How to Finally Let Go of Toxic Relationship Patterns, So You Can Experience Healthy Love with Shelly Burton

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Shelly Burton (00:00):
So much of problems that we have in healing
is because we're conditioned tothink that the pain we've gotten
used to feeling is who we are.It's not who you are. Who you
are is the opposite of yourpain. The purpose of your pain
is to tell you something didn'twork for you. But then, because
we're we get habituated. Youcan't change your childhood

(00:23):
environment as a cage, one youlike. Don't even know how to
speak your needs as a kid. Youjust know something feels bad.
Like adults help to help youwith that. No one helps you just
get feelings stuck in your body.They stay there. You're
conditioned to feel them. Youthink it's who you are, and then
you you go through thisreinforcement loop that, because

(00:44):
you have certain feelings andbeliefs, you attract and match
to them, it was never who youwere, yeah, ever like this is my
whole system, right? You have tounderstand them and process them
because they were signals ofdysfunction in the environment,
not dysfunction in you. Hello,

Kate Harlow (01:02):
beautiful. I am so excited for you to hear this
week's episode before we jumpin, I want to tell you a little
bit about this very specialguest, this magical medicine
woman healer. Medicine womancame into my life in Costa Rica
in 2021 and I have worked with alot of healers in my life, and
she has developed this systemthat blew me away, and so many

(01:25):
changes started happening in mylife after working with her. So
I think I can even look back andsay that perhaps me, so
effortlessly moving to Greece ona whim was partly because of her
and the work I did with her, wedid some really, really deep
healing. So she's developed herown system that incorporates
working with subconsciousbeliefs, body wisdom,

(01:46):
neuroscience, emotional trauma,turning your sensitivities into
your superpower. She's workedwith 1000s of people all over
the world. She's very renownedin her healing, and just has
some really high levelperspectives on how to start
taking your love life into yourown hands and completely up
level your standards and shifthow you're doing dating and

(02:07):
relationships. So this is anepisode that I think all women
should hear, and of course, likedeepening into that spiritual
self is such a big part of it,and she's just just has such a
magical frequency, you'll beable to feel it, I'm sure, and
he'll hear it from the episode.So I'm very excited for you to
hear this episode. Share it withany woman who you know could
benefit and let me know how itlands. Lots of love. Hello,

(02:35):
beautiful. Welcome to the newtruth podcast. I am so excited
to share this incrediblybeautiful guest with you today.
Hi, Shelly. Shelly and I met inNosara Costa Rica. When was that
20? It would have been 2021,2121 Yeah, yeah. It was like

(02:58):
COVID times I escaped I escapedCanada. You escaped Canada. You
escaped Canada. Everyone Canada.And we met in Nosara, Costa
Rica, where everyone wasescaping Canada and America, and
we, I mean, you epically changedmy life. I had, I don't even
remember how many healingsessions I had with you, but I
have, we did it weekly for awhile, and I have all the

(03:19):
recordings. I should go back andlisten to them. We did a healing
session every week, my first, myfirst time to know. So I was
there for two and a half months,and I just turned 40, and I
remember like it was fuckingchanging my life every week. It
was so like the most powerfulhealing, and I'd experienced all
healing at that point I'd workedwith. So I was a business coach

(03:41):
for woo, woo healers back then,and I done it all. So it was
like the most mind blowing atthe perfect time, just going
through a breakup, seven yearbreakup, and you healed my heart
in so many ways. So thanks forthat first.

Thank you for receiving and showing up and
doing the work. It's, it's myhonor. Yeah, I only want people
to shine in their power andtheir truth.

Yeah, that's very true. I just got chills. That's
very, very true about you, andthat's why I'm so excited. I was
definitely divinely called tohave Shelly on the podcast. I'm
so happy to have you here and toshare you with everyone, because
you you really live a life ofmagic and conviction and getting
to the root of whatever is inthe way. And you shine. You're

(04:27):
so sparkly and magical andradiant and and I believe we're
all not. I believe we are allthat, yeah, and that's available
to all of us. So this episodeignites the hearts and the the
inspire women everywhere, and

give you the courage to do the excavation
work, yes, hard, because youknow healthy relationships,
whether it's like you with yourhealed self and learning what
that is, and you buildinghealthy relationships around you
that call you into your healedself, like give us. A strength,
you know, to do that deepexcavation work and affirm like,

(05:04):
oh, wait, I do get more. Oh,wait, there is another side of
this wound or this pain or thisgrief that, like, my survival
system is like, don't go there.Yes. And so I there's so much
power in conversations and inholding each other and helping
us have the courage to, like,confront our deepest wounds and

(05:27):
rewrite the story and re embodythe story, and like, celebrate
that. And you know, know thatit's and ground it, and it's a
fact that we're claiming aboutour lives. That's how we get to
the sparkly and magic. And thankyou for seeing that in me. And
it's, it's, it's, I just thinkthat the everyone has courage

(05:48):
within them, just sometimes youneed a little help knowing you

do well said. So beautiful. Yeah, it's, I think
of so this title How to finallylet go of talk. I love writing
titles for podcast episodes.It's one of my favorite things.
How to finally let go of toxicrelational patterns so you can
experience Healthy Love. This isevery like so many women, of
course, our parents weren'tgiven manuals on how to raise us

(06:14):
in a healthy way, or they werenot healed most for the most
part. So so many women havethese toxic patterns, and they
keep attracting unhealthy love,or they keep not being able to
receive love, like, there's justso much. So let's actually start
with you. If, okay, that's okay,all right, I would love to hear
a little bit about like, soyou're when I reached out to

(06:35):
you, you were like, Oh, this isthe perfect time to be on the
new truth, because I've beenreally healing a lot of old
patterns around love, and that'sbeen the area that you've been
now focusing on, because yousaid you focus on career for so
long, and so I would love tohear a little bit about, like,
what were your relationshipslike before you healed your
patterns? And, yeah, tell us

your story. So I learned I had a fearful,
avoidant and mixed attachmentstyle. I never knew that my
whole life, and for me, do youwant

to explain what that is first? Oh, sorry, not
everyone knows attachmentstyles. We've

done one or two. So people can be avoidant,
meaning you run from intimacy,like it's your fear. Anxious is
like, you cling. You're like,please stay. Don't leave me
right? And a lot of timesanxious and avoidance attract
each other and can like this isjust a very messy, complicated
cycle, but that's anxiety riddenfor everyone, one person just

(07:32):
shuts down, and the other persongets anxious and chases. I
learned I had, it's also calledmixed or disorganized. I thought
I was just career focused. Iremember making the decision in
high school that I was watchingthese girls crying about guys
that broke their hearts. And Iwas like, that will never be me.
You're not gonna end up withthese guys. I'm like, you're

(07:53):
taking time away fromachievement. And I just focused
on achievement because I could,I could do anything. I was very
goal and career oriented, andthat was very much, actually,
like impact was very much myintention coming into this life.
I didn't come in with, like, Irelationship goals, um, I came

(08:14):
in to create impact. And so as ii I went through a very after
reaching a career peak and mybest work ever, like billing at
10k a week, base expenses beingflown all over the world, having
the privilege of what I say Godworking through me to facilitate
medical miracles. I'm working on$200 million deals. Like my body

(08:37):
crashed. I pushed it too hard,and I got COVID. And bad I got
COVID, and my heart almoststopped. I was given the choice
to exit this life, and I choseto stay, and I made my intention
for the rest of it. I saw it wascareer before I'd done
everything I came here to do,and the rest I was like, I just
want to know what love is. Wow.Want to experience love in this

(09:02):
lifetime. And so then became thedeep excavation into
understanding attachment wounds,why I hadn't been able to
prioritize a relationship that Iwas actually avoidant. I didn't
know that. I thought I wasanxious before, but not
prioritizing available people.

