May 1, 2025 • 36 mins
Co-Hosts Michael and Courtney Allison (https://mountaintoppodcast.com/allison) A lot of guys think if you screw up with a woman at all, that's it. She's GONE, and you don't get a second chance. Admittedly, I'm on record as saying that if a couple breaks up, it's probably for good reason and they shouldn't get back together. Plenty of other dating advice folks are with me on that. BUT, along come Michael and Courtney Allison, who have been on again, off again, on AGAIN, and off AGAIN...and finally together once more, this time for the long haul. Well, okay...what makes their case different? How did they 'crack the code'? Well, as it turns out, there are plenty of reasons why couples split that CAN be fixed, either by uncovering very real road blocks and/or some good old-fashioned self work. What are the past traumas Michael and Courtney had to work through before they were truly relationship ready? What did they go through in the past that caused seemingly insurmountable problems in their relationship? And hey...how did they eventually indeed surmount them? How did they finally come back together after TWO divorces? And an even better question, how is it they finally KNOW they're each other's 'ride or die' nowadays? I have to tell you, Courtney and Michael are compelling, and I personally believe they've figured it all out. Remember, Michael is a returning guest and the first episode he co-hosted was all about the almost surreal trauma he's faced and how he overcame that personally. This time, the meta-level conversation with Courtney joining us as well certainly takes everything to the relationship level. Overall, listen in for exactly the positive motivation so many of us as men need, especially with so many guys feeling like they should give up on women to begin with. Check the show notes, guest pics and so much more at https://mountaintoppodcast.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Edroy Odem (00:04):
live from the mist and shrouded mountaintop fortress
that is X and Y Communications headquarters,
you're listening to the world famous Mountain Top
Podcast. And now, here's your host,
Scot McKay.
>> Scot McKay (00:19):
All right, gentlemen, welcome to yet another episode of the world famous
Mountaint top podcast. I'm your host, Scot McKay.
You can find me on X, on True Social, on
Tik Toc and on YouTube. Scot McKay. That's C O
T McK A Y and Real Scot
McKay on both threads and Instagram.
The Facebook group which you guys should all be a
(00:39):
part of by now is indeed facebook.com
groups mountaintop
summit. If you go to Facebook, search and type in
Mountain Top Summit, it should come right up. Join our group of guys who are getting better
with women and becoming better men in the process.
And as always, gentlemen,
mountaintoppodcast.com is the place to
go for all things related to this podcast. Free
(01:01):
download, show notes, all that is there for you and
more@mountaintoppodcast.com.
my returning guest today is none other
than Michael Allison, who is the CEO of
the Adversity Academy and a
professional speaker at the national and perhaps
international level. the difference today is he has
brought his lovely wife Courtney Allison with
(01:23):
him to talk about, well,
second chances with women. And, I'm looking forward to
a great show. It's not typical for this
podcast to have two guests at once, but I'm excited about this
particular one for sure. Michael and Courtney Allison,
welcome to the show.
>> Courtney Allison (01:38):
Thank you.
>> Michael Allison (01:40):
Hey, Scot, thank you for having us here, man. It's an absolute pleasure to be back with
you, man.
>> Scot McKay (01:43):
It's an absolute pleasure to have you both here. Double the pleasure, because you're
both here this time.
>> Courtney Allison (01:47):
Absolutely. We're excited that be on the show together.
>> Scot McKay (01:50):
Yeah. And, Courtney, I'm going to throw you under the bus. This is
your first podcast interview ever.
>> Courtney Allison (01:56):
It is. But it's a delight to have this as our
conversation point. So I'm excited about it and
ready to rock and roll.
>> Scot McKay (02:03):
Yeah, you're already doing a great job. Now, see, by day,
you're a lady boss in the it world, so you know what
you're doing. You have lots of confidence. You're ready to rock. This is
just another little knch in
your gun, huh? Huh?
>> Courtney Allison (02:15):
That's right.
>> Scot McKay (02:16):
That's right. All right, now, truth be
told, both of you have a future
together as podcast host for
couples. So you have a show upcoming. Is that
correct?
>> Michael Allison (02:27):
Yeah, that's correct. We have the, Marriage Beautiful podcast.
That's we're in their works and in the makings right now. But it's
more so about helping couples based off some of the things that
we've been through ourselves that we'll share here, probably here with you
on your podcast. But it to help people to get through some of those same things that
we've been through challenging as with. As well.
>> Scot McKay (02:44):
Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, with that title, you'll have some convincing to
do, but I'm sure it'll be a
change a lot of hearts and minds and marriages, I'm
sure. You know, on that note, Emily and
I launched. Oh, man, it's probably going back
16 or 17 years. Tempest fugitss,
doesn't it? We had the domain.
(03:05):
We had the whole forum set up. We were going
to do a podcast, and we called it the Happy Couples
Hangout. Sounds like a great name.
Yeah, we've abandoned the domain since then and
everything. Boy, it never got off the ground because
happy couples don't have any questions.
We're happy. What do we need? What do we need you fools for? You know,
(03:27):
I mean, we're over here, you know, living the dream. What do you want to do? Disrupt that
or something? Why would I want to talk about my marriage with
a bunch of other happy couples? I can do that with my bfs.
So it actually, there was no pain point there, so nothing
happened. But, I mean, waving the banner of
marriage, being beautiful, I think is beautiful in and of itself. And I'm sure
you guys have a great show and everybody needs a little bit of
(03:47):
encouragement. And, Michael, the last time you
were on, you were one of the few guests we had on who
actually gave his backstory,
because it's one hell of a backstory. You've been through a
lot. you're a military veteran. Thank you for your service again,
by the way.
>> Michael Allison (04:02):
Thank you.
>> Scot McKay (04:03):
And, man, the things that you have overcome
in this life would just make Will Smith
and Pursuit of Happiness blush.
Man, that movie's so hard to watch. It's like any
Taylor Sheridan show where everything bad happens to everybody
all the time. It's just. It's not entertainment. And
certainly, your early life was less than entertaining. But
(04:25):
now you are with Courtney again,
I might add. And I would love for both of you to
share that story, especially you, Courtney,
from your perspective, because, man,
this is one of those stories. Gentlemen, let me just give you the spoiler
alert where if they can do it, you could do it. You know, if
you have something that's just rot in your life right now
(04:45):
and you're kind of in a dark time. Let
these two speak to you, minister
to you even. Because what they've been through and what
they've overcome and not only still standing, but being happy
is just overwhelming. So you two tell your story. I've
said enough.
>> Courtney Allison (05:01):
Okay. I don't know where to begin, man. So I'm
gonna start at the. Not too far to the beginning,
but we'll give it a little go here. I met Michael.
We actually dated on from an online app
and that's how we met. We dated for five
years in Georgia after we actually got to see
each other after, being online.
(05:22):
And then we got married, move. I moved
to Maryland. And that
first six months we were blended family as well. I
must say that I had a nine year old
at the time and he had ah, a three year old
at the time. And when we got married, it was
definitely a rocky road trying to blend the families. And
(05:43):
as you know from, Michael's past,
he also was in the military and he was dealing
with his own traumas. I was also dealing with
my own, family upbringing trauma. So trying to
blend not just the families but also the traumas
together. We didn't have a lot of tools in the toolbox on
how to figure out communication, conflict
(06:03):
resolutions. so that was a battle in our home
for the first six months and we
decided to part ways. He also was going through
a, nasty custody battle
in another state down in Florida. So
with that being said, I left,
and went to live with my son in
(06:24):
Maryland and he went to live with his son
in Florida. And we struggled, trying to figure
out how to make a long distance
relationship. During our separation. We didn't quite get
a divorce yet. We separated, and then
we just decided at that point it was not working.
And six months after that, so about a
(06:44):
year later we were divorced. And
we, I want to say about a month after that
divorce was final, we was like, oh
crap, what did we just do?
