REPLAY Behind the Scenes of Because She's Adopted: A Filmmaker's Journey with Kristal Parke - Ep 178
January 6, 2025 • 30 mins
"I truly felt the weight of the world telling the story. I felt like it was a great responsibility, but I had to do it." -- Kristal Parke
Read the Transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JG7AR0SN4Y6M7WW6E7WEK0AT
EPISODE SUMMARY:
In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Kristal Parke, a talented filmmaker and adoptee, about her acclaimed documentary, Because She's Adopted. As we kick off 2025, we are excited to offer a replay of our conversation, which dives deep into the complexities of adoption and the personal journey Kristal undertook while creating her film.
Kristal shares her experiences growing up as a Canadian adoptee, her reunion with her birth mother, and her struggles with addiction and identity. We discuss the unique aspects of her story, including the impact of her Indigenous heritage and the challenges she faced in reconnecting with that part of herself. Kristal's film has resonated with many, winning awards and touching the hearts of viewers, including her own family and film crew.
Throughout our conversation, we explore the emotional weight of telling one's story and the healing that comes from vulnerability. Kristal's journey not only highlights the importance of understanding adoption from multiple perspectives but also emphasizes the ongoing impact it has on families and future generations.
Join us for a screening of Because She's Adopted on January 11th, 2025, where you can engage with Kristal and ask questions about her powerful work. This episode is a heartfelt reminder of the complexities of adoption and the importance of sharing our stories. Thank you for listening, and I hope you enjoy this insightful conversation with Kristal Parke.
Join Kristal for an online screening of Because She’s Adopted on January 11, 2025, at 4pm PST / 7pm EST, including a Q&A with Kristal afterwards. More information and tickets are here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/online-screening-of-kristal-parkes-documentary-because-shes-adopted-wqa-tickets-1097838266809?aff=oddtdtcreator
===============
📘Get our new book Adoption and Suicidality: amazon.com/Adoption-Suicidality-Healthcare-Professionals-Unraveling/dp/B0DCBCTSLL
📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
RESOURCES:
Kristal’s information:
-
Check our Kristal’s film’s website to keep informed of future events: KristalParke.net
-
Follow the film at Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61551013663413
-
Or on Instagram: https://www.instagram.co
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Welcome to this episode of Unraveling Adoption, an intentional space to
delve into adoption's complexities together. I'm Beth Syverson. I'm
an adoptive mom of a bright and talented 20-year-old son, Joey.
I'm walking beside him while working on my own personal growth and healing. I'm
also a certified coach, helping primarily adoptive parents. Joey
and I are committed to helping anyone impacted by adoption and we want to help
(00:24):
the general public understand adoptions complexities better too. Well,
for this first episode of 2025, we are offering
a replay of a wonderful episode with Kristal Parke.
She's a filmmaker and an adoptee and
her film is called Because She's Adopted. and
we are screening her film on saturday january
(00:48):
11th at 4 p.m pacific 7 p.m eastern so
if you haven't seen Kristal's film yet or if you have but you
want to see it again please join us on january 11th
the ticket information is in the show notes right below where you
press play And in the meantime, listen to
this episode, which takes us behind the scenes of the making of
(01:11):
her wonderful documentary. Enjoy this episode with Kristal Parke,
and I'll see you around the corner. So
I don't know about you listeners, but I love watching Adoptee produced
documentaries. Watching their life unfold on screen helps me understand
adoption on a much deeper level. Have you ever wondered
what it's like behind the scenes of the creation of an Adoptee documentary? What
(01:34):
does a documentarian learn about themselves while creating their
life on screen? Well, today's guest is
an adoptee and filmmaker, Kristal Parke. Her acclaimed film,
completed in 2023, is called Because She's Adopted. It
recently won Best Canadian Documentary at the Vancouver
International Movie Awards, and it is gathering more awards as it
(01:57):
is making the rounds of the film festivals. Kristal is a Canadian adoptee
who was raised in a loving home where her Indigenous roots were acknowledged, but
not celebrated. The film walks us through her childhood with
her two older brothers, her reunion with her birth mother, her
struggle with addiction, her intentional reconnection with her Indigenous
heritage, and her wrestling with her own identity through life's
(02:18):
ups and downs. So thank you for being here on Unraveling Adoption
Hi, Beth. Thank you so much for having me. That introduction is,
I've never heard anything like that said about me before. Oh, wow. That
Sure. I'll copy and paste it to you. Yeah, well, I
(02:40):
just finished watching your film yesterday and I was very moved by all
of it. Just the skill with which you made it and
the depth of feeling involved. You
didn't just give us the good parts, you know, you really
took us through all the ups and downs of what it's like to be an
adopted person, you know, a grown up adult adopted person
(03:03):
dealing with this stuff on the daily. So thank you for creating such a
beautiful work of art for us to learn, you know, adoptive parents
like me and I know adoptees and I hope
many, many people that aren't even affected by adoption are watching it. What
were your hopes for the film and are some of those coming true?
Yeah, my hope for the film was to impact one
(03:24):
Oh, check done that over and over now, huh?
