Episode 10: Three Moments Where Empathy Matters | 12MinuteLeadership

Empathetic leadership creates higher-performing teams by building psychological safety, engagement, and trust. Research confirms that leaders with high empathy drive better employee retention and performance outcomes.

• Empathy is a strategic leadership skill, not a sign of weakness
• Three key moments when empathy matters most: when team members struggle, during tough feedback, and through organizational change
• Specific scripts for handling each situation with empathy while maintaining accountability
• Personal example contrasting two leadership styles during a crisis and their impact
• Empathetic approach to struggling team members creates space to address real issues affecting performance
• Feedback delivered with empathy shifts from "calling out" to "calling up" people to their potential
• During change, employees need honesty and connection more than perfect answers
• Empathy creates psychological safety, which is the foundation for engagement and performance

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the 12-Minute Leadership Podcast
where, in 12 minutes or less,I'll share small things that you
can put into immediate practicethat will make a big difference
in your leadershipeffectiveness.
I'm your host, eliseBoggs-Morales, leadership
professor, consultant and coach.
For the last 17 years, I havehelped thousands of leaders

(00:25):
level up their influence andachieve remarkable results.
If you want to trade compliancefor true commitment and create
your dream team, you are in theright place.
Get ready for a quick hit ofpractical wisdom to increase
your team's engagement, inspiretop performance and retain your
best talent.
Ready to level up yourinfluence and get better results

(00:47):
.
12 Minutes starts now.
Hi everyone, elise here,welcome to episode 10.
Today, we're talking aboutsomething that's often
misunderstood in leadershipempathy.
I introduced empathy as aleadership superpower in episode
three and in this episode, I'mgoing to make it very practical

(01:10):
by sharing three moments whereempathy really matters for
leaders.
If you are a leader who placesan especially strong emphasis on
results and think showingempathy may undermine results,
I'd like to challenge you,because the research shows in my
own experience attests to thefact that empathetic leaders
actually create higherperforming teams.

(01:33):
Harvard Business Reviewpublished an article entitled
the Best Leaders have a HighEmpathy Quotient, which cites
multiple studies all concludingthat leaders who demonstrate
empathy drive better employeeengagement, retention and
performance.
Why?
Because empathetic leadershipcreates psychological safety,

(01:54):
and psychological safety is thebasis for engagement, retention
and performance.
A common misconception is thatshowing empathy is weak
leadership.
But empathy isn't about beingsoft.
It's about being present enoughto acknowledge what others are
feeling, so that you can leadmore effectively in the moments

(02:14):
that matter most.
And in this episode, I'll walkyou through three key moments
when leaders can use empathy tobuild trust, drive performance
and strengthen culture, and I'llgive you the exact words.
You can use empathy to buildtrust, drive performance and
strengthen culture, and I'llgive you the exact words.
You can use yes scripts so thatyou can lead with more
intention.
So let's dig into these threekey moments.

(02:36):
Scenario one when a team memberis struggling.
So we'll start with a situationthat we've all seen Someone on
your team is off, maybe they'remissing deadlines, maybe their
energy is low, something's justoff, so one option is to ignore
it until performance is so badthat you're forced to address it
, or you could step in withempathy.

(02:58):
So here's what that might soundlike.
I've noticed that you haven'tseemed like yourself lately, and
I just wanted to let you knowthat I'm here if you need
support.
If there's something affectingyour focus or your energy, I'd
like to understand it so that wecan work through it together.
Why does this approach matter?
Because it createspsychological safety.

(03:21):
You're not just managing tasks,you're leading people human
beings and this kind of check-inoften reveals real things
people are dealing with, such ascaring for an aging parent,
burnout or health challenges,and when you create space for
empathy, you create a space forperformance to return.

