August 26, 2024 • 31 mins
In the 70s and 80s we made it our mission to shove as much fast food into our gaping pieholes as humanly possible. Burgers, fries, tacos, burritos and a stready stream of soda to wash it all down. If Sheriff Brody and Hooper sliced us open they wouldn't have found a Virginia license plate, but instead a steady stream of sugar, sodium and a bunch of chemicals you can't pronounce. But it all tasted so glorious going down.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
I'm Tony. I'm Eric. We are the sons of San Fernando.But we've been friends for over 40 years. And
grew up together in the San Fernando Valley.These are the stories of our experiences as
adventurous Gen X latchkey slackers from backin the day. And don't forget to hit the follow
or subscribe button so you don't miss an episode.
(00:26):
Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, specialorders don't upset us, all we ask is that you
let us have it your way. Dude, how is that inmy brain? I- was that Burger King? I don't
remember that, was that- Have it your way. N-n-
(00:50):
To all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce,cheese, pickles, onions, sesame seed, bun.
That's McDonald's, right? Or is that BurgerKing too? Ah, I think that was... To all beef
patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles,onions, and sesame seed, bun. I think that
was... That's a Big Mac. That's gotta be McDonald's.It's gotta be McDonald's, yeah. Cause it's
to all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce,cheese. Yeah, special sauce is Big Mac. Special
sauce is Big Mac. You can't do it. If it's aspecial sauce... How are these things in my
(01:10):
head? You know what? Oh, because you watched8 billion commercials. All we did in that day
was watch TV. But that just goes to show youhow marketing fucks with you. And now it's
in our face all the time we're holding it. Andthey're not only the marketing test, they know
who we are, what we like, what we buy. And thenthey're sending us the commercials. By the
way, now that we're talking about fast foodand our phones are in our, you know, reasonable
(01:36):
proximity. Which is in our butts, which is reasonableproximity. Yeah, my phone's always in my butt.
That's why I keep it. Now we're gonna get inour feed for. whatever, Facebook or MySpace
or whatever. I'm gonna get Burger King commercials.Yeah, tons of them. And butt stuff. Which go
together, Burger King and butt stuff. Yeah,butt stuff. Because what happens after you
(02:00):
eat Burger King? Okay, wait. A lot of butt stuff.When you were a kid, what was your favorite
burger joint? William fast food burger. Becausewe didn't go to real, there was no, like you
couldn't go to HiHo Burger and get a Wagyu burger.No. You had to have the, Jesus Christ almighty.
And it was awful. I mean, I remember seeingnot that long ago where they were like really
(02:24):
dug into what McDonald's was putting into theirburgers and it was like byproduct and like
filler to the max and it was disgusting, gnarly,pink goo. Now, when you were a kid, which disgusting
gnarly pink goo burger was your favorite? Itwas always just a McDonald's cheeseburger.
My dad... Wait, you didn't do the quarter No,I just didn't have the capacity. I couldn't
(02:47):
handle I couldn't Did you do two cheeseburgers?I know usually one cheeseburger, but here's
why I got a reason. I got a reason. No, no,because I go big on the fries. This is before
supersizing large fry supersizing came in the80s. By the way, when you say large fry, I
want a large fry. To me, that's incorrect. Iwould drive if one fry be one big ass fucking
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fun like the size of a fucking Louisville slotor even Yeah, that's a good size. Yeah. Large
fry. Even if it wasn't, let's say I could takea large for like one large fry. That's the
size of like a big corn on the cob. Yeah. Thatjust doesn't seem like enough though. If I'm
gonna order I want large fries. That's largerthan a potato! But not a large fry. I want
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a small fry. Well it's a fucking, it's a frythe size of a green rice. So when you went
through a drive-thru, did you say I want a largefries? I want large fries. Did you say that?
You didn't say that. Well not when I was six!My dad was ordering so I wasn't. Don't, don't
go spilling. Here was my meal. Here was my meal.My dad would take us through the drive-thru.
(03:57):
to get McDonald's and then we go to the airport.What did your grandma get? Cancer.
She actually didn't. She just, I don't knowwhat she died of. Oh my God. She died. Oh my
(04:20):
God, you were going to hell. She was alreadyin the convalescent home. I was like six. So
I don't know what she died of. You don't remember.Here's what I think your grandmother got. A
filet of fish sandwich. Probably got lodgedat her esophagus. You know, like the bones
from the fish. She got a bone from the filet-o-fishsandwich. That wasn't real cod. It was fish
(04:44):
flavoring. But yes, she had a filet-o-fish.It was a liquid fish. They were so whipped
that it didn't matter. They just whipped thefish byproducts into this material. By the
way, you know this, but there was a secret menuat McDonald's. You could get a whipped fish
sandwich and a fish shake. It was a cod shake.A fish shake. Right. I love their fish shakes.
(05:10):
They're delicious. Yeah, that was fantastic.You get a big glob of fish caught in the straw.
I have a fish shake. Oh, God, dude. Okay, soyour grandmother would go to the airport? Why
are we taking your grandma to the airport allthe time? Get rid of grandma? No, my grandma
was in a convalescent home, so my dad wouldgo pick up my grandma, get her out for a while,
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and... My dad my grandma and me my brother wouldgo to McDonald's and then get McDonald's and
go over to the airport And just watch the planesand when you when you went to do this, what
did you order? I was a cheeseburger was wasn'ta happy meal. No because you wanted to large
they had happy meals back Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah,absolutely. I don't remember getting an early
I think my parents might have thought that thehappy meal was just a fucking ruse. It was
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a ruse. Yeah So instead they're like fuck thatjust get the food. You don't need the fucking
toy. You do need the toy I did but I didn'tget it. Yeah, so early on it was cheeseburger
um large fries Stupid but here's the thing.Here's where I went deep and this is why I
got coke Cocaine. Yes, I got them. I got I gotthe mcdonald's cocaine also on the secret mcdonald's
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menu They would just give you a little bag ofcocaine what to give tell me i'm curious You
got, you went deep. Chocolate shake. Oh. I wouldn'tgo with a soft drink. I was a shake dude. I
was shaking it. I was shaking it heavy. Youwere a shaker? Yeah, I went shake, shake heavy.
I was not a shaker, especially not a McDonald's.Unless it was March. L. Why? The Shamrock.
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Shamrock, motherfucking shake. That was, youknow what? That was insane. I can taste it
right now. Oh, it was so good. The best, wait,I'm not even, I'm not gonna mince words. Don't
mince them. There is no shake. on the planetanywhere by made by anybody. Yeah, better than
a shamrock. I love me a shamrock shake. Everytime those shamrock shakes came out, I was
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so excited to get a shamrock shake. I didn'tthink it was like a long time and then they
brought it back. And they brought it back, yeah.And you know what else they got rid of for
a long time and brought it back? Wait, wait,I know. The McDonald's. Monte Cristo sandwich.
That would be amazing. No, it was the McRibsandwich. The first time I ordered a McRib,
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I remember it well, actually. I ordered a McRibsandwich and I was like, even I, as a child,
was thoroughly disgusted by the McRib sandwich.The flavor, the texture. No, no, it was the
texture. The flavor. No, the flavor too. Flavoris not good. No, the flavor was not good. But
the texture. You know what it was? It was pressedfake byproduct. So here. Wasn't even real byproduct.
