January 18, 2021 • 28 mins
This week’s hometowns include a family suspect and a dangerous neighbor.
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Speaker 1 (00:14):
Hello, Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder, the Mini So.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
That's Karen Kilgara, that's Georgia hart Stark. It's Friday night.
We're about to party with the mails, going mail, party, going, going,
going and gone, and it's gone. What do you want
to go first? Week? Do you want to go first?
We want me to go first again. Actually, do you
have like a sweet a sweet little ending one.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Or I like my ending one? Okay, if you want
me to yeah, that's if you want to go first,
I'll first.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Look at us. Okay. Twenty twenty one. Okay, this is
called the one with the Grandpa Murder. Hi, Stephen, Georgia
and Karen love the pod, et cetera, et cetera. I'm
here to tell you a good old fashioned hometown murder.
In fact, it's such a classic. It's on the original
Unsolved Mysteries.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Nice.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
So I was like, you're famous, it says, Season six,
episode ten. It's the story of the time my grandpa
got murdered. Oh no, I know. On the night of
May fifteenth, nineteen eighty one, my grandfather was attending a
political fundraiser when he was shot in the head point
blank and killed. Despite the roughly four hundred people in
(01:27):
attendance that night, no one saw a thing, and most
of the people interviewed refused to disclose any information because
they feared for their own lives. Now here's where it
gets fishy. So I'm gonna there's a it's already I know, right,
there's a name in it. But I'm just going to
use the initial of the last name because it's alleged.
(01:47):
But if you watch the episode, I'm sure they say it.
Now here's where they get fishy. Though he was off
duty when the police arrived, Deputy Chief John c was
already on the scene, and throughout the investigation he gave
several reasons for his attendance at the fundraiser that evening.
The bullet used in the killing was recovered and sent
for testing, but even though it was being kept in
(02:08):
a locked drawer in seized desks, that the lab was
having trouble processing it because they said the bullet had
a hole punched into it in an effort to prevent tracing.
The bullet had a hole punched into it in an
effort to prevent tracing what kind of weapon was used.
Despite this, they managed to identify the gain used and
guess who's the only fucking officer on the force who
(02:31):
used that kind of gun? John C. Yep, John C.
I really wanted to get you were right. Yeah. He
also failed a polygraph test, so yeah. Though his death
is labeled a cold case, a cursory study of the
evidence makes it pretty fucking obvious who did it. The
last bit is just some spooky stuff that happened after
(02:51):
the murder. Nights after his father was murdered, my dad
awoke to a bullet being shot through their living room window. WHOA.
They also got calls in the middle of the night
with a mysterious voice saying I know who killed ja
the name of the grandpa. My uncle also claims he
once paid for something at a coroner store and one
of the bills he got has change had quote I
(03:12):
know who killed Jay scrawled on it. No one in
my family talks about the murder, so hopefully none of
them are listening. When I asked my dad about it,
he doesn't say much, but I thank him for instilling
a fear of police in me at a young age
and always reminding me that quote. The cops can lie
to you, stay sexy, and please get my dad into therapy, Hannah,
(03:32):
isn't that he v Yeah, it's awful, so awful. I hope,
I hope that.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
But also it sounds like it sounds like a mafia
stuff or like how was how or four hundred people
in the room when something happens and no one's saying
I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Exactly, it feels she doesn't say where it's from, but
it feels small towny. But it could be like Boston,
who knows, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, yeah, but small town would make sense because it's
like everyone knows not to say anything, and every one
of those kind of things scary. Okay, my first email,
it's the subject line is Panamanian mom out crazy to mugger. Yes, hello,
all in all caps. When I heard the Scottish dad
headbudding story, I knew I had to write in. My
(04:16):
mom is from Panama, basically the opposite of Scotland, and
thus Lee had an opposite approach to self defense. She
and her mom, my grandma, were walking in Panama in
the seventies through a bad part of town in broad daylight,
albeit alone with me, a baby, my sister, a toddler,
and my brother who was probably like ten. When they
(04:37):
noticed a man had been following them. They tried to
speed up and make odd turns to get away or
find safety, but with three kids and an old lady,
they hadn't had any success. My badass mom had the
sense that he wanted her and told my grandma to
take us kids and walk the other direction past the guy.
She did, and the guy kept following. My mom, now alone,
(04:58):
like she had predicted, knowing this guy was probably going
to rob her or worse, she started acting all caps crazy.
She immediately started kicking over nearby trash cans, punching the air,
jumping on the buildings, and screaming at the top of
her lungs, both plain old screams and curse words. She
started pulling at her hair and hitting herself in the
(05:19):
face and freaking out, all while walking forward. She turned
around and made direct eye contact with the man. He
looked freaked out, turned the other turn down the other street,
and jogged the fuck away.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Wuck.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
My mom met back up with us and they proceeded
home to safety. My mom is still a total badass,
and kind of an insane one at that, but you know,
fun insane, and we love her so much for it.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Thank you for everything you.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Do because of the way you two of destigmatized therapy.
I've finally found the courage to go for the first
time about two years ago, and I'm now increasing to
two sessions a week.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
And then it says, woo hoo, question mark, I agree.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I agree with that son, me too, and then it's
just signed fuck politeness and ssd GM. Wow what an
incredible tactic, Like, what a fucking brilliant, perfect perfect Yeah,
look look like someone they don't want to mess with
because you just don't know how they'll react. Yeah, it's
it's really smart and good totally, and this person is
(06:22):
not going to go easy, you know, yes exactly. It's
basically saying come at me, motherfucker. But in the without,
you know, indirectly basically having a little play.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, little play if I'm going to make your life. Hell,
I'm more unpredictable than you are. Love it, yeah, love it? Okay,
this is called hometown story. Oh and then it just
starts like this. I know that I'm too socially awkward
to even try and write a greeting that won't end
up with me getting yelled at easy, So just pretend
(06:54):
I'm charming and eloquent. It'll work for all of us.
You did it, You fucking did it. Congratulations.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
It's really easy to pretend because you make it easy.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Okay. So back in nineteen ninety three, I was a
six year old girl in Australia, focusing on whatever six
year old's focus on. Unbeknownst to me, there was a
serial killer in my local area abducting, slashing and stabbing
teen girls and women and killing them and their cats.
