237: Divorcing from DOGMA to Discover DIVINITY

Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
Hello everyone. Welcome to the Sol Rose show. I'm Cherie Burton and this is a
podcast where ancient feminine wisdom meets the modern path of soul
evolution. My friend Angel Lynn is our guest today. She's going to take us on
the awakening journey of following her inner guidance, kind of breaking free from
dogmatic spiritual, societal conditioning and some of the paradoxes that she
experienced during her spiritual awakening and even existential crisis. We're going there.

(00:24):
She has an MSW degree. She she's a soul mentor and author of a book
I just recently read and marked up like Crazy Soul Yearler,
a mormon woman's transcendent journey to love. And Angel's also the co founder
of Southern Utah's Yin on Fire Healing festival, which I'm excited to be speaking at
this September. If you're feeling called to connect in person with individuals
who are on the path of spiritual growth and expansion and forging connections, this

(00:47):
is definitely something to check out. It's called the Yin on Fire festival, September
19 through 22nd in Cedar City, Utah, and you can find more about that on
yinonfire.com dot a couple of announcements I have first, my
episodes are always uploaded to my YouTube channel, which is just soul Rose show.
So if you want to watch and listen at the same time, please head over
to my YouTube channel and subscribe there. The second announcement is that we have a

(01:09):
really cool thing on June 10 with Carmen Nash. She's an extraordinary
alchemist and essential oils educator. She's been all over the world learning about
this ancient art of anointing, which she'll be teaching us in the sole rose community.
June 10 at 11:00 a.m. mountain. So if you want to get
that beautiful content from her and hear her presentation, then you just ask to
join our soul Rose community on Facebook, which will also give you my whole

(01:31):
body healing kit. The third announcement, did I say there was two or three? But
anyway, the third announcement is that my episodes are now going to be going to
the first of every month instead of every week. And the reason I'm doing
this is because I don't want to let this podcast go, but because I am
working so diligently on my manuscript and kind of getting it together and being really
intentional about that, especially this summer, we're going to go to once a month episodes,

(01:52):
and they will always launch on the first of every month, so you can count
on that. And I will have content in between in the sole rose community on
Facebook and on Instagram, you can check out Shuri Burton, but for the unforeseeable
future. We'll be at one episode per month, launching on the first. So without
further ado, let's bring an angel in and talk about divorcing from
dogma to discover divinity.

(02:16):
Angel, so glad to have you here, my friend.
Thank you so much. I'm so excited to visit with you. Yeah. So you
and I met, oh, my goodness, back in 2010 in
Aspen, Colorado, when you were living there. And I can't even remember how we connected.
Or I was teaching a class out there on oils, and we were Facebook friends,
and you're kind of on my radar and then not on my radar. And

(02:38):
then recently, like, I watch a few women that I kind of knew
casually years ago, and I've seen a lot of them go through this, like,
metamorphosis, and I mean this in the best way possible. Like, you're almost
unrecognizable from 2010, and
we're going to go there. I mean, I was always struck with your personality,
and you have this way about you that's very natural and very kind and down

(03:00):
to earth. But then I've just seen this, like, warrior person
and this, you know, fierce, feminine protector of all the things
that you are about what you've learned. So let's go there. Let's
talk about when things started to, well, where you were at, kind of like
your comfort zone place. And then what started to happen
with this unraveling? What were the precursors that led to this awakening for

(03:23):
you? Well, 2010 is a great place to pinpoint. I was at the pinnacle
of my doing, doing my way
through life, seeking to achieve and accomplish
and do everything right and follow all the rules that I had been given from
my programming, my upbringing from religion. And I was
living in Aspen. I was a stay at home homeschooling mom of five

(03:45):
sons. And I was trying to do everything
right. I wanted so desperately to be a good wife and mom.
I wanted so desperately to add to the community, to serve in my church,
and I tirelessly devoted myself to that. Fast forward
to 2016. I had moved from Aspen to St. George, Utah,
which is my hometown. So I was back home around family,

(04:08):
doing all the same things with the boys and the homeschooling and all the
service. And one day, I got a phone call. There was a warrant out
for my husband's arrest, and it came in like a wrecking ball.
I had no clue. I had no suspicion. He and I were both
very active members of a church. He was a clergyman. He also
was employed by the church as an interpreter and so the phone

(04:31):
call was so shocking. And in that moment, I
just felt, if I can't trust him, if he's been hiding and lying to me,
I just felt like there was no human being I could reach out to. But
I needed some guidance in that moment, we were operating a business
together, and so I needed to know right then, because of our business
structure, I had to either go to work and take the business. So it was

(04:53):
like I needed an immediate answer. And I just didn't want to call anyone
else. I didn't want to throw his reputation
under the bus, you know, I didn't want to call my family. I didn't want
anyone to be mad at him. And I just walked into my bedroom, and
the first thing I did was looked at my bookshelf. And I had just collected
church material. I had scriptures, I had manuals, I

(05:14):
had magazines. I had biographies of church leaders. And
I remember this moment scanning it, because normally I had been taught to search for
scriptures, search, ponder and pray when you need an answer. And I scanned it, and
the thought that came was, I know this material really well, and there's not a
scripture or a verse that says what to do when there's a warrant out for
your husband's arrest. And that came with, like, kind of a chuckle, like,

(05:36):
that's so true. So I turned my back physically
to the bookshelf, and I paused, and I thought, if I can't trust another
human, and I'm not really sure who and what God is, because
we've been reaching and serving, and I thought we were operating
all in alignment with this God. And now my life was unraveling. It's called an
existential crisis in psychology, when everything you thought was

(05:58):
true suddenly seems like it shattered. So I'm standing there
and it visually seeing my life shattered like
glass on the floor. That's what I was perceiving. And
this, in this moment where I paused, I was like, who do I turn to?
What do I turn to? There was this me inside angel.
Just the pure soul. That's what I

(06:20):
call it, is that pure soul says, you can trust me. I got
me. I have to. I have to turn into me.
An angel has to ask for help. And in that moment, I
went inward and upward. That's how I describe it later, because I
learned that my whole life I had been going outward to get upward. I had
been going outside of what my inner knowing or intuition might say

(06:42):
to trust voices of authority around me. Everything
from the medical field to the education field to the field of religion
to my parents. So I had been programmed to go outward and upward. They
would lead me to truth. They would lead me to God. And in that moment
when I couldn't trust another human, I went inward and upward, and I
asked the question, what do I do now? And the thought that came was

(07:04):
put chicken in a crock pot. That was startling because it didn't
seem to be what I was looking for. It didn't make sense. But
so quickly, as quick as it came and my mind wanted to challenge it,
I realized there's a part of me that deflects
inspiration. There's a part of me that says that doesn't make sense,
that's awkward, that's new, that's whatever. And my

(07:26):
soul was saying, you just ask a question, and
either there is a source of truth or there's not. For you to
reject. The first answer that came through would be for you to dismiss
the power of the divine. Like, and this just hit like lightning. It takes
much longer to explain it in words. It was just this knowing,
like, did you not plead for help? And I was like, I did. And then

(07:49):
it was like, trust it and see what happens. So I walked into the kitchen,
and I got out the chicken, and I'm feeling a crock pot. And I look
over and I remember, oh, yeah, I have five sons. They have no
idea about what's going on in the family, the business,
and they're going to need to eat in 4 hours, and I'm going to need
to go to work, the business. So I was like, that was the right answer,
and I'm in shock. So I wasn't thinking logically. And to recognize the

(08:13):
spirit of the divine gave me that small of a practical step. It was like
taking me by the hand and saying, here's your next move. Yeah. What strikes me
with that is just, it's such a little thing. It wasn't even just about
you. It was about your sons. And, like, it was just a very
micro. Which is beautiful, right? It's just it, like
I said, it's such a small thing, but it was like freeing you up by

