November 23, 2023 • 58 mins
With the holiday season officially in full swing, Scottie and Sylvia respond to some of your burning listener questions. From navigating tense in-law relationships and deep grief, to why you may need to sprinkle some CBD in the holiday cookies, the girls share unfiltered advice about how to center your joy during this festive — and sometimes messy time of the year. Connect with us via text by texting "Podcasts" to (310) 356-9895 Check out Raedio's YouTube page for the visuals every Friday: https://www.youtube.com/@TheRAEDIO Connect with us on social media: @TheRaedio @SylviaObell @ScottieBeam --------------- "Your favorite group chat, come to life. Listen to the latest episode of “Vibe Check” here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/vibe-check/id1637476174"
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Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
Hey, I'm journalist Sam Sanders,I'm poet Say Jones, and I'm producer
Zach Stafford and we are the hostsof a podcast called Bye Check. On
Vibe Check, we talk about everythingnews, culture, and entertainment and how
it all feels. That's right.We talked about any and everything on our
show, from real life issues likegrief to music and movie critiques. And
(00:23):
that barely scratches the surface. Yes, indeed, and it doesn't stop there.
We have got a lot to say, So join our group chat,
come to life, follow and listento vibe Check wherever you get your podcast.
(00:50):
Welcome to the Scotty and Sylvia Show, where we speak our minds like
it's our full time jobs and haveso much fun doing it. And I'm
Scottie Bean here in La yet again, and I'm Sylvie o'bell and I'm so
excited because Thankgiving is this week.Yippie, y p oh you p iya.
(01:12):
How are you doing this week?You're good? I'm you know.
Holidays is just be holiday and maybeholladays they be holiday in and so everybody's
on my nerves now. It's aboutthat. It's that time of the year
is the most wonderful time. Butpeople are making plans and it annoys me.
(01:33):
I do a lot plan. Yes, people are making plans. I'm
annoyed. Now we're on the fasttrack to Christmas on my basically, I
mean, for some of us areconcerned that starts November first, the day
after Halloween. Yeah right, careyseason exactly. But you love you love?
I love it. I live forthis sea love. I love it.
I love the game. They're like. I love Christmas, okay,
(01:55):
and Thanksgiving. I want the trees, I want the lights, I want
the I want the children gleefully justrunning through the toy stores. I want
the Christmas music. Brandy dropped theChristmas album. I'm thrilled about it.
Really, Yes, the girls willgive us new Christmas music. I love.
I know you don't like how theymusic. I hate it, love
it except for Donnie Hasaway. Okay, it's Christmas because you know. But
(02:19):
but but how do you feel aboutThanksgiving? Specifically? I don't celebrate it,
so I don't really feel any wayabout it. Do y'all even spend
the day together or y'all don't know. My family usually goes to their significant
significant other houses or whomever. Youknow, friends givings and do whatever they
want to do. We haven't celebratedit one because I think, well,
I think my family is from Belize. They came and they were like,
(02:44):
Okay, that's cool, this iscute, but we don't need to celebrate
it, and so we just neverhave. Yeah, no, that's real,
my Kenny in the family, wejust did can decide to just adapt.
They said, hey, they werefeet right together, right, And
I get that. It's weird becauseI got my dad's side of the family,
like that side they do Thanksgiving andeverybody does their own thing at Christmas,
(03:05):
but my mom is a huge Christmasperson. And then like Thanksgiving,
we just always did it when weor another I think now that I live
in LA, either we'll spend itwith friends because most of our extended family
is in Nairobi, still on mymom's side, so like, either we
spend it with friends or like theycome to LA like this week they're coming
to Los Angeles. That said,hey, come to me, come on,
guys, let's give me a flightbreak. And they're more than thrilled
(03:27):
because they love Los Angeles, right, and that it's been a minute.
It's always the time of year though. That makes me feel like I need
a bigger space now. It's likeit's so crazy now us being becoming more
and more the adults, Like Imiss the days where my parents just threw
me in the car and we endup summer with food and I had nothing
to do with the plans. That'sI think. That's also a very hard
thing. I hard pill to swollowto realizing, like most some of your
(03:52):
matriarchs are passing, and now youare starting to have to become that or
start to walk in the footsteps ofthat. I lost my grandmother this year,
my great aunt, but she's likemy grandma, and I was the
last of that generation. Yeah,so you know, holidays are very sweet
(04:14):
and sour for me. It's alwaysbeen that way. My nanny passed the
day after Christmas. My grandfather byPapa's birthday is on Christmas. He's no
longer with us. I think justgetting used to the new normal, it's
gonna feel different. You know.This season is very jolly and cute and
amazing, and it is. There'ssome parts of it that I absolutely love,
(04:39):
but I also have to be wellaware that there are people that are
actually going through a new normal.Right now with grieving and not having their
loved one with them during this timewhen most of this time is spent on
talking about family and being around family, being around the ones that you love.
So I just would you know,it's very complicated, it's very stressful
(05:00):
sometimes too with having to uh dealwith it. But yeah, and then
also pay for things and spend money, and you know, in a recession,
child is this is crazy. SoI just would hope that you give
yourself some time for yourself. Yeah, even if you think that the season
(05:24):
doesn't require that. I think somepeople are like you know, yeah,
no that selfish should know. Yeah, like, no, baby, you
gotta rest. Rest. If youcan't lead into another part of this holiday,
you can rest. You enjoy theday off, enjoy the days that
we get off, and make ityour own. You know, some people
(05:44):
don't have family, that's a lie, but they don't even have good relationships
with them, like find your tribeor even if it's just you're finding something
that makes you happy that day.And and I think that's what holidays are
about to with watching comfort movies thatyou love or listening to songs that you
guys used to listen to when youwere kids or things like that. So
that's why I think you know,with it approaching that we should do something
(06:09):
for this. We should be givenfor the thanks and the thanks for being
listeners and thanks for listening in.We asked y'all a son of some questions
for the holidays season, and we'regonna answer them now because, like we
said in the end, we doit all for you. Okay, let's
(06:34):
start with general holiday questions. Howdo you tell your people you don't celebrate
thingsgiving because of its past. Sothe colonialism, the Native Americans being the
having the land stolen, and theblind about it was a peaceful dinner between
(06:56):
the two. Absolutely, the rutsare trash. The ruster things we give,
they are absolutely trash. It wasalive and to propaganda, business history.
It really is something that people havemade up. This is made up.
So I think you're wellding your rightsto feel that way. I think
a lot of us, especially blackfolks, it's become more of just like
an excuse to gather with family becausethe government and people give you the day
(07:20):
off, and a lot of peoplecan only spend time with family if they
get days off of work. Ithink the way to tell your people is
to explain to them, like toliterally just communicate that. I can see
how if you're black, which I'massuming you want to, Mama may not
respect that. So maybe you justspend time with the family but don't actually
partaking the meal, which takes somecrazy self discipline. Crazy. But if
(07:43):
that's what you're standing on right,standing on business, and do it,
so just don't come, just don'tsee them and see them and you know,
yeah, because also like, letpeople celebrate what they want to celebrate,
got it good. But as longas you're not running around like a
Jehovah, you know what I'm saying, you know, a like the hos
witness, always running around trying totell them this is what you're not.
Just supposed to let them come totheir own conclusion with their own holiday seasons
(08:09):
or whatever. But and I'm gontashow up. Yeah, And I would
say, just fue another time.If it's about they feel like they're not
getting time with you, I wouldtry to make another situation where maybe you're
now you're coming home from four July. Yeah, that's a bad example,
you know, just a time andthis damn all these holidays are lies.
Okay. My point is picking ofthe time to spend with your family if
(08:31):
you're going to take away Thanksgiving,Yeah, okay, all right, food
time settle this. Dressing or stuffing, I don't eat either. That's my
favorite size. Really, I fuckinglove them both. So here's why I
think the difference is. I thinkdressing is a you're black, it's a
black family be I think stuffing isstove topped, nothing comes closer to the
(08:58):
whole, and I will eat boxstuff it smells. I don't care what
y'all have to say about it.Yeah, I like both. I want
to read this next one. Howdo I explain to my sister, who's
a chef, that she doesn't cookwith love? Food is trash. I'm
(09:18):
just trying to figure out how she'sa chef but she don't cook Good's tons
of chefs that don't cook good havean not She makes terrible, terrible potato
salad, and every year my familyhypes this woman up to make her potato
(09:39):
salad. And although I guess somepeople really do like it in the family,
but at the end of the nightfor Christmas, it's still there,
it's still sitting there. So Iwould like to say. I finally told,
well, my mom snitched on me. Now your mom threw you under
the bus. Get the messag outright. That's what happened, she said.
(10:03):
And she was like, I said, it's just peas don't belong.
And there's what when you have aCaribbean family, this is the things that
you can't eat or they can't makemacaroni, macaroni ballad, no mac and
cheese. They're incapable. There's noway, there's nothing that. I don't
(10:26):
care. I don't care what you'reabout to say about your Caribbean mother.
She doesn't know how to make macaroniand cheese, so stop. And potato
salad. Peas were in it.I don't know, and I don't know
why, but they were. That'sthat's not almost as bad as rain.
You just say, you just saythis is this is not potato. You
understand and you're not. And Itold her, like, listen, you're
(10:50):
not from here, girl. Letme help you. Let me tell you
what's on here. Let the blackAmericans think it's right. Everything's for everybody,
not everything is for everyone. Thinkthe way if you can't be direct,
I think the message is is toleave a full point of it there,
But then they're not ever gonna eatlike I think everybody should just bludh
(11:11):
and not eat it. And ontop of that, you should family should
double up and everybody make the two. So if she's making a magagine,
somebody who can cook make the magage? Is she making the full spread?
If she is so, is shemaking full spread? Then they have to
eat something, but they have tosay you have to sit it, sit
down and say, yo, whatcan I help you? Also? Can
(11:33):
I help you cook? I wouldlove to join you. I think the
love is us doing it as afamily exactly, and maybe we should as
a family come together and cook together. Love that. Or if she's stubborn
and refuses to accept it, maketwo of everything, somebody else cook.
It's crazy, but I can seesomebody that's standing down, you know how?
(11:56):
Yeah, all right, what's thenext one? What advice do you
have for people spending the holidays alone? Well, I've done it before.
I would just say, do thingsthat make you comfortable. I used to
do it for Thanksgiving back into schooltoo. When I was in college.
(12:18):
I wouldn't go home. I'll justbe in the dorm and I would just
watch stuff that makes you know it'sonly one day. Sometimes I have to
remind you it's one day. It'sone day, and it's tough. Yeah,
yeah, but you just gotta focuson the it's only one day.
Things will go back to normal.And that's tough though, like especially during
(12:43):
the pandemic. Yeah, that's thefirst time I did it. Yeah,
I did it before the pandemic.Yeah, but it was it's a rough
thing. But I would just saydo all the things, like light it
up, get excited about doing allthe things. Should that bring you come
for Yeah, watch your favorite movies, been your favorite show, all your
favorite for all of it. Likeallow yourself a hall past day. Do
(13:05):
whatever brings me, joy all yourguilty pleasures in one twenty four hour jam
packs that shit. Stay off ofInstagram. Stay off of Instagram, yes,
stay off of Twitter. Enjoy thebreak. And if it's a situation
where it's just that you can't getto your family. What I did on
twenty twenty Christmas, we did Zoomusually on the holiday. I don't know
if they're keeping this tradition, butZoom gives you a twenty four hour past
(13:28):
on holidays since twenty twenty, andwe would just time. We watched movies
together via zoom, like we likedwe like time does pressing play, and
like I had them up on mycouch, like on my coffee table,
and we just were kind of interactingthroughout the day, eating together, but
like just through technology. Yeah,so I think I did that before the
more The hardest thing will be whenit's the aftermath of the people asking what
(13:54):
you did for the holidays. That'susually the tough part. But as long
as you you know, you say, hey, I stayed, but I
was cool. I was the longestby myself, but I went I did
this, this and this and thisand maybe go somewhere. And you know,
the truth is had a better timethan a lot of people who have
to go because a lot of peopleasking you, but they was miserable,
as oh, bro, so justdon't it's not The grass ain't always green.