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My experience. I would have preferred byproduct.Oh, you would have called for, asked for it
by name. But. May I have some byproduct? TheMcRib, the texture was very much like if you
went to the 99 cent store and you bought a kitchensponge. Yeah. And you soaked it in water. And
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then you put barbecue sauce on it. You put barbecuesauce, yeah, okay, that's fine. You got some
liquid on it. And then you let it sit in thesun for about three years. And then you chewed
on it. That's the consistency. It was so disgusting.I mean, I remember wanting to puke. It was
so disgusting. The fact that they got rid ofit was great. Yeah, but they brought it back.
And then they brought it back, which was notgreat. Yeah, no, they brought it back. I never,
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I mean, I had it that one time when I was akid and then that was it. But McDonald's, okay,
so let me tell you my order. Yeah, what'd youget when you were a kid? I mean, I loved me
a Happy Meal. Back in the 70s. I loved me aHappy Meal. I was willing to concede the amount
of French fries for the toy. I would prefer-Do you remember what kind of toy you would
get back then? Yeah, they were little plastic,little, who cares? It was a toy, you had a
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toy in your meal. My meal came in a box. Well,I hope it didn't come in the meal. Like, the
plastic toy's not in the burger. Even if itwas, I don't care. I'd choke on the fucking
toy. There was a toy in the box, the box itself.was a toy. You could cut stuff out of the box
and do shit with it. There were puzzles on theoutside and the inside. I would prefer that
and always, always at McDonald's. Always. TheCoke. And here's why. McDonald's and I don't
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know what it is better than Coca-Cola from anywhereEverybody talks about the Mexican coke got
a Mexican coke's best coke. They're doing sothe coke McDonald's cokes through the giant
fucking fatty straws that they would give youwhy are there straws something about that?
I must have been the mixture of yeah the cokesyrup. Yeah And how spicy sharp the frickin
(09:39):
sparkling Gasesh whatever is sure that theyput in with the syrup. It was the cocaine Let
me tell you, to this day, I would go to McDonald'sright now and buy a Coke. I haven't had a Coke.
I don't remember the last time I had a Coke.Oh, a million, 25 years for me. Yeah, but I
would go get a McDonald's Coke because theirCoke is so goddamn good. It's the premier Coke.
And now, as a kid, I don't feel this way now,but as a kid, their Coke and their French fries,
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bar none. Oh, well the French fries still. Stillthe french fries. Still? Have you had them
recently? When was the last time you had them?No, but I've heard stories. You've heard tell.
I've heard tales of french fries. Let me askyou a question. This is another SoCal thing.
So if you're not from SoCal, you may not know.Or I mean they've expanded over the years.
But quality you can taste since 1948. Now inmy opinion, when it comes to fast food, this
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is the pinnacle. Is it an upper? I hard to evencall it. I know it. It's hard to call it fast
food. It, it, it qualifies. It's so fuckinggood. I love one of the best people like to
shit on. Little more recently, I've heard someharshing on in and out burger. And I think
it's just because so many people love it. Who'sshooting on it now? Here's my question though.
A lot of people like in and out burger becauseit's fantastic, but here's the real question.
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How do you feel about their French fries? See,and this is very divided. It's very divided.
Nobody's in the middle. This is divided. Nobodyis in the middle. Where are you on that fence?
You love hate. I love. Oh, me too. Thank Godyou said that. I love. Because I love In-N-Out's
french fries. I'll do the twice cooked, I'lldo the under cooked. No, that's what we do.
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Okay, so I'm more of a fan. I'll take them anywayI can get them. You know you can gas for them
to be double cooked. What do you think we do?Secret menu. What do you think we do? Yeah.
All the time. Extra extra well do a double upcrispy crispos double fried and because they're
so pure They just and you could you watch themas you're driving? Fucking potato becomes right.
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Oh, there's another one. Yeah, it's fantastic.I love that Potato oil and salt and they're
scorched your face off. I love those fries.I why do people not like welcome that they
come out piping hot and put blisters on my tongue.Now here's the thing. Tongues, I have two tongues.
So I'm glad we agree on In-N-Out because I'ma huge fan. It's the best. We get it all the
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time. There is no other fast food I eat anymore.And I used to eat all of it. Yeah, me either.
I don't eat any of it either. Oh my God. Exceptfor In-N-Out. The amount of Taco Bell that
I used to ingest. Yeah, long time ago. I haven'thad Taco Bell in 30 years. Holy fuck, dude.
Yeah. Okay, so let's go back a ways because...there are some things that are no longer there.
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Okay, Del Taco, no, Del Taco still exists. Itdoes too. Okay, I got a good Del Taco story
for later, but let's start with- Pioneer Chicken,gone. We got all of these, we gotta get to
all of them. That one's gone, Pioneer Chicken.Is there a Pioneer Chicken anymore? They're
gone. I sure hope there. Do you remember PioneerChicken? Yeah, it was like Kentucky Fried Chicken
except 10,000 times more grease. And- Ten thousandtimes worse. Yeah, it was terrible. That's
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why they're gone. Yeah Like KFC wasn't bad enough.Yeah, KFC. I mean it's disgusting, but the
flavors really good Give me a bucket. Give mea bucket. Give me a bucket. Give me a bucket
of chicken. I mean it was disgustingly greasy.Pioneer was just, it was so, you would get
to the bottom of a bucket of pioneer chickenand there were there was at least Two and a
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half inches of fucking grease and fat at thebottom, which I would just Yeah, you would
just suck it down. Yeah. In one little slurp.But Taco Bell, going back to Taco Bell for
a second. Yeah. That was... First of all, theTaco Bells, I don't know if this was like this
everywhere, but the Taco Bells in SoCal allhad the little like arches, the little Spanish
architecture, like they were missions. Likethey were built like California missions. You're
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gonna have a religious experience. I had manyreligious experiences at Taco Bell at two in
the morning. But it's so funny because now there'sso many of those mission style Taco Bells that
are... have been repurposed into new restaurantsand you can always tell it's an old Taco Bell
because of the little mission style arches.Man, so when I was growing up in the valley
I worked at the music store and we had a TacoBell on the opposite corner. Right. Oh I know
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exactly. Know exactly where it is. And it wasalways... Isn't there still a Taco Bell there?
It's still there! It's the same one! It's thesame one! It's been there for 30... Music Plus
is long gone. But there's that Taco Bell isstill there. Still there. Yeah. He used to
go there and get, I mean, various items. Itwas a lot of chicken soft tacos, a lot of bean
burritos. Why are you getting a chicken softtaco at Taco Bell? There's only one thing to
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fucking get in touch with. Back then in theday, it was either a bean burrito or a crispy
taco. Dude, but a Mexi Melt. No, the crispytacos were amazing. Crispy tacos were great.
I'll give you that. They were amazing. But Iwanna see if you can remember this. Okay. Salupa!
Did you just chalupa me? I never had a chalupa.No, this is before all the fancy fucking shit
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came out. Now there's like designer fuckingburritos. Dorito, burrito, chalupas. No, there
was a menu, it was fucking burritos and fuckingtacos and fucking Mexican melts and fucking
Mexican pizzas. Oh, those are great. So youget some combination of bean or beef burritos.
Well, it's all the same thing. Yeah. It's reorg.It's reorg. Yeah. It's like what wrap do you
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have? How many beans? All the exact same shit.But we'd go and get the regular like the entree.
