October 26, 2023 • 52 mins
We’re throwing it back to just a few weeks ago at CultureCon23, where Scottie and Sylvia sat down with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist and founder of Therapy for Black Girls. In this heartfelt conversation, the trio discuss vulnerability in sisterhood, green and red friendship flags, how we can all be better friends to ourselves and so much more. --------------------------------------- Check out Raedio's YouTube page for the visuals every Friday: https://www.youtube.com/@TheRAEDIO Connect with us on social media: @TheRaedio @SylviaObell @ScottieBeam
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:11):
Welcome to the Scotty and Sylvia Show, where we speak our minds like it's
our full time jobs and have somuch fun doing it. I'm Scottie Bean.
I am button naked ball in theeyeballs right now. I don't have
it, guys. I will haveit next week where we will have it
together. I will have my eyelashesand everything. But today, look at
(00:31):
my nails. All right, goahead, Sylvia, you want me.
I I'm Sylvia Obell and I tooam just you know, I'm tired.
I'm really really tired. To quotethe prolific housewife Mini Leaks. And just
(00:51):
like when she was like, I'mjust tired, I'm really really tired.
Like I my body doesn't know whattime zone it's in my nails look like
this. I'm this is mad.I can't even believe I'm showing you all
this. I'm ashamed. I havea nail appointment later today that I'm hoping
(01:15):
I have the energy to make becauseyou know, I also woke up to
a plumbing issue in my apartment.So you know your emails will find me
like this. Not well, everybody, this email finds you, well,
it won't. So hey friend,Hey friend, I already know how we
(01:36):
do it this week, so let'sget into it. Let's you know,
we kind of did that in theintro because we're just you know, this
is this is what you're gonna get, the real what you're gonna get this
day, not what you don't seeon Instagram. You understand in between the
Q posts, it's this, it'sthis, it's us. We're human.
(01:57):
Oh god, right, And I'mso behind on posts, so behind you
guys will see me in Mexico forthe next three weeks. I want you
to know that we are home.I was watching on YouTube. I know
it's hard to know our location.Our own producers weren't quite sure we were
at today, and so I getthat y'all buff be confused as well.
(02:17):
And the news cycle has been verybusy while we've been away and sane.
We've been away this like entire timethe whole Gaza Israel conflict has been going
on. So it's just been alot of catching up for me since we've
been back from Mexico, trying tounderstand because I'm a big fan, a
(02:40):
huge I'm a huge fan of nottalking until I know what's going on.
But it made me realize like thatI was overdue for a deep dive about
what was happening over there, likebecause I've seen a lot of from celebrities
to influencers trying to figure out whatis what and where and how to blend
their voices and lend their plant forms. We saw that more than fifty celeves
(03:01):
have asked President Biden for a ceasefirein this intensifying conflict. The group is
called Artists for Ceasefire. It includesentertainments like Quinta Brunson from ab Elementary Ile
from the Bear Dominique, Fishback fromSwarm, Mahrschela Ali needs no introduction,
(03:23):
Jessica Chastain, the hell that peoplethat go speak out they are part of
more than fifty celebrities who are askingthe president to encourage the ceasefire between Israel
and the Hamas, who are theterrorist group within Palestine who should not be
(03:46):
confused with Palestinians. As far aslike the misinformation going around about which particular
bombing was done by which particular group, it's almost like not even almost like
I really much believe that we arewatching genocide, but also people taking advantage
genocide and people taking advantage of howeasy it is to misform the public because
(04:11):
of Twitter and social media, andhow it's easy to now not be clear
about who's verified, who's the rightsource, what's the blog, what's the
news outlet? And we see peopletaking advantage of it to kind of spread
their agenda and take advantage of people'sgrief. Yeah, I agree. I
(04:35):
I've always been free Palestine, goingto stand on it, been that for
a very long time. Also,if this isn't like a text bookcase of
genocide, I don't know what itis. Like. I was reading a
few articles about what genocide actually lookslike and trying to make sure that what
(04:57):
we're witnessing right now equates to whatthe actual definition is, and it is,
so I will say that I'm alsowatching a lot of people who are
vocal about this genocide lose their jobsfor taking a stand, and watching a
(05:18):
lot of black women and also peopleof color lose their jobs for taking a
stand and speaking out against genocide.Yeah, It's like you would think we
would be able to at least agreethat the loss of innocent lives and this
magnitude is not right. These arebabies that are dying. There are tons
(05:39):
of children that are dying, tonsof women that are dying, and it's
happening at such a rapid rate thatit's earth shattering for anyone. But I
would just say, like, pleasejust read a book before we let the
tweets off and you start trying todo shit just for retweets, because you
know, you now have these addthings on Twitter. You have to pay
(06:00):
attention to that too. Guys.There are people who are subscribing to Twitter
so that they can receive money forviral tweets. So I would just say,
just please think for yourself, youknow, and and make sure that
you have the right facts, becausethere are really a lot of misconceptions about
(06:23):
what's going on, and they're dangerousand they're dangerous. It's so it's so
scary. Even in the news thatMuslim boy who was killed by their landlord
and then this synagogue leader woman whowas killed as well, Like it's dangerous.
Yeah, and people's understanding of whatHamas is in actually not equating to
(06:47):
the people. I think it is. Fucking Twitter up, is fucking Internet
out, and I truly I wouldlove to talk more about it, but
yeah, I'm praying. I'm praying. I am praying for the people,
(07:15):
well, speaking of people that everpraying for, I'm gonna pray for my
girl, Britney Spears, because she'sabout to put out the best tell all
book to ever come out this year. Okay, my girl is speaking out
finally and finally I get to learnabout this Justin Timberlake, because the more
(07:35):
you think about it, something towat something. I knew it. I
knew it. I knew it.I felt it in my spirit. I
felt it. And that's why hewas never my favorite. Real ones j
C. J C. It's thereal j C. Savas Chavez should have
(07:56):
been the lead. Okay it washe wasn't blonde enough for y'all. I
don't know that's it, that's exactly, but that's exactly it now. But
yeah, Britney Spears went on andon, Well, they're you know,
taking them starts out of course ofthe book. The the them sirs say
(08:18):
why Justin's team was holding the bookhostage, like we gotta we try to
get some things out of there.That was my first time where I said,
because those remember remember that Justin's teamwas trying to get a early look
at the book, and I'm like, no, what's he hiding? Turns
out, howden a baby? Damnnear everything a baby. But we also
(08:45):
have to remember like they were kids. They were what twenty probably twenty one
at the time. They were young. I think what makes it so fucked
up to me in retrospect is thenremembering how they framed it, Like Brittany
was the bad guy in that breakup. That's what's pissing me off. What
(09:07):
was that video crime where it basicallywas like a Brittany look aike acting like
she cheated on him, and I'mlike, she had her pelvic out and
everything said, that's that woman hadto abort a child and was heartbroken,
and you put out that video that'sshe was also cheating. She was cheating.
(09:28):
It says it was a messy shewas she cheated on Justin Timer like
it's one of the son Okay,But I don't know. I'm just saying
that, like, clearly there wasno clear bad guy in this. I
don't That's what I'm saying, Like, right, I think they both are
very toxic and very messy. Well, we know Brittany's on Brittany's and their
team was also in these too.Was like in the relationships. It was
(09:54):
so they were they could be orchestratinga lot of things too. So I'm
pretty sure. I'm pretty I'm prettypretty excited about this book and I will
be buying it from Target. FromTarget, I was like, oh,
Target, okay, Target, pleaseher a deal. Deal. I'm in
(10:16):
Target every if I'm sad, I'mgoing to Target. Target is ab absolutely
healing, and you know, lowkey. It's one of my favorite cheap
dates. There's nothing more romantic thanstrolling through the aisles of Target just picking
things out with with a boy youlike, like, it's just right,
(10:37):
good time. Everybody leaves with groceries. It's great, That's what I'm saying.
I think it's very cute. Youget a Starbucks first to start off
your journey. You start a Starbucks, go through the housing section, and
you work your way and then youjust I leave the housing such section at
the end because that is like themost that's when the thing's good down.
(10:58):
Yeah, that's the finale. Thatis We're in there for forty five minutes
trying to figure out do I needthis throw all the candles? It was,
you know, speaking of dating.First of all, to whoever set
me the instant Story talking about Scottygo to Hell. I need you?
Who are you talking about the instantstory because I posted my reel about me
(11:22):
enjoying me just enjoying dating. Ilike to enjoy a little dat here and
there, and I have fun.Nah. Some of the girls was having
that. The girls had literally postedit on Instant Story like ig stories,
and was like, Scotty go tohell. Respectfully, there's no way that
I'm having fun doing this shit.But they said, fuck you you having
(11:45):
fun. The rest of us arefighting for our lives. We can't find
quality men that have fun with Weare trying to find the men to have
fun. I get it, Iget it. I get it. Why
I said, I threw my handsup, I'll go to hell. Don't
go to hell. Y'all can't sendmy friend the hell. Please stop?
Okay, okay. Let her transcendedthe way she's supposed to please, the
(12:09):
way that y'all have me rolling inthe comments. That's funny though I did
not realize they had came for you, right, But yeah, y'all were
active in our dms about our datingepisode last week, so we asked the
listeners to share some red and greenflags while dating, and this is what
y'all have to say. Let's getinto it. We're some of the green
(12:41):
ones, Scottie. Let's let's see. Hmm. A green flag is when
he's open and honest about his financialsituation. I don't need a whole financial
breakdown, but damn, I don'treally want any financial surprises, like have
you been paying your taxes? Nigga? I get that completely that. I
(13:03):
get that. That's a you couldyou do marry into that? That is
a that's true. If he gotif he owned his taxes, then y'all
oh want his taxes. That's true. So I get that one. A
unique one that y'all said, doesa very he returns his This is unique.