Yeah. And even as we filmed, the
crew was so impacted by the experience. Often
the director would say cut and I'd look around and everyone
would be just tears streaming down their face because They
just had no idea. How could you, right? Yeah, that
(03:47):
initially was what my goal was for that. I
will say that right off the bat when I first started filming,
I really wanted to be seen by my adoptive
mom. And that is why it
is so moving to me what you are
doing. Because what you are doing in
(04:08):
listening and validating and
elevating our voices, that heals a piece of
me. So thank you. That means a lot. Oh
gosh, thank you. Yeah, thank you. It really
Now your adoptive parents sound like they're lovely, lovely
people and they were supportive of you, gave you a beautiful life. How
(04:33):
They were overjoyed. Oh, okay. My
adoptive mom cried and she said, I always knew
you were going to do something like this. In
her eyes, I was a star and she always thought
that I was going to do something that impacted the
world maybe, you know? And so she supported me
(04:55):
greatly and was all for
being a part of it and sharing her own experience as
Yeah, that was a major piece of your film is that your adoptive
mother also relinquished a child well before they adopted you,
right? And it was a boy. And he comes into the
(05:16):
film and talks. He sounds like an amazing person. He
was so empathetic and loving. I was like, oh my gosh,
I know. So the thing that not everybody knows is that
when he came to do that interview at the studio, that
was the first time I'd ever actually sat down and talked with him.
Wow. He had come to a family event,
(05:39):
which I met him for the first time at, but we hadn't really
had that chance to sit down adoptee to adoptee. And
he was just the diamond in the rough. He said
some of the most profound things in the film, and
he's probably one of my favorite pieces of the film. Oh,
It was so powerful, the two of you talking about what you each
(06:02):
lost and gained and how you both
fit and the whole gender piece, the whole, you
know, your parents wanted a girl and they had these three boys, one
they relinquished and then two other boys that they had biologically. And
they wanted a girl and the whole, do you want to tell the story of how your parents
Yeah. So my adoptive mom and her sister were
(06:23):
both married and my mom and her husband had two
boys and my aunt and her husband had two girls. And
the opportunity came, there was a woman that was relinquishing
a child. So my aunt and uncle had
wanted a boy and would only take me
if I was a boy. So then on the opposite side,
(06:45):
if I was a girl, I was to go to my mom and dad. And
it's one of those stories that you get told as you're growing
up and it just sounds so normal to you. But then when you
kind of take a step back and start looking at your childhood or
these things that have been told to you over and over and over again, and
you really start to think about them from an
(07:05):
adult brain, you're like, that's, that's kind of, it
kind of It gives you a little bit like,
really? So it's a very unique piece
of my story. I don't know if I've ever heard of another adoptee who
Yeah. They talk about adoptees having a job. Your job
was to be the girl and you present as very feminine.
(07:29):
And I wonder what it would have been like if you were really a
butch kid or something like that. You weren't a girly girl.
I mean, you obviously feel comfortable being feminine, but
Yeah. And it's funny because growing up with two brothers, I
roughhoused with the best of them and, you know, played sports. And
(07:50):
I think I secretly wanted to be a tomboy in some ways, but
I think inherently I really am that feminine, feminine
Yeah. Lots of layers there. And
then the whole Indigenous piece, it was never a secret from you, but
it was never like, yay, let's go to a powwow or let's go celebrate
this beautiful culture. Was it, I don't know what it's like in Canada, but
(08:12):
here it's like, oh, the poor Native Americans are
struggling. Or was it kind of like, oh, looking down a little bit?
Yeah, back in the 80s. 90s into the
2000s and probably right up until the
residential school movement with the Every
Child Matters. It was not a positive thing to be
(08:33):
an Indigenous person from a white person's perspective. Right.
And oftentimes I think maybe my
mom didn't encourage that piece of me
because she didn't want me to suffer any
racism or prejudice. But
(08:55):
also, not even within my family, but within media
everywhere, the way that Indigenous peoples were
really represented was unfair and not
indicative of all Indigenous people. Certainly, yeah.
There was certainly a time in my life where I felt
like I should be ashamed of being Indigenous. And
(09:18):
that was something that I really had to work through myself.
And now I can't even imagine that those
thoughts went through my head, but it was what I was brought up
into, right? yeah now being able to
go back to my reserve where
I had family and where there's such a rich
(09:40):
history and rich culture and people
that just embraced me. I think for
me I was afraid I was going to show up and they were all going to reject
me and go what the heck are you doing here? you know. But
they did the exact opposite. They in fact named me
as a member of the Opasque creation and
(10:02):
I'm so proud to be a part of that. I am
That's beautiful. Yeah, it was some pretty stunning moments
there when you were in Manitoba. And how far, you're in Kelowna,
It's about a 24-hour drive. So it's all the way across almost
(10:23):
24-hour drive with that U-Haul and your crew and oh my
It was so fun and we just did not know
what we were walking into. We did not know what to
expect and when we got there and I met with
the producer that we hired that was on site there who
turned out to be my cousin. Wow. And he opened
(10:47):
up so many doors for us and You know, at that time
when all the residential school stuff was coming forward, the
Indigenous people have been sharing about it for years since it happened. It's
just that the rest of the world wasn't listening and finally they were.
And for me, I thought people that went to
residential school, it was maybe a few people here, a few
(11:09):
people there. But when I got to the Opasque Cree
Nation, every single person almost that I met went through
Wow, that's terrifying. Do you want to just explain for
our listeners in case they're not familiar so they can become more familiar with
Yeah, so there's two parts to it and the Canadian government
(11:30):
had a intentional agenda to
essentially assimilate Indigenous people
into white culture. And so one
of the ways that they did that was they sent kids to
residential schools. Some of them were day schools. Some of
them, they lived there from the time they were in kindergarten until
(11:52):
the time they graduated and never saw their family. And
it was in those places that they suffered terrible abuse,
sexual abuse, and any kind
of abuse you could imagine. They suffered it for
speaking their language. They weren't allowed to speak their language. Yeah,
so that's part one of it. The other part of it was the 60s
(12:14):
scoop, which is different. I know that there's a 60s scoop in
the States, the baby scoop, but the 60s scoop here
in Canada is where children were taken
from their lands and adopted into
white families to assimilate. And my biological mother
was a part of the Sixties Scoop. They would go as
(12:35):
far as putting these babies' pictures in
the newspaper, describing them almost as one would
a puppy dog trying to adopt out a puppy dog. And
it was just despicable what happened. So my birth
mom was part of the Sixties Scoop. She was separated from
her brother and then told that he was
(12:56):
dead when she went to go look for him. And
through AncestryDNA, I was able to actually verify
that he was still alive and they were able to
That's so horrible. So she was an adoptee. Both her and her brother were adopted to
separate families. They couldn't even keep them together. That's so
(13:17):
damaging. Was she raised by a white family? That's how they
Yeah, she was adopted because from my understanding, what
she told me was that she was adopted because they had a child that
had passed away. And the youngest child was
suffering that grief and the loss. And so they adopted my
(13:40):
Oh, yeah. Talk about a child having a job. Yeah, that's tough.
