July 29, 2024 • 31 mins
In the Gen X days we had pets just like everyone else. But back then we didn't dress them up in funny little outfits and push them around in strollers. From dogs, cats and snakes to pet crows and hamsters with heat stroke, we've got your pet stories right here.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
I'm Tony. I'm Eric. We are the sons of San Fernando.But we've been friends for over 40 years. And
grew up together in the San Fernando Valley.These are the stories of our experiences as
adventurous Gen X latchkey slackers from backin the day. And don't forget to hit the follow
or subscribe button so you don't miss an episode.
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monkey did you monkey you know I know someonewho had a monkey as a pet no you do yes I do
no I do I do my cousin's wife Suzy who alsogoes by Carol because her name is Suzy Carol
I'm already confused exactly she had a monkeywhen she was a kid in Peru P E R you she had
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a pet capuchin
She calls it a cappuccino. You call it a capuchin?Or a cappuccino. Who are you? Capuchin? I have
to look at it. I thought it was capuchin. Wait,you thought it was capuchin? I thought it was
capuchin. Maybe it is capuchin. I could be wrong.We're just capuchin along here. You know what
I'm thinking of right away? I have to ask this.Did it regularly fling its poo? Oh, I'm sure.
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Don't all monkeys fling their poo? That's whatmonkeys do. They're poo flingers. Yeah, so
in a home... In a pet setting. There's swingersand flingers. I would think that would get
smelly and messy really fast. Well there wasa whole thing about why they got rid of, they
ended up getting rid of the cappuccino. Whofling? Capuchin. It's a good thing I've got
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the spit screen on the microphone. Sounds likeyou have an allergy. So Susie Carroll, you
can call her either. Susie or Carroll. Or SusieCarroll. I'll call her Susie Carroll O'Connor.
Okay. She's hardly Irish. She had a cappuccinomonkey. And... Now imagine, first of all, today,
walking into a home with a cappuccino monkey.Oh, that's not PC. You know, in some ways I
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feel like it's like, the pets have gone fromzero to 60 and then kind of back to 60 because,
you know. We have retro pets now. What's a retropet? People are throwing back to the days when
like, you know, it's like now is just. designerpets like a cappuccino monkey yeah like I think
people are going back to the old days of thehamsters and the parakeets and the you know
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the rodents you know maybe that they are I thinkso I think there I think there's a good I wouldn't
call it a comeback but it's something I wouldn'teither and I would say that most people now
I mean well we live okay we live in the SanWhich is the home of what kind of pet would
you say is like is the predominant pet thatyou see in the San Fernando Valley? Alligator?
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No, no, that's wrong place. Dog. Yeah, right.Yeah. That's a good start. What kind of dog
is the most prevalent dog in San Fernando? Hypoallergenic.Oh, yeah. You're talking about like small as
possible. Yeah. Hypoallergenic, able to be fitinto a stroller. Oh my God, the stroller dogs
drive me bananas. Stroller dogs. And you goup to the stroller and you're like, oh, let's
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see your cute kid. Oh my God, your baby is hideous.Yeah, it's just an ugly dog. You may have a
gorgeous dog, but if you think that dog's gonnabe a baby and then you see a dog, your only
reaction is disgust. And you know what's worseis when you roll up and you wanna compliment
the baby. Right, and you're like, ugh. And thenit's a dog wearing a jumper. Right, at the
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very least. With like little bones on it orsomething. A designer jumper. It's wearing
a Gucci. An Yves Saint Laurent jumper. YvesSaint Laurent. Yves Saint Laurent Gucci jumper.
It's in a Vera Wang gown. Honestly though, that'scool. That's very Toluca Lake. Like if I saw
a dog in an actual Vera Wang gown. But if you'regonna be in a Vera Wang gown and you are a
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dog, which you're not, but if you were a dogand you were gonna be in a Vera Wang gown.
I would want you to be a big dog, because thenyou can see the gown. I don't want to see a
Chihuahua in a Vera Wang gown. I want to seea Weimaraner. Yeah, you want to see the full
glory of the gown. I want to see a Ridgeback.A Rhodesian Ridgeback with a Vera Wang. A Rhodesian
Ridgeback and a Vera Wang gown. Party dress,yeah. Yeah, I want to see something like this,
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because what's the point of putting a Vera Wanggown? Now, to your point, that's... That happens
all the time here in LA. You're wearing gownson ridgebacks? Something like that. You see
them dressed up, you see them in the strollers.We never had that in the 70s and the 80s. Dogs
were on leashes around their neck. And theywere walked with no clothes on. Not only were
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dogs on leashes, dogs were wearing chains forleashes, number one. Just a chain. The leash
was a chain. It was a choker. It was a chainfrom Osh. Yeah, it wasn't even Home Depot,
it was Lumber City. Lumber City. Builders Emporium.That's what it was. Yeah. It was Builders Emporium
chain. Ollies. That ollies that they got cutfor them. Yeah. And then they just basically.
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Give me a length of chain. I need about, whatdo you need it for? For my dog. I only need
about four feet. And nobody was going to callthe cops on you either if you put your dog
on a chain or your chain on a dog. And thenyou would then take your dog, chain them to
a tree. Yeah. And leave them outside. And theywere fine. Well, were they? Mostly. We're okay.
I mean, we would never put him in danger, butsee, that's the thing. I can't really speak
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to that, because we never had a dog. You neverhad a dog? No, no, no. Did you want a dog?
Yes, but not the responsibility, but my brotherwas never gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna take
responsibility. He was too busy reading booksand stuff. I can't see Dave with a dog. No,
no. I can't see him with a dog now. I stilldon't have a dog. Well, they have kids. I was
gonna say cats, but yeah, he does have kidstoo. You were gonna go to cats before kids.
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Yeah, no, I mean, he's got children. Yeah, sothat's harder. That's harder. Yeah, in my estimation.
But no, we never had dogs. It was too much.And you know, we would go on vacation now and
again, and I guess my parents either didn'twanna board the dog. Or they were bored with
the dog. Yeah, or water bored the dog. Waterbored the dog, that's a big problem. It's a
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problem, yeah. Dog waterboarding. So we had,we always start small, like a lot of kids would.
I started with... Most kids do start small andget bigger. With fish. That's what happens
with kids. That's right, you feed them and then...You start small and you get bigger, except
for Benjamin Bun. You give them Cheerios andCount Chocula. And then, and surprisingly,
somehow we still got bigger. I don't know howthat happened, because that's all we ate. Yeah.
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But we did get bigger. But we ate a lot of it.We ate a lot of Count Chocula. Cookie Chris.
Or the couscous. The couscous. That was whatyou got with five box stops from Cookie Chris.
Right, you got couscous. You got a side of couscous.Yeah, which is always delicious and exciting.
We would wait in the mail every day. Did thecouscous come? And if you only sent in two
box stops, you only got cous. You can't getthe full couscous. You got half a couscous.
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But we started with smaller fish. Goldfish.You win a goldfish at the fair. Did you have
goldfish? Sure, but they would last like...a week, because you forget to feed him and
then they'd be belly up and it was ugly. Butthen eventually we graduated to, I remember
having several hamsters, but I do remember likeearly hamster action. You know those big...
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Early hamster actions. What is early hamsteraction? It's where you had the Habitrail. You
remember the Habitrail? Yeah, I do rememberthe Habitrail. It was a big box. Don Burns
had a bitch in Habitrail. For himself. That'samazing. Can you imagine a human sized habituary?
I bet that exists and I want to get in that.I want to get up in that so bad. And you know
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where they have it? Japan. Yeah, with a lotof like, And it's a game show. Wood shavings.