(14:18):
Okay, Now that you all arein your thirties, what new traditions
do y'all want to start? Wheny'all have your own families? Now did
y'all are Oh? Now, shesaid y'all. She said, y'all in
thirties, and what new traditions Idon't know about new traditions, but I
(14:39):
just really want to like bring backthe feeling, you know, Like I
think when you have all adults inyour family, there's a bit of the
magic that's gone. There's no makingthe sugar cookies for Santa and like waking
up the morning hearing the pattern feet. I think kids make Christmas special and
like I really cute way that Ithink it's hard to do when you don't
(15:01):
have any in the family. AndI know it's my fault that we don't
have I mean, it's all me. I'm the oldest. We do all
the things my family does, allthe things that we did at kids,
when we were kids. So Ithink that's what that's the tradition that I
will keep up. My mom doesn'tplay about Christmas. So when it comes
to making cookies, we have tomake cookies. Oh yes, like for
(15:22):
fanca or just for fun, justfor fun, just to eat, you
know, get the cookies. Weall open one gift the day before Christmas.
We all have stockings. We stuffour stockings. The only thing that
I think maybe that I'll probably putin, which is corny as hell,
is probably get my family like matchingpajama sets. We don't have that.
(15:43):
Oh we do that. I dowant a family, right, so that
what me and my brother do everysingle Christmas is we do a concert of
the same songs. Oh yes,yes, so we have we sing songs,
but they're not Christmas songs. They'rejust old songs that we absolutely nothing
to do with Christmas. But weblast music until four in the morning and
(16:07):
then go to sleep. Yeah,but we have a good time. I
think that's something that I'm gonna keepdoing. When does the Christmas tree go
up? And when is to comedown? The answer is when the fuck
you wanted to sis. Whatever yousay goes no rules. After Halloween,
it's all fair gang. But now, especially because I'm gonna go home for
(16:29):
Christmas, so I'm missing a week, it's coming up a week early.
I'm putting my Christmas tree up thisweek if I can help it, because
I love the lights at night.It's just so cozy and just makes it
feel so special. I just liketinkle lights, and so he exceps to
put up tinkle lights. It makesme happy. And it's definitely staying up
in my house until after the Newyear, so maybe like the first week
(16:51):
of January, I take it down, but you do what brings you joy.
Okay, this world is rough.Want me, I promise you that
the thanks good food tastes the samewhere the tree is up or not.
I'm probably gonna put mine up theweek before Christmas and take it down after
New Year's. It's so much workto only have it up for two weeks.
It's a fake tree. It decorated, but y'll take That's what I'm
(17:15):
saying, y'all, don't be focused. Y'all be doing shit like singing songs,
and no, it's the joy.I want to just put the lights
up, put the little stuff up, all the ornaments, right, that's
the fun part for me. Thefun part is doing that, and that
only takes me about because also I'mnot getting the big, big tree.
I'm getting like a tree my sizethat's like five seven six foot maybe,
(17:40):
So then doing that it's a lotof saying taking a tree up and putting
it down and then putting it downwhatever. But you know, I just
will not be doing a real treeever again. One time and it shed
everywhere, and I have a dogwho I love, and that girl was
struggling. Okay, she was gettingyelled at every day because she was trying
(18:02):
to eat them pine needles. Sono, it will be fake tree forever
now. But also, would youmind doing a colored tree? Yes,
that's tacky. Better be green aroundhere. That's crazy. Didn't you just
say do what makes people happen?You asked me what I do, But
you said taki and they say itshould be green. You said that,
right, I did. It's okay. What I'm saying is, don't joy,
(18:26):
don't tell me white. I'm gonnagive me a white tree. Ah,
that's not what they met when theysaid they're giming of a white Christmas.
Yes, they do up in here. It is because I'm not thinking
about white people white. So whitetree. Yes, think about the snow
falling on the tree. Now it'scovered in snow. White tree. I
(18:47):
like a white tree. Now.I was thinking about getting a black tree,
but I was I would take ablack tree over a white tree.
I think that I think about howthings pop. I'd like the white tree
will wash out all the ornament colors. Now when you get color or for
ornaments. Yeah, all right,okay, go ahead. Any advice on
navigating grief during the holiday season,Now, unfortunately I know this feeling all
(19:11):
too well. I will say thatit has ebbs and flows. Of course,
what helps with me is being nearbythe family that is still here and
being able to grieve with my familysometimes. You know, we all don't
have to be so happy in themoment. We could just sit with each
(19:36):
other in silence. It will alsosit with each other and remember amazing things
about that person or people whom welost. And even if this is too
this is just set me off.But my family is very strong, have
a very strong family. So youknow, when somebody is grieving and it
(19:56):
doesn't look the same for you,and they choose to do whatever they do
to make themselves more comfortable in theirgrief, whether it is staying in the
room, sitting in the room notreally talking to anybody during that time because
they miss a certain someone. Letthem grieve how they want to grieve.
(20:18):
You can't tell people how they shouldbe missing someone whom they love immensely.
That's insane to me. I justremember of times where I would My mom
lost her mother the day after Christmas, you know, and she lost her
father in the summer, but hisbirthday is on Christmas Day. It's very
(20:41):
tough for my mom so it isimportant that we surround her with any type
of love and all type of lovethat she wants to accept in the moment,
you know. And what really helpsis her being around her family.
But sometimes you do want to takethat moment to be alone and remember those
people and remember those times when Iwasn't even around, or her kids wasn't
(21:04):
around when she was a kid,you know. So it's just respecting people's
Yeah. I think we talk aboutlove languages, but that grief languages.
Like everybody differently, you have torespect how they grieve absolutely, So I
just would say, grieve your wayand allow people to grieve theirs, you
know, and remember and be ableto sit and talk about certain moments.
(21:26):
That's what we'll be doing this yearwith my aunt Sylvia. You know,
that's going to be a big one. Yeah, Like I think, you
always try to remember that grief isproof of how much you've loved. So
it's a it's it's sad, butit's beautiful at the same time, So
sometimes try to lean into the beautifulpart of it because it's love. Yes,
But if you are grieving, pleaseknow and understand that my DM is
(21:52):
always open if you do want totalk. I also will be grieving this
year, so you know, justtake some time for yourself, remember the
amazing things about that person or peoplethat you've lost so we can move forward.
Okay, the next question, howshould I respond to people making comments
(22:12):
about my weight? I think thatpeople whether they've lost a lot of late
or gained weight, it's a oreven if you haven't. Some families are
just there's those people who just everyyear you come in and looking the same,
and they still got sack, andthey still got something to say,
and all of them, I sayto say them to mother, to fucking
(22:34):
business. Like, you have toset boundary sometimes, and like when somebody's
being rude, no matter who theyare to you and your family, you
are allowed to protect yourself and you'reallowed to tell them that if they continue
to speak on this, give thema warning. I don't know what the
consequences. I don't know how farare you willing to go with it,
Whether it's you're gonna hear from meand in a way that's not gonna make
(22:56):
you happy, or it's I'm gonnaremove myself and stop coming. And my
thing is, if you really wantto get down to it and you really
want to knock them up, tellthem that you are happy with your way,
and they need to figure out whythey're so insecure about weight that they're
projecting it onto you. You needto ask them who told you that what
(23:19):
I look like is wrong? Doyou know what that bobia is and why
you feel that way? Do youknow have you worked through why you let
European beauty standards make you believe thatthe way we naturally are a right?
A lot of times the way infamilies are genetic. So what about our
DNA? Do you think that Ishould be ashamed of? Or you could
(23:44):
just say, you know, likeyour baby father. Remember my thing is,
this is how I am. Iwant to make the It's so uncomfortable
it's gonna get I want you'll neverwant to do this again with me.
So I've had things said to me, but I don't understand why people would
say things to me when I knowthe whole everybody's family business. We all
(24:07):
got something we can say to somebody, and I'm gonna say it every time.
And that's a good one too,because I don't know who your relatives
and they're dirt. But hit himback, that's it. Hit him back.
It does it have to be along response. You just got to
call out one name, just whatevername it is, call it out.
Well, I'm that one. Didbeing skinny keep your husband from leaving you?
(24:30):
I don't think because he's not here, it has to be something I
understand. Sometimes it's Grandma, youknow, talk to Grandma. That's the
time when you go with what Isaid initially, right Grandma, Grandma.
You can't even take Grandma like,I can't have a sit down with Grandma
because Grandma not gonna respond to that. She'd just be like, you have
to tell her. I know thatnothing else. Your Grandma wants you there,
(24:53):
and so you have to tell Grandmathat. Grandma, you're making me
not want to spend this holiday withyou, with you because I love you,
so you're hurting me. I don'tthink you want to hurt me,
but I need you to know thatif you want me to continue to partake,
you have to stop. It's tough. It's tough, though. It's
tough because yeah, I got both. I have the black American grandma and
(25:15):
I also had the immigrant grandma.I'm telling you, listen, it's tough
that one will watch you leave andright, Black America, maybe not,
but hopefully sometimes there's enough other peoplein the family that will stand up.
And my mother was like, they'renot about to talk about my kids the
way they talk to and it's like, you know what I mean. So
(25:36):
it's like, you got to havesomebody who's not she's not grandma too.
Yeah, Grandma got a sister,my brother, somebody who's out of eye
who could be like, Shirley,stop it, shut up. It's ridiculous
because you can't tell where to shutup exactly. So that's it. Okay,
So then twenty six and haven't achievedthe main goal I've set tips on
(25:57):
navigating family dinners. Love y'all allright. I think that it's like,
hey, we're all working towards something. Everybody's working towards something, and you're
twenty six. That's that's what Iwas going to say at twenty six pipe
down, like m I wish theywould say something man, twenty six.
(26:19):
Though I'm twenty six, I'm figuringit out. Uncle Johnny is fucking fifty
five and still trying to figure itout. If he can still figure it
out, I can still figure itout. So give it a second and
that's it. Shut it up.That's what we have to start doing.
Turning it up in the house,light the fire, burn the house down.
(26:41):
Sometimes we have to do it.So that's what I would say.
But you know, because you're alreadygonna be really hard on yourself as is.
Yeah, it's enough. Yeah,so yeah, just do that.
You know, it's just you reallygotta just figure out way to shut it
down because a lot of times you'renot gonnau fortunate get the understanding your looking
for from the people you love themost. And that's hard to start asking
(27:03):
people what they were doing at twentysix. That's a fun quay. Let's
play a game. Let's play agame. Everybody go around the table and
tell me how what she was doing? Where were you at six? And
what man you were living with?That was you were That's no longer here
right now because I'm doing it onmy own. So maybe you just give
me a low grace. So there'sthat. So that now, what's the
next one? The first holiday seasonafter a ten year breakup? Advice on
(27:29):
handling family loneliness, et cetera.Oh girl, I know, baby,
because I know everybody about to askyou where Tyrone at Oh my god,
everybody's about to ask you where atyrone at And that's gonna be hard that
the first one after breakup is alwaysa dreadful because you know, and you
got it. My advice, andI feel like we've said this before,
but my advice, I think ifthere's an advocate, whether it's a favorite
(27:52):
cousin, your mother, aunt,somebody who can go ahead of you and
tell everybody, Hey, do nobodyask about tyrone today. Don't bring him
up. That's what happened to me. You need an advocate who can go
ahead and tell people this happened,because you know, there's always that one
(28:15):
relative who was on Facebook when Iinstagram and missed the announcement or you know
whatever. It has. Somebody fillpeople in and let them all get their
reactions out before I get there.Yeah, yeah, I would say,
you know, because that's what I'mabout to go through this year too.
So you know, during the funeralof my grandmother, my aunt had said
(28:37):
it. She said, listen,I don't have to respond to anything.
