March 8, 2021 • 34 mins
This week’s hometowns include gravestone repair and photo lab secrets.
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Speaker 1 (00:14):
Hello, and welcome my favorite Murder the minisode.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
That's Karen Kilgara.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Oh, that's Georgia Heartstar here to read you your emails
you've sent to us.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
That's right, you know this vibe. Yeah, we asked for them.
So it's not like you're assaulting us. It's like a
we're sharing.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Meant I meant the listener. Oh no, no, I meant
them too. You want to go first? To go, it's
not like you're assaulting us. We demand that they send
us emails on stop. This isn't no, no, this isn't.
We're not in a fight. Just so you know, like
the approach should be. We are totally getting along great.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Us and the listeners.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yes, and I feel like for myself across the board,
I'm doing very good.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I feel like this whole podcast was a misunderstanding.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
I should we erase this all right? Yeah? Wait? Am
I going first? Go? Do you want to? Absolutely?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Whatever isn't going to cause a fighting.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
We're teetering on the year, so whatever whatever you want?
All right, Well, then I'll go first, so I don't
start screaming. This one's called Gravestone Repair and Archaeology. Hi, Karen,
Georgia and Stephen. I heard you talking about at Lady Tafos,
(01:36):
which is the instagram I recommended and her gravestone cleaning
on the episode this week and was super excited because
I am an archaeologist and gravestone conservator. I'm currently doing
my PhD in archaeology studying early seventeenth century graveyards, and
my husband and I have started a small business to
restore and clean historic gravestones in our providence of new
(02:00):
Land and Labrador, Canada. Okay, this is like a show
you would watch. I feel like this is the beginning
of a TV drama mystery.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Oh yeah, you would grave cleaner, the grave Cleaners of Labrador.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Yeah, they're like the.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yeah, maybe there's a mystery. Every time they go to
a different cemetery.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Is their house haunted? Is every cemetery haunted? Of course,
then they have to solve for someone's.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
What was just someone's ancient murder?
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yes, or like have to reunite. Maybe it's not like
a murder. Maybe it's like a reuniting these two long
lost loves. What was Jennifer Love Hewitt's ghosts both dead?
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Yeah? Hers was ghost whisperer, Yes, which I actually said, right,
is it is that right? I've never seen an episode
I actually knew.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
There was a time that I really it was so
like quaint, you know.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
All right?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
So anyways, that.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Here's the thing. I would never argue the talent or
the career of Jennifer love Cwitt. She was a child actor,
she was a tween actor, she was a teen actor.
She's been an adult actor. She's been killing it for decades,
back to back. They can't argue it.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Do you think her and Anne Hathaway are best friends?
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Either they're best friends or they're intensely passive aggressive acquaintances,
you know what I mean, where they're like beautiful, beautiful
angenou types who have to pretend they get along. It's
a bad look for both. Do you They're like, good
to see you, and this smiling is like vicious, the
most vicious smiling.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Do you think for each other's birthdays they send them
these bouquets, but the kind that when they die, the
like the stuff gets everywhere and.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
It's hard to clean up, you know what. A gross
bouquet has no offense to people who like this, But
I can't if there's a lily in a bouquet. That's odor. Yeah,
just straight up funeral home smell. Yeah, it's just like that.
I'll always go right up and just be like plug
I put that outside. Yeah all right.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I'm glad we worked that out because they love each other,
that's right. Oh and then she says it's called black
cat cemetery preservation, which I feel like you'd appreciate and
I do fully.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
So.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I was trained in gravestone repair while working for Woodland
Cemetery in London, Ontario a few years ago, and had
the honor with a u of restoring stones for the
dead who have no one to clean their stones, and
for family members who thought their relatives' gravestones were gone.
But the most amazing gravestone I've ever worked on was
for a seventeen year old named Robert Cooper who died
(04:38):
at work in a soda water factory in eighteen seventy one.
The large high pressure cylinder he was carrying ruptured and
the force threw him into the ceiling, killing him instantly.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Oh no.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
As a result of the horrible accident, laws were changed
around how many times a high pressure container could be repaired,
so like, no more band aids on that thing you know, Yeah, right,
you get rid of that thing, as it was a
faulty repair that failed and killed him. We found his
gravestone sunk in under the grass and were able to
(05:14):
raise it and clean it with water, a soft brush
and D two which I was reading about because I
want to buy it a safe cleaner that doesn't damage stone,
and laid it unpacked gravel for drainage. The most amazing
thing is that the gravestone has a picture of the
very thing that killed him carved into it. Oh no,
it almost looks like a bomb. One of the most
(05:36):
unique gravestones I've ever seen. And then she said, see attached,
So let's put that up on the episodes page. It's
an honor to share his story with you all. Thank
you for taking the time to read it. The best
part of my job is helping these gravestones stick around
a little longer so we can help people long past.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Still tell their stories.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Hoping to see you live again one day when things
in groups are allowed again are Robin L.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Wow, that's very cool. Yeah, I love that. That's like
a whole kind of niche. I won't call it an industry,
but like area that I've never even thought of that.
Like I've seen several things on Twitter now about that restoration,
that type of restaurant.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
So cool, and it just reminds me of the things
that I always wish, like don't don't only listen to
your school guidance counselors about what you can do with
your life. You know, it's not just fucking business and industry.
There's so many cool passion projects that you can turn
into a business. That's really cool.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I feel like these yet these I was like, younger
generations know that because they are such Internet children, right
that they're like, that's correct, everything's possible. Where it's like, oh, sorry,
we're from the eighties where you add four choices of everything.
That's choices of TV channels, jobs with the soda at
seven eleven, like whatever it was there was for you know,
(06:58):
make the best there was sports.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
We had to come up with the number five just
to give us more options.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
And it happened in nineteen eighty six. Ironically, I don't
know what a missed opportunity. Oh you know what that
also is going to make me say, and I don't
think we said this last time, but this is a
strangely coming full circle because we have merch. I wonder
if we still sell it the merch that has the
decoration with the skull and the wings that is a
(07:25):
design that was taken from a Victorian gravestones. You're good
tie in, Karen right. The artist that designed that T
shirt for us went through old Victorian like old fashioned
eighteen hundreds or seventeen hundred gravestones I think in Boston
and found that design to put on that shirt.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
So we were thinking ahead of even the podcasts that
we didn't even know this would be a thing.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
No brag, but we're visionary. At least the merch team
is exactly send us.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
I don't know do you do that for a living too?
Send us the coolest gravestone or like story from a
gravestone that you've covered. I'd love to hear it.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I was on a road trip one time and we
were in way northern California, like way up by Arcadia
or the way the way north northernmost city that now
I can't think of, but anyway, Steven Oh, I was
going to say Arcada or Arcada, Yes, but there's another
one up there that is the main one that like
(08:29):
where the skunk train goes and stuff like above, Yeah,
it's above Humboldt, above four brag. Anyway, it doesn't that
too bad for me that I can't remember anything anymore.
So we're in these back roads. We basically took a
super interesting way to get you know, where we are going,
and we were so we were on a two lane
(08:50):
back road. There was nothing around. It was just fields
on both sides, and on the left side of the
road it turned into like this hill that had big
oak trees on it, kind of spooky. And I looked
up and on one part of this hill there was
a tiny, very old cemetery that went straight up a
hill and it was the coolest booking and it was
(09:10):
the kind of thing where it happened like two seconds.
