April 10, 2024 • 33 mins
This week, we're talking about expectations and how they tint our reality and shape our experiences... and what we can REALLY expect if we want to write full-time.
Thank you for listening! For show notes and a full transcript of this episode, please visit: https://www.sarahwerner.com/expectation-vs-reality-wn-159/
To support the work I do here at the Write Now podcast, become a patron on Patreon at https://patreon.com/sarahrheawerner, or send me a tip on Ko-Fi at https://ko-fi.com/sarahwerner.
Happy writing!
— Sarah
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
This is the Write Now Podcastwith Sarah Werner, episode 1 59,
expectation versus Reality.
(00:28):
Welcome to Write Now, thepodcast that helps all writers --
aspiring professional, and otherwise-- to find the time, energy,
and courage you need topursue your passion and write.
I'm your host, Sarah Werner,
and today we are talkingabout expectations versus
reality. You might already besomewhat familiar with this topic.
(00:52):
If you're anything like me and you sitdown to record a podcast episode and
expect it to be nice and quiet,
and then 17,000 trains and helicoptersand rusty old cars go by...
but seriously, you may have anidea of what this looks like.
If you've seen memes on the internetthat compare the expectation of something
-- so, say the beautifulidealized version of a recipe,
(01:15):
a picture of a beautifully baked cake --
versus how the cake actuallyturned out when your average
layperson made said cake (orattempted to make said cake),
expectation and reality.There's a little bit of
cynicism baked in there in that thememe sets us up to think that, oh,
(01:37):
the expectation isunmeetable, it's perfect,
it's idealized, and thereality is inevitably a...
well, maybe not laughably worse,
but definitely lesser when compared to the
expectation. You might know -- in fact,
you probably know from your experiencein your life that this is not
(02:00):
necessarily a hundredpercent true all of the time.
Often we expect somethingwill be terrible,
and it actually ends up being pretty good.
We expect to have a terrible timeat Aunt Edith's 85th birthday,
but we end up connecting with a cousinthat we forgot existed and talking about
books -- that's great.
Expectation was of drudgery and misery.
(02:23):
Reality was really not so bad.There's also the matter of skill.
If you have been baking for several years,
the cake that you bake may actually looka lot like the picture or maybe even
better than the picture in the recipe.But if it's your first time ever
picking up a mixing bowland a spoon, be prepared;
(02:47):
your reality might be significantlyworse than the expectation,
or even the average reality.
I want to talk about this todaybecause it applies to so different
facets of writing and being a writer.
The number one thing I hear when I tellpeople that I write full time and that I
(03:08):
don't go to a day job and workfor someone else is, oh my gosh,
you are living the dream. Or,oh my gosh, I'm so jealous.
I wish I could do that, and ina way, I am living the dream.
I want to acknowledge that right upfront.
I have been able to do things with mylife that I'm extremely grateful for,
but even I had a little bit of,
(03:30):
let's call it sticker shock atthe disparity between expectation
and reality. When I first started writingfull time... think of it this way,
when I was in high school, allof my friends and me included,
wanted to be marine biologists.
We all wanted to be marine biologistsbecause of our perception of what a
(03:50):
marine biologist was and didin our minds every day a marine
biologist got to go outand swim with dolphins.
We were however old you arewhen you're in high school,
or maybe it was even middle school,
but you have no idea what the workworld is like. You have no idea that,
okay, yes, you do get to swim withdolphins like three days out of the year.
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The rest of your days are takenup by meetings, by cleaning tanks,
by doing advocacy workthat no one listens to by
more paperwork,
by dealing with coworkers whoyou cannot stand by drinking
horrible break room coffee,et cetera, et cetera.
There's just so many thingsthat we don't know to expect.
(04:36):
16-year-old Sarah,
had she been given the opportunity tobecome a marine biologist professionally,
right at that very moment,
would've been very disappointedat the 362 days a year of not
swimming with dolphins sense.
So it can be helpful forus to know what to expect.
I don't have kids of my own,
(04:57):
but I actually have a friend who justhad a baby and was reading that very
famous book, What to ExpectWhen You're Expecting,
and basically the book does itsbest to prepare you and to set your
expectations for what happensduring pregnancy. Like, oh, hey,
did you know your body's goingto do this? I bet you didn't.
I think it's important to say rightoff the bat, which is a cliche,
(05:20):
so I hope you forgive me,
but I really think it's important tosay that you cannot be blamed for not
knowing what you don't know.
It is not your fault if you are a16-year-old who is really excited
about being a marine biologist becauseyou think it means you get to swim with
dolphins all day. You don't knowany better, and that's okay.
(05:41):
I also really can't blame the peoplewho say, oh my gosh, I'm so jealous.
You basically don't work for a living.You get to have fun and write all day.
I don't blame those people toomuch for not understanding what it
is I do because I feel much likea marine biologist. The idea,
the vocation, the careerof a writer is very,
(06:04):
very highly romanticized.
Even I had this romantic fantasybefore I quit my day job when I
was even writing and getting paid forit, but was also working a day job.
I had this wild expectation for,oh my gosh, when I quit my day job,
I'm going to be able to writefor eight or more hours a day.
(06:25):
I'm going to sit there at thewindow at my desk drinking good
coffee and or tea and or both,
and watching the world go by andlistening to the rustling leaves in the
trees and the songs of birds as I write,
as much as my heart will allow.I didn't even think of writing as
(06:46):
much as my heart would allow actually,
because I wasn't imagining at thetime that there were any limits to my
time or energy that I would dealwith because when you're a full-time
writer, you sit there and youjust daydream and write all day,
right? This is, as youmay have already guessed,
a bit of a leading question,
(07:08):
and I say this with full earnestnessbecause this is exactly what I
thought it was going to be when Ileft my day job in 2017 to write
full-time. In fact, I've been writingfull-time for seven years now,
and I'm still figuring out what itmeans to write full-time present me,
cannot blame past me forromanticizing the vocation,
(07:32):
for expecting that it will be a magical,
beautiful experience.
