August 4, 2025 • 42 mins
This week's episode is for the woman who really feels like she has it all, but nothing seems to satiate you. You constantly feel guilty, like you “should” feel grateful… but instead feel a constant ache in your heart for something you can't quite name.
You’ve done everything right. You have the career, the relationship, maybe the family, the house, the passport stamps.
Your life looks good—maybe even great.
So why does it still feel… empty?
In this solo episode, Kate shares:
- The hidden grief of living a scripted life
- Why success, love, or freedom on the outside doesn't mean fulfillment on the inside
- The quiet craving that so many women feel for more—even when they can’t name what “more” is
- What it really means to create a life that feels true—not just impressive
If you secretly wonder "is this all there is?"...and you're ready to stop settling for surface level satisfaction, this episode is for you!
Resources & Next Steps:
FREE Discover Your Saboteur Mini Course: https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/discover-your-saboteur
Subscribe to The New Truth & leave a review if this episode resonates deeply
Explore The Immersion with Kate: https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/the-immersion
To book a Free Call to explore working with Kate - click the link below: https://calendly.com/expanded-love/exploration-call-clone
About the Host:
Kate Harlow is the founder of The Unscriptd Woman, the creator of The Expanded Love Coaching Method, and host of The New Truth podcast - ranked in the top 1.5% globally. With over 15 years of experience teaching, coaching and facilitating transformational retreats worldwide, Kate has helped hundreds of thousands of women break free from outdated relational patterns, old patriarchal ways of thinking and unspoken rules to live by.
Her infallible methods guide women to release the deeply ingrained scripts that keep them stuck- empowering women to step into their highest, most magnetic, and fully expressed selves. Through her coaching, retreats, podcast and upcoming book The Unscriptd Woman, Kate is redefining what it means to be an empowered woman in today's world, showing women how to stop waiting for permission and start creating a life and love that aligns with their deepest truth.
Known for her rare ability to see exactly where women are out of alignment with themselves, Kate offers a path back to unwavering self- trust, meaningful joy and true fulfillment. Her work is a revolution - one that liberates women from societal expectations and invites them into a life of radical authenticity, thriving relationships and unshakable self-worth.
Website: https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/
The Immersion in Corfu, Greece April 26- May 3, 2026 https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/the-immersion
Thanks for listening! It means so much to us that you listened to our podcast! If you would like to continue the conversation with us, head on over to our Facebook group, the New Truth Movement at
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kate Harlow (00:00):
Yeah, there's so much ahead of you, and that's
(00:02):
that's actually what makes theheart excited and joyful and
happy like true joy comes fromthe surprise of life. It comes
from the unknown, right? Itdoesn't come from the
predetermined path that you'vecontrolled and contrived to have
some sense of safety. It comesfrom the unexpected, right and
(00:26):
yet most so if you're reallyattached to the script, probably
you have some controllerarchetype playing out in the
saboteurs. And most controllerwomen are terrified of the
unknown, so they do everythingin their power to make things
planned, overly planned,predictable, so they know that
they're going to be safe andeverything's organized and
everything's going to be good,and it's like that is the very
(00:48):
thing that is robbing you fromexperiencing the magic. Hello,
my loves. Kate Harlow here,welcome back to the new truth
Podcast. Today we're going todelve into that topic of what to
do when you've got everythingyou've ever wanted, you have the
greatest life, or maybe that youthought you wanted, and you're
(01:10):
still not happy. I think this isa very common feeling that women
experience inside of the Westernworld and the patriarchy, this
feeling of nothing. I talked alittle bit about this in last
week's fantasy episode, abouthow there's this kind of
insatiable feeling likenothing's ever quite enough. And
(01:31):
there's always this chase forsomething more, something more,
something more. And you know,the first thing I think of when
I think of this problem, issomething I hear from women all
the time, especially women thatstart to work with me, it's
like, okay, obviously there'ssomething I'm missing. I have
everything I ever wanted, and Idon't feel connected to any of
it. And I use this example alot, but I always think of the
(01:54):
Elizabeth Gilbert scene becauseit was so relatable. The scene
in Eat, Pray, Love, where she'slaying in her bed, and she's her
laying next to her husband,feeling so disconnected, so
lonely, just aching for more.And her husband says, I don't
want to go to Aruba. And shesays, I don't want to be
married. And then sheessentially just makes a massive
(02:16):
exit and shifts her life in areally big way, and goes on this
journey. Eat, Pray, Love toItaly, Indonesia. And, oh,
Italy, India, Indonesia, on herEat, Pray, Love journey. And,
you know, I think that thereason this story is so
relatable is because it's it'sgoing to impact every single
(02:37):
woman who made decisions in herlife based on following what she
thought she should do or whateveryone else was doing, or
following the the scriptedcondition life. And it's not to
say you made the wrong choicesright. It's not to say that
you're with the wrong person, orthat you don't want to be a
parent, or that you don't wantto like have the life that you
(02:58):
have, or maybe be in the jobthat you're in. It doesn't mean
that the choices necessarily arewrong. But if the part of you
that made those decisions wasthe part that just thought, Oh,
this is just what we do, right?How many, how many of us make
our life choices from thatplace, it's just like, Okay,
where is my partner? They shouldshow up now, because, you know,
(03:19):
that's the timeline. That's,it's it's time. This is the
schedule got to follow, theschedule that I was taught that
I needed to follow. Where is heokay? Now I got him. Now we got
to plan this next thing. Andwe're just taught to plan our
futures. And I think about howobsessive, even our parents
generation, like, how good theywere at planning, maybe not all
(03:39):
of them came my parents weretheir friends, like, I'm good at
planning, their retirementplanning, vacations planning,
you know, future things. Andthey spend so much time
planning, I think because thatgeneration is a product of post
war, their parents were in war,and they were a product of the
(03:59):
Depression and the Holocaust andall of these crazy things that
happened so so many of them,like, all that mattered in that
generation was stability, right?All that mattered in that
generation was safety. Wasperceived. Safety was was just
hunkering down, buying a house,investing and, you know, sitting
(04:21):
still, sitting pretty for therest of your life and just
working really hard to make endsmeet to get by. And obviously,
that's not everyone's story.But, you know, I think the baby
boomer generation and beyondthat was the mentality, because
it was a very different worldback then, and yet we have the
same mentality, even though theworld has infinite opportunity.
(04:45):
Now there's, I mean, people areafraid of losing their jobs, but
you can also create your job.Like I said, I created my job,
you can create, if you'reactually connected to your
divinity, you can co create yourpurpose with universe. Which is
like, what your soul is here todo, but we're still following
the same old script of like, Ineed a good job. I need a good
(05:07):
husband. I need a good house. Ineed, you know, I need all of
these things externally so somany women spent so much time
focusing on the external world,building all of these things,
checking the boxes and makingsure that their future was
secured. Meanwhile, they don'teven know their future self yet.
So we're securing our lives forour future, but we don't even
(05:31):
know who we're going to be inthe future and if that life is
going to align with who webecome. So here's the
predicament. I have everything Iever wanted, and I'm still not
happy. I have a really great,amazing life, and I still can't
feel any of it. I don't get toreally enjoy any of it. So I
(05:55):
came across this poet today, andI went down the rabbit hole of
looking into him. David Jaywhite, you might know of him.
He's been in the game a reallylong time. He's, I think, 69
he's a British, British, Irish.And I watched this. Actually,
someone sent me a reel, and Iwatched this reel. How do you
know that you're on your path?He says, Well, it disappears.
(06:18):
That's how you know you're onyour true path. The future
disappears. You don't know whatthe future is. You're literally
walking blindly into theunknown. That's how you know
you're following your heart, isthat you cannot see that path
before you, right? But we'vebeen so conditioned to believe
that we have to see the pathbefore us or else, we're gonna,
we're gonna, we're gonna suffer.It's gonna be horrible. It's
(06:40):
going to be every worst casescenario your mind can conjure
if you don't have the pathperfectly carved out before you.
So we spent so many yearscarving out the path and
creating this predictablefuture, but in a predictable
future, lives misery andsuffering and numbness and
anxiety. Why? Because life isalive. I said this in the last
(07:03):
message, your life is alive.It's a living, breathing thing,
right? It's always changing withevery season, with every
opportunity, with everychallenge. You're always growing
and changing, especially ifyou're following this podcast in
one similar and you're here toactively evolve as a soul.
You're always changing. So whywould we want to predetermine
where we're going if we'realways becoming new? Right?
(07:27):
Because we've been indoctrinatedto be afraid of the unknown, to
fear it. So we gotta planeverything to make sure we're
safe in the future. Meanwhile,nobody gets to actually really
experience life, right? Youmight it might look really good
on the outside, but you'remissing the actual adventure of
the experience. Another thing hesaid, David, David is that his
(07:52):
name? David White? Yeah. David JWhite
is set off on the adventure.Everything is waiting for you.
