August 21, 2025 • 60 mins
In this episode of the Profitable Christian Business Podcast, host Doug Greathouse is joined by Valerie Pugsley, a Success Mindset & Abundance Coach who equips growth-minded entrepreneurs to break through procrastination, perfectionism, and overwhelm.
Valerie shares the power of intentional language, how our internal dialogue shapes our business success, and how faith intersects with self-talk, money beliefs, and purpose. From navigating pressure with grace to unlocking momentum through her RISE Framework, Valerie reveals how to shift your thoughts so you can operate from peace—not pressure.
You’ll hear:
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How perfectionism is a sneaky form of self-sabotage
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The neuroscience behind negative self-talk and how to rewire it
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Why stillness and listening for God’s voice can change everything
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How to build relationships that actually drive business growth
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What it means to live into your future self starting today
This episode is a heart-centered and mind-renewing conversation packed with practical and spiritual tools for entrepreneurs.
🎁 Free Gift: Rewire Your Mindset with the Power of Intentional Language
👉 Grab it here
🔗 Connect with Valerie:
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Website: ValCares.com/words
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YouTube: @ValCares
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Instagram: @valcaresdotcom
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LinkedIn: Valerie Pugsley
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Link Tree: valcares.com/links
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of the Prophet Christian Business.
I am so pleased to have my guest today, Valerie Pugsley with me.
Valerie is uh amazing when it comes to mindset and the power of words.
uh She and I connected over that very thing, the power of words and what we tell ourselvesand how that affects all our outcomes.
(00:21):
We're still gonna dive deep into that.
Of course, it's the Prophet Christian Business podcast.
So we're gonna talk a lot about faith and how a little bit around her story and her faithjourney.
Without further ado, Valerie, we're going to dive right in.
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
Well, I'm Valerie Pugsley.
I'm a success mindset coach and abundance coach, and I help people um overcome the thingsthat self-sabotage them, like procrastination, perfectionism, and overwhelm.
(00:49):
I started out actually in 2014 doing marketing and marketing consulting, but during thatprocess, started realizing I had a lot of mindset issues and needed to work on that.
couldn't find people that were just teaching that.
So I went on a journey and now I share the things that I've.
It is so amazing uh to me.
(01:11):
uh I have seen this so often in my own journey with clients is the most successful onesare the ones that get the mindset right.
It's not about like you can give two people if they have the same backgrounds uh and thesame skill sets, right?
(01:33):
The one that has the mindset right will adopt strategies and run with it.
The one that doesn't will struggle.
So we're going to dive into that, I'm sure.
But let's start off with some really lighthearted questions, if you will.
So what is one thing people might be surprised to learn about you?
So this was fun because I looking at this question because you sent it to me beforehand.
(01:58):
like, don't know.
know, we all see our lives as kind of meh.
Like what's exciting?
So the one that I've come up with for this though is it's just kind of odd and unique.
Both my youngest daughter and I have a scar in the same, almost the same spot.
And we got it at almost around the same age.
(02:19):
Oh wow.
five when I got mine and she was around that same age when she got hers.
And it's like right here.
And I was like, that's weird, Lord, how that happen?
So it strikes me funny that we both have a scar in the same spot.
That is really interesting.
(02:41):
That is awesome.
So I don't know, but often with me, I sometimes will hear a phrase or I will get a theme.
lately, it seems like I've had themes for the week, like something has stuck with me.
Like recently, stewardship was a theme because I felt like God put that on my heart.
So is there a theme or a phrase that's kind of stuck with you lately?
(03:03):
Yeah, right now I'm adopting one from a coach that I work with, John Acuff, he, or Acuff,sorry, I always say his name wrong.
And he says, growth is the goal, not comfort.
And I'm kind of leaning into that one.
It's funny too, because as I think back about that, when I first started on this mindsetjourney and hiring coaches, the thing I wanted is I wanted to attain these things because
(03:29):
I wanted comfort.
And as I...
And I was thinking about that because that's not my main motivation now.
It's comfort its impact You know, it's a shame and it's shifted over time, but initiallyit was comfort So I like that that growth growth is the goal
Yeah, let's sit there a minute because I think there's a lot of value in having adiscussion around it because I think a lot of people have that same desire that you have.
(03:54):
They want to get comfortable.
And I'm going to speak to this from my own experience.
Your desire should almost be to be constantly uncomfortable if you're really wanting togrow and then get, it's going to sound weird, but kind of get comfortable being
uncomfortable, right?
ah Because I felt like you're going to grow the most when you go through levels ofdiscomfort.
(04:17):
Yeah, you might want to, you might take a pause or two.
Okay, I want to take a break and not be uncomfortable for a minute, right?
But if you have, if you are a driven person, you're just going to strive to beuncomfortable.
So.
Well again, it's that motivation.
It's like what does the My life first is is you know, love the Lord your God with all yourheart mind and soul and your neighbor as yourself Well, sometimes loving our neighbor may
(04:43):
not be comfortable right the things that God calls us to do and the things like you knowHe wants us to go out and and be a witness and a testimony for him.
That doesn't always mean that it's
going to be comfortable.
And if our goal is comfort, then we're not going to, you know, it's going to be harder tostep into the uncomp...
(05:04):
not that God's calling us to be uncomfortable all the time.
Our nervous system isn't set up for that, right?
But like you said, we can get more uncomfortable with...
You know, I'm not even gonna call it uncomfortable because right like that even can createlike some triggers for us.
what my husband said something about learning how to be able to operate in a constantstate of ambiguity.
(05:32):
We don't always know where God's going to take us.
And so if needing to know where God is the next the exact next step makes you feeluncomfortable.
It's more a matter of getting comfortable with trusting God.
trusting that he's leading and guiding you, trusting that the spirit is leading us andguiding us in that it doesn't have to look like the Bible study teacher said or the
(06:00):
Christian journal shows or that, you know, we create a lot of what I call churchianity andChristian ease.
And I think that those things can kind of limit us and might make us feel uncomfortable ifthe thing that we
that where God's leading us or taking us, we're doing doesn't fit that box.
(06:22):
I'm so glad that you shined a light on the spiritual aspect of this because oh I love whenGod, I feel like God's taking over this podcast oh because he wants us to talk about this
and almost rephrasing it, go back to the power of words, right?
I feel like the spirit of fear is what makes us uncomfortable, right?
(06:43):
Where the spirit of faith is, if we're truly leaning into that, it may be make us a littleuneasy, right?
But it's a different.
It's a different feeling than being in fear.
If we're proceeding in faith, we might have a little uneasy steps moving forward, but weknow that we're proceeding in faith and that is what God has called us to do.
wow.
(07:05):
Thank you for sharing that because again, back to the power of words.
oh One question I ask every time on the podcast is the fill in the blank question becauseI'm always interested in what someone puts in that blank.
Your fill in the blank question is, one of the most powerful things a Christianentrepreneur can do is blank.
(07:29):
Be still and listen.
I was originally, I looked at it and I was going to say pray.
But I think when we're praying, we're too busy just, you know, verbally processing orunloading what's on our head.
And if we can just be still, and even this can be a challenge.
(07:52):
It really has been just recently, probably in the last three or four years where I'vegotten to the point where I can be still and not fall asleep.
I remember when I heard this first as a Christian, be still and know that I am God.
It's like, all right, I'm to be still.
And it's like, I think I was kind of like that ADHD, you're either running or you'resleeping, right?
There's no in between.
And so I couldn't just be still.
(08:13):
And I would either my mind would wander, I would just fall asleep.
But I think if we can really get to that place where we can learn how to just be still,take a breath, I it doesn't have to be a half hour long, right?
It can be 30 seconds, a minute, two minutes.
But just to be able to be still, quiet, quiet in our body, quiet our minds, and just sitand listen and just say, okay, God, I'm here.
(08:40):
What do you want to tell me?
And I think that's a great place for us to be as entrepreneurs.
And I think that's one of the hardest things.
I was going to say hardest things for entrepreneurs or business owners, but it's hard foranybody.
We all lead busy lives and we try and make our lives so busy.
Sometimes we fill our lives with busyness that doesn't even need to be there just becausewe want to just feel as productive as possible.
(09:04):
um And it was funny because I was having a conversation with somebody earlier today and wekind of talked around this subject and it's like.
If you take the time to spend with God, do you really think that he's going to make it soyour time's not productive?
Where are your priorities, right?
(09:26):
God's not trying to steal your time.
just wants a relationship and your attention, right?
So the more you pour into him and that time, it's gonna be well worth it.
Yeah, absolutely, Totally agree.
So the other question that we always ask on the Profitable Christian Business podcast isthe secret question.
(09:50):
And I'm really interested in your answer to this.
What is the secret to operating from peace versus pressure?
Yes.
So the secret is grace and curiosity.
Pressure often if you're having pressure, right, there's something going on like, youknow, we either allowed that pressure in or, you know, it's based on an emotion or
(10:19):
something that we're feeling or a story that's going on inside of us.
And so I think
If you're feeling pressure, guess what?
You're human.
Ah, shock, right?
You know, we're spiritual vessels in a human body.
And so think giving ourselves grace for being human.
And I say this too, I think especially in the Christian community, because we do want tolive to a higher standard.
(10:45):
We do want to glorify God.
want to, you know, we want to be good witnesses.
But I think we create this
extra pressure that God never intended.
And we call a lot of things disobedience and sin when this is how this human vessel thatGod has given us functions.
And if this is how it functions, whether by design or by the fall, that's how itfunctions.
(11:11):
And so if we can give ourselves grace for understanding how this vessel functions on it,you know.
you know, neuroscience, know, the sciency side, the stuff that they're finding that alignswith scripture.
And yes, the answer is they're in scripture.
But I think we're just very, we're too harsh on ourselves.
(11:31):
We're too judgmental.
I don't think God is that way with us.
And so first giving ourselves grace for being human and then getting curious.
All right, now what's the solution to this pressure, this thing moving forward?
So we kind of already talked about one already.
could be, let's just.
Let's just be still a minute and see.
(11:53):
know, sometimes the solutions are easy solutions.
Sometimes the solutions are harder solutions, right?
Where we have to go dig deeper.
So when I'm working with people on the things, it's, you know, is it really simple?
Can we just uh change some words around it?
Use some different words that can make it feel better.
We can ask a good question.
(12:13):
We can break the thing down into a smaller step or a more specific step and that takescare of it.
But other times, like we were talking about at the beginning, it's that mindset.
And so that mindset are these stories that have been put on automation, whether from aparent, a teacher, a bad boss, or whatever that are running on autopilot underneath.
(12:36):
Sometimes the solution is a deeper solution, right?
We have to get to the root of that and we have to work through that and rewire that.
You know, that's a bigger, a bigger solution.
And we don't know what the solution is, but
If we can first give ourselves grace, we're going to stop judging ourselves.
And then now we can get curious on the solution.
(12:57):
Yeah, I love that.
what came to mind in there, too, I love that you, I think often the word grace is oftentoo often overlooked, right?
We get so beat up on ourselves because God did not, we're not perfect.
uh He did not make us perfect.
uh Because sin, right?
(13:18):
Sin entered the world.
So we're not perfect.
So we need to have a little bit of grace.
But going back to that other question.
going to God, right?
And having, think he wants us to be like, if we have faults, if we fall, to be repentive,right?
Go to him and just, it's so relieving to know that if you just go to him and tell him, heyGod, I really messed up, right?
