December 4, 2025 • 44 mins
What if waiting wasn’t wasted but the very way God builds you for a love that lasts? Pastor Charles Maris joins us to share how a heartbreaking divorce led to surrender, healing, and a whole new way of dating rooted in prayer, clarity, and kingdom purpose. He walks through the “movie clips” God used to correct his patterns, the fasting and prayer that rebuilt his heart, and the moment contentment made space for a Spirit-led match that turned four months of friendship into a confident yes.
We dig into what Christlike leadership actually looks like in a home: faithfulness you can measure, honesty that doesn’t flinch, and consistency that holds when emotions swing. Pastor Charles unpacks Biblical courtship, two people asking God separately and together if the relationship is ordained and explains how to end a mismatch without cruelty or delay. We get candid about blended families, co-parenting realities, and holiday decision traps that can fracture unity, plus practical steps to protect peace and keep the marriage centered on prayer, purpose, and presence.
If you’re single and tired, you’ll hear why singleness is a gift, not a gap. If you’re dating, you’ll learn how to set non-negotiables, spot spiritual alignment, and avoid idolizing romance. And if you’re married, you’ll find language and tools to reconnect around kingdom vision. We also highlight Pastor Charles’s resources: The Intune Husband, the Kingdom Singledom Workbook, and The True Behavior of a Kingdom Man, guides that help men tune into God and women pray with precision for the partner they desire.
Ready to build love on a stronger foundation? Listen now, share this with a friend who needs hope, and subscribe for more conversations that help you become whole, choose wisely, and grow closer to Christ.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Renee Richel (00:42):
Hello, loves.
Welcome back.
I am so excited to be bringingto you a very special guest to
us that is going to inspire,empower, and uplift, I feel
like, and hopefully teach ourmen how to be real men in this
world.
I am sitting here with authorand pastoral dating mentor who
(01:06):
runs a kingdom-focused marriageministry.
Welcome, Pastor Charles Maris.
We are so excited for you to behere with us today.
Pastor Charles Maris (01:15):
I am absolutely ecstatic to be here
with you today.
So I'm grateful that you haveme on because we do need to
expand God's reign and reach inthe earth through ministering.
Because you know, a lot of menthink that they already know
what to do.
They already got it, becauseyou know, men don't like to ask
for directions when they'relost.
Renee Richel (01:38):
And I always say you guys are really simple.
Sometimes it's us that confusethings too.
So I am I am blessed that youhave come to us through a dear
friend that highly recommendedand said you have need to talk
to you and to have you on ourshow today to talk to all of our
followers as well.
As you've got over 20,000followers on social media
(02:01):
yourself.
So congratulations.
You have a huge following thatis already inspired by you.
So we can't wait for you toalso do the same with our
audience and combine ouraudiences together as you work
with them.
Pastor Charles Maris (02:14):
That sounds good.
Sounds good.
Renee Richel (02:16):
So you have a wealth of experience.
So let's dive in.
I'm just gonna start off byasking you questions, obviously,
so that we know a little bitmore about you.
And I can't wait to hear justyour guidance that you give.
When did you invite Christ tobe the king of your life?
Pastor Charles Maris (02:32):
Well, I'll probably have to say uh when I
really did it, like uh like Imentioned before, I was uh I was
a little boy that was on thefront row every time the church
doors were open.
Uh I may not understood whatthe man was saying or what was
really going on, but I wasthere.
Um again, I was the 14,15-year-old uh teenager in the
(02:56):
mirror, holding revival, holdingdeliverance service, healing
service.
So I always knew that that wassomething that I wanted to do.
But what really brought mecloser to Christ was um when I
was probably 30, 33, and I hadexperienced the divorce.
(03:17):
And that's what really made mefall to my knees and really
surrender completely.
Renee Richel (03:26):
It was such a hard time when you wake up and
realize that it maybe it wasn'tthe Lord's direction, and so I
know how difficult that can be.
Um, but I also know thatobviously God had a plan and has
led you to the right one now,right?
Pastor Charles Mari (03:44):
Definitely.
And see, I was the rebelliousson when God told me no to this
woman.
I said, I asked him to just bea part of it anyway, because
this is what I wanted.
And he kept me through it, butit taught me some very valuable
lessons, and I want to make surethat I am committed enough to
(04:08):
make sure that other men don'tgo through the same things that
I went through.
When God tells you no, it'snope, it's no.
Renee Richel (04:18):
There's no negotiating with God there as
much as we think we can, right?
There's not.
Pastor Charles Mari (04:23):
Absolutely.
Renee Richel (04:24):
And so, how many years have you been married now?
Pastor Charles Maris (04:27):
Uh, we are June 13th will be 12 years.
Renee Richel (04:31):
Okay, congratulations.
I love it.
We're definitely gonna get yourwife on when we talk to our
married couples for sure.
So tell her she's joining usnow in the next one.
Pastor Charles Maris (04:39):
I definitely will.
Renee Richel (04:41):
So, have you always lived with an um eternity
focus inside of yourrelationship?
Pastor Charles Maris (04:48):
No, I haven't.
No, I haven't.
Matter of fact, um my currentmarriage is actually the first
marriage where I am actuallyChrist and kingdom, have been
Christ and Kingdom focused.
So this is actually my firstrelationship.
And it's actually one of thereasons because I was the man
(05:11):
that I I didn't really, I becamethe hurt that hurt me after the
divorce.
And so I I went on this rampageof just indulging my flesh.
And uh he kept me through itall, but he taught me some
valuable lessons.
And so part of the reason why Iwrote the book, The Intune
(05:33):
Husband, is because when I metmy wife, she had uh uh some
wounds uh that I didn't createand I didn't know how to uh
handle them.
She was really emotional, andso I wrote the book, The Intune
Husband, and because I was insearch of God, how do I make
(05:54):
this woman happy?
And how do I help heal her whenI'm just getting started
learning to care about a woman'semotional state?
So that was tough for me.
So he took me on his trainingperiod, and it it has been an
amazing journey, and then evento this day, 12 years later, I'm
(06:16):
still partnering with the HolySpirit to love my wife like
Christ.
Renee Richel (06:21):
So, how would you say that God healed you
post-divorce?
Pastor Charles Maris (06:27):
How he healed me, what he did was now I
I may not have committed uh thesins that this other person
did, but I did make some wrongmoves, I did make some wrong
decisions.
What he did for me was that uh,you know how we watch
commercials or movie clips, heflashed moments in that prime
(06:51):
marriage right before my face,and he showed me what I did
versus what I should have done,or what I should have said, or
how I should have reacted.
And so he taught me that way.
He taught me through basicallymovie clips in my mind showing
me what I did wrong, what Ishould have done, and and and
(07:15):
and what I could have done tomake things better.
And so that's how he healed me,and I let's see, I thought
about I started thinking aboutbeing more Christ-centered.
I thought about being more thetaking on the character of
(07:41):
Christ more after thatcircumstance and that situation.
If I if I needed to scream, Iscreamed.
If I needed to to yell, Iyelled.
If I needed to punch punchingbag or go to the gym and live,
what whatever it is, thefrustrations, I got out.
I didn't bottle it.
I didn't, I didn't say I'mokay.
(08:02):
I admitted that I was messedup, I was broken, and and and I
gave it all to him.
I mean, every little bit of itthat he showed me, I gave it all
to him in prayer to get anexchange.
And so through fasting andprayer, uh I I like to believe
that I'm the the healthy manthat you see before you now,
(08:22):
spiritually healthy andemotionally healthy.
Renee Richel (08:26):
Did you did you have a mentor yourself uh
growing up?
Or you just that's why you lovewhat you do now because you
didn't have that?
Pastor Charles Maris (08:36):
I didn't have that, but I had a mother
that uh she raised me to be theman that she desired to have.
And so so without having akingdom example of a kingdom
marriage or a kingdom husband ora kingdom father, I had to get
(08:56):
to know Christ in a realintimate way.
I had to get to know him as myfather, I had to get to know him
as, and a lot of men don't liketo say this, but Isaiah 54 and
5 says that your maker is yourhusband.
I had to know him as a spouseduring my single state, and a
lot of men won't say that, but Ihad to know him in that way to
(09:19):
be nurtured, to be mentored, tobe chastised.
Remember, he chastises thosewhom he loves.
Right, and I could and I couldstand during that time to be
corrected because I made a bigmess.
Um, I remembered how Christloved me through my rebellious
state, and so that's how I'mable to love my wife.
(09:41):
When I had him at number 25 onmy list, he always kept me at
number one, yeah.
And he could have struck medown right where I stood, but he
didn't, you know.
So he had purpose for me.
Renee Richel (09:57):
So God loves challenges, that's for sure,
because that's when he comes inand uh makes things right,
right?
