Session 287: Grounding Yourself for a New Year

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Yeah, is that your mind? He's Mike? Are your Mike? Okay?
What is okay? Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast,

(00:24):
a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all
the small decisions we can make to become the best
possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Hard
and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more
information or to find a therapist in your area, visit

(00:45):
our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While
I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast,
it is not meant to be a substitute for a
relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Y Hey, y'all,

(01:07):
thanks so much for joining me for Session to seven
of the Therapy for Black Girl's podcast. We'll get into
our conversation right after our word from our sponsors. You
did it, Sis, you made it through the year. You

(01:28):
deserve a round of applause, give yourself a big hug,
or even fall into tears as you fully accept the
hard work that got you to this moment. The internal
exhale you might feel as you witnessed this year's sunset
might feel cut short as you realize a new year
is on the horizon. For many, the beginning of a
new year can evoke feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. How

(01:51):
do I start a new year on the right foot
when I'm still so utterly exhausted from the year. I'm
in now, big Inhale. We have two more weeks until
we officially reach twenty three, which means we still have
time to rejuvenate and refuel to assist us with centering
ourselves for the new year. I'm thrilled to be joined

(02:12):
again by wellness educator, meditation teacher Rickey, healer, author and
host of the Dropping Jim's podcast, Debbie Brown. In our conversation,
we explore how to craft a schedule that allows for
self care practices, narrowing down your focus as you prepare
for a new year, and affirmations to recite to feel

(02:33):
grounded and whole. Debbie also leads us through a beautiful
meditation to assist us in tapping into our power and
who we are being called to be in the new year.
If something resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please
share with us on social media using the hashtag TBG
in Session, or join us over in the Sister Circle.

(02:55):
To talk more in depth about the episode, you can
join us at Community that Therapy for Black Girls dot com.
Here's our conversation. I'm really glad to have you back, Debby,
because it definitely feels like the pandemic has given a lot,
but it also has taken a lot, and I really
feel like through the pandemic I have gotten to know

(03:16):
you better. We met probably very very early in the
pandemic doing a speaking engagement together, a virtual one of
the first virtual speaking engagements of so many to follow,
and it feels like at least once a year since then,
we've been able to do something together or interview together,
and so I feel like it is an interesting way
to kind of mark time. And I'm just curious to

(03:39):
hear kind of year one, two, and three of the pandemic,
like how you feel like you have changed and kind
of are feeling differently each year. Oh my gosh, Wow,
what an exquisite question. I love that I get to
answer this because then it it brings this to life

(03:59):
for me in my own body and in my life. Wow.
I have to start by saying, today it really dawned
on me that is here and how years for me
time wise, have really been feeling a lot more like
months you still feel, and that is strange, And I've

(04:21):
just been kind of, you know, wondering how much of
that has to do with age and just the more
established you become in your life, and especially if you
have children, you mark time differently. But I've just really
been observing how I relate to times so much lately.
It's so interesting. Dr Joy and the very first year
of the pandemic, when we first met and we had

(04:43):
trillions of virtual speaking experiences. I've really been thinking a
lot about that time, because though I did really intentionally
take a lot of time for myself, I was in
a different position in the pandemic as someone that had
been having an established meditation and spiritual practice for about

(05:05):
ten years. I had been teaching for about six seven years,
and when we went into the pandemic, I was also
in a lot of deep crisis in my personal life.
I had this opportunity to really show up for people
and bring a lot of my work and my skills
and my practices that have been so supportive into other

(05:26):
people's lives. It really felt like that first year of
the pandemic from home, it felt like I was living
five lifetimes in one, and the momentum of that, and
really a lot of the beauty that came into my
life by showing up in service for so many people
in what was the most provocative, important moment of my lifetime.

(05:50):
It's really interesting. I've just settled into really being able
to look at that and rest from that time just
now in this year. And the momentum carried me through.
But that was quite a lot mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
So that first year of the pandemic was a whirlwind

(06:10):
for me. The second year of the pandemic same, and
then the first year out of the pandemic was really
interesting because I felt like I was catching up to
about five years of growth. Within that year. I was
really able to see my growth in so many ways,

(06:30):
my growth as a single mother. I was able to
see my growth and my intention as a friend, and
a lot of the boundaries that I had placed in
my life really coming to life and blooming and having
space to reap the rewards of And I was also
noticing that I was fully in another life. The world

(06:52):
had opened, and so I was test driving this knew
me out and about so much more so the first
year out of the pandemic, which I guess I would
count as this last year of two. It's been really
fun and it's been beautiful, and it's been also tiring.
I think I've been getting used to Okay, who am

(07:13):
I now back in the world, now that my work
travel has picked back up, now that socialization has picked
back up. So I've just been in flow and in
practice with this even more evolved version of myself and
this last year, and I'm really looking forward to the
ways I get to to immerse myself and really live
in this truth in mmmmmmm. Thank you for sharing that, Devy,

(07:37):
and I definitely echo your sentiments of feeling like this
year has failed in a different way, kind of exhausting,
and I think a lot of our community is also
feeling that way right like as we approache, just feeling
very tired and kind of like burned out in a
lot of ways. I wonder if you can share like
the importance of really being gentle with yourself if you

(08:00):
find yourself in that space as we enter a new year.
It's imperative. We can't change with judgment. We just can't.
And I know there's a lot of different social experiments
and studies that have been done related to that. But
it's just not possible to really become yourself, to love yourself,

(08:21):
to be more of yourself if you do not accept yourself,
and if you're constantly meeting yourself with criticisms or judgments,
especially when you're in that really fragile, flexible time of
stretching and trying on new ways of being, it's really
important to give yourself grace and space to do that.