Right. Yeah. So your entree would be like twobean burritos and a Mexi melty. Right. But
then you needed a little bit of some sweet maybea churro. No, what did they have back in the
day? Do you remember? Do you remember? Theywere triangular. Sweet? Yes. They were covered
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in cinnamon sugar. I thought those were the,oh, the cheap, chupa
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Yes, and they would they were super stabby.So you bite in, you couldn't feel your mouth
because you already had like eight gallons offire sauce from eating your fucking. Wait,
you must stop for a moment to give homage tothe hot sauce at Taco Bell. There is no fast
food restaurant with a there's no fast foodrestaurant with a better sauce than the Taco
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Bell hot sauce. Uh, yes, you're Even In-N-Outspecial sauce. And the fact that they gave
you choices. Oh, dude. Mild, medium. Wait, therewas a medium and a fire? There was a fire,
too. So there was a mild medium and a fire.Who are you? I just would get the hottest one.
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I didn't realize it was the fire. Fire. Yeah,it was the one I would get. They had the different
color, like the... The mild sauce was like ayellow and then packet. And then there was
like an orange and then there was a fire engine.Red fire. The thing about them, they were all
so tasty. They were delicious. Yeah, they weren't.It wasn't hot for hot snake. It wasn't just
hot. They were really tasty hot sauces. Butthat's what I'm getting at is I would get,
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I started with medium and then I would, I workedmy way up to fire. You say it was, I started
with medium. Yeah. And then I was working inthe mail room. I started with medium. Start
with medium, work your way up to fire. Thenyou get fire, but once you're done with your
entree and you get to the cinnamon crispus,you can't feel your mouth. You can't taste
anything. Or taste. Or taste. So it didn't matter.But they were hot too. They came out hot, the
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cinnamon crispus. They came out hot, but youcouldn't feel your mouth, so you wind up getting
stabbed by the cinnamon crispus. You have abloody mouth. Right. And then all that fire
sauce is getting in there. Very painful, painfulexperience. Okay. So I... Taco belt was tasty.
Let's just say it. I mean, it was gastrointestinallygnarly. Sodium party. I love a sodium party.
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I'm the first person to arrive at a sodium party.And the last to leave. I'm not even going to
be fashionably late to a sodium party. I'm showingup on time and getting my parting gifts at
a sodium party. I love sodium. But, but whilewe're talking about Tacos, I want to stay on
the tacos for a minute. How do you feel aboutthe Jack in the Box tacos? Fuck those tacos.
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I gotta say. No. I love them. Here's why. Here'swhy, wait, let me just give me, let me give
you my case. Don't be a dick, let me explain.Jack in the Box would deep fry the whole goddamn
taco. That's amazing. Tasted like ass. You knowwhat's interesting about them, and I learned
this only a couple years ago, is Jack in theBox beef tacos have almost no beef in the tacos,
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but it's not like they're byproduct, they'rejust soy, they're basically veggie tacos. There's
shit. There's almost no beef in the tacos. There'sno reason to get that when you have other higher
quality tacos. I love them, honestly. I kindalove them. Now, you had the competitor, you
had Taco Bell, right? And then that's Coke,and then Del Taco is Pepsi or maybe even RC
Cola. Not even, it was Fresca. But. We usedto go to a god this is this is probably in
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my early 20s we were working at a recordingstudio recording stuff for the for stem band.
Yeah. There were two Del tacos we would eatDel taco like every day or no that I've ever
even been to a like my whole life. Here's thething about Del taco. OK. Very very distinctive
talk OK. Very much unlike anything you get aTaco Bell but here's the thing that you wouldn't
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think you would get at a place. crinkle fries.They're fucking crinkly fries. They're still
like, they're not waffle fries, not waffle fries.Don't get confused. They're crinkle fries.
Yeah. Holy shit. Were they amazing? Yes. Really?Yes. Really? You know where else you could
get good crinkle fries? Nowhere. Jack in thebox. And they, I'm not sure they were crinkle,
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but they had the spicy fries. Mm. And, and,and this is something I remember eating later,
like. Well, I guess that's when you were talkingabout with Jack and the, with the, with Del
Taco too, but when like Kelly and I would goout and be completely obliterated and need
some food because we've had no food and we'vehad nothing but alcohol, where do you go? You
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go to get to, or Tommy's. Was there anotherbig one? Maybe we go to Tommy's. I got a Tommy
story. Okay, but before Tommy's, we would alsogo to Jack in the Box a lot. And at Jack in
the Box, we would get that spicy chicken sandwich.Do you remember that? That was good. It was
super spicy, but the flavor was amazing. Sogood. I used to get that at work all the time.
Yeah, it was fucking great. That was one ofthe best menu items they ever had. Ever. That
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was a fantastic- God, I forgot about that. Ican actually kind of taste that right now.
Yeah, it was so- Did you have a little sliceof cheese on it? I think it did. It was so
good. That was a delicious sandwich. Dude, Tommy's,you... Tommy's, we was a big, I mean, that's
a valiant thing. Tommy's was the drunk food.Yeah, that's drunk food. It's where you go.
So... And in Van Nuys, it was in Van Nuys. Well,I didn't usually go to it because, okay, this
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isn't going all the way back. You didn't goto Tomi's. It's like late Gen X time. I mean,
so by the time we were, I don't know, late teens,early 20s, partying. Yeah. at the band house.
Yeah. We would usually send, I remember I wasliving in this one house up in West Hills and
one of my roommates, Rob, we would always convinceher like, hey, I'll fly if you guys buy. Like
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he would, he was cool driving to Tommy's becausehe weren't delivering it. Oh, he would go buy
himself. Yeah. To pick up for everybody else,but we would buy his food. That's a good deal.
That was smart. That was really good. That wassmart because gas wasn't as expensive back
then. Right. He was smart. He was making outpretty well. but it was always the best drunk
food because you get a Tommy's double chilicheeseburger. Yeah. Chili cheese fries. Oh
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yeah. Chili cheese shake. And then the wholereally hard. I want a chili cheese shamrock
shake. Really hard. Oh mint. Mint and chiligo together. And cheese. It gets stuck in the
straw. Gnarly American cheese, dude. Not evenlike real cheese. It was the best. Drunk food
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like you didn't you weren't hungover the nextday, although Leaving the tommy's wrappers
out and you wake up at seven in the morningThe stank over and oh the stink of chili cheese
paper If I had a if I had a tommy's chili burgerright in front of you, it would kill me No,
it would kill me if I ingested it would ripa knife out and stab it It would be a hole
(22:34):
in your face. It would be instant colonoscopyWithout the camera up my ass Here is a typical
day of me working in the summer when I was 17.Okay. At music box. And into 18. Okay. Winchels.
In the morning before work? Oh yeah, becausewe do- Wait, what'd you get, what'd you get?
We would do, we'd have to like ticket salesat like seven in the morning. Beer clock. So
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I'm walking at seven, or seven thirty. I'm walkingat seven o'clock in the morning. Crawler. Crawler?
Old fashioned. Wait, wait, go hold, slow downmotherfucker. Crawler. Spell this. Cruller.
Spell it. Cruller. I can't. C. Close enough.Usually. A cruller? It was a... either a chocolate
(23:18):
or a maple filled bar. What's fucking wrongwith you? You sick fuck. A brownie? And a Winchell's
brownie, if you don't know, it has about aninch of thick fudge on the top. You're an inch
of thick fudge. I wish. Yeah. An extra largeCoke, not diet, full sugar Coke. Oh my God.