So I was like, it was that real.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
It was like family's small little plot of.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Yeah, and in this very like tucked away I can't
even explain how tucked away it was where it was
just like that felt like a little maybe or that
I was hallucinating, like lightly.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Well, aren't aren't hallucinations gifts too?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Gifts from the lard or whoever or who atten or
Satan who loves cemeteries. If you're Satan, you love Cemeteries
email us at my favorite murder.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Put in the subject line I'm Satan Hill loves like
so we know it's you.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yeah, just be like it's me and maybe put the
put that devil tam devil on there just so we recognize. Okay,
I'm gonna not going to redid the title of this one.
I gives it away. Greetings and salutations. In the recent minnisod,
you asked for our rabies stories, so here is mine.
We did smart, Yes we did. Last November, I was
(10:11):
taking the compost out to our bin in the backyard
at twilight. It's a short distance. It's a short distance.
My wife and I live in Kansas City with a
rather small backyard. As I was making my way back
to the house, I saw something fly at my face.
I stopped, completely shaken, but went on. I suddenly noticed
that my shirt felt heavier than normal. Oh uh huh.
(10:31):
I looked down and there was a bat staring up
at me, flinging to my shirt. My high pitched scream
was epic. My wife inside the house thought that there
was a cat in distress, but a last no cat,
just me with a bat hanging on my chest. Oh no, Luckily,
I was wearing my leather gloves. It was November, after all,
so I quickly knocked it off my shirt and it
(10:51):
flew away. Oh, of course, I did what any millennial
would do. I went inside and posted about it on Facebook.
Within minutes, his friends began to comment that I needed
to get a rabies vaccine. Some frantic googling determined that
the CDC recommends a rabies shot following any contact with
a bat. Who so off I went to the er
and I discovered, yes, I did need to get the
(11:13):
rabies vaccine, a total of six shots that night, with
another three over the next month and a half. No joke.
To get that vaccine for real, for real. In order
to get me out of the er quickly, the head
nurse decided that they could give me three shots at
once and grabbed two other nurses. Oh dear, this is
(11:34):
my mother in action. Oh, nurses are like, what's the problem.
We need to get it taken care of. You're going
to feel pain either way. Let's do all the pain
at once. I'm going to decide for you. You aren't
in a position to decide. Here we go, Here we go,
counting down from three Okay, one stood at each of
my legs, the third stood next to my arm, and
(11:56):
when the head nurse said one, two, three, poke, they
administ three shots simultaneously. After a few moments to catch
my breath, it was one, two three poke again. That
was all six SHIX shots. I had to come back
to the er for my additional shots three times in
the next six weeks, for ten shots in total. One
time I could hear my nurse talking to the head
(12:18):
nurse about my shot, when suddenly the head nurse, who
had been the first night, shouted, I know this guy.
The batman is back. Despite my ordeal, their rather terrifying
appearance and the fact that they can carry rabies, bats
eat millions of bugs a year and are incredibly important
to our ecosystem, they could use a little more love
from people. I think. I want to thank you both
(12:40):
for being so mental health positive. Listening to old episodes
during the pandemic encouraged me to start seeing a therapist again,
stay sexy, and get a Raby's vaccine. If a bat
flies into you.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Patrick, I feel like that they planted something in his
brain that makes him like you know how cats can
do to make you the mouse afraid? Of the cat
because he's like, but bats are still great. I still
love that.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
So it's like he's been he's been mine wor when
he looked down at the bat that was on his shirt,
the bat looked up at him and sent sonic, sonic
waves of tranceness into his ear.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Hole trans music. And now he's a raver.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
He's a raver. Four bats, He's a pro bat raver,
beautiful patcher. I don't I love the.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Idea of a bat flying at him wasn't as bad
as of the idea of a.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Bat hanging on his shirt.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Like when you said and my shirt felt heavy, I
was out, yeah, because.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
That means that bat had some real debt heft to
thank you to it heft. I was going to say gravitas.
Maybe he was a flamboyant that too, but I listened
to this. Did ever tell you about the time I
was at my old house. I was, I think, sitting
at the kitchen table writing and I got a weird
(13:59):
feeling like I wasn't by myself, and I looked down
and there was a praying mantis on my arm. And
when I look down, it turned its head and up
at me. And they're so creepy there. It's like having
a tiny alien on your arm. And I screamed but
didn't do anything because I didn't want to hurt it. Yau,
it jumped off or like moved off.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Amantis are just like coming in your house.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Burbank, baby, burbank can happen.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
They didn't tell you that in the in the Sure
of Bourbon.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
You gotta move there if you love praygmantises. Oh but
they're pretty cute, Okay, yeah they are.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
This is just called Hong Kong story and it goes, Hello,
congratulations on five years at the pod. You guys are
truly amazing. I know you love Savior pet stories, so
I'm writing in to tell you mine. Yeah, yeah, this
is a good anecdote to the bat story. When I
was three years old, my family went camping at a
local lake. I was the youngest of all my cousins
(14:58):
and siblings, and I was constantly trying to keep up
with them as a three year old. They started climbing
on some loose rocks near the edge of the water,
and of course I followed. I was an incredibly, incredibly
clumsy child, and then I was like, you're a three
three years old yes, we all are. You're so borrised
to be, and immediately slipped and fell into the lake.
(15:20):
My mom's rottweiler, Hannah, jumped in the water before any
of the adults even had time to react. Hannah swam
under me and I was able to grab onto her back.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
No, no, no, she carried.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Me back to the land.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
She saved my life, Yes she did, Hannah.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
She was probably smiling the whole time too, her big
old rot miler.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
She's my big Jim.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Hannah was an absolutely amazing dog, and she was such
a protector of me and my brother when we were little.
My mom recently told me about what I did as
a five year old when I first got my black
lab puppy, Casey. I carried her to a garden where
Hannah was buried and introduced them to each other.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Oh no, are you kidding me?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
I told Casey how good of a dog Hannah was
and asked her to be a good dog too. Hannah's
proof that the scary Rottweiler's in the movie Slash Media
is not the true narrative. I've always advocated for the breed,
and I truly believe there are no bad dogs, only
bad owners. Yep, thanks for taking the time to read this.
(16:26):
I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I
hope you snuggle your pets a little extra. They truly
love us more than we will ever know. SSDGM, Courtney Miner,
I'll feel good today, by the way.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
That's good. I mean, hey, we need it, Courtney. That
was a lovely story about your dog name Hannah. I'd
like to tell you a story about my dog named Frank,
who woke me up at three thirty last night barking
like someone was outside, scaring the shit out of me.
