The #1 Thing In Relationship More Important than Love with Maya Kova

Episode Transcript
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Maya Kova (00:00):
Yeah, because I realized, oh my god, like this is a missing piece of everything. It's missing piece of all the struggles that modern woman has. Because, yes, we have rights, yes, we can make money, yes, we can provide for ourselves. And then yet, something is still missing because we trying still to sacrifice ourselves to get validation, to get approval, to get love, to be liked,

Kate Harlow (00:30):
because we think that's the only option, yeah, yeah.

Maya Kova (00:34):
And, and it's just like this idea of finding my own truth, I, for the first time, went on a journey of discovering, Maya, what's your truth, and even if this truth inconvenient to guy or to the relationship or to your family or to the world, like, who cares? And I finally right like I finally like, through the truth, through owning my voice, through not being afraid to speak up, I suddenly like, Ah, this what means to be self centered woman. It's not only love, it's not only heart space. Wow, there's a deeper layer.

Hello, my loves. Kate Harlow, here just before you dive into this week's episode that I'm so excited for you to hear the number one thing in relationship that is more important than love. You heard that, right? There's something more important than love, and it couldn't be more true. This episode and conversation is so powerful. It's one with a woman named Maya Kova, who's a sensuality and love coach. She's also a facilitator, teacher, trainer, coach of the tantra Institute. She teaches and facilitates Tantra speed dating. She's the head coach in the relationship experiment program that we heard you would have heard all about on if you listen to the episodes with Guy Shahar, all about the tantra Institute and about understanding men. That was a couple of weeks ago, and there was another one a few weeks before that. So she is a facilitator in these phenomenal relationship programs in at the tantra Institute, teaching people really how to be in relationship. So she has merged all these different methodologies, and she's absolutely brilliant. And my favorite thing about Maya, besides the connection we had is is the beauty of how she delivers this message in such a soft, sensual, powerful way, like she's really the embodiment of the work she teaches. So hopefully you are impacted. I'm sure you'll be impacted by this episode on so many levels, not just from your mind, but also from your body and your heart, because you can feel the frequency that she lives in and speaks through. It's really incredible. So enjoy as always, spread the word to all your gal pals for this episode, on to a woman that you know and need and enjoy. Hello, my loves. Welcome to the new truth podcast for a very enticing episode. I'm so excited. We I am having a beautiful conversation with Maya COVID. Is that your last name correct? Right? Yes, Maya is a new woman in my life, but feeling super aligned. This is our second conversation that we've had, so I'm really excited to see where it goes. We just had such a blast naming this episode The number one thing in relationship that's more important than love. So excited. I know it's so good, I feel like this actually is a book title, so you better write that book soon, or someone else is gonna take it. One of us better that book soon and the number one thing in relationship that's more important than love, and this is so what a powerful title. So excited for Maya to share all of her magic with you today. Maya is an amazing woman who obviously, I've already shared all about her and her expertise and her background, and she's introduced to me from Guy Shahar, who is the founder of the tantra Institute, and they, they are in partnership, and they also co facilitate and coach the programs together and for the tantra Institute. And you lead a lot of stuff there as well. Yes,

Maya Kova (04:15):
correct. Yeah, yeah. I lead stuff within the tantra Institute. I do my own classes, yeah,

and, and, so I actually want to start before we get we're going to leave them hanging a little bit here before we get to the thing that's more important than love. I want to hear a little bit about like your past self, if you like 10 years ago or 15 years ago, or 20 years ago, whatever. If you could imagine yourself doing this work. Now, what would you say?

Maya Kova (04:45):
Ah, wow. It's so interesting that you mentioned like 15 years ago, because the way I entered the realm of bringing my awareness and consciousness. Into relationships. When I was 20, I fell in love for the first time, and I got super anxious, like, so anxious that I would, like, come home after the date and like, I would need to, like, lay down. Like, I literally need to lay down, because something was going on in my body that I'm like, I have no idea what is this like, I was completely consumed by the feelings and my mom, my wise mom, gave me a book by Robin Norwood, women who love too much.

Oh, I never heard of that. Oh, my God. Oh my gosh.

Maya Kova (05:33):
I think it was. It was like breakthrough book in the 70s or in the 80s. And it's basically about women who were in relationship, particularly with alcoholics, and it's like how that type of dynamic infused co dependency in them. But the book actually goes much deeper into like, you know, your traumas, obviously, with your parents growing up not having parental love, how that creates codependency and feelings and love. And I'm just thinking to be 20 and to get that book into your hands. And I literally read that book, like, from, you know, from cover to cover. I highlighted stuff. I wrote them down with my hand to, like, get them deeper in my head. And I think that gave me immediately an understanding how everything in us, within us interconnected, and that we as humans are more complicated, and love is actually not about just falling in love. And that was kind of like a first time that that bubble like burst and kept me being a curious student and scientist on the path of understanding what love is

and what makes it. Isn't it crazy to think every single movie, yeah, like they fall in love at the end. It's like all the tension, all that drama, all the hot, cold, like, love you, hate you, whatever. And then at the end, they fall in love, and then we just assume they know how to be in a relationship. Meanwhile, like what nobody taught us anything. It's at and it in even the expectation that everyone's supposed to find one person they're supposed to be with forever. But then nobody

Maya Kova (07:20):
teaches us how. I know it is crazy and and right, like the relationship experiment, it's all about that. It's all about like, hey, like, come in and learn relationships. Because there is no school or college or any education, we expected to figure it out, and we expected suddenly to create successful, happy families with, you know, thriving kids, and it's like, how, where does that expectation coming from?