(03:42):
I'd like to share a quick storyabout two contrasting styles of
leadership that I experiencedand how one of them helped me
return to performance quickly.
When I was in my 20s, I wouldtravel a lot for work and on one
particular flight, we hit awindstorm, causing the flight to
be extremely turbulent, and bythe time that we landed,

(04:03):
everyone, including the flightattendants, were extremely
rattled.
And by the time that we landed,everyone, including the flight
attendants, were extremelyrattled.
And what made it especiallychallenging is that I had to
speak at a conference in 30minutes, and it just so happened
, close to the time that we werelanding, that my boss called to
ask how things were going and Ishared with him about the
flight and how rattled I wasfeeling, and the first words out

(04:24):
of his mouth were well, youbetter not screw up when you
speak at the conference.
Contrast that with the host ofthe conference, who picked me up
at the airport.
He had asked me in the car.
You know how the flight hadgone and I was honest that it
was a rough flight and thateveryone on the flight was

(04:44):
really rattled when we landedand the first words out of his
mouth were gosh.
That must have been reallyscary and unsettling.
And you have to speak in 30minutes.
What can I do to support you?
Do you need to grab a meal?
Go back to the hotel to gatheryour thoughts?
Also, if you need us to moveyour speaking time, our

(05:04):
conference schedule is reallyflexible.
We could move you to the secondor third slot.
His empathetic response allowedme to return to performance
quickly how his feeling was seen, acknowledged and support was
given.
I ended up speaking at mynormal slot time and I did great
.
My boss, on the other hand,left a really negative and

(05:26):
lasting impression, and it was astring of similar instances
that caused me to want to leavemy job about six months later.
So I know firsthand thedifference in being under
empathetic leadership and aleader who lacked it.
So let's switch gears and talkabout another scenario where
empathy is relevant Giving toughfeedback, a moment that many

(05:48):
leaders dread.
If you've ever felt that knotin your stomach before a
difficult conversation, you'renot alone, but empathy can
actually soften the landingwhile still holding that person
accountable.
So try a script like this hey,I want to talk through something
that might be uncomfortable,but I'm sharing it because I

(06:09):
care about your growth and Ibelieve in your potential.
This recent situation didn'treflect your usual strengths,
and I know that that's not whoyou are at your best.
I'd like to unpack it togetherand talk about how I can support
you going forward.
Do you see how that shifts theenergy?
It's shifting from callingsomebody out to calling someone

(06:31):
up.
One of my favorite ways toshift uncomfortable performance
conversations.
It's not about catchingsomebody doing something wrong.
It's about coaching them backto their strengths.
When leaders blend empathy withcandor, people don't get
defensive, they lean in, andthat's where growth happens.
A third moment where empathymatters for leaders is leading

(06:54):
through change.
Let's talk about leadingthrough uncertainty.
Maybe there's a restructurecoming, or layoffs or a major
shift in direction.
Your team is watching youclosely.
What you say and how you say itmatters more than ever.
Empathy here sounds like.
I know there's a lot ofuncertainty right now and that

(07:16):
can feel unsettling.
It's okay to feel anxious oreven frustrated.
I felt that too.
What I can promise is that I'llkeep you informed, listen to
your concerns and advocate forclarity.
Where I can, we'll navigatethis together.
That kind of honesty buildscredibility.
People don't need you to haveall the answers.

(07:38):
They need you to be real, to besteady and to keep the human
side in focus while the businessside moves forward.
So let's recap Moment numberone for leaders to use empathy
is use empathy when someone'sstruggling.
Be a safe place, not just aperformance monitor.
Moment number two use empathywhen giving tough feedback.

(08:02):
Call them up versus out.
And finally, moment numberthree use empathy during change.
Acknowledge fear, betransparent and stay connected.
Remember that empathy isn'tweakness.
It's a strategic leadershipskill.
It creates loyalty, safety andtrust the real foundations of

(08:25):
influence.
So if you found today's episodehelpful, share it with a fellow
leader and if you're coaching ateam, start practicing these
scripts in these three keymoments.
You'll be surprised how far alittle empathy can go.
I'll see you next time.
Like what you heard on today'sepisode and want to go deeper,

(08:47):
subscribe to this podcast so younever miss an episode.
You can also pick up my bookLead Anyone on Amazon.
Then go to my website to checkout ways that we can support
your leadership goals.
From executive retreats tocustomized training and coaching
, my team of experts will helpyou level up your leadership and

(09:08):
accelerate your results.
Go to wwweliseboggscom for moreinfo.