March 20, 2025 • 28 mins
Co-Host Emily McKay (https://www.deservewhatyouwant.com) Nowadays we live in a culture that extols selfhood and immediate gratification. As marriage becomes less revered as an institution, lots of people are asking if there's really any reason to hold off from having sex extremely early in the relationship...even on the same day they meet. I mean, if that's what both of you want, why not? But as we all know, life has a way of throwing complications at you...even if you're all about nothing more than a sexually transactional relationship. Whatever happened to connection? What even IS 'connection' anyway, and does it have to take very long to happen? If the two of you are horny and just want to have a fling, to what extent do you even HAVE to connect...at all? Isn't sexual chemistry enough in that case? And what if you're a person of faith and don't believe in sex before marriage? Does that mean you're basically supposed to remain platonic friends until your wedding night? Well, we all know the truth about 'technical virginity' and how fragile even that is vis-a-vis natural human urges and impulses. Does having sex too soon in a relationship negatively affect the prospects for a long-term relationship? I mean, can you trust each other away from home when you couldn't even resist temptation together? But on the other hand, can your sexual relationship suffer if you waited too LONG? Why is what the pickup artist movement used to teach really a disservice to both women AND men? But wait a minute...does one partner really HAVE to lie or cheat the other in order to make sex happen fast? That aside, what--if anything--do we miss out on as humanoids by rushing into a sexual relationship immediately? What is 'the talk' every couple should have before having sex? (Well, except for ONE key exception!) Snap up your ticket for this week's Masterclass For Men at https://mountaintoppodcast.com/masterclass
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Scot McKay (00:00):
all right, gentlemen, it's masterclass time again. And the title of
this coming Wednesday's masterclass to be held
on March 26,
2025 at 8:00pm Eastern Daylight
Time, speaks for itself. Better in
bed. How to be the best she's ever had.
Now guys, listen, I have no Idea
(00:21):
how we went 36 MasterC Classasses deep into
this without ever having done an event on just how
to be the kind of man, a woman always
craves in the bedroom. But that, that's what you can expect
from this coming Wednesday's masterclass. Yes, we're going
to talk about techniques. We're going to talk about how to rock
her in the bedroom like she's never experienced before in
(00:41):
her entire female life. But we're also going to cover
all important areas like the mindset
of a man who is amazing in
bed, how to go out with a woman
and prime her with mental foreplay all
day long so that by the time you get back to your place or
hers, man, it is just no hals
barred sexual mayhem. And best of all, I'm
(01:03):
not going to teach you how to be a sleazy pickup artist who's reeling in the
biscuit or something. I'm going to show you how to seduce
women the way they want to be seduced
and give it to them the way they fantasize
about all that's happening this coming
Wednesday 26th March,
2025 at 8pm
Eastern Daylight Time. That's GMT
(01:26):
minus 4 for those of you guys overseas. Now
listen, this isn't going to be like dry clinical
sex advice like you d get from the Kinsey Institute or something.
Nor is it going to be some kind of prurient pseudo
porn like something hosted by a porn star or something.
This is real talk for real men about how to
be the best she's ever had.
(01:46):
And that's in bed or anywhere else your creative mind can
think of. And oh, by the way, I'll give you a few more ideas you probably
never thought of for that as well.
Better in bed. Be the best she's ever had.
This coming Wednesday's masterclass for men from XM
Y Communications. Get your ticket right
now before they're all sold
out@mountaintoppodcast.com.
(02:08):
and now my wife Emily and I are going to present
to you, a perhaps ironic topic considering what
this week's masterclass is about. But here we go.
What if we have sex too soon? It's a good
one and a fun one. Enjoy
Live from the mist and shrouded mountaintop fortress
(02:31):
that is X and Y Communications headquarters,
you're listening to the world famous Mountain Top
Podcast. And now, here's your host,
Scot McKay.
All right, everybody, how's it going? My name is Scot McKay.
>> Emily McKay (02:45):
And I'm Emily McKay.
>> Scot McKay (02:47):
And you're tuned in to yet another episode of the Big
Show. And today, Emily, we're gonna talk about topic
that's been on the back burner for quite a while, but
it's time to hit it with a big old heavy hammer.
>> Emily McKay (02:57):
Oh, boy. What is it?
>> Scot McKay (02:59):
What if we have sex too soon?
>> Emily McKay (03:01):
Huh?
>> Scot McKay (03:02):
Huh?
>> Emily McKay (03:02):
That's an interesting topic.
>> Scot McKay (03:03):
Well, first of all, is it a loaded question? Is it a
relevant question? Is it a meaningful question?
>> Emily McKay (03:08):
Well, especially in today's society, it's changed so much over
the decades that I think society views
things very differently nowadays. So I think we
should visit that topic.
>> Scot McKay (03:18):
Yeah, because it's the me first
society. Right. It's also the
immediate gratification society.
And we've fallen into that trap as
a society, as a culture of,
you know, going after transactional relationships. So for a lot of
people, we're really left with the only
reason to be together is to start screwing
(03:41):
anyway.
>> Emily McKay (03:42):
Right. Satisfying those urges rather than making
connections. Are those connections important? Are we
missing something?
>> Scot McKay (03:48):
Well, I think that begs the question. Most people, at
least cognitively, would say, well, of course I want to be able to
connect with someone. That's what it's all about. I'm thinking of Wilt
Chamberlain's infamous autobiography where he talked about having sex
with 20,000 women, and people were like, my
goodness, you're like a man whore. How could you just bang a bunch
of chicks? It seems so mindless. It seems so
gratuitous. And Wilt responded to that criticism
(04:11):
with, well, you know, I had a meaningful connection
with each one of those 20,000 women. So
can you have a meaningful connection really quickly with people?
Let's say you're a really connectable person. Like I like to
talk about so often. Is it possible to build a
connection in mere minutes, maybe with
someone?
>> Emily McKay (04:29):
Well, I think we first have to define
connection and what it truly is, because if we
all have a different idea of connection, then we're not truly
on the same page.
So let's talk about connection and what is connectable?
So connection is getting to know somebody,
knowing them inside and out and deeply. Can
we really truly say we know somebody within seconds of
(04:50):
meeting them or just having a quick fling
and then calling it quits. Is that truly a
Connection when we haven't gotten the opportunity to know
all the good and the bad and the ugly of that
individual?
>> Scot McKay (05:02):
Well, do I need to know the good, bad, and especially the
ugly about an individual before we have
sex?
>> Emily McKay (05:08):
You don't have to, but to make that connection, you do.
>> Scot McKay (05:12):
Well, I would offer that
maybe the kind of connection you're talking about
doesn't necessarily need weeks and months or
even years to make happen. Otherwise, we'd be
waiting a long time. You know, you and I got married after nine
months, for gosh sakes. You know what I mean?
So when I think of connection,
I think of two people who get each other. They know what's going on in
(05:34):
each other's head. They like each other. They've built that
rapport. Right. you know, on dates,
I've been known to say, even to you, my honey,
that we've been talking for 10 minutes, and it feels like we've known
each other for 10 years.
>> Emily McKay (05:47):
Well, we were connecting, but we haven't truly
connected until time went by.
>> Scot McKay (05:52):
How much time went by before it was time to have sex,
Emily?
>> Emily McKay (05:56):
Well, you and I spent a lot of time together. We spent
days after days after days where
some couples may see, each.
>> Scot McKay (06:03):
Other weeks after weeks, after months after months, after years.
>> Emily McKay (06:06):
Oh, don't tell. But some people, they.
