July 3, 2024 • 34 mins
Have you ever noticed a disconnect in what you say you want to do, and what you actually end up doing? Because I have! This week, I'm talking about some of the reasons we might experience a gulf between our desires and our actions — and what to do about it.
Thank you for listening! For show notes and a full transcript of this episode, please visit: https://www.sarahwerner.com/saying-vs-doing-wn-160/
To support the work I do here at the Write Now podcast, become a patron on Patreon at https://patreon.com/sarahrheawerner, or send me a tip on Ko-Fi at https://ko-fi.com/sarahwerner.
Happy writing!
— Sarah
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
This is the Write Now Podcastwith Sarah Werner, Episode 160:
Saying Vs. Doing.
(00:27):
Welcome to Write Now,
the podcast that helps allwriters - aspiring professional,
and otherwise - to find the time, energy,
and courage you need topursue your passion and write.
I'm your host, Sarah Werner,
and I am sitting here with acup of wonderful coffee and some
birds chirping outside of my window,
(00:49):
and I am thinking about all thethings that we say that we're
going to do and all of thethings that we actually do.
I'm thinking about this becauseof the Write Now Podcast.
It's presently June of 2024,
and so far this year I haverecorded and released exactly two
(01:11):
episodes of what is supposedto be a weekly podcast.
Since we're halfway through the year,
I was kind of sitting down with myjournal and taking stock of what I've done
this year, creatively project-wise,business wise, et cetera.
And I realized going through myjournals from earlier this year that I
(01:32):
kept saying,
I want to record more Write Nowpodcast episodes because I love it.
It's fun, it's fulfilling, I lovecommunicating with other writers...
I have a million reasonswhy I love doing this show,
and yet there's some partof me that says, well,
if you really loved doing thisshow, Sarah, you would do it,
(01:54):
and you would have more than twoepisodes recorded and released by
the middle of this year. So obviously,
there is some disconnect betweenwhat I am saying and what I am
doing - and this applies tomore than just podcasting.
I've talked with so many... I don'twant to call them wannabe writers,
(02:16):
because I feel likethat's kind of insulting.
I've talked to so many people who say,"Oh my gosh, I want to write a book.
I would love to write a book.I want to write a memoir.
I would love to learn how to writepoetry, et cetera." And then...
the things that they do don't align withthe things that they say. Their first
mistake was talking to meand telling me these things,
(02:39):
because I am the kind of person thatI hear that someone wants to write,
whether it's a book, amemoir, a single poem,
and I latch onto that andI get real interested.
My eyes get really wide andI lean forward and I say,
"Did I hear that you'd like to writesomething?" And the person across
(02:59):
from me, because I'm imaginingthey're across from me,
but I've had these conversationsvia text, via email,
over coffee in classrooms.
I have these conversations withpeople everywhere and they say, "Oh,
I've always wanted to write abook." I have a bad habit of
taking people directly attheir word. And so I realize,
(03:21):
I fully realize thatprobably 80 to 90% of the
people who say that to me when I say,"Hey, I'm a writer," and they say, "Oh,
I've always dreamed of writing a book,"they're just being polite.
And I realize that that's the firstbarrier between saying and doing.
If you're just being polite,
if you have no intentionwhatsoever of ever writing
(03:44):
anything, and yet you say, "Oh, I'vealways wanted to write a book," I get it.
You're just telling mewhat I want to hear,
you're trying to engage mein conversation, whatever;
you're not actually stating tothe universe itself that yes,
I, person X, have alwaysdreamed of writing a book,
and I would love to do so atthis very moment. I get it.
(04:07):
Most people are just being polite,making conversation - but again,
they're talking to me. And somy response is, "Oh my gosh,
how can I get you started?"At that point,
I tend to see one of two things. First,
the 80 to 90% of people who werejust saying that to be polite will
get a sort of trapped orfearful look in their eye,
(04:30):
which is my clue that they werejust being polite and they're
terrified now that they've stepped intosomething and they cannot step back out.
And I'll press them alittle bit because I think,
and maybe I am just being biased,
but I think that a lot of peopledon't know that they want to write,
that they want to create something.
(04:52):
It's just not something that is partof the list of hopes and dreams that
they've been putting togetherthroughout their life.
And so I really want to make sure like,well, okay, if you want to do this,
I would love to help you thinkthrough it. Every once in a while,
someone would be like, "Oh, okay." Andthen we have a conversation from there.
But largely,
there's a disconnect.Now for the 10 to 20% of
(05:15):
people who actually do want to write,
I find that my lines ofinquiry are still a little bit
anxiety-inducing, which I get,
because if you have this secretdesire to write a book, et cetera,
and someone suddenly puts youon the spot about it... yeah,
you're going to freak out. Youhaven't thought this through,
(05:37):
you don't know what to say,
and maybe it's a secret longing thatyou haven't shared with anyone before,
and maybe I need to back off and stopbeing so aggressive about, "All right,
let's write this book!" Maybe that'sgoing to be my main takeaway from this
episode is just "Sarah, calm down
harassing people into writing."Because I think that those people,
(06:01):
when they say, "I wantto write a book," or,
"I've always wanted to write a book,"they're saying it with the same kind of
energy - not in all cases,
but often the same kind ofenergy - that I use when I
say, "Boy,
I really want to get back to recordingweekly Write Now podcast episodes."
It's a thing that I've actuallywanted to do very much, and yet...
(06:24):
I haven't done it.Maybe this resonates with you.
Maybe this is sort of where youare right now in your journey as a
writer. Maybe for you,the spirit is willing,
but the flesh is weak. You get reallyexcited about the idea of writing,
but you can't quite convinceyourself to sit down and just
(06:45):
do it. Now,
there are a lot of reasonsthat we do things like this.
We get excited by the idea,
but then bogged down knowinghow much work it will take,
or how much it will cost,
or how much we really don't wantthe general public to hear what
we think, or maybe we're worried thatwe'll get laughed out of town. But for me,
(07:08):
I've been recording this showoff and on haphazardly since...
2015 maybe, and at thispoint, I should know better.
We're coming up on 10 years.
I know that releasing an episode of mypodcast is not going to get me laughed
out of town. I'm not goingto lose face - I mean,
unless it's a really bad episode.But I actually met with a mentor
(07:32):
earlier this year, back whenI was doing planning for 2024,
and we worked through my differentgoals and intentions for the year.