But it's life, it's human sized. You can crawlthrough tubes and it has little slides. Sounds
fantastic. And somewhere there's a big likewater bottle that you, Where you get water
boarded. You water board your hamsters. Youknow like a hamster goes. And you've got a
big one for you. Right, I think that's fantastic.We had a regular size habitrail. That was the
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box with little tubes that it could walk throughin the shavings, you know, the wood shavings
at the bottom. And it connected to another oneand it was great. Oh yeah, connected to it,
right, they were modular. But the thing abouta hamster was you had to take, like, you're
always taking the, you know, the... You hadto clean the cage. You did. They're pooping
in it all the time. They do. And so- As doesa mammal. Yeah, you have to take them out of
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the cage so you can clean the cage. Right. Iwas good about that. You were? As a kid, yeah.
I was good about it. I was probably, I don'tknow, nine, nine years old, nine. 10 years
old, something like that. Cleaning the cage.Clean the cage. Do you get bitten? A couple
times, yeah, you go to handle them and they'relike, what the fuck? And they're, mm. Hamsters
are fuckers. They're absolute fuckers. You feedthem, you take care of them, you make funny
faces at them. And they bite your fucking fingers.And as soon as you take them out of the cage
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to clean their poop, they bite you. No, they'repieces of shit. So, well then you're gonna
love this. So there's one hamster I had, don'teven remember the name, god, it was probably
something stupid like Hammy, or. No, it wasnot Hammy. No, I think that's Sammy. I think
Sammy was one of them. Okay. Sammy the hamster.And I would clean the cage out in the backyard.
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Yeah. And it was a normal thing. I've done thismany, many times. Dozens of times at this hamster.
With Hammy or Sammy. Yeah, Hammy or Sammy. Getanother hamster. And I had one of those hamster
balls. So imagine one of those giant plasticballs that people get in and run around. Like
on the lake or something. Okay, this was a plasticversion of that. Well, that's what they got
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the idea for the people on the lake. It wasa hamster ball. So the hamster ball, so it's
a big plastic, it's clear ball, and it's anexercise ball. So they run around in that ball.
Yeah. while you clean the cage, they're gettingexercise, having fun, you're cleaning the cage,
right? Easy. Except we live in the San FernandoValley. Where there are hawks. No, it's inside
a- Snake. A hawk's not gonna come down and pickup that ball. I don't know, I didn't know where
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you were going, okay. What size hawk, what kindahawk are you talking about? Is it a California
condor? We got big hawks. Jesus Christ. Okay,so the hamster's in the ball. Yeah, but I'm
outdoors in the backyard in- the valley in summer.Oh, the heat. So I'm cleaning the cage, and
it takes a while because you take everythingout, and you're cleaning the tubes, and the
hamster's rolling around, and then it finallywas up against the wall somewhere, and I'm
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like, okay, it's time to put Hammy, or Sammy,or whatever your name is, back in. And I go
to pick up the ball, and the ball is very, verywarm. And the hamster is very much on its back.
very much not alive. So you killed the hamsterby cleaning out its enclosure. Yeah, but I
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baked it in the sun. Now I didn't tell it toroll out of the shade, but it did, it rolled
into the sun. I didn't keep it in a place whereit was gonna be safe. And I wonder if the hamster
was like, huh. It's pretty warm over here. Ishould try to roll away. Yeah, but does a hamster
know what shade is versus, it just, it was tootired, it couldn't get back, and that sucker
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just. It seems like it expired rather quicklythough for just being baked once. I'm thinking
it may have had a heart condition. How longwas it baking? You know, not that long. Yeah,
like how long? I mean, it seems like it couldsurvive a little bit of heat before it just
died. It's not like I took four hours to cleanthe cage, but. This is another reason why hamsters
are. I was also probably a hundred and likefive. You know, and you're also talking to
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a reptile fan and you know what hamsters areto reptile fans. Lunch? Yeah. Exactly. So,
um, okay, so you killed your own pet. You know,I have my- I'm not on purpose. I have a cousin
who sat on his own bird. Killed him. Wait, isthat a euphemism or does he really sit on his
own bird? What's that be a euphemism? You know,that guy sat on his own bird. What kind of
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a feathered friend did your cousin have? Itwas smaller, it was like bigger than a parakeet,
larger than a finch, smaller than a parrot,bigger than a swallow. I don't know, I don't
know, I hate birds. Okay, but it was a... No,that's strong. I don't hate birds. Yeah, you're
just not... A fan. In tune with a bird, yeah.I'm not a fan of birds. But anyway, he had
a bird that he liked, and I remember seeinghim, he was younger than me, and I remember
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seeing him with the bird and talking to thebird, and then one day he came over and was
like... Is this a bird that would sit on a shoulder,like, or is it always in the cage? Oh yeah,
no, it would sit on his shoulder, it would comearound with him, and one day he put it down
somewhere, and then he sat on it and killedit. That's the story. There's no clever way
to tell that. He literally put it down... Now,do you think he was just tired of the bird,
or was this a complete accident? Well, I mean,if he was tired of the bird, then... There's
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other way. He really did a wonderful job pretendingto be really remorseful and just so upset.
Because there would be better ways, like youcould put out a hit on the bird. BB gun. I'm
shooting my BB gun and I accidentally hit mybird. Or you put out a contract on said bird
and then you have no tie to the death. Here'smy question. Two things. Are there hit men
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that would go take out a bird? Probably, right?Money is money. And the second. part of that
question is how much would it cost to put ahit on the bird? It depends on the size of
the bird and how wily they are I think. I'llgive you for instance like okay so a wily bird
we had a wily bird I had a very strange petwhen I was all of about six years five six
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years old living in Receta Um, it's a long dayliving in receding. Yeah. Freeway running through
the yard. Tom Petty was not fucking around.Yeah. I lived in receding. I grew up in receding
and it was exactly right. You did. There wasa freeway and a, and a, and a railroad running
through our yard, but we had a pet crow, wenot by choice, but one day this crow just fell
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into our backyard. So like, like that. And thenyou're like, what was that? It was exactly
like that, but completely different. And thenthere's like a big crater. Yeah, you just hear
it just like, eeeeww, boom! You see featherssticking up out of a meteor-sized hole in the
ground. Yeah, it looks like something out ofa cartoon. Right, it's like steaming. Yeah.
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No, I don't know how we noticed it or if mydad saw it or something, but no, there was
no like sound or anything. We just, what isthat thing in the back? There was a thing in
the backyard. And it was a crow and he was hopping.I think we saw it because it was hopping around.
It had a broken wing. And it was a smaller bird.We could tell it was a younger bird. And the
other crows were crowing, calling. Is that whatyou say? I just know that I, but I do know
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that a group of crows is called a murder. Yes,I knew that too, but I didn't know I am crows,
a murder of crows, crow or did they coup? Um,they call the call. That's what they do. They
call. Okay. So the crow was calling, uh, and,uh, it, it couldn't fly away. So we shot it.
Wow. That, that turned ugly fast. I don't know.It's. kicked it, right? Stomped it into the
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ground until it was out of its misery, right?That's what you did. You should never own another
pet again, ever. Ever. I currently have two.And they're doing just fine. Yeah, and I'm
gonna make some calls tomorrow. Okay. You'renot, it might not be true. I mean, one's technically
mine, one is technically my girlfriend's, butthey both live here. So this crow was clearly
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in trouble. So my dad went and got a cage forit. and we started feeding it. What'd you feed
it? Human remains? Dog food. Same thing. Samething, cause that's what, cause dog food is
just- Human remains. Yeah. Okay. What do youthink they do with the cadavers that nobody
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claims? They gotta do something with that shit.Yeah, that's good quality meat. And what, an
injured crow isn't gonna turn that down. Okay,all right. You know what kind of protein value
that is? Human remains? Yeah, that's at least33 grams per ounce. It's a lot. So you're feeding
your crow human remains? Yeah. Dried? Or dogfood. No, wet dog food. A wet human remains.