Oh yeah, that's major avoidance. That's

major avoidant. And then holding on to like the
person you think is, like yoursoulmate, and you're like,
completely in love with. You'relike, I'm just gonna be patient.
I'm just gonna do my work. Andyou're like, naming it as being
like, spiritual and loving, whenyou're like, wait. But this
isn't honoring myself and thisisn't honoring my work. So I did
a very, very deep dive on, like,letting go. I had to let go of

(09:45):
my family. I

had to, like, wait, wait, I need to pause you for a
sec. So, so just to describe theanxious avoidant, so the
avoidant feels very clear. Soyou were avoidant when you were
like, I'm focused on career. Idon't need love at all. But then
when a guy came along that youliked, you would become anxious.
Is that? You were a little bitof both.

I became anxious, yeah, when I learned I broke
someone's heart. I remember whenI was 25 Yeah, in London, and I
was like, Oh, I'm never doingthat again. It was just so
great. It was an accident. I wasI pulled a player move. I was
rotating, alternating.

Everything is welcome here on the new chair.
I'm young. Shelley. I love youso much.

And I remember I broke his heart, and he was a
good one. And I was like, I'mnever going to do that again. I
will never rotate through guys,because I'm being avoidant and
not wanting to break my heart.So I opened my heart, but I
wasn't opening it to healedlove. I was opening it from my
attachment point at that place,right, which is like repeating

(10:55):
your trauma cycles that youdon't know are there at the time
until you do the work. So what Iwould attract from my open heart
was avoidant people, so notwanting to hurt them, because I
would hang on. Once I let themin, I would hang on thinking I
was being loving and spiritual,but that's self abandonment. And

(11:17):
so I worked very hard to developsecure love. I crushed it in
business. I learned how to holdmy worth right, and it's like,
okay, like, I had to work reallyhard to be like, no, no, your
heart just who you are as ahuman. Strip out accomplishment
is worth being treated like aqueen. That's it. You don't earn

(11:43):
you don't prove, you don't hangon. You don't work through these
like attachment systems that youhave as a baby. Because we need
connection as a baby. We need tohold on to our caregivers. We
can't regulate our emotions. Weneed them to feed us, you know.
So they're so primal, and theytrigger you beyond conscious

(12:03):
recognition, to hold on topeople that mirror your parents
and you think that's love, andyou think that's safe. And when
you go to let go of that, youhave to confront grief. You have
to confront aloneness. There'sno instant dopamine hit from
like, staying on a fantasy oflike, this person's finally
gonna like mirror the energy ofyour parents and making them

(12:23):
love you in the way you neededto be loved. It doesn't mean
they didn't love you, feel lovefor you, right? It's just felt
in the way they loved. That'swork. And then changing your
compass to not only learn thequalities of Healthy Love for
you, but then to find that,like, hot and sexy and

(12:45):
attractive is everything for me,like women have learned to take
charge of business. Okay, let'sgo a level deeper and take
charge of, like, what's hot forus, right? And then you can come
in forward to rise and meet you.Go ahead. I

was just going to say to your So, to the sovereign
woman inside that the thehealthy adult version of you,
Healthy Love. I mean that partdoes is attracted to Healthy
Love, the part that's attractedto toxic relationships and toxic
situations and toxic dynamics,really, because everyone plays a
part. There's so muchconversation about what I love

(13:28):
about the the attachment stylesis you're looking at both parts
being toxic, and it's thedynamic. It's not, oh, the
narcissists are the toxic ones.It's like you're in a
relationship with a narcissistbecause there you're in your
pattern too, right? You'reyou're playing the other side.
You're sacrificing your fantasy,you're Yes, and

that's so I think. Thank you for bringing
that up. There's so subconsciouspatterns, right? Our
subconscious mind runs 90 to 95%of all thoughts this programming
is largely set from zero toseven. It's also set through
shock, so trauma and repetition.So we have these default
emotional experiences runningour beliefs and what we're

(14:12):
attracted to behind the scenes.We can't even see them. So you
like without having done thework to like excavate, we only
tend to find their problems whenwe end up in toxic
relationships, and we're like,how did that happen? I was like,
really in love, right? It'slike, when we get to a problem,
we're like, what is my partattraction wise? Okay, there's

(14:35):
very real experience of being avictim. I'm not minimizing that.
But when we come through it,it's like, okay, how do I do the
work to like shift whateverpoint of attraction I had for
this experience, we have to lookat what beliefs made me think
this was hot, like attractive,and is gonna match with whatever

(14:56):
your emotional experience was.It doesn't matter if someone
else in your house growing up.Had a completely different
experience. It's irrelevant.It's whatever your experience
was, you're going to beattracted to that trauma loop
over and over again trying toresolve it. And it can feel like
hell, right? You get this hitfrom the dopamine of like, Oh,

(15:17):
they're going to love me. Oh,I'm just going to hang on it.
It's addictive, or the fantasy,maybe they're not even showing
up for you, but the story thatthey will feel so much better
than the grief of them not beingthere that you hang on, that's

(15:40):
not love, but it's not adelusion that needs blaming.
Like, don't ever blame yourselfas if you if you do that,
because we all need love, we allneed connection, but we need
help to understand where this iscoming from. A lot of it's not a
conscious choice, right? It isyour precious inner child trying

(16:03):
to feel loved.

And if you don't know how to love her, how are
you gonna break the show she'srunning, the show she's

running? So you're choosing from your
wounds, and you need to onelearn your choosing from your
wounds, but not judge that part.Yes. And then we have to learn
how to build up our healed self.I know you call her the heroine.
You're saying, like, how doesshe come into relationship with
our wound to give him or her orthem the security they're

(16:33):
looking for, right? That's a repatterning so that there is a
towards of healthy connection,not through a fantasy, because
the only way you're getting yourneeds met

right that I'm still, I'm still start are not
stuck, but like, I was soimpacted by what you said about
I don't, I'm going toparaphrase, but when you said
the thing about how The fantasy,even though he's not showing up,
the fantasy of him showing upfeels so good and actually feel,

(17:07):
yeah, it's like the way thechild cell sooses makes up a
fantasy in her mind about what'shappening, instead of actually
feels the pain of what'sactually happening. And that's
where the survival that is sucha great explanation of that what
I teach these saboteurarchetypes, and one of them is a
fantasy addict, and that is sucha beautiful explanation of why
the fantasy feels better, but italso creates hell internally

(17:30):
because, because the person'snot ever meeting the fantasy. So
it's constantly expectation,disappointment over and over
again that little girl wouldhave had as a kid, totally

and two points on this, it creates internal chaos,
like you get a high, but it'salso stressful because they're
not there, right? So it's like,feels better than confronting
what is right? There's no, like,dopamine hit from that. So we
have to know why we're goingthrough the grief, why we're
going through the aloneness, allthe feelings that we don't want