(23:48):
That's my breakfast. Then it gets worse. Solunch is Taco Bell where I go and get my sodium
filled fucking bean burrito. Stop, stop, I gotta,I gotta pause. You can come back to this and
I'll bring you back. But did you just say TacoBell? Yes. You don't say Taco Bell? Taco Bell.
Not Taco Bell? Taco Bell, Taco Bell, Taco Bell.Oh yeah, it's on the bell, Taco Bell, Taco
(24:11):
Bell. Okay, well I've had this discussion withmy- No, no, it's Bell, no, Taco Bell. No, it's
Taco Bell, it is on the bell. Taco Bell, it'sinteresting because I think my kids say- Taco
Bell. No, you just said it. Yeah, as if it couldbe like a burger bell or pizza bell. Exactly.
It's Taco Bell. Taco Bell. What kind of tacois a Taco Bell? It's not a taco. It's not Taco
Bell. It's not, we're not talking about thebell. We're talking about the taco. It's about
(24:34):
that. You're right. Taco Bell. The emphasisis on the bell. So Taco Bell, what are you
getting for us? Yeah, I'm getting a couple ofbean burritos. Okay, two bean burritos. And
maybe a Mexi Melt. Mexi Melt. Cinnamon Crispus.If that wasn't bad enough. A lot of nights
I would go home and have like a half decentdinner and by half decent I mean maybe a Swanson's
hungry man. But that's not even half decentand not that's just a Swanson hungry man. Not
(25:00):
a dinner. Just the man. Yeah. His name was Swanson.
I would go for dinner to the Shell station.Oh my God. Come on. No. And I would get you
know those same one across the street. Okay.Convenience, it's right there. This is why
you'll call it a convenience store. So for dinner,I would pick up something before I went home
(25:23):
and it was usually one of those, I call themthe triangle sandwich. Oh yeah. I love them
in a little plastic cup. You peel it off, youget your tuna, you got your egg salad, a big
one in the triangle sandwich. Love the egg salad.This is what you're getting for dinner? Yeah.
That and usually a bag of chips. Honestly, thatwas probably healthier than anything else you
ate that day. Yeah. Well, by the time I gotto dinner, I at least had some protein going
(25:47):
on. There was maybe some meat. Yeah. We gotright. Or, or egg with a little egg protein.
Probably like there was, those are probablyfive, 600 calories. You got some protein. Yeah.
The calories weren't a problem. No, the calorieswere a kid. But I was ingesting sugar and sodium
until the fucking cows came home. There's HowI survived that was unbelievable. No wonder
(26:08):
I actually had to go see fucking doctors whenI was 19 years old because I was destroying
my fucking stomach. Well not to mention whenyou get home, you're like drinking booze and
smoking weed and like you know all that stufftoo on top of that. Yeah, I wasn't just Fresca,
I'm telling you. You know, it was like. Therewas a lot of Zima. There was, oh my God, did
you have Zima? Yeah, that's a whole nother,that's a whole nother topic. Booze of the 80s?
(26:30):
We'll talk about booze of the 80s back in theday. That was good. Zima, I remember having
it once, like I think I got it with Kelly, wewere somewhere and we had the Zima was like,
what is this garbage? Okay, then you had yoursemi fast foods. You had your Bob's Big Boys.
By the way, still a Bob's Big Boy down the streetfrom me in Burbank. Yeah, that's like the last
one I know of. By the way, I went there. Garbage?Recently. Terrible. Oh, just the worst fucking
(26:54):
ass food ever. That big fucking boy out front,he is luring you in with his big suspenders
and shit. No, it's terrible. I'm not gonna touchthat one. We had some real gnarly things in
the Valley that were equivalent to Bob's bigboy. Why such as? Tell me. I mean, I hesitate
to even say, but there was a restaurant in theSan Fernando Valley. I know it. I know what
(27:16):
you're gonna say. Go ahead. Is this the onethat has the name that wasn't quite- Yeah,
had a racist name. It was Sambos. Was the nameof the restaurant. Can you believe? And that
amazing thing was how long that restaurant lastedwith that name. It was around a long time.
In Tarzana. In Tarzana! And there was a chainof multiple, I mean, it's just like, you know
what I remember about the like the racist stuffthat was in the culture that we had no idea
(27:40):
even. And it wasn't like what it meant. It wasa racist restaurant. No, but we didn't even
know what it meant. We were kidding. We hadno idea what that was. But it was great because
it was a family restaurant. I know, Sambo, Sambofamily restaurant. But you know what I remember
about Sambo's? Huh. was one of those placesas a kid, as a very young kid, you would get
like a paper hat or, it was always somethingfun that you got in there, like really fun
(28:03):
stuff you got. So you wanted to go to Sambo'snot for the food. Institutionalized racism
is what you were going there for. Yeah, yeah,100%. Okay, so there was that. There was, there
were a bunch of restaurants like that, but I'mtrying to think if there were other like fast
food, fast foods that we were missing. There'dbe the Jack in the Box, the McDonald's, the
Burger Kings. The Carl's the Wendy's. Oh, okay,Carl's Jr. Hold on, Carl's Jr. And Wendy's,
(28:25):
I didn't do much. I wasn't into the square meat.Square meat didn't do it for me. It's just
weird. There's something about it. I don't likemy meat flopping out for my fucking. Carl's
was a good, Carl's was fairly tasty. Carl's,okay. Flambroiled. There's only one thing.
Western bacon cheese burger. Yeah, that wasso good I didn't even remember it till you
(28:48):
just said it and here's the thing the Westernbacon cheese burger It doesn't really hold
up anymore. I don't think bacon barbecue saucebacon barbecue sauce onion ring in that onion
ring in it as much as I love good crispy baconIt didn't matter on that sandwich because you
had all the other elements. You had the fuckingburger, you had the fucking barbecue sauce,
(29:11):
you had the big motherfucking onion ring. That'show it was listed on the menu too. Big motherfucking
burger, big motherfucking onion ring. Yeah,that's how it was. And then the bacon too.
It was all the good meats and fried shit. That'sa Bowie salad. You almost, yeah. All the good
meats. Actually, okay, so when we were goingto grade school, what... What were we getting
if we had fast food at lunch? It was alwayseither. We had, oh, Arby's dude. Arby's, oh
(29:35):
no, boy. How do you leave that out of this list?How do we forget Arby's? The most terrifying
meat. Prismatic meat. This side of the Mississippi.It had all the colors of the rainbow. Why was
it prismatic? Why was that? Because it was notroast beef. It was shiny, prismatic. It's weird
that I remember that it was prismatic. Therewere hues of blue. and purple. It was mountains
(30:02):
majesty. It was it was the weirdest shiny meat.He's the only way to choke down. Arby's at
Arby's was and I'm just gonna say the most amazingbarbecue sauce. I loved that gooey, sticky
honey. Are we still talking about Arby's sauce?Oh no, the alternative at Arby's the alternative
(30:26):
sauce was um uh jism it had the consistencyof jism it was the same color actually it was
the horsey sauce i can't believe it was calledhorsey sauce
(30:48):
That's so disgusting!