And I don't know how often statistically it happens, but
certainly there's a lot of adoptees that also relinquish their
children. So that must have been very difficult for your
birth mother. And you reunited with her a long time ago, right? There was a film
(14:00):
Yes. When I was in grade 12, I told my adoptive mom
that I wanted to find my biological parents and
I wanted them to come to see me graduate. And
so my mom went and found my biological
mother, my biological father, who we thought was
my biological... Watch
(14:26):
And so what my parents told me on my 17th birthday that they
had found her. And we talked on the
phone. And then a few months later, my parents and I flew out
to Manitoba, which is where she was and spent
the weekend with her. And it was a beautiful weekend. It
was one I will never forget. And
(14:47):
I got to meet my older brother. So she had a two-year-old
son in her care when she relinquished being.
And so we were able to connect with one another. Are you still in touch
with her? From time to time. I would say I've taken a
little bit of a step back. Reunion is
so complicated and it can be so difficult
(15:10):
and so triggering. And I'm so grateful that she
agreed to be in the film because she is
part of my story and I do love her and I do care for her.
And it was really beautiful, I think, to showcase that
moment. that we got to meet in the airport. And
it's funny when I look back on that footage, because it was her boyfriend
(15:31):
that captured all of that. Okay. All the people in the background standing
around watching this happen that I look
at. And I just think, what were they thinking? Like, did
Well, and you guys look so alike. It
was amazing. You guys are just like twins. That's
really incredible. Wow. Well, it's really nice,
(15:55):
I guess, that all of the people around you were supportive of
you making this film. I think you should have made it anyway, even if people were
throwing a hissy fit. But I'm sure it made it a lot easier for you to go
Yeah. And even your brothers were in it. And your brothers were so vulnerable, too,
telling you, you know, at first they were like, what's the big deal?
(16:16):
You know, they were kind of in the fog, as they say, right? And it seemed
like through the process of making the film, you and them
and maybe a lot of people, maybe the film crew, I don't know, really just
learned a lot and made a lot of new understandings.
Yeah. You know, when you do a documentary, you're forced to
have conversations that I don't think you would normally had in
(16:39):
real life. not like you're going to all meet for Easter dinner and
start talking about adoption trauma, right? Yeah, right. How do you think
about this? You know, but my
oldest brother, Mike, when we were filming, you could
see the veil being lifted off of his eyes and
the new compassion that he had for me and
(17:00):
the understanding he had for me. He had no idea that I felt
the way that I did. Sure. And he even says in
there, this is It's deep, it cuts to the heart, it's deep,
like you can't imagine. And just for him to
say those things, to show up for me the way he did, meant
the world to me. When I called him, before I
(17:21):
could even get the question out of my mouth, would you
be interested in being a part of my documentary and speaking
and sharing your perspective? Before I could even get it out of my mouth, he
said, you bet, sweetheart. He's about
15 years older than me, right? He calls me sweeter. He's
a very gentle soul. Yeah. And then it
(17:42):
was funny because then I called John, the other brother,
the one that had been relinquished. And before I
could even get the question out of my mouth, he too said, You
bet, sweetheart. Oh, my gosh. And
so it was just to have them all show up for
me. And even my dad, my dad's 80 years
(18:03):
old, and he had never talked openly about relinquishing ever.
That was some really touching moments with your dad. and
how much pain they must have been going through. And shoot, back
then, there was nothing. There were no therapists
to help anybody with anything, really. But no one was talking
about adoption trauma, relinquishment trauma, infertility grief. No one
(18:26):
was talking about any of that stuff. I don't think they were. I
wasn't there. But just that pain, and he was able
to go with you on that. I mean, it could have easily gone,
shut her down. We're not talking about this. It was fine. We're
Yeah, he was. He called me that night and
(18:47):
he said, Was it okay? Like, is that what you needed? Because,
you know, I, I did it for you. I did it for you. And
I find the film so unique, because you get so many different
angles, so many different perspectives. There's
something in the film for everybody to connect with
whether you are a sibling of an adoptee, an adoptive parent,
(19:14):
A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. Your husband was with you the whole way. Yeah.
Yes. Yes. Well, he's part of the reason why we called it
because she's adopted. And it's funny. He jokes
around with me if I stub my toe or if
I can't do something or if I you know, anything he'll
say, because she's adopted. That's
(19:38):
how the name came to be. And I thought it was fitting to add a
Well, your film does touch on many topics and even the addiction piece.
Your kids are in it just a teeny tiny bit, but obviously you didn't
parade them around. But how did they feel about their mom doing
this? It probably took a lot of time. You were away from them probably for
(20:02):
Yeah, well they were with my mom when I did
go to Manitoba and they loved being with
her. Alright, see you mom. See you later. And
that was the last time that they got to spend with her as well.