I'm sorry I stopped because that unique. If he returns his shopping car
(13:30):
at the grocery store, that's definitelya green flag, I guess, versus
being one of the hoodlumps that leavesit next to the car in the parking
lot or in the street, soit could dent somebody else's car. Mm
hmmm when the gust of wind carriesit too. Harch, No I do
I do, no, No,I take it back. I take it
back. I take it back.Sometimes it depends how far it is,
(13:52):
like stop and shop. It's dependingon the real on the places. Target
has won every like aisle. Ifeel like, so you can go put
it back if it ranges between fiveaisles. I don't know to tell you,
baby, You're gonna have to hopethat the wind carry it that way.
But scream, yes, oh thisis a cute one, A little
(14:16):
physical one. Good clean teeth isa green flag. I guess if you
take care of your teeth, youcan take care of this. But you
know, he goes, won't makesure he goes to the dentist. Yeah,
I know. None of that gingeristhe plaque. No dead teeth,
like you need to go to thedentist to Yeah, I want. It's
(14:39):
twice a year, yeah, yeah, yeah, sometimes go more than that.
If you feel a little tingo,take your dentist. That's that everything
is working properly, right, Yes, please, y'all. I don't know.
It's terrible. I think that's theworst doctor is the dentist's I hate.
(15:00):
I hate the dentists. Hate it. Another green flag. The last
one will say is kind to kids, animals and service workers. That is
very important. I'll watch all ofthat. Now let's do some red flags.
And y'all know, y'all them werered flags and green flags because y'all
chaotic. Everybody's like, I don'tknow about the green ones, but I
(15:22):
can tell you I don't want.I can tell you what I do.
Started off, Sylvia. What's thefirst one? Speaking of how people treat
people? Somebody said, if hehates his mom, red flag, And
to that, I say, howsomebody treats their mom is a good sign.
Now we'll say there are some exceptions, right, you know, bad
(15:43):
parents, you know, exist,But for the most part, if he's
just whatever with his mom, likeit's that is telling because I think it
speaks to how he treats women.He like if the woman who birthed him,
if he like literally went through that, if he can't find compassion for
her baby, you out of Look. I agree. If he can't set
boundaries with his mother, that's athat's just one a to that. If
(16:08):
he can't set boundaries with his mother, run sys please run. Now to
this, I say, that's tough. We should all have boundaries with our
moms. And as somebody who istrying to find boundaries with their mom,
it's a tough one, but Ican see how that's a red flag.
(16:29):
I understand it. Do the nextone. If he's keeping track of all
the things he's ever done for you, that man is a walking red flag.
That's a I think that's a nuance. That's a sneaky one. But
I'm not against it. Like Ido. Think that it's like something about
keeping the tally and holding it overyour head. It's manipulating. That's manipulation.
(16:52):
That's the most manipulation. Don't dosomething nice and use it, weaponize
it. And there's a lot ofniggas that do that. They just keep
they keep the list itemized just intheir mind of all the things that they
have done for you that I guesswas against their will. I'm assuming I
don't because if it's not out ofthe kindness of your heart, why is
(17:12):
it, like exactly why we gotbeef about it? I understand. Let's
see, if he's lying about littleship, he's definitely lying about the big
ship. M Oh, that's thehot take, and it's in its Scorpio
season. Look at that, sowelcome to Scorpio season, guys. Oh,
(17:37):
look at that. I think we'reright on brand. One thing about
us. Oh wow, that wasa good Yeah, I'm sorry to all
the scorpios who kind of wild straightjust now not wrong, No, hell
no, ain't wrong at all.So yeah, if they're lying, they're
lying about everything to me. Ifyou're a lie, now let's you're you're
(18:02):
a liar. You lie. AndI'm not talking about like there's a difference
between being a liar and telling alie once in your life. Like sometimes
people lie out of panic. I'mnot saying this right. People, some
people saying like they're like, youknow, like you can tell they're not
good at it sometimes people just butthe ones that are good at lying,
(18:23):
baby, they're liars. They doit for a living baby, baby every
week they clock in you hear me. So they do it for This is
a career journey. It's a careerjourney, and it's why half of our
red flags are about lying, righteverybody. I'm like a lot of y'all
(18:44):
like lied about little shit, lieabout big ship. They ain't a liar.
So now the first lie I hear, I'm out out. It's like,
okay, y'all get it. Theniggas is lying to y'all, and
it's not good so yes, gaslighting, manipulation, all of that financially
irresponsible behavior. If you don't haveit, you don't have it. Please
(19:06):
don't front trying to impress people.Girl, It's okay to not have it.
Now. I understand you not wantingto be clowned for not having it.
And if you're around those type ofwomen, look at your type questions
exactly, look at your choices,look at your decisions. That's all I
ask. But if you stop livingbeyond YOURLL means, please please, please
(19:33):
please, because I would hate tobe at a dinner and Nigga take me
out to a night. I sawthat on Twitter. Nigga took the girl
out for a nice dinner, nicebeautiful dinner. He's telling the story on
the podcast and he don't have themoney. He didn't know was that expensive.
Now, why when you know yougot to look at your account?
You gotta log in. You login every day to check your account.
(19:56):
That's how I know you may nothave it. You check your account every
day? You mean to tell me? You don't say, let me see
they don't check their account every day, and they don't check the restaurant menu,
prices, research. Gentlemen, stopbeing lazy about it dating ship,
look into it. It's gonna backfireon you. So she's ordering food thinking
it's regular, getting her a surfingturf or I need to see it.
(20:19):
He's texting his friend like, YO, can you please sell me some money?
Like right now? I don't haveim getting a text like that for
with your homeboys. I like,Yo, why didn't you do that?
I mean I would have sent themoney because I would. I would hate
to see you go out like that. By would also you would hear it
for me? Right? What areyou doing taking her to this restaurant?
(20:42):
Why are you doing that? Also? This is what I say for the
girls please, and just for thepeople who date. Bring some money with
you though, don't think that theseniggas are these whoever's taking you out got
it, have a backup, havea back up, because I would hate
for you to be in the kitchenwith him Washington. So just take the
(21:06):
money out here, pay for thedate, and be on your way.
Can I say something real quick,because you unlocked the memory the one time,
I think I was on the datewhere that happened. And I say
I think because I was in myearly twenties and I realized that this young
man tried to make it seem cuteto do a dining dash situation, like
you know what we should do?Not him trying to romanticize. We should
(21:30):
just we should just go. Haveyou ever died and dash before? This
nigga look at his character, lookedat the prow gotta go, because we
(21:52):
were definitely New York City, gottago. Let's gotta go out of here.
But I will say it's the mostcreate five points for creativity. I
will give him that, but definitelyon my way. I said this nigga
don't got it. He don't gothim got it. He don't got it.
That is insane. I would haveso, wait, what did you
(22:14):
doing? You da? I willtell you off the record. I don't
know what the statue of limitations areyou dat? I wasn't let me say
something I said early twenties, Ihaven't he said so today I would not
do something like that, but youknow, me always being cautious, I
(22:36):
said, I'm gonna go first,stay here, and I left and I
kept I kept walking. I neverI went to the subway. I left.
That was the last time because Iwas like this biggas lie Yeah,
I almost not gonna get arrested.You sit here and then you decide if
you're gonna dash. I'm gonna leaveright because that's crazy. But listen,
(23:00):
these red flags, these red flags, we've all seen them, and like
we've all seen them and also experienceda lot of them. So it's good
that we got to talk about that. But also we got to talk to
doctor Joy about red and green flagstoo, our favorite doctor doctor Joy from
Therapy for Black Girls. We gotto talk to her at Culture KHN and
(23:22):
we got the audio. We did. We secured the audio. We secured
the tape. I know a lotof you guys, we're in our dms.
We're like, we want to hearit, we want to see it.
We weren't there. We couldn't getto New York. The tickets sold
out literally today we announced it,which is true. So I'm so happy
we get to share it with youguys today. Let's get into it.
This is me and Sylvia with doctorJoy at Culture con NYC twenty twenty three.
(23:45):
Oh by the way, if you'rewatching on YouTube and haven't subscribed yet,
stop what you're doing, stop nowand hit the subscribe button. All
right. Accident Oh my god,I never really came out for day two.
I love to see him. No, that's right, and it's Sunday,
(24:06):
so y'all could have been right upin the house chilling the House of
the Lord that one too. Butwelcome to the Scotty and Sylvia Show,
Live at Culture Khan, New YorkCity, twenty twenty three. I'm Scottie
Beam. I am just happy tobe here. Baby, my head and
gave up on me. But Ididn't give up you hear me. I'm
(24:27):
still here. Yes, And I'mSylvia Obel. Oh that's right, and
I am happy to be sharing theCoaching Khan stage with you for the first
time. I know we have doneit individually, but never together. Yes,
and we have a special guest,Our Fath. My yes, our
Fath. She's my favorite doctor,doctor Joy, a licensed psychologist, you
(24:49):
know, the founder of Therapy forBlack Girls podcast give it up for that
podcast. You know she'd be readingus all the time. I can only
listen to you, like every everyweek. I don't have therapy because it's
too much. Give you. Mytherapist be jumping me back to back and
I got it. I get youreal. So Sylvia and I spend a
(25:11):
lot of time, you know,in relationships period. We are best friends,
but we are also partners in business, so we would love to start
it off first and foremost. Okay, how many people in here think they
have social anxiety? Jesus? Imean we out here, ain't we?
And y'all here here? Well rememberthat, doctor Joryce Joy. I want
(25:37):
you to, like, uh,define what social anxiety is first. Yeah,
so huge kudos to you if youhave social anxiety and you are here
at culture time, So give yourselfa round of applause. So, when
we think about social anxiety, socialanxiety is like a persistent and irrational fear
(26:00):
of social situations. So you're alwaysworried about embarrassing yourself. You're afraid that
you're gonna be judged, and itoften means that people don't go out to
social situations like a culture kind Okay, yeah, And I feel like especially
with places like culture con where you'renavigating a big crowd, it can stress
a lot of people out with thatissue do you have? But people come
(26:22):
here because you know, you wanta network, you want to have creative
community, you want to be ableto you know, meet your faves.
