March 26, 2025 • 45 mins
Tired of feeling like you’re either “all in” or “off the rails” when it comes to your habits? In this episode of 1,000 Waking Minutes, Dr. Wendy Bazilian shares the Rule of 2—her surprisingly simple, science-backed system that brings structure without rigidity, and flexibility without guilt.
Whether you’re working on limiting something (like desserts, social media, or alcohol) or building something (like movement, meal prep, or mindfulness), the Rule of 2 helps you move forward with intention—not exhaustion.
You’ll hear how this approach can help you:
- Avoid decision fatigue
- Stay consistent without being perfect
- Build habits that actually last
We’ll walk through the research behind it, offer real-world examples, and of course, take a mindful minute together to pause and reset.
Because when you have a rhythm you can trust—even one that’s just two times a week—you’re more likely to stick with it for the long haul—and that’s where real health and well-being take root.
(10:52) What is the Rule of 2, and how can it reshape the way we build habits?
(12:21) Why structure with flexibility beats “all-or-nothing” thinking in habit change
(12:46) Real-life examples: applying the Rule of 2 to eating, movement, and screen time
(17:23) The mental load of daily decisions—and how planning ahead protects your energy
(23:09) The ROIs: Surprising research on how small rituals support self-control and follow-through
(35:29) A mindful minute to pause, reset, and reflect on your next small shift
(37:50) Key takeaways—and how to put this into practice without overwhelm
CONNECT WITH WENDY:
- Follow on Instagram: @1000WakingMinutes
- Visit the website: wendybazilian.com
- Email: 1KWM@wendybazilian.com
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If you’re enjoying 1,000 Waking Minutes, help us grow!
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- Share with a friend who could use a little more balance in their life
Thank you for tuning in to 1,000 Waking Minutes and being part of this journey—together. A huge thank you to our amazing collaborators, including our production and marketing teams, and Gabriela Escalante in particular. To the ultra-talented Beza for my theme music, my lifelong friend and artist Pearl Preis Photography and Design, to Danielle Ballantyne, Jen Nguyen, Joanna Powell, and of course, my family and everyone working tirelessly behind the scenes.
HEALTH DISCLAIMER:
The information shared in this podcast is for educational purposes only and should not be considered individual medical or health advice. Always consult with your trusted healthcare provider before making any changes to your diet, exercise, or medical treatment.
REFERENCES:
Fournier, M., Keller, J., Fleig, L., Knoll, N., & Hagger, M. S. (2021). Habit formation following routine-based versus time-based cue planning: A randomized controlled trial. British Journal of Health Psychology, 26(3), 813–830. https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/bjhp.12504
Ordali, E., Marcos-Prieto, P., Avvenuti, G., Bilancini, E., & others. (2024). Prolonged exertion of self-control causes increased sleep-like frontal brain activity and changes in aggressivity and punishment. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 121(47), e2404213121.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
The best habits aren't about doing
something every day.
They're about having a plan
that works in real life.
A little structure, a little
flexibility, and a simple approach
to stay on track without
getting lost in the BAZILIAN
daily decisions.
That's what I call the
rule of two.
(00:21):
We experience 1,000 waking minutes
on average every day.
How are you spending yours?
I'm Dr. Wendy Bazilian and
you're listening to 1,000 Waking
Minutes.
I can't wait to connect
with you here with practical
ways to eat well, move
daily, and be healthy.
To optimize every waking minute
you live for a happier,
(00:41):
healthier life.
Thank you for sharing some
of your waking minutes with
me today.
Let's get started.
(01:05):
Welcome to 1,000 waking minutes.
I'm Dr. Wendy Bazilian and
I'm so glad you're joining
me today.
You know those moments when
you're really trying to make
a new habit, a new
behavioral change.
Maybe you're cutting back on
sugar, trying to move more,
get more exercise during your
week, or maybe being more
mindful of your alcohol consumption.
(01:27):
And it's going along fine
until it isn't.
Maybe it's dessert after dinner
with friends that you just
can't resist, or a glass
of wine after a long,
exhausting day.
Or maybe you miss a
workout because, well, life happens
and deadlines approach and family
encroaches on that habit.
(01:47):
And just like that, one
moment turns into what feels
like a slippery slope, like
you've blown it.
The voice inside pops in
and says, well, there it
goes again.
So what's the point?
Or I missed today, so
I'll just start again next
week.
It's an all or nothing
mindset that's familiar to so
(02:08):
many of us.
And it's like total restriction,
like a free-for-all,
a falling, and it can
be exhausting.
More importantly, it typically doesn't
work long-term, as you've
probably, as we've all probably
experienced at times.
But what if you had
a more simple way to
(02:29):
build habits without feeling so
restricted?
Building in flexibility with a
little routine.
A way to enjoy the
things you love, some structure
without rigidity.
Flexibility without chaos, though.
And you can actually progress
without burnout or what you
(02:49):
feel like is failure yet
again.
So this is ultimately about
a way to stay on
track that I'm going to
talk about today.
And never feel like you
failed in the first place,
because as I've said before,
and I'll say forevermore, health
is dynamic, it's not static,
and we're all works in
progress.
(03:10):
So what I want to
talk about today, and what
I want to share with
you, I call the rule
of two.
This is something I've used
for years.
I've used it with clients,
I've used it in my
own life, and what I
love about it is it's
simple, it works, and it
never leaves you feeling like
(03:31):
you're either on or off
the wagon, whatever the wagon
and wherever that wagon is.
Always wondered about that.
Of course, I'll bring some
research to you and some
practical strategies, because this isn't
just about ideas and an
arbitrary rule, it's about what
actually works.
(03:51):
So what is the rule
of two?
Well, being a numbers and
science person who is constantly
trying to make sense of
the world, aren't we all?
I use words and practices,
I pay attention and I
observe, I research, but things
that can help keep us
on our feet, on the
(04:12):
ground, moving forward, I'm always
keen to pay attention to.
And a lot I get
to thinking about time, as
you know, and how much
we accomplish at times with
our time.
Those days, those waking hours,
over days, over months, over
(04:34):
years.
Things like habits, and how
many habits can we acquire
in a year, I've pondered
before.
Does it really take three
weeks or 21 days to
establish a habit?
Well, actually, science says no.
The median there is closer
to 60 days.
Or things like is restricting,
(04:56):
or maybe more gently, choosing
to not have a dessert
once or twice a week,
if that's something that you're
trying to change or alter,
what's the better approach?
Does it feel like you're
depriving yourself one way or
the other?
What's the strategy?
What's the mindset?
Well, if you measure your
days in minutes, and your
(05:19):
weeks in hours, and maybe
your years in weeks or
days or months, of course,
what's coming into my mind
is the Seasons of Love
song from Rent, if you
know it.
They measure your life in
love, which is Seasons of
Love, of course.
But if you think of
numbers in a bigger context,
in your days and times,
(05:40):
and more expansive than just
right this second or right
this day, sometimes we can
find that we have lots
of opportunities to engage, even
indulge, in the things that
we love to do, and
time to set aside to
maybe do a little less
of the things that we're
trying to curb or change
(06:02):
in our lives, even when
we're pulling back or that
you don't do in certain
times.
So this may feel very
abstract in what I'm saying.
I'm going to make it
more concrete in a minute.
So let's make it more
specific.
So I've worked with many
individuals, smart, achieving, goal-oriented,
(06:23):
motivated individuals for many years.
And I'd like to think
of myself that way at
times as well.
But I can see how
quickly certain roadblocks and obstacles
can emerge at times when
certain behaviors that someone is
consciously expressing interest in changing,
how hard it can become,
(06:43):
how the roadblocks come up
quickly, maybe establishing an exercise
routine they actually stick to,
end quote, this time, or
curbing the sugar in their
diets, and so on.
So one day I found
myself sort of negotiating with
a client with whom I
had been working.
And we had very good
rapport and banter, a nice
(07:04):
relationship.
And he was sort of
teasing back and forth how
full restriction actually works.
And then, well, until it
didn't.
It definitely worked, but then
it didn't.
And then it became a
free-for-all again, he
would say.
So he was sort of
arguing a case for just
(07:25):
give me the plan and
I'll do it.
And at the same breath
saying, I won't like it,
but I'll do it.
And I'm not saying that
I'll do it forever.
And I just was so
perplexed, I got to thinking
that that's just not the
way to go.
And as I've said many
times, I'm not the tough
love type of person in
(07:46):
the first place, personally or
professionally.
So you'll just get love
and a million, or dare
I say a BAZILIAN, attempts
at figuring out what will
work for you.
What is the way to
find how to make the
habits stick for your health
and your lifestyle, your conditions,
your preferences, your personality, your
(08:08):
specialized circumstances, your peculiarities maybe
in a way though, that
it feels life enhancing, that
it feels reasonable.
