May 1, 2023 • 21 mins
This week’s hometowns include a family jailbreak story and a Drunk Karen cameo.
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Speaker 1 (00:15):
He Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder the minisode.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
That's right, you kill him, we grillam.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Uh oh the outcos.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
What's up from? It's roadkill? It's about roadkill?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Really, Yeah, there was a joke like when I was
a child of like what was the restaurant called the
Cook's Roadkill?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
You kill him, we grill him. I thought it was
like from Jaws or something, just.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Like Babe is.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
I don't know, I don't know how it happened, but
it's been in my brain for over forty years.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
And isn't that how podcasting works. We're just here to
present the things from being stuck in our heads.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
All of our lives. Definitely, you want to go for
our Sure. This is called Mom's love. A good trauma
in any era just starts. A dear friend of mine's mother,
let's call her Ruth, loves to visit from out of town,
make us vintage style appetizers and pop bottles of afternoon champagne.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Nice.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
We're all in our late thirties and early forties, and
it's an absolute treat when she's in town and we
get to hear all of her fabulous and intriguing stories
on the most recent visit, one of us asked Ruth,
what was something about your childhood that you carried into adulthood.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
That's a great question.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Expecting an ode to lipstick, we relaxed while she took
a deep breath and said, well, my mother used to
take me to funeral homes and now I have to
touch dead people.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Collectively we dropped our jaws, dribbling champagne and my eyes widened.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Tell us everything for real.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Ruth was an only child born in nineteen forty nine
in Pittsburgh. Her mother, an eccentric woman to say the least,
would take young Ruth to funeral homes for services where
they didn't know the deceased. She would advise Ruth to
stay quiet and would say how she knew the late
guests of honor with a made up connection school a
club bridge and Ruth would not an agreement. During the viewing,
(02:11):
Ruth was escorted by her mother to the casket and
told that if she didn't touch the body, the ghost
of the person would curse and haunt her.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
This is a child, that's child abuse.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Ruth's hand, guided by her mother's, would tickle the ivories,
as it were, and they'd leave after crashing the visitation.
In stark contrast, they'd also visit graveyards on the weekend,
and Ruth would excitedly point out where tents were remaining
after funerals, and they'd scoop up the flowers, toss those
in the trunk, and have fresh flowers in their home
(02:45):
all year long.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Geez, is it stark contrast or is it just an
add on of a similar What is going on in
this family?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
It's in addition to for sure shit.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
As an aside, I also wonder what you may be
wanted wondering stealing the flowers does not cause haunting, but
touching the body prevents it.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
The logic escapes me. But look, this isn't about me.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
After I picked my champagne parts jaw up off the floor,
showed a cucumber sandwich down my gullet, I had to
do something with the feelings of shock. I asked, curiously,
do you avoid touching bodies now?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Oh? No, I have to touch them.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
I was at a funeral last December where he was cremated,
and my husband leaned over and said, guess you can't
touch this one. Stay sexy and do what your mother says,
and then get a ton of therapy.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Okay, I mean it's dark. What was that mother's deal?
Was she suspicions? I guess right, But they're going to
a funeral they're not invited to. She's putting her child
in that position for no reason. Yeah, unless you're saying
like she's driven by the idea that a dead person
(03:53):
might taunt you. I mean, what's the I just want
a little more backstory. Yeah, is there pills or alcohol?
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Involves a lot of alcohol and a lot of pills
involved there, We'll never know.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Is there some internal storytelling flash mental illness? I mean?
Or is it just like, hey, what if I induce
the creepiest thing in your life and then everything else
is a breeze.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
That's like, that's true. You got to get character from somewhere.