(08:42):
We cannot master new things if we don't treat ourselves
with patients and care and spiritually, the term I'd use
for that is really a gentleness. It's a tenderness with self.
It's also taking a moment to inquire why a gentleness
of self may feel so foreign to begin with, and

(09:03):
spending time with noticing what are my barriers to my
own kindness? Why do I happen to always get so
exasperated with myself? Why do I tend to always use
that tone with myself or concede to failure so quickly?
And that can sometimes feel challenging, and it can bring

(09:26):
you to a new layer of yourself, and it can
bring you to things that maybe have not been a
priority in discovering, but are really important for that next step.
And so the gentleness is truly key for any change,
and it's what makes it sustainable. It's what makes that,
you know, the initial kind of awareness that you may

(09:47):
have about something in your life, it's what actually makes
it potent and permanent and transformational. M So that you
have raised a lot of interesting points there, especially around
asking yourself like why is it difficult for me to
be gentle with myself? Right? And I think sometimes that
can be a very painful answer because I think a

(10:08):
lot of times when we learned is that came from upbringing,
It came from other people in our lives who were
supposed to be gentle with us who were not. So
I think it often presents a very uncomfortable place for
people to be deeply, deeply uncomfortable. It's kind of a
multitude of things and for some of us, depending on
our background, it could feel really complex. You know, it

(10:32):
could bring to life a lot of challenge, a lot
of experiences with caretakers, with people in your life as
a young person who didn't give you the freedom to
be yourself or didn't see you as your own being,
and It can also be so much of the societal stuff, right,
Like every generation has its own curriculum that society is
kind of forcing on it, this way of being the

(10:55):
stereotype of how you're supposed to live. And that's a
lot of it too, you know. I think we, at
least in this millennial generation that I can speak to
because I live this experience, I think we were met
with so many contradictory expectations as women especially, It's like,
you need to hustle, you need a grind, you need

(11:17):
to go harder, you need to be a martyr. You
also got to show up perfectly in your friendships and
over give and have overresponsibility, and you got to be
this to your man, and you got to know how
to like throw shade and read people. And it was
just so many things that really didn't speak to gentleness
arrest in any way. So there's always something to be unlearned.

(11:40):
And I think when we take that approach of that
self inquiry of asking why do I treat myself this way,
it's important to yes, do that deeper dive that can
feel immensely, immensely triggering and can be painful, and do
the societal of you two say, what did I pick
up from friendships? What did I pick up from work,
atmosp fears? What did I pick up from television? That's

(12:02):
really the only multifaceted approach I found is the way
you really are able to break some of those patterns
and make it lasting. M mmmmmmm. So you've already mentioned
how you feel like you have changed just in the
past three years, and I would imagine that like your
self care and yourself care rituals have changed with it.
Can you talk about how they have changed for you

(12:24):
and why it's important for us to kind of have
different rituals and different kinds of things that we do
at different parts of our lives. Oh, yes, it's changed
so much. It's something that I was really reflecting on
recently in my life and just seeing the beauty in
how much we do have to commit to the process
and to the gentleness and to understanding that when we

(12:47):
speak to self care practice, the most important word that
is being spoken is the word practice and actually letting
ourselves give that word a definition. I am in practic
disk of this, and so every day it's so important
and every day does not have to look identical. You

(13:07):
are not winning some kind of award by something observing you.
That's keeping count, and so there isn't this need for
perfection every day. It's just like if you were on
the court with the ball, as my dear friend resum
Aminicum says, getting your reps up. You just keep shooting
the ball and you make some baskets and the ones

(13:27):
you don't make, you just keep dribbling, you keep trying.
There's not that same sense of pressure if you're doing
it for fun, right, or if there's no expectation of
you making it to the league. And I think we
have to look at our practice in that same way.
And when I think back to when I began my
journey meditating, you know, sometimes I could barely and this

(13:48):
is ten years ago. Sometimes I could barely get through
five minutes, like when I tell you it was like
pulling teeth my journey beginning to meditate the very first time,
I knew it would change my life. But it didn't
mean I liked it, and it didn't mean I was
quote unquote good at it. It took years, and after
a couple of years, I bumped my practice up and

(14:09):
I was locking into doing thirty minutes two times a day,
and now I find that it's most beneficial for me
in my life if I can find a way to
meditate for two hours a day, and that's usually about
forty five minutes to an hour in the morning forty
five minutes to an hour in the evening. Doesn't always happen.
I have a four year old in life with life,

(14:29):
but for me, because I know that's a priority, it
also doesn't feel like a hardship. I don't watch television,
I don't really watch a lot of movies. I'm not
someone that is super plugged into talking to people in
my life all day throughout the day. So I have
ways to find that time for myself. But it's incredibly important,
and I think now the way that I've really been