All of these things. But whatadvice do you have for the introverted,
quiet creatives who are trying to networkand make new friends but are battling that
social anxiety. Great question. Soone, I encourage you to give yourself
a time limit. So a lotof times we get in our head and
(26:45):
we're like, oh, it's gonnabe so overwhelming, I'm not gonna go,
So give yourself one hour. Sosay I will go for one hour
and if it feels too overwhelming,then I will give myself permission to leave.
The second thing is to do yourresearch before you get there. So
a lot of people have been talkingabout coming a culture kind they're doing their
get ready with me outfits, Soyou can scroll the hashtags to see who's
(27:07):
going to be there and do alittle bit of research on the people that
you think that you want to goand meet. And then the third thing
I would say is to take breaksas you need to. Right, So,
if you need to step outside,go in and look at the water,
do some meditation, put on aquick podcast episode take the breaks when
you need it. Wow, OhI love that. And let's talk more
(27:29):
about friendships. Okay, because thebook that you put out sisterhood heels.
I read it front to back.You understand, one of my favorite parts
is when you talk about attachment styles. Because all the girlies have been talking
about attachment styles for romantic relationships,they also exist in friendships. Can you
please go and deep a little diver, deep, dive a little deeper into
(27:53):
what that means. Yeah, I'mglad you brought that up, Scotti,
because I do think we think aboutattachment style only as it relates to romantic
relationships, but our attachment styles reallyshow up in all of our relationships.
And so attachment style really refers tothe ways that you connect with other people.
That is largely based on your relationshipswith your early caregivers. So if
(28:15):
you have a secure attachment style,you likely had caregivers who were responsive when
you cried, They came, theytold you it was okay to be sad,
all of those things. If youhave a more insecure attachment, maybe
you were kind of left alone whenyou cried, or people said, oh,
she'll figure it out, she'll getit together. Caribbean parents Africans too.
(28:40):
I see you, I see you, not a bad thing, not
a bad thing. So I dowant to give you hope because your attachment
style can change, so there isnot a lost hope if you have a
more insecure attachment style. But amore insecure attachment style often means that we
are anxious in relationships, so we'realways afraid that people will leave us.
We're afraid that our needs won't betaken seriously. And then in friendships that
(29:02):
shows up because we might be alittle more stand offish or we're a little
less hesitant to even try to makenew friends. Wow. Wow, the
amount of you who told on yourparents just now in this audience. I
just want you to know that guysaw you. But you know, I
think Scotty mentioned this book. Welove it so much. She called me
(29:23):
and was like, you got toread this book. And I'm like,
doctor Joyce said it to me too, I gotta read it. But I
think your podcast is so popular.I think as creative we're often trying to
figure out how to take things tothe next level or what an extension of
the brand looks like. What madeyou decide to write your book and then
like, in addition to the brandyou were building with your podcasts. That
(29:45):
is a great question, you know, I really feel like so much of
the foundation of therapy for black girlsis sisterhood. Right just this morning,
I've met no fewer than three sisterswho have found their therapists in the therapist
therapy for Black girls. Yes,and so you know, I think it's
really important to make sure that youare getting out of your own way,
(30:08):
because there's something that you are sittingon that all of these people may be
waiting on. And so it reallyfelt important for me to kind of give
language to what I think happens betweenblack women, right, like the way
that we stand in the gap forone another, the way that we rally
for one another when there's an injustice, And so I really feel like sisterhood
is incredibly powerful. What section washardest for you to write? I think
(30:33):
the section about making new friends wasreally hard so write because I think there's
so much hesitance, right, Like, we kind of feel like you grow
up with these people and so theseare my set friends. But the truth
is that you have not met allthe people that will love you yet,
and so I think it's really importantto keep yourself open again one more time
(30:56):
for the people in the bag,well more time, so you have not
met all the people who will loveyou yet, so make sure you're open
to new experiences. Yeah, Drakeheld us back with that one. He
really did us now that we're seeingcaused a lot of drama this weekend.
We're not gonna get into it.We're gonna let the girls by all.
(31:21):
But speaking of reflax, what aresome friendship, green, yellow and red
flags that people can look out fora while networking and trying to make friendships
in this community, because I thinkthe hard thing about doing it as creatives
is like you want to make surethey're genuine right and not like just for
(31:42):
a business op or for like somebodytrying to come up or you know,
for the wrong intentions. So whatare some green, yellow and red flags?
So I think a red flag issomebody who is always asking something of
you, but it's never available whenyou need something. That is a huge
red flag. I think that's huge, especially as a creative. Right if
you're well connected, you don't wantpeople just using you. A yellow A
(32:06):
green flag, though, I think, is people who volunteer to help you
without even asking, right, becauseI think for a lot of us,
asking for help is really difficult.So people who volunteer you don't have to
read me like that doctor Joy istalking. Yeah, with people who volunteer
to help you without you even asking, I think is a huge green flag.
(32:29):
I think a yellow flag. Letme think. I think people who
are just not available when you call. Right. So, of course many
of us are busy, but you'renot busy all the time, right,
So I would be cautious with somebodywho's like super unavailable. Some of us
will hit the notify anyway, butin no matter what D and D is
on, I will notify you anyway. It is important. And to the
(32:53):
phone, I do not care.Okay, you're gonna see that. I
text you. We got on ayellow flag, just a yellow one.
We're not gonna ready. I loveit. Yeah. So I also friendships,
I want to make sure that wetalk about being friends to ourselves.
(33:14):
How can we be better friends toourselves? This is such a good question.
I think really being good friends toyourself and anybody else really requires some
self assessment. Right, So,knowing who you are, what are your
icks, so to speak, thethings that really liked you up, that
you're really passionate about, but thethings that also are huge turn off to
(33:35):
you, I think is really important. So that you know that when you're
putting yourself out there for friendships,like what kinds of things are going to
feel fulfilling to you? And whatkinds of things are gonna feel like you
know, a turnoff? Yeah,and are there like I think a lot
of times when we're trying to findlike who are friends were compatible with?
I think when you're younger, it'sa lot about like, oh, who
(33:55):
likes to party like I like toor who likes the same music or we
bond doing you know, ratchet stuffwith our ratchet friends. But as we
get older, okay, sometimes youhave to learn from what are the healthy
things, like I should be lookingforward to know if I'm compatible with somebody
to be their friends. So Ilove this question because we actually developed a
quiz for you to figure out whatstyle you are in your friendship circle.
(34:20):
So if you go to sisterhoodhels dotcom slash quiz, you can decide whether
you are the wallflower, the peacemaker, the firecracker, or the leader in
your circle. And all circles needall of these roles to function. And
it's not about like, oh,this is a stagnant role, but it
is more about how can you askfor and receive support in your circle,
(34:44):
because I think the leader often isthe one who's making all the plans for
the group chat Like when y'all goto dinner, she puts her card down
and everybody ben Ben mows her moneylater, right, And that can be
great, but sometimes the leader getsresentful because it feels like nobody else is
picking up the slack. And soit really is important for you to know
how you show up and how thegroup can support you in that way.
(35:07):
Which role do you think you arein the front group? You are funny,
you know that? He he,Hell, I am I the firecracker.
Yes. I love how doctor Joylooked directly at the fire firecracker.
Some of those groups that s Ithought I was being subtle? Please Joy,
(35:30):
which one are you sovia? Hello? Don't? Yeah, you know
it's funny because the stereo she justsaid, I literally just didn't do it
at the dinner. I was like, Oh, maybe a leader also the
peacemaker, perhaps, I think.I'm like, wait a minute, we
are in Populan. Yes, girl, that's what you make girls. Yeah,
(35:52):
to be diplomatic and bring us togetherwith people, Yes, you know
what just brings us to the nextquestion about conflict, because it's funny you
should bring up conflict, you know. I think a lot of the key
to longevity and friendships is navigating roughpatches, you know, as a peacemaker
(36:13):
myself, I try to get thegirls to stop, you know, to
see each other's point of view,because that's what a peacemaker does. You
know. She couldn't make it funny. We listened to each other. But
what are some tips on all seriousnessfor friends who may be going through a
(36:34):
rough patch and also trying to figureout is this friendship worth keeping or is
it one to let go of?Because I'm starting to feel like people are
letting go of friendships a little tooeasy for my life because nothing is worse.
I don't care romantic breakups they askchild they hurt, But nothing hurts
worse than a friendship breakup. Nothing, So yes, please help me.
(36:55):
So you asked what my favorite partwas to write or the most difficult art
was the making new friends. Myfavorite part of the book to write was
the chapter called the intimacy You're lookingfor is on the other side of the
difficult conversation you're avoiding? Because ohshit, I feel like it's chapter six,
y'all. I think that's chapter six, y'all, go get the book.
(37:16):
Oh my god, I don't know. I feel like this is it.
I know what yagged some of youas they don't avoid the conversation,
y'all. But I think what oftenhappens is that, like at the first
sign of like distress or conflict,so many of us have not been taught
(37:37):
to resolve conflict that we're like,oh, I'm out, Like this is
too much like she tripping, it'stoo much going on, as opposed to
saying, ouch, that really hurtme. I wonder if we can talk
about how that felt, right,I say, y' and I think this
comes up a lot. What I'vebeen seeing a lot on social media is
these conversations around jealousy in friendships,right, like, oh, I can't
(37:58):
be friends because she's jealous of me. That could be true, or more
often, what's happening is that y'allhave not had a conversation about some difficult
thing that has happened. Right.So, jealousy is a normal human experience,
just like any other emotion. It'swhat you do with the jealousy that
really is the dictator. And sobeing able to have a conversation about I'm
(38:20):
really happy for you and I'm alsoreally sad that these things are not happening
for me is a really mature thingto be able to doe. Yes.
