September 30, 2025 • 8 mins
=== SNIPPETS FROM THE SUMMIT === It's the nightmare scenario. You're out and about, minding you own business...and then BOOM, there she is. Your ex. What do you say? What do you do? Is it useless to try to avoid her? What if she's with another guy...or worse, you're with another girl? Does it matter who broke up with whom? Does it matter if you were on decent terms vs. it being a knock down, drag out dramafest? Well, in this brief episode we'll check off all the boxes covering lots of scenarios, including what to do if you know in advance you're likely to see your ex somewhere. https://mountaintoppodcast.com/substack
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
You're listening to Snippets from the Summit with your host Scott McCaig.
All right, how's it going gentlemen, this is your main man Scott McKay coming at you againwith another snippet from the summit as part of the mountaintop podcast from X and Y
communications Hey, have you ever run into your ex out of nowhere unexpectedly somewhereand Kind of got caught flat-footed didn't know what to do didn't know how to act and for
(00:29):
sure didn't know what to say Well, that's what we're gonna handle today
I don't know why it's taken me so long to get to this topic and actually I'm getting to ittoday because one of you requested it and I think it's a heck of a request.
I've actually had this happen several times.
uh Even after I was married, I ran into one of my exes at a meetup group that Emily and Iwere both attending.
(00:52):
And as a matter of fact, one of my exes actually recognized Emily when she was out thenight before our wedding.
And thankfully in that case,
My ex was complimentary and congratulated her, but it was really weird and kind of likestalker-ish that she would know Emily.
And this was like months after I had finished seeing the other woman.
(01:13):
It was really kind of crazy and creepy.
Well, in that case, Emily handled it very graciously and was very complimentary back toher, but came home kind of wide-eyed saying, wow, you'll never guess who I ran into.
I, of course, my face turned white as a sheet until Emily told me it was all okay.
Now,
I have also run into exes at parties.
(01:35):
I've run into exes when I'm with a new girlfriend.
I've run into exes when they were with a new guy.
And those are actually only a few examples of all the contexts that matter here.
So let's rattle off a few others.
Did she break up with you?
Did you break up with her?
Was it on good terms?
Are you still friends or was it a knockdown drag out and you both can't stand each other?
(01:58):
See all of that matters.
in the context of you running into her somewhere, especially unexpectedly.
There's also the context of what if you're expecting to run into her?
Well, let's check off all those boxes.
Here we go.
All right.
First off, what if you're expecting to run into her?
Well, then you can have a plan to either, you know, maybe stay away and not show up afterall, or what to say to her.
(02:26):
who to make sure you talk to instead, and then you've got to have the discipline to stickto that plan.
Straight up and straightforward.
Now, what if you run into her and it's a total surprise?
Well, like I said, there's several different potential plans of action there, depending onwhether you broke up with her or vice versa, or it was on good terms or vice versa.
(02:48):
So let's go ahead and cover the basis here.
First of all, if she broke up with you and you weren't happy about it,
It's incumbent upon you to keep your emotions in check when you see her.
All right?
Go in the opposite direction she's going because there's no real way it can end well.
I mean, for sure, you're not going to beg her on the spot to get back together with you oranything.
(03:11):
So nothing really constructive is going to happen there.
Stop dreaming.
Now, if you broke up with her and she wasn't happy about it, you need to be ready for herto show her emotions towards you and you need to not let it affect you.
You need to see it for what it is.
Now I am going to say this.
X is running into each other in an awkward situation and one of them making a huge bigscene out of it is what we're all afraid is going to happen because it's what we've seen
(03:40):
happen in all those movies, right?
It makes for, you know, comedic irony and it's often very funny in real life.
Most people aren't psychotic and they know better than to make a scene.
So I wouldn't get all wadded up thinking your ex is about to make a scene and
certainly I wouldn't make a scene myself in that situation.
(04:00):
Now if you were on good terms, obviously if you do make conversation with each other, it'slikely to be more friendly conversation than if the two of you were mad at each other.
Now if you two end up making conversation together and one or the other of you wasn't sopleased with how it turned out, there could be some snarkiness involved and some
underhanded comments.
(04:21):
Again,
You're going to have to keep your cool.
And I wouldn't say anything snarky to her that would elicit some sort of comeback that youmight not like.
Right?
The key word, no matter what is cordial.
And we've talked about cordiality before.
Cordiality is friendliness in a box.
In other words, hi, how you doing?
(04:42):
I'm fine.
How are you?
Nice weather we're having.
Okay.
Well, so nice to see you, you know, whether you mean it or not and move on.
Okay.
Now, if you just happen to see her out and about, that is more than enough.
And as a matter of fact, if you're both in the same grocery store, go to the other side ofthe grocery store, grab your things and get out of there so you don't keep bumping into
(05:02):
her awkwardly.
Now, if you think about it, what's the big deal, right?
You've broken up.
There's nothing you have to prove to anybody or vice versa here.
It's simply an awkward situation.
You take care of business and you're done.