(08:34):
putting the chicken in the crock pot. You experienced freeing up so
that you wouldn't have to, you know, so you could go do what you needed
to do. Yes. And so all I noticed was, okay,
I'm going to start trusting this voice. It was the first
time in my life when I had prayed or asked
a question of the divine and just implicitly trusted it. I

(08:55):
also recognized in that moment, I've probably prayed thousands of
times, gotten an answer that I
rejected because it didn't make sense. So I discovered
these four steps. I had been asking questions, rejecting or
resisting the answers, doubting that I had the ability to connect
directly to God, and then talking myself out of whatever

(09:17):
came. And with this pivot, four new steps showed up for me. Ask
a question, receive it, and I physically now
will pause and breathe and receive. This is how I take in
answers, is that I take the time to pause, and I use the
breath to remind me as I review the words that come to
my mind as an answer. I'm breathing this in and allowing it to

(09:39):
sit in my mind. I'm breathing it in and taking it into my cells. I'm
breathing it in and allowing it to rest in my heart, and I'm breathing it
in and acknowledging my soul just helped me source that
I believe my soul connects me to the divine creator. But it was an
absolute 180 from how I had prayed,
rejected, doubted, and talked myself out of things

(10:01):
for years. And then the irony felt like I wasn't getting
answers to prayers, and then I wasn't. Well, I don't know that we
were ever taught embodied spirituality in church.
Right? Like, you talk about bringing it into your being, bring it
into your body, noticing the sensations. And sometimes we don't trust
those. I think we can conflate, like, elevated

(10:23):
emotion, like, with some of these things, and so it can be muddy
for people. How would you. I mean, I think. Don't you think it's an individual
for each person? How they bring that in and receive that? I mean, how. What
would you say to somebody who's like, I don't know. I'm, like, so confused. I
don't know if. If I'm just making these feelings out because I want to feel
good and. And whatever. And this. This is a nice emotion because it's

(10:44):
connected to this. You know what I mean? Like, this person or this experience, or
is this actually the divine coming through and communicating
with me? Yes. Everyone does have their own experiences,
and I see many parallels in talking with people who are from
various backgrounds and belief systems. I've practiced this
hypothesis to see if what happened to me is

(11:05):
replicatable. And I have found hundreds of people can
understand this process, so I'd love to share it with you.
My being as an instrument, mind, body, heart, and
spirit. I see them like strings on a guitar or a
violin. I view them like that because if you have ever played
an instrument or watched a musician before, they play, they tune those

(11:27):
instruments. If they don't those strings can get out of tune.
If I don't tune my mind, body and heart
to the pitch of my soul, which I believe is always operating
in truth, always operating from a place of love. If I don't tune the
rest of me, the more mortal parts of me, I will be out of tune
with the divine. And that's a frequency thing, too, because I think of

(11:50):
music, and I think of frequency and tuning to that. Yeah,
that's where I was going. And so anyone that has listened to music can relate
to this next piece. If you're listening to something and then the singer is
out of tune, if she's off key or an instrument is off
key, what happens in your body? How does your body respond to music
that's out of tune? I I'm so triggered by this, I can't even tell you

(12:11):
angel like pitchiness, you know,
someone's platter or whatever. I'm just saying I don't. I can't
that. That what you did, like, you cringe your physical
body. That's what I'm going for. Even if people aren't
musicians, they have answered me 100% of the time that as a
listener, their physical body cringes. This is

(12:32):
a truth bomb. Our bodies are designed to
resonate with the frequency of truth. You don't have to be a skilled
musician, and you don't have to be a gospel scholar to
recognize that when something's out of alignment with truth, your physical body will
tense and tighten and constrict in different places. To
imagine or to apply this, think about where in your body you get tight. When

(12:54):
you're anxious or nervous. Everybody can come up with a place.
Or when you're angry, the physical body will constrict. And
at the core origin of the frequency is what we're talking about, is
fear. My hypothesis is that fear is the antithesis of love.
And these are two easy elements to practice on our own bodies.
Recognizing when I'm in any fear energy, it is not truth. It is not

(13:17):
coming from God. God does not speak by the power of fear. I believe, and
I will say again and again, these are just my hypotheses. I am not here
to doctrine, but these I'm living an ongoing experience,
experiment with truth, seeking truth. And so when
fear comes in, the body will cringe. And fear can be
fallacy, error, anger, fear like that. But love

(13:38):
comes into the body. And it's just like your experience when you
hear music that is on pitch. And even imagine
when perfectly blended harmonies just melt together what
does your body experience? Resonance. Like, you just are
like, ah. And you. You feel lifted?
Yes. Yeah, I'm loving this too. So I like watching you

(14:01):
said resonance, and that's the word. Resonance versus dissonance.
Dissonance. Clash. A musical term for a clash. But
physically, many of us experience relaxation.
Goosebumps, tears coming to our eyes, our heart opening. There
is a physical opening, so exactly opposite of constricting,
we have an expansion. Now, my hypothesis is,

(14:22):
when the divine is giving you an answer, your
body will respond just like you're listening to music that
is on point. And when you're having a
mortal thought coming from a place of fear, your
body will restrict just as if you were listening to music that's out of tune.
So as I go through any moment, like, I'm asking a question, what

(14:44):
do I do now? And I hear, put chicken in the crock pot. I check
my mind, the first string on my instrument. My mind might say, that
doesn't make sense. And I realize my mind is tuned to the frequency of
the world. So it's not probably not ever going
to make sense to my mind at first because God's thoughts are not
my thoughts. They're not anywhere near mortal thoughts. And every time I've

(15:06):
experimented, God's thoughts have been 180 degrees from
what I would have expected. They are the absolute opposite or so
transcendent. So I'll just notice and I'll be like, okay, it doesn't make sense to
my mind. So I'll check my body. But my body's saying yes
to this. My body's saying, trust it. And then I'm like, check
my heart. What does my heart say? And I just feel love or peace. Okay,

(15:28):
I'm going to go with it. Then. I'll go through the steps. I go, put
chicken in the crock pot. Now my mind tunes. See, you needed that, and
you didn't even know. So then I'm in resonance. Mind, body, heart
and soul. The soul led me there. And there's so
many moment. Don't you feel like once you
act on the prompting or the thought that the

(15:49):
resonance grows as a confirmation? So let me
ask you this, angel. I want this to kind of feed into your story because
they know, like, oh, my gosh, you're worn out for your rest. You got all
this. That's a sinking feeling. Talk about dissonance,
right? And usually those moments in time
open up a portal into a new kind of awareness

(16:10):
or path or, you know, because that, like, that moment's kind of like an
initiation point, an entry point into the next level,
especially if you're asking and seeking and wanting in
the recesses of your heart to do the right things or, you
know, to expand, as you're saying. So help us understand, kind of like,
what was. Did you have dissonant feelings before, like, in your

(16:32):
marriage? I know that when you talk about an existential crisis, I mean, there can
be usually existential crisis, like, everything blows up, everything you thought
you knew, like, everything comes into question, you get really attuned to
the illusion or the illusory aspects of your life. So were you already
kind of, was this completely out of the blue, like, or did you
have any notions before, any red flags or anything? Yes, but

(16:54):
I was misinterpreting them because I did not know how to check in with the
divine. Of course, I prayed every day, please help me love my husband. I feel
really disconnected from him. I would. I went to therapy and tried
to take him to marriage therapy. We weren't communicating well, and his physical
presence brought anxiousness on. However, we were operating just
fine, like tag team parenting, taking care of our roles. So we were doing all

