December 18, 2025 • 38 mins
The years between 25 and 35 can feel like a tidal wave: career moves, marriage questions, fertility timelines, money pressures, and the constant hum of outside opinions. We invited best-selling author and mentor Stephanie Mae Wilson to help us quiet the noise, listen for God’s voice, and make choices that create a life we actually want to live, long before the ring, the job title, or the baby arrives.
Stephanie shares the moment she stopped living by borrowed deadlines and started trusting God with outcomes, a shift that led her to say yes to adventure, service, and ultimately meeting her husband. We unpack what healthy pursuit really looks like, mutual interest, reliability, and shared effort, while dismantling the myth that a woman must sit on her hands to be “chosen.” If you’re tired of keeping a relationship from hitting the floor, you’ll find language, boundaries, and confidence to move toward certainty and care.
Prayer and presence thread through our talk. Stephanie’s 100-day prayer journal, Every Single Moment, guides women to pray for a future partner without idolizing an imagined person or abandoning their own growth. We explore why one of the most transformative prayers is for a best friend, and how female friendships lower stress, build courage, and make the steep hills of life feel climbable. Stephanie also offers a beautiful parenting picture: don’t cram God into a tidy jewelry box; invite your kids into a wide, living relationship with Him.
If you’ve felt the squeeze of the “everything era,” this conversation brings relief, practical tools, and hope. Tune in to learn how to curate your inputs, invest in real friendship, participate in your love story, and trust God while taking bold, grounded action. If it resonated, share it with a friend, subscribe for more conversations like this, and leave a quick review to help others find the show.
More about Stephanie: https://stephaniemaywilson.com/
Follow Stephanie Here: https://www.instagram.com/smaywilson/
Check Out Stephanie's Podcast: https://stephaniemaywilson.com/girlsnight
Stephanie's Prayer Journal Every Single Moment: https://stephaniemaywilsonshop.com/products/every-single-moment
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Renee Richel (00:07):
Hi, I'm Renee Richel, the founder and
president of 1 True Match.
I'm here to help you find andcultivate the love of your life.
For over a decade, I'vededicated my life to the
importance, purpose, and dynamicof human relationships.
My team and I are disciplinedby faith, love, and integrity to
help our clients find thequality relationships they've
(00:28):
always dreamt of.
Each week, I will be sharingthe tools and tips I've learned
that have rooted my success as amatchmaker with other leaders
around the world.
Hello, loves.
Welcome back.
I am so excited to be here witha very special guest today that
(00:49):
helps women particularlyprepare for what we need with
One True Match to be ready andwhole as a person for true love
and everything that God bringsin their life.
So please welcome Stephanie MayWilson, who is a best-selling
author, podcast, TEDx speaker,and go-to guide for women as
(01:11):
they navigate the murky watersof what she calls the everything
era through her books, courses,and chart-topping podcast,
Girls Night with Stephanie MayWilson.
Stephanie has mentored morethan a million women as they
make decisions and go throughlife's translation transitions
(01:34):
surrounding career, marriage,and motherhood and more.
When she's not writing,speaking, or recording a podcast
episode, you can find Stephanieeating uh tapas in um Spain,
where her and her husband, Carl,and her two twin toddlers just
moved.
Welcome, Stephanie.
Stephanie May Wilson (01:55):
Thank you so much.
I'm so glad to be here.
Renee Richel (01:58):
And we were just chatting before we started this
how much you are loving Spainand teaching your little ones
Spanish right from the gate.
Stephanie May Wilson (02:06):
Yes.
Yes.
It's it's eight o'clock atnight here, which is always
funny because you know, I knowit's the time change is wild for
things like podcast interviews,but basically everything else
is wonderful.
We are loving it.
Renee Richel (02:19):
Okay, and how old are your girls?
Tell me.
Stephanie May Wilson (02:22):
They just turned five like last week.
Renee Richel (02:24):
So which is a fun phase, but I know a very active
phase.
So it's great that you guys candivide and conquer, right?
To do it all.
Stephanie May Wilson (02:32):
Yes, yes, dividing and conquering.
We switched off in the office.
And so my husband's doing uhbedtime duty right now.
He was just on a call and we'remaking it work.
Renee Richel (02:43):
I love it.
Well, I feel like I'm gonnastart off with some great
questions we want to know toshare with our audience that I
hope encourages our audience tonot only tune into you as
another incredible resource,because I feel like between our
men and our women, they'reneeding every resource out there
in today's crazy world of justself-worth and uh guidance as
(03:05):
well as direction and purpose.
Um, so I want to start off andtell me a little bit about the
heartbeat behind your mission tomeet women inside of their
transformative decade between, Iwould say, the ages of 25 and
35.
Stephanie May Wilson (03:23):
Yeah, so um I have been walking with
women for 14 years now, 15 yearsnow.
I mean, my whole life because II am one.
Um, but one of the things, youknow, throughout my work, one of
the things that I noticed firstthrough walking through it and
then through really studying it,was that there is a really
(03:45):
formative time that happens inour lives, specifically as
women, that people don't reallytalk about.
We talk about adolescence, wetalk about, you know, the
college years, we talk about,you know, becoming an adult and
what that looks like.
But there really is kind ofthis transformational period
between about 25 and 35, whereall of a sudden the training
(04:08):
wheels fall off and you're notyou're not in college anymore,
and you're not a young 20necessarily.
Like your actions really haveconsequences and your the things
that you are planting are thethings that will actually grow
up and be the bones, thefoundation, the walls of your
(04:29):
life.
Um, and so many things happenfor us as women in this 25 to 35
phase.
Statistically, that's when alot of us get married.
That's when we lay thefoundation for our careers, when
our earning potential over ourlife is really established.
Um, we all are more aware thanI wish we had to be about our
(04:50):
biological clock, and that isticking loudly during that time.
Um, it's it's this I had afriend call it the cosmic double
booking of these years of ourlives.
And that's oh, I love that.
Yeah.
Why is it that these years whenwe are it is prime time for
this one area, how is it fairthat it's also prime time for
(05:12):
these other areas of our lives?
And we have to figure out whatto do with our lives all within
this period.
Um, and to make mattersinfinitely more complicated,
this decade, these reproductiveyears, these um, I call them
like the shower years, becausethese are the years where like
you're having a housewarmingparty, you're having a baby
(05:34):
shower, you're having a weddingshower, you're having an
engagement shower.
Like it's this is the there'san announcement decade of your
life.
Yes.
Um that's kind of that's whatwe're hoping for.
Um, but to make it infinitelymore complicated, we have a
whole audience watching us andcritiquing us in backseat
driving as we're trying tofigure out what to do with our
(05:56):
lives uh in this season.
And that can be everybody fromyour mom, it could be your um,
you know, siblings and what theydid, it could be your faith
community, it could beInstagram, it could be culture
as a whole, it can be politics.
Like everybody has an opinionabout what a woman specifically
(06:16):
should be doing during thisseason of life.
It's a little bit different formen because they don't have the
biological clock thing as muchas we do.
Um, but it's reallyoverwhelming.
And so my heart for for yearsnow has been to help women turn
down the volume and get um justtune out some of the outside
(06:37):
voices that may think they havethey have um the right to speak
into our lives, but but reallydon't tune out those outside
voices so that we can hearwhat's really true and correct
and best for us.
So we can hear our inner voice,so we can hear the voice of the
(06:58):
Holy Spirit, so we can hearGod's voice and what he's saying
specifically for us.
Uh and it's just really hard tohear those things when we have
so many people telling us, well,this is the exact right way to
do things.
And, you know, by the time Iwas your age, dot-da-da.
And, you know, good womenshould da-da-da.
We just need some help turningdown the volume on those um,
those things so we can figureout where we're going in this
(07:19):
crazy season of our lives.
Renee Richel (07:20):
Which I love that perspective because of course we
work with clients of alldifferent ages, and it's a
generational thing that's patheddown, right?
And the expectations are fromour wiser to our younger, even
down to like we're fascinated bythe 15 to 21 year old market
because now we're gettingyounger and younger clients are
like 25, 27, 30 years old, andthey just don't know their own
(07:44):
who they are really, and that'ssuch a tricky phase in life.
So I love that you're such agood resource to remind them who
God designed them to be andfind that first and foremost and
own that, be proud of it.
So I love that.
So, did you struggle more withyourself or others questioning
what your life should look likeby a certain age in your
(08:05):
personal walk is what thencreated your um testimony to
share with other people?
Stephanie May Wilson (08:11):
You know, I think it was more myself.
I had this moment.
Um, the first wedding Iremember being invited to was my
I had an older cousin, uh, andI got to go to his wedding.
I was, I think I was in highschool.
Um, and it was so fun andromantic.
And I remember just being like,oh, like swept up in the magic
(08:32):
of the weekend.
And um just as I think we all,we all are, but it was my very
first time.
