How to Speak Your Spouse's Love Language

Have you ever poured your heart into loving someone, only to discover they still don't feel loved? That jarring disconnect is exactly what sparked this transformative exploration of love languages in marriage. Drawing from a vulnerable personal experience, Renee shares how she finally understood that while she was doing "all the things" to show love, she was missing the mark completely because she was speaking her own love language, not her partner's.

This episode bridges Dr. Gary Chapman's renowned 5 love languages concept with scriptural foundations, revealing how even Jesus demonstrated all five languages throughout his ministry—speaking affirmation, performing acts of service, giving gifts, spending quality time, and using healing touch.

We dive deep into practical strategies for identifying your spouse's primary love language through their expressions of love, complaints, and moments of joy. Whether they crave words of affirmation, acts of service, thoughtful gifts, quality time, or physical touch, you'll discover actionable ways to communicate love in ways that truly matter to them. Most importantly, we address the common challenge of navigating different love languages within a relationship, offering guidance on stepping outside comfort zones to love intentionally and selflessly.

Marriage thrives not when we love perfectly, but when we love purposefully in ways that reach our partner's heart. As you implement these insights, you'll find yourself connecting more deeply and authentically than ever before. Subscribe now and join our conversation next week about healthy conflict resolution in marriage. Share your questions and experiences—we'd love to address them in upcoming episodes!

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Episode Transcript

Renee Richel (00:07):
Hi, I'm Renee Richel, the founder and
president of 1 True Match.
I'm here to help you find andcultivate the love of your life.
For over a decade, I'vededicated my life to the
importance, purpose and dynamicof human relationships.
My team and I are disciplinedby faith, love and integrity to
help our clients find thequality relationship they've

(00:28):
always dreamt of.
Each week, I will be sharingthe tools and tips I've learned
that have rooted my success as amatchmaker with other leaders
around the world.
Hello, loves, welcome back.
I hope you are having anincredible week and this message

(00:48):
is going to empower and inspireyou.
Let's dive right in and talkabout how to speak your spouse's
love language, which is such ahuge topic.
Let me tell you about a time Ithought I was showing love, but
I was completely missing themark.
I was going out of my way to dothings, leaving sweet notes,

(01:10):
running errands, making sureeverything was just right, but
instead of feeling loved andappreciated, my partner still
seemed distant.
I couldn't understand it.
I kept thinking I'm doing allthe things, why doesn't it seem
to matter?
Then, one day, we had an honestconversation and I'll never

(01:35):
forget what he said.
I know you love me, but I justwish you had more time to be
together.
That's when it hit me I wasshowing love the way I wanted to
receive it, not the way heneeded it.
How often do we do this?

(01:56):
We pour love into our marriagesbut we're not speaking our
spouse's love language.
It may not be reaching theirheart the way we think it is.
That's why we're talking aboutthis today how to love your
spouse in a way that trulymatters.

(02:19):
You might have heard of thefive languages from Dr.
Gary Chapman, but did you knowthis concept actually aligns
beautifully with scripture.
Think about how Jesus showedlove.
He didn't just love people oneway, he met them where they were

(02:40):
.
He spoke words of affirmation,served others, spent time with
them, gave gifts and even usedphysical touch to heal.
So let's break it down togetherWords of affirmation, speaking,
encouragement, appreciation andlove.
Proverbs 16:24 is a wonderfulreminder of this.

(03:02):
Generous words are a honeycomb,sweet to the soul and healing
to the bones.
Acts of service, showing lovethrough actions, small thoughts,
gestures that say I wasthinking of you In Galatians
5:13,.

(03:23):
It tells us to serve oneanother humbly in love,
receiving gifts, as James 1:17,.
Every good and perfect gift isfrom above.
Buying someone your favoritesnack or a bouquet of flowers
lets them know you were thinkingof them.

(03:43):
It's not about beingmaterialistic, it's the thought
behind the gift that counts.
Quality time, giving undividedattention to that person allows
them to feel loved, cherishedand taken care of.

Ecclesiastes 4 (03:59):
9 through 10 reminds us two are better than
one.
If either of them falls down,one can help the other up.
Physical touch Expressing lovethrough touch, like hugs, kisses
or simply holding hands.

(04:19):
Mark 10, 16 tells us.
And he took the children in hisarms, placed his hands on them
and blessed them.
It's important to understand.
Each of us naturally leantowards one or two of these, but
our spouse may seek a differentlove language.