Well, Also, our friendship breaksnecessary, like if it's too too much
going on right now, we arguingwe can't come to a common ground.
(38:43):
Can we take a friendship break?Yeah? I think a lot of us
take breaks anyway, we just don'tannounce it correct. So you know,
when you are not responding to textmessages or you're like, okay, I
need a little bit more me time, I think that that is totally okay,
right to deal with whatever you havegoing on. I think the mistake
we make, though, is toghost people, right. We don't let
people know like, hey, I'mstruggling with my mental health right now,
(39:06):
I'm gonna take a step back,or things are really busy at work and
so you know, I'll catch upwith you in a month. Instead,
we just like stop responding or wedon't, you know, respond to their
emails, and then people are leftcoming up with stories in their heads.
And we know when we get inour own head, we make it way
worse than the reality of a situation, right, because we're trying to avoid,
(39:27):
especially people like me. I don'twant to argue. I'm not in
the business of arguing with you,especially friendships like I'm not and I have
an anxious attachment style. But doesit have to be an argument or even
just be a conversation? Yes,I would like a little conversation, but
(39:49):
yeah I don't. Yeah you're readme. Go ahead, girl, go
ahead, read the next question becauseI'm trying. But no, I'm cracking
up because it was really about tobe a session. I want to lie
down on this or working through.But you know, I think when you
bring up things like you shouldn't ghostand like terms like jealousy, I think
(40:13):
sometimes we reach for like psychological termsthat we hear buzzwords. But I feel
like a lot of the time onthe apps, I see people use them
in the wrong way. There boundariesor trauma or triggers. Like people see
these words, but they don't actuallygo to the therapy session, and so
they just be using them how theywant on Twitter, on X, on
(40:37):
that, on the X yes,on the Instagram, on the tic that
clock app, that one too.What are some of the ones that you
see the most misused and that youfeel like we need a little correcting on
get into it plea. So yes, I completely agree with you, And
(40:58):
I feel like it's a double edgedsword because I think so many people have
been looking for language to describe liketheir internal experiences, right, and so
now you see all these terms andit feels like, oh, there's finally
a name for it. But Ithink a lot of times we are misusing
it. So the first one isa narcissist. Everybody is a narcissist city,
(41:21):
and it can't be. It can'tbe, and it is not.
So it's okay for people to justbeat jerks. Can we just call them?
Right? The percentage of people whoactually meet the criteria for a narcissistic
personality disorder, it's like so slimso, and narcissists will not tell you
(41:42):
that they're narcissists. So anybody's questioning, like, oh am I a narcissist,
you are not because narcissists don't question. But it's okay to describe stuff
just as being like jerkish behavior,as opposed to labeling everybody as a narcissist.
The other one that I see oftenmisuse is trauma bonding. So this
I here that you have a traumaand I have a trauma, and we
bond about the experience of having trauma. That is not accurate. So trauma
(42:07):
bonding actually means that somebody who's beenin like an abusive situation develops an emotional
attachment to their abuser, right,So like a Stockholm syndrome kind of thing.
It doesn't mean that you just bondover your trauma experiences. So so
like you bonding over daddy issues,don't that's not that's not trauma bond.
That's not trauma bonding. No,no, got one more. You got
(42:30):
one more, doctor Jordan. Theother one is gaslighting. Please give her
a time, y'all, y'all waytogether. He is probably the gas lighter
of life. There he stood up, tryan, he said, ain't no.
(42:59):
So gas light is not just aregular everyday lie, right, So
gas lighting is like a repeated behaviorof somebody causing you to question your experience
of reality. So somebody just lyingto you or being dishonest is not actually
gas lighting. Wow, just normallying. I'm so bad. I mean
bad, I say it was good. I just just you know, you're
(43:21):
roundabout lyon fuck boys, not narcissists. You know, let's just go back,
let's just take Also, I wantto talk about finding balance between solo
time and spending time with your friends. I think, you know, to
distract myself, I might go outwith my friends a lot because I don't
want to spend that solo time.So tell me, how can somebody do
(43:45):
that? I feel like this isa beautiful invitation, Scottie, because I
think a lot of times we areso uncomfortable with what will happen if we're
quiet. Instill that we just throwourselves into friends, we throw ourselves into
projects. But we do need toget quiet so that we can deal with
whatever it is that we're trying toavoid. And so one of my favorite
(44:05):
solo activities is journaling, So beingable to just freewrite, like what's coming
up, Like if I give myselften minutes to just feel whatever it is
I'm uncomfortable about, like what isactually going to be recorded on this piece
of paper. And I am afan of like old school pen to paper
writing and journaling as opposed to anote app same same, same, yeah,
same. So anybody who listens toour podcast knows that we like to
(44:30):
end with before we let you go, and when we have a guest,
we like to ask them to takeon the affirmation. And I would like
to kind of try to keep itin the theme of perhaps advice you may
have for millennials who are tired ofliving in unprecedented times, because every gent
(44:51):
too. I know, y'all hear, I'm right here, but you know,
I feel like every time we lookaround something that's following and we're in
a recession. We're in the friendshiprecession where the actual session, the price
of eggs is crazy, there's warhappening in Israel. It's just it's just
it's not signed. So what iswhat is something that we can have to
leave everybody with up to uplift us? Oh, I think that that's a
(45:13):
hard question. I think what Iwill say is that times may be tough,
but so are you, and soit's okay to have a difficult day,
but to not let that define yourentire experience. That you have been
through difficult times before and you canget through this difficult time as well.
Yes, I don't know how tough, child, we don't get through,
(45:34):
We're gonna get it. One thingabout black folks, so We're gonna get
through it. Yeah, so thankyou so much for us today. Where
can the people follow you? Yeah, you can follow me all across line
at Hello, Doctor Joy, andyou can grab your copy of the book
Sisterhood Heels at sisterhood Heels dot com. Love. Oh, guys, make
(45:57):
sure you listen to the Scotty andSylvia Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Okay, A new episode drops everyThursday. The YouTube drops on Friday.
Y'all killing me. The visuals dropon Friday. Y'all kill me every time.
I'm at Scottie Bean, I'm atSylvia obell and thank you guys for
(46:19):
joining us. Shout out to theradio team, Shout out to the radio
tea. Well girl, what aconverstion shan. That was so fun.
I loved it. It was sucha beautiful moment now and such a crowd,
(46:43):
right, amazing crowd. Everybody wasparticipating, interacting. I loved it
all. But I will say DoctorJoy and that affirmation. Girl. Yeah,
we're tough. I totally understand.We are tough, and there are
tough time times and we will wewill rise above this. Absolutely, We're
(47:06):
tired. We're tough and tired andsometimes you're just like, I don't know,
I don't know if this is gonnabe the one, right, this
is this is I'm coming, Elizabethlike it may it may be one of
those. For the gen Z kids, that's Sandford, look it up.
(47:27):
I am that I am. I'mnot that old. I like. I
love that part. I just wantedto give them the context because that's how
I feel. Though I feel likeSandford all the time. Whenever like a
big thing happens, I'm like,well, this is gonna be the one.
This is it. I'm on myway, and then God be like,
(47:47):
gro You're tougher than this. Stop, You're gonna make it. But
I I totally get it. Ilove her affirmation. So oh, before
we let you go, we alwayswant to close with a few words of
Africa that held us together over thepast week, because we are holding on
by thread, especially this past week. What you got for the people this
(48:07):
week, so Via, I thinkit's that you know, while it is
important to find your strength and tolike you know, obviously, survival is
the name of the life game.To be in the land of the Living
is nothing but a survival game,unfortunately, But I do think that it's
(48:28):
okay to admit when you just don'tgot it. If you're wondering to yourself,
why do I feel so tired?Why do I feel so overwhelmed?
Why do I feel so whatever?And you're being hiring yourself. I know
I do that to myself. I'mlike, why am I so tired?
Why is my body pain? Like? Why am I like disoriented? Like
why is my anxiety so high?Like why am I waking just up with
anxiety? And I'm trying to pinpointit as if there's not a million things
(48:52):
happening across the world that we areabsorbing at all times. Yeah, so
little wars going on in our homes, in our countries and internationally, and
we don't know how any of it'sgoing to impact all of us. So
like my thing to you is tooIt's okay to ask for help or to
(49:15):
take a break if you can,right, Okay, Mine would be find
your place in the revolution. It'snot going to look the same for everyone.
(49:39):
I think a lot of people aretrying to figure out what they need
to do, what they need tosay during times like this, how they
can help, what ways they canhelp, how it you know? They
they try to mirror what other peopleare doing and it's just not working for
them, or it's not you know, coming through the same or your words
(50:06):
aren't being heard, or find whereyou are comfortable and your words matter,
your actions matter, what you decideto stand on business matters. I know
that we all want to be liberated, we all want to feel liberated,
(50:30):
and we're all searching for liberation.So I just want you to find your
place there, and that takes time. It takes a lot of time.
So yeah, that's what I'll say, what my affirmation is. In the
meantime, make sure you keep upwith the show online using the hashtag Scottie
(50:52):
and Sylvia Show, and make sureyou come back for more of The Scotty
and Sylvia Show because we do itall for you well you. New episodes
of The Scotty and Sylvia Show dropevery Thursday, so check us out wherever
you listen to podcasts. The visualsdrop every Friday on YouTube. The Scotty
(51:14):
and Sylvia Show is a radio productionhosted by Me Scotti Bean and Me Sylvia
Obel. Executive producers are also usScotti Bean and Sylvia Obel. I know
that's right, I am and Executiveproducers from Radio are Gifa Yador, Benoni
Tago and Everyone's favorite girl, IssaRay. Associate producer from Radio is May
(51:36):
say Hi, our senior producer isGabrielle Horton, sound engineer is Ian Tacknie,
and our video editor is Jay Kenrich. And the big thank you to
all the brilliant minds across the radiouniverse who make this dope as show possible.