Pastor Charles Maris (10:04):
He does, he does, he does his best work
with the least, yes, amen.
Renee Richel (10:09):
I love that.
So, what actions did you taketo become ready for dating again
after you went through all ofthat?
Pastor Charles Maris (10:17):
Okay, now I I can tell you I was after the
punching bags and everythingelse.
After after that, I I I learnedto be content with just me and
God.
Okay, uh, I I I learned to evenin my thoughts, I learned
because loneliness is a trick ofthe enemy to get us to settle
(10:39):
or to get us to compromise, butI I learned in my heart and my
mind and my body and my soul tobe content with just him alone.
And do you know that afterthree days of that mindset, he
presented my wife to me afterthree days, and I was that's
amazing.
I was single for four yearsbecause a lot of people think
(11:02):
that it takes all this time, butwhen you learn contentment in
Christ, he'll bless you.
Renee Richel (11:09):
We do an exercise with our clients that they have
to literally physically handwrite down what's in their
heart's desire with the Lord,they're non-negotiables, and
then be intentional every day topray for.
And sometimes when our clientsfeel like it's taking forever, I
said, Well, are youintentionally praying like we
are for the words that we wrotedown that you wrote with God?
And they'll often say, Oh, Iforgot where that piece of paper
(11:33):
is.
I'm like, Well, this is whyit's not happening, because
you're not doing your part.
We're doing our part, but weneed to go.
Pastor Charles Maris (11:41):
You definitely do, because I I I
literally built my wife, who I'mwith now, uh, through prayer.
Uh the father told me, tell mewhat you want.
And when and and every day Iwould pray a little bit.
And so when she was presentedto me, when I heard her name,
(12:03):
uh, something in my bellyleaked.
And so I went on Facebook and II searched her name, and I saw
the most precious picture that Ihad ever seen in my life.
And she was holding a littleboy at the time, and he's now my
(12:24):
son.
He was he was two then, and nowhe's 14.
Renee Richel (12:28):
Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second.
So back up.
I want to hear this.
So you had this prayer or thisname that came to mind, and then
you googled like her whole nameor just her first name.
Pastor Charles Maris (12:40):
Uh uh the the young man told me that he
said, he said, I uh I've uhthere's a new lady at our
church, and I think she would beperfect for you.
Okay.
I was like, man, I was like,man, I I don't have time for
that.
I don't have time.
Renee Richel (12:54):
So there was a little bit of matchmaking
happening there.
Pastor Charles Maris (12:57):
Exactly, exactly.
And so he told me her name.
So I went and searched hername, and I sent her a message
introducing myself.
Uh, it was through Facebook,uh, and she wrote me back this
long message going off on me.
And uh I loved it becausefinally I met a woman with
(13:19):
standards, and so uh wecontinued to talk.
She could I continue to messageand she continued to uh she
continued to to contact me back.
So as long as I hadinteraction, I knew that this
could be.
And so um one day I gave her myphone number and I said, if if
(13:42):
you ever feel like you needsomebody to talk to, I'm here.
Nothing else, just you want totalk.
And so I was driving home fromwork one day, and then I got
this this unknown numbercalling, and I stopped and
listened to the voicemail, andit was her.
And I almost almost swerved onthe road and almost wrecked, and
(14:06):
I had to pull off to the sideto listen to the voice message.
Yeah, yeah.
Um it was something, it wassomething about her.
When when people wonder if Godis a matchmaker, I can testify
that he truly is, but you haveto be in relationship with him
(14:26):
in order to be able to see whathe sees and know what he knows.
So when I physically saw herfor the first time, I saw a
better version of me.
She had diamonds, rubies, gemsall over her, and there was a
better version of me.
Renee Richel (14:45):
And oh, I love that.
Pastor Charles Maris (14:49):
I I still remember the joy that I felt
when she first called me, whenshe first told me she wanted to
be my girlfriend.
I I the day I went and pickedout a ring, the presence of the
Holy Spirit came over me and thethe jury lady that was helping
me purchase the ring.
I mean, it was just if you'veever read Genesis 24 about Isaac
(15:13):
and Rebecca, God was there fromthe beginning all through and
even in the end.
And so I know firsthand thatGod is a matchmaker.
Renee Richel (15:26):
That's amazing.
And through the power of hispeople, helps to introduce two
incredible souls that he'sdesigned every facet to meet
when and where.
That's awesome.
I love hearing that.
So, how long did you guys date?
Or how long were you in thefriend zone till you became into
the dating zone to then getengaged and married?
Pastor Charles Maris (15:44):
I'm gonna tell you, we we we were probably
in the friend zone for fourmonths.
Renee Richel (15:50):
Okay.
Pastor Charles Maris (15:51):
The first month I told her that you're my
wife.
She laughed, she laughed in myface.
But I I didn't pressure her.
I just kept showing up.
Uh, whether it was texts,whether it was phone calls,
whether it was um, you know, Iwould I would call her and text
her like silly stuff like uh,how do I microwave this?
(16:15):
How do I how do I cook that?
Renee Richel (16:18):
Uh, you know, and any excuse to ask for some
womanly advice, right?
Pastor Charles Maris (16:23):
Yes, I I involved her in my life every
moment of the day.
And within four months, I toldher that when we would get
engaged, I told her when wewould get married, and I let God
reveal it to her because whenshe laughed in my face, she
wasn't ready for marriage, shewasn't ready for a committed
(16:46):
relationship.
And I said, would you just letme know?
Because I'm not here to rush,because I know what God has
showed me, I know what He hastold me, and so that's what I
was hanging on to.
And so uh she told me onenight, uh, I'm ready to be your
girlfriend, and I I I screamed,I screamed, and I started
(17:07):
worshiping God right there in myapartment, and I'm still
thanking them to this day.
Renee Richel (17:13):
Oh, I love that.
That's amazing.
I love that.
Okay, so that you can startgiving the same pearls of wisdom
that you have.
What benefit do you believe theLord has for someone in a
season of singleness?
Because we know how hard it iswaiting.
Pastor Charles Maris (17:30):
Yeah.
We we the thing, the thing isthat I I I learned and I
understand is that singleness,people the world views
singleness as a a curse or orsomething bad, that uh uh you're
lonely.
What's wrong with you?
Why, why, why are you single?
Why don't you have anybody?
(17:51):
Why, why this, why that?
And and and that singleness isactually a gift because it gives
you time to work on you as anindividual, because sometimes we
can be healthy enough for um ahealthy relationship or even a
healthy marriage, and thensometimes we can be unhealthy
(18:14):
enough for a relationship, butstill desire to be in one, and
that's where we mess up atbecause we're unhealthy.
Because if you have a defectivemale and you get a defective
female come together, they'regonna have a defective marriage.
But the healthier that male is,the healthier uh that female
is, the better the marriage canbe.
(18:36):
And so I I think that singlestate is so important.
I always say use your singlestate time wisely because it's
the difference and it willdetermine.
Because everything that youdidn't address in your
singleness is definitely gonnaget addressed in your marriage.
Renee Richel (18:55):
It's so true.
Like we have a course calledLove Starts With You with God.
And the truth is, don't lookfor somebody that's gonna
complete you.
I always say Jerry McGuMaguire, that movie screwed it
all up to say you completely.
I'm like, that's what peoplethink, but no, if you're not
complete with the Lord first,you are so right.
You will bring it into the nextrelationship.
And people wonder, why do Ialways attract the not the good
(19:18):
ones?
And then, like, because there'scertain things in yourself that
also need to be healed so thatyou can attract and see the good
ones, right?
Pastor Charles Mari (19:26):
Absolutely, because you you gotta think.
Uh, remember in Matthew 19,where the Pharisees asked Jesus,
uh, can a man divorce a womanfor any reason?
Jesus didn't eventually, hedidn't address marriage, he
didn't address the divorce, headdressed what God created in
the beginning.
He created a whole male, hecreated a whole female.
(19:50):
That's what he joined together.
Now, when we get in versechapter three, that's when you
see the fall, and they strayaway from what he originally
created.
Created even in marriage, now,even now, me and my wife, we are
getting back to theend-the-begin-male and female
before the fall.
So that is a difference.
(20:13):
And see, I was 39 years old.
I had two young boys, and I waspaying an arm and a leg for
child support.
So I was thinking, like, who isgonna want me?
And God said, Do you trust me?
I said, Yeah, I trust you.
Because you know, a lot of alot of women think that, okay,
I'm this age, I want to be amother, and I'm not married, and
(20:34):
I'm not in a serious committedrelationship.
I'm I'm I'm past my time.
But Abraham had a child late,Sarah had a child almost 100
years old.
So we put our own limitationson ourselves that God hasn't
placed there.
So we need to embrace what he'sdoing.
(20:57):
And I got a wife now that lovedmy two sons at the time.
They were uh eight and five,they're now 21 and 18, and have
a great relationship with her.