I'm Tony. I'm Eric. We are the sons of San Fernando.But we've been friends for over 40 years. And
grew up together in the San Fernando Valley.These are the stories of our experiences as
adventurous Gen X latchkey slackers from backin the day. And don't forget to hit the follow
or subscribe button so you don't miss an episode.
(00:26):
Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, specialorders don't upset us, all we ask is that you
let us have it your way. Dude, how is that inmy brain? I- was that Burger King? I don't
remember that, was that- Have it your way. N-n-
(00:50):
To all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce,cheese, pickles, onions, sesame seed, bun.
That's McDonald's, right? Or is that BurgerKing too? Ah, I think that was... To all beef
patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles,onions, and sesame seed, bun. I think that
was... That's a Big Mac. That's gotta be McDonald's.It's gotta be McDonald's, yeah. Cause it's
to all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce,cheese. Yeah, special sauce is Big Mac. Special
sauce is Big Mac. You can't do it. If it's aspecial sauce... How are these things in my
(01:10):
head? You know what? Oh, because you watched8 billion commercials. All we did in that day
was watch TV. But that just goes to show youhow marketing fucks with you. And now it's
in our face all the time we're holding it. Andthey're not only the marketing test, they know
who we are, what we like, what we buy. And thenthey're sending us the commercials. By the
way, now that we're talking about fast foodand our phones are in our, you know, reasonable
(01:36):
proximity. Which is in our butts, which is reasonableproximity. Yeah, my phone's always in my butt.
That's why I keep it. Now we're gonna get inour feed for. whatever, Facebook or MySpace
or whatever. I'm gonna get Burger King commercials.Yeah, tons of them. And butt stuff. Which go
together, Burger King and butt stuff. Yeah,butt stuff. Because what happens after you
(02:00):
eat Burger King? Okay, wait. A lot of butt stuff.When you were a kid, what was your favorite
burger joint? William fast food burger. Becausewe didn't go to real, there was no, like you
couldn't go to HiHo Burger and get a Wagyu burger.No. You had to have the, Jesus Christ almighty.
And it was awful. I mean, I remember seeingnot that long ago where they were like really
(02:24):
dug into what McDonald's was putting into theirburgers and it was like byproduct and like
filler to the max and it was disgusting, gnarly,pink goo. Now, when you were a kid, which disgusting
gnarly pink goo burger was your favorite? Itwas always just a McDonald's cheeseburger.
My dad... Wait, you didn't do the quarter No,I just didn't have the capacity. I couldn't
(02:47):
handle I couldn't Did you do two cheeseburgers?I know usually one cheeseburger, but here's
why I got a reason. I got a reason. No, no,because I go big on the fries. This is before
supersizing large fry supersizing came in the80s. By the way, when you say large fry, I
want a large fry. To me, that's incorrect. Iwould drive if one fry be one big ass fucking
(03:12):
fun like the size of a fucking Louisville slotor even Yeah, that's a good size. Yeah. Large
fry. Even if it wasn't, let's say I could takea large for like one large fry. That's the
size of like a big corn on the cob. Yeah. Thatjust doesn't seem like enough though. If I'm
gonna order I want large fries. That's largerthan a potato! But not a large fry. I want
(03:34):
a small fry. Well it's a fucking, it's a frythe size of a green rice. So when you went
through a drive-thru, did you say I want a largefries? I want large fries. Did you say that?
You didn't say that. Well not when I was six!My dad was ordering so I wasn't. Don't, don't
go spilling. Here was my meal. Here was my meal.My dad would take us through the drive-thru.
(03:57):
to get McDonald's and then we go to the airport.What did your grandma get? Cancer.
She actually didn't. She just, I don't knowwhat she died of. Oh my God. She died. Oh my
(04:20):
God, you were going to hell. She was alreadyin the convalescent home. I was like six. So
I don't know what she died of. You don't remember.Here's what I think your grandmother got. A
filet of fish sandwich. Probably got lodgedat her esophagus. You know, like the bones
from the fish. She got a bone from the filet-o-fishsandwich. That wasn't real cod. It was fish
(04:44):
flavoring. But yes, she had a filet-o-fish.It was a liquid fish. They were so whipped
that it didn't matter. They just whipped thefish byproducts into this material. By the
way, you know this, but there was a secret menuat McDonald's. You could get a whipped fish
sandwich and a fish shake. It was a cod shake.A fish shake. Right. I love their fish shakes.
(05:10):
They're delicious. Yeah, that was fantastic.You get a big glob of fish caught in the straw.
I have a fish shake. Oh, God, dude. Okay, soyour grandmother would go to the airport? Why
are we taking your grandma to the airport allthe time? Get rid of grandma? No, my grandma
was in a convalescent home, so my dad wouldgo pick up my grandma, get her out for a while,
(05:30):
and... My dad my grandma and me my brother wouldgo to McDonald's and then get McDonald's and
go over to the airport And just watch the planesand when you when you went to do this, what
did you order? I was a cheeseburger was wasn'ta happy meal. No because you wanted to large
they had happy meals back Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah,absolutely. I don't remember getting an early
I think my parents might have thought that thehappy meal was just a fucking ruse. It was
(05:52):
a ruse. Yeah So instead they're like fuck thatjust get the food. You don't need the fucking
toy. You do need the toy I did but I didn'tget it. Yeah, so early on it was cheeseburger
um large fries Stupid but here's the thing.Here's where I went deep and this is why I
got coke Cocaine. Yes, I got them. I got I gotthe mcdonald's cocaine also on the secret mcdonald's
(06:17):
menu They would just give you a little bag ofcocaine what to give tell me i'm curious You
got, you went deep. Chocolate shake. Oh. I wouldn'tgo with a soft drink. I was a shake dude. I
was shaking it. I was shaking it heavy. Youwere a shaker? Yeah, I went shake, shake heavy.
I was not a shaker, especially not a McDonald's.Unless it was March. L. Why? The Shamrock.
(06:40):
Shamrock, motherfucking shake. That was, youknow what? That was insane. I can taste it
right now. Oh, it was so good. The best, wait,I'm not even, I'm not gonna mince words. Don't
mince them. There is no shake. on the planetanywhere by made by anybody. Yeah, better than
a shamrock. I love me a shamrock shake. Everytime those shamrock shakes came out, I was
(07:01):
so excited to get a shamrock shake. I didn'tthink it was like a long time and then they
brought it back. And they brought it back, yeah.And you know what else they got rid of for
a long time and brought it back? Wait, wait,I know. The McDonald's. Monte Cristo sandwich.
That would be amazing. No, it was the McRibsandwich. The first time I ordered a McRib,
(07:23):
I remember it well, actually. I ordered a McRibsandwich and I was like, even I, as a child,
was thoroughly disgusted by the McRib sandwich.The flavor, the texture. No, no, it was the
texture. The flavor. No, the flavor too. Flavoris not good. No, the flavor was not good. But
the texture. You know what it was? It was pressedfake byproduct. So here. Wasn't even real byproduct.
(07:46):
My experience. I would have preferred byproduct.Oh, you would have called for, asked for it
by name. But. May I have some byproduct? TheMcRib, the texture was very much like if you
went to the 99 cent store and you bought a kitchensponge. Yeah. And you soaked it in water. And
(08:07):
then you put barbecue sauce on it. You put barbecuesauce, yeah, okay, that's fine. You got some
liquid on it. And then you let it sit in thesun for about three years. And then you chewed
on it. That's the consistency. It was so disgusting.I mean, I remember wanting to puke. It was
so disgusting. The fact that they got rid ofit was great. Yeah, but they brought it back.
