Wedding Planning & Family Drama: How to Set Boundaries, Stay Sane, and Still Have the Wedding You Want

Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
welcome to the snagged podcast
where wedding planning meets real life
real lessons and a whole lot of unexpected snags
I'm Sarah Lizabeth
a wedding planner and storyteller who has seen it all
from dream weddings
to the beautiful mess that is love and marriage
here
I don't just talk about planning the perfect wedding

(00:22):
I talk about the snags the mistakes
the mishaps
and the moments that taught me the biggest lessons
because let's be real life
love and marriage are never as perfect as we planned
but that's what makes them worth talking about
so whether you're knee deep in wedding planning
navigating marriage or just love

(00:44):
a good story about lessons Learned the hard way
this is your place to feel normal
so grab your coffee or your wine
I don't judge and take a deep breath and let's connect
because sometimes the best stories start with a snag

(01:05):
hey snagsters
welcome back to the snagged podcast
I am Sarah Lizabeth your host today
I am in my studio the birds are chirping
and I'm wrapped up in my favorite blanket because
I'm a florist and it's it's always cold in my studio
but next this episode is a big one

(01:26):
and sometimes we just need a hug
and someone to tell us that everything
is going to be okay
so I'm wrapped up in my blanket today for this one
and we're talking about something that hits
close to home for so many couples
during wedding planning and that is family drama
if you're feeling tension
conflict
or like you're caught between family expectations

(01:49):
and what you actually want for your wedding
this episode is for you so let me start with a story
a few stories actually because it is real
this really happens so several years ago
I was planning a wedding for the sweetest couple
the bride was kind thoughtful
and completely over the moon about marrying her person

(02:10):
but there was one major issue
her mother did not like the groom
and I don't just mean she wasn't thrilled
I mean she actively disapproved
I remember sitting in my studio talking with the bride
and anytime the mother would join us
the passive aggressive comments were like daggers
flying across the room it was icy

(02:32):
uncomfortable and heartbreaking
but the bride stayed grounded
she kept saying I know I'm supposed to marry him
my mom will just have to accept it
fast forward to the wedding day
everything looked perfect
everyone seemed happy funny
how the stories with the biggest snags
usually start this way
we were lining everybody up for the ceremony

(02:55):
and mom wasn't talking to anyone
as I sent her down the aisle
I thought maybe she's just nervous
but then mid walk she turned to the crowd
and started screaming profanities about the groom
yep
down the aisle in front of everyone
I froze totally deer in the headlights kind of moment

(03:16):
I didn't know if I was supposed to tackle her
escort her out
or just stand there and cry with the bride
it was heartbreaking
because this wasn't just a dramatic outburst
it was years of resentment and unspoken tension
boiling over at the worst possible time
and here's the thing

(03:37):
these moments don't come out of nowhere
they build quietly over time
because the hard conversations never happen
let me tell you about another bride
she was planning the most elaborate wedding
think full Bridgerton vibes
we were six months into the planning when she called me
I could hear a shift in her voice

(03:59):
she said I think we need to pause
I need to focus on our relationship first
I was so proud of her because at the end of the day
no plan no venue
no perfectly folded napkins
is going to fix a relationship that needs work
I told her you've got me
whether this is a castle wedding

(04:20):
or a courthouse elopement
I'm with you every step of the way
they took two years to work on their relationship
she would check in every once in a while
ask me about timelines or colors
and I would gently redirect
how is your relationship coming along
that's the real priority

(04:41):
and when the time was right
we planned her wedding
it was small
intimate intentional
her family still didn't approve
but her mom showed up
there were tough conversations along the way
but when the day came she stood there
confidently knowing
that she was marrying the right person for her life

(05:01):
and here's what I want you to hear today
you are allowed to set boundaries
you are allowed to take your time
and you are allowed to choose peace over performance
every single time
if your family doesn't get it right now
that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong
it just means you need to get clear on your voice

(05:24):
stick around
we're gonna talk more about navigating family dynamics
with Grace courage and maybe a little humor too
hey snagster quick pause
if you are listening to this and thinking okay Sarah
but where do I even start with planning my wedding
I have got something just for you
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(05:45):
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(06:06):
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(06:27):
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it's the full step by step system
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think of it as
having me as your personal wedding planner
at a fraction of the cost
head to Wedplanpro.com for tools

(06:48):
freebies and planning resources I made just for you
alright let's get back to the episode
okay real talk
who here has heard I don't care what you do
it's your wedding right now
on the surface that sounds very supportive
like we're giving you total freedom