(14:50):
growing in my practice, something that has become more important
than it's been is spending more time with my body.
So I really have a dedicated stre Uch practice right now,
which has taught me a lot about myself, and it's
taught me a lot about barriers. I had to being
present with myself. Barriers I had to noticing my body

(15:11):
and acknowledging when I had aches and pains. And this
might resonate with some I lived with chronic pain for
many years, and so doing physical things, I would find
myself avoiding them. And even though I was on a
meditation path, I was not doing yoga for many years
because it was very triggering me. Every time I tried
to get into and Austina, every time I'd get into

(15:34):
a yoga posture, I would be noticing everything that hurt
and everything I couldn't do, and so I would kind
of reject it. So the last couple of years, I've
been enhancing my practice by working on my yoga postures, stretching.
I love doing a bianga, which is irradic self massage

(15:54):
where you get oil and you spend a lot of
dedicated time just nurturing your body, rubbing the oil in
your skin, noticing knots, intentions, and giving yourself release. So
that's a part of my practice I have fallen deeply
in love with. It's allowed me to feel really my best.
My body feels powerful, I feel like I have more

(16:15):
control over being able to bring myself pleasure, relief, just
a sense of being unburdened. M M. More from my
conversation with Debbi after the break, Yeah, I'm very impressed

(16:40):
by you saying that you basically have days it feels
like uninterrupted, right like that you're not talking to people
kind of throughout the day. Can you share, like how
you've been able to craft a schedule like that? Yes, well,
one by nature of my work, it's something that I
have is my away email is I'll responded as I can,

(17:00):
but my work is rooted in present moment awareness, so
I don't have urgency about getting back to you. My
away message to my email says that something that was
really beautiful in the pandemic, And I think a lot
of us noticed this is by having that disconnection that
we craved connection, we were able to really reset in
a lot of ways. Or that was the case for me.

(17:22):
I was able to reset and say, what are the
essential friendships in my life? What are the essential relationships?
And what are things that I've been feeding that have
never shown return on investment? Right Like? And that even
looks like sometimes if someone text me that I knew,
and I would feel a little bit of charge about
it and not know why, because our interactions were always delightful.

(17:45):
I just started scrolling up in our text history and saying,
what is the truth of the way we've been operating,
and what I noticed was some people was very often
it was someone pinning me to receive advice or want
guidance in some way, or invite me out to talk
about things working in their lives and in their curriculums.

(18:06):
But it wasn't the same level of enthusiasm of recognizing
things I was doing in the world speaking to that.
There wasn't really a lot of inquiry about me and
my experiences. And so sometimes for some of us, when
you are that role model in your life, or if
you have wisdom to give, you can get really burned out.

(18:31):
So I started looking at little things like that. I
started looking at something I spoke to earlier was this
generational thing we had as millennials, this societal pressuring guidance
that was also put around networking, like this belief that
we always had to be out sharing our card, interacting
with people, getting names, like getting yourself known. But very
rarely do any of those have depth, and very rarely

(18:54):
did any of that turn into anything collaborative. And so
I also got real about the fact that what I
do for work, I don't need to network. That's not
actually a part of what makes my work move and
so I just got very clear on things that were
essential for my purpose, things that were essential for my
internal life, for my family, and things that weren't. And

(19:19):
then I got very intentional and I cut out everything
that wasn't. And something that a lot of my friends
also know about me is I am that friend that
is going to show up, and I am that friend
that is going to be with you through literally anything.
I'm also the friend that loves to turn up and
have fun, and I'm the friend that really likes to
be alone. And I was just very upfront with that

(19:41):
with the people in my life. I don't operate like
everyone else. I don't enjoy gossip. I don't want to
be just talking about things for the sake of it.
I really like to be in silence a lot. And
so I just designed my life around who I am.
And that is not the case for everyone, nor should
it be, but that is uniquely the way my life operates,

(20:04):
and so I had to make the adjustments to support that.
M mmmmmmmmm. So I also know that affirmations are a
big deal for you, So can you share one affirmation
that you feel like has really helped keep you grounded
in hold during this year. Oh so every year at
the top of the year, usually on the first or

(20:24):
second of the new year, I try to, with the
exception of being with my son, I try to be
in silence for almost the entire day. And I used
that day to really connect with myself and God and say,
what is this next year going to mean in my life?
What do I need to do to meet that occasion?
And so it's a deeply meditative day for me, a

(20:46):
day that I love to journal a lot, and a
day that I love to create meaningful affirmations that I
base off of what came up for me in meditation.
And so when we kind of re emerged back in
the world last year, we were also emerging with everyone
and everything that we've walked through and gone through, and

(21:07):
people came back to life very differently, and at least
where I live in Los Angeles, I started noticing so
much tension everywhere. There is a lot of charged energy
in the atmosphere right now, and people are walking through
a lot. People are triggered when they least expect it.