If not your childhood, then where for real?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
But also I wonder how Ruth felt about that, Like
was it scary to touch those bodies or was it
just like, oh, it's not scary because I'm actually preventing
this scarier thing that's made up.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
I'd imagine it was terrifying.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I would have pulled her into the other room and
been like, Okay, don't talk to those people anymore.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
You're just talking to me. I need some information, Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
The subject line of this email is binging MFM paid off. Hey, y'all,
I've been listening to more MFM than usual lately, and
today it seems that my years of listening to your
podcast instead of sleeping has finally paid off. So today
when I went to pick up my kids from school,
I'm sorry. This person has written kiddos in this email
multiple times, and I absolutely cannot stand on this trend. Yeah,
(05:11):
you don't have people calling their children kiddos.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
You do not need to utter that word, even if
it's written.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
And I understand it's all it's it's almost like more
loving than kids and more like this is my little
guy type of thing, and but I hate it.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
So today when I went to pick up my kids
from school, I overheard that a little girl from my
son's kindergarten class was nowhere to be found. Hearing this
immediately transformed me from a stay at home dad into
a homicide detective with a few decades of experience. After
interrogating the kindergarteners with priors and then in parentheses, says JKJK,
(05:47):
I decided to take my kids home and keep an
eye out for anything suspicious. It just so happened that
as I arrived home, I saw my neighbor putting her
ten year old son and a kindergarten age little girl
into her vehicle. This struck me as strange, since I
knew that she doesn't have any other children, and I've
never seen a little girl playing with her son. I
thought this could be the missing girl and that perhaps
(06:09):
they were bringing her back to school, but I became
more concerned when they turned to go the opposite direction
of the school, so I called the school and asked
if the young girl had been located. They informed me
that she had not, and I proceeded to tell them
about what I had just seen. Fast forward about fifteen
minutes to when my neighbors stormed over to my house
to confront me about calling this school. Apparently that was
(06:30):
the missing girl, and they had decided to take her
home based off of the directions this distrap five year
old had given them. My neighbor was mainly upset that
I had said anything to the school instead of minding
my own business, while I'm sure she'll be venting about
me to the entire neighborhood, as she tends to do
whenever she feels wronged by anyone. I personally have zero regrets.
(06:50):
I heard a little girl was missing, I saw something suspicious,
called in a tip within thirty minutes of her going missing,
and had this child been abducted, I would have correctly
ident to find the name, address and vehicle of her.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Would be kidnapping.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
If I've learned anything from MFM, it's fuck politeness and
trust your gut. I've also heard all too many stories
of children being abducted and witnesses not coming forward until
decades later. Sorry for the rather long story. Stay sexy,
and maybe contact police if you find a lost child
in front of your house, rather than taking matters into
your own hands. Yeah, then that's from blaze.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
He him, I'm sorry that neighbor is in the wrong
on so many levels.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Also, it's interesting, like the dynamic between the neighbors where
he didn't feel comfortable going over and being like, hey,
is that the little girl that's missing, which I think
is very fair, but obviously he was just like, yeah,
there is there a reason to be questioning this entire situation,
which is so uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Yeah, that is wild.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
But I'm also blaming that the school that said to
the neighbor, hey, you're neighbor just called in the sighting
of this kid. Like you didn't have to wrap blaze out.
You could have been like someone called and said they
sell you.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Yes, that's the kind of a niches a snitches thing. Yeah,
that's true.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
I'm like, Oh, because she drove her home, so I
guess the school called the mother. So when the five
year old got dropped off, the mother was like so
and so called.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yeah whatever. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
It's not our problem to solve, really not our problem.
Thank god we don't live in that neighborhood.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Okay, this is called family jail break. Hi ladies, Stephen Pets,
et cetera. You recently asked for any story, So here
is my fifth question mark. My family and I have
been living in Utah for the last decade. We just
sort of ended up here. Long story, not important, but
my husband knew that his late father had lived in
(08:53):
the area at some point in his life. He had
kind of a mysterious past.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I've read an article in the local newspaper about an
inmate breaking out of the county jail in nineteen fifty,
and it was none other than my father in law,
oh titled Picks Jail in Locke, the article says Donald J.
Blank picked the lock of Davis County Jail Sunday night
because he quote couldn't take it no more.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
He had only been in the jail.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Two hours after being arrested for investigation of car theft.
He left a note behind, pinned to a cell mattress.
The note read quote, dear jailer, I'm sorry I had
to leave, but I'll be out of the state somewhere
and nobody will find me.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
I can't take it no more. So.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
First of all, my father in law was the most
restless and impatient man I've ever met, and the fact
that he quote couldn't take it anymore after two hours
in jail doesn't surprise me. I'd like to think that
if he hadn't escaped and left the state, he might
not have met my mother in law and started a
family with her. Did I mention he was married five times.
He stayed with her the longest, though, until she passed away.
(10:03):
The sheriff noted the lock was old fashioned and he
picked it with a wire. He also mentioned he'd asked
that a new jail be built and it would be
discussed at the next County Board of Commissioner's meeting. I
looked up the history. It had been built in eighteen
ninety one. After multiple escapes, it was rebuilt finally in
nineteen sixty three. Jesus Christ. So I guess my father
(10:26):
in law was just one of many. Apparently another inmate
left with him, but just went across the street to
inform someone about the escape, as there were no jailers
present when they left, and then he put himself back
in his cell. That's good behavior. That's some like deadwood shifts.