They only see each other once a month or once a week. That's
entirely different.
>> Scot McKay (06:14):
Well, I suppose there can be a case made for the
importance of passage of time relative to the question at hand.
Are we having sex too soon versus
spending a lot of time with each other, joined at the hip
for, you know, an amount of
time there before it happens.
>> Emily McKay (06:30):
Well, I think people who are connecting and who
really getting along gray, even if they're not connecting, but
have a, chemistry, their spark, the excitement.
You can have that without having a
connection. And we call that infatuation.
>> Scot McKay (06:44):
Oh, yeah, but those people can't keep their hands off each
other.
>> Emily McKay (06:47):
No, of course not. There's a spark. And
is there is that attraction to each
other? But that is not the same as connecting.
>> Scot McKay (06:55):
All right, so, I mean, the title of the podcast is
what if we have Sex Too Soon? But, you know,
the inherent question underneath all of that
underpinning it foundationally, is, should
we have sex soon?
>> Emily McKay (07:09):
Well, it depends on what your goals are. I mean, if this is
going to be a temporary, just for fun, almost
like friends with benefits, or just a fling.
Or just a fling or something, you know, is going to last
a few months, and you have no permanent future.
>> Scot McKay (07:23):
Together, what Are your intentions for my daughter? Kind of stu.
Right.
>> Emily McKay (07:27):
But you need to ask that of yourself and of the person who youre with
and be honest with each other. That way theres no, hurt
feelings in the end because at least there was some honesty
there and in the way that's respectful.
>> Scot McKay (07:38):
You have to be on the same page.
>> Emily McKay (07:39):
Absolutely. If you're wanting something more
permanent and you don't discuss this with a person that you're
with, you may not have the same goals in mind and
you're in for a lot of heartbreak.
>> Scot McKay (07:50):
Well, so far we've established that having
sex too soon may be a result of not
connecting. But if you're just
horny for each other and that's what both of you are about,
then maybe there's not such thing as too
soon.
>> Emily McKay (08:05):
Right. It really depends on what you're looking for. Now, how does that
affect a long term relationship? There's people who met
on day one and were intimate and have been married
for 20, 30, 40 years. And, there's others
where that didn't happen.
>> Scot McKay (08:18):
Yeah, there are people who save themselves from marriage
after courting and dating all through high school and
college. Then one day they get married and guess
what? They don't have a sex life.
>> Emily McKay (08:28):
That can happen.
>> Scot McKay (08:29):
Also, they weren't sexually compatible even, which is
horrifying.
>> Emily McKay (08:32):
That could be. Well, that would have to result in having
some communication before you get married.
>> Scot McKay (08:38):
Well, yeah, but not only communication, but I mean, do these
parts fit together? Do we, have
the same chemistry in bed? Is that something that's
reparable?
>> Emily McKay (08:47):
I don't know.
>> Scot McKay (08:48):
Well, I guess the question at hand there is then, is it
a real thing in the real world that people
have legitimate sexual incompatibility
or are they just hallucinating?
>> Emily McKay (08:58):
Well, here's the real bottom line to that. You got
to talk and find out what each one of you are looking for
in sex. There's different kinds of sex. You
know, you may have one idea and the other person has some
extra kinky stuff going on that needs to be fulfilled for
them. And if you're not on the same page, someone'snn
be incredibly frustrated and the other one's going to feel disappointed
(09:18):
because they can't fulfill on those things. There
could be some religion or some cultural
differences on what they feel is appropriate for different types
of sex that would have a huge incompatibility
if those things aren't cleared up.
>> Scot McKay (09:32):
And to clarify, you know, when we're talking about
what's acceptable in terms of sex, we could Be
talking either before or after marriage. I mean,
the Mormons allegedly do that soaking thing, right?
>> Emily McKay (09:43):
And that's what I've heard. I don't know if it's true or not.
>> Scot McKay (09:45):
Yeah, it's widely made fun of. Apologies to all you Mormons out there,
if you're listening. But, you know, just sticking it
in and it's okay if you don't move or
thrust. That sounds a little creepy to me.
>> Emily McKay (09:57):
Well, probably more horny than anything.
>> Scot McKay (09:58):
Yeah. I mean, if you're going toa be able to do that, why not just have a hand job or a
blowy or something like that?
>> Emily McKay (10:03):
Well, some people view oral sex as not sex.
>> Scot McKay (10:06):
Some people view anal sex as not sex.
>> Emily McKay (10:08):
Just remember, the word sex is in oral
sex.
>> Scot McKay (10:12):
Fair enough. Just like anal sex. Right, but you're talking
to a guy who spent four years at a Christian conservative
university. There were plenty of people
who, were technical
virgins. They did everything but
literally. And, that's pretty
crazy because most women don't really like anal sex. But I
guess, you know, you can do that. You can do oral, you
(10:34):
can manually stimulate each
other, you can mutually masturbate, but just,
you know, don't put the round peg in the round hole that
could make babies. A lot of people think like
that.
>> Emily McKay (10:46):
well, I guess that's one way of dealing with birth control.
>> Scot McKay (10:48):
Well, it is, and that's a very valid point.
Right, because the last thing you want to do when you don't really
mean to is make a baby.
>> Emily McKay (10:56):
That reminds me, I dated one guy.
>> Scot McKay (10:58):
He accidentally made a baby.
>> Emily McKay (11:01):
Yes, that was me. O o
so we just started dating
and he told me, hey, look, I got to tell you
something. I have a baby with another lady. And
we just, we got together one time,
we only knew each other two weeks, and bam,
we have a baby together. And, and
he's helping her raise the baby. But,
(11:23):
you know, at this point, you know, this is a baby
who's born into a separate household.
>> Scot McKay (11:29):
I would say maybe even if they felt like they weren't having sex too soon,
they certainly had at least irresponsible,
unprotected, or extremely unlucky sex.
Too soon?
>> Emily McKay (11:38):
All, the above?
>> Scot McKay (11:39):
Yeah, all the above. Well, I don't know if you're irresponsible,
whether you can call it luck.
>> Emily McKay (11:44):
They have a happy baby girl.
>> Scot McKay (11:46):
Well, more power to them, I guess.
But back to our main question.
I mean, so far we've discussed, all right, are we having a
fling versus are we relationship minded?
And we've Also discussed, are we the kind of people who are at least
trying to avoid vaginal sex
before marriage? And obviously, if we
(12:06):
don't avoid vaginal sex before marriage and for
faith based reasons, we blow it. Well, more than blow it.
Obviouslyah. Then there's a lot of guilt and shame about that.
And maybe, or maybe not, those people will have
lots of guilt and shame going into their actual marriage. I mean, it's
really potentially destructive. It's a lot to live up to. And when you
mess up, when you screw up, I guess
(12:27):
is the way I should say it. I don't know if it's
recoverable in that context.
>> Emily McKay (12:32):
Right. Well, something you reminded me of. Sometimes
having sex too soon cheapens the
experience. And I think that's why a lot of couples don't
stay together after that's happened. Because it's like,
well, that was just too easy.
>> Scot McKay (12:46):
I could get the milk without buying the cow.
>> Emily McKay (12:48):
Right. And if, you know, if she upsets me or he upsets me
and we're not really connecting anymore, I can just quickly leave
because, well, there was no real,
no real appreciation for that connection,
sexual and otherwise.
>> Scot McKay (13:01):
Yeah, I can see that.