And as I'm watching him swirlaround the dance floor with his
brand new bride, I had thisthought where I said, okay, they
I knew that they were 25.
That's when they were gettingmarried.
They were 25.
And so I said, okay, I'm gonnaget married when I'm 25.
(08:54):
Well, like I'm what, 18,standing on the edge of this
dance floor.
I know nothing.
I don't know any details of myown life or like I don't know
any of the ingredients that aregonna go into this cake.
I just know when this cakeneeds to be done.
And I've decided it based onsomething someone else had built
that has nothing to do with me.
(09:14):
And so those were the kinds ofthings, you know, I'm a I'm a
goal-oriented, um, like focusedhard worker type A oldest
sibling, you know, and like Ilike to have goals.
I like to have a plan.
I like to have a plan.
Um so that was the moment thatI made that plan.
(09:34):
And um, it became this tickingclock.
Like, and I mean it wasn't, itwasn't just that.
It was, it's been all kinds ofthings of, you know, this is how
I think I'm supposed to dothis.
Well, where did I get thatidea?
I honestly, most of the timeI'm not even sure.
I just, I just sort of did.
But just because I don't have asuper specific source,
(09:57):
sometimes we do, sometimes it'sapparent or someone else's
example.
But for me, it's usually justlike kind of a mess of all of
the above.
And even like it doesn't makeit any less weighty.
Renee Richel (10:09):
Sure.
No, I totally understand.
Um, what season of life feltthe shakiest for you?
I would say age or just ingeneral, season?
How did you come to find a firmfooting?
Stephanie May Wilson (10:24):
Um, you know, the the years, there were
a handful of years in betweenwhen I uh met Jesus and became a
Christian and when I met myhusband.
And I think those years inbetween were pretty tricky.
Um it also happened that, youknow, that was kind of the time
(10:45):
when I was becoming an adult.
And so I was sort of steppinginto the age where marriage was
something that could conceivablyhappen in my life without me
being like a true child bride,you know, it was like all these,
all these things kind ofconverged.
Renee Richel (10:59):
Um and how old were you then?
Stephanie May Wilson (11:02):
Uh it was a span of years, but probably I
would say it probably startedwhen I was about 24 and it was
like a handful of years afterthat that I felt this pressure
or this this expectation.
I think that was that was whenit settled in.
It was like I could conceivablymeet someone now and I wouldn't
be 12 and have to wait, youknow, however many years to be a
(11:25):
grown-up in order to getmarried.
Um, but that was the first timethat I remember being like,
okay, uh, this could this couldhappen.
And then this idea that I couldtalk to God about it too.
I was like, okay, hey God,hello, nice to meet you.
It was like the more I got toknow God, the more I the more
fervent my prayers became for,oh, if I can ask you for
(11:49):
something, I know the very firstthing that I'm gonna ask you
for.
And that was that I wanted toto meet my person.
Renee Richel (11:55):
Yeah, which is all the preparation uh seasons.
Stephanie May Wilson (11:59):
Totally, totally.
But I think that, you know,there were a lot of seasons
throughout my life when I wasmore focused than I should have
been on on relationships.
I mean, I would say likebasically my entire life, I was
more focused on on findingrelationships and being in
relationships than I maybeshould have been.
(12:20):
Um, but it was in it was inthat time um when I feel like
God kind of stepped in and andsaid, you need to trust me with
this.
And really, I was I wasbrushing my teeth one day and
this question just popped intomy head.
And it was if I told you thatyou would uh be married to the
(12:43):
best person you can imagine andhappy and blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, in four years.
And it was, I mean, it wasarbitrary in four years.
If I if I just told you that nomatter what, you're gonna be
fine, you're gonna get what youwant, how would you live today?
And that was so jarring to mebecause it was a really specific
(13:04):
way to frame what it looks liketo to actually trust him with
something.
Like if you trusted me, thenwhat then how would you live?
Renee Richel (13:12):
Right.
Stephanie May Wilson (13:13):
And I was like, I mean, well, I would live
big, I would I would travel forone.
What one of the things thathappened right around that time
is I had the opportunity to do apretty extensive uh mission
trip.
Okay and I was really excitedabout it.
And traveling around the worldis absolutely my heartbeat, as
is evidenced by the fact that Ilive in Spain.
(13:34):
Um, but so I I really wanted todo it, but I thought, you know,
these are the years when I'msupposed to be here, kind of
waiting for this relationship tofall in my lap.
And I had I was born and raisedin Colorado, I'd grown, I'd
lived there my whole life.
And so I thought surely myfuture husband lives in
Colorado.
So if I leave, I am likeindefinitely delaying my love
(13:56):
story.
And that moment in the bathroomwas like, you're really not,
you're really not.
If you, if you really believedthat I had this covered, what
would you do?
Like, well, then I would get ona plane yesterday.
And I mean, it just of courseso happens that it's because I
got on that plane that I didmeet my husband.
And so I think that that's beena lot of, you know, in in the
(14:19):
years after I ended up umleading women's ministry and I
started a blog, and I just themost amazing thing happened.
Like people started reading itand sending me emails and asking
me questions and talking, likeallowing me to speak into their
lives, which was so beautiful.
And and what I do today is justa much larger version of what
(14:41):
it's been all along.
But I one of the things thatpeople asked me about the most
was relationships, was love, wassingleness, was that season's
season of waiting.
And as someone who didn't growup in the church, I noticed that
a lot of the advice that peoplewere coming to me with was
(15:02):
really bad, like reallyunhelpful, really confusing,
really uh hyper spiritual.
That like, what does that evenwhat does that even mean?
How does that, what does thatlook like lived out?
And then also like, where inthe Bible is that?
Um, and I I feel like I I cameto this um uh this topic from
(15:25):
kind of an interesting placebecause I I uh you know have
spent so much time in the worldof faith, but I also spent so
much time outside of it.
And so I get to sort of marrythese these perspectives.
And um, there there really aresome things that I saw
repeatedly saw people doing andadvice that they were given that
(15:47):
just was so unhelpful.
And it was keeping them stuckand keeping them feeling
forgotten and keeping themfeeling like um, keeping them
from doing the things that wouldactually help them move forward
into being the kind of personthey want to be, and then also
into a place where they couldconceivably meet someone they
would want to spend their liveswith.
Um, and so that really it was,you know, my own experience, but
(16:08):
then also being like, wait, youguys have been told what all
these years?
This is crazy.
Like, okay, whoever let youryour youth pastor give you
relationship advice, okay, we wehave some undoing to do.
Um, and so that's right, that'sreally the work that I've spent
the last, you know, 10 yearsdoing.
Renee Richel (16:28):
Well, in all fairness to pastors, like they
tell us that we talk to all daylong.
They went to school to be inseminary and preach the word of
the Lord.
And the entire Bible is notabout romantic relationships and
marriage.
There's a small chunk of it inthere.
Stephanie May Wilson (16:43):
Yeah.
Well, and a lot of, you know, Ithink a lot of um, you know, I
mean, this is this is paintingwith a broad brush, but a lot of
the pastors in in my life gotmarried really young.
Renee Richel (16:54):
And so they did Well, and talk about
expectations.
That's kind of theirexpectation that you're married,
right?
Stephanie May Wilson (17:00):
Truly, yeah.
So they so I think a lot oftimes churches don't know what
to do with single people, and sothey don't treat them the way
that they should be treated,which is as valuable and um
equal members of the growth ofthe church.
Renee Richel (17:16):
Families come in and they grow the church, right?
Stephanie May Wilson (17:20):
Well, and single people have so much value
to offer, just like anybodydoes.
Oh, I know.
So yeah, I think I, you know,it's it's not their fault
necessarily that some of theadvice is bad, but it's a lot
just a lot of them haven'twalked, haven't walked the road.
If you haven't dated, you don'tknow how to give dating advice.
And you're exactly right.
The Bible isn't exactly adating manual as much as you
(17:42):
need to.
Renee Richel (17:43):
That's true.
That is true.
And I love it that you open upyour horizons, I guess I would
say, to distance with where yourfuture husband was.
Because I think that's the onething that people get stuck on.
They assume, well, I live here,I'm gonna stay in this area.
And I'm like, if the doordoesn't open, try something new
because God will make surewherever you are in this world,
(18:04):
He will cross paths at theperfect timing for the two of
you, and he can put you in awhole new area you would have
never imagined or thought of,right?
So I love that.
So, what catalyzed you intopreparing resources and putting
yourself out there to such alarge, large audience that you
have now?
Stephanie May Wilson (18:24):
Um, you know, I think I have always said
that if I can help one person,that that's that's enough.
And so I love that.
That's really I really what Ithink about the most is just
who's the one person that'sreading this?
Who's the one friend that Ihaven't met yet that is going
(18:47):
through something right now thatjust really needs to hear what
I needed to hear, you know, indifferent seasons of life.