And you'll have to watch the film. So
they really, I don't know how else to say it, but they almost
(20:24):
looked at me differently. And I think they were educated and
they gained an appreciation for adopted
people. You know, I think even for them, knowing kids
in their school or their class that have been adopted, they have
compassion for them. you know, that that I don't think
(20:46):
they would have otherwise. And did a little screening
here in town. And they all brought friends. And
it means the world to me to have their support.
Yeah. And I think when they go back as adults and
watch it again, like how are they gonna view it? How are going
(21:06):
Well, they're certainly affected by adoption and they're part indigenous too. So
it's like, this is really important. It doesn't stop with
just the day that you were adopted. It goes on and on for generation
It's true. I have met children of adoptees that
are having to go out and do the work to find their identity and
(21:28):
to find their roots because their parents just didn't
want to or couldn't or whatever the case may be. And
I think for my kids, there's
a nice little like package for them. Like here, this
is where you come from. This is who you are. And that's
(21:51):
There's a beautiful shot when you're in Manitoba and you're
sitting on that rock and there was beautiful drone footage. Whoever operated
your drone did a really great job. And just you
just reflecting and just I could imagine you just feeling grounded
and home there. It was very peaceful and Centering,
(22:14):
Yeah, I think it was the second day of
filming. and it had been a long day. I bet.
A lot of ups and downs. And there was a family from the
OCN that had us over for a big traditional dinner. And
then they said, why don't we all go to Clearwater Lake together? So
we went to Clearwater Lake and it's something like the second or third clearest
(22:36):
lake in the world or something like that. Wow. It's
beautiful. It was cold. Yeah. And we saw that
rock and I just thought, Oh my gosh, how perfect, like
for a moment in time as this. And to me, it's
so indicative sometimes of how an adoptee feels
all alone in the world. And really
(23:00):
Nobody could go on this journey except for me. Nobody
could tell my story except for me. I
truly felt the weight of the world telling the
story. I felt like it was a great responsibility, but
I had to do it. And yeah, sitting on that rock that
day, it was so beautiful and peaceful and
(23:20):
serene, except when the drone was coming at my face.
These are the things we don't think about. Wow. I
Yeah, it was a drone officer. His name is Jamie Patterson of
Patterson Productions. And you're right, he's very talented.
(23:44):
Yeah, for sure. So my director was James Alton, and
he walked through the entire project with me up
until editing. He was there, I say, for every tier.
And there was so many tiers, many, many, many tiers. And
then, of course, I had a female editor on
the project. She is also First Nations.
(24:07):
also rediscovering, reconnecting with her heritage. And
when I sat down with her, I knew I wanted her to be my editor because
she got my story, she got my vision,
and she honored it to the best of
her ability. And I thought she'd did a beautiful job. It
was her idea to put in some of the humor as well, because
(24:31):
she said, you just can't have such a heavy film people are people
are going to walk away feeling depressed, you know, you don't want that. And
that was my hope. In the end, I always wanted people
So she actually was funny. She does
all her editing on her own. She doesn't usually have anyone there with
her. And I was by her side through a lot of the editing
(24:55):
process by her request because she said, I don't
know what it means to be an adopted person. And so I
don't know what's important information and what's
not important information to include. So she
was great. And I've worked on another project with her since, and
we just totally gelled my whole team. I think in the film, there's
(25:16):
a shot of one of our sound guys signing
up for a jigging contest when we were in Manitoba. And
that guy brought so much joy to the project. That
was just. Yeah, we just had so much fun. It was just a
really fun experience as well. When we weren't
(25:37):
So right, right, right. Yeah, it's all over the place, but a lot of fun and a
lot of loving moments for sure. I loved the clips
of you growing up and as a teenager being goofy and
extroverted and hilarious. It did a great job of lightening things
up when necessary. I think your editor did a great job. Yeah. We
need to close, but I want to know what is the biggest way
(26:02):
I think I came into myself more,
I was able to own my story. And
I think I was able to see my story for what it
was. It wasn't just some outside story that had been
told about me or that I had heard over and over and over again.
I really owned my story. I think the story
(26:24):
integrated from my head to my heart. And I
definitely got to know myself more. But most of all,
this was the most vulnerable thing I've ever done in my life. And
I laid in bed for the two years we were shooting with
anxiety about putting myself out there.
But it was the best thing I ever did. I don't regret it at
(26:47):
Well, that's our big job in life, right? To get to
know ourselves. So I guess we could all make a documentary. That's
I heard another filmmaker say just recently, it was the most expensive
form of therapy ever. Yes, I'm sure I
just say though where I stand now after
(27:09):
doing the documentary it really was a glimpse of
a two-year period in my life and I I
have grown since then. I have changed since then.
I understand adoption in a different way than
I ever have before. There's even some things in
the film that I probably, if I were to make it today, may have
(27:30):
said or done differently. But it's hard because it's this
film, this art that's sort of captured in a moment of
time, but yet you still continue to grow and evolve
Is that what you're saying? Let's make
another film. Yeah, that is the thing about music or film or
whatever, a book, you put it out there and then it's static, but
(27:54):
it is just a period of time in your life and you are
allowed to continue your journey. That's beautiful. Well,
thank you so much for sharing today. It's interesting to hear some behind
the scenes, the impetus behind it all. And just want to remind everyone that
if they want to watch the film in community and have opportunity
to ask you questions afterwards, to join us this Saturday, January
(28:17):
11th, 2025 at 4 p.m. Pacific, 7 p.m.