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We called the vet, and my dad called the vet.Hal? Well that'd be weird because his name
was Franklin. So we called him Franklin. Youknow the name of your vet from your childhood?
No. Oh, okay. No, I just- I was gonna say thatwould have been crazy. You should have stuck
with that. But we did name the crow. The nameof the crow was Charlie. How? No, that would
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have been weird because the vet was... No, wenamed the crow Charlie. And my dad fed it...
I guess we called the vet and the vet said,yeah, it needs to heal. The wig needs to heal.
So my dad fed it... wet dog food off of a popsiclestick. And it would, it would eat that and
it was getting its protein. Is that true? Ittotally, 100% true. And I don't know all the
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details, but long story short, that crow eventuallydied. That would be the worst end of this story.
It would hop around the backyard. I have, wehave Super 8 video footage and pictures of
my brother and my dad and I with this crow andit would hop around the perimeter of the backyard
until one day, until one day it disappeared.So either, we don't know, it either flew away
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or another crow came. Got shot by a neighbor,an Eaton. Or another crow came. Oh, you're
thinking of all the worst things you got. Howabout it got better and it flew away and had
a wonderful life? percent not happen to yourcrow. But here's the best part of the whole
story. Yes. About six months later, it cameback. A different crow. What? Fell into the
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yard. No. Yes, we could tell it was a differentgirl. Yes, it is. And I know this because we
called it Charlie Jr. A second crow. Dude, whatkind of nexus of the universe were you living
in Merceda? There must have been a neighborwith a pellet gun or something that was shooting
crows out of the trees, right? And I'm... whathappened to Charlie too? Oh, same thing. Again,
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nursed it back to health, it flew away. Youalready knew how to do it. Or got eaten by
a chicken hog. Or... chicken. Aw. So we hadweird, we had weird pets. But that's how we,
that's how we, you know, you sound like youlive in a business. That does not sound like
a city story. That sounds like a farm story.But like everybody kept their animals, like
they lived on a farm, even if they lived inthe city. When I was a kid, we had a dog who
was a cockapoo, by the way. No, it was a cockapoopoo. So anyway, we had a cockapoo. That was
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a cocker spaniel poodle. Oh, that's where itgets the poo. That's where it gets the poo.
Okay, so cocker spaniel poodle. And this dog,so, you know, my dad was not born in this country,
so he didn't have this sensibility of like takingcare of animals in the way that we do in the
United States. He was like, it's an animal.So he loved the dog. He was very sweet to the
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dog, but the dog was banished to the garage.Really? Yeah. Oh, see these days you would
never like the dog sleeps not in the dog bed,but in the human bed. In the human bed with
the human. When it's got everything special,like, you know, with special warming blanket.
And the food bowls are up at the right heightand everything is like just dialed in and they've
had their stroller. This dog was then for thegarage. There was no dog house in the garage.
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There was no heat in the garage. There was,I'm not even sure there was a rug for the dog.
There was just a garage. There was a garage.And tools. And the dog, and I felt bad putting
the dog in there. It was a sensitive kid. Butthat's how you get a dog to actually build
something. You stick him in the garage withthe right tools. That was the weird thing,
like, you would wake up in the morning and therewas like a miniature console in Gretel House.
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Yeah, because he's using the 10 and a quarterinch. Sawzall. I was gonna say compound miter
saw. Compound miter saw, right, yeah, exactly.Well, he did, and he got really good at it
and only took a couple nails off occasionally.He was very safe, always wore gloves. He would
also. Because you know, we, as you know fromthat house, we were up on that hill above the
golf course and he would just take off and leave.And it was fine. Nobody thought anything of
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it. He would just leave. Yeah. And you wouldcall him. Yeah. His name was Ali. And we would
go, Ali! And he would just go, and come on back.Yeah. And then you'd hear him coming up and
he would be covered in like fox tails. Is thatwhat those are called? Fox tails? Well, how
many foxes did he eat? You know what I'm talkingabout? The little- Oh, not actual fox tails.
The little spronky- Cat tails? Fox tails? Stickers?Pokers? He was covered in stickers. The neighborhood
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kids would just put stickers on them. What thedogs do is they... They trade. Yeah. They trade
stickers. Yeah. And while they play poker. OrPokemon. Yeah. Because they go out and just,
you know... But there was no Pokemon in the70s. But this was the kind of thing that was
like, it was normal. It was like a dog wouldsleep in the garage and there was now, now
your dog is wearing Yves Saint Laurent in astroller. That's not your dog. No, no, or my
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stroller. You don't have a dog. Would you everhave a dog? Uh, for, like over for brunch?
What is with you, like, the death of, of animal?It's like, save the animal. It's funny. No,
maybe, I don't, no, I think I would want somethinga little more obscure. So Zoe and I went to
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the Reptile Show. Yes, I saw the photos. I showedyou the photos. See chameleon lying there in
the sun. Na na na. Run run away. Hey! Okay,so we go to the Pomona. Brought to you by Slade.
We go to the Pomona Super Show, Reptile SuperShow. Is that better than the Reptile Show?
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The Medium Show. There's the show, the MediumShow. And then there's Super Show. The kinda
okay show. This was the Super Show. Is thereone above the Super Show is like the... Fucking
insane. The fuck all. Bad.
Yes. Fuck you Yankee blue jeans. Yes. That'snext week. That's coming up. I gotta go to
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that. And it's certainly not in Pomona. I'lltell you that right now. Oh no, that's in like
Barstow. Barstow, Bakersfield. Yeah, or Baker.So we, you know, snakes. How do you feel about
snakes? I'm partial. Yeah, no, I could. I hopeI know. It depends on the snake, I guess. Partial.
Yeah, no, I don't mind a snake. You don't minda snake. Yeah, I mean, if it's a, if it's a.
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big motherfucking python and it's gonna likesqueeze me to death. Squeeze me. I don't think
I want any animal that... has a very good chanceof killing me. I mean, I get it. What if you
have an animal that has a slight chance? ThenI'm 100% in. If there's a little bit of chance
that it could like. I feel like with me, it'slike I get more interested in the reptiles
that have a little bit of danger to them. Theones that could hurt you a little bit. I don't
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want the ones that could kill me. So did youhave any reptiles growing up? Like back in
the. Well, no, I didn't own reptiles as a smallchild, but then when I got old enough, I had
my own reptiles and many of them, yes. Okay,so. You're talking. Corn snakes, ball pythons,
Colombian boas. What do corn snakes eat? Theyeat crows, actually. I would just picture them.
Downed crows. I would picture a corn snake,just a big old corn on the cob and just going
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to town like typewriter style, right acrossthe, ding! And just, no. Yeah, carriage return.
No, they eat your, when they're small, theyeat mice, when they're older, they eat a small
rat. Small rat is as big as a corn snake willeat. Mine was eating like either a small rat
or like three mice. It was huge. It was a goodgame. No, no, what's the appeal of having a
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snake like that? Like a corn snake. How bigwas this corn snake? Like if you- When it was
full grown? If you stretched it out, you like,you straightened that snake right out. You
sat it down and you told it the rules of lifeand you know it was on a bad path and you said
I'm gonna straighten you. If you straightenedit out and you measured it. Yeah, my corn snake
full grown was somewhere around five and a halffeet probably. Five and a half feet? Yeah.