(13:42):
He's gonna give you that grace.
ah And then there's a piece for me at least, there's a piece about that.
When I go and my heart is in the right place ah with conviction, I say, God.
I really messed up there.
And then, please forgive me.
And then how I'm able to exit that ah is a relief that I have such a gracious God.
(14:06):
You know, two things are coming to mind.
So just to tack on to what you just said and that your prayer process with God, I wouldencourage another question is like, God, what could I do differently next time?
Right.
Because now you're programming the brain for what you want to do in the future instead ofwhat you did in the past.
(14:28):
Right?
Because you you focus on the thing you're asking for forgiveness, but now part of thatturning process, right?
The repent, turning is, okay, what do I want to do different in the future?
And again, from that place of grace, you're not judging yourself for it.
It's just, okay, this happened.
This is what went on.
I didn't want to do that.
God has forgiven me.
(14:49):
And what do I need to do differently next time?
Right?
It could be as simple as I need to prepare the night before so I'm not so cranky.
Yeah.
for preparing the night before.
But the other thing you were talking about is in coming to the Lord.
wanted to something that the Lord showed me in the beginning of all of this process that Iwas going through is the idea of, you know, how sometimes you'll have something and you'll
(15:17):
keep it's like you keep taking it to the Lord over and over and over again.
And a lot of times we can get judgy on ourselves for that.
because somebody once said, you didn't leave it at the foot of the cross, right?
And it's just like, God, we are so bad to her.
We were so harsh on ourselves.
And it was really bothering me.
And the Lord gave me an analogy of Daniel and how it was like three times a day, Danielwent to pray.
(15:43):
He went to a window in a certain direction to pray.
And if we're created for relationship, what if this thing that's coming up,
is just a signal, a bell, you know, like those bells, it was like a certain bell at thetime of the day when Daniel go, maybe this is just a signal that it's our time to go spend
time with God.
So instead of getting judgy on yourselves that you're thinking about it again, use it as asignal that this is a time I need to be spending time with the Lord right now.
(16:14):
Yeah, that's an awesome reframe.
And if I could just add to that too, it's all about God's timing.
Sometimes we keep going to the Lord and it's just not the right, he knows the right timefor us with whatever we're asking him.
And so many times in my life, I've wanted something, I've gone to the Lord.
(16:39):
I then in,
moving forward and then looking back, he delivered in his time and on my time.
I'm like, God, thank you so much for delivering on your time, because if you had deliveredon my time, it would not have been as good.
um And it says pray without ceasing, right?
Pray without ceasing.
Yeah, it's a conversation all day long.
(17:01):
Yeah.
Now we're going to get to a part of the interview that I'm really excited about talkingabout.
And that is about the self-talk.
So I know this is one of the areas that you specialize in, in how people sabotagethemselves with their self-talk.
So what are some of the common phrases that you hear that limit people's success?
(17:21):
Well, I think it's more of a common theme than a uh particular phrase, and I call itenoughness, right?
I don't have enough time.
I'm not smart enough.
You know, it's the I don't have, right?
It's all the things around something isn't enough.
(17:43):
And I know that for me, that's kind of like my root one is enoughness.
um So that's one of them.
But the other one is
Some of the words that I hear often and we were talking about this too, but I hear wellpeople were saying, you know, I can't um Overwhelm is one that comes a lot Procrastination
(18:04):
perfectionism imposter syndrome, you know, these are some kind of some words that comeagain But even a lot of that is around not enoughness even the overwhelm, know, we've
brought it up a couple times So I'm gonna throw this out real quick.
Is that
Sometimes the overwhelm, we have created it, right?
Because we're the one that said yes to all the things on our plate.
(18:26):
And sometimes that's coming from those old stories when we were a child, that that's howwe're getting our validation that we are worth something, that we have value, that we're
enough, right?
Because we have all these busy things to do, or we're having, we're doing it to try andprove ourselves to somebody in the past.
(18:47):
So
Overwhelmed can be a trauma response just as much as procrastination and perfectionism andall the other things
Yeah, one of the things that I sometimes hear is I have to do that.
oh And the flip side of that is I get to do that.
It comes from a place of gratitude, right?
Rather than a place that of just regadural, regadury, right?
(19:12):
I have to do that.
No, I get to do that.
Think about what, if you didn't get to do that, what it might look like, right?
Well, and I think more accurately is I choose to do that.
OK, so why are you choosing to do that?
Well, if it's your employer that's telling you to do it, you're choosing to do it so thatyou can get a paycheck or so that you can keep your job.
(19:36):
But you're choosing because you could choose to leave that job.
You could choose to go right.
have a lot of free will.
God gave us free will.
We have a lot of choices.
And so even a lot of the have to's.
are really our choices that we've said yes to because it's attached to something we wantor we think we want or we think we need.
(20:01):
And maybe we do and maybe we don't.
But again, we're just, you know, if we just go with the flow, that's what you're going toget.
So I think even better than get to is a choose to because then it puts it back onto usbecause
we're really choosing.
can choose not to.
Now there'll be a consequence if we choose not to with some things, right?
(20:23):
But realizing that it's a choice.
is a good consequence or a needed consequence.
Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah, but realizing that we're choosing to do that for whatever reason.
Yeah, and I think underlying here is something that um I'm thinking about too.
It's like, because we talked about saying yes to everything and that creating overwhelm.
We have the power to say no, right?
(20:43):
Sometimes no has more value in it than saying yes.
And sometimes we need to be discerning enough to know when it's time to say no, um becausethat no is actually a more valuable response.
Maybe not even to just us, but to the person that we're saying no to.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And I think we get, you know, we live in a noisy society, a very loud, noisy society.
(21:06):
And like we look back into the things that, you know, when scripture was written, theydidn't have all these bazillion options and things loading their day that we have.
so, you know, because you'd mentioned we want to do things to glorify God, we want to bebusy for him.
Well,
You know what, maybe being busy isn't going to be for him because if we're too busy, thenwe're not going to treat people the right way.
(21:31):
We're not going to be able to stop and have that conversation with the neighbor who needsit at a certain time.
We're not going to have the energy to do the bigger thing that God has called us to.
Everybody wants our agenda.
Everybody would love to take our time from us and have us put our time towards theiragenda.
(21:53):
So learning how to say no and really discern, you know, what is it that I'm supposed to befocusing on is important to help us not create that overwhelm.
Yeah, and it's funny that again, prior conversation today we talked about, oh sometimes wemake work an idol and we become workaholics, right?
(22:16):
Because that's what the world tells us is if we can just outwork the next person.
But that workaholism often leads to neglect somewhere else, right?
And you're not really having a full life.
You have an idol and that is what your that's either your business could be your idol ifyou work for someone that
that job could be your idol.
(22:36):
oh And I guess I'm just saying that to be wary.
Make sure you're not being busy and idle.
But I have a friend that he he coaches a lot of C-suite people and that's the thing.
They're great at business and they do great business, but their family's falling apart.
Their relationships are falling apart.
(22:58):
And it's so hard for those type of people to sacrifice what they're good at.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
And again, that's where they're getting their identity and their affirmation from asopposed to us as Christians and even as Christians.
Well, we say it up here.
(23:18):
Do we feel it down here that we are?
love the verse.
We are God's workmanship.
And this this is a perfect place.
workmanship.
I'm supposed to created to do good works.
OK, works, works, works, work.
But if you look at the word workmanship, it's a poem.
Work out's po-long.
Mmm.
(23:39):
So if I'm God's poem, I'm enough.
I'm created in His image.
Kind of back to the enoughness stuff we were talking about earlier.
I'm created in His image.
And because of that and that alone, I'm enough.
The moment I was born, I was worthy of love and respect without doing a thing.
(24:02):
I didn't have to come out of the womb and start doing dishes to have value.
When I came out of my mother's womb, I was created in God's image and I deserved at thattime, love and respect.
And I think, yeah, yeah, I mean, we could get into the weeds with a lot of stuff, but ifwe take it back to there and realize that because I'm creating God's image, I have
(24:29):
inherent value.
That's right.
Yep.
uh Here's one thing I want to talk about because it's something that I believe in and Iwant to know your stance on it.
So it's one thing that's helped me a lot is I started operating like the person I'mbecoming, not necessarily the person I am.
(24:50):
Right.
I started making the decisions that someone, that person that I want to be a year from nowstarted making.
And it's kind of sped up my development.
So I just love your insights into that.
Yeah, so that's, yes, yes, and let's all do that, right?
And even as a Christian, right?
You know, what are the things we want to do?
(25:11):
One of the exercises that I have people do and it's going, it's not yet there, but it'sgoing to be in my clarity compass is this idea of writing your eulogy.
You know, you're gone, somebody is up there reading your eulogy.
What do you want them to say about you?
And chances are a lot of the things you want them to say about you aren't related to thethings that you've done, but how you've been as a person, the type of person that you are.
(25:39):
And so I think that's a great exercise to do for this purpose that you're talking about ofliving into who you want to be.
And that's part of what I do with clients when we're rewiring, creating new automations iswhat is this person we want to be?
Because anything we repeat over and over again, our brain believes, and it also works kindof like a Google filter.
(26:03):
And so it goes and looks for opportunities to do that thing.
Because if we're repeating it over and over, our brain says, oh, this is important.
Let's pay attention.
So as you're programming who you want to be and the decisions that person makes, nowyou're telling your brain this is important.
And it's going to look for the opportunities, the solutions, and actions to move in thatdirection.
(26:26):
That's so powerful.
So if you're watching this, if you're on a recording, go back and rewind that and listento that again, because that is so powerful.
If you just start adopting what she just said, you'll be surprised at the momentum thatyou start to get.
And I think that kind of leads in a little bit to the next question I have, because wetalked about overwhelm a little bit.
I don't want to reach red ground too much, but how do you help entrepreneurs, businessowners move from overwhelmed to being more consistent in their actions?
(26:55):
Yeah.
So I have a framework and I don't necessarily do these all in this exact order, but it's arise framework.
So first we have to realize what it is we want to do.
What's our goal?
Where are we headed?
What is the thing?
And a lot of times that's really vague.
People don't know.
Or when we do get into, uh you know, those dreams and visions, there's a couple of otherthings that I find is that um one is the thing that
(27:25):
We think we have to have all these things in place before we can do this thing we want todo.
And a lot of times, well, you can do that right now.
You don't have to be making 10K a month in order to do this thing.
You can do that right now.
Right.
So we kind of put these parameters on things that I've seen over and over again, where Ihave this vision of something that I want actually right now, my husband and I are working
(27:47):
with a trainer twice a week.
And that was something uh I programmed in a long time ago.
It didn't manifest.
don't like that word so much.
But it didn't happen as quickly as I had wanted it to.
But then I'm like, look, this is that thing I was, gosh, that didn't come about any waythat I thought it would, right?
(28:07):
The other thing is that when we get into the goals and realizing what it is that we reallywant, we'll sometimes find that we have these conflicting beliefs.
And so we have to address
those kinds of things because again, the part of the design, all of the negative thingsand all of these things, overwhelm, procrastination, perfection, all of these are just
(28:31):
mechanisms that our brain and body has used as a protection mechanism.
And so it's a protector.
So if you start looking at it as a protector instead of a sin or a character flaw, nowit's a signal.
What's it signaling?
That's again, curiosity.
Now we can get curious.
Okay, what's your signal?
What are you afraid of?
(28:51):
Right?
And a lot of times there's fears in there, in those conflicting beliefs and things likethat.