I do want to bring up one more point before we go
on, just to kind of close out what we were talking about a minute or so
ago. I think there's such thing as forgiveness. And if
you too are people of faith,
you can ask forgiveness of your God
and repent. But I think if you're building a
relationship around repeated infractions
(13:23):
against your alleged belief system
and then continue to just do it anyway, I can
only imagine that will negatively affect how good
you feel about being in a marriage together. Even perhaps how
much you trust each other. Am I off base there?
>> Emily McKay (13:36):
I was thinking the exact same thing.
>> Scot McKay (13:38):
Then I'm not off face.
>> Emily McKay (13:39):
Trust somebody if they can't hold to their belief system. So
when they're off on their own on a business trip,
are they going to hold to their faith and
to the dedication to you? Because they're supposed to be
dedicated to the religion. How can they be
dedicated to you? I mean, not that they will cheat,
but they has to kind of.
>> Scot McKay (13:58):
Well, we've already established they don't have any willpower.
>> Emily McKay (14:00):
That's true.
>> Scot McKay (14:01):
But then again, neither do you.
You're in this together. It takes two to do that, Tango.
>> Emily McKay (14:07):
Well, I tell you that emotional or,
that charged energy is intense.
>> Scot McKay (14:13):
It is. Especially when, you know, we're allowing
for two people who actually really adore each other.
And it's A special connection.
So maybe they wouldn't go off and bang their secretary or go
on a business trip and say, hey, nobody's around, nobody's gonna
know. but it still raises the question
of, hey, you know, we were supposed to keep it in the holster here and we
(14:33):
didn't.
>> Emily McKay (14:34):
Temptation.
>> Scot McKay (14:35):
Yeah, right, exactly. And we tempted each other pretty
successfully.
>> Emily McKay (14:39):
Can someone else do it?
>> Scot McKay (14:40):
Right, exactly. Let's shift gears a little
bit. During the pickup artist era, there was a lot of
talk about seduction and how you could get inside
a woman's mind and basically talk her into doing
anything through a bunch of mind tricks andlp
and stuff like that. So you had a lot of
guys, and you still do today. I mean, a lot of men
maybe even listening to this show or of this mindset,
(15:02):
hey, they're just trying to get laid. Anything it takes to
get laid. Now, from a woman's
perspective, that could lead to a whole litany of situations
where we've had sex too soon because, hey, you
pushed me or I felt pressured or I
felt tricked or this is the kicker. This is the big
one. You promised me something you weren't about
to deliver on. You told me I was the only one. You told
(15:25):
me that you loved me. M. You told me that
we were exclusive when we weren't and you were banging a bunch of other chicks
on the side. All of that has to be thought of
as destructive, right?
>> Emily McKay (15:35):
Well, yes, it's incredibly destructive. That's why we have
a lot of women out there who are third and
fourth wave feminists who are angry. They've
been hurt over and over again by men who
don't really appreciate the delicacy of
another human being.
>> Scot McKay (15:51):
Well, here's what I would add to that. On a pragmatic
level, gentlemen, listening to
this. If you're going to have sex with a woman and she at
least comes off as being relationship minded, you
better talk about where your relationship is
and where it's going before you
conveniently have sex with her. Because if you withhold that
conversation, I would say you're
(16:14):
not being a great guy.
>> Emily McKay (16:15):
Well, I would go one step further. She's going to
assume you're now in a relationship,
right? Exclusive?
>> Scot McKay (16:21):
Yes. Women will assume exclusivity and
men will assume non exclusivity, even if they're seeing each other
four or five times a week, talking on the phone with each
other every day. But she's gone into girlfriend mode.
>> Emily McKay (16:33):
Oh, yes, definitely. And if it's not a
girlfriend that has to be set straight, otherwise she's
you're going to really hurt her.
>> Scot McKay (16:41):
Yes. It's going to be extremely painful. you better
have tried to enjoy that sex. As awkward as it probably
was when the two of you don't even know why you're together or where you're
headed, but you're not going to have any more of it.
Once she's that upset with you, it's really sad.
>> Emily McKay (16:56):
You know, today there's a lot of women who have that same
mentality that the men do.
>> Scot McKay (17:00):
Oh, yeah, there's lots of women out there who are just cruising for sex.
No doubt about it. But if you have the
conversation, at least you know where you stand.
>> Emily McKay (17:08):
Yes. And we've actually talked to men who are
like, why did she stop hanging out with me? You know,
I really enjoyed her company and I wanted to see her again. And
for her it was just a one night stand. I don't get it.
>> Scot McKay (17:19):
Yeah, it's like the at least traditional
or stereotypical gender roles were
reversed completely. You see that a lot.
>> Emily McKay (17:27):
Oh, yes. It's like there's no longer a
need to connect or have the
need to be friends with the person you had sex with. It's just
this was a mechanical thing. We mechanically
let, you know, the tab A, go into tab B
and we were done.
>> Scot McKay (17:42):
Sounds like engineer sex.
>> Emily McKay (17:44):
Yes.
>> Scot McKay (17:45):
Yeah, terrible. You know what? Here's an ironic
truth surrounding the phenomenon you just
described. Women won't see
men as being even potentially
emotionally tender about that. They'll go, well, all
men just want to have sex. I want to have sex. Why
even talk about it? And therefore, when the guy
is left thinking, my goodness, I wanted a relationship, I kind of feel
(18:07):
used. Her response is going to be, really?
You got to be kidding me. You're a dude. You have a
penis swinging between your legs. What seems to
be the problem, bro? You got exactly what you wanted. Move on.
But that's not a very human way to look at it.
>> Emily McKay (18:22):
No, that's. That's lacking character, that's
lacking empathy and understanding
the human emotions that men and
women both actually share.
>> Scot McKay (18:32):
Yeah, exactly. Right now, there's one situation
that we have to at least give lip
service to, and that's when two people meet
each other, they're obviously just horny
for sheet ripping sex. If she's
basically attacking you, grinding you, saying, how
long are you going to make me wait on the first date? It would be
(18:52):
extremely dirty pool for her to come back the next morning
and go, I thought you were my one and only. I thought you were my
boyfriend. I thought this was our forever thing. Because that
would just be a swindle.
>> Emily McKay (19:03):
That's an entrapment.
>> Scot McKay (19:05):
Exactly.
>> Emily McKay (19:05):
And then you should be happy you didn't fall for it.
>> Scot McKay (19:08):
Well, there are also the women who go, hey, let's have sex right
here in the moment. Because, you know, we're
spontaneous and you don't talk about STDs,
you don't talk about birth control. And it's
because she kind of wanted to slide all that under the door. First of all,
she's got a smoke in case of herpes. I'll never see
you again. But at least I got some because.
>> Emily McKay (19:27):
I hadn't had any forever.
>> Scot McKay (19:29):
Yeah. Ah, and the guy can do the same thing to a woman for
sure. This is not gender specific, but the next facet
of this conversation is pretty much unique to women. I
really want a baby, even though I want to raise it by myself. I just
need a sperm donor. You can't be that guy.
>> Emily McKay (19:43):
No.
>> Scot McKay (19:44):
Let's hear another plus one for having the conversation
before you have sex. Because
the get off is not worth the letdown after that one.
>> Emily McKay (19:52):
It's 18. Isn't there a song that says 18 years?
There's a bunch of songs, hip hop and country songs that
talk about baby mamas and you know, men regretting
having, you know, this 18 year chain
behind them.
>> Scot McKay (20:04):
Yeah, exactly. Because you know what, guys? It is an
18 year chain.
>> Emily McKay (20:08):
Longer actually.