Eastern. We're going to have a great time together. Find the ticket
link below in the show notes. Thank you so much for doing
the screening, Kristal. And if
If you stay connected via Facebook or
(28:37):
Instagram, it's at Because She's Adopted. That's
Also have a website where you can get in touch with me
or even book live in-person screenings. So
that's crystalpark.net. So K-R-I-S-T-A-L-P-A-R-K-E dot
(29:10):
So we'll find you. We want to support your film. It's really, really
beautiful. And thank you very much for going through all that
work and self-reflection to create such a piece that we all can
learn and grow from and be inspired by your growth and your willingness
to be vulnerable and ask the tough questions. And you
have a really beautiful family and crew around you. So
(29:34):
So listeners, please share this episode with anyone you know who might want
to hear more about Kristal's film or hear just a
beautiful adoptee story. And if you want to find Unraveling
Adoption, you can find us at unravelingadoption.com. Come
check out all the stuff that we're doing over there. You'll find information about
the coaching that I do and you can sign up for a
(29:55):
free 15-minute intro call. Come check it out at unravelingadoption.com
slash coaching. And we want to support adoptees
as much as possible and just keep spreading the word
for us. Well, thank you all for listening. Kristal and I
Welcome to this episode of Unraveling Adoption, an intentional space to
delve into adoption's complexities together. I'm Beth Syverson. I'm
an adoptive mom of a bright and talented 20-year-old son, Joey.
I'm walking beside him while working on my own personal growth and healing. I'm
also a certified coach, helping primarily adoptive parents. Joey
and I are committed to helping anyone impacted by adoption and we want to help
(00:24):
the general public understand adoptions complexities better too. Well,
for this first episode of 2025, we are offering
a replay of a wonderful episode with Kristal Parke.
She's a filmmaker and an adoptee and
her film is called Because She's Adopted. and
we are screening her film on saturday january
(00:48):
11th at 4 p.m pacific 7 p.m eastern so
if you haven't seen Kristal's film yet or if you have but you
want to see it again please join us on january 11th
the ticket information is in the show notes right below where you
press play And in the meantime, listen to
this episode, which takes us behind the scenes of the making of
(01:11):
her wonderful documentary. Enjoy this episode with Kristal Parke,
and I'll see you around the corner. So
I don't know about you listeners, but I love watching Adoptee produced
documentaries. Watching their life unfold on screen helps me understand
adoption on a much deeper level. Have you ever wondered
what it's like behind the scenes of the creation of an Adoptee documentary? What
(01:34):
does a documentarian learn about themselves while creating their
life on screen? Well, today's guest is
an adoptee and filmmaker, Kristal Parke. Her acclaimed film,
completed in 2023, is called Because She's Adopted. It
recently won Best Canadian Documentary at the Vancouver
International Movie Awards, and it is gathering more awards as it
(01:57):
is making the rounds of the film festivals. Kristal is a Canadian adoptee
who was raised in a loving home where her Indigenous roots were acknowledged, but
not celebrated. The film walks us through her childhood with
her two older brothers, her reunion with her birth mother, her
struggle with addiction, her intentional reconnection with her Indigenous
heritage, and her wrestling with her own identity through life's
(02:18):
ups and downs. So thank you for being here on Unraveling Adoption
Hi, Beth. Thank you so much for having me. That introduction is,
I've never heard anything like that said about me before. Oh, wow. That
Sure. I'll copy and paste it to you. Yeah, well, I
(02:40):
just finished watching your film yesterday and I was very moved by all
of it. Just the skill with which you made it and
the depth of feeling involved. You
didn't just give us the good parts, you know, you really
took us through all the ups and downs of what it's like to be an
adopted person, you know, a grown up adult adopted person
(03:03):
dealing with this stuff on the daily. So thank you for creating such a
beautiful work of art for us to learn, you know, adoptive parents
like me and I know adoptees and I hope
many, many people that aren't even affected by adoption are watching it. What
were your hopes for the film and are some of those coming true?
Yeah, my hope for the film was to impact one
(03:24):
Oh, check done that over and over now, huh?
Yeah. And even as we filmed, the
crew was so impacted by the experience. Often
the director would say cut and I'd look around and everyone
would be just tears streaming down their face because They
just had no idea. How could you, right? Yeah, that
(03:47):
initially was what my goal was for that. I
will say that right off the bat when I first started filming,
I really wanted to be seen by my adoptive
mom. And that is why it
is so moving to me what you are
doing. Because what you are doing in
(04:08):
listening and validating and
elevating our voices, that heals a piece of
me. So thank you. That means a lot. Oh
gosh, thank you. Yeah, thank you. It really
Now your adoptive parents sound like they're lovely, lovely
people and they were supportive of you, gave you a beautiful life. How
(04:33):
They were overjoyed. Oh, okay. My
adoptive mom cried and she said, I always knew
you were going to do something like this. In
her eyes, I was a star and she always thought
that I was going to do something that impacted the
world maybe, you know? And so she supported me
(04:55):
greatly and was all for
being a part of it and sharing her own experience as
Yeah, that was a major piece of your film is that your adoptive
mother also relinquished a child well before they adopted you,
right? And it was a boy. And he comes into the
(05:16):
film and talks. He sounds like an amazing person. He
was so empathetic and loving. I was like, oh my gosh,
I know. So the thing that not everybody knows is that
when he came to do that interview at the studio, that
was the first time I'd ever actually sat down and talked with him.
