually showed physical improvements.
They had their physical strength
increased, their manual dexterity, their
gait, their posture, their perception,
their memory, their taste sensitivity.
They're hearing it.
Even their vision improved just by
behaving and acting and thinking
(24:21):
as if they were 20 years younger.
63 percent of them had better intelligence
scores at the end of the experiment.
this experiment because it proves
that it truly is mind over matter.
It really is how you choose to
look at aging, how you choose
to look at how old you are.
these men on the first day as
(24:42):
they're hobbling into the building.
They're using canes and walkers and
they're, they're walking hunched
over on the last day of the study.
These same exact men played
touch football on the front lawn.
I was like, that's amazing.
So it is, how do you
choose to look at your age?
(25:04):
How do you choose to look at aging?
We can look at it as it's this
terrible, awful, no good thing
that we're all going to experience.
Or, obviously there's the
alternative, which is not living.
But we're all going to be aging, so we
can either choose to dread it, and worry
about it, and stress about it, which,
let's be honest, just adds wrinkles.
(25:25):
That's one of the big things.
That adds wrinkles.
Or, we can choose to see
ourselves as younger.
I honestly think of
myself a lot as being 26.
I don't know why 26.
26 is, I think, the age I was
when I married you, John, and it
was a great time in our lives.
People ask me how old I am.
I never remember.
(25:46):
I remember this year because
it's 50, but most times no idea.
But I very intentionally don't
think about how old I am.
I don't use the term middle age.
I don't like it when people refer to me
and my group of friends as middle aged
women, because I feel like middle aged
has this really negative connotation,
(26:07):
this really negative, you know, mindset
of like, Oh, you're getting old.
You're in the middle.
And so I just, I just
flick that off of me.
It just does not, does not
stick because I don't want to
think of myself as middle aged.
I want to think of myself as.
I wanna think of myself as vibrant
and excited and, and happy.
(26:28):
this is the thing, your words.
Matter they really do I talked about
this in on purpose in my second book
That your words matter that when we talk
the words we choose They define you and
they confine you you have to be careful.
You're not choosing words that confine
(26:49):
you So maybe middle age isn't a word
that kind of throws up the red flag
for you, but it is for me So I choose
not to use that to define myself.
Yeah, I agree with you.
going back to this, the counterclockwise
study, that was so eye opening for me to
think about how just acting like you're
20 years younger can make a difference
(27:11):
And I think if, we act the way that we did
when you and I met and We're going to feel
young and vibrant, and we're going to want
to be social and go out and do things.
And I think that's kind of the point.
your language does matter, your actions
matter, and so does your environment.
I think it's all three of those things
that come together with your attitude and
make you feel like, okay, well, so what?
(27:32):
I'm 51.
That doesn't mean anything other than
that's how long I've been on the planet.
I can do a lot of things now that I
didn't think I'd be able to do it.
51.
I'm 30 pounds lighter and everything
else, so it, I'm in a better place than I
was 10 years ago and I, I'm hoping at 60
that I'm gonna feel exactly the same way.
(27:53):
I think it is Choosing to feel that way
a lot of times, even on days where you
wake up and you feel like, gosh, my body
does not feel like it wants to cooperate.
But truthfully, your body not
cooperating is not part of aging.
That's sometimes just part of, of living.
I was, What 32 when I had my back surgery.
I was the youngest person I swear in the
back surgery ward And I lived in daily
(28:15):
pain on about an 8 or a 9 on a 10 point
scale in my 30s Doctors were like, oh
you're gonna just gonna live in pain your
entire life I don't live in pain anymore
because I do a lot of things for my body.
I do a lot of natural medicine I do
a lot of Pilates and movement, but
I could have very easily At the age
of 32 said, Oh my gosh, I am so old.
(28:36):
I can't do anything and just stopped
and quite frankly, the doctors were
like, oh, it's not a matter of time.
If you're going to have major back
surgery, it's just when and I think when
the doctors told me that that's when
I was like, uh, I have a say in this.
I'm not having major back and I'm not, I
really, I mean, literally I've everything
physiologically wrong with my back.
(28:56):
You can have wrong extra bones,
missing bones, curvature of the
spine, missing discs, things out of
place, all kinds of weird things.
But I choose to do things
to strengthen my back.
So it is about making those choices.
Sometimes it's word choices.
A lot of times it's
activity choices as well.
One of the things that I stumbled
upon as I was doing my research is
(29:18):
that some people are starting to
say, instead of menopause, menostart.
I think that word pause there is like,
hmm, we're not really pausing our life.
This is the start of something brand new.
Little things like that.
You can call it menopause or menostart.
It doesn't matter what
would feel good to you.
And I think that's what it comes down to.
(29:39):
You know, if you want to age better,
less stress and worry, Which means
stop worrying about how old you are.
Stop worrying about, Oh no,
am I not going to be able to
do these things in the future?