Then he went outside and I stood there at the
sliding glass door three thirty in the morning waiting for
(16:58):
him to come back. And he didn't come back for
like ten minutes, and then I was like, he went,
he went and had an adventure by himself. And I
was like, because it's three thirty morning, I can't actually
call for him in any meaningful way. And when he
finally came back, he was crawling, he was walking super low,
like he knew he was being bad because he just
(17:19):
like he hears me calling and he just chooses not
to come. So may we all have a Hannah in
our life. But I guess I'm the bad owner because
I got a frank. That's so goddamn frank. It's underable.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Well I shouldn't come back with like an armbone that
she had.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
True, Well, but I had. I've been hearing noises and
so I of course was standing there. I'm like, what
if his frank was like walking around at the backyard
he got pulled into a bush and there's someone back there, like.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
He was barking at a person in his mind, or
someone tried to grab him. Can you imagine, Oh, that's right.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
He doesn't like being like kind of held, or he
can't be picked up. You literally can't pick him up
off the ground. He's serious. I think you're good.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
But it is like it's almost like sending him out
to go find what the problem is and then he
doesn't come back. You're mad at him, not like, well
he found the problem and the I know still there, Yeah,
he and now he has a problem.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
It was a little it was like a little bit
of like a horror movie mixed in with like Lee
Loo and Stitch or whatever. No, no, no, that's the
wrong one. Milo. And notice Mylon. Notice it was like Mylon,
notice has a dark turn where It's like, wait, he
didn't owe him back. He was putting. George wouldn't go outside.
That was the other thing that was scaring me.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Anyway, doors closed this time, call the police, Karen.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
But you're don't even be opening the doors for the intruders.
And well, yeah, I thought I just figure. I thought
he was gonna pee and come back. Yet George just
runs out and literally runs back in. Goodbye.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
It three thirty in the morning.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Okay, Frank's like, I'm restless. I'm tired of quarantine. I
want to go walk around. I'm not going to read.
The title gives it away. Hi, guys, gals and furry
four legged pals. Wonderful. The college bomb scare in my
hometown from Minneso two fourteen reminded me of a similarish
(19:14):
story from my high school. I went to a small
K through twelve school in Lafayette, Colorado, Colorado. Wow, Colorado,
right outside Boulder. Yes, a lot of seniors smoked weed
behind the dumpsters. Yes, I know you're thinking about Colorad.
Let's just say it. One morning on my way went
on my way to school with the carpool, several police
(19:36):
cars were redirecting traffic well away from the school, and
no one would tell us why. So we went back
home and turned on the news to find that a
suspicious black devil bag was found in the student parking
lot around seven am that morning. Naturally, the police were called,
suspecting it was a bomb. Other students and teachers held
a lockdown at the school. A bomb robot was brought
(19:56):
in to handle the duffel bag, and when it came
to finally open it, law enforcement found several cans of
spray on deodorant and a kermit the frog doll. The
doll was colored with a sharpie and cut up to
look like it was beaten and bloody. Apparently, a few
junior senior boys thought it would be funny to quote unquote,
kidnap kermit from a teacher's classroom and pass it around,
(20:19):
giving it its wounds. Two of the guys arranged a
drop off of the doll. One guy didn't want the
doll and threw it out of his car into the
lot where it was found the next morning. They didn't
get into any trouble with the police for this weird
ass prank, and I can't remember if the school punished
them or not. But for the rest of my high
school career, every January twenty fifth was Kermit the Bomb Day.
(20:42):
What a holiday, Stay sexy and don't mess with Kermit, Lauren.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Oh my god, teenage boys should just be locked up
for four years.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Also, I think this is such an indication of like,
if somebody's like a suspicious double bag in the parking
lot of my high school people, and like, somebody go
get that duffel.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Back, Okay, but like can kick that the furthest exactly exactly.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
These days it's like call every authority you can get
on the phone.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Yeah, which isn't which look is how it is these days?
Speaker 1 (21:15):
It is Okay.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
This one's called I'm the teen photo lab worker in
nineteen ninety eight who knew all of your secrets and shit.
Oh and I think this one because my sister, who
was who's a photographer now, had the same career job
all through high school at the photo one hour photo lab,
and so we got to see a lot of cool
shit and got a lot of free I have some
of those terrible high school like dramatized photos of me
(21:41):
that my sister took.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
I bet you do, Oh, you know, I do some
glamour shot.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
I was a fucking glamour shot.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Do you ever wear a feather bowen any of them? No?
Speaker 2 (21:50):
There were these were artsy ones you don't like up
in a tree. And then when she was learning how
to like superimpose like another you and you're so you're
looking at yourself, but I was like super into like,
you know, raves and shit. So I get all dressed
up with the fake eyelashes and.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Which, sure this was you were very heroin she I was.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
He thank you for saying that. I've been waiting for
you to say that for final years.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
I give you the credit. You are so rightly deserved.
You okay, this says Hi.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Okay, so you did never ask for this specifically, but
I think you're gonna like it. My first job was
at the Neighborhood One Hour Photo Lab in Cherry Hill,
New Jersey, and then.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Cherry Hill, New Jersey. That's where that mall is.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
All caps, not Pennsylvania.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Lesson learned, that's right.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
I was seventeen years old when I got hired, and
twenty years later, I still think about that job every
single day. I worked there for about five years, and wow,
what a time. Something that most people never realized what
that was. That we had to look at all your photos,
every single one of them, and order to balance color,
control the exposure, and check for dust. Every printed photo
(22:57):
was looked at by myself or another one of the
three employees. We were a standalone professional lab offering one
hour service, so quality control was super important and for
someone curious by nature, checking every picture was the most
thrilling part of my job.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
You're shaking your head. No, I mean it is until
that day, till the day, Well, I would.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
It would take me a year to tell you everything
I saw, But here are some highlights. Every suburban mother
who got breast implants would take titty pics in her
bathroom mirror, every single one, multiple times. Oh, because you couldn't.
You couldn't see what they look like until you looked
at photos, you.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
Know, not like now you can't see in the mirror.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Yes, but that's the other way. You only able to
see them that way. Oh you wouldn't, You couldn't just
take a selfie whatever. The County Coroner's office had an
account with us and processed autopsy photos.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
WHOA once I.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Saw someone I recognized being taken apart, No one even
bothered to get NBA's which still baffles me. I was seventeen.
What the fuck they should have worn these?
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yes, that should be in the training manual. Yeah. Absolutely,
that's insane.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
So many people taking secret weekend vacations with their side
piece and then coming straight back home to their real
life and finishing out the role of film with a
family birthday.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
No start.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
One would throw the negatives away on the spot, and
that's for an extra envelope for the separate picks. The
stupid ones do not battling Grandma's. Two old ladies in
the neighborhood had shared grandkids and they hated each other.
Grandma A would ask me to automatically crop Grandma BE
out of any of her picks from the holidays. Well,
(24:48):
Grandma Bee would try to give slip me a five
dollars note, and she said that's not enough to sabotage
Grandma A's photos with bad printing, but also make her
a copy have good picks of the kids.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Genius, That is genius.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I can't believe they both were like I bet they
would have if they had known the other one was
doing that, they would have become friends because they were
both so fucking sabotage y.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yeah, exactly, you're a bit. Yeah, that's the same.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
I knew about major life events happening with my schoolmates
that they didn't realize. I was pretty to cancer, battles, divorces,
home sales, financial trouble, deaths of pets, car crashes. I
hold secrets like a fortress. But that lay mass saying
you never know what battles people are fighting is absolutely true,
except I knew, and then she just said porn shoots.