Wow. He had come to a family event,
(05:39):
which I met him for the first time at, but we hadn't really
had that chance to sit down adoptee to adoptee. And
he was just the diamond in the rough. He said
some of the most profound things in the film, and
he's probably one of my favorite pieces of the film. Oh,
It was so powerful, the two of you talking about what you each
(06:02):
lost and gained and how you both
fit and the whole gender piece, the whole, you
know, your parents wanted a girl and they had these three boys, one
they relinquished and then two other boys that they had biologically. And
they wanted a girl and the whole, do you want to tell the story of how your parents
Yeah. So my adoptive mom and her sister were
(06:23):
both married and my mom and her husband had two
boys and my aunt and her husband had two girls. And
the opportunity came, there was a woman that was relinquishing
a child. So my aunt and uncle had
wanted a boy and would only take me
if I was a boy. So then on the opposite side,
(06:45):
if I was a girl, I was to go to my mom and dad. And
it's one of those stories that you get told as you're growing
up and it just sounds so normal to you. But then when you
kind of take a step back and start looking at your childhood or
these things that have been told to you over and over and over again, and
you really start to think about them from an
(07:05):
adult brain, you're like, that's, that's kind of, it
kind of It gives you a little bit like,
really? So it's a very unique piece
of my story. I don't know if I've ever heard of another adoptee who
Yeah. They talk about adoptees having a job. Your job
was to be the girl and you present as very feminine.
(07:29):
And I wonder what it would have been like if you were really a
butch kid or something like that. You weren't a girly girl.
I mean, you obviously feel comfortable being feminine, but
Yeah. And it's funny because growing up with two brothers, I
roughhoused with the best of them and, you know, played sports. And
(07:50):
I think I secretly wanted to be a tomboy in some ways, but
I think inherently I really am that feminine, feminine
Yeah. Lots of layers there. And
then the whole Indigenous piece, it was never a secret from you, but
it was never like, yay, let's go to a powwow or let's go celebrate
this beautiful culture. Was it, I don't know what it's like in Canada, but
(08:12):
here it's like, oh, the poor Native Americans are
struggling. Or was it kind of like, oh, looking down a little bit?
Yeah, back in the 80s. 90s into the
2000s and probably right up until the
residential school movement with the Every
Child Matters. It was not a positive thing to be
(08:33):
an Indigenous person from a white person's perspective. Right.
And oftentimes I think maybe my
mom didn't encourage that piece of me
because she didn't want me to suffer any
racism or prejudice. But
(08:55):
also, not even within my family, but within media
everywhere, the way that Indigenous peoples were
really represented was unfair and not
indicative of all Indigenous people. Certainly, yeah.
There was certainly a time in my life where I felt
like I should be ashamed of being Indigenous. And
(09:18):
that was something that I really had to work through myself.
And now I can't even imagine that those
thoughts went through my head, but it was what I was brought up
into, right? yeah now being able to
go back to my reserve where
I had family and where there's such a rich
(09:40):
history and rich culture and people
that just embraced me. I think for
me I was afraid I was going to show up and they were all going to reject
me and go what the heck are you doing here? you know. But
they did the exact opposite. They in fact named me
as a member of the Opasque creation and
(10:02):
I'm so proud to be a part of that. I am
That's beautiful. Yeah, it was some pretty stunning moments
there when you were in Manitoba. And how far, you're in Kelowna,
It's about a 24-hour drive. So it's all the way across almost
(10:23):
24-hour drive with that U-Haul and your crew and oh my
It was so fun and we just did not know
what we were walking into. We did not know what to
expect and when we got there and I met with
the producer that we hired that was on site there who
turned out to be my cousin. Wow. And he opened
(10:47):
up so many doors for us and You know, at that time
when all the residential school stuff was coming forward, the
Indigenous people have been sharing about it for years since it happened. It's
just that the rest of the world wasn't listening and finally they were.
And for me, I thought people that went to
residential school, it was maybe a few people here, a few
(11:09):
people there. But when I got to the Opasque Cree
Nation, every single person almost that I met went through
Wow, that's terrifying. Do you want to just explain for
our listeners in case they're not familiar so they can become more familiar with
Yeah, so there's two parts to it and the Canadian government
(11:30):
had a intentional agenda to
essentially assimilate Indigenous people
into white culture. And so one
of the ways that they did that was they sent kids to
residential schools. Some of them were day schools. Some of
them, they lived there from the time they were in kindergarten until
(11:52):
the time they graduated and never saw their family. And
it was in those places that they suffered terrible abuse,
sexual abuse, and any kind
of abuse you could imagine. They suffered it for
speaking their language. They weren't allowed to speak their language. Yeah,
so that's part one of it. The other part of it was the 60s
(12:14):
scoop, which is different. I know that there's a 60s scoop in
the States, the baby scoop, but the 60s scoop here
in Canada is where children were taken
from their lands and adopted into
white families to assimilate. And my biological mother
was a part of the Sixties Scoop. They would go as
(12:35):
far as putting these babies' pictures in
the newspaper, describing them almost as one would
a puppy dog trying to adopt out a puppy dog. And
it was just despicable what happened. So my birth
mom was part of the Sixties Scoop. She was separated from
her brother and then told that he was
(12:56):
dead when she went to go look for him. And
through AncestryDNA, I was able to actually verify
that he was still alive and they were able to
That's so horrible. So she was an adoptee. Both her and her brother were adopted to
separate families. They couldn't even keep them together. That's so
(13:17):
damaging. Was she raised by a white family? That's how they
Yeah, she was adopted because from my understanding, what
she told me was that she was adopted because they had a child that
had passed away. And the youngest child was
suffering that grief and the loss. And so they adopted my
(13:40):
Oh, yeah. Talk about a child having a job. Yeah, that's tough.
And I don't know how often statistically it happens, but
certainly there's a lot of adoptees that also relinquish their
children. So that must have been very difficult for your
birth mother. And you reunited with her a long time ago, right? There was a film
(14:00):
Yes. When I was in grade 12, I told my adoptive mom
that I wanted to find my biological parents and
I wanted them to come to see me graduate. And
so my mom went and found my biological
mother, my biological father, who we thought was
my biological... Watch
(14:26):
And so what my parents told me on my 17th birthday that they
had found her. And we talked on the
phone. And then a few months later, my parents and I flew out
to Manitoba, which is where she was and spent
the weekend with her. And it was a beautiful weekend. It
was one I will never forget. And
(14:47):
I got to meet my older brother. So she had a two-year-old
son in her care when she relinquished being.