(18:03):
to feel because we couldn't feelthem as kids. If you felt all
that as a kid that your parentscan't meet your needs like you'd
like you'd shut down, you have,you have to survive. So we have
these mechanisms in place toensure our survival, but at some
point, we have to realize, holdup like we're the author of our

(18:25):
life. We are not the victim towhat the world's giving us at
all we were we were feeling likethe victim to this is the
correct emotion, or likepassive, because that's your
experience as a child. So thefeeling is accurate, feeling not
who you are, but then we have toshift into the creator, the
artist, whatever you want tocall it, the healer, the dream

(18:47):
weaver of like, hold up. No, Ican change what I'm attracted
to, and I can regulate myselfright to soothe the trauma
wound. So I'm choosing from myhealed self who's hot to my
healed self. How does she orthey? How do they make decisions
in relationships? How do Iregulate myself to consistently

(19:09):
come back to her and you'regoing to watch your dating
experience change. It has tobecause your relation, like you,
finally healed the wound, notbecause this magical person came
in to do it for you, because youunderstand the architecture of
your mind and trauma. No one canever magically do that for you
like it's not going to happen.It's just, it's not law. You

(19:32):
have to embody that healing inyour mind and then set it as a
pattern, to attract that as afrequency in the world, and then
you're responsible for thechoices you make to move the
needle. And you can make it funto do that. You can like, big up
yourself. We can create thechemical cocktail that gives you
that a hit, a feel good, hit,right? Which motivates you to

(19:54):
keep seeking reward, but fromHealthy Love,

yes? Oh my gosh. This is. So powerful. I feel
like there's so many layers tothis. I'm just thinking about
our conversation before we hitrecord, and how you're talking
about your dating experiencesnow. And one of the most, one of
the things that stands out themost from your shares, and you
can share whatever you wanthere, but what stood out the
most is that you're you saidsomething about every person

(20:20):
you're attracting right now isan up level and an up level, and
keeps expanding your belief inwhat's possible and what you get
to experience and receive. Andwhat I love about how you shared
it is like there isn't. So whenit's healthy love, when it's
coming from that healed, healthypart of you, sovereign woman,
heroin, I love that you said,Dreamweaver, so beautiful. But

(20:41):
when it's coming from that partof you, that part is going to
not be attached, it's likeyou're going to be even if
you're three years into arelationship, you can still hold
it with your palm open and notsqueeze so tight and think,
Okay, I got to make this workforever and not not be attacked
like actually, just let itorganically unfold. And then

(21:03):
you're actually attuned when,when we're able to come from
that sovereignty in that placeinside of ourselves and no
longer the Wounded Little girl,you're able to you're able to to
feel when it's not alignedanymore, and let it go, which I
think is one of the gifts of whyyou and I, our lives are are so
big, and we've created, I mean,you live in Costa Rica, you have

(21:25):
this epic business, this epiclife, dating life, friends, all
the things, and me too. And it'slike being able to have this
epic life, because people watchme and they're like, but you
just make decisions so quickly.And how can you do that? It's
because it's that part of methat's leading this, not
attached to the future, thattrusts when I'm complete
internally with something,whatever's in the future is

(21:48):
going to be my next gift, mynext lesson, my next experience
that I'm meant to have. And I

think it comes down to for me, a lot of the
work that preceded the datingwork I did was about integ self
integrity. Like, what does thatmean? Yeah,

let's talk about that. So,

a practice at a five star resort, they built me
an office. You know, the dreamon the outside, but like,
emotionally was not working forme. I'll leave it there. So this
was of my first, I would say,really big moment of like only
choosing myself because I choseto leave the office, I chose to

(22:30):
leave everything and shut myentire business down to build a
project called empathy hillsthat I knew it was the only
thing I had left to do in thislife. And it's a meditation
program to support highlysensitive children and your
inner child to build like thesubconscious beliefs that you
need for healing. So that endedup taking off, but it was

but Okay, let's go back. Let's slow down the story
a little bit. So you're in,you're in. Can we say where you
were? Costa Rica, you also itwasn't that, just that you were
complete with this job that wasperfect. On paper and this like
office in this setting and thepeople and the place, but you
were also complete with theplace, right? So, oh, so

what I realized is, like living in the jungle
was a gift. It's crazy. Youlearn amazing survival skills,
and you learn to trustinstincts, because, like, the
systems and the infrastructurearen't there. So I'm so grateful
for everything there. But Irealized to live in chaos like
that, you have to have a levelof trauma in your root chakra to
just agree to keep surviving.It's like, cool, I can survive

(23:34):
crazy things, amazing, but I'mso healed, like I'm protecting
my root chakra very importantfor relational work too. Like
your literal root chakra, that'swhere you let people in, like,
sexually, right? Protect it atall costs. Because you're so
valuable as you are. I need tosay that. Again, you are so

(23:57):
valuable as you are. There wasnothing worth compromising that
for ever, ever, and your bodywill hold you accountable. Mine
did. I started develop severeallergies to the point I was
going through anaphylaxis,approaching anaphylaxis, my
apologies. So it was like, no,no, no, this invite. I'm too
healed to keep going throughthis. Let me go where it's

(24:19):
stable and less cool people arelike, what are you what are you
doing? Where are you going? Youknow, I moved to San Jose, the
capital. I loved the place Iwent to. I love the friendships
I have here. It's like it wasn'ta thing you did, but it was an
integrity with myself. And thenmy career took off. Like I over
quadrupled my income and theimpact, you know, I started

(24:41):
remotely changing bodies. That'sa gift from God, like, so

it's she means healing people remotely. People
can't wrap their heads aroundthat often, like the long
distance healing. But I had, Ihad a session the other day, and
it's why you'll have powerfuldistance healing. Is people,
yeah,

and I had to build the empathy heals program
first, which, like rewires yoursubconscious mind for calm,
safety, open heart, compassion,empathy, and attunes you to my
frequency. So it sets theneurological tracks in the
background that I can just thengo in and kind of remotely
change things, or it just putsthe foundation in place so
you're not trying to heal on topof this, only architecture of

(25:23):
trauma, right? Have to like theywant me to say that again, so
you're not like tinkering withyour conscious mind only trying
to make these sweeping changes,so much of which you can't see.
So like, let's get the tracks inyour subconscious mind correct
and supportive to healing. Thesame is true for dating, yes.

(25:43):
How are you cared for when youare in pain? What do you believe
about that? How do people, dopeople listen to you when you
speak, or do you silence yourvoice? Right? These are all
beliefs that get programmed intous, and if we don't rewire them,

(26:04):
they're going to set ourexpectations for relationship.
And then it's like, well, what'swrong with me? Why can't I
attract more Well, no, what wereyou conditioned to believe? And
how can we support you to changethose beliefs, not only through
willpower subconsciously, but resculpting the architecture of

(26:24):
what like Healthy Love is andunderstanding you deserve. That
it's not a question, yeah, goahead. I

was just thinking, even for people who have who
think they have healthy love,but they don't have sex with
their partner, or they have,like, a nice marriage, they get
along, but they don't reallyshare vulnerably like I think, I
think in the scripted oldparadigm of relationship, where
people are in it for a reallylong time, a lot of people think
they have healthy love, butlet's even define what is

(26:52):
healthy love, because there isso much deeper and more you can
have. So even if you think, Oh,I don't have toxic
relationships, my friends do Ihave good relationships. But is
good? Mundane? Is good? Your,your your roommates, like, what?
What is what actually definesHealthy Love?