Eating the things that really fulfill
you and feel good in your body, right?
Moving your body on a regular basis.
I know that John, you
and I play pickleball.
(29:59):
And I, I mean, the last 4 games,
I have one didn't need to mention
that probably on the podcast, but
No.
No.
You did to mention that.
but there's all kinds of things.
So think about what's meaningful for you.
For me, it's using a lot
of natural medicines.
I've been doing essential oils since.
You know, how old?
(30:19):
1990s.
I started using natural medicines
and doing things like that.
All of those things have
made a difference for me.
So what is important to you?
You don't have to do what I do.
Do what's going to feel good to you.
Make your choices.
And what is it you want to do?
A lot of times we talk about the bucket
list, but also what do you not want to do?
What's your anti bucket list?
(30:41):
I feel like you were running
short on time here on the show.
There we are with our fear
mongering with time again, right?
Mm-Hmm.
But I want to talk about the anti bucket
list over on the sub stack because I
think it's a really interesting question.
What do you not want to do?
What is it that you never want to do
again or you're not interested in doing?
I feel like declaring that is just as
(31:03):
important as declaring what you do want.
Right.
For me, for example, not
going to be on Meta products.
I don't agree with Meta.
I don't like it.
So I'm not on Instagram.
I'm not on Facebook.
I don't like TikTok.
You guys know I'm not on social media.
Right.
Another anti bucket item for me.
I don't buy clothes that
I don't absolutely love.
(31:24):
I'm not willing to settle.
And go, Oh, it looks okay.
I'm like, if I don't
love it, I don't buy it.
So I think that could be a
really interesting topic.
I think we'll dive into
that on the sub stack.
If you're not getting my
sub stack, Tanya Dalton.
com slash connect.
I'd love to see you over there.
John, do you have anything
on your anti bucket list?
I'm curious.
I think for me, as somebody who has
(31:44):
struggled with self-confidence and some
other things, like throughout my life.
I think one of the things that
I'm going to stop doing, or that
I have stopped doing, I think I'll
go ahead and own it, is worrying
about impressing people, right?
Like, just be myself, and
if people like me, great.
If they don't, I don't care, right?
There's plenty of other
people in the world.
(32:04):
I don't have to go out of my way or try
to be someone different, because really
it's exhausting, to try to impress people.
So I'm just not going to do that anymore.
I'm just going to be myself
and feel good about it.
I a hundred percent support that.
I like that.
We're going to talk more about the
anti bucket list over on the sub stack.
so join me over there and.
(32:25):
As I've mentioned on the last couple
of shows, it is my birthday month.
My birthday was yesterday.
If you would like to give me a present,
share the podcast, share the sub
stack, or sign up as a premium access
member, that would be fantastic.
That's a great way to celebrate this
300th episode and my 50th birthday.
So tanyadalton.
com slash connect.
(32:46):
I would love to see you over there.
Let's finish out this 300th
episode by really thinking about.
What is it we want?
What is it you desire?
What is it that really sounds good to you?
Because the truth is, we have a lot
more time on the clock than we realize.
I think a lot of us look at
it as a glass half empty,
instead of the glass half full.
(33:07):
We feel like time is winding down, when
the truth is, time is unfurling for you.
There is plenty of time for you
to explore and try something new.
That's certainly a theme that we're seeing
a lot of as people get to the age where
I am, their 50s, their 60s, their 40s,
where it's like, what do I want now?
(33:28):
That's the question I want
to leave you with today.
What is it you want in your
one wild and precious life?
What would be amazing to you?
I know I'm ready to embrace the crone.
I'm ready to step into this next phase
of wisdom I would love to carry on
this conversation over there on my
sub stack, but yeah, 50 is going to be
(33:49):
fantastic, and I hope you'll be here
alongside of me as we move into my 50s.
So I hope that today's episode has shifted
your mindset a little bit about aging.
Because truly, when you embrace the
phase of life that you're in and you
see it for how amazing it is and the
gifts that it brings, all that you have
in your backpack, that's when you know
(34:10):
you've got the Intentional Advantage.
Ready to take action on what we
talked about on today's episode?
The easiest way to get started is
my 5 Minute Miracle Mini Course.
It's normally 97, but you get it for
free when you join my free sub stack.
It'll boost your productivity and
it will double your happiness.
(34:30):
Plus, you'll get access to all
kinds of extras from the podcast.
Just go to tanyadalton.
com slash connect.
And don't forget to follow The
Intentional Advantage on your podcast
player so you never miss an episode.
Hello, hello everyone and welcome to
(00:02):
the Intentional Advantage podcast.
I'm your host, Tanya Dalton.
This is episode wait for it 300.
We have made it to this giant milestone,
which I'm very proud of because I
just saw a stat the other day that
most podcasts don't get past 10.
And we have blown past that, my
friends, you and me together.
(00:23):
I have really appreciated
having you alongside of me as
we've been on this wild ride.