Like what mister, thanks for all that you do. Stay
(10:48):
sexy and if you get arrested, try picking the lock.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Denise oh Man, that's like it's like somebody wrote us
an email from the old West.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Mm hm.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Okay, this is a celebrity story and a hot dog story,
so it's an amazing doubleheader.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Oka.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Hey, Karen Georgia and the entire MFM Dream Team pets included.
I never planned on submitting a hometown because my thirty
two years of life have been fairly average.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
But I also never.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Expected a call for hot dog stories on this week's minisode.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
So here we are.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Oddly enough, I have a lot of hot dog stories,
but nothing tops the one I'm about to share. So
this person had to pick from a belly of hot
dog story.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
I want to be our friend. Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
When I was nine years old, my family and I
went on a four day Disney cruise over Spring Break.
This was my first cruise, and the ship had everything
a young girl like me could ever want, water slides,
endless entertainment, and an all inclusive meal plan. That meant
I could eat pizza and hot dogs, my favorite foods,
whenever I wanted.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I mean, as an adult, that sounds pretty fucking sweet too.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Like you just chow down on a piece of pizza
and then jump onto a water slide.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Sounds great. It's like the way it was meant to
be eaten.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
One afternoon at sea, I was standing behind a woman
and her young daughter waiting to order my hot dog
lunch at the pool bar.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
This is the goal of the day.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Yeah, Like, you're going to swim in the pool for
as long as you want, but then at some point
you're going to go over in that line, Like that's
a child's dream.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Eating food in a wet bathing suit is like a
different fucking animal altogether.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
And it sounds like maybe I'm wrong about this, but
there wasn't a lot of enforcing the old you have
to wait half an hour?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Shit right, right? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
The woman and her daughter were also ordering hot dogs.
Clearly they had great taste. As I waited my turn,
I looked up to see my mom waving like a
maniac from her pool chair and pointing to the woman
in front of me and mouthing something I couldn't catch.
I didn't know what she was trying to tell me,
so I shrugged it off. Whatever, Mom, yeah, ignore it.
The next thing I knew, my older brother was walking
(13:00):
towards me, but instead of stopping to talk to me,
he tapped the lady in front of me on the
shoulder and asked for her autograph. The woman smiled and
signed her name on a napkin my brother handed her
after she signed the sweaty napkin that.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
His Virgin Strawberry Dacrea had been sitting on.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Oh my god, these kids are living like king serious fuck.
I gave my brother a confused look and grabbed the napkin,
but the name looked like a bunch of squiggles. After
I got my hot Dog, I asked my mom who
the lady was and why she wanted her squiggly autograph,
and she responded with a name that wasn't familiar to
nine year old me.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Whitney Houston.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Oh my, I was like, it's got to be someone epic,
it's got to be someone epic.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Whitney freaking honest.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Cruise on a Disney cruise, like the most epic Yeah,
basically celebrity you could possibly in my opinion, name drop.
I later connected the dots that she was the fairy
godmother in the nineteen ninety seven Cinderella movie, so this
earned her major cool points in my book. After our
encounter in the Hote, my family and I saw Whitney,
Bobby Christina, and Bobby Brown several more times around the ship.
(14:06):
As an adult, I can't believe I was in the
same vicinity, let alone the same hot dog line as
this music legend. And this is always my fun fact
in any icebreaker situation. I would never stop telling this, no,
never ever. And yes, my mom still has the autograph
napkin in a scrap book in case you're wonderful. To
(14:27):
this day, I still claim hot dogs is my favorite.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Not only are they.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Absolutely delicious, just such a wild it's such a wild stance.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Yeah. This is her case on why hot dogs are
the best, and here's the reasons.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Not only are they absolutely delicious, but they're also the
reason I kind of met Whitney Houston. Stay sexy and
always keep an eye out for celebrities and hot dog lines.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Eliza, you write a hot dog, Oh god, fourth of July,
probably last year, because we always do it, you know,
like on the beach for Fourth of July.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Oh okay, I just want to make sure we both
have it, you know, a yearly hot dog at least.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Well, and those ones there's a kind that they have
in Hawaii. Oh they're really red, like they're long and
they're like dark red, and they are the best hot
dog in my opinion.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
So good, I'm into it, Okay.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
My last one is called Canadian Dare Program. Hello murder friends.
When I was in high school circa twenty eleven, we
needed mandatory volunteer credits to graduate. In Canada, we don't
really have the DARE program here, but we do have
the Party program Prevent alcohol and risk related trauma in
(15:49):
youth flows off the time party.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Also like, yeah, it's really convoluted, and it's the name.