>> Scot McKay (20:09):
Well, yeah, exactly. You'renna have the kid in your life forever.
But even if you want to be an absentee dad, which you know,
sounds awful.
>> Emily McKay (20:16):
It is. Because then the child suffers for those years.
>> Scot McKay (20:19):
Well, yeah, the kid is the one who absolutely suffers the
most. But you know, if the mama tricks
you into a pregnancy, you're on the hook for child support for
18 years and you're still thought of as this terrible
guy because you didn't want to be in the kid's life. Yeah, it's a
lose, lose.
>> Emily McKay (20:35):
All mitigated by having self
control, waiting.
>> Scot McKay (20:38):
And having the conversation.
>> Emily McKay (20:40):
Ye, exactly.
>> Scot McKay (20:41):
Yeah. But if you're gonna play the game where, oh, we're so horny and we can't
control ourselves, then you're gonna have to have responsible sex. You're
gonn have to wrap that rascal ladies. You'renna have to use
birth control, otherwise you're just not being
ethical.
>> Emily McKay (20:53):
Right. And remember, even wrapping it doesn't keep you from
catching some of those STDs.
>> Scot McKay (20:57):
Yeah, ah, for sure. And also, let's be fair here, there are a lot of guys
who will just Bang a chick without a condom and
blow their load in her and she gets pregnant.
She gets an S. STD or whatever, but at least they didn't exchange first
names. And he's gone.
>> Emily McKay (21:10):
Oh, that's awful. I did know one guy who didn't know his dad
for that same reason.
>> Scot McKay (21:15):
Oh, yeah. This is a thing. This happens. So
I gotta tell you, so far, it seems like there are different strokes
for different folks, literally. And it
really comes down to communication, and it comes
down to ethics, and it comes down to what
is your core belief system.
>> Emily McKay (21:31):
And I think the appreciation in savoring
that moment. If you're in too quick to rush
it, you're missing the point of
waiting. And it's kind of like letting the water
boil and rise and get excited and really
enjoy the moment, because if you rush into it,
then it doesn't have any value.
>> Scot McKay (21:50):
So let's find some middle ground here before we
close this discussion. And I'm going to go
ahead and go on record and say this is kind of how
our relationship ran, you and me. When
we first met each other. We had done a lot of dating. We recognized
each other when we met each other, and we were
smoking hot for each other almost immediately.
>> Emily McKay (22:10):
Yes.
>> Scot McKay (22:11):
We could very easily have just gone into
a bathroom stall at the IHOP the morning we met and just gone
at it.
>> Emily McKay (22:17):
Instant attraction.
>> Scot McKay (22:19):
Yes. But we didn't go for it
instantly.
>> Emily McKay (22:22):
No.
>> Scot McKay (22:23):
Now, we didn't wait a whole long time,
but for the record, it felt like
ages.
>> Emily McKay (22:29):
It did. Well, you remember, I've mentioned it in other
podcasts, but I sent you home in an ice storm for, fear
that, you know, I couldn't resist the temptation.
>> Scot McKay (22:38):
Right. Four or five days after you met.
>> Emily McKay (22:40):
Me, seriously hot for you felt like.
>> Scot McKay (22:42):
An eternity to our horny selves. Right.
But I, am grateful, looking back, that we had that opportunity to get
to know each other and, well, savor
that anticipation. Even if it wasn't for as long
as, say, two people waiting to get
married before they have sex for two years of dating.
Yeah. I am grateful for that. And I think we did it
(23:02):
right. And we've had a pretty great sex life ever since.
>> Emily McKay (23:05):
Absolutely.
>> Scot McKay (23:06):
But, you know, you did a great job at coming off sexually
conservative, but extremely hot for the guy
who is probably her one and only.
>> Emily McKay (23:14):
Right.
>> Scot McKay (23:15):
And that's how I felt like I pulled it off, too. Yeah.
And I think there's something to that. And perhaps the message we
would offer to those of you who are listening is the same
message I would offer to guys who are
talking to a woman, getting to know her even before they ask
her out. Gentlemen,
ladies, it doesn't take
(23:35):
as long as you think to build some sort
of connection and to do the right thing
in terms of really vetting the people you're
having sex with.
>> Emily McKay (23:45):
In other words, self care.
>> Scot McKay (23:47):
It is self care. It's self control and it's self
care. It doesn't have to be months or
years, especially if you see each other a lot.
You can get to know each other and do this
necessary vetting, which I know isn't a very sexy word,
but it's a realistic one, in terms of getting to know
someone before you just base it on sex.
And you and I had wonderful conversations. We had
(24:09):
great experiences, lots of romance.
You brought that book along. Were you asking me questions?
So we felt like we had built a friendship
and a relationship and that we genuinely liked each other. And this was
built to last. Importantly, before
the sex happened.
>> Emily McKay (24:25):
Absolutely.
>> Scot McKay (24:26):
But it still happened relatively quickly
compared to maybe what we've been conveying here in this show
about, oh, my goodness, you have to wait months or years
to have a connection.
>> Emily McKay (24:36):
Well, we knew we had the, the
sexual connection. We were just charged for
each other.
>> Scot McKay (24:42):
Yeah, it was there.
>> Emily McKay (24:43):
but we wanted to make sure that emotionally and
intellectually we were also connected and that we were
of the same mindset and we didn't want to.
>> Scot McKay (24:50):
Come off like slots.
>> Emily McKay (24:51):
Oh, exactly.
>> Scot McKay (24:52):
I mean, there's something to be said for that, at least if that's where
you're coming from. And you and I are coming from a faith based
background, each of us, so that was important to
us. Yeah. Well, I think we've covered
this concept today, and I hope and trust that it's
been valuable listening for those of you who are listening.
It's something that isn't talked about nearly enough,
especially nowadays because people just assume you're supposed to meet someone and
(25:15):
hit.
>> Emily McKay (25:15):
It or something's wrong with you if you don't.
>> Scot McKay (25:18):
Right. But there most certainly isn't something wrong with you. If you wait, there
may be everything right about what you and your potential
partner are doing.
>> Emily McKay (25:25):
Yes. And you're protecting yourself, both
emotionally and physically.
>> Scot McKay (25:29):
Absolutely. Gentlemen, if you're listening to this
episode on the Mountaintop podcast feed, please go to
mountaintoppodcast.com, download the free book
Sticking Points Solved, and of course, check into the
latest masterclass, which is coming up this very
Wednesday. If you're listening to this podcast
within a few days of it being released, perhaps
(25:49):
ironically, Emily, it's called Being Better in
bed.
>> Emily McKay (25:52):
Oh, that's right.
>> Scot McKay (25:53):
Yeah. This one's all about sexual prowess, which is a
good thing. Go to mountaintoppodcast.com
masterclass and grab your ticket for this all important
event that a lot of guys could really use. And I know there was a time
when I could really use it as well. And, it all
paid off when I met you.
>> Emily McKay (26:11):
Nice. That'for sure. The, receiver of the
benefits.
>> Scot McKay (26:14):
Yeah, well, we've had lots of practice too. There's years of
experience at this point behind what we're going to talk about on
Wednesday. So you can see what's involved there and grab
your ticket@mountaintoppodcast.com
masterclass and if you're a lady listening to
this feed, please go to scott and
emily.com podcast where you can
download a free book on how to handle breakups.
(26:36):
And that's from the perspective of you doing the breaking up, not
you being broken up with. So it's not an X back book.
It's how to get out of a relationship that you don't
necessarily want to be in anymore. And that's there for
you. Ah, @scott andmily.com
podcast and of course, remember my name'spelledf funny.