And not only is this our 300th episode.
It also happens to be the
day after my 50th birthday.
So it is quite a celebration
that we're going to have today.
And I wanted to talk about something.
I've been thinking about a lot.
I mean, I'm turning 50, right?
(00:45):
So I've been thinking about
aging and what it means to get
older and how I feel about it.
And I have to be honest, I'm
pretty damn excited about being 50.
And I've had a lot of people
ask me like, Hey, Why are you
so excited about turning 50?
What's so great about turning 50?
Or aren't you worried about getting older?
That's the question I get a lot.
(01:05):
Like, oh, 50.
They kind of cringe when I say it.
And I laugh and I say, oh no,
I'm so excited about turning 50.
So you know what?
I thought today on our 300th
episode, we're going to talk
about getting older and loving it.
So let's get started with today's show.
Does your life spark joy?
I'm not asking if your life
(01:26):
is good or if life feels okay.
Does it spark joy?
When was the last time you
slipped into bed at night and
thought, today felt amazing?
Because if it's been more than two
or three days, that's too long.
I'm Tanya Dalton, a best selling author,
motivational speaker, seven figure
entrepreneur, and oh yeah, wife and mom.
(01:46):
So I get it.
I understand the stress of daily life.
As a productivity expert, I'm here to
help you choose the extraordinary life.
This season, we will be exploring
how we can create more joy and
intention into every single day.
And it doesn't have to be so hard.
This is The Intentional Advantage.
(02:07):
Well, before we start today,
I wanted to jump in and say
Happy 50th birthday to Tanya.
Big birthday, big episode too, right?
Episode 300.
So I want to be the first to
say happy birthday on the show.
Well, thank you.
Well, considering you're the only one on
the show, you also get to be the first.
So congratulations.
(02:28):
It is so exciting.
I can't believe it's our 300th episode.
And yesterday, the day this goes
live, yesterday was my 50th birthday.
So a lot to celebrate.
I remember when I was mapping out the
season and realizing that the 300th
episode was coming up and it was going
to follow the day after my 50th birthday.
(02:50):
I knew I wanted to talk about something
that we really haven't talked a lot about.
Maybe we've danced around a little bit.
But we really haven't fully
dived into this idea of aging.
I mean, 50 is a pretty big deal.
And I think for a lot of people,
they dread this birthday.
Right?
Like, it's like, Oh, 50.
(03:13):
I feel like every major milestone, people
kind of get this, I don't know, there's
all this stigma that's attached to it.
And I have to say, I have been
so excited about turning 50.
this to me has been the most
exciting year leading up to my 50th.
I feel like it's this initiation
into, into something brand new,
into this second half of my life.
(03:35):
And to be honest with you, I think the
way that we look at aging is all wrong.
You know, back in 1900, the average
life expectancy was 47, 47, 50
Wait, what?
47.
It's crazy, right?
And I think that's the thing is 50 was
(03:55):
considered this crazy milestone to get to.
And now instead of going, wow,
this is an amazing milestone.
Now we're like, Oh gosh, turning 50.
So I think the question is, Why do we keep
moving the finish line of what's amazing?
Because to me, if 47 was a life
expectancy in 1900, these are
(04:17):
bonus years that I'm living.
Like, these are just, these are extra.
And I want to spend it kind
of like I spend bonus money.
You know, with a lot of fun,
having a great time, and not
taking life too, too seriously.
I feel like I've had a lot of my
life, like, it's been, you know,
focusing in on being so serious.
(04:37):
This next stage for me is really
about What do I want to do next?
And I think that's so exciting.
Yeah, and you know, part of me is
wondering if you did this episode
really for my benefit, Because I
just turned 51 a few months ago.
So I think you're just trying
to make me feel better about it.
But in all honesty, I feel,
(04:57):
better at 50 than I did at 40.
I think I'm healthier.
I've looked better.
I feel better.
and I'm just generally
more excited about life.
And I think, 50 doesn't
have to be the end.
You know, this is not old age or,
looking down the barrel of a gun.
Like some people make it.
kind of sound like, it
really can be great.
(05:17):
You know, it's a whole new
beginning in a lot of ways.
Well, I don't think it's surprising that
we look at aging as this terrible thing.
I mean, literally, think about
any old fable, fairy tale, who
is the bad guy in those stories?
The old woman.
Every single time, it's
the old lady, right?
Snow White, what happens to her?
(05:39):
Evil stepmom doesn't like that
she's younger, more beautiful,
Sleeping Beauty, angry old woman, right?
Hansel and Gretel, angry old woman.
Truly, I think that if we shifted the
way that we looked at aging, and we
really saw people who are older as
the wisdom keepers, as the people who
(05:59):
have a lot of experience and all of
this information they could share with
us that would totally shift things,
but I think that's part of it is this
this archetype of the old person.
And I think part of that too is.
losing your abilities.
People worry about your
mind, losing your mind.