Just like 16-year-old me didn't knowthat a marine biologist doesn't get to
swim with dolphins 24 hours a day,
seven days a week. I'm not going toset up this episode to be a sort of
what to expect when you areexpecting to be a full-time writer
(07:55):
because every writing career is different.
There's not just one set of expectations.
There's not just one set of thingsto expect or to anticipate or to
prepare for. I've written for magazines,I've written for the internet,
I've done content marketing,I've written for social media,
(08:15):
I've written for marketing purposes ads.
I've written podcasts,I've written novels.
I've written short stories andpoems, and I've even written for tv,
and even with all ofthat varied experience,
I'm still not comfortable tellingpeople exactly what to expect from a
full-time writing career oreven from a writing session or
(08:40):
the writing experience overall. However,
I do know what has worked for meand what has been true for me,
and that is the experiencethat I want to share with you,
and I hope that it's valuable.Your writing journey will not like my
writing journey.
My writing journey does not looklike anyone else's writing journey.
(09:00):
That's because we are artistsand we come to our art as humans,
and every human experience isrichly and uniquely different.
I know that the whole thing abouteverybody is a unique snowflake has become
kind of a cliche and even kind ofa mean thing to say to someone,
but we are all individual and unique.
(09:21):
Your fingerprints don't matchanyone else's fingerprints,
so your writing journey and yourexperience are not going to match anyone
else's journey and experience,
but what's valuable is we can learnfrom each other and we can support and
encourage each other as we go.
So here's what my day looked like whenI first started writing full-time.
(09:45):
Now, when I first startedwriting full-time,
I wasn't just able to work onprojects that I wanted to work on. I
was doing freelance, which I thinkis how a lot of writers begin.
So freelance means that you aretaking writing jobs from someone else
and getting paid to do them.
One of the hardest parts of freelancework is finding freelance work,
(10:08):
finding someone who wants to hirea writer for a one-off job or for
a recurring job, and that'spart of the job itself,
and it's a part of the jobfor which you don't get paid.
So when I was both freelancing andworking on my own creative stuff,
I would get up early, I would makecoffee, feed the cats the ritual,
(10:31):
sit down, and I would prioritizemy own creative writing,
and so I would write for three to fourhours on my creative writing project,
and then I would break forlunch, and then when I came back,
I would work on my freelance stuff.So I would work two to four
hours on my creativeproject in the morning,
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and then the afternoon I would workfour or five hours on a client project.
This may sound very similar to whatyou're doing now if you're at a full-time
job and managing to squeeze in somewriting time of your own on your own
projects, there were definite perks.
I didn't have to stick to that schedule.
If my writing energy was betterfrom midnight to 4:00 AM then heck,
(11:16):
I could do my work at that time,and there was nobody to say, oh,
you have to clock in exactly at eighto'clock and you have to do this and this
and this. So that was actually very nice.
I can also at the drop of a hat if mysister calls, if something happens,
I don't have to ask a boss if I canleave, if I can take a quick break,
if I can take a half day,
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I can just go and take care of the thingsin my life that need taken care of.
That is all a huge perk forme and it's worth it for me.
But there's also things that I didn'texpect I would miss from a full-time day
job, like coworkers who I actually,
the ability to make friends, theability to learn from other coworkers,
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the ability to work onprojects as a team, PTO,
which here in the United Statesstands for paid time off,
which is essentially your paidvacation time. I read a report once,
and I don't know if thisstrikes true for you,
but the average office worker actually
works on their work between oneand three hours out of their eight
(12:21):
hour workday. The rest is alltaken up by meetings, by chitchats,
by water cooler visits, by et cetera,
talking about fantasyfootball, whatever it is.
I don't know if that is true for you,
but when I think back on my career inmarketing and all of the other things I've
done one to three hours,
(12:42):
maybe four hours on a really solid workday
project-wise, is what I was able to getdone because when you work for yourself,
there's no water cooler, there'sno getting paid for the day,
even if you didn't do a whole lot,
there's just delivering on your projectand getting paid for it. Hopefully,
(13:03):
that's another part of the freelancesort of work that nobody tells you about
is that sometimes people do not want topay you even after they've hired you and
you've done the work, you'vedone what they've asked for,
you'll write them an invoiceand you'll say, okay, hey,
if I could get paid in the nexttwo weeks, that would be great,
and then like eight weeks go byand you're like, ha ha. It's, Hey,
(13:24):
it's me again. Can youplease pay me for my work?
Chasing people down to get themoney that you earned from them
is again, another part of the jobthat no one really talks about. Now,
I'm not saying that the grass isgreener. I'm not saying now that, oh,
I'm looking back on my full-timeemployed days working for someone else
(13:47):
with rose tinted glasses,
even though rose tinted glasses wouldmake green grass look brown. I'm just
saying that I've learned thatthere's balance in everything.
Nothing is ever 100% good or 100% bad.
This is something I have hadto learn time and time again,
and for me at least,
(14:07):
because I don't want to tell you whatyour experience is or has been or will
be for me,
it has ended up being aboutwhat am I willing to sacrifice
and what do I really end trulywant and value from my work
as a writer?
Even though I would make more money andthe money that I made would be more,
(14:31):
shall we say, consistent orsecure, if I worked full-time,
that is a sacrifice I'm willing to make,
make less money and foregobenefits like dental
insurance, health insurance,a 401k matching program,
all of that stuff,
because I literally could notstand anymore having someone
(14:55):
else tell me what to do.I've talked about this on the show before,
so I won't belabor the point,
but I got to a point where itwas just no longer working for me
to have someone else schedulingmy time and saying, okay,
you need to work on this project forthis client from this hour to this hour,
it chafed enough that it became areason for me to make less money
(15:20):
to willingly make less money.
This is probably one of those thingsthat is not true for very many people,
but I think everybody hasthat one thing for me,
I could not stand anymore.
I couldn't stand being told whatto do or when and how to do it,
but for other people it maybe I want to be able to go on
(15:42):
vacation without askingmy boss for permission,
or I want to choose the clients Iwork with instead of the ones that are
assigned to me or I want toset my own rates or insert
whatever else reason you may want towork for yourself versus working for
someone else, but if itfeels justified to you,
(16:03):
then it's justified to you.It's just hard to know before you
begin what you'll be giving up,
what you'll be expectedto sacrifice. So for me,
as a full-time self-employed writer,
I am responsible for makingmoney with my writing on the
days that I don't work, I don't produce,
(16:25):
I don't make progress on a project.I essentially don't get paid.
