June 30, 2024 • 23 mins
This week we are joined by Simon Calderbank, Positive Leadership Mindset Coach and 2024 Northern Power Women Awards Advocacy Lister.
Listen as Simon shares how a cancer scare led to him finding a passion-driven career.
Learn about Simons work in coaching, with everyone from corporate leaders to troubled teenagers.
And hear the inspiring story of a woman who overcame a toxic work environment to land her dream job with the help of Simon's coaching.
Listen to learn:
- How to use your privilege for good
- The importance of self-reflection in allyship
- The role of empathy in leadership
- How Simon earned the nickname 'The Mindset Magician'
Find out more about We Are PoWEr here. 💫
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hello and welcome to the we Are Power podcast
Northern Power Women podcast.
For your career and your life,no matter what business you're
in.
Hello and welcome to the we ArePower podcast, and this is the
podcast where I every week getthe chance to talk to brilliant
(00:33):
role models, get some of theirinsights, guidance, top tips,
hacks, all those other coolstuff and those quotes that I
always love and think that needsto be on the side of a tote bag
or a greetings card range orsomething like that.
But that's what we want.
We want this to be practical.
The strategies, advice, toptips, guidance, whatever that
may be, and whatever you're herefor, whether you're navigating
your, your career path, yourlife, whatever it may be that's
(00:57):
what the podcast is all about.
Talking to fabulous humans andthis week I am again
delightededly welcome one of ourfantastic 2024 Northern Power
Women Awards advocacy listeners.
Wow, that's a whole mouthful,isn't it?
Simon?
Simon Calderon, positiveLeadership Mindset Coach.
Welcome to the pod, simon,that's so kind.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
I mean, I think you got me a tote bag, so I'm
thinking now hard about what Ican say that can be on a tote
bag.
I thought a billboard would begood, but a tote bag wins it
hands.
Thinking now hard about what Ican say that can be on a tote
bag.
I thought a billboard would begood, but a tote bag wins it
hands down, but no snow.
Lovely to be here with youtoday in this wonderful.
Yeah, the sun is out there, butthe sun is.
I think the sun is shining notjust in the sky, but I think the
(01:39):
sun can be shining as well,holistically, through what we do
at northern power women.
So, yeah, I'm delighted to havebeen nominated to be on that
list.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Make our own sunshine .
That's what it is about.
So what?
Well, I'm always fascinated asto how people get to where they
got to, because it's notsuddenly.
You know, I'm not.
You know, I don't think I wokeup one day and went, right, I'm
gonna set this whole communityup or do this.
And on the way, yeah, well,maybe no.
But at some point, when did Ithink, right, I'm going to set
this whole community up or dothis.
And on the way, yeah, well,maybe.
But at some point, when did Ithink, right, I'm going to join
(02:07):
the Royal Navy, then I'm goingto do this, then I'm going to do
a bit of hospitality, then I'mgoing to absolutely set this
whole stuff up.
But were at that point that yougo, I'm going to be a positive
leadership mindset coach, wherewas that from?
What's the background of thebuild-up?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
okay, great question.
I'll keep it as short aspossible.
I set up a business in 2013called big nose, as you do,
because everyone said you'redead, nosey, you're curious,
you've got quite a decent sizenose.
I was all okay and I wasbasically working within the
creative and digital sectorlooking after people's new
business marketing, and I'vedone that for years, so I was
(02:46):
good at it, I enjoyed it, butthen I got a cancer scare in my
nose of all places, sothankfully it was benign.
But what it gave me was I hadto take eight weeks out from the
business and it gave me achance to reflect and I'd
realized that something wasmissing in my world.
I could do the job I did and Iran the business well.
But my a chance to reflect andI'd realized that something was
missing in my world.
I could do the job I did and Iran the business well, but my
(03:08):
mojo had disappeared.
I was kind of going through themotions, but the one thing that
was consistent and constant wasI loved helping people.
I'd help people way, way allthrough my career, from being an
undertaker that's another storyto working in hospitality,
running nightclubs, restaurants,doing sales always have
basically solving people'sproblems.
(03:29):
And then it kind of dawned onme as I was sat in the sunshine
in Cumbria thinking why am Ihelping other people when, as in
helping them make money, whenthe most important person I need
to think about is me?
And therefore, if I do that,what can this person then
actually offer out to the world?
And someone says people alwayscome to you and talk to you and
you listen, and you've not justgot a big nose, you've got big
(03:51):
ears and bloody hell.
And it just kind of transpiredthat they said people tell you
stuff that they don't tell theirclosest.
So something about you appealsto people to share secrets and
share their troubles.
So I said, right, okay, so thatkind of.
So I suppose from businessdevelopment I kind of migrated
(04:14):
into personal development anddecided to take a leap of faith
which cost me a marriage, if I'mhonest.
My wife, or ex-wife, said thisis why we can no longer be
together.
You take too many risks.
And I said it's the right thingto do and it will benefit not
just me, it'll benefit you,it'll benefit the kids.
And she went how do you knowthat?
And I said I kind of just know.
