September 30, 2024 • 20 mins
Variety is the spice of life. In the 70s and 80s, we had a ton of it. Variety shows meant singing, superstars, sketches and sex. Carol Burnett, Sonny & Cher, Hee Haw, Donnie & Marie, Laugh In and the inimitable Muppet Show brought us all of the above and more. And while not always suitable for impressionalbe young viewers - we ate that S#!t up!!!!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
I'm Tony. I'm Eric. We are the sons of San Fernando.But we've been friends for over 40 years. And
grew up together in the San Fernando Valley.These are the stories of our experiences as
adventurous Gen X latchkey slackers from backin the day. And don't forget to hit the follow
or subscribe button so you don't miss an episode.
(00:28):
Da da da, da da. And the beat goes on. You knowwho's an underrated songwriter? No. Sonny Bono.
It's Sonny Bono. No, it's Bunny Sono. And Bunny-What is there, is the- Wait, is he dead? Sonny
Bono? Is he dead? He hit a fucking tree! Whatdo you mean is he dead? He fucking crashed
(00:52):
into a tree in high speed skiing? Yes! Let mejust say something about skiing. I think Cher
nudged him. She, they were long, long divorced.Yeah, yeah, that's right, it wasn't Cher. She
was very nice. Listen, she's nice, you knowCher? I met her. You're friends with Cher?
No, I would not say that. Skiing is exceptionallydangerous and people talk about it like it's
not. Every time I say I ride dirt bikes or something,they're like, oh, that's super dangerous. I
(01:15):
mean, you know how I view, freaking Sonny Bonois all I have to say. You know who else? Tony
Danza crashed into a tree. Same thing. Skiing?Yes! Do you remember? Yes! Now, here's the
thing about Sonny Bono. Not really, no. Here'sthe thing about Cher. She was my first like
(01:38):
movie TV crush. Celebrity crush Cher. Okay,but TV early on because it was the Sonny and
Cher show. Who was your first celebrity crushwhen you were a small child? That would probably
have been... Burt Reynolds? Ernest Borgnein.Ernest Borgnein, yeah. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm
(01:59):
Ernest Borg H. Also. Shared to me was like thislike exotic goddess. Linda Carter. of Linda
Carter's good one. Linda Carter. That's a goodone, that's a good one. Yeah. That's a good
one. And all Charlie's angels. I mean, I likeLinda Carter, but really, honestly, yeah, she's
gorgeous, incredible bod, but Cher was more,I don't know, there was something a little
(02:19):
hipper, cooler. Well, the outfits too on theSian Cher Show. I mean, come on. My mother
married up your Cherokee. Oh, that was my Cher.How was that? That was fucking pretty good.
My father's people were ashamed of me. It'sgetting worse. Mail. You need to stop now.
(02:40):
That's called, Half breathe, how low the hateworld. No, that's not it. You know what? When
Sherry hears this, which she will. When? Shewill. You are gonna get some hate mail. She's
gonna send you a hate mail. No, she's gonnabe like, I fucking love, No. I love Cher. She's
gonna send you a letter. A sternly worded letter.I would take a... I would frame and frickin'
(03:05):
put gold leaf around a sternly written letter.I would, even if it was a subpoena or a long...
It might be. I would welcome that. It mightbe. I would welcome that from Cher. That's
how much of a crush I had on Cher when I wasa child. And it was a good show too. It was
a great show, Sonny and Cher. Variety. Did youwatch... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's the thing.
What happened to variety shows? Variety shows.It became skit shows, it became like Saturday
(03:29):
Night Live. Sketch comedy, yeah. Which is notas good. No, variety shows, I mean, okay, let's
look back at the days of. Sonny and Cher. Yeah.What else you got? Donnie and Marie. Donnie
and Marie. Uh, Laugh-In? Yeah, I would callthat a variety show. For sure, Laugh-In. You
got your, you got your, what's, Carol Burnettshow. Carol, oh. Carol Burnett show. Some of
(03:52):
the best comedians of our time. We were justtalking about Tim Conway and Harvey Corwin.
Tim Conway was a faggin' genius. I mean, just-Faggin'. Well, and it was a very specific style
of comedy that was so clever. It was timing.The timing was brilliant. Tim Conway is an
underrated comedian. People don't realize howfreaking amazing Tim Conway was. The dentist
(04:14):
sketch, the old man that he did, amazing. Hedid one on, it was, I don't know, I think it
was Carol Burnett's show when it was the mamaskit, remember, that turned into Mama's Family?
So it was Tim Conway and Carol Burnett. anddickie lawrence and i think dick van dyck was
(04:35):
on the only member who else was in that lialwagner was on the carol brunette show who we
went to school with bo we went to school thesun bow yes lial wagner uh and they did several
i guess they did several tapings that but itwas in front of a live audience yes and as
tim conway for each taping of it he He changedit up. Dude, the guy... And they couldn't,
(04:56):
like you could watch this on YouTube. Oh yeah.They are hiding their faces. They can't hold
it together. It's impossible. It's basicallyhim saying something. Yeah, and they're dying.