And maybe even pleasurable if
possible.
So it hit me one
day, could we adopt a
practice, something different one day
a week?
You know, I just, I
(08:29):
started like, let's think of
one day, let's think of
our day as a series
of minutes.
Is it too much to
ask in a seven day
period to curb something one
day or to add something
one day?
Most people say, well, if
I'm going to try to
take on a health habit,
that's not enough.
Maybe not.
Well, you know, it turns
out that most people can
(08:49):
do something once a week.
When they know and when
they plan, they can do
it, which is amazing.
We feel we have enough
control to actively plan in
the one.
How about twice?
So I started to revisit.
Well, yes, but you know,
the but here is planning
is one thing for one
day a week, but what
(09:11):
about spontaneous moments?
All of a sudden I
see like certain challenges arise
with the second day creeping
in.
And then dare I suggest
a third, which I won't,
you know, I don't know
what I'll feel like that
day.
What if my schedule changes?
What if I have a
hard day?
What if a surprise visitor
comes?
What if it's a celebration?
(09:33):
What if, what if, what
if?
There's so many, what ifs
that we react to in
our busy active lives where
we have lots of choices,
but there was something to
practicing two times that required
and showed me that two
was possible because every day
we show up, every day
(09:53):
I'd like to see elements
of eat well and move
daily and be healthy.
But when you're working on
something very specific, like cutting
back or adding in a
behavior, two was a number
that I could work with.
And I tried it on
a lot of people and
it often worked because two
(10:14):
times in a week is
just shy of a third
of the time, a third
of your seven days.
It's not half, it's not
more than half, it's just
shy of a third.
And two in a week
translates to an opportunity to
have 104 of something in
a year.
If you think 52 weeks
(10:36):
times two, 104, 104 days
of practice, of regular routine,
consistent practice, if you chose
to expand whatever habit you're
trying to form to that
duration, that's relevant.
So what is this rule
of two?
And why does it work?
(10:56):
Well, the rule of two
is a simple framework and
it helps you create structure
without feeling stuck.
It works in two ways
conveniently, depending on whether you're
trying to limit something or
build something in.
Two days in a week
and not two days in
a row.
(11:17):
This is practical and not
about restriction.
It's not about getting it
perfect even every week, but
making it easier than you
thought.
It's about planning one and
having one that's spontaneous, which
we'll get to.
And it's practical.
Think of it like bumpers
(11:38):
in the bowling lane, you
know, the ones we pop
up for kids so that
you don't land in the
gutter.
It turns out that symbolically,
those types of bumpers can
help us adults too while
we're acquiring new habits.
The goal isn't to bowl
a perfect game every time,
but it is to keep
yourself out of the gutter,
(11:59):
right?
So the rule of two
keeps you moving forward without
veering into the all or
nothing thinking, the gutter.
I'd like to think of
that.
And so I started realizing
that this could work with
a variety of practices that
we often try to do
or undo in our lives
because it helps keep you
from getting stuck in extremes.
(12:21):
It can give you a
system that's flexible, but also
has some structure.
And it can work with
habits that can actually help
them stick over time because
it's the practice engagement, but
not through willpower, but through
consistency.
As an example, let me
first apply the rule of
two for things you want
(12:43):
to limit but not eliminate.
Let's say you're working on
something you want to cut
back on, but not completely
eliminate.
Maybe like desserts, alcohol, perhaps
it's scrolling on social media,
or even default ordering takeout
because you haven't planned dinner
in advance.
(13:03):
For some, it might be
staying up too late watching
TV every night.
So the idea of the
rule of two here is
that you're going to allow
and practice building in the
habit rather than eliminating it
two times a week.
You simply allow it in
as a choice or option
(13:23):
into your life twice a
week.
So you take it off
the table, the others.
You plan in the behavior.
This is where the rule
of two keeps you from
feeling like you're constantly making
a decision because the decision
is already made.
It helps you with decision
fatigue, and you write it
(13:44):
down and you commit twice
a week.
And here's the thing, and
this is important.
One is planned and firm.
You know when you're going
to do it.
But one is planned but
flexible.
You know it's going to
be one more time, but
you don't know when.
So let's take desserts as
an example.
(14:05):
You decide.
I'm going to ease off
dessert every night as a
habit.
But instead, we're going to
plan for two nights a
week that you will have
your dessert.
So Saturday night, perhaps, you
have plans at a favorite
restaurant that has a fabulous
pastry chef.
So there it is.
(14:27):
It's a planned dessert.
You don't have to negotiate
in advance, like I'll have
a lighter entree so I'll
have the dessert or I'll
skip the dessert because, you
know, none of that.
You plan it.
Whatever you order, whatever you're
doing, you're having dessert on
Saturday.
And the other?
Well, mark it on a
calendar so you remember.
(14:48):
So you have a plan.
But that's the flexible one.
Let's say a friend invites
you out for coffee and
there's a pastry case and
there's something that looks amazing.
Or your friend says, hey,
you want to split this?
And you feel like yes
would be the answer you
want.
You've got room for it.
That's the flexible opportunity, and
it's your second time.
(15:10):
Ideally, and the idea of
rule of two, is that
it's not two days in
a row.
So most times, let's make
it that it's Saturday, but
it won't be Friday or
Sunday, but it could be
any other day of that
week.
Because, my goodness, if you've
had it one time, it
will never be more than
a couple days away until
(15:31):
you get it again.
So that's really beneficial psychologically,
not to mention you've made
the decision.
It helps you keep it
as a choice, not as
a habit that you're doing
every single day.
It helps you keep the
glass of wine from turning
into a nightly routine, if
that's something that you're working
(15:52):
on.
Or social media can stop
the scrolling from becoming an
automatic part of your winding
down routine.
It keeps us slightly aware
without us having to be
hypervigilant and making a decision,
am I, am I not,
scolding yourself when you do
something.
And it gives you a
sense of control without feeling
(16:13):
deprived, because you always know
that the activity is right
around the corner within a
day or two.
It forces us also to
take a look ahead and
to engage a tiny bit
in planning.
So we commit mentally, maybe
even on paper, I encourage
that, or digitally on your,
if you keep your digital
calendar, but put it on
(16:34):
your calendar.
You can code it if
you share your calendar with
others so that you know
what you're doing in your
rule of two.
And when you plan, when
you commit and verbalize to
yourself or others, you're more
likely to follow through.
And here's the thing, two
times a week is 104
times a year.
(16:55):
I've mentioned that before.
If you're doing something 104
times a year, can you
possibly really be deprived?
It's just a structured way
of helping you keep in
balance, keep your mind in
the game, and be sort
of lighthearted about some of
these things that feel like
dreadful that we're having to
(17:16):
do all or nothing.
I'm avoiding desserts this month.
Gosh, that sounds depressing, just
saying it.
So here's another example.
We're going to flip it.
For things that you want,
things you want to be
consistent with, but not rigid
about.
So this may feel like
a little different than what
you're used to.
If you want to be
consistent, but not obsessive about
(17:37):
something like exercise, for example,
this is where the rule
of two works the opposite
way.
Instead of deciding first when
you will do the thing,
first decide when you'll take
a break from the thing.
So let's say you're trying
to exercise more consistently, and
you know I want you
to move every day in
(17:58):
some way, but talking about
the structure, like a exercise
routine.
And we also know from
science that working out or
doing half hour or more,
150 minutes a week, that's
on average about 30 minutes,
five days a week, that's
not seven, is consistent with
health promotion and disease risk
(18:20):
reduction.
So I have to work
out every day is a
mantra that really is not
realistic.
We know that.
But how about setting your
two off days first?
So maybe your planned off
days are Wednesday.
Arbitrary here, but let's say
that's your busy work day,
(18:40):
and you know you need
the extra time, and consistently
it's not a hit, it's
a miss when you do
try to do exercise in
your other attempts over time.
So Wednesday, it's a day
off.
The other day could be
flexible, because remember the rule
of two, it's just not
two days in a row,
(19:02):
but you can choose to
be spontaneous with it.
But let's plan it just
so we have it into
the calendar.
Maybe it's Sunday.
And again, I'm making this
up, but let's say Sunday
is a day that you
can sleep in.
Maybe it's a day that
you want to run errands.
Maybe you just don't want
to stress about working out
that day.
To some people, exercise brings
(19:23):
the greatest joy, they can't
wait to do it, they're
all in.
Other people exercise is a
little bit getting over the
hurdle, like I know it
makes me feel good, I
know I need to do
it, I know that it's
part of my active life
that I want to live,
but I don't always love
it, and I do enjoy
my days off, and I
do enjoy other things, and
that's fine.