(17:16):
the right things by the check marks in our life. We were going to church.
He was working. I was a stay at home mom. But there was something
really off, and my health was spiraling downward. So I was
diagnosed with stage two adrenal fatigue, Hashimoto's
chronically elevated cortisol levels, and I was pre diabetic. And when
I had paused on that and said, you know, the doctors weren't able to

(17:38):
really help me with much of that, the spirit had told me, and this was
a few years before the incident with the warrant. This is a spiritual
problem at its root, and that's all I had. And I had just held that
for years going, what does it mean? Well, after the situation,
I realized that I started having anxiety and
depression. When he started committing this crime that went

(17:59):
on for years. So you just. Your body was intuitively picking up?
Yeah, a lot of times when I. Thought I was doing something wrong, so I
worked out harder. I went to the gym more, I ate more, you know, tried
to eat nutrition. I judged myself for not doing enough. Like,
I need to serve more. I was taking it all on and personalizing it. And
the moment I discovered that, my health problems really

(18:20):
peaked the day that this first thing had happened
in his life and that the hiding and the lying and the stealing were taking
place. And that was an expansive, like, wow, I need to
learn to tap into frequencies, and I need the vines
help me sort what is mine and what is someone's else's and
to not just take it on with fear, guilt, shame and judgment. But I

(18:42):
had been raised in a society and a culture that operated on
teaching me and motivating me through fear, guilt, shame
and judgment. So this was into my life. Yeah.
Even though they culturally, and this is not just, I mean, this is true
in all systems they professionally to
be advocating for love, let's just say, or

(19:04):
autonomy or sovereignty or freedom or free will
or what have you. And I think you and I talked about this before, but
there's qualifiers to that. In a box, you can get answers,
but if it doesn't fit in these parameters, it's not of
God or it's not true or so it can kind of mess with you.
That's why I feel like that's why the second guessing can happen

(19:27):
and the self doubt and self abnegation, because, you know, we were kind of groomed
to just defer all of our inner
revelation to check it out with people out here.
Yes. I'm so glad you said it that way. That's very much why I would
doubt myself. And now I just expect if I'm going to ask God a
question, I'm going to get a radical answer, and it's going to require

(19:48):
courage. Every answer that has come from God since that
moment in 2016 has required courage. I
believe now that faith is trust plus courage to
act. That's what I consider faith. And I thought I was a faithful person for
38 years because I believed. But no, faith is
trusting the divine answering you and then having the courage to walk

(20:10):
the walk or to act on whatever you were told, because it will mean
as you move forward on that answer, it will mean that you will unravel layers
of your ego, layers of the Persona that you've
built, the reputation, all of the attachments that I had to
relationships, to my status in the church or in the homeschool
community, those were image. I

(20:32):
was narcissistic and didn't know it. I was really good at pointing fingers at him.
I'm a recovering image. Yeah. Person, too. It's because let's
give us some grace here, too. I mean, especially for women, there's a
pressure there. There's a pressure there to put on airs, to smile, to
bite, basically spiritual bypassing, to be perfect. Yeah.
So the spirit told me this was really interesting,

(20:55):
showed me these layers, was like, angel, you have rejected answers from the
spirit because they were hard or different or uncomfortable or
inconvenient. So that you could hold on to what you've been told is right and
true. So you are worshiping mortals. They are your
idols. Like all these voices of authority outside
of me. And I could see images, like on a mantle, as the

(21:17):
spirit said, these are your idols that you worship. And my reputation was one of
them. They were above God, and they were just like
golden pieces of things. And I said, wreck it down. Wreck it down. And
it was like, are you sure? And I said, wreck it down. I am
willing to lose everyone and everything. And I was terrified that
if I kept asking these questions and getting these

(21:39):
bold and unique answers, that would take me on
a different path than the path I was on. I could see this is not
only going to crumble my marriage, but I'm going to lose all my polynesian friends.
I'm going to lose all my homeschool friends. I'm going to lose my church friends.
I might lose family. You know, I could just see that there's going to be
a ripple effect, and it's not going to be small. And the words came to

(21:59):
me, can I love myself through this? And those words
have been an, can I love myself through this?
Because I call that question, it's calling love into
my being. And the fear cannot stay present. The frequency
of the fear of losing friends, family, losing my
identity, it can't stay in my body. So that resonance

(22:21):
or the dissonance floods out of my body and resonance comes in because the answer
is, yes, I can love myself through this, and God will love me through
anything. So there's this fortification in my very being that says, okay, let's
do this. Whatever the next thing was, let's do this. And
one other thing that I think will resonate with some listeners who know the
term bringing back to who I was prior to this. I was trying to do

(22:44):
my way into heaven. I was trying to do my way into perfection with
achievements. It was like a stairway that I was climbing, and
I discovered through the spirit teaching me, you've been trying to prove and earn your
worth and value. And I was like, oh, my gosh,
I never saw it that way, but it's true. I don't feel worthy. I don't
feel good enough. I haven't done enough yet. So I was always setting

(23:06):
goals, never enough. Mental, emotional, spiritual, always
trying to be better, but it was so I could be enough. And the spirit
said to me, that's your modern day tower of Babel. In the
Bible, it talks about the Tower of Babel being a
place where people were trying to get closer to heaven and God
by building a tower in the center of town to climb up to it

(23:29):
and get on top and thinking that that would get them closer. And when the
spirit said that, it came in like a wrecking ball and just shattered paradigms
I had held onto for so long. Because, angel,
you're using your achievements, your doings to try to get closer
to heaven and God. And I said, tear it down and then teach me
what's the other way. And the other way is to just be, to realize,

(23:50):
number one, the fact that you exist is evidence you're worthy to
exist. You're not an accident. You're exactly what God wanted
you to be and to do. Yeah. And from. So I don't
have to prove myself. What do I do now? And it was like, return to
that. Find that in you. And that was finding my soul, listening again
to my intuition. The more I did that, the more awe and wonder I

(24:12):
had that this being me can
connect directly to the creator of all things. If that is true and
that's what's happening, that I'm communicating and channeling truth and being guided
in every moment that I go inward and upward. That is so
amazing. There's nothing I could achieve on earth that would be more
valuable than that connection. So worth just descended on me.

(24:34):
Angel, you don't have to run another marathon. You don't have to write a book.
You don't have to homeschool your kids. You have to do one more thing to
earn anything. No, you can come back to just being. So
I want to ask you through this process of kind of this unraveling and sort
of questioning everything that you shared something about. There were some radical
things coming through that maybe didn't make sense in your mind or they weren't

(24:56):
part of your programming or what you were taught or whatever. Just kind of
flew in the face that a little bit. I want to ask you maybe just
think of maybe one or two things that were super radical that you maybe didn't
know how to place until you started to integrate it or move on
it. But it also struck me, as I was listening to you, that
oftentimes, especially in, like, cultural,

(25:17):
religious systems, we actually pray to
have our beliefs reinforced
over and over. We're just praying to strengthen our testimony of what's
already there, the traditions, the doctrines, etcetera.
But we don't often pray to just have our mind and heart and gut
open like those three centers you were talking about and you

(25:39):
mentioned pause, breathe, receive. That's my mantra. Is stop, breathe, receive.
And I actually have met so many
people who. Their access point
of awakening was taking literally everything
that they have ever been taught in school and da da da, you know, online
and media, church families, whatever systems, completely

(26:01):
taking all their books, all their programs, all the trainings they went to, and just
being, like, putting it over here, teach me. And then just opening
up to that, and it can feel really daunting. But
how different is that than praying and
prostrating yourself to try to capitulate to what's
already been placed before you versus being taught with living truth,

(26:23):
living words, living direction for you personally. And
some people think that's completely heretical. So maybe
share your thoughts on that and then also share maybe something radical that came through
that. You were like, wait a minute, I don't. I'm not supposed to believe that.
Yes. Oh. So much of what you just said has been my experience.
I was shown in that moment. I did not need to go back to my

(26:45):
bookshelf. I didn't need to go back to listening to podcasts. I didn't need to
go back to mortals because there is a
24/7 live stream available
to me from the divine. So why would I tune my frequency to
any other, like, radio station? If you knew that on your radio you could
tune into God, why would you listen to country music or

(27:05):
oldies? You know, so I just stopped listening to all
those other things exactly like you said, I'm the oldies. Sorry, that makes me
tickle. It's like
the old programming. Stop listening to the oldies. Quit playing on them on
repeat. Okay. So going inward and upward. Well,
immediately, the same moment that I discovered there was a warrant out for

(27:28):
his arrest, I want you to know, too, there was a moment of. From shock
to I got to ask questions. I mean, I'm speechless. I knew as a
human that I need not open my mouth to my husband because
I would slay him with shame and
rage and anger. So I turned
inward and upward. And long story short, I was shown his innocence.