My favorite, my favorite umquote, and honestly, I I don't
know who first said it, but it'sbecome like my mission in life,
uh, is be who you needed whenyou were younger.
And that's a hundred percentwhat what I try to do.
(19:12):
It's I know how lonely I felt,I know how forgotten I felt, I
know how like desperate I feltin a lot of seasons.
Um, I know how much I missedbecause I was so focused on
who's my person, where's myperson, how do I find them as
fast as possible.
I know what I really could havemissed if I didn't, you know,
(19:34):
start living when I did.
Um, and you know, I mean, thatextends into all these other
seasons of life, into, you know,dating and getting engaged and
getting married and, you know,talking about having kids and
all these different things.
Like there are so many thingsthat I just really needed to
hear or or really wish I couldhave had someone walk me
(19:55):
through.
And so I if I'm if I'm going towalk through something and
learn something.
I'm gonna gather it up, put itin a bag, and turn it around and
hand it to the person behind mebecause life is just so much
better when we don't do it byourselves.
And I hate that I love thathaving to do it by themselves.
Renee Richel (20:12):
Sure.
And I couldn't agree more.
I think that's so importantthat we pass along our pearls of
wisdom to the ones that need itmost too.
So now that you're married andyou've made it through the
waiting phase and you're also amother of two little toddlers.
It's funny how in the momentswhen we feel lonely and we have
(20:32):
all the time in the world andwe're like, why?
Now there's not enough time foryou anymore, probably, right?
And you try to just find alittle bit of lone time.
And so I always say, don't wishfor what you don't have,
because when you do have it,then you sometimes want a little
of what we had before, right?
Too.
Um, but what would you whatwould you say is like how God is
(20:54):
showing up now in your life,being married and as a mom?
Stephanie May Wilson (20:58):
Gosh, in all kinds of ways.
I feel like the last handful ofyears have been learning that
God is just so big.
He's just is just so big.
And any box that we can try toshove him in is just absolutely
laughably small.
Um I think I've been learningan open heart.
(21:25):
I've been learning um to havean open mind.
I've been learning how to lovehis people, um, and how to share
the love that he's shared withme, with with my kids in a way
that is really an invitationinto a relationship and um and
(21:47):
not like a small, a small box.
Uh my girls for their birthday,they each wanted a jewelry box.
And so I got them a jewelrybox, and the kinds of things
they've put in it since theyreceived it are just wild that
one of them is full of a lot ofballoons at the moment, like
unblown up balloons.
But like I I have been learninghow to share what I know about
(22:10):
God with them without trying tofit him into the jewelry box and
without going like, hey, thisis this is everything you need
to know.
This is exactly how you do it,this is exactly who God is.
Um, these are all the rules,these are all the yeses and all
the no's.
It's just, I feel like God hasshown me over and over again
(22:31):
that He's so much bigger thanthat.
Um, and so trying to open up arelationship to my kids without
trying to hand them this littlejewelry box that I've tried to
shove God into neatly has beenone of the things that that
we've been working on.
Renee Richel (22:48):
That's awesome.
I love your analogies.
It just helps us visualize whatyou're talking about too.
Um, okay, so what is the mostasked question your followers
and readers toss your wayregularly?
Stephanie May Wilson (23:01):
One of the most common misconceptions I
hear is has to do with beingpursued.
And I don't know if this is Ihope that this is changed.
I hope that this is changing.
Um when uh I first heard ofthis idea of pursuit and
(23:22):
relationship, uh, it was likethe very it was very specific,
um, very rule oriented and umand pretty old-fashioned, that
like women are basically justsupposed to exist and the man is
supposed to somehow find youand you do nothing, you just
exist and look pretty and bepure, and then he will find you
(23:47):
and butt you on a horse andcarry you off into the sunset,
something like that.
And so, as women who are usedto being active participants in
the rest of our life, we'relike, what is this supposed to,
what does it look like to bepursued?
And now I I love the idea ofpursuit because um I, you know,
some of the the almost um, as Icall them in my life, the you
(24:11):
know, relationships that Ireally wanted to work out but
didn't for a million differentreasons.
But in a couple of them, it wasuh for various reasons, I was
more into the relationship thanthey were.
Um, I was more sure, I was moreconfident, I was more uh
committed, I was um more active.
(24:33):
So, you know, there were therewere just kind of a variety of
different circumstances.
And it felt like if I wasn'tholding up the relationship, if
I wasn't so sure that that wewere a good fit for each other,
that like I would, if I droppedit, it would hit the ground
because he wasn't totallyholding it as as much as I was.
If I didn't make sure to putmyself out there, like he
(24:56):
probably wouldn't call me orsomething like that.
Um and that's a terrible way tolive.
And that's a terrible way to bein relationship.
And if that's the kind ofrelationship, like I wish I
could go back to myself in allof those moments and be like,
run, run.
If someone can't call you whenthey say they're gonna call you,
like you do not want this to bethe father of your child.
Renee Richel (25:17):
Right.
Stephanie May Wilson (25:18):
If someone cannot, like if someone isn't
sure that they want to be withyou, I had someone tell me one
time that they were 95% sureabout me, but not the full 100.
And I'm like, if you're not100% sure you want to date me,
I'm gonna go find somebody whois.
Renee Richel (25:34):
Yes, like my father has always said, find the
one that's chasing you.
Don't be the one chasing them.
Well, truly.
And you have to chase eachother back, but in the
beginning, right?
It's like it's important.
Like, who's chasing who in thebeginning?
Is it both of you or is it justwhat?
Stephanie May Wilson (25:51):
Right.
And I think it's I think thatthe exactly that, I think it
gets confusing when you're like,am I allowed to do any chasing,
or do I just sit here?
Or if I call him, is thatchasing?
And I think, like, no, it'sit's not.
You get to be a participant inyour love story.
(26:11):
You get to use a phone becauseyou know how to use a phone.
You get to put yourself inpositions to meet other humans
so you can maybe meet a humanyou'd like to spend your life
with.
I think the the idea of likeletting yourself be pursued has
gotten taken way too far and hassort of cut women off at the
knees.
And like we we're notparticipating because we because
(26:33):
we don't think we're supposedto.
Right.
No, you get to you get toparticipate, you get to show up
and and do your part.
Um, you don't have to just sitthere and and do absolutely
nothing.
Right.
So that's what does pursuitmean?
And what am I sort of allowedto do is one of the questions
that I get a lot.
Renee Richel (26:50):
Yeah, I love that.
And which is a huge question onI feel like so many people's
minds trying to find true love.
Um, where did the idea ofwriting every single moment come
from?
Stephanie May Wilson (27:03):
Uh, one of the questions I so every single
moment is a 100-day prayerjournal.
And it came from how manypeople I had had ask me about
how to pray for their futurehusband.
Again, I talk to, you know, mymy career is mostly women.
Um, but yeah, that's becausethat's another piece of advice
that people have gotten foreveris well, you should pray for
(27:24):
your future husband.
And I think that sometimes,just like everything else,
without some explanation orwithout some thoughtfulness, I
guess, behind it, um, thatbehind that advice, um, we can
take that to sort of a weirddegree.
Uh, and I I feel like I didthat in some seasons.
(27:47):
I was praying for for someonethat I was interested in.
And um the connection I wascreating between me and this
person was like far beyond whatbut what the relationship um
dictated or deserved, or farmore than he was putting into
the relationship.
Um, I also think there are alot of people who have really
(28:10):
faithfully written letters totheir future husband, like for
years and years and years.
And now every person isdifferent.
Every person's appreciation forum gestures like that is is
different, but like that's notgoing to be everybody's love
language.
And so I think I would havebeen pretty heartbroken if I had
(28:31):
spent like 15 years writing 15years of letters to my future
husband and have him like notsuper stoked to read all of the
thoughts of a 13-year-old girlwriting dead.
Like, I mean, I I can I can Ican write in a journal.
And so if I would have donethat, I would have handed my
husband like stacks and stacksand stacks, and I just don't
know that he would have gottenthrough it, which I think would
(28:52):
have really hurt my feelings.
So I think that in while it's awonderful prayer is incredibly
powerful and praying for yourfuture and praying for the
person you're gonna spend yourlife with, yes, absolutely.
But I think that sometimes wecan start idolizing the person.
Um, we can start praying tothem instead of praying for
(29:13):
them.
We can start sort of checkingout of being present in our
lives because in this act ofjournaling and praying, we're so
focused on the future.
Um, and then sometimes we canlike, you know, I think maybe
set our person up for failure ifwe're like, truly, I've written
like four boxes full of lettersto you, and they're like, we
(29:34):
watch them like not read them,all of them uh in their
entirety, which I think is alsovery fair on their part.
Um, and so in response to thisadvice to pray for your future
person, I sat down and was like,okay, but what does that mean?
What does it mean to ask God tobe part of our love lives?
