Episode 4, Season II | "What Can I Say?"- (Buffer Episode) - The Love Doc Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:11):
Welcome to the Love Dog Podcast. I'm your co host
Rna Butcher here with our host, doctor Sarah Hinsley.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Might be a fief. Yes, Hi, Hi.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
And I guess, oh, you're not really my boss.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
No, I don't consider you know. That's too weird. Alf
your boss, it's too weird.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
But sometimes I get sad, like when I feel like
like sometimes I'll notice I'm like Sarah and I have
only talked about work stuff the past.

Speaker 2 (00:36):
Now we don't need to talk about personal. Yeah, we
are best friends. We live literally five minutes away from
each other. We work together extremely closely, and we pretty
much never.

Speaker 3 (00:47):
Never see each other.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
We never get like, just like this real good quality
to have it. Well, we do, but they're like little
tiny short windows. Yes, like maybe like ten minutes here
or like fifteen minutes like every couple of weeks.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
It's just it's the four kiddos, man and the six
different sports and just doing all the coaching.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
And yeah, sure it's tough because I need you.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
I need you right now, and we know I own
the content based gat in that way, I need you
as you know, just a fellow friend who's also a mom.

Speaker 3 (01:25):
You know, we talked about this on the way. My
son graduates in.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
A week and you know, he's my only one, and
so I'm going through, you know, the empty nest time
season in my life, and it's tough. It's a it's
a very tough season and until you experience it, like,
you don't really understand it. And I know I said
this on you know, a couple episodes ago, but for

(01:47):
any of the parents that are in this season of life, like,
I'm sending you a virtual hug because it is just
such it's this bittersweet time and it's you know, I
had a whole moment, uh, you know one day that
was just I was just in my feels about it,
and I think that's what ends up happening, and you
just and I just let myself be in my feels

(02:08):
about it.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
But I was more in.

Speaker 1 (02:10):
My feels about it because it's a time like this
where a mom needs a mom, like needs their mom.
And I was just like, oh, I'm so mad that
I don't have my mom right now to lean on
and just you know, cry too, because it's not really
something and I love my husband so much, but it's
not something I really want to, you know, always lean

(02:30):
on him. About because he just doesn't understand it. And
so I just want, you know, I just want to
be around moms right now.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, I need you, I know, so I need you know,
I just need like we need to just make some time.
Let's get our let's get our calendars. Yeah, I need
to see when we can pencil it in.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
Right.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
I need hugs and comfort, like that's the only thing
I can really think of, like what I need right now,
because I feel like empty nest season is.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
Sort of like a breakup.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
That's what it's like.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
I feel like I'm being broke up with, like my
heart hurts, But then it's not totally like a breakup
because I also feel like this sense of happiness and relief,
you know, like, Okay, go on, you know you're on
your own now, fly free, little bird. But you know again,
unless you're there, you don't really fully know what it

(03:21):
feels like. So to all the all the parents, not
just the moms, but to all the moms and dads
out there that's are in the season of life, I
see you.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
I see you.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
So speaking of comfort, we want to think our sponsor,
Cozy Earth.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
They have the most comfortable sheets I've ever slept on
in my entire life. And that is absolutely the honest truth.
And I own many sets of them now, and I'm
about to put an order in for camper sheets for
my camper because I can't. I can't do it. We
went to the camper the other night and I was like,
at these sheets. I'm putting it in order right now

(04:00):
for some Cozy Earth sheets for the camper because I'm
just spoiled now. Hotel sheets bother me now everything bout.

Speaker 3 (04:07):
I'm like, no, yeah, I want you go.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
You go Cozy Ear if you can't go back. It's
because they make their sheets from the viscous of bamboo.
I don't know how they do it, but they do
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(04:30):
on them they want, which is really really awesome.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
Yeah, a thirty day sleep guarantee.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yeah, So try them out. Go to cozyearth dot com.
Use code love doc for forty percent off of your purchase,
which is very generous. Thank you, Cozier, Thank.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
You so much, Cozy Earth. So we're still season two.
We wrapped up our Sex and Intimacy series last week. Yes,
so we're going to do a little buffer episode for
you guys, and we're gonna, well, I say we.

Speaker 3 (05:00):
Sarah is going to try to spill a little bit
of deep breath.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
I'm taking a deep breath.

Speaker 3 (05:06):
Yeah, take a.

Speaker 1 (05:06):
Breath, Get regulated, because I think pull out the bravery, Yeah,
pull out the pull out the courage. But so we're
this is episode four, buffer episode before we start our
next series, which stay tuned, and this one is called
what Can I Say?

Speaker 2 (05:25):
What can I Say?

Speaker 3 (05:27):
So for what can you say?