The acronym actually points you in the wrong direction.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
I would say it.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
The party program was mandatory for health class. Some of
the activities included learning how they pumped your stomach after
alcohol poisoning and how activated charcoal.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Tastes Jesus ooh, that's actually smart to warn teenagers.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Well, I feel like teenagers don't drink like we did
in the eighties and nineties, but they.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Have those jugs now though, those like what Joe, there's
like a jug of punch that they drink and they're
called like blackout juice or something.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Look at how old I am. We're still going strong.
You're telling me.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
We're still getting blackout drunk driving a car simulator with
distorted beer goggles and then it says, yes, actual goggles
that distort your vision as if you were drunk.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Shit.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
This field trip ended with a trip to the Morgue
to see where you might end up if you drink
and drive. My young murdering usself had an absolute blast
at this very somber field trip, So you can only
imagine my excitement when I was asked to volunteer at
the next year's event. My job was to wear hospital
gown and have a makeup artist go to town on
my face and body and make it look like I
(17:05):
was banged up in a car accident.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
I've got to say it looked pretty real.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
All I had to do is lay in a hospital
bed with a warm blanket and take naps at my
leisure while a nurse told a story about Jane, who
was in a horrific car accident with a drunk driver
and ended up in a coma, a cautionary tale to
the young health class. I guess my community theater acting
skills paid off, because one of the students asked, is
she really in a coma? There was silence, and then
(17:31):
I abruptly turned my head and opened my eyes to
stare at the group of students at my bedside. Some
of the students gasped and stepped back, but I did
manage to make someone at the front scream yes. I
don't think I've ever had so much fun volunteering. While
all of my friends were picking up garbage or spending
(17:53):
hours at a childcare center, I got to lay in
a warm bed and scare teenagers. My favorite, stay sexy
and don't drink and drive.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Grace. She her grace.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
I wish I could ask you right now in person,
were you making an acting choice independent of what they
were asking you to do in that bed, because it's
not it's not a haunted house like you're supposed to
be in a coma. Right.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
It sounds like she went off script. It sounds like
just for a general scare.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Yeah, like, just just make sure this whole party feeling
is a negative one and you'll be fine.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Yeah, once they get the big picture, then you can,
you know, kind of go rogue and do your own thing.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Yeah, well fun.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I mean she should have rolled her eyes back in
her head when she did it, Oh my god, and
you know, whispered Beel's abub or something. Okay, no notes,
no notes, all right, here's my last one. It says
drunk dad celebrity encounter.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
I literally just hit send on a dad story when
I thought, shit, I should have included this story too.
Why you ask, because it's a two for one, A
drunk dad and a celebrity encounter. Several years ago, my
dad was on a work trip in DC and he
had a few drinks at the bar after a work event,
he made his way back to his hotel and got
into the elevator, which had kindly been held open for
(19:12):
him by a couple. A brief note about my dad.
He tries his darnedest to be hip and cool, but
he's always just slightly off the mark. So drunkenly swaying
in the elevator after pausing to remember his floor number,
he looks at the couple with ever so slight recognition.
The man, particularly is someone he knows, or at least
someone he thinks he knows. So now this goes as
(19:34):
like a little play. Dad staring in confusion. Are you
an actor? Were you in Troy Man? Politely no, that
was Brad Pitt. Dad, huh, We're you in Gladiator Man,
smiling a little No, that was Russell Crowe. I'm but Dad, interrupting, well,
Gladiator was fucking good and you should try a harder
(19:55):
be in that. Then and then, since this was an
elevator ride, the doors opened to my dad's floor and
he got off without another word, trailed by the very
pleasant laughter of the couple, who got a kick out
of my dad's misplaced celebrity knowledge. My dad immediately texted
me and through some guess whose style Q and A,
we figured out it was Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck.
(20:18):
He had just shamed for not being in the film
Gladiator from two thousand.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Oh my god, it's like one of the most famous
people in the world.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
He's basically mistaking, like arguably the third most famous actor
for the first most famous actor. Essentially right, and in
between those two Paul Giamatti, stay sexy, and just assume
all white male actors who peaked in the early two
thousands were in some Greek Roman movie.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
At some point Grace she heard, Ah, that had everything right,
including drunk Karen. I love it.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
So that was drunk Karen from theater, which is accurate.
M from theater class laying drunk dad, So she's being typecast.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
I love it. Amazing. Hey, write us to your hometowns.
We love them, as you can tell, we made a
whole thing about them.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
I mean, we enjoyed them a lot, and thank you
kindly for sending them to us.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Also, stay sexy and don't get murdered. Good Bye, bye, Elvis.
Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Our producer is Alejandra Kek.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
And this episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
N email your hometowns and fucking her rays to My
Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at my Favorite
Murder and Twitter at my favor Murder.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Goodbye,
He Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder the minisode.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
That's right, you kill him, we grillam.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Uh oh the outcos.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
What's up from? It's roadkill? It's about roadkill?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Really, Yeah, there was a joke like when I was
a child of like what was the restaurant called the
Cook's Roadkill?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
You kill him, we grill him. I thought it was
like from Jaws or something, just.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Like Babe is.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
I don't know, I don't know how it happened, but
it's been in my brain for over forty years.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
And isn't that how podcasting works. We're just here to
present the things from being stuck in our heads.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
All of our lives. Definitely, you want to go for
our Sure. This is called Mom's love. A good trauma
in any era just starts. A dear friend of mine's mother,
let's call her Ruth, loves to visit from out of town,
make us vintage style appetizers and pop bottles of afternoon champagne.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Nice.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
We're all in our late thirties and early forties, and
it's an absolute treat when she's in town and we
get to hear all of her fabulous and intriguing stories
on the most recent visit, one of us asked Ruth,
what was something about your childhood that you carried into adulthood.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
That's a great question.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Expecting an ode to lipstick, we relaxed while she took
a deep breath and said, well, my mother used to
take me to funeral homes and now I have to
touch dead people.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Collectively we dropped our jaws, dribbling champagne and my eyes widened.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Tell us everything for real.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Ruth was an only child born in nineteen forty nine
in Pittsburgh. Her mother, an eccentric woman to say the least,
would take young Ruth to funeral homes for services where
they didn't know the deceased. She would advise Ruth to
stay quiet and would say how she knew the late
guests of honor with a made up connection school a
club bridge and Ruth would not an agreement. During the viewing,
(02:11):
Ruth was escorted by her mother to the casket and
told that if she didn't touch the body, the ghost
of the person would curse and haunt her.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
This is a child, that's child abuse.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Ruth's hand, guided by her mother's, would tickle the ivories,
as it were, and they'd leave after crashing the visitation.
In stark contrast, they'd also visit graveyards on the weekend,
and Ruth would excitedly point out where tents were remaining
after funerals, and they'd scoop up the flowers, toss those
in the trunk, and have fresh flowers in their home
(02:45):
all year long.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Geez, is it stark contrast or is it just an
add on of a similar What is going on in
this family?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
It's in addition to for sure shit.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
As an aside, I also wonder what you may be
wanted wondering stealing the flowers does not cause haunting, but
touching the body prevents it.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
The logic escapes me. But look, this isn't about me.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
After I picked my champagne parts jaw up off the floor,
showed a cucumber sandwich down my gullet, I had to
do something with the feelings of shock. I asked, curiously,
do you avoid touching bodies now?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Oh? No, I have to touch them.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
I was at a funeral last December where he was cremated,
and my husband leaned over and said, guess you can't
touch this one. Stay sexy and do what your mother says,
and then get a ton of therapy.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Okay, I mean it's dark. What was that mother's deal?
Was she suspicions? I guess right, But they're going to
a funeral they're not invited to. She's putting her child
in that position for no reason. Yeah, unless you're saying
like she's driven by the idea that a dead person
(03:53):
might taunt you. I mean, what's the I just want
a little more backstory. Yeah, is there pills or alcohol?
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Involves a lot of alcohol and a lot of pills
involved there, We'll never know.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Is there some internal storytelling flash mental illness? I mean?
Or is it just like, hey, what if I induce
the creepiest thing in your life and then everything else
is a breeze.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
That's like, that's true. You got to get character from somewhere.