It's so wild. Okay, so for any of you who haven't listened to the relationship experiment episodes with guy, so I mentioned that you're guy's partner, but I was just thinking some women might be like, who's guy? So guy Shahar is the founder of the tantra Institute out of New York City, and they're right now running this incredible program that a couple of my clients have taken and they it's totally changed their lives. And I mean Danielle, you know very well. And love Danielle. Yeah, she was on the first episode with guy. So go back and listen, if you haven't already, but the relationship experiment that you just spoke of is this program that we've been talking a lot about on these episodes that I've I did two with guy now, now with you the I just think it's absolutely the most essential, brilliant thing that everyone needs to do, like everyone needs to learn how to be in relationship and how to be how to how to break up in a healthy way, breaking up words, as you say, how to communicate their feelings, how to understand themselves. So, okay, going back to that girl, though, I want to go, I want to go into a little bit more of your story, like when you So you read the book, you have this epiphany, and then you're going it, you're in your 20s, and then what?

Maya Kova (08:56):
And then in my 20s, I am moving from Ukraine, from Kyiv to New York City at what? Age? 25

Unknown (09:06):
Oh, wow. 2425

Maya Kova (09:09):
Yeah, um. And I'm kind of having a mix of, you know, I'm in New York, I'm dating. I'm kind of like trying to live this posh Sex and the City life. I

was gonna say Eric Carrie Bradshaw, or which character, which character? Oh,

Maya Kova (09:24):
I think I think Carrie, definitely Carrie, because, slightly neurotic, slightly naive, slightly preoccupied with love, constantly having a drama. So, yeah, love fashion, buy shoes. So, yeah, there's a lot hilarious, yes. So you know, if you ask me, I think Carrie is extremely selfish character in the show, but that's a separate topic, yes, but yeah, I my dating was not super successful. There was heartbreaks, and I definitely saw the trade of getting anxious and then. Learning about anxious attachment and unpacking that. And it's so funny how I reconnected with guy, because I met guy during my first year in New York. We met at the like, at the acting networking party I was about to leave. I was leaving the party, and he were like, standing by the bar next to, like, close to the door, and I'm like, heading towards the door, having eye contact with him, seeing those gorgeous eyes, like he has absolutely captivating eyes.

Well, he's also a present man, so, like most men are checked the fuck out. And then there's this present sparkly man, yeah, in the corner,

Maya Kova (10:45):
and, and I'm like, 26 and, and I never approached man, and I'm like, how am I gonna do that? And then my feet just literally took me towards him, and I came over to him, and I'm like, hi, and we started just chatting, and we kind of had, like a fling. We went on a couple dates, but nothing really, you know, came out of that. And then in five years, I reconnected with him when I was in my 30s. And the reason why I reconnected with him so I knew that guy is, like, very truthful and honest man, and and guy is kind of like a serial dater, and he's like, all about freedom. I knew all of that about him. And right what scared me in my early in my 20s, and being in New York and being a single woman and being an immigrant, there's so many layers. I'm like, I cannot deal with that. But in my 30s, I reconnected with him, because I was thinking like, Okay, so the only way I can heal my anxious attachment and attachment to constantly getting comforting and validation is actually being with somebody who is the opposite, somebody who will not, you know, holding my hand and answering, I don't know every of my calls, but actually somebody who will be an antidote to that fear or addiction or simply learned helplessness, in a way, and we reconnected, and the connection was actually very, very strong and very transformative. And it took me then on a path of Tantra. I definitely was learning Tantra because I saw him being in this world, and I was crazy enough for my Tantra workshop to go to Thailand for the very first workshop and meet Charles Muir and Leah Piper and manta chia and kind of like really dive into the depths of tantra and kind of the rest is history. It took me on a path of, I would say, my whole relationship with Guy. The theme would be finding myself and centering me in me while I'm loving somebody, while I'm in connection, while we have this right, like exchange of giving and receiving, but constantly learning how, how I hold and preserved me and not sacrifice myself for him, not sacrifice myself for love, not sacrifice myself for work. And it's quite an interesting journey, and it brought me to this deep realization that for a modern woman, if you want to be in your feminine, if you want to be successful in love, if you want to be successful in in work and career, you have to be self centered in a healthy way, because otherwise you're not there.

Yes, it, it. I'm just thinking. I want to reflect, because we talk a lot on the podcast about like, coming from, you're either coming from, like the Wounded Little girl, or you're coming from your sovereign woman. And so what I'm hearing in the story, it's like the Wounded Little girl thought safety was outside and you were in New you know, moved to New York and you're like, oh, there's a guy. Oh no, I can't date that guy because, like, that's not safe. But actually, when you discovered the safety within which is coming from that self centered place and sovereignty, that's when you got to experience this beautiful, healthy relationship with a man where you're not giving up yourself to be in the relationship and not operating from your patterns in the relationship, but actually able to operate from your sovereignty? Yeah, so, and we're okay, let's talk about that. But actually, I'm just thinking there's probably women who are listening, who maybe even don't know guy, and I've never talked about this, but I'm just thinking there's probably women who don't even know what Tantra is, or what that means like when you said, I opened up my world and dive, dove into Tantra in Thailand, and then, you know, now you're a facilitator of that. What is Tantra to you? How would you define it?

Maya Kova (14:52):
I love this question. So Tantra is a right. I call it spiritual practice that's been around for 5000 years. And Tantra is first and foremost, an embodiment practice, and we exit spirituality in tantra through body. What does that mean? It means that I am pausing and shifting my attention into what do I feel? What am I noticing in my body, what are the sensations? And in tantra speed date, we have this prompt when people start connecting and dating each other and go on a mini dates, is to notice, what do you feel in the presence of this person in front of you? And if we just hear into this questions, like before Tantra, I never heard these words to be combined in a sentence, right? What do you feel? You

never thought about what you feel?