I know. That's right. Shewas like, we don't know him,
we don't talk about him, itdoesn't exist. And all the aunts said,
les don't ask nothing to She waslike, she'll talk about it when
she want to talk about it,but we ain't doing it. Shout out
to Auntie D. She said,we ain't. We love we love doing
(29:00):
that and then looked at my mom. Mom say yup, and that was
it, and that was it.So you just got to get you yet
an advocate, an advocate. Andfor the loneliness part, we always talk
about romance with friends, filling upwith friends, whatever traditions you used to
do, tap in a friend todo it. Would you, you know,
make a girl's night, have amovie night, whatever part of Christmas
(29:22):
you love like and then like fillit up with your family, like and
know that love comes in all formsand then it will come again. So
like, you may not have aman this Christmas, but you be thankful
for the love in your life thatyou do have and try to lean into
that level of gratitude. I knowwhat's easier said than done, but know
if nothing else, then next Christmaswill be easier. Next thing is giving
will be easier. It gets easierwith you easier. And so this is
(29:45):
just one year where you just kindof power through, Okay, and that's
just hard. The human experience.It's hard, all right, what's the
next one? Our holidays? Thetime to debut a boo? Who you're
still working on? Yet? Familywon't stop asking about when you say you're
(30:06):
still working on. No, thatmakes me, That makes me want to
say, no, no, whatare you still working on? What are
you working on? Like it maybe and if he's not, here's did
you? Here's the family asking about? Wait, I'm confused. The family
won't stop asking about they met him, even know they haven't met him,
you know how Like you say youhave a boyfriend, but you don't bring
him home, and they're like,when you're bringing him home? And the
(30:26):
answer is when I want to orwhen I know he's gonna stay home?
Because the problem is is what youheard the last question? Right? Because
when you do bring him home,when you don't, again, you're gonna
have to deal with that. Yes, So don't start nothing that you don't
think you could continue, right,Yeah, still working on? Absolutely not,
(30:48):
because but it's still working on.It's giving me that y'all not where
you wanted me to get. Yes, And I don't think you should bring
home anybody for the holidays who youare not solid with. Absolutely like,
unless he's ten tones down, myman, my man, I mean,
and we're intentionally working towards something.What's the point of bringing him in something
here and gonna be in exact Sotell your family to my day business.
(31:11):
Yep, yes, oh yes me. What's so? What do you respond
to people ask? Are you evergonna get a man? Sylvia? Hit
it? Hit it when you saythat, baby whatever, they don't have
(31:32):
you, you feel in the blank. When are you ever gonna get chopped?
When are you ever gonna get alife? So you're not all that
in mind? Get a hobby.Get a hobby, when you're gonna get
a breath mint, when you're gonnaget a therapist, when you're gonna get
a better hair dresser. Because Ican the lace, I can see it.
We can see the lace when you'regonna stop wearing that same sweat,
(32:00):
sob Now we play in the doucesright now, we run into the facts,
okay, because for everything is somebodydon't got somebody else don't got some
too. That's what I keep tryingto talk. So I know it is
a it's a it's not for everybody, But I think the easiest format is
to just replace the subject when areyou gonna ever get something they've never had?
(32:21):
It always be the aunt that don'tgot nobody too right, And so
I think sometimes now that I'm older, I feel bad because, like clearly
they said they don't want you toend up like to end up like them,
but younger than me. Used tobe like I'll get one when you
find one, or I'll get onewhen you know we're still looking for yours
if it's coming from a more likeI don't want you to have my life
(32:45):
type of thing, but it's not. But it's never gonna do that,
Like they're never gonna show you that, Oh you get black women, they're
gonna get right, We're gonna getHey, where's your man at you thirty
three? You're thirty two? Iwish I knew everybody's feel but I just
so I can just write the jokesfor you. Yeah, give the specifics
and materials something right back in andthen we could get you. We could
(33:07):
tailor some responses for absolutely. Alsolet me know how valuing your family gets,
because that matters to clap back.I don't know. I gotta see
the responses. What we deal aboutmoney throughout you three? So let's just
let me know where we are.But yeah, next one gifts what our
(33:31):
easy gift ideas that won't stretch youout trying to think of So I guess
the easy ones. I always say, like give certificates, candles, candles.
Absolutely. I think anybody wants theyhave to smell good. I think
if somebody that can the person,that's a little weird. But if I
(33:51):
think it's something like what's something thatwould make like a small house item.
But also I think gift cards areeasy when it's like anybody can think of
a store somebody likes, like,get them a month off of something that
they already are using. I know, like dads, step dads, like
uncles. Black men are hard toshop older black men hard. But you
know what, all the black menlove a Duncan Donuts stop. I used
(34:13):
to run up a Duncan Donuts giftcard in Jersey or like home depot and
were like, wherever their spot is, you know loves I'm gonna say,
who loves a man who loves wahwah. He almost passed out. I
love. He was like, ohI'm good to go, yeah, good
(34:36):
good. And so it seems small, but it's and if it feels if
you feel like it's not enough,run up the number. You know what
I mean, two hundred certificate withlast year. That's a lifetime, you
know what I'm saying of subs.Okay, men love practical gifts, and
I think for women, I don'tknow, there's eighty percent of women will
(34:57):
be happy with this. The fora gift card. I feel safe,
yeah, because even if they're notinto makeup, there's skincare. Now skincare,
there's haircances, there's fragrances, littlesome for every everybody. So yeah,
you could definitely do that. Butthis is also just adds up.
This hopefully is not for your significantother. This is hopefully not for your
mother. I'm sorry. Those areeasy. Yeah, oh yeah those do
(35:19):
think I like to get those littleif you're a so farmers. This for
the men or some women too,who are bad gift givers. If you
just there's packages of gifts in onepackage. Oh yeah, you can buy
them bare Bathroom body Works. Gotone I love better, but I love
Bathroom body Works. They got goodcare to anybody. Listen, you want
to give me some candles, giveme them three wicks. Oh boy,
(35:45):
hellot them three wicks. But that'swhat I'm saying. Get some of those
for the cousins and the aunts andyou'll be shut. Yeah. My favorite
easy thing. And this is theway I believia is stressed. In my
families. We just tell each otherwhat we want. Sorry, I know,
not for everybody, and the waywe keep them in a surprise.
We give a list, yes,and then you don't know what from that
list. I'm gonna pay. That'swhat my mom. But we do get
a list because let me tell youwhat we are going time for the stress
(36:07):
of guessing. That's what my familydoes. Now. I am known for
the I am the family member thatgives the gifts. I mean gives the
list very late because I do notknow what the hell I want. I
don't know what i want. I'mlike, what do you want? Right?
Right? And decisive? I don'tknow. Oh, this is a
great question. Okay. Should Ifeel pressure as the rich cousin to buy
(36:30):
gifts for everyone? My God,today I have that pressure. Every My
thing is yes, you have tobuy everybody something unless you want somebody to
have an attitude I buy you meaneverybodybody to be in the house, yes,
or every cousin. You have everybodythat's in the house on that day.
(36:52):
Oh okay, yes, everybody's mycousin. None of my cousins are
in the house that day. Ohyeah, nobody gets anything. That's the
beauty of it. But if youdo have big families and everybody comes to
the damn family to the Christmas,then I have to have That's where I
go to Sophora. That's where Igo to bed. Little gift card,
I start them out, pass themout. My uncle used to pass out
(37:14):
twenty dollar bills that they've given.You couldn't tell sixteen year old me that
I wasn't about to run it up. And nowadays that child will look at
you like twenty thousand nothing. Theprice is getting heavier. To be the
rich cousin is what it used tobe. Crazy, But I do think
that, like I'm big on likedo we have a relationship like before I
was the rich cousin too? Likedid we exchange gifts prior? Like not
(37:36):
to the baby cousins, but liketo the old one, you know what
I mean. Like, I don'tknow, I'm just thinking, like,
no, I love to think thatway, and I think obviously I'm gonna
give you a better gift and you'regiving me I mean like or like,
oh yeah, this definitely or doyou get like but do you give like
or do we have that kind ofrelationship because not all kid focused. Like
I'm just saying, like, allr how cold are you to these cousin?
(37:57):
Yeah, they're definitely teared. I'mtalking about people that's in the house,
uh, that come to Christmas,So of course there's tear cousins.
You guys, Yeah there's tears.Okay, you know who to give the
real gift to if you're real,like I'm I'm a that's a solid cousin
for me. We talk often throughoutthe year. Then you got the cousins
you don't hear from I don't tillholiday, but you still got to get
(38:22):
something for them because they're family.And it looks crazy if y'all are all
sitting around passing out gifts and yousay, excuse me, because what we
do is give our gifts to everyone. So I stand up, I give
my gift to everybody. If I'mskipping over my cousins and I'm like,
oh sorry, sorry, Matt,that's not this year. That's crazy.
Family don't do that right, Soeverybody buys a gift and it doesn't.
(38:45):
My thing is nobody needs to belooking at everybody like, oh what you
what you got with none of that. Everybody's grateful for the gift that they
get because it could easily be nogift, because because they can turn the
no gift. Let me tell youhow I can ever really thinks that if
they're in the house, then inthat case, I'm saying, like,
do it based on the car relationshipyou have with them? Yeah? No,
(39:06):
you don't see her cousins in themorning or like that day. Oh
you know what I mean? Ohno, I'm not sending anything like sending
gifts. Oh no, it's dead. My grandma didn't even get a gift
if she ain't come, are youjust saying her, don't you don't come
to Christmas. I'm not sending youagain to sit it on down in this
house. You want to get it, you want to get fresh, you
have to come to me. Shejust want to get fresh. I don't
(39:29):
want to come. No, youcoming and getting this gift and you got
to sleep over. That's what hergrandma's Then somebody else asks, is it
wrong that I only give gifts tomy grandma and not her husband. He's
trash. Well, I let youin on a little. Is her husband
your grandfather? No, probably not. He's probably not right. But here's
(39:50):
the thing, this is gonna bemy first year I get my mom's boyfriend
a gift. They've been together fora year. Never get that many gift.
Here's the thing. It's been upand down. You know, it
depends on the year. I didn'tknow what I think. I will be
getting him a real gift this year. I'm glad he I'm glad he worked
(40:14):
his way up. Everybody give up. I won't say his name around.
Yeah, I almost did. Goodshout out to him. Yeah, I
think yes, if that person,Hey, if he's trashed to your grandma
and you won't get my gift,don't get me a gift. He not
gonna remember if he's not your papa, Yeah, he not your papa.
If he is your popause people maystill feel that way because that could be
(40:35):
a real thing. Your grandpa couldbe trashed for your grandma. That's a
real scenario. That is a realscenario to wish. I said, give
him a small gift, Yeah,like a twenty five dollars. People already
get Grandpa the small gift, thoughsmaller turn the body down even lower.
(40:58):
But no, that's funny. Doyou exchange Christmas gifts with all of your
friends as an adult? Absolutely not. Do you know how many friends I
have? We ain't never even giftsbefore I did. I almost asked because
something I was gonna do. Idon't have to do no more because I
feel like you're good. But whatI think the thing I thought of my
(41:23):
friends go through breakups because you're usedto getting a gift from a significant other.
I was gonna say, do youwant to exchange gifts? Because now,
let me tell you, I wasgonna say that the terrible gifts that
I've gotten through the past years,I am happy to not receive any gifts,
but I would say it right,But you are right, But you
(41:45):
know, if you're not getting anything, that's what happened to be stressed about.
I am elated. My point hereis that if I think it's a
mutually decide upon things, it's noproblem. If you don't. I know
some friends you superstand us. Ithink it's make a situation based on your
friend group, right, because andit's perfectly Okay for all y'all to say,
(42:06):
hey, we're gonna focus on ourfamilies because we're all at that age
now we're supporting families, right,so let's just focus. Yeah, but
again, if your friends are yourfamily, I think that's a real scenario
for a lot of people, thenlike, sure, that's great, but
like, have a conversation with thefriends who that they're aware that this is
what we're doing. I don't thinkit's gonna be an assumption and feel like
(42:27):
shit if they get a gift andthey're like, because, like I said,
we've never even exchanged Christmas gifts before. I'm not I don't Receiving gifts
is not my thing. I thinkI think of my friends for birthdays,
but it's like your friend is hostinga holiday party. Maybe then give the
hosts a nice bottle of wine.I don't know, but yeah, that's
(42:47):
the rad with it. Go aheadread this next one. Thinking about flying
home for holidays to see family,My has not so su said that she
hasn't seen me this year. Iget it. Family is important. However,
funds are low and my bro alreadyspend the summer with me. Her
(43:12):
anxiety is through the roof lately,So she's not easy to be around.