So God will bless you withsomebody that will love you.
And if you have children, theywill love them as well.
So we have to take thelimitations off.
Renee Richel (21:19):
Yeah, I couldn't agree more because I get that
all the time with my women ormen saying, oh, they're too old
to have children, or you know,they're just that biological
pressure.
But at the end of the day,exactly what you just said is
what we try to remind everybodythat the goal is not to be what
everybody else believes shouldbe, right?
The goal is to trust the Lordthat He has a much better plan
(21:41):
and sometimes doing itdifferently and not following
what everybody else is doing.
It's so much greater of a planbecause of your patience.
And it's so much more uh, Iguess I would say well-deserved
for the ones that then arepatient through it all.
Pastor Charles Maris (21:57):
That's right.
That's right.
Because the Bible tells us thatpatience, let patience have its
perfect work in you so you arecomplete and lacking nothing.
If you can have patience andlet God get you to the point to
where you're healthy, because Ididn't know that God was
building me and removing somethings from me for my wife,
(22:19):
because she had been cheated onin every relationship prior to
her, and she's beautiful.
So God was putting faithfulnessin my heart, trustworthy,
honesty, consistency, constance.
And so sometimes you, your,your your spouse that God has
for you might be a dummy.
I say that, but room forimprovement is what I am
(22:43):
calling.
They may take a little longerto get it, but they're gonna get
it.
Renee Richel (22:48):
Yes, yes, and the best thing anybody can do,
instead of being angry or upsetat somebody, I always say pray
for them, even pray for yourenemies, right?
Like pray for the ones who'vedone you wrong, pray for the
ones who in the future will doyou wrong.
Because at the end of the day,all you can do is believe and
know that God's got this, it'snot our design.
So I love that.
(23:08):
Okay, so how do you instructsingles, of course, before
needing one true match in whatwe do?
How to look for the one.
Pastor Charles Maris (23:19):
Oh, how to look for the one.
A lot of people are you you candecide what you want to deal
with and what you don't want todeal with in life with a person.
We gotta understand that we'reall imperfect, we all have
flaws, we all have some things,but there's some you you gotta
(23:39):
have some deal breakers to whereyou say, Okay, no, I'm I'm not
dealing with this.
And the thing that really gotme was when me and my wife were
in our biblical court phase, shetold me that in order for this
to work, that you are going tohave to show me Christ.
That hit me like a ton ofbricks.
(24:03):
I had no idea what that meant.
But I was I I began a journeyat that very moment.
I was driving home and and Iwas puzzled and I didn't
understand.
But until you get into a realrelationship with Christ, I mean
he's got to be number one.
Because if we expect for animperfect human being to be more
(24:28):
to us than who God is to us,then we run into a problem of
idolatry where we startworshiping that individual over
God.
Now, even in marriage, Godmeets your deepest need.
So we have to understand thatyou have to be and to know the
inner workings of God, you haveto know what he wants and what
(24:50):
he desires for you.
So I had to show my wife thecharacter traits of Christ in
order for her to even begin tofeel comfortable being with me.
And in order for me to todisplay, I had to know Christ
for myself in a real way.
Renee Richel (25:10):
Which I love that because when we talk to so many
of our female um clients andjust matches in general, the
common denominator of all ofwhat they want is a man who will
lead them in the house, whichthe Bible says, right?
And it's what's missing too,because I tell all my females,
I'm like, you've got to allowthe man to lead.
(25:31):
But I love what your wife saidbecause she's basically saying,
I want to see it through youreyes to lead me to lead this
family, which is the opportunityand exactly how obviously the
Lord made marriage to be.
So I love that.
Pastor Charles Mari (25:45):
Absolutely, absolutely, because you you you
got to think about what didwhat did Adam have with God
before he was given Eve?
He had his presence, he had hisword, he had uh kingdom work,
he was he was already doingkingdom purpose.
So God was saying, this mandoesn't need to be alone, this
(26:06):
kind of man.
But if he doesn't love God'spresence, if he doesn't know
God's word, if he's notworshiping and praising God, and
he's not about kingdombusiness, that man needs to
continue to work on himself andnot be ready to lead another
woman into areas of life thathe's not prepared to lead or to
exemplify the life of Christ.
(26:27):
So yeah, it's it's it'sdefinitely important to have a
more intimate relationship.
Renee Richel (26:34):
I agree, I agree.
Um, what would you say is thebest for people out there that
are dating the wrong people?
Obviously, you both, you andyour wife have experience on
that.
What would you say the best wayto end a dating relationship
with someone that isn't the one?
Pastor Charles Maris (26:52):
The best way, I think, uh, and and and
and and I have been teachingpeople about biblically
courting.
Biblically courting means thatthat the male and the female are
both seeking God uh on theirown, whether this union is
ordained, and then comingtogether whether or not this
union is ordained.
(27:12):
And so through interaction andconversation, I think the best
way if if when God tells the manor the woman that this is not
for him, I I just think is youdon't try to drag it out, but
just go ahead and say, hey, I II don't I got word from the
spirit that this is not meant tobe.
(27:35):
Uh so we can be friends, but Idon't want to pursue marriage.
And I I think if you just goahead and be honest and and not
when you initially feel it andnot kind of just drag it out,
because where one person may bereally heart connected, the
(27:56):
other person has just kind ofgot walls put up.
And so when you drag the personthat's got walls and you drag
the person that's got theheartstrings already attached,
then you you get in a situationwhere uh feelings are hurt.
Um you get into the situationwhere uh people can be really
(28:19):
destroyed by it, theircharacter, their their
self-esteem, their emotionalstate.
So I I think that if we startfrom the beginning that we're
seeking God about this union andyou keep it God centered, I
think that's probably the besteffective way to let somebody
know that this is not for me.
Renee Richel (28:38):
Right.
And I love what you're sayingbecause when you share with
somebody, I'm dating withintention.
And if you're not then sharingthat with them intentionally,
that you don't see foreversooner than later, which you're
freeing them to find the person.
I 100% agree with what you say.
And also everybody that's inthe their single phase, I to add
(28:59):
on to that.
I always tell everybody, justtell everybody that's bugging
you, your family, your friends,when are you gonna meet that
person?
When are you gonna have start afamily?
Tell them you're in the seasonof dating Jesus right now.
That's it, it'll stop everyother question from that point
on.
And it's just, I mean, what areyou gonna say back to that?
Be proud of it because thatintimate time, as you know,
(29:22):
before you meet the one, is sopowerful and so precious.
Before you have a spouse andyou have more family and you
have kids and you have morefriends, and you have all these
things that come with once youare uh united with your true
love, too.
Pastor Charles Mari (29:39):
Definitely, definitely.
And then you you gotta thinkthat marriage is tough as is
between a male and a female, andthen when not now, a lot of
families are are blended, and sothat gets into different
dynamics because, like I said, Ihad two sons, she had one son,
and then we had our six-year-oldson we had together.
(30:02):
So we've raised four boys, andthen you you know, when
sometimes when you have to dealwith toxic co-parents, it
marriage can get a little, alittle tough.
And so you both have to be uhyou both have to be
Christ-centered, you also haveto know who the real enemy is,
and it's not each other, and youyou you really have to hold on
(30:25):
to God's unchanging hands andraise children up to serve
Christ.
And and I believe that that'swhat we have done, and that's
what I teach others to do.
And there's a lot of questionsthat you gotta ask when you are
dating uh people with children.
Renee Richel (30:41):
Yeah, it's it's true.
And what even even if you'redating somebody without
children, what nobody thinksabout is when the holiday season
starts to come around.
That's why we always we teachand preach relationship
communication 101 around Octoberto equip them before they go
into Thanksgiving, Christmas,New Year's, Valentine's Day,
they're all kind of blendedtogether.
(31:03):
Then, you know, I mean, that'sthe truth, is nobody thinks
through.
As then once you are datingsomebody or you're engaged or
married or have a blendedfamily, whose family do you go
to for the holidays?
And how do you do it all?
And now there's that many morepeople to please.
It's something nobody thinksthrough until it gets there.
Pastor Charles Maris (31:21):
No, you're right, and that's something to
consider.
It's good that y'all do thatstart in October.
Because yeah, that's if if if Ihave a tradition of going over
my mom's house and she has atradition of going over her
parents' house.
Renee Richel (31:36):
And Thanksgiving is both at three o'clock.
What are you gonna do?
Pastor Charles Maris (31:40):
Yeah, what are we gonna do?
Yeah, and and and who's who'sgonna get mad?
What parents are gonna get mad?
Renee Richel (31:48):
I know.
And then it's I mean, you know,this being married.
I I tell all my couples at theend of the day, in the word
compromise is promise.
And in the word marriage ismaking a promise to each other,
right?
So you're gonna have tocompromise.