And then they brought it back, which was notgreat. Yeah, no, they brought it back. I never,
(08:28):
I mean, I had it that one time when I was akid and then that was it. But McDonald's, okay,
so let me tell you my order. Yeah, what'd youget when you were a kid? I mean, I loved me
a Happy Meal. Back in the 70s. I loved me aHappy Meal. I was willing to concede the amount
of French fries for the toy. I would prefer-Do you remember what kind of toy you would
get back then? Yeah, they were little plastic,little, who cares? It was a toy, you had a
(08:49):
toy in your meal. My meal came in a box. Well,I hope it didn't come in the meal. Like, the
plastic toy's not in the burger. Even if itwas, I don't care. I'd choke on the fucking
toy. There was a toy in the box, the box itself.was a toy. You could cut stuff out of the box
and do shit with it. There were puzzles on theoutside and the inside. I would prefer that
and always, always at McDonald's. Always. TheCoke. And here's why. McDonald's and I don't
(09:17):
know what it is better than Coca-Cola from anywhereEverybody talks about the Mexican coke got
a Mexican coke's best coke. They're doing sothe coke McDonald's cokes through the giant
fucking fatty straws that they would give youwhy are there straws something about that?
I must have been the mixture of yeah the cokesyrup. Yeah And how spicy sharp the frickin
(09:39):
sparkling Gasesh whatever is sure that theyput in with the syrup. It was the cocaine Let
me tell you, to this day, I would go to McDonald'sright now and buy a Coke. I haven't had a Coke.
I don't remember the last time I had a Coke.Oh, a million, 25 years for me. Yeah, but I
would go get a McDonald's Coke because theirCoke is so goddamn good. It's the premier Coke.
And now, as a kid, I don't feel this way now,but as a kid, their Coke and their French fries,
(10:04):
bar none. Oh, well the French fries still. Stillthe french fries. Still? Have you had them
recently? When was the last time you had them?No, but I've heard stories. You've heard tell.
I've heard tales of french fries. Let me askyou a question. This is another SoCal thing.
So if you're not from SoCal, you may not know.Or I mean they've expanded over the years.
But quality you can taste since 1948. Now inmy opinion, when it comes to fast food, this
(10:32):
is the pinnacle. Is it an upper? I hard to evencall it. I know it. It's hard to call it fast
food. It, it, it qualifies. It's so fuckinggood. I love one of the best people like to
shit on. Little more recently, I've heard someharshing on in and out burger. And I think
it's just because so many people love it. Who'sshooting on it now? Here's my question though.
A lot of people like in and out burger becauseit's fantastic, but here's the real question.
(10:56):
How do you feel about their French fries? See,and this is very divided. It's very divided.
Nobody's in the middle. This is divided. Nobodyis in the middle. Where are you on that fence?
You love hate. I love. Oh, me too. Thank Godyou said that. I love. Because I love In-N-Out's
french fries. I'll do the twice cooked, I'lldo the under cooked. No, that's what we do.
(11:17):
Okay, so I'm more of a fan. I'll take them anywayI can get them. You know you can gas for them
to be double cooked. What do you think we do?Secret menu. What do you think we do? Yeah.
All the time. Extra extra well do a double upcrispy crispos double fried and because they're
so pure They just and you could you watch themas you're driving? Fucking potato becomes right.
(11:42):
Oh, there's another one. Yeah, it's fantastic.I love that Potato oil and salt and they're
scorched your face off. I love those fries.I why do people not like welcome that they
come out piping hot and put blisters on my tongue.Now here's the thing. Tongues, I have two tongues.
So I'm glad we agree on In-N-Out because I'ma huge fan. It's the best. We get it all the
(12:04):
time. There is no other fast food I eat anymore.And I used to eat all of it. Yeah, me either.
I don't eat any of it either. Oh my God. Exceptfor In-N-Out. The amount of Taco Bell that
I used to ingest. Yeah, long time ago. I haven'thad Taco Bell in 30 years. Holy fuck, dude.
Yeah. Okay, so let's go back a ways because...there are some things that are no longer there.
(12:26):
Okay, Del Taco, no, Del Taco still exists. Itdoes too. Okay, I got a good Del Taco story
for later, but let's start with- Pioneer Chicken,gone. We got all of these, we gotta get to
all of them. That one's gone, Pioneer Chicken.Is there a Pioneer Chicken anymore? They're
gone. I sure hope there. Do you remember PioneerChicken? Yeah, it was like Kentucky Fried Chicken
except 10,000 times more grease. And- Ten thousandtimes worse. Yeah, it was terrible. That's
(12:49):
why they're gone. Yeah Like KFC wasn't bad enough.Yeah, KFC. I mean it's disgusting, but the
flavors really good Give me a bucket. Give mea bucket. Give me a bucket. Give me a bucket
of chicken. I mean it was disgustingly greasy.Pioneer was just, it was so, you would get
to the bottom of a bucket of pioneer chickenand there were there was at least Two and a
(13:09):
half inches of fucking grease and fat at thebottom, which I would just Yeah, you would
just suck it down. Yeah. In one little slurp.But Taco Bell, going back to Taco Bell for
a second. Yeah. That was... First of all, theTaco Bells, I don't know if this was like this
everywhere, but the Taco Bells in SoCal allhad the little like arches, the little Spanish
architecture, like they were missions. Likethey were built like California missions. You're
(13:34):
gonna have a religious experience. I had manyreligious experiences at Taco Bell at two in
the morning. But it's so funny because now there'sso many of those mission style Taco Bells that
are... have been repurposed into new restaurantsand you can always tell it's an old Taco Bell
because of the little mission style arches.Man, so when I was growing up in the valley
I worked at the music store and we had a TacoBell on the opposite corner. Right. Oh I know
(13:57):
exactly. Know exactly where it is. And it wasalways... Isn't there still a Taco Bell there?
It's still there! It's the same one! It's thesame one! It's been there for 30... Music Plus
is long gone. But there's that Taco Bell isstill there. Still there. Yeah. He used to
go there and get, I mean, various items. Itwas a lot of chicken soft tacos, a lot of bean
burritos. Why are you getting a chicken softtaco at Taco Bell? There's only one thing to
(14:23):
fucking get in touch with. Back then in theday, it was either a bean burrito or a crispy
taco. Dude, but a Mexi Melt. No, the crispytacos were amazing. Crispy tacos were great.
I'll give you that. They were amazing. But Iwanna see if you can remember this. Okay. Salupa!
Did you just chalupa me? I never had a chalupa.No, this is before all the fancy fucking shit
(14:45):
came out. Now there's like designer fuckingburritos. Dorito, burrito, chalupas. No, there
was a menu, it was fucking burritos and fuckingtacos and fucking Mexican melts and fucking
Mexican pizzas. Oh, those are great. So youget some combination of bean or beef burritos.
Well, it's all the same thing. Yeah. It's reorg.It's reorg. Yeah. It's like what wrap do you
(15:09):
have? How many beans? All the exact same shit.But we'd go and get the regular like the entree.