Maya Kova (15:50):
Oh, no, what I feel, what I feel in the presence of this person I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out. Is he tall enough for me?

Yeah, exactly.

Maya Kova (15:58):
How successful? Yeah. Right. Yeah. So to me, that is what Tantra. And when I was at my very first workshop in Thailand, and I knew nothing about tantra, it was completely jumping and taking a risk and like, Okay, well, I'm not going to die in seven days at this workshop. So when I saw Charles and Leah on stage, and they were like talking, and Charles and Leah, they are representing kind of like Western Branch of tantra that's rooted more in sexuality and healing through sexuality, but everything they were doing and talking about was connected to heart chakra and was connected to love. And all their teachings were all about, how can I bring my sexual energy, my life force energy, into my heart and only then send it to the person through my hands, through my eyes, through my voice. So I saw that they alchemized everything into love, and it gave me a completely different understanding of sex and sexuality as well, which was something deeply, which was already my philosophy. I knew that I am a woman who like I, of course, I can, you know, have sex, but I noticed that I feel differently when it's somebody I more close with, I'm more connected with, I have more loving feelings towards, right? I immediately noticed the difference, and I was not buying the narrative in, right, in mass culture of like, have sex for health, or, you know, have sex with everyone you know, or even

like Samantha Jones, like that character represented that like free, like women can be like men, and we can just have sex. But actually, that messaging so interesting because it's it women are not like men. So I think so many women do that. Maybe they have a high sex drive, maybe they have lots of testosterone, maybe they're a generator and they have a sacral defined in human design. But even if you have a high sex drive, I personally believe that most women actually do need the heart gateway connection too, but they might not know that, yeah,

Maya Kova (18:17):
and oh my gosh, I love that. You saying this, because that's what happened with guy. So when I reconnected with him, I consciously was like, he's a serial dater, like he is dangerous man. I called him, in my head, the most dangerous man of Manhattan, because, you know, he's so irresistibly charming, then he's like, I'm not committing myself to anyone Bye, and what happened when we reconnected, right? And like, I started discovering all of this, and kind of like learning the depths of relating and sexuality and love, is I felt like through intimacy, I almost felt like he was penetrating not my body but my heart. Like I can't explain it, you literally need to experience that in your relationship to understand what is, what it is, and what it did to me that for the first time in my life, start removing the armor that I build it around my heart with ideas of like, I cannot trust Man, I should not trust man. I should be fully independent. I don't need any help. And being in your 20s and having that mentality the worst thing you can do to yourself, because you do need help. You you, you cannot do this on your own. And

I just feel like it's the extremes. Either women are armored like that, or they're in like complete damsel rescue me fairy tale thinking, where they're anxious, anxious or avoidant, right? It's like one or the other, whereas this beautiful place you're describing in the middle. All is, is neither of those things. It's like, yes, we need love, and I love. I even like circling back to that when you were telling the story about the that is it first being exposed to Tantra and the eye contact and the the connection in a different way. Like we can bring that into every interaction we have. And like, how healing for this planet. Like, what, most people don't even make eye contact.

Maya Kova (20:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know we're talking about it, and it just bring me back into that time. And it was very confusing time for me, because in my head, I'm like, You're not his girlfriend. You see these men like once or twice per month, and in my heart, I would feel like such devotion and connection and love and understanding and like seeing the best in him and doing something I've never done in my life, because I could not control that relationship at all. Mm, not only because of the essence of relationship, it's like I would kind of almost feel like, energetically, I'm in some kind of a portal where I'm just like, I'm in it. I need to surrender and trust the journey and trust, learn to trust my heart and actually meet my heart for the first time.

And this man was the activator, like he was activating your heart in a deeper way that it had never been, which is what your mind is like, but what the hell it's supposed to look like this and your heart is just like in it, yeah,

Maya Kova (21:42):
wow. And what it brought to me is, I think softening into my feminine, embracing my feminine, and understanding, like, Who is the woman? Like, what is my essence? What is my way of expressing myself where I'm not trying to act or to sell myself, or to present myself in a certain light or to put a mask. Because I learned how to put a mask with man. I learn how to, let's say, hide me being anxious, I learn how to do that. And I'm an actress also, right? Like, it's like, I don't have to do all that. And with guy, I just started learning, because I started feeling something here that I never felt before, and that was a portal of softening into my body as well, and that's why I write like I when I work with women, I often tell them, if you feel a very strong like sexual energy and connection, trust it, because it's life's force energy. It's not gonna lie to you. Okay, you might not marry this man, but he might bring you certain gifts, meeting yourself and meeting your feminine because here's the thing, let's be very honest, right? In sex, we experience probably one of the strongest polarity element, where you as a woman invited to fully open up and surrender. And let's be honest, you can have sex with many people, and you might never done it right. We, we can, we can absolutely mask that right, and we can keep it solely physically, but when we actually able to soften into our body and open ourselves up and drop all the guards, drop all the logic, drop all the conditioning, right, and have that alchemy of body and soul, right, divinity and physical that gives you as a woman, such a different experience of yourself, And that has nothing, right? It's it's not about sex anymore. It's about something different. It's about how we leaning into those absolute polarities, right? We hitting the edge of right, like feminine softness, feminine surrender and masculine care, masculine provision, masculine penetration, masculine ownership, right, like masculine holding, and that's such a unique gift. Then, right, when we realize it, we then learning, okay, how can I have that in my interaction, day to day? How can I have that when we going out for dinner? How can I have that when you know we just even having uncomfortable conversation, like when we fighting, how can I still stay in my feminine? How I can still speak from my heart and not from my head, not from my ego, not from my wounds? So yeah, I was

just going to say staying in your feminine. I just want to highlight this part, because I feel like so. Many people still are confused about what that means. There's a lot of people online where it's like, be in your feminine pole dance and wear lace and La, la, la and like. So I think people still think it's like wearing lipstick and high heels. And you know, if that makes you feel softer and sexier and more relaxed and beautiful cool, maybe that is an element. But it's like, when you say soften into my feminine what I heard and you said, How can I speak from my heart, even when we're having hard conversations? It, it's like, that's it. It's like, not speaking from the guards, but speaking from the tenderness underneath the guards. Yeah,