What where my dad became a suspect in the investigations.
(07:27):
Dear old dad had the same maked model of car
seen at the abduction sites, frequented the area where the
bodies were discovered, and has a criminal record, and then
it's so not for murder and had no alibis for
the times of the different murders and abductions. With the
suspicions and the investigation and the rumor mill, it was
useless trying to keep us five kids out of the loop,
(07:49):
and my dad spoiler alert not the serial killer managed
to get a murder groupie. One of my sister's friends,
sixteen years old and an adult to me as a
six year old, kept coming into our house and following
my dad around and asking questions to us about him.
The final straw from my mom was was that the
murder group he started to come into the house to
(08:09):
watch my dad's sleep. My mom found her standing over
my dad, fast asleep and staring, and my mom promptly
grabbed the nearest room and aggressively swept Chase at her feet,
yelling at her to never set foot near any of
us ever again. For good. Mom was hospitalized abruptly during
(08:31):
this time, which did not help my dad look innocent.
Oh but I and my siblings were separated, taken out
of school, and planked in many different family friends' homes
until whatever process needed to be done was done. So
he must have been a major suspect if they were
taken out of the home.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
It's not good that he had the same make and
model car that even though like obviously the story.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Is about that.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
The fact that that turned out to be a coincience,
it's not good.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
It doesn't bode well. None of those things do. No,
it really adds up real good. It does. Thank you
for helping me more than you'll ever know. Stay sexy
and don't break into your friend's home to god, get
a sleeping murder suspect.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
F I mean, this was a weird enough story as
it was, and if I would just like to say,
and I don't mean to attack you, knowing how sensitive
you are and how eloquent you are, it would have
been nice to hear how the dad got off?
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Did the person get caught? Like, because I got caught?
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Can we have a little closure for the beginning part
of the story. Then you introduced this total like random.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Where is she now? I want to know where she
is now? I bet she's like an investigative law enforcement
or something like that.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
I hope the groupie yeah, or you the person writing
me Groopie.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
It's almost like Groopie. No, she's like a nine drus.
Then she got cleaned yes, but then she cleaned herself up,
got her life together, went to school, and.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Now she's worshiping Christ somewhere.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
I mean, that's we.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Look, she's borderline. She's basically a murder you know that's
writing that line full depravity.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
It's almost like the ones who are you're a murderina
like us? And then they're like, but I wrote letters
to serial killers in prison, and you're like.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Oh, real quick, that's not what we're doing that's not
that's not how I do it, although, but it could
have been like the fascination of like, did she think
she's a detective.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
That's what I was thinking, that she's going to figure
something out. I bet she's got some Nancy Drew fantasies.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
It's just the then I want to go with that
so badly too. Watching him sleep now takes us way
the fuck over the line and now we're in our own.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Horrible what is she really? And I feel likes a
little too old for this, But what if she thought
he was going to like make some sleeping admission I
killed her, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I mean that would be a good alibi for her
to have said, oh, this is all justified.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
But I love the mom is like, no bullshit, get
the fu sixteen year old girl, please get up. I'm
not going to get you help and then I get
you to get the fuck out of my.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
I just think this is a podcast series waiting to happen.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
So what's sorry? Who? How did they sign from? Somewhere
in Australia? Please let us.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Know, Please please fill in these gaps for us, because
it's all it could go so many different ways now, truly.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Is this the best story ever? Or is the most
disturbing story ever?
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Okay, this is just says hometown story. Okay, hi friends.
A few years ago, I was on my way home
from work when I saw a dog running loose near
a busy street. Being the animal lover that I am,
I stopped to pick her up. I knelt down and
called to her, and she ran full speed and jumped
into my arms. Her name was Chili Pepper.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I called the it's my dream right now, by the way,
I want to pet like an animal so bad that
I'm just like, I'm like, please just come jump in
my arms.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Someone just some stray someone you know you have to stray.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
You say I want an animal, saydad, like, you don't
have two in your house?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Probably on your lap, right, don't cuddle with me.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
No, they're not on my lap because they don't understand
how lucky they are and they don't appreciate what they have.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Well, Mimi is her own person. I'm sorry, I'm called
my cat's motherfuckers.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I must defend Mimi. Daddy is Dotty is who Doatie
is right?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
But Mimi?
Speaker 1 (12:22):
I think it's like Mimi has like an impacted tooth
where she's just always in a bad mood. Yeah, okay, okay,
Chili Pepper. Sorry, her name was Chili Pepper. I called
the number on the tag and got no answer, so
I left a voicemail letting them know that I had
their dog. The tag didn't have an address, so I
took her home with me until I heard back from
the owner. At the time, I was living in my
(12:43):
first apartment with my ex. He was at work and
I was out on the shared balcony potting some plants
with Chili Pepper. Our neighbor's adult son came over and
asked if he could have some laundry detergent. I left
the door open and had him wait there while I
was inside getting the detergent. He asked me if I
was home alone. I instantly got creeped out. I lied
and told him my boyfriend was sleeping since I actually
(13:05):
was home alone at the time, I scooped up Chili
Pepper and went to my family's house to wait until
my ex came home. Chili Pepper's owner finally gave me
a call back, and I was able to renite reunite
her with her family. Later that night, I told my
ex what happened, and he insisted that I was overreact.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Mother fuck her.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
We went to the Megan's Law website and guess who
we saw?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
T Son.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
He was listed as a violent rapist.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Good thing.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
I knew to trust my murderino senses and get out
of there. I can't help but wonder if Chili Pepper
being there had saved had saved me.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
No, I believe it because it is you. No, I
you for sure, but like it was, yes, yes, Chili.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
I was picturing the way this story is told, and
maybe she just didn't give Chili Pepper crodas like Chili
Pepper's over in the corner, like chilling so stoked to
be out of traffic.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
I was either Chili Pepper's going to attack the guy,
or Chili Pepper's going to unt out the door, and
so she won't be in her house apartment alone to
be attacked, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
But no, okay, true, but oh sorry, okay, here's the
sentence that you're going to pull it together for both
of us. Maybe the guy was afraid that she would
attack him or bark and draw attention Jesus. Yeah, so
that yeah, I'm seeing it. You're right, Chili.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Pepper full solving all of these, all these hometowns today.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
We moved out shortly after the building management gave us
a hard time about breaking out of the lae early.