The whole, they're dying and it's a live studioaudience. Yeah, and they're turning away from
the camera. The studio audience is... Howlingthe whole time. They're just losing their minds.
(05:16):
Tim Conway needs to be enshrined somewhere.Why is he not lauded? He should be bronzed
somewhere. He needs his body. Is he dead? Ohyeah. Did he crash into a tree? No, he did
not. Okay, good. He did not. He died recentlythough. He didn't die that long ago. Right,
he was around for a long time. He should begiven the respect that he is due as one of
(05:38):
the greatest comedians of all time. Harvey Corman,amazing too. And you got to do that, and again
that was, okay, so that was, there was sketches,but it was that variety because you also had-
Yeah, the songs. Performing songs. Yeah, whatever.Like Sonny and Cher would come out. Sonny and
Cher. And you had the Mac Davis show. Yeah,and they would do stuff on each other. It was
with Mac Davis. Was it Mac Davis? Mac Davis,yeah. Who's Mac Davis? Country artist. Huge
(06:01):
country artist. Oh, Hee Haw. Hee Haw. Yeah.Speaking of country variety shows, it was like
the biggest. Dude, you know what, by the way,Hee Haw was amazing. We watched that. It was
good family fun, too. Everybody who was sittingaround TV watched that. Oh, what stupid. You
know what the best variety show of all timewas, though? What? The Muppet Show. Oh my!
(06:24):
God, I didn't even put that together, yes! That's,oh my God! I mean, nothing. It's the greatest
variety show ever. Ever, ever. Kermit the Frogis the best host of all time. Yes. You've got
Piggy, you've got Fozzy, you did not have. Pepethe King Prawn back on the Muppet Show. Which
(06:46):
was a damn shame. He was an additive that whenthey brought him out. He was an additive, sounds
like you're making a bouillabaisse. No, he wasStevie. You're making a stew? He sweetened
you up without the calories. And that guy, Pepe'sbrilliant. Pepe is a brilliant character. But
even without Pepe. The finest of all King Prawns.Here's the greatest thing about the Muppet
version. of the variety show is that the peoplethat they have on there, like you get Rita
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Moreno, you get these big stars, you know, onthe Muppet Show and Debbie Harry, and they
really just, they committed to these peoplebeing, to the Muppets being real creatures
and that this is a real variety show and it's,I love that show.
(07:35):
Oh yeah, I remember that. Alice Cooper was onmy couch. We weren't watching it together.
I mean, he was on, yeah. You were watching theMuppet Show with Alice Cooper. Where did you
feed Alice Cooper when he came over? He hada Stouffer's frozen pizza. Those ones on the
French bread. Oh dude, I remember those frenchbread. I loved those french bread frozen pizzas.
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You know how good those were? Yes they do. Nothey don't, I've never. Shut up. Yes they do.
Yes, you can go buy them right now in the freezer.Go to the freezer, yeah. I'm gonna stop the
fucking props on the way home. The half thefrench bread, it's round on one side and cocks.
I know what it looks like. Eric, I've had 7,000of them. That's right, and what did you do
7,000 times when you made those pizzas? Youburned the fucking roof of your mouth off.
(08:18):
Yes you did, you just. And you're like, oh!Yeah, piece of pepperoni. Pepperoni, I know
it's the pepperoni one, it's the best one, buthere's the thing, those were really good. Those
are really good. You put them in the toasteroven. Oh yeah, and you get them, and the cheese
would bubble, and the pepperoni would get tolike 9,000 degrees Kelvin, and then you would
just put it in. Did you really make those? Yes!I'm gonna keep talking, but I'm gonna look
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it up on my phone right now. talking becauseI don't believe you. It's still, it's the famous,
it's still there. How do you spell Stouffer's?S-T-O. D-O-U-F-F-E-R-S? Okay, apostrophe. There's
an apostrophe in there somewhere. Stouffer'sFrench, oh my god there it is right there.
Yeah it is, yeah yeah. Wow! Yeah yeah. I thinkI'm gonna get one. Yeah and you know what?
It's probably gonna taste just as fucking goodas it used to. Was it good or we just remember
(09:00):
it as being good? I think both. I remember thepepperoni was chunky. Yeah, oh yeah, it was
spicy too. Chunky and spicy. And the Frenchbread in the toaster was crispy. Fuck, now
I need one too. Oh my God. But they had two,and that's a good thing, they had two in the
box, you had two. Yeah, you would save one orsometimes you'd go, no you wouldn't, no you
wouldn't. No, I'd make one at a time. And thenyou'd be like, oh I have one. Yeah. And like,
(09:21):
oh that was so fucking good. And you alwaysmade the second one. And you'd go back to the
stofers and eat the second one. Ah, I gottaget one, I'm gonna get one. So that's what
I was feeding Alice Cooper, but when you seeMuppets with Alice Cooper in full fucking makeup.
That's when you know you've got the best thingever. And you got Sam the Eagle trying to shut.