This is a beautiful question. The first
instinct I'm getting is itnourishes your heart. Obviously,
yes, obviously. But even deeperthan that, I think, is
permission to grow, because whatyou find at Healthy Love at a
certain level of the work, andwhat you find healthy love three
months later, six months later,it should be evolving. The more

(27:32):
work you do on yourself, themore your standards should raise
right, the more conscious youcan become about your
communication, your needs. So Ithink healthy love not only
honors your heart and honorsyour body and honors your
boundaries, right? It lets yoube you. Yes, honors your path,
yes, Freedom just to beyourself. It doesn't trap you or

(27:54):
control you or hold you down.And I think the most important
thing for Healthy Love is whereyou're choosing from, from.

I say that over and over again, that is everything
for every, everything foreverything. Where are you
choosing from? You

can take a relationship with a good
foundation, healthy foundation,whatever you want to call that,
but who you're being in therelationship, who you're both
being, but let's just talk foryou, dictates the direction it
takes. So you're not onlyresponsible for choosing from
your healed self or like,obviously we're gonna have
meltdowns and get triggered, andit's a beautiful way to see

(28:32):
like, Oh, wow. Let me heal that.Yes, to come to become a more
healed version of myself,relationships are like the best
container for inner work in myexperience, or to up level your
vibration, because you can'thide.

I like up leveling. I always say I don't like the
word work because I'm like work.It's just like, that's the
opposite of work. It's like,it's it takes commitment and
devotion, but the you'reupgrading and use, you use that
language a lot upgrade. It'slike you're upgrading your
system, like, like a softwareprogram, we get to keep
upgrading and upgrading andupgrading and upgrading and
upgrading every time you'rewilling to go in and love the

(29:09):
that wounded part, but be ableto be with her from the other,
from the sovereign woman, fromthe heroin, from the the dream
Weaver,

and have the maturity and the discipline
about okay, I'm triggered rightnow. I'm feeling some heat,
right? But I'm I'm going topause, I'm going to take a
minute, and I'm going to choose,or even throughout the dating
process, it doesn't, you don'teven need to be in a
relationship with this to apply.This applies to like, every
choice about attraction andlove, period. Yes, like, Okay,

(29:41):
where am I choosing from? That'syour response, once you can see
the difference between the woundright in your heel itself and
you started to cultivate her,which we all need some help
with, right? So, like, Pleasereceive help with that. If
you're like, right? Because weall need help seeing our blind
spots. We all. Have them fromtrauma, once you have the

(30:02):
ability to understand what yourhealed self is, your
responsibility to move throughthe addictive impulses of trauma
that are like, hang on, it'sgonna feel so good. I'm in a
fantasy, right? Getting youremotional needs met through like
dopamine spikes in the presentmoment versus having the
discipline just like finances,okay, you want to build money in

(30:24):
your bank account and have agood relationship with money,
well, that takes disciplineright to go for the long term
reward for me, same in HealthyLove, understand, there's a long
term reward coming from like thediscipline to consistently
choose right? Not go for theinstant dopamine hit. Choose
your healed self always. Don'tbreak your relationship with

(30:46):
her,

yeah, oh, I love that so much. Don't break your
relationship. Do

that because you don't know how to get your needs
met in this moment. If you can'tdo that, then we need to help
you get through the pain that'spreventing you from being able
to do that like and please, letus help you, because once you
recalibrate this relationship,it ripples what we were talking

(31:13):
about across every aspect ofyour life. Every time I held my
worth and dating, I get moremoney in my bank account. It was
amazing. Oh, wow. All I did wasbe like, No, I get better, but
I'm valuing myself. Yes. What'sinteresting? I went from a
dating dynamic I thought he wasmy person. Like, oh, my god, he
was like, the perfect person formy trauma. My trauma. Loved him

(31:37):
so much,

and I honor him little Shelley's like, oh,

like, she was like, This is it. I love her,
and I love that dynamic so much,because there was no better
healing container for me thanto, like, see the resistance to
actual love than that. Because,you know, when it's that
intense, everything's magnified.And then as I learned what I

(32:05):
deserved, and slowly up, leveledmy beliefs, eventually we just
ended. And I went from same day,one to the next, and the guys
kept increasing in vibration,being so conscious in their
communication, right? I'm in apretty good situation right now,
which I'm gonna I'm gonna hold,yeah, but it a much, not pretty

(32:27):
good, a much better situationthat required me to get really
comfortable with commitment,stop my avoidant tendencies, and
be like, no, no, you're safe.You're safe. And

when we let go of that story, like the person,
like, Oh, it's my person showsup that idea that the person is
forever, that's part of theproblem, because it's like,
you're safe right now. And it'sthat holding it right the open,

non attachment. But that can only if I could say
one thing, yes, that followschoosing from your healed self,
yes, right? Attachment comesfrom your unhealed self.
Obviously, there's a likeconnection, a degree of
attachment within arelationship. I feel like, yes,

(33:13):
but it's like, I would call itbonding, deep bonding, and but
if you need the certainty thatthey're going to be in this for
you for forever, for you totrust you're okay in the
relationship, where's yoursecurity coming from? Bring it

(33:35):
from your healed self. Be thatopen container. Let them love
you deeply in this moment whilstcommunicating your boundaries
and standards. Yes, they have torise to meet that. That doesn't
mean you don't have standards,let me be exceptionally clear
about that, but it means you letthem rise to meet it, right? You
don't not communicate thembecause you're afraid you won't

(33:55):
be heard, and that's yourconditioning. You don't people
please and not speak up, or youdon't hang on because you're
afraid of them losing you. No,I'm in a good relationship with
myself. I trust I am worthy oflove. There's not one person
that gives me love in my wholelife. Such lack,

yeah, such lack mentality and that, though, just
that, the idea, like, I justthink you know when you have
yourself, you know that iteverything just gets better, and
life gets better and and, andwhen you trust, when, when you
and the more the longer you'reon this path of coming from that

(34:33):
healed self and being able towork with these younger wounded
parts, which, you know, I stillhave. They still come up. They
still are still better, yes,unless they still arise. And
both of us have been on thisjourney a really long time, but
it's like, over time, you justdevelop so much evidence that
life has you that it's onlygoing to get better. You're only
going to meet more alignedpeople, more a lot, and you're
you become, like, more willingto let things fall away.

Would you agree? Yeah, two points on that the
evidence is so key. Right? Thisis why, when you're in the first
learning of the new pattern, wehave to reinforce with evidence
from your healed self, even ifit's like, you're the best, you
so deserve this. You're the bestat letting unhealthy love.
You're so good at letting peopleadore you and step up and meet
your standards, and they're sosecure, and they love choosing
you all the time. You're sochosen, like you can flood the

(35:21):
part of you that's like, I don'tknow, I don't have evidence that
this is how you can flood it, togive it the evidence which makes
it easy to be more secure inthat belief, which creates
secure

attachment, so creating it within yourself,

and you can flood it, you know, your mind doesn't
know the difference between whatyou tell it is happening, what's
actually happening? So let'shelp it along, and let's help
those new right neurons connectand form to create that new
belief, which takes energy andrepetition. Okay, you can do
that. It's not hard because youcan't do it. It's hard because

(35:57):
it's new and like, there's aformula you can follow to create
new beliefs and make them easy.The second part I wanted to say,
are

you going to tell us a formula, or is this a
formula?