Speaker 2 (05:28):
Okay, So for my loyal listeners who listen to season
one and heard me talk about the thing I can't
talk about, I'm going to talk about it today, not
not in all detail. I can't because I'm not going
to open myself up to more liability. Yeah okay. So

(05:52):
I also there are other people involved that I want
to protect and I don't want to say anything and
that could potentially put our situation in harm's way even
more than it already has been. So I'm gonna do
this very delicately. Okay, here we go. Somebody that used

(06:15):
to be romantically involved with my husband and that could
be anybody. He's got two ex wives, he's got a
handful of ex girlfriends, so you know, use your imagination. Yeah,
I'm not gonna say who it is. I'm not dumb,
all right, Okay, is so insanely obsessed with my husband,

(06:35):
therefore now obsessed with me and has pretty much been
on the harassment train, primarily with me as the target,
since the day I met my husband.

Speaker 3 (06:48):
I can attest to this.

Speaker 2 (06:51):
It's bad.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
I can test to it because I remember when You'll
started dating.

Speaker 1 (06:56):
Yeah, it started immediately telling me some things that I
was like, Oh.

Speaker 2 (07:01):
It started with phone calls. It's been anonymous social media messages,
it's been in public. It's been an insane little ride.
There have been gaps in time where there was nothing
which was really beautiful, and I always tried to take

(07:24):
the high road. I'm just not going to respond to this,
or I'm going to respond very minimally to this, because
that's what Jesus would freaking do. But I guess when
you're of the type of person that lives in a
state of vengefulness and bitterness and jealousy and envy, you

(07:51):
just can't stop yourself. I suppose I don't know, and
so she decided to do something where it would make
it where I would have to respond. She went after
my children in the most heinous, abusive, unconscionable way humanly possible.

(08:20):
What she did was she accused my children. And then,
of course her story changed three to four times after this,
to where then it became only accusing my oldest child
of a very very serious crime, a heinous crime, a
crime in which I can't even I still can't even

(08:43):
believe that someone would do this. But she accused my
children and then eventually just my oldest child of a
crime that never happened, and she did so in a
way that then involved a very serious investigation into my children,

(09:04):
into my family. And mind you, both of my children
lost their their father in twenty twenty and had already
experienced trauma. And so what she did was she took
and this was on me. Okay, shortly after my children's
father passed away, my oldest daughter did struggle with the

(09:25):
very normal anger stage of grief, which is a documented,
known stage of grief, and she was in therapy and
I posted on a local mom's group and I said,
my daughter's really struggling with anger. She's kind of being
me into her sister. You know, their father passed away,

(09:47):
and I don't know what to do. I don't know
what other resources I can give her. Do you know
of any like resources of like what I can do
right therapist, like grief counseling, like whatever, right in our Okay,
this is the local Mom's group. This person took that
post that was many years old, altered it, and then

(10:11):
filed this in the court system as potential evidence that
my older child has quote anger issues, which she does not,
and that that unlikely was a disturbed child and would
commit such a heinous crime. Okay. This led to a

(10:34):
six week police investigation, CPS investigation, more court hearings than
I could than I can even I don't even know
how many we've had.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
Yeah, I can't keep track at this point. It's been
over a year.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
It was the most I went through severe domestic violence,
and I can say this is one of the most
traumatizing things that has ever happened to me, because when
it's your child, it's a whole different ballgame. You come
for my kids, come for me all day, you come
for my kids. You have crossed a line that I

(11:10):
will walk through hell in a gasoline suit to make
it right. And so we were subjected to just a horrible,
horrible process. I mean, of course, because no crime was committed,
police decided not to open a case because they're like,

(11:31):
there is absolutely no evidence this has happened, Like we
have not even one piece of evidence, Like we can
investigate the complaint, we can investigate this, but we're not
going to open a case because you have to have
some evidence to open the case. And the supposed victim
of this crime had to go through a forensic interview
to which this person then revealed no, this actually didn't happen,

(11:53):
and they were unclear of why they said it happened,
except that they were influenced by this person who has
been harassing me that used to be involved with my ex.
But they came out and told the truth didn't happen.
There was no such crime, No crime was committed, and

(12:14):
so of course that has a lot of weight, right
with the police and with CBS.

Speaker 3 (12:19):
So, yeah, when the supposed victim says, yeah, this never happened.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
Yeah, then you know, the case kind of falls apart
at that point. Plus where she said it happened, how
it happened. There was cameras evidence.

Speaker 1 (12:32):
And there's so many that it didn't happen. There's so
many gaps in the story.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
Like if you guys, even if I could tell you
all the details, your jaws would be on the floor, honestly.
But I can't tell you all the details because I
can't out this person because I have no desire to
hurt them like they hurt me, because I don't want
to be that person. I want to be as godlike
as I can be. But this is my platform that

(12:58):
is built on my trauma and my story and my
overcoming and gosh darn it, if something like this happens
to me, you are not going to gag me. I
don't care what court of law we're talking about. I'm
not going to be silenced. That doesn't mean that I'm
going to rake this person through the coals and out
their identity and make their life a living hell. That's

(13:18):
not the reason I'm doing this. I'm doing this to
help anyone else who has ever faced false allegations placed
upon them or someone they love, and how devastating that
can be. Because it cost us twenty thousand dollars to
defend the false allegations with attorney fees.