Nobody likes that word.
It's like the word budget, butit's just something that's part
of if you're signing up for aGod-given relationship with the
(32:13):
woman that's all part of the uhthe joys that come from it.
Pastor Charles Maris (32:18):
It's the joys I like the so tell me, I
want to hear all about yourbook.
Renee Richel (32:23):
And I want everybody to pick up your book,
men and female, because I alwayssay if you're single, read
marriage-minded books, becauseat the end of the day, it's
important that when we'resingle, we learn how to be
married.
And when we're married, weshould be reading
marriage-minded books.
But tell me all about what ledyou to write um the Intune
(32:44):
Husband to inspire our women toread about this as well as our
men.
Pastor Charles Maris (32:50):
Yes, I definitely when I when I first
this this is it.
You can find it on Amazon.
It's the Intune Husband.
You can find it on Amazon, andI encourage a lot of women to
read it so they understand whatto pray for, what to look for in
a man.
Uh I I first start out in inchapters one and two, and and I
(33:12):
and I share uh what God thinksabout a wife, a woman, uh, that
she's God's favor in one man'slife.
And if she doesn't know thatshe's favoring a man's life,
then she, you know, I always saywhen you don't know the value
(33:32):
or the worth of something, abuseis inevitable.
And sometimes when a womandoesn't know her worth, she'll
let a man abuse or mistreat her,not necessarily physically, but
sometimes verbally and and inthe attention or intentions that
he doesn't show or does show.
So this book it will walk a manthrough deliverance.
(33:56):
Uh, if he's not fullycommitted, it will let uh the
man know uh how closely that Godholds the woman because she was
created to multiply whateverGod gives him.
(34:18):
But if he don't know that, thenand he doesn't have a vision,
then that woman is there tohelp.
What is she helping with?
To cook, clean.
No, she's here to help forkingdom purpose because kingdom
purpose is what will keep amarriage going, not necessarily
love, because as you and I know,people fall in and out of love
(34:41):
every day.
And a lot of people, and I'llsay that I love you is the most
abused phrase in all of theworld.
Because if I say I love mywife, but then I love chocolate
cake, is that the same?
No, I like chocolate cake, butI love my wife, right?
So, so the in-tune husband ishaving the man become in tune
(35:05):
with God first so he can be intune with the wife.
Because when I was when we werein our courting phase again, my
wife she she was afraid ofbeing hurt again, so she would
emotionally disconnect, and theHoly Spirit would always let me
know when she emotionallydisconnects, and I would call
her and I would say, Are youokay?
(35:27):
Is something wrong?
She's like, How did you know?
I said, The Holy Spirit let meknow that you were you were
doubting it, you had some fearcome upon you.
I'm here to dispel all of that.
So that's what that's what theIntune Husband book is about.
It's about bringing the husbandand wife closer to God and
(35:47):
keeping him in the center.
Renee Richel (35:49):
All right.
Well, everybody that'slistening to this podcast today,
I need you to go on Amazon andgo get the Intune Husband now
and start reading it becausethere are so many books that we
love inspiring our audience toread.
Because by the time we start tomatch them, I need them fully
whole, fully ready.
And I love that you saidknowing their worth.
(36:12):
We're excited to be able tohave the opportunity to start
talking to Christian collegesor, you know, the kids, and you
know, kind of between 18 andlet's say after call through
college is when they reallystart to do their own thing and
explore and and lead away fromtheir faith and they start to
get torn down by the others, theother things in this world,
(36:34):
right?
And they they start to lose alittle bit of their worth.
And um, so as we all go throughour timeline in life, it's
important to always rootourselves closer to Christ to
get the answers when we feellost or alone, because he will
reveal it the stronger we are inour faith, which it sounds like
I love you have in your heart,through your heart, and you
(36:55):
preach on to others.
Pastor Charles Maris (36:56):
Yes, definitely.
I there's no business.
The the body of Christ has nobusiness having the same amount
of divorce rate as the world.
And my whole purpose is toeliminate the divorce rate,
lower it, and so that everybody,because this is how we expand
(37:19):
God's reign and rule in theearth, is through kingdom
marriages and then having godlyexamples raise up kids to see
what it's like to have a kingdomfather, a kingdom husband
loving his wife like Christloves the church, and a wife,
kingdom wife, respecting herhusband as unto God.
Children need to see thatbecause they're gonna grow up
(37:41):
looking for what they saw.
Renee Richel (37:43):
I know it's so true.
And we're in such a new phasewith what they're called the
COVID babies or the Gen Zchildren, right?
And I'm like, that it those areour seeds planted in our
harvest.
If we don't nurture them and wedon't water them, it's so
difficult because withunfortunate divorces out there,
right?
They just haven't seen whattrue love is and online and not
(38:05):
being social for all thoseyears.
It's like they don't even knowwhat to do.
We have to continue to uh fuelthem as well and remind them who
they are in Christ every day.
Okay, so I know that youobviously, as we keep talking
about the Intune Husband book,share with me a couple other
(38:26):
books and just resources thatyou offer your community to help
them to be whole and ready.
Pastor Charles Maris (38:33):
Okay.
I have a group on Facebookcalled Kingdom Singleness
Singledom.
And uh not too long ago did aworkbook, and I have a book
called Kingdom SingledomWorkbook, where I help singles,
male and females, uh becomewhole.
And I I explained to them whatGod originally intended before
(38:55):
the fall in the Garden of Edenuh to show what because see, a
lot of times we try to build amarriage on what we think it
should be or what we saw growingup, and and a lot of times the
problem isn't the environment,sometimes it's the home that we
(39:15):
fall into.
And so I show I show what whatwas created and eaten, and so
both male and female, and so thecloser that you get to being at
that mark, because that's themark, that's the standard, the
healthier your marriage will be.
I also came out uh earlier thisweek this week with an e-book
(39:38):
called The True Behavior of aKingdom Man.
This book will help young menknow the mark, the standard, the
set of what they're trying togo to, what they're trying to
achieve.
And it also helps females topray uh if they're praying or
desiring for marriage, or evenif they're already married, they
can pray that these things comeabout.
(39:59):
From a pure place in theirheart regarding their spouse,
their husband.
And so I like you, I want tohave a lot of resources for
people, uh information.
So that because this stuff thatI'm learning that God has given
me in the past couple years, Ididn't have when I was 19, 20,
(40:22):
21.
And so I want to make sure thatour young people have because
the better they start having,sooner they start having kingdom
marriages, the better off it'llbe.
You don't have to get draggedthrough the dirt.
You don't always have to getyour feelings hurt, but you
can't be patient and wait onChrist to send you that ordained
spouse.
Renee Richel (40:42):
Which I love that.
So we I always say it takes avillage, right, to build the
Lord's kingdom.
So with all these beautifultools that you have created, I
think that they are great forour youth to start reading now
so they don't make the mistakesthat uh some of us have,
unfortunately.
So I am sorry you had to gothrough that, but I'm so
(41:05):
grateful that you can help somany other people that the Lord
has helped you to be able to dothrough it.
Pastor Charles Maris (41:10):
And I believe that's why I went
through it.
So I could be a representativethat Christ can use to help
bring people out of thisfunction and into what it should
be, God's original intent.
Renee Richel (41:24):
I love that.
I love that.
So, how would you encourage oursingles out there that are
tired of dating and waiting andsome parting words from your
beautiful advice?
Pastor Charles Maris (41:38):
I I was there once and I got tired of
dating.
Um don't let loneliness makeyou feel like you gotta go all
out there and make somethinghappen.
Don't let your parents pressureyou into thinking that, hey,
I'm ready for some grandkids.
When you gonna give them to me?
(42:00):
Don't settle, don't compromise.
Sit there and be content inyour thinking and in your heart
and within your body to serveChrist wholeheartedly because he
has a plan for your life.
He he's a he pays attention tothe details of our lives, and
all he wants to know and see isthat you trust him.
(42:22):
When you show that you trusthim in your heart, mind, body,
and soul, there's not nothingthat he will withhold from you.
And the Bible tells us that hewill perfect everything that
concerns you, and so you need tobe able to trust his word and
know that it's for youpersonally.
The word has to become personalto you, not just a broad uh
(42:46):
scripture just broad, but no,it's personally for Charles,
it's personally for you, it'spersonally for you, Renee.
That's how it's got to become,it's got to become intimate.
That whole scripture, Bible,love is kind, love is patient.
I have to embody that and Ihave to know that I receive it
as well.
Renee Richel (43:05):
I love that.
That is such wise advice.
And to get more advice, please,like I said, go get go out and
get Pastor Charles Maris's bookcalled The In Tune Husband Now
today.
And we are definitely going tohave you and your wife back on
to talk even some moreconversations to our amazing
(43:25):
married couples.