(04:41):
The key is a thriving marriage.
Learning to speak theirlanguage.
You may be wondering to yourselfokay, renee, this sounds great,
but how do I figure out myspouse's love language?
Do I figure out my spouse'slove language?
Here are some ways to easilydiscover it.
1.
Look at how they express love.

(05:01):
Do they always give compliments?
They might value words ofaffirmation or do they
consistently do things to help?
They may speak acts of service.
They may speak acts of service.
Two, listen to what theycomplain about.
If they say you never have timefor me, they probably crave

(05:23):
quality time.
Or if they say you never holdmy hand anymore, they may need
more physical touch.
Three pay attention to whatlights them up.
Do they light up when you writethem a little handwritten love

(05:45):
note words of affirmation?
Do they get excited oversurprise gifts, receiving gifts?
And the best way ask them havea real open conversation about
it what makes you feel mostloved by me?
Sometimes the answer willsurprise you.
There is a love language testyou can take individually online

(06:10):
that will also tell each of youwhat your love languages are.
Trust me, this will be a gamechanger in your marriage.
All right, now that we know lovelanguage, let's talk about
action.
How do we actually love ourspouse in a way that fits their

(06:30):
heart?
Here are some practical ways.
For each love language Words ofaffirmation, send a thoughtful
text, leave a note in their caror simply say Honey, thank you
for unloading the dishwasher.
I appreciate you so much.
Proverbs 18:21 tells us thetongue has the power of life and

(06:56):
death.
Acts of service Cook theirfavorite meal, fill up their gas
tank and take something offtheir plate.
Love is shown through action.
1 John 3:18 says Let us notlove with words or speech, but
with actions and, in truth,receiving gifts.

(07:18):
This doesn't mean expensivethings.
It could be a small flower,their favorite snack or a book
they mentioned they wanted.
Luke 6:28 reminds us to giveand it will be given to you
Quality time.
Put down the phone, turn offthe TV and fully be present.
Turn off the TV and fully bepresent.

(07:40):
Plan a date night or just sitand talk over morning coffee.
In Psalms 90:12, it says Teachus to number our days that we
may gain a heart of wisdom,physical touch, a hug before
they leave for work, holdingtheir hands while walking or

(08:02):
even just sitting close on thecouch, snuggled up with one
another.
In Genesis 2:24, a man shallleave his father and mother and
be joined to his wife, and theyshall become one flesh.
The goal is to be intentional,because love isn't just about

(08:24):
feelings, it's about action.
Now, what if you and yourspouse have completely different
love languages?
Maybe you crave words ofaffirmation, but they show love
through acts of service.
Affirmation, but they show lovethrough acts of service.
Here's the truth.
It does take effort, but it'sworth it.
One communicate openly.

(08:46):
Tell each other what makes youfeel loved.
Two be willing to step outsideof your comfort zone.
Even if something doesn't comenaturally to you, do it because

(09:06):
it matters to them and liftstheir spirit, because you would
want them to do the same for you.
Three pray for God to help youlove your spouse well.

In Philippians 2 (09:14):
4, it says let each of you look not only to
his own interests, but also tothe interests of others.
Love isn't just about what wewant.
It's about learning to loveselflessly.

(09:37):
In conclusion, I want tochallenge you this week Be
intentional about speaking yourspouse's love language.
Remember it doesn't have to beanything over the top.
Just one small act can make ahuge difference.
I'd love to close up with prayer.

(09:57):
Father, thank you for thebeautiful gift of marriage.
Teach us to love the way youlove, with patience, kindness
and intentionality.
Help us to see our spousethrough your eyes and to speak
love in a way that draws uscloser.
May our marriage reflect yourlove, grace and goodness In

(10:24):
Jesus' name, amen.
If this episode blessed you,share it with your friends.
It means so much.
And remember love is a choicewe make every day, so let's do
our best this week to choose tolove each other well and with
intention.

(10:44):
Next week we're going to talkabout healthy fights, stronger
marriages, breaking unhealthypatterns and communicating with
love.
I hope you have a fabulous weekand cannot wait for our next
chat next Thursday.
God Bless, it's been anothergreat talk on this episode of 1

(11:09):
True Talks by Renee Richel.
I look forward to our next chat.
Please write in your questionsand comments so I can be sure to
talk about whatever it is youwant to discuss in our next
upcoming episode.
Lots of love, God Bless.
XOXO.