There is no going to the water coolerbecause I don't have a water cooler and
there's nobody to talk with at the watercooler if that's even something that
people do anymore. I don't know,
maybe it's just part of the culturalworkforce zeitgeist or something.
I also didn't know how difficultit would be to reliably
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produce high quality creativestuff on a consistent basis,
and what I mean by that iswhen I was working full time,
I would go hard on the weekends.I would on Saturday and Sunday,
which were my days off my weekend,
I would have writing marathon days andall of the writing that I couldn't do
during the week because I wasexhausted from work or I had
(17:12):
overextended myself volunteering or Ihad done this or that or I was sick.
I was able to write for eight hours a dayon Saturday and then Sunday maybe even
more, and that built upthe expectation that,
oh, if I was a full-time writer, Iwill be able to do this every day.
And sure, you can do it for thefirst day and the second day,
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and then the third day comes and thenthe fourth day and then the fifth day,
and you realize, you beginto realize that energy,
creative energy is a little bit morelimited than you thought and that life
tends to eat up your time even thoughyou've set it aside for writing.
It's taken me years tofully block off that
(17:58):
7:00 AM to 11:00 AM fourhour period where I am
writing and nothing elseis allowed to happen.
Time is weirdly relative,
and those long eternal minutes thatI spent watching the clock go by at
a job that I hated was verydifferent from the same amount of
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time that I spent writing and tryingto get in everything I wanted to
write that day before my energy ranout or before something happened that I
needed to tend to,
et cetera. I'm not saying any ofthis to make you second guess,
wanting to be a full-time writer.
I just want to make sure that yougo into it prepared and that the gap
(18:41):
between your expectations and thereality of things doesn't throw you
into disillusionment and despair,
so be sure to talk to other writersbecause as I said in the beginning,
nobody's writing journeyis exactly the same.
I can only speak to you whatmy experience has been about,
(19:01):
what my expectations werefor writing full time,
so get a variety of people totell you about their experience
being a writer, thesacrifices they had to make,
the things that they didn't expect,
challenges that they didn't knowthat they would be dealing with.
Get a list of questions. Itdoesn't have to be formal.
(19:21):
You can just have an idea of questionsin your head. You don't have to write
them down and fill out aworksheet. It's not that formal,
but I do want you to talk to a varietyof writers because my experience is not
the only experience and whatI've done is not by any means the
correct way to doanything. I say this a lot,
but there is more than just oneway to create, to be an artist,
(19:46):
to write, and you need to gowith whatever is right for you.
The other reason that I wanted to talkabout expectation versus reality for
writers today was because of some
misleading expectation settingthat I've been seeing online.
What follows and really anythingin my show is not meant to slander
(20:09):
anyone or to tear anyone down ever.
I just want you to have adiscerning eye when it comes to
writing advice and when it comes topeople telling you what is possible for
you in your writing career,
which that just sounds like a downer,
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but while I believe thatanything is possible for you,
it doesn't happen like magic.It doesn't happen right away.
It doesn't even happen passively. Youhave to work hard for these things,
and I've been seeing a lot of pieces.
I won't say if they're essaysor articles or podcast episodes
(20:51):
or YouTube videos or anything like that,
just pieces of mediathat seem to suggest that
there will ever be a day asa writer when you will not
struggle again. I know thissounds like a huge bummer,
so if you want to turn offthis episode, you totally can,
(21:11):
but to give you an ideaof what I'm talking about,
I recently saw a piece aimed atwriters that was titled something
like, "Never Worry AboutCharacter Development Again";
"The One Weird Trick That WillImprove your Writing Instantly";
"Land An Agent WithThese Three Quick Tips";
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"How To Structure the PerfectStory". I could go on, but I won't.
These articles and videos andpodcast episodes and books and
whatever else they are,
they're making false promises.They're setting false
expectations. Again, I saythis from my own experience,
but anytime that I have evercome close to saying, oh,
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this is the one rightway to structure a story,
I've proven myself wrong or I'vebeen proven wrong by someone else,
or I've just realizedthat it simply isn't true,
and even if something is a silverbullet or a quick fix in a certain
situation, it doesn't mean that itwill work all the time, every time.
(22:17):
I touched on this a little bit inepisode 140 about bulletproof writers
and how there is no suchthing as a bulletproof writer.
There is no such thing as a writerwho has perfect circumstances,
et cetera. Every time they write,
there is not one quick trick thatwill fix your writing career.
(22:38):
There's basic informationthat can help you like, Hey,
you should probably spell things correctlyunless you're writing avant-garde
poetry, in which casemisspell everything, or, Hey,
you should probably structureyour novel in three act structure,
unless of course you realize thatthree act structure is actually kind of
secretly four act structure,
but also there's five act structure andseven act structure and a million other
(23:01):
ways to structure a story successfully.I also hate to be the
bearer of this news, and you canchoose not to believe it if you want,
but there will never be a timewhen you're not doubting yourself
or at least that's whathas been true for me.
Even as I reach a level ofsuccess and move forward,
(23:22):
I find that I have no idea whatI'm doing over and over and over
again. Even if I know something is good,
there are times when I will doubtit and anyone promising that in 30
minutes you can overcomeself-doubt forever,
that you can get rid ofimposter syndrome forever,
that you'll never getanother book rejection again.
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Those people are setting falseexpectations because there is no
cure for self-doubt, there isno cure for imposter syndrome.
There is no cure to being human.
I think part of the reason that we write,
part of the reason that we createart is to struggle with these
concepts, the frustration that we can'tcreate something that feels perfect,
(24:08):
the frustration that we can't be perfecteven if we understand intellectually
what perfect is. This is part of thereason that I haven't recorded a lot of
right now episodes lately.
It's because I really hesitateto tell people how to do things
or to assert that this is the right wayto do something or this is the right way
to look at something because I've learnedthere's so many valid ways to do and
(24:32):
look at things.