And in addition to finally finishingseason two of Girl In Space,
I also said,
"And I want to get back to recordinga weekly Write Now podcast episode."
(07:52):
I have plenty of topics.I have an ongoing list,
an ongoing spreadsheet of atleast a hundred different topics.
Setup isn't hard - I just have a USBmic that I plug into my computer.
And I seriously love doing it. As Isaid before, it's fulfilling. It's fun.
I love talking to you.So when she asked, "Okay,
(08:13):
what's keeping you fromrecording, producing,
and releasing a weekly Write Nowpodcast episode?" I didn't have an
answer for her otherthan, "I want to do it,
but I'm not doing it."Again,
maybe this is something you haveexperienced or are experiencing with your
writing. You love to write,it makes you feel great.
(08:36):
You identify perhaps as a writer,
but you haven't written anything inmonths. My mentor suggested, "Well,
this is very easily doable.
Why don't you just block off achunk on your schedule each week for
recording and editing?
Have the same time maybe Wednesdayafternoons or Tuesday mornings
(08:59):
or whenever it works foryou to make it a habit."
Oh, Wednesday is my recordingday. I'm going to sit down,
record an episode and justdo it, and - I kid you not,
get ready to judge me. Okay?
The first thing that Iwanted to say was in this
(09:19):
whiny child's voice,
"But I don't waaaaana." And there was the
disconnect. I wanted to,but I didn't want to,
and that's a complicatedthing to deal with.
But I didn't want to whineto my mentor that like, "Oh,
I don't waaaaaana," and bepetulant and like a little kid,
(09:41):
because I want to look cool and smart.
Like I know what I'm doing. I wantto be the kind of person who makes a
commitment and sticks with it. I wantto be a person who has integrity.
I want to be a person who does thingsintentionally, with intentionality.
I want to be accountable for the thingsthat - not only the things that I say
(10:02):
I want to do, but the thingsthat I actually do want to do.
Somewhere deep inside my heart,I want to podcast weekly...
but some other part ofme apparently does not.
So what I ended up telling my mentor was,
"I just keep intending to,
and then I find I just don't have thetime or energy." And she was like,
(10:25):
"Great,
let's talk about how you can havethe time and energy to record
and release a weekly Write Nowpodcast episode!" And it was at that
moment that I realized she wasdoing the same thing to me that
I was doing to all of theother people who've said, "Oh,
I'd love to write a book," andsecretly inside was conflicted,
(10:49):
was scared,
was facing some unknowablemountain of resistance.
Because I have the time.
I have the energy. I dedicateevery morning, at least four hours,
to writing whatever project it isI'm working on. So Girl In Space,
my next audio drama, a bookthat I'm working on, et cetera.
(11:11):
But after that time,
my afternoons are forbusiness admin tasks,
meetings,
doing client work - if I have clientwork to do - and recording the
Write Now podcast. Maybe you've done this,
too - maybe you've set aside timeon your calendar and you've said,
(11:31):
"Each morning before I go to work,
I'm going to write fromsix to 7:00 AM," or,
"I'm going to write once a weekon Saturdays from 12 to 4:00 PM."
And then the time comes and you justfeel like you hate everything and you
just want to go to bed,
even if you weren't exhaustedwhen you first got to that point.
(11:53):
You want to do it,
but you're not doing it.As I sort of struggled with this,
my first thought was, "Oh,
I should just go back to whenI first started the podcast,
when I was really excited about itand it was new and fresh and I was
recording weekly episodes. What didthat look like? Why did I do that?
(12:15):
Why did I originally start this show,
and can I regain some of thatinitial motivation and excitement?"
And I allowed myself to ask that questionbecause I've realized that while I had
no viable reason not to be doingthis, I was still not doing it.
And I found that when we have resistance,
(12:38):
there's usually a very validreason behind that resistance.
It's not because we're lazy. It'snot because we're wishy-washy.
It's not because we don't actuallywant to do what we say we want to do.
It's because there's an actual reasonin there. And so I thought back to,
(12:58):
okay, why did I initiallystart the Write Now podcast?
And it was for a lot of reasons.
I was working for a marketing agencyat the time and I decided that,
oh, I can start experimentingwith a podcast. And in 2015,
there weren't a lot of podcasts,
especially about niche topicslike work/life/writing balance.
(13:23):
So I wanted to do someexperimenting there. It was new.
I got to learn all theequipment. I learned how to edit. It was this beautiful,
fresh, exciting new thing. AndI think as with many things,
the excitement wears off.
There's an initial jump in our hearts,
an initial spark that gets usreally raring to go on something,
(13:46):
but inevitably the honeymoon phasegoes away. And what are we left with?
And again,
this may be something you've experiencedwith your writing or with a creative
project. The initialexcitement fades away,
and what are you left with?So I made a list,
and in addition to that sort of initialspark of excitement about something new,
(14:08):
I realized I genuinely really wantto talk about the creative process.
It's something that I think I actuallyneed to do. Like I said earlier,
I always feel great after I record andpublish an episode. It feels great.
It feels fulfilling. Iseriously love doing it.
It's brought me greatopportunities in my life.
(14:28):
It's helped me meet some amazing people.
I have nothing but good thingsto say about podcasting and,
for that matter writing. But I alsorealized that amidst those other
things,
one of the reasons I had startedthe Write Now podcast was as an
act of resistance or rebellionagainst where I was in
(14:49):
my career at that time. I was frustrated.
I felt like I wasn't being heard at work.
I felt like I had all of these cool,
creative ideas and nobodywanted to hear them.
And the Write Now podcast was a safeplace for me to explore how I felt,
and to connect with other peoplewho felt the same way. But since
(15:13):
2015, my circumstances havechanged very drastically.
I am now writing full-time for myself.
I don't have a day job that Ican rebel against or resist.
I don't have that friction in my lifethat propels me the same way it used to.
Also, since then, I've workedout a lot of personal issues.
(15:34):
I have been diagnosed with clinicaldepression, generalized anxiety disorder,
and ADHD. And initially,
the Write Now podcast was a way forme to talk about these things I was
struggling with that didn'tyet have a name or a diagnosis,
but now I do have those things.And I still struggle with them,
but I know what they are and I havebuilt systems in my life to cope with
(15:57):
them, work around them,
et cetera. I'm also findingthe fulfillment I used to get from the Write Now
podcast from several other places.