But at least I knew that it would be safer
than living next to a violent rapist. Say sexy and
pick up that runaway dog. They just might save you.
To Nicole, Oh my god, Nicole, I think Nichole's giving
the credit away. Though we love Chilli Pepper and God
bless her, but that was all you, Nicole, I.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Tell you, Nicole, I'm glad that you peremptively told us
that he's your ex. Because someone who doesn't believe and
gaslights your realistic fear isn't yes, isn't someone you should
be with.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Or if they if they're a minimizer, and you go
over to Megan's Law website, and then you're right. You
have the ultimate uh card to play every single time
they doubt you about anything anywhere anytime. Do you want
to get mozzarel sticks? I don't know if they're gonna
be good. Oh really, because remember the time that you
didn't believe me that the violent.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Are Mozzarelli sticks not good, mother crazy, I've had you
know what, like you rustic. They just basically take string
cheese and then cut it in half and fucking deep
like it's terribly y'all. It's the best Mozzareli sticks I've
ever had.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
It solves all problems Mozzarella sticks. We hate this guy
so much because of the thing I made up that
he didn't. He's such a dick And why can't he
be a foodie like everyone else.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
A foodie at Applebee's, a foodie who doubts you're okay?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
We go.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
It's Friday hometown story. Dear humans and pets, Happy New Year.
A long long time ago you asked for secret relative discoveries,
and I have been sitting on this story for a while,
but think you'll really get a kick out of it.
Earlier this year, my father called me with some crazy news.
He told me he received a call from a man who,
through DNA matching I had recently done the ancestry dot
(16:23):
Com DNA lineage thing, had discovered my father was his father,
meaning I had an unknown half brother. I, being a
mystery loving murderino and an only child, was floored and
so excited. After quizzing my dad for details, the story
seemed to check out. My Dad offered to give me
(16:43):
contact details for this mysterious brother, but I was on
my way to work, so I had to call him later. Anyways.
Fast forward to a few hours later, when I decided
I could not wait any longer and called my dad
while still at work to get the contact info. That's
when things got weird. My dad told me guy on
the phone didn't have his own email address, but instead
(17:03):
you used his mother's. Weird right, yes, uh huh. I
started getting concerned that my dad was getting scammed. I
asked if the man on the phone asked for money
or if my dad really believed his story. He didn't
have a great answer, so I decided to get the
email from my dad and investigate myself. I wrote it
down and took a look. The email read April Fool's
(17:27):
Day at gmail dot com. Did I forget to mention
this all happened on April first? Then it says, big sigh.
My dad is quite the jokester, so I should have
seen this coming, but he really had me.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
My mom apologized for marrying a psychopath, and the rest
of my.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Family called and berated him.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I mean he told everyone called and berated him for
days after.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
On my behalf. Can you imagine an only child? Which
is hard enough.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
And then this is the funniest, This is the funniest
April Folds prank. And I am completely on the dad's side, entirely,
not on the family.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
You never get out a parent to play in April.
Like if any friend called me on April Fool's Day,
I'd answer the phone. I'd be like, fuck you, fuck you,
fuck you, fuck you. But right, dad's a parent.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
A it's a parent who figured out how to sign
up for Gmail, which is like a miracle fee. And
it's hilarious to be like I was basically like a
male slut, and now you have a half brother. Guess
your whole mind is blown. And then he's like, ha
ha because.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
A little sad. It's a little like one if you
didn't like your dad would be one step too far
because the promise of a disagree the promise of a sibling,
a sibling after being an only child.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Siblings what some weirdo that you don't even know that
kind of has your nose like, no, don't worry about it.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
I forgot you.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
You have to remove yourself. That reality was never there.
Your dad just put up a hilarious like like a
road runner, fucking you know what, You're right, and you
slammed right in because you don't have a.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Sibling, but you have the funniest father on the fucking
face of the earth, which is like three siblings. Basically, Yes,
your father's doing sibling shit with you. That's love, exactly
what siblings do. Yes, that's your.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Dad saying I love you this much that I'd sign
up for Gmail.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
And then she says, thanks for secondhandedly experiencing this trauma
with me. It's not trauma. Say sexually, and don't believe
everything your parents tell you, Megan, Megan, don't believe everything
your parents tell you.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
On April Fool's Day, you got God, baby, say you
got gottty. She also she also didn't have siblings to
make you a little note, you know, like, I don't
trust anyone because my siblings fucked with me so much
as a kid.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
So she didn't have that experience too, you know what
I mean.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
No, you're right, that's it's a difficult thing when either
when you're the oldest or when you have no siblings.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
You go into the world like such a dipshit. But
here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I I don't think Megan is young. I think Megan's
been around the block of time or two and at
the very least on March thirty first, put an alert
into your phone that says, prepare to be fucked with
in some way tomorrow. It's not doubt everything you read,
doubt everything you're told. Get ready because this is the
day people.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Are allowed to do it.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
And your dad is a prankster. It this couldn't be
his first time. Absolutely not, absolutely right because that was
high level. Yeah, yeah, you you have a brother you've
never met.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
It's sad and hilarious and wonderful. I'm not said, it's
not said. Actually, I just realized all my stories were
father stories. What ah, Happy Father's Day, Georgia, thank you.
I'm like, what day is it?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Wait?
Speaker 2 (20:43):
But what day?
Speaker 1 (20:45):
It's fucking hot like June, even though it's January, So
maybe that's what it is.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Eighty eight degrees in Los Angeles. It's the middle of January.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
This is just hometown story, and it says hi. All.