You're not as sharp.
(06:20):
Your mental capacities aren't as high.
You're getting hurt more often.
You're a little more frail.
And the truth is I did a
lot of research into this.
Alzheimer's and dementia rates are
actually dropping, not increasing.
And when we think about losing
our independence, there's really
a small number of people that
end up in nursing homes, only 2.
(06:42):
2%.
for over the age of 85, I
think it goes up to maybe 8%.
And this is the thing is we have this
whole idea of what nursing homes look
like and what it is when truthfully
a lot of people go to retirement
homes, which is very different.
I know, John, that a long time
ago, We moved your grandmother
(07:04):
to a retirement community.
My grandmother now still lives
in a retirement community.
She's 98.
which that was a whole realization
when I realized, first of all, that my
grandma is 98, which means when she was
48, Two years before where I am now,
she already had had four grandchildren.
I mean, that puts things
(07:25):
in perspective, right?
Yeah,
But this is the thing is, these
retirement communities are vibrant.
They're full of life.
I feel like every time we go to visit,
when we would go to visit Betsy when
she was alive, or when we go to visit my
grandmother, they're doing amazing things.
It's like going to camp.
They have a great time.
There's a great social life.
(07:45):
There's so much to do.
So there's not a lot to fear, But here's
the thing, the other place where we get
a lot of messaging about getting old is
terrible, is from the anti aging industry.
There is this whole focus on getting rid
of wrinkles, making yourself look younger.
We're seeing teenagers.
(08:06):
getting Botox, 20 year
olds getting filler.
And it's, that's so upsetting because
truly aging is part of the process.
The opposite of aging, quite
frankly, is not being alive.
It's dying.
So aging doesn't have to be this
terrible, awful, no good thing.
It's actually just a part of And you
(08:29):
know, back in ancient times, menopause
was considered the third stage.
That was the third phase of life.
You had the maiden,
motherhood, and then the crone.
And the word crone wasn't
the way we talk about it now.
Where we think about a crone and we
think of an old haggard lady, right?
A witch.
A crone used to be this word of honor,
(08:50):
how we spoke about these women who
knew how to, how to do all kinds of
things with herbs and how they knew,
you know, what plants to go use.
And they, they knew how to do all of these
things, give, help other women give birth.
And I think we've lost that, you know,
this idea of embracing the crone.
(09:10):
Now it's like, Oh, she's
got to go out to pasture.
She's old.
And to be honest with you, I don't
feel like those three stages even
encompass how most women are.
I think we have more than
three stages, first of all.
And I think that middle stage
of motherhood is really,
really limiting, quite frankly.
A lot of women don't have children,
(09:32):
which is a fantastic choice
if that's what you want to do.
But a lot of people have an
identity outside of motherhood.
Now, the thing is for me, when I think
about three phases, I'm like, Oh my gosh,
I've lived way more lives than that.
Just in this lifetime alone.
I think about who I was when
I was younger, when I was a
kid, I moved, How many times?
(09:54):
11 times before I graduated high school.
So that was an interesting childhood.
Then you have the whole stepping into
adulthood where our kids are now.
K is 17.
Jack is 21 and he's now in his third
week of going through Europe by himself.
There's a whole stage where you're.
Figuring stuff out, and then you get to
(10:15):
the stage where maybe you're a little
more rooted, you're figuring things
out, you're understanding who you are.
And I think about like, you know, I had
a whole stage where I owned one company,
then I sold that company, and that all
of these things have happened to me.
And I think we feel like
a timeline is so linear.
It's this straight line
that we can't divert from.
(10:35):
It's like there's a
beginning and there's an end.
And as we approach our older years,
gosh I hate to even use that term older
years, as we approach our more advanced
years where we've gathered together a
lot of wisdom, we feel like, oh no, I'm
getting to the end of that timeline.
When the truth is, that
line is not straight at all.
(10:55):
It's not one singular track.
I think so.
And you know, We live in a different time,
but we look at ages in different ways.
even from when we were kids, I can
still remember when my mom turned 40
and they threw an over the hill party
with black balloons and all this stuff.
And now that just seems ridiculous.
I don't think anybody even
considers 40 over the hill anymore.
(11:17):
I know I certainly don't.
And then of course I'm 51, so I'm, I'm
not going to admit that I'm over the hill
because I don't think that's the truth.
it's not really the beginning of the end.
It's.
It's just a new beginning and it's all in
your mindset and how you look at it and
it reminds me i've seen a couple memes
about ages in the 80s versus ages now
and one of them that really stuck out
(11:37):
to me was If you guys are Seinfeld fans
They had a picture of george costanza
and one of Timothee Chamalet At the
same age and they look like they're
30 years apart and I think We have a
different mindset about what aging is.
And because of that, it's different.
I mean, we don't look as old.
We don't feel as old.
I feel great at 51.
(11:58):
Do I sometimes feel a little stiffer
when I get up in the morning?