And if you are truly ready andyou have read uh Pastor Charles'
book and other things to say, Iam ready, then come and fill
out a profile so that we knowyou exist as the Lord has built
our kingdom with one true matchto be the resource to connect
his amazing hearts who are trulyready for love in this world of
(43:48):
who and how do you trust theright one.
So we are there to invest themand qualify them and make sure
they're truly ready for truelove.
Thank you so much, PastorCharles, for joining us today on
this podcast.
And I can't wait for more chatsoon.
Pastor Charles Maris (44:04):
Thank you.
I've enjoyed myself.
Renee Richel (44:07):
God bless.
I look forward to our nextchat.
Please write in your questionsand comments so I can be sure to
talk about whatever it is youwant to discuss in our next
(44:27):
upcoming episode.
Lots of love.
God bless.
XOXO.
Hello, loves.
Welcome back.
I am so excited to be bringingto you a very special guest to
us that is going to inspire,empower, and uplift, I feel
like, and hopefully teach ourmen how to be real men in this
world.
I am sitting here with authorand pastoral dating mentor who
(01:06):
runs a kingdom-focused marriageministry.
Welcome, Pastor Charles Maris.
We are so excited for you to behere with us today.
Pastor Charles Maris (01:15):
I am absolutely ecstatic to be here
with you today.
So I'm grateful that you haveme on because we do need to
expand God's reign and reach inthe earth through ministering.
Because you know, a lot of menthink that they already know
what to do.
They already got it, becauseyou know, men don't like to ask
for directions when they'relost.
Renee Richel (01:38):
And I always say you guys are really simple.
Sometimes it's us that confusethings too.
So I am I am blessed that youhave come to us through a dear
friend that highly recommendedand said you have need to talk
to you and to have you on ourshow today to talk to all of our
followers as well.
As you've got over 20,000followers on social media
(02:01):
yourself.
So congratulations.
You have a huge following thatis already inspired by you.
So we can't wait for you toalso do the same with our
audience and combine ouraudiences together as you work
with them.
Pastor Charles Maris (02:14):
That sounds good.
Sounds good.
Renee Richel (02:16):
So you have a wealth of experience.
So let's dive in.
I'm just gonna start off byasking you questions, obviously,
so that we know a little bitmore about you.
And I can't wait to hear justyour guidance that you give.
When did you invite Christ tobe the king of your life?
Pastor Charles Maris (02:32):
Well, I'll probably have to say uh when I
really did it, like uh like Imentioned before, I was uh I was
a little boy that was on thefront row every time the church
doors were open.
Uh I may not understood whatthe man was saying or what was
really going on, but I wasthere.
Um again, I was the 14,15-year-old uh teenager in the
(02:56):
mirror, holding revival, holdingdeliverance service, healing
service.
So I always knew that that wassomething that I wanted to do.
But what really brought mecloser to Christ was um when I
was probably 30, 33, and I hadexperienced the divorce.
(03:17):
And that's what really made mefall to my knees and really
surrender completely.
Renee Richel (03:26):
It was such a hard time when you wake up and
realize that it maybe it wasn'tthe Lord's direction, and so I
know how difficult that can be.
Um, but I also know thatobviously God had a plan and has
led you to the right one now,right?
Pastor Charles Mari (03:44):
Definitely.
And see, I was the rebelliousson when God told me no to this
woman.
I said, I asked him to just bea part of it anyway, because
this is what I wanted.
And he kept me through it, butit taught me some very valuable
lessons, and I want to make surethat I am committed enough to
(04:08):
make sure that other men don'tgo through the same things that
I went through.
When God tells you no, it'snope, it's no.
Renee Richel (04:18):
There's no negotiating with God there as
much as we think we can, right?
There's not.
Pastor Charles Mari (04:23):
Absolutely.
Renee Richel (04:24):
And so, how many years have you been married now?
Pastor Charles Maris (04:27):
Uh, we are June 13th will be 12 years.
Renee Richel (04:31):
Okay, congratulations.
I love it.
We're definitely gonna get yourwife on when we talk to our
married couples for sure.
So tell her she's joining usnow in the next one.
Pastor Charles Maris (04:39):
I definitely will.
Renee Richel (04:41):
So, have you always lived with an um eternity
focus inside of yourrelationship?
Pastor Charles Maris (04:48):
No, I haven't.
No, I haven't.
Matter of fact, um my currentmarriage is actually the first
marriage where I am actuallyChrist and kingdom, have been
Christ and Kingdom focused.
So this is actually my firstrelationship.
And it's actually one of thereasons because I was the man
(05:11):
that I I didn't really, I becamethe hurt that hurt me after the
divorce.
And so I I went on this rampageof just indulging my flesh.
And uh he kept me through itall, but he taught me some
valuable lessons.
And so part of the reason why Iwrote the book, The Intune
(05:33):
Husband, is because when I metmy wife, she had uh uh some
wounds uh that I didn't createand I didn't know how to uh
handle them.
She was really emotional, andso I wrote the book, The Intune
Husband, and because I was insearch of God, how do I make
(05:54):
this woman happy?
And how do I help heal her whenI'm just getting started
learning to care about a woman'semotional state?
So that was tough for me.
So he took me on his trainingperiod, and it it has been an
amazing journey, and then evento this day, 12 years later, I'm
(06:16):
still partnering with the HolySpirit to love my wife like
Christ.
Renee Richel (06:21):
So, how would you say that God healed you
post-divorce?
Pastor Charles Maris (06:27):
How he healed me, what he did was now I
I may not have committed uh thesins that this other person
did, but I did make some wrongmoves, I did make some wrong
decisions.
What he did for me was that uh,you know how we watch
commercials or movie clips, heflashed moments in that prime
(06:51):
marriage right before my face,and he showed me what I did
versus what I should have done,or what I should have said, or
how I should have reacted.
And so he taught me that way.
He taught me through basicallymovie clips in my mind showing
me what I did wrong, what Ishould have done, and and and
(07:15):
and what I could have done tomake things better.
And so that's how he healed me,and I let's see, I thought
about I started thinking aboutbeing more Christ-centered.
I thought about being more thetaking on the character of
(07:41):
Christ more after thatcircumstance and that situation.
If I if I needed to scream, Iscreamed.
If I needed to to yell, Iyelled.
If I needed to punch punchingbag or go to the gym and live,
what whatever it is, thefrustrations, I got out.
I didn't bottle it.
I didn't, I didn't say I'mokay.
(08:02):
I admitted that I was messedup, I was broken, and and and I
gave it all to him.
I mean, every little bit of itthat he showed me, I gave it all
to him in prayer to get anexchange.
And so through fasting andprayer, uh I I like to believe
that I'm the the healthy manthat you see before you now,
(08:22):
spiritually healthy andemotionally healthy.
Renee Richel (08:26):
Did you did you have a mentor yourself uh
growing up?
Or you just that's why you lovewhat you do now because you
didn't have that?
Pastor Charles Maris (08:36):
I didn't have that, but I had a mother
that uh she raised me to be theman that she desired to have.
And so so without having akingdom example of a kingdom
marriage or a kingdom husband ora kingdom father, I had to get
(08:56):
to know Christ in a realintimate way.
I had to get to know him as myfather, I had to get to know him
as, and a lot of men don't liketo say this, but Isaiah 54 and
5 says that your maker is yourhusband.
I had to know him as a spouseduring my single state, and a
lot of men won't say that, but Ihad to know him in that way to
(09:19):
be nurtured, to be mentored, tobe chastised.
Remember, he chastises thosewhom he loves.
Right, and I could and I couldstand during that time to be
corrected because I made a bigmess.
Um, I remembered how Christloved me through my rebellious
state, and so that's how I'mable to love my wife.
(09:41):
When I had him at number 25 onmy list, he always kept me at
number one, yeah.
And he could have struck medown right where I stood, but he
didn't, you know.
So he had purpose for me.
Renee Richel (09:57):
So God loves challenges, that's for sure,
because that's when he comes inand uh makes things right,
right?
Pastor Charles Maris (10:04):
He does, he does, he does his best work
with the least, yes, amen.
Renee Richel (10:09):
I love that.
So, what actions did you taketo become ready for dating again
after you went through all ofthat?
Pastor Charles Maris (10:17):
Okay, now I I can tell you I was after the
punching bags and everythingelse.
After after that, I I I learnedto be content with just me and
God.
Okay, uh, I I I learned to evenin my thoughts, I learned
because loneliness is a trick ofthe enemy to get us to settle
(10:39):
or to get us to compromise, butI I learned in my heart and my
mind and my body and my soul tobe content with just him alone.
And do you know that afterthree days of that mindset, he
presented my wife to me afterthree days, and I was that's
amazing.
I was single for four yearsbecause a lot of people think
(11:02):
that it takes all this time, butwhen you learn contentment in
Christ, he'll bless you.