Maybe in your experience there hasbeen a silver bullet for overcoming and
imposter syndrome forever, in which case,
please let us know in the comments below,
if you have found a cure for imperfection,if you found a cure for being human,
please do let us know,
(24:53):
but I do think that part of thereason that we create art is to
create the art.
It's not to get to some finish line ofperfection that's light years ahead.
It's not to have become something,
it's to become something.It's to become a writer,
and even after seven years of doing thisfull time, I'm only getting started.
(25:15):
Becoming something is hard work,
and that's what a lot of people don'twant to admit. Do I love what I do? Yes.
Is it a struggle most days? Also, yes.
Would I ever go back to doingsomething else? No, I would not,
and that's part of why I am so stronglycommitted to writing full-time for
(25:35):
myself because I have had tostruggle and sacrifice a lot to get
here. If someone tells you, Hey,
you can overcome imposter syndromein three quick and easy steps,
I want to take a look at theperson who created that article,
the source of that statement.
Have they truly overcomeimposter syndrome?
(25:59):
Do they practice what they preach?Do they have proven results?
Sometimes I go back and I look throughold episodes of the Write Now Podcast,
and I said a lot of things eight,
nine years ago that I don'tthink I would say anymore. I
spoke with very certainauthority about things that I
(26:20):
only barely understoodabout time management,
about success, about resistance,
so I'm just as guiltyof this as anyone else,
but I want to make sure that the episodesyou're listening to that the articles
you're reading, that thebooks you're reading,
that the videos you're watching aboutwriting are not harnessing you with
(26:41):
unreasonable expectationswith false dreams.
I really shouldn't keep harping on this,
but I attended a webinar over theweekend given by a writer who I really
admire,
and it was all about how toquit your day job and live
your dream as a writer, and 10 years ago,
(27:03):
I would have eaten it up,
but now that I've actually hadexperience in being a full-time writer,
I actually found myselfgetting a little bit angry.
The person leading the webinar was makinga lot of promises and they were saying
what the audience wantedto hear, like, yes,
it is possible for youto live your dream life,
(27:25):
but they were also leaving out a lotof really important things that you
need to expect.Like yes,
you absolutely can live your dreamlife if you have a very specific
definition of what your dream life is.
Being a writer is not thesame thing as being retired.
(27:45):
It's not the same thing as beingindependently wealthy. Now,
if you're independentlywealthy, if you're retired,
I totally think you should write.
That is a great use of your time andI really hope you enjoy that journey,
but if you are lookingat writing as a career,
I want to encourage you to gointo it with fully open eyes with
questions that you want to askand need to have answered. Again,
(28:07):
my best advice is talkto a variety of writers.
Whether it's a famous writer youadmire on social media, famous writers,
it's hit or miss whether they'll getback to you because they are so busy and
inundated with fan mail and stuff,
but talk to one of yourlocal news reporters,
talk to a journalist, message,a lesser known author online,
(28:30):
a debut author.Ask them how it's been going,
what their life is like,what their schedule is like,
what they didn't know to expect,and if anyone ever tells you,
oh, yeah, you can be a writer, youcan live your dream, it's easy.
Then I encourage you tobe very, very suspicious.
(28:52):
I didn't know fully what to expectuntil I was in the thick of it when it
came to being a full-timewriter, and in fact,
there's probably things that I don'tknow yet that I haven't figured out yet
that I didn't know to expect thatare still coming down the road,
and I never want to say, yep, I'vegot it all figured out. So again,
(29:13):
please take the things I've said inthis episode with the requisite grain of
salt. In the meantime,
please keep writing in your free time.
If writing is something you truly enjoy,
then make sure that you are makingtime to do it. If you want to swim with
dolphins, don't become a marine biologist.
(29:33):
Save up your money and take a vacationwhere you can swim with some dolphins.
If you want to sit in your local coffeeshop on Saturday mornings and write your
novel, then please do that, andif you want to write full time,
then please prepare yourselfas best you can so that the gap
between your expectation andyour reality doesn't crush you.
(29:58):
Writing is a journey and asMorpheus very wisely said to
Neo,
there's a difference between knowingthe path and walking the path,
and if you decide thatyou want to walk the path,
I want you to know that I'm right herewith you walking and maybe tripping and
stumbling bling,
(30:20):
but always willing to get back up anddust myself off and give you a hand up if
you need it to. I am able to createthe Write Now podcast because of the
kind and generous peoplewho donate on Patreon.
Patreon is a secure,
third-party donation platform thatallows you to donate a dollar per podcast
(30:40):
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You can support me on Patreon byfollowing the link in the show notes to
today's episode. This is episode 159,
and just click support this podcast andit will take you out to Patreon where
you can make your pledge. Otherwise,if you are not a fan of Patreon,
(31:02):
if you want to do something else,
I also do have links to Kofi and
PayPal,
I think that you can find also inthe show notes for today's episode.
If you're looking for the shownotes for today's episode,
you can find them out at sarahwerner.com.
That's S-A-R-A-H-W-E-R-N-E-R dot com.
(31:22):
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Thank you, especially to patronsLaurie, Regina Calabrese,
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(31:44):
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follow the links in the shownotes for today's episode. Sorry,
I almost forgot what I'm saying,
(32:07):
so maybe it's just that kind of day.
I hope that this episodehas been useful for you.
If you have dreams of becoming a writer,
then I'm right there with you andwanting those dreams to come true.
Grow your understanding of what to expect,
of what the reality of your dream may beso that you can prepare yourself for it
(32:29):
and succeed with that.
This has been episode 159of the Write Now Podcast,
the podcast that hopefully helps allwriters -- aspiring professional,
and otherwise -- to find the time, energy,
and courage you need topursue your passion and write.
I'm Sarah Werner, and I'vegot some writing to do.
This is the Write Now Podcastwith Sarah Werner, episode 1 59,
expectation versus Reality.
(00:28):
Welcome to Write Now, thepodcast that helps all writers --
aspiring professional, and otherwise-- to find the time, energy,
and courage you need topursue your passion and write.