It's just S SC o T. Whether you're a guy, whether
you're a gal, and you're going to
(26:58):
mountaintoppodcast.com or Scot
andEmily.com podcast respectively,
you can expect to find show notes and links for
this episode and all the others we've ever done.
So with that, we've come to the end of the episode.
>> Emily McKay (27:12):
My name is Scot McKay and I'm Emily McKay.
>> Scot McKay (27:14):
Be good out there and have fun.
Mountain Top Podcast is produced by X and
Y Communications. All rights reserved
worldwide. Be sure to visit
www.mountaintoppodcast.com
(27:35):
for show notes. And while your're there, sign
up for the free X and Y Communications
newsletter for men. This is Ed
Roy Odom speaking for, the Mountain Top Podcast.
all right, gentlemen, it's masterclass time again. And the title of
this coming Wednesday's masterclass to be held
on March 26,
2025 at 8:00pm Eastern Daylight
Time, speaks for itself. Better in
bed. How to be the best she's ever had.
Now guys, listen, I have no Idea
(00:21):
how we went 36 MasterC Classasses deep into
this without ever having done an event on just how
to be the kind of man, a woman always
craves in the bedroom. But that, that's what you can expect
from this coming Wednesday's masterclass. Yes, we're going
to talk about techniques. We're going to talk about how to rock
her in the bedroom like she's never experienced before in
(00:41):
her entire female life. But we're also going to cover
all important areas like the mindset
of a man who is amazing in
bed, how to go out with a woman
and prime her with mental foreplay all
day long so that by the time you get back to your place or
hers, man, it is just no hals
barred sexual mayhem. And best of all, I'm
(01:03):
not going to teach you how to be a sleazy pickup artist who's reeling in the
biscuit or something. I'm going to show you how to seduce
women the way they want to be seduced
and give it to them the way they fantasize
about all that's happening this coming
Wednesday 26th March,
2025 at 8pm
Eastern Daylight Time. That's GMT
(01:26):
minus 4 for those of you guys overseas. Now
listen, this isn't going to be like dry clinical
sex advice like you d get from the Kinsey Institute or something.
Nor is it going to be some kind of prurient pseudo
porn like something hosted by a porn star or something.
This is real talk for real men about how to
be the best she's ever had.
(01:46):
And that's in bed or anywhere else your creative mind can
think of. And oh, by the way, I'll give you a few more ideas you probably
never thought of for that as well.
Better in bed. Be the best she's ever had.
This coming Wednesday's masterclass for men from XM
Y Communications. Get your ticket right
now before they're all sold
out@mountaintoppodcast.com.
(02:08):
and now my wife Emily and I are going to present
to you, a perhaps ironic topic considering what
this week's masterclass is about. But here we go.
What if we have sex too soon? It's a good
one and a fun one. Enjoy
Live from the mist and shrouded mountaintop fortress
(02:31):
that is X and Y Communications headquarters,
you're listening to the world famous Mountain Top
Podcast. And now, here's your host,
Scot McKay.
All right, everybody, how's it going? My name is Scot McKay.
>> Emily McKay (02:45):
And I'm Emily McKay.
>> Scot McKay (02:47):
And you're tuned in to yet another episode of the Big
Show. And today, Emily, we're gonna talk about topic
that's been on the back burner for quite a while, but
it's time to hit it with a big old heavy hammer.
>> Emily McKay (02:57):
Oh, boy. What is it?
>> Scot McKay (02:59):
What if we have sex too soon?
>> Emily McKay (03:01):
Huh?
>> Scot McKay (03:02):
Huh?
>> Emily McKay (03:02):
That's an interesting topic.
>> Scot McKay (03:03):
Well, first of all, is it a loaded question? Is it a
relevant question? Is it a meaningful question?
>> Emily McKay (03:08):
Well, especially in today's society, it's changed so much over
the decades that I think society views
things very differently nowadays. So I think we
should visit that topic.
>> Scot McKay (03:18):
Yeah, because it's the me first
society. Right. It's also the
immediate gratification society.
And we've fallen into that trap as
a society, as a culture of,
you know, going after transactional relationships. So for a lot of
people, we're really left with the only
reason to be together is to start screwing
(03:41):
anyway.
>> Emily McKay (03:42):
Right. Satisfying those urges rather than making
connections. Are those connections important? Are we
missing something?
>> Scot McKay (03:48):
Well, I think that begs the question. Most people, at
least cognitively, would say, well, of course I want to be able to
connect with someone. That's what it's all about. I'm thinking of Wilt
Chamberlain's infamous autobiography where he talked about having sex
with 20,000 women, and people were like, my
goodness, you're like a man whore. How could you just bang a bunch
of chicks? It seems so mindless. It seems so
gratuitous. And Wilt responded to that criticism
(04:11):
with, well, you know, I had a meaningful connection
with each one of those 20,000 women. So
can you have a meaningful connection really quickly with people?
Let's say you're a really connectable person. Like I like to
talk about so often. Is it possible to build a
connection in mere minutes, maybe with
someone?
>> Emily McKay (04:29):
Well, I think we first have to define
connection and what it truly is, because if we
all have a different idea of connection, then we're not truly
on the same page.
So let's talk about connection and what is connectable?
So connection is getting to know somebody,
knowing them inside and out and deeply. Can
we really truly say we know somebody within seconds of
(04:50):
meeting them or just having a quick fling
and then calling it quits. Is that truly a
Connection when we haven't gotten the opportunity to know
all the good and the bad and the ugly of that
individual?
>> Scot McKay (05:02):
Well, do I need to know the good, bad, and especially the
ugly about an individual before we have
sex?
>> Emily McKay (05:08):
You don't have to, but to make that connection, you do.
>> Scot McKay (05:12):
Well, I would offer that
maybe the kind of connection you're talking about
doesn't necessarily need weeks and months or
even years to make happen. Otherwise, we'd be
waiting a long time. You know, you and I got married after nine
months, for gosh sakes. You know what I mean?
So when I think of connection,
I think of two people who get each other. They know what's going on in
(05:34):
each other's head. They like each other. They've built that
rapport. Right. you know, on dates,
I've been known to say, even to you, my honey,
that we've been talking for 10 minutes, and it feels like we've known
each other for 10 years.
>> Emily McKay (05:47):
Well, we were connecting, but we haven't truly
connected until time went by.
>> Scot McKay (05:52):
How much time went by before it was time to have sex,
Emily?
>> Emily McKay (05:56):
Well, you and I spent a lot of time together. We spent
days after days after days where
some couples may see, each.
>> Scot McKay (06:03):
Other weeks after weeks, after months after months, after years.
>> Emily McKay (06:06):
Oh, don't tell. But some people, they.
They only see each other once a month or once a week. That's
entirely different.
>> Scot McKay (06:14):
Well, I suppose there can be a case made for the
importance of passage of time relative to the question at hand.
Are we having sex too soon versus
spending a lot of time with each other, joined at the hip
for, you know, an amount of
time there before it happens.
>> Emily McKay (06:30):
Well, I think people who are connecting and who
really getting along gray, even if they're not connecting, but
have a, chemistry, their spark, the excitement.
You can have that without having a
connection. And we call that infatuation.
>> Scot McKay (06:44):
Oh, yeah, but those people can't keep their hands off each
other.
>> Emily McKay (06:47):
No, of course not. There's a spark. And
is there is that attraction to each
other? But that is not the same as connecting.