Renee Richel (11:09):
We do an exercise with our clients that they have
to literally physically handwrite down what's in their
heart's desire with the Lord,they're non-negotiables, and
then be intentional every day topray for.
And sometimes when our clientsfeel like it's taking forever, I
said, Well, are youintentionally praying like we
are for the words that we wrotedown that you wrote with God?
And they'll often say, Oh, Iforgot where that piece of paper
(11:33):
is.
I'm like, Well, this is whyit's not happening, because
you're not doing your part.
We're doing our part, but weneed to go.
Pastor Charles Maris (11:41):
You definitely do, because I I I
literally built my wife, who I'mwith now, uh, through prayer.
Uh the father told me, tell mewhat you want.
And when and and every day Iwould pray a little bit.
And so when she was presentedto me, when I heard her name,
(12:03):
uh, something in my bellyleaked.
And so I went on Facebook and II searched her name, and I saw
the most precious picture that Ihad ever seen in my life.
And she was holding a littleboy at the time, and he's now my
(12:24):
son.
He was he was two then, and nowhe's 14.
Renee Richel (12:28):
Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second.
So back up.
I want to hear this.
So you had this prayer or thisname that came to mind, and then
you googled like her whole nameor just her first name.
Pastor Charles Maris (12:40):
Uh uh the the young man told me that he
said, he said, I uh I've uhthere's a new lady at our
church, and I think she would beperfect for you.
Okay.
I was like, man, I was like,man, I I don't have time for
that.
I don't have time.
Renee Richel (12:54):
So there was a little bit of matchmaking
happening there.
Pastor Charles Maris (12:57):
Exactly, exactly.
And so he told me her name.
So I went and searched hername, and I sent her a message
introducing myself.
Uh, it was through Facebook,uh, and she wrote me back this
long message going off on me.
And uh I loved it becausefinally I met a woman with
(13:19):
standards, and so uh wecontinued to talk.
She could I continue to messageand she continued to uh she
continued to to contact me back.
So as long as I hadinteraction, I knew that this
could be.
And so um one day I gave her myphone number and I said, if if
(13:42):
you ever feel like you needsomebody to talk to, I'm here.
Nothing else, just you want totalk.
And so I was driving home fromwork one day, and then I got
this this unknown numbercalling, and I stopped and
listened to the voicemail, andit was her.
And I almost almost swerved onthe road and almost wrecked, and
(14:06):
I had to pull off to the sideto listen to the voice message.
Yeah, yeah.
Um it was something, it wassomething about her.
When when people wonder if Godis a matchmaker, I can testify
that he truly is, but you haveto be in relationship with him
(14:26):
in order to be able to see whathe sees and know what he knows.
So when I physically saw herfor the first time, I saw a
better version of me.
She had diamonds, rubies, gemsall over her, and there was a
better version of me.
Renee Richel (14:45):
And oh, I love that.
Pastor Charles Maris (14:49):
I I still remember the joy that I felt
when she first called me, whenshe first told me she wanted to
be my girlfriend.
I I the day I went and pickedout a ring, the presence of the
Holy Spirit came over me and thethe jury lady that was helping
me purchase the ring.
I mean, it was just if you'veever read Genesis 24 about Isaac
(15:13):
and Rebecca, God was there fromthe beginning all through and
even in the end.
And so I know firsthand thatGod is a matchmaker.
Renee Richel (15:26):
That's amazing.
And through the power of hispeople, helps to introduce two
incredible souls that he'sdesigned every facet to meet
when and where.
That's awesome.
I love hearing that.
So, how long did you guys date?
Or how long were you in thefriend zone till you became into
the dating zone to then getengaged and married?
Pastor Charles Maris (15:44):
I'm gonna tell you, we we we were probably
in the friend zone for fourmonths.
Renee Richel (15:50):
Okay.
Pastor Charles Maris (15:51):
The first month I told her that you're my
wife.
She laughed, she laughed in myface.
But I I didn't pressure her.
I just kept showing up.
Uh, whether it was texts,whether it was phone calls,
whether it was um, you know, Iwould I would call her and text
her like silly stuff like uh,how do I microwave this?
(16:15):
How do I how do I cook that?
Renee Richel (16:18):
Uh, you know, and any excuse to ask for some
womanly advice, right?
Pastor Charles Maris (16:23):
Yes, I I involved her in my life every
moment of the day.
And within four months, I toldher that when we would get
engaged, I told her when wewould get married, and I let God
reveal it to her because whenshe laughed in my face, she
wasn't ready for marriage, shewasn't ready for a committed
(16:46):
relationship.
And I said, would you just letme know?
Because I'm not here to rush,because I know what God has
showed me, I know what He hastold me, and so that's what I
was hanging on to.
And so uh she told me onenight, uh, I'm ready to be your
girlfriend, and I I I screamed,I screamed, and I started
(17:07):
worshiping God right there in myapartment, and I'm still
thanking them to this day.
Renee Richel (17:13):
Oh, I love that.
That's amazing.
I love that.
Okay, so that you can startgiving the same pearls of wisdom
that you have.
What benefit do you believe theLord has for someone in a
season of singleness?
Because we know how hard it iswaiting.
Pastor Charles Maris (17:30):
Yeah.
We we the thing, the thing isthat I I I learned and I
understand is that singleness,people the world views
singleness as a a curse or orsomething bad, that uh uh you're
lonely.
What's wrong with you?
Why, why, why are you single?
Why don't you have anybody?
(17:51):
Why, why this, why that?
And and and that singleness isactually a gift because it gives
you time to work on you as anindividual, because sometimes we
can be healthy enough for um ahealthy relationship or even a
healthy marriage, and thensometimes we can be unhealthy
(18:14):
enough for a relationship, butstill desire to be in one, and
that's where we mess up atbecause we're unhealthy.
Because if you have a defectivemale and you get a defective
female come together, they'regonna have a defective marriage.
But the healthier that male is,the healthier uh that female
is, the better the marriage canbe.
(18:36):
And so I I think that singlestate is so important.
I always say use your singlestate time wisely because it's
the difference and it willdetermine.
Because everything that youdidn't address in your
singleness is definitely gonnaget addressed in your marriage.
Renee Richel (18:55):
It's so true.
Like we have a course calledLove Starts With You with God.
And the truth is, don't lookfor somebody that's gonna
complete you.
I always say Jerry McGuMaguire, that movie screwed it
all up to say you completely.
I'm like, that's what peoplethink, but no, if you're not
complete with the Lord first,you are so right.
You will bring it into the nextrelationship.
And people wonder, why do Ialways attract the not the good
(19:18):
ones?
And then, like, because there'scertain things in yourself that
also need to be healed so thatyou can attract and see the good
ones, right?
Pastor Charles Mari (19:26):
Absolutely, because you you gotta think.
Uh, remember in Matthew 19,where the Pharisees asked Jesus,
uh, can a man divorce a womanfor any reason?
Jesus didn't eventually, hedidn't address marriage, he
didn't address the divorce, headdressed what God created in
the beginning.
He created a whole male, hecreated a whole female.
(19:50):
That's what he joined together.
Now, when we get in versechapter three, that's when you
see the fall, and they strayaway from what he originally
created.
Created even in marriage, now,even now, me and my wife, we are
getting back to theend-the-begin-male and female
before the fall.
So that is a difference.
(20:13):
And see, I was 39 years old.
I had two young boys, and I waspaying an arm and a leg for
child support.
So I was thinking, like, who isgonna want me?
And God said, Do you trust me?
I said, Yeah, I trust you.
Because you know, a lot of alot of women think that, okay,
I'm this age, I want to be amother, and I'm not married, and
(20:34):
I'm not in a serious committedrelationship.
I'm I'm I'm past my time.
But Abraham had a child late,Sarah had a child almost 100
years old.
So we put our own limitationson ourselves that God hasn't
placed there.
So we need to embrace what he'sdoing.
(20:57):
And I got a wife now that lovedmy two sons at the time.
They were uh eight and five,they're now 21 and 18, and have
a great relationship with her.
So God will bless you withsomebody that will love you.
And if you have children, theywill love them as well.
So we have to take thelimitations off.
Renee Richel (21:19):
Yeah, I couldn't agree more because I get that
all the time with my women ormen saying, oh, they're too old
to have children, or you know,they're just that biological
pressure.
But at the end of the day,exactly what you just said is
what we try to remind everybodythat the goal is not to be what
everybody else believes shouldbe, right?
The goal is to trust the Lordthat He has a much better plan
(21:41):
and sometimes doing itdifferently and not following
what everybody else is doing.
It's so much greater of a planbecause of your patience.
And it's so much more uh, Iguess I would say well-deserved
for the ones that then arepatient through it all.
Pastor Charles Maris (21:57):
That's right.
That's right.