Maya Kova (25:35):
I would say that one thing that I learned with guy at that time is how to soften and that it's not scary, and that I'm not going to die if I do it. Because very often we as women, we think softening means I'm weak, yes, and that's actually our power, right?

Exactly, because then he actually hears you, yeah, if you have the guards up. He's not hearing you. Yeah. Oh, love this story. I autumn. I first of all, love our energy between each other. I am loving this conversation. I've feel like I'm on the verge of tears many times. And I think that this, this is such a beautiful anchor for women to know what's possible, because so many women have just experienced jadedness, and then they're projecting that out there on every man they meet, and they're not even present and not even like and so guarded from love and to have this beautiful story. And I love what you said, you might not marry the man. So like, that's the fairy tale story we've been fed our whole lives. Is that's the only option. That's the thing that fucks us up, is like every relationship serves a purpose. There's a gift in it, and like, what a beautiful gift. And some relationships keep deepening, keep deepening and keep growing and organically, Oh, wow. We've been together 10 years now, or 20, or whatever, but it's like we spend so much time worrying about where it's going in the future of the relationship that we miss the magic and the just thinking like how beautiful and juicy that you're that you get to lean in and even when it was like scary, and you were only seeing each other twice a month, and it was uncomfortable, and your mind had all these ideas of what this was like. Imagine you turned away from that. Yep, where would and you, you maybe wouldn't even have discovered your life purpose. So even if you guys relationship ended tomorrow, like, what a massive life changing, life altering, a life altering gift. Yeah,

Maya Kova (27:33):
wow. It's, it's definitely, I think you 100% agree with you that the gift of this relationship, I mean, you know, there's still so many things we growing constantly together, but the main gift it really, I feel like I met myself for the first time, and I had to surrender into who I am and start trying to figure it out, how Can I present myself better into the world and that like just that, to start centering myself in me unapologetically.

Unknown (28:09):
Yes, beautiful. That's already a gift. Yes, Wow,

unbelievable. So okay, so I think we should circle back to the title. We've left them hanging for a long time. So tell us, and I know that it's sprinkled all the way through this beautiful story that you you hopefully aren't finished sharing. But what is what is it that you've learned the number one most important thing that's more important than love?

Maya Kova (28:38):
So I used to say that I love love. And I used to say that love for me is like my philosophy, my religion. I follow love in my heart, and that's the only path and the only way. And seven years into relationship with Guy. One of our mentors said the phrase, you need to love truth more than you love love. I'm hearing that phrase and something like drops in me, and I'm like, I disagree with that, because love is the truth, because right, like love is never blind, like love is is is the thing. And then time passes by. Now I remember the phrase, it's like, deep in my in my mind, and then in our relationship. Relationships with guy, I had several instances where I almost had a choice to choose him, choose love, choose relationships, and give up or abandon something deeply truthful for me. Yeah. And it clicked, and I understood what she meant, and I also were able to see the major blind spot that I had, maybe because of Eastern European culture. I definitely see more tendencies of this in Eastern Europe, where it is, almost like a praise when you give up or abandon yourself or something that's important to you for love.

Oh, interesting, like the selfless woman sacrificing herself for lack, yeah, yeah. And

Maya Kova (30:36):
I realized that I spend my life till this point, till last year, totally having a deep programming that, in a way, were defining me, that it's okay to sacrifice myself, it's okay to give up on something. It's okay to, you know, be uncomfortable. It's okay to tolerate something because, you know, love, like love, duh, and I'm and, and it's so interesting hearing that phrase and start having those realization then inspired me to create voice. It's my group program membership for women with intention to give them space and playground to practice naming their truth, maybe for the first time in their lives, or uncovering their truth, connecting to actually, their true voices. Because I realized, oh my god, like this is the missing piece of everything. It's missing piece of all the struggles that modern woman has, because yes, we have rights, yes, we can make money, yes we can provide for ourselves. And then yet, something is still missing, because we trying still to sacrifice ourselves to get validation, to get approval, to get love to be liked,

because we think that's the only option, yeah, yeah.

Maya Kova (32:07):
And, and it's just like this idea of finding my own truth, I, for the first time, went on a journey of discovering Maya, what's your truth, and even if this truth inconvenient to guy or to the relationship or to your family or to the world, like, who cares and I finally right like, I finally like, through the truth, through owning my voice, through not being afraid to speak up, I suddenly like, Ah, this what means to be self centered woman. It's not only love, it's not only heart space. Wow, there is a deeper layer.

Yes, oh, my god, new truth podcast. This is so beautiful, and it is, it is, it's the deeper layer. And to me, like it is self love. Like that's what people are so confused about self love. The word gets thrown around so much, but that is self love. It's like the deeper layer of self love is truth. It is truth. Yeah, wow, yeah. That's amazing.

Maya Kova (33:16):
I think for women to normalizing, to make other people uncomfortable,

yes,

Maya Kova (33:27):
because we conditioned to be uncomfortable in the presence of everybody else, but that's how you embrace your feminine right? You make others feel uncomfortable if they have to.