(25:43):
I never figured out the location. The billing address for
the account was a po box, but there was a
professional porn set somewhere close by in suburbia.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
And they were quote required to take photos of sets
and actors during production, quote for compliance, whatever the fuck
that means.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Osha from SHO, I never understood it.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
This was the late nineties, many years before the era
of inadvertently stumbling into porn on Twitter once daily, So
the images were shocking to teen me. And yes, extra
copies got printed out and put in a drawer, but
not by me. So bink back to your nineties photos
and realized that some curious local art team was rerunning
(26:26):
your titty picks and side pieces because the color balance
was off for the first time.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
We need that.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Shit to look its best. Say stay sexy and never
go digital. E.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Oh my god. That's first of all, thank you E
for knowing us so well that you would know that
we would adore this. Yes, it's perfection. Yeah. And the
idea that you are stupid enough to cheat on your
spouse and take fucking photo photos.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
I think it's cheap enough to not be like, well,
I only took sixteen out of twenty four, it does
it matter?
Speaker 1 (27:01):
But also it's just like, you're so sorry you're gonna
go away for the weekend with your secret lover man
or woman and then be like, can't go over buy
that rock click. It's so lame.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
It is so oh, I send more pictures in my camera.
Let's just use these real quick.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I'll lease these up. That's fine. It's just like, wait,
so do you have a secret photo album? Like, what's right?
What are those secret photos?
Speaker 2 (27:25):
It's called your glove compartment where you stash all.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Your nerd nerd cheater there's nothing worse than a nerd cheater. God,
that's so good. If you also worked at a photo
met or did you ever see that Robin Williams movie
One Hour Photos. So good, God, it's good.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
It was so good.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
It's good.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
If you have a if you had a job that
you're like, you don't you never like I'm sure bowling
alley workers, Like what was your job that you're like,
you don't understand what it was actually like here because
this person worked there was a weirdo and that the
old timer was this. Send those into us. We want
to hear about your Yeah, like your jobs.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
You're a bar back at the local bar. Yeah, things
things went sout. What did you see? We love lists,
bullet pointed lists, creepy, weird, odd the underbelly. It's this
is the David Lynch email series. Yeah, it's like it's suburbia.
But suddenly you're the seventeen year old holding the secrets before.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Right, you're the only person in town who hasn't drank
the kool aid. And you're like, I see all because
of course you do. You're arteen. Like that's what your
that's what your job is to be bummed and like
observe it.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
And also would be just awesome if then you were
like in school and then your mouth teachers like, well
you didn't turn that paper and so you're going to
give enough and you're like, I don't think so, I
saw what you did this weekend. And then you're like, picture.
You do understand how printing pictures works, don't you, mister
he oh dam yeah. I always got a plan use
(28:57):
just use things to your advantage, strategize. Okay, my final one,
this is an email. I'm not going to read you
the whole thing because it gives it away. But part
of the title of this is pre cell phone times.
Oh yeah, which I think it's good to talk about that.
That's right.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
This was two guys. I forgot to mention it. You
might not know. This is pre You have to get
all of your photos developed unless sheriff you have a
fucking studio in your house, which nobody does.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Yeah, okay, it was such It was so different everything.
There was only four numbers, as we've told you. Look,
there was four numbers. There was four possible picture choices.
Birthday blowing out a birthday cake, standing in front of
a rock, blow out a birthday cake, blowing a birthday
cake off a table into your mean grandma's face while
your other mean grandma laughs at her. Okay, ready, yeah,
(29:45):
pre cell phone time. Hi everyone, human and otherwise. One
of my favorite stories happened when my sister's family came
from Wisconsin to spend December twenty fourth through January thirty
first with the rest of the family in Illinois. Too long, right,
that's like good long visit. That's a month. This was
a big deal because they were dairy farmers and it
(30:05):
was difficult to get someone to care for the cows
when they traveled. That's true, they had to be back
for the five am milking on January first, but my
sister didn't care. She was going to visit with tons
of relatives who would get to see how her toddler
boys had grown. On January thirty first, her husband said
that they should get going at five pm, but she
wanted to stay for my aunt's New Year's Eve party.
(30:27):
They compromised by going to the party but only staying
till ten pm. It was a five hour drive on
a and a snowstorm was coming. She took the first
turn driving since she'd had to entertain the boys on
the way up, and hoped they'd be sound asleep by
the time her husband took over. That's very smart. She
was also a little pissed she couldn't stay later. This
(30:48):
was the early eighties, so instead of car seats, the
couch in the back of their conversion van was folded
flat and Dad and the boys stretched out on it unrestrained. Yep, yep.
I went to my first concert in a conversion van
with my friend Jennifer Mason, her mom and dad driving.
And it was like we got to be taken in
(31:09):
a living room to San Jose to go see the
band Chicago Place in a box.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
That was a traveling living room with carpet on the
walls and the floor, and the carpet was the only
protection you had in the case of a car accident.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
That's right, and that would be rugburn. That was carpet.
Rugburn was the airbag of the eighties. It wasn't good.
She drove for about two hours total, only stopping for
gas around the state line. The snow was getting pretty
bad and she was getting tired, so she hissed, Gary,
I need you to drive, being careful not to wake
the boys. No answer. She whispered again, Gary, this isn't funny,
(31:48):
figuring he was giving her the silent treatment after their disagreement,
before finally she pulled over and stormed to the back
of the van. Her two boys were asleep on the couch,
but her husband was not in the van. She figured
he must have got out at the gas station forty
five minutes early. No. Not sure what to do, she
decided to drive to the next payphone and call the
state troopers. She got to the payphone, started dialing, and
(32:10):
who walks in behind her? But Gary was He did
get out at the gas station. He returned from the
restroom just in time to see her pull away. A
couple who had gassed up saw the whole thing happen
and said, hop in, buddy, we'll catch her. All right.
They lost my sister, the speed demon in the storm,
(32:32):
and after almost an hour said they reckoned. It was
time for Gary to call the state troopers and take
it from there. They happened to stop at the same
rest area. Yes, my poor sister and Gary live in
a tiny community in Wisconsin, and it was literally years
before people would let her leave any gathering without saying, hey, don't.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Forget Gary now, Oh, how fucking annoying.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
The third time someone did that, she wanted it. And
then she's moving into year seven of like, huh, very
very funny. Judy, Okay, stay sexy, and if you don't
want to get left behind, always tell the driver when
you exit the road trip vehicle.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Jewelie, Yeah, that was a good one. And also you
always have to tell your husband to watch your purse,
even though there's no way he wouldn't watch your purse.
That reminds me of anytime I get up to go
to the you know, we used to go to restaurants
like watch my purse, and then I'd be like, why
wouldn't he watch my If someone walked up and snatched
my purse, he wouldn't say, well, you didn't tell me
to watch your purse.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yeah. It's very similar to when people get up and
say I'm going to go to the bathroom when you're
at a restaurant with like friends. Yeah, and I'd always like,
as people were standing up, but I always go, where
are you going? Because it's like there's there's truth, Like
unless you're going to drink at the bar alone and
get back and then come back to the dinner, there's
really only one place anyone ever goes. But we always
(33:50):
go like, excuse me, I'm gonna go.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
To the Bathrooight, sure, we know, we know. I know.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Did you just say that to them?
Speaker 2 (33:57):
When I tell you that, I know?
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Really, you're gonna go smoke weed by the dumpster and
we all know that.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Just like the kids in Boulder, those were great guys.
Fun to send anything, Send anything, send it, Send what's
the scraps to the bottom of your purse? In my
favorite murder at Gmail, we want to we want to know.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
We want to know everything about you. Yeah, it's good,
it's great for the relationship. Also, stay sexy and don't
get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?