Everything is waiting for you.Like, gosh, I felt that so
deeply. Has a poem calledEverything is waiting for you,
and it I think every episode ofthe new truth is alluding to
(08:15):
this, but it's like thisunscripted path that is
following the pulse of your ownheart, right, following and
trusting in the beauty of yourown heart, trusting in the in
the reactions of your own heart.Your Own Heart will will react
and respond to places, people,experiences, situations, and
(08:38):
when you have the courage tolisten to it and to not believe
the fear based stories your mindwill conjure, because your mind
will come up with all the selfdoubt in the world to stop you
from following your heartbecause she believes that's not
safe. But when you have thecourage to follow your own
heart, you get to experiencelife. You really get to
experience life. So if you arethe woman who has a great on
(09:02):
paper life, and you do not feelhappy. It's because you've built
up the outside of your life,which looks great. It's getting
great approval, great reviews.You know, you're getting five
star reviews from all aroundyou. People think you're so
happy. How many of you have hadthat experience where someone
comes up to you and they'relike, oh my gosh, I've seen you
on Instagram lately. You lookamazing. You look amazing, and
(09:23):
you look so happy. I'm so happyfor you. Instead of them
actually asking, like, how areyou feeling? What's happening in
your life? So and, and have youalso ever had the feeling where
someone asks you how you are or,like, what you've been up to,
and you feel this pressure, likeyou have to say something
interesting. That's the fantasyaddict, that's the performer,
right? The performers like, Oh,I gotta be interesting. I gotta
(09:44):
have something cool to say. Mylife is the same every day. It's
boring, like I have nothing toshare. But wouldn't you rather I
like my my heart breaks a littlebit imagining, because I used to
do that. I used to think I wasboring and I had I remember, I
used to even like, go onvacation. Vacations just so I
could, like, make people jealousthat I went on vacation. Like,
that's how much the fantasyattic was running in my life
(10:06):
before it was like I had to havea really cool life for other
people to approve of my life,for other people to think it was
cool, to think it wasinteresting, to be jealous of my
life. And now I think my life iscooler than ever before. But
actually, I really don't carehow people respond or receive my
life, or approve or disapproveof my life, because my life's no
longer a performance for otherpeople's approval. My life is a
(10:30):
place where I get to play andadventure and experience all of
who I am. So for the woman whois aching inside for something
more. Maybe you feel numb. Maybeyou've been intentionally
numbing yourself with different,you know, pills or alcohol or
food or whatever, for a reallylong time, because your life
(10:50):
doesn't really feel like yourown. That's a byproduct of
signing up for all these labels.I'm a mom, I'm a wife, I'm a I'm
a boss, I'm a this, I'm a that,and we wear I'm a single woman,
I'm a widow, I'm a divorcedwoman. We wear all these labels
that become our identity. Butthe problem with identity is
it's fixed, right? And that'slike putting yourself in a box.
(11:11):
No soul ever wants to be in abox, right? No heart ever wants
to be in a box. Your heart andsoul are always evolving, and
they're always calling to you,and they're always speaking to
you. So if you are feeling thecall, if you're feeling the stir
internally, it does not mean youhave to blow up your entire
life, although sometimes that'sthe best option, but, but what
(11:33):
if you were to walk through itintentionally, like I think of
if you were to walk throughchanging your life and your
relationship within yourselfwith intention. Would you blow
up your life? Probably not. Youwould very intentionally check
in. I always say to my clients,like before you leave your job,
have you practiced bringing yourheroine to work? And it seems so
(11:53):
many women completely transformthis job that they thought they
hated into doing work that feltreally meaningful, because they
were actually just more presentin the moment, rather than just
getting through the day to theend of the day, getting through
the hour, getting through theweek, getting through the month
that so many of us are justtrying to get by, that we're
we're missing how much creativecontrol we have over the
(12:16):
experience, like you actuallycan bring your heart, your joy,
your Curiosity, your presence,to even a job you've had for 30
years and experience acompletely different result with
your work. On the other hand,you might bring your heroine to
work. You might bring yourfullest present self to work and
(12:36):
actually realize this job is sooutdated. Why am I holding
myself to this old identity thatI've completely outgrown and
pretending it's still me whenit's not right? Allow yourself
to be new and in life, if we Ithink I said this actually last
episode, maybe, but it's likethe practice. This is why I love
(12:57):
meditation so much and doing mymorning practices, because it's
the practice of, can you greetyourself and let yourself be new
every single day, right? But ifyou are not even greeting
yourself and you just have thisgreat on paper life, but you
don't feel any of it, it's timeto get to know your own heart
and soul. And there's so manyways to do that, but really the
(13:18):
biggest connection you can haveis to the present moment. That's
how doing anything that dropsyou into the now is how you
start to explore your innerworld and get to know your inner
world. I also heard somethingthe other day that was really
poignant. Did you actually haveit all if it wasn't all of you?
Did you actually have it all ifit all, if it wasn't all of you.
(13:42):
So how many women look like theyhave it all? And those are the
women that other women arejealous of, right? If you have
it all, other women are lookingat you going, Oh, she's so
lucky. Look, she got thehusband, she got the house, she
got the career, she got thecorner office. Wow, she's she's
got the hot body, she's got thethis, she's got the that. And
like all these women arecomparing themselves to your
life that's that's beautiful onthe outside, but empty on the
(14:04):
inside, right? Because shedoesn't have it all if she
doesn't have herself. And yet,we've only been taught to build.
It's like, if you imagine yourlife as a house, you were only
taught to build the outside. Youwere only taught to, like, build
a big house and make sure it hasbig windows and make sure it it
has many floors and many rooms,and you're only taught to, like,
build the actual house, butnobody taught you how to
(14:28):
actually decorate it, how todesign it so it feels good for
you, how to how to create roomsinside of your house that
activate who you are, right?It's like nobody taught you
about being in relationship withthe inside of you.
So if you think of your mind isfixed. Your mind is constantly
(14:48):
putting labels on you andwanting to stick you in a box,
but your heart is always growingand evolving. I like to think of
the metaphor of a flower. Yourheart is a flower, and it's
always blue. Being every youknow. And can you keep watering
it, keep nourishing it, keepgiving it all the nutrients it
needs, so it can keep blooming,and all the old petals that no
longer fit will fall away. Andwhat is your heart? What is this
(15:12):
flower of your heart made of allthe different aspects of your
life that that bring you joy,that bring you nourishment, that
smell good, that taste good,that feel good, right, getting
out of the mind of what youshould do and start paying
attention to how you feel insideof every experience, that's how
you create a life you love. Butit also takes being tremendously
(15:35):
honest with yourself, becauseyour saboteur mind is so sneaky,
and your saboteur will tell youlike, Oh no, this is just how it
goes. And you don't get toprioritize yourself and think of
all the bad things that willhappen if you do that. But the
reality is, if you don'tprioritize yourself, you will
just keep walking through thislife feeling numb and
disconnected instead of actuallyexperiencing what your soul is
(15:59):
here to experience everything iswaiting for you so and your path
disappears. You cannot seewhat's ahead of you, yet that is
where all the magic lies. Andyou know, every time you feel
afraid of the unknown, this iswhat I do every time I'm afraid
of the unknown, which ishappening a lot lately, not a
lot. But you know, every fewdays I have some sort of fear of
(16:21):
going to Kenya and not knowingwhere I'm going to live and not
go. And I keep giving it to theangels in universe. I keep
saying, Okay, I know this isdivinely guided, so show me the
way. Keep showing me the way. Itrust you. You've got this. I'm
just saying yes to my heart.That's my only job. So that's
your only job. So as you go onthis deeper inquiry of Eat,
Pray, Love, get to know your ownpleasure, right? Get to know
(16:43):
your own divinity, like she didin the movie. Get to know your
own love, the frequency thatlives inside of you. And then
when you live from the frequencyof the heart, it's such a simple
job. You just have to say yesand no, which now, because my
whole life is designed to be inalignment with my true desires,
my yeses and no are so clear,and then the only thing I'm
(17:04):
dealing with now is when thefear arises, because I've
followed a big yes, and I'vemade a big decision on a no, and
now the fear arises, right? Andthe mind is like, Okay, what if
all these horrible thingshappen? What if? And your mind
is always going to find more.What ifs? What if this? What if
that? What if this? So that? Soit's like, I have to sit with
(17:24):
her. I have to let her speak. Ihave to love her. I have to hold
space for her. That's a youngerpart of me, right? Your saboteur
is just protecting a littlegirl. So that little girl's
like, What do you mean? We'removing to Canada. This feels
terrifying. And the sovereignwoman who is my heart is like,
this is an amazing experiencethat we're meant to walk
through. And guess what? Wedon't have to know why. And
(17:46):
that's what makes it soexciting. That's actually what
makes it so fulfilling andnourishing, is that I don't know
all the characters I'm going tomeet along the way. I don't know
all the opportunities that aregoing to open up. I don't know
all the versions of myself I'mgoing to become. I'm already
becoming more expanded, justfrom going through the process
of moving through the fear andcoming back to my heart center,
(18:07):
my truth and making thedecisions that alone is so
transformative, but most peopleare so afraid of change that
they let the fear of opening thedoor stop them from even
experiencing what's on the otherside, and yet, that's where you
get to grow into the nextversion of you. And you know, I
(18:27):
think of gosh, I think ofsomeone who's like, held on to
their past self or past life,like, Oh, I wish I was more like
that again, or I wish I had thatold relationship I used to have.