And so we were able to connect with one another. Are you still in touch
with her? From time to time. I would say I've taken a
little bit of a step back. Reunion is
so complicated and it can be so difficult
(15:10):
and so triggering. And I'm so grateful that she
agreed to be in the film because she is
part of my story and I do love her and I do care for her.
And it was really beautiful, I think, to showcase that
moment. that we got to meet in the airport. And
it's funny when I look back on that footage, because it was her boyfriend
(15:31):
that captured all of that. Okay. All the people in the background standing
around watching this happen that I look
at. And I just think, what were they thinking? Like, did
Well, and you guys look so alike. It
was amazing. You guys are just like twins. That's
really incredible. Wow. Well, it's really nice,
(15:55):
I guess, that all of the people around you were supportive of
you making this film. I think you should have made it anyway, even if people were
throwing a hissy fit. But I'm sure it made it a lot easier for you to go
Yeah. And even your brothers were in it. And your brothers were so vulnerable, too,
telling you, you know, at first they were like, what's the big deal?
(16:16):
You know, they were kind of in the fog, as they say, right? And it seemed
like through the process of making the film, you and them
and maybe a lot of people, maybe the film crew, I don't know, really just
learned a lot and made a lot of new understandings.
Yeah. You know, when you do a documentary, you're forced to
have conversations that I don't think you would normally had in
(16:39):
real life. not like you're going to all meet for Easter dinner and
start talking about adoption trauma, right? Yeah, right. How do you think
about this? You know, but my
oldest brother, Mike, when we were filming, you could
see the veil being lifted off of his eyes and
the new compassion that he had for me and
(17:00):
the understanding he had for me. He had no idea that I felt
the way that I did. Sure. And he even says in
there, this is It's deep, it cuts to the heart, it's deep,
like you can't imagine. And just for him to
say those things, to show up for me the way he did, meant
the world to me. When I called him, before I
(17:21):
could even get the question out of my mouth, would you
be interested in being a part of my documentary and speaking
and sharing your perspective? Before I could even get it out of my mouth, he
said, you bet, sweetheart. He's about
15 years older than me, right? He calls me sweeter. He's
a very gentle soul. Yeah. And then it
(17:42):
was funny because then I called John, the other brother,
the one that had been relinquished. And before I
could even get the question out of my mouth, he too said, You
bet, sweetheart. Oh, my gosh. And
so it was just to have them all show up for
me. And even my dad, my dad's 80 years
(18:03):
old, and he had never talked openly about relinquishing ever.
That was some really touching moments with your dad. and
how much pain they must have been going through. And shoot, back
then, there was nothing. There were no therapists
to help anybody with anything, really. But no one was talking
about adoption trauma, relinquishment trauma, infertility grief. No one
(18:26):
was talking about any of that stuff. I don't think they were. I
wasn't there. But just that pain, and he was able
to go with you on that. I mean, it could have easily gone,
shut her down. We're not talking about this. It was fine. We're
Yeah, he was. He called me that night and
(18:47):
he said, Was it okay? Like, is that what you needed? Because,
you know, I, I did it for you. I did it for you. And
I find the film so unique, because you get so many different
angles, so many different perspectives. There's
something in the film for everybody to connect with
whether you are a sibling of an adoptee, an adoptive parent,
(19:14):
A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. Your husband was with you the whole way. Yeah.
Yes. Yes. Well, he's part of the reason why we called it
because she's adopted. And it's funny. He jokes
around with me if I stub my toe or if
I can't do something or if I you know, anything he'll
say, because she's adopted. That's
(19:38):
how the name came to be. And I thought it was fitting to add a
Well, your film does touch on many topics and even the addiction piece.
Your kids are in it just a teeny tiny bit, but obviously you didn't
parade them around. But how did they feel about their mom doing
this? It probably took a lot of time. You were away from them probably for
(20:02):
Yeah, well they were with my mom when I did
go to Manitoba and they loved being with
her. Alright, see you mom. See you later. And
that was the last time that they got to spend with her as well.
And you'll have to watch the film. So
they really, I don't know how else to say it, but they almost
(20:24):
looked at me differently. And I think they were educated and
they gained an appreciation for adopted
people. You know, I think even for them, knowing kids
in their school or their class that have been adopted, they have
compassion for them. you know, that that I don't think
(20:46):
they would have otherwise. And did a little screening
here in town. And they all brought friends. And
it means the world to me to have their support.
Yeah. And I think when they go back as adults and
watch it again, like how are they gonna view it? How are going
(21:06):
Well, they're certainly affected by adoption and they're part indigenous too. So
it's like, this is really important. It doesn't stop with
just the day that you were adopted. It goes on and on for generation
It's true. I have met children of adoptees that
are having to go out and do the work to find their identity and
(21:28):
to find their roots because their parents just didn't
want to or couldn't or whatever the case may be. And
I think for my kids, there's
a nice little like package for them. Like here, this
is where you come from. This is who you are. And that's
(21:51):
There's a beautiful shot when you're in Manitoba and you're
sitting on that rock and there was beautiful drone footage. Whoever operated
your drone did a really great job. And just you
just reflecting and just I could imagine you just feeling grounded
and home there. It was very peaceful and Centering,
(22:14):
Yeah, I think it was the second day of
filming. and it had been a long day. I bet.
