March 6, 2025 • 43 mins
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the complex world of expectations and how they shape our reactions and relationships. Host Bryan Goodwin shares personal insights from his recent experiences with unrealized expectations, particularly in the context of a social media workshop that didn't meet his expectations. He discusses the common pitfalls of unvoiced expectations and covert contracts, especially in personal relationships, and how they can lead to frustration and resentment.
Bryan recounts his journey through a social media masterclass, where he anticipated gaining valuable insights but instead encountered a sales pitch that left him feeling shortchanged. This experience led him to reflect on the importance of managing expectations and the role they play in our emotional responses.
Throughout the episode, Bryan emphasizes the significance of understanding and articulating our expectations, both to ourselves and others, to avoid unnecessary disappointment. He also highlights the value of thought downloads as a tool for examining our thoughts and expectations.
Listeners are encouraged to explore their own expectations and consider how they might be impacting their relationships and personal growth. Bryan offers a free month of coaching to help men navigate these challenges and improve their relationships with themselves and others.
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Episode Transcript
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Bryan Goodwin (00:00):
Many times in our life, we will have
expectations,
and they're they're not even gonna be realized
until
we start reacting to those
expectations.
So
how do you handle these
unrealized
expectations?
I learned a few things this week about myself
(00:22):
because of these unrealized expectations. We're gonna be talking about that this week on episode number two sixty five of the relaxed male.
This is the relaxed male,
a show that comes to you each week helping men to remove the nice guy from their life so they can actually live their life on their terms.
(00:44):
Join the host certified coach, Brian Goodwin, as he helps men step out of their heads and become free from the thoughts that bind them.
Hey, man. Hello, and welcome to the relaxed mail. I am your host, Brian.
And,
wow, we have got
a little bit of a learning
(01:04):
or a learned
experience today, or at least I had an experience
this particular week.
And
and it centers around
something we
struggle with
on a very regular basis. And this is often where a lot of our frustration,
our
anger, even our resentment
(01:26):
and sense of victimhood
comes from.
Because
we often go through life, and we have expectations,
and it's alright to have expectations.
The issue that we run into with these expectations is often,
one,
we don't realize we're what we're expecting.
And then when that expectation
(01:47):
doesn't show up, we
we get angry. We get upset. We get frustrated,
but we never voiced what those expectations
were.
The other issue that, happens is that we have an expectation,
but we don't ever tell the other person what that expectation is.
And this is something that most nice guys do all the time
(02:10):
is they have a have an expectation. Oh, well, if I clean the house and
do the dishes and take care of the kids and just let my wife loaf around a bit for the for the weekend,
Saturday night comes along, she is going to just be so in love with me that she is just gonna wanna have all her clothes fall off, and she's going to go to town on me. The only problem is
(02:34):
we never did tell our wife that that's what our plan was.
And so
guess what doesn't happen?
And then we start to resent the fact that she didn't do what we wanted her to do,
even though we never told her what it was we were gonna do. Those covert contracts
get us into so many so much trouble
simply because we have an expectation that we never voiced.
(02:57):
So there's these two expectations the two problems that we face all centered around expectations,
unrealized expectations,
and
covert contract style
unexpressed
expectations.
So let's
go back
this previous week.
I came across
a an advertisement on Facebook, and
(03:20):
it was talking about how
I can
improve my social media. I've they were gonna teach you how to improve your social media response
or to that to the extent that I was go it was gonna improve your social media marketing is is what it was. And I thought, alright. Sweet. I can't I need to learn how to do this. I'm not getting the
(03:43):
responses. I'm not getting the replies. Though I do understand that I am
getting traction
on social media
because
I
I am
seeing results when it comes
to my
to my website. Okay. You y'all have heard me talk about the relaxed mail site a bit before. And what the big goal is is I've wanted to get a hundred people
(04:09):
a day to my site for thirty days straight. And I've gotten close. I've gotten two, three weeks at a time,
and then I'll have a I'll hit a dead spot where all of a sudden people kinda fall off. It and it's just the kind of the natural flow, ebb and flow of of customers or of
customers or of clients or visitors in in this case.
And I realized that a lot of that is because
(04:32):
of doing my
doing the reels, doing the TikTok
thing. And that's it's not me doing around you know, jumping in and out of clothes or or dancing and or doing anything like that. It's just me talking to
the,
talking to the camera
for about a minute and a half. It's what I try to aim for is about a minute and a half discussion
(04:54):
topic and and being out done quick. Fairly somewhat quick. In TikTok world, that's or heck.
YouTube and
and blue sky world, it's, way too darn long if it's over a if it's even a second over a minute. So it's like,
alright. Well, this is gonna be,
gonna be a challenge.
(05:14):
So
it's like, alright.
This this lady and her, and her social media company
makes the claim that they could help me
better my my social media.
And good. Because there's a few things that I really
haven't kept up with. I used to be kinda really interested in social media. I was even wanting to be
(05:37):
do social media management for a bit until I realized I don't I I have a hard time even getting my own stuff out. So how am I supposed to help other people? And yeah. So there's a lot I've I realized quickly that you have a little bit of ability
to get
social media to get social media. So I joined in, signed up, Monday came along, and they they're they're just kind of the intro thing. Wasn't anything big,
(06:05):
wasn't any earth shattering,
revelations being expelled. And I I didn't expect that. It was just kind of a, hey. This is what I do. This is where I'm at. This is how long I've been doing stuff and yada yada yada yada yada. And, just kinda get started. Let's get you in the right mindset of what a of what you wanna do when it comes to improving your social media. Looks sweet.
(06:27):
Alright. Nothing. Second day came along and there was a little nugget or here and there.
Couple things that I had hadn't really
fully realized, but helped out,
kinda talked about the demographics of the different, the, like, the eight biggest social media sites out there
and, you
know, what it is you're
(06:47):
what they kinda look for.
And it's like, alright. That's good stuff. Told you about, their
what the ratios
of of
social media is about 20 you know, you want 25%
of your of your post to to be asked.
You are you want 25 or less of the post to be asked.
The other 75%
(07:08):
70 to 90%
of your post to just be
value
inspirational, you know, good stuff. Not that you're going gimme gimme gimme, but it's kinda like and it fit real good with what Gary Vaynerchuk's book is about. It's like jab, jab, jab, then you do your right hook. Jab, jab, jab, ask. Value, value, value, do they ask. So okay. I I get that. I see that. I understand it. And
(07:33):
it it clicks. It's like, okay. That makes sense. And between the first and the second day, she mentioned that they have a VIP experience.
And I was like, okay. So we I usually, they like to do an upsell. All all the places I've been to, they have some type of upsells. Like, alright. Sweet. I understand this. And then she stated it was only $27
Most of the time, these things are like a hundred, a hundred $50 And I was like, well, that's that's a bit of money at the moment. I've
(07:59):
got a really crappy paycheck,
from the trucking company,
just because the the weather wasn't anything that they did. It was just weather. And so I was like, well, I could I could swing $27.
And so I went ahead. I'd so, alright. Let's pay $27.
Let's do this and see if we can get even more value. Not not much value. I mean, it's still only $27.
(08:20):
And there's a couple things. One, it's kinda cool to hear her talk about the model. She was not she didn't get trained by Brooke Castillo type of the model, but she was talking about all the aspects of the model,
without actually calling it the model. And so it was, it was kind of, kind of an interesting aspect in that department
(08:41):
and just need that alright. So
maybe she has, she likes to do a little bit of life coaching and at the same process and and stuff.
And so
with that VIP, you actually have not just the regular
class, you have a little
subclass,
if you wanna call it that, that lasts about an hour, forty five minutes to an hour. And
(09:04):
you go to that the subclass in the morning, you have the big class in the afternoon,
and it's
okay.
Monday was okay. Tuesday was okay. Even Wednesday was okay. But
all the other masterminds,
the master classes,
as what they like to call it, they called their their workshop a master class. It was social media master class. I'm like and until I until everything happened on Thursday,
(09:32):
it was, I was like, oh, whatever, you know? Okay. It's just a word. Alright. There.