(07:10):
but let's be honest
half of the time that phrase is a setup
it's code for I do care but I don't wanna say it yet
or I'm going to just hold off judgment
until you do something I don't like
or I don't want to be blamed for the decision
but I still wanna say and the worst part

(07:31):
it puts you in this weird
emotional limbo where you think you have a green light
but you're also waiting for the other shoe to drop
so here's what I do want you to remember
silence doesn't mean support
just because someone says do whatever you want
doesn't mean they've worked

(07:51):
through their own feelings about it
as a bride you deserve clarity
you deserve to know
whether someone truly supports your vision
or if they're biting their tongue
until it's too late to change it
so the next time someone says I don't care
it's your wedding
here's what I want you to say in return
I really appreciate you saying that

(08:12):
but I would rather have an honest conversation now
rather than a meltdown later
if you have any thoughts let's talk about them now
so we can move forward with peace
it's not confrontation it's connection
it's creating space for honesty and boundaries
because if your wedding is about anything

(08:32):
it should be about showing up as your full self
and making room for real
respectful conversations along the way
so let's talk about it why family drama happens
and what you can do to protect your peace
while still honoring your people
so here's the thing weddings aren't just about you

(08:53):
even though they should be
they trigger a lot of emotions
in people that are around you
especially parents and as a mom myself
I get it weddings symbolize transitions
identity shifts and even loss
for some parents
they're watching their child make their own decisions

(09:14):
stepping into adulthood and sometimes
choose a life
that's different than the one that they envisioned
and while that doesn't give anyone permission
to sabotage your day
it does give us a little space to offer empathy
if you're facing tension with your family
during wedding planning you are not alone
and it doesn't mean something is wrong with you

(09:36):
or your relationship
in fact I'd say
about 90% of the weddings I've planned
over the last 20 years
have involved some level of family conflict why
because weddings stir up more than just flower choices
they bring up expectations
generational values money traditions

(09:57):
identity and sometimes old wounds
so if you're feeling the pressure
here's a few things that I've Learned over the years
that can truly help you
first have the conversations early
this is the one most people try to avoid
you think maybe I'll come
maybe they'll just come around

(10:18):
or I'll just deal with it later
but what I've seen time and time again
is that tension doesn't fade
it festers so if if you sense unspoken expectations
discomfort or resentment bubbling up
it's time to talk and the sooner the better
try saying I love you

(10:40):
and I want you to be a meaningful part of this day
but I also need your support
this is our wedding and we're doing
our best to make choices that reflect who we are
as a couple can I count on you to trust me
even if some things look different than what you
imagined
it doesn't need to be perfect

(11:01):
but it needs to be honest
next be clear
not confrontational
this is key you can set boundaries without being cold
and you can advocate for yourself
without starting a fight
when you're firm be kind
you're creating space for both clarity and connection

(11:25):
so here are a few examples
we're keeping the guest list small
not because we don't love everyone
but because we want to stay present
and keep it manageable
or we chose this venue because it reflects our story
even if it's a little different
than the one that you pictured
or maybe we appreciate your ideas

(11:46):
but we're going a different direction
that feels more like us
the goal is to communicate your decisions
without making the other person
feel like they're the villain
it's a skill
and you're allowed to practice it along the way
next
understand the difference between input and control
letting your family feel heard
is different than handing over the planning binder

(12:11):
involve parents or loved ones in meaningful ways
like choosing a family recipe for the dinner or
or helping pick a special song together
that can go a long way to feel valued
but that doesn't mean every decision
needs to be a debate you might say something like
we'd love you to be involved in this part

(12:33):
but we've already made a decision on this other part
that way they know that you're open
but not handing over all of the control of the day
and last write it down
this one is simple but huge
especially if multiple people are involved in planning
or paying for it
if you've talked about something and everyone agrees

(12:57):
follow up with a recap in a group text or an email
something like
just to confirm we're booking the band we loved
and we'll all meet at the tasting next week
Saturday at one PM
it's not about being cold or overly formal
it's about avoiding the wait
I thought we said so and so
conversations later on and trust me

(13:19):
future you will be so glad that you did this
so here are my final thoughts for you to take in
you are allowed to protect your peace
while planning your wedding
you are allowed to make decisions
your family may not fully understand
and you are allowed to have boundaries
and love your people deeply

(13:41):
at the same time
weddings are about joining lives
not pleasing everyone and the more you can practice
having those honest conversations now
the more confident
calm and connected you will feel on your big day
until next time snagsters

(14:02):
this is where the process becomes the promise

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