Welcome to the Scotty and Sylvia Show, where we speak our minds like it's
our full time jobs and have somuch fun doing it. I'm Scottie Bean.
I am button naked ball in theeyeballs right now. I don't have
it, guys. I will haveit next week where we will have it
together. I will have my eyelashesand everything. But today, look at
(00:31):
my nails. All right, goahead, Sylvia, you want me.
I I'm Sylvia Obell and I tooam just you know, I'm tired.
I'm really really tired. To quotethe prolific housewife Mini Leaks. And just
(00:51):
like when she was like, I'mjust tired, I'm really really tired.
Like I my body doesn't know whattime zone it's in my nails look like
this. I'm this is mad.I can't even believe I'm showing you all
this. I'm ashamed. I havea nail appointment later today that I'm hoping
(01:15):
I have the energy to make becauseyou know, I also woke up to
a plumbing issue in my apartment.So you know your emails will find me
like this. Not well, everybody, this email finds you, well,
it won't. So hey friend,Hey friend, I already know how we
(01:36):
do it this week, so let'sget into it. Let's you know,
we kind of did that in theintro because we're just you know, this
is this is what you're gonna get, the real what you're gonna get this
day, not what you don't seeon Instagram. You understand in between the
Q posts, it's this, it'sthis, it's us. We're human.
(01:57):
Oh god, right, And I'mso behind on posts, so behind you
guys will see me in Mexico forthe next three weeks. I want you
to know that we are home.I was watching on YouTube. I know
it's hard to know our location.Our own producers weren't quite sure we were
at today, and so I getthat y'all buff be confused as well.
(02:17):
And the news cycle has been verybusy while we've been away and sane.
We've been away this like entire timethe whole Gaza Israel conflict has been going
on. So it's just been alot of catching up for me since we've
been back from Mexico, trying tounderstand because I'm a big fan, a
(02:40):
huge I'm a huge fan of nottalking until I know what's going on.
But it made me realize like thatI was overdue for a deep dive about
what was happening over there, likebecause I've seen a lot of from celebrities
to influencers trying to figure out whatis what and where and how to blend
their voices and lend their plant forms. We saw that more than fifty celeves
(03:01):
have asked President Biden for a ceasefirein this intensifying conflict. The group is
called Artists for Ceasefire. It includesentertainments like Quinta Brunson from ab Elementary Ile
from the Bear Dominique, Fishback fromSwarm, Mahrschela Ali needs no introduction,
(03:23):
Jessica Chastain, the hell that peoplethat go speak out they are part of
more than fifty celebrities who are askingthe president to encourage the ceasefire between Israel
and the Hamas, who are theterrorist group within Palestine who should not be
(03:46):
confused with Palestinians. As far aslike the misinformation going around about which particular
bombing was done by which particular group, it's almost like not even almost like
I really much believe that we arewatching genocide, but also people taking advantage
genocide and people taking advantage of howeasy it is to misform the public because
(04:11):
of Twitter and social media, andhow it's easy to now not be clear
about who's verified, who's the rightsource, what's the blog, what's the
news outlet? And we see peopletaking advantage of it to kind of spread
their agenda and take advantage of people'sgrief. Yeah, I agree. I
(04:35):
I've always been free Palestine, goingto stand on it, been that for
a very long time. Also,if this isn't like a text bookcase of
genocide, I don't know what itis. Like. I was reading a
few articles about what genocide actually lookslike and trying to make sure that what
(04:57):
we're witnessing right now equates to whatthe actual definition is, and it is,
so I will say that I'm alsowatching a lot of people who are
vocal about this genocide lose their jobsfor taking a stand, and watching a
(05:18):
lot of black women and also peopleof color lose their jobs for taking a
stand and speaking out against genocide.Yeah, It's like you would think we
would be able to at least agreethat the loss of innocent lives and this
magnitude is not right. These arebabies that are dying. There are tons
(05:39):
of children that are dying, tonsof women that are dying, and it's
happening at such a rapid rate thatit's earth shattering for anyone. But I
would just say, like, pleasejust read a book before we let the
tweets off and you start trying todo shit just for retweets, because you
know, you now have these addthings on Twitter. You have to pay
(06:00):
attention to that too. Guys.There are people who are subscribing to Twitter
so that they can receive money forviral tweets. So I would just say,
just please think for yourself, youknow, and and make sure that
you have the right facts, becausethere are really a lot of misconceptions about
(06:23):
what's going on, and they're dangerousand they're dangerous. It's so it's so
scary. Even in the news thatMuslim boy who was killed by their landlord
and then this synagogue leader woman whowas killed as well, Like it's dangerous.
Yeah, and people's understanding of whatHamas is in actually not equating to
(06:47):
the people. I think it is. Fucking Twitter up, is fucking Internet
out, and I truly I wouldlove to talk more about it, but
yeah, I'm praying. I'm praying. I am praying for the people,
(07:15):
well, speaking of people that everpraying for, I'm gonna pray for my
girl, Britney Spears, because she'sabout to put out the best tell all
book to ever come out this year. Okay, my girl is speaking out
finally and finally I get to learnabout this Justin Timberlake, because the more
(07:35):
you think about it, something towat something. I knew it. I
knew it. I knew it.I felt it in my spirit. I
felt it. And that's why hewas never my favorite. Real ones j
C. J C. It's thereal j C. Savas Chavez should have
(07:56):
been the lead. Okay it washe wasn't blonde enough for y'all. I
don't know that's it, that's exactly, but that's exactly it now. But
yeah, Britney Spears went on andon, Well, they're you know,
taking them starts out of course ofthe book. The the them sirs say
(08:18):
why Justin's team was holding the bookhostage, like we gotta we try to
get some things out of there.That was my first time where I said,
because those remember remember that Justin's teamwas trying to get a early look
at the book, and I'm like, no, what's he hiding? Turns
out, howden a baby? Damnnear everything a baby. But we also
(08:45):
have to remember like they were kids. They were what twenty probably twenty one
at the time. They were young. I think what makes it so fucked
up to me in retrospect is thenremembering how they framed it, Like Brittany
was the bad guy in that breakup. That's what's pissing me off. What
(09:07):
was that video crime where it basicallywas like a Brittany look aike acting like
she cheated on him, and I'mlike, she had her pelvic out and
everything said, that's that woman hadto abort a child and was heartbroken,
and you put out that video that'sshe was also cheating. She was cheating.
(09:28):
It says it was a messy shewas she cheated on Justin Timer like
it's one of the son Okay,But I don't know. I'm just saying
that, like, clearly there wasno clear bad guy in this. I
don't That's what I'm saying, Like, right, I think they both are
very toxic and very messy. Well, we know Brittany's on Brittany's and their
team was also in these too.Was like in the relationships. It was
(09:54):
so they were they could be orchestratinga lot of things too. So I'm
pretty sure. I'm pretty I'm prettypretty excited about this book and I will
be buying it from Target. FromTarget, I was like, oh,
Target, okay, Target, pleaseher a deal. Deal. I'm in
(10:16):
Target every if I'm sad, I'mgoing to Target. Target is ab absolutely
healing, and you know, lowkey. It's one of my favorite cheap
dates. There's nothing more romantic thanstrolling through the aisles of Target just picking
things out with with a boy youlike, like, it's just right,
(10:37):
good time. Everybody leaves with groceries. It's great, That's what I'm saying.
I think it's very cute. Youget a Starbucks first to start off
your journey. You start a Starbucks, go through the housing section, and
you work your way and then youjust I leave the housing such section at
the end because that is like themost that's when the thing's good down.
(10:58):
Yeah, that's the finale. Thatis We're in there for forty five minutes
trying to figure out do I needthis throw all the candles? It was,
you know, speaking of dating.First of all, to whoever set
me the instant Story talking about Scottygo to Hell. I need you?
Who are you talking about the instantstory because I posted my reel about me
(11:22):
enjoying me just enjoying dating. Ilike to enjoy a little dat here and
there, and I have fun.Nah. Some of the girls was having
that. The girls had literally postedit on Instant Story like ig stories,
and was like, Scotty go tohell. Respectfully, there's no way that
I'm having fun doing this shit.But they said, fuck you you having
(11:45):
fun. The rest of us arefighting for our lives. We can't find
quality men that have fun with Weare trying to find the men to have
fun. I get it, Iget it. I get it. Why
I said, I threw my handsup, I'll go to hell. Don't
go to hell. Y'all can't sendmy friend the hell. Please stop?
Okay, okay. Let her transcendedthe way she's supposed to please, the
(12:09):
way that y'all have me rolling inthe comments. That's funny though I did
not realize they had came for you, right, But yeah, y'all were
active in our dms about our datingepisode last week, so we asked the
listeners to share some red and greenflags while dating, and this is what
y'all have to say. Let's getinto it. We're some of the green
(12:41):
ones, Scottie. Let's let's see. Hmm. A green flag is when
he's open and honest about his financialsituation. I don't need a whole financial
breakdown, but damn, I don'treally want any financial surprises, like have
you been paying your taxes? Nigga? I get that completely that. I
(13:03):
get that. That's a you couldyou do marry into that? That is
a that's true. If he gotif he owned his taxes, then y'all
oh want his taxes. That's true. So I get that one. A
unique one that y'all said, doesa very he returns his This is unique.