Well, it's just, it's just repetition. I mean, it
takes three weeks of consistentact, at least three weeks, at
least three weeks of likerepetition to create a new
habit, right? So it's the samefor any belief process. So
that's it. Don't expect yourselfto magically be able to do this
on day one. You have toconsistently do it, and that's

(36:30):
why I created empathy heals themeditation programs to automate
it for you do your homework,right? But it's built on the
architecture because, like, helpyou build the foundation of calm
and safety in your nervoussystem before we go into any
trauma regulation. Because Idon't see like if you have a bad
memory come up, for example,because our body will try to

(36:50):
flush out pain right as weincrease in vibration. But I
don't want anyone going intothat until they have the
foundational beliefs to selfsoothe.

Self soothing. That's such a good word. That's
it. That's what you're doingwhen, when she's activated and
she wants the hit of doping,means she wants the text from
the guy. She wants to reach out,she wants to see him one more
time. Oh, I see closure. Oh,just need to see him one more
time. I just need to. It's likethose moments when you learn how
to self soothe. That is it.That's such a beautiful word.

And I actually built a 26 minute compassionate
to give you empathy for wheneveryou're going through pain or
hard moment. Oh, you can'toutsource it. If you can't get
there yourself, you can justplay the meditation. So it's
giving you the soothing rightuntil that becomes so normal,
like I my intention. I'm gettingoff to I'm going to go back to
my other point, which is aboutreceiving in a moment. Yes, yes,

(37:40):
these do pair together, like,extremely well. I want it to be
normal for your inner child orfor actual children, which has
become a huge area of my workwith the mamas too, to like,
know that they get soothing whenthey're in pain,

which is what so many didn't get,

right. And so why are we waiting until we have
crises, like mental healthcrises, and then, like, fumble
through the dark trying to learnthese skills, when, if you
understand how the mind'sprogrammed, you can build it in
from a young age and automateit. And the best part is the

(38:25):
whole family will heal fromthis. So you can do this for
your own inner child too, and itputs you in the energy of
receiving love. Becausemasculine and feminine, we both
have these energies. They'reboth so powerful, so part of the
healed self disciplinestructure, what do I deserve?

(38:46):
Holding that discipline right tolike, not let your trauma run
your life or dictate what'sattractive to you sexually, like
you actually can change that.That changed my life. That was
probably I do this in sessionstoo. Like, make like, what's hot
for you? Like, let a guy wholike treats you well, be like,

(39:06):
super sexy. Make it the hottestthing ever. Okay, the next part
is receiving. You don't have towork to be loved. And that goes
back to that non attachmentpiece. Let them meet you, right?
Let them come if you need to uplevel, right? You're holding

(39:31):
your worth. Give them space. Letthem come towards you. That's
secure. You're literallyembodying security there. And if
you're unsure about whetherthey're going to come, so you're
holding on, you're needing,like, quick feedback. Quick
Feedback. You need to make sureto what are you telling the
universe? I'm not sure you'renot embodying secure, stable
love. So how are you going tocall it forward in your life?

That is so beautiful, and I just am feeling
the energy of when you told thestory about leaving your job,
especially. They are leaving theoffice, and the fancy every
wellness space, and the Nosaraand life, and the life that
looked good on the outside, thatlike when you told me that story
before we hit record, is so itwas so powerful. And I just felt

(40:14):
this like, Oh, I'm committed anddevoted to myself and my truth,
and that's it. And this is thenew truth podcast is like this.
What the whole podcast is aboutis that every choice you make is
for you, not for and notextracting feeling good enough
from the world around you,because you'll never get it. The
performance will never it willjust reinforce your trauma over
and over and over. Yes, you have

to, and you have to remember like the most
illuminating thing about movinghere is because I just loved it.
I felt so safe. I knew my rootchakra was protected, so my body
didn't lie. The feeling I got inthis place was like, obviously,
the safer and more grounded andhealthy my root chakra is, the
more abundance I'm going togrow. It's, it's those two

(40:57):
vibrations are coherent. So ofcourse, even though I went from
completely slashing my income toalmost zero for a few months, of
course, I quadrupled it, right,right? Because it's coherent.
And if you don't trust yourself,and you trust society's
correction, what you've beenconditioned to do, yes, more

(41:19):
than you trust yourself, you'renever going to outgrow your
conditioning, and it's nevergoing to you're never going to
feel just home and able to beyourself. And it was really the
most interesting thing forcorrection. The hardest part
about the move for me was I wasso proud of myself. It was like
the I felt like, I was like,Okay, this is it. Because I

(41:39):
always had external validation.Image for me, used to be safety,
right? If everything lookedpretty, I was safe. I grew up in
the horse world, show world,right? And it's a lot of my
family's conditioning, and it'svery pervasive within at least
like North American society,right? So to really only have
allegiance to my root chakra wasjust a huge moment for me, of

(42:05):
like and to watch who fell awayfrom my life because they were
uncomfortable. It was likepeople I thought were my closest
friends were reallyuncomfortable with me. Oh,
that's going against the grain.

Yes, this is important moment. Keep going
from this point, really women, alot of women, when they start to
wake up and they start to listento that inner compass, there,
they get so challenged by theirpeople in their lives, and want
to hold on to those oldrelationships that too holding
on. So

this is really important. Whether you're doing
the change in your dating lifeor it's just the relationship
with self that was probably thehardest part for me, because we
all need support circles, right?Or you have people who are your
people, but it's like, Wait, howmuch of you was my people
because I made you comfortablebased on like, the success or
the image I had crafted, right?That's not being my people,

and you're moving to new frequencies, and so
you're gonna, like, some peoplelet go with you, and some people
will fall away, and then youattract new ones,

but you never lost Exactly. So the only thing
I got was better friends, like,ride or die. I have the best
girlfriends here. There's onegirl in my building. I love her
so much. She is like, the mostprotective female friend I have
ever had in my life. Wow, like afriendship that has just healed
me beyond she won't let me dipin my self worth. She's like, I
am your self worth monitor.

Oh, I love that. Everyone needs a self worth
monitor. Friend, that's amazing,

but there's no people pleasing, because I had
broken that myself, so obviouslyI'm going to track that back in
the relationships I get and theones I lost. It's like, you
don't I didn't actually loseanything. There's still moments
of grief sometimes where I'mlike, Oh, I love that person. I
wish we were still close. But Ican see they're trapped. They're

(43:56):
trapped in society, correction,conditioning, of like, behaving,
doing everything, having theperfect image, no. So there is
that challenge of like peopleare going to fall back. And
there are people versions of youloved. And I think letting
yourself reformulate what loveis in that moment, and you're

(44:18):
allowed to be really proud ofyourself for back to this word
courage, for having the courageto hold for more and build more
and not let your attachment toyour old support network
actually hinder you

or to anything. Yeah, and I think to the to the
saboteur mind, the ego mind.It's like so afraid to let go in
fear that nothing else iscoming. And like we talked about
earlier, like you just collectso much more evidence over your
the further, the deeper you gowithin yourself in this

(44:52):
relationship, and operating fromthat healed self, as you said,
and having the healed self, lovethe little self, the. It, the
deeper you go, the easier itgets, because you just have so
much evidence. It's like, youknow, more people are coming the
right aligned and it's gonnafeel better than it did before,
because it's coming from yourdeepest, purest, most aligned

