TOURING HISTORY - AUGUST 4TH SCRIPT

COLD OPEN

LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we make the past more entertaining than arguing with strangers on the internet. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave, still amazed that people used to have to actually go to a store to buy music. Like, you had to physically travel somewhere just to own a single song.

LANE: T...

TOURING HISTORY - AUGUST 3RD SCRIPT

COLD OPEN

LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we make the past more interesting than whatever your algorithm thinks you want to watch next. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave, still trying to understand how people survived before GPS. Like, they just had to know where they were going before they left the house? Wild concept.

TOURING HISTORY - AUGUST 2ND SCRIPT

COLD OPEN

LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we make the past more entertaining than your doom-scrolling habits. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave, still processing that people used to have to memorize actual phone numbers. Like, you had to store ten digits in your brain just to call your friend about weekend plans.

TOURING HISTORY - AUGUST 1ST SCRIPT

COLD OPEN

LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we dig through the past so you can sound smart at parties without actually reading textbooks. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave, still trying to process that people used to have to physically develop film to see their photos. Like, you had to wait days to find out if you blinked durin...

TOURING HISTORY - JULY 31ST SCRIPT

COLD OPEN

LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we make the past more entertaining than whatever algorithm is trying to show you next. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave, still amazed that people used to have to physically go to a library to settle arguments. Like, imagine having to walk somewhere just to prove your friend wrong abou...

TOURING HISTORY - JULY 30TH SCRIPT

COLD OPEN

LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we make the past more interesting than whatever's trending on TikTok this week. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave, still trying to wrap my head around the fact that people used to get their news exclusively from town criers. Imagine waiting for some guy to show up and yell updates at y...

TOURING HISTORY - JULY 29TH SCRIPT

COLD OPEN

LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we make the past more entertaining than scrolling through social media for the hundredth time today. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave, still amazed that people used to navigate by looking at stars instead of yelling at GPS. Though honestly, the stars probably gave better directions th...

TOURING HISTORY - JULY 28TH SCRIPT

COLD OPEN

LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we dig up the past so you don't have to explain why you know random historical facts at dinner parties. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave, still trying to understand how people survived before air conditioning. Like, did they just accept that summer meant being constantly miserable?

TOURING HISTORY - JULY 27TH SCRIPT

COLD OPEN

LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we make the past more interesting than your neighbor's home renovation stories. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave, still processing that people used to think bathing was unhealthy. Really explains why medieval times smelled like a gym sock convention.

LANE: Today we're exp...

TOURING HISTORY - JULY 26TH SCRIPT

COLD OPEN

LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we make the past more entertaining than your uncle's vacation slides. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave, still trying to wrap my head around the fact that people used to pay money to watch other people get mauled by lions for entertainment. Really puts our reality TV obsession in persp...

TOURING HISTORY - JULY 25TH SCRIPT

COLD OPEN

LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we make the past slightly less boring than your high school textbook. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave, still processing that people used to drill holes in their heads for medical reasons. Modern medicine is looking pretty good right now.

LANE: Today we're exploring July ...

TOURING HISTORY - JULY 24TH SCRIPT

COLD OPEN

LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, where we dig through the dusty corners of the past so you don't have to. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave, still recovering from discovering that people used to think tomatoes were poisonous. Which honestly explains a lot about British cuisine.

LANE: Today we're touring July 24...

"Touring History X, Y, and Z" - July 23rd Episode Script

[OPENING MUSIC FADES]

LANE: What's up, justice seekers! I'm Lane—

DAVE: And I'm Dave, back with "Touring History X, Y, and Z," where we learn that the most dangerous phrase in American politics is "law and order"—because it usually means "law for some, order for others."

DAVE: Before we dive into July 23rd...

"Touring History X, Y, and Z" - July 22nd Episode Script

[OPENING MUSIC FADES]

DAVE: Greetings, reality checkers! I'm Dave—

LANE: And I'm Lane, and welcome back to "Touring History X, Y, and Z," where we learn that humanity's greatest strength—our ability to build peaceful, tolerant societies—is also apparently our most vulnerable weakness.

DAVE: Before we explo...

"Touring History X, Y, and Z" - July 21st Episode Script

[OPENING MUSIC FADES]

LANE: What's up, countdown specialists! I'm Lane—

DAVE: And I'm Dave, welcoming you back to "Touring History X, Y, and Z," where we learn that every ending is really just a new beginning, except when it's actually just an ending and everyone pretends it's not devastating.

LANE: Quick ...

"Touring History X, Y, and Z" - July 20th Episode Script

[OPENING MUSIC FADES]

DAVE: Houston, we have a podcast! I'm Dave—

LANE: And I'm Lane, and welcome back to "Touring History X, Y, and Z," where we learn that reaching for the impossible is humanity's greatest strength, and also our most reliable way of spectacularly disappointing ourselves.

DAVE: Before we ...

"Touring History X, Y, and Z" - July 19th Episode Script

[OPENING MUSIC FADES]

DAVE: Bonjour, history enthusiasts! I'm Dave—

LANE: And I'm Lane, and welcome back to "Touring History X, Y, and Z," where we learn that progress is a lot like the Tour de France—it's mostly uphill, everyone's on performance-enhancing drugs, and the French somehow make it look effortless.

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