I have another podcast - it's an audiodrama called Girl In Space - and I
also am executive producer formy husband Tim's show, Omen.
The times are also just different.
(16:19):
Podcasting is differentthan it was nine years ago,
and in those nine years,
we've gone through a global pandemicthat has changed the way that we talk to
and relate to each other, and it'schanged the way that we consume media.
It's changed the kinds of conversationswe're having. Nine years ago,
I was really into social mediaand personal branding, and today,
(16:44):
I can't bear to open up social mediabecause it's going to make me feel
bad in some kind of way.
Scrolling through TikTok orInstagram or Facebook or Twitter
makes me feel bad. I usedto do it for dopamine hits.
I used to do it because the infinitescroll is very addictive to our brains.
(17:06):
But I slowly started to realize that,oh, every time I go onto Instagram,
I feel bad about myself because I'mcomparing myself to other people.
I'm feeling like, oh, I shouldbe posting more to Instagram. Oh,
I should have a strategy. Oh,I should take better pictures.
Or I go onto Twitter andI'm like, oh my gosh,
the world is a dumpster fireand everything is terrible.
(17:29):
Or I go onto TikTok and I think,wow, I am not a video creator.
I'm an audio creator, and I feellike I'm getting left behind.
So there's just all of these terriblefeelings that come out of social media,
and initially,
the Write Now podcast was a way for meto interact with other people on social
media,
and it's kind of no longer that.And so I had to ask,
(17:53):
"Have I just changed?
Have my circumstances just changedenough over the last nine years
that I'm a fundamentally differentperson now than I was then?
And so I have a different relationshipnow than I did then with my creative
projects, including the WriteNow podcast?" The answer is yes.
(18:14):
I feel like if we're doingthis life thing right,
we're going to changeconstantly over time.
Our priorities change,
our desires change, our motivesfor doing things change;
the way that we live our daily liveschanges, whether we want it to or not.
(18:34):
And so I had to ask, "Am Ibeing honest with myself?
Do I really still wantto record and publish
weekly episodes of the Write Now podcast?
Or am I holding on tosome fragment of the past?
Am I holding on to some sort ofvestigial desire that has since been
(18:56):
replaced by other things?
Do I really actually stillwant to do this?" What
particular itch did this projectscratch and am I getting that
scratching elsewhere?That's a terrible analogy,
but I think you know where I'mgoing with this. We need to ask,
is this something thatI actually want to do,
(19:20):
or is this something I have alreadyunconsciously or subconsciously
dismissed from my life?
Has some part of me let go of this desire,
or has some part of megiven up on this idea,
on this dream?
Do I still actually get anythingout of the experience of making this
(19:42):
show? Is it worth theeffort that I put in?
Because each of these 30 minute episodestakes anywhere between eight and 15
hours to edit, produce,
et cetera. There's a phrase inthere that really bothers me,
and that is the idea ofgiving up. Have I given up?
Do I want to give up?
(20:04):
That's a really loaded phrase forme, and probably a lot of you.
It signals so many things- passivity, defeat,
and the idea of what doeshappen to a dream deferred?
Is the gulf between what Isay and what I do based on a
lie that I've been telling myself?If this is anything that you've ever
(20:28):
struggled with,
I do encourage you to sitdown and take a moment,
or two moments, or more than that,
to slow down and listen to your core self.
This is really hard to do because Ithink often what we want for ourselves is
inextricably entangled withwhat other people want for us,
(20:50):
and what we do to please otherpeople, and what we've been told,
et cetera. But really ask yourself,
what are you saying and not doing?What do you want
your life to be about?What do you value?
And does the act of writingor creating or podcasting
(21:12):
line up with your values?
Are your actions generally consistentwith the things that you value?
And is it time to change whatit is you're doing or saying?
Is it time to reevaluate theperson you used to be and
reconcile that with theperson you are today?
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What will it take for youto feel whole and do you
feel whole and fulfilled andcomplete already without this
particular slice of yourlife? Are you too busy?
Are you unmotivated? Haveall of your ideas faded away?
Are you clinging on to a dreamthat has died? These are not
(21:58):
questions that I can answerfor you, unfortunately;
they were hard enoughto answer for myself.
But if there's something in your lifethat you keep saying you want to do and
then not doing, I reallyencourage you to ask yourself,
"Why?" Ask yourself these questionsthat we've been talking about.
(22:19):
And I don't think that the answer toany of these questions is going to be
something like, "Well, I'm justnot creative anymore," or "Welp,
I guess I just have to give upany desire I ever had of creating
anything."
Those are not good or acceptable answers,
at least in my opinion.We are fundamentally
(22:43):
creative people,
and I think that it's more likely that we
have found creative fulfillment elsewhere.
If we have let our current dreamsor our past dreams of being a
writer of doing somethinglike that fade away,
chances are you have found acreative outlet in something else
(23:07):
cooking or sewing or dancing or painting.
Chances are you're experiencingthat creative fulfillment elsewhere,
and that's great.
Most creative people Iknow aren't just one thing.
Yeah, you may be great at writing. Youmight be strong at writing, but yeah,
(23:27):
you also knit and you paintand you like to do crafting,
et cetera.
A lot of us are just interested in alot of different ways to express our
creativity.
But if you find yourself asking thatquestion and you find yourself saying,
"No,
I am not feeling creativelyfulfilled right now," I encourage
(23:50):
you to really figure out,
really devote the time and the mentalenergy to figuring out what's going on
there,
because you need some avenue ofcreative fulfillment in your life.
And if you say you want towrite and you're not writing,
and you're in a place of defeator despair or depression or any of
(24:12):
those other awful feelings,
there might be a veryvalid reason or block or
chunk of resistance that's in your way,
and I think that needs to be explored.
I know that there are people who say, "Oh,
there's no such thing as writer'sblock. It's just fear." Okay, but yeah,
(24:33):
fear is a huge thing. Resistance is real.