Because ultimately we really loved each
other. And yeah, we had some
challenging times, but we felt like we could kind of rebuild
(07:04):
and we struggled with the rebuilding, going to
counseling virtually. and then
we also decided to date long
distance for quite a while and
fast forward a little bit. There's a lot more to this story
and I'll let Michael fill in any gaps here. But
after about, I want to say about three to
four years of long distance
(07:27):
dating, we then decided to. Okay, now
let's, let's try again. And we
moved back in a House together. And there we go again.
It was a battle. so still didn't really
learn a lot. Didn't have a core foundation
in. In our beliefs as far as our faith with
Christ. Both of us was just struggling,
and, we part ways again. So it
(07:50):
wasn't the second chance. It was like a third
chance. so after that,
I moved back home in Atlanta,
and he worked on himself individually,
I worked on myself individually. And
we decided to do counseling. One more try,
virtually. And we
got remarried in March of 2023, and I moved
(08:12):
back to Florida at the
time. So here we are again, two years
now, remarried, and it's been the
best two years of my life, to be honest,
Scot. I mean, we've learned so much through this
process of marriage and understanding each other as a
relationship. And this has
been the happiest time we've ever had in
(08:35):
this whole 15 years of dating, remarried, dating,
remarried, time of our life.
>> Scot McKay (08:40):
Now, see, Michael's going to get up here and go, that's not how it happened at
all.
Now, just a little comic relief there. that is a beautiful story. I
love the name of your upcoming podcast even more. Marriage is
Beautiful. Because people would look at both of you
and go, well, that would be an ironic name. this
is gonna have to be some kind of comedy show or something, because that doesn't sound
(09:00):
beautiful at all. It sounds like a total lurid
mess. But you know
what's interesting about what you just said, Courtney, and you
have no way of knowing this, but two of our
recent guests, not one, but two, got on this
show and said the greatest harbinger of a
lasting relationship is not necessarily how much
a couple has in common, but their ability to
(09:22):
handle conflict together.
>> Courtney Allison (09:24):
Yes, absolutely.
>> Scot McKay (09:26):
And that's what you're preaching, isn't it? Because maybe the
first time around, possibly even that second time around, you two
were kind of out in the cold when it comes to that stuff. I. Michael.
>> Michael Allison (09:35):
Yeah, that's true, man. You know, for us, when we
got together, we were in our late 20s,
and then we got married in our young 30s,
and we're thinking that we know it all, but quite
honestly, there's no true blueprint to what marriage is like
with two people from two different, backgrounds. And I say that she's.
I'm from the Caribbean, have a different background, upbringing, and
(09:56):
what marriage. And what does a couple relationship look like?
Especially somebody coming out of the military, too, as well, where things are much
more structured, much for standard for me. And
then meeting her and her son in Our blended
family situation. So there's a lot more dynamics that I had to deal with
and understand. And someone being
at that particular time of my life with dealing with
(10:16):
so many things, I, It was coming at me pretty fast,
and, it was a big struggle for me to, as well, going
through that. And I guess you want to say
someone that has, ptsd, someone that is dealing with some of
the mental challenges and things like that. I have a very short
temper and get frustrated very
easily. I could easily go into depression mode very
fast. And some of those things were really triggering a lot of things for
(10:39):
me. And I was pouring out some of that
frustration into my family, too, as well. Man.
And that's some of the things that I truly had to address before
I even wanted to step back into our relationship and put
our family back together.
>> Scot McKay (10:52):
Yeah. You know, a lot of times people talk
about relationship readiness, don't they? And it
seems, this ethereal standard that
we all have to kind of live up to, and
no one really can define it very well, but they know it when they see
it. Apparently, if you're going through a whole lot of stuff
like that, there really isn't a whole lot of yourself left
(11:13):
to give to a relationship because you're trying to bail
out your own lifeboat. You know what I mean?
>> Courtney Allison (11:18):
Right. Yeah.
>> Michael Allison (11:19):
When you're. When you're going through this stuff and you're sinking
and there's no one there to help you, like,
throw an anchor and help you, man. it'll keep you down there, man. But
luckily for us, you know, we kind of, like, relied on each
other and knew that there was something there between the
bond between us, and we just had to, like, dig in
and actually truly work on that if we truly wanted to make this thing
(11:39):
work.
>> Courtney Allison (11:40):
Also, we both come from families
where our mom and dads are still together,
and so that is a significant part of our
life. And seeing those, relationships,
we knew that they've been through difficult times,
and we knew that they figured it out. Yeah, they're
not perfect. U. they. They've had a lot of conflict in
(12:00):
their lives, both of our families, but. So we wanted
to understand why we couldn't figure it
out. Why did we. We couldn't
understand how to be, I guess, like the
old folks would Relationships.
>> Scot McKay (12:14):
Right, Right. No, I understand exactly what you're
saying. And again, the two of you
probably would have no way of knowing this, but I was
the first divorcee in my entire family's history
on both sides.
>> Courtney Allison (12:27):
Oh, wow.
>> Scot McKay (12:28):
And you can imagine the shame and the guilt at, the
familial level. I mean, all of a sudden I
was, you know, not exactly
Persona non grata. I mean, everybody was gracious, but nobody knew how
to handle me or my situation. You know, it's
almost like when you're married and you have other couples
as friends and then somebody gets divorced and no one wants to hang out with the
(12:49):
third wheel anymore. They have to go start all over, even at the friendship
level with other people. Yeah, there's
a lot of pressure there when your family has a
history of strong, positive marriages or even
dysfunctional marriages where they gutd out and stay together anyway,
even though one of them probably should have left, because that's
just not what we do around here. So I completely
understand what you're talking about. I would like to add
(13:11):
two things there. First of all, the fact
that the two of you are together after breaking up not
once, but twice is unusual
and indeed improbable. And I've been on
record as saying that when couples break up, it's
probably for good reason and they should stay broken
up. And usually when they get together,
(13:31):
it's because they don't have any other options or they're returning to
what they know, or they have a somewhat
fantastic, in the true sense of the word, view
of what happened the first time around, because human memory likes
to remember only the good times and close
out or repress those bad times. But
the two of you have beaten the odds here,
and that indicates that there was something there both
(13:54):
of you needed to figure out, or a lot of something'there that both of you
needed to figure out, and you've done it. And that's what I want
to talk about next. But before we go there, there's
a lot of talk on this show, Michael and Courtney,
about transactional relationships,
because you mentioned Courtney, what is it about the old folks, you
know, as you called them, and I resemble that nowadays. I'm
(14:15):
getting closer and closer to that point, by the way I
look in the mirror and go, dad, you know? And,
they all tend to be together for a long time. I think there
was. I mean, there's no doubt there was less
divorce back during, you know, the greatest Generation,
as we call them. M. The World War II folks are in their 90s
now. And nowadays
relationships seems somewhat disposable, don't they?
(14:38):
Yeah, it's like, if I get together with
someone, what are they going to do for me and what am I
going to do for them? What's the deal, we strike here. That's
in the best interest of both parties. And of course,
when someone's not getting what they need, they cut and they
run. Because it was all a business deal. It was a
transaction. And
also nowadays, the most
(15:00):
current state is people are entering into relationships
really without any mind at all towards what the other
person should get or is entitled
to get from this relationship. It's all about what I want, what I need, and
if I don't get it, I'm cutting and running, regardless of whether you're fed or
not around here. And that's really a sad state
of affairs. So talk to us a little bit
(15:21):
more, Courtney and Michael, about how you
battled back against that postmodern
mindset and said, okay, both of
us, we've been through some stuff here, but we do. We
absolutely love each other. This isn't something that's
a purely transactional relationship. There's
meaning, there's purpose, there's a longing for each
other that a lot of other couples lack, and that's worth
(15:43):
giving this every shot we have. What
process caused you to arrive at that solution
of going old school, for lack of a better way to put it?