In nineteen eighty seven, I was five years old celebrating
some Girl Scout event at Chuck E Cheese. I'm not
sure how I came to learn this, but I used
to slip into the ballpit and slowly, oh my god,
no what, slowly what and slowly move my feet over
(21:12):
the bottom, waiting to feel lumps of tickets and prizes
that had fallen out of other children.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
You are a brilliant human being. How did I not
know to do that as a kid. You're a hero.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
You're also have so many germs and bacteria on your
face right now, but what are you? But they don't
care because their eyes are literally on the prize so
or their feet are on the prize of getting that
weird stuffed animal.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
That can I say? I always thought it'd be really
fun to like clean up after a festival or like
a big show. Like I know there was a party
at UCB Son or uc B Franklin, the comedy place
New Year's even. I know that people cleaning up the
fucking sad interns found a big old bag of coke
on the floor.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Oh yeah, So it's like this is like the version
that where it's like an unopened bag of Skittles on
the bottom of the ball or just a skittle. You know,
a fucking kid would pop that thing in their goddamn mouth.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
One delicious orange skittle.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Here's the thing I'd like to say, And this is
something I'm just discovering as we're talking in as we're
as this is the topic.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
I grew up.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
As we know, I'm old. I grew up in the
seventies and ate a little bit in the eighties. Ballpits
didn't come out until like I was a teenager. True,
I've never been in a ball this is and like
that one that's in at Ikea where you can look
through a hole and like watch kids. It looks like
the funnest thing in the world to me, and I've
(22:39):
never I just think it's too late and I'm too
old and no whatever.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
I don't know what it feels like.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
I don't know anything about ball pit.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
It's like being in a pool but you're not wet,
which is like it's Actually as I was saying like this,
I'm saying this has if it's better than it actually
you know, But I will say I have so many
thoughts I didn't. It's one of those things that you
don't realize are invented. So like the fact that it
had to be invented and wasn't when you were a kid,
is like fascinating. My next thing is the fucking man
(23:09):
we're just keeping were keep adding to the exactly right
party when this is over. But yeah, they're fucking ballpit.
And one more thing, what.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Can they can you have like a traveling ball Well, I.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Was gonna say, Rachel Bloom of crazy ex girlfriend fame.
I follow her and got it. Had to get her
in there, had to get her in there. She just
seems fun because for her husband's birthday, she taped up
their office filled it with balls because his ballpit balls,
because his favorite thing was a ballpit, And they turned
an entire room in their house into a ball pit
(23:41):
for the party.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
How do you get into that ball pitch without opening
the door?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
The trash bag up to like block it. So they
dropped in from the ceiling somehow. No, like it came
up to like your waist. You just climbed over the
list and logistics don't matter. We'll figure this out for you. Okay,
A she's lying. I want to I swear, Yeah, I
don't even like I've like I've been in a bouncy
(24:07):
house because it's like oh, I'll go in with the kids. Yeah,
acting like I'm mad, and then I get to do that.
But you can't really get into a ball pit as
an adult unattended, Like you can't even if you have
a kid. You're not. You can when it's your fucking party,
and then it's a good, a giddy, easy way. Eric
Andre has like the craziest parties too, where he has
(24:28):
like the slides and ship. I bet he's had a
a fucking or a ball pit at.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I need an adult ball pit. Yeah, we're going to
do an adult We're going to do adult book for you.
Here we go twenty twenty two. Stop name dropping people, okay.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Oh no, I'm not friends with Chelo. She doesn't know
who I am. Eric Andrey know his parties. He doesn't
know who I am. Oh he will.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Okay, here we go. So we're back with this child
in the ball Where were.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Let me tell you some more people like no, who
don't know me? What other parties have you gone to? Listen?
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Look, listen. I never told anyone I was doing this.
I would just make my way around the pit with
my little eyes, shifting back and forth, slyly, filling my
own pockets.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
With what I want to know. It's so good, so good.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
So on this day, I was on my secret ballpit
trasure hunt when my toes felt something cold. No, no,
My toes tickled along the object, and I realized it
was also really long. I reached down into the pit
and pulled up, in all caps, full sized pair of
tailor scissors. These scissors have six inch long blades.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
When I recount the memory, I like to think that
as I pulled the scissors dramatically up from the pit,
they made that shink noise that happens in movies when
someone unsheesed the So let's do it. Oh my god,
shink out of the bullpit.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
So click clank. She just got her pigtails and her
six year olds have braces, and she oh shank.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Once I realized what I was holding, I just yelled mom.
She sauntered over, asking what through the little net that
surrounded the pit. When she saw the enormous blades, she
yanked me out and we went over to inform the manager.
I don't remember much of their conversation. What I do
remember is that we went directly to eat pizza. The
ballpit remained open and I went in again after watching
(26:29):
the animatronic show. Yes, it's like they happy the little girl,
little client clank machine noises. Not one person was alarmed
by this. I recently brought this up at a family
party and my mom was just like, oh, yeah, you
were fine, stay sexy and beware of ball pits.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
NAT huge missed opportunity on her mother's part to get
a fucking shit ton of tickets lawsuit. No, you're like
kid lawyer.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
A kid lawyer comes in and it's just like, I
declare you're guilty.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Ecuse me. The top level prize will do.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
We'll take that radio that doesn't actually work, the clock radio.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Take me what's a g I, Joe. We'll take that
guy one of those phones that are see through and
you can see all the colored wires and that everyone loves. Yep,
we'll take two of those.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
I rest my case. You're on, NAT, thank you.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
That was the visuals, truly the visual guys. You have
those stories and you're like, oh, I can send that in.
I can send that stupid story I have from child.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Yes, honestly, if you want to send ball pit stories
of any form, please, I would listen with baited breath
to every ballpit story.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Please tell me, tell me what I've missed out on.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
I've honestly like longing you looked at the McDonald's playland sometimes,
or I'm just like you luckies.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
I feel like deprived is the word, and you need
to bring this up in therapy.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
I think this is really what's at the center of
a lot of my bullshit.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
You're bullshit. Know it's been a while. We got a
good one in.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Happy twenty twenty one.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
You're the pun done it. We did it, all right,
we did it. We've done it.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Thank you all so much for your wonderful slices of
life that was actually also there was a lot of
really personal family stories in this and again we thank
you for sharing of yourself truly, and be yourself always
unless you're not that cool. Okay, stay sexy and don't
get murdered heard good bye.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Bye bye Elvis. Do you want a cookie,
Hello, Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder, the Mini So.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
That's Karen Kilgara, that's Georgia hart Stark. It's Friday night.