We can't turn up ournoses at it and just say,
"You're not trying hard enough."I realized somewhere along this
process that I was saying Iwanted to keep doing the Write Now
podcast because I enjoyed the senseof fulfillment I got out of it,
(24:54):
but I was experiencing creativefulfillment from my other creative
projects,
and that was something that I havereally had to wrestle with and I am still
wrestling with.
And it took me a while before I realizedthat the kind of fulfillment I get
from something like the Write Nowpodcast is actually different from the
(25:14):
creative fulfillment that I getfrom my other creative projects,
and that the Write Now podcaststill fills a very important role
in my creative life.
But doing it on a weeklybasis may not be as feasible
because again, life has changed.I've changed. You've changed.
(25:35):
I love recording this show,
but I haven't been able to do it on aconsistent weekly basis because I have so
much else going on.
I needed to dig down andunderstand the various degrees of
resistance that I was having to this.And the thing is,
once you realize andidentify and understand the
(25:58):
reason that you've been sayingsomething and not acting on it,
it's not a forever thing.
Maybe what you say and what youdo haven't been in alignment
lately because your job isin a really rocky place,
or you've had medical issues,
or you have a new child and theyare draining all of your energy,
(26:19):
or a million other very,
very valid reasons why thismay not be the right season
for you in which to create.But seasons pass. Boy,
have I learned that lesson. Seasons pass,
and if you decide to put yourcreative project on hold for now,
that does not mean you can't pick it upa month from now, six months from now,
(26:44):
next year.
I don't know if this is some kind ofwavering of integrity on my part or
not,
but the decisions that I make aboutmy creative work and life are never
permanent,
and I don't want them to be permanent.I know that there's poets like
Rimbaud, who I want to saywas early 19th century,
(27:06):
but I'm probably wrong because it hasbeen years since I've studied the poets.
But I think at the age of 19or some other very young age,
Rimbaud, who had written alot of poetry in his life,
decided at that very young age thathe never wanted to write again.
And he stopped writing, never wrote again,
(27:28):
went to Africa maybe tohunt lions or something,
and was like never heard fromagain. Don't be like Rimbaud.
Don't be eaten by lions.
Don't cut something out of your lifethat you may want to regain later.
Allow yourself to take breaks,
but also allow yourself to pick upthings that have served you in the past
(27:52):
and may yet still serve you in the future.So if you're saying,
I want to write a book, and youractions don't align with that,
you haven't been writing, youhaven't even been jotting down ideas,
start thinking aboutwhy. Journal about why.
Let yourself be reallycurious about your own
motivations and what's reallygoing on in your heart.
(28:16):
The answer or answers might be really,
really complicated because we aspeople are really, really complicated,
and we have a lot of angerand resentment and despair and
hopelessness that we dealwith on a daily basis.
So don't permanently losethat part of yourself,
that part of you who initially said,
(28:37):
"I want to write a book," or "Iwant to write a poem," or "I want to
get published in someway." Listen to that,
because that desire comes from somewhere.
If you find that youstill have that desire,
and I think you probably do - again,
unless it's being fulfilled in someother way - keep it not necessarily at
(28:59):
the forefront of your mind,but keep it in there somewhere.
Leave the opportunityto one day write a book,
leave that opportunity openperiodically ask yourself, "Hey,
I've always wanted to writea book. Is this the season?
Do I want to start jotting things downand making notes? Would that feel good?
Would that feel fulfilling?And right? What do I want?
(29:23):
What do I value?
What is the difference betweenwhat I'm saying and what I'm doing
and how can I fulfill thelongings of my heart through my
actions?"This is, again,
a really complicated subject,
and there's a lot of other stuff that Idid not talk about in this episode that
(29:46):
comes into play. Things likeother people's expectations,
things like judgment,
things like life circumstances actuallyand truly standing in your way.
I would love to hear in the commentsfor today's episode what you think.
I would love to hear ifyou're willing to share it.
(30:07):
I would love to hear is there some gulf,
some distance between what you sayyou want to do and what you actually
find yourself doing?What does that look like?
Is it related to your creativity?
Does it have anything to do with yourcreative fulfillment as a creative
(30:27):
person?
What does that look like and how areyou exploring it or how do you want to
explore it? And if you'vealready explored it,
what did you discover?I would love to hear your thoughts in
the comments for today's episode.This is episode number 160,
and you can leave a comment, which Iwill read and hopefully respond to,
(30:49):
by going out to sarahwerner dot com - that's
S-A-R-A-H-W-E-R-N-E R dotcom - navigating to the
show notes for today's episode, andscrolling all the way down to the bottom.
You're going to have to scroll past theshow notes and the transcript and all
sorts of other stuff,but at the very bottom,
there should be a place whereyou can leave your thoughts.
(31:11):
As for the Write Nowpodcast, I'm not stopping it.
I love doing it. I'm going to continuerecording and releasing episodes,
and I think the compromise there is thatit's not going to be on a weekly basis,
but I don't think people are reallyexpecting that from me anymore anyway,
given that so far this year, I haveonly recorded and released two episodes.
(31:33):
So there's more to come,
just not on a weekly schedule.I also want to say thank you
to those of you who aresupporting this show financially.
The Write Now podcast is out onPatreon, which, you may already know,
is a secure third-party donation platformthat allows you to donate a dollar per
(31:54):
episode, two dollars per episode,a thousand dollars per episode,
whatever you feel moved to donate.
Patreon supporters get accessto episodes a little bit early,
and also help make this showavailable to everyone around the
world for free.
Everything that keeps this showrunning comes from donations. So
(32:19):
special, super extrathanks to patrons Laurie,
Regina Calabrese, AmberFratesi, Charmaine Ferreira,
Mike Tefft, Poppy Brown, Summer,
Tiffany Joyner, and Whitney McGruder.
You are all so wonderful and generous,
(32:40):
and I'm grateful for eachand every one of you.
Thank you for donating to the show.If Patreon's not your thing,
you can also donate via PayPal orKo-fi or "coffee" or however you
say it, and if financialliquidity is not your thing,
you can just tell someoneelse about this show.
That actually is a very beautifulthing that you can do to help this show
(33:04):
find and maintain its audience,is to just tell someone else,
a writer, a friend, a teacher,about the Write Now podcast.
If it's someone who'snot really into podcasts,
maybe show them how to download anepisode onto their phone or other device
that really,
truly does help to spread the wordand the work that I'm doing here.