Sure.
But.
I get up and move my body and
everything feels much better.
So it's just all in how you think about
it and then how you, what do you do?
You know, what do you do with your mind
and your body to make yourself feel good?
Yeah,
Sex and the City, And the golden girls,
(12:21):
because the golden girls are the same
age as the women in sex in the city.
That's how different it was.
And I think about the golden girls.
I'm like, I thought they
were like 80 or 90 years old.
They were in their fifties and sixties.
And it was kind of like, they
are all at the end of the line.
So I do think a lot of the
attitudes have changed, but
there is still a lot of stigma.
And I do think it's because our
(12:42):
brain gets stuck in this channel.
It sees one track of this one linear line.
And the truth is there's so many options.
There's so many iterations of you.
I mean, quite frankly, if you are
the same person today as you were
20 years ago, that's a problem.
Hopefully we're all evolving
and changing and growing.
(13:03):
We've talked about your backpack on
the show before, where we go through
life and we're gathering together our
accomplishments and our achievements
and our traumas and our failures.
And we're gaining a lot of
wisdom that we have on our back.
And I think that's one of the
best things about getting older
is we have so much to pull from.
In fact, there was a study between
(13:24):
Northwestern University and MIT.
They found that 50 year old entrepreneurs
are twice as likely to have a
successful startup as a 30 year old.
And I think that is 100% Because of all
that wisdom you have in your backpack.
You have a lot in there.
I know for me, that's how we scaled
to seven figures in less than 18
months with my second company.
(13:45):
I had so much wisdom in that backpack.
And you do too.
One of the things I'm hearing from a
lot of my podcast listeners And the sub
stack subscribers is, you know, I'm,
I'm about to enter my empty nesting
years, or I've just gotten here.
And now I'm thinking,
what do I want to do now?
It's this opportunity to take that
(14:06):
backpack off, take a good look at
what you want, what you desire,
and maybe start something new.
That doesn't mean you have to go into
entrepreneurship or run a business.
It's just Where do I want my career to go?
Maybe you're not interested anymore in
climbing the ladder so aggressively.
Maybe now is a time for, I just
want to coast a little bit.
I have a little bit more money because
(14:26):
I'm not, you know, changing diapers
and paying for formula and doing all
those things when you have kids at home.
So things have shifted.
And to me, that is a great opportunity.
I think that's a big thing to
take hold of as we get older.
I think even at 50 if you wanted to
reinvent yourself and have a second career
(14:48):
really think about the time that you have.
If you want to retire at 65,
which I think most people don't
do anymore That's still 15 years.
I mean think about what you were able
to accomplish between 25 and 40 You have
that same amount of time now You could
completely start over at something else
become very successful And still retire
at the age of 65 You it's not like
(15:10):
you're running out of time, and I think
we see all these ads, especially about
like retirement savings and stuff, and
it just, it makes you feel like you're
behind all the time, and that you don't
have enough time, and you really have a
lot of time, the average age is close to
80 at this point, the life expectancy, so
you have a ton of time to do something,
(15:32):
Also, do things that you want to do,
like spend time with your kids or
grandkids if those are around the corner.
there's still an opportunity
to do whatever you want.
And I think that's what we need to
start looking at as opposed to, I
need to start, you know, putting my
affairs in order so that, people know
where to bury me and stuff like that,
because it, we're a long ways away
from thinking about that kind of stuff.
(15:54):
there's a lot of fear mongering,
especially when it comes to time.
I'm seeing this, having Kay finishing up
her junior year, the number of emails, I'm
about to lose it with the college board.
I'm not kidding.
between the college board and ACT and all
the fear mongering they do with parents
about, Oh, your kid's going to miss out.
Make sure they get their
ACT done before June.
(16:16):
I'm seriously about to lose it because
there is a lot of fear mongering and
there's all this ticking of the clock.
Oh no, your kid's going to be left behind.
And we experienced that
as we get older as well.
Oh gosh, your retirement savings
account and all of those things.
So a lot of it is the marketing.
A lot of it is this belief,
which actually, you mentioned
65 being the retirement age.
(16:36):
I thought this was interesting
as I did my research.
The reason why the retirement age
is 65 is because after World War II,
there were so many soldiers coming
back home that they decided, the
government decided to set the age at 65
because they needed people to retire.
So there were jobs.
For these guys coming home from war,
(16:58):
that's the only reason why it's age 65.
Before that, it was older.
And in fact, a lot of the information
I was finding was really interesting
because prior to World War II, all
the information about aging was
written by people who were that age.
Information about 70 year olds
was written by 70 year olds.
Information about 80 year
olds written by 80 year olds.
(17:19):
After World War II, it started being
written by 20 year olds and 30 year
olds who have a very different lens.
They're almost projecting their own
fears, there's that ticking clock again,
right, onto what it's going to look like.
And I think that's part of
what causes all the stress.