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That's a decent size. That's about right. Sowhat's the fight? Do you play catch with it?
Oh, all the time. Yeah, I had a couple gloves.The wiffle ball also was great. Well, so when
you're playing catch with it, it regular...The arms push out. A regular baseball or were
you catching with a ball? Tennis ball? No, wedid baseball. Could it handle regular baseball?
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It could handle regular baseball. Could it,like a two seam fastball? It had a good two
seam. Did it have a good knuckle? It had a goodtwo seam, no knuckle, you know, that was not
his jam, you know, he didn't throw a knuckle.He had a good two seam, he had a good slerve.
Yeah. So yeah, snakes are, I'll tell you, theappeal is that they're fascinating. They're
nothing like human beings, they're not mammals.Like you saw like a dog and a cat. there we
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can relate to them, maybe not cats. Cats arefreaking weird. But you do stuff with a dog
and a cat, you do stuff. You play catch witha dog. What do you do with a dog and a cat?
Yeah, no, you play fetch with a dog. You hangout with them, ultimately. So with a snake,
do you just gaze into its eyes, love it? Youknow what you do? What do you do? Chess.
Yes, you could, huh? Yeah, they're amazing.I bet they're good. My corn snake was, you
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know, would beat me five out of six times. Noware they, is this a timed- Table puzzles. Oh,
yeah. You know? Yeah. We would cook, you know?Snake made some amazing bouillabaisse. Other
types of cuisine? Besides bouillabaisse? BesidesRussian cuisine? Can it, can it, can it, like,
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what? Is bouillabaisse Russian? What's a, iscorn, I would guess a corn snake would be good
at like, more, yeah, Mexican fare. Yeah. I just.It's just my thinking. Yeah, it's a good thing.
But what else are you, what do you do? Do you,like a five foot corn snake, do you play like,
do you skip rope? Yeah. I mean, what do youdo that's fun with that? With the snake, the
(25:57):
snake is the rope? Because otherwise the snake-Or is the snake jumping? Right. No. I want
to see a snake jump in a rope. Yeah, that'swhat I was picturing when you first said it.
It took me a second to realize that you meantthat snake was the rope. What? But with a dog,
you know, you come with it on the... They'refascinating! But what do you do? It sits in
a tank or a cage or a terrarium. You sit ina tank. I do sometimes. But what's the fun?
(26:23):
What do you do with it? You carry it around?Do you take, I mean, I sit... You do. People
take it around in the public maybe and scareother people with it. You can do that. You
can do that. You can scare other people withit. That's always fun. Okay, that's A on the
list. I personally find them fascinating tohold, to look at, to feed. They're so different
than mammals. that it is a fascinating thing.So you would hold your snake a lot. Now, in
the 70s, if we're going, oh, I hold my snake.If you go back, again, like we're doing, to
(26:46):
the old school pet trade, right? The old schoolpet reptile trade was insane. You would go
into a pet store, there was a pet store in thevalley, I think it was in Van Nuys, called
Slither City, and I'm not shitting you. Oh,no, I remember, no, I absolutely remember this.
No, I do. Slither City, Slither City, SlitherCity, Slither City. That's pretty good. Thank
you. So in Slither City, they had things like,these snakes grow 25 feet long and could kill
(27:13):
you and they would sell them reticulated pythonsgreen anacondas Colombian Bojackantic freaking
Colombian what? Boas. Did they did it come witha small bag of cocaine? Absolutely. I would
figure you have to feed them cocaine. No therewere mules they would swallow the cocaine and
then you would transport the snakes. Yeah andyou would buy the snake and you'd get some
(27:35):
cocaine. It's a mule snake. mule snake. Thelittle known mule snake. The Colombian mule
snake. But it's insane this stuff that theywould do. I mean they would really like what
the fuck. You could sell every right back thenthere was no regulation. So then what happened
was so through the 70s and 80s they sold thesekinds of snakes with no regulations and then
what happens well people get Burmese pythonswell Burmese pythons get to be you know 16
feet long and they will kill you. Or they'lleat your pet. They'll eat your kid. They'll
(28:00):
eat your kid. They'll eat your baby for sure.Like you don't want to leave your baby. You
don't want to have, you know, there's really,oh, I think they have eaten babies. So, what
do people do then? You get, you buy a snake,you're an idiot. Let's say you're an idiot,
for example. Well, that's, okay, that's easyenough. Let's just start with the pre-supposition
that you're an idiot. Okay, I'm with you. Andyou're in 1980. Okay, I'm an idiot in 1980.
(28:21):
Okay, and you buy, let's give you 85. And youbuy a Burmese python and you live in Miami.
Oh, wow, that sounds like. Terrible idea, butyou love this for me because it's a baby and
it eats mice and it's super cool It's an African.No, it's not Africans Burmese. It's a Burmese
pie this from an exotic place. It's gorgeoussuper cool It starts growing. It's even cooler.
(28:46):
It starts growing. It's even cooler. It startsgrowing. You're like, huh? Hmm, it's getting
pretty fucking pretty big you start feedingit chickens whole chickens. What? What? You
start feeding it, you know, God knows what elseto feed this fricken thing. Because they're
gigantic. And don't their jaws like dislocateor something when they eat? Oh, yeah, and you
don't want to get bitten by them and they willnot kill you with venom because they have no
(29:07):
venom but they will hurt you. Because don'tsome of those big ass snakes somewhere they
eat like full pigs and stuff? I mean, it couldbe a large Burmese python or a large reticulated
python, sure. So I'm in Miami in 1985, I gotthis python, it's growing and now it's eating
chickens. And then one day it thinks your food,cause it's hungry and it comes at you, you
put it in the bathtub and you're about to throwa whole chicken in the bathtub and it jumps
(29:29):
on your arm and you're like, fuck this, thathurt, I'm bleeding everywhere, I'm not keeping
this anymore. What do you do with it? You putit in the sewer. You drive to the Everglades
and you dump it in the Everglades. Yeah. Soguess what? A lot of people did that. Yeah,
so now there's a bazillion nasty snakes in theEverglades. They do well in the Everglades.
Yeah, they do, huh? Yeah, and they mate. Sonow they've overrun the Everglades. They are
(29:55):
killing all the indigenous species, and you'reallowed to go kill them. You can go hunt them
now. You see, if I had dumped a hamster... inthe Everglades. This, it wouldn't have been
a problem. It'd be gigantic by now. It'd bea monster, it'd be a monster hamster living
in the Everglades, feeding on Burmese pythons.It'd be like a 500 pound, it'd be a hamster
the size of a grizzly bear. That'd be amazing.Can you imagine by the way the giant ball?
(30:22):
that it would run around in? I thought you meanttheir balls. Can you imagine the size of the
hamster balls? Can you imagine the size of thetesticles? No, but then when you had to clean
that hamster's cage, it's the size of a grizzlybear, the size of the ball you would have to
put that grizzly bear in. Oh, the hamster ball.And then you know what? Don't let it wheel
(30:43):
itself into the sun. Because you're cookingthat grizzly bear hamster. Yeah, that's bad.
["The Suns of San Fernando"]
Thanks for listening to The Suns of San Fernando.Don't forget to hit that subscribe or follow
button in your favorite podcast app so you don'tmiss an episode. Drop us a review, we'd love
to hear from you. If you'd like to support TheSuns of San Fernando, the best way is to share
(31:07):
the show. We'll catch you on the next episode.