I'm sorry I stopped because that unique. If he returns his shopping car
(13:30):
at the grocery store, that's definitelya green flag, I guess, versus
being one of the hoodlumps that leavesit next to the car in the parking
lot or in the street, soit could dent somebody else's car. Mm
hmmm when the gust of wind carriesit too. Harch, No I do
I do, no, No,I take it back. I take it
back. I take it back.Sometimes it depends how far it is,
(13:52):
like stop and shop. It's dependingon the real on the places. Target
has won every like aisle. Ifeel like, so you can go put
it back if it ranges between fiveaisles. I don't know to tell you,
baby, You're gonna have to hopethat the wind carry it that way.
But scream, yes, oh thisis a cute one, A little
(14:16):
physical one. Good clean teeth isa green flag. I guess if you
take care of your teeth, youcan take care of this. But you
know, he goes, won't makesure he goes to the dentist. Yeah,
I know. None of that gingeristhe plaque. No dead teeth,
like you need to go to thedentist to Yeah, I want. It's
(14:39):
twice a year, yeah, yeah, yeah, sometimes go more than that.
If you feel a little tingo,take your dentist. That's that everything
is working properly, right, Yes, please, y'all. I don't know.
It's terrible. I think that's theworst doctor is the dentist's I hate.
(15:00):
I hate the dentists. Hate it. Another green flag. The last
one will say is kind to kids, animals and service workers. That is
very important. I'll watch all ofthat. Now let's do some red flags.
And y'all know, y'all them werered flags and green flags because y'all
chaotic. Everybody's like, I don'tknow about the green ones, but I
(15:22):
can tell you I don't want.I can tell you what I do.
Started off, Sylvia. What's thefirst one? Speaking of how people treat
people? Somebody said, if hehates his mom, red flag, And
to that, I say, howsomebody treats their mom is a good sign.
Now we'll say there are some exceptions, right, you know, bad
(15:43):
parents, you know, exist,But for the most part, if he's
just whatever with his mom, likeit's that is telling because I think it
speaks to how he treats women.He like if the woman who birthed him,
if he like literally went through that, if he can't find compassion for
her baby, you out of Look. I agree. If he can't set
boundaries with his mother, that's athat's just one a to that. If
(16:08):
he can't set boundaries with his mother, run sys please run. Now to
this, I say, that's tough. We should all have boundaries with our
moms. And as somebody who istrying to find boundaries with their mom,
it's a tough one, but Ican see how that's a red flag.
(16:29):
I understand it. Do the nextone. If he's keeping track of all
the things he's ever done for you, that man is a walking red flag.
That's a I think that's a nuance. That's a sneaky one. But
I'm not against it. Like Ido. Think that it's like something about
keeping the tally and holding it overyour head. It's manipulating. That's manipulation.
(16:52):
That's the most manipulation. Don't dosomething nice and use it, weaponize
it. And there's a lot ofniggas that do that. They just keep
they keep the list itemized just intheir mind of all the things that they
have done for you that I guesswas against their will. I'm assuming I
don't because if it's not out ofthe kindness of your heart, why is
(17:12):
it, like exactly why we gotbeef about it? I understand. Let's
see, if he's lying about littleship, he's definitely lying about the big
ship. M Oh, that's thehot take, and it's in its Scorpio
season. Look at that, sowelcome to Scorpio season, guys. Oh,
(17:37):
look at that. I think we'reright on brand. One thing about
us. Oh wow, that wasa good Yeah, I'm sorry to all
the scorpios who kind of wild straightjust now not wrong, No, hell
no, ain't wrong at all.So yeah, if they're lying, they're
lying about everything to me. Ifyou're a lie, now let's you're you're
(18:02):
a liar. You lie. AndI'm not talking about like there's a difference
between being a liar and telling alie once in your life. Like sometimes
people lie out of panic. I'mnot saying this right. People, some
people saying like they're like, youknow, like you can tell they're not
good at it sometimes people just butthe ones that are good at lying,
(18:23):
baby, they're liars. They doit for a living baby, baby every
week they clock in you hear me. So they do it for This is
a career journey. It's a careerjourney, and it's why half of our
red flags are about lying, righteverybody. I'm like a lot of y'all
(18:44):
like lied about little shit, lieabout big ship. They ain't a liar.
So now the first lie I hear, I'm out out. It's like,
okay, y'all get it. Theniggas is lying to y'all, and
it's not good so yes, gaslighting, manipulation, all of that financially
irresponsible behavior. If you don't haveit, you don't have it. Please
(19:06):
don't front trying to impress people.Girl, It's okay to not have it.
Now. I understand you not wantingto be clowned for not having it.
And if you're around those type ofwomen, look at your type questions
exactly, look at your choices,look at your decisions. That's all I
ask. But if you stop livingbeyond YOURLL means, please please, please
(19:33):
please, because I would hate tobe at a dinner and Nigga take me
out to a night. I sawthat on Twitter. Nigga took the girl
out for a nice dinner, nicebeautiful dinner. He's telling the story on
the podcast and he don't have themoney. He didn't know was that expensive.
Now, why when you know yougot to look at your account?
You gotta log in. You login every day to check your account.
(19:56):
That's how I know you may nothave it. You check your account every
day? You mean to tell me? You don't say, let me see
they don't check their account every day, and they don't check the restaurant menu,
prices, research. Gentlemen, stopbeing lazy about it dating ship,
look into it. It's gonna backfireon you. So she's ordering food thinking
it's regular, getting her a surfingturf or I need to see it.
(20:19):
He's texting his friend like, YO, can you please sell me some money?
Like right now? I don't haveim getting a text like that for
with your homeboys. I like,Yo, why didn't you do that?
I mean I would have sent themoney because I would. I would hate
to see you go out like that. By would also you would hear it
for me? Right? What areyou doing taking her to this restaurant?
(20:42):
Why are you doing that? Also? This is what I say for the
girls please, and just for thepeople who date. Bring some money with
you though, don't think that theseniggas are these whoever's taking you out got
it, have a backup, havea back up, because I would hate
for you to be in the kitchenwith him Washington. So just take the
(21:06):
money out here, pay for thedate, and be on your way.
Can I say something real quick,because you unlocked the memory the one time,
I think I was on the datewhere that happened. And I say
I think because I was in myearly twenties and I realized that this young
man tried to make it seem cuteto do a dining dash situation, like
you know what we should do?Not him trying to romanticize. We should
(21:30):
just we should just go. Haveyou ever died and dash before? This
nigga look at his character, lookedat the prow gotta go, because we
(21:52):
were definitely New York City, gottago. Let's gotta go out of here.
But I will say it's the mostcreate five points for creativity. I
will give him that, but definitelyon my way. I said this nigga
don't got it. He don't gothim got it. He don't got it.
That is insane. I would haveso, wait, what did you
(22:14):
doing? You da? I willtell you off the record. I don't
know what the statue of limitations areyou dat? I wasn't let me say
something I said early twenties, Ihaven't he said so today I would not
do something like that, but youknow, me always being cautious, I
(22:36):
said, I'm gonna go first,stay here, and I left and I
kept I kept walking. I neverI went to the subway. I left.
That was the last time because Iwas like this biggas lie Yeah,
I almost not gonna get arrested.You sit here and then you decide if
you're gonna dash. I'm gonna leaveright because that's crazy. But listen,
(23:00):
these red flags, these red flags, we've all seen them, and like
we've all seen them and also experienceda lot of them. So it's good
that we got to talk about that. But also we got to talk to
doctor Joy about red and green flagstoo, our favorite doctor doctor Joy from
Therapy for Black Girls. We gotto talk to her at Culture KHN and
(23:22):
we got the audio. We did. We secured the audio. We secured
the tape. I know a lotof you guys, we're in our dms.
We're like, we want to hearit, we want to see it.
We weren't there. We couldn't getto New York. The tickets sold
out literally today we announced it,which is true. So I'm so happy
we get to share it with youguys today. Let's get into it.
This is me and Sylvia with doctorJoy at Culture con NYC twenty twenty three.
(23:45):
Oh by the way, if you'rewatching on YouTube and haven't subscribed yet,
stop what you're doing, stop nowand hit the subscribe button. All
right. Accident Oh my god,I never really came out for day two.
I love to see him. No, that's right, and it's Sunday,
(24:06):
so y'all could have been right upin the house chilling the House of
the Lord that one too. Butwelcome to the Scotty and Sylvia Show,
Live at Culture Khan, New YorkCity, twenty twenty three. I'm Scottie
Beam. I am just happy tobe here. Baby, my head and
gave up on me. But Ididn't give up you hear me. I'm
(24:27):
still here. Yes, And I'mSylvia Obel. Oh that's right, and
I am happy to be sharing theCoaching Khan stage with you for the first
time. I know we have doneit individually, but never together. Yes,
and we have a special guest,Our Fath. My yes, our
Fath. She's my favorite doctor,doctor Joy, a licensed psychologist, you
(24:49):
know, the founder of Therapy forBlack Girls podcast give it up for that
podcast. You know she'd be readingus all the time. I can only
listen to you, like every everyweek. I don't have therapy because it's
too much. Give you. Mytherapist be jumping me back to back and
I got it. I get youreal. So Sylvia and I spend a
(25:11):
lot of time, you know,in relationships period. We are best friends,
but we are also partners in business, so we would love to start
it off first and foremost. Okay, how many people in here think they
have social anxiety? Jesus? Imean we out here, ain't we?
And y'all here here? Well rememberthat, doctor Joryce Joy. I want
(25:37):
you to, like, uh,define what social anxiety is first. Yeah,
so huge kudos to you if youhave social anxiety and you are here
at culture time, So give yourselfa round of applause. So, when
we think about social anxiety, socialanxiety is like a persistent and irrational fear
(26:00):
of social situations. So you're alwaysworried about embarrassing yourself. You're afraid that
you're gonna be judged, and itoften means that people don't go out to
social situations like a culture kind Okay, yeah, And I feel like especially
with places like culture con where you'renavigating a big crowd, it can stress
a lot of people out with thatissue do you have? But people come
(26:22):
here because you know, you wanta network, you want to have creative
community, you want to be ableto you know, meet your faves.