So what does this all
(19:44):
do?
Well, it makes your workout
days automatic.
It doesn't allow you to
think like, should I work
out today?
No, because you already know
that today's the day because
your day off is planned.
Or worse, like thinking all
day about it.
I don't know if you've
done that.
I have, and I've had
to re-up my rule
of two on this one.
You think all day about,
(20:05):
like, I've got to get
my workout in.
You're beating yourself up figuratively,
practically, literally, as you crawl
into bed thinking you've failed.
If that sounds familiar, and
I've been there before, most
of us have, then the
rule of two can really
help.
If it's a day off,
there's no sweating about it.
I took this day off.
If it's your spontaneous day
(20:26):
off, then it resets the
next day automatically as a
workout day, and you can
feel motivated and enthusiastic even
about that.
When you plan the days
off, there's really no debate,
no guilt, no talking yourself
in or out.
And why?
It removes the decision fatigue.
You'll hear me say that
(20:46):
in a variety of ways
today.
You don't spend energy wondering
if today's the day to
work out or not.
And it may even make
the days on, dare I
say, more solid, more rewarding,
because you do have days
off on the horizon and
as part of your well
-lived and balanced life.
So you're not falling off
(21:07):
if you miss a day.
You've planned for it.
It creates a rhythm.
It makes consistency feel more
natural.
And it allows you to
feel like you have some
say here and some control
with flexibility, too.
So let's really be realistic,
though, about this.
Even the best intentions, even
with the rule of two,
can become unraveled at times.
(21:28):
And that's a fact of
life.
But by having the rule,
you have some guidelines, and
it's not so extreme that
you can't adjust.
You can still be on
track and successful and making
progress even if your plan
upended.
Seven days in a week
allows for more than one
example of removing or fitting
(21:50):
in something two times.
So to recap this little
bit, and then I'm going
to share some research with
you, why this works.
Well, numbers don't lie here,
too.
I love a good reality
check.
If you limit something to
twice a week, it's 104
times in a year.
That's plenty of opportunity and
(22:12):
hardly deprivation.
If you commit to something
and just take two days
off a year, for example,
exercise, that's 260 active days
a year.
That's consistency without burnout, and
that's remarkable.
(22:32):
So it's enough to see
progress.
It's enough to keep momentum
and enough to make things
feel like a choice and
not a chore.
So that's really the heart
of it.
The rule of two isn't
about being perfect.
It's about having enough structure
to keep you moving forward
without feeling stuck.
All right, so let's get
(22:52):
into some of the research
behind why the rule of
two actually works because it
isn't just about making a
rule and hoping that it
sticks.
It's about understanding how we,
as humans, build habits, make
decisions, and create sustainable change.
And there are three really
important benefits or the ROIs,
(23:13):
the returns on investment, to
know about here.
Benefit number one, habits stick
when they're structured but not
rigid.
A study published in the
British Journal of Health Psychology
a couple years ago examined
how different cues influence habit
formation, particularly in everyday nutrition
(23:33):
behaviors.
So participants were assigned to
plan their new habit around
either a routine-based cue,
like a regular activity, think
breakfast, or a time-based
cue, like a specific time
of day.
And the findings showed that
consistency is more lasting than
(23:54):
frequency.
It took participants a median
of 59 days to reach
peak what they called automaticity.
I tried to get that
word for you for today
to commit that to memory.
Automaticity in their new habits,
emphasizing, and making the habits
(24:14):
automatic is what I mean
to say with that super
intellectual word out of the
science.
Emphasizing that habits form over
time with consistent practice.
That shouldn't be a surprise
to you, but it's good
when science shows it.
But not necessarily just daily
repetition, but consistency.
So habits don't have to
happen every single day to
(24:35):
stick, but they do need
to be consistent enough that
they start to feel automatic.
So think about something you
do regularly.
Maybe it's making coffee in
the morning or going for
a walk after dinner.
Maybe it's checking your phone
when you wake up.
You didn't decide one day,
I will now do this
every single day for the
rest of my life.
No, it just became part
(24:55):
of your rhythm because you
did it often enough that
your brain started to expect
it.
And the other piece of
this research was about what's
called flexible anchoring.
And I've talked about this
before.
It's about linking or aligning
behaviors with already existing routines
or timing.
So both routine-based and
(25:16):
time-based cues were effective
in this research, suggesting that
linking new behaviors with existing
routines or specific times can
help forward or facilitate the
habit formation without the need
of a rigid routine.
So they found that linking
the behavior to routine-based
cue like breakfast or after
(25:39):
lunch or a time like
9 a.m. each day
led to stronger and more
automatic habit formation.
So this study underscored that
habits don't require daily execution
to be ingrained, rather they
benefit from consistent and a
flexible structure.
And this is consistent and
(26:00):
supports the rule of two
idea because we can limit
behaviors but have reasonable access
to them.
They don't have to be
all or nothing.
For actions like consuming desserts
or alcohol, if you don't
have alcohol disease or struggle
with addiction, of course.
For allowing yourself indulging or
(26:22):
participating, I should say better,
twice a week, one planned
and one flexible, those two
occasions.
It provides both structure without
complete restriction.
It reduces the feelings of
guilt but it gives you
a plan to act on.
And it also helps by
actually helping you practice and
build the habit in because
(26:44):
when you take it all
away, you're not actually practicing.
So there's no surprise that
all or nothing becomes nothing
or all again.
So for activities like exercise
or meal prep, scheduling days
off, those two days off,
can require and ensures that
you regularly engage without the
pressure of daily commitment.
And it makes a habit
(27:04):
something that you can grow
and attain and become sustainable
with.
So the key from this
to remember is that predictability
coupled with flexibility fosters the
sustainable habit formation.
And by implementing the rule
of two, you create a
balanced framework to support your
long-term behavior change, shall
(27:26):
we say, without the rigidity.
So predictability and consistency without
rigidity.
Benefit number two, too many
decisions just wear you down.
I can't even say the
word decision, too many decisions,
because there are so many.
We make micro decisions constantly
every single day.
(27:47):
So this is something that
drains our energy faster than
any long work day, I
think, and it's decision fatigue.
You know the feeling when
you've spent your day making
choices, what to wear, what
to eat, how to respond
to emails, when to have
that meeting, when to make
the calendar plan, what's for
(28:07):
dinner.
And by the time dinner
rolls around, you just can't
even make another decision, it
feels like.
You either order takeout, maybe
you skip your workout on
top of it, or you
just go on autopilot on
what you've done, whatever's easiest
at the moment as you
sort of scroll, I call
(28:27):
it scrolling, but you open
the refrigerator and just scroll
up and down, like what's
in there?
This is decision fatigue, and
it's very real.
A 2023 study published in
the Proceedings of the National
Academy of Sciences found that
when people exert prolonged self
-control, when they're constantly weighing
choices and resisting impulses, their
(28:50):
brain actually starts to slow
down.
You can feel it.
It's almost like sleep deprivation
is how it shows up.
The part of the brain
responsible for decision-making, the
prefrontal cortex, shifts into a
state where it's less efficient
at making thoughtful choices.
And what happens when this
(29:10):
happens?
People become more irritable, become
less cooperative, and more likely
to make impulse decisions.
And these are decisions that
they might not have made
if they weren't so mentally
exhausted.
So one media report about
this study made the connection
to everyday life, and I
(29:31):
sort of liked how it
went, so I'm going to share
it with you, how about
after a long decision-heavy
day that we would be
more likely to snap at
someone, to skip a workout,
or grab whatever is easiest
to eat?
Not because we want to,
but because our mental energy
is just tapped out.
(29:51):
So has this ever been
you?
As a self-employed and
driven working mom, I have
to say it has been
me before.
I can certainly relate to
this.
So how does the rule
of two pertain here?
Well, it can help immediately
because it removes some of
the extra decisions about some
of the very important things
(30:11):
in our life, like health
and our health habits that
we want to work on
that we know will foster
feeling good in so many
ways.
It literally removes the mental
gymnastics of should, shouldn't I?
Instead of constantly debating whether
you will have the dessert
tonight, what you're going to
do, whether you're going to
(30:32):
have a glass of wine,
you decide in advance two
times per week, one planned
and one flexible.
That way, when the moment
comes, the decision is already
made.
No guilt, no impulse, no
energy wasted.
If that sounds easier said
than done, just try it.
Try it.
You will find that the
(30:52):
decision made helps you immensely.
The decision is made.
There's no all or nothing.
There's another day, another dessert,
another whatever it is that
you're forming.
It works.
This makes a real difference,
and it may be additive
when you learn how to
(31:13):
reduce some of that decision
fatigue through this method.