(45:13):
self,

totally. And I think there's, there's also a
really important step that canhelp you understand where the
saboteur voice is this comingfrom? For me, it's like the ego
part of our mind. It's thesurvival part of our mind that
only looks backwards in time. Soif we're just listening to that
voice, we think it's the truth,because it's like fear and it's
strong, but it's like, wait,wait, that's the fear part of my

(45:35):
mind. That's the survival partof my mind that only knows
what's possible based onhistory. So of course, it
doesn't think this can happen,like you're correct based on my
history, like your voice iscorrect. So we don't make it
wrong. We're not gonna projectit onto the present moment. We
just contextualize it so it canrelax. We're like, thank you so

(45:58):
much for trying to help me.You're doing like, such a good
job of, like, remembering myhistory. I know you only want me
to be safe, but I'm good,because I'm creating from all
possibilities right now, notjust my history, right? That
once you get there, then we canstart to like, like I said,

(46:18):
build the like you're saying,build the evidence. I'm like,
big up the healed reality. Andso you claim it as your truth.
Big up. Love it. Yeah, untilit's like, fun and it feels
good, so excited about it, andyou know you got it, and you can
feel it in your body. And youclaim that as your truth. I
think so much of problems thatwe have in healing is because

(46:40):
we're conditioned to think thatthe pain we've gotten used to
feeling is who we are. It's notwho you are. Who you are is the
opposite of your pain. Thepurpose of your pain is to tell
you something didn't work foryou, but then, because we're we
get habituated. You can't changeyour childhood environment as a

(47:01):
kid, one you like, don't evenknow how to speak your needs as
a kid, you just know somethingfeels bad, like adults have to
help you with that. No one helpsyou. Just get feelings stuck in
your body. They stay there.You're conditioned to feel them.
You think it's who you are, andthen you you go through this
reinforcement loop that becauseyou have certain feelings and

(47:21):
beliefs. You attract and matchto them. It was never who you
were, yeah, ever like, this ismy whole system, right? You have
to understand them and processthem because they were signals
of dysfunction in theenvironment, not dysfunction in
you. And until you can processthem like, like, I said,
Separate your identity, validatethem, and then move yourself

(47:44):
into your truth, which is theopposite. That's the purpose of
pain to be like, don't do that.Like, it would be super weird if
we felt great about peopledegrading us. That would be a
very bad guidance system, right?So they're trying to work,
right? But there's just survivalpatterning mixed in with it to
help us like belong in thetribe. So you just have to

(48:06):
understand how this is all wiredtogether, so you can get back to
your truth. Have the courage toblame that and understand that
the only person who can defineyour truth is you.

Right. No one's coming to rescue you.

But also, like no one knows better than you, it's
the opposite of your pain. Solike, for example, leaving
nosada in that office, I didn'tneed a five another to have
another five star resort linedup
to to know I was making theright choice. I had the security

(48:42):
in my nervous system, right? Ididn't. I didn't have the doubt
that was like, oh, I need tomake sure it takes this box and
this box of this box, and I'mgood, no, I already felt it
right. So, yeah, so it was mytruth. That's all I needed. And
I got there from doing so muchtrauma work, like, from having
so much trauma happen in thatenvironment that I just knew. So

(49:08):
I think trauma, if I can saysomething like trauma, is never
something to run from. It's hardand like, for anyone going
through it, I'm really sorry.And when you have the tools to
work through it. Yoursuperpowers are on the other
side of it. I swear to God. Ilike, swear to God. And your
liberation, yeah?

And you've witnessed that over and over and
over again, not just in your ownlife, but in Al, the amazing
humans you've helped facilitatehealing on the planet with. And
you've facilitated a lot offucking

Yeah, but to me, that's it. Like Earth is a great
school. It's hard here. Like ifyou came here to do healing, not
everyone came here to dohealing, and that's okay if
you're a sensitive soul and youcame here to do healing, Earth
can feel really hard. It canfeel like the map you were
given, just like does not. Work.Like, why? Like, what? Why do I

(50:04):
hurt so much and like, why am Itrying to make a change? And
it's not happening. But once youstart to understand your
conditioning and how you canchange it, then you it's like,
the confidence you will developin yourself from doing hard
things, and the self trust thatyou can actually ask for more

(50:29):
and hold it and demand it, andthe universe will bring it to
you. You're not only elevatingyour own life, you're you're
changing the frequency on earthof what's possible, and that,
for me is the ascension. Worklike it's one choice at a time.

I love the word elevating. Elevating so
beautiful. And we elevateeveryone around us. Even some
people will be confronted, butsometimes the confrontation
leads them into their ownhealing or their own spiral that
leads them somewhere. But we'rewe're planting seeds regardless,
like,

totally, totally, and that's really important.
I've had the experience ofstepping into my biggest power
and people that were the closestto me trying to bring me down,
destroy me. It's one of thehardest things I've ever gone
through. Back to my learningsabout love, but it really
illuminated me how much societalconditioning or attachment

(51:23):
wounds can try to keep us safeby clinging to what we've known.
Because to let go of like someof your deepest connections, to
choose actual love is not aneasy feat. I don't want to make
light of it. It's hard, butconfidence comes from hard

(51:43):
things, and true happiness comesfrom just knowing you have good
relationships and healthyrelationships in your life that
you have built. They're nottrauma driven. And you can also
let people not be healed. Youcan let them have pain because
no one trying to sabotage you isa bad person, like at all, they

(52:05):
just have pain that they'reprobably not even aware of,

right? That's no important, it. They're not bad,
not about you.

And so that's when you know you're really
healed, when you can, like, holda boundary, right? And also
understand why not everyone canjoin you in your reality. It's
their own pain, or they justdon't want to heal, and that's
okay. Yeah, yeah, it's okay.

So important. So this is so beautiful. Okay, so
let's summarize everything, likethe top, the top three. So you
said the first, I'm trying toremember the first one. Second
one was receiving. What was thefirst one about

boundaries, holding your worth, holding your
worth, so knowing the differencebetween your trauma, self,
driving patterns, yeah,yourself. And the great thing
about really hard things is theyshow you right, your trauma
wounds, right? So we can, we cantotally bless every dating
challenge you have. We love itbecause it's going to give us
the grounds to ask excavate andbe like, Okay, how did this

(53:09):
happen? Okay? So trauma selfwound itself, who they love
versus who healed self loves.Then hold your worth. Learn the
standards. What are you holdingfor? And your healed self is
going to do really good job ofit. Then receive. Step through

(53:31):
receive. You gotta let it come.You gotta let it breathe. Non
attachment is you so beautifullyembody Kate like it, I feel like
you've completely mastered thisfrequency 100% so for everyone
listening, she lives at 100%right? It's hard to do, so I
respect it greatly. Just let thehighest form of love in your

(53:53):
current vibration find you.

Yes, expanded love, yeah, and I think, I imagine,
you have a similar experience.The more we the more we expand
into all those beautiful, lovingplaces within ourselves, the
more expansion we have in allareas of our lives. So then
we're less attack, we get becomeless attached when you're more
full inside of yourself, whenyou when you're satiated in all

(54:17):
the ways. Because you're doingworkshops you love, you're doing
practices you love, you're goingto classes you love, you're
hanging out in neighborhoods,you're living neighborhoods.
You're living in an area thatfeels super aligned, like me and
Kenya and you and yourneighborhood. It's all like,
this is what happens, is like,the more we listen and our
bodies like you and I weretalking about before we hit
record, you had allergies atthat other place, and you severe

(54:40):
allergies, like screaming atyou, I was gonna move in with a
friend, like, when I'm in Kenya,like, leave my stuff there. And
I went for one night, and I thenext day, I had eczema under my
eye and five pimples, and I waslike, what? And so our bodies
are so intelligent. They'repart, I think let's talk about
this for a little bit. They'repart of the in. Cater of the

(55:00):
toxic relational dynamics or thesituations or places or
whatever.

