Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special '25- Episode Twelve

On Episode Twelve; What are your thoughts on cooked tortoise??

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Fleshorn and Haley's Christmas Cocktails Special. Welcome to the Christmas
Cocktail Special live shows in the Big Pint of back
on Monday, the nineteenth of jam.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
To Scotland Key Rights Christmas card message me and you
let's make it on Sander's naughtilist together face.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
Oh okay, okay, well I have.

Speaker 4 (00:22):
That my workshop. Sorry.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Of the years I run workshops and resilience, I've actually
stolen Hailey's family motto of drink it while it's fuzzy
and put it into my workshopsturism.

Speaker 5 (00:35):
And I want to fucking cut.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
I had an amazing feedback this year when someone was
contemplating in in their life until they saw my presentation.
Oh that's amazing them realign their priorities and sought professional help.

Speaker 4 (00:46):
So if you could say by proxy Hailey's a.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hero, oh no, I'm not not also sharing any of
my fee So you wanted to cut on them?

Speaker 3 (00:55):
Oh yeah, see you in court.

Speaker 5 (00:57):
Already, see you in court.

Speaker 3 (00:58):
In the fact that we would say that we can't, well.

Speaker 5 (01:00):
It's not.

Speaker 6 (01:01):
The Sprows took it from a mum's best friend who
died very young of cancer.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
They stole it from a dead woman.

Speaker 5 (01:07):
And see what you're saying, Patsy stole this from her
dead best friend.

Speaker 6 (01:09):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (01:10):
Wow wow, And for that way, I'm truly sorry.

Speaker 4 (01:13):
On Draper and Madman.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yeah yes, but also how what an incredible what incredible work?

Speaker 5 (01:18):
I know, well done, kre Juicy.

Speaker 4 (01:21):
This moment of the year was on a work trip
in Belfast.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
That's in Ireland, and there are some areas of that
city you avoid for obvious reasons. I decided this time
to go into a bar with board it up windows
and a picture of a guy holding a rifle on that. Okay,
I'm here for this story, strolling trying to act confident
but actually shitting myself and get a drink at the bar,
spend the afternoon with the shifty feller. Fast forward six
months and I was a wedding with a guy who
is a police force and a police officer in Northern Ireland.

(01:47):
I described the guy I'd spend an afternoon drinking with,
and yeah, that's the head of a very bad organization.

Speaker 5 (01:52):
Had a drink with a heat of like a gang
or something.

Speaker 4 (01:54):
The IRA or looking at the girl.

Speaker 5 (01:57):
As the story rights, it sounds so.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
Like what like the first thought of the sky would
be like, is this kind of undercover cop?

Speaker 5 (02:04):
Yeah? Yeah, oh so Cyrus he's here, Siren?

Speaker 2 (02:07):
Oh okay, near see the lockness monsters my reincarnation choice.
I'm that desperate for attention, lunatics will be searching me
for decades.

Speaker 3 (02:16):
Yeah, that's that's great.

Speaker 4 (02:17):
Thank you.

Speaker 5 (02:18):
Here.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
Charlotte is in christ Church says hello to everybody. Happy Christmas,
New Year's holidays. I hope those Christmas coptails are treating
you all well. I just want to shot out my husband, Brendan.
We've got married in January and we had our first child, George,
in July.

Speaker 4 (02:29):
Do the meths do the meths do the mets do
the mets do.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
The mess is at a rushed wedding because of the baby,
or you just like you don't want to bastard child?

Speaker 3 (02:37):
No no, no, no, your second Game of Thrones doesn't end well.

Speaker 2 (02:41):
Brendon has been absolutely amazing throughout the hectic wedding planning,
dealing with my nauseous pregnant ars, and also being the
most amazing dad to our son. I couldn't be happy
with my little family. Also, can't forget to shout out
our cat called Sky, our fish called Bowery and our
alxalodor called Archie.

Speaker 5 (02:55):
Oh excellent, is a fucking yuk man.

Speaker 6 (02:57):
I used to look after one and you see them
bloods and they like nip your finger the stink they suck.

Speaker 3 (03:04):
But good on you for heaving.

Speaker 4 (03:05):
Oh sorry, yeah, sorry, so I reckon flush it?

Speaker 5 (03:09):
Do you know?