Speaker 3 (13:35):
And that's just scratching the surface.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
That's just scratching the surface. What else can I say
it is caused? It was? I think the main point
of it was to try to cause enough friction in

(13:57):
my marriage. I think. Okay, so there was a prime
mary point that I can't talk about. I think was
the primary thing that they wanted, which they didn't get.
But I think this sort of secondary main reason of
doing what she did was to try to break my
husband and eye up because she wants to be with
my husband.

Speaker 1 (14:17):
Which makes zero sense, like in terms of logic, but
you know, again, if you knew the person, you would understand.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
Right, That's what I think. I think she's never been
able to let go of the relationship. I think she
has a lot of bitterness that she was not quote
unquote chosen and she sees my husband with me and
that how happy we are and how solid of a
couple we are, and I think that it has mirrored
back to her potentially her own deficiencies and that she

(14:50):
lives with a lot of internalized shame that she cannot
cope with and it comes out as bitterness, and it
comes out as jealousy, and I fel nothing but pity.

Speaker 3 (15:02):
Yeah, I mean, I'll be with this.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
Person because I don't. I picture her with her own
internalized shame that she just doesn't have the resources to
cope with, and I pray for her. I want her
to get the resources through God or therapy or whatever
it takes to overcome whatever it is she's holding on
to that would make her do something so knowingly evil

(15:27):
and devious towards another person, an innocent dispec into how
she did it.

Speaker 3 (15:34):
It was all wrong.

Speaker 2 (15:35):
It was all wrong. It's not what any person who
truly believed a crime would happen. If a person truly
believed what she said happened happened, they would not have
made the moves she made. No. So if I took
this to just to civil court of law, Okay, step
out of the criminality, go into a civil court, I

(15:57):
would win. I would win a gigantic judgment, and I
could I could immediately now, I could serve her with
papers and I could see her one hundred percent, could
seer one hundred percent. Would win. I've spoken to an
attorney about it. They said, it's a rock solid case
with what we have, with all of the evidence, a
jury would absolutely rule in my favor. I'm not gonna

(16:18):
do that because I don't want to be like her,
right yeah, But let me be clear. I know she's
listening to this because she stalks every single thing I post,
even though she is blocked on every platform. I have
tried to block all of her friends. There are other
flying monkeys out there still somehow getting everything I do

(16:41):
back to her. It's an obsession at this point. It's
awful at this point, like.

Speaker 3 (16:47):
Gosh, exhausting.

Speaker 1 (16:49):
I mean honestly, like I just can't imagine being in
that space.

Speaker 3 (16:54):
Not that I never have.

Speaker 1 (16:56):
I mean I had some crazy, you know times back
in the day when I was filled with just insecurities
and jealousy and pain, so much unresolved pain. And she's
in pain. Oh yeah, and that's what I was gonna say.
You know, I I have this this sympathy for her,

(17:16):
you know, even despite what she's done. And you know,
because listen, guys, I'll go scorched earth on anyone that
I'm like, oh you messed with my friend.

Speaker 3 (17:25):
Well, let me tell you know. I'm ready to fight.

Speaker 1 (17:28):
Okay, I am ready to fight, but I still have
sympathy for her because I know that someone who is
behaving in the way that she has has so much unresolved.

Speaker 2 (17:41):
Pain, unresolved trauma. Yeah, she has an unresolved trauma. Yeah,
I've heard what she went through in her childhood. It's terrible,
and I'm sorry I didn't have you, know I.

Speaker 3 (17:52):
But you don't need to be the brunt of her
pain and abody's touching bag.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
And certainly my then thirteen year old now fourteen year
old child is not allowed to be anybody's pitching bag. No,
and my mama bear will come out and I will
stand as firm as I could. And so I know
a lot of people are gonna go, why aren't you
swinger civilly because that would be probably the boundary that
probably does need to be set. But I care more

(18:18):
about peace, and I care more about your marriage, my marriage,
and some peripheral people that were affected then to go
down that route.

Speaker 3 (18:34):
Yeah, you're laying down the sword.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
But I was about to say, so let me say
it again because I know she gonna hear this. Let's
just face it. We know, Okay, if you ever do
something like that again, if you ever come for me
or my babies or my husband. I swear I will
take it down that path.

Speaker 3 (18:53):
It will be scorched earth.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
It will be nothing but scorched earth. I will pursue
every civil, legal, criminal penalty I can possibly pursue. I
don't care if it cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars,
I do not care. I will take it as far
as it can go, and I will not rest until
you are held fully accountable for the vicious, unconscionable harm

(19:20):
that you caused. Already, one time, I did what Jesus
would do. We settled it. It was settled peacefully. I
took the high road, I took the godly road. I
turned the other cheek. But there will not be a
second time with me, and you can separate that from
my husband. Those are not his words. So let's just

(19:42):
be real clear. My husband has nothing to do with
me talking about this today. In fact, I think he
would probably much rather me not And I get that.
I get that. But my platform is about helping people
recover from trauma, and I have every right to share
my lived experiences and my trauma and the things that
have hurt me and how I have been able to

(20:03):
overcome because my goal is to help others. My goal.
If I wanted to drag this person through the mud,
Let's face it, I have two million people that would
be loved to listen to some tea. It would be
loved to be looking her up and figuring out who
this is. But I'm not going to do that because
my goal is to not harm her. My goal is
to help you, the listener. If you have ever been
a victim of anything like this or been harmed, you

(20:27):
are seen here because I have lived this, and it
started before I even kind of got famous. Like it started.