All of these things. But whatadvice do you have for the introverted,
quiet creatives who are trying to networkand make new friends but are battling that
social anxiety. Great question. Soone, I encourage you to give yourself
a time limit. So a lotof times we get in our head and
(26:45):
we're like, oh, it's gonnabe so overwhelming, I'm not gonna go,
So give yourself one hour. Sosay I will go for one hour
and if it feels too overwhelming,then I will give myself permission to leave.
The second thing is to do yourresearch before you get there. So
a lot of people have been talkingabout coming a culture kind they're doing their
get ready with me outfits, Soyou can scroll the hashtags to see who's
(27:07):
going to be there and do alittle bit of research on the people that
you think that you want to goand meet. And then the third thing
I would say is to take breaksas you need to. Right, So,
if you need to step outside,go in and look at the water,
do some meditation, put on aquick podcast episode take the breaks when
you need it. Wow, OhI love that. And let's talk more
(27:29):
about friendships. Okay, because thebook that you put out sisterhood heels.
I read it front to back.You understand, one of my favorite parts
is when you talk about attachment styles. Because all the girlies have been talking
about attachment styles for romantic relationships,they also exist in friendships. Can you
please go and deep a little diver, deep, dive a little deeper into
(27:53):
what that means. Yeah, I'mglad you brought that up, Scotti,
because I do think we think aboutattachment style only as it relates to romantic
relationships, but our attachment styles reallyshow up in all of our relationships.
And so attachment style really refers tothe ways that you connect with other people.
That is largely based on your relationshipswith your early caregivers. So if
(28:15):
you have a secure attachment style,you likely had caregivers who were responsive when
you cried, They came, theytold you it was okay to be sad,
all of those things. If youhave a more insecure attachment, maybe
you were kind of left alone whenyou cried, or people said, oh,
she'll figure it out, she'll getit together. Caribbean parents Africans too.
(28:40):
I see you, I see you, not a bad thing, not
a bad thing. So I dowant to give you hope because your attachment
style can change, so there isnot a lost hope if you have a
more insecure attachment style. But amore insecure attachment style often means that we
are anxious in relationships, so we'realways afraid that people will leave us.
We're afraid that our needs won't betaken seriously. And then in friendships that
(29:02):
shows up because we might be alittle more stand offish or we're a little
less hesitant to even try to makenew friends. Wow. Wow, the
amount of you who told on yourparents just now in this audience. I
just want you to know that guysaw you. But you know, I
think Scotty mentioned this book. Welove it so much. She called me
(29:23):
and was like, you got toread this book. And I'm like,
doctor Joyce said it to me too, I gotta read it. But I
think your podcast is so popular.I think as creative we're often trying to
figure out how to take things tothe next level or what an extension of
the brand looks like. What madeyou decide to write your book and then
like, in addition to the brandyou were building with your podcasts. That
(29:45):
is a great question, you know, I really feel like so much of
the foundation of therapy for black girlsis sisterhood. Right just this morning,
I've met no fewer than three sisterswho have found their therapists in the therapist
therapy for Black girls. Yes,and so you know, I think it's
really important to make sure that youare getting out of your own way,
(30:08):
because there's something that you are sittingon that all of these people may be
waiting on. And so it reallyfelt important for me to kind of give
language to what I think happens betweenblack women, right, like the way
that we stand in the gap forone another, the way that we rally
for one another when there's an injustice, And so I really feel like sisterhood
is incredibly powerful. What section washardest for you to write? I think
(30:33):
the section about making new friends wasreally hard so write because I think there's
so much hesitance, right, Like, we kind of feel like you grow
up with these people and so theseare my set friends. But the truth
is that you have not met allthe people that will love you yet,
and so I think it's really importantto keep yourself open again one more time
(30:56):
for the people in the bag,well more time, so you have not
met all the people who will loveyou yet, so make sure you're open
to new experiences. Yeah, Drakeheld us back with that one. He
really did us now that we're seeingcaused a lot of drama this weekend.
We're not gonna get into it.We're gonna let the girls by all.
(31:21):
But speaking of reflax, what aresome friendship, green, yellow and red
flags that people can look out fora while networking and trying to make friendships
in this community, because I thinkthe hard thing about doing it as creatives
is like you want to make surethey're genuine right and not like just for
(31:42):
a business op or for like somebodytrying to come up or you know,
for the wrong intentions. So whatare some green, yellow and red flags?
So I think a red flag issomebody who is always asking something of
you, but it's never available whenyou need something. That is a huge
red flag. I think that's huge, especially as a creative. Right if
you're well connected, you don't wantpeople just using you. A yellow A
(32:06):
green flag, though, I think, is people who volunteer to help you
without even asking, right, becauseI think for a lot of us,
asking for help is really difficult.So people who volunteer you don't have to
read me like that doctor Joy istalking. Yeah, with people who volunteer
to help you without you even asking, I think is a huge green flag.
(32:29):
I think a yellow flag. Letme think. I think people who
are just not available when you call. Right. So, of course many
of us are busy, but you'renot busy all the time, right,
So I would be cautious with somebodywho's like super unavailable. Some of us
will hit the notify anyway, butin no matter what D and D is
on, I will notify you anyway. It is important. And to the
(32:53):
phone, I do not care.Okay, you're gonna see that. I
text you. We got on ayellow flag, just a yellow one.
We're not gonna ready. I loveit. Yeah. So I also friendships,
I want to make sure that wetalk about being friends to ourselves.
(33:14):
How can we be better friends toourselves? This is such a good question.
I think really being good friends toyourself and anybody else really requires some
self assessment. Right, So,knowing who you are, what are your
icks, so to speak, thethings that really liked you up, that
you're really passionate about, but thethings that also are huge turn off to
(33:35):
you, I think is really important. So that you know that when you're
putting yourself out there for friendships,like what kinds of things are going to
feel fulfilling to you? And whatkinds of things are gonna feel like you
know, a turnoff? Yeah,and are there like I think a lot
of times when we're trying to findlike who are friends were compatible with?
I think when you're younger, it'sa lot about like, oh, who
(33:55):
likes to party like I like toor who likes the same music or we
bond doing you know, ratchet stuffwith our ratchet friends. But as we
get older, okay, sometimes youhave to learn from what are the healthy
things, like I should be lookingforward to know if I'm compatible with somebody
to be their friends. So Ilove this question because we actually developed a
quiz for you to figure out whatstyle you are in your friendship circle.
(34:20):
So if you go to sisterhoodhels dotcom slash quiz, you can decide whether
you are the wallflower, the peacemaker, the firecracker, or the leader in
your circle. And all circles needall of these roles to function. And
it's not about like, oh,this is a stagnant role, but it
is more about how can you askfor and receive support in your circle,
(34:44):
because I think the leader often isthe one who's making all the plans for
the group chat Like when y'all goto dinner, she puts her card down
and everybody ben Ben mows her moneylater, right, And that can be
great, but sometimes the leader getsresentful because it feels like nobody else is
picking up the slack. And soit really is important for you to know
how you show up and how thegroup can support you in that way.
(35:07):
Which role do you think you arein the front group? You are funny,
you know that? He he,Hell, I am I the firecracker.
Yes. I love how doctor Joylooked directly at the fire firecracker.
Some of those groups that s Ithought I was being subtle? Please Joy,
(35:30):
which one are you sovia? Hello? Don't? Yeah, you know
it's funny because the stereo she justsaid, I literally just didn't do it
at the dinner. I was like, Oh, maybe a leader also the
peacemaker, perhaps, I think.I'm like, wait a minute, we
are in Populan. Yes, girl, that's what you make girls. Yeah,
(35:52):
to be diplomatic and bring us togetherwith people, Yes, you know
what just brings us to the nextquestion about conflict, because it's funny you
should bring up conflict, you know. I think a lot of the key
to longevity and friendships is navigating roughpatches, you know, as a peacemaker
(36:13):
myself, I try to get thegirls to stop, you know, to
see each other's point of view,because that's what a peacemaker does. You
know. She couldn't make it funny. We listened to each other. But
what are some tips on all seriousnessfor friends who may be going through a
(36:34):
rough patch and also trying to figureout is this friendship worth keeping or is
it one to let go of?Because I'm starting to feel like people are
letting go of friendships a little tooeasy for my life because nothing is worse.
I don't care romantic breakups they askchild they hurt, But nothing hurts
worse than a friendship breakup. Nothing, So yes, please help me.
(36:55):
So you asked what my favorite partwas to write or the most difficult art
was the making new friends. Myfavorite part of the book to write was
the chapter called the intimacy You're lookingfor is on the other side of the
difficult conversation you're avoiding? Because ohshit, I feel like it's chapter six,
y'all. I think that's chapter six, y'all, go get the book.
(37:16):
Oh my god, I don't know. I feel like this is it.
I know what yagged some of youas they don't avoid the conversation,
y'all. But I think what oftenhappens is that, like at the first
sign of like distress or conflict,so many of us have not been taught
(37:37):
to resolve conflict that we're like,oh, I'm out, Like this is
too much like she tripping, it'stoo much going on, as opposed to
saying, ouch, that really hurtme. I wonder if we can talk
about how that felt, right,I say, y' and I think this
comes up a lot. What I'vebeen seeing a lot on social media is
these conversations around jealousy in friendships,right, like, oh, I can't
(37:58):
be friends because she's jealous of me. That could be true, or more
often, what's happening is that y'allhave not had a conversation about some difficult
thing that has happened. Right.So, jealousy is a normal human experience,
just like any other emotion. It'swhat you do with the jealousy that
really is the dictator. And sobeing able to have a conversation about I'm
(38:20):
really happy for you and I'm alsoreally sad that these things are not happening
for me is a really mature thingto be able to doe. Yes.