(04:37):
And that's what I did 18 monthsof learning a brand new world, a
new language I suppose in termsof psychological theory, what
had the brain works and beingtaught and coached by some
incredible mindset coaches inthe Northwest.
I was really fortunate to comeacross people who had my back
(04:59):
and who gave me the opportunityto, I suppose, shift in terms of
learning.
I had no money, so I took loans, I took major risks, but you
know what?
Obviously, the marriage side ofit I can't really comment on,
but it's the best thing I everdid, because now I feel that the
job that I do is not a job,it's a passion and that's been
(05:21):
the difference and my kids arebetter for it.
It me and my ex-wife get onhandsomely well and she can now
see the decision I took.
It was the right thing to do so.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah, it was because of a cancer scare in my nose and
having the time to think andreflect about what was important
in the world a few things sortof jump out at me from there
that you know the undertaker,you know hospitality sector,
sort of different, differentends of the scale there.
But I'm almost fascinated.
Yeah, I spent a lot of time inthe hospitality sector.
I think it's 92% of thepopulation of the world actually
(05:52):
have worked in hospitality atsome point in their careers.
And you also talk aboutmentioning you know that empathy
is at the core of what you do.
You have to be that in thehospitality sector.
Do think that served you well,you know, because I think
sometimes there is no such thingas a one straight path, is
there?
Some people are braver to takerisks, some people are kind of
(06:15):
more sort of structured.
But do you think some of thatthat enabled you to sort of make
these risks?
Because you know you broughtempathy into what you were doing
and you knew that of make theserisks?
Speaker 2 (06:24):
because you know you, you brought empathy into what
you were doing and you knew thatit would make sense, because
you knew what you cared abouthumans yeah, I think even when I
was answering the phone as anine-year-old, when my stepdad
was on call because he was theundertaker, so I was I'd answer
the phones when he was out.
Obviously, you know, um,dealing with, let's say,
people's passings, and I can'tsay I enjoyed it, but I got it.
(06:48):
It taught me well but what itmeant.
I was dealing with people whowere suffering, so it became
normal.
And then I was promoted intowashing the cars, okay, and then
I was put in in the frontoffice on a Saturday morning to
deal with people who came intothe chapels of rest to say
goodbye to their loved ones.
(07:09):
So I was surrounded by it.
Therefore, it just becamenormal behavior to be gracious,
to be respectful, and I didn'tknow what empathy was as a
teenager.
I probably didn't know whatempathy was until about 10 years
ago.
As a teenager, I probably didn'tknow what empathy was until
about 10 years ago, but I wasdemonstrating it in my daily
(07:30):
life and I was raised by threewomen my mum, my auntie and my
older sister.
So my stepdad didn't reallycome into the house until I was
what, 15, 16.
My dad had left when I was four, so I was surrounded by women
who seemed to naturally exudethis warmth.
They were resilient and therewere no pushovers as I can
(07:51):
remember, but they gave me asense of purpose.
They gave me confidence.
They also taught me how totreat people, which my stepdad
did.
He was very polite.
P's and Q's taught me how tohide a handkerchief, shirt,
loads of stuff, so I had reallygood role models.
And then the work that you doyou take your behaviors into the
(08:14):
workplace and you saidhospitality, natural, looking
after people, making sure theyfelt good, making sure they had
a, you know, an enjoyableexperience dealing with them if
they had complaints for me.
Me it was like I'll go and seeSimon why he's good at that
stuff, and people would come tome and go and just offload, be
it customers, be it colleagues.
(08:35):
So it just became normal and Ienjoyed it because I knew how it
made people feel and that wasthe bit for me, that was magic.
Knowing what I could do wouldmake people feel not so much
better but reassured or relieved, and sometimes better was my
drive.
It was like a drug which wasfree, and it's something that I
(08:58):
could deliver.
Therefore, I just wanted to domore of it.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
And you talk about your household.
You talk about your dad and youtalk about this matriarchal
household, your mum, your auntie, your big sis.
Was that your trigger for thispassion of allyship?
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Looking back it was.
But I didn't have that momentof truth until actually somebody
picked up on a post I'd done onLinkedIn a few years ago, and
it was an old friend.
And she said who are you totell me as a man, as a white,
(09:38):
csi, gender male, to tell me, asa woman, how to think and
behave?
How, how dare you?
And I was gobsmacked and alsodisappointed that that's how my
words had come across.
So I apologized and said giveme time to think about it.
And my auntie passed about twoweeks later.
I mean, she'd been, they'd beencoming, but she passed.
(10:00):
And I suppose when people passyou have the moments to think
and reflect.
And it suddenly dawned on me,you know, because she said what,
how can I listen to you?
What do you know about women?
And I'm thinking all my clientsare women, women procure me
through HR.
I'm thinking that's not it,that's not it.
And then it's suddenly done.
I was raised by three women andthat for me was the moment of
(10:24):
realization that that's why I dowhat I do, because I was
nurtured in a female environment.
So therefore, and I know, womenare more empathetic than men,
not neurologically, the waytheir brain stems are formed.