Now, if it's a party,
And other people are going to say, Hey, there's your ex over there.
What are you going to do about it?
First of all, I wouldn't let anybody pressure you into doing something you don't want todo or handling something in a way you don't want it handled.
(05:29):
People may be pressuring her to come talk to you.
Keep it cordial no matter what.
Now I will say this, if she's with another guy, even if you jealously wish that guy wereyou instead, you're going to have to keep it undercover.
You're going to have to man up and keep your cool.
and I would stay away from them if you possibly can.
(05:49):
If she flaunts the new boyfriend in front of you or whatever, well, say, Hey, you knowwhat?
I'm happy for you both.
And flash a wry smile.
If you were there with a woman and one of your exes is there, I would go out of my way.
First of all, not to acknowledge it with the woman I'm with.
And second of all, I would stay as far away from my ex as I possibly could and probablyfind an excuse to leave.
(06:14):
These situations, if they're unexpected, aren't going to happen very often unless you havea very small, limited social circle.
Like for example, you both go to the same private college or something.
But notwithstanding that, if you live in a major metro area, it will be a relatively rareoccasion when you run into an ex.
uh But you know, it's still a small world and it can happen.
(06:35):
Like I said, the time it happened to me when I was married to Emily, I didn't mention thatthe other woman was at this meetup group.
I avoided her.
She was very gracious.
She avoided me and I went home and I only told Emily about it later.
Women are very interesting in that they like to compare themselves to your ex girlfriends,especially in person more than we as men would probably care to compare ourselves to
(07:02):
another guy that we saw one of our ex girlfriends with.
And I say that fully knowing you're going to be curious and you might
be comparing yourself to that guy that your ex is with.
But I'll tell you what, when the shoe's on the other foot, it's like 10X.
It's crazy.
It's at least exponential, okay?
So when you're with a woman and you don't want to create the drama, you avoid the drama.
(07:24):
Don't talk to your ex.
Leave the situation as quickly as possible.
Now, of course, what if, seemingly inevitably, the other woman comes up to you and says,it's you and your new girlfriend.
I would introduce the two women, keep it absolutely cordial and end the conversation asquickly as possible.
(07:45):
And here's what you need to know about that.
Anything the other woman says about you is going to go in one ear and out the other withyour new girlfriend.
Chances are your ex-girlfriend isn't going to say anything snarky or bad because she knowsit just makes her look jealous and petty and women are very attuned to that.
(08:06):
All right.
So as you can see here, 10 minutes barely contains this conversation in the context of asnippet from the summit.
And I know it came rapid fire.
So if you have any other questions on very specific situations involving you and an exthat you see out and about, or who you were expecting to plan to see out and about
sometime soon, email me at scott at mountaintoppodcast.com.
(08:33):
Be good out there.
As always, visit mountaintoppodcast.com.
Love you all.
You're listening to Snippets from the Summit with your host Scott McCaig.
All right, how's it going gentlemen, this is your main man Scott McKay coming at you againwith another snippet from the summit as part of the mountaintop podcast from X and Y
communications Hey, have you ever run into your ex out of nowhere unexpectedly somewhereand Kind of got caught flat-footed didn't know what to do didn't know how to act and for
(00:29):
sure didn't know what to say Well, that's what we're gonna handle today
I don't know why it's taken me so long to get to this topic and actually I'm getting to ittoday because one of you requested it and I think it's a heck of a request.
I've actually had this happen several times.
uh Even after I was married, I ran into one of my exes at a meetup group that Emily and Iwere both attending.
(00:52):
And as a matter of fact, one of my exes actually recognized Emily when she was out thenight before our wedding.
And thankfully in that case,
My ex was complimentary and congratulated her, but it was really weird and kind of likestalker-ish that she would know Emily.
And this was like months after I had finished seeing the other woman.
(01:13):
It was really kind of crazy and creepy.
Well, in that case, Emily handled it very graciously and was very complimentary back toher, but came home kind of wide-eyed saying, wow, you'll never guess who I ran into.
I, of course, my face turned white as a sheet until Emily told me it was all okay.
Now,
I have also run into exes at parties.
(01:35):
I've run into exes when I'm with a new girlfriend.
I've run into exes when they were with a new guy.
And those are actually only a few examples of all the contexts that matter here.
So let's rattle off a few others.
Did she break up with you?
Did you break up with her?
Was it on good terms?
Are you still friends or was it a knockdown drag out and you both can't stand each other?
(01:58):
See all of that matters.
in the context of you running into her somewhere, especially unexpectedly.
There's also the context of what if you're expecting to run into her?
Well, let's check off all those boxes.
Here we go.
All right.
First off, what if you're expecting to run into her?
Well, then you can have a plan to either, you know, maybe stay away and not show up afterall, or what to say to her.
(02:26):
who to make sure you talk to instead, and then you've got to have the discipline to stickto that plan.
Straight up and straightforward.
Now, what if you run into her and it's a total surprise?
Well, like I said, there's several different potential plans of action there, depending onwhether you broke up with her or vice versa, or it was on good terms or vice versa.