So the study, back to
the study here, it showed
that people who preplanned decisions,
they avoided some of the
mental burnout that led to
impulsive choices.
So when we create structure
around habits, like the rule
of two, we actually make
it easier for ourselves to
(31:33):
stick with those over time.
When you have a structure
in place, all you have
to do is follow it.
And the third and the
final benefit I'll share with
you today is about simple
rituals, like applying the rule
of two, that make self
-control easier.
Yikes, self-control.
Can we even talk about
(31:54):
that?
Now, this is something that
many of us often think
of as a real challenge,
the challenge of self-control.
We tend to assume that
people who stick with their
habits, who don't overdo on
desserts or consistently get in
their exercise, they just have
more willpower, right?
And don't get me started
about willpower topic for another
day.
(32:14):
And who is Will anyway?
And Will wants his power
back.
That said, I walk down
the path.
But research shows that having
willpower isn't really the case
at all.
A 2018 study published in
the Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology looked at how
rituals, those small repetitive behaviors
(32:35):
that we do, they actually
enhance self-discipline and make
it easier to stick with
our goals.
So researchers conducted six experiments
and they found that when
people engage in simple structured
rituals, they were better able
to resist temptations and follow
through on their intentions, whether
that was eating less or
(32:56):
staying focused or making healthier
choices.
One of the experiments had
participants have like a pre
-eating ritual that they would
perform for five days.
Something as simple as like
taking a deep breath or
cutting food in a simple
way or pausing before taking
a bite.
And when compared to the
(33:17):
group that didn't have the
ritual, those who did consumed
fewer calories and reported feeling
more in control of their
choices.
That's from something like taking
a breath.
Think of that.
Another experiment found that when
people tied a small ritual
to a goal, like repeating
a phrase before tackling a
task or using the same
(33:38):
prep routine before a workout,
they found it easier and
stuck with the behavior longer
and felt less resistance in
doing it.
In fact, small rituals improve
focus and persistence.
So why does this matter
with the rule of two?
Because the rule of two
(33:58):
itself is a ritual.
It's a simple, repeatable framework
that guides your choices.
Instead of constantly debating, like
we've said before, should I,
shouldn't I?
You follow a system that's
already in place.
And it's this small shift,
having a plan that you
stick to, even in a
flexible way, it can remove
(34:19):
the mental strain of making
decisions in the moment.
It literally provides a clear,
repeatable system that removes the
in-the-moment decision fatigue.
It's really the difference between
saying, you know, ugh, I
guess I shouldn't have a
glass of wine tonight to,
you know, I already had
(34:40):
my two this week.
I'm good.
Think about that.
And instead of battling yourself
about your workout, maybe you
just celebrate.
This is a day off.
Maybe you get to the
point where you can just
proclaim it.
You can say it proudly.
This is a day off
without burying it in some
kind of guilt.
(35:00):
So when we pre-plan
decisions and there's a simple
system in place, we're far
less likely to be mentally
exhausted too.
So remember, simple structure, clear
decisions make self-control feel
more natural instead of forced.
It's less struggle and it's
(35:21):
how habits stick.
So we're going to launch
into some practical tips to
get us started in a
moment.
But because we've digested all
that, I thought it would
be good to take a
mindful minute together first.
So as you know, in
most episodes, we do a
mindful minute together and it's
(35:42):
our pause to reset, to
simply be present.
There's nothing to do and
it's just a moment for
yourself.
So as preparation, put your
feet grounded on the floor.
If they're crossed, uncross them.
You can be seated.
You could be standing.
Let's ground our hands, our
energy, roll your shoulders back
(36:04):
and let's take a preparatory
breath in together through your
nose and out through your
mouth.
I'll start our timer now.
Just enjoy this mindful minute
together as
(36:28):
you're breathing easy, think about
something you've been working on.
Maybe around eating well, moving
more, being intentional about rest
and consider the rule of
two.
What if you gave yourself
two dedicated times for this
habit?
One planned and one flexible.
(36:49):
What if you had more
space for balance instead of
the all or nothing?
As you breathe, recognize you
don't have to have all
the answers.
Just noticing this thought is
enough.
Let it sit.
(37:10):
And imagine how you might
feel after you try this.
The rule of two is
something that you're trying to
work on.
One more deep breath in
and out.
And that's it.
Just a moment to pause
and reset.
I hope you gave some
(37:32):
time to yourself either just
to let your mind wander
or maybe consider the rule
of two in your life.
And you can come back
to mindful minutes on your
own anytime.
It only takes a minute.
Thank you for sharing that
mindful minute with me today.
All right, let's talk about
how to actually use the
(37:53):
rule of two in your
life.
Because an idea is just
that, an idea, until you
apply it.
And this one is designed
to be simple, flexible, and
something you can stick with
and try.
Think of it like training
wheels on a bike or
those bumpers, again, remember, in
the bowling alley.
The goal isn't to ride
with them forever, but they
(38:13):
give you enough structure and
you can put them into
place as you acquire new
habits over time.
And there's no reason you
can't do them for as
long as you wish.
But they keep you steady
until the habit becomes second
nature.
So here's how to get
rolling, so to speak, with
the rule of two.
(38:33):
Number one, step one, let's
say, pick one habit and
apply the rule of two.
That may seem obvious, but
pick one.
If you're trying to limit
something, like the desserts, like
sugar, like social media, like
alcohol, or if you're trying
to build something, add something
in, like meal prep or
reading before bed, I didn't
mention that yet today, or
(38:55):
exercise in a fashion and
a routine that you're looking
to do.
Start with just one thing.
No need to overhaul your
whole life overnight.
And then step two is
set your plan.
This is where the rule
of two kicks in.
For things you're limiting, choose
your two times this week,
one planned, one planned but
(39:16):
flexible.
So maybe your planned dessert,
like we talked about before,
it's Saturday night, or maybe
it's Sunday dinner with family.
And then you're flexible for
the one that can be
a spontaneous moment when you're
so moved.
Or maybe you plan to
have a drink on Friday
night at the end of
a long work week.
And then one's flexible, in
(39:37):
case something fun comes up,
a friend comes in town,
you're out on a business
dinner where it's sort of
expected.
The key is just not
two days in a row
so that you don't fall
into the daily habit loop
that can happen.
And for things that you're
building, choose your two days
off so your days on
are more automatic.
(39:58):
If you're starting a workout,
don't try for seven days
this week every single day.
That will surely lead to
some pain and soreness, mental
stress, and probably burnout.
Pick your two days rest
ahead of time.
If you're meal prepping, set
two no-cook nights.
Maybe that requires you planning
(40:18):
and prepping in advance.
Maybe it allows for leftovers.
Maybe you plan for takeout
or going out.
But then you know the
other days are covered.
The key is the decision
is already made.
No more daily mental debates
on the one thing that
you're working on.
Step three is adjusting without
guilt.
So life happens.
(40:39):
This isn't about being perfect.
And it's always important for
me to remind people of
that because we can get
rigid and fixed even on
simple strategies.
So if life plans change,
if your plans change, swap
your day.
Shift things around.
The structure allows for that.
If you've had your flexible
dessert already but another event
(40:59):
pops up, maybe swap your
planned one or skip it
this week.
No big deal.
The whole point is to
try to avoid the guilt
spiral and give yourself structure
and freedom.
You'll feel really empowered as
you experiment with this, I
assure you.
And I encourage you to
write me and tell me
about it.
At the end of the
day, the rule of two
isn't about restriction.
(41:20):
It's about knowing you always
have another chance coming.
It's about staying consistent, but
not feeling deprived.
Remember two times a week,
as I've said before, and
I'll say again, it's 104
times in a year.
That's a lot of opportunities
and you're never more than
a couple of days away
from your next one.
So what is the habit
(41:42):
you're going to start with?
Pick one, set your plan,
and give yourself permission to
make this easy.
So as a wrap up
for today, this is what
I hope you take away.
The rule of two is
simple, but it's powerful.
It's not about rigid rules
or forcing yourself into any
(42:02):
extreme.
It's about having just enough
structure to make things easier
without feeling stuck.
And whether you're limiting something
like desserts or social media
or sugar, or building something
like meal prep or daily
movement, the approach gives you
a system to keep you
consistent without the guilt, the
stress, or decision fatigue.
(42:23):
It at least takes away
one of our million daily
decisions.
And most importantly, it helps
you stick with your habits
in a way that actually
fits within your life.
So this week, I invite
you to try it.
Pick one habit, set your
two days, see how it
feels.
And if it works for
you, keep it going.
(42:43):
Adjust as needed, and make
it your own.
And if today's episode got
you thinking, I'd love to
hear from you.
You can always connect with
me at 1KWM@wendybazilian.com .
.
That's my email.
