Episode 4: How YOU Can Lead Anyone Part 3 - The Leadership Superpower You're Probably Ignoring | 12MinuteLeadership

Are you overlooking your most powerful leadership advantage? Think about your most pressing challenges—underperforming team members, high turnover, lack of engagement—what if the solution isn't more strategy but deeper understanding?

In this eye-opening episode, we explore the counterintuitive power of empathy in leadership. Not as a fluffy, feel-good concept, but as a strategic tool that drives measurable results. We bust the myth that empathetic leadership means sacrificing performance standards or authority. Instead, you'll discover how pausing to understand actually accelerates progress and multiplies your influence.

Through the compelling transformation of Tom, a brilliant but intimidating CEO whose leadership style was sabotaging his team's success, we witness how simple shifts in approach can revolutionize performance. His journey from defensiveness to curiosity offers a roadmap for any leader feeling frustrated by team underperformance. The distinction between the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule provides a practical framework for adapting your leadership to individual needs without losing sight of organizational goals.

Whether you're naturally empathetic or skeptical about "soft skills," this episode offers concrete experiments you can try immediately to enhance your leadership effectiveness. The research is clear: when people feel seen and understood, they engage more deeply, perform at higher levels, and remain loyal to both you and your organization. Ready to unlock this leadership superpower? Visit eliseboggs.com to discover how our executive coaching and team development programs can help you build an environment where both people and performance thrive.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the 12-Minute Leadership Podcast
where, in 12 minutes or less,I'll share small things that you
can put into immediate practicethat will make a big difference
in your leadershipeffectiveness.
I'm your host, eliseBoggs-Morales leadership
professor, consultant and coach.
For the last 17 years, I havehelped thousands of leaders

(00:25):
level up their influence andachieve remarkable results.
If you want to trade compliancefor true commitment and create
your dream team, you are in theright place.
Get ready for a quick hit ofpractical wisdom to increase
your team's engagement, inspiretop performance and retain your
best talent.
Ready to level up yourinfluence and get better results

(00:47):
.
12 Minutes starts now.
Hi everyone, elise here,welcome to Episode 4, how you
Can Lead Anyone, part 3.
In this episode, I'm going to betalking about the leadership
superpower you're probablyignoring.
This topic is taken from Day 12of my new book Lead Anyone.

(01:09):
Today we're diving intosomething that often gets
dismissed in leadershipconversations, especially in
high-performing, results-drivenenvironments.
It's not strategy, it's notKPIs, it's empathy.
Now, before you tune outbecause you think empathy is too
soft and will cause you to loseyour authority as a leader, let

(01:31):
me say this the most effectiveleaders I've worked with,
coached and observed, don't justhave empathy.
They use it as a strategicadvantage, and if you're
skeptical, it's understandable.
I empathize.
That was how my client, tom,felt, and we're going to get to
his story in just a minute.

(01:51):
So I want to start with a quotethat sums up the heart of this
episode.
It's by John McNaughton, and hesays that maturity begins to
grow when you can sense yourconcern for others outweighing
your concern for yourself, whenyou can sense your concern for
others outweighing your concernfor yourself.
So think about that for asecond, because that shift from

(02:12):
self-focus to other awareness iswhere leadership really begins.
People have to feel that yousee them in order to be
influenced by you.
So we're going to unpack that abit.
We've all heard the golden ruletreat others the way you want
to be treated.
But have you heard the platinumrule?
It's this treat others the waythey want to be treated.

(02:32):
That shift in thinking is oneway of explaining empathy.
It says I see you, I hear you,I'm not assuming your needs are
the same as mine and it's easyto not along with that idea, but
living it, especially inleadership, requires being
intentional about it.
Let's be honest.

(02:57):
Many leaders avoid empathy andfeelings and anything touchy
feely because they think it'sgoing to slow things down or
encourage excuses for subparperformance.
Excuses for subpar performance.
But here's a reframe Empathyisn't a detour from results,
it's a direct path to them.
When people feel known, valuedand understood, they are more
likely to engage with you,perform and stick around.