(27:50):
And it's the most beautiful thing. Every person is doing
the best they can with what they know and feel
and fear in this moment.
Beautiful. So they are ignorant of knowing how to
operate in any other way than how they're operating. And we can argue that, but
if you don't believe me, just ask. Well, no, that's actually a christed statement. I

(28:11):
mean, they know not what they do, right? That's what I felt as soon as
it dropped in. I was like, there is so many moments. Forgive them,
Father. Where Christ's example is saying, people are
innocent, you know, you're free. Go and sin no more. Like, I forgive
you. It's never been a wrestle to be forgiven, because where there's
ignorance, meaning I don't know what I don't know. So I'm only operating out of

(28:33):
what I know right now. Where there's ignorance, there's innocence. It's a synonym for me
now. So my heart was softened. I didn't immediately say,
like, oh, my gosh, this marriage is over and I'm out of here. I was
not mad. I even said to him, the first conversation we had
was, I'm so sorry to hear what's been going on for you. I have
nothing but compassion. And he said, I did not expect you to say that.

(28:54):
I said, you and me both, bro. That is not the angel you've been married.
I know when I read that in your book, I'm like, I'm not sure that
I would have the semblance of, you know, it comes
so strong, fierce, feminine mama bear comes out sometimes, and
you just go into protection mode for your being and your children
and your family and the lifestyle and everything, you know. And so that took a

(29:15):
lot of discipline and tuning in for you to do that. Yes. And
I just adopted. I'm just going to act on courage with all these things coming
through. I am not trusting the mortal mind, even my mortal mind,
anymore. I will act on things that drop in and do that.
Resonance. And to say those words to him brought resonance of
peace. It was more powerful than the raging

(29:37):
angel. You know, I was shown that I had been a pharisee. I had been
a pharisee. I had a religious ego. So I want to move forward
now with, I did not intend to divorce him. It wasn't because he did something
wrong and I was going to blame him for our marriage failing. I just continued
every day to ask, what do you want me to do and where do you
want me to go? And minute by minute, literally living in kind of a state

(29:58):
of shock still, because I had no idea if he was going to go to
jail and how I'd provide. But little by little, two months
went by. And one day when I asked, what do I do today? It was,
fire him from the business, tell him to move out and tell him you're going
to file for divorce. And I rejected it because the programming said,
that's not what you do. You've been married and sealed for time and all eternity.

(30:19):
So I went back to the mortal box, the mortal programming here's
what's right. So my mind was saying, no, that can't be from God. Weeks
went by, and I kept asking what to do. And a second time, it came
through in the exact same words. And I was afraid that that is wrong,
that I'm supposed to endure to the end and help fix this.
And three months went by, and it came for the last time. It was given

(30:40):
to me, and it said, this is the final time it will be delivered. If
you're not going to act, it won't be given anymore. And
I again, got to look at the next level of who and what do I
trust? Am I here to worship man? Am I here to stay in this marriage
from a place of fear? Do I need to know first what God's
outcome is going to be before I have the faith to act on this? You

(31:01):
know, I want to make sure he's okay, and I want to make sure that
life's going to get better. We want to just, like, control or see what's. Yeah.
And that is faith, right. The faith is acting without knowing.
Absolutely. Yeah. So, okay, so take us through
that. So you listened. Yes. So here you're finally like, okay,
got it. Thing happened. So I've acted on

(31:22):
that. And then the very first day that I was alone in a house, I
thought, I don't know how to be a single mom. I don't even know what
to do now, having been a homeschool, stay at home mom. Like, now, I need
to go to work. I need. And so my next question is, what now?
Okay. I acted on that. He's out of the house. I've contacted a lawyer.
Like, I took those steps. What now? And the spirit said, you need to go
away from here. You need to go into nature, and you

(31:45):
need to spend a couple weeks meditating. And I said, okay, that's the what
piece I learned to ask. What questions? What do you want me to do?
What am I to learn from this? That was a new way to pray. I
used to pray, asking, how am I going to get through this? Or why is
this happening? Me. So I asked a what question, and within a couple
days, a friend called and said, angel, I just bought a home in Maui. You

(32:05):
should come visit me. And I thought, hot dog, God, that's a great idea.
I'm going to go to Maui. And I got online and saw the airline
tickets out of Vegas to Maui were $530. And my heart sank.
I had zero money. I had zero of my own savings.
I had. We were poor and living on food stamps and struggling with the
business. I thought, okay, I can go donate plasma. I can

(32:27):
do this. But then I thought, what's the word on the street going to be?
What will people in my ward say? What will my bishop say when angel, who's
getting help from the ward to feed her family, takes a trip to Maui? So
I went. I dropped into shame. I even thought, what would my mom say? I
could imagine her voice saying, how could you take a trip at a time
like this and leave your boys home when their parents are divorcing? So

(32:48):
voices of shame and doubt came in and I sank. And in that moment
there was a sudden sensation like I had just been locked in a
cellar. The cold shivers came over me and a
sense of darkness like a door had been shut. And so I paused and
I remember just going, what just happened? What just happened? And the spirit had just
left me. I had been receiving light in through the

(33:11):
top of my head like love and warmth for months as
I turned inward and upward for answers. And suddenly I was cold and alone.
And so I said, what just happened? And said, you just
shifted out of faith and into fear. You have been listening
to the Lord for months and acting with courage and
trusting. And you suddenly took this answer. You had the

(33:32):
what go into nature. You had the where. Maui was open to you and you
went into fear. And I repented of my fear for the first time in my
life. And I discovered when we repent of fear, there's nothing
more to repent of because you shift back into love and
obedience to the divine. I said, I apologize
for worshiping fear. Anything you listen to,

(33:54):
above or outside of the divine is an idol. So I
said, pass this idol of fear aside and I come back and I will
trust and I will move forward. Even though I didn't know the
how or the why. So I call this the
co creation of miracles with God. This is the pattern, the what
and where miracle, the what and where pattern for co creating

(34:16):
miracles with God. If I ask, what do you want me to do and where
do you want me to go? I will be told. And I discovered that that
pattern is all through the scriptures and any story of a disciple. They
ask, what would you have me do? Where do I go? And you do it.
So once I committed the very next day I got a letter in the
mail and it was from commercial insurance company that our business

(34:36):
had. And it said, you overpaid in the last quarter. Here's
a reimbursement check to angel for dollar 590,
the exact dollar amount of that flight. And that's
when it solidified the pattern. I've been learning for months. If I stay in my
domain, asking what and where questions and then acting,
God provides the how. It just shows up and

(34:58):
later explains the why. So I'll fast forward. I took that two week
trip. I meditated. I was shown how to handle the next couple
of years of my life. I was shown, clean houses. Don't go to
use your master's degree and get back into that career of clinical therapy.
It was just clean for elderly people. That turned out to be a gift because
I could homeschool. I was around loving people. I could shift my schedule whenever I

