Ep 15: Marriage Isn’t the Mountaintop: The Truth (and Lie) About Worth, Identity, and Unlearning the Script

If you want to learn more about who I really am, start here. This episode is not just about marriage—it’s about everything that gets tied to it: worth, identity, pressure, performance, legacy, grief, and the lies we’ve been sold about what makes a life “valid.”

In this deeply personal, layered conversation, I share what I’ve never said out loud: that being married is not a flex. That we’ve been programmed—especially as Black women—to believe our worth is tethered to someone choosing us. That we are better if we become a wife, and somehow less-than if we don’t.

But I’m not just talking about relationships.

I’m unpacking the grief of losing the life I thought I’d have. The way success gets measured by boxes checked and optics maintained. What it means to be seen beyond your performance. Why some friendships fade after loss, and what it looks like to come back to yourself when everything else has changed.

We go there—into the hierarchy no one admits exists. Into legacy, into shame, into choosing yourself even when it costs you proximity, applause, or approval.

If you’ve ever felt unseen in your truth, pressured to pretend, or quietly ashamed that your life doesn’t look like the script you were handed—this is the episode to start with.

It’s not about being chosen.

It’s about choosing yourself.