Hello, and welcome my favorite Murder the minisode.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
That's Karen Kilgara.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Oh, that's Georgia Heartstar here to read you your emails
you've sent to us.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
That's right, you know this vibe. Yeah, we asked for them.
So it's not like you're assaulting us. It's like a
we're sharing.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Meant I meant the listener. Oh no, no, I meant
them too. You want to go first? To go, it's
not like you're assaulting us. We demand that they send
us emails on stop. This isn't no, no, this isn't.
We're not in a fight. Just so you know, like
the approach should be. We are totally getting along great.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Us and the listeners.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yes, and I feel like for myself across the board,
I'm doing very good.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I feel like this whole podcast was a misunderstanding.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
I should we erase this all right? Yeah? Wait? Am
I going first? Go? Do you want to? Absolutely?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Whatever isn't going to cause a fighting.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
We're teetering on the year, so whatever whatever you want?
All right, Well, then I'll go first, so I don't
start screaming. This one's called Gravestone Repair and Archaeology. Hi, Karen,
Georgia and Stephen. I heard you talking about at Lady Tafos,
(01:36):
which is the instagram I recommended and her gravestone cleaning
on the episode this week and was super excited because
I am an archaeologist and gravestone conservator. I'm currently doing
my PhD in archaeology studying early seventeenth century graveyards, and
my husband and I have started a small business to
restore and clean historic gravestones in our providence of new
(02:00):
Land and Labrador, Canada. Okay, this is like a show
you would watch. I feel like this is the beginning
of a TV drama mystery.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Oh yeah, you would grave cleaner, the grave Cleaners of Labrador.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Yeah, they're like the.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yeah, maybe there's a mystery. Every time they go to
a different cemetery.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Is their house haunted? Is every cemetery haunted? Of course,
then they have to solve for someone's.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
What was just someone's ancient murder?
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yes, or like have to reunite. Maybe it's not like
a murder. Maybe it's like a reuniting these two long
lost loves. What was Jennifer Love Hewitt's ghosts both dead?
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Yeah? Hers was ghost whisperer, Yes, which I actually said, right,
is it is that right? I've never seen an episode
I actually knew.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
There was a time that I really it was so
like quaint, you know.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
All right?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
So anyways, that.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Here's the thing. I would never argue the talent or
the career of Jennifer love Cwitt. She was a child actor,
she was a tween actor, she was a teen actor.
She's been an adult actor. She's been killing it for decades,
back to back. They can't argue it.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Do you think her and Anne Hathaway are best friends?
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Either they're best friends or they're intensely passive aggressive acquaintances,
you know what I mean, where they're like beautiful, beautiful
angenou types who have to pretend they get along. It's
a bad look for both. Do you They're like, good
to see you, and this smiling is like vicious, the
most vicious smiling.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Do you think for each other's birthdays they send them
these bouquets, but the kind that when they die, the
like the stuff gets everywhere and.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
It's hard to clean up, you know what. A gross
bouquet has no offense to people who like this, But
I can't if there's a lily in a bouquet. That's odor. Yeah,
just straight up funeral home smell. Yeah, it's just like that.
I'll always go right up and just be like plug
I put that outside. Yeah all right.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I'm glad we worked that out because they love each other,
that's right. Oh and then she says it's called black
cat cemetery preservation, which I feel like you'd appreciate and
I do fully.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
So.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I was trained in gravestone repair while working for Woodland
Cemetery in London, Ontario a few years ago, and had
the honor with a u of restoring stones for the
dead who have no one to clean their stones, and
for family members who thought their relatives' gravestones were gone.
But the most amazing gravestone I've ever worked on was
for a seventeen year old named Robert Cooper who died
(04:38):
at work in a soda water factory in eighteen seventy one.
The large high pressure cylinder he was carrying ruptured and
the force threw him into the ceiling, killing him instantly.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Oh no.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
As a result of the horrible accident, laws were changed
around how many times a high pressure container could be repaired,
so like, no more band aids on that thing you know, Yeah, right,
you get rid of that thing, as it was a
faulty repair that failed and killed him. We found his
gravestone sunk in under the grass and were able to
(05:14):
raise it and clean it with water, a soft brush
and D two which I was reading about because I
want to buy it a safe cleaner that doesn't damage stone,
and laid it unpacked gravel for drainage. The most amazing
thing is that the gravestone has a picture of the
very thing that killed him carved into it. Oh no,
it almost looks like a bomb. One of the most
(05:36):
unique gravestones I've ever seen. And then she said, see attached,
So let's put that up on the episodes page. It's
an honor to share his story with you all. Thank
you for taking the time to read it. The best
part of my job is helping these gravestones stick around
a little longer so we can help people long past.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Still tell their stories.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Hoping to see you live again one day when things
in groups are allowed again are Robin L.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Wow, that's very cool. Yeah, I love that. That's like
a whole kind of niche. I won't call it an industry,
but like area that I've never even thought of that.
Like I've seen several things on Twitter now about that restoration,
that type of restaurant.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
So cool, and it just reminds me of the things
that I always wish, like don't don't only listen to
your school guidance counselors about what you can do with
your life. You know, it's not just fucking business and industry.
There's so many cool passion projects that you can turn
into a business. That's really cool.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I feel like these yet these I was like, younger
generations know that because they are such Internet children, right
that they're like, that's correct, everything's possible. Where it's like, oh, sorry,
we're from the eighties where you add four choices of everything.
That's choices of TV channels, jobs with the soda at
seven eleven, like whatever it was there was for you know,
(06:58):
make the best there was sports.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
We had to come up with the number five just
to give us more options.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
And it happened in nineteen eighty six. Ironically, I don't
know what a missed opportunity. Oh you know what that
also is going to make me say, and I don't
think we said this last time, but this is a
strangely coming full circle because we have merch. I wonder
if we still sell it the merch that has the
decoration with the skull and the wings that is a
(07:25):
design that was taken from a Victorian gravestones. You're good
tie in, Karen right. The artist that designed that T
shirt for us went through old Victorian like old fashioned
eighteen hundreds or seventeen hundred gravestones I think in Boston
and found that design to put on that shirt.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
So we were thinking ahead of even the podcasts that
we didn't even know this would be a thing.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
No brag, but we're visionary. At least the merch team
is exactly send us.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
I don't know do you do that for a living too?
Send us the coolest gravestone or like story from a
gravestone that you've covered. I'd love to hear it.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I was on a road trip one time and we
were in way northern California, like way up by Arcadia
or the way the way north northernmost city that now
I can't think of, but anyway, Steven Oh, I was
going to say Arcada or Arcada, Yes, but there's another
one up there that is the main one that like
(08:29):
where the skunk train goes and stuff like above, Yeah,
it's above Humboldt, above four brag. Anyway, it doesn't that
too bad for me that I can't remember anything anymore.
So we're in these back roads. We basically took a
super interesting way to get you know, where we are going,
and we were so we were on a two lane
(08:50):
back road. There was nothing around. It was just fields
on both sides, and on the left side of the
road it turned into like this hill that had big
oak trees on it, kind of spooky. And I looked
up and on one part of this hill there was
a tiny, very old cemetery that went straight up a
hill and it was the coolest booking and it was
(09:10):
the kind of thing where it happened like two seconds.