(35:21):
needed to and have my kids. They could pay me really well. Like, I would
have never thought, as a woman with a master's degree, go clean toilets. Yeah, I
would have thought that. But sometimes those mundane tasks
are really, like, soul instructive. They were. And
humbling. Oh, yeah. So
let's move into how did this affect your religious

(35:42):
path? Because you, you had this, like you said you had,
you know, things were pretty comfortable and you were doing
the checklisting things until you kind of couldn't or lost
the impetus because of life. Again. That's another
awakening entry point when the things we were doing before don't produce the
same result. Yeah. The more I listened to the voice when I was

(36:04):
going inward and upward and followed these promptings, the more I
realized there was a path splitting. There was a divergent path, and I had one
leg in the foundation of my upbringing and one listening
to these new words. And I felt like I was being pulled into the chinese
splits. And I knew there's going to come a day of reckoning where you're going
to need to make a big choice. A friend of mine recently

(36:25):
said you were in it to win it. They described me as a member.
They, you know, they recognized I did all the things. I had served a mission.
I married in the temple. I've been relieved site present three times. We might mention
to some of our listeners the religion of origin you and I both share is
the Church of Jesus Christ of our saints or mormonism. And it's quite a high
demand path, religiously speaking. There are a lot of

(36:47):
things that keep you busy and there are a lot of very detailed instructions
for how to live, move, breathe, be. So anyway, just wanted to insert that.
There are lots. Yeah. They're not even suggestions. They're. These are
must. Yes requirements for worthiness. And so I
kept having miraculous moments that didn't make sense. I wanted to share one
other. This was fast forward a little bit of time, but I was on my

(37:09):
way to an appointment, and as I'm driving down the road
to this office building, I did ask, what would you have me
do today? Even though I'm doing my own mortal task list.
I check everything now. I check everything. Here's what angel thinks she needs to do.
Here's what angel would think in this moment. I check everything with the divine. Is
it true? Is this true? Or what do you want me to do? So I'm

(37:31):
on my way to an appointment I think I'm supposed to go to. And I
said, what would you have me do today? And it told me, go to a
specific person's house who I knew and had not seen or
talked to in years. This is a moment. Do you listen? Or do you put
it on the site, make a note, call that person later. I had lived for
so long putting those inspirations at the bottom of my to do list,

(37:51):
at the bottom of my tower of Babel, because I was had already made commitments
to other mortals. So in that moment, it was like, are you going to listen
or not? I decided to text the person and say, I'm not going to make
it to this meeting. Face the judgment or the shame from immortal,
because the spirit is saying, do this now. I went to that house, and
I discovered the person that I was sent to seek was suicidal

(38:12):
in that space, that moment. And he said, what are you doing here?
And I said, you tell me. I honestly just said, I have
no idea. But the Lord told me to come now. And that's when he told
me what was happening. So one more. So here I just want to lay
the foundation. I'm having these experiences daily that are
like, these thoughts are not my thoughts. And they keep leading me to

(38:35):
amazing experiences. So one was a Sunday morning. I'm dressed, ready for
church, driving towards the chapel, and I still said, what would you have me
do? My mind is programmed to think Sundays at 09:00 a.m. you be
in the pew, because that was the pattern. But I still ask, what
would you have me to do today? And as I'm approaching the church, the voice
said, go to the grocery store. Now, this is funny and shocking, because

(38:57):
as members of this church, breaking the Sabbath angel, it would
be called breaking the Sabbath. And people would say, there's no way God would tell
you to do that. If I were to present that to, I would believe that
most of my leaders or close friends would say, there's no way God would tell
you to go shopping on Sunday because that is breaking the Sabbath. It's against our
doctrine. And I was just in such a

(39:18):
playful, curious state. What will happen? What will happen
if I listen? So I drive and I park in the grocery store, and it's
only a few blocks away from the church. Even as I get out of the
car, I feel shame. I look around and think, especially people are coming to church.
Are they going to see me in my dress? Why is she going into the.
I mean, that is how embarrassing it was. I breathed it out. I
breathed in what I had been told. I'm receiving it.

(39:41):
I'm going to the store. And as I'm walking to the front door, I think,
I don't even have a list. I don't even know what I'm doing. To go
without knowing what you're doing is a key. As long as you're
doing been told, don't wait to know what it's about. I got to the
door, they open and there's a greeter for the store who happens
to be a quote unquote inactive member of our congregation.

(40:02):
She's someone who is a member but doesn't attend very often. And when
she attends, she smells like smoke and she wears immodest clothes and all
these rules that she breaks. And yet she and I had bantered
enough to become friends whenever she showed up. And her language
didn't offend me. And so there. And I just think, huh, is this why
I'm here? And so I say hello to her and she's like, why are you

(40:24):
not at church? And I say, why are you not at church? We just banned
her, you know? And I'm thinking, I honestly don't know. And so I asked the
spirit right then, what now? And the spirit said, hug her. She's a prickly
person. I didn't think she was going to want it, but I put my arms
out and then she very with hesitantly reached for me and I
grabbed her and embraced her. And I held her longer than a comfortable Pat Pat

(40:45):
hug. I really held her until the spirit said, tell her
that you love her. And as I said those words into
her ear, she softened. And in that moment, I
realized unto the least of these that I
could have had my fancy dressed up booty sitting in
a pew listening to other people preach, or I could have been

(41:06):
ministering to those who are somewhere
else. It made so much sense. And she's a single
mom and she struggles. She doesn't have a support system
and the ability to just touch her that day, I
knew that was enough. I didn't need to sit for 3 hours. I didn't need
to give a lesson to someone else in that day. And it was just that

(41:28):
day. So I took it minute by minute and slowly there was a
deconstruction of my belief system. I
kept attending church, I was kept teaching the women's group for quite a
while until the spirit told me, it is finished.
And one day I was actually at the door of the church to go into
the church, and I said, what would you have me do? And the spirit said,

(41:49):
everywhere you're going and all that you're doing, every
day, you are speaking truth. You are being loved.
All of these things. And when you walk in this building, you can't be
you. Because I was. I had all kinds of things happening at church
because I was weird and doing things differently and outside of the. Box, and you
were probably sharing from your heart and soul

(42:11):
in that women's group. And I think I read in your
book, it wasn't always received the right way
from most resonated with it. But
there were some humans resonated. There were tears, there were people. That was
the most powerful lesson I've ever heard. That really touched me. And at the same
time that that happened, I was reported to our

(42:34):
clergyman, called a bishop and brought in and sat down in front of him,
and he chastised me for not teaching from the manual. And what was
the manual? What was the content that you were like? I think I'll go with
my heart on this one. Rather than buy the book I had.
Studied, it was to regurgitate a conference
talk of a leader. And I had read it three times. And perhaps

(42:55):
the lesson, one of our male priesthood leaders words, and I was supposed
to regurgitate it and teach it to the woman, even though they'd already
listened to it during conference and they had copies of the magazine at
home. That's what I was to teach. And I had planned that lesson
with that heart and mind. And then in my planning, I had closed
my eyes and pictured the day, and I saw every woman

(43:17):
sitting in a specific space, like I saw the women of my
congregation sitting in these seats, and I saw myself go through the lesson.
When I got there that Sunday, every woman was sitting in the exact
seat that I had seen her, including the woman on the back row in
her eighties on oxygen. That's what first caught my mind, is like, I knew she
was going to be sitting there. I knew this one was going to be here
today. I knew this lady that's normally out of town was going to be on

(43:40):
the front row. So I trusted my heart and I just taught from
my heart and I taught the principles of
that talk of that lesson, and I taught them through the filters of
my heart, soul, and experience as a woman. As a woman. And that's key. I
feel like we don't have in patriarchal systems, there is not
enough women's history or women's embodied knowing