Speaker 3 (20:36):
Before oh this started.

Speaker 1 (20:37):
We've been friends for eight years, nine years almost.

Speaker 2 (20:41):
This My human and I started dating four years ago.
We've been married for three years. So it started like
as I was just starting my platform. Yeah, I wasn't
even that big yet. So this isn't a result of
like my notoriety or my fame. It's directly beautiful face.
I don't know what it is, it's a pretty face.

(21:03):
It's just like that, like why are you so obsessed
with me? Like that's what I just want to say.
It's like, why are you so obsessed with me? Because
you're the full package? Why? Like I'm sorry that it
didn't work out between you all.

Speaker 1 (21:18):
It's really sad too, because like if she, if she
knew you, like really knew you, like I know you. Guys,
this girl right here is so much more than a
pretty face and a big brain. She is generous and
she is kind, and she has a beautiful soul and
she's a good friend. And you, I mean, you are.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
One of the most generous people I've ever known in
my life. In my life, and you are I mean,
you have such a big heart.

Speaker 1 (21:48):
And you know, I think you're misunderstood by a lot
of people personally, but especially specifically her. You're misunderstood. And
if she only knew you on the deep level, you
know that I love you, or that I know you
and love you, things would be so much easier, Things

(22:09):
would be so much better.

Speaker 2 (22:10):
Yes, And what I I just want her to be okay,
like just heal, just do whatever it takes, because it
cannot be. And part of the reason that I did
choose pieces, because you know what, her inner world has
to be torture.

Speaker 3 (22:25):
Enough and exhausting and exhausting.

Speaker 2 (22:28):
It has to be torturous, and I don't want to
live in that torture of bitterness. Back you know, and
I mean, trust me, when someone hurts your child, that
is a freaking struggle. Yeah, to not want to just
absolutely go scorch darts.

Speaker 3 (22:44):
Yeah. I'll talk more about my situation later. I'm not
gonna do it now.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
Yeah, it's I just.

Speaker 1 (22:50):
Because I mean, it happened. It's something similar happened to me.
It you know, I'm with my ex, and you know,
there was a lot lots of vindictive behavior and.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
And this was pure evil vindictiveness. There's nothing else that
describes it. And and.

Speaker 3 (23:11):
What can you say?

Speaker 2 (23:12):
What can you say? I can't prove that that's what
was in her heart. Yeah, I mean we all could
just accept that, you know, she made a mistake and
she thought something happened that didn't happen, but that but
we know that's freaking false. Scotsh every single That's why.
You know, a civil attorney told me listen, I sent

(23:36):
him all the evidence, okay, and.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
He said the girl was on it. He said was
on it. Oh yeah, you could get a judgment. Yeah,
It's like you could absolutely get a judgment. But is
that what you want? Do you want peace or do
you want more fighting? I said, I don't want to
fight anymore. I don't want to fight anymore, but I
promise you if it happens again, oh I'm a fight.
I'm a fight till the absolute death or I don't
care what that looks like. And that's outside of my husband.

(24:01):
My husband don't have to fight at all.

Speaker 2 (24:02):
I'll fight you. It'll between It'll be between me and you.
It will not be between my husband and you. It
will be between me and you. Should you choose this route,
I will choose peace. I will choose cooperation. I will
choose gentleness, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self control. I will choose

(24:23):
to be the bigger person because I can do that.
I can. I can be the bigger person.

Speaker 1 (24:32):
Well.

Speaker 3 (24:32):
And forgiveness is freeing, right, it is freeing.

Speaker 2 (24:35):
And so my only goal is to move forward peacefully.
But I want people out there to know that life
sometimes hits you. With the point of my platform, right,
it's the point of my platform to help people grow
and develop and learn from their suffering and for how

(24:57):
to be better people and how to love better even
if you've suffered or been hurt. And so that's what
this is about. This is about helping people overcome harm,
help people to still love when they've been hurt. And
so this is why I'm speaking.

Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yeah, because nothing protects you from from it.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
You're not protected, trust me. This couldn't have been more
out of the freaking blue. Yeah. Okay, it was like
I was, you know, it was like level two, three,
four harassment depending upon the day or time, and then
it went to like a twenty out of ten, yeah,
with no warning. And so I don't and everybody that

(25:42):
I've been able to connect with and talk to who
have gone through similar things because of course your phone listens, right,
and so the all Go does what the all Go
does and started putting videos in front of me of
people speaking out against similar situations. So I've been able
to connect with people who have been through similar situations
and have support of those people, and that was really

(26:02):
helpful to me. Community is everything, and so that's why
I'm speaking today. I could easily say nothing, but my
voice in my two million listener platform is to help people.
It's to help people feel seen and understood, and to
know that you don't have to choose bitterness and you
don't have to choose resentment, and you can move past
it and you can move forward. But that doesn't mean

(26:25):
that you don't protect protect yourself either that it doesn't
mean you don't have a boundary. And hopefully my message
today that we all know she's gonna hear because she
cheers her and sees every single thing I do on
social media, even in my private spaces, like on my
private personal social media, it's being screenshotted, it's being shared,
it's being oh my gosh, like just stop, just stops.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
It does sound exhausting, but you know, I think too
A big part of this is and for you, is
to be able to speak out authentically about it, you know,
because we advocate all the time about all authentic and
showing up authentic, specifically here right on the pod.

Speaker 2 (27:05):
And I feel like a weight has been lifted off
from my shoulders that I've spoken about it that I
cannot silence because when these kinds of things happen to you,
and like law enforcement's involved and CPS is involved, and.

Speaker 3 (27:16):
Yeah, it's a devile trauma to be silenced.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
And then everybody the first thing they say is you
can't talk about it. Yeah, you can't talk about this. Yeah,
And oh my gosh, that traumatizes people more when you
take away their voice. It traumatizes people more so, if
you haven't been able to have a voice and somebody
has harmed you, just let me be for today your voice.
Right that I'm speaking for the collective. I'm speaking for

(27:38):
everybody out there who's had who has been harassed or
stalked or had false accusations placed upon them, to know
that you are not alone and that it can get
really really lonely, because, let's face it, most people don't
freaking care. They don't care.

Speaker 3 (27:54):
Well, your christis is not the right you know, the.

Speaker 2 (27:57):
People in the system don't care.

Speaker 3 (27:59):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 (28:01):
I mean I think that we've talked about this before,
you know, just with this is off the subject, but
with your clients. You know, so many people come into
your practice and come to me. You know, I have
conversations every week and they're in major crisis, you know, crisis,
and it feels like just the weight of the world
is crashing down. And we really try to as a

(28:23):
team take that into consideration because too many times in
the professional world, whether it be the law landscape, or
the therapy landscape, or in this case, the coaching landscape,
people too often discount other people's crisis because they're not
their own right. And you have to have that deep

(28:44):
level of sympathy and empathy for people to understand that
they're in deep emotional pain and they need really constructive help.

Speaker 3 (28:55):
Yes, and it takes really special people to know how
to do that.

Speaker 2 (28:59):
Yeah, And I me and I do my best, right
do We all as a team do our best. And
we have we have work days.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
I have days where I'm like, I can't do this today,
I can, you know.

Speaker 2 (29:12):
Because it is because you do also have to have
some personal boundaries, Like I do have people that call
our you know, we have a support line or you
know for for customer service of our services, and they're like,
can I just get on the phone for five minutes
with doctor Hensley? But we all know that that five
minutes is going to be an hour just of you

(29:34):
trying to tell me your backstory. And I don't have
that hour. No, I wish I did. And then what
you're gonna do is you're gonna go tell your friends
and then they're gonna call. And so we do have
to have some boundaries. So that's we try to give
people empathy and kindness, and we tried to speak to
them like we are going to get you help.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
As fast as possible, and do everything we can, do
everything we can. Let me just say this, that's what
people don't understand about your hourly right, Okay, my.

Speaker 2 (30:02):
Business brain, it's almost embarrassing to talk about.

Speaker 1 (30:05):
My business brain goes here though, because we our mission
at the love Doc relationship coaching Services and the Love
Doc podcast is to reach as many people as we
possibly can so that we can teach people how to
love in a healthy, secure way. That is our mission.

(30:26):
We want to teach people to learn to learn to
love in a godly way. And if doctor Hinsley is
only exchanging every hour with one person, it's impossible to reach,
right then the masses, all right, help.

Speaker 2 (30:43):
Eight people a day. It's exactly a normal work day
with no lunch.

Speaker 3 (30:46):
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 (30:47):
And so it's just the reason her hourly rate is
what it is because I've had people, you know, call
and complain about it. I'm like, this is about reaching
the masses so that she can teach as many people
as possible what it is to love and in a healthy,
secure way. And so I just want everyone to understand that,
Like we see that, Like we see that, But this

(31:09):
is also a business and we like, you know, I mean,
it's not for everybody, but that's why we have other.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
Coaches, right, So we have other coaches that have a
much more friendly or hourly rate. I'm the CEO, I'm
the founder of the company, right like I know, I'm
the face that you see, but not everybody can have
access to me in a one on one situation, because
that is my goal. God put that on my heart.
You need to reach the masses, if you know. And

(31:38):
so I I do really put my heart and soul
into my hybrid program where I can coach up to
thirty people in one hourly session and I give them
as many resources as humanly possible. And then I do
think for what you get that is at a fair price,
and that is why that's an option, right or my
self Study, like you can buy myself Study course for

(32:00):
an even like less price, a very price.