I'm Tony. I'm Eric. We are the sons of San Fernando.But we've been friends for over 40 years. And
grew up together in the San Fernando Valley.These are the stories of our experiences as
adventurous Gen X latchkey slackers from backin the day. And don't forget to hit the follow
or subscribe button so you don't miss an episode.
(00:26):
monkey did you monkey you know I know someonewho had a monkey as a pet no you do yes I do
no I do I do my cousin's wife Suzy who alsogoes by Carol because her name is Suzy Carol
I'm already confused exactly she had a monkeywhen she was a kid in Peru P E R you she had
(00:52):
a pet capuchin
She calls it a cappuccino. You call it a capuchin?Or a cappuccino. Who are you? Capuchin? I have
to look at it. I thought it was capuchin. Wait,you thought it was capuchin? I thought it was
capuchin. Maybe it is capuchin. I could be wrong.We're just capuchin along here. You know what
I'm thinking of right away? I have to ask this.Did it regularly fling its poo? Oh, I'm sure.
(01:15):
Don't all monkeys fling their poo? That's whatmonkeys do. They're poo flingers. Yeah, so
in a home... In a pet setting. There's swingersand flingers. I would think that would get
smelly and messy really fast. Well there wasa whole thing about why they got rid of, they
ended up getting rid of the cappuccino. Whofling? Capuchin. It's a good thing I've got
(01:35):
the spit screen on the microphone. Sounds likeyou have an allergy. So Susie Carroll, you
can call her either. Susie or Carroll. Or SusieCarroll. I'll call her Susie Carroll O'Connor.
Okay. She's hardly Irish. She had a cappuccinomonkey. And... Now imagine, first of all, today,
walking into a home with a cappuccino monkey.Oh, that's not PC. You know, in some ways I
(01:58):
feel like it's like, the pets have gone fromzero to 60 and then kind of back to 60 because,
you know. We have retro pets now. What's a retropet? People are throwing back to the days when
like, you know, it's like now is just. designerpets like a cappuccino monkey yeah like I think
people are going back to the old days of thehamsters and the parakeets and the you know
(02:25):
the rodents you know maybe that they are I thinkso I think there I think there's a good I wouldn't
call it a comeback but it's something I wouldn'teither and I would say that most people now
I mean well we live okay we live in the SanWhich is the home of what kind of pet would
you say is like is the predominant pet thatyou see in the San Fernando Valley? Alligator?
(02:50):
No, no, that's wrong place. Dog. Yeah, right.Yeah. That's a good start. What kind of dog
is the most prevalent dog in San Fernando? Hypoallergenic.Oh, yeah. You're talking about like small as
possible. Yeah. Hypoallergenic, able to be fitinto a stroller. Oh my God, the stroller dogs
drive me bananas. Stroller dogs. And you goup to the stroller and you're like, oh, let's
(03:14):
see your cute kid. Oh my God, your baby is hideous.Yeah, it's just an ugly dog. You may have a
gorgeous dog, but if you think that dog's gonnabe a baby and then you see a dog, your only
reaction is disgust. And you know what's worseis when you roll up and you wanna compliment
the baby. Right, and you're like, ugh. And thenit's a dog wearing a jumper. Right, at the
(03:37):
very least. With like little bones on it orsomething. A designer jumper. It's wearing
a Gucci. An Yves Saint Laurent jumper. YvesSaint Laurent. Yves Saint Laurent Gucci jumper.
It's in a Vera Wang gown. Honestly though, that'scool. That's very Toluca Lake. Like if I saw
a dog in an actual Vera Wang gown. But if you'regonna be in a Vera Wang gown and you are a
(03:59):
dog, which you're not, but if you were a dogand you were gonna be in a Vera Wang gown.
I would want you to be a big dog, because thenyou can see the gown. I don't want to see a
Chihuahua in a Vera Wang gown. I want to seea Weimaraner. Yeah, you want to see the full
glory of the gown. I want to see a Ridgeback.A Rhodesian Ridgeback with a Vera Wang. A Rhodesian
Ridgeback and a Vera Wang gown. Party dress,yeah. Yeah, I want to see something like this,
(04:22):
because what's the point of putting a Vera Wanggown? Now, to your point, that's... That happens
all the time here in LA. You're wearing gownson ridgebacks? Something like that. You see
them dressed up, you see them in the strollers.We never had that in the 70s and the 80s. Dogs
were on leashes around their neck. And theywere walked with no clothes on. Not only were
(04:44):
dogs on leashes, dogs were wearing chains forleashes, number one. Just a chain. The leash
was a chain. It was a choker. It was a chainfrom Osh. Yeah, it wasn't even Home Depot,
it was Lumber City. Lumber City. Builders Emporium.That's what it was. Yeah. It was Builders Emporium
chain. Ollies. That ollies that they got cutfor them. Yeah. And then they just basically.
(05:05):
Give me a length of chain. I need about, whatdo you need it for? For my dog. I only need
about four feet. And nobody was going to callthe cops on you either if you put your dog
on a chain or your chain on a dog. And thenyou would then take your dog, chain them to
a tree. Yeah. And leave them outside. And theywere fine. Well, were they? Mostly. We're okay.
I mean, we would never put him in danger, butsee, that's the thing. I can't really speak
(05:28):
to that, because we never had a dog. You neverhad a dog? No, no, no. Did you want a dog?
Yes, but not the responsibility, but my brotherwas never gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna take
responsibility. He was too busy reading booksand stuff. I can't see Dave with a dog. No,
no. I can't see him with a dog now. I stilldon't have a dog. Well, they have kids. I was
gonna say cats, but yeah, he does have kidstoo. You were gonna go to cats before kids.
(05:51):
Yeah, no, I mean, he's got children. Yeah, sothat's harder. That's harder. Yeah, in my estimation.
But no, we never had dogs. It was too much.And you know, we would go on vacation now and
again, and I guess my parents either didn'twanna board the dog. Or they were bored with
the dog. Yeah, or water bored the dog. Waterbored the dog, that's a big problem. It's a
(06:12):
problem, yeah. Dog waterboarding. So we had,we always start small, like a lot of kids would.
I started with... Most kids do start small andget bigger. With fish. That's what happens
with kids. That's right, you feed them and then...You start small and you get bigger, except
for Benjamin Bun. You give them Cheerios andCount Chocula. And then, and surprisingly,
somehow we still got bigger. I don't know howthat happened, because that's all we ate. Yeah.
(06:33):
But we did get bigger. But we ate a lot of it.We ate a lot of Count Chocula. Cookie Chris.
Or the couscous. The couscous. That was whatyou got with five box stops from Cookie Chris.
Right, you got couscous. You got a side of couscous.Yeah, which is always delicious and exciting.
We would wait in the mail every day. Did thecouscous come? And if you only sent in two
box stops, you only got cous. You can't getthe full couscous. You got half a couscous.
(06:56):
But we started with smaller fish. Goldfish.You win a goldfish at the fair. Did you have
goldfish? Sure, but they would last like...a week, because you forget to feed him and
then they'd be belly up and it was ugly. Butthen eventually we graduated to, I remember
having several hamsters, but I do remember likeearly hamster action. You know those big...
(07:19):
Early hamster actions. What is early hamsteraction? It's where you had the Habitrail. You
remember the Habitrail? Yeah, I do rememberthe Habitrail. It was a big box. Don Burns
had a bitch in Habitrail. For himself. That'samazing. Can you imagine a human sized habituary?
I bet that exists and I want to get in that.I want to get up in that so bad. And you know
(07:40):
where they have it? Japan. Yeah, with a lotof like, And it's a game show. Wood shavings.