We're about to party with the mails, going mail, party, going, going,
going and gone, and it's gone. What do you want
to go first? Week? Do you want to go first?
We want me to go first again. Actually, do you
have like a sweet a sweet little ending one.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Or I like my ending one? Okay, if you want
me to yeah, that's if you want to go first,
I'll first.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Look at us. Okay. Twenty twenty one. Okay, this is
called the one with the Grandpa Murder. Hi, Stephen, Georgia
and Karen love the pod, et cetera, et cetera. I'm
here to tell you a good old fashioned hometown murder.
In fact, it's such a classic. It's on the original
Unsolved Mysteries.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Nice.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
So I was like, you're famous, it says, Season six,
episode ten. It's the story of the time my grandpa
got murdered. Oh no, I know. On the night of
May fifteenth, nineteen eighty one, my grandfather was attending a
political fundraiser when he was shot in the head point
blank and killed. Despite the roughly four hundred people in
(01:27):
attendance that night, no one saw a thing, and most
of the people interviewed refused to disclose any information because
they feared for their own lives. Now here's where it
gets fishy. So I'm gonna there's a it's already I know, right,
there's a name in it. But I'm just going to
use the initial of the last name because it's alleged.
(01:47):
But if you watch the episode, I'm sure they say it.
Now here's where they get fishy. Though he was off
duty when the police arrived, Deputy Chief John c was
already on the scene, and throughout the investigation he gave
several reasons for his attendance at the fundraiser that evening.
The bullet used in the killing was recovered and sent
for testing, but even though it was being kept in
(02:08):
a locked drawer in seized desks, that the lab was
having trouble processing it because they said the bullet had
a hole punched into it in an effort to prevent tracing.
The bullet had a hole punched into it in an
effort to prevent tracing what kind of weapon was used.
Despite this, they managed to identify the gain used and
guess who's the only fucking officer on the force who
(02:31):
used that kind of gun? John C. Yep, John C.
I really wanted to get you were right. Yeah. He
also failed a polygraph test, so yeah. Though his death
is labeled a cold case, a cursory study of the
evidence makes it pretty fucking obvious who did it. The
last bit is just some spooky stuff that happened after
(02:51):
the murder. Nights after his father was murdered, my dad
awoke to a bullet being shot through their living room window. WHOA.
They also got calls in the middle of the night
with a mysterious voice saying I know who killed ja
the name of the grandpa. My uncle also claims he
once paid for something at a coroner store and one
of the bills he got has change had quote I
(03:12):
know who killed Jay scrawled on it. No one in
my family talks about the murder, so hopefully none of
them are listening. When I asked my dad about it,
he doesn't say much, but I thank him for instilling
a fear of police in me at a young age
and always reminding me that quote. The cops can lie
to you, stay sexy, and please get my dad into therapy, Hannah,
(03:32):
isn't that he v Yeah, it's awful, so awful. I hope,
I hope that.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
But also it sounds like it sounds like a mafia
stuff or like how was how or four hundred people
in the room when something happens and no one's saying
I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Exactly, it feels she doesn't say where it's from, but
it feels small towny. But it could be like Boston,
who knows, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, yeah, but small town would make sense because it's
like everyone knows not to say anything, and every one
of those kind of things scary. Okay, my first email,
it's the subject line is Panamanian mom out crazy to mugger. Yes, hello,
all in all caps. When I heard the Scottish dad
headbudding story, I knew I had to write in. My
(04:16):
mom is from Panama, basically the opposite of Scotland, and
thus Lee had an opposite approach to self defense. She
and her mom, my grandma, were walking in Panama in
the seventies through a bad part of town in broad daylight,
albeit alone with me, a baby, my sister, a toddler,
and my brother who was probably like ten. When they
(04:37):
noticed a man had been following them. They tried to
speed up and make odd turns to get away or
find safety, but with three kids and an old lady,
they hadn't had any success. My badass mom had the
sense that he wanted her and told my grandma to
take us kids and walk the other direction past the guy.
She did, and the guy kept following. My mom, now alone,
(04:58):
like she had predicted, knowing this guy was probably going
to rob her or worse, she started acting all caps crazy.
She immediately started kicking over nearby trash cans, punching the air,
jumping on the buildings, and screaming at the top of
her lungs, both plain old screams and curse words. She
started pulling at her hair and hitting herself in the
(05:19):
face and freaking out, all while walking forward. She turned
around and made direct eye contact with the man. He
looked freaked out, turned the other turn down the other street,
and jogged the fuck away.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Wuck.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
My mom met back up with us and they proceeded
home to safety. My mom is still a total badass,
and kind of an insane one at that, but you know,
fun insane, and we love her so much for it.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Thank you for everything you.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Do because of the way you two of destigmatized therapy.
I've finally found the courage to go for the first
time about two years ago, and I'm now increasing to
two sessions a week.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
And then it says, woo hoo, question mark, I agree.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I agree with that son, me too, and then it's
just signed fuck politeness and ssd GM. Wow what an
incredible tactic, Like, what a fucking brilliant, perfect perfect Yeah,
look look like someone they don't want to mess with
because you just don't know how they'll react. Yeah, it's
it's really smart and good totally, and this person is
(06:22):
not going to go easy, you know, yes exactly. It's
basically saying come at me, motherfucker. But in the without,
you know, indirectly basically having a little play.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, little play if I'm going to make your life. Hell,
I'm more unpredictable than you are. Love it, yeah, love it? Okay,
this is called hometown story. Oh and then it just
starts like this. I know that I'm too socially awkward
to even try and write a greeting that won't end
up with me getting yelled at easy, So just pretend
(06:54):
I'm charming and eloquent. It'll work for all of us.
You did it, You fucking did it. Congratulations.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
It's really easy to pretend because you make it easy.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Okay. So back in nineteen ninety three, I was a
six year old girl in Australia, focusing on whatever six
year old's focus on. Unbeknownst to me, there was a
serial killer in my local area abducting, slashing and stabbing
teen girls and women and killing them and their cats.