Or you can visit wendybazilian
.com and find me in
through those doors as well.
(43:04):
And if you're enjoying 1,000
Waking Minutes, I'd be so
grateful if you'd share, if
you'd leave a positive comment
on your podcast platform, if
you'd subscribe.
It really helps build our
community, keep the conversation going.
And as always, thank you
for sharing some of your
1,000 Waking Minutes with me
today.
(43:24):
Until next time, be well.
Thank you for tuning in
to 1,000 Waking Minutes.
A huge thank you to
our amazing collaborators, including our
production and marketing teams and
Gabriela Escalante in particular.
To the ultra talented Beza
(43:44):
for my theme music.
My lifelong friend and artist,
Pearl Preis Photography and Design.
To Danielle Ballantyne, Jen Nguyen,
Joanna Powell, and of course
my family.
And everyone working tirelessly behind
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And to you, our valued
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If you enjoyed today's episode,
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(44:06):
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(44:27):
content.
Until next time, find some
simple opportunities to optimize those
1,000 Waking Minutes each day.
I'm saying yes to better
days, yes.
I'm on my way, yes.
(44:47):
It's gonna be okay, yeah.
I'm saying yes to better
days, yes.
I'm on my way, yes.
It's gonna be okay, yeah.
The best habits aren't about doing
something every day.
They're about having a plan
that works in real life.
A little structure, a little
flexibility, and a simple approach
to stay on track without
getting lost in the BAZILIAN
daily decisions.
That's what I call the
rule of two.
(00:21):
We experience 1,000 waking minutes
on average every day.
How are you spending yours?
I'm Dr. Wendy Bazilian and
you're listening to 1,000 Waking
Minutes.
I can't wait to connect
with you here with practical
ways to eat well, move
daily, and be healthy.
To optimize every waking minute
you live for a happier,
(00:41):
healthier life.
Thank you for sharing some
of your waking minutes with
me today.
Let's get started.
(01:05):
Welcome to 1,000 waking minutes.
I'm Dr. Wendy Bazilian and
I'm so glad you're joining
me today.
You know those moments when
you're really trying to make
a new habit, a new
behavioral change.
Maybe you're cutting back on
sugar, trying to move more,
get more exercise during your
week, or maybe being more
mindful of your alcohol consumption.
(01:27):
And it's going along fine
until it isn't.
Maybe it's dessert after dinner
with friends that you just
can't resist, or a glass
of wine after a long,
exhausting day.
Or maybe you miss a
workout because, well, life happens
and deadlines approach and family
encroaches on that habit.
(01:47):
And just like that, one
moment turns into what feels
like a slippery slope, like
you've blown it.
The voice inside pops in
and says, well, there it
goes again.
So what's the point?
Or I missed today, so
I'll just start again next
week.
It's an all or nothing
mindset that's familiar to so
(02:08):
many of us.
And it's like total restriction,
like a free-for-all,
a falling, and it can
be exhausting.
More importantly, it typically doesn't
work long-term, as you've
probably, as we've all probably
experienced at times.
But what if you had
a more simple way to
(02:29):
build habits without feeling so
restricted?
Building in flexibility with a
little routine.
A way to enjoy the
things you love, some structure
without rigidity.
Flexibility without chaos, though.
And you can actually progress
without burnout or what you
(02:49):
feel like is failure yet
again.
So this is ultimately about
a way to stay on
track that I'm going to
talk about today.
And never feel like you
failed in the first place,
because as I've said before,
and I'll say forevermore, health
is dynamic, it's not static,
and we're all works in
progress.
(03:10):
So what I want to
talk about today, and what
I want to share with
you, I call the rule
of two.
This is something I've used
for years.
I've used it with clients,
I've used it in my
own life, and what I
love about it is it's
simple, it works, and it
never leaves you feeling like
(03:31):
you're either on or off
the wagon, whatever the wagon
and wherever that wagon is.
Always wondered about that.
Of course, I'll bring some
research to you and some
practical strategies, because this isn't
just about ideas and an
arbitrary rule, it's about what
actually works.
(03:51):
So what is the rule
of two?
Well, being a numbers and
science person who is constantly
trying to make sense of
the world, aren't we all?
I use words and practices,
I pay attention and I
observe, I research, but things
that can help keep us
on our feet, on the
(04:12):
ground, moving forward, I'm always
keen to pay attention to.
And a lot I get
to thinking about time, as
you know, and how much
we accomplish at times with
our time.
Those days, those waking hours,
over days, over months, over
(04:34):
years.
Things like habits, and how
many habits can we acquire
in a year, I've pondered
before.
Does it really take three
weeks or 21 days to
establish a habit?
Well, actually, science says no.
The median there is closer
to 60 days.
Or things like is restricting,
(04:56):
or maybe more gently, choosing
to not have a dessert
once or twice a week,
if that's something that you're
trying to change or alter,
what's the better approach?
Does it feel like you're
depriving yourself one way or
the other?
What's the strategy?
What's the mindset?
Well, if you measure your
days in minutes, and your
(05:19):
weeks in hours, and maybe
your years in weeks or
days or months, of course,
what's coming into my mind
is the Seasons of Love
song from Rent, if you
know it.
They measure your life in
love, which is Seasons of
Love, of course.
But if you think of
numbers in a bigger context,
in your days and times,
(05:40):
and more expansive than just
right this second or right
this day, sometimes we can
find that we have lots
of opportunities to engage, even
indulge, in the things that
we love to do, and
time to set aside to
maybe do a little less
of the things that we're
trying to curb or change
(06:02):
in our lives, even when
we're pulling back or that
you don't do in certain
times.
So this may feel very
abstract in what I'm saying.
I'm going to make it
more concrete in a minute.
So let's make it more
specific.
So I've worked with many
individuals, smart, achieving, goal-oriented,
(06:23):
motivated individuals for many years.
And I'd like to think
of myself that way at
times as well.
But I can see how
quickly certain roadblocks and obstacles
can emerge at times when
certain behaviors that someone is
consciously expressing interest in changing,
how hard it can become,
(06:43):
how the roadblocks come up
quickly, maybe establishing an exercise
routine they actually stick to,
end quote, this time, or
curbing the sugar in their
diets, and so on.
So one day I found
myself sort of negotiating with
a client with whom I
had been working.
And we had very good
rapport and banter, a nice
(07:04):
relationship.
And he was sort of
teasing back and forth how
full restriction actually works.
And then, well, until it
didn't.
It definitely worked, but then
it didn't.
And then it became a
free-for-all again, he
would say.
So he was sort of
arguing a case for just
(07:25):
give me the plan and
I'll do it.
And at the same breath
saying, I won't like it,
but I'll do it.
And I'm not saying that
I'll do it forever.
And I just was so
perplexed, I got to thinking
that that's just not the
way to go.
And as I've said many
times, I'm not the tough
love type of person in
(07:46):
the first place, personally or
professionally.
So you'll just get love
and a million, or dare
I say a BAZILIAN, attempts
at figuring out what will
work for you.
What is the way to
find how to make the
habits stick for your health
and your lifestyle, your conditions,
your preferences, your personality, your
(08:08):
specialized circumstances, your peculiarities maybe
in a way though, that
it feels life enhancing, that
it feels reasonable.
And maybe even pleasurable if
possible.
So it hit me one
day, could we adopt a
practice, something different one day
a week?
You know, I just, I
(08:29):
started like, let's think of
one day, let's think of
our day as a series
of minutes.
Is it too much to
ask in a seven day
period to curb something one
day or to add something
one day?
Most people say, well, if
I'm going to try to
take on a health habit,
that's not enough.
Maybe not.
Well, you know, it turns
out that most people can
(08:49):
do something once a week.
When they know and when
they plan, they can do
it, which is amazing.
We feel we have enough
control to actively plan in
the one.
How about twice?
So I started to revisit.
Well, yes, but you know,
the but here is planning
is one thing for one
day a week, but what
(09:11):
about spontaneous moments?
All of a sudden I
see like certain challenges arise
with the second day creeping
in.
And then dare I suggest
a third, which I won't,
you know, I don't know
what I'll feel like that
day.
What if my schedule changes?
What if I have a
hard day?
What if a surprise visitor
comes?
What if it's a celebration?
(09:33):
What if, what if, what
if?
There's so many, what ifs
that we react to in
our busy active lives where
we have lots of choices,
but there was something to
practicing two times that required
and showed me that two
was possible because every day
we show up, every day
(09:53):
I'd like to see elements
of eat well and move
daily and be healthy.
But when you're working on
something very specific, like cutting
back or adding in a
behavior, two was a number
that I could work with.
And I tried it on
a lot of people and
it often worked because two
(10:14):
times in a week is
just shy of a third
of the time, a third
of your seven days.