They've just got more abilityto create connectivity and I
think that's kind of given methat understanding and
(10:47):
validation about why I do what Ido.
But no, I didn't know that.
I just thought, oh, women buyme because that's what women do.
It's more that fluffy mindsetcoaching development.
I never really thought about ituntil somebody called me out,
and then that very same person,when I'd done this huge piece
(11:09):
about why I am who I am, I askedher to proofread it and she
cried reading it because shesaid it now makes perfect sense.
I said, yeah, but without youand your calling me, I would
never have realized what it was.
So I said thank you so much.
And again, she's been there allthe way through the last three
or four years supporting me,challenging me and keeping me on
(11:34):
an even keel.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
So and it's interesting because I know you
work very heavily with femaleleaders across the north.
Um, and I want to come back tothat in a second but you talk
about you almost stopped in yourtracks like called out, you
went away, reflected and thenyou wrote this piece over here.
So how do we change that?
(11:55):
Because how do we get more maleallies?
And intentional, becausethere's an element that if you
are called out or stopped, itmight stop other people or can't
say that?
Can I say that?
Can I use that language?
What right gives me as a man touse my privilege for good?
So you could have easily?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
She used those exact words, simone.
She used the white maleprivilege.
That was the line that made meoh, it hurt.
Not because it was, because Ijust thought is that how I come
across to others?
Speaker 1 (12:29):
But what would you?
Speaker 2 (12:30):
So yeah, the privilege bit was really
uncomfortable, but a great learn.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
How do we create more Simons, right, and different
Simons, because we need you know, we need different types of
allies, don't we?
There's no sort of, there's nocookie cutter here, you know,
because that's not going to bediverse.
But how do we stop people goingoh gosh, I'm too afraid to be
an ally because I don't want tosay the wrong thing.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I think, firstly, look in the mirror.
Look in the mirror and have areally good look at yourself and
, I think, take the time to askyourself what am I doing?
What can I do differently?
Who needs my help?
And, once I understand whothose people are, ask them.
(13:17):
I've got some great advice manyyears ago and it stays with me
today and I use it all.
And this might be one for thetote bag, which is read your
market and then feed your market.
So, in other words, listen tothe very people that you think
you have the ability to help,because they're the people who
(13:39):
will give you all the answers,and that, for me, that's the key
thing that I think a lot ofpeople don't do.
Well, I've got a great idea.
Okay, then, why is it a greatidea?
Because I think it is Maybe notthe best approach.
So, for me, talking to youraudience, but you need to know
who the audience is, and thenyou go and ask them and you
(13:59):
canvas them and you find out andyou listen, you understand and
then you come back withsolutions, but you run them past
those people as well.
So, I think, look in the mirrorand ask yourself those key
questions who am I, what am Idoing?
Who am I helping?
How am I helping them and howcan I do that better and more
effectively?
Speaker 1 (14:18):
And it is listening.
Isn't it Asking and listeningand then taking those
individuals with you on kind ofthe next steps?
Tell us what you're most proudof in the work that you've been
doing specifically around femaleleaders.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
I was going to say my kids, then I'm most proud of my
kids, but obviously they're not.
They're not work related, yet,um, I think every customer,
every client, every project thatI work on gives me a very,
gives me a sense of gratitude.
They're all different becausethey all have different
(14:54):
challenges, whether that's asenior leader in a big sort of
global corporate, or it's astartup entrepreneur, or it's a
young person, a teenager who,let's say, has different
learning requirements, or atroubled teenager who are, I
suppose you could say, let's say, on the edge of tipping into
(15:16):
the abyss.
There's so many, there are somany different outcomes, but
what they all, I think the keycommon denominator is that they
all realised that the answersthey were looking for were
always within them, and whatthey'd done and this is the bit
(15:37):
that gives me the most purpose,I think is they'd reached out,
they'd sought support from anoutside or an external, someone
like me or another coach, andhad let that person in.
Because, as a coach, my job isto, as you said, ask lots of
questions, but then listen, andlisten to understand, not to
(15:58):
reply, and by listening tounderstand, you can then ask
more, I suppose more probingquestions that then elicit,
because the answers are alwayswithin us.
It's just needing someone to beable to help you, I suppose,
unpick them.
Unlock them, because normallythey're kind of hidden away for
(16:19):
very good reason.
So it's difficult to pinpointthe successes because there's so
many of them.
In fact, one woman who wasliterally couldn't even look at
me in the eye.
She was successful, but she wasfrightened.
She had lost all her confidence.
She was returning back to work.
She had two kids.
(16:39):
She couldn't make a decision tosave her life she won't mind me
saying that and she wentthrough a programme.
She went through one day.
Then she went through a muchmore in-depth programme with me.
We helped her with careerchoices, mindset, leadership,
and she was in a toxicenvironment in a big corporate.
(17:01):
She took leave, she left, shegot the job of her dreams and
she said to me she said I wouldnever have ever, I wouldn't even
gone for the job in terms ofapplied for it if I'd not met
you.