What where my dad became a suspect in the investigations.
(07:27):
Dear old dad had the same maked model of car
seen at the abduction sites, frequented the area where the
bodies were discovered, and has a criminal record, and then
it's so not for murder and had no alibis for
the times of the different murders and abductions. With the
suspicions and the investigation and the rumor mill, it was
useless trying to keep us five kids out of the loop,
(07:49):
and my dad spoiler alert not the serial killer managed
to get a murder groupie. One of my sister's friends,
sixteen years old and an adult to me as a
six year old, kept coming into our house and following
my dad around and asking questions to us about him.
The final straw from my mom was was that the
murder group he started to come into the house to
(08:09):
watch my dad's sleep. My mom found her standing over
my dad, fast asleep and staring, and my mom promptly
grabbed the nearest room and aggressively swept Chase at her feet,
yelling at her to never set foot near any of
us ever again. For good. Mom was hospitalized abruptly during
(08:31):
this time, which did not help my dad look innocent.
Oh but I and my siblings were separated, taken out
of school, and planked in many different family friends' homes
until whatever process needed to be done was done. So
he must have been a major suspect if they were
taken out of the home.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
It's not good that he had the same make and
model car that even though like obviously the story.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Is about that.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
The fact that that turned out to be a coincience,
it's not good.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
It doesn't bode well. None of those things do. No,
it really adds up real good. It does. Thank you
for helping me more than you'll ever know. Stay sexy
and don't break into your friend's home to god, get
a sleeping murder suspect.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
F I mean, this was a weird enough story as
it was, and if I would just like to say,
and I don't mean to attack you, knowing how sensitive
you are and how eloquent you are, it would have
been nice to hear how the dad got off?
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Did the person get caught? Like, because I got caught?
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Can we have a little closure for the beginning part
of the story. Then you introduced this total like random.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Where is she now? I want to know where she
is now? I bet she's like an investigative law enforcement
or something like that.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
I hope the groupie yeah, or you the person writing
me Groopie.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
It's almost like Groopie. No, she's like a nine drus.
Then she got cleaned yes, but then she cleaned herself up,
got her life together, went to school, and.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Now she's worshiping Christ somewhere.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
I mean, that's we.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Look, she's borderline. She's basically a murder you know that's
writing that line full depravity.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
It's almost like the ones who are you're a murderina
like us? And then they're like, but I wrote letters
to serial killers in prison, and you're like.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Oh, real quick, that's not what we're doing that's not
that's not how I do it, although, but it could
have been like the fascination of like, did she think
she's a detective.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
That's what I was thinking, that she's going to figure
something out. I bet she's got some Nancy Drew fantasies.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
It's just the then I want to go with that
so badly too. Watching him sleep now takes us way
the fuck over the line and now we're in our own.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Horrible what is she really? And I feel likes a
little too old for this, But what if she thought
he was going to like make some sleeping admission I
killed her, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I mean that would be a good alibi for her
to have said, oh, this is all justified.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
But I love the mom is like, no bullshit, get
the fu sixteen year old girl, please get up. I'm
not going to get you help and then I get
you to get the fuck out of my.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
I just think this is a podcast series waiting to happen.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
So what's sorry? Who? How did they sign from? Somewhere
in Australia? Please let us.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Know, Please please fill in these gaps for us, because
it's all it could go so many different ways now, truly.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Is this the best story ever? Or is the most
disturbing story ever?
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Okay, this is just says hometown story. Okay, hi friends.
A few years ago, I was on my way home
from work when I saw a dog running loose near
a busy street. Being the animal lover that I am,
I stopped to pick her up. I knelt down and
called to her, and she ran full speed and jumped
into my arms. Her name was Chili Pepper.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I called the it's my dream right now, by the way,
I want to pet like an animal so bad that
I'm just like, I'm like, please just come jump in
my arms.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Someone just some stray someone you know you have to stray.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
You say I want an animal, saydad, like, you don't
have two in your house?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Probably on your lap, right, don't cuddle with me.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
No, they're not on my lap because they don't understand
how lucky they are and they don't appreciate what they have.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Well, Mimi is her own person. I'm sorry, I'm called
my cat's motherfuckers.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I must defend Mimi. Daddy is Dotty is who Doatie
is right?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
But Mimi?
Speaker 1 (12:22):
I think it's like Mimi has like an impacted tooth
where she's just always in a bad mood. Yeah, okay, okay,
Chili Pepper. Sorry, her name was Chili Pepper. I called
the number on the tag and got no answer, so
I left a voicemail letting them know that I had
their dog. The tag didn't have an address, so I
took her home with me until I heard back from
the owner. At the time, I was living in my
(12:43):
first apartment with my ex. He was at work and
I was out on the shared balcony potting some plants
with Chili Pepper. Our neighbor's adult son came over and
asked if he could have some laundry detergent. I left
the door open and had him wait there while I
was inside getting the detergent. He asked me if I
was home alone. I instantly got creeped out. I lied
and told him my boyfriend was sleeping since I actually
(13:05):
was home alone at the time, I scooped up Chili
Pepper and went to my family's house to wait until
my ex came home. Chili Pepper's owner finally gave me
a call back, and I was able to renite reunite
her with her family. Later that night, I told my
ex what happened, and he insisted that I was overreact.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Mother fuck her.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
We went to the Megan's Law website and guess who
we saw?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
T Son.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
He was listed as a violent rapist.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Good thing.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
I knew to trust my murderino senses and get out
of there. I can't help but wonder if Chili Pepper
being there had saved had saved me.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
No, I believe it because it is you. No, I
you for sure, but like it was, yes, yes, Chili.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
I was picturing the way this story is told, and
maybe she just didn't give Chili Pepper crodas like Chili
Pepper's over in the corner, like chilling so stoked to
be out of traffic.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
I was either Chili Pepper's going to attack the guy,
or Chili Pepper's going to unt out the door, and
so she won't be in her house apartment alone to
be attacked, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
But no, okay, true, but oh sorry, okay, here's the
sentence that you're going to pull it together for both
of us. Maybe the guy was afraid that she would
attack him or bark and draw attention Jesus. Yeah, so
that yeah, I'm seeing it. You're right, Chili.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Pepper full solving all of these, all these hometowns today.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
We moved out shortly after the building management gave us
a hard time about breaking out of the lae early.