(21:29):
So I just started noticing a lot more accidents on
the road, a lot more just anger present in day
to day scenarios, and so I created this affirmation with
my intention of how I wanted to show up for
people and how I wanted people to show up for me.
So the affirmation that I've been using this last year
is I attract, receive and experience the highest version of

(21:56):
every being whom I encounter. I attract receive an experience
the highest version of every being whom I encounter, saying
that every day I really noticed a significant change. I

(22:17):
really noticed that I was not attracting a lot of
that charge when I'd be out in the world, and
I was also holding space for the fact that we
are all walking through significant things in our lives right now.
Even if we've all put back on our garments from
two thousand nineteen, even if we've all been kind of

(22:37):
trying to pretend we're in a quote unquote new normal
or getting back to normal, We're not and it never
will be, and we are different. And so how do
we shape our lives around that, and how do we
also give grace to people who, maybe because of so
many different things, may not have been able to experience

(22:58):
the pandemic in the same way that we dead. So Den,
I feel like you have just unlocked a whole new
episode conversation because I agree with you, like I also
feel that charge, and I think, you know, I think
because of what we do right, like, I think we're
tapped into it in a very particular way. But I
feel like a lot of people feel it. And I

(23:18):
think a lot of it is as you're saying, like
we're putting on the same clothes and whatever from but
the world is very different, and I don't think we
have processed the grief and the loss and the disappointment
and the anger and the hurt and the everything that
has happened. And I'm honestly confused about how we move forward.

(23:40):
I feel like it it feels so big that it
feels hard to even help people understand what they need
to do to kind of like trying to course correct
in some ways. And I know this is a big question,
but what are your thoughts in terms of, you know,
like how we even help people get started at chipping
away at some of this energy we It is so

(24:05):
so hard, and I think, not to speak for you,
I know some of us that are really observers of
inservants to humanity, it feels like, you know, in a
lot of ways, the gap got even bigger, like a

(24:26):
lot bigger, and it felt like there are demographics of
people who surged forward in really powerful ways and demographics
of people who stayed the same. But the thing is,
if you stay the same while everyone moves forward, you
are behind. I don't think that there is anything that

(24:49):
can change that, because, to be quite honest, my thought
is if for whatever reasons, you were not able to
move through some of your spiritual curriculum, move forward, lay
some things to rest during the pandemic, which was like
kind of that one moment in time that everything stood

(25:11):
still and you could really dive in, I don't know
how possible it would be. In another circumstance and a
practice that I've been in to kind of work with
this energy, I've had to really expand my compassion practice.
I don't want to sound overly ethereal, but I say
this to say there are things in life that do

(25:31):
not have hacks. There are things in life that do
not have tricks, that do not have a line of
advice or wisdom, and I think we're in a very
complicated time. I'm excited about this time that we're in,
but I think that we're going to start to see
pain rise to the surface in a way that we
never have. I think that we are going to begin
to unpack conversations about really complicated and complex abuses that

(25:55):
people have experienced that we never have as a society.
And it's dark and it's heavy, and there is no
way around it. And so for me, I think the
best case scenario is to not try to bypass any
of it. To witness all of it. Even if you
can't be a part of the solution, hold space for
it with neutrality, with non judgment, be willing to look

(26:19):
at it. If you can't offer anything else, just keep
your eyes open. And I think I'm just trying to
always cultivate as much grace and compassion as possible, and
to also use my discernment and my intuition at the
highest levels that I can. Intuition discernment. It's not just
for who you're going to date. It's not just, you know,

(26:39):
for friendships. It's not just for for the little thing
that you're looking on Instagram about trying to figure out
crack the code. You know, it's to be used in
your day to day interaction. So if something tells you
not to launch into that conversation, not to honk at
that person when they cut you off. Listen to it.
That's what I'm really trying to be present with right now. Mm.

(27:02):
So this conversation comes up a lot around intuition, around like,
how do you know the difference between intuition and anxiety?
Do you have some ideas about how we confirm of
that intuition muscle and not necessarily given to anxiety? Mm hmm.
Intuition is not dread. When I think of what the

(27:23):
feeling of anxiety at least has felt like for me
in my life, there is this sense of being out
of control. There is this sense of doom and gloom coming,
there is this sense of charge. Intuition, to me, feels
like peace, even if it's a no, even if it's

(27:46):
something that I don't want to hear. It doesn't feel
like a fight. It feels like a deep knowing, and
it feels like a guidance, like a gift. So I
think sometimes intuition begins us to feel more like anxiety.
If you are trying to force a different outcome than
what your body, mind, and heart are telling you, that

(28:09):
can lead to what is felt as anxiety in the
body I believe something I was thinking about recently. I
use the term God. I also use the term universe,
and I'm speaking to my specific relationship with the Creator,
which is nondenominational but includes a lot of wisdom, traditions
and a lot of devotion and faith interest. And so

(28:32):
I ask God for guidance about everything every day, and
then I wait and I listen, and sometimes the answer
is no. And I don't always like it, but I listen,
and I think that's what intuition feels like for me.
It's whether it is what you think you want in
desire or not coming back to you as intuition. It's
the choice, or it's the thought, or it's the knowing

(28:57):
that is for your protection. Thank you for that. I
appreciate that. So you mentioned earlier you know that a
part of the way that you try to start the
new year is in silent When you shared a blog
post recently that I would love for us to kind
of just talk about as you kind of talk about
how we can prepare for so you said, there's no

(29:18):
better way to map out a new year of abundance,
fulfillment and joy than creating with intention. The end of
the year is often shrouded in frantic energy. There seems
to be so much external exertion and an imbalance of
inner reflection and the ever shifting cycle of expansion. I
have practiced creating my New Year intentions in November and
December so that my daily routine vibration and vision is