>> Scot McKay (06:55):
All right, so, I mean, the title of the podcast is
what if we have Sex Too Soon? But, you know,
the inherent question underneath all of that
underpinning it foundationally, is, should
we have sex soon?
>> Emily McKay (07:09):
Well, it depends on what your goals are. I mean, if this is
going to be a temporary, just for fun, almost
like friends with benefits, or just a fling.
Or just a fling or something, you know, is going to last
a few months, and you have no permanent future.
>> Scot McKay (07:23):
Together, what Are your intentions for my daughter? Kind of stu.
Right.
>> Emily McKay (07:27):
But you need to ask that of yourself and of the person who youre with
and be honest with each other. That way theres no, hurt
feelings in the end because at least there was some honesty
there and in the way that's respectful.
>> Scot McKay (07:38):
You have to be on the same page.
>> Emily McKay (07:39):
Absolutely. If you're wanting something more
permanent and you don't discuss this with a person that you're
with, you may not have the same goals in mind and
you're in for a lot of heartbreak.
>> Scot McKay (07:50):
Well, so far we've established that having
sex too soon may be a result of not
connecting. But if you're just
horny for each other and that's what both of you are about,
then maybe there's not such thing as too
soon.
>> Emily McKay (08:05):
Right. It really depends on what you're looking for. Now, how does that
affect a long term relationship? There's people who met
on day one and were intimate and have been married
for 20, 30, 40 years. And, there's others
where that didn't happen.
>> Scot McKay (08:18):
Yeah, there are people who save themselves from marriage
after courting and dating all through high school and
college. Then one day they get married and guess
what? They don't have a sex life.
>> Emily McKay (08:28):
That can happen.
>> Scot McKay (08:29):
Also, they weren't sexually compatible even, which is
horrifying.
>> Emily McKay (08:32):
That could be. Well, that would have to result in having
some communication before you get married.
>> Scot McKay (08:38):
Well, yeah, but not only communication, but I mean, do these
parts fit together? Do we, have
the same chemistry in bed? Is that something that's
reparable?
>> Emily McKay (08:47):
I don't know.
>> Scot McKay (08:48):
Well, I guess the question at hand there is then, is it
a real thing in the real world that people
have legitimate sexual incompatibility
or are they just hallucinating?
>> Emily McKay (08:58):
Well, here's the real bottom line to that. You got
to talk and find out what each one of you are looking for
in sex. There's different kinds of sex. You
know, you may have one idea and the other person has some
extra kinky stuff going on that needs to be fulfilled for
them. And if you're not on the same page, someone'snn
be incredibly frustrated and the other one's going to feel disappointed
(09:18):
because they can't fulfill on those things. There
could be some religion or some cultural
differences on what they feel is appropriate for different types
of sex that would have a huge incompatibility
if those things aren't cleared up.
>> Scot McKay (09:32):
And to clarify, you know, when we're talking about
what's acceptable in terms of sex, we could Be
talking either before or after marriage. I mean,
the Mormons allegedly do that soaking thing, right?
>> Emily McKay (09:43):
And that's what I've heard. I don't know if it's true or not.
>> Scot McKay (09:45):
Yeah, it's widely made fun of. Apologies to all you Mormons out there,
if you're listening. But, you know, just sticking it
in and it's okay if you don't move or
thrust. That sounds a little creepy to me.
>> Emily McKay (09:57):
Well, probably more horny than anything.
>> Scot McKay (09:58):
Yeah. I mean, if you're going toa be able to do that, why not just have a hand job or a
blowy or something like that?
>> Emily McKay (10:03):
Well, some people view oral sex as not sex.
>> Scot McKay (10:06):
Some people view anal sex as not sex.
>> Emily McKay (10:08):
Just remember, the word sex is in oral
sex.
>> Scot McKay (10:12):
Fair enough. Just like anal sex. Right, but you're talking
to a guy who spent four years at a Christian conservative
university. There were plenty of people
who, were technical
virgins. They did everything but
literally. And, that's pretty
crazy because most women don't really like anal sex. But I
guess, you know, you can do that. You can do oral, you
(10:34):
can manually stimulate each
other, you can mutually masturbate, but just,
you know, don't put the round peg in the round hole that
could make babies. A lot of people think like
that.
>> Emily McKay (10:46):
well, I guess that's one way of dealing with birth control.
>> Scot McKay (10:48):
Well, it is, and that's a very valid point.
Right, because the last thing you want to do when you don't really
mean to is make a baby.
>> Emily McKay (10:56):
That reminds me, I dated one guy.
>> Scot McKay (10:58):
He accidentally made a baby.
>> Emily McKay (11:01):
Yes, that was me. O o
so we just started dating
and he told me, hey, look, I got to tell you
something. I have a baby with another lady. And
we just, we got together one time,
we only knew each other two weeks, and bam,
we have a baby together. And, and
he's helping her raise the baby. But,
(11:23):
you know, at this point, you know, this is a baby
who's born into a separate household.
>> Scot McKay (11:29):
I would say maybe even if they felt like they weren't having sex too soon,
they certainly had at least irresponsible,
unprotected, or extremely unlucky sex.
Too soon?
>> Emily McKay (11:38):
All, the above?
>> Scot McKay (11:39):
Yeah, all the above. Well, I don't know if you're irresponsible,
whether you can call it luck.
>> Emily McKay (11:44):
They have a happy baby girl.
>> Scot McKay (11:46):
Well, more power to them, I guess.
But back to our main question.
I mean, so far we've discussed, all right, are we having a
fling versus are we relationship minded?
And we've Also discussed, are we the kind of people who are at least
trying to avoid vaginal sex
before marriage? And obviously, if we
(12:06):
don't avoid vaginal sex before marriage and for
faith based reasons, we blow it. Well, more than blow it.
Obviouslyah. Then there's a lot of guilt and shame about that.
And maybe, or maybe not, those people will have
lots of guilt and shame going into their actual marriage. I mean, it's
really potentially destructive. It's a lot to live up to. And when you
mess up, when you screw up, I guess
(12:27):
is the way I should say it. I don't know if it's
recoverable in that context.
>> Emily McKay (12:32):
Right. Well, something you reminded me of. Sometimes
having sex too soon cheapens the
experience. And I think that's why a lot of couples don't
stay together after that's happened. Because it's like,
well, that was just too easy.
>> Scot McKay (12:46):
I could get the milk without buying the cow.
>> Emily McKay (12:48):
Right. And if, you know, if she upsets me or he upsets me
and we're not really connecting anymore, I can just quickly leave
because, well, there was no real,
no real appreciation for that connection,
sexual and otherwise.
>> Scot McKay (13:01):
Yeah, I can see that.
I do want to bring up one more point before we go
on, just to kind of close out what we were talking about a minute or so
ago. I think there's such thing as forgiveness. And if
you too are people of faith,
you can ask forgiveness of your God
and repent. But I think if you're building a
relationship around repeated infractions
(13:23):
against your alleged belief system
and then continue to just do it anyway, I can
only imagine that will negatively affect how good
you feel about being in a marriage together. Even perhaps how
much you trust each other. Am I off base there?
>> Emily McKay (13:36):
I was thinking the exact same thing.
>> Scot McKay (13:38):
Then I'm not off face.
>> Emily McKay (13:39):
Trust somebody if they can't hold to their belief system. So
when they're off on their own on a business trip,
are they going to hold to their faith and
to the dedication to you? Because they're supposed to be
dedicated to the religion. How can they be
dedicated to you? I mean, not that they will cheat,
but they has to kind of.