Well, Also, our friendship breaksnecessary, like if it's too too much
going on right now, we arguingwe can't come to a common ground.
(38:43):
Can we take a friendship break?Yeah? I think a lot of us
take breaks anyway, we just don'tannounce it correct. So you know,
when you are not responding to textmessages or you're like, okay, I
need a little bit more me time, I think that that is totally okay,
right to deal with whatever you havegoing on. I think the mistake
we make, though, is toghost people, right. We don't let
people know like, hey, I'mstruggling with my mental health right now,
(39:06):
I'm gonna take a step back,or things are really busy at work and
so you know, I'll catch upwith you in a month. Instead,
we just like stop responding or wedon't, you know, respond to their
emails, and then people are leftcoming up with stories in their heads.
And we know when we get inour own head, we make it way
worse than the reality of a situation, right, because we're trying to avoid,
(39:27):
especially people like me. I don'twant to argue. I'm not in
the business of arguing with you,especially friendships like I'm not and I have
an anxious attachment style. But doesit have to be an argument or even
just be a conversation? Yes,I would like a little conversation, but
(39:49):
yeah I don't. Yeah you're readme. Go ahead, girl, go
ahead, read the next question becauseI'm trying. But no, I'm cracking
up because it was really about tobe a session. I want to lie
down on this or working through.But you know, I think when you
bring up things like you shouldn't ghostand like terms like jealousy, I think
(40:13):
sometimes we reach for like psychological termsthat we hear buzzwords. But I feel
like a lot of the time onthe apps, I see people use them
in the wrong way. There boundariesor trauma or triggers. Like people see
these words, but they don't actuallygo to the therapy session, and so
they just be using them how theywant on Twitter, on X, on
(40:37):
that, on the X yes,on the Instagram, on the tic that
clock app, that one too.What are some of the ones that you
see the most misused and that youfeel like we need a little correcting on
get into it plea. So yes, I completely agree with you, And
(40:58):
I feel like it's a double edgedsword because I think so many people have
been looking for language to describe liketheir internal experiences, right, and so
now you see all these terms andit feels like, oh, there's finally
a name for it. But Ithink a lot of times we are misusing
it. So the first one isa narcissist. Everybody is a narcissist city,
(41:21):
and it can't be. It can'tbe, and it is not.
So it's okay for people to justbeat jerks. Can we just call them?
Right? The percentage of people whoactually meet the criteria for a narcissistic
personality disorder, it's like so slimso, and narcissists will not tell you
(41:42):
that they're narcissists. So anybody's questioning, like, oh am I a narcissist,
you are not because narcissists don't question. But it's okay to describe stuff
just as being like jerkish behavior,as opposed to labeling everybody as a narcissist.
The other one that I see oftenmisuse is trauma bonding. So this
I here that you have a traumaand I have a trauma, and we
bond about the experience of having trauma. That is not accurate. So trauma
(42:07):
bonding actually means that somebody who's beenin like an abusive situation develops an emotional
attachment to their abuser, right,So like a Stockholm syndrome kind of thing.
It doesn't mean that you just bondover your trauma experiences. So so
like you bonding over daddy issues,don't that's not that's not trauma bond.
That's not trauma bonding. No,no, got one more. You got
(42:30):
one more, doctor Jordan. Theother one is gaslighting. Please give her
a time, y'all, y'all waytogether. He is probably the gas lighter
of life. There he stood up, tryan, he said, ain't no.
(42:59):
So gas light is not just aregular everyday lie, right, So
gas lighting is like a repeated behaviorof somebody causing you to question your experience
of reality. So somebody just lyingto you or being dishonest is not actually
gas lighting. Wow, just normallying. I'm so bad. I mean
bad, I say it was good. I just just you know, you're
(43:21):
roundabout lyon fuck boys, not narcissists. You know, let's just go back,
let's just take Also, I wantto talk about finding balance between solo
time and spending time with your friends. I think, you know, to
distract myself, I might go outwith my friends a lot because I don't
want to spend that solo time.So tell me, how can somebody do
(43:45):
that? I feel like this isa beautiful invitation, Scottie, because I
think a lot of times we areso uncomfortable with what will happen if we're
quiet. Instill that we just throwourselves into friends, we throw ourselves into
projects. But we do need toget quiet so that we can deal with
whatever it is that we're trying toavoid. And so one of my favorite
(44:05):
solo activities is journaling, So beingable to just freewrite, like what's coming
up, Like if I give myselften minutes to just feel whatever it is
I'm uncomfortable about, like what isactually going to be recorded on this piece
of paper. And I am afan of like old school pen to paper
writing and journaling as opposed to anote app same same, same, yeah,
same. So anybody who listens toour podcast knows that we like to
(44:30):
end with before we let you go, and when we have a guest,
we like to ask them to takeon the affirmation. And I would like
to kind of try to keep itin the theme of perhaps advice you may
have for millennials who are tired ofliving in unprecedented times, because every gent
(44:51):
too. I know, y'all hear, I'm right here, but you know,
I feel like every time we lookaround something that's following and we're in
a recession. We're in the friendshiprecession where the actual session, the price
of eggs is crazy, there's warhappening in Israel. It's just it's just
it's not signed. So what iswhat is something that we can have to
leave everybody with up to uplift us? Oh, I think that that's a
(45:13):
hard question. I think what Iwill say is that times may be tough,
but so are you, and soit's okay to have a difficult day,
but to not let that define yourentire experience. That you have been
through difficult times before and you canget through this difficult time as well.
Yes, I don't know how tough, child, we don't get through,
(45:34):
We're gonna get it. One thingabout black folks, so We're gonna get
through it. Yeah, so thankyou so much for us today. Where
can the people follow you? Yeah, you can follow me all across line
at Hello, Doctor Joy, andyou can grab your copy of the book
Sisterhood Heels at sisterhood Heels dot com. Love. Oh, guys, make
(45:57):
sure you listen to the Scotty andSylvia Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Okay, A new episode drops everyThursday. The YouTube drops on Friday.
Y'all killing me. The visuals dropon Friday. Y'all kill me every time.
I'm at Scottie Bean, I'm atSylvia obell and thank you guys for
(46:19):
joining us. Shout out to theradio team, Shout out to the radio
tea. Well girl, what aconverstion shan. That was so fun.
I loved it. It was sucha beautiful moment now and such a crowd,
(46:43):
right, amazing crowd. Everybody wasparticipating, interacting. I loved it
all. But I will say DoctorJoy and that affirmation. Girl. Yeah,
we're tough. I totally understand.We are tough, and there are
tough time times and we will wewill rise above this. Absolutely, We're
(47:06):
tired. We're tough and tired andsometimes you're just like, I don't know,
I don't know if this is gonnabe the one, right, this
is this is I'm coming, Elizabethlike it may it may be one of
those. For the gen Z kids, that's Sandford, look it up.
(47:27):
I am that I am. I'mnot that old. I like. I
love that part. I just wantedto give them the context because that's how
I feel. Though I feel likeSandford all the time. Whenever like a
big thing happens, I'm like,well, this is gonna be the one.
This is it. I'm on myway, and then God be like,
(47:47):
gro You're tougher than this. Stop, You're gonna make it. But
I I totally get it. Ilove her affirmation. So oh, before
we let you go, we alwayswant to close with a few words of
Africa that held us together over thepast week, because we are holding on
by thread, especially this past week. What you got for the people this
(48:07):
week, so Via, I thinkit's that you know, while it is
important to find your strength and tolike you know, obviously, survival is
the name of the life game.To be in the land of the Living
is nothing but a survival game,unfortunately, But I do think that it's
(48:28):
okay to admit when you just don'tgot it. If you're wondering to yourself,
why do I feel so tired?Why do I feel so overwhelmed?
Why do I feel so whatever?And you're being hiring yourself. I know
I do that to myself. I'mlike, why am I so tired?
Why is my body pain? Like? Why am I like disoriented? Like
why is my anxiety so high?Like why am I waking just up with
anxiety? And I'm trying to pinpointit as if there's not a million things
(48:52):
happening across the world that we areabsorbing at all times. Yeah, so
little wars going on in our homes, in our countries and internationally, and
we don't know how any of it'sgoing to impact all of us. So
like my thing to you is tooIt's okay to ask for help or to
(49:15):
take a break if you can,right, Okay, Mine would be find
your place in the revolution. It'snot going to look the same for everyone.
(49:39):
I think a lot of people aretrying to figure out what they need
to do, what they need tosay during times like this, how they
can help, what ways they canhelp, how it you know? They
they try to mirror what other peopleare doing and it's just not working for
them, or it's not you know, coming through the same or your words
(50:06):
aren't being heard, or find whereyou are comfortable and your words matter,
your actions matter, what you decideto stand on business matters. I know
that we all want to be liberated, we all want to feel liberated,
(50:30):
and we're all searching for liberation.So I just want you to find your
place there, and that takes time. It takes a lot of time.
So yeah, that's what I'll say, what my affirmation is. In the
meantime, make sure you keep upwith the show online using the hashtag Scottie
(50:52):
and Sylvia Show, and make sureyou come back for more of The Scotty
and Sylvia Show because we do itall for you well you. New episodes
of The Scotty and Sylvia Show dropevery Thursday, so check us out wherever
you listen to podcasts. The visualsdrop every Friday on YouTube. The Scotty
(51:14):
and Sylvia Show is a radio productionhosted by Me Scotti Bean and Me Sylvia
Obel. Executive producers are also usScotti Bean and Sylvia Obel. I know
that's right, I am and Executiveproducers from Radio are Gifa Yador, Benoni
Tago and Everyone's favorite girl, IssaRay. Associate producer from Radio is May
(51:36):
say Hi, our senior producer isGabrielle Horton, sound engineer is Ian Tacknie,
and our video editor is Jay Kenrich. And the big thank you to
all the brilliant minds across the radiouniverse who make this dope as show possible.
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