So then from there, we have the I in RISE, which is the internal shifts.
And that's a lot of what we're talking about today, right?
The words that we use, the mindsets, the beliefs, the self-talk, all of that kind ofstuff.
(29:12):
That's all that internal stuff.
From there, we can actually set goals.
and now, you know, and get specific enough and small enough so the brain understands it.
And then we execute those goals.
But while we're executing, some of this stuff is going to come up because it doesn't justchange overnight.
It's a process.
takes time.
(29:32):
And even to your point of timing, sometimes we'll go, it's God's timing, or it's just partof the process.
The things we're going through now.
are training us and setting us up for the next things moving forward.
I was just talking to somebody the other day about his wife is pregnant in that lasttrimester.
You're waking up all the time and I'm going, it's just preparing you for when the baby'shere because you're going to be waking up on that same thing as we walk our journeys and
(29:59):
we're praying for a thing and we're not getting a thing or we do a thing and it it itquote unquote flops.
Maybe it didn't flop at all.
Maybe this is just
part of the process, the thing in the way you needed to learn it to get to that nextpoint.
So the execute part is, again, we're kind of readdressing all the other stuff and you justkind of have to keep revisiting it and tweaking it to help keeping you moving forward and
(30:26):
not get stuck and stall out in one place.
There's quite a few things that I'm hoping I remembered everything that I want to talkabout based on what you said.
of the things is the one of the things that we do is a goal getting call.
And you and I had a conversation about this.
Like you have to be ready for that.
(30:47):
And different people do different things.
So around aren't let's just talk about it this way, because I think what you told me onthis other conversation was not everybody functions that same way that of setting goals.
So could you kind of elaborate a little bit on how people are sometimes different throughthat process?
(31:08):
Uh, yeah, I think we were talking back then, I think we were talking about like thedifference for some, for people who might identify as neurodivergent.
Maybe you have ADHD or some other things, right?
And then there are these people who are these just go getter, right?
The type D, if you're familiar with the disc thing, it's that type D personality.
(31:30):
They just go, they charge ahead, get done.
They'll stomp on anybody they need to to get there, but they're good with it and they goand they get it done.
Right.
And the others may not be that way.
And I think some of that is first realizing just who you are and how you operate in yourway.
And I'm sorry, my brain starts going so fast.
can't slow it down to get it all out.
(31:53):
So I think really, again, going back to giving yourself, give yourself grace for who youare, how you are and how you operate and figure out how you need to go about getting that
thing done.
So just like you talked about making calls, we have to talk to people one way or another,whether you try and do it online, the broadcast method, or whether you do it in person,
(32:17):
you know, kind of like we're doing, right?
We're doing it here, recording it to y'all, but, but you know, maybe you're just gettingon a video call and having a conversation with somebody.
have to, you have to get comfortable talking about it and telling people about things.
And that's kind of that internal shift part though may have to happen if you're reallygetting resistance there.
You need to go back and find out what that resistance is.
(32:40):
One that I've heard before back to the common ones, people say, I don't want to bothersomebody.
So if you grew up as a kid and every time you asked a question, your parents said, stopbothering me.
And now you're in a situation where you need to go and talk to somebody about this servicethat's going to solve a problem for them.
(33:02):
And you don't want to
bother them, you're going to have an issue, right?
so the first step before you like you said, before you can give that call, you're going tohave to deal with that underlying beef about bother.
And I think we probably come from the same perspective of serving.
How can I serve this person?
And we can serve a person in a conversation.
And maybe it's the solution that we have, right for me, in my case, coaching for you, yoursoftware, right?
(33:28):
So maybe that's how we serve them.
Maybe that's not how we serve them.
Maybe we serve them and go, you know,
I have somebody else I think you should talk to.
Here, let me connect you with this person over here.
Or you know what, can I pray for you today?
There's a lot of ways that we can serve somebody.
Maybe it's with our product and maybe it's not.
But I think if we can approach those calls from a place of service and how can we servethis person with the idea that hopefully my solution is the one that they need, but if
(33:57):
it's not, how else can I serve them?
That might be a
a workaround to deal with that.
But if you do have those things underlying, you really do need to address those and createthose new beliefs around that so that you can move.
Yeah, you and I operate very much the same way in that.
(34:18):
it's like, how can I serve this person, whether it's my solution or not?
And a lot of people don't think about the aftershocks of that.
What I mean by that is that person is going to remember that you delivered them somevalue.
And they're going to, you're going to be top of mind when they would counter somebody thatneeds your solution, even though they might not have needed it.
They know that that person delivers value, right?
(34:42):
That's what's going to stick with them.
So.
oh I say all the time that so much of what I've been able to do has been built onrelationships and having good relationships, you're not going to build those good
relationships if you're just pitch-slapping everybody that you meet, right?
oh There's so much more value in actually cultivating good relationships.
(35:06):
oh
the key word too, that you said relationship, because I have this one conversation and mysolution today isn't a solution for your problem and here's a solution.
You know what, let me check back with you in four months, six months, even, you know, letme check in periodically and see, hey, how are you doing?
How are things going?
What's going on with you?
(35:27):
By now, we might be doing something different or we may have added a new thing and maybenow that's the thing that will help them.
But it's that relationship.
Or it was the time, the timing was just off then, right?
And now's the time.
And now's the time.
And because we're in a relationship instead of a transactional cold call, right?
(35:47):
In fact, you know, that cold calling idea and mentality is a very transactional thingversus relationship, which you were just talking
Yeah, and I just want to, just for the sales conversation there, fortune is in thefollow-up.
Fortune is in the follow-up.
I want to repeat that a few times, just so the people that are watching know.
(36:08):
uh Just because you don't make the sale on the first call, keep cultivating thatrelationship.
uh Keep delivering value to that person.
You'll be amazed at the type of results.
from a marketing perspective, takes what used to be seven to 10 touches.
It might be even more now because it's gotten noisier.
I think I heard like up to 15 times before.
(36:30):
m
I think that's true, but the speed of making those touches has increased.
So the time to make those touches has decreased, but you just need to touch somebody moreoften.
Oh, the other thing, there's refinement.
That's the other thing that was in my head as you were talking.
(36:52):
oh Because you had mentioned, sometimes you are not ready for the thing.
that you're going for.
You have to be refined.
And a lot of us don't realize, get appreciation for that until we're through it.
ah So sometimes we just have to, in the moment, if as best as we can, maybe I don't needthat thing right now because I have to be refined first before I'm ready for it.
(37:18):
Because I've had that in my life so many times where uh you don't actually want the thingright now when you want it ah because it's going to
be a disservice to you rather than because you're not prepared for it.
is so good in preparing us for the things uh in his time.
Yeah.
And you know, as you just said that word refine, think I'm going to borrow that as anotherreframe for the word failing.
(37:43):
You know, a lot of times, I did this thing and it failed.
And I like to call them learnings.
Well, what did you learn?
Right.
What can you learn?
But it is that refinement.
It's like, all right, Lord, how is this refining me?
Right.
How can I use this to refine me?
What do I need to do differently next time?
What do I need to tweak?
What do I need to learn from this situation?
(38:04):
Yeah, looking at it as a refining process.
Yeah.
Speaking of refining, let's kind of talk, get into some of the faith questions.
I want to know a little bit more how faith shapes the way you deal with your clients andhelp them through this self-sabotage.
So, I kind of alluded to it already in that when I started on this journey of working onmy own mindset, because I realized, all right, I got stuff up here in the gray matter
(38:34):
that's not working.
I kind of tiptoed into it because I started, I've been a Christian for a lot of years and,you know, read
read the Bible every day or at least listen to something every day.
You know, I'm talking to God all day long and I'm like, I'm still got these issues.
What's going on?
And so I started kind of tiptoeing into some personal development stuff.
(38:56):
And I say tiptoe because my church that I grew up with in faith wise, the first church Iwent to, they're kind of anti-psychology and personal development and stuff.
so I'm like,
But I would hear a thing or see a thing and I'm like, okay, no scripture.
Nothing would come to mind.
Like, all right, if I do this, I'm going against God.
(39:17):
So I tried the thing and I'm like, oh, this works.
Okay.
And then I said, all right, God, how come this works?
And then he would show me those scriptures.
And that was kind of one of them that, that I was referencing to you, that whole Danielthing.
God gave that to me during that season and
And so all of the things that I've developed and the things that I was sharing earlierwith the Rise framework have come through this process.
(39:43):
So faith is really a part of it because as I tested things and tried things, I'm alwayschecking, my God, am I on the right track here?
I'm doing something that's against you.
How does this work?
And then he'd show me scriptures that align with it.
And I kind of came to the conclusion, I get it.
Personal development.
it discovered biblical principles and just taking you out of it.
(40:07):
But then as the church, because it's not couched in Christian ease, we'll go, no, no, Ican't do that.
And yet, again, this coach that has a friend of mine now, he talked about God gives us,let's see if I can get the word right.
It's kind of like God gives us the overview, but he doesn't give us the process.
(40:29):
And so I think a lot of the personal development is the step-by-step process for theresults that we see or the principles that we see in Scripture.
Yeah, I'm not sure how well this alludes into that, but I think just speaking of theprocess, he wants to take a step into faith and then he starts to reveal the process, I
(40:53):
think.
We have to first take action.
this was on my...
It can be different for different people, right?
Mm hmm.
This was on my head in my head this morning ah is it's more like for me, like I had thiswhole thing about my my fitness, right, where I was inconsistent and I wasn't reaching the
(41:15):
goals.
And I realized it's because I put to go back to grace.
I was giving myself enough grace in that part of the journey, because if I wasn't going tobe able to go to the gym for an hour, I wasn't going right.
where the most important thing is to step into the gym, whether it's for 10 minutes, it'sthat consistency, building that consistent habit over and over again, more so than
(41:37):
important than the allotted time.
It's just keep moving forward in that direction.
um And yeah, so that came to mind this morning.
Yeah.
Well, and even with fitness, if I can with your idea of the gym is, is does fitness haveto be the gym?
(41:57):
If I don't have time for the gym today, can I go for a walk?
Can I do a workout here at home and still get it in?
And, know, some, John, I mentioned Johnny cuff earlier, some is better than none.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
Yep.
Just taking the action is better than taking no action, even if it's a minimal action.
(42:19):
uh That has been such a big help to me.
uh The other thing I want to highlight about what you said is sometimes, like youmentioned, going through and then God revealing the scriptures, I think he can work on
either side, right?
He can kind of give you the scripture beforehand before you go into something to helpprepare you, or he can use it as a reflection for what you're going through.
I think the most important thing is
(42:41):
oh And there is something that I'm working on.
I've always like read my Bible, but I've never been good at memorizing scripture, right?
So I'm putting it on myself to Not just reading it, but that's Proverbs, you know 32 a orsomething like that, right?
So I can reflect back Proverbs 32 a matches this verse because I feel like there are timesin my life where I could have used that either for myself or someone else and
(43:10):
That's why I'm taking that as a, like I'll be, like I want to be able to say like, yeah,that's in the Bible, it says this, but they'll be like, like if it's someone that's not a
Christian, doesn't, yeah, yeah.
So ah yeah, I just reflecting either being able to reflect on your situation and take itback to scripture or start with scripture and say, okay, now I know how I must proceed.
(43:32):
So yeah, I love that.
ah So my next question is,
in your experience what spiritual truths help people replace the negative self-talk withGod's truth.
Yeah.