But it's life, it's human sized. You can crawlthrough tubes and it has little slides. Sounds
fantastic. And somewhere there's a big likewater bottle that you, Where you get water
boarded. You water board your hamsters. Youknow like a hamster goes. And you've got a
big one for you. Right, I think that's fantastic.We had a regular size habitrail. That was the
(08:04):
box with little tubes that it could walk throughin the shavings, you know, the wood shavings
at the bottom. And it connected to another oneand it was great. Oh yeah, connected to it,
right, they were modular. But the thing abouta hamster was you had to take, like, you're
always taking the, you know, the... You hadto clean the cage. You did. They're pooping
in it all the time. They do. And so- As doesa mammal. Yeah, you have to take them out of
(08:28):
the cage so you can clean the cage. Right. Iwas good about that. You were? As a kid, yeah.
I was good about it. I was probably, I don'tknow, nine, nine years old, nine. 10 years
old, something like that. Cleaning the cage.Clean the cage. Do you get bitten? A couple
times, yeah, you go to handle them and they'relike, what the fuck? And they're, mm. Hamsters
are fuckers. They're absolute fuckers. You feedthem, you take care of them, you make funny
faces at them. And they bite your fucking fingers.And as soon as you take them out of the cage
(08:51):
to clean their poop, they bite you. No, they'repieces of shit. So, well then you're gonna
love this. So there's one hamster I had, don'teven remember the name, god, it was probably
something stupid like Hammy, or. No, it wasnot Hammy. No, I think that's Sammy. I think
Sammy was one of them. Okay. Sammy the hamster.And I would clean the cage out in the backyard.
(09:14):
Yeah. And it was a normal thing. I've done thismany, many times. Dozens of times at this hamster.
With Hammy or Sammy. Yeah, Hammy or Sammy. Getanother hamster. And I had one of those hamster
balls. So imagine one of those giant plasticballs that people get in and run around. Like
on the lake or something. Okay, this was a plasticversion of that. Well, that's what they got
(09:35):
the idea for the people on the lake. It wasa hamster ball. So the hamster ball, so it's
a big plastic, it's clear ball, and it's anexercise ball. So they run around in that ball.
Yeah. while you clean the cage, they're gettingexercise, having fun, you're cleaning the cage,
right? Easy. Except we live in the San FernandoValley. Where there are hawks. No, it's inside
a- Snake. A hawk's not gonna come down and pickup that ball. I don't know, I didn't know where
(09:58):
you were going, okay. What size hawk, what kindahawk are you talking about? Is it a California
condor? We got big hawks. Jesus Christ. Okay,so the hamster's in the ball. Yeah, but I'm
outdoors in the backyard in- the valley in summer.Oh, the heat. So I'm cleaning the cage, and
it takes a while because you take everythingout, and you're cleaning the tubes, and the
hamster's rolling around, and then it finallywas up against the wall somewhere, and I'm
(10:21):
like, okay, it's time to put Hammy, or Sammy,or whatever your name is, back in. And I go
to pick up the ball, and the ball is very, verywarm. And the hamster is very much on its back.
very much not alive. So you killed the hamsterby cleaning out its enclosure. Yeah, but I
(10:46):
baked it in the sun. Now I didn't tell it toroll out of the shade, but it did, it rolled
into the sun. I didn't keep it in a place whereit was gonna be safe. And I wonder if the hamster
was like, huh. It's pretty warm over here. Ishould try to roll away. Yeah, but does a hamster
know what shade is versus, it just, it was tootired, it couldn't get back, and that sucker
(11:07):
just. It seems like it expired rather quicklythough for just being baked once. I'm thinking
it may have had a heart condition. How longwas it baking? You know, not that long. Yeah,
like how long? I mean, it seems like it couldsurvive a little bit of heat before it just
died. It's not like I took four hours to cleanthe cage, but. This is another reason why hamsters
are. I was also probably a hundred and likefive. You know, and you're also talking to
(11:30):
a reptile fan and you know what hamsters areto reptile fans. Lunch? Yeah. Exactly. So,
um, okay, so you killed your own pet. You know,I have my- I'm not on purpose. I have a cousin
who sat on his own bird. Killed him. Wait, isthat a euphemism or does he really sit on his
own bird? What's that be a euphemism? You know,that guy sat on his own bird. What kind of
(11:54):
a feathered friend did your cousin have? Itwas smaller, it was like bigger than a parakeet,
larger than a finch, smaller than a parrot,bigger than a swallow. I don't know, I don't
know, I hate birds. Okay, but it was a... No,that's strong. I don't hate birds. Yeah, you're
just not... A fan. In tune with a bird, yeah.I'm not a fan of birds. But anyway, he had
a bird that he liked, and I remember seeinghim, he was younger than me, and I remember
(12:16):
seeing him with the bird and talking to thebird, and then one day he came over and was
like... Is this a bird that would sit on a shoulder,like, or is it always in the cage? Oh yeah,
no, it would sit on his shoulder, it would comearound with him, and one day he put it down
somewhere, and then he sat on it and killedit. That's the story. There's no clever way
to tell that. He literally put it down... Now,do you think he was just tired of the bird,
or was this a complete accident? Well, I mean,if he was tired of the bird, then... There's
(12:38):
other way. He really did a wonderful job pretendingto be really remorseful and just so upset.
Because there would be better ways, like youcould put out a hit on the bird. BB gun. I'm
shooting my BB gun and I accidentally hit mybird. Or you put out a contract on said bird
and then you have no tie to the death. Here'smy question. Two things. Are there hit men
(13:03):
that would go take out a bird? Probably, right?Money is money. And the second. part of that
question is how much would it cost to put ahit on the bird? It depends on the size of
the bird and how wily they are I think. I'llgive you for instance like okay so a wily bird
we had a wily bird I had a very strange petwhen I was all of about six years five six
(13:29):
years old living in Receta Um, it's a long dayliving in receding. Yeah. Freeway running through
the yard. Tom Petty was not fucking around.Yeah. I lived in receding. I grew up in receding
and it was exactly right. You did. There wasa freeway and a, and a, and a railroad running
through our yard, but we had a pet crow, wenot by choice, but one day this crow just fell
(13:53):
into our backyard. So like, like that. And thenyou're like, what was that? It was exactly
like that, but completely different. And thenthere's like a big crater. Yeah, you just hear
it just like, eeeeww, boom! You see featherssticking up out of a meteor-sized hole in the
ground. Yeah, it looks like something out ofa cartoon. Right, it's like steaming. Yeah.
(14:18):
No, I don't know how we noticed it or if mydad saw it or something, but no, there was
no like sound or anything. We just, what isthat thing in the back? There was a thing in
the backyard. And it was a crow and he was hopping.I think we saw it because it was hopping around.
It had a broken wing. And it was a smaller bird.We could tell it was a younger bird. And the
other crows were crowing, calling. Is that whatyou say? I just know that I, but I do know
(14:42):
that a group of crows is called a murder. Yes,I knew that too, but I didn't know I am crows,
a murder of crows, crow or did they coup? Um,they call the call. That's what they do. They
call. Okay. So the crow was calling, uh, and,uh, it, it couldn't fly away. So we shot it.