And most
workshops,
they give you weeks worth of, of value. They, you go in, you have your shop, you have your workshop,
They do stuff. They add you ask questions. They give away prizes, yada yada yada. And then Friday is kind of the sale day. It's the big ask day.
(09:55):
Not for this lady. It was Thursday.
Boom.
And she did it right. Give her props
because this this gal
slid into it sounded like she was getting ready to talk about
one thing and so oh, so gently and and subtly switched over into a sale.
(10:16):
And for the first thirty minutes, didn't really realize it until all of a sudden, it's like, oh, wait a minute. We're getting pitched.
And this thing's supposed to go on until I I thought, till Friday, but it's supposed to go on till Tuesday.
And so we're not even halfway we're kinda halfway through the through the week, and she's already doing the ask.
And it's not a cheap ask either.
(10:38):
She's doing oh, and it's a great deal if you if you pay in one fair
lump of $12.
You get to join this academy. And and
for a full year, you we will teach you everything you need to know about social media.
There's a part of me going, okay.
I've spell spent $12 before. Hell, I've spent $21
(10:59):
on on a class before,
but
you didn't give me any value yet. And that was my expectation. And
the whole time she was talking through that, I didn't even make it through the hour and a half
class that she did. I sat for another thirty minutes just listening to the pitch
build and build and build. And the moment she started bringing in her testimonials,
(11:22):
I was like, okay. Never mind. This is
we're not learning anything today, and I wanted to learn
wanted to learn. I was because one of the things I've
have grasped here recently is that I've gone to, several
of these classes and things like that. I've gone through and I've learned, and I've done a lot of what's called passive learning.
(11:43):
That is I've learned what it was and then just went on.
And this year, I've decided, no. If I'm gonna learn something, I'm going to
apply what I have learned. I'm going to apply and I'm going to,
see how I can integrate it into my business.
So I I've been I haven't learned a whole gone through and done much business books because
(12:07):
honestly, I've gotten a little scared. It's like, am I, am I really going to learn this or am I just gonna do what I've done before and just kind of go
and and piss away and piss it away and just let it go? Or am I gonna sit down and actually do the
do the work?
And
I'd committed to my myself that I was gonna learn
(12:28):
something from this,
from this, this masterclass. And all of a sudden, she
does this pitch,
and it irked me. I got and like I said, I I rage quitted,
you know, an hour into it. Still had thirty minutes of of class to go. She was supposed to start taking, q and a, and I was just like, no.
(12:48):
Screw this.
This is BS.
Done.
No. I'm not gonna do this, and Rach quit it.
And I sat there that night and fumed about it. Hell, I even went off and talked about it on, on a,
my friend's webs podcast that me and,
me, him, and a and a con a mutual friend of ours does.
(13:10):
Yeah. Yeah. Bitching about something
does some good. I I'll give you that. It does a little bit good. It kinda relieves the pressure,
but it's still there. It doesn't really help you any.
But
once I got done with that and I kinda sat back and I didn't even actually even go to bed for about another hour afterwards, which usually, as soon as we get done, it's like, alright, tear everything, tear the podcast equipment down, put it in the box, put it, put it away at the shelf,
(13:38):
turn off all the lights,
kick back, close my eyes, go to sleep. Boom. We're good.
Not not that night. I sat there and I thought about this and thought about this and thought about this and
just, and there was a couple things that I did learn.
And there was some really good revelation,
revelation, revelations
(14:00):
that came about from this. And maybe this is something that the
God or universe or whatever it is you wanna call
it actually was trying to tap me on the head and say, Hey dude, you're, you're missing all missing the point. This is what you need to, what you need to grab from it. First off, I did learn some small nuggets.
Second of all, I learned that, yeah, I am
(14:23):
doing
I am succeeding
somewhat,
not to the level that I would like. My expectations of what I wanted to succeed at are not at the same level as what I'm actually learning or or growing,
but that's a that's a thought problem
that I have to work on. I learned how many posts I need to do in a day.
(14:46):
I learned
what type of posts
I would probably need to be making.
I learned
which posts or which social media sites I really wanna focus in on, which I kinda already knew.
And I was there's three or four of them that I'm gonna focus in on just because one, they're the more I get more reaction from these four posts than I do from others.
(15:10):
Though, I still will post to the other
16 that I that I'm in.
And most of those, I just, I'm in just so that I make sure I claim my name.
And so I'm
I you'll find me in just about every social media site that I can come across. It's just a a means of being able to
(15:30):
to,
to cover those, but I still try to post value there. I just I'm not active.
It's more of a link dump type of site. But I also learned kind of a rough outline of what a social media, what I wanna do for a social media content calendar.
And
to to really get that thing kind of hammered out, that's something that I know I need to work on and would help me because right now, if you'll notice whenever I post, there's not really a theme
(16:00):
to it. It's just kind of a an overarching theme, like, this year
or last year was,
was man's community.
Year before that was man's mind.
Really, this year is kind of a hodgepodge
of man's mind and man's community still, but, I really think I need to start leaning into man's passion, man's soul.
(16:22):
And somewhere in there, we gotta get man's body going. But at the same time, I'm
still figuring man's body out for myself. So I don't there's a part of me that doesn't think doesn't believe I am
fully
qualified, if you wanna call it that, to be
preaching to other people about
what you do and do not eat
(16:44):
because, well, hell, I had a large pizza last night and ate damn near all of it by myself.
So, you know, how good of a representation am I
of of how you need to live healthy,
and here I am stuffing my gob with pizza and ice cream. That's just there's a the imposter syndrome, I guess you could call it, that is showing up in me
(17:08):
because of stuff like that.
But one of the things
that I also was able to step back and examine
and do some was that I really need to start doing thought downloads again. I have stopped doing, didn't realize until I got to looking at my notebook,
I'd stopped doing thought downloads
(17:28):
several months ago.
And
I think that's where some of my issue is coming from is that I don't
examine my thoughts as closely anymore. I'm kind of just running off of,
off of reactions again.
And so I'm in just floating mode instead of intentional mode, and I need to stop
(17:49):
stop being floating and I need to grab the damn rudder and start directing the ship.
But one because of me doing the thought download again,
I saw
a couple of thoughts
that were false, that were not serving me. One,
I kept saying I would never do that. Why would the why did they do that? That's such a horrible thing to do. That's they cheated everybody, but and these are the thoughts that I was having
(18:15):
about, you know,
doing the ask, doing a pitch for their for their their
social media academy
on a Thursday
instead of a Friday. Like, it makes a hell a real a whole lot of difference to me. In my mind, it did.
But
to them, no. Probably
asking on Thursday is kind of a sneak attack so that
(18:37):
because they know Friday, no one's really gonna show up because they pretty much already know you're going to have an ask on Friday. So why show up?
And my line of thinking, and this has helped me also to
change how I
understand how I wanna run my workshops. And I've got a workshop that I'm working on right now,
(18:59):
but to change the work, my
change, alter, and
direction I want my workshops to go is one,
provide value,
find some type of big old nugget,
some type of big
that I, or at least, something I believe is gonna be a big
on a Monday, on Tuesday, on Wednesday, on Thursday
(19:20):
and Friday.
Make sure I am blowing your damn minds, giving you the best
stuff I
have on those five days.
So whenever I do say to ask, at least in my mind, what I'm thinking is
dude,
he's given away the, he's given away the, the whole damn herd.
(19:41):
I need to give something. And that's kinda what I thought with
with the social media
academy thing was that
you haven't taught me anything. That was the big complaint that I had. You hadn't taught me anything, and you're asking me to invest $12?
Are you out of your mind? You haven't even showed me that you can do anything with me yet.
(20:05):
You can't help me.
It's a lot of the thoughts that I had.