The music was amazing. You got your Mana Mana.You got your Mana. Oh, you got Statler and
(09:43):
Waldorf. You got Statler and Waldorf. You gotMs. Wiggy. You got Gonzo. You got Gonzo who
was just, I'm just the weirdest. But the skitswere amazing. Pigs in space. They were very
clever, very well written, very well written.Best variety show that existed. I'm trying
to think about my favorite. skit that they everdid or sketch. Was it a skit? What's the difference
(10:07):
between a sketch and a skit? I think like middleschool kids do skits. Yeah, these were, this
was sketch comp. At the talent show. Yeah. Andon TV it's a sketch. Okay, I feel better about
that. Thank you for clarifying. I still soundsketchy to me. So there was a sketch of Rita
Moreno was singing Fever, the song Fever. Ohnice. And Animal was playing the drums behind
(10:29):
her. And he was like doing these drum fillsthat were pissing her off. And then she goes
back and yells at him in Spanish. I mean, onceagain, if anybody ever listens to this podcast,
go look that up on YouTube. It's the funniestgoddamn sketch. Sketch. Ever. Linda Carter,
there was some like Bam Alakazam and there waslike pyro going off. I mean yeah you had Muppets,
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you had Linda Carter, you had pyro. And in themiddle of all that you got Mormons, wait weren't
Donnie and Marie Mormons? Donnie and Marie areMormons, the Osmonds? Yeah. Oh, well, the Osm...
Okay, so the Donnie and Marie show... Are theyall Mormons? They had... I don't know. Wait,
no, they are Mormons. You don't know this? Idon't... I didn't really do my research on
the Osmonds. Let me tell you something aboutMormons. Have you seen the Book of Mormon?
(11:15):
Not since breakfast. Neither have I. Okay. Or,I mean, I haven't seen it at all. I... You
know, everybody is always ripping on the Mormons.I have known personally and worked with personally
three or four Mormons, either known or workedwith. the nicest people I have ever met. Kind,
listen, focus, listen well to you when you talk.Why do you think that is? I don't know! But
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I find it fascinating. I have liked them allvery much. Maybe that's why we like- My insurance
guy's a Mormon. Maybe that's why we all likethe Osmonds. That's what I'm saying! That's
what we're getting at, yeah, right? We're gettingat what's going on. And they had a huge family,
so you could do the Donnie and Maurice showand you didn't even need to have a- Donnie
and Maurice? That's a different one. I didn'tsee Donnie and Maurice. No, that was when Maurice
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Gibb- Right. He joined in, yeah. How many Gibbswere there originally? 13. No, seriously. There
was Barry. Maurice. Robin. Robin! Well, thatwas the- Wait, they're all dead except for
Barry, right? Yes. Did they hit trees? Why areyou sunny? Oh no, they were like cancer and
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awful things, right? That's how they died? TheGibbs? Yeah, you're really bringing it down
right now. I'm sorry! I'm trying to know howthe Gibbs died. I don't know if there were
any other Gibbs. Here's the thing about theGibbs. They didn't have a variety show. They
should have. That's what I'm saying! Can youimagine, can you picture as good, no. You were
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saying that. As good, I am now. No, no, you'resaying. Yeah, now I am. Okay, go ahead. But
as good as things like Donnie and Marie andSonny and Cher were, can you imagine if the
Bee Gees had a fucking variety show? Well, theyhad the tunes. Well, they had the tunes and
they had the outfits. And you could bring onall sorts of guest singers. Abba. Oh, bring
(13:03):
Abba. They could have. They could have broughtAbba. I wonder if Abba was ever on the Muppet
Show. I'm gonna look that up. I'm very curiousabout that. Okay, here's the other thing. Let's
go back to Donnie and Marie for a minute. Youknow, that I remember, do you remember any
of the numbers of Donnie and Marie? I rememberthe Little Bit Country, Little Bit Rock and
Roll, do you remember that? That was the mostfamous of all. They sang, country, and I'm
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a little bit rock and roll. Rock and roll. Well,you know, the Osmonds were an incredible group
of family singers. There were like 20,000 Osmonds.And they had such big teeth. They're just huge
teeth. Well I think that helped the resonance.I'm just wondering if it's a Mormon thing.
Do Mormons have good teeth? Is that a thing?I'm gonna have to Google that. I don't know.
(13:51):
I'm not really sure. Maybe it helped the resonance.But it worked to their advantage. You know
what it's called when you're a singer? Yourmouth. It's called the mouth. You studied singing
and you studied singing. It's called the buccalcavity. I know that sounds gross. It does and
I don't want to hear you say it again. Buccalcavity. Right, yes, and that is what the Osmonds
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had big ones. Big buccal cavities. And large.That's what I was always thinking every time
I was watching that show. Do you remember, youknow what's odd though? I'm surprised the Jackson
Five never got their own variety show. Racism.Dude, cause they would have. Why the Osmonds
get a show? And not the Jackson Five. Well,no, okay, here's the thing though. to have
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a really good variety show, you had to be greatsingers, but you also had to at least be competent
in the sketches. So- You're saying the Jacksonswouldn't have been, are you a racist, Eric?
