Read It Like You’re Dead Inside?! - VO Direction Gone Mad | Pro Audio Suite

What’s the weirdest direction you've ever received in a session?
"Read it more magenta"?
"Give me rage, but lean toward anger"?
"Sound like a potato"?

In this week’s episode of The Pro Audio Suite, Robbo, AP, George, and Robert dive into the hilariously bizarre world of VO direction that makes absolutely no sense… and yet somehow still happens every day.

Pulled straight from Robbo’s viral LinkedIn thread, this episode is packed with laugh-out-loud moments, real-life war stories, and a bit of therapy for anyone who's ever heard:
“That was perfect. Let’s do one more.” 😵‍💫

PLUS: Why weird direction is your real job to decode as an engineer or producer, and how to turn “less voice, less you” into a usable note.

🎙️ Edited by Andrew Peters
🎧 Mixed by Robbo

👉 Grab the free "Direction Dictionary" we talked about here: voodoosound.com.au/vo-dictionary

 

🎙️ Sponsored by:

• Tribooth — The portable vocal booth that's more than just a tent. https://www.tribooth.com

• Austrian Audio — Makers of the OC818 and OC18 microphones we use on this very show. https://austrian.audio
  
  
  

  A big shout-out to our sponsors, Austrian Audio and Tri Booth. Both these companies are providers of QUALITY Audio Gear (we wouldn't partner with them unless they were), so please, if you're in the market for some new kit, do us a solid and check out their products, and be sure to tell em "Robbo, George, Robert, and AP sent you"... As a part of their generous support of our show, Tri Booth is offering $200 off a brand-new booth when you use the code TRIPAP200. So get onto their website now and secure your new booth...

  

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Y'all ready to be history?
Get started.
Welcome.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hello everyone.
To the Pro Audio Suite.
These guys are professional.
They're motivated.
With Tech the VO Stars.
George Witten.
Founder of Source Elements.
Robert Marshall.
International Audio Engineer.
Darren Robbo-Robertson.
And Global Voice.
Andrew Peters.
Thanks to Triboo.
Austrian Audio.
Making passion heard.

(00:20):
Source Elements.
George the Tech Witten.
And Robbo and AP's international demos.
To find out more about us, check theproaudiosuite
.com.
And welcome to another Pro Audio Suite.
Thanks to Triboo.
Don't forget the code.
T-R-I-P-A-P-200.
To get $200 off your Triboo.

(00:41):
And Austrian Audio.
Making passion heard.
Now what are the weirdest things you've heard
during a session?
Well that was the question that Robbo put
up on LinkedIn.
And the response has been quite astounding to
say the least.
Even the weirdest things spoken or the weirdest
things just heard?
Well the weirdest direction.
Direction.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was the weirdest direction.
Right?
So I mean stuff like this a mate

(01:02):
of mine, David Kirsten, came back with and
he said, direction I was once given by
a global pharmaceutical brand.
Can you pronounce the possessive apostrophe?
What?
What the?
What?
Exactly.
Can you pronounce the possessive apostrophe?
And how would you reply to that?
Because even I've read that now about half
a dozen times.
I still have no idea.
Howard's microphone.
No.
We need that.

(01:22):
We need that possessive.
Howard's.
Howard's.
What is that?
I don't know.
You can't pronounce that.
It's crazy.
Right?
It's just ridiculous.
There's another one here.
I once had a senior agency creative ask
me to direct the voice talent.
Can they give it a little more magenta?
Yes.
I saw that.
I thought that's a joke when they're like,

(01:43):
read it more purple.
That's like the joke, but I guess.
Yeah.
But he's obviously heard it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That color?
Magenta.
Or you always get the brown.
I know.
Crazy.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Another one is, uh, here we go.
Being an actor for many years, I've been
directed usually in an audition by a director
or casting person saying something like, can you
give me more anger?

(02:03):
Actually give me more rage.
I want more rage, but lean and, uh,
lead toward anger.
So the emotion sits in the middle of
anger and rage, but leave it more toward
rage, uh, but not too much.
I, I, I, I think I've heard crazy
stuff like that.
Oh my gosh.
I like the, the read it, read it,

(02:24):
read it faster without sounding faster.
Oh yeah.
That's a classic.
That's the one I started with.
Cause that's the one everyone's heard.
Right.
You know, you hear that so often.
It's like, yeah, can we, can we do
it a bit faster, but, um, yeah, just
make it sound slower.
Would that be okay?
Yeah.
But the one that always gets me right.
And, and, and someone actually did mention this,
but the one that I always laugh at
is like, that's perfect.