It's like, whole clinging to thepast because it feels somehow
romantic or exciting to hold onto the idea that that could be
possible again. But I'm likethink about all the people that
(18:48):
you love right now. Now, imaginefor a moment all of the humans
and souls that you're going tomeet along your future path of
following your heart, that youare going to deeply love that
you haven't even met, yet youdon't even know they exist, and
you're going to be deeply inlove with them, women, men,
kids, old, elderly, whatever.Anyone, aliens, spirits. There's
(19:14):
so much ahead of you, and that'sthat's actually what makes the
heart excited and joyful andhappy like true joy comes from
the surprise of life. It comesfrom the unknown, right? It
doesn't come from thepredetermined path that you've
controlled and contrived to havesome sense of safety. It comes
(19:36):
from the unexpected, right? Andyet, most so if you're really
attached to the script, probablyyou have some controller
archetype playing out in thesaboteurs. And most controller
women are terrified of theunknown, so they do everything
in their power to make thingsplanned, overly planned,
predictable, so they know thatthey're going to be safe and
(19:57):
everything's organized andeverything's going to be good,
and. And it's like that is thevery thing that is robbing you
from experiencing the magic, thepeep, the unexpected people, the
unexpected experiences, themoments that light up your soul.
You're You're here to experiencethe aliveness inside of you, not
(20:17):
the zombie, right? The zombie orthe the deadness inside of us
comes from being fixed in ouridentity and trying to stay the
same when we're always growingand evolving. So everything is
waiting for you. Trust in thebeauty of your own heart. Trust
(20:37):
in the people, places andexperiences that expand you. So
how do you know, right? I getthis question a lot. How do you
know the difference betweentruth and fear? Truth, the
things that are Yes, you, I wantyou to start to pay attention to
it. The things that are yes,there's like a spark or an
(20:59):
expansion when you, let's sayyou're mute, you meet someone,
and they tell you about doingsome Cuban, Latin dance, and
they're describing this dancecommunity that they're a part of
in Cuba, and you feel this lightin your heart and your body, and
you're like and you get lit upand turned on. There's just this
like excitement as you'rehearing their story. That's your
(21:22):
heart, right? But what your mindwill do is like, oh, it's not
safe to go there. Oh, youshouldn't go there. Oh, you
could never dance like that. Oh,that's so not you. Oh, no, you
have responsibilities. Oh, youcould never do that. And so the
mind will come in and cap usevery time we have an expansion.
And so the practice is to justnotice it. Just notice the
fears. Notice the what ifs.Notice the stories of what you
(21:43):
can and can't do that. Yoursaboteur is trying to parent
you. She's trying to controlyour reality and come back into
your heart and like, okay,there's something here for me.
If I was lit really lit up bythat, maybe I don't need to move
to Cuba tomorrow, but maybethere's a dance class I can
explore taking, right and andeven when I feel uncomfortable,
(22:04):
can I welcome those feelingsright? The more that you can
experience and be with whateverthe experience is, the more the
those those uncomfortablefeelings alchemize. Because if
you just welcome them and allowyourself to be new, now you're
going to meet new parts ofyourself, and that's where your
aliveness lives. So the fantasyaddict in your mind will tell
you it's over there and you gotto be with that guy, or go over
(22:25):
there and, you know, blow upyour life or do whatever. And
maybe your your life will changeas a result of you changing. But
the best thing to do first isjust to start to get to know the
magic of your soul. Start to getto know your your own inner
compass. What do you desire.What does light you up? What are
you curious? Curious about? Whoare you jealous of? That's an
indicator Who are you jealousof, and what are they embodying
(22:48):
that you have shut down from. Soyou got to be willing to let go
of who you were in order tobecome who you're meant to be
and who you're meant to be isalways changing. We become, and
we become, and we become, and webecome, and if we hold on so
(23:11):
tight, and let me tell you, itdoes get easier. Like I think of
my seven year relationship thatI was in actually had a Facebook
memory pop up today, and it waslike my post of my breakup of my
seven year relationship thatended, I suppose, in 2021 I was
informed today by Facebook, andI was reading the post and just
thinking like, wow, I rememberit took so long to let go of
(23:33):
that relationship. It took melike, I mean, it was covid, and
there are some things thatslowed it down, but now it's so
much easier to let go of whatisn't aligned, because I'm so
excited of what's coming, and Itrust the unfolding, and I trust
like I can see how much I'vegrown since that relationship
ended. That relationship ended2021 so four years ago, and I am
(24:00):
a totally different person thanI was when I was living in
Vancouver and dating Jeff So andI've, I've experienced so much
of life. I've traveled aroundthe world, I've lived in other
countries. I've, you know,learned little bits of new
languages. I've become so muchmore than I was, than I ever
thought I could be. So if youbelieve your mind, you're just
(24:23):
going to be living in thelimitation of who you are, which
is not really who you are.
But when you follow your heartand you trust the path that is
not lit up, right, you justtrust the path that you cannot
see. But you know, when youfollow your heart, that's the co
creation with the universe.That's the co creation in the
dance with life. When you havethe courage to follow that you
(24:47):
get to see over and over andover again, that your heart will
never lead you astray, and thatthat the Divine is always
supporting you. You have angelssupporting you. You are not
alone. You are never alone. You.But if you think you're alone,
you're in your human self,you're in your small self, and
you're going to keep limitingyourself. And the way you
(25:08):
realize you're not alone is tostart really listening to the
call of your heart, because thenyou get to see how divinely
supported you are. You will notsee it if you're if you're
making choices from your mind,but when you start making
choices from the frequency ofyour heart, you will see how
magical life is, and then you'llbelieve everything I'm saying.
And then you'll realize, Oh, I'mnot alone. I am so supported in
(25:30):
this life. I am so safe. So Iactually there's another thing I
heard in this interview withwith David Jay white, he said,
your mind stop putting youridentity into in into your
thoughts. Okay, sorry, I can'tread my writing. Stop putting
your identity into yourthoughts. Your depth is in your
(25:53):
body. Use your mind to become aservant to your soul desires. So
the mind is always going to bethere, but use the mind to
actually be your helper to makeyour soul desires happen, right?
Like your your mind is the onewho's going to fill out the form
to sign up for the program, orwho's going to book the flight
to go on that trip you've alwayswanted to go on your your mind
(26:17):
is going to be the one who'sgoing to take action. But look
at her as your I, instead ofservant, I'd say assistant. Your
mind can be your personalassistant, your your saboteur
mind, but not the CEO of yourlife, right? If these, if she's
the CEO of your life, she'svisioning your life. She's
creating your life. You'recreating from limitation. You're
creating from who you thinkyou're supposed to be as a
(26:38):
woman, based on your culture,based on where you grew up,
based on who's around you, basedon your conditioning, from
media, from movies, from whatyou what you grew up believing
is women are supposed to haveand do and be right. You're not
actually operating from yourheart and soul when it's coming
from the mind. Your soul desiresare and your heart desires are
(27:00):
going to come to you in a momentof presence, and you're going to
have a feeling in your bodythat's going to make no sense.
So I, I can't remember how longago I shared the story, but I
was invited to do a musicalyears ago, Jesus Christ
Superstar. My aunt and unclehave a theater company, and they
invited me, and they neverinvited me before, because they
(27:21):
knew I was traveling a lot forwork, and I was really busy, and
I was out of the country a lot,and so they sent me this email,
and I was so excited, and mywhole body lit up, and I had my
boyfriend at the time was there,and I said, Oh my gosh, I got
invited to be in Jesus ChristSuperstar, and I'm so excited.
And I my whole being, like, litup like a Christmas tree. And
(27:43):
then almost immediately after, Iwas like, Oh, I can't do it. Oh
my gosh, I can't do it. We'vegot an event in England. I'm so
busy. I have so many coachingcalls. I'm so exhausted all the
time, like, there's no way I'mgonna have the energy for it.
And he was like, Oh, you'redoing it. Like, what? That's a
yes. That reaction was a yes andI and it was such a beautiful
(28:05):
reframe, because I did say yes.I canceled the England event.
Someone else went in my behalfand but it was so cool, because
all my coaching calls, eventhough I was busier than ever, I
had rehearsals at night andcoaching in the day for this
company I used to work for, andI had more energy than ever I
was like the whole three monthsof our of our rehearsals and the
(28:26):
week of our shows were some ofthe best experiences of my life.
I will never forget the feelingin my body of how I felt giving
myself the gift of having thatexperience that was the sole
desire. And you notice how mybody lit up like a Christmas
tree, and then it almostimmediately, my mind tried to
talk me out of it. That'salways, always, always, what's
(28:47):
going to happen. So if you wantto start listening to your heart
and your soul desires, you haveto be willing to not believe
your thoughts around it, right?That's such a big part of the
practice. So write down all thefears, all the stories, all the
limitations, and then use useyour your mind and your heroine
to challenge them all, becausethey're everything's figure out
(29:08):
able. That's a title of a book.Great title by Marie Forleo.
Everything is figure out able.And you're constantly being
invited by life to do thingsthat do satiate your soul. But
most women say no to what lightsthem up and say yes to what's
for other people that's suckingthe life out of them, and then
they have no replenishment. WhenI did that musical, even though
(29:31):
I was working, I had way more onmy plate. I had so much more
energy because I was doingsomething that brought me alive,
right? Right? I had life forceenergy. And this, there is this
life force energy we all haveaccess to that really is our
divinity. When we're pluggedinto ourselves, when we're
plugged into our soul and ourhearts, we have infinite energy.