If not your childhood, then where for real?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
But also I wonder how Ruth felt about that, Like
was it scary to touch those bodies or was it
just like, oh, it's not scary because I'm actually preventing
this scarier thing that's made up.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
I'd imagine it was terrifying.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I would have pulled her into the other room and
been like, Okay, don't talk to those people anymore.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
You're just talking to me. I need some information, Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
The subject line of this email is binging MFM paid off. Hey, y'all,
I've been listening to more MFM than usual lately, and
today it seems that my years of listening to your
podcast instead of sleeping has finally paid off. So today
when I went to pick up my kids from school,
I'm sorry. This person has written kiddos in this email
multiple times, and I absolutely cannot stand on this trend. Yeah,
(05:11):
you don't have people calling their children kiddos.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
You do not need to utter that word, even if
it's written.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
And I understand it's all it's it's almost like more
loving than kids and more like this is my little
guy type of thing, and but I hate it.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
So today when I went to pick up my kids
from school, I overheard that a little girl from my
son's kindergarten class was nowhere to be found. Hearing this
immediately transformed me from a stay at home dad into
a homicide detective with a few decades of experience. After
interrogating the kindergarteners with priors and then in parentheses, says JKJK,
(05:47):
I decided to take my kids home and keep an
eye out for anything suspicious. It just so happened that
as I arrived home, I saw my neighbor putting her
ten year old son and a kindergarten age little girl
into her vehicle. This struck me as strange, since I
knew that she doesn't have any other children, and I've
never seen a little girl playing with her son. I
thought this could be the missing girl and that perhaps
(06:09):
they were bringing her back to school, but I became
more concerned when they turned to go the opposite direction
of the school, so I called the school and asked
if the young girl had been located. They informed me
that she had not, and I proceeded to tell them
about what I had just seen. Fast forward about fifteen
minutes to when my neighbors stormed over to my house
to confront me about calling this school. Apparently that was
(06:30):
the missing girl, and they had decided to take her
home based off of the directions this distrap five year
old had given them. My neighbor was mainly upset that
I had said anything to the school instead of minding
my own business, while I'm sure she'll be venting about
me to the entire neighborhood, as she tends to do
whenever she feels wronged by anyone. I personally have zero regrets.
(06:50):
I heard a little girl was missing, I saw something suspicious,
called in a tip within thirty minutes of her going missing,
and had this child been abducted, I would have correctly
ident to find the name, address and vehicle of her.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Would be kidnapping.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
If I've learned anything from MFM, it's fuck politeness and
trust your gut. I've also heard all too many stories
of children being abducted and witnesses not coming forward until
decades later. Sorry for the rather long story. Stay sexy,
and maybe contact police if you find a lost child
in front of your house, rather than taking matters into
your own hands. Yeah, then that's from blaze.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
He him, I'm sorry that neighbor is in the wrong
on so many levels.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Also, it's interesting, like the dynamic between the neighbors where
he didn't feel comfortable going over and being like, hey,
is that the little girl that's missing, which I think
is very fair, but obviously he was just like, yeah,
there is there a reason to be questioning this entire situation,
which is so uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Yeah, that is wild.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
But I'm also blaming that the school that said to
the neighbor, hey, you're neighbor just called in the sighting
of this kid. Like you didn't have to wrap blaze out.
You could have been like someone called and said they
sell you.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Yes, that's the kind of a niches a snitches thing. Yeah,
that's true.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
I'm like, Oh, because she drove her home, so I
guess the school called the mother. So when the five
year old got dropped off, the mother was like so
and so called.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yeah whatever. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
It's not our problem to solve, really not our problem.
Thank god we don't live in that neighborhood.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Okay, this is called family jail break. Hi ladies, Stephen Pets,
et cetera. You recently asked for any story, So here
is my fifth question mark. My family and I have
been living in Utah for the last decade. We just
sort of ended up here. Long story, not important, but
my husband knew that his late father had lived in
(08:53):
the area at some point in his life. He had
kind of a mysterious past.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I've read an article in the local newspaper about an
inmate breaking out of the county jail in nineteen fifty,
and it was none other than my father in law,
oh titled Picks Jail in Locke, the article says Donald J.
Blank picked the lock of Davis County Jail Sunday night
because he quote couldn't take it no more.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
He had only been in the jail.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Two hours after being arrested for investigation of car theft.
He left a note behind, pinned to a cell mattress.
The note read quote, dear jailer, I'm sorry I had
to leave, but I'll be out of the state somewhere
and nobody will find me.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
I can't take it no more. So.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
First of all, my father in law was the most
restless and impatient man I've ever met, and the fact
that he quote couldn't take it anymore after two hours
in jail doesn't surprise me. I'd like to think that
if he hadn't escaped and left the state, he might
not have met my mother in law and started a
family with her. Did I mention he was married five times.
He stayed with her the longest, though, until she passed away.
(10:03):
The sheriff noted the lock was old fashioned and he
picked it with a wire. He also mentioned he'd asked
that a new jail be built and it would be
discussed at the next County Board of Commissioner's meeting. I
looked up the history. It had been built in eighteen
ninety one. After multiple escapes, it was rebuilt finally in
nineteen sixty three. Jesus Christ. So I guess my father
(10:26):
in law was just one of many. Apparently another inmate
left with him, but just went across the street to
inform someone about the escape, as there were no jailers
present when they left, and then he put himself back
in his cell. That's good behavior. That's some like deadwood shifts.
Like what mister, thanks for all that you do. Stay
(10:48):
sexy and if you get arrested, try picking the lock.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Denise oh Man, that's like it's like somebody wrote us
an email from the old West.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Mm hm.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Okay, this is a celebrity story and a hot dog story,
so it's an amazing doubleheader.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Oka.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Hey, Karen Georgia and the entire MFM Dream Team pets included.