But at least I knew that it would be safer
than living next to a violent rapist. Say sexy and
pick up that runaway dog. They just might save you.
To Nicole, Oh my god, Nicole, I think Nichole's giving
the credit away. Though we love Chilli Pepper and God
bless her, but that was all you, Nicole, I.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Tell you, Nicole, I'm glad that you peremptively told us
that he's your ex. Because someone who doesn't believe and
gaslights your realistic fear isn't yes, isn't someone you should
be with.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Or if they if they're a minimizer, and you go
over to Megan's Law website, and then you're right. You
have the ultimate uh card to play every single time
they doubt you about anything anywhere anytime. Do you want
to get mozzarel sticks? I don't know if they're gonna
be good. Oh really, because remember the time that you
didn't believe me that the violent.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Are Mozzarelli sticks not good, mother crazy, I've had you
know what, like you rustic. They just basically take string
cheese and then cut it in half and fucking deep
like it's terribly y'all. It's the best Mozzareli sticks I've
ever had.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
It solves all problems Mozzarella sticks. We hate this guy
so much because of the thing I made up that
he didn't. He's such a dick And why can't he
be a foodie like everyone else.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
A foodie at Applebee's, a foodie who doubts you're okay?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
We go.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
It's Friday hometown story. Dear humans and pets, Happy New Year.
A long long time ago you asked for secret relative discoveries,
and I have been sitting on this story for a while,
but think you'll really get a kick out of it.
Earlier this year, my father called me with some crazy news.
He told me he received a call from a man who,
through DNA matching I had recently done the ancestry dot
(16:23):
Com DNA lineage thing, had discovered my father was his father,
meaning I had an unknown half brother. I, being a
mystery loving murderino and an only child, was floored and
so excited. After quizzing my dad for details, the story
seemed to check out. My Dad offered to give me
(16:43):
contact details for this mysterious brother, but I was on
my way to work, so I had to call him later. Anyways.
Fast forward to a few hours later, when I decided
I could not wait any longer and called my dad
while still at work to get the contact info. That's
when things got weird. My dad told me guy on
the phone didn't have his own email address, but instead
(17:03):
you used his mother's. Weird right, yes, uh huh. I
started getting concerned that my dad was getting scammed. I
asked if the man on the phone asked for money
or if my dad really believed his story. He didn't
have a great answer, so I decided to get the
email from my dad and investigate myself. I wrote it
down and took a look. The email read April Fool's
(17:27):
Day at gmail dot com. Did I forget to mention
this all happened on April first? Then it says, big sigh.
My dad is quite the jokester, so I should have
seen this coming, but he really had me.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
My mom apologized for marrying a psychopath, and the rest
of my.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Family called and berated him.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I mean he told everyone called and berated him for
days after.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
On my behalf. Can you imagine an only child? Which
is hard enough.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
And then this is the funniest, This is the funniest
April Folds prank. And I am completely on the dad's side, entirely,
not on the family.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
You never get out a parent to play in April.
Like if any friend called me on April Fool's Day,
I'd answer the phone. I'd be like, fuck you, fuck you,
fuck you, fuck you. But right, dad's a parent.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
A it's a parent who figured out how to sign
up for Gmail, which is like a miracle fee. And
it's hilarious to be like I was basically like a
male slut, and now you have a half brother. Guess
your whole mind is blown. And then he's like, ha
ha because.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
A little sad. It's a little like one if you
didn't like your dad would be one step too far
because the promise of a disagree the promise of a sibling,
a sibling after being an only child.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Siblings what some weirdo that you don't even know that
kind of has your nose like, no, don't worry about it.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
I forgot you.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
You have to remove yourself. That reality was never there.
Your dad just put up a hilarious like like a
road runner, fucking you know what, You're right, and you
slammed right in because you don't have a.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Sibling, but you have the funniest father on the fucking
face of the earth, which is like three siblings. Basically, Yes,
your father's doing sibling shit with you. That's love, exactly
what siblings do. Yes, that's your.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Dad saying I love you this much that I'd sign
up for Gmail.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
And then she says, thanks for secondhandedly experiencing this trauma
with me. It's not trauma. Say sexually, and don't believe
everything your parents tell you, Megan, Megan, don't believe everything
your parents tell you.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
On April Fool's Day, you got God, baby, say you
got gottty. She also she also didn't have siblings to
make you a little note, you know, like, I don't
trust anyone because my siblings fucked with me so much
as a kid.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
So she didn't have that experience too, you know what
I mean.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
No, you're right, that's it's a difficult thing when either
when you're the oldest or when you have no siblings.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
You go into the world like such a dipshit. But
here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I I don't think Megan is young. I think Megan's
been around the block of time or two and at
the very least on March thirty first, put an alert
into your phone that says, prepare to be fucked with
in some way tomorrow. It's not doubt everything you read,
doubt everything you're told. Get ready because this is the
day people.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Are allowed to do it.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
And your dad is a prankster. It this couldn't be
his first time. Absolutely not, absolutely right because that was
high level. Yeah, yeah, you you have a brother you've
never met.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
It's sad and hilarious and wonderful. I'm not said, it's
not said. Actually, I just realized all my stories were
father stories. What ah, Happy Father's Day, Georgia, thank you.
I'm like, what day is it?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Wait?
Speaker 2 (20:43):
But what day?
Speaker 1 (20:45):
It's fucking hot like June, even though it's January, So
maybe that's what it is.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Eighty eight degrees in Los Angeles. It's the middle of January.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
This is just hometown story, and it says hi. All.