That's powerful.
She got the job.
She heads up.
She heads up a departmentwithin a big global telecoms
(17:22):
company and she's brilliant.
But she always knew that, butshe'd forgotten how to find it
and all I helped her with wasuncovering the magic which she'd
always had.
So that's probably my, that'sthe one that really.
That's.
All I could say is yeah, sobasically helping her find her
voice, her confidence, her mojo.
I think she can call me amagician, which sounds a bit bit
(17:44):
weird, but you know, that'smaybe that's it the mindset
magician, that's it the mindsetmagician how many tote bags do
you want?
just the one maybe, butdouble-sided, I don't know.
But she was yes and she's.
The best thing is thisparticular person has referred
me on.
That's the best testament I canever have.
(18:05):
She's passed me on to peoplewho would never normally come to
me in their hour of need abecause they didn't know I
existed.
Or if they did know I existed,they perhaps didn't think they
could trust me because obviouslythe male, white, privileged,
etc.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
But no that the people that she's passed on have
have really benefited, becauseall I've done is help them
unblock the barriers that theywere holding them back and this
is and this is why sort of thatreal sort of allyship, and I
know this is part of a role inyour coaching, but this is why,
outside of that, this is ofallyship, and I know this is
part of a role in your coaching,but this is why, outside of
that, this year you werenominated and successful to join
(18:41):
the very first in all girl, ifyou like, the very first
Northern Power Awards advocacylist.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
By that person as well, the very person we talked
about.
It was she who nominated me.
There's the nice segue Amazing.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
And why is this important to you?
What are you most proud of andwhat is next?
Speaker 2 (19:01):
why is it important?
What, being part of thenorthern power women?
Yeah, I think.
Firstly, to be aroundlike-minded and kindred.
Like-minded souls, kindredspirits, people who don't just
talk about making change, theydemonstrate it.
I was touched.
I went to the event last yearand I walked out completely
(19:23):
gobsmacked, mesmerized.
I've never had so manygoosebump moments as I did that
night and I just thought, wow,there's kind of, there's my, not
my audience, there's mycommunity of people who make
change, who are making adifference.
And that really got me.
And I never expected to benominated.
(19:43):
I was absolutely bowled over.
I was just chuffed with beingnominated, as in, chuffed with
being put forward.
So to be part of that initiallist was, I mean people say,
humbling, but it was Because Ilook around the room and I'm sat
with you know, nazir.
Okay, I've met you once andhere I am again and I'm on the
same stage as you now and I'mkind of you're in my world and
(20:07):
I'm in yours.
So that, for me, is powerful,being around people who want to
make a difference.
And there's more impact with acollective, so much more impact
with making changes, creatingmore allyship around within men,
if it comes from the rightplace where there's thousands of
voices, not just mine.
(20:27):
Someone said how can you makechange?
I was all by joining a reallypowerful community called
Northern Power Women.
Again, it gives me the chanceto be part of.
You know, one thing I'velearned is that there is power
in the collective, there's moreinfluence and, you know, you are
a role model for that community.
And I saw that on the secondevent I went to, which is the
(20:51):
one where we were nominated, andI just took a different attack.
I just sat back and watched theone where we were nominated and
I just took a different attack.
I just sat back and watched.
I chatted to I think it was um,to kim, it was next to me.
We just chatted all night aboutall sorts, but primarily about
our roles in how do we help makesociety more equal and
obviously we can do that withinour own business community, the
(21:12):
northwest but how do we createthe ripples and that go across
the regions, the countries?
You know I want my daughter,ella, not to feel that she has
equal rights in in the work thatshe chooses, in how people
treat her.
At the moment I don't thinkwe're nowhere near that yet.
It's better, but as wediscussed off, you know off
(21:35):
record the the landscape is.
It's uncomfortable because it'srun by the wrong people, and
that's all I'll say on that.
We need to change them.
What's it?
Change the mood.
Music, to coin a phrase, and Ithink we're doing it and it's
getting louder just needs to beamplified now, and you and the
(21:56):
community is the way to do it,and I'm proud to be part of it.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
And I'm really excited about what we're going
to, what we are taking forward,what we are going to grow and
move through.
This is never about a pin badge, it's never about one night.
It's about what we do with thepower of the collective.
Mr Simon, thank you so much forjoining us and being so candid
with us and passing on yourskills and knowledge.
We look forward to working withyou, changing the mood, music
(22:21):
and um, listening to understand.
I think there's my tote bagmoment.
That's my, that's my uhclinton's card.
Other brands are available.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Uh, simon, thank you so much magician, they mindset
magician then not mindsetmagician.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
I'm going to phone a friend on that one.
Thank you so much for joiningus and thanks to all of you.
We know these conversationsmatter.
We know that the insights, thetips that you can take away to
enable you to do this is thepower of the collective.
It's more that we can do bettertogether.
You know that's what it's about.
So thank you for listening.
Thank you more that we can dobetter together.
(23:00):
You know that's what it's about.
So thank you for listening.
Thank you to our fantasticguest, simon.