(29:41):
already in motion come January first. So how might we
also following these footsteps of being more intentional about like
creating what we want to look like? Oh? I love that.
I would say, first of all, go deeper, Go deeper,
Go deeper, Go deeper, Go deeper. And I'm certain that

(30:06):
anyone listening to this show is into that. You know,
this is not a surface show that's just like, yeah, girl,
you want that new car, put it on your vision board.
Go deeper. When we think about the things that we
want for ourselves. If the first thing coming up is
something materialistic, cool, you deserve that too, And think about

(30:27):
the things that support whatever that material thing is. Think
about some of those deeper connections that you can maybe
reverse engineer to see what the deeper need to be
met is, and consider really setting that as the goal.
Maybe it's I want to be more expressive, I want
to be more emotionally open. Go for the gold, go

(30:48):
for the big things that are going to have a
massive return on the investment if you work on them,
the things that kind of allow other things to come
in more seamlessly. But my favorite time of year to
kind of start to do this prep it's really November December.
A lot of times people will wait till the first
day of the new year, New Year's Eve to kind
of say, Okay, what do I want? Who do I

(31:08):
want to be? If you get started two, three, four,
or five, six to eight weeks in advance, your brain
and body are kind of already moving towards those intentions
that you set, and when the top of year begins,
you feel really clear on who it is you'd like
to be more of, or on the things you'd like
to see happen in your life. I say, make lists,

(31:31):
journal and is such a beautiful tool for this. A
recapitulation exercise is so powerful to do. I usually take
the month of December to do that, where every few
days I will go over a month from the past year.
Recapitulation means you are going over the things that have
happened or that you've experienced your acknowledging them one by one,

(31:53):
and then you're releasing them. It's a beautiful practice to
do every single day. At the end of the day.
It really helps you sleep, that helps you in burdened distress.
When you do it at the end of the year,
it brings you into a completion with a lot of
the things that you've experienced. You're able to see the
power of the life you've lived. You're able to see
your growth. You're also able to see the things that

(32:15):
maybe the quote unquote ball dropped on you know, without judgment.
You're able to see where can I just say I'm
done with that? You can complete circles? Are there projects
I started that didn't finish and I don't have any
plans to finish. Let me acknowledge that and just call
it out and say it so that I'm done. Are
there things that I experience that now make me really

(32:37):
ready to experience X, Y, and Z in this next year.
It just makes you more equipped to make wiser decisions,
to make more impactful decisions in your life, and to
really be someone that brings more creativity into who you are.
And by creativity I mean feeds your purpose, feeds your work,
but also feeds cre creation. What can you create in yourself?

(33:03):
What can you create in your life? So getting those
thoughts kind of started earlier, and starting some note taking
earlier before the new year starts can be really really powerful.
So I like the idea of this recapigeilation exercise. I've
not heard of this way before, but I'm wondering, and
I'm guessing many other people will be too. How are
you doing this? So it sounds like you're a pretty

(33:23):
active journalist, so you're probably going back to your journals
to kind of make sense. But if somebody wants to
do this and they have not been keeping check, I'm
trying to think, like, okay, am I gonna go back
to my Google calendar and trying to make what's going on?
How would you do that? That is perfect? That's exactly
what I do. This is the thing that I've noticed.
If we're working on a project, or we're working on

(33:45):
something that other people are gonna see, we are so diligent,
right Like we may have our highlighter, we have our notebook.
We can pull up all the forms we can get
in the fibers of it, take notes, make our to
do list. Somehow when it comes to our personal growth,
our spirituality, our own nourishment. We like to just fly

(34:05):
by the seat of our pants say well, if it's mine,
it'll be mine, or all right, I'm gonna say that
prayer and I do, you know, And it's just like, no,
feed your internal life with the same level of excellence
that you feed your professional life. And so at the
end of the year in December, when I start this
practice for myself. Now, I am an avid journal er,

(34:28):
and by avid journal er, I mean like i'd be journaling,
and I it's very categorized. So I journal by the
month and I date everything. I don't journal every day,
but I journalist thoughts come to me and it's monthly.
It's by the month. And so when I want to
relook at January, I opened my journal to the tab

(34:51):
that says January, and I look through what I was
thinking in that month, what I was doing, What were
the breakthroughs that I was having, What releases were I having,
What were things that were just naturally quotes people places
on my mind. And then I do pull up my
Google calendar and I say, what were the things that
she did this month? Oh? Wow, you did that, you

(35:11):
went there, Oh god, you were so sick that month,
or oh the baby was so sick that month, and
I just take stock of the fullness of my experiences.
On one end, the recapitulation feeds you in so many
ways that I've already expressed, and it helps you to
acknowledge yourself. It helps you to really look at yourself
and how you use your time, how you're using your life.