(02:45):
Can we just do one more?
Yeah, that's right.
That's the one that always has me going.
One more for safety?
What was wrong with that?
Why?
Yeah.
True.
I remember, I remember talking to, uh, Richard
Lush, who was the, one of the Beatles
engineers and he was doing some music for
the 2000 Olympics in Sydney.
And it was cause he's, he's a man
of tape, but it was being worked on

(03:06):
in Pro Tools.
And um, anyway, they did a take and
then a couple of takes.
And then, um, the engineer said, do you,
do you want me to keep those?
And he said, well, I just asked you
to do another take.
So obviously, no, I don't want you to
keep those.
So why are you keeping them?
If we're going to do another one, we're
doing another one because those ones are not
good enough.
So yeah.
It's ridiculous, right?

(03:27):
Oh, here's another one.
This is a good, this is, tell me
what this one is.
This one was actually for a funeral directors
and the direction was read it like you're
dead inside.
Was this written by a 17 year old?
Inside what?
Exactly.
What the hell does that mean?
It's like, I don't know where people, and

(03:49):
someone actually said, and this is true, right?
Someone actually said directing voice is a bit
like describing a red wine tasting.
And it's kind of true, right?
It's sort of like, you know, I get
hints of cinnamon and tea and you know,
blah, blah, blah.
It's, it's, it's not just voice.
It's audio.
Audio has that weird thing, like all the

(04:10):
words, like unless you're in the audio industry.
But here's the thing, right?
Robert, here's the thing that, that I'm interested
to know from you because we're the ones,
we're the conduit, right?
We're the ones between the client and the
creatives at the back of the room.
And we're the ones communicating with the talent
in the booth.
Well, we're the ones that take, take, take
that direction when they go, can you read
it more magenta?
And you're like, that means go up at

(04:30):
the end.
We're the ones that left to interpret that,
right?
We're the ones that are going to go,
what the fuck does he mean?
Hang on.
Uh, yeah, look, I think it's probably, or
you're rolling your eyes through the glass at
them because they're looking at you like, what
was that?
And you're sort of rolling your eyes going,
oh, I don't know either.
Well you have to suddenly throw your direction
in there, which is enhanced.

(04:50):
Without making the client look stupid.
Yes, exactly.
That's right.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
You're just, and one other thing, try it
like this, which really is kind of like
co-hosting a podcast.
All right, Robert.
So he's, he's a pop quiz and these,
again, these are real ones.
Can you sound taller?
What would you tell the talent?

(05:12):
Oh my God.
Okay.
Taller.
I would, I would say, um, taller.
Can you like, like, like, like more, more
open sounding and less.
My mind, my mind went to, my mind
went to, do you want them off mic?
Do you want them up here like this?
Hello?
That's me too.
Like, have them literally get farther from the

(05:33):
mic, I guess.
What about this one, Robert?
What about, do I sound taller now?
How about now?
I'm very tall now.
Does that sound tall?
What about this one?
What about sound like a potato?
It doesn't need to be a little bit
like this.
I'm a potato and I'm under the ground.

(05:55):
Yeah.
It just make it sound like you've got
a bunch of potatoes in your mouth, like
make it sound more Brown.
Yeah.
No, I mean like you have a lot
of eyes.
Sound like you have a lot of eyes
like a potato.
Oh, what?
Here we go.
What about this one?
Make it feel grounded, but lifted.

(06:15):
What the hell does that mean?
I don't know.
Oh, geez.
So, so I think grounded is like more
serious sounding and, and like, and somber.
And then lifted is like with, with like,
you know, uh, up, up at the end
and brightness.
And it's kind of, it's that typical direction
where it's two opposites and you're like, how

(06:36):
the fuck do I do that with authority,
but with a smile, AP, here's one for
you.
I want to know how you'd handle this
direction.
All right.
Okay.
Bags of energy, but laid back.
It's always the two opposites, always the opposites.
Yeah.
Well, this one for a cremation company, brighten
it up, but keep it respectful.