>> Courtney Allison (15:52):
For me, Scot, I would say that it had a lot
to do with my faith. Right. I grew up
knowing that divorce wasn't an option
in my family or just in my. My
faith. And I. And I was battling that,
being separated, from Michael,
ah, just m. Me and my spiritual growth with. With
(16:12):
God. And I had to
find reasons, just trying to figure out
and balance the reasons on why am I
separated. And just
reflecting in my spiritual growth and my spiritual faith,
I just knew that that's not something that I wanted in
my life. And so I had to do the individual
work as well to kind of reflect on what did
(16:35):
I do in this relationship that caused
us to move into a direction of separation and
divorce. So I went to individual counseling.
It wasn't just about Michael doing his work.
I had to also reflect as a woman, where did I
need to grow? And that's what
really made me realize that there's more to this
(16:55):
relationship than just,
the issues that we were having. Also with a
saint. With that in mind, the issues that
we were having were not irresolvable.
We could get through these issues if we were just talking through them
and had the right tools in the right
people to talk with. And some wisdom,
(17:16):
basically, is what we needed, about the issues that we
were going through. So after understanding
that, then I realized that our
relationship is much more than what we've allowed
us to be.
>> Scot McKay (17:28):
Michael, it sounds like the two of you didn't play ye old
blame game with each other. Like this is all her fault. She's go
going toa have to fix everything or I'm not coming back and vice versa. You didn't
play that game.
>> Michael Allison (17:38):
No, we didn't. We actually took accountability and
responsibility individually first, which that was the first thing that we
did. And as we separated, we identified
some of the things that was tied to that. And for myself,
I had to work all myself from the inside out
and identify what were some of the
areas that were keeping me back to
(17:58):
be my whole self in this relationship and give
100% of myself in this relationship. And as I
took a step back, you know, Scot, I was dealing
with the trauma from the past. But then some of those
things I was dealing with also was tied
to some people. People call it, soul ties. So things
from past relationships that included from like my
(18:18):
ex wife that I was still carrying on with some
fear, some guilt, some aggression that was tied to that
that could potentially hurt me in this relationship.
And subconsciously I was holding that
against Courtney as well too. Then
following that, I'm going through this child custody situation
with my own personal son and I'm
(18:39):
going through raising a son, which is her
son, and I'm struggling in that department
too. And it caused a bit of resentment, a whole bunch of
other feelings that I was dealing with and going through at that time. So that's when
I really had to start looking at what is causing me to feel this
way. And that's how I started working on myself to
address some of these things in regards to moving
forward, following that. For me, you know,
(19:01):
I think it was a moral
obligation for me in regards to taking this woman,
taking her hand and asking her to be my
wife. And I guess
knowing that I did not fulfill what I said I
was going toa do and keep my word to that. And
kind of like when it, when I look at the accountability standpoint
of it, did I uphold my end of the
(19:23):
bargain in regards to us walking away?
And I personally did not feel like I did that. So
that's when I said, all right, how can I change,
change things about myself to be a better man? And
that's when I got into things with accountability
partners, got into things with coaching, got into things with our mentors
and different groups. And some of those things truly helped
(19:43):
me. And one of the biggest things was also
changing my environment. So either the people that was hanging
around. Some of the things I was watching on tv, some of the things I was
listening to, some of those external factors
that could actually have an impact on that played a
partner to me changing and going a different direction to as well.
>> Scot McKay (20:01):
Yeah, you know, you're talking about those external influences. A lot of men out there
are listening to this red pilled stuff. And the men go in their own way,
have a huge presence on YouTube. And
guys who actually mean well and actually lik and
adore women can fall into that trap of being a little
jaded by what they hear. You know, you'll be called a simp if
you do anything to try to get a woman back. you
get derided in the men's groups
(20:23):
on Facebook for even trying to
repair a marriage because these guys will get all macho and go, just kick
her to the curb. Meanwhile, the women are no better. You have angry
feminists out there telling women they don't need a man at
all. You probably shouldn't even want a man.
And all this does nothing but, spur
along that idea that men and women shouldn't be
together. And next thing you know, men shouldn't
(20:45):
be masculine. They don't need to be providers and protectors.
Masculinity and femininity at best
are social constructs. at worst,
masculinity is toxic, no matter what you try to make it
look like, even if you mean well. And that
means fewer couples are getting married, fewer
couples who get together stay together, there's pressure
on the birth rate, fewer couples are having kids,
(21:07):
and that to me is what's toxic.
But by the two of you having the wherewithal
and yes, to use the same word you did, Courtney,
having that wisdom that really only comes from
life experience. You know, you could be as book smart as you want
to be, but until you've lived some life and been kicked around the block
a few times, you really don't have the wisdom you should have to make the kind of
(21:28):
decisions you need to make to really succeed in life. So with that wisdom
the two of you share. Now, both of you did work
on yourself saying, hey, you know what? I don't care
who has an opinion on this. I'm going toa do
what I think is right between me and my God,
to be the best person I can be. And then when the
two of you got back together, it
(21:48):
wasn't really that you were, a simp or anything because you had
this goal in mind of getting your ex back. Both of you were
on the Same page. You see, when it's a double standard
or it's one sided, that's when someone's acting
foolishly. But because both of you knew you loved each other and you
wanted this, that was almost like, you know,
the magic wand you needed to wave over this to get the two of you
(22:09):
back together. Although it's perfectly logical, not magical.
>> Michael Allison (22:12):
Yeah, I agree with you, man. When it's, a
common bond and both of us
feel equally yoked together and
we're equally vested, I think
it made the, process much more seamless for us
in regards to wanting to be involved and wanted to be there to support
each other as we did. We did went on this journey
(22:32):
individually, and then we went on this journey collectively
together too. Then we even brought our kids in. And that
was the, beautiful aspect of this in regards to
bringing our family back together. As I mentioned to you before, I felt
like this was my part in regards to,
as a man, as a father, that I wanted to
get my family back together, get my kids back together
(22:52):
and rebuild that. You know, I feel
obligated that this was something that I played a part in
breaking down and I wanted to play a part in building that back up.
You know, we could, we could get caught up in some of these
things out, hear either the rhetoric around alpha males
getting quot of the rhetoric around some of the things where
you're not a man of this or any of those types of things, but for me,
(23:13):
at my core beliefs and some of the things that I feel
like I'm truly obligated to do as a man, as a husband, as a
father, you know, I'm going to step into that place and step
into that role to make sure that I'm going to be in
that position, to make sure that I'm going to take care of my family,
take care of my wife and take care of my kids, well, you'll.
>> Scot McKay (23:30):
Get no argument from this side that a real man puts
his family first.
>> Michael Allison (23:35):
Right?
>> Scot McKay (23:35):
You'll get no argument from me there. Michael, what
would you say to men out there who say,
look, all women are terrible, they're all going to
leave you. None of them really love you. They're all selfish, they're
solipsistic, they're kind of in their own
head. They live for the moment and as soon as someone taller, more
handsome and richer comes along, they're out the door. So, yeah, you really
(23:55):
are being foolish here. This is all a big pipe dream. You're being
a little quixotic about this. If you will. What would you say
to those guys?
>> Michael Allison (24:03):
Yeah, what I would say to those guys is truly identify
what is your standards, what is your identity?