Please stay connected on all ofour socials facebook, linkedin
we are power.
Tiktok.
Instagram.
Twitter we are power underscorenet.
Look forward to catching upwith you next week when I'll be
talking to yet anotherphenomenal role model.
Thank you so much for joining.
My name is samoa.
This is the we are powerpodcast in what goes on media
production.
Hello and welcome to the we Are Power podcast
Northern Power Women podcast.
For your career and your life,no matter what business you're
in.
Hello and welcome to the we ArePower podcast, and this is the
podcast where I every week getthe chance to talk to brilliant
(00:33):
role models, get some of theirinsights, guidance, top tips,
hacks, all those other coolstuff and those quotes that I
always love and think that needsto be on the side of a tote bag
or a greetings card range orsomething like that.
But that's what we want.
We want this to be practical.
The strategies, advice, toptips, guidance, whatever that
may be, and whatever you're herefor, whether you're navigating
your, your career path, yourlife, whatever it may be that's
(00:57):
what the podcast is all about.
Talking to fabulous humans andthis week I am again
delightededly welcome one of ourfantastic 2024 Northern Power
Women Awards advocacy listeners.
Wow, that's a whole mouthful,isn't it?
Simon?
Simon Calderon, positiveLeadership Mindset Coach.
Welcome to the pod, simon,that's so kind.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
I mean, I think you got me a tote bag, so I'm
thinking now hard about what Ican say that can be on a tote
bag.
I thought a billboard would begood, but a tote bag wins it
hands.
Thinking now hard about what Ican say that can be on a tote
bag.
I thought a billboard would begood, but a tote bag wins it
hands down, but no snow.
Lovely to be here with youtoday in this wonderful.
Yeah, the sun is out there, butthe sun is.
I think the sun is shining notjust in the sky, but I think the
(01:39):
sun can be shining as well,holistically, through what we do
at northern power women.
So, yeah, I'm delighted to havebeen nominated to be on that
list.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Make our own sunshine .
That's what it is about.
So what?
Well, I'm always fascinated asto how people get to where they
got to, because it's notsuddenly.
You know, I'm not.
You know, I don't think I wokeup one day and went, right, I'm
gonna set this whole communityup or do this.
And on the way, yeah, well,maybe no.
But at some point, when did Ithink, right, I'm going to set
this whole community up or dothis.
And on the way, yeah, well,maybe.
But at some point, when did Ithink, right, I'm going to join
(02:07):
the Royal Navy, then I'm goingto do this, then I'm going to do
a bit of hospitality, then I'mgoing to absolutely set this
whole stuff up.
But were at that point that yougo, I'm going to be a positive
leadership mindset coach, wherewas that from?
What's the background of thebuild-up?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
okay, great question.
I'll keep it as short aspossible.
I set up a business in 2013called big nose, as you do,
because everyone said you'redead, nosey, you're curious,
you've got quite a decent sizenose.
I was all okay and I wasbasically working within the
creative and digital sectorlooking after people's new
business marketing, and I'vedone that for years, so I was
(02:46):
good at it, I enjoyed it, butthen I got a cancer scare in my
nose of all places, sothankfully it was benign.
But what it gave me was I hadto take eight weeks out from the
business and it gave me achance to reflect and I'd
realized that something wasmissing in my world.
I could do the job I did and Iran the business well.
But my a chance to reflect andI'd realized that something was
missing in my world.
I could do the job I did and Iran the business well, but my
(03:08):
mojo had disappeared.
I was kind of going through themotions, but the one thing that
was consistent and constant wasI loved helping people.
I'd help people way, way allthrough my career, from being an
undertaker that's another storyto working in hospitality,
running nightclubs, restaurants,doing sales always have
basically solving people'sproblems.
(03:29):
And then it kind of dawned onme as I was sat in the sunshine
in Cumbria thinking why am Ihelping other people when, as in
helping them make money, whenthe most important person I need
to think about is me?
And therefore, if I do that,what can this person then
actually offer out to the world?
And someone says people alwayscome to you and talk to you and
you listen, and you've not justgot a big nose, you've got big
(03:51):
ears and bloody hell.
And it just kind of transpiredthat they said people tell you
stuff that they don't tell theirclosest.
So something about you appealsto people to share secrets and
share their troubles.
So I said, right, okay, so thatkind of.
So I suppose from businessdevelopment I kind of migrated
(04:14):
into personal development anddecided to take a leap of faith
which cost me a marriage, if I'mhonest.
My wife, or ex-wife, said thisis why we can no longer be
together.
You take too many risks.
And I said it's the right thingto do and it will benefit not
just me, it'll benefit you,it'll benefit the kids.
And she went how do you knowthat?
And I said I kind of just know.
(04:37):
And that's what I did 18 monthsof learning a brand new world, a
new language I suppose in termsof psychological theory, what
had the brain works and beingtaught and coached by some
incredible mindset coaches inthe Northwest.
I was really fortunate to comeacross people who had my back
(04:59):
and who gave me the opportunityto, I suppose, shift in terms of
learning.