What does it mean to preparethrough prayer?
(29:55):
Um, what does it mean to prayfor our future person?
And so that's what this prayerjournal is.
It's a combination of prayingthrough the various parts of
your life and the things thatyou really need to do as an
individual to be ready for thekind of relationship that you
want to have.
Um, and then also praying forthat person and the journey that
they're on, but making surethat you're not forsaking your
(30:17):
journey because you're sofocused on praying for theirs.
Renee Richel (30:20):
I love that.
We do a prayer exercise andasking our clients to also pray
for their future mate.
And if they feel the will towrite a love letter to their
future, send it to us, we'llkeep it in the file.
And when we know it's the one,that'll be the day you release
it to that person.
So I love that you're alreadypreparing so many women to do
(30:41):
that because I'm like, those arethe moments that when you know
it's almost like youraccountability.
If you go back and you'redating somebody and you read
your love letter and they don'tmatch, not entirely, but a good
chunk of the morals, values,belief, and foundation of what
you're looking for, then moveon, right?
Instead, like you said, weidolize those relationships and
we forget and we're thinkingwe're so in it because we're on
(31:03):
lust, but we forget we have ourjournal, we have our toolbox
that literally is spelling itout in front of us.
We just need to read it, right?
Go back and read it.
Stephanie May Wilson (31:14):
Yeah, yeah.
I love, I love the idea ofdoing that.
And I mean, I think there'sthere's a significant difference
between a letter and the boxesof letters that I think some of
us were given advice to.
Renee Richel (31:26):
Right, right.
I love that.
Okay, why do you value femalefriendships so deeply?
Stephanie May Wilson (31:33):
I absolutely am the person that I
am because the women in my life,I just they are, I think that
we sometimes treat there'sthere's a quote um by one of my
favorite authors, ShaunaNequist, and she talks about
friendships like breakfast.
Um she says, you know,sometimes you skip breakfast,
(31:55):
but then you know, halfwaythrough the day you're cranky
and you're miserable, and umlike you realize, okay, this
wasn't something to skip over.
This was something that wasactually really essential.
And she says that, you know,female friendships are the same
way.
And I would so agree with that.
They're really easy to put onthe back burner, but they are
the thing that keeps us ontrack, the thing that keeps us
(32:19):
going, the thing that makes usthe that makes the journey fun.
They're the people that pick usup and take care of us.
And and, you know, in a lot ofways, our female friendships can
and and do statisticallyoutlast our our romantic
relationships.
Um my my best friend and I hadbeen best friends for gosh, 15
(32:46):
years when I met my husband.
And like, say he will nevercatch up.
He will never catch up toknowing me as long as she does.
Having people in your life whotruly know you and love you, it
just makes everything better.
It makes life so much more fun.
Renee Richel (33:01):
It makes life so much more.
Sure, through motherhood andall the things you can't talk to
the guys about or your husband,right?
Too helps.
Stephanie May Wilson (33:08):
My my husband's pretty, we're pretty,
he's he's right there with me ineverything.
But it is so nice to know, youknow, you're not alone in the
things that you're feeling orgoing through.
It's, you know, I learned somuch from my friends.
It's that's why I started mypodcast, Girls Night, is because
I was sitting at tables withwomen who were so wise, like so
profoundly wise.
(33:29):
I was learning so much aboutmyself and about God.
And in so many, over so manydinners, I was like, God is
speaking to me through thisfriend.
Like, this is this is I'mhaving just major revelations
and epiphanies, and you know, mywhole life is changing at this
dinner, listening to my friendtalk.
Um, and I knew that not everywoman has that in all seasons.
(33:55):
Uh, and so that's why I startedthe podcast.
I was like, we need to startrecording these conversations so
that more women can have accessto the wisdom of other women.
Yeah.
So that's what girls' night'sall about.
But yeah, my friendships arejust absolutely my lifeblood in
awesome.
Renee Richel (34:13):
I love that.
So, what's the mosttransformative prayer you
believe young women should bepraying?
Stephanie May Wilson (34:20):
There are obviously a ton of answers to
this question, but because wewere just talking about
friendship, um, I think one ofthe very best things that we can
pray for is a best friend.
Renee Richel (34:33):
That's awesome.
I love that.
It's true.
Whether it's a romantic bestfriend or it's a best friend of
a friend in the season, thatthat's awesome.
Stephanie May Wilson (34:41):
Well, and I think, you know, it's because
your friendships do they aresuch an undercurrent to so many
different life seasons.
Having uh having support andcompanionship and wisdom to help
you through all the differentthings that your life that
you're going to go through inyour life, when you have someone
(35:03):
to hold your hand through allof it, um, no matter what
happens, no matter how a firstdate goes, no matter, you know,
whether pregnancy test ispositive or negative, obviously
your partner is going to bethere too.
But um just having a bestfriend through it all, like we
are, there are there are amazingstudies that have that have
been done about how profoundlyfriendship impacts our health.
(35:27):
Um, and the like our cortisoland um just all the different
stress hormones that are ragingin our bodies at different
times.
There's a study where umsomeone was put at the bottom of
a hill and asked to rank howdifficult the hill looked when
they were standing by themselvesand they ranked it like this
looks pretty steep and prettydifficult to climb.
Um, and then when they had afriend standing next to them,
(35:48):
they ranked it as looking easierand more doable.
Like truly, we life is easierand more doable when we have a
friend to go through it with.
And so I think that'sabsolutely true of our love
lives.
Uh, and so having like a trueum someone who really loves you
and really knows you and isreally in your corner through
all of the ups and downs ofdating and relationships and
(36:10):
everything else they're gonnabring, I think that that's a
really transformative prayer topray.
Renee Richel (36:14):
That's awesome.
And I, you know, to build God'skingdom, it takes a village.
So you have to have your youryour crew, as you call it, or
tribes around you.
Um, what faith-based figure hasencouraged you the most in in
what ways?
Stephanie May Wilson (36:29):
Gosh, so many.
I mean, you just there, um, Ihave a best friend named Kelsey
who is uh now actually mybusiness partner.
She and I teach a course calledBecoming Mama Together.
Um, but she is she's a littlebit ahead of me in life, not
(36:50):
very, not very far, but just alittle bit ahead of me in life.
And I have gotten to follow inher footsteps in so many amazing
ways.
Um, she's just incredibly wise.
Um, and then a handful of yearsago, she went back to school
and got her master's uh tobecome a therapist.
And so I get to just absolutelyglean so much wisdom off of
(37:13):
this best friend of mine.
Um and so I it's really it'sbeen really special to teach
this course with her and to haveher sort of in a more public
mentorship role, in addition toseeing her clients, because she
really is so wise.
And so Kelsey Bennett, ifanyone needs a therapist in
Colorado, she is your girl.
Renee Richel (37:33):
I love it.
We do have, we do have aColorado audience of followers.
So I am just so blessed andexcited that you have been able
to like join our audience andshare your pearls of wisdom.
So anybody out there listeningand wants to check out all of
the books and courses and thingsthat Stephanie May Wilson
(37:55):
offers, please check in our shownotes, obviously.
They'll have more details abouther and listen to her podcast
to help you through the seasonin waiting or share this with
any of your girlfriends orfriends because she is
definitely a light to so manywomen, and you can just see all
that God has planned in herheart and spirit to continue to
(38:17):
pour out to so many people shewalks.
So thank you for joining ustoday and sharing all that you
have inside and all the lovethat you share throughout your
walk.
Stephanie May Wilson (38:28):
Awesome.
Thank you so much for havingme, Renee.
I really appreciate it.
Renee Richel (38:36):
It's been another great talk on this episode of 1
True Talks by Renee Richel.
I look forward to our nextchat.
Please write in your questionsand comments so I can be sure to
talk about whatever it is youwant to discuss in our next
upcoming episode.
Lots of Love.
God Bless.
XOXO.
Hi, I'm Renee Richel, the founder and
president of 1 True Match.
I'm here to help you find andcultivate the love of your life.
For over a decade, I'vededicated my life to the
importance, purpose, and dynamicof human relationships.
My team and I are disciplinedby faith, love, and integrity to
help our clients find thequality relationships they've
(00:28):
always dreamt of.
Each week, I will be sharingthe tools and tips I've learned
that have rooted my success as amatchmaker with other leaders
around the world.
Hello, loves.
Welcome back.
I am so excited to be here witha very special guest today that
(00:49):
helps women particularlyprepare for what we need with
One True Match to be ready andwhole as a person for true love
and everything that God bringsin their life.
So please welcome Stephanie MayWilson, who is a best-selling
author, podcast, TEDx speaker,and go-to guide for women as
(01:11):
they navigate the murky watersof what she calls the everything
era through her books, courses,and chart-topping podcast,
Girls Night with Stephanie MayWilson.
Stephanie has mentored morethan a million women as they
make decisions and go throughlife's translation transitions
(01:34):
surrounding career, marriage,and motherhood and more.