What is things that you believe in at
your core that you will die on a
hill for. And you're going to have
plenty of women come across you, but the
ones that's truly for you, they're going to truly be there for
(24:23):
you, regardless of any of your
circumstances, any of those situations. And
when you're looking for the type of woman that's going to be in your
corner, be by your side through the good, through the bad,
any of those circumstances, that's who you truly need
to identify with. But you need to identify what your standards
are. Because whenever you get into circumstances,
situations where you're going to have these women that
(24:46):
are transactional fly by night or in it for some of
these superficial types of things. If you're not making the money, if
you're not driving the car, if you don't have the job, if you
don't have a certain typ of status or
stature in life, then
eventually you might see her walk out the door on
you, cheat on you, or seek things in other places that
you cannot provide. So you need to truly be
(25:08):
confident in yourself. You need to build up yourself to,
understand where this is who I am, this is who I
stand for, and this is the type of person that I'm looking for
to be with. And if this person cannot be with me for
what I stand for, what I believe in, then that's a good
telltale sign that this person is not for you.
>> Scot McKay (25:25):
Courtney, this show is almost 100%
men listening.
>> Courtney Allison (25:29):
Oay. Okay, that's good.
>> Scot McKay (25:31):
I love how you. I love how you had a good natured laugh at that
one. I'm gonna ask you the same question
from your perspective. There are a lot of women out there who think
there are no good men.
>> Courtney Allison (25:42):
Uh-huh.
>> Scot McKay (25:42):
And you and Michael, and
this is addressed to both of you had every right to
believe, you know, what they said about the other gender
and about marriage was absolutely correct. This
sucks. I should never have done it. It was a big mistake. Now I've
made that mistake twice as you roll your eyes. And I'm
never going back. I am going my own way. But here you are, both
(26:03):
of you are together. I think you've talked very
eloquently and clearly about what
got the two of you back together for good this time.
But, Courtney, what would you say to the guys out
there who were pretty convinced all women are
against men? They've decided that none of the men are any
good. there are a lot of women out there who
think men are responsible for everything bad
(26:26):
that's ever happened in the world. And there's a lot of propaganda
out there about it. First of all,
why are you still thinking differently? And second of all, what would you
say to the men out there who might be suffering from this mindset that
says, I'm never going to find a good woman, so why try?
>> Courtney Allison (26:40):
Well, the first thing I would say is we, you have to be able
to find the ability to silence the
noise. there is a lot of noise that
happened while we were trying to get back
together. Whether or not it was family that didn't want me to go
back, whether or not it was friends
or just like you say social media
(27:01):
or you see it on tv, they don't go back to
your ex or don't men or this, men or
that. so you have to silence the noise and know what you
want for yourself. And I think M. Michael said it best. Being
confident in who you are as well as
knowing exactly what matters to you
most in a significant other.
You have to understand that. Take some time
(27:22):
to sit down and reflect. Reflect on what
makes what, what makes you proud, what makes
you happy, what, what do you want out of life
and then start to, to believe and understand
that you are capable of finding someone.
you have to, you have to truly believe that in your
heart that there is something out there for you.
(27:43):
Do some soul searching. You have to work on yourself first.
Get that negative mindset out. Because it
really comes down to your mindset as well. If you
sit here and believe that there's something out, there's nothing out there,
then nothing will find you. If you believe that there is
a woman that fits what you
want out of life and compliments
you, then you will find that person.
(28:06):
Also, you might just need to stop looking and understand
where you're looking. If you're going to the bars looking for a
woman, you might find the wrong woman. So you may need to
figure out where the best place to
go to find that mate. And sometimes it
could just be natural finding by going for a
walking AP park. You never know. If you keep your
(28:26):
mind open, just be confident in who you
are, you'll find the right person.
>> Scot McKay (28:31):
You know, a lot of people out there would say you beat the eyesds by meeting
each other on a dating app because man is that ever assessed pool
nowadays. So it really can be anywhere.
Marriage is not supposed to be a Sociopol political
agenda. So when you let sociopit
political stuff poison something
beautiful that's arising between a man and a
woman, really what you're doing is being easily
(28:53):
led. That's not leadership, that's following,
and that's not very smart. And in many ways
it's not very practical. Yet I know so many
couples who have a
reasonably good relationship and it's being strained
by what they're being told by social media and the
evening news. And I just think that's tragic.
(29:13):
So I thank you so much for bringing that up. You know, my last
question was going to be for both of you.
What would you tell someone who's struggling with
exactly what you've been struggling with over the years right
now? And what would you tell them to help
inspire them to lift themselves out of that pit? But you know
what, Courtney? You gave a brilliant answer to that
already. Do you have anything to add to that before I turn the
(29:35):
mic over to Michael?
>> Courtney Allison (29:37):
I think that the one thing that I will. I want
to make sure that we, we call out. If you're struggling
right now, find a
counselor and make sure you. I
always tell Michael that counseling is like dating
because you have to find the right counselor too. Just don't pick
any counselor. You need to match your counselor with
who you are, what your background is, your cultural
(29:59):
upbringing. That's very important as well. So find
a counselor if you're struggling with it and talk those things
through with the right person that can give you the right
advice.
>> Scot McKay (30:08):
Michael?
>> Michael Allison (30:09):
Yeah, I would just add, I would recommend to
any man that's out there that either been divorced
or struggling or try to navigate this relationship
thing is court, you mentioned this first, but
is identify some things and do that soul searching within
yourself and identify who you are,
reclaim yourself, reclaim your masculinity.
And once you step into who you're truly
(30:32):
supposed to be, then so many things
will open up for you because your, your vision
has changed, your perspective has changed, your outlook
have changed, and now you could actually go in
the direction of where you're trying to go with your
relationship now. You'll identify, this is the type of
woman that I'm looking for. This is the type of woman that meets the
(30:52):
standards that I want to be within my life that I
could say, this is something I could go a long term with.
Because we could get so down the rabbit
hole of, falling into the traps of
distractions, drift off of the path of where we're
trying to go in a relationship.
>> Scot McKay (31:08):
Boom. I think that's Your mic drop. Wonderful,
wonderful conversation, man. We went a lot of places.
Angel fear to tread nowadays when it comes to talking
about relationships. But I want to thank both of you.
You're very inspiring Indeed. And I'm 100%
sure the guys'got a lot out of this
conversation. I want to point these
guys to your website, Michael, which,
(31:30):
is the Adversity Academy where they can find out
more about you. And
that's@mountaintoppodcast.com
Allison with two L'A L L
I S O N. And what are they going to find when they get
to that website, Michael?
>> Michael Allison (31:45):
Yeah, definitely when they come to the website, they'll have the opportunity
to be a part of my, group coaching, my one on one
coaching, my online personal development
programs called a Break the Bottle. And then also for
our CEOs and executives out there, we do have
leadership development training for our first time
supervisors, middle management supervisors and executive CEOs
too as well.
>> Scot McKay (32:05):
Yeah, that's something I've come to realize lately as well is that
relationships and business are very similar.
>> Michael Allison (32:11):
Definitely, Scot. I agree with you man. I think personal development and
professional development do coincide.
>> Scot McKay (32:16):
Yeah, good stuff. And also, gentlemen, be on the
lookout for the upcoming podcast, Marriage
is Beautiful, hosted by both Michael and Courtney
Allison. Both of you, thank you so much for joining
us today. I think it's been absolutely
valuable and fantastic to have both of you on as a
couple. Thank you again.
>> Michael Allison (32:34):
It was an absolute pleasure to be here with you, Scot. Thank you, man.
>> Courtney Allison (32:36):
Yes, thank you so much, Scot. I enjoyed every minute of
it.
>> Scot McKay (32:40):
Well, both of you are quite welcome. Hope to have you back as your
marriage evolves. When your, podcast is launched, make it a
point to come back and talk to us about that.
>> Courtney Allison (32:48):
Absolutely, absolutely.