Are you saying the Jacksons wouldn't have beencompetent in the sketches? I'm not saying that.
Why would you suggest such a thing? I suggestedno such thing. Because you're racist, that's
why. I am simply saying- Why would you suggest?that the Jacksons could not pull off sketch
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comedy when you've seen such classics as Thrillerthe Musical where Michael Jackson acts his
way out of a paper bag. He does really, he reallydidn't. He's amazing. No, he's not. He's amazing.
He turns around at the end. He's, no. Hey babe,what does he say to her at the end when he
picks her up off the couch? I told you. I don'tremember what he said. But that was my Michael
(15:24):
Jackson. Yeah, but he's not gonna win an Oscarfor that. Listen, Thriller was so huge in my
life. Did you ever watch the making of Thrillerwith me? Yes. Because I had it at my house.
John Landis doing his whole thing. Oh man, themaking of, I must have watched the making of
Thriller 65,000 times. I was such a huge MichaelJackson fan. But you didn't have to be that
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good, like, okay, Cher. Yeah. Was that good.So she was a great, no great voice. She does
become a good actress. I'm not sure her sketcheson Sonny and Cher. Okay, but that was the start
of it. And the Osmonds, also good at that. Doyou think she was attracted to Sonny? That's
my question. Or did she know that Sonny wasa good songwriter and could get her places?
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What, Marie Osmond? No, do you think Cher wasattracted to Sonny? Or was just using him for
his songwriting abilities? Sonny was hot. Ithink, I think there's nothing hot about Sonny.
He's 5'2", he's dead first of all. He's not5'2' anymore. No, you gotta have hatred. You
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know what I think it is? I think the mustacheplayed. What song did it play? Yeah. Misty?
But it's a testament to those variety showsthat it didn't. I looked forward to those variety
shows. I wanted to see that. Their acting skillsdidn't have to be perfect because it was just
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about. funny little sketches and the musicalnumbers. And again, going back to the Muppets,
that's what I was saying. And the guests. Andthe guests. Yes. And the guests were sometimes
musical guests and sometimes they were actors.You can go back on YouTube and look at the,
there's amazing litany. It's a litany, whichI'm so glad I just used that word. What else
is out there? You had the Carol Burnett show.Carol Burnett show, Donnie and Marie, the Muppet
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show, the Sonny and Cher. I don't really rememberany other. Okay, hee-haw. Oh, hee-haw. Laughin'.
And whatever the- Laughin'. Omegrah, what wasthe one you said? Mavis and Crankles? Cookie
and the Bear? What was it called? Cookie andthe Bear? What was it called? Cookie and the
Bear. Jackson and his circles, what was it called?Cookie and the Bear is Richard McGivin's? The
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Mac Davis show. Mac Davis. By the way, now theyshould make it the Big Mac Davis show. The
Big Mac Davis show and get a little sponsorshipgoing. Yeah, no, but do it like the spin of,
what's that band that does the Mac Sabbath?Oh, right, it's like Dread Zeppelin. Yeah,
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you have- Where you have the Elvis impersonatorsinging Led Zeppelin songs in a reggae beat.
But this is all the, what is it, McDonald'scharacters doing Black Sabbath. Right, Grimeth.
Grimeth? Grimeth, did you all just, you just,after 50-something years, you just, you just
got a lisp now, Grimeth. Ha ha ha. Grimeth!Ha ha. Oh my God.
(18:29):
Okay, Grimeth. Listen! I love Grimeth. Yeah,they were on the commercials between the variety
shows, but those were just, they were fun, theywere interesting, you got subjected to music.
Don't say wholesome because they were not wholesome.They were always double entendre, sexual innuendos.
Cher's wearing nothing on the Sonny and CherShow. Dude, Cher wore some stuff that was barely
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covering. She wore nothing. I was riveted. Iwas six years old. And now that you mention
it, shows like Hee Haw and laughing. Yeah, verylots of sexual. They were dirty windows, double
entendres. You know what? They were dirty. Ourparents let us very dirty. That was before
our time. That was right. That was good. Thatwas good. No, but I remember watching that.
They played they replayed that. Yeah. And thenmaybe it was still going in the 70s. But our
(19:17):
parents would let us watch that because I thinkat the time we were young enough. to not know
what the hell was going on. Yes, so it was funnyfor our parents to watch. Look, I did not have
known what was going on, but when I saw GoldieHawn with all the paint all over her and the
little bikini dancing around, I was losing mymind. It was hard, yeah. It was hard. But I
think our parents were okay with it becausethey didn't feel like we would get it. What's
(19:43):
wrong with them? Well, a lot. I mean, that'swhy we turned out like we did. So much was
wrong with them. Where do you start?
Thanks for listening to the Sons of San Fernando.Don't forget to hit that subscribe or follow
button in your favorite podcast app so you don'tmiss an episode. Drop us a review. We'd love
(20:03):
to hear from you. If you'd like to support theSons of San Fernando, the best way is to share
the show. We'll catch you on the next episode.