I never planned on submitting a hometown because my thirty
two years of life have been fairly average.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
But I also never.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Expected a call for hot dog stories on this week's minisode.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
So here we are.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Oddly enough, I have a lot of hot dog stories,
but nothing tops the one I'm about to share. So
this person had to pick from a belly of hot
dog story.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
I want to be our friend. Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
When I was nine years old, my family and I
went on a four day Disney cruise over Spring Break.
This was my first cruise, and the ship had everything
a young girl like me could ever want, water slides,
endless entertainment, and an all inclusive meal plan. That meant
I could eat pizza and hot dogs, my favorite foods,
whenever I wanted.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I mean, as an adult, that sounds pretty fucking sweet too.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Like you just chow down on a piece of pizza
and then jump onto a water slide.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Sounds great. It's like the way it was meant to
be eaten.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
One afternoon at sea, I was standing behind a woman
and her young daughter waiting to order my hot dog
lunch at the pool bar.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
This is the goal of the day.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Yeah, Like, you're going to swim in the pool for
as long as you want, but then at some point
you're going to go over in that line, Like that's
a child's dream.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Eating food in a wet bathing suit is like a
different fucking animal altogether.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
And it sounds like maybe I'm wrong about this, but
there wasn't a lot of enforcing the old you have
to wait half an hour?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Shit right, right? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
The woman and her daughter were also ordering hot dogs.
Clearly they had great taste. As I waited my turn,
I looked up to see my mom waving like a
maniac from her pool chair and pointing to the woman
in front of me and mouthing something I couldn't catch.
I didn't know what she was trying to tell me,
so I shrugged it off. Whatever, Mom, yeah, ignore it.
The next thing I knew, my older brother was walking
(13:00):
towards me, but instead of stopping to talk to me,
he tapped the lady in front of me on the
shoulder and asked for her autograph. The woman smiled and
signed her name on a napkin my brother handed her
after she signed the sweaty napkin that.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
His Virgin Strawberry Dacrea had been sitting on.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Oh my god, these kids are living like king serious fuck.
I gave my brother a confused look and grabbed the napkin,
but the name looked like a bunch of squiggles. After
I got my hot Dog, I asked my mom who
the lady was and why she wanted her squiggly autograph,
and she responded with a name that wasn't familiar to
nine year old me.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Whitney Houston.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Oh my, I was like, it's got to be someone epic,
it's got to be someone epic.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Whitney freaking honest.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Cruise on a Disney cruise, like the most epic Yeah,
basically celebrity you could possibly in my opinion, name drop.
I later connected the dots that she was the fairy
godmother in the nineteen ninety seven Cinderella movie, so this
earned her major cool points in my book. After our
encounter in the Hote, my family and I saw Whitney,
Bobby Christina, and Bobby Brown several more times around the ship.
(14:06):
As an adult, I can't believe I was in the
same vicinity, let alone the same hot dog line as
this music legend. And this is always my fun fact
in any icebreaker situation. I would never stop telling this, no,
never ever. And yes, my mom still has the autograph
napkin in a scrap book in case you're wonderful. To
(14:27):
this day, I still claim hot dogs is my favorite.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Not only are they.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Absolutely delicious, just such a wild it's such a wild stance.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Yeah. This is her case on why hot dogs are
the best, and here's the reasons.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Not only are they absolutely delicious, but they're also the
reason I kind of met Whitney Houston. Stay sexy and
always keep an eye out for celebrities and hot dog lines.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Eliza, you write a hot dog, Oh god, fourth of July,
probably last year, because we always do it, you know,
like on the beach for Fourth of July.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Oh okay, I just want to make sure we both
have it, you know, a yearly hot dog at least.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Well, and those ones there's a kind that they have
in Hawaii. Oh they're really red, like they're long and
they're like dark red, and they are the best hot
dog in my opinion.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
So good, I'm into it, Okay.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
My last one is called Canadian Dare Program. Hello murder friends.
When I was in high school circa twenty eleven, we
needed mandatory volunteer credits to graduate. In Canada, we don't
really have the DARE program here, but we do have
the Party program Prevent alcohol and risk related trauma in
(15:49):
youth flows off the time party.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Also like, yeah, it's really convoluted, and it's the name.