(29:53):
So even as a projector, I hadinfinite energy. So that's
something to know, right? Ifyou're if you're a mom and
you're married. Gotta you gotall these responsibilities, and
you're like, Well, I just don'thave the time, or I just don't
have the energy for it. At theend of the day, go anyways. Do
the thing anyways, because thatthing is going to feed every
facet of your life, and it'sgoing to give you energy. It's
(30:15):
not going to take from yourenergy. It's going to give you
energy. Is the opposite of whatyour mind will tell you, right?
The things that take from yourenergy are the all the things
you're doing out of obligation,all the things that you're doing
for other people, but that thataren't for you, that aren't
lighting you up, all the thingsthat you're saying yes to that
are actually a no. Those are thethings that are sucking the life
(30:36):
out of you. The things that youdo that satiate you, that light
you up, that ignite your heartare the things that actually
will give you life in every areaof your life. So having a great
life on paper is someone else'sidea of what life is supposed to
be. If your life is great butyou don't feel connected to it,
(30:58):
or you don't feel lit up by it,it's not yours. I'm going to
read that quote again. Did youhave it all if it wasn't all of
you? Did you actually have itall if it wasn't all of you?
Right? How many parts ofyourself Did you cut off from,
or did you never explore becauseyou chose this life that was
(31:19):
having it all? Quote, unquote,is it really at all? So start to
explore the things you aresaying yes to and doing in your
life, and what part of you ischoosing them, right? What part
of you is leading them? Okay,even parenting. Obviously,
you're still going to be aparent regardless of what
happens. But what part of you isparenting? I work with so many
(31:41):
women who have children, andit's such a beautiful gift to
see how their parenting stylechanges. When they become the
heroine within, when they fallin love with themselves, when
they learn how to heal and andrewire their relationship with
the Wounded Little girl inside,when their heroin and heart and
soul start to lead their lives,they become a way better parent,
(32:04):
right? Your saboteur will tellyou, Oh no, I can't put myself
first because I gotta sacrificemyself for my kids. Then your
kids are getting a shell of you.Your kids are getting the
performance of you, or they'regetting an empty, depleted you.
That's not what your childrenneed you. They're learning so
much more from who you're beingthan from what you're saying. So
your energy actually matters themost for your kids, and being
(32:30):
connected to your heart, themore you get curious about your
own heart and soul, the moreyou'll be curious about yours.
And it's actually the mostbeautiful alchemizing experience
that you'll have with your kidsis starting to live from that
inner compass within yourself.
Oh, my God, another beautifulOkay, you got to watch this
(32:50):
video. It's an interview thatDavid J white cave quoted it. I
watched it. I took notes. I wasso mesmerized by this interview
David J White did with TimFerriss, the guy who wrote The
Four Hour Workweek. One of theother things he said, he said,
you're looking at something. Oh,when, okay, when you're looking
at a river, how beautiful is itto wash, to watch a rushing
(33:12):
river? You're looking atsomething that has already
passed. So this is what we'reconstantly doing to ourselves,
the the version of ourselvesthat we used to be has gone, or
maybe it's ready to go, but wekeep projecting it onto a
present moment. No, no, Kate,that's just who I am. I'm a
perfectionist. That's just who Iam. I'm an extrovert, I'm an
(33:35):
introvert, I'm a I'm a divorcedwoman, I'm single, I'm this and
that. And we're projecting thesestories and these narratives and
these past versions of ourselvesonto the present moment, onto
the canvas in front of us, eventhough that version of you has
already passed. So why does itnot feel good in your body?
Here's another reason foranxiety, because you're not
(33:56):
being who you really are. That'swhy we feel anxious and
depressed. We're not being whowe really are. If you were who
you really are, you would justfeel aligned. And what alignment
feels like is grounded. It'sopen, it's peaceful, it's
expansive, but it's verygrounded. It's not like high and
low, it's expansive. You havemoments of contraction, but it's
(34:19):
expanded. That's what it feelsto be the version of you that
you are now. But maybe you'renot being that version, and
maybe that's why you feel somuch discord inside. Maybe that
like coming back to ElizabethGilbert, you know, she was
living this life, that what shewas told was a great life. She
had a cool brownstone in NewYork and Brooklyn. She lived in
(34:40):
New York. She had amazingfriends, she had amazing jobs,
she had her husband that lovedher and was doting on her and
was just adoring of her. And shewas inside of this life, just
like one dimensional, sodisconnected from all of it, and
that's the call of the heart andsoul, if. You are feeling this
right now. It's time to go onyour alchemy journey. It's time
(35:04):
to set out on a journey ofgetting to know your own heart
and get getting to know everycorner of your own love, getting
to bathe in the love that yougive to so many people and that
you saved for a man, for oneromantic relationship, that
you're just going to give allyour love to, or you've given to
all to your children, or you'vegiven all to your friends. What
(35:28):
if you were to start giving thatto yourself? What if you were to
start building a the mostloving, reverent relationship
with yourself, where everysingle day, you bathed in your
own love? What would that looklike if you were dating
yourself, if you were romancingyourself, if you were swooning
over yourself, if you weretaking risks for yourself, if
(35:51):
you were being courageous foryourself, what would that look
like? What would courage do? Ihave a tattoo. I have two
tattoos. No, I have three.Actually, let's tell you about
two of them, two on my arms. I'mgetting one more on my arm. You
might have seen them if you'vedone a masterclass. I have a
little one on my wrist that saysKer and kur. Okay, I'm not I'm
(36:11):
gonna botch. I'm gonna try anddo it with a French accent. But
my, one of the heroin sistersthat I'm working with right now
is French, and she makes fun ofmy French accent. Cur, I'm not
very good. I'm good at a Greekaccent, not a French one, but I
love, I've always loved the wordcur. My favorite church, or
Cathedral in Paris is the Sacra,which is the church of the
(36:33):
Sacred Heart. It's so beautiful.And Ker means heart. And the
reason I got that tattooed, Iremember vividly walking down
the street with my best friendchild, and I was like, we should
get Kerr tattooed on her wrist.And she never did, but I did
when I was in Costa Rica for my40th birthday, because she and I
also used to, always used tosay, what does your cur say?
(36:53):
Follow your cur. Follow yourcur. We've spent a lot of time
going to Paris together, butfollow your cur. Follow your own
heart. And I love the word curvebecause it's also the root of,
well, it's not spelled the same,but it sounds like it's the root
of courage, right? Courage is,is the courage to follow your
heart. And it does take courage.It takes courage to follow our
(37:13):
hearts. But my loves. Yourfuture self will thank you so
much. Your future self willthank you for letting go of all
of those old, outdated sweatersthat don't fit you anymore,
letting go of that old car,letting go of that old baggage
that's no longer belongs to you,that old story of who you think
you are, that you think you're,you know, just destined to be
(37:34):
single forever, or you thinkyou're only worthy if you have
love, or the beliefs that youthink Your life is over because
you lost your partner, right?All the old stories of who
you've been, let them go, putthem behind you so that you can
become the woman that you'rehere to be, because there's so
much available for you. There isso much here for you to
(37:57):
experience. Everything iswaiting for you everything, and
I will tell you this, in everyepisode, it just gets better.
People are so afraid to let goof what was because they're
afraid they won't have better.And in my experience, it gets
better and then it gets better,and then it gets better, and
then it gets better, and youbecome more grounded and more
real and more honest and moresatiated inside of your own
(38:20):
life. It just gets. Keepsgetting better. Oh, now I'm
hearing a Tim McGraw song in myhead. I want to spend the rest
of my life with you by my side.So maybe a practice. Here's a
tangible practice you can doevery morning to bathe in the
frequency of your own heart andyour own love, whatever your
favorite love songs are. Playthose in the morning, in
meditation, close your eyes. Siton a cushion so your hips are a
(38:44):
little bit elevated, so you cansit comfortably. Put your hands
on your heart. I usually put onehand on my heart, one hand on my
solar plexus or my tummy, andthen just sing that song to
yourself. Sing it over and overand over again, to the little
girl inside of you, to yourself,to your heart, bathe in your own
love. We've been taught it'soutside of ourselves, but it's
not. It's inside, right? So ifyou created a life that's that's
(39:08):
perfect on paper, but you're notfeeling connected to any of it,
it's because you've been chasingexternal things, and you've
built a beautiful castle, butyour castle is empty on the
inside, so you've got to startcultivating that relationship.
And obviously every episode ofthe new truth is about
cultivating that relationship.So time is now. I love you and I
(39:30):
believe in you, so your lifegets to be magical. And the only
way it will be magical and feelmagical to you is if you truly,
truly learn how to listen toyour heart and how to
distinguish the Oh, I forgot tocircle. I didn't finish that
sentence about the differencebetween fear and and truth. Your
truth in your heart is the firstthing you feel when you when
(39:52):
you're when something is a yes,and it expands you and it
excites you. It's like theinitial hit, the initial
feeling, and then your mindusually keeps. Takes in right
away to change your mind, versusyour mind trying to convince you
something that you should dothat's based in fear, that's
that's like the initial hitisn't in the body. It's just,
(40:13):
oh, you should do this. Oh, youshould do more of that. It's the
it, there shoulds, there's haveto, there's can and can't.