Right. Yeah. So your entree would be like twobean burritos and a Mexi melty. Right. But
then you needed a little bit of some sweet maybea churro. No, what did they have back in the
day? Do you remember? Do you remember? Theywere triangular. Sweet? Yes. They were covered
(15:33):
in cinnamon sugar. I thought those were the,oh, the cheap, chupa
(15:57):
Yes, and they would they were super stabby.So you bite in, you couldn't feel your mouth
because you already had like eight gallons offire sauce from eating your fucking. Wait,
you must stop for a moment to give homage tothe hot sauce at Taco Bell. There is no fast
food restaurant with a there's no fast foodrestaurant with a better sauce than the Taco
(16:22):
Bell hot sauce. Uh, yes, you're Even In-N-Outspecial sauce. And the fact that they gave
you choices. Oh, dude. Mild, medium. Wait, therewas a medium and a fire? There was a fire,
too. So there was a mild medium and a fire.Who are you? I just would get the hottest one.
(16:43):
I didn't realize it was the fire. Fire. Yeah,it was the one I would get. They had the different
color, like the... The mild sauce was like ayellow and then packet. And then there was
like an orange and then there was a fire engine.Red fire. The thing about them, they were all
so tasty. They were delicious. Yeah, they weren't.It wasn't hot for hot snake. It wasn't just
hot. They were really tasty hot sauces. Butthat's what I'm getting at is I would get,
(17:04):
I started with medium and then I would, I workedmy way up to fire. You say it was, I started
with medium. Yeah. And then I was working inthe mail room. I started with medium. Start
with medium, work your way up to fire. Thenyou get fire, but once you're done with your
entree and you get to the cinnamon crispus,you can't feel your mouth. You can't taste
anything. Or taste. Or taste. So it didn't matter.But they were hot too. They came out hot, the
(17:26):
cinnamon crispus. They came out hot, but youcouldn't feel your mouth, so you wind up getting
stabbed by the cinnamon crispus. You have abloody mouth. Right. And then all that fire
sauce is getting in there. Very painful, painfulexperience. Okay. So I... Taco belt was tasty.
Let's just say it. I mean, it was gastrointestinallygnarly. Sodium party. I love a sodium party.
(17:52):
I'm the first person to arrive at a sodium party.And the last to leave. I'm not even going to
be fashionably late to a sodium party. I'm showingup on time and getting my parting gifts at
a sodium party. I love sodium. But, but whilewe're talking about Tacos, I want to stay on
the tacos for a minute. How do you feel aboutthe Jack in the Box tacos? Fuck those tacos.
(18:16):
I gotta say. No. I love them. Here's why. Here'swhy, wait, let me just give me, let me give
you my case. Don't be a dick, let me explain.Jack in the Box would deep fry the whole goddamn
taco. That's amazing. Tasted like ass. You knowwhat's interesting about them, and I learned
this only a couple years ago, is Jack in theBox beef tacos have almost no beef in the tacos,
(18:42):
but it's not like they're byproduct, they'rejust soy, they're basically veggie tacos. There's
shit. There's almost no beef in the tacos. There'sno reason to get that when you have other higher
quality tacos. I love them, honestly. I kindalove them. Now, you had the competitor, you
had Taco Bell, right? And then that's Coke,and then Del Taco is Pepsi or maybe even RC
Cola. Not even, it was Fresca. But. We usedto go to a god this is this is probably in
(19:09):
my early 20s we were working at a recordingstudio recording stuff for the for stem band.
Yeah. There were two Del tacos we would eatDel taco like every day or no that I've ever
even been to a like my whole life. Here's thething about Del taco. OK. Very very distinctive
talk OK. Very much unlike anything you get aTaco Bell but here's the thing that you wouldn't
(19:32):
think you would get at a place. crinkle fries.They're fucking crinkly fries. They're still
like, they're not waffle fries, not waffle fries.Don't get confused. They're crinkle fries.
Yeah. Holy shit. Were they amazing? Yes. Really?Yes. Really? You know where else you could
get good crinkle fries? Nowhere. Jack in thebox. And they, I'm not sure they were crinkle,
(19:56):
but they had the spicy fries. Mm. And, and,and this is something I remember eating later,
like. Well, I guess that's when you were talkingabout with Jack and the, with the, with Del
Taco too, but when like Kelly and I would goout and be completely obliterated and need
some food because we've had no food and we'vehad nothing but alcohol, where do you go? You
(20:16):
go to get to, or Tommy's. Was there anotherbig one? Maybe we go to Tommy's. I got a Tommy
story. Okay, but before Tommy's, we would alsogo to Jack in the Box a lot. And at Jack in
the Box, we would get that spicy chicken sandwich.Do you remember that? That was good. It was
super spicy, but the flavor was amazing. Sogood. I used to get that at work all the time.
Yeah, it was fucking great. That was one ofthe best menu items they ever had. Ever. That
(20:40):
was a fantastic- God, I forgot about that. Ican actually kind of taste that right now.
Yeah, it was so- Did you have a little sliceof cheese on it? I think it did. It was so
good. That was a delicious sandwich. Dude, Tommy's,you... Tommy's, we was a big, I mean, that's
a valiant thing. Tommy's was the drunk food.Yeah, that's drunk food. It's where you go.
So... And in Van Nuys, it was in Van Nuys. Well,I didn't usually go to it because, okay, this
(21:04):
isn't going all the way back. You didn't goto Tomi's. It's like late Gen X time. I mean,
so by the time we were, I don't know, late teens,early 20s, partying. Yeah. at the band house.
Yeah. We would usually send, I remember I wasliving in this one house up in West Hills and
one of my roommates, Rob, we would always convinceher like, hey, I'll fly if you guys buy. Like
(21:27):
he would, he was cool driving to Tommy's becausehe weren't delivering it. Oh, he would go buy
himself. Yeah. To pick up for everybody else,but we would buy his food. That's a good deal.
That was smart. That was really good. That wassmart because gas wasn't as expensive back
then. Right. He was smart. He was making outpretty well. but it was always the best drunk
food because you get a Tommy's double chilicheeseburger. Yeah. Chili cheese fries. Oh
(21:49):
yeah. Chili cheese shake. And then the wholereally hard. I want a chili cheese shamrock
shake. Really hard. Oh mint. Mint and chiligo together. And cheese. It gets stuck in the
straw. Gnarly American cheese, dude. Not evenlike real cheese. It was the best. Drunk food
(22:11):
like you didn't you weren't hungover the nextday, although Leaving the tommy's wrappers
out and you wake up at seven in the morningThe stank over and oh the stink of chili cheese
paper If I had a if I had a tommy's chili burgerright in front of you, it would kill me No,
it would kill me if I ingested it would ripa knife out and stab it It would be a hole
(22:34):
in your face. It would be instant colonoscopyWithout the camera up my ass Here is a typical
day of me working in the summer when I was 17.Okay. At music box. And into 18. Okay. Winchels.
In the morning before work? Oh yeah, becausewe do- Wait, what'd you get, what'd you get?
We would do, we'd have to like ticket salesat like seven in the morning. Beer clock. So
(22:55):
I'm walking at seven, or seven thirty. I'm walkingat seven o'clock in the morning. Crawler. Crawler?
Old fashioned. Wait, wait, go hold, slow downmotherfucker. Crawler. Spell this. Cruller.