>> Scot McKay (13:58):
Well, we've already established they don't have any willpower.
>> Emily McKay (14:00):
That's true.
>> Scot McKay (14:01):
But then again, neither do you.
You're in this together. It takes two to do that, Tango.
>> Emily McKay (14:07):
Well, I tell you that emotional or,
that charged energy is intense.
>> Scot McKay (14:13):
It is. Especially when, you know, we're allowing
for two people who actually really adore each other.
And it's A special connection.
So maybe they wouldn't go off and bang their secretary or go
on a business trip and say, hey, nobody's around, nobody's gonna
know. but it still raises the question
of, hey, you know, we were supposed to keep it in the holster here and we
(14:33):
didn't.
>> Emily McKay (14:34):
Temptation.
>> Scot McKay (14:35):
Yeah, right, exactly. And we tempted each other pretty
successfully.
>> Emily McKay (14:39):
Can someone else do it?
>> Scot McKay (14:40):
Right, exactly. Let's shift gears a little
bit. During the pickup artist era, there was a lot of
talk about seduction and how you could get inside
a woman's mind and basically talk her into doing
anything through a bunch of mind tricks andlp
and stuff like that. So you had a lot of
guys, and you still do today. I mean, a lot of men
maybe even listening to this show or of this mindset,
(15:02):
hey, they're just trying to get laid. Anything it takes to
get laid. Now, from a woman's
perspective, that could lead to a whole litany of situations
where we've had sex too soon because, hey, you
pushed me or I felt pressured or I
felt tricked or this is the kicker. This is the big
one. You promised me something you weren't about
to deliver on. You told me I was the only one. You told
(15:25):
me that you loved me. M. You told me that
we were exclusive when we weren't and you were banging a bunch of other chicks
on the side. All of that has to be thought of
as destructive, right?
>> Emily McKay (15:35):
Well, yes, it's incredibly destructive. That's why we have
a lot of women out there who are third and
fourth wave feminists who are angry. They've
been hurt over and over again by men who
don't really appreciate the delicacy of
another human being.
>> Scot McKay (15:51):
Well, here's what I would add to that. On a pragmatic
level, gentlemen, listening to
this. If you're going to have sex with a woman and she at
least comes off as being relationship minded, you
better talk about where your relationship is
and where it's going before you
conveniently have sex with her. Because if you withhold that
conversation, I would say you're
(16:14):
not being a great guy.
>> Emily McKay (16:15):
Well, I would go one step further. She's going to
assume you're now in a relationship,
right? Exclusive?
>> Scot McKay (16:21):
Yes. Women will assume exclusivity and
men will assume non exclusivity, even if they're seeing each other
four or five times a week, talking on the phone with each
other every day. But she's gone into girlfriend mode.
>> Emily McKay (16:33):
Oh, yes, definitely. And if it's not a
girlfriend that has to be set straight, otherwise she's
you're going to really hurt her.
>> Scot McKay (16:41):
Yes. It's going to be extremely painful. you better
have tried to enjoy that sex. As awkward as it probably
was when the two of you don't even know why you're together or where you're
headed, but you're not going to have any more of it.
Once she's that upset with you, it's really sad.
>> Emily McKay (16:56):
You know, today there's a lot of women who have that same
mentality that the men do.
>> Scot McKay (17:00):
Oh, yeah, there's lots of women out there who are just cruising for sex.
No doubt about it. But if you have the
conversation, at least you know where you stand.
>> Emily McKay (17:08):
Yes. And we've actually talked to men who are
like, why did she stop hanging out with me? You know,
I really enjoyed her company and I wanted to see her again. And
for her it was just a one night stand. I don't get it.
>> Scot McKay (17:19):
Yeah, it's like the at least traditional
or stereotypical gender roles were
reversed completely. You see that a lot.
>> Emily McKay (17:27):
Oh, yes. It's like there's no longer a
need to connect or have the
need to be friends with the person you had sex with. It's just
this was a mechanical thing. We mechanically
let, you know, the tab A, go into tab B
and we were done.
>> Scot McKay (17:42):
Sounds like engineer sex.
>> Emily McKay (17:44):
Yes.
>> Scot McKay (17:45):
Yeah, terrible. You know what? Here's an ironic
truth surrounding the phenomenon you just
described. Women won't see
men as being even potentially
emotionally tender about that. They'll go, well, all
men just want to have sex. I want to have sex. Why
even talk about it? And therefore, when the guy
is left thinking, my goodness, I wanted a relationship, I kind of feel
(18:07):
used. Her response is going to be, really?
You got to be kidding me. You're a dude. You have a
penis swinging between your legs. What seems to
be the problem, bro? You got exactly what you wanted. Move on.
But that's not a very human way to look at it.
>> Emily McKay (18:22):
No, that's. That's lacking character, that's
lacking empathy and understanding
the human emotions that men and
women both actually share.
>> Scot McKay (18:32):
Yeah, exactly. Right now, there's one situation
that we have to at least give lip
service to, and that's when two people meet
each other, they're obviously just horny
for sheet ripping sex. If she's
basically attacking you, grinding you, saying, how
long are you going to make me wait on the first date? It would be
(18:52):
extremely dirty pool for her to come back the next morning
and go, I thought you were my one and only. I thought you were my
boyfriend. I thought this was our forever thing. Because that
would just be a swindle.
>> Emily McKay (19:03):
That's an entrapment.
>> Scot McKay (19:05):
Exactly.
>> Emily McKay (19:05):
And then you should be happy you didn't fall for it.
>> Scot McKay (19:08):
Well, there are also the women who go, hey, let's have sex right
here in the moment. Because, you know, we're
spontaneous and you don't talk about STDs,
you don't talk about birth control. And it's
because she kind of wanted to slide all that under the door. First of all,
she's got a smoke in case of herpes. I'll never see
you again. But at least I got some because.
>> Emily McKay (19:27):
I hadn't had any forever.
>> Scot McKay (19:29):
Yeah. Ah, and the guy can do the same thing to a woman for
sure. This is not gender specific, but the next facet
of this conversation is pretty much unique to women. I
really want a baby, even though I want to raise it by myself. I just
need a sperm donor. You can't be that guy.
>> Emily McKay (19:43):
No.
>> Scot McKay (19:44):
Let's hear another plus one for having the conversation
before you have sex. Because
the get off is not worth the letdown after that one.
>> Emily McKay (19:52):
It's 18. Isn't there a song that says 18 years?
There's a bunch of songs, hip hop and country songs that
talk about baby mamas and you know, men regretting
having, you know, this 18 year chain
behind them.
>> Scot McKay (20:04):
Yeah, exactly. Because you know what, guys? It is an
18 year chain.
>> Emily McKay (20:08):
Longer actually.
>> Scot McKay (20:09):
Well, yeah, exactly. You'renna have the kid in your life forever.
But even if you want to be an absentee dad, which you know,
sounds awful.
>> Emily McKay (20:16):
It is. Because then the child suffers for those years.
>> Scot McKay (20:19):
Well, yeah, the kid is the one who absolutely suffers the
most. But you know, if the mama tricks
you into a pregnancy, you're on the hook for child support for
18 years and you're still thought of as this terrible
guy because you didn't want to be in the kid's life. Yeah, it's a
lose, lose.
>> Emily McKay (20:35):
All mitigated by having self
control, waiting.
>> Scot McKay (20:38):
And having the conversation.
>> Emily McKay (20:40):
Ye, exactly.