That's all the mind, right? Butthe the your compass is in your
body, she's there, and the moreyou slow down, the more you'll
hear her, but notice and maybeeven make a list of all the
times and all the things thatyou've been curious about that
(40:33):
have actually sparked you. Ispoke to someone yesterday who
said she's always had a desireto learn Italian and to live in
Italy one day, even just for asummer, and that's an example,
like something that sparks yourheart, and that's something that
she could actually startlearning Italian right away,
right she maybe she won't bemoving to Italy tomorrow, but
she could start cultivating thatright away. Maybe book an Airbnb
(40:55):
in Italy for next summer. Sothere's so many things that your
heart desires. But if you're sobusy controlling your future and
planning out there and thenbeing exhausted from all the
planning of your future self,you don't even know yet, you're
gonna miss the cues of yourheart. So slow down. Sit with
yourself, bathe in your ownlove, reflect and let her speak
(41:17):
to you, and start to becourageous enough to follow.
Take big steps and little stepsto follow those feelings so that
you can create a life that feelsgood from the inside out, which
will be the greatest gift toyour kids, to your friends, to
your loved ones, to your lovers,to everyone in your life, and
you'll become magnetic too moreso love you as always. Share
this episode with any woman youknow who is feeling that Eat,
(41:41):
Pray, Love, moment and I'll seeyou next week.
Yeah, there's so much ahead of you, and that's
(00:02):
that's actually what makes theheart excited and joyful and
happy like true joy comes fromthe surprise of life. It comes
from the unknown, right? Itdoesn't come from the
predetermined path that you'vecontrolled and contrived to have
some sense of safety. It comesfrom the unexpected, right and
(00:26):
yet most so if you're reallyattached to the script, probably
you have some controllerarchetype playing out in the
saboteurs. And most controllerwomen are terrified of the
unknown, so they do everythingin their power to make things
planned, overly planned,predictable, so they know that
they're going to be safe andeverything's organized and
everything's going to be good,and it's like that is the very
(00:48):
thing that is robbing you fromexperiencing the magic. Hello,
my loves. Kate Harlow here,welcome back to the new truth
Podcast. Today we're going todelve into that topic of what to
do when you've got everythingyou've ever wanted, you have the
greatest life, or maybe that youthought you wanted, and you're
(01:10):
still not happy. I think this isa very common feeling that women
experience inside of the Westernworld and the patriarchy, this
feeling of nothing. I talked alittle bit about this in last
week's fantasy episode, abouthow there's this kind of
insatiable feeling likenothing's ever quite enough. And
(01:31):
there's always this chase forsomething more, something more,
something more. And you know,the first thing I think of when
I think of this problem, issomething I hear from women all
the time, especially women thatstart to work with me, it's
like, okay, obviously there'ssomething I'm missing. I have
everything I ever wanted, and Idon't feel connected to any of
it. And I use this example alot, but I always think of the
(01:54):
Elizabeth Gilbert scene becauseit was so relatable. The scene
in Eat, Pray, Love, where she'slaying in her bed, and she's her
laying next to her husband,feeling so disconnected, so
lonely, just aching for more.And her husband says, I don't
want to go to Aruba. And shesays, I don't want to be
married. And then sheessentially just makes a massive
(02:16):
exit and shifts her life in areally big way, and goes on this
journey. Eat, Pray, Love toItaly, Indonesia. And, oh,
Italy, India, Indonesia, on herEat, Pray, Love journey. And,
you know, I think that thereason this story is so
relatable is because it's it'sgoing to impact every single
(02:37):
woman who made decisions in herlife based on following what she
thought she should do or whateveryone else was doing, or
following the the scriptedcondition life. And it's not to
say you made the wrong choicesright. It's not to say that
you're with the wrong person, orthat you don't want to be a
parent, or that you don't wantto like have the life that you
(02:58):
have, or maybe be in the jobthat you're in. It doesn't mean
that the choices necessarily arewrong. But if the part of you
that made those decisions wasthe part that just thought, Oh,
this is just what we do, right?How many, how many of us make
our life choices from thatplace, it's just like, Okay,
where is my partner? They shouldshow up now, because, you know,
(03:19):
that's the timeline. That's,it's it's time. This is the
schedule got to follow, theschedule that I was taught that
I needed to follow. Where is heokay? Now I got him. Now we got
to plan this next thing. Andwe're just taught to plan our
futures. And I think about howobsessive, even our parents
generation, like, how good theywere at planning, maybe not all
(03:39):
of them came my parents weretheir friends, like, I'm good at
planning, their retirementplanning, vacations planning,
you know, future things. Andthey spend so much time
planning, I think because thatgeneration is a product of post
war, their parents were in war,and they were a product of the
(03:59):
Depression and the Holocaust andall of these crazy things that
happened so so many of them,like, all that mattered in that
generation was stability, right?All that mattered in that
generation was safety. Wasperceived. Safety was was just
hunkering down, buying a house,investing and, you know, sitting
(04:21):
still, sitting pretty for therest of your life and just
working really hard to make endsmeet to get by. And obviously,
that's not everyone's story.But, you know, I think the baby
boomer generation and beyondthat was the mentality, because
it was a very different worldback then, and yet we have the
same mentality, even though theworld has infinite opportunity.
(04:45):
Now there's, I mean, people areafraid of losing their jobs, but
you can also create your job.Like I said, I created my job,
you can create, if you'reactually connected to your
divinity, you can co create yourpurpose with universe. Which is
like, what your soul is here todo, but we're still following
the same old script of like, Ineed a good job. I need a good
(05:07):
husband. I need a good house. Ineed, you know, I need all of
these things externally so somany women spent so much time
focusing on the external world,building all of these things,
checking the boxes and makingsure that their future was
secured. Meanwhile, they don'teven know their future self yet.
So we're securing our lives forour future, but we don't even
(05:31):
know who we're going to be inthe future and if that life is
going to align with who webecome. So here's the
predicament. I have everything Iever wanted, and I'm still not
happy. I have a really great,amazing life, and I still can't
feel any of it. I don't get toreally enjoy any of it. So I
(05:55):
came across this poet today, andI went down the rabbit hole of
looking into him. David Jaywhite, you might know of him.
He's been in the game a reallylong time. He's, I think, 69
he's a British, British, Irish.And I watched this. Actually,
someone sent me a reel, and Iwatched this reel. How do you
know that you're on your path?He says, Well, it disappears.
(06:18):
That's how you know you're onyour true path. The future
disappears. You don't know whatthe future is. You're literally
walking blindly into theunknown. That's how you know
you're following your heart, isthat you cannot see that path
before you, right? But we'vebeen so conditioned to believe
that we have to see the pathbefore us or else, we're gonna,
we're gonna, we're gonna suffer.It's gonna be horrible. It's
(06:40):
going to be every worst casescenario your mind can conjure
if you don't have the pathperfectly carved out before you.
So we spent so many yearscarving out the path and
creating this predictablefuture, but in a predictable
future, lives misery andsuffering and numbness and
anxiety. Why? Because life isalive. I said this in the last
(07:03):
message, your life is alive.It's a living, breathing thing,
right? It's always changing withevery season, with every
opportunity, with everychallenge. You're always growing
and changing, especially ifyou're following this podcast in
one similar and you're here toactively evolve as a soul.
You're always changing. So whywould we want to predetermine
where we're going if we'realways becoming new? Right?
(07:27):
Because we've been indoctrinatedto be afraid of the unknown, to
fear it. So we gotta planeverything to make sure we're
safe in the future. Meanwhile,nobody gets to actually really
experience life, right? Youmight it might look really good
on the outside, but you'remissing the actual adventure of
the experience. Another thing hesaid, David, David is that his
(07:52):
name? David White? Yeah. David JWhite
is set off on the adventure.Everything is waiting for you.
Everything is waiting for you.Like, gosh, I felt that so
deeply. Has a poem calledEverything is waiting for you,
and it I think every episode ofthe new truth is alluding to
(08:15):
this, but it's like thisunscripted path that is
following the pulse of your ownheart, right, following and
trusting in the beauty of yourown heart, trusting in the in
the reactions of your own heart.Your Own Heart will will react
and respond to places, people,experiences, situations, and
(08:38):
when you have the courage tolisten to it and to not believe
the fear based stories your mindwill conjure, because your mind
will come up with all the selfdoubt in the world to stop you
from following your heartbecause she believes that's not
safe. But when you have thecourage to follow your own
heart, you get to experiencelife. You really get to
experience life. So if you arethe woman who has a great on
(09:02):
paper life, and you do not feelhappy. It's because you've built
up the outside of your life,which looks great. It's getting
great approval, great reviews.You know, you're getting five
star reviews from all aroundyou. People think you're so
happy. How many of you have hadthat experience where someone
comes up to you and they'relike, oh my gosh, I've seen you
on Instagram lately. You lookamazing. You look amazing, and
(09:23):
you look so happy. I'm so happyfor you. Instead of them
actually asking, like, how areyou feeling? What's happening in
your life? So and, and have youalso ever had the feeling where
someone asks you how you are or,like, what you've been up to,
and you feel this pressure, likeyou have to say something
interesting. That's the fantasyaddict, that's the performer,
right? The performers like, Oh,I gotta be interesting. I gotta
(09:44):
have something cool to say. Mylife is the same every day. It's
boring, like I have nothing toshare. But wouldn't you rather I
like my my heart breaks a littlebit imagining, because I used to
do that. I used to think I wasboring and I had I remember, I
used to even like, go onvacation. Vacations just so I
could, like, make people jealousthat I went on vacation. Like,
that's how much the fantasyattic was running in my life
(10:06):
before it was like I had to havea really cool life for other
people to approve of my life,for other people to think it was
cool, to think it wasinteresting, to be jealous of my
life. And now I think my life iscooler than ever before. But
actually, I really don't carehow people respond or receive my
life, or approve or disapproveof my life, because my life's no
longer a performance for otherpeople's approval. My life is a
(10:30):
place where I get to play andadventure and experience all of
who I am. So for the woman whois aching inside for something
more. Maybe you feel numb. Maybeyou've been intentionally
numbing yourself with different,you know, pills or alcohol or
food or whatever, for a reallylong time, because your life
(10:50):
doesn't really feel like yourown. That's a byproduct of
signing up for all these labels.I'm a mom, I'm a wife, I'm a I'm
a boss, I'm a this, I'm a that,and we wear I'm a single woman,
I'm a widow, I'm a divorcedwoman. We wear all these labels
that become our identity. Butthe problem with identity is
it's fixed, right? And that'slike putting yourself in a box.