I'm Tony. I'm Eric. We are the sons of San Fernando.But we've been friends for over 40 years. And
grew up together in the San Fernando Valley.These are the stories of our experiences as
adventurous Gen X latchkey slackers from backin the day. And don't forget to hit the follow
or subscribe button so you don't miss an episode.
(00:28):
Da da da, da da. And the beat goes on. You knowwho's an underrated songwriter? No. Sonny Bono.
It's Sonny Bono. No, it's Bunny Sono. And Bunny-What is there, is the- Wait, is he dead? Sonny
Bono? Is he dead? He hit a fucking tree! Whatdo you mean is he dead? He fucking crashed
(00:52):
into a tree in high speed skiing? Yes! Let mejust say something about skiing. I think Cher
nudged him. She, they were long, long divorced.Yeah, yeah, that's right, it wasn't Cher. She
was very nice. Listen, she's nice, you knowCher? I met her. You're friends with Cher?
No, I would not say that. Skiing is exceptionallydangerous and people talk about it like it's
not. Every time I say I ride dirt bikes or something,they're like, oh, that's super dangerous. I
(01:15):
mean, you know how I view, freaking Sonny Bonois all I have to say. You know who else? Tony
Danza crashed into a tree. Same thing. Skiing?Yes! Do you remember? Yes! Now, here's the
thing about Sonny Bono. Not really, no. Here'sthe thing about Cher. She was my first like
(01:38):
movie TV crush. Celebrity crush Cher. Okay,but TV early on because it was the Sonny and
Cher show. Who was your first celebrity crushwhen you were a small child? That would probably
have been... Burt Reynolds? Ernest Borgnein.Ernest Borgnein, yeah. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm
(01:59):
Ernest Borg H. Also. Shared to me was like thislike exotic goddess. Linda Carter. of Linda
Carter's good one. Linda Carter. That's a goodone, that's a good one. Yeah. That's a good
one. And all Charlie's angels. I mean, I likeLinda Carter, but really, honestly, yeah, she's
gorgeous, incredible bod, but Cher was more,I don't know, there was something a little
(02:19):
hipper, cooler. Well, the outfits too on theSian Cher Show. I mean, come on. My mother
married up your Cherokee. Oh, that was my Cher.How was that? That was fucking pretty good.
My father's people were ashamed of me. It'sgetting worse. Mail. You need to stop now.
(02:40):
That's called, Half breathe, how low the hateworld. No, that's not it. You know what? When
Sherry hears this, which she will. When? Shewill. You are gonna get some hate mail. She's
gonna send you a hate mail. No, she's gonnabe like, I fucking love, No. I love Cher. She's
gonna send you a letter. A sternly worded letter.I would take a... I would frame and frickin'
(03:05):
put gold leaf around a sternly written letter.I would, even if it was a subpoena or a long...
It might be. I would welcome that. It mightbe. I would welcome that from Cher. That's
how much of a crush I had on Cher when I wasa child. And it was a good show too. It was
a great show, Sonny and Cher. Variety. Did youwatch... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's the thing.
What happened to variety shows? Variety shows.It became skit shows, it became like Saturday
(03:29):
Night Live. Sketch comedy, yeah. Which is notas good. No, variety shows, I mean, okay, let's
look back at the days of. Sonny and Cher. Yeah.What else you got? Donnie and Marie. Donnie
and Marie. Uh, Laugh-In? Yeah, I would callthat a variety show. For sure, Laugh-In. You
got your, you got your, what's, Carol Burnettshow. Carol, oh. Carol Burnett show. Some of
(03:52):
the best comedians of our time. We were justtalking about Tim Conway and Harvey Corwin.
Tim Conway was a faggin' genius. I mean, just-Faggin'. Well, and it was a very specific style
of comedy that was so clever. It was timing.The timing was brilliant. Tim Conway is an
underrated comedian. People don't realize howfreaking amazing Tim Conway was. The dentist
(04:14):
sketch, the old man that he did, amazing. Hedid one on, it was, I don't know, I think it
was Carol Burnett's show when it was the mamaskit, remember, that turned into Mama's Family?
So it was Tim Conway and Carol Burnett. anddickie lawrence and i think dick van dyck was
(04:35):
on the only member who else was in that lialwagner was on the carol brunette show who we
went to school with bo we went to school thesun bow yes lial wagner uh and they did several
i guess they did several tapings that but itwas in front of a live audience yes and as
tim conway for each taping of it he He changedit up. Dude, the guy... And they couldn't,
(04:56):
like you could watch this on YouTube. Oh yeah.They are hiding their faces. They can't hold
it together. It's impossible. It's basicallyhim saying something. Yeah, and they're dying.
The whole, they're dying and it's a live studioaudience. Yeah, and they're turning away from
the camera. The studio audience is... Howlingthe whole time. They're just losing their minds.