(35:34):
So in that practice, I would definitely recommend take your time.
Say all right, I want to think about January of
last year today, look at your calendar, glance at it.
What was I doing? Oh wow, oh wow, I forgot
about that. Oh my god, I talked to that person
or who I stopped talking to that person? That was
the day that I had the difficult conversation. How has

(35:56):
that worked out for me over this last year? How
has that decision it out for me? It allows you
to become a lot more powerful in the way that
you're able to show up for yourself and your own desires.
M m mmmm. So I know something else that a
lot of people do in preparation for the New Years,
trying to think of a word or phrase or an

(36:16):
affirmation like you mentioned you trying to do. What suggestions
do you have for people to kind of narrow down on,
like what they might want the focus of to be M.
I definitely recommend having a meditation for yourself, really taking
a moment, five minutes, ten minutes, forty five, taking a

(36:37):
deep breath, and saying that question to yourself, allowed and internally,
what am I meant to know this year? What am
I meant to do this year? Close your eyes, take
a breath, don't let your mind try to fill that
space with an answer, but see what naturally begins to
come up and emerge. If you close your eyes and say,

(37:02):
how can I make my experience better? How can I
make my life better this year? It comes immediately. Whether
you want to acknowledge that particular thing because it might
have charge to it or not, it comes and we
can say, oh, I don't know, and I don't really
know what I want to do it you know, And
you are spending your time performing and saying and hemming

(37:27):
and hying to otherwise, which is cool if that's what
you wish, But if you want more, you have to
practice being honest with yourself and you have to practice
listening to yourself. M M Yeah, you talked a lot
about like trying to get in touch with the personal meditation.
I forget with the name of it that you called

(37:47):
it last time, but you shared that also about spending
time to try to get in touch with whatever your
personal meditation is going to be for the year. Yeah,
and you know what it. You know, Like in psychology,
like a process you might do someone is like a
guestalt right where you check in and have them switch
roles with someone that holds charge in their lives. And

(38:09):
we can do that process with ourselves. We can do
that process with our own souls and our spirits. We
can ask ourselves a question as long as we're detached
from ego with trying to just say, oh, I knew
the answer, right, But we can ask ourselves a question
and be silent and really let those deeper layers of
our thoughts and our feelings emerge to give us the

(38:30):
answers that we're looking for. M H. So when you
were with us last time, you also talked about crystals
and taught us all about like some of the healing properties.
So I'm wondering what crystals have you found yourself reaching
for recently and are there are some crystals we should
be thinking about as we kind of try to ground
ourselves for a new year. Oh, thank you for this question. Yes,

(38:52):
I think a crystal that I'm really that I'm really
connected to right now, and it's an o G it
should be a staple for everyone that's into crystals is selenite.
And selenite looks kind of like a milky white and
it has a texture that is it's a little bit porous,
and it can kind of be a little bit brittle.
But selenite is a really beautiful stone for purifying energy

(39:16):
and for kind of neutralizing spaces, bringing light into things,
drawing out negative energy. And that's just been one I
think I've been using in the last few months more
than ever, and I think it kind of just speaks
to that charge that we're experiencing in the world. So
sometimes I notice when I get home, I'm not just
trying to like come down from my day. I'm trying

(39:38):
to come down from all the energy I picked up
from everyone else in the day. I love just holding
onto that stone for about a minute and just like
not even anything too precious or complicated, but just holding
it and squeezing it in my hand. For a couple
of minutes and then letting it go. Another stone that
I really love right now is fluorite. Fluorite is really amazing.

(39:58):
It's believed to be a really beneficial stone for your
brain and for clarity in the deeper sense of like
just really sharp thinking and kind of the ability to
keep your brain feeling a little more vibrant, a little
more focused. So I've been loving that, and I love Chrystocola.
Chrystocola is a really beautiful stone that is a heart opener.

(40:21):
It's gorgeous to look at that It's supposed to be
very very good for your emotional health and balancing. I
love those. It sounds like very beautiful crystals to experience,
especially as we find ourselves in this time of the
year right and preparing for a new year. Oh yes, yeah, yeah.
So you had a beautiful conversation on one of your

(40:41):
most recent episodes of Dropping Gems, which is your podcast,
about who are you being called to become? And so
I wonder if you could speak a little bit about
the difficult but meaningful process of being who we are
called to be? M M. I don't think that there
is anything more important that we can be doing with
our lives than really understanding who we are and why

(41:07):
we're here and how we're meant to serve. And so
that question. I remember I was on a Zoom friend
group when the pandemic first hit, and we would get
together on Zoom every Sunday and just be each other's
companions while we were doing other things for the afternoon.
And we were talking on our very first one, and

(41:27):
I remember I just kind of blurted out of my mouth,
like just think about it, like this, who are you
being called to become? Right now? This one? We thought
the lockdown was going to be three weeks, and so
I was just like, you know, what can we do
with this three weeks? Who were you being called to become?
What can we create? And it actually became like the
ethos of two years for me. Who am I being

(41:50):
called to become? And so that kind of inquiry it
takes you out of the roles that you play. It
takes you out of the striving, It takes you out
of the I want to get this promotion or I
want to be perceived in this way, and it's no,
who are you being called to become? Which means you're
not all of that yet, so there's something to be remembered,

(42:12):
there are some areas to get clear. And it also
means that it's not your ego, it's divine will coming
in and guiding you. And so when I use that
term who are you being called to become? It open
space for more than you can conceive of in this
moment with your limited view of your life. And so
I think it's an important question that we all ask

