Red Flags & Reroutes: When God Says This is Not "The One"

Ever wondered if that uneasy feeling about someone you're dating is just fear, or something more divine? When your spirit feels unsettled despite promising appearances, it might be the Holy Spirit's gentle protection rather than your own pickiness. 

We break down six critical red flags that may appear innocent but actually serve as divine whispers saying "this is not your person." From spiritual disconnection (the most significant warning sign) to inconsistent character, lack of accountability, emotional manipulation, unhealed wounds, and the heartbreaking experience of losing yourself, each red flag represents God's loving guidance toward something better.

"Sometimes the enemy will send distractions as desires," Renee explains, reminding us that as believers, we're dating for purpose, not just attention. The world teaches us to overlook warning signs for the sake of butterflies or to avoid loneliness, but God's protection often comes disguised as rejection. Those disappointing dating detours are actually divine redirections toward the person who will truly complement your identity in Christ.

Whether you're currently dating, healing from a relationship that displayed these warning signs, or preparing for future connections, this episode provides spiritual clarity and practical wisdom. Remember, you weren't created to be someone's emotional rehabilitation center, you were designed for partnership rooted in faith, consistency, and mutual growth. Share this episode with friends navigating their own dating journeys, and join us next week as we explore kingdom-minded dating that's not casual, but called.

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Episode Transcript

Renee Richel (00:07):
Hi, I'm Renee Richel, the founder and
president of 1 True Match.
I'm here to help you find andcultivate the love of your life.
For over a decade, I'vededicated my life to the
importance, purpose and dynamicof human relationships.
My team and I are disciplinedby faith, love and integrity to
help our clients find thequality relationship they've

(00:28):
always dreamt of.
Each week, I will be sharingthe tools and tips I've learned
that have rooted my success as amatchmaker with other leaders
around the world.
Hello, loves, welcome back.
I hope you have had anincredible week.
I am so excited to do a followup from our podcast last week

(00:50):
talking about red flags andreroutes.
When God says, this is not theone we are still diving into our
dating series, and in today'sepisode, this one I wish every
single person could hear at thestart of their dating journey.

(01:11):
Last week we talked about greenflags, meaning what to look for
in a godly partner, and if youmissed last week's episode,
please feel free to go back andgive it a listen.
What about the times whenyou're dating someone or you met

(01:32):
someone promising and yourspirit just doesn't really feel
settled?
That's not you being picky,that's not fear.
Sometimes that's the HolySpirit trying to protect you
from something that is not meantfor you.
Remember, the world's rejectionis God's protection.

(01:56):
Today, we're breaking down sixred flags that might look
innocent on the outside but arereally God's way of whispering
this is not your person.
So grab your journal, grab yourcoffee, your tea or beverage of
choice and let's dive in.
Let's start with this Red flagsaren't just about danger.

(02:20):
They're about discernment.
Sometimes the enemy will senddistractions as desires.
The red flags are God's way oflovingly tapping you on the
shoulder and saying I havesomeone better in store for you,
trust me.
The world teaches us tooverlook red flags in the name

(02:44):
of potential butterflies orloneliness, but as believers,
we're not dating for attention.
We're dating for purpose.
So here are some major redflags to pay attention to, not
just in others, but sometimes inourselves too.

(03:05):
Red flag number one spiritualdisconnection.
This is the biggest one.
They don't have a personalrelationship with Jesus.
If Jesus isn't in the center oftheir life, he can't be the
center of your relationship.
Here's the truth.
If someone doesn't walk closelywith God, they cannot lead you,

(03:29):
support you or love you the wayyou're called to be loved.
Do not be unequally yoked withun believers.
2 Corinthians 6:14, dating theright one is all about alignment
.
Red flag number two inconsistentcharacter.

(03:53):
Let me paint a picture for you.
Week one they're quotingscripture and showering you with
affection and words ofaffirmation.
Week three they disappear forthree days with no explanation.
Week four they're back, actinglike nothing happened.

(04:14):
Sounds familiar.
That is not clarity, that isconfusion.
And, as we are reminded in 1Corinthians 14:33, god is not
the author of confusion.
A godly relationship is built onconsistency, not perfection,

(04:37):
but predictability in theirbehavior, words and emotional
availability.
Red flag examples they say onething but emotional availability
.
Red flag examples they say onething but do another.
Their values shift based onwho's watching.