I had no money, so I took loans, I took major risks, but you
know what?
Obviously, the marriage side ofit I can't really comment on,
but it's the best thing I everdid, because now I feel that the
job that I do is not a job,it's a passion and that's been
(05:21):
the difference and my kids arebetter for it.
It me and my ex-wife get onhandsomely well and she can now
see the decision I took.
It was the right thing to do so.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah, it was because of a cancer scare in my nose and
having the time to think andreflect about what was important
in the world a few things sortof jump out at me from there
that you know the undertaker,you know hospitality sector,
sort of different, differentends of the scale there.
But I'm almost fascinated.
Yeah, I spent a lot of time inthe hospitality sector.
I think it's 92% of thepopulation of the world actually
(05:52):
have worked in hospitality atsome point in their careers.
And you also talk aboutmentioning you know that empathy
is at the core of what you do.
You have to be that in thehospitality sector.
Do think that served you well,you know, because I think
sometimes there is no such thingas a one straight path, is
there?
Some people are braver to takerisks, some people are kind of
(06:15):
more sort of structured.
But do you think some of thatthat enabled you to sort of make
these risks?
Because you know you broughtempathy into what you were doing
and you knew that of make theserisks?
Speaker 2 (06:24):
because you know you, you brought empathy into what
you were doing and you knew thatit would make sense, because
you knew what you cared abouthumans yeah, I think even when I
was answering the phone as anine-year-old, when my stepdad
was on call because he was theundertaker, so I was I'd answer
the phones when he was out.
Obviously, you know, um,dealing with, let's say,
people's passings, and I can'tsay I enjoyed it, but I got it.
(06:48):
It taught me well but what itmeant.
I was dealing with people whowere suffering, so it became
normal.
And then I was promoted intowashing the cars, okay, and then
I was put in in the frontoffice on a Saturday morning to
deal with people who came intothe chapels of rest to say
goodbye to their loved ones.
(07:09):
So I was surrounded by it.
Therefore, it just becamenormal behavior to be gracious,
to be respectful, and I didn'tknow what empathy was as a
teenager.
I probably didn't know whatempathy was until about 10 years
ago.
As a teenager, I probably didn'tknow what empathy was until
about 10 years ago, but I wasdemonstrating it in my daily
(07:30):
life and I was raised by threewomen my mum, my auntie and my
older sister.
So my stepdad didn't reallycome into the house until I was
what, 15, 16.
My dad had left when I was four, so I was surrounded by women
who seemed to naturally exudethis warmth.
They were resilient and therewere no pushovers as I can
(07:51):
remember, but they gave me asense of purpose.
They gave me confidence.
They also taught me how totreat people, which my stepdad
did.
He was very polite.
P's and Q's taught me how tohide a handkerchief, shirt,
loads of stuff, so I had reallygood role models.
And then the work that you doyou take your behaviors into the
(08:14):
workplace and you saidhospitality, natural, looking
after people, making sure theyfelt good, making sure they had
a, you know, an enjoyableexperience dealing with them if
they had complaints for me.
Me it was like I'll go and seeSimon why he's good at that
stuff, and people would come tome and go and just offload, be
it customers, be it colleagues.
(08:35):
So it just became normal and Ienjoyed it because I knew how it
made people feel and that wasthe bit for me, that was magic.
Knowing what I could do wouldmake people feel not so much
better but reassured or relieved, and sometimes better was my
drive.
It was like a drug which wasfree, and it's something that I
(08:58):
could deliver.
Therefore, I just wanted to domore of it.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
And you talk about your household.
You talk about your dad and youtalk about this matriarchal
household, your mum, your auntie, your big sis.
Was that your trigger for thispassion of allyship?
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Looking back it was.
But I didn't have that momentof truth until actually somebody
picked up on a post I'd done onLinkedIn a few years ago, and
it was an old friend.
And she said who are you totell me as a man, as a white,
(09:38):
csi, gender male, to tell me, asa woman, how to think and
behave?
How, how dare you?
And I was gobsmacked and alsodisappointed that that's how my
words had come across.
So I apologized and said giveme time to think about it.
And my auntie passed about twoweeks later.
I mean, she'd been, they'd beencoming, but she passed.
(10:00):
And I suppose when people passyou have the moments to think
and reflect.
And it suddenly dawned on me,you know, because she said what,
how can I listen to you?
What do you know about women?
And I'm thinking all my clientsare women, women procure me
through HR.
I'm thinking that's not it,that's not it.
And then it's suddenly done.
I was raised by three women andthat for me was the moment of
(10:24):
realization that that's why I dowhat I do, because I was
nurtured in a female environment.
So therefore, and I know, womenare more empathetic than men,
not neurologically, the waytheir brain stems are formed.
They've just got more abilityto create connectivity and I
think that's kind of given methat understanding and
(10:47):
validation about why I do what Ido.
But no, I didn't know that.
I just thought, oh, women buyme because that's what women do.
It's more that fluffy mindsetcoaching development.