Because the Bible tells us thatpatience, let patience have its
perfect work in you so you arecomplete and lacking nothing.
If you can have patience andlet God get you to the point to
where you're healthy, because Ididn't know that God was
building me and removing somethings from me for my wife,
(22:19):
because she had been cheated onin every relationship prior to
her, and she's beautiful.
So God was putting faithfulnessin my heart, trustworthy,
honesty, consistency, constance.
And so sometimes you, your,your your spouse that God has
for you might be a dummy.
I say that, but room forimprovement is what I am
(22:43):
calling.
They may take a little longerto get it, but they're gonna get
it.
Renee Richel (22:48):
Yes, yes, and the best thing anybody can do,
instead of being angry or upsetat somebody, I always say pray
for them, even pray for yourenemies, right?
Like pray for the ones who'vedone you wrong, pray for the
ones who in the future will doyou wrong.
Because at the end of the day,all you can do is believe and
know that God's got this, it'snot our design.
So I love that.
(23:08):
Okay, so how do you instructsingles, of course, before
needing one true match in whatwe do?
How to look for the one.
Pastor Charles Maris (23:19):
Oh, how to look for the one.
A lot of people are you you candecide what you want to deal
with and what you don't want todeal with in life with a person.
We gotta understand that we'reall imperfect, we all have
flaws, we all have some things,but there's some you you gotta
(23:39):
have some deal breakers to whereyou say, Okay, no, I'm I'm not
dealing with this.
And the thing that really gotme was when me and my wife were
in our biblical court phase, shetold me that in order for this
to work, that you are going tohave to show me Christ.
That hit me like a ton ofbricks.
(24:03):
I had no idea what that meant.
But I was I I began a journeyat that very moment.
I was driving home and and Iwas puzzled and I didn't
understand.
But until you get into a realrelationship with Christ, I mean
he's got to be number one.
Because if we expect for animperfect human being to be more
(24:28):
to us than who God is to us,then we run into a problem of
idolatry where we startworshiping that individual over
God.
Now, even in marriage, Godmeets your deepest need.
So we have to understand thatyou have to be and to know the
inner workings of God, you haveto know what he wants and what
(24:50):
he desires for you.
So I had to show my wife thecharacter traits of Christ in
order for her to even begin tofeel comfortable being with me.
And in order for me to todisplay, I had to know Christ
for myself in a real way.
Renee Richel (25:10):
Which I love that because when we talk to so many
of our female um clients andjust matches in general, the
common denominator of all ofwhat they want is a man who will
lead them in the house, whichthe Bible says, right?
And it's what's missing too,because I tell all my females,
I'm like, you've got to allowthe man to lead.
(25:31):
But I love what your wife saidbecause she's basically saying,
I want to see it through youreyes to lead me to lead this
family, which is the opportunityand exactly how obviously the
Lord made marriage to be.
So I love that.
Pastor Charles Mari (25:45):
Absolutely, absolutely, because you you you
got to think about what didwhat did Adam have with God
before he was given Eve?
He had his presence, he had hisword, he had uh kingdom work,
he was he was already doingkingdom purpose.
So God was saying, this mandoesn't need to be alone, this
(26:06):
kind of man.
But if he doesn't love God'spresence, if he doesn't know
God's word, if he's notworshiping and praising God, and
he's not about kingdombusiness, that man needs to
continue to work on himself andnot be ready to lead another
woman into areas of life thathe's not prepared to lead or to
exemplify the life of Christ.
(26:27):
So yeah, it's it's it'sdefinitely important to have a
more intimate relationship.
Renee Richel (26:34):
I agree, I agree.
Um, what would you say is thebest for people out there that
are dating the wrong people?
Obviously, you both, you andyour wife have experience on
that.
What would you say the best wayto end a dating relationship
with someone that isn't the one?
Pastor Charles Maris (26:52):
The best way, I think, uh, and and and
and and I have been teachingpeople about biblically
courting.
Biblically courting means thatthat the male and the female are
both seeking God uh on theirown, whether this union is
ordained, and then comingtogether whether or not this
union is ordained.
(27:12):
And so through interaction andconversation, I think the best
way if if when God tells the manor the woman that this is not
for him, I I just think is youdon't try to drag it out, but
just go ahead and say, hey, I II don't I got word from the
spirit that this is not meant tobe.
(27:35):
Uh so we can be friends, but Idon't want to pursue marriage.
And I I think if you just goahead and be honest and and not
when you initially feel it andnot kind of just drag it out,
because where one person may bereally heart connected, the
(27:56):
other person has just kind ofgot walls put up.
And so when you drag the personthat's got walls and you drag
the person that's got theheartstrings already attached,
then you you get in a situationwhere uh feelings are hurt.
Um you get into the situationwhere uh people can be really
(28:19):
destroyed by it, theircharacter, their their
self-esteem, their emotionalstate.
So I I think that if we startfrom the beginning that we're
seeking God about this union andyou keep it God centered, I
think that's probably the besteffective way to let somebody
know that this is not for me.
Renee Richel (28:38):
Right.
And I love what you're sayingbecause when you share with
somebody, I'm dating withintention.
And if you're not then sharingthat with them intentionally,
that you don't see foreversooner than later, which you're
freeing them to find the person.
I 100% agree with what you say.
And also everybody that's inthe their single phase, I to add
(28:59):
on to that.
I always tell everybody, justtell everybody that's bugging
you, your family, your friends,when are you gonna meet that
person?
When are you gonna have start afamily?
Tell them you're in the seasonof dating Jesus right now.
That's it, it'll stop everyother question from that point
on.
And it's just, I mean, what areyou gonna say back to that?
Be proud of it because thatintimate time, as you know,
(29:22):
before you meet the one, is sopowerful and so precious.
Before you have a spouse andyou have more family and you
have kids and you have morefriends, and you have all these
things that come with once youare uh united with your true
love, too.
Pastor Charles Mari (29:39):
Definitely, definitely.
And then you you gotta thinkthat marriage is tough as is
between a male and a female, andthen when not now, a lot of
families are are blended, and sothat gets into different
dynamics because, like I said, Ihad two sons, she had one son,
and then we had our six-year-oldson we had together.
(30:02):
So we've raised four boys, andthen you you know, when
sometimes when you have to dealwith toxic co-parents, it
marriage can get a little, alittle tough.
And so you both have to be uhyou both have to be
Christ-centered, you also haveto know who the real enemy is,
and it's not each other, and youyou you really have to hold on
(30:25):
to God's unchanging hands andraise children up to serve
Christ.
And and I believe that that'swhat we have done, and that's
what I teach others to do.
And there's a lot of questionsthat you gotta ask when you are
dating uh people with children.
Renee Richel (30:41):
Yeah, it's it's true.
And what even even if you'redating somebody without
children, what nobody thinksabout is when the holiday season
starts to come around.
That's why we always we teachand preach relationship
communication 101 around Octoberto equip them before they go
into Thanksgiving, Christmas,New Year's, Valentine's Day,
they're all kind of blendedtogether.
(31:03):
Then, you know, I mean, that'sthe truth, is nobody thinks
through.
As then once you are datingsomebody or you're engaged or
married or have a blendedfamily, whose family do you go
to for the holidays?
And how do you do it all?
And now there's that many morepeople to please.
It's something nobody thinksthrough until it gets there.
Pastor Charles Maris (31:21):
No, you're right, and that's something to
consider.
It's good that y'all do thatstart in October.
Because yeah, that's if if if Ihave a tradition of going over
my mom's house and she has atradition of going over her
parents' house.
Renee Richel (31:36):
And Thanksgiving is both at three o'clock.
What are you gonna do?
Pastor Charles Maris (31:40):
Yeah, what are we gonna do?
Yeah, and and and who's who'sgonna get mad?
What parents are gonna get mad?
Renee Richel (31:48):
I know.
And then it's I mean, you know,this being married.
I I tell all my couples at theend of the day, in the word
compromise is promise.
And in the word marriage ismaking a promise to each other,
right?
So you're gonna have tocompromise.
Nobody likes that word.
It's like the word budget, butit's just something that's part
of if you're signing up for aGod-given relationship with the
(32:13):
woman that's all part of the uhthe joys that come from it.
Pastor Charles Maris (32:18):
It's the joys I like the so tell me, I
want to hear all about yourbook.
Renee Richel (32:23):
And I want everybody to pick up your book,
men and female, because I alwayssay if you're single, read
marriage-minded books, becauseat the end of the day, it's
important that when we'resingle, we learn how to be
married.
And when we're married, weshould be reading
marriage-minded books.
But tell me all about what ledyou to write um the Intune
(32:44):
Husband to inspire our women toread about this as well as our
men.
Pastor Charles Maris (32:50):
Yes, I definitely when I when I first
this this is it.
You can find it on Amazon.