And we do this
because the all that was all unintentional
thoughts,
all intentional expectations. I expected her to give me a big old huge, this is what you're gonna do. Boom. And that by Friday, I was gonna get the keys of the
(20:26):
kingdom. Bam. And
I was gonna be able to at least
get two steps further down the road. Not that she was gonna give away at all. And then I was gonna have the all the answers that I needed and that
I was gonna have
the solution to to everything.
And my social media was instantly gonna take off, and within six months, I was gonna be making a hundred million dollars.
(20:49):
But I figured I would at least have
enough to go on that I could start trying to even figure it out a bit more. But,
no, it wasn't.
It wasn't
that at all. It was in my book, my expectations
were
going to be earth shattering discovery, earth shattering discovery, earth shattering discovery, earth shattering discovery, earth shattering discovery.
(21:14):
All right. Here's what you got. And that's kind of what Brooke Castillo did for me. Of course, her my levels of discovery was
from
jeez. When did I start listening to her?
In 2015,
'20 '16, '20 '17, I think.
No. Because it was two years. I had two years.
(21:35):
She had been running for two years,
and I downloaded and listened to one of her her most current episode at that time
and liked it. I mean, it was like, oh my god.
She mentioned thoughts create your,
thoughts create your emotions.
And that was the
the
(21:56):
That was the the clouds parted and the sun came out and, oh, you know, angels sang and birds came by and unicorns farted rainbows across the, across the air.
And I was like, all right. And went back to the episode one
and listened to episode one, a whole lot of, you know, 104
(22:17):
episodes
of Brooke Castillo plus some, because I mean, it took me a couple of,
a little while to get
up that and I listened and she went through and it was interesting that first, it was every 10 episodes. She would do
a quote,
episode where she would take one of her favorite teachers
(22:39):
and would sit there and bestow all her quotes. And,
it was it was fascinating. I mean, granted, she has some that were a little out there,
like,
oh, Mary Anne,
tears to triumph gal.
She ran for ran for president.
Anyhow,
(22:59):
she had her. So some of it was a little little kinda esoterical,
a little out out there, esoteric, but it was a little out there.
It was
but at the same time, there's a lot of really good information. I've had I came across a lot of really good,
quotes that I liked,
but I had listened to her
from
(23:19):
well, she's done, what, ten years of podcasting
in 2014.
So she started,
2024.
So 2014,
'16.
So, yeah, about 2016. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. I was, driving for
so about 2016,
it was
from 2016
to
2022.
(23:41):
I don't know. Twenty twenty one. No? Yeah. Twenty twenty two.
And
for me
to finally
have the guts to invest
$21,000
into her school. Yeah, that's how much I invested in the school. I
found
$21,000
that I could apply to the school, and
(24:02):
it taught me a lot.
Again, I didn't quite have the
expectation
didn't have the expectation
thoroughly set.
So there's a couple times where I wanted to be very disappointed,
especially when it came to helping with getting your business up and going because that was kind of one of her cell
aspects.
(24:23):
But she can only teach you so much. It's I have to take the steps afterwards
to get it really going. And that's
something that I'm not I don't have the privilege
or the well, I have the privilege. I could take the time off if I wanted to. I just wouldn't have a house to live in. I wouldn't have a car to drive. I wouldn't have any electricity. I wouldn't have any means to be able to talk to you. So I
(24:46):
don't have the ability
to to do the,
to just
take off and apply every ounce of my energy
into getting the the business up and moving. So it is a 20%
project.
20% of my time, I am applying to relaxed mail. Most of that time, sadly, gets eaten up by podcast and blogs
(25:10):
instead of me finding
a time to go out, shake hands with people, and and
meet people, and introduce myself as a as a coach.
And even then, I don't think that meeting people, meeting the proper people is so much me going, Hey. I'm Brian Goodwin. I'm a men's coach. I can help you. It is, hey. How you doing? Blah blah. And just being there, being with them, building the trust that I am actually going I'm not just there just to pitch,
(25:38):
my my wares
and then disappear into the into the neither.
It is me having to
take the time to build that trust and be there and show up time and time and time again. But the
but the fact that she
there was
damn near
(25:59):
almost ten years of
of me
gathering value from her before I could, and and all reality, she had me sold about four years in after about listening to her first two years and listening to
two more years of her.
And she would do her her sale
for,
(26:19):
the podcast school or podcast, the,
the
life coach school.
I was like, oh, yeah. And she would say, oh, it's $12,000.
Started out at $12,000.
Magic number,
And I was like, oh, how am I supposed to come up with that? And, eventually, it was $15,000.
And after a couple, you know, about a year or so of that, I was like, all of a sudden, it changed to 15. I was like, oh, crap. She's raising
(26:43):
raising the, the value. And a couple more years that all of a sudden became 18. I was like, son of a gun, man. I am never gonna get here
if she keeps raising the price. And it kept getting, you know,
it probably was her marketing strategy
to keep raising the value till eventually it was like, oh, you know, it panicked. Let's get it done or I'm gonna lose chance.
(27:05):
And so $21,000
And then
I got, got in, learned what I needed to know, learned what the model was, how to use the model and that I have the power within myself to get this going.
And
it is a,
an aspect of
(27:25):
the, of life
where you have to have your expectations. You you're gonna expect something.
The problem that we run into is that, again, we don't know what we expect.
When we don't, that's when we get ourselves
our feelings hurt. We become frustrated. We become angry because we expect this person to do this thing, and then this person doesn't do this thing. Or we expect to get
(27:49):
this big nugget of value,
and we don't. Well, we don't ever even tell ourselves what is it that we expect.
We just didn't get what we what we wanted to and
get angry, and we don't even understand why we're angry.
And that's where the problem comes into play. Many times we walk around, we get angry about something. Why are you angry? I don't know. I just I I mean, just nothing. It's nothing.
(28:14):
Except for the fact that
it is something. We just aren't we just haven't voiced what that something is.
We haven't taken the time
to
understand
why we're upset about
the results of something. And that's where the thought download comes into play. That's why I realized I I haven't done the thought download in forever. So started writing it down and saw the pattern of
(28:41):
I was expecting
more from her from her,
and that may not have ever been her case. She may have thought that she according, I'll bet you to her. If I was to ask her, she would say, no. I gave you all. I left everything on the field. And I would have been like, but you left nothing on the field. But to her, she did, and that's all that matters to her.
(29:02):
She got people who signed up, people who spent $12,000
for her deal. Not for me because I didn't think she I got the value.
Why? One,
Aya was not her her client.
Alright? She was very,
oh, hey. Yeah. And bubbly and over the top and and and
high five y. And, it was just I and I get it. She was trying to make sure she kept the the
(29:27):
the energy up because she gets the energy up. People are more in interested in learning. And maybe that's my my reason why my podcast
isn't at a hundred thousand people downloading it yet is because
I'm I'm not hey. What are you up to? Welcome to the show, and we're gonna be you know, that type of thing. I don't do that. I am more of a, I guess I'm kind of a boring dude who knows? Maybe that's the case.
(29:54):
Maybe I am just a really boring guy who
wants to help guy people, but I just do it in a very dull way.
I could just be a dull guy and, and
I have to be okay with that. But another thing is when it comes to, for me, when it comes to
marketing stuff,
(30:14):
pay attention to what they're talking about, because if they're
because she expressed it as mastermind. For me, I have the thought
of a master class or not a mastermind, a master class.
And her if a master class
is being taught, they're going to give you
many of the great
(30:35):
secrets
to their to their skills.
But, no, there was no super secret ninja stuff. You know, that's one of the words she like to use.
I'm gonna give you all my good super secret ninja things, and I've got, you know, I didn't see a ninja one. Maybe that's because you're a ninja, and I didn't catch it. So I'm just an observant. I've never been known as the observant person. So
(30:58):
but it's
my expectation was
one thing,
she did not rise to that expectation.
And that's what actually irritated and angered me the most was that I had an unrealized
expectation. I didn't wasn't paying attention to what my expectation was until I got angry
and asked myself, what the hell am I angry for?
(31:21):
And come to the understanding of what I was angry for because it wasn't
wasn't the, wasn't the the the root of the problem. What I was angry about was actually
that I didn't learn what I wanted to learn from her.