(06:59):
Come on now, you're yanking our genes now.
No, this is all, this is all people
have posted on LinkedIn.
It's just crazy.
There's gotta be some joke writers in our
LinkedIn, but I'll tell you what, 40 odd
lines of gems, just stuff you go, Oh
my God, but isn't it crazy?

(07:20):
The four of us all go, well, it's
not surprising you're hearing shit like that, you
know, it's just because we've, I, I wish
I had a memory for some of it,
but I, I know I've heard insane stuff
and I've definitely been in the position where
it's like, I got to interpret that one
for them because that no one's going to
understand that.
Yeah.
I've heard the opposite where the voice talent

(07:42):
has turned it back onto the producer.
It's like, okay, we want you to voice
it.
You're in a crowd, a crowd of people.
And the voice talent came back and said,
whereabouts in the crowd?
I think you told me that story.
That was Gibbo, right?
Yeah.
And I can imagine Gibbo doing that too.

(08:03):
Oh, you're in a concert.
Which row?
Yeah, that's right.
And who's on stage?
Beatles or Zeppelin.
Yeah, that's right.
Exactly.
And is my chair comfortable?
Does it have a pad or is it
kind of uncomfortable?
No, no.
I need to know.
I need to, if you're going to go
here, I need to know everything.
Is it the Hollywood bowl where it's kind
of crisp and cool in the evening or

(08:24):
is it more of an uncomfortable, sticky summer
evening?
Did I pay for the tickets or were
the tickets given to me?
Yeah, that's right.
If you paid for the tickets, you'd sound
a bit annoyed.
If they were free, you don't care.
I'll give this one to George.
Less announcer, less voice, less you.

(08:45):
What?
Less announcer, less voice, less you.
Well, that to me sounds like they're working
with a professional voice actor and they want
them to just not sound like a professional
voice actor and sound like they're mumbling and
not really giving a shit and kind of
letting it roll out of their mouth and
just giving a throwaway read, you know?
My favorite one is always like, just make

(09:06):
it conversational.
Right.
And then they direct the, make it conversational,
but can you highlight, sorry, but can you
highlight this word and that word and this
word?
And I'm like, well, I was going to
say the ultimate irony is the script says,
get down to Harris Farm Markets this week
because they've got oranges on special for $2
.99. You know, just make that conversational, please.
Yeah.

(09:27):
I say that shit all the time.
Exactly.
I know.
Crazy, right?
It's just ridiculous.
Or two guys in a pub talking about
something that's completely irrelevant and nothing you would
talk about in a pub.
Did you know that the Baxter Insurance Company
has excellent rates?
Right.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Exactly.
That's conversational because it's written as a conversation.

(09:47):
And look, it's in inverted commas so that
someone's saying it.
It seems so authentic.
Yeah.
Classic.
Oh dear.
I know.
I'm going to write a book after all
this.
I'm going to put them all together and
turn it into a book, I think, because
that's hilarious.
Someone should make the direction dictionary and it's
just like, like Magento.
Well, maybe I'll do that.

(10:08):
But it's just going to be like more
bright.
So, so like, like really end with an
up pitch at the end and everything will
just boil down to like three directions.
Well, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll chuck all these quotes, I'll copy, copy
and paste them from LinkedIn into ChatGPT and
I'll tell ChatGPT to write me a book,
a direction, you know, and I'll, just for
a laugh, I'll put it out there for

(10:28):
our listeners.
They can, on the Facebook page, they can
go and download it and have a look.
No more effort than that.
All black and white.
Just print it out.
AI.
Yeah.
I would be interested to see what ChatGPT
does with it.
AI is going to be like, this makes
no sense, I refuse.
And if you're really into wacky quotes and
voiceover sessions, go and watch Toast of London.
Oh, really?

(10:49):
Right.
Okay.
Well, you've got me now.
That is a great series, comedy series.
Toast of London.
Well, that was fun.
Is it over?
It's over for me.
The Pro Audio Suite.
With thanks to Tribo.
And Austrian Audio.
Recorded using Source Connect.
Edited by Andrew Peters.
And mixed by Robbo.
Got your own audio issues?
Just ask Robbo.com.

(11:09):
With tech support from George the Tech Whittam.
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