I'm your host, Sarah Werner,
and today we are talkingabout expectations versus
reality. You might already besomewhat familiar with this topic.
(00:52):
If you're anything like me and you sitdown to record a podcast episode and
expect it to be nice and quiet,
and then 17,000 trains and helicoptersand rusty old cars go by...
but seriously, you may have anidea of what this looks like.
If you've seen memes on the internetthat compare the expectation of something
-- so, say the beautifulidealized version of a recipe,
(01:15):
a picture of a beautifully baked cake --
versus how the cake actuallyturned out when your average
layperson made said cake (orattempted to make said cake),
expectation and reality.There's a little bit of
cynicism baked in there in that thememe sets us up to think that, oh,
(01:37):
the expectation isunmeetable, it's perfect,
it's idealized, and thereality is inevitably a...
well, maybe not laughably worse,
but definitely lesser when compared to the
expectation. You might know -- in fact,
you probably know from your experiencein your life that this is not
(02:00):
necessarily a hundredpercent true all of the time.
Often we expect somethingwill be terrible,
and it actually ends up being pretty good.
We expect to have a terrible timeat Aunt Edith's 85th birthday,
but we end up connecting with a cousinthat we forgot existed and talking about
books -- that's great.
Expectation was of drudgery and misery.
(02:23):
Reality was really not so bad.There's also the matter of skill.
If you have been baking for several years,
the cake that you bake may actually looka lot like the picture or maybe even
better than the picture in the recipe.But if it's your first time ever
picking up a mixing bowland a spoon, be prepared;
(02:47):
your reality might be significantlyworse than the expectation,
or even the average reality.
I want to talk about this todaybecause it applies to so different
facets of writing and being a writer.
The number one thing I hear when I tellpeople that I write full time and that I
(03:08):
don't go to a day job and workfor someone else is, oh my gosh,
you are living the dream. Or,oh my gosh, I'm so jealous.
I wish I could do that, and ina way, I am living the dream.
I want to acknowledge that right upfront.
I have been able to do things with mylife that I'm extremely grateful for,
but even I had a little bit of,
(03:30):
let's call it sticker shock atthe disparity between expectation
and reality. When I first started writingfull time... think of it this way,
when I was in high school, allof my friends and me included,
wanted to be marine biologists.
We all wanted to be marine biologistsbecause of our perception of what a
(03:50):
marine biologist was and didin our minds every day a marine
biologist got to go outand swim with dolphins.
We were however old you arewhen you're in high school,
or maybe it was even middle school,
but you have no idea what the workworld is like. You have no idea that,
okay, yes, you do get to swim withdolphins like three days out of the year.
(04:12):
The rest of your days are takenup by meetings, by cleaning tanks,
by doing advocacy workthat no one listens to by
more paperwork,
by dealing with coworkers whoyou cannot stand by drinking
horrible break room coffee,et cetera, et cetera.
There's just so many thingsthat we don't know to expect.
(04:36):
16-year-old Sarah,
had she been given the opportunity tobecome a marine biologist professionally,
right at that very moment,
would've been very disappointedat the 362 days a year of not
swimming with dolphins sense.
So it can be helpful forus to know what to expect.
I don't have kids of my own,
(04:57):
but I actually have a friend who justhad a baby and was reading that very
famous book, What to ExpectWhen You're Expecting,
and basically the book does itsbest to prepare you and to set your
expectations for what happensduring pregnancy. Like, oh, hey,
did you know your body's goingto do this? I bet you didn't.
I think it's important to say rightoff the bat, which is a cliche,
(05:20):
so I hope you forgive me,
but I really think it's important tosay that you cannot be blamed for not
knowing what you don't know.
It is not your fault if you are a16-year-old who is really excited
about being a marine biologist becauseyou think it means you get to swim with
dolphins all day. You don't knowany better, and that's okay.
(05:41):
I also really can't blame the peoplewho say, oh my gosh, I'm so jealous.
You basically don't work for a living.You get to have fun and write all day.
I don't blame those people toomuch for not understanding what it
is I do because I feel much likea marine biologist. The idea,
the vocation, the careerof a writer is very,
(06:04):
very highly romanticized.
Even I had this romantic fantasybefore I quit my day job when I
was even writing and getting paid forit, but was also working a day job.
I had this wild expectation for,oh my gosh, when I quit my day job,
I'm going to be able to writefor eight or more hours a day.
(06:25):
I'm going to sit there at thewindow at my desk drinking good
coffee and or tea and or both,
and watching the world go by andlistening to the rustling leaves in the
trees and the songs of birds as I write,
as much as my heart will allow.I didn't even think of writing as
(06:46):
much as my heart would allow actually,
because I wasn't imagining at thetime that there were any limits to my
time or energy that I would dealwith because when you're a full-time
writer, you sit there and youjust daydream and write all day,
right? This is, as youmay have already guessed,
a bit of a leading question,
(07:08):
and I say this with full earnestnessbecause this is exactly what I
thought it was going to be when Ileft my day job in 2017 to write
full-time. In fact, I've been writingfull-time for seven years now,
and I'm still figuring out what itmeans to write full-time present me,
cannot blame past me forromanticizing the vocation,
(07:32):
for expecting that it will be a magical,
beautiful experience.
Just like 16-year-old me didn't knowthat a marine biologist doesn't get to
swim with dolphins 24 hours a day,
seven days a week. I'm not going toset up this episode to be a sort of
what to expect when you areexpecting to be a full-time writer
(07:55):
because every writing career is different.
There's not just one set of expectations.
There's not just one set of thingsto expect or to anticipate or to
prepare for. I've written for magazines,I've written for the internet,
I've done content marketing,I've written for social media,
(08:15):
I've written for marketing purposes ads.
I've written podcasts,I've written novels.
I've written short stories andpoems, and I've even written for tv,
and even with all ofthat varied experience,
I'm still not comfortable tellingpeople exactly what to expect from a
full-time writing career oreven from a writing session or
(08:40):
the writing experience overall. However,
I do know what has worked for meand what has been true for me,
and that is the experiencethat I want to share with you,
and I hope that it's valuable.Your writing journey will not like my
writing journey.