Wow. That, that turned ugly fast. I don't know.It's. kicked it, right? Stomped it into the
(15:09):
ground until it was out of its misery, right?That's what you did. You should never own another
pet again, ever. Ever. I currently have two.And they're doing just fine. Yeah, and I'm
gonna make some calls tomorrow. Okay. You'renot, it might not be true. I mean, one's technically
mine, one is technically my girlfriend's, butthey both live here. So this crow was clearly
(15:30):
in trouble. So my dad went and got a cage forit. and we started feeding it. What'd you feed
it? Human remains? Dog food. Same thing. Samething, cause that's what, cause dog food is
just- Human remains. Yeah. Okay. What do youthink they do with the cadavers that nobody
(15:51):
claims? They gotta do something with that shit.Yeah, that's good quality meat. And what, an
injured crow isn't gonna turn that down. Okay,all right. You know what kind of protein value
that is? Human remains? Yeah, that's at least33 grams per ounce. It's a lot. So you're feeding
your crow human remains? Yeah. Dried? Or dogfood. No, wet dog food. A wet human remains.
(16:14):
We called the vet, and my dad called the vet.Hal? Well that'd be weird because his name
was Franklin. So we called him Franklin. Youknow the name of your vet from your childhood?
No. Oh, okay. No, I just- I was gonna say thatwould have been crazy. You should have stuck
with that. But we did name the crow. The nameof the crow was Charlie. How? No, that would
(16:36):
have been weird because the vet was... No, wenamed the crow Charlie. And my dad fed it...
I guess we called the vet and the vet said,yeah, it needs to heal. The wig needs to heal.
So my dad fed it... wet dog food off of a popsiclestick. And it would, it would eat that and
it was getting its protein. Is that true? Ittotally, 100% true. And I don't know all the
(17:01):
details, but long story short, that crow eventuallydied. That would be the worst end of this story.
It would hop around the backyard. I have, wehave Super 8 video footage and pictures of
my brother and my dad and I with this crow andit would hop around the perimeter of the backyard
until one day, until one day it disappeared.So either, we don't know, it either flew away
(17:28):
or another crow came. Got shot by a neighbor,an Eaton. Or another crow came. Oh, you're
thinking of all the worst things you got. Howabout it got better and it flew away and had
a wonderful life? percent not happen to yourcrow. But here's the best part of the whole
story. Yes. About six months later, it cameback. A different crow. What? Fell into the
(17:52):
yard. No. Yes, we could tell it was a differentgirl. Yes, it is. And I know this because we
called it Charlie Jr. A second crow. Dude, whatkind of nexus of the universe were you living
in Merceda? There must have been a neighborwith a pellet gun or something that was shooting
crows out of the trees, right? And I'm... whathappened to Charlie too? Oh, same thing. Again,
(18:13):
nursed it back to health, it flew away. Youalready knew how to do it. Or got eaten by
a chicken hog. Or... chicken. Aw. So we hadweird, we had weird pets. But that's how we,
that's how we, you know, you sound like youlive in a business. That does not sound like
a city story. That sounds like a farm story.But like everybody kept their animals, like
they lived on a farm, even if they lived inthe city. When I was a kid, we had a dog who
was a cockapoo, by the way. No, it was a cockapoopoo. So anyway, we had a cockapoo. That was
(18:42):
a cocker spaniel poodle. Oh, that's where itgets the poo. That's where it gets the poo.
Okay, so cocker spaniel poodle. And this dog,so, you know, my dad was not born in this country,
so he didn't have this sensibility of like takingcare of animals in the way that we do in the
United States. He was like, it's an animal.So he loved the dog. He was very sweet to the
(19:05):
dog, but the dog was banished to the garage.Really? Yeah. Oh, see these days you would
never like the dog sleeps not in the dog bed,but in the human bed. In the human bed with
the human. When it's got everything special,like, you know, with special warming blanket.
And the food bowls are up at the right heightand everything is like just dialed in and they've
had their stroller. This dog was then for thegarage. There was no dog house in the garage.
(19:30):
There was no heat in the garage. There was,I'm not even sure there was a rug for the dog.
There was just a garage. There was a garage.And tools. And the dog, and I felt bad putting
the dog in there. It was a sensitive kid. Butthat's how you get a dog to actually build
something. You stick him in the garage withthe right tools. That was the weird thing,
like, you would wake up in the morning and therewas like a miniature console in Gretel House.
(19:50):
Yeah, because he's using the 10 and a quarterinch. Sawzall. I was gonna say compound miter
saw. Compound miter saw, right, yeah, exactly.Well, he did, and he got really good at it
and only took a couple nails off occasionally.He was very safe, always wore gloves. He would
also. Because you know, we, as you know fromthat house, we were up on that hill above the
golf course and he would just take off and leave.And it was fine. Nobody thought anything of
(20:15):
it. He would just leave. Yeah. And you wouldcall him. Yeah. His name was Ali. And we would
go, Ali! And he would just go, and come on back.Yeah. And then you'd hear him coming up and
he would be covered in like fox tails. Is thatwhat those are called? Fox tails? Well, how
many foxes did he eat? You know what I'm talkingabout? The little- Oh, not actual fox tails.
The little spronky- Cat tails? Fox tails? Stickers?Pokers? He was covered in stickers. The neighborhood
(20:42):
kids would just put stickers on them. What thedogs do is they... They trade. Yeah. They trade
stickers. Yeah. And while they play poker. OrPokemon. Yeah. Because they go out and just,
you know... But there was no Pokemon in the70s. But this was the kind of thing that was
like, it was normal. It was like a dog wouldsleep in the garage and there was now, now
your dog is wearing Yves Saint Laurent in astroller. That's not your dog. No, no, or my
(21:08):
stroller. You don't have a dog. Would you everhave a dog? Uh, for, like over for brunch?
What is with you, like, the death of, of animal?It's like, save the animal. It's funny. No,
maybe, I don't, no, I think I would want somethinga little more obscure. So Zoe and I went to
(21:29):
the Reptile Show. Yes, I saw the photos. I showedyou the photos. See chameleon lying there in
the sun. Na na na. Run run away. Hey! Okay,so we go to the Pomona. Brought to you by Slade.
We go to the Pomona Super Show, Reptile SuperShow. Is that better than the Reptile Show?
(21:50):
The Medium Show. There's the show, the MediumShow. And then there's Super Show. The kinda
okay show. This was the Super Show. Is thereone above the Super Show is like the... Fucking
insane. The fuck all. Bad.
Yes. Fuck you Yankee blue jeans. Yes. That'snext week. That's coming up. I gotta go to
(22:10):
that. And it's certainly not in Pomona. I'lltell you that right now. Oh no, that's in like
Barstow. Barstow, Bakersfield. Yeah, or Baker.So we, you know, snakes. How do you feel about
snakes? I'm partial. Yeah, no, I could. I hopeI know. It depends on the snake, I guess. Partial.
Yeah, no, I don't mind a snake. You don't minda snake. Yeah, I mean, if it's a, if it's a.
(22:34):
big motherfucking python and it's gonna likesqueeze me to death. Squeeze me. I don't think
I want any animal that... has a very good chanceof killing me. I mean, I get it. What if you
have an animal that has a slight chance? ThenI'm 100% in. If there's a little bit of chance
that it could like. I feel like with me, it'slike I get more interested in the reptiles
that have a little bit of danger to them. Theones that could hurt you a little bit. I don't
(22:58):
want the ones that could kill me. So did youhave any reptiles growing up? Like back in
the. Well, no, I didn't own reptiles as a smallchild, but then when I got old enough, I had
my own reptiles and many of them, yes. Okay,so. You're talking. Corn snakes, ball pythons,
Colombian boas. What do corn snakes eat? Theyeat crows, actually. I would just picture them.
Downed crows. I would picture a corn snake,just a big old corn on the cob and just going
(23:22):
to town like typewriter style, right acrossthe, ding! And just, no. Yeah, carriage return.