Speaker 2 (03:10):
By the way, now, if you buy a turtle reed turtles, yeah,
there has to be microchips.

Speaker 5 (03:17):
What how do you microchip a turtle?

Speaker 4 (03:19):
Exactly? Your market trip cat?

Speaker 5 (03:21):
What was micro chain?

Speaker 1 (03:22):
And the leathery turtle gonna go like people get sick
of them because they lived for like eighty years and
twenty years and they're like, fuck this, this was a
grandma's turtle.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
And they biffit on the side of the road or
in a creek or what have and it sets up
a wild turtle.

Speaker 5 (03:36):
You bring back plastic straws ireck them.

Speaker 4 (03:41):
I reckon.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
You could run your magnet. I know, you're a turtle
under a strong magnet and wipe its chip.

Speaker 5 (03:47):
Suck it up out of them. Where are they chipping
it in? The wormy bit insignet.

Speaker 4 (03:51):
I don't know, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (03:52):
Yeah, the turtle neck they scan it like they scan
a dog. So I was it a pencil the other
day and that said, yeah, all turtles must be microchipped
by counsel boiler.

Speaker 4 (04:00):
I don't like it, laughed hard.

Speaker 3 (04:02):
That's so funny.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
Yeah, where are we at here? Brendan yeh and the
turtle and the ox lot. Highlight of my year was
I had to be the birth of my son George.
After five years of trying with no success. We then
tried ivy f on our second trow was successful after
thinking we lost them during our pregnancy as well. We're
truly so lucky to have him here in our lives.
And you guys, I was pretty to be dying of
Naisey to save me on some of those days when

(04:25):
I felt awful.

Speaker 5 (04:25):
Sorry, we beg on having kids so much. It must
have been hard sometimes. Yeah, feeling sickond I'm saying God,
who'd do it? Yeah, we're glad you have?

Speaker 4 (04:33):
Yeah, I have? Or me or her? No her, Oh
you're pointed at me.

Speaker 5 (04:37):
No, you guys.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
People reincarnation and come back as a tortoise. They look
for ages, no one really wants to eat them, and
they hang out in the sun with their buddies. But
serial news regarding people wanting to eat turtles very popular.
We're torto soup turtle soup. What they cook it in
the shell. They kill the turtle and cook it in itself.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
It's got a plate, it's got a pre bol literally
grew its own bowl.

Speaker 4 (05:02):
My food bowl. And you just all you have to
do is microwave.

Speaker 3 (05:06):
It's actually when Nadie got the idea for microwave.

Speaker 4 (05:10):
Turtles.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
But the thing about microwaving turtle, you're gonna have a
big microwave.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
I think you're gonna say, put a glass of water
in the corner.

Speaker 4 (05:18):
It was put a couple of four holes in it.
You don't want your turtle to pop.

Speaker 5 (05:22):
You got to fork it and make it nice, and
you gotta steam it. Basically steam turtle. Now this is
Natalie from Todunger, but I said this, I thought it
said Natalie and Bruglia.

Speaker 4 (05:32):
I think the a Natalie from Toros.

Speaker 3 (05:41):
Did it and I didn't do it.

Speaker 5 (05:43):
Well.

Speaker 4 (05:43):
Today, Hailey is a hard one. It is.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
I have listened to you since day Dot fun Fact
used to talk the one on Missinger about what broadcasting
school was like.

Speaker 4 (05:51):
As I wanted to go.

Speaker 5 (05:54):
It's like the politicians talking to people on Snapchat. You
sucking pissed?

Speaker 4 (05:56):
But when was I talking to them about rock school?

Speaker 5 (05:58):
Bring.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
They've been with a boyfriend for twenty three years, so
they've got to be like close to my age. Someone's
gonna message you mean asked me what it's like to
go to because my big set defensive. I don't know
years I got into broadcasting school, but I didn't go
because of my high school boyfriend.

Speaker 4 (06:17):
Spoiler married fifteen years to go the twenty three and
have two kids.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
To be honest, you probably dodged a ballot shows.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yeah, Ue, this industry is fucked because it's scalical. I
just thrived reincarnation choice on one and done. Tired mout
even thinking about it. She's wonder that she does not
want to be.

Speaker 4 (06:33):
Really like that.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
Yeah, that's our first one of it. I can't actually
don't be can't be fucked you please don't let me
do this?