Yes, and it's having the courage, the
attunement to one, listen tothem, because if you grew up in
an environment that invalidatedyour emotions, you learn to
suppress your truth, to followwhat you're taught to do. It
helps you survive, but alsoteaches you a fundamental
distrust or devaluation of yourneeds and your body. And the

(55:26):
more sensitive you are, the morepainful it is to experience
this, and the more important itis that you listen, because the
more sensitive you areemotionally, and a lot of
healers, right, have highsensitivity, it's a gift, but
the cost of not listening ishigher. Word of listening is
higher. So one the courage tolisten to your body and let it

(55:50):
guide you. It will never steeryou wrong. I mean, I have a
whole other experience. I had abrain injury at 21 and drop out
of school like and I could seeenergy and feel everyone's
bodies and all their pain. Ittook me a long time to
understand what this was and howto heal, and that I couldn't
follow society's script anymore.Obviously, there's layers of
external validation. I stillhave to heal, but I've only been

(56:12):
allowed to be a healer sincethen, I was never at my body
would not work in an office.Despite having like, an Oxford
degree and being a publishedresearcher in public health, it
was like, nope, right? So whatI've learned from this is, even
if it's scary to listen to yourbody, it will never lie to you

(56:33):
ever. So listen

and there's a there's a distinguishing point.
And I get asked this a lot, I'vestarted to notice people's
physical hand gestures whenthey're talking from the pattern
versus from the body. Because,because one thing I just noticed
it at my last immersion, I waslike, oh, like, when they say,
Oh, that's a no for me, but youput your hand out or you, you're

(56:57):
in the future. You're puttingyour hands in front of you.
That's your pattern talking.It's resistance versus the no in
your body. You point at yourbody, or when something's a yes
in your body, people put theirhands on their hearts. They're
like, Oh, that feels so good.It's so fascinating. It Yeah, it
was just a sudden I was superplugged in at the last
immersion. And I was like, whoa.I just started seeing things I'd
never noticed before. But that'sone thing I want to distinguish,

(57:20):
because our body never leads usastray. However, your mind, your
stories in your mind, willcreate feelings in your body.
So, for example, like, whenyou're in fantasy love, and then
your body feels these chemicals,and you're like, my body's
talking to me, You must be theone. There's no like, you know,
there's no script that comesalong with the body feelings.
It's like, it's it. Can you talkabout that? Because that's so
important.

Kate, this is an amazing point. Thank you for
bringing this up. And this isone of the most confusing things
about dating. Yeah, I swear toGod, right. So this is where we
really have to understand whataddiction feels like to the
Fantasy Versus your truth. Thoseare two different feelings,

(58:00):
intuition versus fantasyaddiction. This is why for me,
take what feels true for you. Weneed very objective criteria,
standards. You could call themstandards of what a healthy love
relationship, dating dynamic

is and feels like

yes, but also like the the true for me, it
starts with just like, is ittaking its time? Are you feeling
rushed? Oh, yeah, right,healthy. Love is slow, but it's
consistent, right? When youvoice your need, do they
respond? Are they pushingtimelines on you right, or

(58:46):
letting it evolve in its ownpace, but showing up
consistently? Are they honoringyour needs? Does your heart feel
listened to and safe and heldright? People will only reveal
themselves over time. Everyonewants to look great,

yes, and everyone also wants to rush it

because, but that's from lack Yes. So there's
this balance betweenconsistency. For me, it has to
be consistent. That's, that'sone of my standards, right? But
not rushed.

I love these standards. They're so yummy.
There's, they're

essential, because it gives you the
framework to listen from, okay?So if you have a framework, and
you can have these kind ofobjective standards, right, that
you can come back to and belike, does do? I feel like
they're doing this, and thenwatch when you're going into a

(59:41):
story that's from your trauma,oh, they're the one for me. Oh,
we're going to be in relation. Ifeel so good I know this is
going to happen, or you'rereally anxious they're not going
to show up. So you're like, Idon't know, making up other
stories about other people. Justrelax. Stick to your standards.
Let them meet it. Okay. Learn.What each of those feel like. If

(01:00:01):
you don't know, go on a journey,I don't know, what does a
consistent person feel like? I'mso deserving of it. I love when
people consistently choose meand show up for me. It's the
best feeling ever. You cancreate it in a meditation. You
can learn the feeling and thenmatch. If the person is that

Kate Harlow (01:00:21):
I love that. What were the Can You Say it again?
The consistent and slow. Sobecause I think that, yeah, it's
like, it's consistent, butspacious. I love that. Like it's
slowly, organically unfolding.It's not rushed. It's not
getting to the future, gettingto the thing, yeah, but, but
it's consistent. That's howPatricio was in the beginning.
He was always consistent, but itwas super spacious like that.

(01:00:43):
But I love the reason I saidfeel. So actually, I want to
take this another layer, becauseyou described it like a feeling.
So one of the things I'venoticed is that there's so many
teachings out there that arelike, look for the red flags.
What's wrong? We're like, whatlook you want to look out for
the narcissist and it has womendisconnected from their bodies
and in their minds, looking forwho's right, who's wrong, who's

(01:01:04):
good, who's bad. So now you'redisconnected from, actually,
your inner guidance, which is,has all the answers. So, but the
way you describe that, thestandards, they are a feeling,
and then you so that's what Ilove so much about them. It's
like, does it feel consistent?Does it feel you're not like,
looking at him? Like, is hedoing a good job? It's like,
what's my experience? That'syour experience. That's in your

(01:01:26):
body. And so the information isin your body. It's both, for me,
it's both facts and yes, yes,facts and feelings. Yes, yes.
When someone's consistent

Shelly Burton (01:01:35):
with you, you're going to feel relaxed, when when
you it's going to feel easy.It's not going to feel like
work, to just coexist. Okay, betogether. Build something. It's
you're going to feel calm andrelaxed. So it doesn't mean
you're not excited and they'renot hot for you. But my
experience, like, if you have aconflict, I had the healthiest

(01:01:58):
dating transition ever. I'm sograteful for it. Whenever there
is a problem, we could speak.He'd get on the phone right
away. We'd hash it out. He'dtake accountability for his
part. I take I later tookaccountability for my part. It
was so

Unknown (01:02:12):
like, used to be, like, not in the moment I got that.

Oh, wait, there's a part for me. And he just did
the work. Instantly. He listenedto everything I said, but that
also gave him permission tobring his truth to the
relationship, the dating. And itwas, it was so healthy, because
we could each speak our needs,zero drama, right? So it's like

(01:02:39):
it just felt easy because we hadthe courage to do hard things,
right? It's hard to speak yourneeds, it's hard to trust
yourself, it's hard to hold aboundary and not like, stay in
something when you have anotherconversation about what you're
both looking for, right? That'syour job to be clear, basically
going in, and if you're notclear about what you want and

(01:03:02):
you don't have standards tomeasure against, what are you
feeling for? Right? Have yourstandards. Be brave, say hard
things, let them reject you.