(02:48):
So let's go ahead and cover the basis here.
First of all, if she broke up with you and you weren't happy about it,
It's incumbent upon you to keep your emotions in check when you see her.
All right?
Go in the opposite direction she's going because there's no real way it can end well.
I mean, for sure, you're not going to beg her on the spot to get back together with you oranything.
(03:11):
So nothing really constructive is going to happen there.
Stop dreaming.
Now, if you broke up with her and she wasn't happy about it, you need to be ready for herto show her emotions towards you and you need to not let it affect you.
You need to see it for what it is.
Now I am going to say this.
X is running into each other in an awkward situation and one of them making a huge bigscene out of it is what we're all afraid is going to happen because it's what we've seen
(03:40):
happen in all those movies, right?
It makes for, you know, comedic irony and it's often very funny in real life.
Most people aren't psychotic and they know better than to make a scene.
So I wouldn't get all wadded up thinking your ex is about to make a scene and
certainly I wouldn't make a scene myself in that situation.
(04:00):
Now if you were on good terms, obviously if you do make conversation with each other, it'slikely to be more friendly conversation than if the two of you were mad at each other.
Now if you two end up making conversation together and one or the other of you wasn't sopleased with how it turned out, there could be some snarkiness involved and some
underhanded comments.
(04:21):
Again,
You're going to have to keep your cool.
And I wouldn't say anything snarky to her that would elicit some sort of comeback that youmight not like.
Right?
The key word, no matter what is cordial.
And we've talked about cordiality before.
Cordiality is friendliness in a box.
In other words, hi, how you doing?
(04:42):
I'm fine.
How are you?
Nice weather we're having.
Okay.
Well, so nice to see you, you know, whether you mean it or not and move on.
Okay.
Now, if you just happen to see her out and about, that is more than enough.
And as a matter of fact, if you're both in the same grocery store, go to the other side ofthe grocery store, grab your things and get out of there so you don't keep bumping into
(05:02):
her awkwardly.
Now, if you think about it, what's the big deal, right?
You've broken up.
There's nothing you have to prove to anybody or vice versa here.
It's simply an awkward situation.
You take care of business and you're done.
Now, if it's a party,
And other people are going to say, Hey, there's your ex over there.
What are you going to do about it?
First of all, I wouldn't let anybody pressure you into doing something you don't want todo or handling something in a way you don't want it handled.
(05:29):
People may be pressuring her to come talk to you.
Keep it cordial no matter what.
Now I will say this, if she's with another guy, even if you jealously wish that guy wereyou instead, you're going to have to keep it undercover.
You're going to have to man up and keep your cool.
and I would stay away from them if you possibly can.
(05:49):
If she flaunts the new boyfriend in front of you or whatever, well, say, Hey, you knowwhat?
I'm happy for you both.
And flash a wry smile.
If you were there with a woman and one of your exes is there, I would go out of my way.
First of all, not to acknowledge it with the woman I'm with.
And second of all, I would stay as far away from my ex as I possibly could and probablyfind an excuse to leave.
(06:14):
These situations, if they're unexpected, aren't going to happen very often unless you havea very small, limited social circle.
Like for example, you both go to the same private college or something.
But notwithstanding that, if you live in a major metro area, it will be a relatively rareoccasion when you run into an ex.
uh But you know, it's still a small world and it can happen.
(06:35):
Like I said, the time it happened to me when I was married to Emily, I didn't mention thatthe other woman was at this meetup group.
I avoided her.
She was very gracious.
She avoided me and I went home and I only told Emily about it later.
Women are very interesting in that they like to compare themselves to your ex girlfriends,especially in person more than we as men would probably care to compare ourselves to
(07:02):
another guy that we saw one of our ex girlfriends with.
And I say that fully knowing you're going to be curious and you might
be comparing yourself to that guy that your ex is with.
But I'll tell you what, when the shoe's on the other foot, it's like 10X.
It's crazy.
It's at least exponential, okay?
So when you're with a woman and you don't want to create the drama, you avoid the drama.
(07:24):
Don't talk to your ex.
Leave the situation as quickly as possible.
Now, of course, what if, seemingly inevitably, the other woman comes up to you and says,it's you and your new girlfriend.
I would introduce the two women, keep it absolutely cordial and end the conversation asquickly as possible.
(07:45):
And here's what you need to know about that.
Anything the other woman says about you is going to go in one ear and out the other withyour new girlfriend.
Chances are your ex-girlfriend isn't going to say anything snarky or bad because she knowsit just makes her look jealous and petty and women are very attuned to that.
(08:06):
All right.
So as you can see here, 10 minutes barely contains this conversation in the context of asnippet from the summit.
And I know it came rapid fire.
So if you have any other questions on very specific situations involving you and an exthat you see out and about, or who you were expecting to plan to see out and about
sometime soon, email me at scott at mountaintoppodcast.com.
(08:33):
Be good out there.
As always, visit mountaintoppodcast.com.
Love you all.
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