Spell it. Cruller. I can't. C. Close enough.Usually. A cruller? It was a... either a chocolate
(23:18):
or a maple filled bar. What's fucking wrongwith you? You sick fuck. A brownie? And a Winchell's
brownie, if you don't know, it has about aninch of thick fudge on the top. You're an inch
of thick fudge. I wish. Yeah. An extra largeCoke, not diet, full sugar Coke. Oh my God.
(23:48):
That's my breakfast. Then it gets worse. Solunch is Taco Bell where I go and get my sodium
filled fucking bean burrito. Stop, stop, I gotta,I gotta pause. You can come back to this and
I'll bring you back. But did you just say TacoBell? Yes. You don't say Taco Bell? Taco Bell.
Not Taco Bell? Taco Bell, Taco Bell, Taco Bell.Oh yeah, it's on the bell, Taco Bell, Taco
(24:11):
Bell. Okay, well I've had this discussion withmy- No, no, it's Bell, no, Taco Bell. No, it's
Taco Bell, it is on the bell. Taco Bell, it'sinteresting because I think my kids say- Taco
Bell. No, you just said it. Yeah, as if it couldbe like a burger bell or pizza bell. Exactly.
It's Taco Bell. Taco Bell. What kind of tacois a Taco Bell? It's not a taco. It's not Taco
Bell. It's not, we're not talking about thebell. We're talking about the taco. It's about
(24:34):
that. You're right. Taco Bell. The emphasisis on the bell. So Taco Bell, what are you
getting for us? Yeah, I'm getting a couple ofbean burritos. Okay, two bean burritos. And
maybe a Mexi Melt. Mexi Melt. Cinnamon Crispus.If that wasn't bad enough. A lot of nights
I would go home and have like a half decentdinner and by half decent I mean maybe a Swanson's
hungry man. But that's not even half decentand not that's just a Swanson hungry man. Not
(25:00):
a dinner. Just the man. Yeah. His name was Swanson.
I would go for dinner to the Shell station.Oh my God. Come on. No. And I would get you
know those same one across the street. Okay.Convenience, it's right there. This is why
you'll call it a convenience store. So for dinner,I would pick up something before I went home
(25:23):
and it was usually one of those, I call themthe triangle sandwich. Oh yeah. I love them
in a little plastic cup. You peel it off, youget your tuna, you got your egg salad, a big
one in the triangle sandwich. Love the egg salad.This is what you're getting for dinner? Yeah.
That and usually a bag of chips. Honestly, thatwas probably healthier than anything else you
ate that day. Yeah. Well, by the time I gotto dinner, I at least had some protein going
(25:47):
on. There was maybe some meat. Yeah. We gotright. Or, or egg with a little egg protein.
Probably like there was, those are probablyfive, 600 calories. You got some protein. Yeah.
The calories weren't a problem. No, the calorieswere a kid. But I was ingesting sugar and sodium
until the fucking cows came home. There's HowI survived that was unbelievable. No wonder
(26:08):
I actually had to go see fucking doctors whenI was 19 years old because I was destroying
my fucking stomach. Well not to mention whenyou get home, you're like drinking booze and
smoking weed and like you know all that stufftoo on top of that. Yeah, I wasn't just Fresca,
I'm telling you. You know, it was like. Therewas a lot of Zima. There was, oh my God, did
you have Zima? Yeah, that's a whole nother,that's a whole nother topic. Booze of the 80s?
(26:30):
We'll talk about booze of the 80s back in theday. That was good. Zima, I remember having
it once, like I think I got it with Kelly, wewere somewhere and we had the Zima was like,
what is this garbage? Okay, then you had yoursemi fast foods. You had your Bob's Big Boys.
By the way, still a Bob's Big Boy down the streetfrom me in Burbank. Yeah, that's like the last
one I know of. By the way, I went there. Garbage?Recently. Terrible. Oh, just the worst fucking
(26:54):
ass food ever. That big fucking boy out front,he is luring you in with his big suspenders
and shit. No, it's terrible. I'm not gonna touchthat one. We had some real gnarly things in
the Valley that were equivalent to Bob's bigboy. Why such as? Tell me. I mean, I hesitate
to even say, but there was a restaurant in theSan Fernando Valley. I know it. I know what
(27:16):
you're gonna say. Go ahead. Is this the onethat has the name that wasn't quite- Yeah,
had a racist name. It was Sambos. Was the nameof the restaurant. Can you believe? And that
amazing thing was how long that restaurant lastedwith that name. It was around a long time.
In Tarzana. In Tarzana! And there was a chainof multiple, I mean, it's just like, you know
what I remember about the like the racist stuffthat was in the culture that we had no idea
(27:40):
even. And it wasn't like what it meant. It wasa racist restaurant. No, but we didn't even
know what it meant. We were kidding. We hadno idea what that was. But it was great because
it was a family restaurant. I know, Sambo, Sambofamily restaurant. But you know what I remember
about Sambo's? Huh. was one of those placesas a kid, as a very young kid, you would get
like a paper hat or, it was always somethingfun that you got in there, like really fun
(28:03):
stuff you got. So you wanted to go to Sambo'snot for the food. Institutionalized racism
is what you were going there for. Yeah, yeah,100%. Okay, so there was that. There was, there
were a bunch of restaurants like that, but I'mtrying to think if there were other like fast
food, fast foods that we were missing. There'dbe the Jack in the Box, the McDonald's, the
Burger Kings. The Carl's the Wendy's. Oh, okay,Carl's Jr. Hold on, Carl's Jr. And Wendy's,
(28:25):
I didn't do much. I wasn't into the square meat.Square meat didn't do it for me. It's just
weird. There's something about it. I don't likemy meat flopping out for my fucking. Carl's
was a good, Carl's was fairly tasty. Carl's,okay. Flambroiled. There's only one thing.
Western bacon cheese burger. Yeah, that wasso good I didn't even remember it till you
(28:48):
just said it and here's the thing the Westernbacon cheese burger It doesn't really hold
up anymore. I don't think bacon barbecue saucebacon barbecue sauce onion ring in that onion
ring in it as much as I love good crispy baconIt didn't matter on that sandwich because you
had all the other elements. You had the fuckingburger, you had the fucking barbecue sauce,
(29:11):
you had the big motherfucking onion ring. That'show it was listed on the menu too. Big motherfucking
burger, big motherfucking onion ring. Yeah,that's how it was. And then the bacon too.
It was all the good meats and fried shit. That'sa Bowie salad. You almost, yeah. All the good
meats. Actually, okay, so when we were goingto grade school, what... What were we getting
if we had fast food at lunch? It was alwayseither. We had, oh, Arby's dude. Arby's, oh
(29:35):
no, boy. How do you leave that out of this list?How do we forget Arby's? The most terrifying
meat. Prismatic meat. This side of the Mississippi.It had all the colors of the rainbow. Why was
it prismatic? Why was that? Because it was notroast beef. It was shiny, prismatic. It's weird
that I remember that it was prismatic. Therewere hues of blue. and purple. It was mountains
(30:02):
majesty. It was it was the weirdest shiny meat.He's the only way to choke down. Arby's at
Arby's was and I'm just gonna say the most amazingbarbecue sauce. I loved that gooey, sticky
honey. Are we still talking about Arby's sauce?Oh no, the alternative at Arby's the alternative
(30:26):
sauce was um uh jism it had the consistencyof jism it was the same color actually it was
the horsey sauce i can't believe it was calledhorsey sauce
(30:48):
That's so disgusting!
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