Yeah, Mother Nature, does it all the time. Just burn shit down. Joe tornado, yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, beautiful. It's I mean truth. Truth is love. Because when you think about it actually, Greek people always say, what's with Americans? Why? Why are they always so happy, so fake happy? Like, how people are, like, everything's fine, and then they're like, passive aggressive, or whatever. It's like, we think lying is kind you know, the nice thing to do is like, Oh, don't tell the person you don't want to hurt their feelings. But like, how on the reciprocation of that, if someone's lying to you because they don't want to hurt you, or they're staying in a relationship with you because they're afraid you can't be okay without them or whatever, like you. You most, most people wouldn't want to stay in that relationship, or wouldn't want the person to come to their birthday if they don't want to be there. It's so wild that we think that is the nice thing to do, but actually the the most loving thing to do is to be honest, even if it stings, because it it's clear it's honest. Yeah,

Maya Kova (34:47):
right, and it's so important also how you deliver that truth, because in voice about that, if you start uncomfortable conversation and. You feel uncomfortable in your own truth, right? You feel like Sorry for bothering you, right? And you like bringing your shoulders in, and you like hands the other person, no matter what prompt you're going to learn and how you're going to deliver it, they going to read your body language, because our conversations between other bodies happens much faster than through even right like words and thoughts. So they going to get that information, and if you not centered in your truth, they not going to obey to it like they not going to follow it. They not going to feel your boundaries, because you're not there.

So what would you say for women who know their truth or have desires or have things they want to communicate or truths they want to share but they're not there, like what? What would be some tips that you would share on how to help them access that besides joining voice, of course, joining voice is going to be part of that, and we'll talk about that we'll talk about

Maya Kova (36:03):
that in a little bit. Yeah, start practicing. Start just saying in front of a mirror and hearing your own voice, right? Record it and maybe, like, listen on your commute or somewhere else, so you can just start hearing it. I also love a mirror exercise, right, where you do something in front of a mirror, or like you can turn your zoom and see your own right reflection, and if it's something deeply painful, like witnessing your own pain, right? Because we sometimes can tolerate pain, and unfortunately, as women, our body is built this way, so we have high tolerance to pain right due to carrying a child and birthing a child. So we have high tolerance to pain, but sometimes, when you see your own tears right or or you kind of like see your own face expression where you share certain things, it can suddenly right, like it gives you an opportunity to become an observer and be like, why am I doing this to myself? Right? It's suddenly kind of like it helps you to shift into this place of compassion, self compassion for yourself, beautiful.

Yeah, that's amazing. And also just thinking, you know, witnessing your own tears if they arise. If this is a hard thing to share, you can see the beauty I think of when I do retreats. Like everyone is so much more beautiful after they cry. Like right after they cry, everyone's eyes are brighter. Their faces are flush, like there's beauty and radiance when a woman is in her feelings. And so to be able to witness that in yourself and see how your eyes get brighter and you and like the sweet and tenderness and like, oh, that just feels so beautiful. And then obviously you'd have more more comfort in bringing it to the other person, having witnessed yourself in that way. Mm, hmm,

Maya Kova (38:00):
yeah, yeah. And again, softening, right? It teaches you to soften into your heart. Because what I couldn't understand is that you can still deliver truth with a lot of love, right? You can still deliver truth from your heart, and when you soften into your truth, conversation with the other person might go in a way that surprised you, because you not feel that right. You on the different sides, and you kind of like fighting. It kind of brings them into your truth, and you might sit together and finding right solution or compromises that are more fair versus when we deliver our truth in the defensive state, which I think we're more familiar with it and it's also more masculine way of delivering the truth right with the sword and ready to fight for it, then of course, that's gonna inspire and infuse and activate defensiveness in the other person. And they might feel abandoned, they might feel triggered, they might feel dropped, they might feel hurt, versus where right, we softening into our truth. I'm giving myself permission to have what I want, and in that case, I can also present them right. The benefits for them of me following my truth, if that's right, part of a conversation and if that's necessary, and then we entering it with being extremely solid, and your body is relaxed and your voices come but you solid, no matter how manipulative the other person can be, they immediately get the message, I cannot put my hooks. Right into you and right? And that might be for the first time for them, like, oh shit, I need to confront something. There is a mirror something for me, right? And I need to learn maybe different ways of connecting or communicating or engaging in those relationships,

or they fall away, you know, like, I just think women who end up in relationships with narcissists, that's a trend word these days. But like, if someone's like, on the extreme side of selfishness, so we have, like, selflessness, women have been taught to be that selfishness, which is the in the narcissistic realm, and then the self centered is in the middle. It's like, if you are no longer playing your part in that dynamic, which is what you're saying, like you're, you're you're solid in your truth, and it's coming from this loving place that person will fall away like the because you're no longer the the perfect match for the for that dynamic. Yeah, they can't put their hooks

Maya Kova (40:58):
into you exactly for women, it is so important because we give so much yes, to our families, to our friends, to our co workers, to, you know, the jobs careers that we do, and It's important for us to examine, what are those connections? What are those chords? Are they fair? Am I uncomfortable in those interactions? What is it that I need to change? And the profound realization that I had is the benefit of doing this, because if I'm in harmony, if I'm in my balance, if my body and my nervous system is relaxed and I'm in my parasympathetic I can generate so much love, so much beauty, so much creation, Right? Visionary, like visionary, is deeply feminine quality, because I see it before it's real. And this feminine essence and feminine energy is very abundant, right? It's like, it's like Earth, look at it kind of makes me cry every single time. But this is our feminine nature, right? I watched documentary about Chernobyl, and there's a forest in Chernobyl, right? It's in Kyiv, and radiation happened, and everything was destroyed for like days. And now the new trees starts growing, and animals starts coming back. And now Chernobyl forest is actually one of the most untouchable forests by humans. They had a mind blowing ecosystem, right? And like, I when I watched that, like, make me cry, because I'm