But because that is
the problem at hand,
that's, you know, that's something I can actually fix.
(31:45):
First off, understand
she just it's just she didn't meet my expectation.
It's not her fault.
And even your wife not rising to your expectation on what you wanted from her isn't
your wife's fault.
You have the control of your thoughts and your actions. Right?
Answer's yes if you're wondering.
(32:06):
You have
the ability
to change your expectations.
Why should I lower raise my lower my expectations? They maybe people should rise to me. Oh, okay. You could think that,
but
don't be surprised when everybody fails you because you have these lofty expectations
that nobody's going to arise to.
(32:27):
You can be the spoiled child. You can be the petulant little brat and expect to have candy handed to you because you've got an a on your report card.
And when your mom or dad doesn't give you an a on your report card,
you did went home, you went to work one day, and you came back after the after a hard day's work, and you expect your wife to whip out a boob
(32:50):
and she doesn't do it,
why are you actually mad? It's
your expectation.
Isn't your wife's your wife's not gonna go, oh, well, okay. He's home here. Flash.
Your wife is going to,
has her own things,
got her own set of thoughts that she's working off of. So for you,
it's gonna be
(33:11):
a completely different
set of experiences.
It's gonna be a completely set of different, completely different set of expectations.
You have to understand and realize what it is you're expecting.
And it's not that you're going to ever stop having
unrealized
expectations,
but you can realize
(33:33):
when you have unrealized expectations.
You can stop
with the
with the hurt feelings
and start having
acknowledgement
of, okay. Well, I my expectations were out of, out of range. We're out of scope
for what was to be provided.
(33:54):
That's what happened
with the social media academy folks.
My expectations
were I was going to be told
how what the next four steps were, and I was gonna get to take those.
And I would have enough data to go off of that I could start playing with stuff and see what would actually work good for me.
No.
(34:15):
No. It's
wasn't that at all.
It was just
she was
wanting to get
low level
social media people
in. Those who who struggle to just post once a day
on Facebook. I post one, two, three times a day.
I'm often throwing stuff on Facebook. Now it might be on my my personal profile
(34:40):
as opposed to my professional profile,
but at the same time that
all I have to do is make the switch
to the, professional profile
and start building
community that way. Once I do that,
things will actually start
to improve and become better. But I have to be able to
(35:01):
I have to have the right type of expectations. If I'm doing something, I expect my wife to have a, to
respond in a particular way
after doing certain stuff certain things, then yes.
Voice. And that's the scary part, guys. I I get it. That is horribly scary and terrible and frightening
of,
hey, sweets. If I go on if I'm gonna clean the house for you, you just stay hang out. You just relax, kick your feet up. I'll get this done. And how about this evening when after I get all the house cleaned, I get the bathroom scrubbed and the toilet
(35:35):
scrubbed out and cleaned up, and and the and
the bathroom's all shiny, and the kitchen's all taken care of, and I got all that grease that's, stuck underneath the cabinets all taken care of. Get all that done. Why don't tonight you and me do a little, you know,
horizontal mambo, if you know what I'm saying?
And she can she may very well, well,
(35:57):
giggle and say, okay. Yeah. That sounds fun.
Or
she may go, really?
I'm not.
We'll we'll see. We'll have to see. And the c, you may still wanna have that expectation, but you can manage that expectation.
Understand. Pay attention to what that expectation is. When you catch yourself having an expectation,
ask yourself, is this a reasonable expectation?
(36:20):
Because if it's not,
then change.
Change what that expectation is.
Because if you don't change what that expectation is, you're going to end up having a lot of hurt feelings,
a lot of frustrations, and that's where the problems really start to come in because
those
unrealized expectations
turn into resentment, and resentment
(36:42):
start leads into sarcasm. Sarcasm is the poison that will destroy your relationship, and I don't want that. I want your relationship to be an amazing relationship,
and you can have that amazing relationship.
If you want help on realizing what these expectations are,
I invite you
to do a really
simple
(37:03):
three step process,
and that process
is to go to relaxmail.com/trycoaching.
Set up a time
that would work for you
to be coached,
and you will get a full
month free
of coaching.
Just you,
(37:23):
me, for an hour, we talk it out, we work through things,
and we
see what it is, what that expectation is, why that expectation, whatever that problem is. It may not be expectations. It may be that you
are are
you think your wife
has gone frigid, has stops, doesn't love you anymore.
(37:44):
Even if she said she doesn't love you, that's just a circumstance. What do you make that actually mean?
And a lot of y'all would probably go, well, that means she doesn't love me. Well,
it's possible.
You're right. It's very possible. That could be what she means.
It could also be that she means that she is just not very happy with you right now.
(38:04):
She may still love you. She just
doesn't like you very much right now.
And we and I have a a means
of being able to transform you, get you to the point to where
you are actually can be attractive to your wife again.
Even if she does say she's tired of seeing you naked and walking around the house all day,
(38:24):
She can you can
change how you approach life, how you can look at life, how you present yourself,
and you
will be
that
handsome young man that she met
ten years ago or however long ago when y'all first got first started dating
because we lo lose
(38:46):
and weaken our four
main pillars in our life, our
body, mind, soul,
and our community.
She may bitch about our friends,
but you're the one that chose to let those friends go.
And so many men
after a divorce
are stuck because they're like, I don't even know what to do anymore.
(39:07):
I don't have any friends. I'm out of shape. I'm this fat lard of a dude.
I don't have any friends. I don't even know know what I wanna do with myself now. If you have
a strong mind pillar,
strong body pillar, you're in shape. Your mind you've you never stopped learning. You're always picking up something new.
(39:28):
So you know what you wanna do. You know where you wanna go. You have a strong passion to do something.
So you're feeding your your your your building up your body pillar and you're feeding building up your soul pillar. You're feeding your soul. And on top of that, you've got a group of friends who y'all meet who you meet with at least once a week.
(39:50):
And, yeah, if your wife says, hey. I don't like it. Why do you have to go hang out with friends? Because they're my friends.
Because you would like me you wouldn't like me if I got rid of my friends.
And you would have the courage and
the, and the ability and the wherewithal to actually make those statements. You would know yourself enough and all thanks to
(40:12):
coaching.
And that's where I come into play. That's where try coaching comes into play. Because a lot of times those guys are like, well, I, you know, I don't need any coaching. I'm okay.
Yeah. We don't think we need any coaching except for coaching is that secret sauce.
Everybody
who is successful
has a coach. Maybe it is an actual sports coach,
(40:35):
but there's also financial people, rich people who have financial coaches.
There are business successful business people who have business coaches.
So if you wanna have a successful relationship,
why not have a relationship coach? I'm that relationship coach. I would love to be able to help you. And to do that, relaxedmail.com
(40:57):
forward slash try coaching,
and sign and sign up for coaching. And then the final step out of all of that
is
probably the hardest one, but it is the most rewarding, and that is show up.
Once you show up
and start working through that, you're gonna find that your life becomes
(41:18):
so much better. So guys, I wanna say thank you so much for taking the time to listen here. If there's anything that I said on here that resonated with you or you got you to thinking of one of your buddies that could really use the use this information,
send them my way.
Take
all our podcast apps these days have a share button, hit that share.
And in there, more than likely, you're gonna see
(41:39):
text message. Send it as a text message. Send it to them. You're going, dude, thought heard of this, thought of you.
Let them know that there's a web podcast out there that is out to change men's relationships
with not just their wives, but with everybody.
Because the skills that I teach with your to help improve your your relationship with your wife improves your relationship with your friends because of the community
(42:04):
pillar, but it also
improves
your skills
with the relationship with your coworkers, your boss. There's, like, you're and you're going, oh, god. I can't even stand any of them. I get that. At the same time,
they will
it will help you have
a better experience
hanging around those people that you don't like and like all the time.