Speaker 3 (32:03):
To have access to it for life, for life, for life.

Speaker 2 (32:06):
And my hybrid program comes with the self study course
and you have access to the recorded group calls. Everything
I had said during the recorded group you can have
access to. It doesn't record the private chats, but so
you can remain anonymous in my group if you want
to I give away tons of free content on social
media across all of my platforms Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and

(32:29):
of course TikTok, which is my largest pan podcast and
this podcast, and I do speaking engagements, and I try
to just I try to put so many resources out
there for people so that it's not just getting access
to me one on one, sure, right, And in fact,
we can accomplish so much more in the four week
group than we can in a one on one session.

(32:50):
It's the fast track to healing, and so it's almost,
you know, a better option than a one on one session.
So yeah, my one on one prices are sky high,
because when they weren't sky high, I was book six
months out right and it was ridiculous, And so yeah,
I know then then I can only serve a certain clientele.
But that's why we have other.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
Options' exclusive right, there's just an exclusivity there, and we
do have other options. But again that's not the total
point of this this episode, but we just wanted to.

Speaker 2 (33:18):
Yeah, put it on there. And you're not just paying
for the hour with me, you're paying for my ten
years of education, yes, and twenty nearly now twenty years
of experience and that there's a cost to that, right,
You're not just paying people think of it as just
like a direct hourly rate. But what did I have
to pay to get there? I paid the price of

(33:39):
all of my trauma and doing healing work. So then
you don't have to get as low as I did.
I paid eighty eight thousand dollars for my education that
I had to pay for years time, time money ever years.

Speaker 1 (33:52):
Yeah, I mean, exchanging time for money is a very
difficult thing, you know, to do, especially in the landscape
that you're in, because it's it's very emotionally draining too.
So I mean coaching eight hours individual clients, five days
a week, I mean that it just sounds impossible to me.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
It is impossible. And that's what I started doing, and
I realized that not only was it quite exhausting, but
then I got booked out six months and then that
was ridiculous, and then I couldn't scale my business or
do anything different for six months, and I was like,
I'm not reaching who I want to reach. I'm not
reaching as many people as I am with the real tools,
you know, I mean, I don't I can't give away
absolutely everything on social media, right you know that's impossible,

(34:37):
and so I guess the message just that I have
is this is me speaking for the masses, for anybody
who's ever faced this, who has not felt like they
had a voice, who did not feel like they were seen.
That's why I'm speaking today. I'm not speaking to hurt
the person that hurt me. Let's face it. I could
say her name, I could, I could absolutely make it
crystal clear who this person was. And I'm not going

(34:57):
to do that, and so you have no basis for
legal action. According to this podcast, there's no defamation here.
I'm choosing to purposefully make this as vague as possible
so that people don't know who you are because I
don't want you to receive backlash. I want you to
be able to move forward with peace. I want you
to lay down your swords. I want you to do

(35:18):
what's best for everybody involved, which is to just let
it go. You and him are never getting back together,
it's not going to happen. And trying to destroy our
relationship and our family, it made us stronger, I hate
to tell you, but it made us closer. It made
us stronger. Yes, it gave us adversity. Yes, we have

(35:40):
had numerous conflicts over this situation. But guess what, every
time we repair a conflict, we just get closer and
love each other more. So all it did was strengthen us.
So I'm sorry it actually had the opposite effect of
what you were looking to do. So if you keep
trying it again, it's only going to make your life worse.
So just move forward in peace, get the help that

(36:02):
you need. You know, her and I are never going
to probably ever get a chance to have a face
to face conversation. So this is probably my way of
being able to just say, let's be peaceful and let's
move forward for the good of everybody involved.

Speaker 1 (36:18):
I don't want to say never. I mean, you know,
I think God can work really beautifully in people, and
I will always you know, like I'll always believe that,
you know, I've I've always prayed for Paul, that Paul,
you know, just because I feel like he's like kind
of the villain in my story. Not anymore, but you know,
in the past, like I've always prayed for God to work,

(36:40):
you know, to work in his life and so that
we could you know, potentially have a time where you know,
we come together to some degree, like We're never going
to be like BFFs or anything.

Speaker 3 (36:52):
But and we kind of did have a moment, right,
we had a moment.

Speaker 1 (36:55):
You know, our son is graduating and you know, at
my son's awards, Sara for the r OTC.

Speaker 3 (37:02):
You know, he came up to me and shook my hand.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
And he hasn't spoken to her in eight year, eight years,
just unblocked her. Eight years.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
He has not said a word, ye, a word to me.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
Her own son had to go down. Can you block mom? Now? Okay,
that's what we're dealing with here. Yeah, we connect over
like the levels of yeah, just a like dysfunction.

Speaker 3 (37:23):
Yeah, And so he did.