>> Scot McKay (32:49):
All right, gentlemen, head on over to
mountaintoppodcast.com and check out our
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Gentlemen, I also want to hear about you, about what you got going on
in your relationships with women and, yes, in your career. Right
(34:13):
now, the first call is absolutely free. You can
schedule that@mountoppodcast.com using the red
button in the upper right hand corner of the website,
especially if you're on a desktop. I think if you're on a mobile, it's front
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(34:33):
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you@mountaintoppodcast.com.
and until I talk to you again real soon, this is Scot McKay from
X&Y Communications in San Antonio,
Texas. Be good out there.
>> Edroy Odem (34:58):
The, Mountain Top Podcast is produced by EXO and
Y Communications. All rights reserved
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for men. This is Ed Roy Odom
(35:18):
speaking for the Mountain Top Podcast.
live from the mist and shrouded mountaintop fortress
that is X and Y Communications headquarters,
you're listening to the world famous Mountain Top
Podcast. And now, here's your host,
Scot McKay.
>> Scot McKay (00:19):
All right, gentlemen, welcome to yet another episode of the world famous
Mountaint top podcast. I'm your host, Scot McKay.
You can find me on X, on True Social, on
Tik Toc and on YouTube. Scot McKay. That's C O
T McK A Y and Real Scot
McKay on both threads and Instagram.
The Facebook group which you guys should all be a
(00:39):
part of by now is indeed facebook.com
groups mountaintop
summit. If you go to Facebook, search and type in
Mountain Top Summit, it should come right up. Join our group of guys who are getting better
with women and becoming better men in the process.
And as always, gentlemen,
mountaintoppodcast.com is the place to
go for all things related to this podcast. Free
(01:01):
download, show notes, all that is there for you and
more@mountaintoppodcast.com.
my returning guest today is none other
than Michael Allison, who is the CEO of
the Adversity Academy and a
professional speaker at the national and perhaps
international level. the difference today is he has
brought his lovely wife Courtney Allison with
(01:23):
him to talk about, well,
second chances with women. And, I'm looking forward to
a great show. It's not typical for this
podcast to have two guests at once, but I'm excited about this
particular one for sure. Michael and Courtney Allison,
welcome to the show.
>> Courtney Allison (01:38):
Thank you.
>> Michael Allison (01:40):
Hey, Scot, thank you for having us here, man. It's an absolute pleasure to be back with
you, man.
>> Scot McKay (01:43):
It's an absolute pleasure to have you both here. Double the pleasure, because you're
both here this time.
>> Courtney Allison (01:47):
Absolutely. We're excited that be on the show together.
>> Scot McKay (01:50):
Yeah. And, Courtney, I'm going to throw you under the bus. This is
your first podcast interview ever.
>> Courtney Allison (01:56):
It is. But it's a delight to have this as our
conversation point. So I'm excited about it and
ready to rock and roll.
>> Scot McKay (02:03):
Yeah, you're already doing a great job. Now, see, by day,
you're a lady boss in the it world, so you know what
you're doing. You have lots of confidence. You're ready to rock. This is
just another little knch in
your gun, huh? Huh?
>> Courtney Allison (02:15):
That's right.
>> Scot McKay (02:16):
That's right. All right, now, truth be
told, both of you have a future
together as podcast host for
couples. So you have a show upcoming. Is that
correct?
>> Michael Allison (02:27):
Yeah, that's correct. We have the, Marriage Beautiful podcast.
That's we're in their works and in the makings right now. But it's
more so about helping couples based off some of the things that
we've been through ourselves that we'll share here, probably here with you
on your podcast. But it to help people to get through some of those same things that
we've been through challenging as with. As well.
>> Scot McKay (02:44):
Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, with that title, you'll have some convincing to
do, but I'm sure it'll be a
change a lot of hearts and minds and marriages, I'm
sure. You know, on that note, Emily and
I launched. Oh, man, it's probably going back
16 or 17 years. Tempest fugitss,
doesn't it? We had the domain.
(03:05):
We had the whole forum set up. We were going
to do a podcast, and we called it the Happy Couples
Hangout. Sounds like a great name.
Yeah, we've abandoned the domain since then and
everything. Boy, it never got off the ground because
happy couples don't have any questions.
We're happy. What do we need? What do we need you fools for? You know,
(03:27):
I mean, we're over here, you know, living the dream. What do you want to do? Disrupt that
or something? Why would I want to talk about my marriage with
a bunch of other happy couples? I can do that with my bfs.
So it actually, there was no pain point there, so nothing
happened. But, I mean, waving the banner of
marriage, being beautiful, I think is beautiful in and of itself. And I'm sure
you guys have a great show and everybody needs a little bit of
(03:47):
encouragement. And, Michael, the last time you
were on, you were one of the few guests we had on who
actually gave his backstory,
because it's one hell of a backstory. You've been through a
lot. you're a military veteran. Thank you for your service again,
by the way.
>> Michael Allison (04:02):
Thank you.
>> Scot McKay (04:03):
And, man, the things that you have overcome
in this life would just make Will Smith
and Pursuit of Happiness blush.
Man, that movie's so hard to watch. It's like any
Taylor Sheridan show where everything bad happens to everybody
all the time. It's just. It's not entertainment. And
certainly, your early life was less than entertaining. But
(04:25):
now you are with Courtney again,
I might add. And I would love for both of you to
share that story, especially you, Courtney,
from your perspective, because, man,
this is one of those stories. Gentlemen, let me just give you the spoiler
alert where if they can do it, you could do it. You know, if
you have something that's just rot in your life right now
(04:45):
and you're kind of in a dark time. Let
these two speak to you, minister
to you even. Because what they've been through and what
they've overcome and not only still standing, but being happy
is just overwhelming. So you two tell your story. I've
said enough.
>> Courtney Allison (05:01):
Okay. I don't know where to begin, man. So I'm
gonna start at the. Not too far to the beginning,
but we'll give it a little go here. I met Michael.
We actually dated on from an online app
and that's how we met. We dated for five
years in Georgia after we actually got to see
each other after, being online.
(05:22):
And then we got married, move. I moved
to Maryland. And that
first six months we were blended family as well. I
must say that I had a nine year old
at the time and he had ah, a three year old
at the time. And when we got married, it was
definitely a rocky road trying to blend the families. And
(05:43):
as you know from, Michael's past,
he also was in the military and he was dealing
with his own traumas. I was also dealing with
my own, family upbringing trauma. So trying to
blend not just the families but also the traumas
together. We didn't have a lot of tools in the toolbox on
how to figure out communication, conflict
(06:03):
resolutions. so that was a battle in our home
for the first six months and we
decided to part ways. He also was going through
a, nasty custody battle
in another state down in Florida. So
with that being said, I left,
and went to live with my son in
(06:24):
Maryland and he went to live with his son
in Florida. And we struggled, trying to figure
out how to make a long distance
relationship. During our separation. We didn't quite get
a divorce yet. We separated, and then
we just decided at that point it was not working.
And six months after that, so about a
(06:44):
year later we were divorced. And
we, I want to say about a month after that
divorce was final, we was like, oh
crap, what did we just do?
Because ultimately we really loved each
other. And yeah, we had some
challenging times, but we felt like we could kind of rebuild
(07:04):
and we struggled with the rebuilding, going to
counseling virtually. and then
we also decided to date long
distance for quite a while and
fast forward a little bit. There's a lot more to this story
and I'll let Michael fill in any gaps here. But
after about, I want to say about three to
four years of long distance
(07:27):
dating, we then decided to. Okay, now
let's, let's try again. And we
moved back in a House together. And there we go again.
It was a battle. so still didn't really
learn a lot. Didn't have a core foundation
in. In our beliefs as far as our faith with
Christ. Both of us was just struggling,
and, we part ways again. So it
(07:50):
wasn't the second chance. It was like a third
chance. so after that,
I moved back home in Atlanta,
and he worked on himself individually,
I worked on myself individually. And
we decided to do counseling. One more try,
virtually. And we
got remarried in March of 2023, and I moved
(08:12):
back to Florida at the
time. So here we are again, two years
now, remarried, and it's been the
best two years of my life, to be honest,
Scot. I mean, we've learned so much through this
process of marriage and understanding each other as a
relationship. And this has
been the happiest time we've ever had in
(08:35):
this whole 15 years of dating, remarried, dating,
remarried, time of our life.