(33:26):
And with that,
this has been episode 160of the Write Now Podcast,
the podcast that helps allwriters - aspiring professional,
and otherwise - to find the time, energy,
and courage you need topursue your passion and write.
I'm Sarah Werner, and hopefully Iwill be speaking to you again soon.
This is the Write Now Podcastwith Sarah Werner, Episode 160:
Saying Vs. Doing.
(00:27):
Welcome to Write Now,
the podcast that helps allwriters - aspiring professional,
and otherwise - to find the time, energy,
and courage you need topursue your passion and write.
I'm your host, Sarah Werner,
and I am sitting here with acup of wonderful coffee and some
birds chirping outside of my window,
(00:49):
and I am thinking about all thethings that we say that we're
going to do and all of thethings that we actually do.
I'm thinking about this becauseof the Write Now Podcast.
It's presently June of 2024,
and so far this year I haverecorded and released exactly two
(01:11):
episodes of what is supposedto be a weekly podcast.
Since we're halfway through the year,
I was kind of sitting down with myjournal and taking stock of what I've done
this year, creatively project-wise,business wise, et cetera.
And I realized going through myjournals from earlier this year that I
(01:32):
kept saying,
I want to record more Write Nowpodcast episodes because I love it.
It's fun, it's fulfilling, I lovecommunicating with other writers...
I have a million reasonswhy I love doing this show,
and yet there's some partof me that says, well,
if you really loved doing thisshow, Sarah, you would do it,
(01:54):
and you would have more than twoepisodes recorded and released by
the middle of this year. So obviously,
there is some disconnect betweenwhat I am saying and what I am
doing - and this applies tomore than just podcasting.
I've talked with so many... I don'twant to call them wannabe writers,
(02:16):
because I feel likethat's kind of insulting.
I've talked to so many people who say,"Oh my gosh, I want to write a book.
I would love to write a book.I want to write a memoir.
I would love to learn how to writepoetry, et cetera." And then...
the things that they do don't align withthe things that they say. Their first
mistake was talking to meand telling me these things,
(02:39):
because I am the kind of person thatI hear that someone wants to write,
whether it's a book, amemoir, a single poem,
and I latch onto that andI get real interested.
My eyes get really wide andI lean forward and I say,
"Did I hear that you'd like to writesomething?" And the person across
(02:59):
from me, because I'm imaginingthey're across from me,
but I've had these conversationsvia text, via email,
over coffee in classrooms.
I have these conversations withpeople everywhere and they say, "Oh,
I've always wanted to write abook." I have a bad habit of
taking people directly attheir word. And so I realize,
(03:21):
I fully realize thatprobably 80 to 90% of the
people who say that to me when I say,"Hey, I'm a writer," and they say, "Oh,
I've always dreamed of writing a book,"they're just being polite.
And I realize that that's the firstbarrier between saying and doing.
If you're just being polite,
if you have no intentionwhatsoever of ever writing
(03:44):
anything, and yet you say, "Oh, I'vealways wanted to write a book," I get it.
You're just telling mewhat I want to hear,
you're trying to engage mein conversation, whatever;
you're not actually stating tothe universe itself that yes,
I, person X, have alwaysdreamed of writing a book,
and I would love to do so atthis very moment. I get it.
(04:07):
Most people are just being polite,making conversation - but again,
they're talking to me. And somy response is, "Oh my gosh,
how can I get you started?"At that point,
I tend to see one of two things. First,
the 80 to 90% of people who werejust saying that to be polite will
get a sort of trapped orfearful look in their eye,
(04:30):
which is my clue that they werejust being polite and they're
terrified now that they've stepped intosomething and they cannot step back out.
And I'll press them alittle bit because I think,
and maybe I am just being biased,
but I think that a lot of peopledon't know that they want to write,
that they want to create something.
(04:52):
It's just not something that is partof the list of hopes and dreams that
they've been putting togetherthroughout their life.
And so I really want to make sure like,well, okay, if you want to do this,
I would love to help you thinkthrough it. Every once in a while,
someone would be like, "Oh, okay." Andthen we have a conversation from there.
But largely,
there's a disconnect.Now for the 10 to 20% of
(05:15):
people who actually do want to write,
I find that my lines ofinquiry are still a little bit
anxiety-inducing, which I get,
because if you have this secretdesire to write a book, et cetera,
and someone suddenly puts youon the spot about it... yeah,
you're going to freak out. Youhaven't thought this through,
(05:37):
you don't know what to say,
and maybe it's a secret longing thatyou haven't shared with anyone before,
and maybe I need to back off and stopbeing so aggressive about, "All right,
let's write this book!" Maybe that'sgoing to be my main takeaway from this
episode is just "Sarah, calm down
harassing people into writing."Because I think that those people,
(06:01):
when they say, "I wantto write a book," or,
"I've always wanted to write a book,"they're saying it with the same kind of
energy - not in all cases,
but often the same kind ofenergy - that I use when I
say, "Boy,
I really want to get back to recordingweekly Write Now podcast episodes."
It's a thing that I've actuallywanted to do very much, and yet...
(06:24):
I haven't done it.Maybe this resonates with you.
Maybe this is sort of where youare right now in your journey as a
writer. Maybe for you,the spirit is willing,
but the flesh is weak. You get reallyexcited about the idea of writing,
but you can't quite convinceyourself to sit down and just
(06:45):
do it. Now,
there are a lot of reasonsthat we do things like this.
We get excited by the idea,
but then bogged down knowinghow much work it will take,
or how much it will cost,
or how much we really don't wantthe general public to hear what
we think, or maybe we're worried thatwe'll get laughed out of town. But for me,
(07:08):
I've been recording this showoff and on haphazardly since...
2015 maybe, and at thispoint, I should know better.
We're coming up on 10 years.
I know that releasing an episode of mypodcast is not going to get me laughed
out of town. I'm not goingto lose face - I mean,
unless it's a really bad episode.But I actually met with a mentor
(07:32):
earlier this year, back whenI was doing planning for 2024,
and we worked through my differentgoals and intentions for the year.
And in addition to finally finishingseason two of Girl In Space,
I also said,
"And I want to get back to recordinga weekly Write Now podcast episode."