So Philippians, Philippians four eight, actually it's four four four through four eight,but four eight specifically around the self talk.
(43:54):
Right.
Whatever is true, right.
Pure, noble, excellent, praiseworthy.
Think on these things.
And a lot of times our negative, our negative thoughts and self talk aren't any of that.
Right.
And a lot of times you'll hear things about what
Positive, know positive thinking and people go Christians will go no.
(44:17):
No, that's the wait a minute Positive thinking fits right into true noble right?
excellent, oh is the I wrote him down so I can remember admirable excellent praiseworthyThink on those things So I think if we focus on thinking on those things which also means
like probably not watching much news
(44:40):
because there's not a lot of that in the news, Like, you know, kind of guarding your mind.
are the things we're reading?
Are the things that we're reading that way?
And so I think that verse right there is the key to helping us think in a more positive,productive way.
Yeah, yeah, everybody should go read that verse again right away.
(45:01):
That's very, good.
And I love uh the part that you said.
Now I'm losing my train of thought.
uh We'll come back to that.
Sorry, I had a thought and it went away.
uh I want to know, and maybe this is a quick answer, maybe it's not.
uh What is something, what's the first thing you should say to yourself if you feel stuck?
(45:26):
So the first thing I typically say when I'm stuck is like, all right, Lauren, what do I donow?
That's that stop and breathe moment.
But another thing is, how can this be easy?
Or if this were easy, what would it look like?
And that's a good question to ask.
(45:46):
then you just, again, it's that back to waiting and listening, right?
And see what comes up.
There was a time I remember driving home and I was working on getting rid of the wordoverwhelmed from my vocabulary because again, using that word, then that's just telling
your brain what to focus on.
And I didn't want to focus on being overwhelmed.
(46:08):
And so said, all right, if this were easy, what would I do?
How can this be easy?
And within two lights, the answer came to me.
was like, I have like a list of six things that I thought I needed to get done that night.
And I realized, oh, I only need to do two things tonight.
The others can wait.
(46:29):
Okay.
And that just made it easy.
And so, yeah, those are the two things.
Like when I'm in the state of overwhelm or I'm stuck, I don't know what to do.
it's like.
I think we can go back to grace there too, because often we put so much on our platethinking we have to get it done as soon as possible and we don't properly allot the right
(46:53):
amount of time to getting certain things done.
We have to also know that success doesn't happen overnight despite what you see on theinternet.
It's a buildup.
It's a constant action in a certain direction.
So it's all about, and I was just telling somebody to...
I was going say the 10-15 year overnight success.
(47:15):
Yeah, yeah, I was I was just uh telling somebody today.
I've had so many calls today that uh they were asking about my story.
And I was like, well, you know, everybody everybody you see, like, has that story that'slike, here's the beginning and here's the end.
There's not they don't dive too much into that messy middle.
Right.
They they might pinpoint a couple pain points, but uh it's mostly just a condensed versionof their story because
(47:41):
let's face it, we all have pretty long stories, especially if we've gotten to a certainage, right?
So, um but yeah, I don't know where I was going with that, but.
do that all the time.
All right.
I had another, see, keep having all these great, the problem is with you, I have so manygreat questions and I'm listening to what you're saying.
(48:05):
And so I start to log that in the back of my brain and then I continue listening so that Idon't lose track of what you're saying.
And then I lose track of what I was going to say.
ooh, here's a good one.
Can perfectionism be a form of disobedience?
Yeah, when I saw that one, like, I kind of have a hard time with that one because again,this is that place where I think we take humanness and we put Christian ease on it.
(48:35):
And I think it stops us up because perfectionism is just another protectionist way toprotect ourselves.
How did we how did that become the automated response?
Every one of us has an automated response, right?
It's different.
But again, it's that protect us.
And it usually happened earlier in life.
(48:57):
Did you have a critical parent or critical teacher or critical boss somewhere in life?
And if you did, your coping mechanism in that situation was to make sure you got it allperfect.
And depending on how long you've been automating that story,
(49:18):
You know, it's what's automated.
So is that a sin?
Is that disobedience or is that just the automation?
And can you create a new one now with, you know, with God's help?
Can we turn this around?
I had a gal one time in one of the group things that I was doing and reallyperfectionistic.
(49:39):
And it was really, my gosh, it had a stranglehold on her.
And she came up with an automation or a uh reframe.
is it doesn't have to be perfect.
Let's see if I can remember.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
It's going to change and it's enough or something like that.
(50:00):
But then as time went on, she reframed it around herself.
I don't have to be perfect.
I'm good enough and I'm going to change anyway.
That's what it was.
And it's going to change anyway.
So she had this boss that would make her do things.
And she'd strive and strive and strive to get it all just right.
And then she'd get right and then, and they'd change their mind, right?
(50:22):
And so she's killing herself and taking up so much time to do that.
Like, so she was living it.
So changing that, that, you know what?
It's a, it's, it doesn't have to be perfect.
It's good enough and it's going to change anyway.
She did that for a few weeks and my gosh, she came on a call, totally differentcountenance.
Her voice was lighter and everything.
(50:44):
So.
I hesitate to call it disobedience because again, I think that's where we're taking ourChristian ease and taking these human conditions as to how our human body works and making
it really judgy on ourselves instead of being in that place of grace and curiosity aroundthe perfectionism.
Like, where did it come from?
How can I change it?
How can I make it different in the future?
(51:07):
Yeah, that is really good.
So I remembered a couple things now.
The conflicting beliefs.
oh Often, we have that, if we're business owners, we start a business because we believewe can make money, right?
At what we do, at what we're good at.
But often we have a, whether it's money trauma, a childhood, something that was programmedinto us in childhood, we have beliefs about money that keep us from making the money that
(51:33):
we think we can make.
And again, not to retread that road, but I'd love your insights onto thatmoney-conflicting beliefs as business owners.
Yeah.
And I think that's another one of those areas that inner work, we really need to do theinner work on that.
Discover what our stories is.
(51:55):
Pay attention to the words that you use around money.
um A lot of times maybe we're shopping and we'll say like, and this is more so as wechange our words, basically we're changing the programming, right?
We have this old program and that's one way.
So if we choose different words now, we're working towards rewiring new ones, but therestill may be like an underlying story.
(52:15):
So.
From my own life, I'll use examples of I remember used to going into the store going, Ican't afford that right now.
was like, okay, taking back to what we said now, I'm going to choose not to invest in thatright now.
Circumstances didn't change, but my words make a whole huge difference.
So which sounds better?
(52:36):
I can't afford it or I'm choosing not to invest in that right now.
Like, and that now even using the word investing is giving me a different perspective onmoney.
But at the same time, those underlying stories, so this coach that I work with on some ofthat stuff for my own self, we were praying through some of this stuff around money.
And yes, and if you have those things work on it, you get it taken care of, figure it out,whether it whether a coach or a therapist or somebody, you need somebody to help you
(53:05):
through it.
But I had totally forgotten the story that I had a boyfriend right after high school thatI lived with.
I wasn't a Christian then.
And
And he would take our money that we had for rent and he'd go buy recreational drugs withit.
So then we didn't have money.
And that created a belief in me.
(53:25):
I have this story that I believe that I didn't want to get too much money because someonewas going to take it.
And it came from that.
I had totally I totally forgot.
I hardly ever think about this person.
Right.
I it was so long ago, but we were praying through like this thing.
Why did I feel like if I get something, somebody's going to take it or steal it?
(53:46):
And it came from that.
And that was running on autopilot underneath that I didn't know.
Now I can go up.
Yeah, no one's going to take it.
That's that's a non-issue.
And if they do, God is bigger than that.
Right.
If somebody takes it, I have a God who's the creator of the universe has cattle on athousand hills.
(54:08):
He can he can supply my needs.
Right.
So again, now I'm programming based on
based on scripture and the truth about God instead of the circumstance that I livedthrough for a couple of years way back when, but yet it was still having an impact on my
life and I didn't realize it until we prayed through that.
(54:30):
Yeah, that is so good.
The other thing that I was thinking of when you were saying easy, and I know the contextyou were using it in oh is for like tasks to laid out ahead of you.
What came to my mind oh is that sometimes God puts what seems impossible in front of us,puts a vision that almost seems impossible for us.
(54:53):
And I think when you talk about overwhelm, that could be a little overwhelming.
Like, God, you want me to do what?
Right?
um But the way I think about that is it's just steady momentum.
Just keep stepping forward in faith.
uh And God provide.
again, in my life, He's so often, uh sometimes in the nick of time, or sometimes justalong the journey, He gives me the next uh resource, the next person, whatever I need, as
(55:23):
long as I continue to step forward in faith.
uh
and I think and I think it's trust too if if we are uh Bible believing we've given ourlife to the Lord we're seeking her more in relationship with him However that looks for us
that trusting that the Holy Spirit is in us leading us and guiding us and directing us andif you have that Inclination to go do something go do it.
(55:48):
I mean unless good unless there's it's like having orgery or or J or get into the box
Right?
We know scripture says don't do that.
But if it's go buy this thing for your neighbor or go take a walk today out to here andthen, oh, all of a sudden you come halfway back, you have her in a conversation with
somebody because you just felt like I need to go take a walk.
(56:10):
I don't know why.
Go take the walk.
Right.
And I think we get in again because we're we get so judgy on ourselves and turn a lot ofstuff.
You know, we try we make things heavy kind of like the Pharisees.
we box ourselves in instead of being able to just follow the leading and guiding of theHoly Spirit.
(56:31):
Yeah, so good, so good.
I think that's a good place to kind of land the plane, if you will.
oh So what I want to know is uh where can more people find out more about what you do?
So well, I have a YouTube channel.
It's under Valcares.
So I put videos out there.
(56:53):
And I think the best place to find out the different things I actually have a little thingthey can get there on intentional words to help them with the language.
But if they go to Valcares forward slash links, it will take them to uh my link profile.
And it's got very neatly and succinctly.
(57:14):
uh
a variety of free and a couple of one-paid resource there that might help.
Nice.
I highly recommend just not just based solely on this conversation with the conversationthat you and I had before that anybody that's listening to this goes gets that resource on
what do you call it intentional words?
Yeah.
(57:34):
And just read over that like for the next week, just keep reading over whatever is in thatdocument and you'll start seeing the changes if you start applying what it says there.
um So we're going to put those links below.
And any other links that foul sends me I'm gonna send there'll be maybe a link to hersocial profiles on social profiles that she's good with you connecting with her on um and
(57:57):
the her link tree So that that would be awesome Valerie.
There is one last question that I ask everybody prior to closing uh And that's because Idon't want there to be any wisdom left on untold So what?
What parting words do you have for any of the business owners or entrepreneurs watching?
(58:25):
You know, I really will just encourage them to start listening to what they're saying tothemselves and see if, you know, does it make them feel heavy or does it make them feel
light?
Would they say that to their child?
Would they say that to their neighbor?
(58:46):
And if not, again, grace, you're catching the thought captive.
You're catching that new word.
And how can that be reframed?
How can you turn around?
What can you say moving forward?
And it's not going to change just overnight.
But as you keep catching each time you catch the thought captive, each time you'regracious with yourself and you create that new reframe.
(59:09):
if you can't come up with on ask God for it, he'll give it to you.
I think that's that's an immediate thing that people can do without needing a coach or atherapist or anything.
Just doing that is kind of a first step.
that everybody can take.
And if I could add one last one, it was a question I think we didn't get to, but you sentme before.