It's not half, it's not
more than half, it's just
shy of a third.
And two in a week
translates to an opportunity to
have 104 of something in
a year.
If you think 52 weeks
(10:36):
times two, 104, 104 days
of practice, of regular routine,
consistent practice, if you chose
to expand whatever habit you're
trying to form to that
duration, that's relevant.
So what is this rule
of two?
And why does it work?
(10:56):
Well, the rule of two
is a simple framework and
it helps you create structure
without feeling stuck.
It works in two ways
conveniently, depending on whether you're
trying to limit something or
build something in.
Two days in a week
and not two days in
a row.
(11:17):
This is practical and not
about restriction.
It's not about getting it
perfect even every week, but
making it easier than you
thought.
It's about planning one and
having one that's spontaneous, which
we'll get to.
And it's practical.
Think of it like bumpers
(11:38):
in the bowling lane, you
know, the ones we pop
up for kids so that
you don't land in the
gutter.
It turns out that symbolically,
those types of bumpers can
help us adults too while
we're acquiring new habits.
The goal isn't to bowl
a perfect game every time,
but it is to keep
yourself out of the gutter,
(11:59):
right?
So the rule of two
keeps you moving forward without
veering into the all or
nothing thinking, the gutter.
I'd like to think of
that.
And so I started realizing
that this could work with
a variety of practices that
we often try to do
or undo in our lives
because it helps keep you
from getting stuck in extremes.
(12:21):
It can give you a
system that's flexible, but also
has some structure.
And it can work with
habits that can actually help
them stick over time because
it's the practice engagement, but
not through willpower, but through
consistency.
As an example, let me
first apply the rule of
two for things you want
(12:43):
to limit but not eliminate.
Let's say you're working on
something you want to cut
back on, but not completely
eliminate.
Maybe like desserts, alcohol, perhaps
it's scrolling on social media,
or even default ordering takeout
because you haven't planned dinner
in advance.
(13:03):
For some, it might be
staying up too late watching
TV every night.
So the idea of the
rule of two here is
that you're going to allow
and practice building in the
habit rather than eliminating it
two times a week.
You simply allow it in
as a choice or option
(13:23):
into your life twice a
week.
So you take it off
the table, the others.
You plan in the behavior.
This is where the rule
of two keeps you from
feeling like you're constantly making
a decision because the decision
is already made.
It helps you with decision
fatigue, and you write it
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down and you commit twice
a week.
And here's the thing, and
this is important.
One is planned and firm.
You know when you're going
to do it.
But one is planned but
flexible.
You know it's going to
be one more time, but
you don't know when.
So let's take desserts as
an example.
(14:05):
You decide.
I'm going to ease off
dessert every night as a
habit.
But instead, we're going to
plan for two nights a
week that you will have
your dessert.
So Saturday night, perhaps, you
have plans at a favorite
restaurant that has a fabulous
pastry chef.
So there it is.
(14:27):
It's a planned dessert.
You don't have to negotiate
in advance, like I'll have
a lighter entree so I'll
have the dessert or I'll
skip the dessert because, you
know, none of that.
You plan it.
Whatever you order, whatever you're
doing, you're having dessert on
Saturday.
And the other?
Well, mark it on a
calendar so you remember.
(14:48):
So you have a plan.
But that's the flexible one.
Let's say a friend invites
you out for coffee and
there's a pastry case and
there's something that looks amazing.
Or your friend says, hey,
you want to split this?
And you feel like yes
would be the answer you
want.
You've got room for it.
That's the flexible opportunity, and
it's your second time.
(15:10):
Ideally, and the idea of
rule of two, is that
it's not two days in
a row.
So most times, let's make
it that it's Saturday, but
it won't be Friday or
Sunday, but it could be
any other day of that
week.
Because, my goodness, if you've
had it one time, it
will never be more than
a couple days away until
(15:31):
you get it again.
So that's really beneficial psychologically,
not to mention you've made
the decision.
It helps you keep it
as a choice, not as
a habit that you're doing
every single day.
It helps you keep the
glass of wine from turning
into a nightly routine, if
that's something that you're working
(15:52):
on.
Or social media can stop
the scrolling from becoming an
automatic part of your winding
down routine.
It keeps us slightly aware
without us having to be
hypervigilant and making a decision,
am I, am I not,
scolding yourself when you do
something.
And it gives you a
sense of control without feeling
(16:13):
deprived, because you always know
that the activity is right
around the corner within a
day or two.
It forces us also to
take a look ahead and
to engage a tiny bit
in planning.
So we commit mentally, maybe
even on paper, I encourage
that, or digitally on your,
if you keep your digital
calendar, but put it on
(16:34):
your calendar.
You can code it if
you share your calendar with
others so that you know
what you're doing in your
rule of two.
And when you plan, when
you commit and verbalize to
yourself or others, you're more
likely to follow through.
And here's the thing, two
times a week is 104
times a year.
(16:55):
I've mentioned that before.
If you're doing something 104
times a year, can you
possibly really be deprived?
It's just a structured way
of helping you keep in
balance, keep your mind in
the game, and be sort
of lighthearted about some of
these things that feel like
dreadful that we're having to
(17:16):
do all or nothing.
I'm avoiding desserts this month.
Gosh, that sounds depressing, just
saying it.
So here's another example.
We're going to flip it.
For things that you want,
things you want to be
consistent with, but not rigid
about.
So this may feel like
a little different than what
you're used to.
If you want to be
consistent, but not obsessive about
(17:37):
something like exercise, for example,
this is where the rule
of two works the opposite
way.
Instead of deciding first when
you will do the thing,
first decide when you'll take
a break from the thing.
So let's say you're trying
to exercise more consistently, and
you know I want you
to move every day in
(17:58):
some way, but talking about
the structure, like a exercise
routine.
And we also know from
science that working out or
doing half hour or more,
150 minutes a week, that's
on average about 30 minutes,
five days a week, that's
not seven, is consistent with
health promotion and disease risk
(18:20):
reduction.
So I have to work
out every day is a
mantra that really is not
realistic.
We know that.
But how about setting your
two off days first?
So maybe your planned off
days are Wednesday.
Arbitrary here, but let's say
that's your busy work day,
(18:40):
and you know you need
the extra time, and consistently
it's not a hit, it's
a miss when you do
try to do exercise in
your other attempts over time.
So Wednesday, it's a day
off.
The other day could be
flexible, because remember the rule
of two, it's just not
two days in a row,
(19:02):
but you can choose to
be spontaneous with it.
But let's plan it just
so we have it into
the calendar.
Maybe it's Sunday.
And again, I'm making this
up, but let's say Sunday
is a day that you
can sleep in.
Maybe it's a day that
you want to run errands.
Maybe you just don't want
to stress about working out
that day.
To some people, exercise brings
(19:23):
the greatest joy, they can't
wait to do it, they're
all in.
Other people exercise is a
little bit getting over the
hurdle, like I know it
makes me feel good, I
know I need to do
it, I know that it's
part of my active life
that I want to live,
but I don't always love
it, and I do enjoy
my days off, and I
do enjoy other things, and
that's fine.
So what does this all
(19:44):
do?
Well, it makes your workout
days automatic.
It doesn't allow you to
think like, should I work
out today?
No, because you already know
that today's the day because
your day off is planned.
Or worse, like thinking all
day about it.
I don't know if you've
done that.
I have, and I've had
to re-up my rule
of two on this one.
You think all day about,
(20:05):
like, I've got to get
my workout in.
You're beating yourself up figuratively,
practically, literally, as you crawl
into bed thinking you've failed.
If that sounds familiar, and
I've been there before, most
of us have, then the
rule of two can really
help.
If it's a day off,
there's no sweating about it.
I took this day off.
If it's your spontaneous day
(20:26):
off, then it resets the
next day automatically as a
workout day, and you can
feel motivated and enthusiastic even
about that.
When you plan the days
off, there's really no debate,
no guilt, no talking yourself
in or out.
And why?
It removes the decision fatigue.
You'll hear me say that
(20:46):
in a variety of ways
today.
You don't spend energy wondering
if today's the day to
work out or not.
And it may even make
the days on, dare I
say, more solid, more rewarding,
because you do have days
off on the horizon and
as part of your well
-lived and balanced life.
So you're not falling off
(21:07):
if you miss a day.
You've planned for it.
It creates a rhythm.
It makes consistency feel more
natural.
And it allows you to
feel like you have some
say here and some control
with flexibility, too.
So let's really be realistic,
though, about this.
Even the best intentions, even
with the rule of two,
can become unraveled at times.
(21:28):
And that's a fact of
life.
