The Reconnection Club Podcast

TRANSCRIPT:

These are uncertain times for those of us who create and freely share content via the Internet.

I mentioned on the podcast earlier this year that I needed some time to assess the impact of all the changes happening in the world of digital information, including the widespread, unregulated use of AI.

At that time, I removed the show from a couple of the larger platforms, and stopped releasing new episodes to those platfo...

These things are true about estrangement support on the internet:

1. Many estranged adult children’s forums contain mean-spirited remarks about rejected parents.

2. Many rejected parents’ forums contain mean-spirited remarks about estranged adult children.

3. Mean-spirited remarks don’t heal the pain of estrangement on either side.

True support, in the form of validation of emotion and compassionate education, are also available on...

When your own adult child cuts you off, it can be deeply hurtful. And part of the reason for that pain is what it feels like their estrangement means.

Many rejected parents believe it’s their personal flaws that prompted their adult children to create distance. They think that because they’ll never be perfect, there’s nothing they can do to repair the relationship.

But estranged adult children don’t need parents to be perfect; just...

It’s common for parents to believe that the “punishment” of estrangement is supposed to fit the “crime” – whatever it may be – to which their adult child is holding them accountable by keeping their distance.

This idea that the length or perceived severity of estrangement correlates exclusively to an injury or injuries suffered by the adult child in childhood is, in most cases, a myth.

Trying to map your adult child’s estrangement ...

What are parents supposed to do when estranged adult children leave their belongings at home?

That’s a tricky question. There isn’t just one right answer that will fit for every family.

When you’re storing the belongings of someone who’s not talking to you, you’re in a difficult position – both logistically and emotionally. How do you decide what to do that won’t harm the relationship, when you have feelings and needs of your own?

...

Estrangement from family is a kind of ambiguous loss. But some of the losses that are often associated with estrangement are definitive. They can be grieved.

For parents who are unwillingly estranged from their adult children, there are at least five potential, definitive losses they might sustain during estrangement. Tina walks listeners through them in this important episode, and encourages you to begin the grieving process now.

...

Some parents of estranged adult children beat themselves up for parenting “mistakes” they couldn’t possibly have avoided. Others blame their children for being difficult, ungrateful or too sensitive.

What’s missing from these simplistic assignments of blame for estrangement? Context.

According to Tina, context is very often overlooked to the detriment of both parents and children. In this episode, she gives three specific examples ...

Some parents experiencing estrangement from their adult children have known estrangement before. Not necessarily from other people, but within themselves.

Self-alienation is a kind of internal estrangement that has become almost normal in our culture. With so much information available and so much to do, we're not always fully present. We lose touch with ourselves over time, often without realizing it.

In this actionable episode, T...

Estrangement from family, like everything else, takes place against the psychological backdrop of human development.

Far from ending in adulthood, development continues throughout the lifespan, and offers hope for change in any given week, month or year of our lives.

In this interesting episode, Tina takes listeners on a brief tour of the concept of lines of development (see links below for more).

She points out that just because s...

If your adult child is not responding to texts, emails or any attempts at contact, at some point you might begin to worry about the time that’s passing during estrangement. This could happen for a couple of reasons…

One frightening thought is that the longer adult child(ren) are estranged, the harder it will be to reconnect. That’s an understandable fear, but it’s not necessarily true. Worse, it often leads to parents trying to for...

In this special two-part episode of the podcast, Tina reads a letter she received from an estranged adult child whose estrangement story began with childhood enmeshment.
You’ll learn about enmeshment’s impacts on children, and why those impacts are sometimes invisible to even loving, conscientious parents.
Listeners may gain clarity about their own situations through understanding that estrangement is not necessarily a failure of f...

On this special two-part episode of the podcast, Tina reads a letter she received from an estranged adult child whose estrangement story began with childhood enmeshment.

You’ll learn about enmeshment’s impacts on children, and why those impacts are sometimes invisible to even loving, conscientious parents.

Listeners may gain clarity about their own situations through understanding that estrangement is not necessarily a failure of f...

Parents of estranged adult children often carry unhealed emotional wounds from long ago. The pain of those wounds can be reactivated when adult children become estranged, especially if original injuries involved separation, loss, rejection or abandonment. 
For those parents, the injury of unwanted estrangement brings back the pain of old trauma (with or without a capital T) that never had the chance to resolve. Now they must at lea...

Many parents exhaust themselves trying in vain to reconnect with their estranged adult child or children.

While some keep struggling to come up with new things to try, others succumb to despair and begin to believe the situation is hopeless.

In both cases, the question may arise: When is the right time to stop trying?

This is one of the saddest questions for unwillingly estranged parents. But whether it arises from despair or sheer...

Breathe through your nose if you can.

Make your exhale longer than your inhale.

Slow down and deepen your breathing.

All of those are simple, accessible ways to calm an upset nervous system.

Controlled breathing is one of the oldest and most effective methods to combat stress over time. For parents unwillingly estranged from adult children and grandchildren, breathing can be a lifeline.

In this inspiring (pun intended) episode, Tin...

NOTE: In offering a list of stress-reduction practices, Tina refers to both the third and fourth items as "Number Three." Please don't be distracted by the misnumbering; there are five separate items in the list.

Many parents of estranged adult children know the pain of a broken heart. But for some, Broken Heart Syndrome becomes a medical crisis.

Also known as Takotsubo Syndrome or stress cardiomyopathy, Broken Heart Syndrome mimic...

It may feel wrong to use words like “strategy” and “tactics” when talking about personal relationships. But healing from family estrangement, especially for parents unwillingly estranged from their adult children, often requires strategic thinking.

Tina points out that “strategy” is simply a word for having a plan. Tactics are the “how” of any strategy, including a strategy to reconnect with adult children.

In this clarifying episo...

Some parents of estranged adult children may already be familiar with the serenity prayer, popularized by AA and other 12-step groups:

"God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

Knowing when to take action and when to stand down is helpful in gently moving an unwanted estrangement in the direction of healing. But that knowledge is elusive...