My writing journey does not looklike anyone else's writing journey.
(09:00):
That's because we are artistsand we come to our art as humans,
and every human experience isrichly and uniquely different.
I know that the whole thing abouteverybody is a unique snowflake has become
kind of a cliche and even kind ofa mean thing to say to someone,
but we are all individual and unique.
(09:21):
Your fingerprints don't matchanyone else's fingerprints,
so your writing journey and yourexperience are not going to match anyone
else's journey and experience,
but what's valuable is we can learnfrom each other and we can support and
encourage each other as we go.
So here's what my day looked like whenI first started writing full-time.
(09:45):
Now, when I first startedwriting full-time,
I wasn't just able to work onprojects that I wanted to work on. I
was doing freelance, which I thinkis how a lot of writers begin.
So freelance means that you aretaking writing jobs from someone else
and getting paid to do them.
One of the hardest parts of freelancework is finding freelance work,
(10:08):
finding someone who wants to hirea writer for a one-off job or for
a recurring job, and that'spart of the job itself,
and it's a part of the jobfor which you don't get paid.
So when I was both freelancing andworking on my own creative stuff,
I would get up early, I would makecoffee, feed the cats the ritual,
(10:31):
sit down, and I would prioritizemy own creative writing,
and so I would write for three to fourhours on my creative writing project,
and then I would break forlunch, and then when I came back,
I would work on my freelance stuff.So I would work two to four
hours on my creativeproject in the morning,
(10:52):
and then the afternoon I would workfour or five hours on a client project.
This may sound very similar to whatyou're doing now if you're at a full-time
job and managing to squeeze in somewriting time of your own on your own
projects, there were definite perks.
I didn't have to stick to that schedule.
If my writing energy was betterfrom midnight to 4:00 AM then heck,
(11:16):
I could do my work at that time,and there was nobody to say, oh,
you have to clock in exactly at eighto'clock and you have to do this and this
and this. So that was actually very nice.
I can also at the drop of a hat if mysister calls, if something happens,
I don't have to ask a boss if I canleave, if I can take a quick break,
if I can take a half day,
(11:37):
I can just go and take care of the thingsin my life that need taken care of.
That is all a huge perk forme and it's worth it for me.
But there's also things that I didn'texpect I would miss from a full-time day
job, like coworkers who I actually,
the ability to make friends, theability to learn from other coworkers,
(11:58):
the ability to work onprojects as a team, PTO,
which here in the United Statesstands for paid time off,
which is essentially your paidvacation time. I read a report once,
and I don't know if thisstrikes true for you,
but the average office worker actually
works on their work between oneand three hours out of their eight
(12:21):
hour workday. The rest is alltaken up by meetings, by chitchats,
by water cooler visits, by et cetera,
talking about fantasyfootball, whatever it is.
I don't know if that is true for you,
but when I think back on my career inmarketing and all of the other things I've
done one to three hours,
(12:42):
maybe four hours on a really solid workday
project-wise, is what I was able to getdone because when you work for yourself,
there's no water cooler, there'sno getting paid for the day,
even if you didn't do a whole lot,
there's just delivering on your projectand getting paid for it. Hopefully,
(13:03):
that's another part of the freelancesort of work that nobody tells you about
is that sometimes people do not want topay you even after they've hired you and
you've done the work, you'vedone what they've asked for,
you'll write them an invoiceand you'll say, okay, hey,
if I could get paid in the nexttwo weeks, that would be great,
and then like eight weeks go byand you're like, ha ha. It's, Hey,
(13:24):
it's me again. Can youplease pay me for my work?
Chasing people down to get themoney that you earned from them
is again, another part of the jobthat no one really talks about. Now,
I'm not saying that the grass isgreener. I'm not saying now that, oh,
I'm looking back on my full-timeemployed days working for someone else
(13:47):
with rose tinted glasses,
even though rose tinted glasses wouldmake green grass look brown. I'm just
saying that I've learned thatthere's balance in everything.
Nothing is ever 100% good or 100% bad.
This is something I have hadto learn time and time again,
and for me at least,
(14:07):
because I don't want to tell you whatyour experience is or has been or will
be for me,
it has ended up being aboutwhat am I willing to sacrifice
and what do I really end trulywant and value from my work
as a writer?
Even though I would make more money andthe money that I made would be more,
(14:31):
shall we say, consistent orsecure, if I worked full-time,
that is a sacrifice I'm willing to make,
make less money and foregobenefits like dental
insurance, health insurance,a 401k matching program,
all of that stuff,
because I literally could notstand anymore having someone
(14:55):
else tell me what to do.I've talked about this on the show before,
so I won't belabor the point,
but I got to a point where itwas just no longer working for me
to have someone else schedulingmy time and saying, okay,
you need to work on this project forthis client from this hour to this hour,
it chafed enough that it became areason for me to make less money
(15:20):
to willingly make less money.
This is probably one of those thingsthat is not true for very many people,
but I think everybody hasthat one thing for me,
I could not stand anymore.
I couldn't stand being told whatto do or when and how to do it,
but for other people it maybe I want to be able to go on
(15:42):
vacation without askingmy boss for permission,
or I want to choose the clients Iwork with instead of the ones that are
assigned to me or I want toset my own rates or insert
whatever else reason you may want towork for yourself versus working for
someone else, but if itfeels justified to you,
(16:03):
then it's justified to you.It's just hard to know before you
begin what you'll be giving up,
what you'll be expectedto sacrifice. So for me,
as a full-time self-employed writer,
I am responsible for makingmoney with my writing on the
days that I don't work, I don't produce,
(16:25):
I don't make progress on a project.I essentially don't get paid.
There is no going to the water coolerbecause I don't have a water cooler and
there's nobody to talk with at the watercooler if that's even something that
people do anymore. I don't know,
maybe it's just part of the culturalworkforce zeitgeist or something.
I also didn't know how difficultit would be to reliably
(16:49):
produce high quality creativestuff on a consistent basis,
and what I mean by that iswhen I was working full time,
I would go hard on the weekends.I would on Saturday and Sunday,
which were my days off my weekend,
I would have writing marathon days andall of the writing that I couldn't do
during the week because I wasexhausted from work or I had
(17:12):
overextended myself volunteering or Ihad done this or that or I was sick.