(07:52):
I have plenty of topics.I have an ongoing list,
an ongoing spreadsheet of atleast a hundred different topics.
Setup isn't hard - I just have a USBmic that I plug into my computer.
And I seriously love doing it. As Isaid before, it's fulfilling. It's fun.
I love talking to you.So when she asked, "Okay,
(08:13):
what's keeping you fromrecording, producing,
and releasing a weekly Write Nowpodcast episode?" I didn't have an
answer for her otherthan, "I want to do it,
but I'm not doing it."Again,
maybe this is something you haveexperienced or are experiencing with your
writing. You love to write,it makes you feel great.
(08:36):
You identify perhaps as a writer,
but you haven't written anything inmonths. My mentor suggested, "Well,
this is very easily doable.
Why don't you just block off achunk on your schedule each week for
recording and editing?
Have the same time maybe Wednesdayafternoons or Tuesday mornings
(08:59):
or whenever it works foryou to make it a habit."
Oh, Wednesday is my recordingday. I'm going to sit down,
record an episode and justdo it, and - I kid you not,
get ready to judge me. Okay?
The first thing that Iwanted to say was in this
(09:19):
whiny child's voice,
"But I don't waaaaana." And there was the
disconnect. I wanted to,but I didn't want to,
and that's a complicatedthing to deal with.
But I didn't want to whineto my mentor that like, "Oh,
I don't waaaaaana," and bepetulant and like a little kid,
(09:41):
because I want to look cool and smart.
Like I know what I'm doing. I wantto be the kind of person who makes a
commitment and sticks with it. I wantto be a person who has integrity.
I want to be a person who does thingsintentionally, with intentionality.
I want to be accountable for the thingsthat - not only the things that I say
(10:02):
I want to do, but the thingsthat I actually do want to do.
Somewhere deep inside my heart,I want to podcast weekly...
but some other part ofme apparently does not.
So what I ended up telling my mentor was,
"I just keep intending to,
and then I find I just don't have thetime or energy." And she was like,
(10:25):
"Great,
let's talk about how you can havethe time and energy to record
and release a weekly Write Nowpodcast episode!" And it was at that
moment that I realized she wasdoing the same thing to me that
I was doing to all of theother people who've said, "Oh,
I'd love to write a book," andsecretly inside was conflicted,
(10:49):
was scared,
was facing some unknowablemountain of resistance.
Because I have the time.
I have the energy. I dedicateevery morning, at least four hours,
to writing whatever project it isI'm working on. So Girl In Space,
my next audio drama, a bookthat I'm working on, et cetera.
(11:11):
But after that time,
my afternoons are forbusiness admin tasks,
meetings,
doing client work - if I have clientwork to do - and recording the
Write Now podcast. Maybe you've done this,
too - maybe you've set aside timeon your calendar and you've said,
(11:31):
"Each morning before I go to work,
I'm going to write fromsix to 7:00 AM," or,
"I'm going to write once a weekon Saturdays from 12 to 4:00 PM."
And then the time comes and you justfeel like you hate everything and you
just want to go to bed,
even if you weren't exhaustedwhen you first got to that point.
(11:53):
You want to do it,
but you're not doing it.As I sort of struggled with this,
my first thought was, "Oh,
I should just go back to whenI first started the podcast,
when I was really excited about itand it was new and fresh and I was
recording weekly episodes. What didthat look like? Why did I do that?
(12:15):
Why did I originally start this show,
and can I regain some of thatinitial motivation and excitement?"
And I allowed myself to ask that questionbecause I've realized that while I had
no viable reason not to be doingthis, I was still not doing it.
And I found that when we have resistance,
(12:38):
there's usually a very validreason behind that resistance.
It's not because we're lazy. It'snot because we're wishy-washy.
It's not because we don't actuallywant to do what we say we want to do.
It's because there's an actual reasonin there. And so I thought back to,
(12:58):
okay, why did I initiallystart the Write Now podcast?
And it was for a lot of reasons.
I was working for a marketing agencyat the time and I decided that,
oh, I can start experimentingwith a podcast. And in 2015,
there weren't a lot of podcasts,
especially about niche topicslike work/life/writing balance.
(13:23):
So I wanted to do someexperimenting there. It was new.
I got to learn all theequipment. I learned how to edit. It was this beautiful,
fresh, exciting new thing. AndI think as with many things,
the excitement wears off.
There's an initial jump in our hearts,
an initial spark that gets usreally raring to go on something,
(13:46):
but inevitably the honeymoon phasegoes away. And what are we left with?
And again,
this may be something you've experiencedwith your writing or with a creative
project. The initialexcitement fades away,
and what are you left with?So I made a list,
and in addition to that sort of initialspark of excitement about something new,
(14:08):
I realized I genuinely really wantto talk about the creative process.
It's something that I think I actuallyneed to do. Like I said earlier,
I always feel great after I record andpublish an episode. It feels great.
It feels fulfilling. Iseriously love doing it.
It's brought me greatopportunities in my life.
(14:28):
It's helped me meet some amazing people.
I have nothing but good thingsto say about podcasting and,
for that matter writing. But I alsorealized that amidst those other
things,
one of the reasons I had startedthe Write Now podcast was as an
act of resistance or rebellionagainst where I was in
(14:49):
my career at that time. I was frustrated.
I felt like I wasn't being heard at work.
I felt like I had all of these cool,
creative ideas and nobodywanted to hear them.
And the Write Now podcast was a safeplace for me to explore how I felt,
and to connect with other peoplewho felt the same way. But since
(15:13):
2015, my circumstances havechanged very drastically.
I am now writing full-time for myself.
I don't have a day job that Ican rebel against or resist.
I don't have that friction in my lifethat propels me the same way it used to.
Also, since then, I've workedout a lot of personal issues.
(15:34):
I have been diagnosed with clinicaldepression, generalized anxiety disorder,
and ADHD. And initially,
the Write Now podcast was a way forme to talk about these things I was
struggling with that didn'tyet have a name or a diagnosis,
but now I do have those things.And I still struggle with them,
but I know what they are and I havebuilt systems in my life to cope with
(15:57):
them, work around them,
et cetera. I'm also findingthe fulfillment I used to get from the Write Now
podcast from several other places.
I have another podcast - it's an audiodrama called Girl In Space - and I
also am executive producer formy husband Tim's show, Omen.