(59:32):
And it was about a uh phrase for people to delete from the vocabulary.
I would say it's just pray.
When you put that word just in front of prayer, you are minimizing who you are talking to.
We are talking to...
the creator of the universe.
(59:53):
are going into his throne room.
It is not a just pray.
It is the best, most powerful thing we can do.
So yes, definitely go and pray and realize that is the, that's the best thing you can do.
It's not, it's not a just.
(01:00:13):
Oh, wow.
I love that you ended with that.
It is not, that's so minimizing it.
If you say just, it is so much bigger than that.
Wow.
Thank you again, Valerie.
And until next time entrepreneurs, keep moving forward.
Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of the Prophet Christian Business.
I am so pleased to have my guest today, Valerie Pugsley with me.
Valerie is uh amazing when it comes to mindset and the power of words.
uh She and I connected over that very thing, the power of words and what we tell ourselvesand how that affects all our outcomes.
(00:21):
We're still gonna dive deep into that.
Of course, it's the Prophet Christian Business podcast.
So we're gonna talk a lot about faith and how a little bit around her story and her faithjourney.
Without further ado, Valerie, we're going to dive right in.
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
Well, I'm Valerie Pugsley.
I'm a success mindset coach and abundance coach, and I help people um overcome the thingsthat self-sabotage them, like procrastination, perfectionism, and overwhelm.
(00:49):
I started out actually in 2014 doing marketing and marketing consulting, but during thatprocess, started realizing I had a lot of mindset issues and needed to work on that.
couldn't find people that were just teaching that.
So I went on a journey and now I share the things that I've.
It is so amazing uh to me.
(01:11):
uh I have seen this so often in my own journey with clients is the most successful onesare the ones that get the mindset right.
It's not about like you can give two people if they have the same backgrounds uh and thesame skill sets, right?
(01:33):
The one that has the mindset right will adopt strategies and run with it.
The one that doesn't will struggle.
So we're going to dive into that, I'm sure.
But let's start off with some really lighthearted questions, if you will.
So what is one thing people might be surprised to learn about you?
So this was fun because I looking at this question because you sent it to me beforehand.
(01:58):
like, don't know.
know, we all see our lives as kind of meh.
Like what's exciting?
So the one that I've come up with for this though is it's just kind of odd and unique.
Both my youngest daughter and I have a scar in the same, almost the same spot.
And we got it at almost around the same age.
(02:19):
Oh wow.
five when I got mine and she was around that same age when she got hers.
And it's like right here.
And I was like, that's weird, Lord, how that happen?
So it strikes me funny that we both have a scar in the same spot.
That is really interesting.
(02:41):
That is awesome.
So I don't know, but often with me, I sometimes will hear a phrase or I will get a theme.
lately, it seems like I've had themes for the week, like something has stuck with me.
Like recently, stewardship was a theme because I felt like God put that on my heart.
So is there a theme or a phrase that's kind of stuck with you lately?
(03:03):
Yeah, right now I'm adopting one from a coach that I work with, John Acuff, he, or Acuff,sorry, I always say his name wrong.
And he says, growth is the goal, not comfort.
And I'm kind of leaning into that one.
It's funny too, because as I think back about that, when I first started on this mindsetjourney and hiring coaches, the thing I wanted is I wanted to attain these things because
(03:29):
I wanted comfort.
And as I...
And I was thinking about that because that's not my main motivation now.
It's comfort its impact You know, it's a shame and it's shifted over time, but initiallyit was comfort So I like that that growth growth is the goal
Yeah, let's sit there a minute because I think there's a lot of value in having adiscussion around it because I think a lot of people have that same desire that you have.
(03:54):
They want to get comfortable.
And I'm going to speak to this from my own experience.
Your desire should almost be to be constantly uncomfortable if you're really wanting togrow and then get, it's going to sound weird, but kind of get comfortable being
uncomfortable, right?
ah Because I felt like you're going to grow the most when you go through levels ofdiscomfort.
(04:17):
Yeah, you might want to, you might take a pause or two.
Okay, I want to take a break and not be uncomfortable for a minute, right?
But if you have, if you are a driven person, you're just going to strive to beuncomfortable.
So.
Well again, it's that motivation.
It's like what does the My life first is is you know, love the Lord your God with all yourheart mind and soul and your neighbor as yourself Well, sometimes loving our neighbor may
(04:43):
not be comfortable right the things that God calls us to do and the things like you knowHe wants us to go out and and be a witness and a testimony for him.
That doesn't always mean that it's
going to be comfortable.
And if our goal is comfort, then we're not going to, you know, it's going to be harder tostep into the uncomp...
(05:04):
not that God's calling us to be uncomfortable all the time.
Our nervous system isn't set up for that, right?
But like you said, we can get more uncomfortable with...
You know, I'm not even gonna call it uncomfortable because right like that even can createlike some triggers for us.
what my husband said something about learning how to be able to operate in a constantstate of ambiguity.
(05:32):
We don't always know where God's going to take us.
And so if needing to know where God is the next the exact next step makes you feeluncomfortable.
It's more a matter of getting comfortable with trusting God.
trusting that he's leading and guiding you, trusting that the spirit is leading us andguiding us in that it doesn't have to look like the Bible study teacher said or the
(06:00):
Christian journal shows or that, you know, we create a lot of what I call churchianity andChristian ease.
And I think that those things can kind of limit us and might make us feel uncomfortable ifthe thing that we
that where God's leading us or taking us, we're doing doesn't fit that box.
(06:22):
I'm so glad that you shined a light on the spiritual aspect of this because oh I love whenGod, I feel like God's taking over this podcast oh because he wants us to talk about this
and almost rephrasing it, go back to the power of words, right?
I feel like the spirit of fear is what makes us uncomfortable, right?
(06:43):
Where the spirit of faith is, if we're truly leaning into that, it may be make us a littleuneasy, right?
But it's a different.
It's a different feeling than being in fear.
If we're proceeding in faith, we might have a little uneasy steps moving forward, but weknow that we're proceeding in faith and that is what God has called us to do.
wow.
(07:05):
Thank you for sharing that because again, back to the power of words.
oh One question I ask every time on the podcast is the fill in the blank question becauseI'm always interested in what someone puts in that blank.
Your fill in the blank question is, one of the most powerful things a Christianentrepreneur can do is blank.
(07:29):
Be still and listen.
I was originally, I looked at it and I was going to say pray.
But I think when we're praying, we're too busy just, you know, verbally processing orunloading what's on our head.
And if we can just be still, and even this can be a challenge.
(07:52):
It really has been just recently, probably in the last three or four years where I'vegotten to the point where I can be still and not fall asleep.
I remember when I heard this first as a Christian, be still and know that I am God.
It's like, all right, I'm to be still.
And it's like, I think I was kind of like that ADHD, you're either running or you'resleeping, right?
There's no in between.
And so I couldn't just be still.
(08:13):
And I would either my mind would wander, I would just fall asleep.
But I think if we can really get to that place where we can learn how to just be still,take a breath, I it doesn't have to be a half hour long, right?
It can be 30 seconds, a minute, two minutes.
But just to be able to be still, quiet, quiet in our body, quiet our minds, and just sitand listen and just say, okay, God, I'm here.
(08:40):
What do you want to tell me?
And I think that's a great place for us to be as entrepreneurs.
And I think that's one of the hardest things.
I was going to say hardest things for entrepreneurs or business owners, but it's hard foranybody.
We all lead busy lives and we try and make our lives so busy.
Sometimes we fill our lives with busyness that doesn't even need to be there just becausewe want to just feel as productive as possible.
(09:04):
um And it was funny because I was having a conversation with somebody earlier today and wekind of talked around this subject and it's like.
If you take the time to spend with God, do you really think that he's going to make it soyour time's not productive?
Where are your priorities, right?
(09:26):
God's not trying to steal your time.
just wants a relationship and your attention, right?
So the more you pour into him and that time, it's gonna be well worth it.
Yeah, absolutely, Totally agree.
So the other question that we always ask on the Profitable Christian Business podcast isthe secret question.
(09:50):
And I'm really interested in your answer to this.
What is the secret to operating from peace versus pressure?
Yes.
So the secret is grace and curiosity.
Pressure often if you're having pressure, right, there's something going on like, youknow, we either allowed that pressure in or, you know, it's based on an emotion or
(10:19):
something that we're feeling or a story that's going on inside of us.
And so I think
If you're feeling pressure, guess what?
You're human.
Ah, shock, right?
You know, we're spiritual vessels in a human body.
And so think giving ourselves grace for being human.
And I say this too, I think especially in the Christian community, because we do want tolive to a higher standard.
(10:45):
We do want to glorify God.
want to, you know, we want to be good witnesses.
But I think we create this
extra pressure that God never intended.
And we call a lot of things disobedience and sin when this is how this human vessel thatGod has given us functions.
And if this is how it functions, whether by design or by the fall, that's how itfunctions.
(11:11):
And so if we can give ourselves grace for understanding how this vessel functions on it,you know.
you know, neuroscience, know, the sciency side, the stuff that they're finding that alignswith scripture.
And yes, the answer is they're in scripture.
But I think we're just very, we're too harsh on ourselves.
(11:31):
We're too judgmental.
I don't think God is that way with us.
And so first giving ourselves grace for being human and then getting curious.
All right, now what's the solution to this pressure, this thing moving forward?
So we kind of already talked about one already.
could be, let's just.
Let's just be still a minute and see.
(11:53):
know, sometimes the solutions are easy solutions.
Sometimes the solutions are harder solutions, right?
Where we have to go dig deeper.
So when I'm working with people on the things, it's, you know, is it really simple?
Can we just uh change some words around it?
Use some different words that can make it feel better.
We can ask a good question.
(12:13):
We can break the thing down into a smaller step or a more specific step and that takescare of it.
But other times, like we were talking about at the beginning, it's that mindset.
And so that mindset are these stories that have been put on automation, whether from aparent, a teacher, a bad boss, or whatever that are running on autopilot underneath.
(12:36):
Sometimes the solution is a deeper solution, right?
We have to get to the root of that and we have to work through that and rewire that.
You know, that's a bigger, a bigger solution.
And we don't know what the solution is, but
If we can first give ourselves grace, we're going to stop judging ourselves.
And then now we can get curious on the solution.
(12:57):
Yeah, I love that.
what came to mind in there, too, I love that you, I think often the word grace is oftentoo often overlooked, right?
We get so beat up on ourselves because God did not, we're not perfect.
uh He did not make us perfect.
uh Because sin, right?
(13:18):
Sin entered the world.
So we're not perfect.
So we need to have a little bit of grace.
But going back to that other question.
going to God, right?
And having, think he wants us to be like, if we have faults, if we fall, to be repentive,right?
Go to him and just, it's so relieving to know that if you just go to him and tell him, heyGod, I really messed up, right?
(13:42):
He's gonna give you that grace.
ah And then there's a piece for me at least, there's a piece about that.
When I go and my heart is in the right place ah with conviction, I say, God.
I really messed up there.
And then, please forgive me.
And then how I'm able to exit that ah is a relief that I have such a gracious God.
(14:06):
You know, two things are coming to mind.
So just to tack on to what you just said and that your prayer process with God, I wouldencourage another question is like, God, what could I do differently next time?
Right.
Because now you're programming the brain for what you want to do in the future instead ofwhat you did in the past.
(14:28):
Right?
Because you you focus on the thing you're asking for forgiveness, but now part of thatturning process, right?