I guess he's talking about his mother. Yeah, her mother, their mother.
Their mother's anxiety is through the roof. So she's not easy to be
around either. Advice. That's tough. That's tough because she wants to see
(43:35):
you, and she hasn't seen youthis year. Yeah, year's a long
time. I get the funds arelow, and I mean, you did
have her son in your house forthe whole summer, so hmmm, I
think, what if you just goand say, I can't afford a gift
for anybody, but my presence canbe one like me just being in there.
(44:00):
Yeah, and I want to spendtime with y'all. But like,
also, to be around you isa fucking drag though. That's rough.
Maybe if you I mean, butyou said funds are low. I was
gonna say, maybe get a hotelroom or like stay with a friend,
but that's rough too. Maybe justkeep the trip shorter, Yeah, like
(44:22):
Christmas Eve, Christmas Day going ongone, you just power through for forty
eight hours. Yeah, because she'sgonna feel away. She's definitely gonna feel
away that you stand somewhere else andnot at the house. But maybe that
can that that could be a discussion. Yeah, And I also think,
I mean, but if her anxietyis already through, it's hard because when
(44:42):
a mom's anxiety is through the roof, you don't know what will make it
work. What's gasoline and what's water? Yeah, and it's hard. That's
yeah. I think that there's it'sthere's there's really no winning here. And
that's why it's hard, because eitheryou're gonna suffer. She's gonna suffer and
you. I want neither of youto suffer ideally, But I think if
(45:02):
you can handle it though, ifit's not going to break you to go
home, if I be breaking through, break you financially, or break you
emotionally mentally, whatever, do it? Maybe have that conversation now, how
can we make the holidays better forus? You know, just let's let's
talk about how we can make thissomething that both of us can enjoy right
(45:24):
now, and then also maybe tellher about what you're going through and how
the added anxiety is just not helpfulright now. It's all on how you
talk. I think to your momtoo. I'm learning I have to say
things to my mom will take thingspersonal immediately, immediately it's just about her,
as A said, But if youcan find a way to say,
(45:46):
yo, I just want to makeour holidays. I want to spend time
with you, but I want toyeah, I want to figure out how
we can do both combinations. Combination. So it's good. I think,
and I think maybe you know yourmom too, you know your whole life.
What makes your mom happy? Doesshe have favorite activity? Does she
like to go somewhere like run itup all the time. Most of her
(46:07):
anxiety may be because you're not home. So that may settle some things too,
with you just being home for twodays, three days. If all
those fails, I would like toto introduce edibles to the family and CBD
fad sprinkle with in the Christmas Nosee you tell people to drunk. Grandma's
(46:29):
crazy their mom, not Grandma Grandma. They might be happy about it.
They might be like, wow,is the best Christmas? Cook get mad?
We had had these every year.Okay, let's bring you the anxiety
down. Literalists in the room foreverybody. Facts. You know what I'm
saying. All right, yeah,okay, and this one not feeling the
(46:51):
in laws, be a supportive wifeor go to my family and let her
be meet me there. Let metell you something. I'm not married.
We'll be reminded soon. I knowas we go home, I know I'm
not married, but you will notmake me suffer scott during a holiday.
(47:16):
No, I'm going home. Meetme there, I would say, go
so that you can tell the familyI'm here to stay. No, no,
no, no, Scottie, thisis his when you get married,
it's your family now too. Andthe same way, no matter how crazy
your family is, you would neverskip a Christmas. You have to do
(47:36):
both. You can shorten your timeat his family. Maybe it's a gift
drop off situation, but this issomething that you decided to marry into and
something you decide to marry into.When you marry somebody, you gotta think
about that. And if you don'twant to spend Christmas with their family,
you gotta tell them that before youmarry them. Let them know what,
Well, what if they just startedacting up? That's what I'm saying,
that you just start acting up.I don't like what you're doing right now,
(48:00):
and I don't know, I don'tknow. You know the thing is
that I think that the main thingis to communicate with your husband Is he
okay with you not stopping by hisfamily's house? Are you okay with him
not stopping by yours? Because maybeit's that you guys spend it with each
family, but I think the expectationfor them to come to yours when you're
(48:20):
not coming to theirs. It alsodepends on what type of person you are.
Because I don't know who asked this, but just in case it's someone
who is outspoken, I would say, you have to be clear. Your
husband knows you right. So ifhe's telling you to stay at home to
the same same home, boom.But if he's not telling you to stay
at home and he wants this fromyou or his family, especially once people
(48:45):
have kids. My thing is thatyou have to figure it out because it's
not going to change. You're marriedfor life, so your families are like
it's like, yeah, so it'slike when you when you're not gonna be
able to keep their grandkids from them. You're not gonnaan to spend Christmas apart
from your kids. So it's likeyou have to figure out something that works
for a little bit for you know, Yeah, who is that kid?
(49:06):
Come? Then we can talk,Then we can have a discussion. I
don't have to suffer through that.I don't want to prematurely do it,
That's all I'm saying. But Iget with Sylvia saying, yes, if
y'all locked in, you'll have todo everything together. And it makes y'all
are united front now Like y'all,I think it sends a sign too.
Maybe it sends a signal like,ay, this we in this, so
(49:27):
you gotta deal with me now,and I have to deal with you,
yeah, because I just don't thinkthe solution is not spending Christmas with your
husband. So I mean, yeah, like, you don't just not spend
Christmas with your husband? Piss meoff on Christmas, my nigga. I
have to keep it quick. Youdon't have to have a full meal with
them. Go to the house,let them open their gifts. How long,
and let's be good question, howlong should we customize it for your
(49:53):
needs? But how long is itgood? If you can't stand them niggas?
How long can you say it didn'tget out at sixty minutes flat?
Oh they're gonna have a problem.Sixty minutes. Sixty minutes if half of
its gift opening, it's an hour. It goes by really fast. No,
oh, no hour. Oh butisn't you know, Oh you mean
like it's not long enough. Yeah, ninety minutes. Okay, is that
(50:15):
better? Yeah, that's that's toughthough. That's just further, I guess
proves to everyone who's listening that Iam not ready, because clearly I would
have somebody leave their whole family.You say, hey, what they got
to do with me? I wouldliterally say, go and see your family
and see me later. You cansee me what his mother wants to spend
all the Christmas with him, Becausebut think about our moms. If think
(50:37):
about a reverse, if your husbanddoesn't like your family and my family don't
like him my husband, No,no, it's just one way, I
mean, or both. You gospend every Christmas apart. That ain't my
husband no more. If you don'tlike your family, yeah, even if
it's justified, like they're the onesin the wrong. That could never happen.
(50:59):
Okay, all right, what I'msaying, they're wrong, they're the
wrong that I'm having a sit down, we're having a discussion because this can't
happen, because this can't happen.But you know, also, I'm a
woman, and I feel like I'mable to have those conversations. Yeah,
husband's not so much. They don'tknow how to fucking do anything like as
far as making sure that the familyruns smoothly. And you know, we
(51:22):
are able to talk about our issues, especially mom versus wife, what rough
they start to crumble. So Iended up stand up for real, honestly,
ends up like you stood up atthe aisle, fact for your wife.
Facts. You got to yes.So there's that. Well, y'all
really sent in some good questions likethese were really good and I hope that
(51:45):
we actually helped you figure it out. Thank you for trusting us. I
would like to confirm that we arenot licensed therapists and that you should definitely
see one about these things. I'mconsulted professional, but I understand that healthcare
is expensive and therapy ain't free yet, which is a shame. So hope
we help where we could. Yep. Before we let you go, we
(52:14):
always want to close with a fewwords of affirmation. That held us together
over the past week, and child, what will hold you together this week?
Okay, what do you have forthe people this week? Sylvia?
For the people this week, thisThanksgiving week? I would like to remind
(52:35):
you, especially those of you thatare gathering with your families at Thanksgiving.
Nobody cares about your diet. Nobodywants to hear how guilty you feel about
eating all this food. I don'tcare that you haven't had carbs all year.
(52:58):
I don't care that you're vegetarian.And you came that this black ass
house thinking there's gonna be a veganmac and cheese option. Bring your own,
bring home, and don't come anddon't make us feel bad for throwing
down, because some of us haveworked through it. You know what I
mean, Some of us have workedthrough whatever's got you so stressed that one
bad meal a year is just andyou're incapable of going through it silently.
(53:22):
It is not the time. It'sabout gluttony. It's not the time to
bring up your dog. I'll beon the gym, the mall. Oh,
I gotta go back to the car. Oh my trainer is gonna hear
about that. Oh brother, please, no one can shut it up.
That's that's a good one. Thankyou. What's your what's so much of
(53:44):
an affirmation? But it's what Ihave to say. Okay, what you
got? What's your affirmation for theweek? This is for everyone. I
feel like, because I think thetopics are gonna start coming to the table.
People are gonna want to have discussionsabout what's happening somewhere, what's going
on here and there. Here's whatI say, you're right about it,
bring back, shutting the fuck upif you don't know what you're talking about,
(54:09):
and most likely I hope, butuncles, maybe you could turn this
part up when your uncle is byright while you're cooking, right, you
don't know what you're talking about.You just making shit up. You've seen
one thing on Fox News and nowyou want to have a discussion about it.
You don't know what you're talking about. Bring back I don't know,
(54:30):
bring back I don't know what thehell you're talking about. And also bring
back when you hear your uncle orsomebody, because usually it's uncles. Uncle's
just oh my god, those copsyears were dark. My god. You
took me back to a place.Shit, you took me back to a
place. You don't know what thefuck you talk about. The homophobia,
(54:53):
be crazy, homophobia. Every phobiathere is. The phobia. It's every
everywhere. Anti feminist, baby,it's everywhere. It's everywhere. Sometimes,
so just bring back telling maybe tellyour aunt to tell him to shut up,
shut up, Johanna. I wantto hear that, and that's it.
(55:15):
I want people to say, shutup more, shut the fuck up.
You don't know what you're talking about, or I don't know, don't
even entertain the conversation with your uncle. I'm telling you it's not gonna work
out. Every year y'all try this, y'all try it, and y'all do
it, and it fails every time. It comes back with more dumb ass
shit to say. So maybe ify'all ignore him, so let him just
(55:37):
I even had I have an unclethat my mom said, you can't come
back. Please. I'm a bigfan of that. Don't come up in
here saying just crazy, come uphere taking crazy you exactly, you could
pick one exactly, but you're notoffending nobody in this house. So that's
what we're doing. We kick niggasout of the house. Turn that up,
(56:00):
turn it up. So yeah,just bring back, bring practice people
shutting the fuck up. That's whatI will say. Don't feel like you
have to argue about world issues that'shappening in the house when you know they're
committed to misunderstanding you anyway because theydon't know what the fuck is going on.
You're hitting them with real fact facts. They said, I ain't never
seen that. Ain't nothing gonna bemore stressful than the Israel Palastin being argued
(56:25):
over a black family not doing it. Don't nobody know what the fuck they
talk about. Please shut up.It's gonna be so bad. I'm not
doing it, dog, I justI'm not doing it. Especially if you
got one of those we were oncekings. If you got one of those,
(56:45):
shut your hand, don't say nothing, just go. I'm not having
a conversation with you. So that'sit, all right, Well, got
you guys. It's not twenty forhours. Nothing else. Remember it's twenty
four hours. You will see theother side of this, I promise.
Enjoy the holidays, Happy Thanksgiving.In the meantime, make sure you keep
(57:06):
up with the show online using thehashtag Scotty and Sylvia Show, and make
sure you come back next week formore of The Scotty and Sylvia Show because
we do it all for you,all right, all right, love y'all,
Happy Thanksgiving. New episodes of TheScotty and Sylvia Show drop every Thursday,
(57:31):
so check us out wherever you listento podcasts. The visuals drop every
Friday on YouTube. The Scotty andSylvia Show is a radio production hosted by
Me Scotti Bean and Me Sylvia Obel. Executive producers are also Us Scotti Bean
and Sylvia Obel. I know that'sright, I am. And executive producers
from radio are Geea Your Door,Benoni Tago and Everyone's favorite girl, Lisa
(57:57):
Ray. Associate producer from radio isMay say Hi. Our senior producer is
Gabrielle Horton, sound engineer is IanTackne, and our video editor is Jay
Kendriche. And a big thank youto all the brilliant minds across the radio
universe who makes us dope as Showpossible.