(11:11):
No soul ever wants to be in abox, right? No heart ever wants
to be in a box. Your heart andsoul are always evolving, and
they're always calling to you,and they're always speaking to
you. So if you are feeling thecall, if you're feeling the stir
internally, it does not mean youhave to blow up your entire
life, although sometimes that'sthe best option, but, but what
(11:33):
if you were to walk through itintentionally, like I think of
if you were to walk throughchanging your life and your
relationship within yourselfwith intention. Would you blow
up your life? Probably not. Youwould very intentionally check
in. I always say to my clients,like before you leave your job,
have you practiced bringing yourheroine to work? And it seems so
(11:53):
many women completely transformthis job that they thought they
hated into doing work that feltreally meaningful, because they
were actually just more presentin the moment, rather than just
getting through the day to theend of the day, getting through
the hour, getting through theweek, getting through the month
that so many of us are justtrying to get by, that we're
we're missing how much creativecontrol we have over the
(12:16):
experience, like you actuallycan bring your heart, your joy,
your Curiosity, your presence,to even a job you've had for 30
years and experience acompletely different result with
your work. On the other hand,you might bring your heroine to
work. You might bring yourfullest present self to work and
(12:36):
actually realize this job is sooutdated. Why am I holding
myself to this old identity thatI've completely outgrown and
pretending it's still me whenit's not right? Allow yourself
to be new and in life, if we Ithink I said this actually last
episode, maybe, but it's likethe practice. This is why I love
(12:57):
meditation so much and doing mymorning practices, because it's
the practice of, can you greetyourself and let yourself be new
every single day, right? But ifyou are not even greeting
yourself and you just have thisgreat on paper life, but you
don't feel any of it, it's timeto get to know your own heart
and soul. And there's so manyways to do that, but really the
(13:18):
biggest connection you can haveis to the present moment. That's
how doing anything that dropsyou into the now is how you
start to explore your innerworld and get to know your inner
world. I also heard somethingthe other day that was really
poignant. Did you actually haveit all if it wasn't all of you?
Did you actually have it all ifit all, if it wasn't all of you.
(13:42):
So how many women look like theyhave it all? And those are the
women that other women arejealous of, right? If you have
it all, other women are lookingat you going, Oh, she's so
lucky. Look, she got thehusband, she got the house, she
got the career, she got thecorner office. Wow, she's she's
got the hot body, she's got thethis, she's got the that. And
like all these women arecomparing themselves to your
life that's that's beautiful onthe outside, but empty on the
(14:04):
inside, right? Because shedoesn't have it all if she
doesn't have herself. And yet,we've only been taught to build.
It's like, if you imagine yourlife as a house, you were only
taught to build the outside. Youwere only taught to, like, build
a big house and make sure it hasbig windows and make sure it it
has many floors and many rooms,and you're only taught to, like,
build the actual house, butnobody taught you how to
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actually decorate it, how todesign it so it feels good for
you, how to how to create roomsinside of your house that
activate who you are, right?It's like nobody taught you
about being in relationship withthe inside of you.
So if you think of your mind isfixed. Your mind is constantly
(14:48):
putting labels on you andwanting to stick you in a box,
but your heart is always growingand evolving. I like to think of
the metaphor of a flower. Yourheart is a flower, and it's
always blue. Being every youknow. And can you keep watering
it, keep nourishing it, keepgiving it all the nutrients it
needs, so it can keep blooming,and all the old petals that no
longer fit will fall away. Andwhat is your heart? What is this
(15:12):
flower of your heart made of allthe different aspects of your
life that that bring you joy,that bring you nourishment, that
smell good, that taste good,that feel good, right, getting
out of the mind of what youshould do and start paying
attention to how you feel insideof every experience, that's how
you create a life you love. Butit also takes being tremendously
(15:35):
honest with yourself, becauseyour saboteur mind is so sneaky,
and your saboteur will tell youlike, Oh no, this is just how it
goes. And you don't get toprioritize yourself and think of
all the bad things that willhappen if you do that. But the
reality is, if you don'tprioritize yourself, you will
just keep walking through thislife feeling numb and
disconnected instead of actuallyexperiencing what your soul is
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here to experience everything iswaiting for you so and your path
disappears. You cannot seewhat's ahead of you, yet that is
where all the magic lies. Andyou know, every time you feel
afraid of the unknown, this iswhat I do every time I'm afraid
of the unknown, which ishappening a lot lately, not a
lot. But you know, every fewdays I have some sort of fear of
(16:21):
going to Kenya and not knowingwhere I'm going to live and not
go. And I keep giving it to theangels in universe. I keep
saying, Okay, I know this isdivinely guided, so show me the
way. Keep showing me the way. Itrust you. You've got this. I'm
just saying yes to my heart.That's my only job. So that's
your only job. So as you go onthis deeper inquiry of Eat,
Pray, Love, get to know your ownpleasure, right? Get to know
(16:43):
your own divinity, like she didin the movie. Get to know your
own love, the frequency thatlives inside of you. And then
when you live from the frequencyof the heart, it's such a simple
job. You just have to say yesand no, which now, because my
whole life is designed to be inalignment with my true desires,
my yeses and no are so clear,and then the only thing I'm
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dealing with now is when thefear arises, because I've
followed a big yes, and I'vemade a big decision on a no, and
now the fear arises, right? Andthe mind is like, Okay, what if
all these horrible thingshappen? What if? And your mind
is always going to find more.What ifs? What if this? What if
that? What if this? So that? Soit's like, I have to sit with
(17:24):
her. I have to let her speak. Ihave to love her. I have to hold
space for her. That's a youngerpart of me, right? Your saboteur
is just protecting a littlegirl. So that little girl's
like, What do you mean? We'removing to Canada. This feels
terrifying. And the sovereignwoman who is my heart is like,
this is an amazing experiencethat we're meant to walk
through. And guess what? Wedon't have to know why. And
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that's what makes it soexciting. That's actually what
makes it so fulfilling andnourishing, is that I don't know
all the characters I'm going tomeet along the way. I don't know
all the opportunities that aregoing to open up. I don't know
all the versions of myself I'mgoing to become. I'm already
becoming more expanded, justfrom going through the process
of moving through the fear andcoming back to my heart center,
(18:07):
my truth and making thedecisions that alone is so
transformative, but most peopleare so afraid of change that
they let the fear of opening thedoor stop them from even
experiencing what's on the otherside, and yet, that's where you
get to grow into the nextversion of you. And you know, I
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think of gosh, I think ofsomeone who's like, held on to
their past self or past life,like, Oh, I wish I was more like
that again, or I wish I had thatold relationship I used to have.
It's like, whole clinging to thepast because it feels somehow
romantic or exciting to hold onto the idea that that could be
possible again. But I'm likethink about all the people that
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you love right now. Now, imaginefor a moment all of the humans
and souls that you're going tomeet along your future path of
following your heart, that youare going to deeply love that
you haven't even met, yet youdon't even know they exist, and
you're going to be deeply inlove with them, women, men,
kids, old, elderly, whatever.Anyone, aliens, spirits. There's
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so much ahead of you, and that'sthat's actually what makes the
heart excited and joyful andhappy like true joy comes from
the surprise of life. It comesfrom the unknown, right? It
doesn't come from thepredetermined path that you've
controlled and contrived to havesome sense of safety. It comes
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from the unexpected, right? Andyet, most so if you're really
attached to the script, probablyyou have some controller
archetype playing out in thesaboteurs. And most controller
women are terrified of theunknown, so they do everything
in their power to make thingsplanned, overly planned,
predictable, so they know thatthey're going to be safe and
(19:57):
everything's organized andeverything's going to be good,
and. And it's like that is thevery thing that is robbing you
from experiencing the magic, thepeep, the unexpected people, the
unexpected experiences, themoments that light up your soul.
