Healing the Inner Child: How Your Past Shapes the Father You Become

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Every father carries a story. Some of it is love and laughter. Some of it is pain that never got the chance to heal.

In this raw and life-changing episode of 15 Minutes with Dad, host Lirec Williams opens up an honest conversation about how your childhood experiences shape the father you become. Through powerful storytelling and evidence-based insights, this episode challenges men to look inward—not to find guilt, but to find freedom.

Drawing wisdom from Dr. Gabor Maté’s The Myth of Normal, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score, and modern research on mental health in men, Lirec unpacks why emotional pain doesn’t disappear with time—it transforms into anger, silence, and disconnection if left unhealed.

You’ll learn how healing the inner child is the foundation for modern fatherhood, emotional intelligence, and breaking generational trauma. This isn’t about blame—it’s about awareness, courage, and building a legacy of presence over perfection.

🎯 In This Episode, You’ll Discover:

• How your childhood experiences silently shape your reactions and parenting style
• Why emotional suppression leads to burnout, anger, and disconnection in men
• The mental health crisis fathers are facing today—and how to get help
• 5 practical steps to begin your healing journey and reconnect with your children
• How compassion, self-awareness, and brotherhood can rebuild your sense of identity and purpose

💡 Powerful Takeaway:
Healing doesn’t make you weak—it makes you whole. The moment you start facing your past with honesty, you begin leading your children with heart.

📲 Visit 15minuteswithdad.com
for mental health resources, community tools, and growth challenges to support your healing journey.

🎧 Listen now—and take the first step toward becoming the healed, present, and peaceful father your family deserves.

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Stay Connected with 15 Minutes with Dad:

🌐 Website: Explore additional resources and updates on our healing journey at 15MinuteswithDad.com.

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Host

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🎧 Listen on Your Favorite Platforms: Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Anchor, and more.

Thank you for joining us on this transformative journey! Together, we're breaking barriers and fostering a community of healing.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:02):
Hey brother, listen.
This one's for you.
If you're listening right now, Iwant you to take a deep breath.
Because what we're about to talkabout, it's not easy, but it's
necessary.
Today we're walking intosomething most men spend their
whole lives avoiding.
Healing the inner child.
Before you click away and thinkthis is about being soft, let me

(00:24):
tell you the truth.
You can't lead your family, yourkids, or your purpose if you're
still fighting the ghost fromyour childhood.
Now, I'm not here as atherapist, I'm here as a father.
A man who's been broken,rebuilt, and still learning to
love himself while trying tolead his family well.

(00:45):
So let's get into it.
Statistically, more than 60% ofmen say they've never had an
emotionally safe space growingup.
Not at home, not at school, notanywhere.
And when you add in all thesesocioeconomic barriers inside of

(01:05):
that, the cultural barriersinside of that, the number can
be even larger.
And here's what happens when yougrow up with that kind of
silence.
As a man or as a father, youlearn to perform, you learn to
protect, and you learn topretend you're okay when you're
not.
So books like The Body Keeps theScore by Dr.

(01:28):
Bezel van der Koek talk abouthow our childhood experiences
live in our nervous system longafter we've become adults.
You might not even realize it,but the anger you feel when your
kid doesn't listen, the shutdownyou go into when your partner
starts to talk about heremotions, those reactions aren't

(01:50):
really about now.
They're echoes of a boy whonever got to feel safe enough to
speak up.
And brother, I've been there.
I know what it's like to thinkif I just work harder, if I just
provide more, they'll see I lovethem.
But deep down, that boy in youis still waiting for someone to

(02:14):
say, I see you.
You matter, you're enough.
And let's be real for a minute.
Men are struggling badly.
According to the CDC here in theUnited States, men die by
suicide nearly four times moreoften than women.

(02:37):
Depression, substance abuse, andemotional burnout are higher
than ever.
And yet we're told to man up.
But what if manning up meanssomething different now?
What if it means sitting withyour pain instead of running
from it?
What if it means gettingtherapy, talking to another dad,

(03:02):
or journaling instead of numbingout with a drink or a screen or
some drugs?
What if healing your childhoodis actually the most masculine
thing you could ever do?

Because here's the truth (03:16):
your kids don't need a perfect
father.
Your wife doesn't need a perfectspouse, they need a healthy one.
They don't need you to always bestrong, they need you to always
be real.

(03:37):
So there's a quote from Dr.
Gabor Mate, author of The Mythof Normal, that changed my life.
He said, trauma isn't whathappens to you, it's what
happens inside of you because ofwhat happened to you.
Think about that.

(03:58):
If you grow, if you grew up in ahome where love had conditions,
where discipline was fear, wheresilence meant survival, you
learn to protect yourself byshutting down emotionally.
And now, maybe the sameshutdowns is what's standing
between you and your children,or you and your spouse.

(04:22):
You might say, I don't want toyell like my dad did.
But when your son spills milk oryour daughter talks back,
something in you just snaps.
That's not who you are.
It's what's in you that'sunhealed.
Now it's time to meet that boyinside you.

(04:46):
The one who didn't get to cry.
The one who didn't get huggedafter failing.
The one who still needscompassion and needs your
compassion now.
So where do we start?

(05:08):
I'll give you somethingpractical.
Five steps.
I like to always leave you withfive things you can do.
But here's a simple five-stepprocess I've used in my own
life.
The first thing is you have toacknowledge that boy inside of
you.
You can't fix what you won'tface.