Hey, I'm journalist Sam Sanders,I'm poet Say Jones, and I'm producer
Zach Stafford and we are the hostsof a podcast called Bye Check. On
Vibe Check, we talk about everythingnews, culture, and entertainment and how
it all feels. That's right.We talked about any and everything on our
show, from real life issues likegrief to music and movie critiques. And
(00:23):
that barely scratches the surface. Yes, indeed, and it doesn't stop there.
We have got a lot to say, So join our group chat,
come to life, follow and listento vibe Check wherever you get your podcast.
(00:50):
Welcome to the Scotty and Sylvia Show, where we speak our minds like
it's our full time jobs and haveso much fun doing it. And I'm
Scottie Bean here in La yet again, and I'm Sylvie o'bell and I'm so
excited because Thankgiving is this week.Yippie, y p oh you p iya.
(01:12):
How are you doing this week?You're good? I'm you know.
Holidays is just be holiday and maybeholladays they be holiday in and so everybody's
on my nerves now. It's aboutthat. It's that time of the year
is the most wonderful time. Butpeople are making plans and it annoys me.
(01:33):
I do a lot plan. Yes, people are making plans. I'm
annoyed. Now we're on the fasttrack to Christmas on my basically, I
mean, for some of us areconcerned that starts November first, the day
after Halloween. Yeah right, careyseason exactly. But you love you love?
I love it. I live forthis sea love. I love it.
I love the game. They're like. I love Christmas, okay,
(01:55):
and Thanksgiving. I want the trees, I want the lights, I want
the I want the children gleefully justrunning through the toy stores. I want
the Christmas music. Brandy dropped theChristmas album. I'm thrilled about it.
Really, Yes, the girls willgive us new Christmas music. I love.
I know you don't like how theymusic. I hate it, love
it except for Donnie Hasaway. Okay, it's Christmas because you know. But
(02:19):
but but how do you feel aboutThanksgiving? Specifically? I don't celebrate it,
so I don't really feel any wayabout it. Do y'all even spend
the day together or y'all don't know. My family usually goes to their significant
significant other houses or whomever. Youknow, friends givings and do whatever they
want to do. We haven't celebratedit one because I think, well,
I think my family is from Belize. They came and they were like,
(02:44):
Okay, that's cool, this iscute, but we don't need to celebrate
it, and so we just neverhave. Yeah, no, that's real,
my Kenny in the family, wejust did can decide to just adapt.
They said, hey, they werefeet right together, right, And
I get that. It's weird becauseI got my dad's side of the family,
like that side they do Thanksgiving andeverybody does their own thing at Christmas,
(03:05):
but my mom is a huge Christmasperson. And then like Thanksgiving,
we just always did it when weor another I think now that I live
in LA, either we'll spend itwith friends because most of our extended family
is in Nairobi, still on mymom's side, so like, either we
spend it with friends or like theycome to LA like this week they're coming
to Los Angeles. That said,hey, come to me, come on,
guys, let's give me a flightbreak. And they're more than thrilled
(03:27):
because they love Los Angeles, right, and that it's been a minute.
It's always the time of year though. That makes me feel like I need
a bigger space now. It's likeit's so crazy now us being becoming more
and more the adults, Like Imiss the days where my parents just threw
me in the car and we endup summer with food and I had nothing
to do with the plans. That'sI think. That's also a very hard
thing. I hard pill to swollowto realizing, like most some of your
(03:52):
matriarchs are passing, and now youare starting to have to become that or
start to walk in the footsteps ofthat. I lost my grandmother this year,
my great aunt, but she's likemy grandma, and I was the
last of that generation. Yeah,so you know, holidays are very sweet
(04:14):
and sour for me. It's alwaysbeen that way. My nanny passed the
day after Christmas. My grandfather byPapa's birthday is on Christmas. He's no
longer with us. I think justgetting used to the new normal, it's
gonna feel different. You know.This season is very jolly and cute and
amazing, and it is. There'ssome parts of it that I absolutely love,
(04:39):
but I also have to be wellaware that there are people that are
actually going through a new normal.Right now with grieving and not having their
loved one with them during this timewhen most of this time is spent on
talking about family and being around family, being around the ones that you love.
So I just would you know,it's very complicated, it's very stressful
(05:00):
sometimes too with having to uh dealwith it. But yeah, and then
also pay for things and spend money, and you know, in a recession,
child is this is crazy. SoI just would hope that you give
yourself some time for yourself. Yeah, even if you think that the season
(05:24):
doesn't require that. I think somepeople are like you know, yeah,
no that selfish should know. Yeah, like, no, baby, you
gotta rest. Rest. If youcan't lead into another part of this holiday,
you can rest. You enjoy theday off, enjoy the days that
we get off, and make ityour own. You know, some people
(05:44):
don't have family, that's a lie, but they don't even have good relationships
with them, like find your tribeor even if it's just you're finding something
that makes you happy that day.And and I think that's what holidays are
about to with watching comfort movies thatyou love or listening to songs that you
guys used to listen to when youwere kids or things like that. So
that's why I think you know,with it approaching that we should do something
(06:09):
for this. We should be givenfor the thanks and the thanks for being
listeners and thanks for listening in.We asked y'all a son of some questions
for the holidays season, and we'regonna answer them now because, like we
said in the end, we doit all for you. Okay, let's
(06:34):
start with general holiday questions. Howdo you tell your people you don't celebrate
thingsgiving because of its past. Sothe colonialism, the Native Americans being the
having the land stolen, and theblind about it was a peaceful dinner between
(06:56):
the two. Absolutely, the rutsare trash. The ruster things we give,
they are absolutely trash. It wasalive and to propaganda, business history.
It really is something that people havemade up. This is made up.
So I think you're wellding your rightsto feel that way. I think
a lot of us, especially blackfolks, it's become more of just like
an excuse to gather with family becausethe government and people give you the day
(07:20):
off, and a lot of peoplecan only spend time with family if they
get days off of work. Ithink the way to tell your people is
to explain to them, like toliterally just communicate that. I can see
how if you're black, which I'massuming you want to, Mama may not
respect that. So maybe you justspend time with the family but don't actually
partaking the meal, which takes somecrazy self discipline. Crazy. But if
(07:43):
that's what you're standing on right,standing on business, and do it,
so just don't come, just don'tsee them and see them and you know,
yeah, because also like, letpeople celebrate what they want to celebrate,
got it good. But as longas you're not running around like a
Jehovah, you know what I'm saying, you know, a like the hos
witness, always running around trying totell them this is what you're not.
Just supposed to let them come totheir own conclusion with their own holiday seasons
(08:09):
or whatever. But and I'm gontashow up. Yeah, And I would
say, just fue another time.If it's about they feel like they're not
getting time with you, I wouldtry to make another situation where maybe you're
now you're coming home from four July. Yeah, that's a bad example,
you know, just a time andthis damn all these holidays are lies.
Okay. My point is picking ofthe time to spend with your family if
(08:31):
you're going to take away Thanksgiving,Yeah, okay, all right, food
time settle this. Dressing or stuffing, I don't eat either. That's my
favorite size. Really, I fuckinglove them both. So here's why I
think the difference is. I thinkdressing is a you're black, it's a
black family be I think stuffing isstove topped, nothing comes closer to the
(08:58):
whole, and I will eat boxstuff it smells. I don't care what
y'all have to say about it.Yeah, I like both. I want
to read this next one. Howdo I explain to my sister, who's
a chef, that she doesn't cookwith love? Food is trash. I'm
(09:18):
just trying to figure out how she'sa chef but she don't cook Good's tons
of chefs that don't cook good havean not She makes terrible, terrible potato
salad, and every year my familyhypes this woman up to make her potato
(09:39):
salad. And although I guess somepeople really do like it in the family,
but at the end of the nightfor Christmas, it's still there,
it's still sitting there. So Iwould like to say. I finally told,
well, my mom snitched on me. Now your mom threw you under
the bus. Get the messag outright. That's what happened, she said.
(10:03):
And she was like, I said, it's just peas don't belong.
And there's what when you have aCaribbean family, this is the things that
you can't eat or they can't makemacaroni, macaroni ballad, no mac and
cheese. They're incapable. There's noway, there's nothing that. I don't
(10:26):
care. I don't care what you'reabout to say about your Caribbean mother.
She doesn't know how to make macaroniand cheese, so stop. And potato
salad. Peas were in it.I don't know, and I don't know
why, but they were. That'sthat's not almost as bad as rain.
You just say, you just saythis is this is not potato. You
understand and you're not. And Itold her, like, listen, you're
(10:50):
not from here, girl. Letme help you. Let me tell you
what's on here. Let the blackAmericans think it's right. Everything's for everybody,
not everything is for everyone. Thinkthe way if you can't be direct,
I think the message is is toleave a full point of it there,
But then they're not ever gonna eatlike I think everybody should just bludh
(11:11):
and not eat it. And ontop of that, you should family should
double up and everybody make the two. So if she's making a magagine,
somebody who can cook make the magage? Is she making the full spread?
If she is so, is shemaking full spread? Then they have to
eat something, but they have tosay you have to sit it, sit
down and say, yo, whatcan I help you? Also? Can
(11:33):
I help you cook? I wouldlove to join you. I think the
love is us doing it as afamily exactly, and maybe we should as
a family come together and cook together. Love that. Or if she's stubborn
and refuses to accept it, maketwo of everything, somebody else cook.
It's crazy, but I can seesomebody that's standing down, you know how?
(11:56):
Yeah, all right, what's thenext one? What advice do you
have for people spending the holidays alone? Well, I've done it before.
I would just say, do thingsthat make you comfortable. I used to
do it for Thanksgiving back into schooltoo. When I was in college.
(12:18):
I wouldn't go home. I'll justbe in the dorm and I would just
watch stuff that makes you know it'sonly one day. Sometimes I have to
remind you it's one day. It'sone day, and it's tough. Yeah,
yeah, but you just gotta focuson the it's only one day.
Things will go back to normal.And that's tough though, like especially during
(12:43):
the pandemic. Yeah, that's thefirst time I did it. Yeah,
I did it before the pandemic.Yeah, but it was it's a rough
thing. But I would just saydo all the things, like light it
up, get excited about doing allthe things. Should that bring you come
for Yeah, watch your favorite movies, been your favorite show, all your
favorite for all of it. Likeallow yourself a hall past day. Do
(13:05):
whatever brings me, joy all yourguilty pleasures in one twenty four hour jam
packs that shit. Stay off ofInstagram. Stay off of Instagram, yes,
stay off of Twitter. Enjoy thebreak. And if it's a situation
where it's just that you can't getto your family. What I did on
twenty twenty Christmas, we did Zoomusually on the holiday. I don't know
if they're keeping this tradition, butZoom gives you a twenty four hour past
(13:28):
on holidays since twenty twenty, andwe would just time. We watched movies
together via zoom, like we likedwe like time does pressing play, and
like I had them up on mycouch, like on my coffee table,
and we just were kind of interactingthroughout the day, eating together, but
like just through technology. Yeah,so I think I did that before the
more The hardest thing will be whenit's the aftermath of the people asking what
(13:54):
you did for the holidays. That'susually the tough part. But as long
as you you know, you say, hey, I stayed, but I
was cool. I was the longestby myself, but I went I did
this, this and this and thisand maybe go somewhere. And you know,
the truth is had a better timethan a lot of people who have
to go because a lot of peopleasking you, but they was miserable,
as oh, bro, so justdon't it's not The grass ain't always green.