>> Scot McKay (08:40):
Now, see, Michael's going to get up here and go, that's not how it happened at
all.
Now, just a little comic relief there. that is a beautiful story. I
love the name of your upcoming podcast even more. Marriage is
Beautiful. Because people would look at both of you
and go, well, that would be an ironic name. this
is gonna have to be some kind of comedy show or something, because that doesn't sound
(09:00):
beautiful at all. It sounds like a total lurid
mess. But you know
what's interesting about what you just said, Courtney, and you
have no way of knowing this, but two of our
recent guests, not one, but two, got on this
show and said the greatest harbinger of a
lasting relationship is not necessarily how much
a couple has in common, but their ability to
(09:22):
handle conflict together.
>> Courtney Allison (09:24):
Yes, absolutely.
>> Scot McKay (09:26):
And that's what you're preaching, isn't it? Because maybe the
first time around, possibly even that second time around, you two
were kind of out in the cold when it comes to that stuff. I. Michael.
>> Michael Allison (09:35):
Yeah, that's true, man. You know, for us, when we
got together, we were in our late 20s,
and then we got married in our young 30s,
and we're thinking that we know it all, but quite
honestly, there's no true blueprint to what marriage is like
with two people from two different, backgrounds. And I say that she's.
I'm from the Caribbean, have a different background, upbringing, and
(09:56):
what marriage. And what does a couple relationship look like?
Especially somebody coming out of the military, too, as well, where things are much
more structured, much for standard for me. And
then meeting her and her son in Our blended
family situation. So there's a lot more dynamics that I had to deal with
and understand. And someone being
at that particular time of my life with dealing with
(10:16):
so many things, I, It was coming at me pretty fast,
and, it was a big struggle for me to, as well, going
through that. And I guess you want to say
someone that has, ptsd, someone that is dealing with some of
the mental challenges and things like that. I have a very short
temper and get frustrated very
easily. I could easily go into depression mode very
fast. And some of those things were really triggering a lot of things for
(10:39):
me. And I was pouring out some of that
frustration into my family, too, as well. Man.
And that's some of the things that I truly had to address before
I even wanted to step back into our relationship and put
our family back together.
>> Scot McKay (10:52):
Yeah. You know, a lot of times people talk
about relationship readiness, don't they? And it
seems, this ethereal standard that
we all have to kind of live up to, and
no one really can define it very well, but they know it when they see
it. Apparently, if you're going through a whole lot of stuff
like that, there really isn't a whole lot of yourself left
(11:13):
to give to a relationship because you're trying to bail
out your own lifeboat. You know what I mean?
>> Courtney Allison (11:18):
Right. Yeah.
>> Michael Allison (11:19):
When you're. When you're going through this stuff and you're sinking
and there's no one there to help you, like,
throw an anchor and help you, man. it'll keep you down there, man. But
luckily for us, you know, we kind of, like, relied on each
other and knew that there was something there between the
bond between us, and we just had to, like, dig in
and actually truly work on that if we truly wanted to make this thing
(11:39):
work.
>> Courtney Allison (11:40):
Also, we both come from families
where our mom and dads are still together,
and so that is a significant part of our
life. And seeing those, relationships,
we knew that they've been through difficult times,
and we knew that they figured it out. Yeah, they're
not perfect. U. they. They've had a lot of conflict in
(12:00):
their lives, both of our families, but. So we wanted
to understand why we couldn't figure it
out. Why did we. We couldn't
understand how to be, I guess, like the
old folks would Relationships.
>> Scot McKay (12:14):
Right, Right. No, I understand exactly what you're
saying. And again, the two of you
probably would have no way of knowing this, but I was
the first divorcee in my entire family's history
on both sides.
>> Courtney Allison (12:27):
Oh, wow.
>> Scot McKay (12:28):
And you can imagine the shame and the guilt at, the
familial level. I mean, all of a sudden I
was, you know, not exactly
Persona non grata. I mean, everybody was gracious, but nobody knew how
to handle me or my situation. You know, it's
almost like when you're married and you have other couples
as friends and then somebody gets divorced and no one wants to hang out with the
(12:49):
third wheel anymore. They have to go start all over, even at the friendship
level with other people. Yeah, there's
a lot of pressure there when your family has a
history of strong, positive marriages or even
dysfunctional marriages where they gutd out and stay together anyway,
even though one of them probably should have left, because that's
just not what we do around here. So I completely
understand what you're talking about. I would like to add
(13:11):
two things there. First of all, the fact
that the two of you are together after breaking up not
once, but twice is unusual
and indeed improbable. And I've been on
record as saying that when couples break up, it's
probably for good reason and they should stay broken
up. And usually when they get together,
(13:31):
it's because they don't have any other options or they're returning to
what they know, or they have a somewhat
fantastic, in the true sense of the word, view
of what happened the first time around, because human memory likes
to remember only the good times and close
out or repress those bad times. But
the two of you have beaten the odds here,
and that indicates that there was something there both
(13:54):
of you needed to figure out, or a lot of something'there that both of you
needed to figure out, and you've done it. And that's what I want
to talk about next. But before we go there, there's
a lot of talk on this show, Michael and Courtney,
about transactional relationships,
because you mentioned Courtney, what is it about the old folks, you
know, as you called them, and I resemble that nowadays. I'm
(14:15):
getting closer and closer to that point, by the way I
look in the mirror and go, dad, you know? And,
they all tend to be together for a long time. I think there
was. I mean, there's no doubt there was less
divorce back during, you know, the greatest Generation,
as we call them. M. The World War II folks are in their 90s
now. And nowadays
relationships seems somewhat disposable, don't they?
(14:38):
Yeah, it's like, if I get together with
someone, what are they going to do for me and what am I
going to do for them? What's the deal, we strike here. That's
in the best interest of both parties. And of course,
when someone's not getting what they need, they cut and they
run. Because it was all a business deal. It was a
transaction. And
also nowadays, the most
(15:00):
current state is people are entering into relationships
really without any mind at all towards what the other
person should get or is entitled
to get from this relationship. It's all about what I want, what I need, and
if I don't get it, I'm cutting and running, regardless of whether you're fed or
not around here. And that's really a sad state
of affairs. So talk to us a little bit
(15:21):
more, Courtney and Michael, about how you
battled back against that postmodern
mindset and said, okay, both of
us, we've been through some stuff here, but we do. We
absolutely love each other. This isn't something that's
a purely transactional relationship. There's
meaning, there's purpose, there's a longing for each
other that a lot of other couples lack, and that's worth
(15:43):
giving this every shot we have. What
process caused you to arrive at that solution
of going old school, for lack of a better way to put it?
>> Courtney Allison (15:52):
For me, Scot, I would say that it had a lot
to do with my faith. Right. I grew up
knowing that divorce wasn't an option
in my family or just in my. My
faith. And I. And I was battling that,
being separated, from Michael,
ah, just m. Me and my spiritual growth with. With
(16:12):
God. And I had to
find reasons, just trying to figure out
and balance the reasons on why am I
separated. And just
reflecting in my spiritual growth and my spiritual faith,
I just knew that that's not something that I wanted in
my life. And so I had to do the individual
work as well to kind of reflect on what did
(16:35):
I do in this relationship that caused
us to move into a direction of separation and
divorce. So I went to individual counseling.
It wasn't just about Michael doing his work.