When she's not writing,speaking, or recording a podcast
episode, you can find Stephanieeating uh tapas in um Spain,
where her and her husband, Carl,and her two twin toddlers just
moved.
Welcome, Stephanie.
Stephanie May Wilson (01:55):
Thank you so much.
I'm so glad to be here.
Renee Richel (01:58):
And we were just chatting before we started this
how much you are loving Spainand teaching your little ones
Spanish right from the gate.
Stephanie May Wilson (02:06):
Yes.
Yes.
It's it's eight o'clock atnight here, which is always
funny because you know, I knowit's the time change is wild for
things like podcast interviews,but basically everything else
is wonderful.
We are loving it.
Renee Richel (02:19):
Okay, and how old are your girls?
Tell me.
Stephanie May Wilson (02:22):
They just turned five like last week.
Renee Richel (02:24):
So which is a fun phase, but I know a very active
phase.
So it's great that you guys candivide and conquer, right?
To do it all.
Stephanie May Wilson (02:32):
Yes, yes, dividing and conquering.
We switched off in the office.
And so my husband's doing uhbedtime duty right now.
He was just on a call and we'remaking it work.
Renee Richel (02:43):
I love it.
Well, I feel like I'm gonnastart off with some great
questions we want to know toshare with our audience that I
hope encourages our audience tonot only tune into you as
another incredible resource,because I feel like between our
men and our women, they'reneeding every resource out there
in today's crazy world of justself-worth and uh guidance as
(03:05):
well as direction and purpose.
Um, so I want to start off andtell me a little bit about the
heartbeat behind your mission tomeet women inside of their
transformative decade between, Iwould say, the ages of 25 and
35.
Stephanie May Wilson (03:23):
Yeah, so um I have been walking with
women for 14 years now, 15 yearsnow.
I mean, my whole life because II am one.
Um, but one of the things, youknow, throughout my work, one of
the things that I noticed firstthrough walking through it and
then through really studying it,was that there is a really
(03:45):
formative time that happens inour lives, specifically as
women, that people don't reallytalk about.
We talk about adolescence, wetalk about, you know, the
college years, we talk about,you know, becoming an adult and
what that looks like.
But there really is kind ofthis transformational period
between about 25 and 35, whereall of a sudden the training
(04:08):
wheels fall off and you're notyou're not in college anymore,
and you're not a young 20necessarily.
Like your actions really haveconsequences and your the things
that you are planting are thethings that will actually grow
up and be the bones, thefoundation, the walls of your
(04:29):
life.
Um, and so many things happenfor us as women in this 25 to 35
phase.
Statistically, that's when alot of us get married.
That's when we lay thefoundation for our careers, when
our earning potential over ourlife is really established.
Um, we all are more aware thanI wish we had to be about our
(04:50):
biological clock, and that isticking loudly during that time.
Um, it's it's this I had afriend call it the cosmic double
booking of these years of ourlives.
And that's oh, I love that.
Yeah.
Why is it that these years whenwe are it is prime time for
this one area, how is it fairthat it's also prime time for
(05:12):
these other areas of our lives?
And we have to figure out whatto do with our lives all within
this period.
Um, and to make mattersinfinitely more complicated,
this decade, these reproductiveyears, these um, I call them
like the shower years, becausethese are the years where like
you're having a housewarmingparty, you're having a baby
(05:34):
shower, you're having a weddingshower, you're having an
engagement shower.
Like it's this is the there'san announcement decade of your
life.
Yes.
Um that's kind of that's whatwe're hoping for.
Um, but to make it infinitelymore complicated, we have a
whole audience watching us andcritiquing us in backseat
driving as we're trying tofigure out what to do with our
(05:56):
lives uh in this season.
And that can be everybody fromyour mom, it could be your um,
you know, siblings and what theydid, it could be your faith
community, it could beInstagram, it could be culture
as a whole, it can be politics.
Like everybody has an opinionabout what a woman specifically
(06:16):
should be doing during thisseason of life.
It's a little bit different formen because they don't have the
biological clock thing as muchas we do.
Um, but it's reallyoverwhelming.
And so my heart for for yearsnow has been to help women turn
down the volume and get um justtune out some of the outside
(06:37):
voices that may think they havethey have um the right to speak
into our lives, but but reallydon't tune out those outside
voices so that we can hearwhat's really true and correct
and best for us.
So we can hear our inner voice,so we can hear the voice of the
(06:58):
Holy Spirit, so we can hearGod's voice and what he's saying
specifically for us.
Uh and it's just really hard tohear those things when we have
so many people telling us, well,this is the exact right way to
do things.
And, you know, by the time Iwas your age, dot-da-da.
And, you know, good womenshould da-da-da.
We just need some help turningdown the volume on those um,
those things so we can figureout where we're going in this
(07:19):
crazy season of our lives.
Renee Richel (07:20):
Which I love that perspective because of course we
work with clients of alldifferent ages, and it's a
generational thing that's patheddown, right?
And the expectations are fromour wiser to our younger, even
down to like we're fascinated bythe 15 to 21 year old market
because now we're gettingyounger and younger clients are
like 25, 27, 30 years old, andthey just don't know their own
(07:44):
who they are really, and that'ssuch a tricky phase in life.
So I love that you're such agood resource to remind them who
God designed them to be andfind that first and foremost and
own that, be proud of it.
So I love that.
So, did you struggle more withyourself or others questioning
what your life should look likeby a certain age in your
(08:05):
personal walk is what thencreated your um testimony to
share with other people?
Stephanie May Wilson (08:11):
You know, I think it was more myself.
I had this moment.
Um, the first wedding Iremember being invited to was my
I had an older cousin, uh, andI got to go to his wedding.
I was, I think I was in highschool.
Um, and it was so fun andromantic.
And I remember just being like,oh, like swept up in the magic
(08:32):
of the weekend.
And um just as I think we all,we all are, but it was my very
first time.
And as I'm watching him swirlaround the dance floor with his
brand new bride, I had thisthought where I said, okay, they
I knew that they were 25.
That's when they were gettingmarried.
They were 25.
And so I said, okay, I'm gonnaget married when I'm 25.
(08:54):
Well, like I'm what, 18,standing on the edge of this
dance floor.
I know nothing.
I don't know any details of myown life or like I don't know
any of the ingredients that aregonna go into this cake.
I just know when this cakeneeds to be done.
And I've decided it based onsomething someone else had built
that has nothing to do with me.
(09:14):
And so those were the kinds ofthings, you know, I'm a I'm a
goal-oriented, um, like focusedhard worker type A oldest
sibling, you know, and like Ilike to have goals.
I like to have a plan.
I like to have a plan.
Um so that was the moment thatI made that plan.
(09:34):
And um, it became this tickingclock.
Like, and I mean it wasn't, itwasn't just that.
It was, it's been all kinds ofthings of, you know, this is how
I think I'm supposed to dothis.
Well, where did I get thatidea?
I honestly, most of the timeI'm not even sure.
I just, I just sort of did.
But just because I don't have asuper specific source,
(09:57):
sometimes we do, sometimes it'sapparent or someone else's
example.
But for me, it's usually justlike kind of a mess of all of
the above.
And even like it doesn't makeit any less weighty.
Renee Richel (10:09):
Sure.
No, I totally understand.
Um, what season of life feltthe shakiest for you?
I would say age or just ingeneral, season?
How did you come to find a firmfooting?
Stephanie May Wilson (10:24):
Um, you know, the the years, there were
a handful of years in betweenwhen I uh met Jesus and became a
Christian and when I met myhusband.
And I think those years inbetween were pretty tricky.
Um it also happened that, youknow, that was kind of the time
(10:45):
when I was becoming an adult.
And so I was sort of steppinginto the age where marriage was
something that could conceivablyhappen in my life without me
being like a true child bride,you know, it was like all these,
all these things kind ofconverged.
Renee Richel (10:59):
Um and how old were you then?
Stephanie May Wilson (11:02):
Uh it was a span of years, but probably I
would say it probably startedwhen I was about 24 and it was
like a handful of years afterthat that I felt this pressure
or this this expectation.
I think that was that was whenit settled in.
It was like I could conceivablymeet someone now and I wouldn't
be 12 and have to wait, youknow, however many years to be a
(11:25):
grown-up in order to getmarried.
Um, but that was the first timethat I remember being like,
okay, uh, this could this couldhappen.
And then this idea that I couldtalk to God about it too.
I was like, okay, hey God,hello, nice to meet you.
It was like the more I got toknow God, the more I the more
fervent my prayers became for,oh, if I can ask you for
(11:49):
something, I know the very firstthing that I'm gonna ask you
for.
And that was that I wanted toto meet my person.
Renee Richel (11:55):
Yeah, which is all the preparation uh seasons.
Stephanie May Wilson (11:59):
Totally, totally.