(42:26):
So share it out to your your friends that you know could listen and hear what's what's being said and benefit from it, but also share it out onto your different social media accounts
because that's going to help
your other friends that are in the group whom you may not even know
are having
some type of relationship problem. Help them out and let them know, oh, hey, there's places I can go to change my relationship,
(42:52):
change how I relate with other people.
And when that happens,
find that there's a whole movement of
men who are wanting to become better husbands,
wanting to become better fathers, become better coworkers, better friends,
And that all comes into play when you get a little bit of coaching. You get just you start seeing what the solution is. So, guys, with that, I wanna say thank you again for listening. Y'all take care. We will see y'all next week. Till then.
Many times in our life, we will have
expectations,
and they're they're not even gonna be realized
until
we start reacting to those
expectations.
So
how do you handle these
unrealized
expectations?
I learned a few things this week about myself
(00:22):
because of these unrealized expectations. We're gonna be talking about that this week on episode number two sixty five of the relaxed male.
This is the relaxed male,
a show that comes to you each week helping men to remove the nice guy from their life so they can actually live their life on their terms.
(00:44):
Join the host certified coach, Brian Goodwin, as he helps men step out of their heads and become free from the thoughts that bind them.
Hey, man. Hello, and welcome to the relaxed mail. I am your host, Brian.
And,
wow, we have got
a little bit of a learning
(01:04):
or a learned
experience today, or at least I had an experience
this particular week.
And
and it centers around
something we
struggle with
on a very regular basis. And this is often where a lot of our frustration,
our
anger, even our resentment
(01:26):
and sense of victimhood
comes from.
Because
we often go through life, and we have expectations,
and it's alright to have expectations.
The issue that we run into with these expectations is often,
one,
we don't realize we're what we're expecting.
And then when that expectation
(01:47):
doesn't show up, we
we get angry. We get upset. We get frustrated,
but we never voiced what those expectations
were.
The other issue that, happens is that we have an expectation,
but we don't ever tell the other person what that expectation is.
And this is something that most nice guys do all the time
(02:10):
is they have a have an expectation. Oh, well, if I clean the house and
do the dishes and take care of the kids and just let my wife loaf around a bit for the for the weekend,
Saturday night comes along, she is going to just be so in love with me that she is just gonna wanna have all her clothes fall off, and she's going to go to town on me. The only problem is
(02:34):
we never did tell our wife that that's what our plan was.
And so
guess what doesn't happen?
And then we start to resent the fact that she didn't do what we wanted her to do,
even though we never told her what it was we were gonna do. Those covert contracts
get us into so many so much trouble
simply because we have an expectation that we never voiced.
(02:57):
So there's these two expectations the two problems that we face all centered around expectations,
unrealized expectations,
and
covert contract style
unexpressed
expectations.
So let's
go back
this previous week.
I came across
a an advertisement on Facebook, and
(03:20):
it was talking about how
I can
improve my social media. I've they were gonna teach you how to improve your social media response
or to that to the extent that I was go it was gonna improve your social media marketing is is what it was. And I thought, alright. Sweet. I can't I need to learn how to do this. I'm not getting the
(03:43):
responses. I'm not getting the replies. Though I do understand that I am
getting traction
on social media
because
I
I am
seeing results when it comes
to my
to my website. Okay. You y'all have heard me talk about the relaxed mail site a bit before. And what the big goal is is I've wanted to get a hundred people
(04:09):
a day to my site for thirty days straight. And I've gotten close. I've gotten two, three weeks at a time,
and then I'll have a I'll hit a dead spot where all of a sudden people kinda fall off. It and it's just the kind of the natural flow, ebb and flow of of customers or of
customers or of clients or visitors in in this case.
And I realized that a lot of that is because
(04:32):
of doing my
doing the reels, doing the TikTok
thing. And that's it's not me doing around you know, jumping in and out of clothes or or dancing and or doing anything like that. It's just me talking to
the,
talking to the camera
for about a minute and a half. It's what I try to aim for is about a minute and a half discussion
(04:54):
topic and and being out done quick. Fairly somewhat quick. In TikTok world, that's or heck.
YouTube and
and blue sky world, it's, way too darn long if it's over a if it's even a second over a minute. So it's like,
alright. Well, this is gonna be,
gonna be a challenge.
(05:14):
So
it's like, alright.
This this lady and her, and her social media company
makes the claim that they could help me
better my my social media.
And good. Because there's a few things that I really
haven't kept up with. I used to be kinda really interested in social media. I was even wanting to be
(05:37):
do social media management for a bit until I realized I don't I I have a hard time even getting my own stuff out. So how am I supposed to help other people? And yeah. So there's a lot I've I realized quickly that you have a little bit of ability
to get
social media to get social media. So I joined in, signed up, Monday came along, and they they're they're just kind of the intro thing. Wasn't anything big,
(06:05):
wasn't any earth shattering,
revelations being expelled. And I I didn't expect that. It was just kind of a, hey. This is what I do. This is where I'm at. This is how long I've been doing stuff and yada yada yada yada yada. And, just kinda get started. Let's get you in the right mindset of what a of what you wanna do when it comes to improving your social media. Looks sweet.
(06:27):
Alright. Nothing. Second day came along and there was a little nugget or here and there.
Couple things that I had hadn't really
fully realized, but helped out,
kinda talked about the demographics of the different, the, like, the eight biggest social media sites out there
and, you
know, what it is you're
(06:47):
what they kinda look for.
And it's like, alright. That's good stuff. Told you about, their
what the ratios
of of
social media is about 20 you know, you want 25%
of your of your post to to be asked.
You are you want 25 or less of the post to be asked.
The other 75%
(07:08):
70 to 90%
of your post to just be
value
inspirational, you know, good stuff. Not that you're going gimme gimme gimme, but it's kinda like and it fit real good with what Gary Vaynerchuk's book is about. It's like jab, jab, jab, then you do your right hook. Jab, jab, jab, ask. Value, value, value, do they ask. So okay. I I get that. I see that. I understand it. And
(07:33):
it it clicks. It's like, okay. That makes sense. And between the first and the second day, she mentioned that they have a VIP experience.
And I was like, okay. So we I usually, they like to do an upsell. All all the places I've been to, they have some type of upsells. Like, alright. Sweet. I understand this. And then she stated it was only $27
Most of the time, these things are like a hundred, a hundred $50 And I was like, well, that's that's a bit of money at the moment. I've
(07:59):
got a really crappy paycheck,
from the trucking company,
just because the the weather wasn't anything that they did. It was just weather. And so I was like, well, I could I could swing $27.
And so I went ahead. I'd so, alright. Let's pay $27.
Let's do this and see if we can get even more value. Not not much value. I mean, it's still only $27.
(08:20):
And there's a couple things. One, it's kinda cool to hear her talk about the model. She was not she didn't get trained by Brooke Castillo type of the model, but she was talking about all the aspects of the model,
without actually calling it the model. And so it was, it was kind of, kind of an interesting aspect in that department
(08:41):
and just need that alright. So
maybe she has, she likes to do a little bit of life coaching and at the same process and and stuff.
And so
with that VIP, you actually have not just the regular
class, you have a little
subclass,
if you wanna call it that, that lasts about an hour, forty five minutes to an hour. And
(09:04):
you go to that the subclass in the morning, you have the big class in the afternoon,
and it's
okay.
Monday was okay. Tuesday was okay. Even Wednesday was okay. But
all the other masterminds,
the master classes,
as what they like to call it, they called their their workshop a master class. It was social media master class. I'm like and until I until everything happened on Thursday,
(09:32):
it was, I was like, oh, whatever, you know? Okay. It's just a word. Alright. There.
And most
workshops,
they give you weeks worth of, of value. They, you go in, you have your shop, you have your workshop,
They do stuff. They add you ask questions. They give away prizes, yada yada yada. And then Friday is kind of the sale day. It's the big ask day.
(09:55):
Not for this lady. It was Thursday.
Boom.
And she did it right. Give her props
because this this gal
slid into it sounded like she was getting ready to talk about
one thing and so oh, so gently and and subtly switched over into a sale.