(14:18):
Okay, Now that you all arein your thirties, what new traditions
do y'all want to start? Wheny'all have your own families? Now did
y'all are Oh? Now, shesaid y'all. She said, y'all in
thirties, and what new traditions Idon't know about new traditions, but I
(14:39):
just really want to like bring backthe feeling, you know, Like I
think when you have all adults inyour family, there's a bit of the
magic that's gone. There's no makingthe sugar cookies for Santa and like waking
up the morning hearing the pattern feet. I think kids make Christmas special and
like I really cute way that Ithink it's hard to do when you don't
(15:01):
have any in the family. AndI know it's my fault that we don't
have I mean, it's all me. I'm the oldest. We do all
the things my family does, allthe things that we did at kids,
when we were kids. So Ithink that's what that's the tradition that I
will keep up. My mom doesn'tplay about Christmas. So when it comes
to making cookies, we have tomake cookies. Oh yes, like for
(15:22):
fanca or just for fun, justfor fun, just to eat, you
know, get the cookies. Weall open one gift the day before Christmas.
We all have stockings. We stuffour stockings. The only thing that
I think maybe that I'll probably putin, which is corny as hell,
is probably get my family like matchingpajama sets. We don't have that.
(15:43):
Oh we do that. I dowant a family, right, so that
what me and my brother do everysingle Christmas is we do a concert of
the same songs. Oh yes,yes, so we have we sing songs,
but they're not Christmas songs. They'rejust old songs that we absolutely nothing
to do with Christmas. But weblast music until four in the morning and
(16:07):
then go to sleep. Yeah,but we have a good time. I
think that's something that I'm gonna keepdoing. When does the Christmas tree go
up? And when is to comedown? The answer is when the fuck
you wanted to sis. Whatever yousay goes no rules. After Halloween,
it's all fair gang. But now, especially because I'm gonna go home for
(16:29):
Christmas, so I'm missing a week, it's coming up a week early.
I'm putting my Christmas tree up thisweek if I can help it, because
I love the lights at night.It's just so cozy and just makes it
feel so special. I just liketinkle lights, and so he exceps to
put up tinkle lights. It makesme happy. And it's definitely staying up
in my house until after the Newyear, so maybe like the first week
(16:51):
of January, I take it down, but you do what brings you joy.
Okay, this world is rough.Want me, I promise you that
the thanks good food tastes the samewhere the tree is up or not.
I'm probably gonna put mine up theweek before Christmas and take it down after
New Year's. It's so much workto only have it up for two weeks.
It's a fake tree. It decorated, but y'll take That's what I'm
(17:15):
saying, y'all, don't be focused. Y'all be doing shit like singing songs,
and no, it's the joy.I want to just put the lights
up, put the little stuff up, all the ornaments, right, that's
the fun part for me. Thefun part is doing that, and that
only takes me about because also I'mnot getting the big, big tree.
I'm getting like a tree my sizethat's like five seven six foot maybe,
(17:40):
So then doing that it's a lotof saying taking a tree up and putting
it down and then putting it downwhatever. But you know, I just
will not be doing a real treeever again. One time and it shed
everywhere, and I have a dogwho I love, and that girl was
struggling. Okay, she was gettingyelled at every day because she was trying
(18:02):
to eat them pine needles. Sono, it will be fake tree forever
now. But also, would youmind doing a colored tree? Yes,
that's tacky. Better be green aroundhere. That's crazy. Didn't you just
say do what makes people happen?You asked me what I do, But
you said taki and they say itshould be green. You said that,
right, I did. It's okay. What I'm saying is, don't joy,
(18:26):
don't tell me white. I'm gonnagive me a white tree. Ah,
that's not what they met when theysaid they're giming of a white Christmas.
Yes, they do up in here. It is because I'm not thinking
about white people white. So whitetree. Yes, think about the snow
falling on the tree. Now it'scovered in snow. White tree. I
(18:47):
like a white tree. Now.I was thinking about getting a black tree,
but I was I would take ablack tree over a white tree.
I think that I think about howthings pop. I'd like the white tree
will wash out all the ornament colors. Now when you get color or for
ornaments. Yeah, all right,okay, go ahead. Any advice on
navigating grief during the holiday season,Now, unfortunately I know this feeling all
(19:11):
too well. I will say thatit has ebbs and flows. Of course,
what helps with me is being nearbythe family that is still here and
being able to grieve with my familysometimes. You know, we all don't
have to be so happy in themoment. We could just sit with each
(19:36):
other in silence. It will alsosit with each other and remember amazing things
about that person or people whom welost. And even if this is too
this is just set me off.But my family is very strong, have
a very strong family. So youknow, when somebody is grieving and it
(19:56):
doesn't look the same for you,and they choose to do whatever they do
to make themselves more comfortable in theirgrief, whether it is staying in the
room, sitting in the room notreally talking to anybody during that time because
they miss a certain someone. Letthem grieve how they want to grieve.
(20:18):
You can't tell people how they shouldbe missing someone whom they love immensely.
That's insane to me. I justremember of times where I would My mom
lost her mother the day after Christmas, you know, and she lost her
father in the summer, but hisbirthday is on Christmas Day. It's very
(20:41):
tough for my mom so it isimportant that we surround her with any type
of love and all type of lovethat she wants to accept in the moment,
you know. And what really helpsis her being around her family.
But sometimes you do want to takethat moment to be alone and remember those
people and remember those times when Iwasn't even around, or her kids wasn't
(21:04):
around when she was a kid,you know. So it's just respecting people's
Yeah. I think we talk aboutlove languages, but that grief languages.
Like everybody differently, you have torespect how they grieve absolutely, So I
just would say, grieve your wayand allow people to grieve theirs, you
know, and remember and be ableto sit and talk about certain moments.
(21:26):
That's what we'll be doing this yearwith my aunt Sylvia. You know,
that's going to be a big one. Yeah, Like I think, you
always try to remember that grief isproof of how much you've loved. So
it's a it's it's sad, butit's beautiful at the same time, So
sometimes try to lean into the beautifulpart of it because it's love. Yes,
But if you are grieving, pleaseknow and understand that my DM is
(21:52):
always open if you do want totalk. I also will be grieving this
year, so you know, justtake some time for yourself, remember the
amazing things about that person or peoplethat you've lost so we can move forward.
Okay, the next question, howshould I respond to people making comments
(22:12):
about my weight? I think thatpeople whether they've lost a lot of late
or gained weight, it's a oreven if you haven't. Some families are
just there's those people who just everyyear you come in and looking the same,
and they still got sack, andthey still got something to say,
and all of them, I sayto say them to mother, to fucking
(22:34):
business. Like, you have toset boundary sometimes, and like when somebody's
being rude, no matter who theyare to you and your family, you
are allowed to protect yourself and you'reallowed to tell them that if they continue
to speak on this, give thema warning. I don't know what the
consequences. I don't know how farare you willing to go with it,
Whether it's you're gonna hear from meand in a way that's not gonna make
(22:56):
you happy, or it's I'm gonnaremove myself and stop coming. And my
thing is, if you really wantto get down to it and you really
want to knock them up, tellthem that you are happy with your way,
and they need to figure out whythey're so insecure about weight that they're
projecting it onto you. You needto ask them who told you that what
(23:19):
I look like is wrong? Doyou know what that bobia is and why
you feel that way? Do youknow have you worked through why you let
European beauty standards make you believe thatthe way we naturally are a right?
A lot of times the way infamilies are genetic. So what about our
DNA? Do you think that Ishould be ashamed of? Or you could
(23:44):
just say, you know, likeyour baby father. Remember my thing is,
this is how I am. Iwant to make the It's so uncomfortable
it's gonna get I want you'll neverwant to do this again with me.
So I've had things said to me, but I don't understand why people would
say things to me when I knowthe whole everybody's family business. We all
(24:07):
got something we can say to somebody, and I'm gonna say it every time.
And that's a good one too,because I don't know who your relatives
and they're dirt. But hit himback, that's it. Hit him back.
It does it have to be along response. You just got to
call out one name, just whatevername it is, call it out.
Well, I'm that one. Didbeing skinny keep your husband from leaving you?
(24:30):
I don't think because he's not here, it has to be something I
understand. Sometimes it's Grandma, youknow, talk to Grandma. That's the
time when you go with what Isaid initially, right Grandma, Grandma.
You can't even take Grandma like,I can't have a sit down with Grandma
because Grandma not gonna respond to that. She'd just be like, you have
to tell her. I know thatnothing else. Your Grandma wants you there,
(24:53):
and so you have to tell Grandmathat. Grandma, you're making me
not want to spend this holiday withyou, with you because I love you,
so you're hurting me. I don'tthink you want to hurt me,
but I need you to know thatif you want me to continue to partake,
you have to stop. It's tough. It's tough, though. It's
tough because yeah, I got both. I have the black American grandma and
(25:15):
I also had the immigrant grandma.I'm telling you, listen, it's tough
that one will watch you leave andright, Black America, maybe not,
but hopefully sometimes there's enough other peoplein the family that will stand up.
And my mother was like, they'renot about to talk about my kids the
way they talk to and it's like, you know what I mean. So
(25:36):
it's like, you got to havesomebody who's not she's not grandma too.
Yeah, Grandma got a sister,my brother, somebody who's out of eye
who could be like, Shirley,stop it, shut up. It's ridiculous
because you can't tell where to shutup exactly. So that's it. Okay,
So then twenty six and haven't achievedthe main goal I've set tips on
(25:57):
navigating family dinners. Love y'all allright. I think that it's like,
hey, we're all working towards something. Everybody's working towards something, and you're
twenty six. That's that's what Iwas going to say at twenty six pipe
down, like m I wish theywould say something man, twenty six.
(26:19):
Though I'm twenty six, I'm figuringit out. Uncle Johnny is fucking fifty
five and still trying to figure itout. If he can still figure it
out, I can still figure itout. So give it a second and
that's it. Shut it up.That's what we have to start doing.
Turning it up in the house,light the fire, burn the house down.
(26:41):
Sometimes we have to do it.So that's what I would say.
But you know, because you're alreadygonna be really hard on yourself as is.
Yeah, it's enough. Yeah,so yeah, just do that.
You know, it's just you reallygotta just figure out way to shut it
down because a lot of times you'renot gonnau fortunate get the understanding your looking
for from the people you love themost. And that's hard to start asking
(27:03):
people what they were doing at twentysix. That's a fun quay. Let's
play a game. Let's play agame. Everybody go around the table and
tell me how what she was doing? Where were you at six? And
what man you were living with?That was you were That's no longer here
right now because I'm doing it onmy own. So maybe you just give
me a low grace. So there'sthat. So that now, what's the
next one? The first holiday seasonafter a ten year breakup? Advice on
(27:29):
handling family loneliness, et cetera.Oh girl, I know, baby,
because I know everybody about to askyou where Tyrone at Oh my god,
everybody's about to ask you where atyrone at And that's gonna be hard that
the first one after breakup is alwaysa dreadful because you know, and you
got it. My advice, andI feel like we've said this before,
but my advice, I think ifthere's an advocate, whether it's a favorite
(27:52):
cousin, your mother, aunt,somebody who can go ahead of you and
tell everybody, Hey, do nobodyask about tyrone today. Don't bring him
up. That's what happened to me. You need an advocate who can go
ahead and tell people this happened,because you know, there's always that one
(28:15):
relative who was on Facebook when Iinstagram and missed the announcement or you know
whatever. It has. Somebody fillpeople in and let them all get their
reactions out before I get there.Yeah, yeah, I would say,
you know, because that's what I'mabout to go through this year too.
So you know, during the funeralof my grandmother, my aunt had said
(28:37):
it. She said, listen,I don't have to respond to anything.