(05:16):
Tim Conway needs to be enshrined somewhere.Why is he not lauded? He should be bronzed
somewhere. He needs his body. Is he dead? Ohyeah. Did he crash into a tree? No, he did
not. Okay, good. He did not. He died recentlythough. He didn't die that long ago. Right,
he was around for a long time. He should begiven the respect that he is due as one of
(05:38):
the greatest comedians of all time. Harvey Corman,amazing too. And you got to do that, and again
that was, okay, so that was, there was sketches,but it was that variety because you also had-
Yeah, the songs. Performing songs. Yeah, whatever.Like Sonny and Cher would come out. Sonny and
Cher. And you had the Mac Davis show. Yeah,and they would do stuff on each other. It was
with Mac Davis. Was it Mac Davis? Mac Davis,yeah. Who's Mac Davis? Country artist. Huge
(06:01):
country artist. Oh, Hee Haw. Hee Haw. Yeah.Speaking of country variety shows, it was like
the biggest. Dude, you know what, by the way,Hee Haw was amazing. We watched that. It was
good family fun, too. Everybody who was sittingaround TV watched that. Oh, what stupid. You
know what the best variety show of all timewas, though? What? The Muppet Show. Oh my!
(06:24):
God, I didn't even put that together, yes! That's,oh my God! I mean, nothing. It's the greatest
variety show ever. Ever, ever. Kermit the Frogis the best host of all time. Yes. You've got
Piggy, you've got Fozzy, you did not have. Pepethe King Prawn back on the Muppet Show. Which
(06:46):
was a damn shame. He was an additive that whenthey brought him out. He was an additive, sounds
like you're making a bouillabaisse. No, he wasStevie. You're making a stew? He sweetened
you up without the calories. And that guy, Pepe'sbrilliant. Pepe is a brilliant character. But
even without Pepe. The finest of all King Prawns.Here's the greatest thing about the Muppet
version. of the variety show is that the peoplethat they have on there, like you get Rita
(07:10):
Moreno, you get these big stars, you know, onthe Muppet Show and Debbie Harry, and they
really just, they committed to these peoplebeing, to the Muppets being real creatures
and that this is a real variety show and it's,I love that show.
(07:35):
Oh yeah, I remember that. Alice Cooper was onmy couch. We weren't watching it together.
I mean, he was on, yeah. You were watching theMuppet Show with Alice Cooper. Where did you
feed Alice Cooper when he came over? He hada Stouffer's frozen pizza. Those ones on the
French bread. Oh dude, I remember those frenchbread. I loved those french bread frozen pizzas.
(07:56):
You know how good those were? Yes they do. Nothey don't, I've never. Shut up. Yes they do.
Yes, you can go buy them right now in the freezer.Go to the freezer, yeah. I'm gonna stop the
fucking props on the way home. The half thefrench bread, it's round on one side and cocks.
I know what it looks like. Eric, I've had 7,000of them. That's right, and what did you do
7,000 times when you made those pizzas? Youburned the fucking roof of your mouth off.
(08:18):
Yes you did, you just. And you're like, oh!Yeah, piece of pepperoni. Pepperoni, I know
it's the pepperoni one, it's the best one, buthere's the thing, those were really good. Those
are really good. You put them in the toasteroven. Oh yeah, and you get them, and the cheese
would bubble, and the pepperoni would get tolike 9,000 degrees Kelvin, and then you would
just put it in. Did you really make those? Yes!I'm gonna keep talking, but I'm gonna look
(08:40):
it up on my phone right now. talking becauseI don't believe you. It's still, it's the famous,
it's still there. How do you spell Stouffer's?S-T-O. D-O-U-F-F-E-R-S? Okay, apostrophe. There's
an apostrophe in there somewhere. Stouffer'sFrench, oh my god there it is right there.
Yeah it is, yeah yeah. Wow! Yeah yeah. I thinkI'm gonna get one. Yeah and you know what?
It's probably gonna taste just as fucking goodas it used to. Was it good or we just remember
(09:00):
it as being good? I think both. I remember thepepperoni was chunky. Yeah, oh yeah, it was
spicy too. Chunky and spicy. And the Frenchbread in the toaster was crispy. Fuck, now
I need one too. Oh my God. But they had two,and that's a good thing, they had two in the
box, you had two. Yeah, you would save one orsometimes you'd go, no you wouldn't, no you
wouldn't. No, I'd make one at a time. And thenyou'd be like, oh I have one. Yeah. And like,
(09:21):
oh that was so fucking good. And you alwaysmade the second one. And you'd go back to the
stofers and eat the second one. Ah, I gottaget one, I'm gonna get one. So that's what
I was feeding Alice Cooper, but when you seeMuppets with Alice Cooper in full fucking makeup.
That's when you know you've got the best thingever. And you got Sam the Eagle trying to shut.