So I was like, it was that real.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
It was like family's small little plot of.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Yeah, and in this very like tucked away I can't
even explain how tucked away it was where it was
just like that felt like a little maybe or that
I was hallucinating, like lightly.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Well, aren't aren't hallucinations gifts too?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Gifts from the lard or whoever or who atten or
Satan who loves cemeteries. If you're Satan, you love Cemeteries
email us at my favorite murder.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Put in the subject line I'm Satan Hill loves like
so we know it's you.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yeah, just be like it's me and maybe put the
put that devil tam devil on there just so we recognize. Okay,
I'm gonna not going to redid the title of this one.
I gives it away. Greetings and salutations. In the recent minnisod,
you asked for our rabies stories, so here is mine.
We did smart, Yes we did. Last November, I was
(10:11):
taking the compost out to our bin in the backyard
at twilight. It's a short distance. It's a short distance.
My wife and I live in Kansas City with a
rather small backyard. As I was making my way back
to the house, I saw something fly at my face.
I stopped, completely shaken, but went on. I suddenly noticed
that my shirt felt heavier than normal. Oh uh huh.
(10:31):
I looked down and there was a bat staring up
at me, flinging to my shirt. My high pitched scream
was epic. My wife inside the house thought that there
was a cat in distress, but a last no cat,
just me with a bat hanging on my chest. Oh no, Luckily,
I was wearing my leather gloves. It was November, after all,
so I quickly knocked it off my shirt and it
(10:51):
flew away. Oh, of course, I did what any millennial
would do. I went inside and posted about it on Facebook.
Within minutes, his friends began to comment that I needed
to get a rabies vaccine. Some frantic googling determined that
the CDC recommends a rabies shot following any contact with
a bat. Who so off I went to the er
and I discovered, yes, I did need to get the
(11:13):
rabies vaccine, a total of six shots that night, with
another three over the next month and a half. No joke.
To get that vaccine for real, for real. In order
to get me out of the er quickly, the head
nurse decided that they could give me three shots at
once and grabbed two other nurses. Oh dear, this is
(11:34):
my mother in action. Oh, nurses are like, what's the problem.
We need to get it taken care of. You're going
to feel pain either way. Let's do all the pain
at once. I'm going to decide for you. You aren't
in a position to decide. Here we go, Here we go,
counting down from three Okay, one stood at each of
my legs, the third stood next to my arm, and
(11:56):
when the head nurse said one, two, three, poke, they
administ three shots simultaneously. After a few moments to catch
my breath, it was one, two three poke again. That
was all six SHIX shots. I had to come back
to the er for my additional shots three times in
the next six weeks, for ten shots in total. One
time I could hear my nurse talking to the head
(12:18):
nurse about my shot, when suddenly the head nurse, who
had been the first night, shouted, I know this guy.
The batman is back. Despite my ordeal, their rather terrifying
appearance and the fact that they can carry rabies, bats
eat millions of bugs a year and are incredibly important
to our ecosystem, they could use a little more love
from people. I think. I want to thank you both
(12:40):
for being so mental health positive. Listening to old episodes
during the pandemic encouraged me to start seeing a therapist again,
stay sexy, and get a Raby's vaccine. If a bat
flies into you.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Patrick, I feel like that they planted something in his
brain that makes him like you know how cats can
do to make you the mouse afraid? Of the cat
because he's like, but bats are still great. I still
love that.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
So it's like he's been he's been mine wor when
he looked down at the bat that was on his shirt,
the bat looked up at him and sent sonic, sonic
waves of tranceness into his ear.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Hole trans music. And now he's a raver.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
He's a raver. Four bats, He's a pro bat raver,
beautiful patcher. I don't I love the.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Idea of a bat flying at him wasn't as bad
as of the idea of a.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Bat hanging on his shirt.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Like when you said and my shirt felt heavy, I
was out, yeah, because.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
That means that bat had some real debt heft to
thank you to it heft. I was going to say gravitas.
Maybe he was a flamboyant that too, but I listened
to this. Did ever tell you about the time I
was at my old house. I was, I think, sitting
at the kitchen table writing and I got a weird
(13:59):
feeling like I wasn't by myself, and I looked down
and there was a praying mantis on my arm. And
when I look down, it turned its head and up
at me. And they're so creepy there. It's like having
a tiny alien on your arm. And I screamed but
didn't do anything because I didn't want to hurt it. Yau,
it jumped off or like moved off.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Amantis are just like coming in your house.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Burbank, baby, burbank can happen.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
They didn't tell you that in the in the Sure
of Bourbon.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
You gotta move there if you love praygmantises. Oh but
they're pretty cute, Okay, yeah they are.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
This is just called Hong Kong story and it goes, Hello,
congratulations on five years at the pod. You guys are
truly amazing. I know you love Savior pet stories, so
I'm writing in to tell you mine. Yeah, yeah, this
is a good anecdote to the bat story. When I
was three years old, my family went camping at a
local lake. I was the youngest of all my cousins
(14:58):
and siblings, and I was constantly trying to keep up
with them as a three year old. They started climbing
on some loose rocks near the edge of the water,
and of course I followed. I was an incredibly, incredibly
clumsy child, and then I was like, you're a three
three years old yes, we all are. You're so borrised
to be, and immediately slipped and fell into the lake.
(15:20):
My mom's rottweiler, Hannah, jumped in the water before any
of the adults even had time to react. Hannah swam
under me and I was able to grab onto her back.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
No, no, no, she carried.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Me back to the land.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
She saved my life, Yes she did, Hannah.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
She was probably smiling the whole time too, her big
old rot miler.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
She's my big Jim.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Hannah was an absolutely amazing dog, and she was such
a protector of me and my brother when we were little.
My mom recently told me about what I did as
a five year old when I first got my black
lab puppy, Casey. I carried her to a garden where
Hannah was buried and introduced them to each other.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Oh no, are you kidding me?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
I told Casey how good of a dog Hannah was
and asked her to be a good dog too. Hannah's
proof that the scary Rottweiler's in the movie Slash Media
is not the true narrative. I've always advocated for the breed,
and I truly believe there are no bad dogs, only
bad owners. Yep, thanks for taking the time to read this.
(16:26):
I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I
hope you snuggle your pets a little extra. They truly
love us more than we will ever know. SSDGM, Courtney Miner,
I'll feel good today, by the way.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
That's good. I mean, hey, we need it, Courtney. That
was a lovely story about your dog name Hannah. I'd
like to tell you a story about my dog named Frank,
who woke me up at three thirty last night barking
like someone was outside, scaring the shit out of me.