David Attenborough, right? David Attenborough, how unbelievable

Maya Kova (42:57):
it's like. And what I realized, like, that's the feminine nature. You can go through any type of adversary. I mean, look at people who go through war in Ukraine, in Middle East, anywhere else in the world, right? Like that feminine brings actually back the life, right? Like our creativity, our nurturing, our beauty, our Let me clean it, let me put it nicely, right? Like, that's our essence. But can I access this when I'm constantly overwhelmed, I'm constantly feeling that like, Oh my God, I need to pour back into this narcissist, right? Or, yes, yes. Who demands stuff for me? Can I do that? No, I'm disconnected from my beauty. I disconnected from this essence of creating. I'm also disconnected from cultivating more abundance into the world, right? And breaking those limiting ideas of like, No, you can't have, I don't know, multi million business and a family, right? Or, like, No, you can't be succeed. It's just like we can do that when we in the state. And nobody can put you in the state. Nobody will come to you and tell you you know what. You need to stop doing that. That needs to be you. So you need to find the truth within yourself, and then you need to practice of how to embrace it and how not to fawn right, how to stand a new truth without fawning back.

God, there's like so many beautiful layers to everything you just said. I love that. David Attenborough is one of my favorite. He's such a legend in that, I think that was in his last documentary about how Mother Nature will always be okay, and we're all so concerned about Mother Nature, but actually it's humans we should be concerned about. They're the ones who are destructive and destroying themselves, and nature always regenerates. And I love that that is the feminine. And just thinking like what you said about we are life giving energy when we're in our feminine and I think because the words, like so many women. And confused about what it means and and you know, feminism is the thing that had us was essential to women having rights, women having a place in the world. We had to shatter glass ceilings, but now, like we had to strap on Man suits to be taken seriously, to be but women are working in such an unnatural way to the rhythms of their body. And I'm thinking what you're saying about relaxation. When I was in Kenya, in nature, relaxed and connecting and community, and like all it was literally every feminine aspect. I was so inspired. I was having new business ideas. I was having business ideas for friends, for other people, like I was just the visionary was so clear because I was so so relaxed into this feminine energy, which can change worlds and move mountains. And I think that what we can be wildly successful, but it has to look different than it does for men. Otherwise, we're not in our feminine if we're working 40 to 60 to whatever, plus hours a week, pushing, grinding, forcing and and trying to be in our feminine and trying to be successful that way, like you are, even if you're making good money, you're capping your ability. Actually, yeah,

Maya Kova (46:16):
it's, it's so, so true that women should work only when we feel that life, first energy coming through us, and I feel desire, yes, my energy, my creativity, into work. I know it sounds right, like it's kind of shocking, because it's like, well, I have to work because I have to pay my bills. But that's right, like, this is where, this is where we're getting trapped when we just bluntly following this mentality. Like, I get it, there's truth to it, there's practicality to it. And I really want, like, what, like, I really want women to to observe this, or just, like start interacting this fought. How can I transform and start shifting my life where I also work from this desire of creativity and pleasure and bringing and birthing something, and not just because I need to make money. The moment you work, because you need to make money. It's like you you poisoning yourself, because that's it doesn't give you anything like that circuit of generative circuit is broken, right? So finding ways to work from desire and creativity, even a little bit would start right? Would start bringing you back to your aliveness. You start feeling ready, and you start feeling energized. You start feeling sensual, you start feeling playful, you start feeling creative, like it's going to give you boost of life. But when you work, just because you need to pay your bills, you just like water machine, right, like you so disconnected from your heart and your soul, and your eyes are not glowing

totally, and because you're magnetic when you're in your feminine and then, so then, like, let's say you're in a sales job, like, if you are in your heart, in your body, your eyes are sparkling and glowing, you're going to sell a lot more, whatever the heck you're selling, totally, that's magnetism. And also life in the universe is going to bring you things, because you're in that relaxed flow magnetic state. And, you know, I think because so many people's nervous systems are so dysregulated, they're so disconnected from their bodies, and they're surrounded by people who are in fear. And the news and North America right now is is crazy fear and and the rest of the world too, but, but there's just this, like, fear that becomes so it's like, contagious, yeah, and so if you're only around people that are like that, you're in that pushing and striving. I mean, it's you get you get trapped. And I love that you're representing something different. You You really feel like I can, and I'm sure everyone can feel it through the podcast. You are the embodiment of a woman fully in her feminine and how powerful you are. You know how I think a lot of women think they have to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Like, oh, being in my feminine means, like, you said being weak, or it means be or not working, or, like, being submissive. Whether you're on purpose, you're in a beautiful, deeply intimate relationship. So actually, I would love for you now to take us into your life, give us a glimpse of your life now, in New York, in your relationship, in your friendships, in your purpose, all of it like, what's your life like now? And how is it supportive of you being in this energy and living from this place?

Maya Kova (49:42):
I that's such an interesting question. Well, I can give you a truthful answer, yeah, truth tried to give you, no,

I don't want like a fantasy. Is you still living in New York City? It's busy, it's you, it's life. So take it there.