I never really thought about ituntil somebody called me out,
and then that very same person,when I'd done this huge piece
(11:09):
about why I am who I am, I askedher to proofread it and she
cried reading it because shesaid it now makes perfect sense.
I said, yeah, but without youand your calling me, I would
never have realized what it was.
So I said thank you so much.
And again, she's been there allthe way through the last three
or four years supporting me,challenging me and keeping me on
(11:34):
an even keel.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
So and it's interesting because I know you
work very heavily with femaleleaders across the north.
Um, and I want to come back tothat in a second but you talk
about you almost stopped in yourtracks like called out, you
went away, reflected and thenyou wrote this piece over here.
So how do we change that?
(11:55):
Because how do we get more maleallies?
And intentional, becausethere's an element that if you
are called out or stopped, itmight stop other people or can't
say that?
Can I say that?
Can I use that language?
What right gives me as a man touse my privilege for good?
So you could have easily?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
She used those exact words, simone.
She used the white maleprivilege.
That was the line that made meoh, it hurt.
Not because it was, because Ijust thought is that how I come
across to others?
Speaker 1 (12:29):
But what would you?
Speaker 2 (12:30):
So yeah, the privilege bit was really
uncomfortable, but a great learn.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
How do we create more Simons, right, and different
Simons, because we need you know, we need different types of
allies, don't we?
There's no sort of, there's nocookie cutter here, you know,
because that's not going to bediverse.
But how do we stop people goingoh gosh, I'm too afraid to be
an ally because I don't want tosay the wrong thing.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I think, firstly, look in the mirror.
Look in the mirror and have areally good look at yourself and
, I think, take the time to askyourself what am I doing?
What can I do differently?
Who needs my help?
And, once I understand whothose people are, ask them.
(13:17):
I've got some great advice manyyears ago and it stays with me
today and I use it all.
And this might be one for thetote bag, which is read your
market and then feed your market.
So, in other words, listen tothe very people that you think
you have the ability to help,because they're the people who
(13:39):
will give you all the answers,and that, for me, that's the key
thing that I think a lot ofpeople don't do.
Well, I've got a great idea.
Okay, then, why is it a greatidea?
Because I think it is Maybe notthe best approach.
So, for me, talking to youraudience, but you need to know
who the audience is, and thenyou go and ask them and you
(13:59):
canvas them and you find out andyou listen, you understand and
then you come back withsolutions, but you run them past
those people as well.
So, I think, look in the mirrorand ask yourself those key
questions who am I, what am Idoing?
Who am I helping?
How am I helping them and howcan I do that better and more
effectively?
Speaker 1 (14:18):
And it is listening.
Isn't it Asking and listeningand then taking those
individuals with you on kind ofthe next steps?
Tell us what you're most proudof in the work that you've been
doing specifically around femaleleaders.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
I was going to say my kids, then I'm most proud of my
kids, but obviously they're not.
They're not work related, yet,um, I think every customer,
every client, every project thatI work on gives me a very,
gives me a sense of gratitude.
They're all different becausethey all have different
(14:54):
challenges, whether that's asenior leader in a big sort of
global corporate, or it's astartup entrepreneur, or it's a
young person, a teenager who,let's say, has different
learning requirements, or atroubled teenager who are, I
suppose you could say, let's say, on the edge of tipping into
(15:16):
the abyss.
There's so many, there are somany different outcomes, but
what they all, I think the keycommon denominator is that they
all realised that the answersthey were looking for were
always within them, and whatthey'd done and this is the bit
(15:37):
that gives me the most purpose,I think is they'd reached out,
they'd sought support from anoutside or an external, someone
like me or another coach, andhad let that person in.
Because, as a coach, my job isto, as you said, ask lots of
questions, but then listen, andlisten to understand, not to
(15:58):
reply, and by listening tounderstand, you can then ask
more, I suppose more probingquestions that then elicit,
because the answers are alwayswithin us.
It's just needing someone to beable to help you, I suppose,
unpick them.
Unlock them, because normallythey're kind of hidden away for
(16:19):
very good reason.
So it's difficult to pinpointthe successes because there's so
many of them.
In fact, one woman who wasliterally couldn't even look at
me in the eye.
She was successful, but she wasfrightened.
She had lost all her confidence.
She was returning back to work.
She had two kids.
(16:39):
She couldn't make a decision tosave her life she won't mind me
saying that and she wentthrough a programme.
She went through one day.
Then she went through a muchmore in-depth programme with me.
We helped her with careerchoices, mindset, leadership,
and she was in a toxicenvironment in a big corporate.
(17:01):
She took leave, she left, shegot the job of her dreams and
she said to me she said I wouldnever have ever, I wouldn't even
gone for the job in terms ofapplied for it if I'd not met
you.
That's powerful.
She got the job.
She heads up.
She heads up a departmentwithin a big global telecoms
(17:22):
company and she's brilliant.
But she always knew that, butshe'd forgotten how to find it
and all I helped her with wasuncovering the magic which she'd
always had.
So that's probably my, that'sthe one that really.
That's.