(44:02):
or, you know what I'm saying? Like, the authority part of it is looming
so large that we miss sometimes the heart of what these
doctrines are supposed to lead us to. Yeah. And after that meeting,
a large majority of the room stood in line to come up
and talk to me. So I was on this incredible high of
trusting the divine and having that woman on oxygen. She waited

(44:24):
in line with her oxygen tank to come to me and said, I have never
in all my life as a member, I have never had a lesson that hit
me like this. And I just hugged her and said, thank you. Then right after
that, as I'm walking out, I get called in to visit and to be
chastised, to be told I did it the wrong way. So I just kept meeting
these contradictions. But as a teacher, I'm told to pray and ask the

(44:45):
spirit for direction and teach by the spirit. But then in reality, I'm being told,
no, you teach what we tell you to teach. So eventually
it did come to the moment where I was at the church to go in,
and I paused and said, what would you have me do? And the spirit said,
you are a living transmission of truth and light and
testimony everywhere you go. You don't need to preach to these people

(45:06):
like, you don't need to have a calling here. You don't need to stand up
and. Bear your testimony like it's not obligatory on you. It's
not being put on you, imposed on you, I guess.
Yeah. You don't have to be here to get your worthiness card. And so I
just asked, where would you have me go? And I wasn't like,
going to make a direct exit from the membership in the church, but

(45:27):
just today, where do you want me to go? Today, where do you want me
to go? And so I have been led to many other places on Sundays
rather than to be in a pew. And sometimes I have been led back
to be in the pew. So I live trusting that the divine
is my guide and that what mortals think is what mortals
think. It's irrelevant to me now. That's so beautiful. As I'm listening to you, there's

(45:48):
a lot of parallels with our path sitting in church, and I'll just
share this really quick. It's coming through if I feel like I should. I was
sitting in Sunday school listening to a gentleman who was
very respected in the community, former professor, very
versed in doctrine, multiple priesthood
leadership callings. Everybody in the congregation loved this man, and he was brilliant,

(46:10):
and I really liked him, too. But the content of this particular lesson
was making everyone squirm in feelings
of shame and unworthiness. And my husband was like, go
ahead, raise your hand, because he could see me literally squirming in my seat.
All right, so talk about dissonance. And I think that I was picking up
on a lot of the energy of everyone else who were having similar feelings

(46:32):
but just didn't dare say anything. So I raised my hand,
and I spoke from a place of feminine empowerment,
but also from a place of, like, why can't we turn this
in? You know, I literally said to the teacher, you know,
while it's ideal that everybody is on this
certain. Has this ideal Persona or takes these certain steps,

(46:54):
sometimes they are testing us in how we will
respond with mercy, love, and compassion. So, basically, I don't remember
what I said, but I know the gist of it was, let's turn this into
love, mercy, and compassion and grace. And after I said
that, you could hear, like, absolute, utter silence. And it
made me squirm a little bit, but I didn't regret what I did. And he

(47:16):
just completely got out his scriptures and debunked
literally everything I said. And it was the same thing with you. As I was
walking out, literally a line of people were there saying, oh, my gosh, I'm so
glad you said what you did. There was a girl who was visiting from college,
and she was sitting by her dad, and she had. She told me that she
leaned over to her dad and said, I need to get out of here right
now. And she goes, and that's when you raised your hand and spoke. And I

(47:39):
sat down on my seat. So, thank you. You know, I've
reflected on that quite a bit, because I knew that the reason I was
squirming wasn't just because I needed to get something off my chest. I
was being a mouthpiece for the dissonant feelings in
the room of people literally swimming in shame. Yes.
And especially that young college girl who, in tears, shared that

(48:02):
with me. So, you know, the other thing that struck me as I was listening
to you about the woman in the grocery store is how many people are actually
sitting in church on Sunday? A very minor percent of the population.
Yet are we really ministering to people if we're just
doing these regimented traditions day in and day out, going through
these checklisted things, if you will, to show an

(48:22):
outward way, that we're worthy. Yeah,
very pharisaical. And that's also what came to
me, too, is that Christ, through the gnostic texts that
I've studied, as well as the New Testament teachings and some, you
know, even some other ancient texts that paradox
nuance, that parables, you know,

(48:45):
there's a lot of misty area for, like, he would always reflect, like, what do
you think? If he was ever asked a question, he rarely gave a
straight answer. He either wrote in the dirt or he gave them some time
to chew on their answer so that they could arrive at, you know, their own
embodied wisdom. Good question. Yeah, yeah.
Inquiry. And. And so anyway, I just. I got so passionate about this. I

(49:07):
was probably right around. I think our paths were parallel and mirroring each other in
a lot of ways because I had to make a choice of, who am I
pleasing here? Where's the reward coming from? Is this
intrinsic or is it extrinsic? And
then I had to go a little deeper and be like, you know what? I
just want the truth, that is, and freedom. And

(49:28):
so because I value this so deeply, it was very similar to what you
shared. I am willing to risk my reputation, my
relationships, my church membership, everything,
everything I hold dear, every single thing, just so that I can
have the truth. And I'm not saying my truth is everyone's truth,
but what I arrived at was so resonant

(49:50):
for me. I'm so aligned with what I
didn't even know I was actually wanting. So anyway, I
just wanted to share that paradox piece.
I can't believe you said this. This is actually my favorite interview ever,
because your words are my lived experience. And the fact that
you brought up paradox is something I probably wouldn't have thought to share.

(50:13):
As I have gone inward and upward, the answers that have come
to me have presented paradoxes again and again. And I used that
word. I was like, God, I feel like I'm in a constant paradox. And it
said, that's your way to truth. That's your portal to truth. And I had to
look up. I'm like, it feels like a paradox. Let me look up the definition.
I remember actually looking it up and going, yep, that's where I am again. And

(50:33):
then seeing that in Christ's teachings and being like,
oh, because we're transcending realms of thought. That's
why it feels like a paradox. But this can't be when I'm up against a
wall that's been placed there and I've been told, this is right, this
is true. Don't walk past this point. And the spirit
saying, actually take a wrecking ball and smash that wall and go right

(50:56):
through it. You know, there was so many paradoxes. And essentially where
this led me was living from fear
to living from love and the word freedom and truth.
Just like you said it, I went to that same place. What do you really
want, angel? As I'm unraveling, I want friends. I want to do what's right. I
want to please people. I want to be good. I want perfection. That moment came

(51:18):
in, too. What do I really want? It was just truth. I want to find
the truth and align. That's it. And
have that freedom. You are speaking my soul. Speak
language. Fast forward to more recent times. I want
to share anyone listening that might be at various
stages of awakening or coming home to themselves or

(51:39):
finding the divine and a relationship to that for themselves,
you know, so where's the hope in this? It sounds like you
just lost everything. I just want to say, I used to
parent with control. I used to partner with my
spouse with a lot of condemning, shameful
language. I had a ton of resentment. Those things were also

(52:02):
harming my body. I was getting sicker and weaker because of that
energy that I was perpetuating in the home. As I
began to listen, the spirit taught me how to parent
totally differently. Totally differently. Instead of saying, here's the rules,
here's the law, obey them. Obey them. I was able to find my heart
and connect with my children in each moment from a heart space,

(52:25):
asking them what they feel, asking them, if you tune into yourself,
what does your inner self say you should do right now? Which is that reflective
listening that we're talking about Jesus was doing. Yeah, yeah. And
me showing them, I believe you're a divine being. You might
have fewer years on this planet than I do, but I
guarantee your soul is as brilliant as mine and as

(52:47):
worthy to connect to the divine. So if we just get still and I allow
you a moment to check in and say, what does your heart want? Mom, my
heart doesn't want to go to church today. I'm willing to trust it, mom, my
heart wants to stay up past 10:00 you know all the rules.
My heart wants to watch this movie. And I let go of fear
and control and fear and control. And in my book, on page