You're You're here to experiencethe aliveness inside of you, not
(20:17):
the zombie, right? The zombie orthe the deadness inside of us
comes from being fixed in ouridentity and trying to stay the
same when we're always growingand evolving. So everything is
waiting for you. Trust in thebeauty of your own heart. Trust
(20:37):
in the people, places andexperiences that expand you. So
how do you know, right? I getthis question a lot. How do you
know the difference betweentruth and fear? Truth, the
things that are Yes, you, I wantyou to start to pay attention to
it. The things that are yes,there's like a spark or an
(20:59):
expansion when you, let's sayyou're mute, you meet someone,
and they tell you about doingsome Cuban, Latin dance, and
they're describing this dancecommunity that they're a part of
in Cuba, and you feel this lightin your heart and your body, and
you're like and you get lit upand turned on. There's just this
like excitement as you'rehearing their story. That's your
(21:22):
heart, right? But what your mindwill do is like, oh, it's not
safe to go there. Oh, youshouldn't go there. Oh, you
could never dance like that. Oh,that's so not you. Oh, no, you
have responsibilities. Oh, youcould never do that. And so the
mind will come in and cap usevery time we have an expansion.
And so the practice is to justnotice it. Just notice the
fears. Notice the what ifs.Notice the stories of what you
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can and can't do that. Yoursaboteur is trying to parent
you. She's trying to controlyour reality and come back into
your heart and like, okay,there's something here for me.
If I was lit really lit up bythat, maybe I don't need to move
to Cuba tomorrow, but maybethere's a dance class I can
explore taking, right and andeven when I feel uncomfortable,
(22:04):
can I welcome those feelingsright? The more that you can
experience and be with whateverthe experience is, the more the
those those uncomfortablefeelings alchemize. Because if
you just welcome them and allowyourself to be new, now you're
going to meet new parts ofyourself, and that's where your
aliveness lives. So the fantasyaddict in your mind will tell
you it's over there and you gotto be with that guy, or go over
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there and, you know, blow upyour life or do whatever. And
maybe your your life will changeas a result of you changing. But
the best thing to do first isjust to start to get to know the
magic of your soul. Start to getto know your your own inner
compass. What do you desire.What does light you up? What are
you curious? Curious about? Whoare you jealous of? That's an
indicator Who are you jealousof, and what are they embodying
(22:48):
that you have shut down from. Soyou got to be willing to let go
of who you were in order tobecome who you're meant to be
and who you're meant to be isalways changing. We become, and
we become, and we become, and webecome, and if we hold on so
(23:11):
tight, and let me tell you, itdoes get easier. Like I think of
my seven year relationship thatI was in actually had a Facebook
memory pop up today, and it waslike my post of my breakup of my
seven year relationship thatended, I suppose, in 2021 I was
informed today by Facebook, andI was reading the post and just
thinking like, wow, I rememberit took so long to let go of
(23:33):
that relationship. It took melike, I mean, it was covid, and
there are some things thatslowed it down, but now it's so
much easier to let go of whatisn't aligned, because I'm so
excited of what's coming, and Itrust the unfolding, and I trust
like I can see how much I'vegrown since that relationship
ended. That relationship ended2021 so four years ago, and I am
(24:00):
a totally different person thanI was when I was living in
Vancouver and dating Jeff So andI've, I've experienced so much
of life. I've traveled aroundthe world, I've lived in other
countries. I've, you know,learned little bits of new
languages. I've become so muchmore than I was, than I ever
thought I could be. So if youbelieve your mind, you're just
(24:23):
going to be living in thelimitation of who you are, which
is not really who you are.
But when you follow your heartand you trust the path that is
not lit up, right, you justtrust the path that you cannot
see. But you know, when youfollow your heart, that's the co
creation with the universe.That's the co creation in the
dance with life. When you havethe courage to follow that you
(24:47):
get to see over and over andover again, that your heart will
never lead you astray, and thatthat the Divine is always
supporting you. You have angelssupporting you. You are not
alone. You are never alone. You.But if you think you're alone,
you're in your human self,you're in your small self, and
you're going to keep limitingyourself. And the way you
(25:08):
realize you're not alone is tostart really listening to the
call of your heart, because thenyou get to see how divinely
supported you are. You will notsee it if you're if you're
making choices from your mind,but when you start making
choices from the frequency ofyour heart, you will see how
magical life is, and then you'llbelieve everything I'm saying.
And then you'll realize, Oh, I'mnot alone. I am so supported in
(25:30):
this life. I am so safe. So Iactually there's another thing I
heard in this interview withwith David Jay white, he said,
your mind stop putting youridentity into in into your
thoughts. Okay, sorry, I can'tread my writing. Stop putting
your identity into yourthoughts. Your depth is in your
(25:53):
body. Use your mind to become aservant to your soul desires. So
the mind is always going to bethere, but use the mind to
actually be your helper to makeyour soul desires happen, right?
Like your your mind is the onewho's going to fill out the form
to sign up for the program, orwho's going to book the flight
to go on that trip you've alwayswanted to go on your your mind
(26:17):
is going to be the one who'sgoing to take action. But look
at her as your I, instead ofservant, I'd say assistant. Your
mind can be your personalassistant, your your saboteur
mind, but not the CEO of yourlife, right? If these, if she's
the CEO of your life, she'svisioning your life. She's
creating your life. You'recreating from limitation. You're
creating from who you thinkyou're supposed to be as a
(26:38):
woman, based on your culture,based on where you grew up,
based on who's around you, basedon your conditioning, from
media, from movies, from whatyou what you grew up believing
is women are supposed to haveand do and be right. You're not
actually operating from yourheart and soul when it's coming
from the mind. Your soul desiresare and your heart desires are
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going to come to you in a momentof presence, and you're going to
have a feeling in your bodythat's going to make no sense.
So I, I can't remember how longago I shared the story, but I
was invited to do a musicalyears ago, Jesus Christ
Superstar. My aunt and unclehave a theater company, and they
invited me, and they neverinvited me before, because they
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knew I was traveling a lot forwork, and I was really busy, and
I was out of the country a lot,and so they sent me this email,
and I was so excited, and mywhole body lit up, and I had my
boyfriend at the time was there,and I said, Oh my gosh, I got
invited to be in Jesus ChristSuperstar, and I'm so excited.
And I my whole being, like, litup like a Christmas tree. And
(27:43):
then almost immediately after, Iwas like, Oh, I can't do it. Oh
my gosh, I can't do it. We'vegot an event in England. I'm so
busy. I have so many coachingcalls. I'm so exhausted all the
time, like, there's no way I'mgonna have the energy for it.
And he was like, Oh, you'redoing it. Like, what? That's a
yes. That reaction was a yes andI and it was such a beautiful
(28:05):
reframe, because I did say yes.I canceled the England event.
Someone else went in my behalfand but it was so cool, because
all my coaching calls, eventhough I was busier than ever, I
had rehearsals at night andcoaching in the day for this
company I used to work for, andI had more energy than ever I
was like the whole three monthsof our of our rehearsals and the
(28:26):
week of our shows were some ofthe best experiences of my life.
I will never forget the feelingin my body of how I felt giving
myself the gift of having thatexperience that was the sole
desire. And you notice how mybody lit up like a Christmas
tree, and then it almostimmediately, my mind tried to
talk me out of it. That'salways, always, always, what's
(28:47):
going to happen. So if you wantto start listening to your heart
and your soul desires, you haveto be willing to not believe
your thoughts around it, right?That's such a big part of the
practice. So write down all thefears, all the stories, all the
limitations, and then use useyour your mind and your heroine
to challenge them all, becausethey're everything's figure out
(29:08):
able. That's a title of a book.Great title by Marie Forleo.
Everything is figure out able.And you're constantly being
invited by life to do thingsthat do satiate your soul. But
most women say no to what lightsthem up and say yes to what's
for other people that's suckingthe life out of them, and then
they have no replenishment. WhenI did that musical, even though
(29:31):
I was working, I had way more onmy plate. I had so much more
energy because I was doingsomething that brought me alive,
right? Right? I had life forceenergy. And this, there is this
life force energy we all haveaccess to that really is our
divinity. When we're pluggedinto ourselves, when we're
plugged into our soul and ourhearts, we have infinite energy.
(29:53):
So even as a projector, I hadinfinite energy. So that's
something to know, right? Ifyou're if you're a mom and
you're married. Gotta you gotall these responsibilities, and
you're like, Well, I just don'thave the time, or I just don't
have the energy for it. At theend of the day, go anyways. Do
the thing anyways, because thatthing is going to feed every
facet of your life, and it'sgoing to give you energy. It's
(30:15):
not going to take from yourenergy. It's going to give you
energy. Is the opposite of whatyour mind will tell you, right?
The things that take from yourenergy are the all the things
you're doing out of obligation,all the things that you're doing
for other people, but that thataren't for you, that aren't
lighting you up, all the thingsthat you're saying yes to that
are actually a no. Those are thethings that are sucking the life
(30:36):
out of you. The things that youdo that satiate you, that light
you up, that ignite your heartare the things that actually
will give you life in every areaof your life. So having a great
life on paper is someone else'sidea of what life is supposed to
be. If your life is great butyou don't feel connected to it,
(30:58):
or you don't feel lit up by it,it's not yours. I'm going to
read that quote again. Did youhave it all if it wasn't all of
you? Did you actually have itall if it wasn't all of you?
