The Otis Advisory

It all makes sense when you think of Kamala as the dented can on the store shelf.  Poor little dented can, it’s sad that nobody wants it anymore being all smushed and caved in.  Pushed aside for the shiny new can, the one with the fresh AOC label, except that one’s about to be banned for all the fake coloring in it.  Of course, there is one color you don’t have to worry about.  Right, it’s Orange!  Nothing phony - Orange is differe...

Kamala is about to open the doors to her new Think Tank!  “We’ll think about anything for a price,” giggled Kamala.  It’s like the self-licking ice cream cone of bad ideas, but there it is anyway.  Tanks Alot Kamala is mostly particle board and sounds like a cry for help that no one hears.  It even has its own flush handle built right into the tank for when things get messy.  Let’s check the ingredients: “May contain bull-corn.  Ha...

Otis gets a lot of prison mail. But when the weather’s nice, he likes to walk around the neighborhood to see what everybody else got in the mail. You can learn a lot about your neighbors by going through their mail. Take this nice lady for example.  Dear Ms. Jones, Oh look, it’s from the free clinic.  It was fun seeing you again this week - red and irritated - well that’s not going to clear up.  Oh here’s a birthday card from someb...

Congressman-lady Jasmine Crockett really likes being the only botanical in government.  But don’t be fooled by all the flowery words. Jasmine knows nothing pays off faster than class clown when you need to get noticed, before that AOC gets it all.  Remember the circus business is nothing new for Jasmine!  Throw in a pair of hoop earrings and a couple of media stink bombs and you’ll get ‘em talking.  Then just sit back and let the c...

Everybody knows, crawfish are not fish.  Never have been.  Try putting crawfish in the microwave and you’ll see what I mean.  The stuff in there runs out all over the place, gets all over the floor and everything.  Meat doesn’t do that.  You can do better.  Look, a million flies can’t be wrong.  Even Greenland doesn’t allow crawfish, wonder why?  Ask the medical examiner.  They know crawfish are like sticker burs.   You’re not deal...

The only thing more dangerous than being Chuck Schumer right now is being Chuck Schumer driving a red Tesla.  That would be a bowel-curdling trigger event over at Camp TransAntifa, the Nottingham Forrest of the pumps and pearls fellas with an itch for firebombing.  I know it’s getting harder to score this stuff.  But Orange man doesn’t care. He’s sending Tesla firebombers to the pen for 20 big ones.  But don’t write him off yet, Ch...

The barnyard is buzzing this week over the high cost of eggs.  Somebody gave the chickens the flu, probably caught it at the gym like everybody else.  But what you really need to worry about is egg smuggling.  There coming across the border from everywhere,  Smuggling eggs can get messy. Stuffing a dozen or so down your shorts to cross “over easy” in El Paso works fine, until you sit down.  Otis explains. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

USA sent fifty million dollars in condoms to Gaza.  Found out later they decided to make condom bombs instead with all their free rubbers. Come on now, this is too easy.  Let’s say you’re the runt of the litter and someone gives you fifty million dollars’ worth of free rubbers.  You could go find a nice girl to share a bag of pork rinds with, or, make a condom bomb to blow up the One Hour Martinizing store up the street.  I know wh...

ORANGE SUNRISE  Thanks to the new Orange sunrise over Washington, a system-wide peristalsis has begun, moving the waste and waste by-products from the gut of government.  In its place, luxury, prosperity and of course endless boogie!  Can you dig it.  But as always, Donkey Darkness is on the rise working to stop common sense before it breaks out.  Better to maintain the rot for the next wave of pajama-wielding protesters daydreamin...

TRUMP DANCE  

It’s a dance.  It’s a movement.  No wait, it’s the Trump Shuffle, and all the kids are doing it.  How low can you go?  Just put your bottom on a swivel and leave your pronouns at the door!   The Trump Shuffle is ground zero in the land of a thousand dances.  But you won’t see it on The View.  Oh hell no. They’re still worried it’ll give you the Monkey Pox or something – you filthy pig!  Look, it’s OK to celebrate, but ...

The Honor Snacks man finally went back around to check on his snack box after the Biden White House cleared out.  Naturally it came in light, again.  The little bedwetters had their grubby little mitts on the Captains Wafers but never left the fifty cents in the slot.  So much for Donkey people and the Honor Snacks idea.  One of them even stuck a note down the slot about how oppressed people shouldn’t have to pay and everyone else ...

In our special preview of the new Biden Library, we'll discover what you'll see once you’ve passed through the giant 2-story bottle of hand sanitizer built right into the entrance to this historic and bothered place.  Yes. the Biden Library is a living monument to the big cheese!  Visitors will see his actual beach chair, permanently indented with the presidential butt cheeks, where Joey spent 40% of his time as president.  That’s ...

Greenland

Orange Man says it's time for us to go ahead and take Greenland’s stuff.  That’s right.  Everything they’ve got is about to be ours!  This is so simple.  Why didn’t anybody think of taking Greenland’s stuff before?  Whatever it is – just fork it over!  Look, we’ll pay ‘em back, for their stuff, and here's a great way we can start:  Let's put The Biden Library right there in Greenland!  It needs a home anyway and nobody els...

There’s an Orange sunrise coming.  A new President means man business is back in style.  Men are even opening car doors again (that's how they get inside.)  Guys are even out changing flat tires whether they’re flat or not, just for a way to get dirty.  Something’s working. Lab grown meat is going away and pom poms on gym socks are coming back.  Stud Finders Family Rebuilding Centers are springing up everywhere.  Shrunken heads are...

Many people ask me, “Uncle Otis, what’s happened to Tiny Tim after he and Giggles lost the election?”  Well, we do know the crying hasn’t stopped.  Poor Timmy can’t seem to keep his face out of a box of Kleenex every time he thinks about what could have been what it is, after it’s already been what it used to was!  That’s the unburdened mind trick Timmy learned from Giggles.  Now they’re both trying to forget by going to as many Yo...

If you’ve been living on Wonder Bread and olive loaf for the last few years we’ve got good news.  You’re about to get an upgrade. There’s a big orange sunrise over the white house that will put new wheels on that grocery cart and save your butt from going boneless and skin-less.  So where has all the Bidenomics money been going? Well here’s one: Team Kamala went through a billion in Donkey money in just 3-months trying to get elect...

Now excuse the mess but, teen-aged congressman type person Sandy Cortez (the name on the arrest warrant) is running for President!  She looked inside her official NPR tote bag and found a note signed by fifty-one Intelligence Officers saying, “Great idea honey, go ahead and bring your special brand of crazy to the White House!  And since Hunter got pardoned he can be Vice President"  Why not, Hunter knows all there is to know about...