>> Scot McKay (20:41):
Yeah. But if you're gonna play the game where, oh, we're so horny and we can't
control ourselves, then you're gonna have to have responsible sex. You're
gonn have to wrap that rascal ladies. You'renna have to use
birth control, otherwise you're just not being
ethical.
>> Emily McKay (20:53):
Right. And remember, even wrapping it doesn't keep you from
catching some of those STDs.
>> Scot McKay (20:57):
Yeah, ah, for sure. And also, let's be fair here, there are a lot of guys
who will just Bang a chick without a condom and
blow their load in her and she gets pregnant.
She gets an S. STD or whatever, but at least they didn't exchange first
names. And he's gone.
>> Emily McKay (21:10):
Oh, that's awful. I did know one guy who didn't know his dad
for that same reason.
>> Scot McKay (21:15):
Oh, yeah. This is a thing. This happens. So
I gotta tell you, so far, it seems like there are different strokes
for different folks, literally. And it
really comes down to communication, and it comes
down to ethics, and it comes down to what
is your core belief system.
>> Emily McKay (21:31):
And I think the appreciation in savoring
that moment. If you're in too quick to rush
it, you're missing the point of
waiting. And it's kind of like letting the water
boil and rise and get excited and really
enjoy the moment, because if you rush into it,
then it doesn't have any value.
>> Scot McKay (21:50):
So let's find some middle ground here before we
close this discussion. And I'm going to go
ahead and go on record and say this is kind of how
our relationship ran, you and me. When
we first met each other. We had done a lot of dating. We recognized
each other when we met each other, and we were
smoking hot for each other almost immediately.
>> Emily McKay (22:10):
Yes.
>> Scot McKay (22:11):
We could very easily have just gone into
a bathroom stall at the IHOP the morning we met and just gone
at it.
>> Emily McKay (22:17):
Instant attraction.
>> Scot McKay (22:19):
Yes. But we didn't go for it
instantly.
>> Emily McKay (22:22):
No.
>> Scot McKay (22:23):
Now, we didn't wait a whole long time,
but for the record, it felt like
ages.
>> Emily McKay (22:29):
It did. Well, you remember, I've mentioned it in other
podcasts, but I sent you home in an ice storm for, fear
that, you know, I couldn't resist the temptation.
>> Scot McKay (22:38):
Right. Four or five days after you met.
>> Emily McKay (22:40):
Me, seriously hot for you felt like.
>> Scot McKay (22:42):
An eternity to our horny selves. Right.
But I, am grateful, looking back, that we had that opportunity to get
to know each other and, well, savor
that anticipation. Even if it wasn't for as long
as, say, two people waiting to get
married before they have sex for two years of dating.
Yeah. I am grateful for that. And I think we did it
(23:02):
right. And we've had a pretty great sex life ever since.
>> Emily McKay (23:05):
Absolutely.
>> Scot McKay (23:06):
But, you know, you did a great job at coming off sexually
conservative, but extremely hot for the guy
who is probably her one and only.
>> Emily McKay (23:14):
Right.
>> Scot McKay (23:15):
And that's how I felt like I pulled it off, too. Yeah.
And I think there's something to that. And perhaps the message we
would offer to those of you who are listening is the same
message I would offer to guys who are
talking to a woman, getting to know her even before they ask
her out. Gentlemen,
ladies, it doesn't take
(23:35):
as long as you think to build some sort
of connection and to do the right thing
in terms of really vetting the people you're
having sex with.
>> Emily McKay (23:45):
In other words, self care.
>> Scot McKay (23:47):
It is self care. It's self control and it's self
care. It doesn't have to be months or
years, especially if you see each other a lot.
You can get to know each other and do this
necessary vetting, which I know isn't a very sexy word,
but it's a realistic one, in terms of getting to know
someone before you just base it on sex.
And you and I had wonderful conversations. We had
(24:09):
great experiences, lots of romance.
You brought that book along. Were you asking me questions?
So we felt like we had built a friendship
and a relationship and that we genuinely liked each other. And this was
built to last. Importantly, before
the sex happened.
>> Emily McKay (24:25):
Absolutely.
>> Scot McKay (24:26):
But it still happened relatively quickly
compared to maybe what we've been conveying here in this show
about, oh, my goodness, you have to wait months or years
to have a connection.
>> Emily McKay (24:36):
Well, we knew we had the, the
sexual connection. We were just charged for
each other.
>> Scot McKay (24:42):
Yeah, it was there.
>> Emily McKay (24:43):
but we wanted to make sure that emotionally and
intellectually we were also connected and that we were
of the same mindset and we didn't want to.
>> Scot McKay (24:50):
Come off like slots.
>> Emily McKay (24:51):
Oh, exactly.
>> Scot McKay (24:52):
I mean, there's something to be said for that, at least if that's where
you're coming from. And you and I are coming from a faith based
background, each of us, so that was important to
us. Yeah. Well, I think we've covered
this concept today, and I hope and trust that it's
been valuable listening for those of you who are listening.
It's something that isn't talked about nearly enough,
especially nowadays because people just assume you're supposed to meet someone and
(25:15):
hit.
>> Emily McKay (25:15):
It or something's wrong with you if you don't.
>> Scot McKay (25:18):
Right. But there most certainly isn't something wrong with you. If you wait, there
may be everything right about what you and your potential
partner are doing.
>> Emily McKay (25:25):
Yes. And you're protecting yourself, both
emotionally and physically.
>> Scot McKay (25:29):
Absolutely. Gentlemen, if you're listening to this
episode on the Mountaintop podcast feed, please go to
mountaintoppodcast.com, download the free book
Sticking Points Solved, and of course, check into the
latest masterclass, which is coming up this very
Wednesday. If you're listening to this podcast
within a few days of it being released, perhaps
(25:49):
ironically, Emily, it's called Being Better in
bed.
>> Emily McKay (25:52):
Oh, that's right.
>> Scot McKay (25:53):
Yeah. This one's all about sexual prowess, which is a
good thing. Go to mountaintoppodcast.com
masterclass and grab your ticket for this all important
event that a lot of guys could really use. And I know there was a time
when I could really use it as well. And, it all
paid off when I met you.
>> Emily McKay (26:11):
Nice. That'for sure. The, receiver of the
benefits.
>> Scot McKay (26:14):
Yeah, well, we've had lots of practice too. There's years of
experience at this point behind what we're going to talk about on
Wednesday. So you can see what's involved there and grab
your ticket@mountaintoppodcast.com
masterclass and if you're a lady listening to
this feed, please go to scott and
emily.com podcast where you can
download a free book on how to handle breakups.
(26:36):
And that's from the perspective of you doing the breaking up, not
you being broken up with. So it's not an X back book.
It's how to get out of a relationship that you don't
necessarily want to be in anymore. And that's there for
you. Ah, @scott andmily.com
podcast and of course, remember my name'spelledf funny.
It's just S SC o T. Whether you're a guy, whether
you're a gal, and you're going to
(26:58):
mountaintoppodcast.com or Scot
andEmily.com podcast respectively,
you can expect to find show notes and links for
this episode and all the others we've ever done.
So with that, we've come to the end of the episode.
>> Emily McKay (27:12):
My name is Scot McKay and I'm Emily McKay.
>> Scot McKay (27:14):
Be good out there and have fun.
Mountain Top Podcast is produced by X and
Y Communications. All rights reserved
worldwide. Be sure to visit
www.mountaintoppodcast.com
(27:35):
for show notes. And while your're there, sign
up for the free X and Y Communications
newsletter for men. This is Ed
Roy Odom speaking for, the Mountain Top Podcast.
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