(42:36):
and what other questions might we be in conversation with
around who we are being called to become? You know?
I think questions that help us foundationally get really clear
is on noticing anythings that we have up against more,
having someone career around do I like myself? Before you

(42:56):
even ask? Do I love myself? Do I like myself?
What do I like about my self? What do I
kind of reject about myself? And why? And then being
able to move some of that out of the way,
because when we hold all of that, we can't become more.
We are in too deep a judgment of ourselves. We
have locked in too tightly to this narrative that we

(43:16):
and others have created about us, this projection that it
doesn't create the space that's actually necessary for you to
not just move forward, but to ascend higher. And so
I think we have to have an ongoing inquiry practice
with ourselves in order to actually utilize who am I
being called to become more? And I think it also

(43:39):
speaks to you know, purposes that it's a really hot
topic the last couple of years. It's something that we're
saying a lot, but I think it's really very often
misused in Vedic tradition and Sanskrit. You want to use
the word purpose, you'd say dharma dharma loosely translated in
English and purpose, but dharma and Sanskrit, it's really a

(44:00):
totality of your life experiences and what they're meant to be.
It means it's a mixture of understanding your karma. What
are the patterns, what are the trends that I've been repeating,
What are the pains that have been the guiding posts
of my life? What are the joys that have been
the guiding post of my life? What is the work
that feels really meaningful for me? What are the ways

(44:21):
that I meant to show up for others? So when
we think of purpose and more of the ancient way,
it speaks to everything about us that needs to be
in alignment. When we just use the word purpose in
English and in Western tradition, it is very often just
seen as how do I quantify myself? How do I

(44:43):
stand taller? How do I have the job that I
want to have, how do I, you know, have the
title that I want to have? And how do I
make sure that people perceive me? In X, Y and Z.
It's more so looking to quantify yourself through ego or
through society. And so I think I'm trying to say

(45:04):
I might have gone all around the park on this,
but when I think of that phrase, who are you
being called to become? It speaks to everything about you. Yeah,
it can speak to how you want to make money,
but it also speaks to who do you want to become? Emotionally?
Who do you want to become? Mentally, spiritually, physically, all
the facets of this human experience. M mmmmm. I love that, Debby,

(45:29):
It's okay for you to go around the plank, and
we landed in a beautiful place. I was like, oh lord,
I just am I living with this More from my
conversation with Debbie after the break, You've talked quite a

(45:57):
bit about meditation as a through kind of of all
of the things that you've kind of shared today, and
so as we wrap up today, I would love it
and be very honored for you to grace us with
another meditation that kind of pools together some of the
things that you've shared and really helps us to ground
ourselves as we close this year and prepared to welcome

(46:18):
m M, My pleasure, My pleasure. Okay, first, I'd like
to ask everyone listening as long as you're not driving.
If you're driving, you pause this now and you finished later.
But everyone's listening, that is safe to do. So I

(46:40):
want you to allow yourself to position your body into
a comfortable position, whatever that means for you. For me
in this moment, I am sitting in a chair, so
I'm going to uncross my legs and my arm. I'm
gonna allow my spine and back to be upright and strong,
my belly to become soft, my feet to be flat

(47:02):
on the ground. If you're on the floor, perhaps you
are sitting in cross legged position, or your legs are
in front of you, or if you're able, you can
even lay down for this and support your neck a little,
get nice and comfortable, but keep your body in a
position that is both strong and relaxed. Allow your hands

(47:29):
to fall on the tops of your thighs or to
your sides with your palms facing up in a state
of receiving LA. Lay yeah, And if you haven't done

(49:41):
so yet, I want to invite you to ghently close
your eyes and now allow yourself to connect to the
natural rhythm of your breath. And if this is possible
for your body, connect to a nostril breath in and
out through your nose. Take just a moment to regulate

(50:05):
your breathing here, and as you're noticing that sensation the

(50:30):
rise and fall of your chest, let's all take in
some breaths together in a sequence of three, beginning your
inhale through your nose one two three four hold the

(50:54):
breath one two three mm four Release the breath through
your nose two three four and hold the breath at
the bottom two three four. Begin your inhale here again

(51:19):
through your nose two three four, hold it at the
top two three four. Exhale through your nose slowly two
three four hold at the bottom two three four. Beginning

(51:50):
your inhale through your nose, counting silently for yourself inside.
Hold the breath, release through your nose. Hold at the bottom,

(52:18):
and now begin a gentle inhale. Exhale through your nose
at your own pace, and now begin to notice your body,
your breath naturally coming in and out. Allow your body

(52:43):
to relax, eve and further into this present moment. Loosen
your jaw, relax your mouth, move your neck slowly from
side to side. Release your shoulders and let them drop.