You know, we talked about worrying
in our last episode, and it's the
(17:41):
stress of getting to the moment
that causes most of the anxiety.
That's what it is for aging as well.
We worry that we're not going to have the
cognitive, abilities that we're not going
to physically be able to do the things
we, we wanted to do, or that we used to
do when in fact, this was interesting.
A 2016 study found that regardless
(18:02):
of any changes, physical or
mental cognitive abilities,
mental health actually improves.
In an Australian study, women in
their 60s and 70s said that they
had improved mood, less tension,
increased happiness after menopause.
A Denmark study found that women were
62 percent happier and more satisfied
(18:23):
than ever after the age of 60.
A British study found that women were
happier after menopause than they ever
were in their life before menopause.
They were feeling independent,
they had better relationships.
So all of this fear mongering that we see
through the marketing and let's be honest,
people looking to profit off of your
(18:45):
fears of getting older even actually true.
If we would go and actually speak to
the people who are these ages, you
would find, my gosh, they're so happy.
I think about John, you and I,
as we're embarking into this new
phase, as I mentioned earlier,
Kay's in her junior year.
I think about John, you and I,
as we're embarking into this new
phase, as I mentioned earlier,
Kay's in her junior year.
Girl loves to work.
(19:05):
She loves to work.
So she goes to school and then
she'll work like this week.
She's going to school and she's
working 32 and a half hours.
I'm like, okay, can you stop?
So we're home alone a lot.
We like to say that we're
practicing empty nesting.
And it's fantastic.
I mean, dinners for two out on the porch,
you know, like looking at the mountain
(19:26):
from our, from our deck, we're going,
we're going for walks, we're hanging out.
It's, it's pretty amazing.
And for me, while I love the stage that
Kay is in, and I'm soaking all of that
up, I'm also gearing up and getting really
excited for what this next step looks
like for you and I, I think that's part
of why I'm so excited about turning 50.
(19:48):
I see all the possibilities.
I think that there's something about
those milestone years, the zeros, right?
But what I started to notice, I recently
did this timeline activity as part of
this thing I was doing with my therapist.
I went through and I wrote
out my timeline and I started
to notice that my nine years.
(20:10):
19, 29, 39, 49s.
Those were huge years for me.
They were years of transition
and unfolding and gearing me up
for this next decade to come.
You know, when I was 19, that
was a really dark time for me.
I had a lot of trauma
that I lived through.
(20:30):
I had two friends that were
murdered in separate incidents.
I was attacked.
I had several things that happened.
And that shifted who I was.
In my twenties, really understanding
who I am and all these things.
When I was 29, that was
the year I became a mom.
Talk about a huge shift.
That totally changed everything.
39?
(20:51):
39 was the year we closed up my
first business and we decided I was
going to launch something brand new.
Something called Inkwell Press.
Which then of course brought
me, well, this podcast, the
books, all of the things, right?
And then 49 this past year, taking that
six months sabbatical away from doing
(21:12):
the podcast, really producing, right?
Creating content and producing
and doing all those things.
I went really deep into who I am.
And I think that's why
I'm excited about 50.
It's like, Oh, what's next?
Right?
What's coming around the corner?
Because every time I get to a
(21:32):
new decade, there's something
amazing around the corner.
It's kind of like with your kids.
Every time they get to a new phase,
you're like, Oh, I like this phase.
Oh, nope.
I like this phase.
Oh, I like this one.
And occasionally we go, I
don't like that one at all.
We've had a couple of phases
the kids that we don't exactly
love, but it's the same thing.
And what if we look at our aging
(21:54):
the same way we look at our kids?
If we looked at them and said, this
is just part of the progress, the
progress, not necessarily the process.
This is the progression as
we become the wisdom keepers.
But I do think part of it
is not getting so attached.
To the numbers.
how old you are, it really
(22:14):
doesn't mean anything.
Yeah, I agree.
because 50 really can be great.
And yes, we're about to be empty nesters
and it's a whole new phase of our life.
And it's not like we're shutting down.
This is like, this is something new.
Like where are we going to live?
I don't know.
We can live wherever we want,
there's all these possibilities.
And I think it's all just
mindset and how you Tanya and
(22:36):
I've chosen to look at it as.
This is an exciting new adventure for us.
it's a new phase and
we're excited about it.
it does come down to how we think and
I think that sounds really woo woo But
one of my very favorite studies is the
counterclockwise study, which I think
we've talked about on the podcast before
(22:56):
I love the counterclockwise study.
It was by Ellen Langer In 1979, and
what she did was she took a group of
men who were in their eighties and
were living in a nursing home and
they told them, first of all, you
need to think a little younger, but
it's not just think a little younger,
it's act a little younger as well.
(23:16):
Right.
So they had this whole setup where
they brought these men to this other
building and the entire building
was set up as if it was 1959.
So 20 years earlier, they
had TV shows from 1959.