(03:18):
So what is empathy?
It's more than feelingsomeone's feelings.
In a leadership context, empathyis about slowing down enough to
get curious.
It's asking questions insteadof making assumptions.
Instead of automaticallypushing for more effort or
automatically jumping intoproblem-solving mode, it's

(03:40):
listening first and finding outwhat might be going on for them
right now.
Ironically, being curious andasking questions often gives you
the valuable insights needed toultimately solve the problem
and in the process, you'restrengthening the relationship
with the person you're countingon to perform.
Empathy means noticing the tonein someone's voice, the tension

(04:03):
in a room or the hesitationbehind a decision.
It's social awareness and it'sa skill that you can build.
We tune into these things whenwe want to make a sale with a
client, so it's just applyingthese same skills internally
with your team, and when you do,you build connection, which is
the purpose of empathy.
You also build trust.

(04:25):
You build loyalty All things nospreadsheet can track, but
every bottom line benefits from.
So how do you know if this isan area for needed growth?
See, if any of these feelfamiliar.
You find yourself judgingpeople as too sensitive or not
tough enough when they sharestruggles you don't relate to,

(04:46):
or you rush into fixingsomeone's issue because
lingering in emotion feelsuncomfortable.
Another one you get defensivewhen someone offers a different
perspective, rather than gettingcurious about where they're
coming from.
If any of those hit close tohome, you're not alone and the
good news you can build thismuscle.

(05:08):
Let me tell you about someonewho did.
Tom was a client of mine, abrilliant, hard-driving CEO at a
consulting firm.
He was former military supertype A.
He could do in a day what mostpeople did in a week.
But here's the problem his teamwas underperforming and Tom he
was completely fed up.

(05:30):
He wanted to retire, but hecouldn't trust that his team
could carry the business forward, so he brought me in.
I quickly noticed that Tom'sintensity, which made him very
successful, was also making himintimidating.
I interviewed his leadershipteam and what I heard was
painful Humiliation,name-calling criticism in front

(05:52):
of peers.
The team wasn't lazy.
They were shut down.
Tom's first response when wewent over his team's feedback
was defensiveness.
I remember him saying if theywere doing their jobs I wouldn't
have to come down so hard.
But deep down he wanted adifferent outcome.
So I invited him to trysomething an empathy experiment.

(06:15):
Here's what that looked like.
Instead of reacting, tom paused.
He took a breath, he gotcurious and then he asked a
question, without assumptions oraccusations.
The issue at hand one of hissenior leaders, jesse, had
stepped down from speaking atconferences.
Tom assumed Jesse was beingselfish or flaky, but when he

(06:39):
asked Jesse why, he got acompletely different story.
Jesse felt like a failure Afterso much harsh feedback.
He thought he was hurting theteam's reputation, not helping
it.
Tom had no idea.
In that moment somethingclicked.
Tom saw the cost of his wordsand instead of removing Jesse
from future events, he offeredto coach him, to mentor him.

(07:02):
That small shift changedeverything.
Fast forward a year.
Tom's team now describes him assomeone who cares deeply and,
as a result, performance is up,retention is solid and, tom, he
finally got to retire, handingoff the business to a very
capable and aligned leadershipteam.

(07:24):
So what can you do with this?
Two simple things.
First, a reflection Later today.
Check out Brene Brown's shortanimated video on empathy.
You can find it atbrenebrowncom Just search RSA
empathy video.
It's a powerful visual of whatempathy is and what it isn't,
and it will probably make youlaugh.

(07:45):
After watching it, think aboutwhat stood out to you, what
surprised you and how do youwant to lead differently.
Second, try your own empathyexperiment.
Pick someone you've struggledto connect with at work or even
at home.
Pause, get calm.
Then get curious.
Ask a question instead ofmaking a judgment.

(08:07):
See what opens up.
Remember empathy doesn't meanagreeing, it means understanding
, and sometimes thatunderstanding is what makes
transformation possible.
And, in closing, empathy isn'tfluff, it's not weakness, it's
strength directed towardsconnection and in leadership,

(08:28):
connection is what multipliesinfluence.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode.
Join me next time as wecontinue this series.
Like what you heard on today'sepisode and want to go deeper,

(08:58):
join me next time as we continuethis series.
Out ways that we can supportyour leadership goals.
From executive retreats tocustomized training and coaching
.
My team of experts will helpyou level up your leadership and
accelerate your results.
Go to wwweliseboggscom for moreinfo.