But by having the rule,
you have some guidelines, and
it's not so extreme that
you can't adjust.
You can still be on
track and successful and making
progress even if your plan
upended.
Seven days in a week
allows for more than one
example of removing or fitting
(21:50):
in something two times.
So to recap this little
bit, and then I'm going
to share some research with
you, why this works.
Well, numbers don't lie here,
too.
I love a good reality
check.
If you limit something to
twice a week, it's 104
times in a year.
That's plenty of opportunity and
(22:12):
hardly deprivation.
If you commit to something
and just take two days
off a year, for example,
exercise, that's 260 active days
a year.
That's consistency without burnout, and
that's remarkable.
(22:32):
So it's enough to see
progress.
It's enough to keep momentum
and enough to make things
feel like a choice and
not a chore.
So that's really the heart
of it.
The rule of two isn't
about being perfect.
It's about having enough structure
to keep you moving forward
without feeling stuck.
All right, so let's get
(22:52):
into some of the research
behind why the rule of
two actually works because it
isn't just about making a
rule and hoping that it
sticks.
It's about understanding how we,
as humans, build habits, make
decisions, and create sustainable change.
And there are three really
important benefits or the ROIs,
(23:13):
the returns on investment, to
know about here.
Benefit number one, habits stick
when they're structured but not
rigid.
A study published in the
British Journal of Health Psychology
a couple years ago examined
how different cues influence habit
formation, particularly in everyday nutrition
(23:33):
behaviors.
So participants were assigned to
plan their new habit around
either a routine-based cue,
like a regular activity, think
breakfast, or a time-based
cue, like a specific time
of day.
And the findings showed that
consistency is more lasting than
(23:54):
frequency.
It took participants a median
of 59 days to reach
peak what they called automaticity.
I tried to get that
word for you for today
to commit that to memory.
Automaticity in their new habits,
emphasizing, and making the habits
(24:14):
automatic is what I mean
to say with that super
intellectual word out of the
science.
Emphasizing that habits form over
time with consistent practice.
That shouldn't be a surprise
to you, but it's good
when science shows it.
But not necessarily just daily
repetition, but consistency.
So habits don't have to
happen every single day to
(24:35):
stick, but they do need
to be consistent enough that
they start to feel automatic.
So think about something you
do regularly.
Maybe it's making coffee in
the morning or going for
a walk after dinner.
Maybe it's checking your phone
when you wake up.
You didn't decide one day,
I will now do this
every single day for the
rest of my life.
No, it just became part
(24:55):
of your rhythm because you
did it often enough that
your brain started to expect
it.
And the other piece of
this research was about what's
called flexible anchoring.
And I've talked about this
before.
It's about linking or aligning
behaviors with already existing routines
or timing.
So both routine-based and
(25:16):
time-based cues were effective
in this research, suggesting that
linking new behaviors with existing
routines or specific times can
help forward or facilitate the
habit formation without the need
of a rigid routine.
So they found that linking
the behavior to routine-based
cue like breakfast or after
(25:39):
lunch or a time like
9 a.m. each day
led to stronger and more
automatic habit formation.
So this study underscored that
habits don't require daily execution
to be ingrained, rather they
benefit from consistent and a
flexible structure.
And this is consistent and
(26:00):
supports the rule of two
idea because we can limit
behaviors but have reasonable access
to them.
They don't have to be
all or nothing.
For actions like consuming desserts
or alcohol, if you don't
have alcohol disease or struggle
with addiction, of course.
For allowing yourself indulging or
(26:22):
participating, I should say better,
twice a week, one planned
and one flexible, those two
occasions.
It provides both structure without
complete restriction.
It reduces the feelings of
guilt but it gives you
a plan to act on.
And it also helps by
actually helping you practice and
build the habit in because
(26:44):
when you take it all
away, you're not actually practicing.
So there's no surprise that
all or nothing becomes nothing
or all again.
So for activities like exercise
or meal prep, scheduling days
off, those two days off,
can require and ensures that
you regularly engage without the
pressure of daily commitment.
And it makes a habit
(27:04):
something that you can grow
and attain and become sustainable
with.
So the key from this
to remember is that predictability
coupled with flexibility fosters the
sustainable habit formation.
And by implementing the rule
of two, you create a
balanced framework to support your
long-term behavior change, shall
(27:26):
we say, without the rigidity.
So predictability and consistency without
rigidity.
Benefit number two, too many
decisions just wear you down.
I can't even say the
word decision, too many decisions,
because there are so many.
We make micro decisions constantly
every single day.
(27:47):
So this is something that
drains our energy faster than
any long work day, I
think, and it's decision fatigue.
You know the feeling when
you've spent your day making
choices, what to wear, what
to eat, how to respond
to emails, when to have
that meeting, when to make
the calendar plan, what's for
(28:07):
dinner.
And by the time dinner
rolls around, you just can't
even make another decision, it
feels like.
You either order takeout, maybe
you skip your workout on
top of it, or you
just go on autopilot on
what you've done, whatever's easiest
at the moment as you
sort of scroll, I call
(28:27):
it scrolling, but you open
the refrigerator and just scroll
up and down, like what's
in there?
This is decision fatigue, and
it's very real.
A 2023 study published in
the Proceedings of the National
Academy of Sciences found that
when people exert prolonged self
-control, when they're constantly weighing
choices and resisting impulses, their
(28:50):
brain actually starts to slow
down.
You can feel it.
It's almost like sleep deprivation
is how it shows up.
The part of the brain
responsible for decision-making, the
prefrontal cortex, shifts into a
state where it's less efficient
at making thoughtful choices.
And what happens when this
(29:10):
happens?
People become more irritable, become
less cooperative, and more likely
to make impulse decisions.
And these are decisions that
they might not have made
if they weren't so mentally
exhausted.
So one media report about
this study made the connection
to everyday life, and I
(29:31):
sort of liked how it
went, so I'm going to share
it with you, how about
after a long decision-heavy
day that we would be
more likely to snap at
someone, to skip a workout,
or grab whatever is easiest
to eat?
Not because we want to,
but because our mental energy
is just tapped out.
(29:51):
So has this ever been
you?
As a self-employed and
driven working mom, I have
to say it has been
me before.
I can certainly relate to
this.
So how does the rule
of two pertain here?
Well, it can help immediately
because it removes some of
the extra decisions about some
of the very important things
(30:11):
in our life, like health
and our health habits that
we want to work on
that we know will foster
feeling good in so many
ways.
It literally removes the mental
gymnastics of should, shouldn't I?
Instead of constantly debating whether
you will have the dessert
tonight, what you're going to
do, whether you're going to
(30:32):
have a glass of wine,
you decide in advance two
times per week, one planned
and one flexible.
That way, when the moment
comes, the decision is already
made.
No guilt, no impulse, no
energy wasted.
If that sounds easier said
than done, just try it.
Try it.
You will find that the
(30:52):
decision made helps you immensely.
The decision is made.
There's no all or nothing.
There's another day, another dessert,
another whatever it is that
you're forming.
It works.
This makes a real difference,
and it may be additive
when you learn how to
(31:13):
reduce some of that decision
fatigue through this method.
So the study, back to
the study here, it showed
that people who preplanned decisions,
they avoided some of the
mental burnout that led to
impulsive choices.
So when we create structure
around habits, like the rule
of two, we actually make
it easier for ourselves to
(31:33):
stick with those over time.
When you have a structure
in place, all you have
to do is follow it.
And the third and the
final benefit I'll share with
you today is about simple
rituals, like applying the rule
of two, that make self
-control easier.
Yikes, self-control.
Can we even talk about
(31:54):
that?
Now, this is something that
many of us often think
of as a real challenge,
the challenge of self-control.
We tend to assume that
people who stick with their
habits, who don't overdo on
desserts or consistently get in
their exercise, they just have
more willpower, right?
And don't get me started
about willpower topic for another
day.
(32:14):
And who is Will anyway?
And Will wants his power
back.
That said, I walk down
the path.
But research shows that having
willpower isn't really the case
at all.
A 2018 study published in
the Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology looked at how
rituals, those small repetitive behaviors
(32:35):
that we do, they actually
enhance self-discipline and make
it easier to stick with
our goals.
So researchers conducted six experiments
and they found that when
people engage in simple structured
rituals, they were better able
to resist temptations and follow
through on their intentions, whether
that was eating less or
(32:56):
staying focused or making healthier
choices.
One of the experiments had
participants have like a pre
-eating ritual that they would
perform for five days.
Something as simple as like
taking a deep breath or
cutting food in a simple
way or pausing before taking
a bite.
And when compared to the
(33:17):
group that didn't have the
ritual, those who did consumed
fewer calories and reported feeling
more in control of their
choices.
That's from something like taking
a breath.