They had, life magazine, from 1959.
They encouraged them to have
conversations as if it was 1959.
(23:38):
And these men lived this way for
not, it wasn't a very long period.
I think it was like a week or two.
I can't remember, but it was
a very short period of acting.
Behaving, feeling, thinking
as if it was 20 years ago.
And what I think is interesting is
these men felt tremendously better
at the end of that experiment.
(23:59):
But it wasn't just how they felt, they
actually showed physical improvements.
They had their physical strength
increased, their manual dexterity, their
gait, their posture, their perception,
their memory, their taste sensitivity.
They're hearing it.
Even their vision improved just by
behaving and acting and thinking
(24:21):
as if they were 20 years younger.
63 percent of them had better intelligence
scores at the end of the experiment.
this experiment because it proves
that it truly is mind over matter.
It really is how you choose to
look at aging, how you choose
to look at how old you are.
these men on the first day as
(24:42):
they're hobbling into the building.
They're using canes and walkers and
they're, they're walking hunched
over on the last day of the study.
These same exact men played
touch football on the front lawn.
I was like, that's amazing.
So it is, how do you
choose to look at your age?
(25:04):
How do you choose to look at aging?
We can look at it as it's this
terrible, awful, no good thing
that we're all going to experience.
Or, obviously there's the
alternative, which is not living.
But we're all going to be aging, so we
can either choose to dread it, and worry
about it, and stress about it, which,
let's be honest, just adds wrinkles.
(25:25):
That's one of the big things.
That adds wrinkles.
Or, we can choose to see
ourselves as younger.
I honestly think of
myself a lot as being 26.
I don't know why 26.
26 is, I think, the age I was
when I married you, John, and it
was a great time in our lives.
People ask me how old I am.
I never remember.
(25:46):
I remember this year because
it's 50, but most times no idea.
But I very intentionally don't
think about how old I am.
I don't use the term middle age.
I don't like it when people refer to me
and my group of friends as middle aged
women, because I feel like middle aged
has this really negative connotation,
(26:07):
this really negative, you know, mindset
of like, Oh, you're getting old.
You're in the middle.
And so I just, I just
flick that off of me.
It just does not, does not
stick because I don't want to
think of myself as middle aged.
I want to think of myself as.
I wanna think of myself as vibrant
and excited and, and happy.
(26:28):
this is the thing, your words.
Matter they really do I talked about
this in on purpose in my second book
That your words matter that when we talk
the words we choose They define you and
they confine you you have to be careful.
You're not choosing words that confine
(26:49):
you So maybe middle age isn't a word
that kind of throws up the red flag
for you, but it is for me So I choose
not to use that to define myself.
Yeah, I agree with you.
going back to this, the counterclockwise
study, that was so eye opening for me to
think about how just acting like you're
20 years younger can make a difference
(27:11):
And I think if, we act the way that we did
when you and I met and We're going to feel
young and vibrant, and we're going to want
to be social and go out and do things.
And I think that's kind of the point.
your language does matter, your actions
matter, and so does your environment.
I think it's all three of those things
that come together with your attitude and
make you feel like, okay, well, so what?
(27:32):
I'm 51.
That doesn't mean anything other than
that's how long I've been on the planet.
I can do a lot of things now that I
didn't think I'd be able to do it.
51.
I'm 30 pounds lighter and everything
else, so it, I'm in a better place than I
was 10 years ago and I, I'm hoping at 60
that I'm gonna feel exactly the same way.
(27:53):
I think it is Choosing to feel that way
a lot of times, even on days where you
wake up and you feel like, gosh, my body
does not feel like it wants to cooperate.
But truthfully, your body not
cooperating is not part of aging.
That's sometimes just part of, of living.
I was, What 32 when I had my back surgery.
I was the youngest person I swear in the
back surgery ward And I lived in daily
(28:15):
pain on about an 8 or a 9 on a 10 point
scale in my 30s Doctors were like, oh
you're gonna just gonna live in pain your
entire life I don't live in pain anymore
because I do a lot of things for my body.
I do a lot of natural medicine I do
a lot of Pilates and movement, but
I could have very easily At the age
of 32 said, Oh my gosh, I am so old.
(28:36):
I can't do anything and just stopped
and quite frankly, the doctors were
like, oh, it's not a matter of time.
If you're going to have major back
surgery, it's just when and I think when
the doctors told me that that's when
I was like, uh, I have a say in this.
I'm not having major back and I'm not, I
really, I mean, literally I've everything
physiologically wrong with my back.
(28:56):
You can have wrong extra bones,
missing bones, curvature of the
spine, missing discs, things out of
place, all kinds of weird things.
But I choose to do things
to strengthen my back.
So it is about making those choices.
Sometimes it's word choices.
A lot of times it's
activity choices as well.
One of the things that I stumbled
upon as I was doing my research is
(29:18):
that some people are starting to
say, instead of menopause, menostart.