(05:00):
They have spiritual highs butno rooted healthy habits of
their life, not the fluff theytry to tell you but then don't
follow through.
If they're great at apologizingbut never changing, that's not
growth, that's manipulation withgood manners.

(05:21):
Red flag number three noaccountability or community.
Let's talk about the lonewolves, the I don't need advice
from anyone types.
If someone has no spiritualcovering, no mentors and no one
speaking truth into their life,that's not independence, that's

(05:44):
isolation into their life.
That's not independence, that'sisolation.
And you might be thinking,Renee?
Does that really matter?
Of course it does.
It matters because when lifegets tough, who do they go to
for wisdom?
Who holds them accountable?
Who can correct them with loveand grace?

(06:05):
Red flag examples they dismissthe idea of counseling or
mentorship.
They get defensive when you askabout their community.

Proverbs 11 (06:16):
14 says In the multitude of councils there is
safety.
So if they live like they'retheir own authority, they'll
struggle to honor yours.
Red flag number four emotionalmanipulation and control.

(06:39):
This one can be subtle, butover time it starts to wear down
on your soul.
If you find yourself constantlysecond-guessing what you're
allowed to say, how you'reallowed to feel or whether your
needs are too much, that's notlove, that's control.

(07:01):
Red flag examples they gaslightyou.
You're too sensitive.
They make you feel guilty forhaving boundaries.
They isolate you from friendsor spiritual community.
They get angry with you whenyou say no.

According to 1 Corinthians, 13: 4-7, love is patient, love is (07:18):
undefined
kind, love doesn't coerce, itprotects honors and a bliss.
So if someone uses youremotions against you, that's not

(07:39):
your forever person.
That's a warning sign straightfrom heaven.
Red flag number five unhealedwounds and unchecked baggage.
Look, we've all been throughthings past heartbreak, trauma,
rejection.
However, a green flag issomeone who's aware of their

(08:00):
wounds and brings them to Godfor healing wounds.
And brings them to God forhealing.
The red flag is someone who'signoring their baggage or, worse
, projecting it onto you andyour new relationship with you.
Red flag examples theyconstantly talk about their ex

(08:20):
negatively and longingly.
They sabotage healthy intimacybecause they're afraid you'll
leave.
They act out of fear, not faith.
Jealousy, clinginess and totalemotional shutdown.
You were never meant to besomeone's emotional rehab center

(08:44):
.
You are not their rescuemission.
You are their partner in Christ.
True healing in personalbetween them and God.
Don't try to speed it up so youcan have a relationship.
That's how cycles start.

(09:08):
Red flag number six you'relosing yourself.
This is one that breaks myheart the most.
You're dating someone andsuddenly you stop hanging out
with your family and friends.
You stop serving, you shrinkyour voice, you tolerate things
you never thought you would, andall to keep the peace.

(09:32):
Red flag examples You'reexhausted trying to make it work
.
You silence your convictions toavoid tension.
You feel lonelier in therelationship than you did when
you were single.
God never asks you to abandonyour identity to be in love.

(09:55):
He brings someone who reflectsyou and who you are in him, not
someone who makes you forget itand lose yourself in the process
.
So, in conclusion, I know itcan feel difficult.
You prayed, you waited, youthought this could be it, and

(10:19):
then the red flags start to show.
And now you're asking God whywould you let me go through this
Lord, only to say no, god isnot punishing you, he's
protecting you.
Sometimes God will let us feela little hurt now to save us

(10:42):
from a lifelong of heartachelater down the road.
I want to encourage you you arenot alone and you are not
behind.
God is doing somethingbeautiful in your story, even
when it feels like a detour.
So remember to trust in whatyou hear from the Lord and

(11:07):
always, always, be who God hasbeautifully designed you to be.
Share this episode with a friendwho might need it, post it, tag
us at 1 True Match and let'skeep having these honest, real
talk conversations Until nexttime.

(11:27):
Walk in wisdom, wait withpurpose and trust that God sees
what you don't, and when he saysthis is not the one, it's only
because he's preparing you forwho.
The one is better than you canever dream of and imagine.

(11:52):
Next week we are going to talkabout, not casual, but called
dating with a kingdom mindset.
I hope you have a fantasticweek and I cannot wait for our
next chat.
God bless, it's been anothergreat talk on this episode of 1

(12:14):
True Talks by Renee Richel.
I look forward to our next chat.
Please write in your questionsand comments so I can be sure to
talk about whatever it is youwant to discuss in our next
upcoming episode.
Lots of Love, God Bless.
XOXO.