Think of that.
Another experiment found that when
people tied a small ritual
to a goal, like repeating
a phrase before tackling a
task or using the same
(33:38):
prep routine before a workout,
they found it easier and
stuck with the behavior longer
and felt less resistance in
doing it.
In fact, small rituals improve
focus and persistence.
So why does this matter
with the rule of two?
Because the rule of two
(33:58):
itself is a ritual.
It's a simple, repeatable framework
that guides your choices.
Instead of constantly debating, like
we've said before, should I,
shouldn't I?
You follow a system that's
already in place.
And it's this small shift,
having a plan that you
stick to, even in a
flexible way, it can remove
(34:19):
the mental strain of making
decisions in the moment.
It literally provides a clear,
repeatable system that removes the
in-the-moment decision fatigue.
It's really the difference between
saying, you know, ugh, I
guess I shouldn't have a
glass of wine tonight to,
you know, I already had
(34:40):
my two this week.
I'm good.
Think about that.
And instead of battling yourself
about your workout, maybe you
just celebrate.
This is a day off.
Maybe you get to the
point where you can just
proclaim it.
You can say it proudly.
This is a day off
without burying it in some
kind of guilt.
(35:00):
So when we pre-plan
decisions and there's a simple
system in place, we're far
less likely to be mentally
exhausted too.
So remember, simple structure, clear
decisions make self-control feel
more natural instead of forced.
It's less struggle and it's
(35:21):
how habits stick.
So we're going to launch
into some practical tips to
get us started in a
moment.
But because we've digested all
that, I thought it would
be good to take a
mindful minute together first.
So as you know, in
most episodes, we do a
mindful minute together and it's
(35:42):
our pause to reset, to
simply be present.
There's nothing to do and
it's just a moment for
yourself.
So as preparation, put your
feet grounded on the floor.
If they're crossed, uncross them.
You can be seated.
You could be standing.
Let's ground our hands, our
energy, roll your shoulders back
(36:04):
and let's take a preparatory
breath in together through your
nose and out through your
mouth.
I'll start our timer now.
Just enjoy this mindful minute
together as
(36:28):
you're breathing easy, think about
something you've been working on.
Maybe around eating well, moving
more, being intentional about rest
and consider the rule of
two.
What if you gave yourself
two dedicated times for this
habit?
One planned and one flexible.
(36:49):
What if you had more
space for balance instead of
the all or nothing?
As you breathe, recognize you
don't have to have all
the answers.
Just noticing this thought is
enough.
Let it sit.
(37:10):
And imagine how you might
feel after you try this.
The rule of two is
something that you're trying to
work on.
One more deep breath in
and out.
And that's it.
Just a moment to pause
and reset.
I hope you gave some
(37:32):
time to yourself either just
to let your mind wander
or maybe consider the rule
of two in your life.
And you can come back
to mindful minutes on your
own anytime.
It only takes a minute.
Thank you for sharing that
mindful minute with me today.
All right, let's talk about
how to actually use the
(37:53):
rule of two in your
life.
Because an idea is just
that, an idea, until you
apply it.
And this one is designed
to be simple, flexible, and
something you can stick with
and try.
Think of it like training
wheels on a bike or
those bumpers, again, remember, in
the bowling alley.
The goal isn't to ride
with them forever, but they
(38:13):
give you enough structure and
you can put them into
place as you acquire new
habits over time.
And there's no reason you
can't do them for as
long as you wish.
But they keep you steady
until the habit becomes second
nature.
So here's how to get
rolling, so to speak, with
the rule of two.
(38:33):
Number one, step one, let's
say, pick one habit and
apply the rule of two.
That may seem obvious, but
pick one.
If you're trying to limit
something, like the desserts, like
sugar, like social media, like
alcohol, or if you're trying
to build something, add something
in, like meal prep or
reading before bed, I didn't
mention that yet today, or
(38:55):
exercise in a fashion and
a routine that you're looking
to do.
Start with just one thing.
No need to overhaul your
whole life overnight.
And then step two is
set your plan.
This is where the rule
of two kicks in.
For things you're limiting, choose
your two times this week,
one planned, one planned but
(39:16):
flexible.
So maybe your planned dessert,
like we talked about before,
it's Saturday night, or maybe
it's Sunday dinner with family.
And then you're flexible for
the one that can be
a spontaneous moment when you're
so moved.
Or maybe you plan to
have a drink on Friday
night at the end of
a long work week.
And then one's flexible, in
(39:37):
case something fun comes up,
a friend comes in town,
you're out on a business
dinner where it's sort of
expected.
The key is just not
two days in a row
so that you don't fall
into the daily habit loop
that can happen.
And for things that you're
building, choose your two days
off so your days on
are more automatic.
(39:58):
If you're starting a workout,
don't try for seven days
this week every single day.
That will surely lead to
some pain and soreness, mental
stress, and probably burnout.
Pick your two days rest
ahead of time.
If you're meal prepping, set
two no-cook nights.
Maybe that requires you planning
(40:18):
and prepping in advance.
Maybe it allows for leftovers.
Maybe you plan for takeout
or going out.
But then you know the
other days are covered.
The key is the decision
is already made.
No more daily mental debates
on the one thing that
you're working on.
Step three is adjusting without
guilt.
So life happens.
(40:39):
This isn't about being perfect.
And it's always important for
me to remind people of
that because we can get
rigid and fixed even on
simple strategies.
So if life plans change,
if your plans change, swap
your day.
Shift things around.
The structure allows for that.
If you've had your flexible
dessert already but another event
(40:59):
pops up, maybe swap your
planned one or skip it
this week.
No big deal.
The whole point is to
try to avoid the guilt
spiral and give yourself structure
and freedom.
You'll feel really empowered as
you experiment with this, I
assure you.
And I encourage you to
write me and tell me
about it.
At the end of the
day, the rule of two
isn't about restriction.
(41:20):
It's about knowing you always
have another chance coming.
It's about staying consistent, but
not feeling deprived.
Remember two times a week,
as I've said before, and
I'll say again, it's 104
times in a year.
That's a lot of opportunities
and you're never more than
a couple of days away
from your next one.
So what is the habit
(41:42):
you're going to start with?
Pick one, set your plan,
and give yourself permission to
make this easy.
So as a wrap up
for today, this is what
I hope you take away.
The rule of two is
simple, but it's powerful.
It's not about rigid rules
or forcing yourself into any
(42:02):
extreme.
It's about having just enough
structure to make things easier
without feeling stuck.
And whether you're limiting something
like desserts or social media
or sugar, or building something
like meal prep or daily
movement, the approach gives you
a system to keep you
consistent without the guilt, the
stress, or decision fatigue.
(42:23):
It at least takes away
one of our million daily
decisions.
And most importantly, it helps
you stick with your habits
in a way that actually
fits within your life.
So this week, I invite
you to try it.
Pick one habit, set your
two days, see how it
feels.
And if it works for
you, keep it going.
(42:43):
Adjust as needed, and make
it your own.
And if today's episode got
you thinking, I'd love to
hear from you.
You can always connect with
me at 1KWM@wendybazilian.com .
.
That's my email.
Or you can visit wendybazilian
.com and find me in
through those doors as well.
(43:04):
And if you're enjoying 1,000
Waking Minutes, I'd be so
grateful if you'd share, if
you'd leave a positive comment
on your podcast platform, if
you'd subscribe.
It really helps build our
community, keep the conversation going.
And as always, thank you
for sharing some of your
1,000 Waking Minutes with me
today.
(43:24):
Until next time, be well.
Thank you for tuning in
to 1,000 Waking Minutes.
A huge thank you to
our amazing collaborators, including our
production and marketing teams and
Gabriela Escalante in particular.
To the ultra talented Beza
(43:44):
for my theme music.
My lifelong friend and artist,
Pearl Preis Photography and Design.
To Danielle Ballantyne, Jen Nguyen,
Joanna Powell, and of course
my family.
And everyone working tirelessly behind
the scenes.
And to you, our valued
listeners, I so appreciate your
support.
If you enjoyed today's episode,
please consider leaving a comment,
(44:06):
writing a review, and giving
1,000 Waking Minutes that's us,
a five star rating.
And please hit subscribe on
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever
you enjoy your podcasts.
Please follow and stay connected
at wendybazilian.com.
And don't forget to share
with your friends.
Your support helps us grow
and bring you more great
(44:27):
content.
Until next time, find some
simple opportunities to optimize those
1,000 Waking Minutes each day.
I'm saying yes to better
days, yes.
I'm on my way, yes.
(44:47):
It's gonna be okay, yeah.
I'm saying yes to better
days, yes.
I'm on my way, yes.
It's gonna be okay, yeah.
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