Maya Kova (49:57):
I actually, I actually, the more. I'm connecting to my feminine and the more I'm speaking my truth, I actually am done with New York. This year is the year where I I am looking for, where is the next place, where's the place that I can finally call home and start like, really decorating everything and just creating the most coziest environment, and even like admitting that truth woof, that was such such a journey to to get here. I've been in New York for 15 years,

a very masculine city, so it makes sense, extremely masculinity,

Maya Kova (50:33):
yeah. And I feel like I just it, you know, I need more spaciousness from my feminine I need more space. I need more usefulness. I need more slowing down.

You're You're a Mediterranean, Mediterranean.

Maya Kova (50:53):
You know, it's so funny. You're saying this because I'm planning to spend somewhere in Europe with exactly this purpose of like, visited different places, different communities, and see how my body feels in that environment, how productive I would be living in Europe. What is it that I'm going to create? And I'm like, I'm totally on a on a mission to create this movement of self centered women and have as many women as possible in voice to offering the platform and a stage for women to claiming their truth and right, like uncovering and embracing it. I have a big desire bring relationship experiment on TV. That's also one of my goals.

Yes, for sure, it needs to be on TV. I think we talked about that in guys first episode,

Maya Kova (51:38):
yeah, yeah. So I feel deeply inspired with my work, and I'm kind of a little bit in transition in my life, but that feels so aligned, because I'm in transition, not because I'm suffering or I'm wounding or or something. I'm in transition because I'm building an empire. I want more space for myself, and this is my truth, right? I'm in transition because I know I'm going to feel better, and if I'm feeling better, then I can give more, and if I can give more I had, can have a bigger impact in in the world, yeah, and I think in my relationships with Guy, we also learning, right? I mentioned earlier that I saw that there are certain pieces where I sacrificed. So when I'm not sacrificing them, it's like, oh, how that's going to change our dynamic, right? Which, which gives us this newness immediately in a relationships, it's like, oh, I suddenly stopped taking you for granted. I'm suddenly like seeing you through different lenses. Something's changing. We like entering a new phase of polarity and relating, and it just like I feel extremely excited, and there's a lot of moving pieces, but that's coming out of my creativity and out of my truth. Yes,

out of your number one thing in relationship more important than love, which is truth. You honoring your truth. And I love that you just said, that I want to speak to everything you just said. But guy like the fact that your relationship is experiencing a new, new level, new phase, because you're honoring your truth, because you're honoring your creativity, because you're you're you're expanding more in yourself. And of course, that's more attractive. But what do most people do in relationship? They contract, they get smaller and smaller and smaller. They get into a box. They're like, let's stay here forever and we'll be safe. Meanwhile, you know, the polarity is dead, the attractions that no one has sex anymore. You're not flirting anymore. You're not connecting, you're not intimate like it, it. You have to keep honoring yourself and your truth in order to meet even new levels of your relationship. One, beautiful I'm so excited for you. And your Europe is Mediterranean. Is very hot in the summer. Just so you know, like,

Maya Kova (53:49):
I know, I know, I know I actually, I love hot weather. So, okay, I'm great.

It's an oven. I'm so excited for you. I mean, for sure, the relationship experiment on TV and this voice work, this is it feels so powerful. I also see you doing live events for that. Do you do or retreat? Have you done voice retreats? No,

Maya Kova (54:08):
I have never done voice retreat. And it's actually something that I am thinking about. So we will see maybe this fall and on May 10, it's will be one year of voice, and it's a major celebration. And I'm doing celebratory call that is open for any woman to join and experience this container and celebrate with us, celebrate with a woman in the space. And I'm going to have, like, balloons and kombucha and like, yeah, it's going to be a whole, whole thing. So if anyone called in to experience it, please come join us on May 10. Perfect

may 10, that is amazing. And definitely join and then, and then, if they want to join voice, so we're going to link all of your links below, so you can find Maya on social media, so you can find Maya's website and how to sign up for voice, and also more about. The relationship experiment, which just started. So you might have missed this round, but perhaps can join the next one. Yeah,

Maya Kova (55:05):
the next one is in September, and you can always reach out to us and see if, if there's spot available to to join. And I want to say that I've seen women who come into relationship experiment with fear around man, with fear of speaking their truth, with fear of asking for whatever they want, and then being in this cauldron for three months and practicing and leaning in and being with man who are conscious and who are interpersonal growth and who is like, I want to hold space for you. I want to show up for you. And I've seen their eyes at the end of the program and their transformation, and they're like, Oh my God. I finally understand what does it mean to be in my feminine I finally understand what it means to lead from my heart, what it means to lead from my desire my nervous system now feels completely different, because I know that man who wants to pour into me exist out there, and I never had it in my entire life, and now I'm walking with a different Experience.

How healing. How freaking healing. Because most women are walking around carrying so much baggage from their past and men, but obviously we're talking to women here and like projecting that baggage onto every man that comes along, and looking for the fear and looking for the things and like, versus actually learning how to relax into your safe here's a place to play and practice and be who you are. What a gift. Oh, my God. I'm just imagining women doing the relationship experiment and voice, like working on their voice and their expression and their truth, and then doing the relationship experiment and getting in there and wow, yeah. What a after

Maya Kova (56:58):
relationship experiment coming to voice to just continue being in a practice and in the energy and having more opportunities. And a lot of women return and do relationship experiments again, and your second round will be different than your first round. So yeah, yeah,

it's incredible. And I imagine you've also had women go and men go through the program and and then become coaches. Of it is that, does that happen

Maya Kova (57:27):
become what coaches like

in the in the program, is that happen where they've started doing it themselves, and then it's unlocked a purpose for them to I

Maya Kova (57:37):
honestly, I have not, I don't have that story. I have not heard that story really.