The times are also just different.
(16:19):
Podcasting is differentthan it was nine years ago,
and in those nine years,
we've gone through a global pandemicthat has changed the way that we talk to
and relate to each other, and it'schanged the way that we consume media.
It's changed the kinds of conversationswe're having. Nine years ago,
I was really into social mediaand personal branding, and today,
(16:44):
I can't bear to open up social mediabecause it's going to make me feel
bad in some kind of way.
Scrolling through TikTok orInstagram or Facebook or Twitter
makes me feel bad. I usedto do it for dopamine hits.
I used to do it because the infinitescroll is very addictive to our brains.
(17:06):
But I slowly started to realize that,oh, every time I go onto Instagram,
I feel bad about myself because I'mcomparing myself to other people.
I'm feeling like, oh, I shouldbe posting more to Instagram. Oh,
I should have a strategy. Oh,I should take better pictures.
Or I go onto Twitter andI'm like, oh my gosh,
the world is a dumpster fireand everything is terrible.
(17:29):
Or I go onto TikTok and I think,wow, I am not a video creator.
I'm an audio creator, and I feellike I'm getting left behind.
So there's just all of these terriblefeelings that come out of social media,
and initially,
the Write Now podcast was a way for meto interact with other people on social
media,
and it's kind of no longer that.And so I had to ask,
(17:53):
"Have I just changed?
Have my circumstances just changedenough over the last nine years
that I'm a fundamentally differentperson now than I was then?
And so I have a different relationshipnow than I did then with my creative
projects, including the WriteNow podcast?" The answer is yes.
(18:14):
I feel like if we're doingthis life thing right,
we're going to changeconstantly over time.
Our priorities change,
our desires change, our motivesfor doing things change;
the way that we live our daily liveschanges, whether we want it to or not.
(18:34):
And so I had to ask, "Am Ibeing honest with myself?
Do I really still wantto record and publish
weekly episodes of the Write Now podcast?
Or am I holding on tosome fragment of the past?
Am I holding on to some sort ofvestigial desire that has since been
(18:56):
replaced by other things?
Do I really actually stillwant to do this?" What
particular itch did this projectscratch and am I getting that
scratching elsewhere?That's a terrible analogy,
but I think you know where I'mgoing with this. We need to ask,
is this something thatI actually want to do,
(19:20):
or is this something I have alreadyunconsciously or subconsciously
dismissed from my life?
Has some part of me let go of this desire,
or has some part of megiven up on this idea,
on this dream?
Do I still actually get anythingout of the experience of making this
(19:42):
show? Is it worth theeffort that I put in?
Because each of these 30 minute episodestakes anywhere between eight and 15
hours to edit, produce,
et cetera. There's a phrase inthere that really bothers me,
and that is the idea ofgiving up. Have I given up?
Do I want to give up?
(20:04):
That's a really loaded phrase forme, and probably a lot of you.
It signals so many things- passivity, defeat,
and the idea of what doeshappen to a dream deferred?
Is the gulf between what Isay and what I do based on a
lie that I've been telling myself?If this is anything that you've ever
(20:28):
struggled with,
I do encourage you to sitdown and take a moment,
or two moments, or more than that,
to slow down and listen to your core self.
This is really hard to do because Ithink often what we want for ourselves is
inextricably entangled withwhat other people want for us,
(20:50):
and what we do to please otherpeople, and what we've been told,
et cetera. But really ask yourself,
what are you saying and not doing?What do you want
your life to be about?What do you value?
And does the act of writingor creating or podcasting
(21:12):
line up with your values?
Are your actions generally consistentwith the things that you value?
And is it time to change whatit is you're doing or saying?
Is it time to reevaluate theperson you used to be and
reconcile that with theperson you are today?
(21:33):
What will it take for youto feel whole and do you
feel whole and fulfilled andcomplete already without this
particular slice of yourlife? Are you too busy?
Are you unmotivated? Haveall of your ideas faded away?
Are you clinging on to a dreamthat has died? These are not
(21:58):
questions that I can answerfor you, unfortunately;
they were hard enoughto answer for myself.
But if there's something in your lifethat you keep saying you want to do and
then not doing, I reallyencourage you to ask yourself,
"Why?" Ask yourself these questionsthat we've been talking about.
(22:19):
And I don't think that the answer toany of these questions is going to be
something like, "Well, I'm justnot creative anymore," or "Welp,
I guess I just have to give upany desire I ever had of creating
anything."
Those are not good or acceptable answers,
at least in my opinion.We are fundamentally
(22:43):
creative people,
and I think that it's more likely that we
have found creative fulfillment elsewhere.
If we have let our current dreamsor our past dreams of being a
writer of doing somethinglike that fade away,
chances are you have found acreative outlet in something else
(23:07):
cooking or sewing or dancing or painting.
Chances are you're experiencingthat creative fulfillment elsewhere,
and that's great.
Most creative people Iknow aren't just one thing.
Yeah, you may be great at writing. Youmight be strong at writing, but yeah,
(23:27):
you also knit and you paintand you like to do crafting,
et cetera.
A lot of us are just interested in alot of different ways to express our
creativity.
But if you find yourself asking thatquestion and you find yourself saying,
"No,
I am not feeling creativelyfulfilled right now," I encourage
(23:50):
you to really figure out,
really devote the time and the mentalenergy to figuring out what's going on
there,
because you need some avenue ofcreative fulfillment in your life.
And if you say you want towrite and you're not writing,
and you're in a place of defeator despair or depression or any of
(24:12):
those other awful feelings,
there might be a veryvalid reason or block or
chunk of resistance that's in your way,
and I think that needs to be explored.
I know that there are people who say, "Oh,
there's no such thing as writer'sblock. It's just fear." Okay, but yeah,
(24:33):
fear is a huge thing. Resistance is real.
We can't turn up ournoses at it and just say,
"You're not trying hard enough."I realized somewhere along this
process that I was saying Iwanted to keep doing the Write Now
podcast because I enjoyed the senseof fulfillment I got out of it,
(24:54):
but I was experiencing creativefulfillment from my other creative
projects,
and that was something that I havereally had to wrestle with and I am still
wrestling with.