I was able to write for eight hours a dayon Saturday and then Sunday maybe even
more, and that built upthe expectation that,
oh, if I was a full-time writer, Iwill be able to do this every day.
And sure, you can do it for thefirst day and the second day,
(17:35):
and then the third day comes and thenthe fourth day and then the fifth day,
and you realize, you beginto realize that energy,
creative energy is a little bit morelimited than you thought and that life
tends to eat up your time even thoughyou've set it aside for writing.
It's taken me years tofully block off that
(17:58):
7:00 AM to 11:00 AM fourhour period where I am
writing and nothing elseis allowed to happen.
Time is weirdly relative,
and those long eternal minutes thatI spent watching the clock go by at
a job that I hated was verydifferent from the same amount of
(18:19):
time that I spent writing and tryingto get in everything I wanted to
write that day before my energy ranout or before something happened that I
needed to tend to,
et cetera. I'm not saying any ofthis to make you second guess,
wanting to be a full-time writer.
I just want to make sure that yougo into it prepared and that the gap
(18:41):
between your expectations and thereality of things doesn't throw you
into disillusionment and despair,
so be sure to talk to other writersbecause as I said in the beginning,
nobody's writing journeyis exactly the same.
I can only speak to you whatmy experience has been about,
(19:01):
what my expectations werefor writing full time,
so get a variety of people totell you about their experience
being a writer, thesacrifices they had to make,
the things that they didn't expect,
challenges that they didn't knowthat they would be dealing with.
Get a list of questions. Itdoesn't have to be formal.
(19:21):
You can just have an idea of questionsin your head. You don't have to write
them down and fill out aworksheet. It's not that formal,
but I do want you to talk to a varietyof writers because my experience is not
the only experience and whatI've done is not by any means the
correct way to doanything. I say this a lot,
but there is more than just oneway to create, to be an artist,
(19:46):
to write, and you need to gowith whatever is right for you.
The other reason that I wanted to talkabout expectation versus reality for
writers today was because of some
misleading expectation settingthat I've been seeing online.
What follows and really anythingin my show is not meant to slander
(20:09):
anyone or to tear anyone down ever.
I just want you to have adiscerning eye when it comes to
writing advice and when it comes topeople telling you what is possible for
you in your writing career,
which that just sounds like a downer,
(20:29):
but while I believe thatanything is possible for you,
it doesn't happen like magic.It doesn't happen right away.
It doesn't even happen passively. Youhave to work hard for these things,
and I've been seeing a lot of pieces.
I won't say if they're essaysor articles or podcast episodes
(20:51):
or YouTube videos or anything like that,
just pieces of mediathat seem to suggest that
there will ever be a day asa writer when you will not
struggle again. I know thissounds like a huge bummer,
so if you want to turn offthis episode, you totally can,
(21:11):
but to give you an ideaof what I'm talking about,
I recently saw a piece aimed atwriters that was titled something
like, "Never Worry AboutCharacter Development Again";
"The One Weird Trick That WillImprove your Writing Instantly";
"Land An Agent WithThese Three Quick Tips";
(21:33):
"How To Structure the PerfectStory". I could go on, but I won't.
These articles and videos andpodcast episodes and books and
whatever else they are,
they're making false promises.They're setting false
expectations. Again, I saythis from my own experience,
but anytime that I have evercome close to saying, oh,
(21:56):
this is the one rightway to structure a story,
I've proven myself wrong or I'vebeen proven wrong by someone else,
or I've just realizedthat it simply isn't true,
and even if something is a silverbullet or a quick fix in a certain
situation, it doesn't mean that itwill work all the time, every time.
(22:17):
I touched on this a little bit inepisode 140 about bulletproof writers
and how there is no suchthing as a bulletproof writer.
There is no such thing as a writerwho has perfect circumstances,
et cetera. Every time they write,
there is not one quick trick thatwill fix your writing career.
(22:38):
There's basic informationthat can help you like, Hey,
you should probably spell things correctlyunless you're writing avant-garde
poetry, in which casemisspell everything, or, Hey,
you should probably structureyour novel in three act structure,
unless of course you realize thatthree act structure is actually kind of
secretly four act structure,
but also there's five act structure andseven act structure and a million other
(23:01):
ways to structure a story successfully.I also hate to be the
bearer of this news, and you canchoose not to believe it if you want,
but there will never be a timewhen you're not doubting yourself
or at least that's whathas been true for me.
Even as I reach a level ofsuccess and move forward,
(23:22):
I find that I have no idea whatI'm doing over and over and over
again. Even if I know something is good,
there are times when I will doubtit and anyone promising that in 30
minutes you can overcomeself-doubt forever,
that you can get rid ofimposter syndrome forever,
that you'll never getanother book rejection again.
(23:45):
Those people are setting falseexpectations because there is no
cure for self-doubt, there isno cure for imposter syndrome.
There is no cure to being human.
I think part of the reason that we write,
part of the reason that we createart is to struggle with these
concepts, the frustration that we can'tcreate something that feels perfect,
(24:08):
the frustration that we can't be perfecteven if we understand intellectually
what perfect is. This is part of thereason that I haven't recorded a lot of
right now episodes lately.
It's because I really hesitateto tell people how to do things
or to assert that this is the right wayto do something or this is the right way
to look at something because I've learnedthere's so many valid ways to do and
(24:32):
look at things.
Maybe in your experience there hasbeen a silver bullet for overcoming and
imposter syndrome forever, in which case,
please let us know in the comments below,
if you have found a cure for imperfection,if you found a cure for being human,
please do let us know,
(24:53):
but I do think that part of thereason that we create art is to
create the art.
It's not to get to some finish line ofperfection that's light years ahead.
It's not to have become something,
it's to become something.It's to become a writer,
and even after seven years of doing thisfull time, I'm only getting started.
(25:15):
Becoming something is hard work,
and that's what a lot of people don'twant to admit. Do I love what I do? Yes.