No, they eat your, when they're small, theyeat mice, when they're older, they eat a small
rat. Small rat is as big as a corn snake willeat. Mine was eating like either a small rat
or like three mice. It was huge. It was a goodgame. No, no, what's the appeal of having a
(23:44):
snake like that? Like a corn snake. How bigwas this corn snake? Like if you- When it was
full grown? If you stretched it out, you like,you straightened that snake right out. You
sat it down and you told it the rules of lifeand you know it was on a bad path and you said
I'm gonna straighten you. If you straightenedit out and you measured it. Yeah, my corn snake
full grown was somewhere around five and a halffeet probably. Five and a half feet? Yeah.
(24:08):
That's a decent size. That's about right. Sowhat's the fight? Do you play catch with it?
Oh, all the time. Yeah, I had a couple gloves.The wiffle ball also was great. Well, so when
you're playing catch with it, it regular...The arms push out. A regular baseball or were
you catching with a ball? Tennis ball? No, wedid baseball. Could it handle regular baseball?
(24:28):
It could handle regular baseball. Could it,like a two seam fastball? It had a good two
seam. Did it have a good knuckle? It had a goodtwo seam, no knuckle, you know, that was not
his jam, you know, he didn't throw a knuckle.He had a good two seam, he had a good slerve.
Yeah. So yeah, snakes are, I'll tell you, theappeal is that they're fascinating. They're
nothing like human beings, they're not mammals.Like you saw like a dog and a cat. there we
(24:52):
can relate to them, maybe not cats. Cats arefreaking weird. But you do stuff with a dog
and a cat, you do stuff. You play catch witha dog. What do you do with a dog and a cat?
Yeah, no, you play fetch with a dog. You hangout with them, ultimately. So with a snake,
do you just gaze into its eyes, love it? Youknow what you do? What do you do? Chess.
Yes, you could, huh? Yeah, they're amazing.I bet they're good. My corn snake was, you
(25:15):
know, would beat me five out of six times. Noware they, is this a timed- Table puzzles. Oh,
yeah. You know? Yeah. We would cook, you know?Snake made some amazing bouillabaisse. Other
types of cuisine? Besides bouillabaisse? BesidesRussian cuisine? Can it, can it, can it, like,
(25:35):
what? Is bouillabaisse Russian? What's a, iscorn, I would guess a corn snake would be good
at like, more, yeah, Mexican fare. Yeah. I just.It's just my thinking. Yeah, it's a good thing.
But what else are you, what do you do? Do you,like a five foot corn snake, do you play like,
do you skip rope? Yeah. I mean, what do youdo that's fun with that? With the snake, the
(25:57):
snake is the rope? Because otherwise the snake-Or is the snake jumping? Right. No. I want
to see a snake jump in a rope. Yeah, that'swhat I was picturing when you first said it.
It took me a second to realize that you meantthat snake was the rope. What? But with a dog,
you know, you come with it on the... They'refascinating! But what do you do? It sits in
a tank or a cage or a terrarium. You sit ina tank. I do sometimes. But what's the fun?
(26:23):
What do you do with it? You carry it around?Do you take, I mean, I sit... You do. People
take it around in the public maybe and scareother people with it. You can do that. You
can do that. You can scare other people withit. That's always fun. Okay, that's A on the
list. I personally find them fascinating tohold, to look at, to feed. They're so different
than mammals. that it is a fascinating thing.So you would hold your snake a lot. Now, in
the 70s, if we're going, oh, I hold my snake.If you go back, again, like we're doing, to
(26:46):
the old school pet trade, right? The old schoolpet reptile trade was insane. You would go
into a pet store, there was a pet store in thevalley, I think it was in Van Nuys, called
Slither City, and I'm not shitting you. Oh,no, I remember, no, I absolutely remember this.
No, I do. Slither City, Slither City, SlitherCity, Slither City. That's pretty good. Thank
you. So in Slither City, they had things like,these snakes grow 25 feet long and could kill
(27:13):
you and they would sell them reticulated pythonsgreen anacondas Colombian Bojackantic freaking
Colombian what? Boas. Did they did it come witha small bag of cocaine? Absolutely. I would
figure you have to feed them cocaine. No therewere mules they would swallow the cocaine and
then you would transport the snakes. Yeah andyou would buy the snake and you'd get some
(27:35):
cocaine. It's a mule snake. mule snake. Thelittle known mule snake. The Colombian mule
snake. But it's insane this stuff that theywould do. I mean they would really like what
the fuck. You could sell every right back thenthere was no regulation. So then what happened
was so through the 70s and 80s they sold thesekinds of snakes with no regulations and then
what happens well people get Burmese pythonswell Burmese pythons get to be you know 16
feet long and they will kill you. Or they'lleat your pet. They'll eat your kid. They'll
(28:00):
eat your kid. They'll eat your baby for sure.Like you don't want to leave your baby. You
don't want to have, you know, there's really,oh, I think they have eaten babies. So, what
do people do then? You get, you buy a snake,you're an idiot. Let's say you're an idiot,
for example. Well, that's, okay, that's easyenough. Let's just start with the pre-supposition
that you're an idiot. Okay, I'm with you. Andyou're in 1980. Okay, I'm an idiot in 1980.
(28:21):
Okay, and you buy, let's give you 85. And youbuy a Burmese python and you live in Miami.
Oh, wow, that sounds like. Terrible idea, butyou love this for me because it's a baby and
it eats mice and it's super cool It's an African.No, it's not Africans Burmese. It's a Burmese
pie this from an exotic place. It's gorgeoussuper cool It starts growing. It's even cooler.
(28:46):
It starts growing. It's even cooler. It startsgrowing. You're like, huh? Hmm, it's getting
pretty fucking pretty big you start feedingit chickens whole chickens. What? What? You
start feeding it, you know, God knows what elseto feed this fricken thing. Because they're
gigantic. And don't their jaws like dislocateor something when they eat? Oh, yeah, and you
don't want to get bitten by them and they willnot kill you with venom because they have no
(29:07):
venom but they will hurt you. Because don'tsome of those big ass snakes somewhere they
eat like full pigs and stuff? I mean, it couldbe a large Burmese python or a large reticulated
python, sure. So I'm in Miami in 1985, I gotthis python, it's growing and now it's eating
chickens. And then one day it thinks your food,cause it's hungry and it comes at you, you
put it in the bathtub and you're about to throwa whole chicken in the bathtub and it jumps
(29:29):
on your arm and you're like, fuck this, thathurt, I'm bleeding everywhere, I'm not keeping
this anymore. What do you do with it? You putit in the sewer. You drive to the Everglades
and you dump it in the Everglades. Yeah. Soguess what? A lot of people did that. Yeah,
so now there's a bazillion nasty snakes in theEverglades. They do well in the Everglades.
Yeah, they do, huh? Yeah, and they mate. Sonow they've overrun the Everglades. They are
(29:55):
killing all the indigenous species, and you'reallowed to go kill them. You can go hunt them
now. You see, if I had dumped a hamster... inthe Everglades. This, it wouldn't have been
a problem. It'd be gigantic by now. It'd bea monster, it'd be a monster hamster living
in the Everglades, feeding on Burmese pythons.It'd be like a 500 pound, it'd be a hamster
the size of a grizzly bear. That'd be amazing.Can you imagine by the way the giant ball?
(30:22):
that it would run around in? I thought you meanttheir balls. Can you imagine the size of the
hamster balls? Can you imagine the size of thetesticles? No, but then when you had to clean
that hamster's cage, it's the size of a grizzlybear, the size of the ball you would have to
put that grizzly bear in. Oh, the hamster ball.And then you know what? Don't let it wheel
(30:43):
itself into the sun. Because you're cookingthat grizzly bear hamster. Yeah, that's bad.
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