But I think that, you know,there were a lot of seasons
throughout my life when I wasmore focused than I should have
been on on relationships.
I mean, I would say likebasically my entire life, I was
more focused on on findingrelationships and being in
relationships than I maybeshould have been.
(12:20):
Um, but it was in it was inthat time um when I feel like
God kind of stepped in and andsaid, you need to trust me with
this.
And really, I was I wasbrushing my teeth one day and
this question just popped intomy head.
And it was if I told you thatyou would uh be married to the
(12:43):
best person you can imagine andhappy and blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, in four years.
And it was, I mean, it wasarbitrary in four years.
If I if I just told you that nomatter what, you're gonna be
fine, you're gonna get what youwant, how would you live today?
And that was so jarring to mebecause it was a really specific
(13:04):
way to frame what it looks liketo to actually trust him with
something.
Like if you trusted me, thenwhat then how would you live?
Renee Richel (13:12):
Right.
Stephanie May Wilson (13:13):
And I was like, I mean, well, I would live
big, I would I would travel forone.
What one of the things thathappened right around that time
is I had the opportunity to do apretty extensive uh mission
trip.
Okay and I was really excitedabout it.
And traveling around the worldis absolutely my heartbeat, as
is evidenced by the fact that Ilive in Spain.
(13:34):
Um, but so I I really wanted todo it, but I thought, you know,
these are the years when I'msupposed to be here, kind of
waiting for this relationship tofall in my lap.
And I had I was born and raisedin Colorado, I'd grown, I'd
lived there my whole life.
And so I thought surely myfuture husband lives in
Colorado.
So if I leave, I am likeindefinitely delaying my love
(13:56):
story.
And that moment in the bathroomwas like, you're really not,
you're really not.
If you, if you really believedthat I had this covered, what
would you do?
Like, well, then I would get ona plane yesterday.
And I mean, it just of courseso happens that it's because I
got on that plane that I didmeet my husband.
And so I think that that's beena lot of, you know, in in the
(14:19):
years after I ended up umleading women's ministry and I
started a blog, and I just themost amazing thing happened.
Like people started reading itand sending me emails and asking
me questions and talking, likeallowing me to speak into their
lives, which was so beautiful.
And and what I do today is justa much larger version of what
(14:41):
it's been all along.
But I one of the things thatpeople asked me about the most
was relationships, was love, wassingleness, was that season's
season of waiting.
And as someone who didn't growup in the church, I noticed that
a lot of the advice that peoplewere coming to me with was
(15:02):
really bad, like reallyunhelpful, really confusing,
really uh hyper spiritual.
That like, what does that evenwhat does that even mean?
How does that, what does thatlook like lived out?
And then also like, where inthe Bible is that?
Um, and I I feel like I I cameto this um uh this topic from
(15:25):
kind of an interesting placebecause I I uh you know have
spent so much time in the worldof faith, but I also spent so
much time outside of it.
And so I get to sort of marrythese these perspectives.
And um, there there really aresome things that I saw
repeatedly saw people doing andadvice that they were given that
(15:47):
just was so unhelpful.
And it was keeping them stuckand keeping them feeling
forgotten and keeping themfeeling like um, keeping them
from doing the things that wouldactually help them move forward
into being the kind of personthey want to be, and then also
into a place where they couldconceivably meet someone they
would want to spend their liveswith.
Um, and so that really it was,you know, my own experience, but
(16:08):
then also being like, wait, youguys have been told what all
these years?
This is crazy.
Like, okay, whoever let youryour youth pastor give you
relationship advice, okay, we wehave some undoing to do.
Um, and so that's right, that'sreally the work that I've spent
the last, you know, 10 yearsdoing.
Renee Richel (16:28):
Well, in all fairness to pastors, like they
tell us that we talk to all daylong.
They went to school to be inseminary and preach the word of
the Lord.
And the entire Bible is notabout romantic relationships and
marriage.
There's a small chunk of it inthere.
Stephanie May Wilson (16:43):
Yeah.
Well, and a lot of, you know, Ithink a lot of um, you know, I
mean, this is this is paintingwith a broad brush, but a lot of
the pastors in in my life gotmarried really young.
Renee Richel (16:54):
And so they did Well, and talk about
expectations.
That's kind of theirexpectation that you're married,
right?
Stephanie May Wilson (17:00):
Truly, yeah.
So they so I think a lot oftimes churches don't know what
to do with single people, and sothey don't treat them the way
that they should be treated,which is as valuable and um
equal members of the growth ofthe church.
Renee Richel (17:16):
Families come in and they grow the church, right?
Stephanie May Wilson (17:20):
Well, and single people have so much value
to offer, just like anybodydoes.
Oh, I know.
So yeah, I think I, you know,it's it's not their fault
necessarily that some of theadvice is bad, but it's a lot
just a lot of them haven'twalked, haven't walked the road.
If you haven't dated, you don'tknow how to give dating advice.
And you're exactly right.
The Bible isn't exactly adating manual as much as you
(17:42):
need to.
Renee Richel (17:43):
That's true.
That is true.
And I love it that you open upyour horizons, I guess I would
say, to distance with where yourfuture husband was.
Because I think that's the onething that people get stuck on.
They assume, well, I live here,I'm gonna stay in this area.
And I'm like, if the doordoesn't open, try something new
because God will make surewherever you are in this world,
(18:04):
He will cross paths at theperfect timing for the two of
you, and he can put you in awhole new area you would have
never imagined or thought of,right?
So I love that.
So, what catalyzed you intopreparing resources and putting
yourself out there to such alarge, large audience that you
have now?
Stephanie May Wilson (18:24):
Um, you know, I think I have always said
that if I can help one person,that that's that's enough.
And so I love that.
That's really I really what Ithink about the most is just
who's the one person that'sreading this?
Who's the one friend that Ihaven't met yet that is going
(18:47):
through something right now thatjust really needs to hear what
I needed to hear, you know, indifferent seasons of life.
My favorite, my favorite umquote, and honestly, I I don't
know who first said it, but it'sbecome like my mission in life,
uh, is be who you needed whenyou were younger.
And that's a hundred percentwhat what I try to do.
(19:12):
It's I know how lonely I felt,I know how forgotten I felt, I
know how like desperate I feltin a lot of seasons.
Um, I know how much I missedbecause I was so focused on
who's my person, where's myperson, how do I find them as
fast as possible.
I know what I really could havemissed if I didn't, you know,
(19:34):
start living when I did.
Um, and you know, I mean, thatextends into all these other
seasons of life, into, you know,dating and getting engaged and
getting married and, you know,talking about having kids and
all these different things.
Like there are so many thingsthat I just really needed to
hear or or really wish I couldhave had someone walk me
(19:55):
through.
And so I if I'm if I'm going towalk through something and
learn something.
I'm gonna gather it up, put itin a bag, and turn it around and
hand it to the person behind mebecause life is just so much
better when we don't do it byourselves.
And I hate that I love thathaving to do it by themselves.
Renee Richel (20:12):
Sure.
And I couldn't agree more.
I think that's so importantthat we pass along our pearls of
wisdom to the ones that need itmost too.
So now that you're married andyou've made it through the
waiting phase and you're also amother of two little toddlers.
It's funny how in the momentswhen we feel lonely and we have
(20:32):
all the time in the world andwe're like, why?
Now there's not enough time foryou anymore, probably, right?
And you try to just find alittle bit of lone time.
And so I always say, don't wishfor what you don't have,
because when you do have it,then you sometimes want a little
of what we had before, right?
Too.
Um, but what would you whatwould you say is like how God is
(20:54):
showing up now in your life,being married and as a mom?
Stephanie May Wilson (20:58):
Gosh, in all kinds of ways.
I feel like the last handful ofyears have been learning that
God is just so big.
He's just is just so big.
And any box that we can try toshove him in is just absolutely
laughably small.
Um I think I've been learningan open heart.
(21:25):
I've been learning um to havean open mind.
I've been learning how to lovehis people, um, and how to share
the love that he's shared withme, with with my kids in a way
that is really an invitationinto a relationship and um and
(21:47):
not like a small, a small box.
Uh my girls for their birthday,they each wanted a jewelry box.
And so I got them a jewelrybox, and the kinds of things
they've put in it since theyreceived it are just wild that
one of them is full of a lot ofballoons at the moment, like
unblown up balloons.
But like I I have been learninghow to share what I know about
(22:10):
God with them without trying tofit him into the jewelry box and
without going like, hey, thisis this is everything you need
to know.
This is exactly how you do it,this is exactly who God is.
Um, these are all the rules,these are all the yeses and all
the no's.
It's just, I feel like God hasshown me over and over again
(22:31):
that He's so much bigger thanthat.
Um, and so trying to open up arelationship to my kids without
trying to hand them this littlejewelry box that I've tried to
shove God into neatly has beenone of the things that that
we've been working on.