Is it a struggle most days? Also, yes.
Would I ever go back to doingsomething else? No, I would not,
and that's part of why I am so stronglycommitted to writing full-time for
(25:35):
myself because I have had tostruggle and sacrifice a lot to get
here. If someone tells you, Hey,
you can overcome imposter syndromein three quick and easy steps,
I want to take a look at theperson who created that article,
the source of that statement.
Have they truly overcomeimposter syndrome?
(25:59):
Do they practice what they preach?Do they have proven results?
Sometimes I go back and I look throughold episodes of the Write Now Podcast,
and I said a lot of things eight,
nine years ago that I don'tthink I would say anymore. I
spoke with very certainauthority about things that I
(26:20):
only barely understoodabout time management,
about success, about resistance,
so I'm just as guiltyof this as anyone else,
but I want to make sure that the episodesyou're listening to that the articles
you're reading, that thebooks you're reading,
that the videos you're watching aboutwriting are not harnessing you with
(26:41):
unreasonable expectationswith false dreams.
I really shouldn't keep harping on this,
but I attended a webinar over theweekend given by a writer who I really
admire,
and it was all about how toquit your day job and live
your dream as a writer, and 10 years ago,
(27:03):
I would have eaten it up,
but now that I've actually hadexperience in being a full-time writer,
I actually found myselfgetting a little bit angry.
The person leading the webinar was makinga lot of promises and they were saying
what the audience wantedto hear, like, yes,
it is possible for youto live your dream life,
(27:25):
but they were also leaving out a lotof really important things that you
need to expect.Like yes,
you absolutely can live your dreamlife if you have a very specific
definition of what your dream life is.
Being a writer is not thesame thing as being retired.
(27:45):
It's not the same thing as beingindependently wealthy. Now,
if you're independentlywealthy, if you're retired,
I totally think you should write.
That is a great use of your time andI really hope you enjoy that journey,
but if you are lookingat writing as a career,
I want to encourage you to gointo it with fully open eyes with
questions that you want to askand need to have answered. Again,
(28:07):
my best advice is talkto a variety of writers.
Whether it's a famous writer youadmire on social media, famous writers,
it's hit or miss whether they'll getback to you because they are so busy and
inundated with fan mail and stuff,
but talk to one of yourlocal news reporters,
talk to a journalist, message,a lesser known author online,
(28:30):
a debut author.Ask them how it's been going,
what their life is like,what their schedule is like,
what they didn't know to expect,and if anyone ever tells you,
oh, yeah, you can be a writer, youcan live your dream, it's easy.
Then I encourage you tobe very, very suspicious.
(28:52):
I didn't know fully what to expectuntil I was in the thick of it when it
came to being a full-timewriter, and in fact,
there's probably things that I don'tknow yet that I haven't figured out yet
that I didn't know to expect thatare still coming down the road,
and I never want to say, yep, I'vegot it all figured out. So again,
(29:13):
please take the things I've said inthis episode with the requisite grain of
salt. In the meantime,
please keep writing in your free time.
If writing is something you truly enjoy,
then make sure that you are makingtime to do it. If you want to swim with
dolphins, don't become a marine biologist.
(29:33):
Save up your money and take a vacationwhere you can swim with some dolphins.
If you want to sit in your local coffeeshop on Saturday mornings and write your
novel, then please do that, andif you want to write full time,
then please prepare yourselfas best you can so that the gap
between your expectation andyour reality doesn't crush you.
(29:58):
Writing is a journey and asMorpheus very wisely said to
Neo,
there's a difference between knowingthe path and walking the path,
and if you decide thatyou want to walk the path,
I want you to know that I'm right herewith you walking and maybe tripping and
stumbling bling,
(30:20):
but always willing to get back up anddust myself off and give you a hand up if
you need it to. I am able to createthe Write Now podcast because of the
kind and generous peoplewho donate on Patreon.
Patreon is a secure,
third-party donation platform thatallows you to donate a dollar per podcast
(30:40):
episode or $3 per podcastepisode or even more if you like.
You can support me on Patreon byfollowing the link in the show notes to
today's episode. This is episode 159,
and just click support this podcast andit will take you out to Patreon where
you can make your pledge. Otherwise,if you are not a fan of Patreon,
(31:02):
if you want to do something else,
I also do have links to Kofi and
PayPal,
I think that you can find also inthe show notes for today's episode.
If you're looking for the shownotes for today's episode,
you can find them out at sarahwerner.com.
That's S-A-R-A-H-W-E-R-N-E-R dot com.
(31:22):
There will be not only the audio,
but also a full transcript for everysingle episode of the show out there to
make it as accessible as possiblefor as many people as possible.
Thank you, especially to patronsLaurie, Regina Calabrese,
Amber Fratesi, CharmaineFerreira, Mike Tefft,
(31:44):
Poppy Brown, Summer, TiffanyJoyner, and Whitney McGruder.
These amazing, generouspeople keep this show going,
so thank you all so very much. Again,
if you would like to donateto keep the show going,
follow the links in the shownotes for today's episode. Sorry,
I almost forgot what I'm saying,
(32:07):
so maybe it's just that kind of day.
I hope that this episodehas been useful for you.
If you have dreams of becoming a writer,
then I'm right there with you andwanting those dreams to come true.
Grow your understanding of what to expect,
of what the reality of your dream may beso that you can prepare yourself for it
(32:29):
and succeed with that.
This has been episode 159of the Write Now Podcast,
the podcast that hopefully helps allwriters -- aspiring professional,
and otherwise -- to find the time, energy,
and courage you need topursue your passion and write.
I'm Sarah Werner, and I'vegot some writing to do.
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Intentionally Disturbing
Join me on this podcast as I navigate the murky waters of human behavior, current events, and personal anecdotes through in-depth interviews with incredible people—all served with a generous helping of sarcasm and satire. After years as a forensic and clinical psychologist, I offer a unique interview style and a low tolerance for bullshit, quickly steering conversations toward depth and darkness. I honor the seriousness while also appreciating wit. I’m your guide through the twisted labyrinth of the human psyche, armed with dark humor and biting wit.