A lot of ups and downs. And there was a family from the
OCN that had us over for a big traditional dinner. And
then they said, why don't we all go to Clearwater Lake together? So
we went to Clearwater Lake and it's something like the second or third clearest
(22:36):
lake in the world or something like that. Wow. It's
beautiful. It was cold. Yeah. And we saw that
rock and I just thought, Oh my gosh, how perfect, like
for a moment in time as this. And to me, it's
so indicative sometimes of how an adoptee feels
all alone in the world. And really
(23:00):
Nobody could go on this journey except for me. Nobody
could tell my story except for me. I
truly felt the weight of the world telling the
story. I felt like it was a great responsibility, but
I had to do it. And yeah, sitting on that rock that
day, it was so beautiful and peaceful and
(23:20):
serene, except when the drone was coming at my face.
These are the things we don't think about. Wow. I
Yeah, it was a drone officer. His name is Jamie Patterson of
Patterson Productions. And you're right, he's very talented.
(23:44):
Yeah, for sure. So my director was James Alton, and
he walked through the entire project with me up
until editing. He was there, I say, for every tier.
And there was so many tiers, many, many, many tiers. And
then, of course, I had a female editor on
the project. She is also First Nations.
(24:07):
also rediscovering, reconnecting with her heritage. And
when I sat down with her, I knew I wanted her to be my editor because
she got my story, she got my vision,
and she honored it to the best of
her ability. And I thought she'd did a beautiful job. It
was her idea to put in some of the humor as well, because
(24:31):
she said, you just can't have such a heavy film people are people
are going to walk away feeling depressed, you know, you don't want that. And
that was my hope. In the end, I always wanted people
So she actually was funny. She does
all her editing on her own. She doesn't usually have anyone there with
her. And I was by her side through a lot of the editing
(24:55):
process by her request because she said, I don't
know what it means to be an adopted person. And so I
don't know what's important information and what's
not important information to include. So she
was great. And I've worked on another project with her since, and
we just totally gelled my whole team. I think in the film, there's
(25:16):
a shot of one of our sound guys signing
up for a jigging contest when we were in Manitoba. And
that guy brought so much joy to the project. That
was just. Yeah, we just had so much fun. It was just a
really fun experience as well. When we weren't
(25:37):
So right, right, right. Yeah, it's all over the place, but a lot of fun and a
lot of loving moments for sure. I loved the clips
of you growing up and as a teenager being goofy and
extroverted and hilarious. It did a great job of lightening things
up when necessary. I think your editor did a great job. Yeah. We
need to close, but I want to know what is the biggest way
(26:02):
I think I came into myself more,
I was able to own my story. And
I think I was able to see my story for what it
was. It wasn't just some outside story that had been
told about me or that I had heard over and over and over again.
I really owned my story. I think the story
(26:24):
integrated from my head to my heart. And I
definitely got to know myself more. But most of all,
this was the most vulnerable thing I've ever done in my life. And
I laid in bed for the two years we were shooting with
anxiety about putting myself out there.
But it was the best thing I ever did. I don't regret it at
(26:47):
Well, that's our big job in life, right? To get to
know ourselves. So I guess we could all make a documentary. That's
I heard another filmmaker say just recently, it was the most expensive
form of therapy ever. Yes, I'm sure I
just say though where I stand now after
(27:09):
doing the documentary it really was a glimpse of
a two-year period in my life and I I
have grown since then. I have changed since then.
I understand adoption in a different way than
I ever have before. There's even some things in
the film that I probably, if I were to make it today, may have
(27:30):
said or done differently. But it's hard because it's this
film, this art that's sort of captured in a moment of
time, but yet you still continue to grow and evolve
Is that what you're saying? Let's make
another film. Yeah, that is the thing about music or film or
whatever, a book, you put it out there and then it's static, but
(27:54):
it is just a period of time in your life and you are
allowed to continue your journey. That's beautiful. Well,
thank you so much for sharing today. It's interesting to hear some behind
the scenes, the impetus behind it all. And just want to remind everyone that
if they want to watch the film in community and have opportunity
to ask you questions afterwards, to join us this Saturday, January
(28:17):
11th, 2025 at 4 p.m. Pacific, 7 p.m.
Eastern. We're going to have a great time together. Find the ticket
link below in the show notes. Thank you so much for doing
the screening, Kristal. And if
If you stay connected via Facebook or
(28:37):
Instagram, it's at Because She's Adopted. That's
Also have a website where you can get in touch with me
or even book live in-person screenings. So
that's crystalpark.net. So K-R-I-S-T-A-L-P-A-R-K-E dot
(29:10):
So we'll find you. We want to support your film. It's really, really
beautiful. And thank you very much for going through all that
work and self-reflection to create such a piece that we all can
learn and grow from and be inspired by your growth and your willingness
to be vulnerable and ask the tough questions. And you
have a really beautiful family and crew around you. So
(29:34):
So listeners, please share this episode with anyone you know who might want
to hear more about Kristal's film or hear just a
beautiful adoptee story. And if you want to find Unraveling
Adoption, you can find us at unravelingadoption.com. Come
check out all the stuff that we're doing over there. You'll find information about
the coaching that I do and you can sign up for a
(29:55):
free 15-minute intro call. Come check it out at unravelingadoption.com
slash coaching. And we want to support adoptees
as much as possible and just keep spreading the word
for us. Well, thank you all for listening. Kristal and I
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce
Football’s funniest family duo — Jason Kelce of the Philadelphia Eagles and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs — team up to provide next-level access to life in the league as it unfolds. The two brothers and Super Bowl champions drop weekly insights about the weekly slate of games and share their INSIDE perspectives on trending NFL news and sports headlines. They also endlessly rag on each other as brothers do, chat the latest in pop culture and welcome some very popular and well-known friends to chat with them. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. Follow New Heights on the Wondery App, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free, and get exclusive content on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And join our new membership for a unique fan experience by going to the New Heights YouTube channel now!
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.