(53:09):
169, there is a quote from my son who was nine.
He says, we were out walking, and he said this to me when you realize
your mom had to let go of God to meet God.
When a nine year old pick up on my
shift, that I let go of the God
that man had created to discover the God that created

(53:31):
man, that's exactly what happened. And he could feel the shift.
And more recently, my 16 year old son just said to me, I'm glad you
changed when you did. And he brought it up kind of randomly as I was
taking him to work one day. And I said, what are you talking about? And
he said, if you had changed when I was little, I probably wouldn't remember
or have noticed the impact. And if you had waited and changed when I was

(53:53):
older, I might have been repeating your same habits of controlling
angry parenting. And he said, but you changed
when I needed it the most. And I see what it means to live your
life by love. So some of the ramifications of this shift,
while seemingly scary or terrifying about what we lose on the
outside, was not only am I getting these reflections from

(54:15):
my own children, and not only now am I in a partnership that's so epic
and unparalleled, I've never seen a companionship like the one
I have now. Yeah. So you did get divorced. Just the. I did get
divorced, yeah. You're now in a longer term relationship. That's been
five years, probably. We'll get to that in a minute. But can I just read
this part in your book? That's. To our listeners, that I really appreciate it. It's

(54:37):
all about trusting and letting go of judgment. This is what you say on page
171. When we live seeking validation,
we give up our freedom by allowing others opinions and ideas to govern our beliefs,
emotions, and behaviors. Instead of looking outward for answers, guidance, and
governing, we can begin to practice going inward to our true selves and then
upward. And you talked about that the teaching of spiritual

(54:59):
practices, even with the best of intentions, can
easily spawn spiritual confusion and idol worship.
You did talk about for much of your life being an idol worshipper. And
then these truths that came through, and I'm just going to
rattle them off, and you can tell me which one as we kind of wrap
up that you want to extrapolate a little bit more on. So there

(55:20):
is, let's see, discerning darkness from light.
Darkness and light. Again, we get into some paradox there,
separating error from truth, perceiving fear and love,
experiencing sadness and joy. So these are all polarities, right?
The extreme end of each one, and then observing chaos
and peace. My favorite one that you wrote about was playing in captivity and

(55:42):
freedom. Of all of those, is there one that is especially
meaningful to you that you want to share with us as we kind of round
out our discussion? Sure. I think discerning truth
from error, I now have
set aside the words good, bad, right and wrong. I no longer
seek to judge myself, my thoughts, my

(56:03):
actions in those terms. And even that is threatening because you say
that, and in my programming, it will be like, my gosh, now you're just hedonistic,
you know, or you're some kind of a non religious person,
but I replace that with I seek truth. And
I seek. I seek to see truth versus error. And why it is is because
I recognized everything in my life that had a label of that's good,

(56:26):
that's bad, that's right, they're wrong. It was all from what
mortals had told me. So I have these hardcore
definitions with which I'm always judging myself and others
against, and it not. It's not necessarily true. Every
moment I can ask God what is true, I'll notice that I'll have a judgment
of something like, they shouldn't be watching that. They shouldn't be saying

(56:48):
that. I'll catch it in my mind because I observe my thoughts now. I pay
a lot of attention to my thoughts, and I go, oh, who or what taught
me to think this way? And if it goes back to a mortal moment, the
spirit showed me, angel, if any mortal taught you to believe something, there's a potential
margin of error. That was a powerful awakening. So if there's a
potential margin of error with a thought that I have, it might be common

(57:08):
popular thought, it might even be researched evidence. If it came
from immortal, it's worth checking. So I will just stop and go.
Spirit, I'm noticing that I just thought, they shouldn't be watching this. What
is true? And in that moment, I'm taught the truth, and that's
my truth. And it's not for me to go and tell the world, here's what's
true for everybody. Like you alluded to earlier, it's me knowing what's true for me

(57:31):
in this moment. And it absolutely shifts everything.
There's no way that an overarching,
generalized set of doctrine can effectively
guide people in every day of their life without the sovereignty of being
able to go directly to the source and trust that. And
the biggest shift in my life is I've gone from being one of those women

(57:52):
who would sit in the women's class and say things like, well, I just get
confused sometimes. I don't know if it's the spirit answering me if it's my own
thought. That's such a common fear. And that's kind of what I.
How I opened this discussion, because we have been
programmed and conditioned to
self doubt. Yes. Due to

(58:13):
perhaps we're not quite worthy enough to get the answer in that moment.
And that I feel like that's actually really sinister. I'm
coming to believe more and more just how sinister
that is. Yeah, I agree. It robs
people of their own. Like you're talking about the sovereignty
of personal revelation. It robs the soul.

(58:36):
If we're always constantly asking if we're worthy enough to get
truth. Yes. Well, what does that even mean,
worthy? I've had so many discussions about the worthiness thing. But as I
get older and as I have distanced myself from some of these
indoctrinations, I now see it as
probably one of the biggest lies that we've been sold

(58:58):
is that we. We cannot trust our own character and
worthiness and intuition and revelation. We have
been. And this is not just true for religion.
It's just everywhere true in relationships.
It's true in the workplace. It's true in so many settings. Yes.
That. That we could be separate from the love of God, that we could be

(59:19):
separate from truth, from spirit, from knowing for
ourselves. And I know there's a big
mass conscious awakening happening with this right now. And
I'll just. I'm grabbing the popcorn and I'm just watching. I mean, it's. You can
see the unraveling. You can see the wheels turning with a lot of people right
now. Angela, I want to talk about this event coming up that I'm so excited

(59:41):
for because, well, first of all, tell people how yin on
fire happened. So as I'm. Yeah, yeah. I'm
starting to have this experience with direct, with God, and I'm
losing connection with my lifelong community of
friends. And I was just asking God, where do I go to find
people? And I had been noticing for several years as a

(01:00:03):
native of southern Utah. And then I had this business that had me out in
the community more recently that people were flocking
to this area, and they all would share similar
stories. I never intended to move to Utah, but we were driving through and just
felt like we need to be here. So many similar stories. And I started
collecting, like, numbers in my mind and noticing something's

(01:00:24):
happening because the common denominator was they were spiritually awakened
conscious people or somewhere in the healing realm,
healing modalities. They were practitioners of this. I was curious for
years, and I asked God one day, what do I
do with this? Like, I'm observing it. So is there something you want me
to do about this? And I heard the words, gather them. Gather your

(01:00:47):
tribe. And I held that in my heart. And then not too long after that,
see, I asked, what do you want me to do? So the next question is,
where do I go? That's my pattern for co creating miracles. Where
do I go? And a friend said, hey, I've got this land in Cedar City,
Utah. If you ever want to do an event out here, got 65 acres of
venue land, tell me what you want to do. And so I started

(01:01:08):
to ask the spirit questions. What does this look like? To gather people? And the
idea of a consciousness festival, a conscious convention was the
first word. And then it became a soul sibling family reunion.
Gather the souls that are being awakened, and they feel
like they're operating alone or in isolation and start to
bring them together and let them know they're not alone. This is happening. We

(01:01:30):
are awakening globally. And so that
friend approved the idea. He said, this is one of the best ideas I've
ever heard. And in 2023, in September, we had our first
yin on fire festival. And yin referring to the divine
feminine energy, the yin and the yang. So because I was
witnessing a feminine energy is rising. It's

(01:01:52):
awakening. It's reclaiming its birthright.
For example, for me to have intuition, for me
to speak scripture, for me to channel truth, for
me to directly connect to God, for me to heal, those things
are not just happening to me as some crazy lady that's out in woo woo
land. It's all over the world. And this healing is also helping to