Speaker 4 (06:39):
Come here before?

Speaker 5 (06:40):
Can't he be fucked?

Speaker 2 (06:42):
Lucy From writes to my future wife Monique, you are
the absolute bomb dot com.

Speaker 4 (06:47):
Can't wait to marry you in a couple of months time.

Speaker 3 (06:50):
Lesbian wedding.

Speaker 5 (06:50):
We've got lesbian wedding. I love to a team have you.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
Been to a lesbian winning my bus.

Speaker 4 (06:55):
So many lisbian got married when I was out of
the country.

Speaker 6 (06:58):
Ah, I've been to so many day weddings, Like like,
dude on, dude, why.

Speaker 3 (07:03):
Weren't you invited to the gay the lesbians winning?

Speaker 4 (07:05):
I was. It was like one of those last minute
we're going to do it when we're home.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
But I had pre booked a classic lesbians doing things
last minute and in.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
A rush, rush, rushing.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
Highlight of the years are getting engaged in reincarnation would
probably be the goat so I can hear. But people right,
Aaron is in christ Church as well. Silly Season salutations
to those that celebrate hard. Out of the year is fast,
silly season sat.

Speaker 3 (07:29):
Book little silly season solutions to salutation.

Speaker 6 (07:33):
Silly season salutations for those who celebrate all that was going.

Speaker 2 (07:36):
Silly season solutions for those that seek solutions of silly
season snanigans.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
To silly season solutions dot com solutions don't ei there?

Speaker 4 (07:43):
How about supporting these local businesses?

Speaker 5 (07:45):
Why not silly season solutions? High there?

Speaker 2 (07:49):
Highlight of the year is landing my dream job after
receiving a severe concussion at work and being bullied out.

Speaker 4 (07:54):
Of seed workplace. You motherfuckers.

Speaker 3 (07:56):
I would have got a payout.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
I'm teaching special education and an amazing school with supportive
colleagues and amazing tamariki who overcome huge challenges, succeed and
they're learning.

Speaker 5 (08:04):
Thank you for your services.

Speaker 4 (08:08):
Juicy.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
This moment that you were seeing photos of my ex
boyfriend getting married to someone who's a carbon copy of me.

Speaker 5 (08:13):
That's a compliment. I'd take that as a compliment.

Speaker 4 (08:16):
Yeah, but did he break up with you? What did
you break up with him?

Speaker 2 (08:19):
You broke up with him and he married someone who's
a carbon copy of you. It shows that he's not
really over you. Any moment you.

Speaker 4 (08:24):
Can, yeah, you get back.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
I like when people cheat on someone that looks exactly
like the girlfriend or boys.

Speaker 5 (08:30):
It's like Carne Wist when he got that new girlfriend.

Speaker 3 (08:32):
Yeah like that, What have you done that?

Speaker 4 (08:35):
Kim?

Speaker 2 (08:36):
She was actually gorgeous. I felt bad the minute I
said tim, I felt bad.

Speaker 5 (08:40):
She is gorgeous. But what's her name?

Speaker 4 (08:42):
Tim? I was Tardashian?

Speaker 5 (08:46):
Is she Australian?

Speaker 3 (08:48):
She is Australian.

Speaker 5 (08:49):
She looks like a hostage.

Speaker 6 (08:52):
She looks like when she's in those shops.

Speaker 5 (08:55):
Her nipples just nipples and leather leggings. She looks like
a hostage.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
Aaron says she would come back as a kid to
being chunk is celebrated and getting drunk on bio.

Speaker 1 (09:04):
But as we've mentioned, you'll be taken down in Haley's
garden by a cant rolligh and end up in a
hole in the ground.

Speaker 4 (09:13):
I just threw my paper because we've finished a page. Wait,
you're gonna go over himself lands on top of the fan.

Speaker 3 (09:20):
Oh damn it, and I will try again. Excuse me
that it's a very expensive ceiling fan.

Speaker 4 (09:26):
It's mine landed on the beach.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
I went, yes, I know, will please or you'll be
billed if there's any damage to the fan.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
Do you want this?

Speaker 4 (09:33):
Next time?

Speaker 3 (09:34):
We're going to mup the

Speaker 1 (09:35):
Mutter and flat Bush flat Bush round Mound.