Speaker 1 (37:25):
He walked up to me and shook my hand and said,
we did it, Reina. I mean did part of me
want to say, you mean I did it? But no,
it was a really heal It was a really healing moment,
you know. And I think, like I said, I never
want to say never on on things like that, because
healing is a is never linear of course, and you

(37:48):
never know like the moments that it's going to happen.
You're going to have these shifts in perspective. But I
think God can really work beautifully in people and it's
and it's always possible.

Speaker 2 (37:59):
Right, yeah. And I will pray for her every day
every day.

Speaker 1 (38:05):
You know, And I know that you mean that genuinely,
like that's not trying to like we'll pray for you,
bless your.

Speaker 2 (38:12):
Changes, because I see the demonic oppression because I used
to be so demonically oppressed with bitterness and with jealousy
and with you know, self hatred and with rejection. And
I now know a life where that demonic has been
literally cast out, like delivered from that demonic and that

(38:33):
demonic it's it's so painful to live with because the
enemy wants to torture you and this person very much
has some all like demonic. I think belief systems that
she doesn't realize are holy demonic and oppressing her and
that are probably holding her back from a lot.

Speaker 3 (38:55):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
And I can't say anything more than that. But Devil
is real and he's a worthy adversary and you should
never underestimate him. That's why you have to be protected
by the full armor of God because the devil. The
only way the devil can carry out his mission, guys,
is through you and I through the human beings as
the vessels of this spiritual battle. So you can be

(39:18):
a vessel for good or you can be a vessel
for evil. And I don't want to be a vessel
for evil. I don't want to be about revenge. I
don't want to punch back one hundred times harder than
you punched me. So I'm not doing it right now.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
Yeah, And I think this is you know, this is
your place and your moment to I think fully release
it and let it go.

Speaker 2 (39:37):
Let it go. I had to do this podcast because
there was such a part of me that still couldn't
let it go. Like, trust me. I have a civil
demand letter written from an attorney and it's a good one. Yeah,
but I'm not going to send it. Yeah, I thought
I was going to. I mean, I really thought I
was going to, and I'm not going to. Yeah, but

(39:58):
if you do it again, oh shoot, Yeah, let's let's
not be confused. Do not mistake my kindness for weakness.
That's right, because I do have boundaries for how much
I will take. I will only take so much abuse
because what happened was abusive.

Speaker 3 (40:12):
Absolutely, It's okay.

Speaker 2 (40:15):
So I feel like a million pounds has been lifted.

Speaker 1 (40:17):
Off special I'm so glad I mean, see, that's what's
so beautiful about this pod, guys.

Speaker 3 (40:23):
We are healing alongside each and every one of you.

Speaker 2 (40:26):
Yeah, because when you don't have a voice, it cripples you. Yeah,
it strangles you. And the system doesn't want you to
speak out. The system wants you to be nicey, nicy
and just pretend like the abusive things don't happen.

Speaker 3 (40:39):
So flawed, it's so it's incredibly flawed. Yeah, and we're
gonna talk more on that later.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
You know, our next series is going to be centered
around that, So stay tuned.

Speaker 3 (40:50):
Of course, stay tuned. We have so much more to come, and.

Speaker 1 (40:53):
We're gonna have some fantastic guests coming on to kind
of tell their story and to have a voice. But
just remember this, you have a voice even if you
don't have a platform, right right. Don't feel like you
don't have a voice just because you don't have millions
of followers. There's always ways to speak out and find
community and seek community. I mean, Doc has a community.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
I do. I have a group on Facebook called the
Love Doc Clients and Community. Please come join. I do
my best to moderate that group.

Speaker 3 (41:22):
But there's other people in there right that that can give.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
You, so many other people who have been following me
and who have gone through my services and are now
giving back by trying to be like a wilful to
give the advice that I would give right to also
help moderate. And so that is a really beautiful group
that you can lean into and you can be your raw,
vulnerable self. You can post anonymously, and you can get

(41:47):
so much feedback from people who have really focused on
their own personal growth and development. And let me just end.
I'm going to end this episode by saying, if your
goal in speaking out is to hurt someone else, you're
doing it wrong. You have the wrong goal. If your
goal and speaking out is to be a voice for

(42:07):
justice and to be a voice for healing and for
support of others, then that's what makes it okay, That's
what makes it godly, That's what makes it important. So
let's just end with that.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
Yeah, And of course, if you guys are just looking
seeking more help, please go check out doctor Hensley's services
at the lovedoc dot com. For our listeners, of course,
you can use promo code love dot twenty seven for
twenty seven percent off any of the courses, any of
the hybrid group dates, and then of course go check
out our Patreon's account at patreons dot com slash the

(42:42):
lovedt podcast. There is free membership, but of course we
have three tiers of membership based on what you're looking for,
so go check that out because we are just looking
to honestly grow our community in terms of the support
of this podcast. We love doing this podcast. We're not
gonna try to sugarcoat it. Today we kind of came

(43:02):
in and we were.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
Like, eh, it felt heavy. It did.