Yeah, because, then you have information because,
and I just think, like, that'sthe only actual way to real
intimacy, the reason people likerush to get married and live
happily ever after, but theydon't have sex. You know, five
years into their relationship,barely at all, or they hate each
other deep down, or they'reavoidant, or whatever is
happening inside of the home.Even though they might seem like

(01:03:38):
they have a good relationship,looks perfect. It looks perfect
on the outside, like, yeah, likeyou talked about before, is
because they're not having thoseconversations and deepening in
intimacy and and, and we'reafraid to, like you said, be
rejected. But actually, let, letyourself be rejected. I think
that's like, the best, the bestway to date, is be rejected so
that you can get clear on who'saligned with you get okay with

(01:04:01):
it. Yeah, you're

not gonna die. I promise

when you're breaking everything down is so I
knew you. I knew in my heartthat you would, because you're
always so clear, and I just feellike how you're articulating
everything is so valuable and soclear, and you're so powerful,
and you're holding thefrequency, which, of course, is
the most important thing, thatyou are embody, the embodiment

(01:04:27):
of everything you're sharing,and that you're Yeah, your
magic. And this is so such animportant, incredibly healing
episode for every woman, I mean,who doesn't have their patterns
leading their relationships. Sotell us about So you've talked a
little bit about the meditation,empathy, heels, yeah, practice.

(01:04:48):
Got that. We'll link everythingbelow, but tell us a little bit
about how to work with you. Whatare what do you have available
to have to support womenfurther?

I do remote sessions only, but I ask. That
we start with the meditationprogram, right, where you
program yourself for at leastcalm for three to four weeks,
and then ideally safety, becauseit fast tracks everything you're
going to get so much more out ofeach session, and also gives you
the opportunity to meet myfrequency, right? And like,

(01:05:17):
build trust and build arelationship. So then, when we
go in and do an hour or 90minute sessions, we get to work.
And I like to work with peopleconsistently, because it's I'm
in it for the real change, likeI am going to fight for you. I'm
going to be your cheerleader.I'm going to be hit you
straight, whether it's money orrelation or anything. I don't

(01:05:39):
care what it is, just the real,real to get you in alignment
with your healed self so you cancalm the reality that you want.
Empathy heals alone. That's mybaby. I work a lot, also with
kids, moms and kids has becomemy sweet spot, including medical
emergencies. Side note, I alsowork on business deals, like

(01:06:01):
high level business sales, like$200

million deals, whatever you need. She's got
whatever you need. I

can do acquisitions also, and supreme
court custody battles, you know,I got covered. Oh my gosh.
Empathy heals. This is my baby.So this is just the meditation
program, and it teaches you alsoall the things I talked about in
this podcast about your identitybeing linked to pain, how to how

(01:06:29):
to move it into your truth andself Soothe the wound through
compassionate empathy. Sothere's two versions coming.
It's for sale on empathyheals.com. By the time this is
out or empathy heals.me, myapologies, there'll be a kids
one release, so you can give itto your little child to help
them, like, develop thefoundation for their healing
that they'll carry forward intofuture generations. Or you can

(01:06:52):
do it. It's like it'severything, and the kids are so
happy because they don't knowhow to ask for what their needs
are. But once they're met, theyrespond instantly, because a
little nervous systems are somalleable

that is amazing. It's, it's, we

have to do this like and then, or you can do it
for your own inner child. Soyeah, phone sessions

are empathy hills, and we'll link everything below.
We'll link your social mediatoo. So, so everyone can follow
you. Thank you for thisincredible like, I'm gonna
listen back. I'm so many thingsyou I'm just like, holy shit,
it's so I almost don't havewords. It just the way that you

(01:07:37):
describe everything. I feel likeit's so accessible and yet so
wise, and so many things yousaid, it was like, that's a
quote that needs to be on a tshirt, that needs to be on a
bumper sticker, but incrediblypowerful healing you're doing on
this planet. And I'm so gratefulto have you in my life, and I'm
and it's also completely like,so beautiful to witness you now,

(01:07:58):
because I knew you back then,and you've always been the most
profound healer I've ever met,ever Like honestly, the most
extraordinary work I've everdone. The deepest was with you,
and so I'm deeply grateful forhow you've impacted my path.
Because right after we workedtogether, I moved to Greece, and
that I was just I was justfollowing my truth. I was just

(01:08:19):
in a spontaneous moment, but Iwas just journaling about how
living because now I'm now I'mbeing called to Kenya and more
and more. And I was justjournaling about how Greece
totally changed my life. And itstarted with Costa Rica, with
you and me following my truth onmy 40th birthday during COVID,
all my friends were trying toplan a Whistler birthday or

(01:08:39):
something like that, because itwas COVID times, and then
everything kept closing, and Iwas like, you guys, I'm out. Go
to Costa Rica, went by myself,followed my truth and met you
there, and you totally changedmy life in such a big ways. And
it's so beautiful to witnesswhere you are now and how much
you've up leveled now. And Ifeel it, and I see it, and I
honor it, and I yeah, justdeeply love. I To me, I'm, I'm,

(01:09:02):
I'm only a fan of having, youknow, sharing the work of women
who are really showing up forthemselves and living it, you
know, and you are living it, andyou're amazing.

Thank you for having me, and thank you for
doing the work and askingbrilliant questions. The one
thing my guides, I'm a channel,so I always have a feed going on
here. They wanted me to sharethat I was given the choice
after I started empathy hills,to leave this earth, because I
completed everything I came hereto do, and I chose to stay, and

(01:09:34):
I chose to learn love, which Imentioned early. So it feels
like a privilege to get to dothis level of work and talk
about it right like so thank youfor having me. Thank you for
letting me share. I feel likechoosing to be here and really
choosing to explore love andbreak the attachment

(01:09:55):
conditioning is probably thegreatest gift.

Yeah, I just heard my voice say, maybe I'll choose
love. That is how inspiring. AndI'm so glad you didn't leave and
and that how beautiful that youchose. And so it's like now, and
it's the remembering. I thinkthe gift in what you just said
is the remembering that wealways have choice, and when we
don't know what we don't know,we don't know, we don't but as

(01:10:21):
soon as you have awareness,which you all do now, if you've
been listening to the new truthfor a long time, you have
awareness. And you know,certainly from this episode, you
have choice as an adult, whenyou're a kid, you didn't you do
now. So choose, choose, choosesomething different, choose love
and that that's like, that'swhat's going to heal this

planet. Yeah, and you have power to choose, and
that's how we get there. Yes, Ifeel like we're done. It's like,
that is it life? It ripplesoutwards, and then we make the
world a better place.

We do. We do the famous worlds of MJ, heal the
world, make it a better place.Love you so much. And as always,
share this with every woman whoneeds to hear this powerful
episode. Listen to it over andover again and let us know how
it landed, and reach out toShelly because she is magic.
Love you so much. We'll see youall next week. Huh?

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

Cardiac Cowboys

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}How to Finally Let Go of Toxic Relationship Patterns, So You Can Experience Healthy Love with Shelly Burton

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

Cardiac Cowboys

All Episodes

How to Finally Let Go of Toxic Relationship Patterns, So You Can Experience Healthy Love with Shelly Burton

Stuff You Should Know