The repent, turning is, okay, what do I want to do different in the future?
And again, from that place of grace, you're not judging yourself for it.
It's just, okay, this happened.
This is what went on.
I didn't want to do that.
God has forgiven me.
(14:49):
And what do I need to do differently next time?
Right?
It could be as simple as I need to prepare the night before so I'm not so cranky.
Yeah.
for preparing the night before.
But the other thing you were talking about is in coming to the Lord.
wanted to something that the Lord showed me in the beginning of all of this process that Iwas going through is the idea of, you know, how sometimes you'll have something and you'll
(15:17):
keep it's like you keep taking it to the Lord over and over and over again.
And a lot of times we can get judgy on ourselves for that.
because somebody once said, you didn't leave it at the foot of the cross, right?
And it's just like, God, we are so bad to her.
We were so harsh on ourselves.
And it was really bothering me.
And the Lord gave me an analogy of Daniel and how it was like three times a day, Danielwent to pray.
(15:43):
He went to a window in a certain direction to pray.
And if we're created for relationship, what if this thing that's coming up,
is just a signal, a bell, you know, like those bells, it was like a certain bell at thetime of the day when Daniel go, maybe this is just a signal that it's our time to go spend
time with God.
So instead of getting judgy on yourselves that you're thinking about it again, use it as asignal that this is a time I need to be spending time with the Lord right now.
(16:14):
Yeah, that's an awesome reframe.
And if I could just add to that too, it's all about God's timing.
Sometimes we keep going to the Lord and it's just not the right, he knows the right timefor us with whatever we're asking him.
And so many times in my life, I've wanted something, I've gone to the Lord.
(16:39):
I then in,
moving forward and then looking back, he delivered in his time and on my time.
I'm like, God, thank you so much for delivering on your time, because if you had deliveredon my time, it would not have been as good.
um And it says pray without ceasing, right?
Pray without ceasing.
Yeah, it's a conversation all day long.
(17:01):
Yeah.
Now we're going to get to a part of the interview that I'm really excited about talkingabout.
And that is about the self-talk.
So I know this is one of the areas that you specialize in, in how people sabotagethemselves with their self-talk.
So what are some of the common phrases that you hear that limit people's success?
(17:21):
Well, I think it's more of a common theme than a uh particular phrase, and I call itenoughness, right?
I don't have enough time.
I'm not smart enough.
You know, it's the I don't have, right?
It's all the things around something isn't enough.
(17:43):
And I know that for me, that's kind of like my root one is enoughness.
um So that's one of them.
But the other one is
Some of the words that I hear often and we were talking about this too, but I hear wellpeople were saying, you know, I can't um Overwhelm is one that comes a lot Procrastination
(18:04):
perfectionism imposter syndrome, you know, these are some kind of some words that comeagain But even a lot of that is around not enoughness even the overwhelm, know, we've
brought it up a couple times So I'm gonna throw this out real quick.
Is that
Sometimes the overwhelm, we have created it, right?
Because we're the one that said yes to all the things on our plate.
(18:26):
And sometimes that's coming from those old stories when we were a child, that that's howwe're getting our validation that we are worth something, that we have value, that we're
enough, right?
Because we have all these busy things to do, or we're having, we're doing it to try andprove ourselves to somebody in the past.
(18:47):
So
Overwhelmed can be a trauma response just as much as procrastination and perfectionism andall the other things
Yeah, one of the things that I sometimes hear is I have to do that.
oh And the flip side of that is I get to do that.
It comes from a place of gratitude, right?
Rather than a place that of just regadural, regadury, right?
(19:12):
I have to do that.
No, I get to do that.
Think about what, if you didn't get to do that, what it might look like, right?
Well, and I think more accurately is I choose to do that.
OK, so why are you choosing to do that?
Well, if it's your employer that's telling you to do it, you're choosing to do it so thatyou can get a paycheck or so that you can keep your job.
(19:36):
But you're choosing because you could choose to leave that job.
You could choose to go right.
have a lot of free will.
God gave us free will.
We have a lot of choices.
And so even a lot of the have to's.
are really our choices that we've said yes to because it's attached to something we wantor we think we want or we think we need.
(20:01):
And maybe we do and maybe we don't.
But again, we're just, you know, if we just go with the flow, that's what you're going toget.
So I think even better than get to is a choose to because then it puts it back onto usbecause
we're really choosing.
can choose not to.
Now there'll be a consequence if we choose not to with some things, right?
(20:23):
But realizing that it's a choice.
is a good consequence or a needed consequence.
Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah, but realizing that we're choosing to do that for whatever reason.
Yeah, and I think underlying here is something that um I'm thinking about too.
It's like, because we talked about saying yes to everything and that creating overwhelm.
We have the power to say no, right?
(20:43):
Sometimes no has more value in it than saying yes.
And sometimes we need to be discerning enough to know when it's time to say no, um becausethat no is actually a more valuable response.
Maybe not even to just us, but to the person that we're saying no to.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And I think we get, you know, we live in a noisy society, a very loud, noisy society.
(21:06):
And like we look back into the things that, you know, when scripture was written, theydidn't have all these bazillion options and things loading their day that we have.
so, you know, because you'd mentioned we want to do things to glorify God, we want to bebusy for him.
Well,
You know what, maybe being busy isn't going to be for him because if we're too busy, thenwe're not going to treat people the right way.
(21:31):
We're not going to be able to stop and have that conversation with the neighbor who needsit at a certain time.
We're not going to have the energy to do the bigger thing that God has called us to.
Everybody wants our agenda.
Everybody would love to take our time from us and have us put our time towards theiragenda.
(21:53):
So learning how to say no and really discern, you know, what is it that I'm supposed to befocusing on is important to help us not create that overwhelm.
Yeah, and it's funny that again, prior conversation today we talked about, oh sometimes wemake work an idol and we become workaholics, right?
(22:16):
Because that's what the world tells us is if we can just outwork the next person.
But that workaholism often leads to neglect somewhere else, right?
And you're not really having a full life.
You have an idol and that is what your that's either your business could be your idol ifyou work for someone that
that job could be your idol.
(22:36):
oh And I guess I'm just saying that to be wary.
Make sure you're not being busy and idle.
But I have a friend that he he coaches a lot of C-suite people and that's the thing.
They're great at business and they do great business, but their family's falling apart.
Their relationships are falling apart.
(22:58):
And it's so hard for those type of people to sacrifice what they're good at.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
And again, that's where they're getting their identity and their affirmation from asopposed to us as Christians and even as Christians.
Well, we say it up here.
(23:18):
Do we feel it down here that we are?
love the verse.
We are God's workmanship.
And this this is a perfect place.
workmanship.
I'm supposed to created to do good works.
OK, works, works, works, work.
But if you look at the word workmanship, it's a poem.
Work out's po-long.
Mmm.
(23:39):
So if I'm God's poem, I'm enough.
I'm created in His image.
Kind of back to the enoughness stuff we were talking about earlier.
I'm created in His image.
And because of that and that alone, I'm enough.
The moment I was born, I was worthy of love and respect without doing a thing.
(24:02):
I didn't have to come out of the womb and start doing dishes to have value.
When I came out of my mother's womb, I was created in God's image and I deserved at thattime, love and respect.
And I think, yeah, yeah, I mean, we could get into the weeds with a lot of stuff, but ifwe take it back to there and realize that because I'm creating God's image, I have
(24:29):
inherent value.
That's right.
Yep.
uh Here's one thing I want to talk about because it's something that I believe in and Iwant to know your stance on it.
So it's one thing that's helped me a lot is I started operating like the person I'mbecoming, not necessarily the person I am.
(24:50):
Right.
I started making the decisions that someone, that person that I want to be a year from nowstarted making.
And it's kind of sped up my development.
So I just love your insights into that.
Yeah, so that's, yes, yes, and let's all do that, right?
And even as a Christian, right?
You know, what are the things we want to do?
(25:11):
One of the exercises that I have people do and it's going, it's not yet there, but it'sgoing to be in my clarity compass is this idea of writing your eulogy.
You know, you're gone, somebody is up there reading your eulogy.
What do you want them to say about you?
And chances are a lot of the things you want them to say about you aren't related to thethings that you've done, but how you've been as a person, the type of person that you are.
(25:39):
And so I think that's a great exercise to do for this purpose that you're talking about ofliving into who you want to be.
And that's part of what I do with clients when we're rewiring, creating new automations iswhat is this person we want to be?
Because anything we repeat over and over again, our brain believes, and it also works kindof like a Google filter.
(26:03):
And so it goes and looks for opportunities to do that thing.
Because if we're repeating it over and over, our brain says, oh, this is important.
Let's pay attention.
So as you're programming who you want to be and the decisions that person makes, nowyou're telling your brain this is important.
And it's going to look for the opportunities, the solutions, and actions to move in thatdirection.
(26:26):
That's so powerful.
So if you're watching this, if you're on a recording, go back and rewind that and listento that again, because that is so powerful.
If you just start adopting what she just said, you'll be surprised at the momentum thatyou start to get.
And I think that kind of leads in a little bit to the next question I have, because wetalked about overwhelm a little bit.
I don't want to reach red ground too much, but how do you help entrepreneurs, businessowners move from overwhelmed to being more consistent in their actions?
(26:55):
Yeah.
So I have a framework and I don't necessarily do these all in this exact order, but it's arise framework.
So first we have to realize what it is we want to do.
What's our goal?
Where are we headed?
What is the thing?
And a lot of times that's really vague.
People don't know.
Or when we do get into, uh you know, those dreams and visions, there's a couple of otherthings that I find is that um one is the thing that
(27:25):
We think we have to have all these things in place before we can do this thing we want todo.
And a lot of times, well, you can do that right now.
You don't have to be making 10K a month in order to do this thing.
You can do that right now.
Right.
So we kind of put these parameters on things that I've seen over and over again, where Ihave this vision of something that I want actually right now, my husband and I are working
(27:47):
with a trainer twice a week.
And that was something uh I programmed in a long time ago.
It didn't manifest.
don't like that word so much.
But it didn't happen as quickly as I had wanted it to.
But then I'm like, look, this is that thing I was, gosh, that didn't come about any waythat I thought it would, right?
(28:07):
The other thing is that when we get into the goals and realizing what it is that we reallywant, we'll sometimes find that we have these conflicting beliefs.
And so we have to address
those kinds of things because again, the part of the design, all of the negative thingsand all of these things, overwhelm, procrastination, perfection, all of these are just
(28:31):
mechanisms that our brain and body has used as a protection mechanism.
And so it's a protector.
So if you start looking at it as a protector instead of a sin or a character flaw, nowit's a signal.
What's it signaling?
That's again, curiosity.
Now we can get curious.
Okay, what's your signal?
What are you afraid of?
(28:51):
Right?
And a lot of times there's fears in there, in those conflicting beliefs and things likethat.
So then from there, we have the I in RISE, which is the internal shifts.
And that's a lot of what we're talking about today, right?
The words that we use, the mindsets, the beliefs, the self-talk, all of that kind ofstuff.
(29:12):
That's all that internal stuff.
From there, we can actually set goals.
and now, you know, and get specific enough and small enough so the brain understands it.
And then we execute those goals.
But while we're executing, some of this stuff is going to come up because it doesn't justchange overnight.
It's a process.
takes time.
(29:32):
And even to your point of timing, sometimes we'll go, it's God's timing, or it's just partof the process.
The things we're going through now.
are training us and setting us up for the next things moving forward.