Speaker 3 (43:06):
It felt heavy, but gusha feel light or not.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
It's been a great It's been a great day. I mean,
we talked about spiritual intimacy and then I got to
kind of like lift this burden because as much as
I hate to say it, like when something like this
happens to you, there is shame attached to it. There
shouldn't be shame because I did nothing wrong, my children
did nothing wrong, my husband did nothing wrong. Now and
there's still like this shame that I was targeted in

(43:30):
this way, and I want to be able to release
my own internalized shame through healing, through love, through forgiveness,
through laying down swords, through putting, putting it to rest
putting it to bed, and finally just moving on from it.
I want to move on from it. I have no interest,
no interest girl in punching back at you, as long

(43:52):
as you don't do it again. I'm proud of you, Okay,
So let's be real clear about that. So just know
that I'm praying for you, trying to find it in
my heart to love you like I know God wants
me to, even though he did something really hurt my
child and really hurt me. And you don't even know me,

(44:17):
but I know you have your own pain. It's so
I'm letting it go, letting it go.

Speaker 3 (44:27):
I don't like seeing my friends cross.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
It's really hard. I expect that, but it's really hard.

Speaker 3 (44:31):
I didn't bring the tissues today either, darn it. We've
got to get us a tissue box.

Speaker 2 (44:35):
You know what, You know what? My husband is hot
and he is a freaking catch.

Speaker 3 (44:38):
And I'm sorry he is hot.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
I have even I mean, like, I mean, we're lucky
we got hot husbands. But I mean, come on, who
wouldn't be jealous of you? The only reason I'm not
jealous of you is because I love you. But if
I didn't know you, I'd be like, who's that pretty bitch?
I mean, honestly, it's funny because a side story and
then I promise will wrap up.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
Guys.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
But when the the way I met Sarah was you know,
I've Finish jazzer size instructor for over fifteen years now.
She came to my jazzer sides class and honestly, like,
my first thought was, who's that pretty blonde? Like that
was my first thought when she when I saw her
in class. I'm not really the mean girl jealous type.

(45:19):
I love, like, I'm very accepting of of all girls.
I think, like I feel like I've kind of been
like that my whole life. I feel like we're both
like that, Like because.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
I hate mean girl energy, I've never been I.

Speaker 3 (45:31):
Ever felt like I needed to be in competitional friend.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
Yeah, I have enough friends because you're the only and
you know, it's like the only time I had to
have friendships. Like I can barely even be your friend
and you're my best friend. So but like, I just
don't want to be competition mean girl energy. Society.

Speaker 3 (45:50):
Winning is winning is available to all of us.

Speaker 1 (45:53):
Somebody can win, yes, and the success is available to
all of us. And so I've never been in that
realm of being in competition with fellow females either, and
we hope that you know all of our female listeners
are in that realm too. So. But if you are
looking for healing, if you're looking for you know, really

(46:14):
just well attachment security, Yeah, I.

Speaker 3 (46:17):
Think that it all boils down.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
The foundation of really all of it is finding that
security within yourself so that you don't have to feel
like you're in competition with someone that you don't harbor.
Jealousy and hate and resentment and bitter bitterness. You let
all that go once.

Speaker 3 (46:33):
You reach your attachment security.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
You let it go. You have to, because you love
yourself enough to know that bitterness only eats you alive,
It only ruins your adrenal glands. It doesn't do anything
to right the wrong that was done to you. Let's
face it, life traumatizes us all. We say that all
the time, because it's true. All of us will experience suffering,

(46:55):
all of us will have had major rejections, all of
us will experience pain and unfairness. If this life we're fair,
we wouldn't have this platform. That's right I have is
not fair, and nobody owes you anything and you can
live as a victim and you can live in your
own self pity, or you can decide that you know
you're going to seek the love and grace of God,

(47:17):
which will fuel you, excuse me, and propel you to
be able to put love out into the world and
to keep moving forward in the best way possible using
the gifts that God gave you as a unique individual.

Speaker 3 (47:29):
That's right. See why.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
I love her, guys, and we love each and every
one of you, and we just thank you very much
for always tuning in and listening to us and allowing
us to speak and have a voice. And we just
want you all to have that voice too. So please
write us, leave us a review, send us an email.
You can send us an email at podcasts at the

(47:51):
lovedoc dot com. I read them all, I promise I
read them, every single one of them.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
Yeah, and we may have an episode where we just
read you know, people's like, if you have a success story,
if you if I have helped you in any way,
or you you have grown or healed, you know, send
us your success story. Because people need hope. I think
people more than anything right now need hope.

Speaker 3 (48:13):
Absolutely absolutely.

Speaker 2 (48:14):
This world just seems so dark if you don't have it,
I agree.

Speaker 1 (48:17):
So please write us at the podcast podcast at the
love dooc dot com. Go check out doctor Hansley services
at the lovedoc dot com. And until next time, peace, love,
and perspective

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Episode 4, Season II | "What Can I Say?"- (Buffer Episode)

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 4, Season II | "What Can I Say?"- (Buffer Episode)