What Happens When the Avoidant Partner Faces Their Anger?

In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast, couples therapist Julie Menanno focuses on Drew, the avoidant partner in his relationship with Melissa, as they continue working through disconnection issues in their marriage. The episode highlights a recurring tension between Drew’s desire to spend time with friends and Melissa’s longing for him to connect with her and their children first. As the primary caretaker, Melissa finds it difficult to step away from her responsibilities and struggles with accepting different parenting styles within the relationship. This tension often leads to frustration and resentment on her part.

Drew, on the other hand, feels guilty for wanting to be social, as he sees no harm in spending time with friends. In this session, Julie shifts the focus to Drew’s experience, helping him tap into the frustration and unexpressed anger he feels in these moments of disconnection. While Melissa often voices her resentment, Drew has rarely named his own anger, struggling to express it because he associates anger with being out of control and saying things he doesn’t mean.

Julie guides Drew to see that his anger in this situation is valid and that there is room for his own healthy anger their marriage. By acknowledging and expressing it constructively, Drew can better address the disconnect between himself and Melissa.

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