The music was amazing. You got your Mana Mana.You got your Mana. Oh, you got Statler and
(09:43):
Waldorf. You got Statler and Waldorf. You gotMs. Wiggy. You got Gonzo. You got Gonzo who
was just, I'm just the weirdest. But the skitswere amazing. Pigs in space. They were very
clever, very well written, very well written.Best variety show that existed. I'm trying
to think about my favorite. skit that they everdid or sketch. Was it a skit? What's the difference
(10:07):
between a sketch and a skit? I think like middleschool kids do skits. Yeah, these were, this
was sketch comp. At the talent show. Yeah. Andon TV it's a sketch. Okay, I feel better about
that. Thank you for clarifying. I still soundsketchy to me. So there was a sketch of Rita
Moreno was singing Fever, the song Fever. Ohnice. And Animal was playing the drums behind
(10:29):
her. And he was like doing these drum fillsthat were pissing her off. And then she goes
back and yells at him in Spanish. I mean, onceagain, if anybody ever listens to this podcast,
go look that up on YouTube. It's the funniestgoddamn sketch. Sketch. Ever. Linda Carter,
there was some like Bam Alakazam and there waslike pyro going off. I mean yeah you had Muppets,
(10:55):
you had Linda Carter, you had pyro. And in themiddle of all that you got Mormons, wait weren't
Donnie and Marie Mormons? Donnie and Marie areMormons, the Osmonds? Yeah. Oh, well, the Osm...
Okay, so the Donnie and Marie show... Are theyall Mormons? They had... I don't know. Wait,
no, they are Mormons. You don't know this? Idon't... I didn't really do my research on
the Osmonds. Let me tell you something aboutMormons. Have you seen the Book of Mormon?
(11:15):
Not since breakfast. Neither have I. Okay. Or,I mean, I haven't seen it at all. I... You
know, everybody is always ripping on the Mormons.I have known personally and worked with personally
three or four Mormons, either known or workedwith. the nicest people I have ever met. Kind,
listen, focus, listen well to you when you talk.Why do you think that is? I don't know! But
(11:39):
I find it fascinating. I have liked them allvery much. Maybe that's why we like- My insurance
guy's a Mormon. Maybe that's why we all likethe Osmonds. That's what I'm saying! That's
what we're getting at, yeah, right? We're gettingat what's going on. And they had a huge family,
so you could do the Donnie and Maurice showand you didn't even need to have a- Donnie
and Maurice? That's a different one. I didn'tsee Donnie and Maurice. No, that was when Maurice
(12:00):
Gibb- Right. He joined in, yeah. How many Gibbswere there originally? 13. No, seriously. There
was Barry. Maurice. Robin. Robin! Well, thatwas the- Wait, they're all dead except for
Barry, right? Yes. Did they hit trees? Why areyou sunny? Oh no, they were like cancer and
(12:21):
awful things, right? That's how they died? TheGibbs? Yeah, you're really bringing it down
right now. I'm sorry! I'm trying to know howthe Gibbs died. I don't know if there were
any other Gibbs. Here's the thing about theGibbs. They didn't have a variety show. They
should have. That's what I'm saying! Can youimagine, can you picture as good, no. You were
(12:43):
saying that. As good, I am now. No, no, you'resaying. Yeah, now I am. Okay, go ahead. But
as good as things like Donnie and Marie andSonny and Cher were, can you imagine if the
Bee Gees had a fucking variety show? Well, theyhad the tunes. Well, they had the tunes and
they had the outfits. And you could bring onall sorts of guest singers. Abba. Oh, bring
(13:03):
Abba. They could have. They could have broughtAbba. I wonder if Abba was ever on the Muppet
Show. I'm gonna look that up. I'm very curiousabout that. Okay, here's the other thing. Let's
go back to Donnie and Marie for a minute. Youknow, that I remember, do you remember any
of the numbers of Donnie and Marie? I rememberthe Little Bit Country, Little Bit Rock and
Roll, do you remember that? That was the mostfamous of all. They sang, country, and I'm
(13:27):
a little bit rock and roll. Rock and roll. Well,you know, the Osmonds were an incredible group
of family singers. There were like 20,000 Osmonds.And they had such big teeth. They're just huge
teeth. Well I think that helped the resonance.I'm just wondering if it's a Mormon thing.
Do Mormons have good teeth? Is that a thing?I'm gonna have to Google that. I don't know.
(13:51):
I'm not really sure. Maybe it helped the resonance.But it worked to their advantage. You know
what it's called when you're a singer? Yourmouth. It's called the mouth. You studied singing
and you studied singing. It's called the buccalcavity. I know that sounds gross. It does and
I don't want to hear you say it again. Buccalcavity. Right, yes, and that is what the Osmonds
(14:14):
had big ones. Big buccal cavities. And large.That's what I was always thinking every time
I was watching that show. Do you remember, youknow what's odd though? I'm surprised the Jackson
Five never got their own variety show. Racism.Dude, cause they would have. Why the Osmonds
get a show? And not the Jackson Five. Well,no, okay, here's the thing though. to have
(14:35):
a really good variety show, you had to be greatsingers, but you also had to at least be competent
in the sketches. So- You're saying the Jacksonswouldn't have been, are you a racist, Eric?
Are you saying the Jacksons wouldn't have beencompetent in the sketches? I'm not saying that.