I had to also reflect as a woman, where did I
need to grow? And that's what
really made me realize that there's more to this
(16:55):
relationship than just,
the issues that we were having. Also with a
saint. With that in mind, the issues that
we were having were not irresolvable.
We could get through these issues if we were just talking through them
and had the right tools in the right
people to talk with. And some wisdom,
(17:16):
basically, is what we needed, about the issues that we
were going through. So after understanding
that, then I realized that our
relationship is much more than what we've allowed
us to be.
>> Scot McKay (17:28):
Michael, it sounds like the two of you didn't play ye old
blame game with each other. Like this is all her fault. She's go
going toa have to fix everything or I'm not coming back and vice versa. You didn't
play that game.
>> Michael Allison (17:38):
No, we didn't. We actually took accountability and
responsibility individually first, which that was the first thing that we
did. And as we separated, we identified
some of the things that was tied to that. And for myself,
I had to work all myself from the inside out
and identify what were some of the
areas that were keeping me back to
(17:58):
be my whole self in this relationship and give
100% of myself in this relationship. And as I
took a step back, you know, Scot, I was dealing
with the trauma from the past. But then some of those
things I was dealing with also was tied
to some people. People call it, soul ties. So things
from past relationships that included from like my
(18:18):
ex wife that I was still carrying on with some
fear, some guilt, some aggression that was tied to that
that could potentially hurt me in this relationship.
And subconsciously I was holding that
against Courtney as well too. Then
following that, I'm going through this child custody situation
with my own personal son and I'm
(18:39):
going through raising a son, which is her
son, and I'm struggling in that department
too. And it caused a bit of resentment, a whole bunch of
other feelings that I was dealing with and going through at that time. So that's when
I really had to start looking at what is causing me to feel this
way. And that's how I started working on myself to
address some of these things in regards to moving
forward, following that. For me, you know,
(19:01):
I think it was a moral
obligation for me in regards to taking this woman,
taking her hand and asking her to be my
wife. And I guess
knowing that I did not fulfill what I said I
was going toa do and keep my word to that. And
kind of like when it, when I look at the accountability standpoint
of it, did I uphold my end of the
(19:23):
bargain in regards to us walking away?
And I personally did not feel like I did that. So
that's when I said, all right, how can I change,
change things about myself to be a better man? And
that's when I got into things with accountability
partners, got into things with coaching, got into things with our mentors
and different groups. And some of those things truly helped
(19:43):
me. And one of the biggest things was also
changing my environment. So either the people that was hanging
around. Some of the things I was watching on tv, some of the things I was
listening to, some of those external factors
that could actually have an impact on that played a
partner to me changing and going a different direction to as well.
>> Scot McKay (20:01):
Yeah, you know, you're talking about those external influences. A lot of men out there
are listening to this red pilled stuff. And the men go in their own way,
have a huge presence on YouTube. And
guys who actually mean well and actually lik and
adore women can fall into that trap of being a little
jaded by what they hear. You know, you'll be called a simp if
you do anything to try to get a woman back. you
get derided in the men's groups
(20:23):
on Facebook for even trying to
repair a marriage because these guys will get all macho and go, just kick
her to the curb. Meanwhile, the women are no better. You have angry
feminists out there telling women they don't need a man at
all. You probably shouldn't even want a man.
And all this does nothing but, spur
along that idea that men and women shouldn't be
together. And next thing you know, men shouldn't
(20:45):
be masculine. They don't need to be providers and protectors.
Masculinity and femininity at best
are social constructs. at worst,
masculinity is toxic, no matter what you try to make it
look like, even if you mean well. And that
means fewer couples are getting married, fewer
couples who get together stay together, there's pressure
on the birth rate, fewer couples are having kids,
(21:07):
and that to me is what's toxic.
But by the two of you having the wherewithal
and yes, to use the same word you did, Courtney,
having that wisdom that really only comes from
life experience. You know, you could be as book smart as you want
to be, but until you've lived some life and been kicked around the block
a few times, you really don't have the wisdom you should have to make the kind of
(21:28):
decisions you need to make to really succeed in life. So with that wisdom
the two of you share. Now, both of you did work
on yourself saying, hey, you know what? I don't care
who has an opinion on this. I'm going toa do
what I think is right between me and my God,
to be the best person I can be. And then when the
two of you got back together, it
(21:48):
wasn't really that you were, a simp or anything because you had
this goal in mind of getting your ex back. Both of you were
on the Same page. You see, when it's a double standard
or it's one sided, that's when someone's acting
foolishly. But because both of you knew you loved each other and you
wanted this, that was almost like, you know,
the magic wand you needed to wave over this to get the two of you
(22:09):
back together. Although it's perfectly logical, not magical.
>> Michael Allison (22:12):
Yeah, I agree with you, man. When it's, a
common bond and both of us
feel equally yoked together and
we're equally vested, I think
it made the, process much more seamless for us
in regards to wanting to be involved and wanted to be there to support
each other as we did. We did went on this journey
(22:32):
individually, and then we went on this journey collectively
together too. Then we even brought our kids in. And that
was the, beautiful aspect of this in regards to
bringing our family back together. As I mentioned to you before, I felt
like this was my part in regards to,
as a man, as a father, that I wanted to
get my family back together, get my kids back together
(22:52):
and rebuild that. You know, I feel
obligated that this was something that I played a part in
breaking down and I wanted to play a part in building that back up.
You know, we could, we could get caught up in some of these
things out, hear either the rhetoric around alpha males
getting quot of the rhetoric around some of the things where
you're not a man of this or any of those types of things, but for me,
(23:13):
at my core beliefs and some of the things that I feel
like I'm truly obligated to do as a man, as a husband, as a
father, you know, I'm going to step into that place and step
into that role to make sure that I'm going to be in
that position, to make sure that I'm going to take care of my family,
take care of my wife and take care of my kids, well, you'll.
>> Scot McKay (23:30):
Get no argument from this side that a real man puts
his family first.
>> Michael Allison (23:35):
Right?
>> Scot McKay (23:35):
You'll get no argument from me there. Michael, what
would you say to men out there who say,
look, all women are terrible, they're all going to
leave you. None of them really love you. They're all selfish, they're
solipsistic, they're kind of in their own
head. They live for the moment and as soon as someone taller, more
handsome and richer comes along, they're out the door. So, yeah, you really
(23:55):
are being foolish here. This is all a big pipe dream. You're being
a little quixotic about this. If you will. What would you say
to those guys?
>> Michael Allison (24:03):
Yeah, what I would say to those guys is truly identify
what is your standards, what is your identity?
What is things that you believe in at
your core that you will die on a
hill for. And you're going to have
plenty of women come across you, but the
ones that's truly for you, they're going to truly be there for
(24:23):
you, regardless of any of your
circumstances, any of those situations. And
when you're looking for the type of woman that's going to be in your
corner, be by your side through the good, through the bad,
any of those circumstances, that's who you truly need
to identify with. But you need to identify what your standards
are. Because whenever you get into circumstances,
situations where you're going to have these women that
(24:46):
are transactional fly by night or in it for some of
these superficial types of things. If you're not making the money, if
you're not driving the car, if you don't have the job, if you
don't have a certain typ of status or
stature in life, then
eventually you might see her walk out the door on
you, cheat on you, or seek things in other places that
you cannot provide. So you need to truly be
(25:08):
confident in yourself. You need to build up yourself to,
understand where this is who I am, this is who I
stand for, and this is the type of person that I'm looking for
to be with. And if this person cannot be with me for
what I stand for, what I believe in, then that's a good
telltale sign that this person is not for you.
>> Scot McKay (25:25):
Courtney, this show is almost 100%
men listening.
>> Courtney Allison (25:29):
Oay. Okay, that's good.
>> Scot McKay (25:31):
I love how you. I love how you had a good natured laugh at that
one. I'm gonna ask you the same question
from your perspective. There are a lot of women out there who think
there are no good men.