(10:16):
And for the first thirty minutes, didn't really realize it until all of a sudden, it's like, oh, wait a minute. We're getting pitched.
And this thing's supposed to go on until I I thought, till Friday, but it's supposed to go on till Tuesday.
And so we're not even halfway we're kinda halfway through the through the week, and she's already doing the ask.
And it's not a cheap ask either.
(10:38):
She's doing oh, and it's a great deal if you if you pay in one fair
lump of $12.
You get to join this academy. And and
for a full year, you we will teach you everything you need to know about social media.
There's a part of me going, okay.
I've spell spent $12 before. Hell, I've spent $21
(10:59):
on on a class before,
but
you didn't give me any value yet. And that was my expectation. And
the whole time she was talking through that, I didn't even make it through the hour and a half
class that she did. I sat for another thirty minutes just listening to the pitch
build and build and build. And the moment she started bringing in her testimonials,
(11:22):
I was like, okay. Never mind. This is
we're not learning anything today, and I wanted to learn
wanted to learn. I was because one of the things I've
have grasped here recently is that I've gone to, several
of these classes and things like that. I've gone through and I've learned, and I've done a lot of what's called passive learning.
(11:43):
That is I've learned what it was and then just went on.
And this year, I've decided, no. If I'm gonna learn something, I'm going to
apply what I have learned. I'm going to apply and I'm going to,
see how I can integrate it into my business.
So I I've been I haven't learned a whole gone through and done much business books because
(12:07):
honestly, I've gotten a little scared. It's like, am I, am I really going to learn this or am I just gonna do what I've done before and just kind of go
and and piss away and piss it away and just let it go? Or am I gonna sit down and actually do the
do the work?
And
I'd committed to my myself that I was gonna learn
(12:28):
something from this,
from this, this masterclass. And all of a sudden, she
does this pitch,
and it irked me. I got and like I said, I I rage quitted,
you know, an hour into it. Still had thirty minutes of of class to go. She was supposed to start taking, q and a, and I was just like, no.
(12:48):
Screw this.
This is BS.
Done.
No. I'm not gonna do this, and Rach quit it.
And I sat there that night and fumed about it. Hell, I even went off and talked about it on, on a,
my friend's webs podcast that me and,
me, him, and a and a con a mutual friend of ours does.
(13:10):
Yeah. Yeah. Bitching about something
does some good. I I'll give you that. It does a little bit good. It kinda relieves the pressure,
but it's still there. It doesn't really help you any.
But
once I got done with that and I kinda sat back and I didn't even actually even go to bed for about another hour afterwards, which usually, as soon as we get done, it's like, alright, tear everything, tear the podcast equipment down, put it in the box, put it, put it away at the shelf,
(13:38):
turn off all the lights,
kick back, close my eyes, go to sleep. Boom. We're good.
Not not that night. I sat there and I thought about this and thought about this and thought about this and
just, and there was a couple things that I did learn.
And there was some really good revelation,
revelation, revelations
(14:00):
that came about from this. And maybe this is something that the
God or universe or whatever it is you wanna call
it actually was trying to tap me on the head and say, Hey dude, you're, you're missing all missing the point. This is what you need to, what you need to grab from it. First off, I did learn some small nuggets.
Second of all, I learned that, yeah, I am
(14:23):
doing
I am succeeding
somewhat,
not to the level that I would like. My expectations of what I wanted to succeed at are not at the same level as what I'm actually learning or or growing,
but that's a that's a thought problem
that I have to work on. I learned how many posts I need to do in a day.
(14:46):
I learned
what type of posts
I would probably need to be making.
I learned
which posts or which social media sites I really wanna focus in on, which I kinda already knew.
And I was there's three or four of them that I'm gonna focus in on just because one, they're the more I get more reaction from these four posts than I do from others.
(15:10):
Though, I still will post to the other
16 that I that I'm in.
And most of those, I just, I'm in just so that I make sure I claim my name.
And so I'm
I you'll find me in just about every social media site that I can come across. It's just a a means of being able to
(15:30):
to,
to cover those, but I still try to post value there. I just I'm not active.
It's more of a link dump type of site. But I also learned kind of a rough outline of what a social media, what I wanna do for a social media content calendar.
And
to to really get that thing kind of hammered out, that's something that I know I need to work on and would help me because right now, if you'll notice whenever I post, there's not really a theme
(16:00):
to it. It's just kind of a an overarching theme, like, this year
or last year was,
was man's community.
Year before that was man's mind.
Really, this year is kind of a hodgepodge
of man's mind and man's community still, but, I really think I need to start leaning into man's passion, man's soul.
(16:22):
And somewhere in there, we gotta get man's body going. But at the same time, I'm
still figuring man's body out for myself. So I don't there's a part of me that doesn't think doesn't believe I am
fully
qualified, if you wanna call it that, to be
preaching to other people about
what you do and do not eat
(16:44):
because, well, hell, I had a large pizza last night and ate damn near all of it by myself.
So, you know, how good of a representation am I
of of how you need to live healthy,
and here I am stuffing my gob with pizza and ice cream. That's just there's a the imposter syndrome, I guess you could call it, that is showing up in me
(17:08):
because of stuff like that.
But one of the things
that I also was able to step back and examine
and do some was that I really need to start doing thought downloads again. I have stopped doing, didn't realize until I got to looking at my notebook,
I'd stopped doing thought downloads
(17:28):
several months ago.
And
I think that's where some of my issue is coming from is that I don't
examine my thoughts as closely anymore. I'm kind of just running off of,
off of reactions again.
And so I'm in just floating mode instead of intentional mode, and I need to stop
(17:49):
stop being floating and I need to grab the damn rudder and start directing the ship.
But one because of me doing the thought download again,
I saw
a couple of thoughts
that were false, that were not serving me. One,
I kept saying I would never do that. Why would the why did they do that? That's such a horrible thing to do. That's they cheated everybody, but and these are the thoughts that I was having
(18:15):
about, you know,
doing the ask, doing a pitch for their for their their
social media academy
on a Thursday
instead of a Friday. Like, it makes a hell a real a whole lot of difference to me. In my mind, it did.
But
to them, no. Probably
asking on Thursday is kind of a sneak attack so that
(18:37):
because they know Friday, no one's really gonna show up because they pretty much already know you're going to have an ask on Friday. So why show up?
And my line of thinking, and this has helped me also to
change how I
understand how I wanna run my workshops. And I've got a workshop that I'm working on right now,
(18:59):
but to change the work, my
change, alter, and
direction I want my workshops to go is one,
provide value,
find some type of big old nugget,
some type of big
that I, or at least, something I believe is gonna be a big
on a Monday, on Tuesday, on Wednesday, on Thursday
(19:20):
and Friday.
Make sure I am blowing your damn minds, giving you the best
stuff I
have on those five days.
So whenever I do say to ask, at least in my mind, what I'm thinking is
dude,
he's given away the, he's given away the, the whole damn herd.
(19:41):
I need to give something. And that's kinda what I thought with
with the social media
academy thing was that
you haven't taught me anything. That was the big complaint that I had. You hadn't taught me anything, and you're asking me to invest $12?
Are you out of your mind? You haven't even showed me that you can do anything with me yet.
(20:05):
You can't help me.
It's a lot of the thoughts that I had.
And we do this
because the all that was all unintentional
thoughts,
all intentional expectations. I expected her to give me a big old huge, this is what you're gonna do. Boom. And that by Friday, I was gonna get the keys of the
(20:26):
kingdom. Bam. And
I was gonna be able to at least
get two steps further down the road. Not that she was gonna give away at all. And then I was gonna have the all the answers that I needed and that
I was gonna have
the solution to to everything.
And my social media was instantly gonna take off, and within six months, I was gonna be making a hundred million dollars.
(20:49):
But I figured I would at least have
enough to go on that I could start trying to even figure it out a bit more. But,
no, it wasn't.
It wasn't
that at all. It was in my book, my expectations
were
going to be earth shattering discovery, earth shattering discovery, earth shattering discovery, earth shattering discovery, earth shattering discovery.