(01:02:14):
heal men. So we are breaking down stereotypes and myths
and wounds on both the masculine and feminine
energies. And that is the goal of the festival. So Yin
on fire is held in September. This year, it will be the
19th through the 22nd. And it's a four day, three
night healing festival with over 100 workshops

(01:02:36):
to learn about the histories and modalities of healing from
practices from around the world. We have everything ranging
from holistic functional medicine practitioners to
shamans to reiki providers to
so many. It's just hard to list. It's amazing. And there will be
yoga. There's a lake out there, a swimming lake, and a

(01:02:58):
200 foot water slide for fun. There's fun and dancing.
We have dance groups coming that do somatic release.
We'll have concerts every night, Thursday, Friday, Saturday night, full
size stage with concerts and light shows with
uplifting music. It is so phenomenal,
and we are. Just so exciting that. So

(01:03:20):
beautiful. And I know Wendy. Wendy Bennell, she's been on my
podcast before, and you. You were working with her, and I know last year was
a smashing success. I'm really excited to come. Any place
where people are seeking this beautiful,
conscious, love based, compassion path and
also aren't shying away from the deeper work, the

(01:03:42):
shadow work, sometimes you have to keep a light, right?
You have to move through these collective states and
the wounds we carry, whether it's ancestral or whatever, that when you. Like,
you're saying, like, when you gather, you fortify each other. It's also very
affirming, like, oh, well, if God wasn't spearheading this, and
if I was wrong to leave this other tradition to come over and do this,

(01:04:05):
why would it be so. Why would it resonate so much? And why would the
tree be bearing this beautiful fruit if it was wrong?
Yeah, I love that using words, the resonance, and the fruit,
by their fruits, you shall know them. I really do want to be able
to. To share that. Even though my mind again
and again and again has said, what if you're making the wrong

(01:04:28):
choice? What if you're being led astray? What if. What if. What
if I've looked at all of those, and those feelings bring that cringe in my
body? They bring that fear, even sometimes trembling. And then when I
turn inward and upward, the spirit shows me the
miracles that I've lived, the. The joy
that I've had, and I cannot deny the resonance in my

(01:04:49):
body. I no longer test the same
on psychological tests because fundamentally,
I am wired differently. Now you're an in my
mind from a place of love, and I can see it in
myself. I love this version of angel. I'm no
longer trying to prove and earn my worth and value to the point of

(01:05:11):
exhaustion while constantly feeling like I'm failing in one area or
another. I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable or I'm not worthy. That's what
that old model had me on that path. And now it's so easy
to witness. I operate from a place of love. I
am checking my thoughts, my words, and my
actions and listening to the divine and operating in

(01:05:33):
sync with that spirit. I love who I am,
and I'm able to love others. It used to be so hard to forgive others
and love other. Everything was just a struggle. And now things move through
me with grace and ease and flow. And the fact that I can be
loved and emit it to me resonates.
As angel, you are on the path of God. I

(01:05:55):
don't need another validation from mortals to know that that's the case.
And what we saw last year at this festival, repeatedly
people said to me, or they messaged me, that they've never been in a
space where they felt so much love and acceptance. And that alone is a
beautiful reason to gather in the way that we gathered
and had the workshops where people got their experiential

(01:06:17):
classes. So you get to do your shadow work and you get to be held
in a space of love and acceptance. It's transformational for
sure. I love that. And I think that's just what we're all craving. We want
that, you know, unconditional regard
and we want to find people who are on that track. It's really
uncomfortable to me now to be around somebody who's judging my spiritual

(01:06:39):
worthiness. And it's not even something they say. It's a feeling
I get. But I think what you've hit upon is really profound and we'll kind
of end with this. And that is that, you know,
when you learn to go inward and you
learn to really love yourself, and we're not talking just words like you had
a resonant, like, you love yourself, you accept. Accept yourself.

(01:07:01):
You know how to get out of judgment. You know how to observe your thoughts.
That is rendering you a
superpower to be able to do that for other people. But you
cannot do that until you've come to that place within yourself. And
so I honor you for stepping forward and doing, you know,
you get the download, you get the message, you do it. And it takes a

(01:07:23):
lot of courage and it takes a lot of self discipline. But so, thank
you and then share with us. I know this book. I'm holding it up for
our YouTube people. It's called cellular a mormon
woman's transcendent journey to Love is the by title. Absolutely love it.
Cellular evolution. It's very good. I shared with you that I've
marked up several places in this that I wish I would have asked you some

(01:07:44):
of these things. But it's okay. We're good. I think my take home
message from this conversation and your book is that there's
just more than one way to walk with God. And
so I think we're moving into a time where we're going to come into
deep acceptance for all paths. We're not there yet. There's a lot
of fear. A lot of fear. Yes. But where

(01:08:07):
can people find you online? And how do they get into this
beautiful yin on fire event? Oh, let's start there. Please
go to yinonfire.com and you can see
all about it, read about it, watch the highlight video that's on the
homepage and if it calls to you a souls yes,
please join us. Come and experience that. And I

(01:08:29):
my books available on Amazon and they can find me on
Facebook if they want to look up soulular
evolution. You can join my mentoring group. I believe you'll put this in the show
notes too that I'll just click. I'd love if anyone's
interested, I'm a life coach now instead of a therapist. Was
my former career many years ago. But I just coach people as

(01:08:51):
a guide to help you practice inward and upward on your
own and help you separate your human thinking,
everything you've been programmed in your ego to think, to be able to
witness and trust your soul. And it's so fun to work
with people from all different backgrounds and philosophies and religions and even different
countries that these steps work, that

(01:09:13):
people learn to listen to their thoughts, pause and
realize how harmful negative, fear based those are
and just challenge it. Maybe that's not from God and they can turn. And even
if they don't call it God, we just can see the spirit of
truth. People are turning to the spirit of truth and being able to ask questions
and find the right answer. And they look so shocked when it comes from in

(01:09:35):
them. I'm not the guru. I'm not here to tell people what they need to
do. I will never want to repeat
dogma. And so if anyone wants to join just the free
mentoring group I love to post in there. I'm kind of just free floating
right now. You know, I don't have anything really to promote or
I have angelin.com, but it's there if you want to read about me. But most

(01:09:57):
of all, I would love to meet people at the festival. I desire to see
and connect with people face to face, to look in your eyes and to just
hug you and tell you you are enough, you are
worthy and you are loved. That's what I live for.
So I look forward to seeing you there, Cherie, as one of our.
Yeah, I am excited. I was getting chills when you were talking about it because

(01:10:19):
like, I love that. And I think that we came, that we got
out of, you know, we just shut ourselves away and we kind of got out
of that interpersonal connection and I think this now resurgence of people
gathering and people coming together of, like, mind and for
that validation, and it just gives, it gives people a huge boost. So, yeah,
listeners, I'll be there. Come hug me. Come hug Angelin. But thank

(01:10:41):
you. Thank you for this discussion and for who you are and your work.
It's very inspiring. Thank you so much for walking the
parallel path. I'm excited to link arms together and see what we do next.
Absolutely. Hey, it's Cherie here. Have you gotten my free whole
body healing kit mini course? All you have to do is ask to
join our private Facebook group, Soul rose community, and we'll send it right

(01:11:03):
to your inbox. And I want you to know that I am so grateful for
every single one of you who listens to these episodes. You can follow me
on Instagram iree burton to deepen into the discussion that you heard
today. And I would be ever so grateful if you would leave this podcast
a positive review on Apple Podcasts. This allows
many more people to find these kinds of healing and empowerment gems that we bring

(01:11:25):
forward in our discussions. And if you want to see our faces, check
out my Solra show YouTube channel. Have a glorious week and we'll talk to you
next time on the Solra show.

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