(53:16):
Release your stomach, Relax your thighs, Relax your knees, relax
your toes, bringing your attention back to the rise and

(53:44):
the fall of your chest. And now bring your awareness
into the center of your heart, the beautiful heart beating
in your asked imagine yourself in the center of your

(54:06):
own heart. Some may notice a vibrant green color beginning
to emerge from the heart chakra an a hata, and
just be in that feeling for a moment without any judgment,

(54:26):
noticing any sensations that are present in your heart, noticing
anything that may want to be released. Before you begin
this new year, what's happened in? What happened in? What

(54:52):
happened in? What can you lay to down and release
from your life and experiences before this new year begins.
Where would you like to soften inside of that heart,

(55:13):
inside of this body? Set that intention and send love
to it here, And as you sit inside your beautiful
heart and notice it beginning to stretch itself open even more,

(55:41):
noticing the relaxed feeling you feel inside of your body,
Noticing that beautiful, supportive, vibrant, vital breath that fills those
lungs and circulates life through all of your being. I

(56:06):
want to invite you to imagine who you'd like to
become and how you'd like to feel in outside of
any societal goals, outside of day to day experiences, the

(56:32):
zoomed out view of your life and yourself in a
life of endless possibilities, in a life of endless opportunities

(56:52):
for choice making. Noticing yourself here, focus on the feeling
that you'd like to feel inside of your body mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually,

(57:21):
and notice how you'd like to feel in the world
and in your life mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. What
is the deeper truth of who you are and how

(57:44):
you're meant to share that that you have not had
access to you yet, that others have not been able
to experience from you yet what is craving to be
birthed in your life? And as you hold this knowing,

(58:11):
focus on the feeling inside of you and let the
universe send you the exact thing that will make you
feel this way, connecting to your breath. Hold here for
the next two minutes with this deep wisdom that is

(58:33):
emerging inside of you, and now coming back into the
present moment, releasing all thoughts that have come up, holding

(58:56):
in your heart space for the highest good it to
emerge in your life. Allow yourself to wiggle in your seat,
bringing yourself back to life a little. Perhaps you want
to sway back and forth, gently wiggle your toes and

(59:17):
your fingertips, connect to a breath pattern that feels natural
and nourishing, And if it feels comfortable, allow yourself to
bring your right hand to heart center, letting the palm
of your hand the bottom half connect right in the

(59:37):
center of your chest, and in this moment, allow yourself
to birth for yourself what your intention for three is.
Don't judge it, don't force it, allow it to emerge naturally,
saying internally or allowed my intention fore is and sending

(01:00:11):
love and light to that intention. If it feels comfortable,
you can bring your both hands to heart center and prayer,
position your poems, touching, taking a gentle bow for yourself
and all that are listening at the exact moment that
you are now the light in me recognizes and honors

(01:00:32):
the light in you, and I must stay so beautiful.
Thank you so much, David. It feels like such a
beautiful practice to enter us into a new year. Mm hmm.
Thank you. And whatever intention came up for each person

(01:00:55):
in this meditation, please write it down anything that came up.
Just grab a pen, grab a journal as you finished
this episode, and jot down any and everything that came
into your mind, even if it doesn't make sense. So
where can we stay connected with you? Debbie Wood is
your website as well as any social media handles you'd

(01:01:18):
like to share. Yes, hit me up on the Graham
at Debbie Brown. All my socials are the same Debbie
Brown and my website. I actually just relaunched it so
I have some goodies on their uh Debbie brown dot com.
I've added some blogs. I have some You can also
check out my podcast there and everywhere. My podcast is

(01:01:40):
called Dropping gyms. It is a wellness based podcast where
I talked to people of all walks of life. We
talked about everything that is a part of the wellness experience,
from higher consciousness to psychedelics, too sex, to healing to
intergenerational trauma. So you can check out my show. I
Heart Black Effect at Work dropping gems perfect and we'll

(01:02:03):
be short and include all of that in the show notes.
Thank you so much for joining us again today, Debbie,
I really appreciate it. Thank you, Dr Joy. Always a
pleasure to be with you. Thank you for your work
in the world. Thank you. Likewise, I'm so glad Debbie
was able to join us again this week. To learn

(01:02:24):
more about her and her work, Visit the show notes
at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash session to
eighty seven, and don't forget to text two of your
girls right now and tell them to check out the
episode as well. A gentle reminder that we're taking the
next few weeks off to enjoy the holidays and spend
time with family and friends, but we'll be back with
our first episode of our January jump Start series on

(01:02:46):
January four. If you're looking for a therapist in your area,
check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls
dot com slash directory. And if you want to continue
digging into this topic or just be in community with
other sisters, come on over and join us in the
Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner of the Internet design
just for black women. You can join us at community

(01:03:07):
dot Therapy for Black Girls dot com. Thank you all
so much for joining me again this week. I look
forward to continuing this conversation with you all in the
new year. Take good care. My name's Jackson and with
my brother joining. Happy Kwanza, Happy new Year, Happy Hanukah,

(01:03:27):
Happy Christmas. Why don't you want to say Merry Christmas,
Happy Christmas and a merry Christmas. I thought you were
going to say a speech. All right, you can be
the best you want to be. You can grow up
and be a firefire, a police officer, a doctor and nurse,
a psychologist, anything. They say you can't do this. Don't

(01:03:52):
say you can't do this, because then you'll end up
not doing it. But say you can do this and
you'll be the best. Happy Christmas, everybody. I hope you
have a merry merry Christmas. Anica and Kwanza. That's all
I gotta say right now, that's all you want to say? Up. Oh,

(01:04:16):
happy Christmas this year. Merry Happy Christmas to you, very
happy Christmas to you, Happy Allidays people. Love you guys. Peace,

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Dr. Joy Harden Bradford

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Session 287: Grounding Yourself for a New Year