I think that word pause there is like,
hmm, we're not really pausing our life.
This is the start of something brand new.
Little things like that.
You can call it menopause or menostart.
It doesn't matter what
would feel good to you.
And I think that's what it comes down to.
(29:39):
You know, if you want to age better,
less stress and worry, Which means
stop worrying about how old you are.
Stop worrying about, Oh no,
am I not going to be able to
do these things in the future?
Eating the things that really fulfill
you and feel good in your body, right?
Moving your body on a regular basis.
I know that John, you
and I play pickleball.
(29:59):
And I, I mean, the last 4 games,
I have one didn't need to mention
that probably on the podcast, but
No.
No.
You did to mention that.
but there's all kinds of things.
So think about what's meaningful for you.
For me, it's using a lot
of natural medicines.
I've been doing essential oils since.
You know, how old?
(30:19):
1990s.
I started using natural medicines
and doing things like that.
All of those things have
made a difference for me.
So what is important to you?
You don't have to do what I do.
Do what's going to feel good to you.
Make your choices.
And what is it you want to do?
A lot of times we talk about the bucket
list, but also what do you not want to do?
What's your anti bucket list?
(30:41):
I feel like you were running
short on time here on the show.
There we are with our fear
mongering with time again, right?
Mm-Hmm.
But I want to talk about the anti bucket
list over on the sub stack because I
think it's a really interesting question.
What do you not want to do?
What is it that you never want to do
again or you're not interested in doing?
I feel like declaring that is just as
(31:03):
important as declaring what you do want.
Right.
For me, for example, not
going to be on Meta products.
I don't agree with Meta.
I don't like it.
So I'm not on Instagram.
I'm not on Facebook.
I don't like TikTok.
You guys know I'm not on social media.
Right.
Another anti bucket item for me.
I don't buy clothes that
I don't absolutely love.
(31:24):
I'm not willing to settle.
And go, Oh, it looks okay.
I'm like, if I don't
love it, I don't buy it.
So I think that could be a
really interesting topic.
I think we'll dive into
that on the sub stack.
If you're not getting my
sub stack, Tanya Dalton.
com slash connect.
I'd love to see you over there.
John, do you have anything
on your anti bucket list?
I'm curious.
I think for me, as somebody who has
(31:44):
struggled with self-confidence and some
other things, like throughout my life.
I think one of the things that
I'm going to stop doing, or that
I have stopped doing, I think I'll
go ahead and own it, is worrying
about impressing people, right?
Like, just be myself, and
if people like me, great.
If they don't, I don't care, right?
There's plenty of other
people in the world.
(32:04):
I don't have to go out of my way or try
to be someone different, because really
it's exhausting, to try to impress people.
So I'm just not going to do that anymore.
I'm just going to be myself
and feel good about it.
I a hundred percent support that.
I like that.
We're going to talk more about the
anti bucket list over on the sub stack.
so join me over there and.
(32:25):
As I've mentioned on the last couple
of shows, it is my birthday month.
My birthday was yesterday.
If you would like to give me a present,
share the podcast, share the sub
stack, or sign up as a premium access
member, that would be fantastic.
That's a great way to celebrate this
300th episode and my 50th birthday.
So tanyadalton.
com slash connect.
(32:46):
I would love to see you over there.
Let's finish out this 300th
episode by really thinking about.
What is it we want?
What is it you desire?
What is it that really sounds good to you?
Because the truth is, we have a lot
more time on the clock than we realize.
I think a lot of us look at
it as a glass half empty,
instead of the glass half full.
(33:07):
We feel like time is winding down, when
the truth is, time is unfurling for you.
There is plenty of time for you
to explore and try something new.
That's certainly a theme that we're seeing
a lot of as people get to the age where
I am, their 50s, their 60s, their 40s,
where it's like, what do I want now?
(33:28):
That's the question I want
to leave you with today.
What is it you want in your
one wild and precious life?
What would be amazing to you?
I know I'm ready to embrace the crone.
I'm ready to step into this next phase
of wisdom I would love to carry on
this conversation over there on my
sub stack, but yeah, 50 is going to be
(33:49):
fantastic, and I hope you'll be here
alongside of me as we move into my 50s.
So I hope that today's episode has shifted
your mindset a little bit about aging.
Because truly, when you embrace the
phase of life that you're in and you
see it for how amazing it is and the
gifts that it brings, all that you have
in your backpack, that's when you know
(34:10):
you've got the Intentional Advantage.
Ready to take action on what we
talked about on today's episode?
The easiest way to get started is
my 5 Minute Miracle Mini Course.
It's normally 97, but you get it for
free when you join my free sub stack.
It'll boost your productivity and
it will double your happiness.
(34:30):
Plus, you'll get access to all
kinds of extras from the podcast.
Just go to tanyadalton.
com slash connect.
And don't forget to follow The
Intentional Advantage on your podcast
player so you never miss an episode.
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