I was just talking to somebody the other day about his wife is pregnant in that lasttrimester.
You're waking up all the time and I'm going, it's just preparing you for when the baby'shere because you're going to be waking up on that same thing as we walk our journeys and
(29:59):
we're praying for a thing and we're not getting a thing or we do a thing and it it itquote unquote flops.
Maybe it didn't flop at all.
Maybe this is just
part of the process, the thing in the way you needed to learn it to get to that nextpoint.
So the execute part is, again, we're kind of readdressing all the other stuff and you justkind of have to keep revisiting it and tweaking it to help keeping you moving forward and
(30:26):
not get stuck and stall out in one place.
There's quite a few things that I'm hoping I remembered everything that I want to talkabout based on what you said.
of the things is the one of the things that we do is a goal getting call.
And you and I had a conversation about this.
Like you have to be ready for that.
(30:47):
And different people do different things.
So around aren't let's just talk about it this way, because I think what you told me onthis other conversation was not everybody functions that same way that of setting goals.
So could you kind of elaborate a little bit on how people are sometimes different throughthat process?
(31:08):
Uh, yeah, I think we were talking back then, I think we were talking about like thedifference for some, for people who might identify as neurodivergent.
Maybe you have ADHD or some other things, right?
And then there are these people who are these just go getter, right?
The type D, if you're familiar with the disc thing, it's that type D personality.
(31:30):
They just go, they charge ahead, get done.
They'll stomp on anybody they need to to get there, but they're good with it and they goand they get it done.
Right.
And the others may not be that way.
And I think some of that is first realizing just who you are and how you operate in yourway.
And I'm sorry, my brain starts going so fast.
can't slow it down to get it all out.
(31:53):
So I think really, again, going back to giving yourself, give yourself grace for who youare, how you are and how you operate and figure out how you need to go about getting that
thing done.
So just like you talked about making calls, we have to talk to people one way or another,whether you try and do it online, the broadcast method, or whether you do it in person,
(32:17):
you know, kind of like we're doing, right?
We're doing it here, recording it to y'all, but, but you know, maybe you're just gettingon a video call and having a conversation with somebody.
have to, you have to get comfortable talking about it and telling people about things.
And that's kind of that internal shift part though may have to happen if you're reallygetting resistance there.
You need to go back and find out what that resistance is.
(32:40):
One that I've heard before back to the common ones, people say, I don't want to bothersomebody.
So if you grew up as a kid and every time you asked a question, your parents said, stopbothering me.
And now you're in a situation where you need to go and talk to somebody about this servicethat's going to solve a problem for them.
(33:02):
And you don't want to
bother them, you're going to have an issue, right?
so the first step before you like you said, before you can give that call, you're going tohave to deal with that underlying beef about bother.
And I think we probably come from the same perspective of serving.
How can I serve this person?
And we can serve a person in a conversation.
And maybe it's the solution that we have, right for me, in my case, coaching for you, yoursoftware, right?
(33:28):
So maybe that's how we serve them.
Maybe that's not how we serve them.
Maybe we serve them and go, you know,
I have somebody else I think you should talk to.
Here, let me connect you with this person over here.
Or you know what, can I pray for you today?
There's a lot of ways that we can serve somebody.
Maybe it's with our product and maybe it's not.
But I think if we can approach those calls from a place of service and how can we servethis person with the idea that hopefully my solution is the one that they need, but if
(33:57):
it's not, how else can I serve them?
That might be a
a workaround to deal with that.
But if you do have those things underlying, you really do need to address those and createthose new beliefs around that so that you can move.
Yeah, you and I operate very much the same way in that.
(34:18):
it's like, how can I serve this person, whether it's my solution or not?
And a lot of people don't think about the aftershocks of that.
What I mean by that is that person is going to remember that you delivered them somevalue.
And they're going to, you're going to be top of mind when they would counter somebody thatneeds your solution, even though they might not have needed it.
They know that that person delivers value, right?
(34:42):
That's what's going to stick with them.
So.
oh I say all the time that so much of what I've been able to do has been built onrelationships and having good relationships, you're not going to build those good
relationships if you're just pitch-slapping everybody that you meet, right?
oh There's so much more value in actually cultivating good relationships.
(35:06):
oh
the key word too, that you said relationship, because I have this one conversation and mysolution today isn't a solution for your problem and here's a solution.
You know what, let me check back with you in four months, six months, even, you know, letme check in periodically and see, hey, how are you doing?
How are things going?
What's going on with you?
(35:27):
By now, we might be doing something different or we may have added a new thing and maybenow that's the thing that will help them.
But it's that relationship.
Or it was the time, the timing was just off then, right?
And now's the time.
And now's the time.
And because we're in a relationship instead of a transactional cold call, right?
(35:47):
In fact, you know, that cold calling idea and mentality is a very transactional thingversus relationship, which you were just talking
Yeah, and I just want to, just for the sales conversation there, fortune is in thefollow-up.
Fortune is in the follow-up.
I want to repeat that a few times, just so the people that are watching know.
(36:08):
uh Just because you don't make the sale on the first call, keep cultivating thatrelationship.
uh Keep delivering value to that person.
You'll be amazed at the type of results.
from a marketing perspective, takes what used to be seven to 10 touches.
It might be even more now because it's gotten noisier.
I think I heard like up to 15 times before.
(36:30):
m
I think that's true, but the speed of making those touches has increased.
So the time to make those touches has decreased, but you just need to touch somebody moreoften.
Oh, the other thing, there's refinement.
That's the other thing that was in my head as you were talking.
(36:52):
oh Because you had mentioned, sometimes you are not ready for the thing.
that you're going for.
You have to be refined.
And a lot of us don't realize, get appreciation for that until we're through it.
ah So sometimes we just have to, in the moment, if as best as we can, maybe I don't needthat thing right now because I have to be refined first before I'm ready for it.
(37:18):
Because I've had that in my life so many times where uh you don't actually want the thingright now when you want it ah because it's going to
be a disservice to you rather than because you're not prepared for it.
is so good in preparing us for the things uh in his time.
Yeah.
And you know, as you just said that word refine, think I'm going to borrow that as anotherreframe for the word failing.
(37:43):
You know, a lot of times, I did this thing and it failed.
And I like to call them learnings.
Well, what did you learn?
Right.
What can you learn?
But it is that refinement.
It's like, all right, Lord, how is this refining me?
Right.
How can I use this to refine me?
What do I need to do differently next time?
What do I need to tweak?
What do I need to learn from this situation?
(38:04):
Yeah, looking at it as a refining process.
Yeah.
Speaking of refining, let's kind of talk, get into some of the faith questions.
I want to know a little bit more how faith shapes the way you deal with your clients andhelp them through this self-sabotage.
So, I kind of alluded to it already in that when I started on this journey of working onmy own mindset, because I realized, all right, I got stuff up here in the gray matter
(38:34):
that's not working.
I kind of tiptoed into it because I started, I've been a Christian for a lot of years and,you know, read
read the Bible every day or at least listen to something every day.
You know, I'm talking to God all day long and I'm like, I'm still got these issues.
What's going on?
And so I started kind of tiptoeing into some personal development stuff.
(38:56):
And I say tiptoe because my church that I grew up with in faith wise, the first church Iwent to, they're kind of anti-psychology and personal development and stuff.
so I'm like,
But I would hear a thing or see a thing and I'm like, okay, no scripture.
Nothing would come to mind.
Like, all right, if I do this, I'm going against God.
(39:17):
So I tried the thing and I'm like, oh, this works.
Okay.
And then I said, all right, God, how come this works?
And then he would show me those scriptures.
And that was kind of one of them that, that I was referencing to you, that whole Danielthing.
God gave that to me during that season and
And so all of the things that I've developed and the things that I was sharing earlierwith the Rise framework have come through this process.
(39:43):
So faith is really a part of it because as I tested things and tried things, I'm alwayschecking, my God, am I on the right track here?
I'm doing something that's against you.
How does this work?
And then he'd show me scriptures that align with it.
And I kind of came to the conclusion, I get it.
Personal development.
it discovered biblical principles and just taking you out of it.
(40:07):
But then as the church, because it's not couched in Christian ease, we'll go, no, no, Ican't do that.
And yet, again, this coach that has a friend of mine now, he talked about God gives us,let's see if I can get the word right.
It's kind of like God gives us the overview, but he doesn't give us the process.
(40:29):
And so I think a lot of the personal development is the step-by-step process for theresults that we see or the principles that we see in Scripture.
Yeah, I'm not sure how well this alludes into that, but I think just speaking of theprocess, he wants to take a step into faith and then he starts to reveal the process, I
(40:53):
think.
We have to first take action.
this was on my...
It can be different for different people, right?
Mm hmm.
This was on my head in my head this morning ah is it's more like for me, like I had thiswhole thing about my my fitness, right, where I was inconsistent and I wasn't reaching the
(41:15):
goals.
And I realized it's because I put to go back to grace.
I was giving myself enough grace in that part of the journey, because if I wasn't going tobe able to go to the gym for an hour, I wasn't going right.
where the most important thing is to step into the gym, whether it's for 10 minutes, it'sthat consistency, building that consistent habit over and over again, more so than
(41:37):
important than the allotted time.
It's just keep moving forward in that direction.
um And yeah, so that came to mind this morning.
Yeah.
Well, and even with fitness, if I can with your idea of the gym is, is does fitness haveto be the gym?
(41:57):
If I don't have time for the gym today, can I go for a walk?
Can I do a workout here at home and still get it in?
And, know, some, John, I mentioned Johnny cuff earlier, some is better than none.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
Yep.
Just taking the action is better than taking no action, even if it's a minimal action.
(42:19):
uh That has been such a big help to me.
uh The other thing I want to highlight about what you said is sometimes, like youmentioned, going through and then God revealing the scriptures, I think he can work on
either side, right?
He can kind of give you the scripture beforehand before you go into something to helpprepare you, or he can use it as a reflection for what you're going through.
I think the most important thing is
(42:41):
oh And there is something that I'm working on.
I've always like read my Bible, but I've never been good at memorizing scripture, right?
So I'm putting it on myself to Not just reading it, but that's Proverbs, you know 32 a orsomething like that, right?
So I can reflect back Proverbs 32 a matches this verse because I feel like there are timesin my life where I could have used that either for myself or someone else and
(43:10):
That's why I'm taking that as a, like I'll be, like I want to be able to say like, yeah,that's in the Bible, it says this, but they'll be like, like if it's someone that's not a
Christian, doesn't, yeah, yeah.
So ah yeah, I just reflecting either being able to reflect on your situation and take itback to scripture or start with scripture and say, okay, now I know how I must proceed.
(43:32):
So yeah, I love that.
ah So my next question is,
in your experience what spiritual truths help people replace the negative self-talk withGod's truth.
Yeah.
So Philippians, Philippians four eight, actually it's four four four through four eight,but four eight specifically around the self talk.
(43:54):
Right.
Whatever is true, right.
Pure, noble, excellent, praiseworthy.
Think on these things.
And a lot of times our negative, our negative thoughts and self talk aren't any of that.
Right.
And a lot of times you'll hear things about what
Positive, know positive thinking and people go Christians will go no.
(44:17):
No, that's the wait a minute Positive thinking fits right into true noble right?
excellent, oh is the I wrote him down so I can remember admirable excellent praiseworthyThink on those things So I think if we focus on thinking on those things which also means
like probably not watching much news
(44:40):
because there's not a lot of that in the news, Like, you know, kind of guarding your mind.
are the things we're reading?