(05:31):
Write down one memory that stillhurts.
Say it out loud.
Don't judge it, just acknowledgeit.
So while we're talking aboutthis inner boy, this inner child
you have, there's also an eitherinner protector and an inner
healer that sits with that youngboy.

(05:56):
And every time you react to yourcurrent state of life, you're
either going to bring, you'reeither the first person gonna
come out is either yourprotector, your inner protector,
or your inner healer.
Now, just because they're calledthe inner protector and the
inner healer doesn't mean thatit's always a positive thing.
Because sometimes when you wantto do something and you choose

(06:21):
not to because you feel like youcan't or you're incapable, that
can be your inner protectortelling you, hey, we've been
here before.
It ain't gonna work out the wayyou think it's gonna work out,
don't try it.
Right?
That inner healer usually takesa backseat.
But when you feel, when youwrite down this memory that

(06:43):
hurts you, close your eyes andimagine this boy sitting along
this wall that he wants to gothrough.
And on the other side, yourhealer is reaching out to you to
pull you through this wall toyour breakthrough.
Find ways in your life where youcan activate that inner healer.

(07:06):
The inner protector has goodintentions, but in most times
when we have not healed ourchildhood trauma, it prevents us
from living the life that wewant to live.
Number two, forgive the versionof you that didn't know better.

(07:27):
You were doing your best youcould with what you had.
So grace starts with you.
At any stage in your life,you've made mistakes.
You've probably did somethingthat you feel will traumatize
your kids, or they may or maynot remember, but for you, you
have not forgiven that versionof you.
I think about my life throughthe various relationships that

(07:52):
I've had where I've learned loveand I've learned what love
wasn't, and I learned how I dida terrible job at different
stages of my life.
But also I know that there,those were versions of me trying
to be okay, trying to pretend,trying to protect.

(08:13):
And I didn't have the tools orthe information to truly be that
version that I thought I was atthat version that I wanted, that
I'm wanting to be now.
I didn't have the tools to eventhink that this is possible back
then.
But I imagined myself that I wasgood, just like you are.
I thought that I've been good,I've lasted this long, life is

(08:34):
great, people respect me.
That's all I need.
But there's more.
Because as people change andthings grow, things change, you
have to as well.
Now, this next one is reallycoming from my heart.
I want you to seek real help.

(08:55):
Seek real help.
Therapy isn't weakness, it'slike training.
Just like the gym but buildsyour body, therapy builds your
emotional strength.
That emotional strength is howyou find happiness in your life.
Most people think that theirpeace is when they block

(09:15):
something out of their life,they think they're okay.
No, that is not the case.
You being able to block peopleor get rid of things that hurt
you or scares you is not alwaysthe answer.
In most cases, that means yourresiliency really isn't there.
That means that you don't reallyhave the capability or the

(09:40):
emotional strength to navigatehard things or difficult things
in your life.
And you choose to just, man, I'mjust gonna get rid of it.
And it's gonna keep on poppingup.
The type of people, the type ofsituations, the type of things,
it's gonna keep on popping upuntil you're emotionally strong
enough to navigate it.

(10:03):
Number four.
Create emotional rituals withyour kids and your spouse.
Take 10 minutes a day to askabout their feelings, not about
their grades.
That's how you build emotionalsafety.
Ask them, instead of asking themhow was your day today, you can

(10:25):
phrase it like what was a highand a low in your day today?
One high, one low, and and itwill give you something that
they were excited about thatday.
And they're low, something thatthey wish would have gone better
that day.
But allows them to navigatetheir day conscientious.

(10:52):
Number five, build a community,build community around you.
Healing in isolation neverworks.
You need brothers who hold youaccountable, remind you of your
worth when you forget.
You need people to join youthroughout your healing.

(11:13):
I know that through this recentchange in my life, I reached out
to people that I've neverreached out to before, but I
know that they care about me.
And I reached out to them andsaid, Hey, sometimes I may call
you for no reason.
Because I'm gonna be goingthrough some things and I need
to just be able to talk.
Like, are you open for that?

(11:35):
Like, do you have the bandwidthto for me to call you and just
you know go through, navigatethese feelings with you?
And they all said yes.
And I used them and I felt likeI grieved differently than I did
the last time I had to deal withthe loss of life grief.
I grieved differently because Idepended, I relied on them and

(11:58):
they held me accountable.
They reminded me of who I am andthe person that I want to
become.
It was great, it was beautiful.
Brother, I want to talk to thepart of you that feels tired,
the part of you that thinks noone would understand.

(12:20):
You've been carrying weight foryears, financial weight,
emotional weight, generationalweight, but you don't have to
keep carrying it alone.
You can put it down, you canrest, you can heal because the

(12:43):
boy inside you deserves peace,and your kids and your spouse
deserves the healed version ofyou.
So here is your challenge thisweek.
Talk to someone, a counselor, afriend, me if you have to.

(13:05):
You can reach out to me at 15minutes with dad at gmail.com or
lyric at 15 minutes withdad.com, either one.
But take one small step towardshealing because your healing
isn't selfish, it's leadership,and your children will thank you
for it one day.

(13:29):
This is what healing fatherhoodlooks like.
Healing the man you are lookslike.
This is 15 minutes with dad.
I'm Lyric Williams, and if noone has told you this lately, I
am proud of you for showing up.