(21:14):
All right. Here's what you got. And that's kind of what Brooke Castillo did for me. Of course, her my levels of discovery was
from
jeez. When did I start listening to her?
In 2015,
'20 '16, '20 '17, I think.
No. Because it was two years. I had two years.
(21:35):
She had been running for two years,
and I downloaded and listened to one of her her most current episode at that time
and liked it. I mean, it was like, oh my god.
She mentioned thoughts create your,
thoughts create your emotions.
And that was the
the
(21:56):
That was the the clouds parted and the sun came out and, oh, you know, angels sang and birds came by and unicorns farted rainbows across the, across the air.
And I was like, all right. And went back to the episode one
and listened to episode one, a whole lot of, you know, 104
(22:17):
episodes
of Brooke Castillo plus some, because I mean, it took me a couple of,
a little while to get
up that and I listened and she went through and it was interesting that first, it was every 10 episodes. She would do
a quote,
episode where she would take one of her favorite teachers
(22:39):
and would sit there and bestow all her quotes. And,
it was it was fascinating. I mean, granted, she has some that were a little out there,
like,
oh, Mary Anne,
tears to triumph gal.
She ran for ran for president.
Anyhow,
(22:59):
she had her. So some of it was a little little kinda esoterical,
a little out out there, esoteric, but it was a little out there.
It was
but at the same time, there's a lot of really good information. I've had I came across a lot of really good,
quotes that I liked,
but I had listened to her
from
(23:19):
well, she's done, what, ten years of podcasting
in 2014.
So she started,
2024.
So 2014,
'16.
So, yeah, about 2016. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. I was, driving for
so about 2016,
it was
from 2016
to
2022.
(23:41):
I don't know. Twenty twenty one. No? Yeah. Twenty twenty two.
And
for me
to finally
have the guts to invest
$21,000
into her school. Yeah, that's how much I invested in the school. I
found
$21,000
that I could apply to the school, and
(24:02):
it taught me a lot.
Again, I didn't quite have the
expectation
didn't have the expectation
thoroughly set.
So there's a couple times where I wanted to be very disappointed,
especially when it came to helping with getting your business up and going because that was kind of one of her cell
aspects.
(24:23):
But she can only teach you so much. It's I have to take the steps afterwards
to get it really going. And that's
something that I'm not I don't have the privilege
or the well, I have the privilege. I could take the time off if I wanted to. I just wouldn't have a house to live in. I wouldn't have a car to drive. I wouldn't have any electricity. I wouldn't have any means to be able to talk to you. So I
(24:46):
don't have the ability
to to do the,
to just
take off and apply every ounce of my energy
into getting the the business up and moving. So it is a 20%
project.
20% of my time, I am applying to relaxed mail. Most of that time, sadly, gets eaten up by podcast and blogs
(25:10):
instead of me finding
a time to go out, shake hands with people, and and
meet people, and introduce myself as a as a coach.
And even then, I don't think that meeting people, meeting the proper people is so much me going, Hey. I'm Brian Goodwin. I'm a men's coach. I can help you. It is, hey. How you doing? Blah blah. And just being there, being with them, building the trust that I am actually going I'm not just there just to pitch,
(25:38):
my my wares
and then disappear into the into the neither.
It is me having to
take the time to build that trust and be there and show up time and time and time again. But the
but the fact that she
there was
damn near
(25:59):
almost ten years of
of me
gathering value from her before I could, and and all reality, she had me sold about four years in after about listening to her first two years and listening to
two more years of her.
And she would do her her sale
for,
(26:19):
the podcast school or podcast, the,
the
life coach school.
I was like, oh, yeah. And she would say, oh, it's $12,000.
Started out at $12,000.
Magic number,
And I was like, oh, how am I supposed to come up with that? And, eventually, it was $15,000.
And after a couple, you know, about a year or so of that, I was like, all of a sudden, it changed to 15. I was like, oh, crap. She's raising
(26:43):
raising the, the value. And a couple more years that all of a sudden became 18. I was like, son of a gun, man. I am never gonna get here
if she keeps raising the price. And it kept getting, you know,
it probably was her marketing strategy
to keep raising the value till eventually it was like, oh, you know, it panicked. Let's get it done or I'm gonna lose chance.
(27:05):
And so $21,000
And then
I got, got in, learned what I needed to know, learned what the model was, how to use the model and that I have the power within myself to get this going.
And
it is a,
an aspect of
(27:25):
the, of life
where you have to have your expectations. You you're gonna expect something.
The problem that we run into is that, again, we don't know what we expect.
When we don't, that's when we get ourselves
our feelings hurt. We become frustrated. We become angry because we expect this person to do this thing, and then this person doesn't do this thing. Or we expect to get
(27:49):
this big nugget of value,
and we don't. Well, we don't ever even tell ourselves what is it that we expect.
We just didn't get what we what we wanted to and
get angry, and we don't even understand why we're angry.
And that's where the problem comes into play. Many times we walk around, we get angry about something. Why are you angry? I don't know. I just I I mean, just nothing. It's nothing.
(28:14):
Except for the fact that
it is something. We just aren't we just haven't voiced what that something is.
We haven't taken the time
to
understand
why we're upset about
the results of something. And that's where the thought download comes into play. That's why I realized I I haven't done the thought download in forever. So started writing it down and saw the pattern of
(28:41):
I was expecting
more from her from her,
and that may not have ever been her case. She may have thought that she according, I'll bet you to her. If I was to ask her, she would say, no. I gave you all. I left everything on the field. And I would have been like, but you left nothing on the field. But to her, she did, and that's all that matters to her.
(29:02):
She got people who signed up, people who spent $12,000
for her deal. Not for me because I didn't think she I got the value.
Why? One,
Aya was not her her client.
Alright? She was very,
oh, hey. Yeah. And bubbly and over the top and and and
high five y. And, it was just I and I get it. She was trying to make sure she kept the the
(29:27):
the energy up because she gets the energy up. People are more in interested in learning. And maybe that's my my reason why my podcast
isn't at a hundred thousand people downloading it yet is because
I'm I'm not hey. What are you up to? Welcome to the show, and we're gonna be you know, that type of thing. I don't do that. I am more of a, I guess I'm kind of a boring dude who knows? Maybe that's the case.
(29:54):
Maybe I am just a really boring guy who
wants to help guy people, but I just do it in a very dull way.
I could just be a dull guy and, and
I have to be okay with that. But another thing is when it comes to, for me, when it comes to
marketing stuff,
(30:14):
pay attention to what they're talking about, because if they're
because she expressed it as mastermind. For me, I have the thought
of a master class or not a mastermind, a master class.
And her if a master class
is being taught, they're going to give you
many of the great
(30:35):
secrets
to their to their skills.
But, no, there was no super secret ninja stuff. You know, that's one of the words she like to use.
I'm gonna give you all my good super secret ninja things, and I've got, you know, I didn't see a ninja one. Maybe that's because you're a ninja, and I didn't catch it. So I'm just an observant. I've never been known as the observant person. So
(30:58):
but it's
my expectation was
one thing,
she did not rise to that expectation.
And that's what actually irritated and angered me the most was that I had an unrealized
expectation. I didn't wasn't paying attention to what my expectation was until I got angry
and asked myself, what the hell am I angry for?
(31:21):
And come to the understanding of what I was angry for because it wasn't
wasn't the, wasn't the the the root of the problem. What I was angry about was actually
that I didn't learn what I wanted to learn from her.
But because that is
the problem at hand,
that's, you know, that's something I can actually fix.
(31:45):
First off, understand
she just it's just she didn't meet my expectation.
It's not her fault.
And even your wife not rising to your expectation on what you wanted from her isn't
your wife's fault.
You have the control of your thoughts and your actions. Right?
Answer's yes if you're wondering.
(32:06):
You have
the ability
to change your expectations.