I know. That's right. Shewas like, we don't know him,
we don't talk about him, itdoesn't exist. And all the aunts said,
les don't ask nothing to She waslike, she'll talk about it when
she want to talk about it,but we ain't doing it. Shout out
to Auntie D. She said,we ain't. We love we love doing
(29:00):
that and then looked at my mom. Mom say yup, and that was
it, and that was it.So you just got to get you yet
an advocate, an advocate. Andfor the loneliness part, we always talk
about romance with friends, filling upwith friends, whatever traditions you used to
do, tap in a friend todo it. Would you, you know,
make a girl's night, have amovie night, whatever part of Christmas
(29:22):
you love like and then like fillit up with your family, like and
know that love comes in all formsand then it will come again. So
like, you may not have aman this Christmas, but you be thankful
for the love in your life thatyou do have and try to lean into
that level of gratitude. I knowwhat's easier said than done, but know
if nothing else, then next Christmaswill be easier. Next thing is giving
will be easier. It gets easierwith you easier. And so this is
(29:45):
just one year where you just kindof power through, Okay, and that's
just hard. The human experience.It's hard, all right, what's the
next one? Our holidays? Thetime to debut a boo? Who you're
still working on? Yet? Familywon't stop asking about when you say you're
(30:06):
still working on. No, thatmakes me, That makes me want to
say, no, no, whatare you still working on? What are
you working on? Like it maybe and if he's not, here's did
you? Here's the family asking about? Wait, I'm confused. The family
won't stop asking about they met him, even know they haven't met him,
you know how Like you say youhave a boyfriend, but you don't bring
him home, and they're like,when you're bringing him home? And the
(30:26):
answer is when I want to orwhen I know he's gonna stay home?
Because the problem is is what youheard the last question? Right? Because
when you do bring him home,when you don't, again, you're gonna
have to deal with that. Yes, So don't start nothing that you don't
think you could continue, right,Yeah, still working on? Absolutely not,
(30:48):
because but it's still working on.It's giving me that y'all not where
you wanted me to get. Yes, And I don't think you should bring
home anybody for the holidays who youare not solid with. Absolutely like,
unless he's ten tones down, myman, my man, I mean,
and we're intentionally working towards something.What's the point of bringing him in something
here and gonna be in exact Sotell your family to my day business.
(31:11):
Yep, yes, oh yes me. What's so? What do you respond
to people ask? Are you evergonna get a man? Sylvia? Hit
it? Hit it when you saythat, baby whatever, they don't have
(31:32):
you, you feel in the blank. When are you ever gonna get chopped?
When are you ever gonna get alife? So you're not all that
in mind? Get a hobby.Get a hobby, when you're gonna get
a breath mint, when you're gonnaget a therapist, when you're gonna get
a better hair dresser. Because Ican the lace, I can see it.
We can see the lace when you'regonna stop wearing that same sweat,
(32:00):
sob Now we play in the doucesright now, we run into the facts,
okay, because for everything is somebodydon't got somebody else don't got some
too. That's what I keep tryingto talk. So I know it is
a it's a it's not for everybody, But I think the easiest format is
to just replace the subject when areyou gonna ever get something they've never had?
(32:21):
It always be the aunt that don'tgot nobody too right, And so
I think sometimes now that I'm older, I feel bad because, like clearly
they said they don't want you toend up like to end up like them,
but younger than me. Used tobe like I'll get one when you
find one, or I'll get onewhen you know we're still looking for yours
if it's coming from a more likeI don't want you to have my life
(32:45):
type of thing, but it's not. But it's never gonna do that,
Like they're never gonna show you that, Oh you get black women, they're
gonna get right, We're gonna getHey, where's your man at you thirty
three? You're thirty two? Iwish I knew everybody's feel but I just
so I can just write the jokesfor you. Yeah, give the specifics
and materials something right back in andthen we could get you. We could
(33:07):
tailor some responses for absolutely. Alsolet me know how valuing your family gets,
because that matters to clap back.I don't know. I gotta see
the responses. What we deal aboutmoney throughout you three? So let's just
let me know where we are.But yeah, next one gifts what our
(33:31):
easy gift ideas that won't stretch youout trying to think of So I guess
the easy ones. I always say, like give certificates, candles, candles.
Absolutely. I think anybody wants theyhave to smell good. I think
if somebody that can the person,that's a little weird. But if I
(33:51):
think it's something like what's something thatwould make like a small house item.
But also I think gift cards areeasy when it's like anybody can think of
a store somebody likes, like,get them a month off of something that
they already are using. I know, like dads, step dads, like
uncles. Black men are hard toshop older black men hard. But you
know what, all the black menlove a Duncan Donuts stop. I used
(34:13):
to run up a Duncan Donuts giftcard in Jersey or like home depot and
were like, wherever their spot is, you know loves I'm gonna say,
who loves a man who loves wahwah. He almost passed out. I
love. He was like, ohI'm good to go, yeah, good
(34:36):
good. And so it seems small, but it's and if it feels if
you feel like it's not enough,run up the number. You know what
I mean, two hundred certificate withlast year. That's a lifetime, you
know what I'm saying of subs.Okay, men love practical gifts, and
I think for women, I don'tknow, there's eighty percent of women will
(34:57):
be happy with this. The fora gift card. I feel safe,
yeah, because even if they're notinto makeup, there's skincare. Now skincare,
there's haircances, there's fragrances, littlesome for every everybody. So yeah,
you could definitely do that. Butthis is also just adds up.
This hopefully is not for your significantother. This is hopefully not for your
mother. I'm sorry. Those areeasy. Yeah, oh yeah those do
(35:19):
think I like to get those littleif you're a so farmers. This for
the men or some women too,who are bad gift givers. If you
just there's packages of gifts in onepackage. Oh yeah, you can buy
them bare Bathroom body Works. Gotone I love better, but I love
Bathroom body Works. They got goodcare to anybody. Listen, you want
to give me some candles, giveme them three wicks. Oh boy,
(35:45):
hellot them three wicks. But that'swhat I'm saying. Get some of those
for the cousins and the aunts andyou'll be shut. Yeah. My favorite
easy thing. And this is theway I believia is stressed. In my
families. We just tell each otherwhat we want. Sorry, I know,
not for everybody, and the waywe keep them in a surprise.
We give a list, yes,and then you don't know what from that
list. I'm gonna pay. That'swhat my mom. But we do get
a list because let me tell youwhat we are going time for the stress
(36:07):
of guessing. That's what my familydoes. Now. I am known for
the I am the family member thatgives the gifts. I mean gives the
list very late because I do notknow what the hell I want. I
don't know what i want. I'mlike, what do you want? Right?
Right? And decisive? I don'tknow. Oh, this is a
great question. Okay. Should Ifeel pressure as the rich cousin to buy
(36:30):
gifts for everyone? My God,today I have that pressure. Every My
thing is yes, you have tobuy everybody something unless you want somebody to
have an attitude I buy you meaneverybodybody to be in the house, yes,
or every cousin. You have everybodythat's in the house on that day.
(36:52):
Oh okay, yes, everybody's mycousin. None of my cousins are
in the house that day. Ohyeah, nobody gets anything. That's the
beauty of it. But if youdo have big families and everybody comes to
the damn family to the Christmas,then I have to have That's where I
go to Sophora. That's where Igo to bed. Little gift card,
I start them out, pass themout. My uncle used to pass out
(37:14):
twenty dollar bills that they've given.You couldn't tell sixteen year old me that
I wasn't about to run it up. And nowadays that child will look at
you like twenty thousand nothing. Theprice is getting heavier. To be the
rich cousin is what it used tobe. Crazy, But I do think
that, like I'm big on likedo we have a relationship like before I
was the rich cousin too? Likedid we exchange gifts prior? Like not
(37:36):
to the baby cousins, but liketo the old one, you know what
I mean. Like, I don'tknow, I'm just thinking, like,
no, I love to think thatway, and I think obviously I'm gonna
give you a better gift and you'regiving me I mean like or like,
oh yeah, this definitely or doyou get like but do you give like
or do we have that kind ofrelationship because not all kid focused. Like
I'm just saying, like, allr how cold are you to these cousin?
(37:57):
Yeah, they're definitely teared. I'mtalking about people that's in the house,
uh, that come to Christmas,So of course there's tear cousins.
You guys, Yeah there's tears.Okay, you know who to give the
real gift to if you're real,like I'm I'm a that's a solid cousin
for me. We talk often throughoutthe year. Then you got the cousins
you don't hear from I don't tillholiday, but you still got to get
(38:22):
something for them because they're family.And it looks crazy if y'all are all
sitting around passing out gifts and yousay, excuse me, because what we
do is give our gifts to everyone. So I stand up, I give
my gift to everybody. If I'mskipping over my cousins and I'm like,
oh sorry, sorry, Matt,that's not this year. That's crazy.
Family don't do that right, Soeverybody buys a gift and it doesn't.
(38:45):
My thing is nobody needs to belooking at everybody like, oh what you
what you got with none of that. Everybody's grateful for the gift that they
get because it could easily be nogift, because because they can turn the
no gift. Let me tell youhow I can ever really thinks that if
they're in the house, then inthat case, I'm saying, like,
do it based on the car relationshipyou have with them? Yeah? No,
(39:06):
you don't see her cousins in themorning or like that day. Oh
you know what I mean? Ohno, I'm not sending anything like sending
gifts. Oh no, it's dead. My grandma didn't even get a gift
if she ain't come, are youjust saying her, don't you don't come
to Christmas. I'm not sending youagain to sit it on down in this
house. You want to get it, you want to get fresh, you
have to come to me. Shejust want to get fresh. I don't
(39:29):
want to come. No, youcoming and getting this gift and you got
to sleep over. That's what hergrandma's Then somebody else asks, is it
wrong that I only give gifts tomy grandma and not her husband. He's
trash. Well, I let youin on a little. Is her husband
your grandfather? No, probably not. He's probably not right. But here's
(39:50):
the thing, this is gonna bemy first year I get my mom's boyfriend
a gift. They've been together fora year. Never get that many gift.
Here's the thing. It's been upand down. You know, it
depends on the year. I didn'tknow what I think. I will be
getting him a real gift this year. I'm glad he I'm glad he worked
(40:14):
his way up. Everybody give up. I won't say his name around.
Yeah, I almost did. Goodshout out to him. Yeah, I
think yes, if that person,Hey, if he's trashed to your grandma
and you won't get my gift,don't get me a gift. He not
gonna remember if he's not your papa, Yeah, he not your papa.
If he is your popause people maystill feel that way because that could be
(40:35):
a real thing. Your grandpa couldbe trashed for your grandma. That's a
real scenario. That is a realscenario to wish. I said, give
him a small gift, Yeah,like a twenty five dollars. People already
get Grandpa the small gift, thoughsmaller turn the body down even lower.
(40:58):
But no, that's funny. Doyou exchange Christmas gifts with all of your
friends as an adult? Absolutely not. Do you know how many friends I
have? We ain't never even giftsbefore I did. I almost asked because
something I was gonna do. Idon't have to do no more because I
feel like you're good. But whatI think the thing I thought of my
(41:23):
friends go through breakups because you're usedto getting a gift from a significant other.
I was gonna say, do youwant to exchange gifts? Because now,
let me tell you, I wasgonna say that the terrible gifts that
I've gotten through the past years,I am happy to not receive any gifts,
but I would say it right,But you are right, But you
(41:45):
know, if you're not getting anything, that's what happened to be stressed about.
I am elated. My point hereis that if I think it's a
mutually decide upon things, it's noproblem. If you don't. I know
some friends you superstand us. Ithink it's make a situation based on your
friend group, right, because andit's perfectly Okay for all y'all to say,
(42:06):
hey, we're gonna focus on ourfamilies because we're all at that age
now we're supporting families, right,so let's just focus. Yeah, but
again, if your friends are yourfamily, I think that's a real scenario
for a lot of people, thenlike, sure, that's great, but
like, have a conversation with thefriends who that they're aware that this is
what we're doing. I don't thinkit's gonna be an assumption and feel like
(42:27):
shit if they get a gift andthey're like, because, like I said,
we've never even exchanged Christmas gifts before. I'm not I don't Receiving gifts
is not my thing. I thinkI think of my friends for birthdays,
but it's like your friend is hostinga holiday party. Maybe then give the
hosts a nice bottle of wine.I don't know, but yeah, that's
(42:47):
the rad with it. Go aheadread this next one. Thinking about flying
home for holidays to see family,My has not so su said that she
hasn't seen me this year. Iget it. Family is important. However,
funds are low and my bro alreadyspend the summer with me. Her
(43:12):
anxiety is through the roof lately,So she's not easy to be around.
I guess he's talking about his mother. Yeah, her mother, their mother.
