Grief, Gratitude, and Metastatic Breast Cancer with Actress Erin Cronican

On this episode of WE Have Cancer, Lee is joined by actress and singer Erin Cronican to chat about her experience battling stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, continuing to perform and produce plays with her theater company, and blogging her entire journey since 1998. Erin speaks candidly about the roles of grief and gratitude in her life, and the comfort she finds in her work and daily routine. 

Guest Biography:

Erin Cronican is an award-winning director, actor, and singer based in New York. She currently serves as Executive Artistic Director at The Seeing Place Theater in New York City. In 2018, she was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, and has been undergoing chemotherapy, treatments, and scans ever since. She has been blogging since the 90’s and continues to document her life at her self-titled blog, “The Erin Cronicals,” where she provides transparency, awareness, and levity as she navigates her cancer journey.

Table of Contents:

• Do we owe anyone vulnerability?

Sometimes vulnerability and openness can be a double-edged sword. When Erin found out she had stage 4 breast cancer, she went through surgery during the midst of production with her theatre company.

• "I wanted my art to stand on its own."

Erin started chemotherapy in March 2019, and was scheduled to open a show in April 2019. She lost 40 pounds in 4 months due to a tumor leaning on her adrenal gland. She says when she started the show, she was not the energetic person people expected her to be. Critics found all kinds of reasons to call her the “weak link” of the show; they had no idea she had breast cancer.

• Normalize the Daily Struggle 

Erin says, in a way, all cancer patients are actors to a certain extent. Everyone puts on a face around family members so they don’t worry as much, we downplay our feelings, friends tell us “Oh you look great!” 

• The Comfort of Routine, Blogging, and Storytelling

Erin started blogging back in the 1990’s while she was in college. She learned to code websites, and started writing a daily diary on her HTML website. She started her current blog when she moved to NYC in 2005. When she was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in 2015, the blog morphed into being more medically driven.

• Grief and Gratitude Can Coexist

Erin explains on her blog how she can be grieving the life that she used to have, and also be grateful for the life she has now. She wrote that two months before her mother’s death; and now she's also dealing with the grief of losing a parent and the collective grief of living through a pandemic. Sometimes in the cancer community there’s a toxic positivity aspect; it’s okay to make room for grief. 

• “I’m grateful for my chemotherapy.”

When her blood counts are too low and she can’t get chemo, Erin admits she's very sad. She considers it to be medicine and nothing toxic. Since she's been so stable recently, she's getting her scans every four months instead of every three. She says the "scanxiety" she feels is more a concern in having to change her regimen and less about worrying if the cancer comes back.

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