Renee Richel (22:48):
That's awesome.
I love your analogies.
It just helps us visualize whatyou're talking about too.
Um, okay, so what is the mostasked question your followers
and readers toss your wayregularly?
Stephanie May Wilson (23:01):
One of the most common misconceptions I
hear is has to do with beingpursued.
And I don't know if this is Ihope that this is changed.
I hope that this is changing.
Um when uh I first heard ofthis idea of pursuit and
(23:22):
relationship, uh, it was likethe very it was very specific,
um, very rule oriented and umand pretty old-fashioned, that
like women are basically justsupposed to exist and the man is
supposed to somehow find youand you do nothing, you just
exist and look pretty and bepure, and then he will find you
(23:47):
and butt you on a horse andcarry you off into the sunset,
something like that.
And so, as women who are usedto being active participants in
the rest of our life, we'relike, what is this supposed to,
what does it look like to bepursued?
And now I I love the idea ofpursuit because um I, you know,
some of the the almost um, as Icall them in my life, the you
(24:11):
know, relationships that Ireally wanted to work out but
didn't for a million differentreasons.
But in a couple of them, it wasuh for various reasons, I was
more into the relationship thanthey were.
Um, I was more sure, I was moreconfident, I was more uh
committed, I was um more active.
(24:33):
So, you know, there were therewere just kind of a variety of
different circumstances.
And it felt like if I wasn'tholding up the relationship, if
I wasn't so sure that that wewere a good fit for each other,
that like I would, if I droppedit, it would hit the ground
because he wasn't totallyholding it as as much as I was.
If I didn't make sure to putmyself out there, like he
(24:56):
probably wouldn't call me orsomething like that.
Um and that's a terrible way tolive.
And that's a terrible way to bein relationship.
And if that's the kind ofrelationship, like I wish I
could go back to myself in allof those moments and be like,
run, run.
If someone can't call you whenthey say they're gonna call you,
like you do not want this to bethe father of your child.
Renee Richel (25:17):
Right.
Stephanie May Wilson (25:18):
If someone cannot, like if someone isn't
sure that they want to be withyou, I had someone tell me one
time that they were 95% sureabout me, but not the full 100.
And I'm like, if you're not100% sure you want to date me,
I'm gonna go find somebody whois.
Renee Richel (25:34):
Yes, like my father has always said, find the
one that's chasing you.
Don't be the one chasing them.
Well, truly.
And you have to chase eachother back, but in the
beginning, right?
It's like it's important.
Like, who's chasing who in thebeginning?
Is it both of you or is it justwhat?
Stephanie May Wilson (25:51):
Right.
And I think it's I think thatthe exactly that, I think it
gets confusing when you're like,am I allowed to do any chasing,
or do I just sit here?
Or if I call him, is thatchasing?
And I think, like, no, it'sit's not.
You get to be a participant inyour love story.
(26:11):
You get to use a phone becauseyou know how to use a phone.
You get to put yourself inpositions to meet other humans
so you can maybe meet a humanyou'd like to spend your life
with.
I think the the idea of likeletting yourself be pursued has
gotten taken way too far and hassort of cut women off at the
knees.
And like we we're notparticipating because we because
(26:33):
we don't think we're supposedto.
Right.
No, you get to you get toparticipate, you get to show up
and and do your part.
Um, you don't have to just sitthere and and do absolutely
nothing.
Right.
So that's what does pursuitmean?
And what am I sort of allowedto do is one of the questions
that I get a lot.
Renee Richel (26:50):
Yeah, I love that.
And which is a huge question onI feel like so many people's
minds trying to find true love.
Um, where did the idea ofwriting every single moment come
from?
Stephanie May Wilson (27:03):
Uh, one of the questions I so every single
moment is a 100-day prayerjournal.
And it came from how manypeople I had had ask me about
how to pray for their futurehusband.
Again, I talk to, you know, mymy career is mostly women.
Um, but yeah, that's becausethat's another piece of advice
that people have gotten foreveris well, you should pray for
(27:24):
your future husband.
And I think that sometimes,just like everything else,
without some explanation orwithout some thoughtfulness, I
guess, behind it, um, thatbehind that advice, um, we can
take that to sort of a weirddegree.
Uh, and I I feel like I didthat in some seasons.
(27:47):
I was praying for for someonethat I was interested in.
And um the connection I wascreating between me and this
person was like far beyond whatbut what the relationship um
dictated or deserved, or farmore than he was putting into
the relationship.
Um, I also think there are alot of people who have really
(28:10):
faithfully written letters totheir future husband, like for
years and years and years.
And now every person isdifferent.
Every person's appreciation forum gestures like that is is
different, but like that's notgoing to be everybody's love
language.
And so I think I would havebeen pretty heartbroken if I had
(28:31):
spent like 15 years writing 15years of letters to my future
husband and have him like notsuper stoked to read all of the
thoughts of a 13-year-old girlwriting dead.
Like, I mean, I I can I can Ican write in a journal.
And so if I would have donethat, I would have handed my
husband like stacks and stacksand stacks, and I just don't
know that he would have gottenthrough it, which I think would
(28:52):
have really hurt my feelings.
So I think that in while it's awonderful prayer is incredibly
powerful and praying for yourfuture and praying for the
person you're gonna spend yourlife with, yes, absolutely.
But I think that sometimes wecan start idolizing the person.
Um, we can start praying tothem instead of praying for
(29:13):
them.
We can start sort of checkingout of being present in our
lives because in this act ofjournaling and praying, we're so
focused on the future.
Um, and then sometimes we canlike, you know, I think maybe
set our person up for failure ifwe're like, truly, I've written
like four boxes full of lettersto you, and they're like, we
(29:34):
watch them like not read them,all of them uh in their
entirety, which I think is alsovery fair on their part.
Um, and so in response to thisadvice to pray for your future
person, I sat down and was like,okay, but what does that mean?
What does it mean to ask God tobe part of our love lives?
What does it mean to preparethrough prayer?
(29:55):
Um, what does it mean to prayfor our future person?
And so that's what this prayerjournal is.
It's a combination of prayingthrough the various parts of
your life and the things thatyou really need to do as an
individual to be ready for thekind of relationship that you
want to have.
Um, and then also praying forthat person and the journey that
they're on, but making surethat you're not forsaking your
(30:17):
journey because you're sofocused on praying for theirs.
Renee Richel (30:20):
I love that.
We do a prayer exercise andasking our clients to also pray
for their future mate.
And if they feel the will towrite a love letter to their
future, send it to us, we'llkeep it in the file.
And when we know it's the one,that'll be the day you release
it to that person.
So I love that you're alreadypreparing so many women to do
(30:41):
that because I'm like, those arethe moments that when you know
it's almost like youraccountability.
If you go back and you'redating somebody and you read
your love letter and they don'tmatch, not entirely, but a good
chunk of the morals, values,belief, and foundation of what
you're looking for, then moveon, right?
Instead, like you said, weidolize those relationships and
we forget and we're thinkingwe're so in it because we're on
(31:03):
lust, but we forget we have ourjournal, we have our toolbox
that literally is spelling itout in front of us.
We just need to read it, right?
Go back and read it.
Stephanie May Wilson (31:14):
Yeah, yeah.
I love, I love the idea ofdoing that.
And I mean, I think there'sthere's a significant difference
between a letter and the boxesof letters that I think some of
us were given advice to.
Renee Richel (31:26):
Right, right.
I love that.
Okay, why do you value femalefriendships so deeply?
Stephanie May Wilson (31:33):
I absolutely am the person that I
am because the women in my life,I just they are, I think that
we sometimes treat there'sthere's a quote um by one of my
favorite authors, ShaunaNequist, and she talks about
friendships like breakfast.
Um she says, you know,sometimes you skip breakfast,
(31:55):
but then you know, halfwaythrough the day you're cranky
and you're miserable, and umlike you realize, okay, this
wasn't something to skip over.
This was something that wasactually really essential.
And she says that, you know,female friendships are the same
way.
And I would so agree with that.
They're really easy to put onthe back burner, but they are
the thing that keeps us ontrack, the thing that keeps us
(32:19):
going, the thing that makes usthe that makes the journey fun.
They're the people that pick usup and take care of us.
And and, you know, in a lot ofways, our female friendships can
and and do statisticallyoutlast our our romantic
relationships.
Um my my best friend and I hadbeen best friends for gosh, 15
(32:46):
years when I met my husband.
And like, say he will nevercatch up.
He will never catch up toknowing me as long as she does.
Having people in your life whotruly know you and love you, it
just makes everything better.
It makes life so much more fun.
Renee Richel (33:01):
It makes life so much more.
Sure, through motherhood andall the things you can't talk to
the guys about or your husband,right?
Too helps.
Stephanie May Wilson (33:08):
My my husband's pretty, we're pretty,
he's he's right there with me ineverything.