Then he went outside and I stood there at the
sliding glass door three thirty in the morning waiting for
(16:58):
him to come back. And he didn't come back for
like ten minutes, and then I was like, he went,
he went and had an adventure by himself. And I
was like, because it's three thirty morning, I can't actually
call for him in any meaningful way. And when he
finally came back, he was crawling, he was walking super low,
like he knew he was being bad because he just
(17:19):
like he hears me calling and he just chooses not
to come. So may we all have a Hannah in
our life. But I guess I'm the bad owner because
I got a frank. That's so goddamn frank. It's underable.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Well I shouldn't come back with like an armbone that
she had.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
True, Well, but I had. I've been hearing noises and
so I of course was standing there. I'm like, what
if his frank was like walking around at the backyard
he got pulled into a bush and there's someone back there, like.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
He was barking at a person in his mind, or
someone tried to grab him. Can you imagine, Oh, that's right.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
He doesn't like being like kind of held, or he
can't be picked up. You literally can't pick him up
off the ground. He's serious. I think you're good.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
But it is like it's almost like sending him out
to go find what the problem is and then he
doesn't come back. You're mad at him, not like, well
he found the problem and the I know still there, Yeah,
he and now he has a problem.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
It was a little it was like a little bit
of like a horror movie mixed in with like Lee
Loo and Stitch or whatever. No, no, no, that's the
wrong one. Milo. And notice Mylon. Notice it was like Mylon,
notice has a dark turn where It's like, wait, he
didn't owe him back. He was putting. George wouldn't go outside.
That was the other thing that was scaring me.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Anyway, doors closed this time, call the police, Karen.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
But you're don't even be opening the doors for the intruders.
And well, yeah, I thought I just figure. I thought
he was gonna pee and come back. Yet George just
runs out and literally runs back in. Goodbye.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
It three thirty in the morning.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Okay, Frank's like, I'm restless. I'm tired of quarantine. I
want to go walk around. I'm not going to read.
The title gives it away. Hi, guys, gals and furry
four legged pals. Wonderful. The college bomb scare in my
hometown from Minneso two fourteen reminded me of a similarish
(19:14):
story from my high school. I went to a small
K through twelve school in Lafayette, Colorado, Colorado. Wow, Colorado,
right outside Boulder. Yes, a lot of seniors smoked weed
behind the dumpsters. Yes, I know you're thinking about Colorad.
Let's just say it. One morning on my way went
on my way to school with the carpool, several police
(19:36):
cars were redirecting traffic well away from the school, and
no one would tell us why. So we went back
home and turned on the news to find that a
suspicious black devil bag was found in the student parking
lot around seven am that morning. Naturally, the police were called,
suspecting it was a bomb. Other students and teachers held
a lockdown at the school. A bomb robot was brought
(19:56):
in to handle the duffel bag, and when it came
to finally open it, law enforcement found several cans of
spray on deodorant and a kermit the frog doll. The
doll was colored with a sharpie and cut up to
look like it was beaten and bloody. Apparently, a few
junior senior boys thought it would be funny to quote unquote,
kidnap kermit from a teacher's classroom and pass it around,
(20:19):
giving it its wounds. Two of the guys arranged a
drop off of the doll. One guy didn't want the
doll and threw it out of his car into the
lot where it was found the next morning. They didn't
get into any trouble with the police for this weird
ass prank, and I can't remember if the school punished
them or not. But for the rest of my high
school career, every January twenty fifth was Kermit the Bomb Day.
(20:42):
What a holiday, Stay sexy and don't mess with Kermit, Lauren.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Oh my god, teenage boys should just be locked up
for four years.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Also, I think this is such an indication of like,
if somebody's like a suspicious double bag in the parking
lot of my high school people, and like, somebody go
get that duffel.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Back, Okay, but like can kick that the furthest exactly exactly.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
These days it's like call every authority you can get
on the phone.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Yeah, which isn't which look is how it is these days?
Speaker 1 (21:15):
It is Okay.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
This one's called I'm the teen photo lab worker in
nineteen ninety eight who knew all of your secrets and shit.
Oh and I think this one because my sister, who
was who's a photographer now, had the same career job
all through high school at the photo one hour photo lab,
and so we got to see a lot of cool
shit and got a lot of free I have some
of those terrible high school like dramatized photos of me
(21:41):
that my sister took.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
I bet you do, Oh, you know, I do some
glamour shot.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
I was a fucking glamour shot.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Do you ever wear a feather bowen any of them? No?
Speaker 2 (21:50):
There were these were artsy ones you don't like up
in a tree. And then when she was learning how
to like superimpose like another you and you're so you're
looking at yourself, but I was like super into like,
you know, raves and shit. So I get all dressed
up with the fake eyelashes and.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Which, sure this was you were very heroin she I was.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
He thank you for saying that. I've been waiting for
you to say that for final years.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
I give you the credit. You are so rightly deserved.
You okay, this says Hi.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Okay, so you did never ask for this specifically, but
I think you're gonna like it. My first job was
at the Neighborhood One Hour Photo Lab in Cherry Hill,
New Jersey, and then.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Cherry Hill, New Jersey. That's where that mall is.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
All caps, not Pennsylvania.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Lesson learned, that's right.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
I was seventeen years old when I got hired, and
twenty years later, I still think about that job every
single day. I worked there for about five years, and wow,
what a time. Something that most people never realized what
that was. That we had to look at all your photos,
every single one of them, and order to balance color,
control the exposure, and check for dust. Every printed photo
(22:57):
was looked at by myself or another one of the
three employees. We were a standalone professional lab offering one
hour service, so quality control was super important and for
someone curious by nature, checking every picture was the most
thrilling part of my job.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
You're shaking your head. No, I mean it is until
that day, till the day, Well, I would.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
It would take me a year to tell you everything
I saw, But here are some highlights. Every suburban mother
who got breast implants would take titty pics in her
bathroom mirror, every single one, multiple times. Oh, because you couldn't.
You couldn't see what they look like until you looked
at photos, you.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
Know, not like now you can't see in the mirror.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Yes, but that's the other way. You only able to
see them that way. Oh you wouldn't, You couldn't just
take a selfie whatever. The County Coroner's office had an
account with us and processed autopsy photos.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
WHOA once I.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Saw someone I recognized being taken apart, No one even
bothered to get NBA's which still baffles me. I was seventeen.
What the fuck they should have worn these?
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yes, that should be in the training manual. Yeah. Absolutely,
that's insane.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
So many people taking secret weekend vacations with their side
piece and then coming straight back home to their real
life and finishing out the role of film with a
family birthday.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
No start.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
One would throw the negatives away on the spot, and
that's for an extra envelope for the separate picks. The
stupid ones do not battling Grandma's. Two old ladies in
the neighborhood had shared grandkids and they hated each other.
Grandma A would ask me to automatically crop Grandma BE
out of any of her picks from the holidays. Well,
(24:48):
Grandma Bee would try to give slip me a five
dollars note, and she said that's not enough to sabotage
Grandma A's photos with bad printing, but also make her
a copy have good picks of the kids.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Genius, That is genius.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I can't believe they both were like I bet they
would have if they had known the other one was
doing that, they would have become friends because they were
both so fucking sabotage y.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yeah, exactly, you're a bit. Yeah, that's the same.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
I knew about major life events happening with my schoolmates
that they didn't realize. I was pretty to cancer, battles, divorces,
home sales, financial trouble, deaths of pets, car crashes. I
hold secrets like a fortress. But that lay mass saying
you never know what battles people are fighting is absolutely true,
except I knew, and then she just said porn shoots.