Why would you suggest such a thing? I suggestedno such thing. Because you're racist, that's
why. I am simply saying- Why would you suggest?that the Jacksons could not pull off sketch
(15:02):
comedy when you've seen such classics as Thrillerthe Musical where Michael Jackson acts his
way out of a paper bag. He does really, he reallydidn't. He's amazing. No, he's not. He's amazing.
He turns around at the end. He's, no. Hey babe,what does he say to her at the end when he
picks her up off the couch? I told you. I don'tremember what he said. But that was my Michael
(15:24):
Jackson. Yeah, but he's not gonna win an Oscarfor that. Listen, Thriller was so huge in my
life. Did you ever watch the making of Thrillerwith me? Yes. Because I had it at my house.
John Landis doing his whole thing. Oh man, themaking of, I must have watched the making of
Thriller 65,000 times. I was such a huge MichaelJackson fan. But you didn't have to be that
(15:49):
good, like, okay, Cher. Yeah. Was that good.So she was a great, no great voice. She does
become a good actress. I'm not sure her sketcheson Sonny and Cher. Okay, but that was the start
of it. And the Osmonds, also good at that. Doyou think she was attracted to Sonny? That's
my question. Or did she know that Sonny wasa good songwriter and could get her places?
(16:12):
What, Marie Osmond? No, do you think Cher wasattracted to Sonny? Or was just using him for
his songwriting abilities? Sonny was hot. Ithink, I think there's nothing hot about Sonny.
He's 5'2", he's dead first of all. He's not5'2' anymore. No, you gotta have hatred. You
(16:33):
know what I think it is? I think the mustacheplayed. What song did it play? Yeah. Misty?
But it's a testament to those variety showsthat it didn't. I looked forward to those variety
shows. I wanted to see that. Their acting skillsdidn't have to be perfect because it was just
(16:55):
about. funny little sketches and the musicalnumbers. And again, going back to the Muppets,
that's what I was saying. And the guests. Andthe guests. Yes. And the guests were sometimes
musical guests and sometimes they were actors.You can go back on YouTube and look at the,
there's amazing litany. It's a litany, whichI'm so glad I just used that word. What else
is out there? You had the Carol Burnett show.Carol Burnett show, Donnie and Marie, the Muppet
(17:18):
show, the Sonny and Cher. I don't really rememberany other. Okay, hee-haw. Oh, hee-haw. Laughin'.
And whatever the- Laughin'. Omegrah, what wasthe one you said? Mavis and Crankles? Cookie
and the Bear? What was it called? Cookie andthe Bear? What was it called? Cookie and the
Bear. Jackson and his circles, what was it called?Cookie and the Bear is Richard McGivin's? The
(17:43):
Mac Davis show. Mac Davis. By the way, now theyshould make it the Big Mac Davis show. The
Big Mac Davis show and get a little sponsorshipgoing. Yeah, no, but do it like the spin of,
what's that band that does the Mac Sabbath?Oh, right, it's like Dread Zeppelin. Yeah,
(18:04):
you have- Where you have the Elvis impersonatorsinging Led Zeppelin songs in a reggae beat.
But this is all the, what is it, McDonald'scharacters doing Black Sabbath. Right, Grimeth.
Grimeth? Grimeth, did you all just, you just,after 50-something years, you just, you just
got a lisp now, Grimeth. Ha ha ha. Grimeth!Ha ha. Oh my God.
(18:29):
Okay, Grimeth. Listen! I love Grimeth. Yeah,they were on the commercials between the variety
shows, but those were just, they were fun, theywere interesting, you got subjected to music.
Don't say wholesome because they were not wholesome.They were always double entendre, sexual innuendos.
Cher's wearing nothing on the Sonny and CherShow. Dude, Cher wore some stuff that was barely
(18:53):
covering. She wore nothing. I was riveted. Iwas six years old. And now that you mention
it, shows like Hee Haw and laughing. Yeah, verylots of sexual. They were dirty windows, double
entendres. You know what? They were dirty. Ourparents let us very dirty. That was before
our time. That was right. That was good. Thatwas good. No, but I remember watching that.
They played they replayed that. Yeah. And thenmaybe it was still going in the 70s. But our
(19:17):
parents would let us watch that because I thinkat the time we were young enough. to not know
what the hell was going on. Yes, so it was funnyfor our parents to watch. Look, I did not have
known what was going on, but when I saw GoldieHawn with all the paint all over her and the
little bikini dancing around, I was losing mymind. It was hard, yeah. It was hard. But I
think our parents were okay with it becausethey didn't feel like we would get it. What's
(19:43):
wrong with them? Well, a lot. I mean, that'swhy we turned out like we did. So much was
wrong with them. Where do you start?
Thanks for listening to the Sons of San Fernando.Don't forget to hit that subscribe or follow
button in your favorite podcast app so you don'tmiss an episode. Drop us a review. We'd love
(20:03):
to hear from you. If you'd like to support theSons of San Fernando, the best way is to share
the show. We'll catch you on the next episode.
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