All I could say is yeah, sobasically helping her find her
voice, her confidence, her mojo.
I think she can call me amagician, which sounds a bit bit
(17:44):
weird, but you know, that'smaybe that's it the mindset
magician, that's it the mindsetmagician how many tote bags do
you want?
just the one maybe, butdouble-sided, I don't know.
But she was yes and she's.
The best thing is thisparticular person has referred
me on.
That's the best testament I canever have.
(18:05):
She's passed me on to peoplewho would never normally come to
me in their hour of need abecause they didn't know I
existed.
Or if they did know I existed,they perhaps didn't think they
could trust me because obviouslythe male, white, privileged,
etc.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
But no that the people that she's passed on have
have really benefited, becauseall I've done is help them
unblock the barriers that theywere holding them back and this
is and this is why sort of thatreal sort of allyship, and I
know this is part of a role inyour coaching, but this is why,
outside of that, this is ofallyship, and I know this is
part of a role in your coaching,but this is why, outside of
that, this year you werenominated and successful to join
(18:41):
the very first in all girl, ifyou like, the very first
Northern Power Awards advocacylist.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
By that person as well, the very person we talked
about.
It was she who nominated me.
There's the nice segue Amazing.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
And why is this important to you?
What are you most proud of andwhat is next?
Speaker 2 (19:01):
why is it important?
What, being part of thenorthern power women?
Yeah, I think.
Firstly, to be aroundlike-minded and kindred.
Like-minded souls, kindredspirits, people who don't just
talk about making change, theydemonstrate it.
I was touched.
I went to the event last yearand I walked out completely
(19:23):
gobsmacked, mesmerized.
I've never had so manygoosebump moments as I did that
night and I just thought, wow,there's kind of, there's my, not
my audience, there's mycommunity of people who make
change, who are making adifference.
And that really got me.
And I never expected to benominated.
(19:43):
I was absolutely bowled over.
I was just chuffed with beingnominated, as in, chuffed with
being put forward.
So to be part of that initiallist was, I mean people say,
humbling, but it was Because Ilook around the room and I'm sat
with you know, nazir.
Okay, I've met you once andhere I am again and I'm on the
same stage as you now and I'mkind of you're in my world and
(20:07):
I'm in yours.
So that, for me, is powerful,being around people who want to
make a difference.
And there's more impact with acollective, so much more impact
with making changes, creatingmore allyship around within men,
if it comes from the rightplace where there's thousands of
voices, not just mine.
(20:27):
Someone said how can you makechange?
I was all by joining a reallypowerful community called
Northern Power Women.
Again, it gives me the chanceto be part of.
You know, one thing I'velearned is that there is power
in the collective, there's moreinfluence and, you know, you are
a role model for that community.
And I saw that on the secondevent I went to, which is the
(20:51):
one where we were nominated, andI just took a different attack.
I just sat back and watched theone where we were nominated and
I just took a different attack.
I just sat back and watched.
I chatted to I think it was um,to kim, it was next to me.
We just chatted all night aboutall sorts, but primarily about
our roles in how do we help makesociety more equal and
obviously we can do that withinour own business community, the
(21:12):
northwest but how do we createthe ripples and that go across
the regions, the countries?
You know I want my daughter,ella, not to feel that she has
equal rights in in the work thatshe chooses, in how people
treat her.
At the moment I don't thinkwe're nowhere near that yet.
It's better, but as wediscussed off, you know off
(21:35):
record the the landscape is.
It's uncomfortable because it'srun by the wrong people, and
that's all I'll say on that.
We need to change them.
What's it?
Change the mood.
Music, to coin a phrase, and Ithink we're doing it and it's
getting louder just needs to beamplified now, and you and the
(21:56):
community is the way to do it,and I'm proud to be part of it.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
And I'm really excited about what we're going
to, what we are taking forward,what we are going to grow and
move through.
This is never about a pin badge, it's never about one night.
It's about what we do with thepower of the collective.
Mr Simon, thank you so much forjoining us and being so candid
with us and passing on yourskills and knowledge.
We look forward to working withyou, changing the mood, music
(22:21):
and um, listening to understand.
I think there's my tote bagmoment.
That's my, that's my uhclinton's card.
Other brands are available.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Uh, simon, thank you so much magician, they mindset
magician then not mindsetmagician.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
I'm going to phone a friend on that one.
Thank you so much for joiningus and thanks to all of you.
We know these conversationsmatter.
We know that the insights, thetips that you can take away to
enable you to do this is thepower of the collective.
It's more that we can do bettertogether.
You know that's what it's about.
So thank you for listening.
Thank you more that we can dobetter together.
(23:00):
You know that's what it's about.
So thank you for listening.
Thank you to our fantasticguest, simon.
Please stay connected on all ofour socials facebook, linkedin
we are power.
Tiktok.
Instagram.
Twitter we are power underscorenet.
Look forward to catching upwith you next week when I'll be
talking to yet anotherphenomenal role model.
Thank you so much for joining.
My name is samoa.
This is the we are powerpodcast in what goes on media
production.
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