Oh, I imagine that would be sparked. I'm sure there's students of yours that would want to be coaches and in the method, do you guys have a certification tray? I'm a business coach. I can't help. But my mind is like, here's a business opportunity for you. A lot of

Maya Kova (57:57):
our facilitators, facilitators of time for speed date, they do the program, and if we need more coaches, then they can join the program and be a coach within the program after they've done the program. And they kind of, like, understand, you know, the tools and the coaching method, and because, like, what we do is extremely unique, it's really a combination of coaching, tantra, communication, practice and risk, right? Like relationship experiment is not for everyone. Relationship experiment is for people willing to take a risk and kind of jump into unknown. Same goes for coaches. Not every coach, I'm assuming, would be comfortable in the environment where you like, I have no idea what's going to happen. I don't know what students are going to bring me on the coaching call. Because, like, we've seen so many things from like, I'm in love with this person, or like we are moving in together for two weeks to practice in a relationship, till, like, I never talking to this person again, like they like, never put me in a breakout room with them, like there's right, like, the vastness, right, everything that's going on, like you right, as a coach and as a relationship expert, it really trains you as well, and your capacity to Hold and compassion, and you being fast and you bringing people again back to their truth. Yes, I I've learned through witnessing all those people that the moment I bring them to their truth, or the moment I acknowledge that their pain or their upset is totally valid, like, in a minute, they self regulated

and they like truth is the most regulating thing. I'm gonna have the

Maya Kova (59:41):
conversation. I'm gonna just tell them that when late it hurt my feelings. I'm like, yes, just let them know, right? It's such a gift

for them as well. It's so beautiful. The reason I asked that question is because it's your it was your path, right? You discovered it for yourself. Self, and same with guy. And then it became your purpose. And I know so many women, especially that I've worked with in the last few years. I'm curious if it's astrologically, you know, moving from Capricornian, which is masculine, to Aquarian, which is very feminine, moving into this Aquarian Age Pluto in Aquarius, where we are all about dreaming bigger, thinking bigger, like it's, it's totally a different energy and purpose is so big right now, it's up for everyone. So many of my clients that are in corporate jobs are burnt out and dead, and hate that dead inside, you know, hate the job, whatever, and they're ready for something new. So I was just imagining, you know, I know a lot of women I work with want, want to then train in my coaching methodology. And so how beautiful, like this methodology is so holistic. It's so, you know, it encompasses everything. So, yeah, so, you know, and often, our greatest gifts to the world come from our own transformational journey. So just think, that's another that's another place that that people might come in from, you know, like, Oh, let me explore. I'm interested in seeing you coach. Let me explore. We coached and learn. We actually

Maya Kova (01:01:12):
had several relationship coaches, or, you know, personal growth a business coach. Like, we had several coaches being part of the program, and they love it because it's experiential. And that's what's different about relationship experiment. It's not theory you like literally practicing everything every single week. And that's like, that's make it extraordinary,

Kate Harlow (01:01:38):
yes, the MO, it's just unbelievable what what you've all created and what you're up to. And I just love it so much. This conversation has been so juicy and beautiful. I'm so excited to share this episode. So we will link everything below relationship experiment. People can get on the wait list. Join may 10 for your celebration call of one year of voice. And then they'll learn more about voice, get a feel for it if they want to join the voice community, which is a monthly membership, and you also do one on one work. So we'll just link everything below. And how do people find you on social?

Maya Kova (01:02:14):
You can check my website, it's consciously transformed, and my Instagram and my Facebook, it's mayakova. Just search for my akova and you like

beautiful and so what's the last thing that you want to share about this number one thing that's more important than love, truth, one last piece, if you like one wish for every woman on earth, for every woman to experience or,

Maya Kova (01:02:40):
you know what came to me? And it's not my phrase, but I think it's such an important phrase. I heard it from Matt can

Oh, I love Matt con, yeah.

Maya Kova (01:02:53):
He said, If you have everything you need, would you stay where you are,

ooh. And

Maya Kova (01:03:04):
I think if you struggle to uncover your truth, if you sometimes like, I don't know, should I change this job? Should I leave this relationship? Should I I don't know, take this leap? Should I jump? I found that asking yourself this question, if I have, like everything that I need, like, if I have abundance of money, right, like, everything that I need for my survival, I had it in my hand, would I stay where I'm at? And I think this is a portal for you to start uncovering your truth and then going on this sometimes confronting, sometimes uncomfortable journey of like, Oh, my God, I'm so misaligned from my truth, right? I'm here only because I'm scared. Oh, I'm here only because that's my conditioning, that's my habit,

only because I have no money. So I married the guy that has money, and he's Daddy. What this or because I am in the job I hate, because I have to pay my bills. Like you said, This is that. I've never heard that. Quote is that from his, his book, whatever arises, it's

Maya Kova (01:04:10):
from his YouTube. I watch some every time I'm down or like, I'm like, Oh, I I watched Matt Ken. And he like, bring me back to it just yeah,

he's a Care Bear. His last name, if anyone wants to look it up, is k, a, h n, he's a Care Bear. I saw him live in Vancouver. Actually, he's like, such a love that there is a frequency he creates in the room that is so palpable and so beautiful. If I have everything I need, would I stay where I am? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That was the most powerful question, and I'm just Yeah, so excited to share you with the world and definitely reach out to Maya. Check everything out, join her may 10 celebration. That's two days before my birthday, so I'll be celebrated too at the same time. But. But celebrating what you're doing for women, what you're doing for love, what you're doing for truth, it is incredible. You are a gift to the world. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank

Maya Kova (01:05:09):
you so much. Joy to be in your energy and in your bubble. And thank you for having this impactful and juicy conversation.

So good, so good. And as always, spread the word to all your gal pals who need to hear this message, who need to remember the truth of who they are and their truth. We love you and we'll see you next week.

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