LTL 127: Overcoming Your Pain To Step Into Your Greatness

I had the privilege of attending the Global Leadership Summit in August. I’ll be sharing some of my key learnings from that event in future episodes; however, attending the Summit reminded me of something I had seen back in May. It was so powerful that I want to share it with you today. Erwin McManus gave a presentation at the Global Leadership Summit in 2018. Boiled down, it led to the title of this episode. You must overcome your pain in order to step into your greatness.

If you don’t know who Erwin is, he’s a prolific author, cancer survivor, international speaker, and a pastor at MOSAIC church in Los Angeles. His latest books are The Way of the Warrior and The Last Arrow. Trust me when I say that he’s unlike any other man you know. For example, he embraces his uniqueness and he always speaks/writes in a way that uses story powerfully.

The Pain Of Average

His greatest fear growing up was that he would be average. Being raised in the shadow of a brother who seemed to excel at everything he touched, Erwin saw himself not as just average, but below average. And it wasn’t just Erwin who saw himself that way, his step-dad did his best to reinforce this with Erwin at every opportunity.

We have pithy sayings about how “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” Because of that saying, many grew up believing they shouldn’t allow a label to cause them pain. That what others say or think is somehow not a part of who we become. Unfortunately, we all know that isn’t true.

Succumbing To The Opinion Of Others

How others see us can have a direct impact on how we see ourselves. As a result, it’s a battle to overcome the pain of a label or a stereotype and the mental exertion is intense – no one can do it for you. There will be times when you want to succumb to the opinions of others. And that’s a problem because when you do, you hand control of your life to another.

Have you taken the Enneagram personality test? I’ve talked about it before and you can go back to Episode 022: Are You My Type? More Tools For Building Team Trust and listen to it to learn more about it. Anyway, on the Enneagram, I’m a Three, Achiever. And so what does that mean? Essentially, I’m success-oriented, adaptable, excelling, driven, and image-conscious.

Therefore, my most basic fear is being worthless. And, as a result, my second greatest fear would be someone thinking I’m worthless. Erwin’s point about fearing average was resonating with me. So these fears can lead me to unhealthy behaviors.

Unhealthy Behavior

For me, unhealthy means associating value with accomplishment. As if I would only be loved if I am extraordinary in some endeavor. There’s a constant pressure to be outstanding in whatever I do and that is not only intense – it’s draining.

There’s an underlying anxiety about personal value and expectation of myself that I always operate at maximum efficiency. At my worst, it’s easy to lose focus and fall into busywork. Here’s the strangest part of my behavior at home with Ginger.

Because my relationship with her is secure (we are both committed to Jesus, each other, and our marriage), I will keep a positive mental attitude at work all day, only to come home and be a dissatisfied, sullen, snarky and childish with her. It’s like I’m free to let my guard down with her and it’s not okay.

So if I allow it, unhealthy tendencies for me would make me a workaholic who fears the pain of failure or humiliation. I will want to impress others (man-pleasing) and spend too much time wondering what others think of me.

Resisting Fear’s Mastery

Slyly, with beguiling intent, fear begins to shape our behavior. And before we know it, our leadership is confined to our fears! Any pain