Their mother's anxiety is through the roof. So she's not easy to be
around either. Advice. That's tough. That's tough because she wants to see
(43:35):
you, and she hasn't seen youthis year. Yeah, year's a long
time. I get the funds arelow, and I mean, you did
have her son in your house forthe whole summer, so hmmm, I
think, what if you just goand say, I can't afford a gift
for anybody, but my presence canbe one like me just being in there.
(44:00):
Yeah, and I want to spendtime with y'all. But like,
also, to be around you isa fucking drag though. That's rough.
Maybe if you I mean, butyou said funds are low. I was
gonna say, maybe get a hotelroom or like stay with a friend,
but that's rough too. Maybe justkeep the trip shorter, Yeah, like
(44:22):
Christmas Eve, Christmas Day going ongone, you just power through for forty
eight hours. Yeah, because she'sgonna feel away. She's definitely gonna feel
away that you stand somewhere else andnot at the house. But maybe that
can that that could be a discussion. Yeah, And I also think,
I mean, but if her anxietyis already through, it's hard because when
(44:42):
a mom's anxiety is through the roof, you don't know what will make it
work. What's gasoline and what's water? Yeah, and it's hard. That's
yeah. I think that there's it'sthere's there's really no winning here. And
that's why it's hard, because eitheryou're gonna suffer. She's gonna suffer and
you. I want neither of youto suffer ideally, But I think if
(45:02):
you can handle it though, ifit's not going to break you to go
home, if I be breaking through, break you financially, or break you
emotionally mentally, whatever, do it? Maybe have that conversation now, how
can we make the holidays better forus? You know, just let's let's
talk about how we can make thissomething that both of us can enjoy right
(45:24):
now, and then also maybe tellher about what you're going through and how
the added anxiety is just not helpfulright now. It's all on how you
talk. I think to your momtoo. I'm learning I have to say
things to my mom will take thingspersonal immediately, immediately it's just about her,
as A said, But if youcan find a way to say,
(45:46):
yo, I just want to makeour holidays. I want to spend time
with you, but I want toyeah, I want to figure out how
we can do both combinations. Combination. So it's good. I think,
and I think maybe you know yourmom too, you know your whole life.
What makes your mom happy? Doesshe have favorite activity? Does she
like to go somewhere like run itup all the time. Most of her
(46:07):
anxiety may be because you're not home. So that may settle some things too,
with you just being home for twodays, three days. If all
those fails, I would like toto introduce edibles to the family and CBD
fad sprinkle with in the Christmas Nosee you tell people to drunk. Grandma's
(46:29):
crazy their mom, not Grandma Grandma. They might be happy about it.
They might be like, wow,is the best Christmas? Cook get mad?
We had had these every year.Okay, let's bring you the anxiety
down. Literalists in the room foreverybody. Facts. You know what I'm
saying. All right, yeah,okay, and this one not feeling the
(46:51):
in laws, be a supportive wifeor go to my family and let her
be meet me there. Let metell you something. I'm not married.
We'll be reminded soon. I knowas we go home, I know I'm
not married, but you will notmake me suffer scott during a holiday.
(47:16):
No, I'm going home. Meetme there, I would say, go
so that you can tell the familyI'm here to stay. No, no,
no, no, Scottie, thisis his when you get married,
it's your family now too. Andthe same way, no matter how crazy
your family is, you would neverskip a Christmas. You have to do
(47:36):
both. You can shorten your timeat his family. Maybe it's a gift
drop off situation, but this issomething that you decided to marry into and
something you decide to marry into.When you marry somebody, you gotta think
about that. And if you don'twant to spend Christmas with their family,
you gotta tell them that before youmarry them. Let them know what,
Well, what if they just startedacting up? That's what I'm saying,
that you just start acting up.I don't like what you're doing right now,
(48:00):
and I don't know, I don'tknow. You know the thing is
that I think that the main thingis to communicate with your husband Is he
okay with you not stopping by hisfamily's house? Are you okay with him
not stopping by yours? Because maybeit's that you guys spend it with each
family, but I think the expectationfor them to come to yours when you're
(48:20):
not coming to theirs. It alsodepends on what type of person you are.
Because I don't know who asked this, but just in case it's someone
who is outspoken, I would say, you have to be clear. Your
husband knows you right. So ifhe's telling you to stay at home to
the same same home, boom.But if he's not telling you to stay
at home and he wants this fromyou or his family, especially once people
(48:45):
have kids. My thing is thatyou have to figure it out because it's
not going to change. You're marriedfor life, so your families are like
it's like, yeah, so it'slike when you when you're not gonna be
able to keep their grandkids from them. You're not gonnaan to spend Christmas apart
from your kids. So it's likeyou have to figure out something that works
for a little bit for you know, Yeah, who is that kid?
(49:06):
Come? Then we can talk,Then we can have a discussion. I
don't have to suffer through that.I don't want to prematurely do it,
That's all I'm saying. But Iget with Sylvia saying, yes, if
y'all locked in, you'll have todo everything together. And it makes y'all
are united front now Like y'all,I think it sends a sign too.
Maybe it sends a signal like,ay, this we in this, so
(49:27):
you gotta deal with me now,and I have to deal with you,
yeah, because I just don't thinkthe solution is not spending Christmas with your
husband. So I mean, yeah, like, you don't just not spend
Christmas with your husband? Piss meoff on Christmas, my nigga. I
have to keep it quick. Youdon't have to have a full meal with
them. Go to the house,let them open their gifts. How long,
and let's be good question, howlong should we customize it for your
(49:53):
needs? But how long is itgood? If you can't stand them niggas?
How long can you say it didn'tget out at sixty minutes flat?
Oh they're gonna have a problem.Sixty minutes. Sixty minutes if half of
its gift opening, it's an hour. It goes by really fast. No,
oh, no hour. Oh butisn't you know, Oh you mean
like it's not long enough. Yeah, ninety minutes. Okay, is that
(50:15):
better? Yeah, that's that's toughthough. That's just further, I guess
proves to everyone who's listening that Iam not ready, because clearly I would
have somebody leave their whole family.You say, hey, what they got
to do with me? I wouldliterally say, go and see your family
and see me later. You cansee me what his mother wants to spend
all the Christmas with him, Becausebut think about our moms. If think
(50:37):
about a reverse, if your husbanddoesn't like your family and my family don't
like him my husband, No,no, it's just one way, I
mean, or both. You gospend every Christmas apart. That ain't my
husband no more. If you don'tlike your family, yeah, even if
it's justified, like they're the onesin the wrong. That could never happen.
(50:59):
Okay, all right, what I'msaying, they're wrong, they're the
wrong that I'm having a sit down, we're having a discussion because this can't
happen, because this can't happen.But you know, also, I'm a
woman, and I feel like I'mable to have those conversations. Yeah,
husband's not so much. They don'tknow how to fucking do anything like as
far as making sure that the familyruns smoothly. And you know, we
(51:22):
are able to talk about our issues, especially mom versus wife, what rough
they start to crumble. So Iended up stand up for real, honestly,
ends up like you stood up atthe aisle, fact for your wife.
Facts. You got to yes.So there's that. Well, y'all
really sent in some good questions likethese were really good and I hope that
(51:45):
we actually helped you figure it out. Thank you for trusting us. I
would like to confirm that we arenot licensed therapists and that you should definitely
see one about these things. I'mconsulted professional, but I understand that healthcare
is expensive and therapy ain't free yet, which is a shame. So hope
we help where we could. Yep. Before we let you go, we
(52:14):
always want to close with a fewwords of affirmation. That held us together
over the past week, and child, what will hold you together this week?
Okay, what do you have forthe people this week? Sylvia?
For the people this week, thisThanksgiving week? I would like to remind
(52:35):
you, especially those of you thatare gathering with your families at Thanksgiving.
Nobody cares about your diet. Nobodywants to hear how guilty you feel about
eating all this food. I don'tcare that you haven't had carbs all year.
(52:58):
I don't care that you're vegetarian.And you came that this black ass
house thinking there's gonna be a veganmac and cheese option. Bring your own,
bring home, and don't come anddon't make us feel bad for throwing
down, because some of us haveworked through it. You know what I
mean, Some of us have workedthrough whatever's got you so stressed that one
bad meal a year is just andyou're incapable of going through it silently.
(53:22):
It is not the time. It'sabout gluttony. It's not the time to
bring up your dog. I'll beon the gym, the mall. Oh,
I gotta go back to the car. Oh my trainer is gonna hear
about that. Oh brother, please, no one can shut it up.
That's that's a good one. Thankyou. What's your what's so much of
(53:44):
an affirmation? But it's what Ihave to say. Okay, what you
got? What's your affirmation for theweek? This is for everyone. I
feel like, because I think thetopics are gonna start coming to the table.
People are gonna want to have discussionsabout what's happening somewhere, what's going
on here and there. Here's whatI say, you're right about it,
bring back, shutting the fuck upif you don't know what you're talking about,
(54:09):
and most likely I hope, butuncles, maybe you could turn this
part up when your uncle is byright while you're cooking, right, you
don't know what you're talking about.You just making shit up. You've seen
one thing on Fox News and nowyou want to have a discussion about it.
You don't know what you're talking about. Bring back I don't know,
(54:30):
bring back I don't know what thehell you're talking about. And also bring
back when you hear your uncle orsomebody, because usually it's uncles. Uncle's
just oh my god, those copsyears were dark. My god. You
took me back to a place.Shit, you took me back to a
place. You don't know what thefuck you talk about. The homophobia,
(54:53):
be crazy, homophobia. Every phobiathere is. The phobia. It's every
everywhere. Anti feminist, baby,it's everywhere. It's everywhere. Sometimes,
so just bring back telling maybe tellyour aunt to tell him to shut up,
shut up, Johanna. I wantto hear that, and that's it.
(55:15):
I want people to say, shutup more, shut the fuck up.
You don't know what you're talking about, or I don't know, don't
even entertain the conversation with your uncle. I'm telling you it's not gonna work
out. Every year y'all try this, y'all try it, and y'all do
it, and it fails every time. It comes back with more dumb ass
shit to say. So maybe ify'all ignore him, so let him just
(55:37):
I even had I have an unclethat my mom said, you can't come
back. Please. I'm a bigfan of that. Don't come up in
here saying just crazy, come uphere taking crazy you exactly, you could
pick one exactly, but you're notoffending nobody in this house. So that's
what we're doing. We kick niggasout of the house. Turn that up,
(56:00):
turn it up. So yeah,just bring back, bring practice people
shutting the fuck up. That's whatI will say. Don't feel like you
have to argue about world issues that'shappening in the house when you know they're
committed to misunderstanding you anyway because theydon't know what the fuck is going on.
You're hitting them with real fact facts. They said, I ain't never
seen that. Ain't nothing gonna bemore stressful than the Israel Palastin being argued
(56:25):
over a black family not doing it. Don't nobody know what the fuck they
talk about. Please shut up.It's gonna be so bad. I'm not
doing it, dog, I justI'm not doing it. Especially if you
got one of those we were oncekings. If you got one of those,
(56:45):
shut your hand, don't say nothing, just go. I'm not having
a conversation with you. So that'sit, all right, Well, got
you guys. It's not twenty forhours. Nothing else. Remember it's twenty
four hours. You will see theother side of this, I promise.
Enjoy the holidays, Happy Thanksgiving.In the meantime, make sure you keep
(57:06):
up with the show online using thehashtag Scotty and Sylvia Show, and make
sure you come back next week formore of The Scotty and Sylvia Show because
we do it all for you,all right, all right, love y'all,
Happy Thanksgiving. New episodes of TheScotty and Sylvia Show drop every Thursday,
(57:31):
so check us out wherever you listento podcasts. The visuals drop every
Friday on YouTube. The Scotty andSylvia Show is a radio production hosted by
Me Scotti Bean and Me Sylvia Obel. Executive producers are also Us Scotti Bean
and Sylvia Obel. I know that'sright, I am. And executive producers
from radio are Geea Your Door,Benoni Tago and Everyone's favorite girl, Lisa
(57:57):
Ray. Associate producer from radio isMay say Hi. Our senior producer is
Gabrielle Horton, sound engineer is IanTackne, and our video editor is Jay
Kendriche. And a big thank youto all the brilliant minds across the radio
universe who makes us dope as Showpossible.
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