It's the Intune Husband.
You can find it on Amazon, andI encourage a lot of women to
read it so they understand whatto pray for, what to look for in
a man.
Uh I I first start out in inchapters one and two, and and I
(33:12):
and I share uh what God thinksabout a wife, a woman, uh, that
she's God's favor in one man'slife.
And if she doesn't know thatshe's favoring a man's life,
then she, you know, I always saywhen you don't know the value
(33:32):
or the worth of something, abuseis inevitable.
And sometimes when a womandoesn't know her worth, she'll
let a man abuse or mistreat her,not necessarily physically, but
sometimes verbally and and inthe attention or intentions that
he doesn't show or does show.
So this book it will walk a manthrough deliverance.
(33:56):
Uh, if he's not fullycommitted, it will let uh the
man know uh how closely that Godholds the woman because she was
created to multiply whateverGod gives him.
(34:18):
But if he don't know that, thenand he doesn't have a vision,
then that woman is there tohelp.
What is she helping with?
To cook, clean.
No, she's here to help forkingdom purpose because kingdom
purpose is what will keep amarriage going, not necessarily
love, because as you and I know,people fall in and out of love
(34:41):
every day.
And a lot of people, and I'llsay that I love you is the most
abused phrase in all of theworld.
Because if I say I love mywife, but then I love chocolate
cake, is that the same?
No, I like chocolate cake, butI love my wife, right?
So, so the in-tune husband ishaving the man become in tune
(35:05):
with God first so he can be intune with the wife.
Because when I was when we werein our courting phase again, my
wife she she was afraid ofbeing hurt again, so she would
emotionally disconnect, and theHoly Spirit would always let me
know when she emotionallydisconnects, and I would call
her and I would say, Are youokay?
(35:27):
Is something wrong?
She's like, How did you know?
I said, The Holy Spirit let meknow that you were you were
doubting it, you had some fearcome upon you.
I'm here to dispel all of that.
So that's what that's what theIntune Husband book is about.
It's about bringing the husbandand wife closer to God and
(35:47):
keeping him in the center.
Renee Richel (35:49):
All right.
Well, everybody that'slistening to this podcast today,
I need you to go on Amazon andgo get the Intune Husband now
and start reading it becausethere are so many books that we
love inspiring our audience toread.
Because by the time we start tomatch them, I need them fully
whole, fully ready.
And I love that you saidknowing their worth.
(36:12):
We're excited to be able tohave the opportunity to start
talking to Christian collegesor, you know, the kids, and you
know, kind of between 18 andlet's say after call through
college is when they reallystart to do their own thing and
explore and and lead away fromtheir faith and they start to
get torn down by the others, theother things in this world,
(36:34):
right?
And they they start to lose alittle bit of their worth.
And um, so as we all go throughour timeline in life, it's
important to always rootourselves closer to Christ to
get the answers when we feellost or alone, because he will
reveal it the stronger we are inour faith, which it sounds like
I love you have in your heart,through your heart, and you
(36:55):
preach on to others.
Pastor Charles Maris (36:56):
Yes, definitely.
I there's no business.
The the body of Christ has nobusiness having the same amount
of divorce rate as the world.
And my whole purpose is toeliminate the divorce rate,
lower it, and so that everybody,because this is how we expand
(37:19):
God's reign and rule in theearth, is through kingdom
marriages and then having godlyexamples raise up kids to see
what it's like to have a kingdomfather, a kingdom husband
loving his wife like Christloves the church, and a wife,
kingdom wife, respecting herhusband as unto God.
Children need to see thatbecause they're gonna grow up
(37:41):
looking for what they saw.
Renee Richel (37:43):
I know it's so true.
And we're in such a new phasewith what they're called the
COVID babies or the Gen Zchildren, right?
And I'm like, that it those areour seeds planted in our
harvest.
If we don't nurture them and wedon't water them, it's so
difficult because withunfortunate divorces out there,
right?
They just haven't seen whattrue love is and online and not
(38:05):
being social for all thoseyears.
It's like they don't even knowwhat to do.
We have to continue to uh fuelthem as well and remind them who
they are in Christ every day.
Okay, so I know that youobviously, as we keep talking
about the Intune Husband book,share with me a couple other
(38:26):
books and just resources thatyou offer your community to help
them to be whole and ready.
Pastor Charles Maris (38:33):
Okay.
I have a group on Facebookcalled Kingdom Singleness
Singledom.
And uh not too long ago did aworkbook, and I have a book
called Kingdom SingledomWorkbook, where I help singles,
male and females, uh becomewhole.
And I I explained to them whatGod originally intended before
(38:55):
the fall in the Garden of Edenuh to show what because see, a
lot of times we try to build amarriage on what we think it
should be or what we saw growingup, and and a lot of times the
problem isn't the environment,sometimes it's the home that we
(39:15):
fall into.
And so I show I show what whatwas created and eaten, and so
both male and female, and so thecloser that you get to being at
that mark, because that's themark, that's the standard, the
healthier your marriage will be.
I also came out uh earlier thisweek this week with an e-book
(39:38):
called The True Behavior of aKingdom Man.
This book will help young menknow the mark, the standard, the
set of what they're trying togo to, what they're trying to
achieve.
And it also helps females topray uh if they're praying or
desiring for marriage, or evenif they're already married, they
can pray that these things comeabout.
(39:59):
From a pure place in theirheart regarding their spouse,
their husband.
And so I like you, I want tohave a lot of resources for
people, uh information.
So that because this stuff thatI'm learning that God has given
me in the past couple years, Ididn't have when I was 19, 20,
(40:22):
21.
And so I want to make sure thatour young people have because
the better they start having,sooner they start having kingdom
marriages, the better off it'llbe.
You don't have to get draggedthrough the dirt.
You don't always have to getyour feelings hurt, but you
can't be patient and wait onChrist to send you that ordained
spouse.
Renee Richel (40:42):
Which I love that.
So we I always say it takes avillage, right, to build the
Lord's kingdom.
So with all these beautifultools that you have created, I
think that they are great forour youth to start reading now
so they don't make the mistakesthat uh some of us have,
unfortunately.
So I am sorry you had to gothrough that, but I'm so
(41:05):
grateful that you can help somany other people that the Lord
has helped you to be able to dothrough it.
Pastor Charles Maris (41:10):
And I believe that's why I went
through it.
So I could be a representativethat Christ can use to help
bring people out of thisfunction and into what it should
be, God's original intent.
Renee Richel (41:24):
I love that.
I love that.
So, how would you encourage oursingles out there that are
tired of dating and waiting andsome parting words from your
beautiful advice?
Pastor Charles Maris (41:38):
I I was there once and I got tired of
dating.
Um don't let loneliness makeyou feel like you gotta go all
out there and make somethinghappen.
Don't let your parents pressureyou into thinking that, hey,
I'm ready for some grandkids.
When you gonna give them to me?
(42:00):
Don't settle, don't compromise.
Sit there and be content inyour thinking and in your heart
and within your body to serveChrist wholeheartedly because he
has a plan for your life.
He he's a he pays attention tothe details of our lives, and
all he wants to know and see isthat you trust him.
(42:22):
When you show that you trusthim in your heart, mind, body,
and soul, there's not nothingthat he will withhold from you.
And the Bible tells us that hewill perfect everything that
concerns you, and so you need tobe able to trust his word and
know that it's for youpersonally.
The word has to become personalto you, not just a broad uh
(42:46):
scripture just broad, but no,it's personally for Charles,
it's personally for you, it'spersonally for you, Renee.
That's how it's got to become,it's got to become intimate.
That whole scripture, Bible,love is kind, love is patient.
I have to embody that and Ihave to know that I receive it
as well.
Renee Richel (43:05):
I love that.
That is such wise advice.
And to get more advice, please,like I said, go get go out and
get Pastor Charles Maris's bookcalled The In Tune Husband Now
today.
And we are definitely going tohave you and your wife back on
to talk even some moreconversations to our amazing
(43:25):
married couples.
And if you are truly ready andyou have read uh Pastor Charles'
book and other things to say, Iam ready, then come and fill
out a profile so that we knowyou exist as the Lord has built
our kingdom with one true matchto be the resource to connect
his amazing hearts who are trulyready for love in this world of
(43:48):
who and how do you trust theright one.
So we are there to invest themand qualify them and make sure
they're truly ready for truelove.
Thank you so much, PastorCharles, for joining us today on
this podcast.
And I can't wait for more chatsoon.
Pastor Charles Maris (44:04):
Thank you.
I've enjoyed myself.
Renee Richel (44:07):
God bless.
I look forward to our nextchat.
Please write in your questionsand comments so I can be sure to
talk about whatever it is youwant to discuss in our next
(44:27):
upcoming episode.
Lots of love.
God bless.
XOXO.
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