Right? How many parts ofyourself Did you cut off from,
or did you never explore becauseyou chose this life that was
(31:19):
having it all? Quote, unquote,is it really at all? So start to
explore the things you aresaying yes to and doing in your
life, and what part of you ischoosing them, right? What part
of you is leading them? Okay,even parenting. Obviously,
you're still going to be aparent regardless of what
happens. But what part of you isparenting? I work with so many
(31:41):
women who have children, andit's such a beautiful gift to
see how their parenting stylechanges. When they become the
heroine within, when they fallin love with themselves, when
they learn how to heal and andrewire their relationship with
the Wounded Little girl inside,when their heroin and heart and
soul start to lead their lives,they become a way better parent,
(32:04):
right? Your saboteur will tellyou, Oh no, I can't put myself
first because I gotta sacrificemyself for my kids. Then your
kids are getting a shell of you.Your kids are getting the
performance of you, or they'regetting an empty, depleted you.
That's not what your childrenneed you. They're learning so
much more from who you're beingthan from what you're saying. So
your energy actually matters themost for your kids, and being
(32:30):
connected to your heart, themore you get curious about your
own heart and soul, the moreyou'll be curious about yours.
And it's actually the mostbeautiful alchemizing experience
that you'll have with your kidsis starting to live from that
inner compass within yourself.
Oh, my God, another beautifulOkay, you got to watch this
(32:50):
video. It's an interview thatDavid J white cave quoted it. I
watched it. I took notes. I wasso mesmerized by this interview
David J White did with TimFerriss, the guy who wrote The
Four Hour Workweek. One of theother things he said, he said,
you're looking at something. Oh,when, okay, when you're looking
at a river, how beautiful is itto wash, to watch a rushing
(33:12):
river? You're looking atsomething that has already
passed. So this is what we'reconstantly doing to ourselves,
the the version of ourselvesthat we used to be has gone, or
maybe it's ready to go, but wekeep projecting it onto a
present moment. No, no, Kate,that's just who I am. I'm a
perfectionist. That's just who Iam. I'm an extrovert, I'm an
(33:35):
introvert, I'm a I'm a divorcedwoman, I'm single, I'm this and
that. And we're projecting thesestories and these narratives and
these past versions of ourselvesonto the present moment, onto
the canvas in front of us, eventhough that version of you has
already passed. So why does itnot feel good in your body?
Here's another reason foranxiety, because you're not
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being who you really are. That'swhy we feel anxious and
depressed. We're not being whowe really are. If you were who
you really are, you would justfeel aligned. And what alignment
feels like is grounded. It'sopen, it's peaceful, it's
expansive, but it's verygrounded. It's not like high and
low, it's expansive. You havemoments of contraction, but it's
(34:19):
expanded. That's what it feelsto be the version of you that
you are now. But maybe you'renot being that version, and
maybe that's why you feel somuch discord inside. Maybe that
like coming back to ElizabethGilbert, you know, she was
living this life, that what shewas told was a great life. She
had a cool brownstone in NewYork and Brooklyn. She lived in
(34:40):
New York. She had amazingfriends, she had amazing jobs,
she had her husband that lovedher and was doting on her and
was just adoring of her. And shewas inside of this life, just
like one dimensional, sodisconnected from all of it, and
that's the call of the heart andsoul, if. You are feeling this
right now. It's time to go onyour alchemy journey. It's time
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to set out on a journey ofgetting to know your own heart
and get getting to know everycorner of your own love, getting
to bathe in the love that yougive to so many people and that
you saved for a man, for oneromantic relationship, that
you're just going to give allyour love to, or you've given to
all to your children, or you'vegiven all to your friends. What
(35:28):
if you were to start giving thatto yourself? What if you were to
start building a the mostloving, reverent relationship
with yourself, where everysingle day, you bathed in your
own love? What would that looklike if you were dating
yourself, if you were romancingyourself, if you were swooning
over yourself, if you weretaking risks for yourself, if
(35:51):
you were being courageous foryourself, what would that look
like? What would courage do? Ihave a tattoo. I have two
tattoos. No, I have three.Actually, let's tell you about
two of them, two on my arms. I'mgetting one more on my arm. You
might have seen them if you'vedone a masterclass. I have a
little one on my wrist that saysKer and kur. Okay, I'm not I'm
(36:11):
gonna botch. I'm gonna try anddo it with a French accent. But
my, one of the heroin sistersthat I'm working with right now
is French, and she makes fun ofmy French accent. Cur, I'm not
very good. I'm good at a Greekaccent, not a French one, but I
love, I've always loved the wordcur. My favorite church, or
Cathedral in Paris is the Sacra,which is the church of the
(36:33):
Sacred Heart. It's so beautiful.And Ker means heart. And the
reason I got that tattooed, Iremember vividly walking down
the street with my best friendchild, and I was like, we should
get Kerr tattooed on her wrist.And she never did, but I did
when I was in Costa Rica for my40th birthday, because she and I
also used to, always used tosay, what does your cur say?
(36:53):
Follow your cur. Follow yourcur. We've spent a lot of time
going to Paris together, butfollow your cur. Follow your own
heart. And I love the word curvebecause it's also the root of,
well, it's not spelled the same,but it sounds like it's the root
of courage, right? Courage is,is the courage to follow your
heart. And it does take courage.It takes courage to follow our
(37:13):
hearts. But my loves. Yourfuture self will thank you so
much. Your future self willthank you for letting go of all
of those old, outdated sweatersthat don't fit you anymore,
letting go of that old car,letting go of that old baggage
that's no longer belongs to you,that old story of who you think
you are, that you think you're,you know, just destined to be
(37:34):
single forever, or you thinkyou're only worthy if you have
love, or the beliefs that youthink Your life is over because
you lost your partner, right?All the old stories of who
you've been, let them go, putthem behind you so that you can
become the woman that you'rehere to be, because there's so
much available for you. There isso much here for you to
(37:57):
experience. Everything iswaiting for you everything, and
I will tell you this, in everyepisode, it just gets better.
People are so afraid to let goof what was because they're
afraid they won't have better.And in my experience, it gets
better and then it gets better,and then it gets better, and
then it gets better, and youbecome more grounded and more
real and more honest and moresatiated inside of your own
(38:20):
life. It just gets. Keepsgetting better. Oh, now I'm
hearing a Tim McGraw song in myhead. I want to spend the rest
of my life with you by my side.So maybe a practice. Here's a
tangible practice you can doevery morning to bathe in the
frequency of your own heart andyour own love, whatever your
favorite love songs are. Playthose in the morning, in
meditation, close your eyes. Siton a cushion so your hips are a
(38:44):
little bit elevated, so you cansit comfortably. Put your hands
on your heart. I usually put onehand on my heart, one hand on my
solar plexus or my tummy, andthen just sing that song to
yourself. Sing it over and overand over again, to the little
girl inside of you, to yourself,to your heart, bathe in your own
love. We've been taught it'soutside of ourselves, but it's
not. It's inside, right? So ifyou created a life that's that's
(39:08):
perfect on paper, but you're notfeeling connected to any of it,
it's because you've been chasingexternal things, and you've
built a beautiful castle, butyour castle is empty on the
inside, so you've got to startcultivating that relationship.
And obviously every episode ofthe new truth is about
cultivating that relationship.So time is now. I love you and I
(39:30):
believe in you, so your lifegets to be magical. And the only
way it will be magical and feelmagical to you is if you truly,
truly learn how to listen toyour heart and how to
distinguish the Oh, I forgot tocircle. I didn't finish that
sentence about the differencebetween fear and and truth. Your
truth in your heart is the firstthing you feel when you when
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you're when something is a yes,and it expands you and it
excites you. It's like theinitial hit, the initial
feeling, and then your mindusually keeps. Takes in right
away to change your mind, versusyour mind trying to convince you
something that you should dothat's based in fear, that's
that's like the initial hitisn't in the body. It's just,
(40:13):
oh, you should do this. Oh, youshould do more of that. It's the
it, there shoulds, there's haveto, there's can and can't.
That's all the mind, right? Butthe the your compass is in your
body, she's there, and the moreyou slow down, the more you'll
hear her, but notice and maybeeven make a list of all the
times and all the things thatyou've been curious about that
(40:33):
have actually sparked you. Ispoke to someone yesterday who
said she's always had a desireto learn Italian and to live in
Italy one day, even just for asummer, and that's an example,
like something that sparks yourheart, and that's something that
she could actually startlearning Italian right away,
right she maybe she won't bemoving to Italy tomorrow, but
she could start cultivating thatright away. Maybe book an Airbnb
(40:55):
in Italy for next summer. Sothere's so many things that your
heart desires. But if you're sobusy controlling your future and
planning out there and thenbeing exhausted from all the
planning of your future self,you don't even know yet, you're
gonna miss the cues of yourheart. So slow down. Sit with
yourself, bathe in your ownlove, reflect and let her speak
(41:17):
to you, and start to becourageous enough to follow.
Take big steps and little stepsto follow those feelings so that
you can create a life that feelsgood from the inside out, which
will be the greatest gift toyour kids, to your friends, to
your loved ones, to your lovers,to everyone in your life, and
you'll become magnetic too moreso love you as always. Share
this episode with any woman youknow who is feeling that Eat,
(41:41):
Pray, Love, moment and I'll seeyou next week.
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