In nineteen eighty seven, I was five years old celebrating
some Girl Scout event at Chuck E Cheese. I'm not
sure how I came to learn this, but I used
to slip into the ballpit and slowly, oh my god,
no what, slowly what and slowly move my feet over
(21:12):
the bottom, waiting to feel lumps of tickets and prizes
that had fallen out of other children.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
You are a brilliant human being. How did I not
know to do that as a kid. You're a hero.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
You're also have so many germs and bacteria on your
face right now, but what are you? But they don't
care because their eyes are literally on the prize so
or their feet are on the prize of getting that
weird stuffed animal.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
That can I say? I always thought it'd be really
fun to like clean up after a festival or like
a big show. Like I know there was a party
at UCB Son or uc B Franklin, the comedy place
New Year's even. I know that people cleaning up the
fucking sad interns found a big old bag of coke
on the floor.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Oh yeah, So it's like this is like the version
that where it's like an unopened bag of Skittles on
the bottom of the ball or just a skittle. You know,
a fucking kid would pop that thing in their goddamn mouth.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
One delicious orange skittle.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Here's the thing I'd like to say, And this is
something I'm just discovering as we're talking in as we're
as this is the topic.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
I grew up.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
As we know, I'm old. I grew up in the
seventies and ate a little bit in the eighties. Ballpits
didn't come out until like I was a teenager. True,
I've never been in a ball this is and like
that one that's in at Ikea where you can look
through a hole and like watch kids. It looks like
the funnest thing in the world to me, and I've
(22:39):
never I just think it's too late and I'm too
old and no whatever.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
I don't know what it feels like.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
I don't know anything about ball pit.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
It's like being in a pool but you're not wet,
which is like it's Actually as I was saying like this,
I'm saying this has if it's better than it actually
you know, But I will say I have so many
thoughts I didn't. It's one of those things that you
don't realize are invented. So like the fact that it
had to be invented and wasn't when you were a kid,
is like fascinating. My next thing is the fucking man
(23:09):
we're just keeping were keep adding to the exactly right
party when this is over. But yeah, they're fucking ballpit.
And one more thing, what.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Can they can you have like a traveling ball Well, I.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Was gonna say, Rachel Bloom of crazy ex girlfriend fame.
I follow her and got it. Had to get her
in there, had to get her in there. She just
seems fun because for her husband's birthday, she taped up
their office filled it with balls because his ballpit balls,
because his favorite thing was a ballpit, And they turned
an entire room in their house into a ball pit
(23:41):
for the party.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
How do you get into that ball pitch without opening
the door?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
The trash bag up to like block it. So they
dropped in from the ceiling somehow. No, like it came
up to like your waist. You just climbed over the
list and logistics don't matter. We'll figure this out for you. Okay,
A she's lying. I want to I swear, Yeah, I
don't even like I've like I've been in a bouncy
(24:07):
house because it's like oh, I'll go in with the kids. Yeah,
acting like I'm mad, and then I get to do that.
But you can't really get into a ball pit as
an adult unattended, Like you can't even if you have
a kid. You're not. You can when it's your fucking party,
and then it's a good, a giddy, easy way. Eric
Andre has like the craziest parties too, where he has
(24:28):
like the slides and ship. I bet he's had a
a fucking or a ball pit at.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I need an adult ball pit. Yeah, we're going to
do an adult We're going to do adult book for you.
Here we go twenty twenty two. Stop name dropping people, okay.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Oh no, I'm not friends with Chelo. She doesn't know
who I am. Eric Andrey know his parties. He doesn't
know who I am. Oh he will.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Okay, here we go. So we're back with this child
in the ball Where were.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Let me tell you some more people like no, who
don't know me? What other parties have you gone to? Listen?
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Look, listen. I never told anyone I was doing this.
I would just make my way around the pit with
my little eyes, shifting back and forth, slyly, filling my
own pockets.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
With what I want to know. It's so good, so good.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
So on this day, I was on my secret ballpit
trasure hunt when my toes felt something cold. No, no,
My toes tickled along the object, and I realized it
was also really long. I reached down into the pit
and pulled up, in all caps, full sized pair of
tailor scissors. These scissors have six inch long blades.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
When I recount the memory, I like to think that
as I pulled the scissors dramatically up from the pit,
they made that shink noise that happens in movies when
someone unsheesed the So let's do it. Oh my god,
shink out of the bullpit.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
So click clank. She just got her pigtails and her
six year olds have braces, and she oh shank.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Once I realized what I was holding, I just yelled mom.
She sauntered over, asking what through the little net that
surrounded the pit. When she saw the enormous blades, she
yanked me out and we went over to inform the manager.
I don't remember much of their conversation. What I do
remember is that we went directly to eat pizza. The
ballpit remained open and I went in again after watching
(26:29):
the animatronic show. Yes, it's like they happy the little girl,
little client clank machine noises. Not one person was alarmed
by this. I recently brought this up at a family
party and my mom was just like, oh, yeah, you
were fine, stay sexy and beware of ball pits.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
NAT huge missed opportunity on her mother's part to get
a fucking shit ton of tickets lawsuit. No, you're like
kid lawyer.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
A kid lawyer comes in and it's just like, I
declare you're guilty.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Ecuse me. The top level prize will do.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
We'll take that radio that doesn't actually work, the clock radio.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Take me what's a g I, Joe. We'll take that
guy one of those phones that are see through and
you can see all the colored wires and that everyone loves. Yep,
we'll take two of those.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
I rest my case. You're on, NAT, thank you.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
That was the visuals, truly the visual guys. You have
those stories and you're like, oh, I can send that in.
I can send that stupid story I have from child.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Yes, honestly, if you want to send ball pit stories
of any form, please, I would listen with baited breath
to every ballpit story.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Please tell me, tell me what I've missed out on.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
I've honestly like longing you looked at the McDonald's playland sometimes,
or I'm just like you luckies.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
I feel like deprived is the word, and you need
to bring this up in therapy.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
I think this is really what's at the center of
a lot of my bullshit.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
You're bullshit. Know it's been a while. We got a
good one in.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Happy twenty twenty one.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
You're the pun done it. We did it, all right,
we did it. We've done it.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Thank you all so much for your wonderful slices of
life that was actually also there was a lot of
really personal family stories in this and again we thank
you for sharing of yourself truly, and be yourself always
unless you're not that cool. Okay, stay sexy and don't
get murdered heard good bye.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Bye bye Elvis. Do you want a cookie,
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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