The acronym actually points you in the wrong direction.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
I would say it.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
The party program was mandatory for health class. Some of
the activities included learning how they pumped your stomach after
alcohol poisoning and how activated charcoal.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Tastes Jesus ooh, that's actually smart to warn teenagers.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Well, I feel like teenagers don't drink like we did
in the eighties and nineties, but they.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Have those jugs now though, those like what Joe, there's
like a jug of punch that they drink and they're
called like blackout juice or something.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Look at how old I am. We're still going strong.
You're telling me.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
We're still getting blackout drunk driving a car simulator with
distorted beer goggles and then it says, yes, actual goggles
that distort your vision as if you were drunk.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Shit.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
This field trip ended with a trip to the Morgue
to see where you might end up if you drink
and drive. My young murdering usself had an absolute blast
at this very somber field trip, So you can only
imagine my excitement when I was asked to volunteer at
the next year's event. My job was to wear hospital
gown and have a makeup artist go to town on
my face and body and make it look like I
(17:05):
was banged up in a car accident.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
I've got to say it looked pretty real.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
All I had to do is lay in a hospital
bed with a warm blanket and take naps at my
leisure while a nurse told a story about Jane, who
was in a horrific car accident with a drunk driver
and ended up in a coma, a cautionary tale to
the young health class. I guess my community theater acting
skills paid off, because one of the students asked, is
she really in a coma? There was silence, and then
(17:31):
I abruptly turned my head and opened my eyes to
stare at the group of students at my bedside. Some
of the students gasped and stepped back, but I did
manage to make someone at the front scream yes. I
don't think I've ever had so much fun volunteering. While
all of my friends were picking up garbage or spending
(17:53):
hours at a childcare center, I got to lay in
a warm bed and scare teenagers. My favorite, stay sexy
and don't drink and drive.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Grace. She her grace.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
I wish I could ask you right now in person,
were you making an acting choice independent of what they
were asking you to do in that bed, because it's
not it's not a haunted house like you're supposed to
be in a coma. Right.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
It sounds like she went off script. It sounds like
just for a general scare.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Yeah, like, just just make sure this whole party feeling
is a negative one and you'll be fine.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Yeah, once they get the big picture, then you can,
you know, kind of go rogue and do your own thing.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Yeah, well fun.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I mean she should have rolled her eyes back in
her head when she did it, Oh my god, and
you know, whispered Beel's abub or something. Okay, no notes,
no notes, all right, here's my last one. It says
drunk dad celebrity encounter.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
I literally just hit send on a dad story when
I thought, shit, I should have included this story too.
Why you ask, because it's a two for one, A
drunk dad and a celebrity encounter. Several years ago, my
dad was on a work trip in DC and he
had a few drinks at the bar after a work event,
he made his way back to his hotel and got
into the elevator, which had kindly been held open for
(19:12):
him by a couple. A brief note about my dad.
He tries his darnedest to be hip and cool, but
he's always just slightly off the mark. So drunkenly swaying
in the elevator after pausing to remember his floor number,
he looks at the couple with ever so slight recognition.
The man, particularly is someone he knows, or at least
someone he thinks he knows. So now this goes as
(19:34):
like a little play. Dad staring in confusion. Are you
an actor? Were you in Troy Man? Politely no, that
was Brad Pitt. Dad, huh, We're you in Gladiator Man,
smiling a little No, that was Russell Crowe. I'm but Dad, interrupting, well,
Gladiator was fucking good and you should try a harder
(19:55):
be in that. Then and then, since this was an
elevator ride, the doors opened to my dad's floor and
he got off without another word, trailed by the very
pleasant laughter of the couple, who got a kick out
of my dad's misplaced celebrity knowledge. My dad immediately texted
me and through some guess whose style Q and A,
we figured out it was Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck.
(20:18):
He had just shamed for not being in the film
Gladiator from two thousand.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Oh my god, it's like one of the most famous
people in the world.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
He's basically mistaking, like arguably the third most famous actor
for the first most famous actor. Essentially right, and in
between those two Paul Giamatti, stay sexy, and just assume
all white male actors who peaked in the early two
thousands were in some Greek Roman movie.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
At some point Grace she heard, Ah, that had everything right,
including drunk Karen. I love it.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
So that was drunk Karen from theater, which is accurate.
M from theater class laying drunk dad, So she's being typecast.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
I love it. Amazing. Hey, write us to your hometowns.
We love them, as you can tell, we made a
whole thing about them.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
I mean, we enjoyed them a lot, and thank you
kindly for sending them to us.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Also, stay sexy and don't get murdered. Good Bye, bye, Elvis.
Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Our producer is Alejandra Kek.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
And this episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
N email your hometowns and fucking her rays to My
Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at my Favorite
Murder and Twitter at my favor Murder.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Goodbye,
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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