And it took me a while before I realizedthat the kind of fulfillment I get
from something like the Write Nowpodcast is actually different from the
(25:14):
creative fulfillment that I getfrom my other creative projects,
and that the Write Now podcaststill fills a very important role
in my creative life.
But doing it on a weeklybasis may not be as feasible
because again, life has changed.I've changed. You've changed.
(25:35):
I love recording this show,
but I haven't been able to do it on aconsistent weekly basis because I have so
much else going on.
I needed to dig down andunderstand the various degrees of
resistance that I was having to this.And the thing is,
once you realize andidentify and understand the
(25:58):
reason that you've been sayingsomething and not acting on it,
it's not a forever thing.
Maybe what you say and what youdo haven't been in alignment
lately because your job isin a really rocky place,
or you've had medical issues,
or you have a new child and theyare draining all of your energy,
(26:19):
or a million other very,
very valid reasons why thismay not be the right season
for you in which to create.But seasons pass. Boy,
have I learned that lesson. Seasons pass,
and if you decide to put yourcreative project on hold for now,
that does not mean you can't pick it upa month from now, six months from now,
(26:44):
next year.
I don't know if this is some kind ofwavering of integrity on my part or
not,
but the decisions that I make aboutmy creative work and life are never
permanent,
and I don't want them to be permanent.I know that there's poets like
Rimbaud, who I want to saywas early 19th century,
(27:06):
but I'm probably wrong because it hasbeen years since I've studied the poets.
But I think at the age of 19or some other very young age,
Rimbaud, who had written alot of poetry in his life,
decided at that very young age thathe never wanted to write again.
And he stopped writing, never wrote again,
(27:28):
went to Africa maybe tohunt lions or something,
and was like never heard fromagain. Don't be like Rimbaud.
Don't be eaten by lions.
Don't cut something out of your lifethat you may want to regain later.
Allow yourself to take breaks,
but also allow yourself to pick upthings that have served you in the past
(27:52):
and may yet still serve you in the future.So if you're saying,
I want to write a book, and youractions don't align with that,
you haven't been writing, youhaven't even been jotting down ideas,
start thinking aboutwhy. Journal about why.
Let yourself be reallycurious about your own
motivations and what's reallygoing on in your heart.
(28:16):
The answer or answers might be really,
really complicated because we aspeople are really, really complicated,
and we have a lot of angerand resentment and despair and
hopelessness that we dealwith on a daily basis.
So don't permanently losethat part of yourself,
that part of you who initially said,
(28:37):
"I want to write a book," or "Iwant to write a poem," or "I want to
get published in someway." Listen to that,
because that desire comes from somewhere.
If you find that youstill have that desire,
and I think you probably do - again,
unless it's being fulfilled in someother way - keep it not necessarily at
(28:59):
the forefront of your mind,but keep it in there somewhere.
Leave the opportunityto one day write a book,
leave that opportunity openperiodically ask yourself, "Hey,
I've always wanted to writea book. Is this the season?
Do I want to start jotting things downand making notes? Would that feel good?
Would that feel fulfilling?And right? What do I want?
(29:23):
What do I value?
What is the difference betweenwhat I'm saying and what I'm doing
and how can I fulfill thelongings of my heart through my
actions?"This is, again,
a really complicated subject,
and there's a lot of other stuff that Idid not talk about in this episode that
(29:46):
comes into play. Things likeother people's expectations,
things like judgment,
things like life circumstances actuallyand truly standing in your way.
I would love to hear in the commentsfor today's episode what you think.
I would love to hear ifyou're willing to share it.
(30:07):
I would love to hear is there some gulf,
some distance between what you sayyou want to do and what you actually
find yourself doing?What does that look like?
Is it related to your creativity?
Does it have anything to do with yourcreative fulfillment as a creative
(30:27):
person?
What does that look like and how areyou exploring it or how do you want to
explore it? And if you'vealready explored it,
what did you discover?I would love to hear your thoughts in
the comments for today's episode.This is episode number 160,
and you can leave a comment, which Iwill read and hopefully respond to,
(30:49):
by going out to sarahwerner dot com - that's
S-A-R-A-H-W-E-R-N-E R dotcom - navigating to the
show notes for today's episode, andscrolling all the way down to the bottom.
You're going to have to scroll past theshow notes and the transcript and all
sorts of other stuff,but at the very bottom,
there should be a place whereyou can leave your thoughts.
(31:11):
As for the Write Nowpodcast, I'm not stopping it.
I love doing it. I'm going to continuerecording and releasing episodes,
and I think the compromise there is thatit's not going to be on a weekly basis,
but I don't think people are reallyexpecting that from me anymore anyway,
given that so far this year, I haveonly recorded and released two episodes.
(31:33):
So there's more to come,
just not on a weekly schedule.I also want to say thank you
to those of you who aresupporting this show financially.
The Write Now podcast is out onPatreon, which, you may already know,
is a secure third-party donation platformthat allows you to donate a dollar per
(31:54):
episode, two dollars per episode,a thousand dollars per episode,
whatever you feel moved to donate.
Patreon supporters get accessto episodes a little bit early,
and also help make this showavailable to everyone around the
world for free.
Everything that keeps this showrunning comes from donations. So
(32:19):
special, super extrathanks to patrons Laurie,
Regina Calabrese, AmberFratesi, Charmaine Ferreira,
Mike Tefft, Poppy Brown, Summer,
Tiffany Joyner, and Whitney McGruder.
You are all so wonderful and generous,
(32:40):
and I'm grateful for eachand every one of you.
Thank you for donating to the show.If Patreon's not your thing,
you can also donate via PayPal orKo-fi or "coffee" or however you
say it, and if financialliquidity is not your thing,
you can just tell someoneelse about this show.
That actually is a very beautifulthing that you can do to help this show
(33:04):
find and maintain its audience,is to just tell someone else,
a writer, a friend, a teacher,about the Write Now podcast.
If it's someone who'snot really into podcasts,
maybe show them how to download anepisode onto their phone or other device
that really,
truly does help to spread the wordand the work that I'm doing here.
(33:26):
And with that,
this has been episode 160of the Write Now Podcast,
the podcast that helps allwriters - aspiring professional,
and otherwise - to find the time, energy,
and courage you need topursue your passion and write.
I'm Sarah Werner, and hopefully Iwill be speaking to you again soon.
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