>> Courtney Allison (25:42):
Uh-huh.
>> Scot McKay (25:42):
And you and Michael, and
this is addressed to both of you had every right to
believe, you know, what they said about the other gender
and about marriage was absolutely correct. This
sucks. I should never have done it. It was a big mistake. Now I've
made that mistake twice as you roll your eyes. And I'm
never going back. I am going my own way. But here you are, both
(26:03):
of you are together. I think you've talked very
eloquently and clearly about what
got the two of you back together for good this time.
But, Courtney, what would you say to the guys out
there who were pretty convinced all women are
against men? They've decided that none of the men are any
good. there are a lot of women out there who
think men are responsible for everything bad
(26:26):
that's ever happened in the world. And there's a lot of propaganda
out there about it. First of all,
why are you still thinking differently? And second of all, what would you
say to the men out there who might be suffering from this mindset that
says, I'm never going to find a good woman, so why try?
>> Courtney Allison (26:40):
Well, the first thing I would say is we, you have to be able
to find the ability to silence the
noise. there is a lot of noise that
happened while we were trying to get back
together. Whether or not it was family that didn't want me to go
back, whether or not it was friends
or just like you say social media
(27:01):
or you see it on tv, they don't go back to
your ex or don't men or this, men or
that. so you have to silence the noise and know what you
want for yourself. And I think M. Michael said it best. Being
confident in who you are as well as
knowing exactly what matters to you
most in a significant other.
You have to understand that. Take some time
(27:22):
to sit down and reflect. Reflect on what
makes what, what makes you proud, what makes
you happy, what, what do you want out of life
and then start to, to believe and understand
that you are capable of finding someone.
you have to, you have to truly believe that in your
heart that there is something out there for you.
(27:43):
Do some soul searching. You have to work on yourself first.
Get that negative mindset out. Because it
really comes down to your mindset as well. If you
sit here and believe that there's something out, there's nothing out there,
then nothing will find you. If you believe that there is
a woman that fits what you
want out of life and compliments
you, then you will find that person.
(28:06):
Also, you might just need to stop looking and understand
where you're looking. If you're going to the bars looking for a
woman, you might find the wrong woman. So you may need to
figure out where the best place to
go to find that mate. And sometimes it
could just be natural finding by going for a
walking AP park. You never know. If you keep your
(28:26):
mind open, just be confident in who you
are, you'll find the right person.
>> Scot McKay (28:31):
You know, a lot of people out there would say you beat the eyesds by meeting
each other on a dating app because man is that ever assessed pool
nowadays. So it really can be anywhere.
Marriage is not supposed to be a Sociopol political
agenda. So when you let sociopit
political stuff poison something
beautiful that's arising between a man and a
woman, really what you're doing is being easily
(28:53):
led. That's not leadership, that's following,
and that's not very smart. And in many ways
it's not very practical. Yet I know so many
couples who have a
reasonably good relationship and it's being strained
by what they're being told by social media and the
evening news. And I just think that's tragic.
(29:13):
So I thank you so much for bringing that up. You know, my last
question was going to be for both of you.
What would you tell someone who's struggling with
exactly what you've been struggling with over the years right
now? And what would you tell them to help
inspire them to lift themselves out of that pit? But you know
what, Courtney? You gave a brilliant answer to that
already. Do you have anything to add to that before I turn the
(29:35):
mic over to Michael?
>> Courtney Allison (29:37):
I think that the one thing that I will. I want
to make sure that we, we call out. If you're struggling
right now, find a
counselor and make sure you. I
always tell Michael that counseling is like dating
because you have to find the right counselor too. Just don't pick
any counselor. You need to match your counselor with
who you are, what your background is, your cultural
(29:59):
upbringing. That's very important as well. So find
a counselor if you're struggling with it and talk those things
through with the right person that can give you the right
advice.
>> Scot McKay (30:08):
Michael?
>> Michael Allison (30:09):
Yeah, I would just add, I would recommend to
any man that's out there that either been divorced
or struggling or try to navigate this relationship
thing is court, you mentioned this first, but
is identify some things and do that soul searching within
yourself and identify who you are,
reclaim yourself, reclaim your masculinity.
And once you step into who you're truly
(30:32):
supposed to be, then so many things
will open up for you because your, your vision
has changed, your perspective has changed, your outlook
have changed, and now you could actually go in
the direction of where you're trying to go with your
relationship now. You'll identify, this is the type of
woman that I'm looking for. This is the type of woman that meets the
(30:52):
standards that I want to be within my life that I
could say, this is something I could go a long term with.
Because we could get so down the rabbit
hole of, falling into the traps of
distractions, drift off of the path of where we're
trying to go in a relationship.
>> Scot McKay (31:08):
Boom. I think that's Your mic drop. Wonderful,
wonderful conversation, man. We went a lot of places.
Angel fear to tread nowadays when it comes to talking
about relationships. But I want to thank both of you.
You're very inspiring Indeed. And I'm 100%
sure the guys'got a lot out of this
conversation. I want to point these
guys to your website, Michael, which,
(31:30):
is the Adversity Academy where they can find out
more about you. And
that's@mountaintoppodcast.com
Allison with two L'A L L
I S O N. And what are they going to find when they get
to that website, Michael?
>> Michael Allison (31:45):
Yeah, definitely when they come to the website, they'll have the opportunity
to be a part of my, group coaching, my one on one
coaching, my online personal development
programs called a Break the Bottle. And then also for
our CEOs and executives out there, we do have
leadership development training for our first time
supervisors, middle management supervisors and executive CEOs
too as well.
>> Scot McKay (32:05):
Yeah, that's something I've come to realize lately as well is that
relationships and business are very similar.
>> Michael Allison (32:11):
Definitely, Scot. I agree with you man. I think personal development and
professional development do coincide.
>> Scot McKay (32:16):
Yeah, good stuff. And also, gentlemen, be on the
lookout for the upcoming podcast, Marriage
is Beautiful, hosted by both Michael and Courtney
Allison. Both of you, thank you so much for joining
us today. I think it's been absolutely
valuable and fantastic to have both of you on as a
couple. Thank you again.
>> Michael Allison (32:34):
It was an absolute pleasure to be here with you, Scot. Thank you, man.
>> Courtney Allison (32:36):
Yes, thank you so much, Scot. I enjoyed every minute of
it.
>> Scot McKay (32:40):
Well, both of you are quite welcome. Hope to have you back as your
marriage evolves. When your, podcast is launched, make it a
point to come back and talk to us about that.
>> Courtney Allison (32:48):
Absolutely, absolutely.
>> Scot McKay (32:49):
All right, gentlemen, head on over to
mountaintoppodcast.com and check out our
three main sponsors. JoCo, WillInKx, company
origin in Maine, the Keyport, and also, and especially
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Gentlemen, I also want to hear about you, about what you got going on
in your relationships with women and, yes, in your career. Right
(34:13):
now, the first call is absolutely free. You can
schedule that@mountoppodcast.com using the red
button in the upper right hand corner of the website,
especially if you're on a desktop. I think if you're on a mobile, it's front
and center right there at the top. Schedule that call with me for about a
half an hour. We'll talk about what you got going on. I guarantee
results in advance even if you don't do a coaching program with me.
(34:33):
But if you do want to do a coaching program with me, if you think that's a
good fit, we'll put that together as well. All of that
and more is there for
you@mountaintoppodcast.com.
and until I talk to you again real soon, this is Scot McKay from
X&Y Communications in San Antonio,
Texas. Be good out there.
>> Edroy Odem (34:58):
The, Mountain Top Podcast is produced by EXO and
Y Communications. All rights reserved
worldwide. M Be sure to visit
www.mountaintoppodcast.com
for show notes. And while you're there, sign
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(35:18):
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