But it is so nice to know, youknow, you're not alone in the
things that you're feeling orgoing through.
It's, you know, I learned somuch from my friends.
It's that's why I started mypodcast, Girls Night, is because
I was sitting at tables withwomen who were so wise, like so
profoundly wise.
(33:29):
I was learning so much aboutmyself and about God.
And in so many, over so manydinners, I was like, God is
speaking to me through thisfriend.
Like, this is this is I'mhaving just major revelations
and epiphanies, and you know, mywhole life is changing at this
dinner, listening to my friendtalk.
Um, and I knew that not everywoman has that in all seasons.
(33:55):
Uh, and so that's why I startedthe podcast.
I was like, we need to startrecording these conversations so
that more women can have accessto the wisdom of other women.
Yeah.
So that's what girls' night'sall about.
But yeah, my friendships arejust absolutely my lifeblood in
awesome.
Renee Richel (34:13):
I love that.
So, what's the mosttransformative prayer you
believe young women should bepraying?
Stephanie May Wilson (34:20):
There are obviously a ton of answers to
this question, but because wewere just talking about
friendship, um, I think one ofthe very best things that we can
pray for is a best friend.
Renee Richel (34:33):
That's awesome.
I love that.
It's true.
Whether it's a romantic bestfriend or it's a best friend of
a friend in the season, thatthat's awesome.
Stephanie May Wilson (34:41):
Well, and I think, you know, it's because
your friendships do they aresuch an undercurrent to so many
different life seasons.
Having uh having support andcompanionship and wisdom to help
you through all the differentthings that your life that
you're going to go through inyour life, when you have someone
(35:03):
to hold your hand through allof it, um, no matter what
happens, no matter how a firstdate goes, no matter, you know,
whether pregnancy test ispositive or negative, obviously
your partner is going to bethere too.
But um just having a bestfriend through it all, like we
are, there are there are amazingstudies that have that have
been done about how profoundlyfriendship impacts our health.
(35:27):
Um, and the like our cortisoland um just all the different
stress hormones that are ragingin our bodies at different
times.
There's a study where umsomeone was put at the bottom of
a hill and asked to rank howdifficult the hill looked when
they were standing by themselvesand they ranked it like this
looks pretty steep and prettydifficult to climb.
Um, and then when they had afriend standing next to them,
(35:48):
they ranked it as looking easierand more doable.
Like truly, we life is easierand more doable when we have a
friend to go through it with.
And so I think that'sabsolutely true of our love
lives.
Uh, and so having like a trueum someone who really loves you
and really knows you and isreally in your corner through
all of the ups and downs ofdating and relationships and
(36:10):
everything else they're gonnabring, I think that that's a
really transformative prayer topray.
Renee Richel (36:14):
That's awesome.
And I, you know, to build God'skingdom, it takes a village.
So you have to have your youryour crew, as you call it, or
tribes around you.
Um, what faith-based figure hasencouraged you the most in in
what ways?
Stephanie May Wilson (36:29):
Gosh, so many.
I mean, you just there, um, Ihave a best friend named Kelsey
who is uh now actually mybusiness partner.
She and I teach a course calledBecoming Mama Together.
Um, but she is she's a littlebit ahead of me in life, not
(36:50):
very, not very far, but just alittle bit ahead of me in life.
And I have gotten to follow inher footsteps in so many amazing
ways.
Um, she's just incredibly wise.
Um, and then a handful of yearsago, she went back to school
and got her master's uh tobecome a therapist.
And so I get to just absolutelyglean so much wisdom off of
(37:13):
this best friend of mine.
Um and so I it's really it'sbeen really special to teach
this course with her and to haveher sort of in a more public
mentorship role, in addition toseeing her clients, because she
really is so wise.
And so Kelsey Bennett, ifanyone needs a therapist in
Colorado, she is your girl.
Renee Richel (37:33):
I love it.
We do have, we do have aColorado audience of followers.
So I am just so blessed andexcited that you have been able
to like join our audience andshare your pearls of wisdom.
So anybody out there listeningand wants to check out all of
the books and courses and thingsthat Stephanie May Wilson
(37:55):
offers, please check in our shownotes, obviously.
They'll have more details abouther and listen to her podcast
to help you through the seasonin waiting or share this with
any of your girlfriends orfriends because she is
definitely a light to so manywomen, and you can just see all
that God has planned in herheart and spirit to continue to
(38:17):
pour out to so many people shewalks.
So thank you for joining ustoday and sharing all that you
have inside and all the lovethat you share throughout your
walk.
Stephanie May Wilson (38:28):
Awesome.
Thank you so much for havingme, Renee.
I really appreciate it.
Renee Richel (38:36):
It's been another great talk on this episode of 1
True Talks by Renee Richel.
I look forward to our nextchat.
Please write in your questionsand comments so I can be sure to
talk about whatever it is youwant to discuss in our next
upcoming episode.
Lots of Love.
God Bless.
XOXO.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Burden
The Burden is a documentary series that takes listeners into the hidden places where justice is done (and undone). It dives deep into the lives of heroes and villains. And it focuses a spotlight on those who triumph even when the odds are against them. Season 5 - The Burden: Death & Deceit in Alliance On April Fools Day 1999, 26-year-old Yvonne Layne was found murdered in her Alliance, Ohio home. David Thorne, her ex-boyfriend and father of one of her children, was instantly a suspect. Another young man admitted to the murder, and David breathed a sigh of relief, until the confessed murderer fingered David; “He paid me to do it.” David was sentenced to life without parole. Two decades later, Pulitzer winner and podcast host, Maggie Freleng (Bone Valley Season 3: Graves County, Wrongful Conviction, Suave) launched a “live” investigation into David's conviction alongside Jason Baldwin (himself wrongfully convicted as a member of the West Memphis Three). Maggie had come to believe that the entire investigation of David was botched by the tiny local police department, or worse, covered up the real killer. Was Maggie correct? Was David’s claim of innocence credible? In Death and Deceit in Alliance, Maggie recounts the case that launched her career, and ultimately, “broke” her.” The results will shock the listener and reduce Maggie to tears and self-doubt. This is not your typical wrongful conviction story. In fact, it turns the genre on its head. It asks the question: What if our champions are foolish? Season 4 - The Burden: Get the Money and Run “Trying to murder my father, this was the thing that put me on the path.” That’s Joe Loya and that path was bank robbery. Bank, bank, bank, bank, bank. In season 4 of The Burden: Get the Money and Run, we hear from Joe who was once the most prolific bank robber in Southern California, and beyond. He used disguises, body doubles, proxies. He leaped over counters, grabbed the money and ran. Even as the FBI was closing in. It was a showdown between a daring bank robber, and a patient FBI agent. Joe was no ordinary bank robber. He was bright, articulate, charismatic, and driven by a dark rage that he summoned up at will. In seven episodes, Joe tells all: the what, the how… and the why. Including why he tried to murder his father. Season 3 - The Burden: Avenger Miriam Lewin is one of Argentina’s leading journalists today. At 19 years old, she was kidnapped off the streets of Buenos Aires for her political activism and thrown into a concentration camp. Thousands of her fellow inmates were executed, tossed alive from a cargo plane into the ocean. Miriam, along with a handful of others, will survive the camp. Then as a journalist, she will wage a decades long campaign to bring her tormentors to justice. Avenger is about one woman’s triumphant battle against unbelievable odds to survive torture, claim justice for the crimes done against her and others like her, and change the future of her country. Season 2 - The Burden: Empire on Blood Empire on Blood is set in the Bronx, NY, in the early 90s, when two young drug dealers ruled an intersection known as “The Corner on Blood.” The boss, Calvin Buari, lived large. He and a protege swore they would build an empire on blood. Then the relationship frayed and the protege accused Calvin of a double homicide which he claimed he didn’t do. But did he? Award-winning journalist Steve Fishman spent seven years to answer that question. This is the story of one man’s last chance to overturn his life sentence. He may prevail, but someone’s gotta pay. The Burden: Empire on Blood is the director’s cut of the true crime classic which reached #1 on the charts when it was first released half a dozen years ago. Season 1 - The Burden In the 1990s, Detective Louis N. Scarcella was legendary. In a city overrun by violent crime, he cracked the toughest cases and put away the worst criminals. “The Hulk” was his nickname. Then the story changed. Scarcella ran into a group of convicted murderers who all say they are innocent. They turned themselves into jailhouse-lawyers and in prison founded a lway firm. When they realized Scarcella helped put many of them away, they set their sights on taking him down. And with the help of a NY Times reporter they have a chance. For years, Scarcella insisted he did nothing wrong. But that’s all he’d say. Until we tracked Scarcella to a sauna in a Russian bathhouse, where he started to talk..and talk and talk. “The guilty have gone free,” he whispered. And then agreed to take us into the belly of the beast. Welcome to The Burden.