Are the things that we're reading that way?
And so I think that verse right there is the key to helping us think in a more positive,productive way.
Yeah, yeah, everybody should go read that verse again right away.
(45:01):
That's very, good.
And I love uh the part that you said.
Now I'm losing my train of thought.
uh We'll come back to that.
Sorry, I had a thought and it went away.
uh I want to know, and maybe this is a quick answer, maybe it's not.
uh What is something, what's the first thing you should say to yourself if you feel stuck?
(45:26):
So the first thing I typically say when I'm stuck is like, all right, Lauren, what do I donow?
That's that stop and breathe moment.
But another thing is, how can this be easy?
Or if this were easy, what would it look like?
And that's a good question to ask.
(45:46):
then you just, again, it's that back to waiting and listening, right?
And see what comes up.
There was a time I remember driving home and I was working on getting rid of the wordoverwhelmed from my vocabulary because again, using that word, then that's just telling
your brain what to focus on.
And I didn't want to focus on being overwhelmed.
(46:08):
And so said, all right, if this were easy, what would I do?
How can this be easy?
And within two lights, the answer came to me.
was like, I have like a list of six things that I thought I needed to get done that night.
And I realized, oh, I only need to do two things tonight.
The others can wait.
(46:29):
Okay.
And that just made it easy.
And so, yeah, those are the two things.
Like when I'm in the state of overwhelm or I'm stuck, I don't know what to do.
it's like.
I think we can go back to grace there too, because often we put so much on our platethinking we have to get it done as soon as possible and we don't properly allot the right
(46:53):
amount of time to getting certain things done.
We have to also know that success doesn't happen overnight despite what you see on theinternet.
It's a buildup.
It's a constant action in a certain direction.
So it's all about, and I was just telling somebody to...
I was going say the 10-15 year overnight success.
(47:15):
Yeah, yeah, I was I was just uh telling somebody today.
I've had so many calls today that uh they were asking about my story.
And I was like, well, you know, everybody everybody you see, like, has that story that'slike, here's the beginning and here's the end.
There's not they don't dive too much into that messy middle.
Right.
They they might pinpoint a couple pain points, but uh it's mostly just a condensed versionof their story because
(47:41):
let's face it, we all have pretty long stories, especially if we've gotten to a certainage, right?
So, um but yeah, I don't know where I was going with that, but.
do that all the time.
All right.
I had another, see, keep having all these great, the problem is with you, I have so manygreat questions and I'm listening to what you're saying.
(48:05):
And so I start to log that in the back of my brain and then I continue listening so that Idon't lose track of what you're saying.
And then I lose track of what I was going to say.
ooh, here's a good one.
Can perfectionism be a form of disobedience?
Yeah, when I saw that one, like, I kind of have a hard time with that one because again,this is that place where I think we take humanness and we put Christian ease on it.
(48:35):
And I think it stops us up because perfectionism is just another protectionist way toprotect ourselves.
How did we how did that become the automated response?
Every one of us has an automated response, right?
It's different.
But again, it's that protect us.
And it usually happened earlier in life.
(48:57):
Did you have a critical parent or critical teacher or critical boss somewhere in life?
And if you did, your coping mechanism in that situation was to make sure you got it allperfect.
And depending on how long you've been automating that story,
(49:18):
You know, it's what's automated.
So is that a sin?
Is that disobedience or is that just the automation?
And can you create a new one now with, you know, with God's help?
Can we turn this around?
I had a gal one time in one of the group things that I was doing and reallyperfectionistic.
(49:39):
And it was really, my gosh, it had a stranglehold on her.
And she came up with an automation or a uh reframe.
is it doesn't have to be perfect.
Let's see if I can remember.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
It's going to change and it's enough or something like that.
(50:00):
But then as time went on, she reframed it around herself.
I don't have to be perfect.
I'm good enough and I'm going to change anyway.
That's what it was.
And it's going to change anyway.
So she had this boss that would make her do things.
And she'd strive and strive and strive to get it all just right.
And then she'd get right and then, and they'd change their mind, right?
(50:22):
And so she's killing herself and taking up so much time to do that.
Like, so she was living it.
So changing that, that, you know what?
It's a, it's, it doesn't have to be perfect.
It's good enough and it's going to change anyway.
She did that for a few weeks and my gosh, she came on a call, totally differentcountenance.
Her voice was lighter and everything.
(50:44):
So.
I hesitate to call it disobedience because again, I think that's where we're taking ourChristian ease and taking these human conditions as to how our human body works and making
it really judgy on ourselves instead of being in that place of grace and curiosity aroundthe perfectionism.
Like, where did it come from?
How can I change it?
How can I make it different in the future?
(51:07):
Yeah, that is really good.
So I remembered a couple things now.
The conflicting beliefs.
oh Often, we have that, if we're business owners, we start a business because we believewe can make money, right?
At what we do, at what we're good at.
But often we have a, whether it's money trauma, a childhood, something that was programmedinto us in childhood, we have beliefs about money that keep us from making the money that
(51:33):
we think we can make.
And again, not to retread that road, but I'd love your insights onto thatmoney-conflicting beliefs as business owners.
Yeah.
And I think that's another one of those areas that inner work, we really need to do theinner work on that.
Discover what our stories is.
(51:55):
Pay attention to the words that you use around money.
um A lot of times maybe we're shopping and we'll say like, and this is more so as wechange our words, basically we're changing the programming, right?
We have this old program and that's one way.
So if we choose different words now, we're working towards rewiring new ones, but therestill may be like an underlying story.
(52:15):
So.
From my own life, I'll use examples of I remember used to going into the store going, Ican't afford that right now.
was like, okay, taking back to what we said now, I'm going to choose not to invest in thatright now.
Circumstances didn't change, but my words make a whole huge difference.
So which sounds better?
(52:36):
I can't afford it or I'm choosing not to invest in that right now.
Like, and that now even using the word investing is giving me a different perspective onmoney.
But at the same time, those underlying stories, so this coach that I work with on some ofthat stuff for my own self, we were praying through some of this stuff around money.
And yes, and if you have those things work on it, you get it taken care of, figure it out,whether it whether a coach or a therapist or somebody, you need somebody to help you
(53:05):
through it.
But I had totally forgotten the story that I had a boyfriend right after high school thatI lived with.
I wasn't a Christian then.
And
And he would take our money that we had for rent and he'd go buy recreational drugs withit.
So then we didn't have money.
And that created a belief in me.
(53:25):
I have this story that I believe that I didn't want to get too much money because someonewas going to take it.
And it came from that.
I had totally I totally forgot.
I hardly ever think about this person.
Right.
I it was so long ago, but we were praying through like this thing.
Why did I feel like if I get something, somebody's going to take it or steal it?
(53:46):
And it came from that.
And that was running on autopilot underneath that I didn't know.
Now I can go up.
Yeah, no one's going to take it.
That's that's a non-issue.
And if they do, God is bigger than that.
Right.
If somebody takes it, I have a God who's the creator of the universe has cattle on athousand hills.
(54:08):
He can he can supply my needs.
Right.
So again, now I'm programming based on
based on scripture and the truth about God instead of the circumstance that I livedthrough for a couple of years way back when, but yet it was still having an impact on my
life and I didn't realize it until we prayed through that.
(54:30):
Yeah, that is so good.
The other thing that I was thinking of when you were saying easy, and I know the contextyou were using it in oh is for like tasks to laid out ahead of you.
What came to my mind oh is that sometimes God puts what seems impossible in front of us,puts a vision that almost seems impossible for us.
(54:53):
And I think when you talk about overwhelm, that could be a little overwhelming.
Like, God, you want me to do what?
Right?
um But the way I think about that is it's just steady momentum.
Just keep stepping forward in faith.
uh And God provide.
again, in my life, He's so often, uh sometimes in the nick of time, or sometimes justalong the journey, He gives me the next uh resource, the next person, whatever I need, as
(55:23):
long as I continue to step forward in faith.
uh
and I think and I think it's trust too if if we are uh Bible believing we've given ourlife to the Lord we're seeking her more in relationship with him However that looks for us
that trusting that the Holy Spirit is in us leading us and guiding us and directing us andif you have that Inclination to go do something go do it.
(55:48):
I mean unless good unless there's it's like having orgery or or J or get into the box
Right?
We know scripture says don't do that.
But if it's go buy this thing for your neighbor or go take a walk today out to here andthen, oh, all of a sudden you come halfway back, you have her in a conversation with
somebody because you just felt like I need to go take a walk.
(56:10):
I don't know why.
Go take the walk.
Right.
And I think we get in again because we're we get so judgy on ourselves and turn a lot ofstuff.
You know, we try we make things heavy kind of like the Pharisees.
we box ourselves in instead of being able to just follow the leading and guiding of theHoly Spirit.
(56:31):
Yeah, so good, so good.
I think that's a good place to kind of land the plane, if you will.
oh So what I want to know is uh where can more people find out more about what you do?
So well, I have a YouTube channel.
It's under Valcares.
So I put videos out there.
(56:53):
And I think the best place to find out the different things I actually have a little thingthey can get there on intentional words to help them with the language.
But if they go to Valcares forward slash links, it will take them to uh my link profile.
And it's got very neatly and succinctly.
(57:14):
uh
a variety of free and a couple of one-paid resource there that might help.
Nice.
I highly recommend just not just based solely on this conversation with the conversationthat you and I had before that anybody that's listening to this goes gets that resource on
what do you call it intentional words?
Yeah.
(57:34):
And just read over that like for the next week, just keep reading over whatever is in thatdocument and you'll start seeing the changes if you start applying what it says there.
um So we're going to put those links below.
And any other links that foul sends me I'm gonna send there'll be maybe a link to hersocial profiles on social profiles that she's good with you connecting with her on um and
(57:57):
the her link tree So that that would be awesome Valerie.
There is one last question that I ask everybody prior to closing uh And that's because Idon't want there to be any wisdom left on untold So what?
What parting words do you have for any of the business owners or entrepreneurs watching?
(58:25):
You know, I really will just encourage them to start listening to what they're saying tothemselves and see if, you know, does it make them feel heavy or does it make them feel
light?
Would they say that to their child?
Would they say that to their neighbor?
(58:46):
And if not, again, grace, you're catching the thought captive.
You're catching that new word.
And how can that be reframed?
How can you turn around?
What can you say moving forward?
And it's not going to change just overnight.
But as you keep catching each time you catch the thought captive, each time you'regracious with yourself and you create that new reframe.
(59:09):
if you can't come up with on ask God for it, he'll give it to you.
I think that's that's an immediate thing that people can do without needing a coach or atherapist or anything.
Just doing that is kind of a first step.
that everybody can take.
And if I could add one last one, it was a question I think we didn't get to, but you sentme before.
(59:32):
And it was about a uh phrase for people to delete from the vocabulary.
I would say it's just pray.
When you put that word just in front of prayer, you are minimizing who you are talking to.
We are talking to...
the creator of the universe.
(59:53):
are going into his throne room.
It is not a just pray.
It is the best, most powerful thing we can do.
So yes, definitely go and pray and realize that is the, that's the best thing you can do.
It's not, it's not a just.
(01:00:13):
Oh, wow.
I love that you ended with that.
It is not, that's so minimizing it.
If you say just, it is so much bigger than that.
Wow.
Thank you again, Valerie.
And until next time entrepreneurs, keep moving forward.
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