(25:43):
I never figured out the location. The billing address for
the account was a po box, but there was a
professional porn set somewhere close by in suburbia.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
And they were quote required to take photos of sets
and actors during production, quote for compliance, whatever the fuck
that means.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Osha from SHO, I never understood it.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
This was the late nineties, many years before the era
of inadvertently stumbling into porn on Twitter once daily, So
the images were shocking to teen me. And yes, extra
copies got printed out and put in a drawer, but
not by me. So bink back to your nineties photos
and realized that some curious local art team was rerunning
(26:26):
your titty picks and side pieces because the color balance
was off for the first time.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
We need that.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Shit to look its best. Say stay sexy and never
go digital. E.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Oh my god. That's first of all, thank you E
for knowing us so well that you would know that
we would adore this. Yes, it's perfection. Yeah. And the
idea that you are stupid enough to cheat on your
spouse and take fucking photo photos.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
I think it's cheap enough to not be like, well,
I only took sixteen out of twenty four, it does
it matter?
Speaker 1 (27:01):
But also it's just like, you're so sorry you're gonna
go away for the weekend with your secret lover man
or woman and then be like, can't go over buy
that rock click. It's so lame.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
It is so oh, I send more pictures in my camera.
Let's just use these real quick.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I'll lease these up. That's fine. It's just like, wait,
so do you have a secret photo album? Like, what's right?
What are those secret photos?
Speaker 2 (27:25):
It's called your glove compartment where you stash all.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Your nerd nerd cheater there's nothing worse than a nerd cheater. God,
that's so good. If you also worked at a photo
met or did you ever see that Robin Williams movie
One Hour Photos. So good, God, it's good.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
It was so good.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
It's good.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
If you have a if you had a job that
you're like, you don't you never like I'm sure bowling
alley workers, Like what was your job that you're like,
you don't understand what it was actually like here because
this person worked there was a weirdo and that the
old timer was this. Send those into us. We want
to hear about your Yeah, like your jobs.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
You're a bar back at the local bar. Yeah, things
things went sout. What did you see? We love lists,
bullet pointed lists, creepy, weird, odd the underbelly. It's this
is the David Lynch email series. Yeah, it's like it's suburbia.
But suddenly you're the seventeen year old holding the secrets before.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Right, you're the only person in town who hasn't drank
the kool aid. And you're like, I see all because
of course you do. You're arteen. Like that's what your
that's what your job is to be bummed and like
observe it.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
And also would be just awesome if then you were
like in school and then your mouth teachers like, well
you didn't turn that paper and so you're going to
give enough and you're like, I don't think so, I
saw what you did this weekend. And then you're like, picture.
You do understand how printing pictures works, don't you, mister
he oh dam yeah. I always got a plan use
(28:57):
just use things to your advantage, strategize. Okay, my final one,
this is an email. I'm not going to read you
the whole thing because it gives it away. But part
of the title of this is pre cell phone times.
Oh yeah, which I think it's good to talk about that.
That's right.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
This was two guys. I forgot to mention it. You
might not know. This is pre You have to get
all of your photos developed unless sheriff you have a
fucking studio in your house, which nobody does.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Yeah, okay, it was such It was so different everything.
There was only four numbers, as we've told you. Look,
there was four numbers. There was four possible picture choices.
Birthday blowing out a birthday cake, standing in front of
a rock, blow out a birthday cake, blowing a birthday
cake off a table into your mean grandma's face while
your other mean grandma laughs at her. Okay, ready, yeah,
(29:45):
pre cell phone time. Hi everyone, human and otherwise. One
of my favorite stories happened when my sister's family came
from Wisconsin to spend December twenty fourth through January thirty
first with the rest of the family in Illinois. Too long, right,
that's like good long visit. That's a month. This was
a big deal because they were dairy farmers and it
(30:05):
was difficult to get someone to care for the cows
when they traveled. That's true, they had to be back
for the five am milking on January first, but my
sister didn't care. She was going to visit with tons
of relatives who would get to see how her toddler
boys had grown. On January thirty first, her husband said
that they should get going at five pm, but she
wanted to stay for my aunt's New Year's Eve party.
(30:27):
They compromised by going to the party but only staying
till ten pm. It was a five hour drive on
a and a snowstorm was coming. She took the first
turn driving since she'd had to entertain the boys on
the way up, and hoped they'd be sound asleep by
the time her husband took over. That's very smart. She
was also a little pissed she couldn't stay later. This
(30:48):
was the early eighties, so instead of car seats, the
couch in the back of their conversion van was folded
flat and Dad and the boys stretched out on it unrestrained. Yep, yep.
I went to my first concert in a conversion van
with my friend Jennifer Mason, her mom and dad driving.
And it was like we got to be taken in
(31:09):
a living room to San Jose to go see the
band Chicago Place in a box.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
That was a traveling living room with carpet on the
walls and the floor, and the carpet was the only
protection you had in the case of a car accident.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
That's right, and that would be rugburn. That was carpet.
Rugburn was the airbag of the eighties. It wasn't good.
She drove for about two hours total, only stopping for
gas around the state line. The snow was getting pretty
bad and she was getting tired, so she hissed, Gary,
I need you to drive, being careful not to wake
the boys. No answer. She whispered again, Gary, this isn't funny,
(31:48):
figuring he was giving her the silent treatment after their disagreement,
before finally she pulled over and stormed to the back
of the van. Her two boys were asleep on the couch,
but her husband was not in the van. She figured
he must have got out at the gas station forty
five minutes early. No. Not sure what to do, she
decided to drive to the next payphone and call the
state troopers. She got to the payphone, started dialing, and
(32:10):
who walks in behind her? But Gary was He did
get out at the gas station. He returned from the
restroom just in time to see her pull away. A
couple who had gassed up saw the whole thing happen
and said, hop in, buddy, we'll catch her. All right.
They lost my sister, the speed demon in the storm,
(32:32):
and after almost an hour said they reckoned. It was
time for Gary to call the state troopers and take
it from there. They happened to stop at the same
rest area. Yes, my poor sister and Gary live in
a tiny community in Wisconsin, and it was literally years
before people would let her leave any gathering without saying, hey, don't.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Forget Gary now, Oh, how fucking annoying.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
The third time someone did that, she wanted it. And
then she's moving into year seven of like, huh, very
very funny. Judy, Okay, stay sexy, and if you don't
want to get left behind, always tell the driver when
you exit the road trip vehicle.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Jewelie, Yeah, that was a good one. And also you
always have to tell your husband to watch your purse,
even though there's no way he wouldn't watch your purse.
That reminds me of anytime I get up to go
to the you know, we used to go to restaurants
like watch my purse, and then I'd be like, why
wouldn't he watch my If someone walked up and snatched
my purse, he wouldn't say, well, you didn't tell me
to watch your purse.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yeah. It's very similar to when people get up and
say I'm going to go to the bathroom when you're
at a restaurant with like friends. Yeah, and I'd always like,
as people were standing up, but I always go, where
are you going? Because it's like there's there's truth, Like
unless you're going to drink at the bar alone and
get back and then come back to the dinner, there's
really only one place anyone ever goes. But we always
(33:50):
go like, excuse me, I'm gonna go.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
To the Bathrooight, sure, we know, we know. I know.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Did you just say that to them?
Speaker 2 (33:57):
When I tell you that, I know?
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Really, you're gonna go smoke weed by the dumpster and
we all know that.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Just like the kids in Boulder, those were great guys.
Fun to send anything, Send anything, send it, Send what's
the scraps to the bottom of your purse? In my
favorite murder at Gmail, we want to we want to know.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
We want to know everything about you. Yeah, it's good,
it's great for the relationship. Also, stay sexy and don't
get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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