Why should I lower raise my lower my expectations? They maybe people should rise to me. Oh, okay. You could think that,
but
don't be surprised when everybody fails you because you have these lofty expectations
that nobody's going to arise to.
(32:27):
You can be the spoiled child. You can be the petulant little brat and expect to have candy handed to you because you've got an a on your report card.
And when your mom or dad doesn't give you an a on your report card,
you did went home, you went to work one day, and you came back after the after a hard day's work, and you expect your wife to whip out a boob
(32:50):
and she doesn't do it,
why are you actually mad? It's
your expectation.
Isn't your wife's your wife's not gonna go, oh, well, okay. He's home here. Flash.
Your wife is going to,
has her own things,
got her own set of thoughts that she's working off of. So for you,
it's gonna be
(33:11):
a completely different
set of experiences.
It's gonna be a completely set of different, completely different set of expectations.
You have to understand and realize what it is you're expecting.
And it's not that you're going to ever stop having
unrealized
expectations,
but you can realize
(33:33):
when you have unrealized expectations.
You can stop
with the
with the hurt feelings
and start having
acknowledgement
of, okay. Well, I my expectations were out of, out of range. We're out of scope
for what was to be provided.
(33:54):
That's what happened
with the social media academy folks.
My expectations
were I was going to be told
how what the next four steps were, and I was gonna get to take those.
And I would have enough data to go off of that I could start playing with stuff and see what would actually work good for me.
No.
(34:15):
No. It's
wasn't that at all.
It was just
she was
wanting to get
low level
social media people
in. Those who who struggle to just post once a day
on Facebook. I post one, two, three times a day.
I'm often throwing stuff on Facebook. Now it might be on my my personal profile
(34:40):
as opposed to my professional profile,
but at the same time that
all I have to do is make the switch
to the, professional profile
and start building
community that way. Once I do that,
things will actually start
to improve and become better. But I have to be able to
(35:01):
I have to have the right type of expectations. If I'm doing something, I expect my wife to have a, to
respond in a particular way
after doing certain stuff certain things, then yes.
Voice. And that's the scary part, guys. I I get it. That is horribly scary and terrible and frightening
of,
hey, sweets. If I go on if I'm gonna clean the house for you, you just stay hang out. You just relax, kick your feet up. I'll get this done. And how about this evening when after I get all the house cleaned, I get the bathroom scrubbed and the toilet
(35:35):
scrubbed out and cleaned up, and and the and
the bathroom's all shiny, and the kitchen's all taken care of, and I got all that grease that's, stuck underneath the cabinets all taken care of. Get all that done. Why don't tonight you and me do a little, you know,
horizontal mambo, if you know what I'm saying?
And she can she may very well, well,
(35:57):
giggle and say, okay. Yeah. That sounds fun.
Or
she may go, really?
I'm not.
We'll we'll see. We'll have to see. And the c, you may still wanna have that expectation, but you can manage that expectation.
Understand. Pay attention to what that expectation is. When you catch yourself having an expectation,
ask yourself, is this a reasonable expectation?
(36:20):
Because if it's not,
then change.
Change what that expectation is.
Because if you don't change what that expectation is, you're going to end up having a lot of hurt feelings,
a lot of frustrations, and that's where the problems really start to come in because
those
unrealized expectations
turn into resentment, and resentment
(36:42):
start leads into sarcasm. Sarcasm is the poison that will destroy your relationship, and I don't want that. I want your relationship to be an amazing relationship,
and you can have that amazing relationship.
If you want help on realizing what these expectations are,
I invite you
to do a really
simple
(37:03):
three step process,
and that process
is to go to relaxmail.com/trycoaching.
Set up a time
that would work for you
to be coached,
and you will get a full
month free
of coaching.
Just you,
(37:23):
me, for an hour, we talk it out, we work through things,
and we
see what it is, what that expectation is, why that expectation, whatever that problem is. It may not be expectations. It may be that you
are are
you think your wife
has gone frigid, has stops, doesn't love you anymore.
(37:44):
Even if she said she doesn't love you, that's just a circumstance. What do you make that actually mean?
And a lot of y'all would probably go, well, that means she doesn't love me. Well,
it's possible.
You're right. It's very possible. That could be what she means.
It could also be that she means that she is just not very happy with you right now.
(38:04):
She may still love you. She just
doesn't like you very much right now.
And we and I have a a means
of being able to transform you, get you to the point to where
you are actually can be attractive to your wife again.
Even if she does say she's tired of seeing you naked and walking around the house all day,
(38:24):
She can you can
change how you approach life, how you can look at life, how you present yourself,
and you
will be
that
handsome young man that she met
ten years ago or however long ago when y'all first got first started dating
because we lo lose
(38:46):
and weaken our four
main pillars in our life, our
body, mind, soul,
and our community.
She may bitch about our friends,
but you're the one that chose to let those friends go.
And so many men
after a divorce
are stuck because they're like, I don't even know what to do anymore.
(39:07):
I don't have any friends. I'm out of shape. I'm this fat lard of a dude.
I don't have any friends. I don't even know know what I wanna do with myself now. If you have
a strong mind pillar,
strong body pillar, you're in shape. Your mind you've you never stopped learning. You're always picking up something new.
(39:28):
So you know what you wanna do. You know where you wanna go. You have a strong passion to do something.
So you're feeding your your your your building up your body pillar and you're feeding building up your soul pillar. You're feeding your soul. And on top of that, you've got a group of friends who y'all meet who you meet with at least once a week.
(39:50):
And, yeah, if your wife says, hey. I don't like it. Why do you have to go hang out with friends? Because they're my friends.
Because you would like me you wouldn't like me if I got rid of my friends.
And you would have the courage and
the, and the ability and the wherewithal to actually make those statements. You would know yourself enough and all thanks to
(40:12):
coaching.
And that's where I come into play. That's where try coaching comes into play. Because a lot of times those guys are like, well, I, you know, I don't need any coaching. I'm okay.
Yeah. We don't think we need any coaching except for coaching is that secret sauce.
Everybody
who is successful
has a coach. Maybe it is an actual sports coach,
(40:35):
but there's also financial people, rich people who have financial coaches.
There are business successful business people who have business coaches.
So if you wanna have a successful relationship,
why not have a relationship coach? I'm that relationship coach. I would love to be able to help you. And to do that, relaxedmail.com
(40:57):
forward slash try coaching,
and sign and sign up for coaching. And then the final step out of all of that
is
probably the hardest one, but it is the most rewarding, and that is show up.
Once you show up
and start working through that, you're gonna find that your life becomes
(41:18):
so much better. So guys, I wanna say thank you so much for taking the time to listen here. If there's anything that I said on here that resonated with you or you got you to thinking of one of your buddies that could really use the use this information,
send them my way.
Take
all our podcast apps these days have a share button, hit that share.
And in there, more than likely, you're gonna see
(41:39):
text message. Send it as a text message. Send it to them. You're going, dude, thought heard of this, thought of you.
Let them know that there's a web podcast out there that is out to change men's relationships
with not just their wives, but with everybody.
Because the skills that I teach with your to help improve your your relationship with your wife improves your relationship with your friends because of the community
(42:04):
pillar, but it also
improves
your skills
with the relationship with your coworkers, your boss. There's, like, you're and you're going, oh, god. I can't even stand any of them. I get that. At the same time,
they will
it will help you have
a better experience
hanging around those people that you don't like and like all the time.
(42:26):
So share it out to your your friends that you know could listen and hear what's what's being said and benefit from it, but also share it out onto your different social media accounts
because that's going to help
your other friends that are in the group whom you may not even know
are having
some type of relationship problem. Help them out and let them know, oh, hey, there's places I can go to change my relationship,
(42:52):
change how I relate with other people.
And when that happens,
find that there's a whole movement of
men who are wanting to become better husbands,
wanting to become better fathers, become better coworkers, better friends,
And that all comes into play when you get a little bit of coaching. You get just you start seeing what the solution is. So, guys, with that, I wanna say thank you again for listening. Y'all take care. We will see y'all next week. Till then.
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